Ok, I have made a path for the window guy. In the process I washed a few things and found a few items that can return to my classroom. I am working very hard on the "things go into my classroom and never come home" model. Given my new relationship with my job, I am no longer interested in storing stuff for them. Things that need to be washed with a hose - I don't know. I guess whatever class it is will just have to carry buckets of water out to the front lawn.

Off to work on the porch.

Good morning!

Lila, that mopping sounds like a heck of a job! You must feel really good to have it done.

And way to go on the donation box!

We ordered a new washer and dryer. This is one of the most extravagant things I have ever done. I can't believe I am replacing working appliances. They are each pretty much exactly what I wanted, but made by different companies and do not match at all - lol. They were both on Black Friday sale. Dh asked if I was sure I didn't want the matching dryer (which also met my function requirements) and I pointed out that it was $60 more. Which made him laugh.

Apparently he has looked at our budget and our finances and our long term plans and decided that we are spending money this year. He says with current inflation and interest rates, it doesn't make sense to save it when there is something we will need to spend it on later. So we are "taking care of (his) list"

I'm not sure I know how to live in a house where everything looks nice and works. (I also hope he doesn't decide to do the gut-and-remodel of the last bedroom and bath this year) The intention is to create an accessible semi-private suite in the hope that my mother will come live with us someday, but there is no reason to think that might be soon. (It would also allow us to stay here longer as we age.) that project is definitely larger than the available non-savings though.

Today the guy is coming to replace the broken window in the shop/studio barn. Dh told me late last night) I left an obstacle course out there when I was working, so I need to create access this morning before Bean comes.

Dd also called me last night, to tell me that she has nothing she has to do at work this morning, so she will be sleeping in and bringing Bean to me whenever they are ready. Then she has to work from my house, including a zoom meeting, this afternoon. So I have to make space for that also.

hi SubC, I guess we were posting at the same time!

I know you're right about Thanksgiving. People won't be critical. It's family and one friend who used to be a hoarder so she gets it. I just want it clean so people are not icked out about eating food in a dirty place.

I managed to mop the kitchen but omg my back. I am so exhausted. It took 3 buckets to do the kitchen and dining areas. But it is clean and disinfected. I still need to do the bathroom and entry but I need a break first.

I also wiped down the wall behind the table because it had marks from chairs and a few drips from grandd spills.

I have to wipe down all the chairs and then hopefully son will bring them in for me. I need to wipe a kitchen wall as well. Spot wipe some cabinets. Dust living room. Clean bathroom and kitchen... my autistic kid could help so much but they are on the edge of meltdown. Can't pile it all on son. Husband will not help.

So tired, need some days off after this. I do all the thanksgiving cooking too.

Hmmm, no one's around? Everyone getting ready for Thanksgiving?

I managed to clean and sort the tall cabinet in the dining room which was thick with dust and very piled with clutter. I donated lots of things from it! Emptied all drawers and organized what is left. Dusted the whole thing and the stereo on it. It looks SO much better now without random piles of junk all over it! My donation box is 75% full now. But this took me about an hour. Now I am tired.

Son vacuumed and unloaded the dishwasher and put all the dining room chairs outside so I can mop. I am just really tired so sitting for a few minutes to get myself ready to do it. I have the bucket and cleaner all ready. Mopping is a lot of work for me but I feel so good when it is done.

Husband keeps coming upstairs and putting his junk on my cleaned bar counter. I keep taking it off and telling him it doesn't go there. But it's frustrating. Now he just came upstairs with his junk and went in the kitchen and it going to cook something. I am so annoyed because it is obvious I am getting ready to mop but he is in the way now and will be for probably an hour since he is a very slow cook. And only cooks for himself. Now I wish I had just gone ahead and started mopping so he couldn't go in there and take up the kitchen... ugh!! I feel my motivation deflating. Well maybe I can just do one side of the dining room and the bathroom while he is in there and then do the rest when he is done. Yeah, I think that's what I'll do so I don't totally lose my motivation.

Mopping - wow!

Lila, my list post told you that you will make it through thanksgiving. Most people just want to eat and hang out.

I don't mind if my kids don't want something. I just don't want them to store things here forever because they don't really want them but can't get rid of them, or to take something I actually like and then get rid of it without asking if I want it back. They are pretty good about both of those things.

I am familiar with but nothing - there are a couple of groups "near" me in that any one of them starts about 15 to 20 miles from my house and extends far away. But not where I actually live and IIRC you can only join one. Also, i'm pretty "move this now!" When I want something, I do check Craigslist.

