Nice reading all of your posts--keep up the good work.

Tillie my heart breaks. I am so sorry about the abuse and foul language. All I can offer is my friendship and support. You are a loving presence in my life. I had no idea re your toilet situation and naturally I am distressed.

I haven't done anything beyond two loads of laundry this AM, changing my sheets then napping. Now I'm catching up with you and I have a kitty purring by my side.

Will write more later. Glad to read your posts.

Anony,

We cross posted. Stick with it! It will be worth it!

In the corner of the studio (there is only one corner because it is in the corner of the barn) there are three 3ft wide shelves side by side, and another 3ft long shelf at 90 degrees. I have not totally organized the shelves, but I have decided what should be on each of them, and I can see everything that currently is on each of them.

One thing that is very clear is that there are way way too many nearly empty bottles of glaze! (I'm working on orange right now)

But the really exciting thing, is that the 27 square feet of floor edged by these shelves is empty except for the double sheet of cardboard I put there to cushion my feet from the concrete!

On the side of the cardboard across from the three shelves is a very messy work table. But soon, this will be my glazing area! And it will be organized and professional!

I am working my way out from the corner.

Hi, everyone!
Just last night, my main procrastination distraction; my main facebook page, got yanked from me cuz i kept refusing to sign their consent to access every bit of my privacy away to them. Theyve been bugging me for a few years with alerts, and it finally 'expired.' Well, that eliminated a main failure in my self-discipline. I now have a better opportunity to focus on this disgusting mess. Its weird. Id decided not to go to an out of state event, with the pact with myself that itd be worth not going if i got enough done here to make a difference...then 'poof', a major barricade just evaporated!!! Im kinda freaked, and kinda relieved!!! It almost seems like a secret answered prayer....i just hope i can make good use of the opportunity?! I still have a second facebook, but im not going to add anymore sites, but my 2 favorites, so itll just be a brief treat to read it....(sigh)
~☆♡☆~

I was thinking more of having the toilet work done while he was gone. But yes, you are right that you would need buy in to get rid of his scrap. Too bad there isn't more of a homemade scented candle market.....

The "kid" still at home is the other hoarder. She is 20. We have purged many of the toys as they have grown. I am trying to be patient with her.

The oldest has three bins in my basement that she would probably take if I asked her to, but her dh is still sorting through his "inheritance" of mixed family heirlooms and garbage and I promised her a few years.

Basically, his father died tragically, his mother married her lover almost right away, and my poor son in law had one weekend to save whatever he wanted to keep because "stepdad" was selling the house.

Dd went up with him in her Honda Civic thinking she would help him pack stuff up, and then realized that "whatever he wanted to keep" included handmade by his father bedroom furniture and that his mother had already thrown everything from his and his sister's childhood (9 years apart) randomly into boxes. So dd took a deep breath and said "we'll take it all. You and J can sort it at our house. Start disassembling furniture, I'll go rent a uhaul."

That was 14 months ago - 3 months before his sister fled her abusive boyfriend. She just got back into a house in March, so now things are starting to get split up.

The boy is getting married in September and starting to look at houses. If he moves into a house, the star wars toys go there. He just (literally, instant messenger) told me to go ahead and get rid of his racecar track.

Tillie, so sorry to hear about your difficulties. I had a feeling things weren't going well on your end.

Hello, SubC, Tat, Porter, CM, and Anony.

I had yoga class this morning, so I feel good. The movement disorder got worse for a few weeks but improved the last few days. Just keeping my balanace.

Be well.

Tillie, so sorry to hear about your difficulties. I had a feeling things weren't going well on your end.

Hello, SubC, Tat, Porter, CM, and Anony.

I had yoga class this morning, so I feel good. The movement disorder got worse for a few weeks but improved the last few days. Just keeping my balanace.

Be well.

