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Hoarding Help Message Boards : The Daily Chat : What Are You Doing Today - Phase 16
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What Are You Doing Today - Phase 16
   

Subclinical
Posted: 11 December 2021 - 08:16 PM
Lila, you are working really hard and making great progress! On the ornaments - some things make us happy/sad because they bring back good memories, but we miss them. Other things just make us sad. If you have any ornaments that just make you sad - I would like to encourage you to get rid of them. It will probably be very hard at first, but then you won't see them again and they will take their sad with them.

Tatoulia, how is your desk?

I confess that all of my clean laundry is not put away. Also I need to wash dirty laundry.

However, all of the dishes from today are either washed and put away or rinsed and in the dishwasher - which is not full.

I cleared off 18 linear inches of my counter. Some things I moved further down the counter, but I also took care of some things that were on the part I wasn't cleaning yet. I put more in the recycling and I filled another plastic grocery bag with trash.

Putting things in the trash is hard for me. I had a conversation with myself that went like this: "is your life under control?" "No." "Then you are going to have to accept that there is going to be waste. One grocery bag of trash a day is not a terrible price to pay for getting your life in order. Focus on the front end (incoming items) and keep making progress. Also, Tatoulia didn't buy wrapping paper."

Besides the counter, I found a paper bag full of items in my studio to return to school and never bring home again, and I cleared off a metal cart that is just too beat up and bent and added it to Dh scrap recycling pile. I also cleaned out a few file folders (paper ebbs and flows - I can never tell if I'm making progress)

I swept the stairs (they were dreadful!), dusted the banister, and put up the red bow, icicle lights, and banister sliding snowman I decorate them with. (Those will stay up into Feb.)

All I brought in today was the mail, which did include a few seed catalogs I am saving.
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Road
Posted: 11 December 2021 - 07:56 PM
Hi gang

Lila, big hugs and prayers coming your way.

We were back in frenzied prep mode again getting ready for a houseguest. I am not totally sure how it needed so much work again so soon after Thanksgiving, but it did. The H did the kitchen and I did the downstairs bath. He did some Christmas decorating outside and I finally got around to lighting the tree and doing the ornaments. The bottom foot of the tree is still dark but I'll try to finish that up tomorrow. We've got the clean guest linens, etc. and groceries. In general it ent well. The guest is still in transit. No clue when she will get here. Kind of annoying but I was happy to have more time to get ready. She has an early flight tomorrow to Hawaii so
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Tatoulia
Posted: 11 December 2021 - 05:52 PM
Oh dear Lila, im so sorry about your emotional state. Going through the ornaments and the memories certainly makes sense. I have trouble doing the hard emotional work. I'm proud of you. This process is emotional and physical and intellectual and lots of other things. Passage of time is hard. I never mention my father but I miss him. I just miss him.

I finally left the house around 4 pm. It is warm and very humid. No longer raining. Some wind but certainly not what Lila and SubC are facing. I got over to mom's and we looked though her jewelry box together. It was really nice to do that. I did some grocery shopping. I figure I'll make pizza for lunch tomorrow with Emiko.

Im doing laundry right now, my soothing activity. Thank goodness I learned from here that you haven't done laundry til it's folded and put away. I used to have the mixture of clean and dirty in my bed, chair, etc. now there is no such thing. I have a hamper for dirty clothes and clean clothes are put away.

I've started another bag for goodwill.

Kitty is asleep next to me and I feel like a new person while showering.

When I was coming in from mom's tonight, I thought not about how lucky I am to be able to invite people over, but more about the fairly long period where I couldn't invite people in. I am trying to figure out how many years that was. Ten? Seven? I used to be able to invite people over on a moment's notice. And. Now I can again, so that's good.

My goal is to clean off my desk tonight.
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Lila
Posted: 11 December 2021 - 05:39 PM
hi friends.

I am really struggling today emotionally. I think I need to sit down with my planner and block out time to just be home and do home things. I am starting to feel burned out.

I went through ornament box #2, found one more to send to my son, hung a couple and put the box in the back room. I put garland and some plastic cute things on the mantle for grandd to play with. Oh.... it just dawned on me why I am so emotional. The ornaments. I always got kids a special ornament each year, plus a family one to signify some special thing that year. Plus the pets each got one. I just handled over 30 years worth of ornaments. That is a HUGE amount of memories... good, bad, and bittersweet. Each child's first Christmas... the ones from my first marriage, the ones of pets who have passed on. LOT of emotions and I think that is why I feel like crying. I know for most people the ornaments bring happiness. That was the goal. But I'm so lonely. I don't have anyone sharing the memories.

Anyway. I got burned out on xmas. So I went into my bedroom and decided to clean off the wide dresser which has been a disaster area for 5+ years. Loaded with dust, all kinds of jewelry strewn around, some rocks, piles of albums and 2 jewelry boxes. omg the dust. I took a box of Swiffer dry refills and got most of the thick layer off. Then I opened a window and got the canned air, and blew dust off several things including all my college and high school graduation tassels and put them in a drawer. Wiped and blew off a ton of jewelry and put it away. Found several items to put in the donation box. Wiped off the super dusty albums - but they really need to be taken outside and air blown. I did not use any polish or cloth on the dresser yet, but it is a lot, a lot better than it was.

Now I am an emotional wreck but also feel like I just want to throw everything away. I need to just sit down and decompress and work on my planner. I find that soothing.
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Lila
Posted: 11 December 2021 - 02:36 PM
Thanks SubC, it is really bad out there with semi trucks blowing over on their sides. I don't want to go out but will see what son says he is doing.

Tatoulia, how nice to reconnect with an old friend! I hope it goes well.

I got the nativity set up with white garland around the edges and told everyone not to let the dog even sniff it! If he does pull it off, it is not around the pieces so nothing can get pulled off and broken.

I got a dozen or so ornaments on the tree so far. I sorted one box of ornaments and found 3 to send to my son. I have a second box to sort as well. I will write a little note explaining what year they are from and why they are special. It is hard to let them go but I did keep several others that he made when he was little.

I finished dusting the blind. Moved a few tins and a box of Christmas stuff to the other room. Helped kid make lunch.

Oh and I searched with a flashlight but couldn't find the tree plug but my son found it. so the tree is plugged back in.

Resting and then will do a bit more.

Oh, I also sorted a little pile of receipts and papers from my purse that I had tossed in my room. I threw out most of that. Preventative work!
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Subclinical
Posted: 11 December 2021 - 01:33 PM
Hi all. Power was out here again for three hours - so no pottery and Bean didn't come. I started on my counter, worked on my class proposals for next year, and put up my grandmother's nativity set. The little cowsheep says hello.

Also, I took a nap.

Now power is back on, but they say we might lose it again, so I need to get busy.

Stay safe Lila, we are far apart, but high winds are a concern anywhere.
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Tatoulia
Posted: 11 December 2021 - 01:14 PM
I woke up at 12 noon. Rainy but warm here. I was worried about all of you, knowing that you are in different areas of the country.

I will have to figure out my day. It is now nearly 2:15. I had planned to bring mom lunch today. I'll make my bagel and decide what to do. I did work an hour last night from 11 to 12 then fooled around on iPad til 3.

I need to motivate. A long lost friend texted me today to show me that he'd put up the mini tree I gave him 23 years ago. He'll come for dinner Wednesday. He said he is making sauce and I told him I'll have pasta and bread for us. Pretty easy night.
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Lila
Posted: 11 December 2021 - 12:14 PM
I don't feel like doing anything!! I am drinking coffee and coming here to make my promises about goals. It helps.

I did online shop for things my dog needs. He got wrapped in the Christmas tree light wires this morning while I was asleep and my son let him out of his pen. SO frustrating but he meant well (the son, not the dog!). Now I can't find the end of the cord to plug it in. I need to get a flashlight and figure it out.

After that, my goals for today are:
- Finish dusting that blind that broke while I was dusting it before
- Set up the nativity that I got out the other day. I want to put white garland around it but will the dog ruin it?? ugh. Will decide.
- Put away the final few things on the end tables

Next steps, hopefully today:
- Go through the Xmas boxes and bins that are sitting in the dining room. Pick some out to donate and pick some to send to my son. Put out a few decorations and put all the boxes/bins in the computer room until after Xmas when I put it back away.
- Clean off the $#%^@^ kitchen table and then #$@%^ bar counter again, omg!!! When will it end??

