Joan, what a lovely post. I learned a lot by reading it.

CM, thank you for your post. I've read it twice, slowly. There's a lot in there and I know there is a lot going on. I am so pleased that you are taking a mental break and forming a plan. This is difficult. It is a difficult process all around, with anguish and self-doubt sprinkled all over it. I like your plan to get back out, then address with your helper the feelings of being stuck. I am so proud of you and your progress. I am standing right by your side.

In a search for some light slippers to take on my trip, I have been looking under my bed and on the floor of my closet. Finding things to throw out and donate. Feels good, yet is also a terrible reminder of how much I have to do. How it isn't as clean as I thought.

I need to check things off my non-house list today. I have a lot of things to take care of before I leave. Car stuff mainly. Trying not to panic.

A sort of update

Quoting Anony from a few posts back because this is so my life:

As bad as i am about procrastinating, it really does seem like a constant stream of obstacles is always a big part of it. And its never a standard problem. Its always something totally bizarre or unusual.

Like the 32 oz. convenience store cup of water on the coffee table the other night; I barely brushed it and fwoosh! it falls and hits the floor, off pops the lid and we have a flood, on the rug, the hardwood floor, under the couch, etc.

Two seconds before my roommate and I had been winding down, ready to chill with Star Trek after doing yard work for the evening. And this is about the 2nd-3rd time I've knocked water cups over. I'm going to a jug with a screw-on cap and a coffee cup to drink out of.

Of course we're all familiar with the way our clutter stacks can tip over so I needn't describe that. LOL.

I've taken this first part of the week off from going out to the storage unit as a mental health break. Of course, that doesn't mean the whole business doesn't occupy a large sector of my brain 24/7/365. But the acute burnout I just had to step back from. By the end of the week I'll go out and try not to feel so overwhelmed.

I guess I have let the bunny figurines and other breakables get me caught in OCD and fear. And dragging my heels on the project as a whole until I can do it "perfectly" or at least close to. It's the memories of the other hectic moves, I think, that are haunting me, the worst one of course being the move from my childhood home that was foreclosed. In short, I'm skating pretty close to the emotional toxic waste dump within. My demons that led up to the bad hoarding, the secrets that the hoard contains. The debts, the breakups, the deaths. The regrets, and the things I can't control. So - I turn into a control freak on wheels.

Well, I had been on a high there for awhile with the faster progress - then I hit this and plunged down into the valley. Now I climb out. I have prayed about this asking the Lord to give me the guidance and strength and wisdom because I am up against spiritual warfare at this point. And I do feel that those prayers are starting to be answered but I just know I am NOT strong enough to conquer this on my own plus deal with life's other stresses. I'll retreat back to my old habit of trying to control everything in counterproductive ways.

I concealed all this from my social worker thus far. Haven't even asked her about future decluttering sessions, because of my trust issues. I need help but I can't control everything helpers do. This dilemma has cropped up with previous moves - and most of the memories (surprise!) are from the time of the foreclosure. When I couldn't control the biggest thing of all. And it broke my heart.

Okay.

So step by step, with much prayer, begin to move forward again. Later this week go out to the unit and finish packing up the breakables that I strewed out - but do it quickly and try not to stress. Then turn attention to some other task, and again don't get bogged down or obsessed. And then, next week or so, call social worker and explain how I got stuck. I don't need to be nervous about this; she's nice, she won't scold or judge me. And then we'll make a plan and go forward.

I think sometimes, too, I simply have had this storage unit issue looming over my head so long without resolution that it's hard to believe it may actually be close to a major change. And that long period of being stalled out makes the change scary even though it has been something I've strongly desired. The human mind is indeed a complicated thing . . .

Sorry for the rambling but I needed it and I appreciate y'all being here and caring. Have a blessed day!

Anony, good to hear from you.

From the birthdate you gave me, I see that you are playing clubs. Your life card is the 6♣️, and your personality card is either the 10♣️ or the Q♣️. From your posts on this website, my money is on the Q♣️.

Clubs are all about the mental world: truth seeking, language, concepts, and abstract reasoning. This is reflected in your ongoing study of new ideas and your willingness to entertain different points of view. The "6" card is about reaping the results of your actions in prior lifetimes in your present lifetime. So the results of these actions come back to you, and in this lifetime you make decisions about how to deal with these results and what course corrections you may want to make. Queens, of course, are nurturers, so your posts reflect your support of others.

This is a very brief analysis. I have been especially curious about your cards, because you and I have had a strong rapport with our posts. I am also in clubs. I am playing such strong clubs that I am literally a club magnet. Almost everyone in my life is a club, and it is difficult for me to work with people who have no clubs (or at least hearts) in their makeup. Hearts are about relationships, so they are generally easy to get along with.

If you would like to pursue this further, I encourage you to go to the website https://knowyourdestinycards.com/birth-cards/planetary-ruling-cards/.

I wanted to be sure to get back to you on this, but I am glad to hear from everyone who has been posting. It is way past my bedtime, so I will see you all later.

Oh Anony, I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles and am impressed with your ability to weather these storms. SubC I think asking daughter for help with dishes and other chores is a good idea--will free up some time to work on needed rooms.