I broke another piece of pottery today.

I also picked up feed, hay and straw but didn't make any real progress on the barn.

Dh wants to address the washer/dryer issue.

I understand about the linking memories of people to belongings, but I don't know how to help you. I also have things that are too hard to get rid of because they are linked to memories.

ok, one more post - I go in spurts! Here is my decluttering update.

Yesterday I was stressed due to a lawsuit I am having to deal with (had to fill out deposition papers and stuff, I've never done this before). Got it done but have to write a paragraph and send some photos to the lawyer soon. As a result I got very little done. I did pick up a few items around the living room and put them away: books to the shelf, pens in a pen holder, small lantern to the kitchen table which is still not done.

Today I have to get things done. My son is here so I am going to ask for his help today. I told him I need him to unload the dishwasher, put away dishes on the counter, and run the vacuum all through the house. After he vacuums I AM GOING TO MOP. I just have to do it and then I will feel better. I dont have appointments today until a meeting from 6:30 to 8:30pm. I have all day to get it done.

So today -
mop kitchen/dining room
mop entryway and 1 bathroom
Put away the last few items in the living room and dust all surfaces
Try really hard to get the kitchen table done
Try to get the tall cabinet cleaned off/out (should be some stuff to donate here)
Son take donations to my car

I also need to get everything done for work (I'm a volunteer but it's like a part time job with an office and able to work from home some) so I can take Weds through Sat "off" and just be home. I have to speak at an event Sunday, only 5 min but way out of my comfort zone so I need to prep for that.

What are you all doing?

SubC, good job moving that Brio table to a good home! Have you ever heard of the "Buy Nothing" movement? You can find a local group on Facebook by typing in Buy Nothing and your city. Everyone on there if giving everything away for free. Now yes, this could be dangerous for a hoarder BUT for me, I went into it with the attitude of "how can I bless people with what they need?" AND I joined the group but also "unfollowed" it so free items don't show up in my feed. I only go look at the group when I want to give away something nice (I post it there for free and when someone answers they would like to have it, I put it on the porch and they come by and grab it. No interaction because I am careful due to covid). And if I NEED something I will ask for it there before I buy it. I got a free exercise machine for my kid and a free guitar which was a gift for my daughter for Christmas! I have given away loads of stuff on there and the one big item I am having trouble selling will be posted on there after Thanksgiving.

Wow, Tatoulia, such wise words on the Brio table. Thank you for saying that stuff... because even though it's not me with the table, I very much relate to the feeling of rejection and emotional connections to things. To the guilt of keeping gifts people gave me. Let me ask you this. Background: I have had several, more than several, people I love very much die (not of old age). Often they have given me things here and there but I thought I didn't really want to keep those things and donated them. As a result, there are people who I loved so much that I really wish I had even one object they gave me, that I could hold and think of them. There is something to me about treasuring an object. I had a boyfriend I adored for many years, who was my best friend, but for some reason I never saved anything he gave me. (Obviously this was before my hoarder tendencies arose). At his funeral which was traumatic for me, his sister gave me a stuffed animal of his to give me son. But I could not give it to my son, I kept it, because it is the only thing I have of his. But I wish I had something HE gave me, not something from his funeral. So I regret getting rid of things. Now when I go to donate an item, I think of the person who gave it to me and I think "what if they die? Then I will wish I had this" even if it is something I would otherwise donate. How to work through this? Thoughts?

Good morning,

I tried to post last night, but it disappeared when I went to captcha.

The brio table is gone. I decided to putter around home and delay my trip in to the studio so I could drop it at goodwill. Then they wouldn't take it. They said they are no longer taking furniture or children's play equipment ever. Also they do not intend to reopen their dressing rooms after covid, which I find annoying.

Anyway, there was a canner there the other day that I was thinking about, but not willing to buy unless I could see how it fit with a quart jar, so I took a quart jar with me. The canner was gone of course, but I bought a game for ds and a stoneware bread pan for me. It will hopefully replace a bread pan I have that I have been looking for a replacement for. It is made by a company that I really like for stoneware baking ware that no longer exists. I need to try it to be sure.

I also found a young mom in the store who wanted the brio table - win all around!

Then I dropped some things I had bought for school, including clay, in my classroom. That was an extra small detour, but the clay can't freeze and I was trying not to unload it into my studio and then have to reload it and take it after break.

Anyway, as a result of all this I only finished two of the seven pots I was planning before it was time to go to Bean's house. Three more are partly done.