I will ask son to vacuum. I might do a little in the kitchen (dishes etc) and my bedroom (move things around, vacuum).

What are you all doing today?
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Lila
Posted: 11 December 2021 - 12:08 PM
Road, you have done so well separating into piles/baskets to sort! That was advice I was given here months ago, and it helped a lot. Doing one pile of like items at a time is a lot less stressful and chaotic to me. Does your husband have hs own room from yours? Mine does. He has his own room he spends most of his time in downstairs. He never comes in my room. His has not been cleaned in about 5 years so there is thick dust on all the piles and you cannot see the floor at all. I went in and cleaned it 5 years ago, and maybe 2 years before that, but then I said I can't do this. So now I only touch his stuff if it "leaks" out of his room into the family room. It is hard dealing with other people's stuff I think... but it is great if he is letting you do it! I always had to wait til he was out of town.

Tatoulia, I have no presents yet but you are motivating me to get going on that!!

SubC, it is very windy here too. Although I think I am very far away from you (Pacific NW).
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Subclinical
Posted: 11 December 2021 - 06:05 AM
Good morning.

It is very windy here. We're getting the edge of the storm that hit Kentucky. I expect fresh trees down in the woods. We lost power earlier, but I had already made the coffee.

Lila,
Good job on your tree lights!

Your house will get less dusty as it gets less full. I'm sorry about your friend, but glad tgat itbusn't personal.

Road, you are making good progress on the medical. I'm glad you have your brother nearby too. It's nice to have someone who can appreciate the steps we take along the way. I have no one who could even notice my empty sink in the middle of the messy scullery. But I have you guys.

Tatoulia,
I can only imagine the day when I could just casually think about having someone over to recover chairs. I am grateful that you are still holding up the light at the end of the tunnel to guide us.

I got my first teacher present yesterday. It is a scented candle with a sparkly glitter Christmas ornament attached. I will write the child a thank you note and keep the fabric ribbon. Unless I figure out a way to pass on the whole gift (the ribbon keeps it together).

The kids are borrowing our truck this afternoon and leaving Bean here as collateral. I need to do some work in my home pottery studio this morning, and I have lesson planning to do sometime this weekend. The deadline for next year's class proposals is Tuesday. Whenever Dh gets up I'm going to do a little vacuuming and start the laundry. And today's goal is to find one linear foot of counter.

Road - laundry!
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Tatoulia
Posted: 11 December 2021 - 12:14 AM
Hello everyone! Wow! You are amazing! Great progress!

I have started wrapping some gifts. SubC they look really cute with the white tissue paper! I'm very happy.

My friend ?Emiko' came for dinner last night. We had quiche and fruit. She took some Christmas decorations home for her house (her parents were Buddhists). She coming back on Sunday and we will make my BF's gingerbread house together. She's going to write his business name in Japanese above the door. Also, the fabric for my dining chairs had arrived and maybe we will have time to recover the seats. I decided I wanted to upgrade from the fabric my artist friend had chosen. I'll need help on this because it's a stripe and I'm not very precise. So we shall see if she has time to do on Sunday or if we should pick a night where I can make her dinner. I would like to concentrate on the gingerbread house.

SubC great work on the scullery! Lila, I'm glad yo have your son to help you! And yay for the Christmas tree!

Lila, I'm sorry about your friend. She's clearly going through something and taking it out on you. You've done your part.

Okay off to bed. Bf and I stole a few hours tonight and went downtown. I hope it rains tonight. The salt pellets I put on the stairs with our dusting of snow are very slippery. The stairs are treacherous.

My goal tmr is to spend time with mom.
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Road
Posted: 10 December 2021 - 11:05 PM
Thanks, SubC,
Yeah, I am so lucky my friend is willing and able to help. I got through the part of the process that was easy, then called her and she patiently walked me through the rest of it. Then after another hour or two I was able to make the first couple steps after that. Will have to pick it up again tomorrow or Monday. Not happy we now have another delay getting these images, but this will be a more complete picture and she validated my reasoning for going with the anesthesia. Her son has had to get some MRI s and she knows my son well and what he can and cannot toleratE so her perspective was Appreciated. My other close friend is someone I need to remember to turn to in cases like this also. She's got a PhD in psych and also has a so w Down syndrome and knows my son well and is also pretty knowledgeable about neurology issues. No reason I haven't leaned on her other than just not thinking that clearly, she would have been very helpful I'm sure. Very lucky to have good friends. Pandemic threw me into a much more isolated situation like most people but I'm trying to consciously push myself to get back to my former self...

Was able to get more stuff out of the H's room and bit by bit work my way out of the newly created post clean up mess. So my paperwork Is still mixed up but is consolidated in one place again, I have the basket of garbage to go through, a basket of new dirty clothes, a pile of clean linens, a pile of clean folded shorts, pajama pants and jeans, tee shirts are folded in the drawer, as are undies and bras. More socks sorted and put away. And now I'm down to 1-2 cubic feet of clean laundry pile on the bed. Nothing under the bed, nothing in the floor in the closet or walk way except maybe 1 cubic foot of stuff from cleaning out under the bed. So that's not too bad actually. The only thing left in the Hs room is a stack of three wire baskets.

So I'm feeling pretty good that I worked my way through all that and the set back was only temporary as you say. Previously it would have probably just overwhelmed me and never gotten dealt with.

Yeah, my brother and I are defn, encouraging each other. I think the main thing is just accountability. It motivates me to share what I'm doing. Probably neither of us is looking for the other one to nag. I know it's helping him too because he's making progress and wants to share his progress with me, so it's all good.

Glad you got in a visit with the Bean. He sounds like such a sweetie. Sounds interesting about the party invitation. Even though the world is still upside down to some degree, it is nice when we can turn a corner and catch hold of a chance to enjoy Some normal life like a party... Nothing,Ike that seems natural anymore. We have to try to lean into the "good stuff" when it comes by.

Omg I just read what you wrote about the scullery!!! That's amazing! Way to go! I'm with you on the giving permission to toss the really challenging stuff. That can help you get through those walls for sure. Also great that you did the follow through of getting it gone. That's amazing and I'm sure you feel great about it.
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Lila
Posted: 10 December 2021 - 09:18 PM
Evening update:

My son and I did get the lights on the Christmas tree. It looks nice! Has a star on top. I was going to put the tree skirt on, but the dog would probably drag it around so I left it off for now. Son vacuumed up pine needles and that dusty corner. I wiped the one dusty side of the cabinet and then I tried to vacuum the dusty blinds, but it sucked the blinds down out of that bar across the top and my son had to fix it so it is only half dusted. I guess I will use a dust cloth and gently finish it.

I also got out the nativity pieces and put them on the cabinet. They are not set up yet, but they're out.

I ran errands too. And watched a movie with my kid. I am going to try and do a few productive things online tonight, but tired so done with any cleaning etc.
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Lila
Posted: 10 December 2021 - 02:45 PM
SubC, what a good strategy! You did great with that. I will try your method on other things. Also, what is it with our lost counters?? ugh.

Road you are doing amazing too.

I am so glad we can all encourage each other and share our progress.

So - I called a mutual friend of the angry friend and he told me she has neurological issues and maybe dementia starting and is generally angry. And yes angry at me in particular but for no clear reason. I told him I had bought her a Christmas present but am hesitant to call or go over. I said I would just run over there and quietly put it on her front porch by the door and leave without being noticed. I honestly just wanted that present gone from my table... it was making me sad. He said when I had left it to text him and he would call her and mention "I think someone left something on your porch" so it isn't left out there all night. So that is done, and I am moving on. I did the best I could.

I went and got myself a matcha latte on the way home, tried to pick up a prescription that wasn't ready. Now am home thinking about what, if anything, to work on. I am very unmotivated at the moment but maybe I can make one goal. Coming here really helps me with that.

Goal for the day: get the lights on the Christmas tree.

Maybe I will feel better once I do that and start putting other decorations out. Frankly I think my pets will mess up anything I do (young new dog and 1 yr kitten) so am not putting out too much this year.

I also noticed when I loved furniture for the tree that one corner of the room is supremely dusty. I missed one edge of a cabinet and did not vacuum that corner, and when I put the blind down on that window it was very dusty. I will try to do that as well.

Yes... living room is so, so much better. I can hardly believe I got it done! Of course now it needs dusted again to keep on top of it.
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Subclinical
Posted: 10 December 2021 - 05:36 AM
I just realized I got distracted and forgot to tell you guys about my dehoarding progress yesterday - lol!