Subclinical
Rule number one is...
never throw out, toss. sell or touch a hoarder's stuff behind their backs.
That just makes the hoard even harder.
In this county they do not care what people do on their own property just as long as they pay their taxes and any licensing fees for businesses.
I could open a legal brothel here if I got the permit to.
Sorry, but the defendant throwing up made me laugh out loud. 😀

Hi Subclinical 🙂
Here is a suggestion...
Define the space that you would like to keep the toys for the kid still living at home.
Explain to the child that this is their toy storage area and whatever fits there they can keep, excess needs to be donated.
Explain that space is limited and there is space you want for other activities.
Help the kid sort through all their toys and make good keep/donate decisions.
This is also a great teaching/learning exercise for the child as to how to make these kinds of decisions, problem solving. 🙂

This is how I helped my child reclaim his bedroom when his paternal grandparents insisted on giving him about three new toys every week and way too many on holidays.
He really enjoyed the donating to less fortunate children and taught him charity.

Hi Tillie,

You hadn't posted yet when I posted.

I'm so sorry that your hoarder us still bringing things home. Is he ever gone for a while? Could you find a scrapper and sell a bunch of stuff and get a new toilet?

I'm guessing you don't have any kind of zoning authority that could force an outside clean up?

Jury duty was odd. They spent most of the morning screening jurors (I was picked) and then the defendant threw up during opening statements and we were all sent home.

I'm still focusing on my pottery studio. The studio is starting to take shape, but there are clearly too many toys. I *can* move them all to the basement, but it is going to be completely non functional down there. Just stacks of bins....

I want to keep the toys for them. I want the studio, I want to be able to use the basement. I am frustrated.

And most of the toys I would really like to get rid of are things that the child who is living with me is attached to.

Good Morning Everybody 🙂

Hi Tatoulia 🙂
Keeping up with the laundry, dishes and kitty stuff can at times be exactly what needs to be done to keep from falling backwards.
At least things aren't getting worse, just dustier. (((HUGS)))

Hi Subclinical 🙂
How was jury duty?
Hope Jim is feeling better (((HUGS)))

Hi Porter 🙂
Keep on being the great Dad you are for your Daughter. (((HUGS)))

Hi CriticalMass 🙂
Hi Anonymoniker 🙂
Hi Joan 🙂

Things here are not going very well.
He keeps dragging in more & more stuff every week.
He is being very mean, nasty and abusive.
Does nothing to clean up, fix or repair necessary things.
A vast majority of the stuff he drags home is home repair & improvement stuff that sits around the property getting destroyed and made useless.
He NEVER does any home repair or improvements. He really sucks at that kind of thing anyways.
A few weeks ago he brought me a candle making kit from the thrift shop.
I had my fill of candle making way back in the late 1960s and early 1970s.
I did not want to make candles, still don't.
Couldn't put it in the trash because he searches all the trash and removes lots of things.
Couldn't donate it because he would just buy it again.
Didn't want to store it anywhere here, just more clutter.
So I used it all up and made two tall pillar candles, scented and colored a deep mahogany.
Tossed all the remaining bits & pieces.
Now I will burn the candles and make them go away. 😀

Warning... Rant coming.....
The toilet has not properly flushed for several years.
The plumbing/septic sewer system is fine, rebuilt only a few years ago.
The toilet is very old and the thing is full of hard water deposits so the flush water doesn't swoosh out properly.
I Have done EVERYTHING I can think of to make it flush right but nothing is working.
We desperately need a new toilet.
After all these years of having to use a bucket of water to flush it I am sick and tired of this.
Whenever I mention the problem he angrily says
"Well then we just won't have a f****** toilet".
End of discussion.
This house is a disaster area and getting more & more uninhabitable by the day.
Rant over. Thanks for listening...

Good morning, everybody!

We had a few nice days here--meaning not hot and not humid but the humidity has crept back in. I need to stay hydrated and accomplish this weekend as I have done precious little beyond my usual laundry and dishes.

Being Saturday, I have my brother to take care of but he hasn't called me yet so I'm doing a quick load of laundry and might just change my sheets now. I have the back window open for kitty's fresh air and I can feel how heavy the air is.

What are you doing today? Love hearing from you all. This is a great support for me.

Quick drive by. Very tired these days. Have been getting good sleep, which is an unusual thing for me--very pleased for the good sleep.

Will endeavor to leave the office by 7:30 tonight. I like to stay late on Fridays. Today I feel too tired to get myself home. But I will.

Just checking in.

Jim is out for ten days for health reasons. I brought home 3 boxes from the food bank.

I have jury duty today. I don't mind the jury part, but the being trapped in a chair surrounded by people part will be tough.

Porter, great job on your living room! A room a day is really ambitious!