Nothing done by me tonight but I napped. And that felt good.

Hello to all!!!
My car brokedown, now is fixed. My back is fine, but now have a toothache. Life is constantly throwing new curves. I will say, after taking my car to the dealership, i have a new appreciationfor my mechanic! I wont let him buy cheap parts, or some of the things he will do if i dont pay attention, but his value as a mechanic skyrocketed after the dealership experience!...its a bit like the story of Goldilocks & The 3 Bears....ha ha
Joan, id love to get an Egyptian astrology reading, if its easy for you?! 11/14/58 Astrology is a bit of a double edge sword. Its very helpful & insightful, but can also be an easy excuse for poorly placed planets, etc....confirming, tho, too.
I am getting my place improved, but its going very slowly. Im trying to relish & appreciate every nice thing about it. Thats been an approach ive been trying to have about life in general, too.
My shade garden will be looking at the most disgusting part of my house, which does bother me. Im tempted to just hang pretty upholstery fabric over the yucky parts...dont laugh...ha ha...it might be akin to putting lipstick on a pig, but hey, if it will look better?!! 😀 ~♡~♡~♡~

The pies are pecan (dh favorite) and apple - the last jar canned last fall. I also need to make rhubarb. Today I picked 24lbs of strawberries and washed, trimmed, and froze 2/3 for making jam later. The rest are still unwashed on my counter.

I also talked to my daughter. I need to clean out the second guest room for them for Saturday.

I don't know if I can do this. I have so much on my list and the dining porch is still bad and tomorrow and Friday will be plenty full with my last two days teaching for the year.

I need help, but I'm not sure I can ask for help because it is all my "hoard" stuff no has nowhere really to go right now and I can't delegate decisions.

Maybe dd will take over the dishes and/or help with chores.

Hello! Good work getting rid of those plastic containers, SubC! Hey Tillie! Hey CM!

Came home to my clean bedroom tonight--oh what a feeling. Need to extend this feeling to my bathroom. Would love to clean before my trip.

Will write more later/want to rest my eyes after a hard day at work. Stopped by mom's on the way home for a minute.

Good Morning 🙂

Hi Subclinical 🙂
Pie? What kind?
My rhubarb has been calling to me to bake a pie. ;D

Hi Tatoulia 🙂
I would love to dine at a farm-to-table restaurant.
Especially this time of year with so many yummy things growing. 😀

8:35 here now.
I have done some more bug spraying outside.
Cats have had their can food breakfast.
Today I plan to finish up deep cleaning kitchen cabinets & drawers.
I have already done 3 cabinets and still have two more to do, the under the sink one and the one where I keep big pots & roasting pans.
There are three regular size drawers and three very narrow ones.
Looking forward to finishing up. What I have done so far has made me a much happier person. ;D

Good evening!

Not much on the house today - mostly away or in the garden.

A little more paper in the house, a lot of plastic containers out, about the same milk, more pie, more bread. (The pie is homemade and yummy. the bread is old and in a bag from the food bank for my chickens.)

Tired.

Tomorrow I plan to pick strawberries.

Checking in--glad you are going to cook, Tillie. I do much better when I've eaten "food groups"--balanced meals really keep me going. Today I am fasting, but I've been trying to arrange some dinners for an upcoming business trip. So I've been reading restaurant menus and reviews. On this particular trip, generally one colleague's wife dies the restaurant scouting but she is not joining us this year. I decided to try to plan st least one of our meals--for selfish reasons--want to find a nice place that appeals to my sensibilities. I found a nice farm-to-table restaurant for one of the nights.

Well I've vacuumed the bedroom and taken out the trash. Kitty has a clean box and a clean eating area. This all makes me so happy. Thanks for being here.

Good Morning Everybody 🙂

Hi Tatoulia 🙂
WTG! for doing the things that will help reduce your stress levels. (((hugs)))

Hi Joan 🙂
Happy to hear from you. 😀

Hi Subclinical 🙂
WTG! for all your sorting and shuffling and finding things that can be moved out.

Hi Anonymoniker 🙂
YEA!!!! for feeling better (((hugs)))
So true, we must think about whatever the future holds for us and that one day we may not be able to do as much as we can do today.

Hi CriticalMass 🙂
I want you to not have this hanging over your head draining your strength and monopolizing your time.
You are doing GREAT!
Getting plans straight in your mind and sorting and repacking the delicates. (((HUGS)))

Hi Porter 🙂
Please let us know how things are going with your move out & in whenever you get a chance.

Took yesterday off from life.
He was gone all day so the cats and I had the place all to ourselves. 🙂
Got outside by 8:00am this morning and watered all the plants, sprayed some wasps and hosed off the front porch and walkway.
Need to cook some food, real type food today so I will have something real to eat whenever I get hungry.
Otherwise I just kinda sorta snack and don't have a "real" meal. LOL 😀

Hi Joan!

Well I have succeeded in dusting my bedroom and washing the mirrors. Will vacuum now so I can feel better about things. The more I do, the less stressed I'll feel about that mounting pile of things I must accomplish.