I emptied the scullery sink. I planted my feet in front of it with the trash can and recycling bag next to me on one side, and the open dishwasher and a drying space on the other and I told myself "your feet do not move from this spot until every single thing in this sink is in one of those four destinations." I gave myself permission to throw away anything that was just too gross or too much effort. And I did it! I ended up with one full plastic grocery bag of trash and one 2/3 full paper grocery bag of recycling, and dishes in the dishwasher or air drying. When I left for school I started the dishwasher and took the recycling and trash and disposed of them.

This weekend I plan to try to reclaim some of my counter. I have lost it again.
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Subclinical
Posted: 10 December 2021 - 05:13 AM
Good morning!

Lila, you have done sooo much! Your living room project was amazing! Periods of growth are often followed by periods of rest. That is ok and healthy. Remember what the room looked like a month ago? You would not even have thought about dusting the ceiling fan.

Truly, you inspire me. I am sorry about your friend.

Road, all that medical stuff sounds overwhelming! I am still trying to find the time and energy for a walk in flu shot. I'm glad you have your friend to help.

I am also glad you share your journal with us. :)

Sorry about the scoop and dump for your Dh, but it is only a small set back. I think I would try to put the clean clothes away first. And hey - the garbage is now in a basket, so you can carry it to another room. Maybe hang out with your son while you sort some of it?

Nice that your brother is making progress too. Are you encouraging each other?

I had a pretty good day at school yesterday and a nice short visit with Bean between teaching and studenting. Dd got home from work and called him and said "look, mommy brought you a present!" She had four different business cards she got at work with pictures of heavy equipment on them. He was so excited - he yelled "truck! Truck!" And brought them to show me and his Daddy.

His purchased present from me arrived in the mail yesterday, so that is done. I have a cat sippy cup, two toys (one used), two books, and some hand me down teaching materials (laminated animal pictures) to give him. I might pull a hat out of the dress ups because he's really into hats right now, but probably I will just put three or four out on Monday this week.

I learned some new things in my class (by which I mean things didn't turn out the way I wanted, but oh well, I did learn from it.) I brought home 7 more pieces of "finished" pottery but some are slated for rework or departure. I am hoping to get my act together for the spring sale.

I got an invitation to a party at the pottery studio last night. I want to go and it is after my classes end in December, so I will. It will either be while Dh is gone or right after he gets back. (He will be home before Christmas and the visits from the kids, he will just be gone for a long weekend at the start of my break). I don't mind the time alone (kind of look forward to it) I just feel badly about him going alone.

The party invitation was interesting, because I opened it and My reaction was "oh, I want to go to that, when is it? Oh good, I can." It is the first simple, uncomplicated positive response I have had to an event in almost two years. (Well, not counting when dd called and said "we're bringing the baby home, you can come over.")

Ok, I should work on making it through today - lots to do. (Oh, the school kiln seems to be ok and I will be loading a real firing tonight!)
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Road
Posted: 10 December 2021 - 01:19 AM
Greetings,

Tatoulia, good tip on the linens inventory. Right now that storage area is in the master so I tend not to think about it til seasons change and we need to trade up blankets and stuff... also why I want to store stuff for my bed in here. I shudder to think what the state of my bed linens were in when my room was totally out of control. I think I probably kept putting clean sheets on the section of the bed that was still accessible... but oh yeah, better not to think too much about that. But ironically, even though I lived like that, I still Think I have a higher standard of cleanliness than the H. Delusional perhaps... probably... anyway, 2 or 3 sets seems right. A blanket and a comforter per bed... what the heck is filling up that storage space? It must be 5x4x4! Luggage, pillows, blankets, sheets, ??? A future project for sure. I have actually cleaned that out several times in the last 20 years, but not for a few.

Towel wise, we are in a good place. Maybe 10 bath towels for the three of us, tons of wash cloths but we go through a lot for my son. We could actually use more hand towels... the surplus is probably old pillows, comforters, blankets and sheets that never got thrown away...

Thanks for considering my son's feelings. I think I was thinking more of them not being able to get good results but you're right, he really would be fearful of that whole situation and the whole sensory nightmare of the moving table and loud noises and whatever goes on visually. Yee gads. Unfortunately, I managed to blow off Rescheduling the MRI until kind of late in the day. Then when I finally go through *45 minutes later* she informed me that since it involves anesthesia now she's not even the right department. And of course that department is now closed. Other potential land mines involve a discrepancy between orders - the original For brain (which has now been superseded) called for with and without contrast. The updated one which includes cervical spine and brain Only calls for contrast which I think is an oversight. Also it Can't be scheduled without the neurosurgeons office correcting that first if it does in face need to be corrected... then there's the issue of getting a medical release from the doctor who ordered the referrals that got all thus started to begin with... and I haven't even gotten to insurance preauthorizations Or The possibility of tacking on lab work while under anesthesia yet. I am hoping my BF is available tomorrow to sort all this out for me or At least hold my hand or something,,,

Tatoulia, I love hearing about your house cleaning. You can tell you've been through a long process and have found the sweet spot for what really clicks. It gives me hope!

SubC, yes! The trash. So glad that part is almost done. Tonight the H called in a terrible mood and I must say I rushed right out to the hall and scooped up the remaining garbage that still has to be sorted and dumped it all in a laundry basket, I hated doing that but had to be done, then I ran in his room and grabbed up the clothes that were still in there and had to dump half of them on my floor and the other half on my bed, then I moved the pile of paperwork that was on his chair to my bed. Earlier in the day I was so sure I'd get all these clothes put away but in the end it was a huge disaster, now I have a basket of clean clothes, a basket of garbage to be sorted through, 2 loads of clean clothes on the floor (which has me twitchy) and important paperwork covering a chair and falling off the printer. Ack so frustrating... but I managed to avoid a fight with him. Then I went down and made dinner. I am not sure how this humph dumpty gets put back together tomorrow but I need to find a way. There's just too much stuff. Bbblllluuuugh.

I apologize again for these long winded posts, I said I was going to start journaling again which is really what this is but I haven't started doing that yet,

Good points... I did at least start tHe process of rescheduling the appointment, and I started the process of getting him registered for winter/spring Rec activities. A few days late but I am still finding things available. Hasn't done much of anything since pre pandemic... one of the things I was trying to fix is getting him more to do socially/recreationally and this checks that box. Also visited my brother after school and he wanted to show us his bathroom after he cleaned it. He's vacuumed his rug and organized a lot of the boxes and antiques he got from my parents and basically shoveled a lot of the worst of the mess into the garbage. He doesn't have a hoarding situation but has an extreme cleaning situation. Honestly, it was so much better in there than a few months ago I was pretty happpy about it. It it smelled so bad I couldn't believe it...and I started having a asthma attack and didn't have an inhaler or anything,,, and we had to go. Still, what a great development.

Lila, Thanks for your encouragement. You inspired me to kick it into gear,

As for your thoughtful gift and confounding Hangup - I am really sorry. It must be so confusing, I hope you are able to get to the bottom of it and can get it resolved with your friend. I have seen my sister do something similar to people before and sometimes there's just no good answer and you have to just accept that something is going on with them that's beyond your relationship.

Well, I better close,

Hope tomorrow is a better day for everyone who had a tough day today. Xoxo
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Lila
Posted: 09 December 2021 - 11:59 PM
one tired Lila here... just checking in tonight before bed.

Road, wow, you inspire me. You are doing great! It feels so hard but isnt it so nice when something gets done?? Celebrate.

you guys - I will talk more tomorrow. But I am sad because I have gotten so little done, someone in my life disappointed me, someone else died (I was not close to her but still). And someone I used to be friends with, I tried to reconnect and got her a xmas present and called to ask if I could drop it by and I didn't even get a sentence out before she said bye and hung up. I don't know why she suddenly hates me. And now I have this nicely packaged gift that I spend hours agonizing over to get her something really meaningful, and it's sitting on my kitchen table. I would have just left it but it would have frozen overnight. I think I will go leave it on her porch in the morning and just text her "I left a package on your porch" and then just let it die. But it's sad.

What I did since my last post:
got the tree straightened (tonight)
cleaned off the ceiling fan (MEGA dust, omg)

That's it. Tomorrow is my 'day off' so I hope to get things done around the house like decorating. I have bought no xmas presents yet,
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Tatoulia
Posted: 09 December 2021 - 09:33 PM
You are not a bad person.