Your plan for your new home sounds amazing, and what you are working to offer your daughter is impressive. I hope you know that I just want you both to have as much support as possible, which is what prompted me to bring up grief support groups. If you already have that elsewhere, then that is terrific. I'm a firm believer in recruiting GOOD, SUPPORTIVE help in raising kids (not people who want to "help" you follow their agenda!)

Also, I think you are more of a poet than you realize.

I should be working on my garden and stuff for my class today, but I have my teeth in this studio project and I don't want to stop.

I have started moving the stored toys from the studio barn to the basement. This is going to make the basement crowded and messy, but it's already not good space. I want to ask the kids if they can give it a few of these toys, and also my ds is talking about buying a house in the next year. If he buys a house, he has to take about 8 of these bins. They are full of star wars stuff that I don't want to store.

The baby won't move out for at least a year, and then probably into a small apartment. I'd rather have a crowded, hoarded basement for a few years and a nice, functional studio NOW.

Slowing getting things done. A work in progress.

yes I'm concerned about my daughter . But she has a lot of friends . I refuse to allow her to become isolated.
I engage all her family .

but I don't tolerate being undermined in decisions I make for her... I don't even want hear emotional opinions. Where im being told I'm making mistakes.

Not saying I'm hearing that here. To be clear her family aunts and uncles have sting opinions based on my wife telling how much of creep I am over the 20 years she's been with me and very little chance to redeem myself of even explain my side of the issues.

So if they start in with discourse I eliminate them from open discussions and make that very clear. I will not, I refuse dwell in past on things that I can not change.

My plan for is for her to be in the high school she has chosen .
to have the friends that she loves and the respect and love her. To give her a university education and assist with getting in into a house ownership and pass her my boat and truck .

I don't know if I will fall in love again and live with a woman in warm and friendly relationship. And for her to have a step mother. If that happens . It won't because I can not afford to live in our home on my own income.

if we don't die suddenly, then it's a sickness that may slowly diminish us until can't get out of bed. Its sad to watch it happen to our loved ones as we continue on. I wish i was more poetic and could say something beautiful about it.
but our marriage was not worthy of such poetic beauty.
We became parents in a life of co existence. But . Its still hard to lose such a close friend.

I strongly believe life is what we make it.
My home is filled with memory, music , art, food and drink.
comfortable places to rest and rejuvenate. Its warm .
and in a capital city with access to everything.

My daughters knows she may choose whom she wishes to live with for her high school years. But she also know I love her. And will do all I can for her. Even be parental as needed.

in this difficult time , I make sure she has NORMAL time.
and she doesn't have to be attention seeking to deal with her issues.

ok .
back to the hoarding.
I had everthing organized. But when I moved alot of it got mixed up. And is now like as if all got thrown on the dryer and mixed up . Reds whites darks intimates, even coats linens And swimming gear and just mixed up with no rhyme or reason . Just giant mixture of clutter in many many boxes.

so finding what I need .when I need it. Slow going.
but I'm getting the hallways clear. And the it's getting better everyday. I know it will be a great place whether my daughter stays or not. Its a four bed room two story with basement and small yard. A grill and picnic table.
a coffee nook.
more kitchen tool than most men know how to use.
large screen tvs in all bedrooms
I'm searching for a new cat.
basement fill with poets
And eight person Mahogany dinning table.
a dressing room with a 7 x 3 full mirror
a drumming area
an art area
7 large closets filled with lots and lots
an 10x20 covered porch.
caring nieghbors.

So considering everthing . I'm fine.
we're fine.
Just a few ducks to put in order.
I have four friends that I could pour my heart out to and one a can get drunk with in fun way if I ever wanted to.
but I'm a koala. I'm technically an alcoholic, but I've been sober 7 months and have only started drinking in social situations, BUT NOT until I'm sick on the floor.
I'm not ever going to return to drinking. Its not fun for me anymore. And I have diabetes, so it's got to be worth it.
but when I look at my daughter. I rather see a sober and stable father than a selfish drunk. So .

I've purged alot.
ALOT
TODAY
the living room only has what going to stay in it and nothing else.
tommorrow the dinning room.

feeling better . About moving on without them.

I did amazing stuff in the studio barn today.

I have to tell you guys because it looks like somebody picked up the barn and shook it. - no credit here!