You are correct about Jyotish, Anony.

If you give me the month and day of your birth, I will give you your cards in Egyptian astrology. In that system, usually no extensive calculations are needed.

Good morning everyone! Good to hear from you Joan & Anony. Just do what you can physically--Hoping for a peaceful and healthy summer for all of us.

I am working from home today and hope to stay focused so I can get a lot of work done and take a few short breaks to work on my house. I have a lot to do this week--more than usual so I need to be vigilant and focused. No time for distractions.

Have a great day, everyone!

Hey,Joan? Im glad youre doing well!
Vedic astrology seems scary accurate, to me! ...i guess that sounds weird?! It doesnt try to constantly make bad things seem 'positive' like western astrology does. Its much bolder & more specific. Anyway, the sign Virgo is about cleaning & organizing in western astrology. That is a majorly challenged sign for me as well as my property!
My back is MUCH BETTER NOW!!! I am sooo relieved! That was awful! It really got me thinking about becoming incapacitated & staying stuck in filth...what a nightmare...

Hi everyone, Tillie, Porter, Tat, SubC, CM. I enjoy reading your posts. It is usually too hard for me to post things. I just get through my days.

Anony, good to hear from you. Sorry to hear about your back pain. Yes, as you surmised, I know a thing or two about astrology. However, I have not studied Western astrology. The systems I am most familiar with are Vedic (Indian) astrology, called Jyotish, and ancient Egyptian astrology. The ancient astrolgy is encoded into the playing cards. It is a system with which I resonate.

Cats are hoarders! Great! Tillie et al, you are very observant about that. I like to stare down cats that are lounging about.

Things have been OK lately, but no decluttering to report at this time. Take care, everyone.

Great work, SubC!

After graduation I visited with mom and then came home and napped. I work from home tomorrow so will catch up on laundry. Got sheets changed this AM.

I will now make sure all dishes are in dishwasher before going to bed. Just tired today, I'm afraid.

Hi everyone!

Tatoulia, I'm sorry you had a sad ending with your brother yesterday. Thank you for telling me about him. I'm glad for you both that he is in a better phase.

Did you get your laundry done? I hope you get to enjoy your clean bedroom fix. 🙂

Tillie, I've never thought about being able to go to the mall as a good thing. You made me laugh. It's like a useless superpower "I can go to the mall!"

My kitty hoards unpleasant furry lumps in my garage. I would prefer old scratching posts! He does usually come back to eat his "treasures" if I don't carry them out with a shovel right away.

CM, it's important to take breaks and shift your focus to something that feeds your soul! Otherwise the weight of it all will grind you down. Remember it's a marathon, not a sprint. And have a great time at your festival!

I think three boxes to donate sounds like a good dent! And I'm glad you found all of your bunnies.

Anonymoniker, yay for progress on the cupboard! I don't understand astrology at all, but I do know a little about back pain. Please be careful!

I spent most of today "churning". Shifting things around in the basement and moving things to other rooms. If you remember, my house is under renovation, and dh had to remove a piece of air duct, run a plumbing line, cut an existing plumbing line, tie into it, and put the duct back. All while moving a ladder around and working above my hoard. Happily nothing got wet or damaged including dh. I even managed well enough that he didn't get angry at me - which is rare on these occasions - the hoard must be better! (Or dh had a visit from the patience fairy)

There are now three piles back in the guest room, but one is going to school with me on Wednesday, one is a few things for my kids to say yes or no to, and one is a new goodwill pile. I plan for all of them to be moved out by Friday.

I found two books to part with, which is great because books are very hard for me. Only in the last year, as part of the dehoarding process, did I reach the point where all the books can be on shelves. As far as I know, for the first time in my life. Definitely in over 40 years. I remember packing piles of books from my room for our move when I was 7.

I also spent some time on the dining porch and all of the papers are off the floor (I am using three of the six chairs for sorting). Can't see the table, but the floor is clear. I am also caught up retroactively on the paper purging, and good on the milk.

I have two large boxes of non recyclable containers in my car to take to the lady at the food bank tomorrow, and when dh asked what I was doing and I told him, he decided we should have take out again from the place that was the source of all the take out containers I am getting rid of. It has been months.
Overall a good day.

Hello, all! ~♡~
Ive been having weird,scary back pain that has now moved into my legs & hips. I did get a good bit done on that corner cupboard, so that feels good!
As bad as i am about procrastinating, it really does seem like a constant stream of obstacles is always a big part of it. And its never a standard problem. Its always something totally bizarre or unusual. Im gonna blame the planets for a minute(ha ha). Joan? You understand astrology, dont you? This is what im dealing with. I have a combust Sun-Venus, and Virgo rising. My property purchase chart has the Sun and Moon intercepted in Virgo! Now how in blazes am i suppose to deal with that? And i have a retrograde Taurus Mars! ha ha ....ok, enough blaming the planets...but still....ha ha ~☆~☆~☆~

Hello everybody! I'm doing a quick laundry before I have to start getting ready for the graduation ceremony for our friend.

Tillie, I aspire to having a schedule for cleaning and washing cabinets. For now, I am going to keep moving forward. In whatever ways I can.