SubC you need to take time for yourself. You are carrying a heavy load of emotions. Your husband is, too. You are each setting up some problematic situations. Make peace. Spend the holidays differently this year. Make peace with your choice and his choice. You have too much going on, as does he, for you two to be arguing. Spending the holidays apart sounds awful but seriously, you both need something different out of the holidays this year. Hug each other and accept it. You'll both be fine and stronger for it.

Sending you both peace and calm. You are a team.
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Subclinical
Posted: 09 December 2021 - 05:17 AM
Good morning.

Tatoulia, yay for the wrapping with what you have!

Road - check the laundry. Good job on the trash!
mineral spirits?

No, we are not having fun. Yesterday one of my students from an anti-vax family and two of her best friends were missing from my class. Dh brother and sil have covid. Dh is trying to plan a last minute trip to visit his family and got mad at me because I asked how long they have been sick. His response "(bro) feels fine. He ran yesterday. I'm sure they got vaccinated."

Our parents live an hour and a half apart. He started out by trying to suggest ways we could visit both sets, but I won't go. I want very much to see my parents, but not badly enough to visit his as part of the cost. I don't know if that makes me a bad person, but I just can't. I am tired. I need a vacation. I only have two weeks and I will need to do some work for school during that time. Time with his parents is the opposite of a vacation.

I forgot to put the chain on the buck pen one night this week and the bucks got loose and rampaged through the barn, including all the things he piled in there from the garage. They knocked things over and climbed on them and chewed on them and pooped on them and right now I don't even want to go in my barn. If I had to let the farm sitter see that, I would cry. I don't have time to clean it up before he plans to go.

So I think he is going alone. That is kind of a big deal for us.

Gotta go - too much to do.
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Tatoulia
Posted: 08 December 2021 - 09:14 PM
Wow! Thanks for the updates, ladies.

SubC, I'm glad the kiln is being fixed. I hope it is working again. Lila, I'm sorry about the UTI. So uncomfortable! You are doing so well! I am living vicariously though you!

Road, my heart melted when your son patted you on the head. Like Lila, you are doing a great job. I cannot believe how much stuff you've gotten through. A suggestion: take a look at how many towels and sheets you have. Probably two sets per bed is enough? I don't know if everyone has the same size bed or not. But think about cutting down in the number of sheets. Right now I have three sets of sheets which I know is too much. I really only need two. I have four bath towels and probably six hand towels for the bathroom. But let's not discuss the number of tea towels I have. Any way, you mentioned your linens and I just wanted to through out the idea of taking a look at what you have and what you need. But only think about it if it's helpful.

I do think that having your son anesthetized will be best. I haven't had an MRI but I do worry about your son's comfort. I don't want him to be afraid.

I started wrapping gifts tonight. I just need to plow through it. SubC, I had no wrapping paper left. So I'm using the burlap bags and the white tissue paper. I also have a spool of red and white cotton string, so that is looking pretty cute.

I'm working from home again tomorrow. We have a big department meeting and Id rather be here. The VPs will be in the office and I don't want to be sitting at my desk with my headphones on. Especially becomes sometimes there are interactive break out groups.

My house was cleaned today, as was mom's. So that's some nice news. I will have to take a look at how often I can afford this. I do know that I am not willing to go back to every other week for me. I love every week. My life is easy and clean.

SubC be good to yourself.
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Road
Posted: 08 December 2021 - 08:14 PM
Hey people,

SubC, everyone needs to reset once in awhile... and I think things are really hard for teachers with all that's been going on. Will you guys get two weeks off at Christmas? I hope you can figure out what's "enough" for the next couple weeks and won't feel crunched. That's not a good feeling.

Speaking of teaching pitfalls, The H just told me in the car today two kids on his b-ball team tested positive for COVID. It sounded like he was fretting they'd be out and not processing that he'd have been exposed. I asked him to mask up - we all masked up and rolled down the windows, etc. then I dropped him off to pick up his car and asked him to get tested on the way home. He picked up a quick test and it was negative. Asked him to figure out when he would have been exposed and he's like "I'm exposed all day every day!" And that's what he's feeling - just this constant state of exposure. Now we are really not that vulnerable anymore because we did get boosters, but my sister, my niece and her boyfriend all got it at the end of October and got pretty sick and they were all vaccinated (but not boostered yet)... well, anyway, the COVID saga continues. He did figure out that he hasn't seen them for 5 days so I think he's in the clear. The protocol says if you're vaxxed And get exposed to get tested after 5 days I think. And you don't have to Quarantine, just wear masks indoors. Well, that didn't work for my sister! Anyway, sounds like if you're freshly boosted you're in good shape. I hope. Are we having fun yet?

SO! Update on clearing... started putting away clean laundry, And general situating the new bedroom layout. my son tapped into the basement door which I forgot to lock and probably tore a bunch of stuff up down there *mineral spirits placeholder* BUT thoughtfully got all my stuff from the dryer and brought it all the way upstairs for me. He set it down by my bed then patted me on the head. What a charmer. So sweet I can hardly stand it. Then tonight just now I bagged up a very densely packed kitchen bag of trash. I'd say I got through half the pile on the landing... pulled out all the paperwork, socks and hair scrunches and pens and phone chargers, etc. etc. maybe half a cubic foot of that stuff and 2 or 3 cubic feet of trash so far. As I said, this will be the end of the nightmare in my bedroom so to speak. There will still be some dusty/dirty jobs cleaning but nothing else as bad as this so I'm really happy it's almost over. I have to figure out a little more clothing storage in here because I just have room for undies, socks and tee shirts in my dresser. It's a really pretty antique Birdseye maple high boy I guess? I can't remember. But it's kind of small scale. I have a top drawer of jewelry and odds and ends, and the biggest section stores baby keepsakes and stuff like that. Also I am a largish person so my clothes take up more room. Anyway, I need shelves for shirts, shorts, pants, and pajamas I guess. I'd like to have a designated space for sheets and blankets in here also. Right now we have them in this huge cabinet under the eaves and it's kind of like a bottomless pit... It's impossible to get to anything without injuring yourself. Fixing up the closet (repairing plaster, wallpapering, and new shelves or whatever) is on the agenda. In the meantime I may use bins on chairs or something. Old house so the closet is small - maybe 3x 4' with slanted ceiling... I think if I get shelves in the closet that should be enough space. I don't have any attachment to clothing. So I can sort through and have a reasonable amount. I just have trouble with the maintenance aspect of it... I think I have learned enough now that I should be able to keep it under control now. Other categories are another story. Lol.

Tomorrow goal will be to get clothes out of the H's room, and clear all the garbage from the landing. And check the laundry!

Lastly, omg this is a tome. Took my son to the neurosurgeon today. No major concerns, they did indeed think it was a "monitoring" situation. We will now get MRI of head *and neck*. We had a discussion about the general anesthesia vs. sedation and he agreed he probably wouldn't be able to comply and would probably not get good results so we are going to go ahead with that but I may need to reschedule now. That's ok. Afterwards my son said he wanted to go to chilis so we did. I waited til he was fully engaged with his lunch and told him I was going to go to the bathroom. He had his iPhone in his pocket, his locator/tracker on his shoe, and the restaurant was filled with middle aged ladies having girls day lunches, so I ran to the bathroom, Looking back at him a couple times. Once I hit the restroom I started counting... 75 seconds and I had peed and washed up and I was back in eyeshot of him. It's so hard to have a bladder problem and know I can never leave him alone to go to the bathroom. So I was pretty happy he could do that.

Alright, I surrender! Enough enough enough of me. Haha.

Hope everyone is doing well tonight.


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Subclinical
Posted: 08 December 2021 - 05:35 AM
Good morning!

Hi Lila!

Sorry to hear that you have been sick. :( It sounds like you have a good plan to reduce the decorations. I agree that cleaning off the surfaces is never ending. If only people would just stop bringing things into the house..

Road, I'm sorry you are feeling criticized and unsupported. You cleared half a bag of trash! Good job!

Keep picking at it - even if it is only a little a day, and it will be gone soon. And don't forget the laundry!

The electrician came yesterday and my kiln is mostly fixed at school. It is on a long cycle to be sure it is dried completely, and hopefully I can get it fired for the kids this weekend, so that pressure is off at least.

I am not feeling like a very good teacher these days. I am just trying to get through these two weeks before break. I actually found myself giving myself a "pep talk" that went "well, you're still better than a sub, and the longest anybody has with you between now and break is seven hours. Some of that time will be good." Ug.