I generated only a small grocery bag if recycling and half that of trash, but there was a huge amount of sorting and organizing and planning and making decisions. Decisions! Hard!

I took apart all the "creations" my son and his friends had made out of K'nex (very big step) and put the K'nex away neatly and sorted and was able to empty FOUR containers. Instead of two plus shelves, they now take up just over one shelf.

I talked to The drywall guys (kinda big step) and claimed some of their scrap to line my wire rack shelves in the studio (drywall makes excellent ware boards, wire is a problem - I've been contemplating new shelves) and now I have space to put the molds that are piled on the floor. And don't need new shelves! (boards are finished for 3 of 8 shelves and rough cut for the other 5)

And I used some empty bins to sort and organize my firing cones and kiln furniture on an existing shelf and emptied an entire rolling cart (8 drawers, paper ream sized)

I had to take a shower - I had spiderwebs and dead bugs and drywall dust in my hair.

Good morning!

Tillie I'm glad you are feeling better and that the weather is improving. SubC great work on getting rid of the octopus.

Yesterday's heat made me crazy and I started just taking things out of my drawers and putting into donation bags. Even though frustrated and miserable, that five minute burst was good for me. I will not be looking in the bags before moving them to car.

My weather is much better today so I have windows open and ceiling fans on. Am working from home and hoping to visit mom for a few minutes today.

Good morning all!

Porter, your wife is in hospice. I am confident that whatever money she has, she doesn't need it now. But you said she is a good mom. As a mom, I will tell you there is nothing questionable or borderline about what you did. She is leaving behind her daughter, and anything she has that will make her daughter's position in life more secure, should be used.

Does the hospice have support groups for you and your daughter? Based on my experience with hospice, I would strongly suggest you go if such a thing is available.

I am sorry for all the pain you are facing right now. You are doing great just keeping daily life going.

As a teacher, I have worked with a lot of goth kids who turned into delightful adults. Just keep an eye on her and her friends (also important with teenagers who appear to be bright and shiny) and keep listening. You may want to meet with the guidance counselor at the new school and let her know what is going on.

Tillie, did you get your house back into your comfort zone? I understand the snow now! I've been to Nevada in the summer. I grew up in a place where we said "it's not the heat, it's the humidity" in your case, "it's not the latitude, it's the elevation."?

People are hanging drywall in the addition. It's really hard for me to have people in my space. I spent a lot of yesterday out in the studio barn sorting through old boxes of toys. I am making a mess. But, I am resolved to throw away the inflatable pond octopus. I have loved it, but it was put away less than sanitary some years ago,and it is just gross. There is no cleaning this. It has to go. It doesn't take up that much space, but it goes take up space. Eventually the small things add up and bury you.

I am thinking about leaving home today. There are good reasons to and good reasons not to. I will see how it goes.

Greetings from northern Nevada 😀

Sun is shining and at 60 degrees already outside.
Going to be a better day! 😀

Hi Porter 🙂
Hoping you have someone there in real life to talk to.
You are going through such a difficult time. (((HUGS)))

Hi Tatoulia 🙂
Hope you are feeling better (((HUGS)))
Hasn't been that long ago that you were so terribly ill and your body still needs extra special care.

Hi CriticalMass 🙂
loved your long post.
Thank you for updating us.
Keep up all the great works! 😀

Hi Anonymoniker 🙂
How's going there?
Hope the spiders aren't too many (((HUGS)))

Hi Joan 🙂

Hi Subclinical 🙂
Sorry you have to resort to such drastic measures to protect the chickens 🙁

My house is a disaster area.
That's what happens when I have a "pity party".
So today I will wash dishes, vacuum the carpet and generally straighten it up.

Did very little today.
one of those headaches that I can't seem to rid of.
I sorted out some of the bill issues. At least for now.
sending a check from my wife's account.
it's a question ably unethical move.
But I feel like I'm robbing Peter to pay paul, and hope it buys me ten days.
I've written all here checks for several years.
she has the money, and I'm not applying it to the new place.
just paying off the old place.

The house is safe to move around in.
I try to stick to large things, but start puttering around with the junk. I've purged so much , but I'm still technically and officially a hoarder.

thank you all for the support. Its hard, I didn't realize my phone was missing , my brother called me again and again for support, but I was busy and unaware.
I know it's not my fault. But it knaws at me real deep.
He's gone, and it's ok to grieve. With and without people.