CM thank you for the nice long post. I feel your struggles. You are doing a great job with everything. I'm glad you have a festival to go to-you do need to find some balance. WTG on the church sale items! You are doing a great job with the storage place. You are working through a lot of tough decisions, tough emotions, etc. and you are inspiring me.

I will see what I can do this AM before the graduation. I need to do maintenance on the bedroom if I'm to have that wonderful feeling of walking into a clean bedroom.

Another delightful day at the storage unit *sarcasm*. Nah, it wasn't that bad, it's just that I'm feeling some burnout with it. I did get some good things done.

I took the church garage sale donations - they've been riding around with me anyway - and finished getting them stickered, and decided just to leave them out there and pick them up on another time close to the date they'll start accepting donations (June 5th). Three boxes' worth, and I may find more to add.

Worked on getting those ceramic bunnies all out where I could assess them. Didn't get all of them repacked, but hopefully now that I know what I'm dealing with, on another run I can finally wrap up that task. Also put some quilting project bags in a tub neatly, and miscellaneous other stuff.

I'm starting to think about estimating for the move. The delays with rain and so on have put me behind in one sense, but in another way it's a good thing, because I think my estimating will be more accurate. I counted how many shelving units are in the current storage, thus getting an idea how many will fit. Hoping that before the move to the new unit, I'll be able to replace old rickety narrow units with sturdy, deeper-shelved ones.

I'd like at some point to move stuff to the center so that my helpers will be able to move the good shelves out and take them to the new place, along with whatever units I purchase. Then I'll remove the ones I want to get rid of. We'll set up at the new place and then the tubs and stuff can be taken and placed where they go on or by the shelf units.

This is still a ways off, but for so many years it has been completely unthinkable that I could even be making such concrete plans.

However - it's been a struggle here lately. I'm just tired of having this dominate my life, I guess. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually... Tillie, I can so relate to your panic, and I sure hope you are feeling better. {{hugs}} The stress over my hoard has me ragged out. I started to feel panicky riding in the car with my roommate tonight. And I knew it was just because my brain was so fried. I felt okay asking her to pull over, and it didn't last. She is very understanding about my "quirks."

Well, next week whatever mild weather days we have I'm going to work on the stuff, but I'm also going to try to get to some sort of stopping point - and then assess whether I want to attempt to move the unit during the summer months, or wait until fall. If it's not ghastly hot, and I feel reasonably prepared, and the helpers are available, I may go ahead. If I feel a strong uncertainty, that would be my signal that it's just not time yet. And I'll pray about it all, 'cause that's what I do.

It's okay. The glitches and the tiredness and whatever else will pass. Next Saturday I hope to go to a Steampunk festival and just have fun and forget all these obsessive thoughts for awhile. And I hope maybe even before then I can find a little time to do some artwork. I've resented how much time and energy the decluttering has taken when I just want to do creative stuff and feel the endorphins. I'm all about balance in life, but life doesn't always get the memo - it sends rainy days, gasoline money worries, etc. - things that if I didn't have to fuss with, I'd have had this project done by now. Okay, I'll quit griping. Those ups and downs again. Hope that by next time I post there'll be more ups than downs. Over and out.

Hi Everybody 🙂

Hi CriticalMass 🙂
Yes, the cats are hoarders!
They hate to ever let anything go.
Example, I got them a big new scratch post that they all love and they pout because I removed their small ratty worn out scratch post.
Please take care not to over exert yourself while sorting the storage unit.
It is getting hot now and you must keep hydrated.
Skipping meals & snacks does terrible things to the blood sugars and that causes your body to become stressed.
Treat the sorting project like a job.
Take several breaks and have a lunch hour. (((HUGS)))

Hi Porter 🙂
How's the moving out going?

Hi Subclinical 🙂
You can go to a store at the mall!
That's great. WTG! 🙂
Have a WONDERFUL time when your kids are there for the visit! 😀

Hi Tatoulia 🙂
Thank You (((HUGS)))
Wishing you a good solid night's sleep.

Spent today removing everything from 3 kitchen cupboards, washing the cupboards, rinsing the dishes and putting the things back in.
Can't hardly believe how much dust gets into the cupboards, but it does.
Maybe tomorrow I will do the cabinets and/or drawers.
Also watered the grass and sprayed bug spray on some plants that have bugs.

Great work on the guest room, SubC! Wow, a houseful of people is a daunting challenge. We will be here if you need a break during it all!

We had our charity walk this AM then took brother grocery shopping then helped with his computer. the visit went awry near the end-- So I'm sad.

My brother is mentally ill (the illness manifested itself when he was in college, as is so often the case) and he also has several physical disabilities. He has a marked inability to cope. I've been in charge of him his whole life and it's been difficult, sad, upsetting, angering, bewildering, and much more. On the whole things are going better for him, it's a very delicate balance.

After seeing brother I did grocery shopping for mom and took her the things I'd purchased. I'll get a better visit in with her tomorrow. BF and I have a graduation to go to in the early afternoon--college graduation for a neighbor whom we have mentored over the years. We are very proud of her.