I dropped the recycling and a bag of trash (mostly diapers) yesterday. And I am mostly keeping up with the dishes.
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Road
Posted: 07 December 2021 - 09:49 PM
Lila, thanks so much for sharing your experience and suggestion about the distractions... I did talk to the technician a bit and shared my concerns but he didn't mention anything like that. I honestly don't see how he will do it but we will give it a shot.

I had a slower day today than yesterday. I was tired and in a lot of pain from the activity and the cold snap we had here. Talked to my brother quite a while then we visited him after school. I got the rest of the laundry down to the basement and did a load and started another. *** famous last words *** bagged up half a bag of garbage and consolidated the rest into one pile. It's slow going because I have to go through every scrap looking for things that might have gotten mixed in. Hopefully this is the last free form garbage pile I will have to sift through. All the rest of my stuff is in bins. I hope. I think. Got the stuff in the H's room down to a chair of clean clothes and 3 wire baskets with his unsorted socks on top. His contribution today was to come up stairs and say "oh gosh, that pile of garbage is still there?" I never expect him to be my cheerleader but ... to be fair he had a very long day. Left house at 7, taught all day, coached a game where they lost, then went to his PT. I did have food on the table for him and. Picked up the kitchen, fed the dogs, medicated the child, all the. Usual stuff. You know how you can be on your feet for two hours just walking around picking stuff up and cooking dinner, and letting the dogs in and letting the dogs out, etc. and it's like you didn't do anything. Sheesh.

Well, anyway... I guess what I m thinking right now is he can go suck a big ole rotten egg. That's the rated G version.

Glad to hear everyone's updates... you guys are literally THE BEST. SO THERE.
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Lila
Posted: 07 December 2021 - 01:07 PM
Holy cow! I get busy for 3 days and the board explodes with posts! So nice to see everyone.

CM, wow you haven't been posting in awhile. It's so nice to see you and know you are ok. I definitely understand "let go and let God" mentality. I get there too. I don't know what I would do without Him.

SubC, thank you for the decor advice. I think I am too scared of rejection to tell them anything about it, but you reminded me of something. When I got the items I said "is it okay if I share a few with my son? They don't have much" and they said SURE. So, it is true, my son's family has very little. I will ask my DIL if she would like to come over and choose some things (after I sort out my favorites). If they take them and even if the donate them after Xmas that is ok. I will just suggest that instead of Goodwill they give to the thrift store that helps the community.

Tatoulia (I am reading along and catching up as I write), thank you, I like your bluntness. I think adding to what I said above, if my DIL does not want things I can offer them on Buy Nothing (to neighbors basically but easier) and then if it ever comes up, I can let them know I shared with people who really loved the decor. True enough!

SubC, I hope you have a fun Christmas season with Bean! I think grandkids make Christmas SO fun! I am really enjoying my grandd this year more than ever.

Road, I'll pray for your son! When my child needed an MRI, we were blessed to be able to do it at a hospital that had an actual movie thing in the MRI. Well it was actually a mirror headpiece which pointed at a TV screen at the end of the tunnel, so to the kid it looked like a tv in the tunnel. They could chose a movie to watch while they were in there so Harry Potter saved the day. Maybe call and ask what they have as distractions. If there is a Child Life specialist they will know all the options. Also, great work on the bedroom!! I love reading your progress and it is so nice when we get a burst of motivation!

You guys are getting me moving.

Update the last few days: I was sick with a UTI but getting better. We got our Christmas tree, which is real, and it is in the stand but is crooked. Today I plan to have two of my kids help get it straight and then I can put the lights on it. There are needles everywhere so need to clean that up and get the tree exactly where I want it.

I did not do much else with the house except I cleaned the printer and got it set back up in the living room. I need my son to vacuum today. I thought I was done with the living room, but I forgot to clean the fan and to pull the play kitchen out and vacuum behind it. There is also a small pile of items on one end table... they were on various shelves and need a home.

I am doing laundry, making phone calls, working on volunteer stuff. I will again try to get the dining room bar and table cleared off... UGH it never ends!
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Subclinical
Posted: 07 December 2021 - 08:30 AM
I tried to describe the toy to Dh. I asked him if he could help me make one. He said "what you are describing is a precision item. Yes we could make one, but I don't think that is the best use of our time or effort right now. Buy the thing."

So, I ordered it. His other Grammy is going to buy him all kinds of stuff they don't want him to have. I am going to buy him one new thing - carefully chosen, educational, and made of wood. If they don't like it, they can leave it here.

Then, I went upstairs and completely cleaned off my dressing table and dusted it and the mirror and pictures on the wall over it.

I share a bedroom with Dh. He has half the bed, a nightstand, and two dressers. I have the other half of the bed, a dresser, a little dressing table with a bench, a little curio, a small bookshelf, and a child's rocker and footstool. (I have 2/3 of the closet) we have a low dormer window alcove and that is where the bookshelf, rocker and footstool are. It would fit one normal sized rocking chair and nothing else, but you would hit your head.

Anyway, I feel better now.
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Road
Posted: 07 December 2021 - 07:11 AM
SubC, I meant to wish you "HBD" yesterday. (happy Bean day) :) I wish you could shop for him in my garage bins. so much great stuff out there. haha.
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Tatoulia
Posted: 07 December 2021 - 07:04 AM
SubC I am glad you've made the decision to skip the meeting. You are overbooked these days.

I honestly don't know what the hair straightener is called. I have bone straight hair but when my Friend was living here ?let's call her Emiko (although she has a different name), she would straighten my hair every morning, which was very loving and very sweet.

I agree on the toys, SubC. I tend to give activities to kids. I bought a bunch of paper craft activities at PaperSource (made in the US, which made me happy) and sent them around. One young lady (nearing 12, I think) had her mom send a video thank you and then a picture of her craft fully made. Books are also an A+ gift.

BF and I were at the annual assisted living sale last Friday. We were surprised it was on. It's at a high-end assisted living and the residents donate their things. We used to have a friend who lived there but she died, at 97, many years ago. A few of the aides had called to tell us it was on. There was a beautiful hand made wood squirrel that was like a rocking horse (although not to be ridden) that was so sweet. Made by someone who lives there and clearly made many years ago. That person was also selling some of his lovely tools. All sale proceeds go into a fund for the aides. I got away from there with one Christmas gift and some jewelry. Nothing big, as I have all the furniture I need. BF bought me a lovely transfer ware bowl from around 1880 and he also bought me an older delft jar with lid. Both will have easy places to live once Christmas is put away. I love my older stuff.

Oh! I dropped off a bag at goodwill over the weekend. Not sure if I reported that. Did same day I bought my wreaths. I should take a peek to see if they survived the high winds.

Off to work. PS I am not ready for the shampoo bars. I bought some in London in 1999 and I tried but had trouble getting used to them. My hair would get tangled in them and then they felt creepy against my hands. I'll try again. I'm a different person today.
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Subclinical
Posted: 07 December 2021 - 05:16 AM
Good morning.

Tatoulia,

The part about the iron took me a minute. In my brain, a "flat iron" is the old fashioned heavy metal object you heat on a woodstove to smooth clothing. So my first thought was "they still call an iron a flat iron in Boston?" Followed by "why is she ironing her pillow?" And THEN "oh, it's a hair thingie!"

Good job on the Christmas decorations. My tree still has nothing but lights, I dropped the job advent calendar idea, and I am feeling generally demoralized again. Maybe if you guys keep doing so well, I will get inspired..

I use mostly bar soap - the downstairs bathroom has a liquid soap right now because it was a teacher gift. Most of my bar soap is either teacher gifts or homemade from goat milk. If I buy soap I get Kirk's Castile because it has very basic, environmentally friendly ingredients and can be used instead of shampoo if I run out. (I am still trying to bring myself around to shampoo bars) I use liquid dish soap at the kitchen sink - I keep it in a reused soap dispenser. Most soap bottles are type1 and can be recycled if that is available in your area. Buy refills and reuse the dispenser. But environmentally, bar soap is better - shipping all that liquid is very fuel intensive, plus the plastic packaging..

Road, I am so impressed with your bed project! Not just the progress, but also the planning and time management! Way to go!

When can you take out the garbage? Check the laundry!