My wife and I talk on phone now alot.
I try to be her normal.
My daughter , what can I say. 14 and into dark clothes and edgy music. Its like just want to slap some pastel tape on her and hope it catches on. Shes really trying to be a challenge , but that's ok. I just want her to feel at home and make sure she access to support without having to be attention seeking.

I'd say 95% of the heavy things are in place.
it's just now keeping what makes the house function
in a presentable arrange ments. And removing the tubs thatneed to stowed away. So im much closer to light at the of the hallway.

What struggling on is being so tired of the stuff.
no amount of sleep lifts my energy level.

I look at it like this.
I might feel better when it's all put away. But prolonging it until feel I like it will make it feel overwhelming.

Evacuate 1 room per day+ what im intrested in accomplishing.

in the storage area for clutter. I'm using a method that each room of the house has its own box or boxes.
I hope to purge most of what doesnt work at the new place.

I was offered to help clear my brothers belongings.
I declined. And let my other brother deal and keep his things . He was not a hoarder. I need to focus on my own stuff.

Tillie, depression makes everything hard. Go easy on yourself. I am wondering where you are - I have hot weather like tatoulia.

I went to the grocery store today and just bought the food on my list, plus some cherries, strawberries, and a grapefruit. Those are ok treats. The prices were good.

I dropped off the plastic recycling and two little bags of trash.

I also went to class again and brought home two pages of notes and an example to put in my studio. That's a very useful thing though.

Tatoulia, I hope you feel better. Did you get your garbage out?

My kitty wants to go outside and he can't because I had to put out a "special treat" fir a raccoon tonight (he'd been eating my chickens and won't give up)

Oh Tillie i am sorry you are so depressed and I hope the weather delivers as forecasted and you feel better.

I did take my garbage out then went to sleep with AC on. I just woke up and I'm feeling feverish. I had an English muffin and a large glass of water. I must have consumed my weight in water today so I can't imagine it's dehydration. I think it's just lousy weather. Kitty has spent the last two days sleeping in her carrier. The top is mesh so it doesn't hold in the heat and yet it gives her a sense of security. That, or she desperately wants to go back to my BFs house.

Hi Everybody

Super depressed due to the weather the last few days.
I do not mind the rain & hail and the dark dreary days.
It's the friggin cold that's got me down.
A high temperature of 40 degrees is not enough and with the raging winds it's really a lot colder.
The cats are all feeling the same way as me.
We are all constantly grouching at each other and that just makes us all that much more miserable.
Tomorrow they are promising it will be 70 degrees and I know I will feel so much happier then. 😉

Hi everyone!

Very hot day here. Really awful. I'm working from home. Have dusted the bedroom and dine a lot of laundry. The laundry really heats up the house. I need to vacuum but just so hot.

I slept with AC on in the bedroom last night and I slept very well. Would like a repeat for tonight.

It's garbage night and I never feel like taking it out on Mondays. I need to, because I won't be up early enough to get out tomorrow before pickup. I did take recycling out earlier today.

I unloaded dishwasher and visited mom. I just wish I could force myself to vacuum.

I need to remind myself of how much happier (or st least, less miserable) I am when it's hot and my house is cleaner. I really hate my house when it's filthy and hot.

The living room is in shambles but at least I'm keeping bedroom nice.

Porter, thanks for the update. Sorry you've had all that to deal with. We're all behind you buddy.

Oh porter, I am so sorry!

I was so excited to see your post, but then how hard.

You made it to the new house though. You made it. Your daughter is there.

I hope your creditors will work with you. Have you asked about a payment plan? Explained that the bills were unpaid because a terminally ill woman didn't let you know she couldn't handle the finances anymore and you thought things were ok?

I am glad you have your workspace. You have time to organize things. A month is not long at all. If I could get the rest of my hoard organized in a month, I would think I was superwoman.

Take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing when you can.

My sincere condolences, Porter. I am so very sorry.

Porter, I am glad you are OK.

So sorry to hear about your loss of your brother and your other misfortunes. You are running into a lot of upsets at once.

You can handle it. Keep your perspective. Rest between projects. See you soon.