I have showered and I'm running my laundry. I do a lot of laundry, SubC. I have an apartment sized washer and dryer so it takes two loads to do my queen-sized sheets and pillow cases. Also, I just like doing laundry. I haven't done my mother's in a few weeks because her morning aide is doing her clothes once a week and she already has someone who washes her sheets and towels each week. She now has someone change her bed for her, I used to do it on occasion but now that mom is finally out of the hospital after six weeks, I don't want her doing things like that anymore, at 87, she's earned the right to have someone else do for her.

I hope I find the strength to change my sheets tonight. I'm tired. And it's only 8 PM.

The guest room is "clean" (there are some minor things that have to be done to make it ready for my "grand dog" - move out a rocking chair and bench, roll up the rug, take my knitting basket upstairs) but all of that could be done in 5 minutes w/ds help after he arrives.

I still have a huge challenge in the dining porch.

I caught up on milk (there are enough jars with lids in the running dishwasher to hold tomorrow's milk.)

Have not addressed papers yet. There are a lot of papers in the dining porch, so I may attack that together tomorrow or Monday.

My oldest lives nearby, but she wants to come out and stay for the weekend when her brother is here, with her husband and dog. So now I have to clear another area for more people to sleep. My list never gets shorter.

Tatoulia, it sounds like you are enjoying good weather. Is your brother young, or is there something else that makes dissapointments challenging for him? Not trying to be intrusive, just to understand.

Tillie, I too am glad you didn't have to make the drive! Hopefully you are feeling better today. I also need preparation for people. I have trouble going to the mall alone. I have to go to one store - straight to the store not looking at the people, shop, straight back to the car. Or, someone has to hold my hand. I can remember telling my son when he was only 5 "do not let go of my hand. Your job is to get us back to the car." My daughter (oldest, whose job was to keep track of the 3 y.o.) said she thought I did that to make him behave, she didn't realize for years that I was serious.

Dh and I recently had a huge fight over an spending an extra 24 hours on our summer trip with his large, overwhelming family, and I am currently stressing about Memorial Day weekend, when my house will be full of people I love.

Tillie, I am so sorry to hear this. I'm glad he found an alternative but feel so badly about how much it took out of you. Please rest and enjoy the quiet if you can. I'm so, so sorry.

SubC, I too enjoy the long posts. I'm not good about replying to each person but I read them and get s lot out of them.

Today I have a charity walk followed by taking my brother out. He held up pretty well when I told him we couldn't do first thing in the AM the way he wants.

I slept well last night. It was cool out and I had my windows open and ceiling fan on. It was heavenly.

I'm doing a quick load of laundry--things I can hang in the shower to dry--and will get ready to go now. I don't have time to change my sheets before I leave but I will make my bed. Believe it or not, I make my bed every single day. And even at my worst, I changed my sheets once a week. Now to get back on a vacuuming schedule!

Hi Everybody 🙂

Well, as I have admitted here before
I have "issues" with going places and being around a lot of people.
The other night as I was preparing to go to bed
he came in and informed me that he had a Dr. appointment in Reno the next morning and I would have to drive him home.
He knew about this appointment weeks ago but didn't bother to tell me.
I can drive the 150+ miles round trip and I can maneuver the traffic there
but I need time to mentally prepare myself to do this.
Anyways, I had a complete and total break down.
He ended up having to call someone else to take him.
I have been recuperating and getting myself back to "normal" or what I consider functional.

Reno and the city of Sparks (which is attached to Reno)are large cities with lots of people and crazy rush hour traffic 24 hours a day.
Carson City (Nevada state capital) is just as bad any more too
and it's just as far away.

CM--enjoyed reading your post--I haven't read anyone else's just yet. CM you are making great progress--the ups and downs are natural. It's good that you've recognized that you can ease the ups and downs by making sure you have some extra waters and snacks on hands. I definitely weather the storms better when I'm properly hydrated. With my mother, I note she gets very blue when she hasn't eaten enough so I try to keep laughing cow cheese wedges in her fridge to give her a little boost throughout the day.

You are making great progress! I am so proud of you!! I hope to apply some of your strength to my own situation this weekend. Week has been hectic and I have a hectic weekend coming up but I can do it--with your help and encouragement!

Everyone, have a good day! Tillie I'm thinking of you and the kitties and hope you get some nice outdoors time today!

Hi everyone!

Porter and CriticalMass, I love the long posts! I am getting to know everyone.

Porter I am ver excited for you about your move! So close! You work nights? That must be hard with your daughter. When my kids were little dh was on shifts for a while and that was always hard. Maybe it would have been easier if it had been consistent.

Growing a beard and no alcohol are both thrifty. 🙂

CM, I find I need to watch my hydration a lot more than I did when I was younger! And take more breaks.

It's great that you are making progress. I am a collector of many things also. I have an "assorted" ceramic animal collection that is all tiny, and then the ceramic cats... I had all the little animals together in a case, where I almost never looked at them, but recently I put two on my kitchen windowsill next to a plant and they make me happy every day. Now I am thinking I should get some kind of padded box with dividers and just put a few out at a time.