I am supposed to go to a meeting at work today and I am skipping it. If I go to the meeting, I have to leave home at 10:30. If I don't, I have to leave home at noon. I have too much to do. And I need to go to the feed store after 9 and then feed my chickens breakfast.

I have one week to turn in my class proposals for next year.

Yesterday after I dropped Bean off I went to the resale store and I did find him something similar to what I wanted to buy him. - more "toy" less "educational" but wooden and used - per DD's request, and very cheap and I bought it.

Also, the shop was overwhelming and depressing. The sheer volume of plastic toys just made me sad. I don't even want to buy anything for the Christmas toy drive right now because I feel like there are just too many toys in the world. Most of them based on cartoons and made in China. I mean seriously, I feel like we could solve the shipping crisis if every American child was limited to one new plastic toy this Christmas - new would be ok, plastic would be ok, but only one toy that is both.

I will check back later. I need to do something to reset my attitude.
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Tatoulia
Posted: 06 December 2021 - 10:50 PM
You made me chuckle, Road. You have a great way with words. And you are amazing! Wowie! I'm so glad we have each other.

I folded the laundry and put away. I have showered and washed my hair. I put a towel over my pillow since I don't feel like drying my hair. I'll use the flat iron tomorrow to smooth out any hair bumps.

I'm in bed and can hear the wind. I have my electric fireplace on for the kitty. I have the ceiling fan on for me. Going in to office tmr.
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Road
Posted: 06 December 2021 - 09:28 PM
Ok, here ends my whirlwind post parade... Got some clean sheets and blankets on the bed, fixed up the window so it was sealed better and hung a better makeshift curtain... H got most of the laundry to the basement, garbage is mostly consolidated on the landing... the nightstand, bed and floor are cluttery again but Had to be done. Joints are on fire and my legs are sort of numb... but I know I'll be in a better place moving forward cause I got this done today. Like last summer when I did the other section, I am seeing things I didn't see before... most notably, the condition of the walls. Scuffed, cracked, dinged, dented, dingy... defn. In need of repair and freshening up. But not gonna happen this time. Funny this summer the H was probably thinking this could be done over a weekend or week at most and here it is 6 months later... Bedroom phase 4 of 9 complete... (of part 1 of 3.)

Thanks for the encouragement. Hope everyone has a nice evening.
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Tatoulia
Posted: 06 December 2021 - 09:07 PM
Okay I started pulling out Christmas stuff. Now to put it away. Have more than I'll be using this year but really not too much. I got rid of a lot last year. I'm good with what I have left. But still not using it all this year.

I did three loads of laundry today, two of which I still need to fold.

All garbage and recycling is out. Warm windy and rainy tonight. BF needed to run errands and so I ran them with him. I live even our few moments in the car together. I brought my kindle and read in the parking lot while he did his errands.

Ran the dishwasher a bit early tonight.

Road, you are doing BIG STUFF and I am so proud of you.

Goodnight, dear friends. Very windy now and I just want to hop in shower. I can hear the garbage in the alley rolling around.

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Tatoulia
Posted: 06 December 2021 - 04:07 PM
Wow! Wow! Wow! I'm inspired. Was going to lay down. Now putting on music and going to wrap those presents! You are amazing, Road. Also, listen to our teacher. SubC knows how to grade

About the hand soap: I use bar soaps. I do not like soft soap. I buy my soap different places. Sometimes I get Carress. In shower in summer I like Dial. I also treat myself to Caswell Massey and there are a number of Etsy sellers I like. I use one bar in bath, one by bathroom sink and one in kitchen. If I have guests over, I either put out a fresh bar or soap (saving my regular one in a container). If I have contractors over, I have one bottle of soft soap I put out.

Okay queue the music. I've got to Look Alive!
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Road
Posted: 06 December 2021 - 02:55 PM
Back again. well I did it! Or started it. got the bed cleared off and rotated and put on risers. Took two attempts so I will be in some bonus pain later. got all the crap pushed out from under. Did a very superficial wipe down of floor and baseboards, moved nightstand into new position and lamp set up. now the bed in the master is covered with stuff that was on my bed and the hallway floor is covered with stuff that was under the bed. Looks worse but it's definitely progress. Big accomplishment so I will force myself to acknowledge that. I'm headed back up now to hang something for a curtain and start cleaning up. I did find many pairs of reading glasses, hair clips, about 1 load of laundry, some toiletries and a ton of garbage. This wasn't as gross as the walk way area had been but it was a little more volume than I thought it would be. Need to get an air filter running in there.
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Road
Posted: 06 December 2021 - 10:48 AM
Oh ladies, major developments are afoot. I launched a major offensive on my room. cleared off the bed, stripped the mattress, managed to move the mattress and box spring to hallway and now I am **CLEANING OUT THE CRAP UNDER THE BED***

Can you believe it? Omg. I also thought about and wrote a thank you note in the same 5 minutes! I also did something very practical. fixed the storm windows in the master. Of course now I'm regressing and making Mac and cheese for breakfast which will probably make me sleepy and I won't get anything else done all day haha.

Will check back in later and let you know how it went! Oh, and I decided to put a cut off time at noon so I don't my usual thing of "oh my god I'm out of time and everything is still exploded all over the 2nd floor."
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Road
Posted: 06 December 2021 - 08:09 AM
SubC, thanks for the analysis on the tree topic. You are the best! Not sure what I will do yet but now I know. I bought some laundry sheets awhile back. Hey, what's your take on hand soap? I feel like since the pandemic I have added 22 tons to landfills Just in hand soap plastic bottles and am always running out. would love recommendations.

The H decided not to decorate the white pine in front this year - getting to tall, scared of heights, etc. He came up with a cute idea on his own as an alternative so I'm going with that and may add to that. can't seem to think that clearly right now so anything I do will be inefficient so. hopefully the synapses will start firing. had another discussion with him about perfectionism and its implications. It was mostly productive. lots of stuff to contemplate. Well, my goal this am is to reclaim my space in my room. getting cluttered again and I haven't gained any new ground in awhile. oh and I cut my hair the other day. My hair betrayed me a few years ago when my hormones went haywire. So now our relationship is "complicated" lol. It took a little restraint to not chop it down.. . But I ended up trimming the ends and cutting bangs. I wanted to make a new stitching video and needed to do something with my hair. It gave me a lift. Actually need to redo the video so I may put on makeup again today :::: ooohh wow. 🤓😅
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Subclinical
Posted: 06 December 2021 - 05:00 AM
Good morning all!

Road - you are not allowed to compare yourself to anybody but you. Are you learning, working hard, and making progress? I give you an "A". (A "B" if you are missing assignments.) not kidding - that's how I grade.

I hope things go well with your son's medical stuff this week.

If you are going to have lights, LED are the best choice (we just got them last year)

The tree farm near us charges $10/ft. The tree has been growing, providing habitat, and cleaning the air near us for years. Trees are a low chemical input crop that provides the farmer with income and motivation to keep the soil healthy. They reduce wind and erosion year round and lower the local temperature in summer.

We get a fun family outing and (most years) a few cups of hot chocolate with our tree. Our purchase price goes directly to a person in our community - helping the local economy and being taxed for things like schools and emergency services and roads we actually use. The cut tree will be replaced with a new little tree - starting the cycle all over again.

After Christmas the goats eat most of the tree and the trunk with the branch stubs is thrown in the ravine to rot and reduce erosion. Some communities have recycling programs. No storage required.

Today is Bean day. I might stop at the children's resale shop after I drop him off to check for a couple of Christmas ideas. I think I am going to get him one new wooden toy if I can't find it used.
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Road
Posted: 06 December 2021 - 12:16 AM
SubC, so interesting about the environmental thing. Fake trees are bad news, eh? I honestly hadn't considered it. How about LED lights? I'm more open to those now since they improved the color but how are those environmentally? How much does it cost to cut your own by you? Around here tree lots and box stores are selling trees for $60-$100 and if it's a fundraiser, more.

Wow. Just nodded off again! Gotta wait to take that melatonin til I finish posting!

Tatoulia, my dad (music teacher) always played a Boston pops Christmas album. "Sleigh ride" Is one of our faves. We've been having some fun driving around Looking at Christmas Lights, listening to Christmas music.