Tatoulia, what would happen to the clutter if you got rid of the furniture? Would you clean it up and stop accumulating it? That would be good, right?

I still have not gotten to the papers. I am also falling behind on the milk again. Too much to do! Yesterday I planted 11 baby trees that had been slowly dying on my porch (11 did die, 9 more need to be planted.). I am trying to learn not to bite off more than I can chew, but it is so hard. Today I teach and then I have to set up for a show for my students at a local studio. Home late.

One area where I am working on manageable quantities is at the food bank. We get day old bread to give out. The bread comes in many times a week, and it is Ruth's job to sort and display it. I've been helping her. Before we open, we go through the shelves and toss all the moldy bread into discard boxes. These boxes go to food bank volunteers to feed chickens and pigs. Because I have chickens and bring in eggs sometimes, Ruth is always pushing me to take bread. I am very happy to have the bread because it cuts feed expenses, but I can very easily succumb to taking too much.

Also, at the end of the day we toss the oldest bread and the varieties we have way too much of that rarely get chosen into discard boxes. The rarely chosen breads are often ones that I really like, and they are now "two day old" bread (two days past sell by date). So I don't feed those to my chickens when I get them, I feed them to me. I have to resist the urge to fill my freezer with bread - "they make more!"

Yesterday before I left I made a rule that for every loaf I kept from the chickens I would take one out of the freezer and give it to them. I didn't follow it, but I put one in the freezer and took one out. However, I kept a couple of bags of rolls in the fridge to make sandwiches for dh and dd. But I had almost used up the rolls from last week. I should give the rest of that bag to the chickens....

I have to be careful about the rolls, because dh gets mad that i feed him "day old bread" which I think is stupid. I go to the grocery store on Wednesdays. I go to the food bank on Thursdays and Mondays. So the bread from the food bank on Thursday is one day older than buying fresh bread at the grocery store, and the bread on Monday is three days fresher!

Warning. Creative outlet is raw and far out there today.

Had more Eureka thoughts about
Flying bicycle.
Using sailing tech on how to block airflow and then force the flow into more or less force.

I know its a vague concept. But I'm putting four technologies into one concept. And a fifth Into crash suits instead of seat belts.
Basically if it's top speed is nearly the same of skydiving it'll be much safer than hurtling toward the ground striped into heavy machinery.

There will need to be 20 years of tweaking and I wo t be around to see it .
But my concept is a not a automobiles replacement, rather a single riders choice to fly a light weight commute vehicle. That is a marriage of bicycle and hovercraft. They seperate the hover craft can float for 1 hour. And bicycles have a range of 100 miles on pedalless hydrogen. The bike is oft the shelf tech already in existence.
The concept is the hover craft just hovers.
But bicycles wheels are converted into forward motion by using the bicycle wheels that have fan technology
So when you may longer fly , you park the hover craft, snap off the bike, and ride the rest of the way on a zero pollution bike.

The concept is that the path of flight near cities
One way lanes. Crating a foot path. Covered by a inexpensive tunnel. The flyers and the walkers ,and bikers separated by the tunnel. So that crash landings dont land on people or property .

However the draw is equals the bicycle tech.
Hydrogen powered bicycles have a range of 100 miles at 40mph. I'm just changing the wheels.
The rotar blades are inside the wheels . I stead of spokes. Dropping heavy mechanical parts buy using the human strength for steering. The hover craft is automated. You just set the height , and the hover craft simply hover that high. But the the propeller blades inside the bike wheels steer the direction. Of the hover craft. I imagine it will. E like the getting on the bike backwards and using the free wheel to to steer like the rear fan on a helicopter. For stabilizer

Then the chain wheel will drive the propulsion.
My adhd keeps this like a puzzle in my mind.
And simply cannot wait to get the move over and start building components on the 3d printer.
My vision is it look less like a car and more like a flying life jacket. Molded into the shape of flying saucer hover craft. With tear shape crash capsule. . It always sounds bizzare until I say put the Harley Davidson sticker on it.
Then it's like the coolest thing ever. The flying Harley hover cycle . Runs on hydrogen.

We all pee out enough hydrogen to fly 5 miles a day. No drilling, no treaties, no trade route transportation. It's a game changer.
I imagine using wind and solar to extract the hydrogen From our pee. Is that's needed. It wouldn't be long the flying Harley could go to your markets unmanned . And retrieve your items without the weight of the human. To steer it. And get the weight of human in items .

Add in other transit techs like flying 10 miles to a subway station. Where all the loading and unloading occurs and the. It rides the train. To the take off spot. And returns to your home.

So the hoarding angle will be we would keep our supplies near cities in storage units. And when needed we retrieve objects from the units.
A simple bar code system allows leeks to enter units load and unload the items.

.what this does.
So much money is devoted to road infrastructures.
But hover bikes would need so much less time and mass to maintain. Not to mention . No one can charge you for peeing. It's up to you if you want to extract the hydrogen.

in the air tonight
purple rain
imagine
November rain
symphony of destruction
super Nova
black hole sun
thunderstruck
hell's bells
pink so what
oh no he's got to go Godzilla
heavy metal. by Sammy Hagar
every breath you take
we didn't start the fire
from this moment on
sweet child of mine
with or without you
electric avenue
everything's gonna be alright
everyone wants to rule the world
bohimien rhapsody
stone cold
iron man

today was hot, I got 9hrs at work, and as git home and felt the slightest fall from conciseness my wife invited me to lunch, I know better than to let her eat alone.
everything was fine and we got the call from the property manager , that 430 pm we can sign lease and get keys.
I'm happy but wish it was earlier. however I'm very pleased to move into something that fits my situation so well and is in my price range.

I just love queso and salsa, I brought half home, and fell like a rock into water, woke up in the sun on the couch, it was 87 on the in home thermostat. I took a cool shower put on the playlist , and wife came home with more food from Olive Garden. I've ate like a king.
I've loaded up the electronic drums into my car, and all the speakers and supporting equipment. deflated an air mattress.

have all windows open. and am now just resting . borrowed $300 from my brother and used it to reserve a $19 truck from uhaul. through Sunday at midnight.

I took Wednesday off prior to or move out date make the final exit.

my plan is to get at the low hanging fruit. that helps to clear the moving space , but in organized ways.
and then the biggest objects of each room that can't fit in our vehicles.
then the big TVs. and start with moving the structures into the basement.
by the end of the day Friday I hope to have all beds at the new place and in the air-conditioning.

wife is handling all utilities, property management gave us 30 days to put it all in our names which helps to move out with properties having full power. and yet enough time for deposits to kick back balance payoffs.

I've grown a full beard,
I thought I would be in the freezer dept permanently, but I'm back in my old positions.
my experience was to see everything coming and learn the differences between new and extended staff. adjust accordingly. when they use me elsewhere they lose expediency.
putting two newbies in my old spot and still doesn't match my experience. it's very silly job
basically getting boxes unstuck in an antiquated conveyor system. the maintenance man is scamming the company by not adjusting guard heights , I've reported it until I was blue in the face, and no longer care, because it's my job security . if he did his job , I would be out of a job. if it were not for the company trying screw out us out pay and passing problems back to the staff. I would try harder to fix it myself. but they cut my hours , no way I help them cut them more and make the job more intense for others in my absence.
I used to get 50 hrs a week. now 38.

so as soon as I get settled. into new home, I'm starting the uber career.
but just to cover car expenses.
basically 2 fares before and after work.
and from 12 to 4 am on Friday and Saturday nights.
and no alcohol of any kind during months I'm employed by uber.

forgive the only about me post as this was pre-written in another app.
I thinking you all often. hoping you are all well.

Warning - LONG post - sorry!

Read back through a lot of posts . . .

Tillie, I get a mental picture of the cats protesting your pulling up the catmint - are they hoarders too? LOL! As my clutter club lady says, "They make more." Tell that to the kitties. It might reassure them. 😉

Porter, good for you for letting your rational mind keep your emotions from leading you into a bad choice with the sister-in-law. It's hard being disciplined on top of having so much work to do and stress, but keeping busy and marking your successes as you are doing leads ultimately to peace, I think. We can all learn from previous generations' mistakes as you did, commit to not making them ourselves, and if we do there's hope for humanity.

Joan, I know what you mean about the mental health system. My cousin suffered through so much - and the meds ruined her kidneys. She didn't want to have dialysis and she died two or three years ago in her 50s. I think she just wanted the struggle to be over. She was a brilliant and talented artist before the mental illness hit hard in her teens. But she had some symptoms even as a child that no one knew what to do about that long ago. May she rest in peace. I was thinking of going into a career in the field, but I was dealing with my own stuff and it was kind of triggering being around it, wishing to help people more, feeling like the "system" was broken, praying I never got stuck in it beyond the point of no return. So in the end I decided that career wasn't for me.

SubC - that's great about the people who can use your containers. I totally get what you mean about how when you make a plan and then plan your day around it, and it gets canceled, it can really throw you. I don't deal well with disappointment in general. Also - very wise of your daughter and son-in-law not to get entangled in student loans. I did, and they will haunt me to my grave unless I win the lottery. . . learn from my fail, I tell people.

Oh, and in answer to your question - it's just the storage unit that's getting moved in the immediate future. I rent a room/house share with a friend. I'm on fixed income, Social Security disability, and a slew of vehicle repairs drained the last of my reserves over the last couple of years. So I'm working on building some back. It's really slow, but I'm learning to pinch a penny till it begs for mercy!

Eventually I want to have a place of my own again. I wish it could be a house, but that'd take a miracle with my income and credit rating. Low income housing in my town tends toward the ghetto-scary. There are a few places for seniors, and I just turned 55, so I don't know if that's a possibility at some point. My hesitation with those is they have a lot of rules and I'm not your conventional renter. I have pet rabbits and would like to have a cat or two, for starters. It's going to be tricky finding the right place. But I defer those decisions because I have plenty on my plate.

Dealing with my hoard and clutter is the best thing I can do right now, today, to pave the way for a brighter future. Hoping at some point I'll find the right place, and my hoard will be pared down and I can just move into the new residence and eliminate a storage unit altogether. My roommate's house is not that big and I went from my parents' 3 br with basement house that got foreclosed, to apartments or friends' houses these last few years.