One of my girlfriends is pulling out all the stops for her grandkids' Christmas memories. She has had a pretty tough couple years... mom died pre-COVID (but maybe COVID... ), dad then got cancer and went through tx, but is now terminal. Son took job contracting in Afghanistan and she had to endure all of that and the dangerous extractions... and she finally found out who her birth father was but he had died... Her daughter died when she was 5 and she somehow survived that. Now that her son has a family she is just knocking it out of the park being grandma... planning all these fun activities ... they even put up an ice rink in her back yard! I really admire her.
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Road
Posted: 05 December 2021 - 11:51 PM
Hi guys,

Whelp, tree thing didn't turn out so well. The new to us one from my parents/brother is a very nice tree, right size, right style, etc. but 3/4 of the lights are toast and H spent much of the day trying to cut them off the tree. My deal was either I buy a new prelit tree or you do all the labor of relighting the "free" one. He did not agree and we are also not buying a new one so ... I just know this is an 8 hour project and I am so over it. Also I feel bad that I foolishly told my son we'd be decorating the tree today so he was probably disappointed.

Tatoulia, yes 100%, something or many things need to go. But I want to have two trees because I use one for the handmade vintage ornaments, and the other one is for antique glass (when I put that one up, which isn't often). I was hoping this one from my brother would replace one of the existing but now this is a project too... This is where being cheap doesn't pay off! As for the parents, my mom is 100% get rid of it, I don't care, unburden yourself, I'm so sorry, etc. My dad is the collector and shoved a bunch of stuff at us he didn't intend to when the emotional stuff got to be too much for him. But we really do feel free to get rid of anything we want to - we just won't tell him. The stuff we got from them is probably 30 boxes. I mean, I guess that's a lot but not compared to what I was already dealing with. There's stuff I have no intention of keeping, stuff I defn. Want to keep, and tons in the middle that will prob be hard to let go of even though I should. There are a couple things he intended for us to sell like a few boxes of mason jars, some tobacco tins, and a centennial hooked rug. I have no attachment to those so it's just a matter of tackling the project. I'll bet Lila could dispatch of all of that in a matter of days. My nieces and nephews are all in other states so there's no other family members to give things to... my cousins' kids may want some (family) things eventually but we aren't going to store things in case they may one day want something. They're all out of state too.

Update on my son - we see neurosurgeon weds, MRI on sat, EEG tbd. Will see how MRI goes - not thinking he's going to be able to tolerate it just with medication, but hopefully he can and we don't have to do general and delay things once again.
So I've upgraded my grade from an F to a C- in the health department. In the social department, we got out a bit more this weekend, had a play date with a friend of his, saw family members, went to some stores, etc, so I brought my mom grade up a bit in that department also. Registration is tomorrow for recreation programs. I missed the deadline for one of the forms, but not the other so I'm running about a C right now... I jest but I really have been wracked with guilt lately and although I know guilt is not that helpful, I do really need to do better for him and I'm making a little progress at least. I do feel like I was under water and now I'm trying to climb aboard the ship in the middle of a storm. I have both hands on the ladder but I'm still getting dunked and whipped around, sucking down a lot of seawater... Yikes that doesn't sound like I'm doing so well, actually!

Hugs to everyone,
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Tatoulia
Posted: 05 December 2021 - 08:07 PM
SubC you make a very good point. I went back and reread the post. It's only bern a year that she's had the decorations. Looking forward to seeing how it's handled! Good for you, Lila, to realize it's too much!

I love that you can have your family stay over, at a moment's notice! Staying at my Nana L's house was a treat where at Nana S's house was more of an ordeal. Nana S was very, very clean and neat as a pin, so having us stay with her would cause a lot of upheaval for her. Always kind and welcoming but little things, like she didn't want me to use her towels so she would cut up paper towels for me. Including for my baths. Kind of funny then and now. It was a joke to us and I knew she couldn't help the fact that she didn't want me to use her towels

House went well at mom's. I would love to swap with you! Would very much enjoy your wreaths! I brought over my jam box portable speaker and streamed the Boston Pops holiday concert. It is so much nicer at her house right now, and her cleaners will be here this week!

I have not eaten a proper meal so at 9 PM I must do so.

I didn't wrap gifts or anything today. Still time. I work from home tomorrow.
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Subclinical
Posted: 05 December 2021 - 05:59 PM
Tatoulia, I think either approach works. Lila knows her people best so she will make a good choice of what to do.

Tatoulia, the gingerbread house sounds like fun, as always (wish you were local - I would make you wreaths and you could make me a gingerbread house). That was always the activity mil wanted to do with my kids because she was very good at it. By "good at it" I mean she made beautiful houses, but it was kind of stressful because she cared mostly about what the house looked like and worked very hard to make sure my kids did it "right".

But what is wrong with week old gumdrops? My mother had a gumdrop tree that we would decorate with gumdrops and them pour the rest in the dish around the base. We would eat the gumdrops from the base all of December, and the others when we "undecorated" the tree after Christmas. If the gumdrops got hard, you just sucked on them.

road, we cross posted last time. I would say, pick your favorite of the trees you have (including post brother options), and use that this year. Get rid of the others. You can even put a tree up without lights. One year we couldn't find the Christmas ornaments (wince) and the kids and I decorated the whole tree with home crafted decorations. You can look for a new to you thrifted tree all year for next year.

I'm a big fan of cutting our own locally. But from a consumer/environmental standpoint, the absolute worst thing you can do is buy a new artificial tree.

I had a nice weekend with my kids. I always miss my son and ddil when we are together though. Bean decided his family was very tired and should stay over last night, so they did. After they left today I went down to the studio and actually got some pots ready for Thursday while dh and Dd2 spent some time together. (I broke one too. I don't know why I keep breaking things.) they made dinner and we ate and now she is on her way home as well.
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Tatoulia
Posted: 05 December 2021 - 10:56 AM
Good morning everyone!

A few ideas (blunt). Road, could you consider getting rid of the tree your parents gave you? You don't like it. That's all you need to know. Your parents, whether alive or not, do not want you burdened by a Christmas tree. They do not want you to carry that weight. Even now my mother tries to get me to promise my keeping some stuff and I can't. I won't carry it with me. She doesn't understand the stress she puts on me by making me promise to keep certain magazines. (!). Her need to keep things is very upsetting to me but I am trying harder not to show it.

Lila (blunt). You own these things now. I wouldn't want to risk hurting their feelings. Pull out what you want, and invite neighbors and friends to select what they want. OR see if an old folks home wants them. Then off to Goodwill with the remainders. The elderly friends were allowed to decide where they gave them, not where you give them. Call it a day. SubC I'm not trying to undermine you, I just think that for the elderly couple, they have done their part. I would be hesitant to put the hard decisions back in their lap. A big part of my hoarding is guilt. We are allowed not to like something. It's allowed. (This is so hard for me). The items are no more being "honored" by sitting in your garage and aggravating you. If they ever ask, you can say, it was an embarrassment of riches and you decided to share the joy with friends and neighbors. True e n o u g h.

SubC, you are amazing. You do so much and are such a good person. Let us all look at what is enough.

Cm I am glad that you are content and finding a way to deal with the house issues. I loved your saying! I generally try to characterize things as "free" instead of "less". So this fits: you're not hopeless, you're hope-free. I don't have any more shopping to do. I just have to pull out a few more decorations and wrap gifts. I'll have a few more festive napkins to mail to the elderly and then I'm done. I am having an oil painting framed for BF for Christmas this year. We are trying to find time where he can join me at the frame shop. It's the painting I had done of his cat.

I'm going to mom's today to decorate a gingerbread house. I can only use wrapped candies because she will eat even a week old gumdrop. And I use real egg whites when making my frosting. I'll make the frosting here, but it in piping bags, and head over soon. I dropped the house over to her house yesterday. I'll put the candies in ziplocks.

I'm wishing for one more day off but I don't see it in the cards for me. I have plenty of vacation time (and in fact will lose about four days this year as we can carryover/cash-in 10 and I have over 14) but it's been a big year and such is life. The company is good to me.

My cleaners will clean mom's on Wednesday and I have to tell you, her place is still pretty nice from the last time. I'm happy with its condition. This will be a big $ commitment from me but I'll try to do it. I also pay for all of her groceries and yes you'd think being in assisted living with food available that she wouldn't need food but she always has some crazy project she's about to do that she doesn't do. There always something rotting in her fridge.

So I'll be heading over there soon. My window candles were off this AM so they do appear to be the type that will run for eight hours and close down for 16, then switch back on. I hope so. I'll have to change the time to something earlier like five but I'll wait another 24 hours to test my theory.
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Subclinical
Posted: 05 December 2021 - 08:51 AM
Hi CM,

Good to hear from you! Being content with "enough" is probably the secret to a happy life.