So I feel I need the storage unit even after I get rid of superfluous things, to store family memorabilia and my familiar carefully selected cookware, my books, art equipment, and so on until I set up housekeeping again. I'm not storing furniture; I don't even want much furniture. At first I was stubbornly holding onto my excess smaller things, but I've had a series of spiritual epiphanies that have enabled me to become not only willing, but enthusiastic, about downsizing. I've gotten rid of a lot of "stash" fabric and yarn, and much paper/magazines and knickknacks. I hope to have a place eventually that I have conceived as "Artsy Minimalist" in decor. It will be like an art studio/residence combined. I've started a Pinterest board for it.

Weather has sure slowed me down in getting the storage dealt with these two months. The rainstorms in my immediate area the last few days weren't as bad as predicted, but tonight there's one that they had thought might be severe. It seems to be less intense than predicted, unless something new develops overnight. In any case, I hope for no damage to my van. I'm going to look into some kind of hail protection blanket, since I have no garage and my van's so old, not insured comprehensive, and I have no money to replace a windshield. Tired of getting nervous when they predict hail. So far have been blessed we haven't gotten any, but in Kansas one never bets against the house.

The process of decluttering since my last post has certainly had its ups and downs for many reasons. I got a few new boxes (these are cardboard but smaller than the cardboard boxes I've been working on eliminating. These will just fit down inside plastic tubs. So I don't consider that reneging on my commitment to eliminate crummy old cardboard boxes full of papers and junk.

At the unit, I pulled out the biggest old box of ceramic bunnies, and three smaller boxes, sat down and went to work sorting. Also discovered a collection of frogs I'd forgotten about. Those had been pared down once, so not much to do but repack them in a small box marked "Frogs." The bunnies I started separating to donate a few more of for my bunny club's door prizes. And other items I found, old toys and such, I set aside for my church's garage sale in June.

I packed two of the smaller cardboard boxes and taped them up. What was left was very tiny bunnies that I wanted to wrap in tissue but I was out of tissue. By then it was getting late, and I needed to get home. So I decided I'd lay these bunnies carefully in a flat box to bring home and wrap at my leisure during the predicted rainstorm days.

That's when it began to fall apart. I'd been out there with minimal food and hydration. I try to see to these needs, but I guess I need to start taking a cooler with extra water and snacks. So I was getting irritable. Then a gust of wind knocked a lid onto the mini bunnies before I could pack them, breaking one. 🙁 And then, I discovered two things - another fairly substantial sized box marked "Ceramic Bunnies," and through the side of a clear plastic tub, a bunch of fragile items including a couple of . . . you guessed it - ceramic bunny planters. And some memory stuff from my parents, several of those being fragile pieces.

The plastic tub in question was one that the social worker and I had done initially, a couple of months ago, when she was putting me onto the concept of getting rid of cardboard boxes and when I thought the moving from one storage unit to a closer one was going to be able to happen this spring. Now I'm not so sure if it will - I'll explain in another post.

Anyway, OCD person that I am, I decided that these ceramic bunnies too are going to be accounted for and packed in boxes before the move to another unit. This is because as I've said before, I don't want to be all jittery when there are helpers, and I don't want any helpers feeling guilty (or worse yet, having me get upset with them) if something does get broken. And in the process I can find a few more I don't want to keep.

So all of a sudden I had a bazillion new mental processes going on: I'll need more boxes, don't worry about the broken bunny it can be glued, better get these strewn out ones packed, I can separate the church donations from the other donations at home, and more. So I tossed my bag of trash and shut the unit, got in my van and off I went.

It was a warm day, I was hot, grubby, and irritable. I don't like to buy fast food and drinks if I feel I can make it home and not have to spend those pennies I'm pinching. But that drive was tiring and I got angry when I saw people not pulling over for an ambulance, and I was pretty frayed by the time I pulled onto our street.

And then it happened that I got home right at the same time as my roommate with all these things on my mind, and I confess I was pretty grumpy when she was trying to tell me about her day because I felt like my mind was trying to grasp everything and thoughts were slipping away, with the low blood sugar, dehydration, ADD, and just too much to do at once. And then I went out to the van to assess what to bring in, and discovered I had brought a freakin' SPIDER home with me! It proceeded to retreat in among the stuff in the van; I never could get close to kill it. I pray it stays hidden until it dies . . .

Finished up that day spreading a number of the items out on the lawn, and sitting in a chair with my boxes completing the sorting as the sun went down. Didn't care if the neighbors thought I was nuts. Still wanted to do more, but had to quit when the light was fading - and I was so tired I could barely move anyway, and I just HAD to eat and rehydrate.

That was Monday. Tuesday and yesterday I was busy with other things. Today was the first calmer day with no set agenda, and I sure have felt a lot better. Finally a chance to regroup - I still haven't done all the sorting, but I'm not as driven. Too tired to be driven! I took a nap this afternoon. It was lovely. Tomorrow maybe I can finish the sorting. There's more rain predicted. But if I time it right I can get the stuff indoors.

Like I said, ups and downs.