Tatoulia - we make wreaths every year. It's a tradition. I didn't ever finish mine last year, so I guess this year is better in some ways. Partly it was that the weather was nice yesterday and last year I started late, ran out if time the day we made them, and then it just stayed bitterly cold until it was so close to Christmas I didn't bother.

Lila, I would pull out all of the gifted Christmas items and either put them out or box them up. Then I would contact the nice people and tell them that decorating has just become too big a task for you and you are downsizing your decorations. That you have really enjoyed the ones they gave you and appreciated the gift, but that you were ready to pass some of them on and you know that they didn't want them donated to goodwill, so should you bring them back or is there somewhere else they would like you to take them?

If they ask you to keep storing them, tell them you really can't because you don't have room, but you will be happy to bring them back to them until they decide what to do with them. If they refuse to take them or designate a recipient, donate with a clear conscience.
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Road
Posted: 05 December 2021 - 08:45 AM
Starting at the top today...

CM, thanks for establishing my theme for today: e n o u g h .

With the sensation of Christmas decorations looming, I need that reminder. It was relatively minimal last year and still too much. This year, even though I've made progress mentally and materially, I still found myself slipping back into old habits of dreaming of ways to complicate things (cause, creativity...) *including some projects which led specifically to hoarding.

E n o u g h . What is enough when it comes to christmas Decorations? On some level, any is too much. I'm not a religious person, but Christmas is meaningful to me and is always a reminder of what a poor, pure hearted person can accomplish...so many people everywhere with not enough - but we get into a cycle of overconsumption and of course we are all here because of extremes in that department... well, I blather, but I think you all know what I'm getting at. So I will do my best to just do enough and not overdo it. Thanks for the reminder, CM.

I am off to decide which tree to use this year. Yes, that's what I said... 1) my favorite $10 thrift store tree that looks so good with my vintage hand made ornies but is oh so broken down and always seems to take 8 hours to set up... or 2) the one from my parents that looks better but I don't really like it... or 3) pick up another hand me down tree from my brothers... 4) the New one we bought yesterday is going back to target. Naturally, none but the new one have working lights most likely. Spent most of yesterday shopping for live (I'm just too cheap)::: and artificial (I'm just too cheap)::: and Facebook marketplace. Did NOT thrift. (Small victory)...

Will check back in with the verdict...
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CriticalMass
Posted: 05 December 2021 - 07:37 AM
Hi,

Just thought I should check in if nothing else. Don't anybody worry about me if I'm here only infrequently for awhile and keep it brief. What I've hit upon for survival of this strange situation of the house lacking full functionality of an essential utility and all the craziness in daily routines attached thereunto, is to simply downshift and coast. I once saw a sardonic T-shirt that said something like "Once I gave up hope, I felt better."

It sounds morbid if you take it 100% seriously, but tongue firmly in cheek it somehow works. And also there's actually a spiritual precedent, namely surrendering and trusting in God. Jesus take the wheel, as the song says! So I've just simplified as much as possible in the areas where I can, so that I preserve just enough mental energy to get through each day.

So far the weather has continued mild which helps. And for several reasons I got my small bit of Christmas and winter prep shopping done by the end of November. I didn't get out my decorations, roommate has lights on the house, and I bought cat safe LED candles for my Advent wreath. It is just enough.

My parish hosted a county vaccination event so I got my Pfizer booster. That makes me confident enough to go to the laundromat. That'll be a necessary evil insofar as traffic and people but I can go early in the day, and clean clothes will be wonderful and eliminate some clutter. It is enough.
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Lila
Posted: 04 December 2021 - 08:53 PM
hi Tatoulia! Sounds like Christmas! Everyone having wreaths makes me remember when I had a wreath on my door. I don't think I have one now but am not buying one, at least not until I purge more things. I don't have a hanger on my door anymore since it got taken off to paint the door a few years ago.

I am moving right along but am annoyed that my Christmas tree has not arrived. It was supposed to be delivered almost 7 hours ago. Then he said he would be late but was then supposed to be here 3 hours ago. No contact. I don't know the guy but he has a tree farm. I am sad because it's not here, I feel deflated, don't even know if it is coming so can't go get in the shower.

Anyway, dilemma: a year ago, some very very dear friends gave me a TON of Christmas decorations. They are retired and their son passed away so they have no family. They invited me over and showed me some really nice decorations and said they wanted to gift them to me but only if I would use them... they didn't want them going to Goodwill. I said yes. When I came back to pick them up it had turned into enough decor to fill my whole suv. Some for fall, some summery things, but mostly Christmas. All of it has sat in my garage since. It is overwhelming. I know they don't want it back, I don't want to hurt their feelings, but I can't donate it to Goodwill.

What to do? Maybe sort through and keep some...they ARE some nice items... maybe get rid of some of mine and keep theirs. But no way would I want more than half of what's there. What to do??
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Tatoulia
Posted: 04 December 2021 - 08:44 PM
Wow! Homemade wreaths, SubC. I'm glad your daughter took some things with her!

Lila, I'm so happy with your progress. Very good to sell the medical device (I won't tease you for information but honestly I cannot picture what it is). And yay for donating the other thing. My goodness you are plowing through it!

I got my wreaths today. I went a little later in the day. They didn't have a lot but I got two and figured out the bows. Always so hard to decide! I'm sure they'll have more tomorrow. I have them up and they look very nice. I also used the last of my florist wire. So next year I'll have to get some more. This packet lasted a lifetime. I'd bought it used and it was in precut lengths and about double the gauge of the traditional wire.

I started pulling out my Christmas stuff today. Bought new batteries for the candles for my windows. I'm trying to remember if the set in the bedroom turns off after eight hours. I have a second set that I'm also wondering about. We'll see in the AM if they are still burning brightly.
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Lila
Posted: 04 December 2021 - 06:22 PM
Sounds like a nice time with family, SubC. A good day.

I took the box of donations to the car and drove to donate it along with another box and bag of donations that were in my car. I put 3 books in my car to return to someone tomorrow. I put my ex's yearbooks and the one wooden item from the shelf in my car to give to my son.

The vacuuming is done, last living room window and sill cleaned. I am so tired! All I need to do it put a few items away from one end table and re-dust that table and the coffee table.

Next up on my list is the dining room table and bar counter - re-de-cluttering!
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Subclinical
Posted: 04 December 2021 - 04:28 PM
Lila, you are on a roll!

Fantastic on the medical device and the large bedroom item! I am enjoying imagining you with a clean living room as well.

I think we tend to stir up more dust than we realize as we start cleaning and clearing, and then it spreads and settles. I think things will probably get better as you go. Do you have central air? Sometimes changing the filter on that can make a big difference.

I am so happy you have room for your tree!

Tatoulia, I hope you found wreaths that you like.

My Dd2 is here this weekend. We spent the afternoon cutting greenery from the yard and making wreaths. She has a small one to take home to her apartment, and I made the big one for the end of the garage - I use two giant hula hoops tied together for the wreath frame. It's hung and looks pretty good.

She also agreed that we could donate a giant stuffed bear from her childhood that I've been storing for her - it is literally twice the size of Bean and even unfluffed took up half a bin. She is taking home her high school yearbooks, a bag of embroidery floss, and a crochet book that is hers. Also her sewing machine, which she left here a month ago because my mil was still using it.

Bean is due here soon with his parents and some pizza.

Besides the wreaths, I put big red bows on the outdoor garage lamps and a snowman in Bean's rocking chair. I also finally switched out the little butterfly bucket I keep pens in - skipping summer and fall and going straight to the winter snowman bucket.

I did bring five finished pots home from class thursday, so those are an in this week.
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Lila
Posted: 04 December 2021 - 03:51 PM
Progress report -

Couch #1 moved, I vacuumed behind it and inside it

Took all ceramics etc off the 2 wall shelves, dusted them, blew the dust off out the window, chose 2 non-homemade items to donate and one wooden piece to give to my son who made it. Dusted shelves and put items back.

Put the couch back.

Emptied the box and bucket of stuff and put all the stuff where it goes.

Resting now, and when son comes back in we will move and clean behind couch #2 and move the end tables around and put things away.

Still to do: clean ceiling fan, have son vacuum drapes and floor. Take bucket of coins outside and dust it with compressed air. Move recliner and vacuum behind it, clean the window. Then my living room will be DONE!!
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