I had a good afternoon with Bean, and was invited to stay for dinner - to which heartdaughter and her new wife also came. It was fun and I stayed too late. So I did not stop at the grocery on the way home as I had planned. And I got to bed late.

This morning I am tired and need to do a lot of barn work, but Dh has gotten focused on dealing with my washer and dryer issues (we bought cheap and available when the old ones failed during covid and they are only semi-useful.) The dryer is way too hot and has melted synthetics on medium heat and shrunk cottons, so I barely use it. It does not have a "low" setting - only "fluff" which is literally just spinning the drum.

Got the trash and recycling out. Cleaned kitty box. Did a load of laundry (sheets), showered, now running dishwasher.

Am home instead of office tmr so that I can get the cleaners situated at mom's. I'll have to remember to bring some things over for them. I'll leave them once they are situated. Mom should be at therapy when they come, depending on what time they get there. I'm a bit tense, which is foolish since none of this has anything to do with me, other than paying for them. It will be a nice pick-me-up for mom.

Okay off to bed for us.

Lila I am so proud of your progress. SubC, I am glad you have your grandson this week. You are an amazing mother and grandmother.

Road, would love to hear from you, even if just a wave. Same to you, CM, and anyone else reading this. Glad you are here.

Just re read the posts. You found the brio table! All
The more reason to just get it donated!

I really need to look alive here. I wish I hadn't slept but I did.

Congratulations on getting the painting hung! Great work!

I'm glad that you can donate the brio table. I can't remember if you bought it for your grandson or if you already had it. But good for your daughter for being able to say she didn't want it. I have said "yes" to so much stuff coming into my house. And then retaining it due to guilt. We should all practice saying, no thank you, I have all I need. And congratulations on being able to say, I'll donate it ASAP. It doesn't need to sting. It's not a comment on us as people. It's an object. And so I'm proud of everyone here.

I fell asleep right after work. And now it's 9 Pm abd I have to gather up the garbage.

Cleaners taking care of mom's house tmr.

Aw SubC, that would make me sad about them not wanting the Brio table. My kids had one when they were little and they loved it! I thought is was a great gift idea. But you're right, someone will be thrilled with it for their little kids. Just think of the joy on their little faces on Christmas... and for many years after!

I have gotten so little more done. Meetings, assignments, watching tv. Being lazy. I did pick up some dog toys and put them in a bag so there are not so many around the living room. I made a grocery list for Thanksgiving. I don't know why I feel so scared for Thanksgiving. Mainly because of all this decluttering and cleaning. Only one person from outside the family is coming, but I am pushing myself to make it nice. I feel very anxious that I won't get the cleaning and mopping done. I am not exactly a neat freak so I dunno why I am so anxious... yet I could be mopping right now but am not. Frozen in indecision.

You can count the number of pieces. If you're having a rough day. 🤫

Dh broke the cat dish last night, so I guess that counts as one out?

Hooray for the hung painting!

If only all our angst could be solved in 15 minutes!

I suppose I will have to settle for 15 minutes at a time, but honestly some days I can't even manage that.

Art does not have to "match".

I didn't get any spoon rests done, but I have plenty of time. I do think my pots will be ready to take to the city studio for finishing tomorrow (my membership gives me access to materials I don't have at home.)

The kids do not want the brio table, so I am going to donate it for someone to find and be excited at the great deal they get for Christmas for their little one. I could not leave it out for the rain last night.

I was going to take it tomorrow, but my schedule got changed and now I am going to the studio early and watching Bean at his house in the afternoon, so the thrift store will be closed when I drive by.

I'm back. I hung the painting. It took 15 minutes from start to finish, even though I could not find the little wire hanging kit. I was getting so frustrated and about to give up but decided to try a heavy duty metal staple to the frame and a hook on the wall... since it is very light weight. It worked! It looks fine. The colors don't really go, but the friend who gave it to me is coming for Thanksgiving which is why I really needed to have it hung. I don't want hurt feelings.

Yay. 2-3 years of procrastinating fixed in 15 minutes.

I had to look up brio table, SubC. Had no idea what it was! Now I know!

Not having kids in the family helps on the gifts. My favorite memories are wearing my Christmas nightie, bathrobe, and reading the books Santa brought me. To this day, I give pjs and robes and books.

I like to buy tea towels and Swedish sponges from Etsy as gifts, too. But with not seeing friends at restaurants and not otherwise celebrating in person, I have no need to purchase those things.

I agree, Lila, don't buy something that your husband will just add to the pile.

Good work throwing some pots, SubC. I remember the time you showed us a picture from one of your sales. Beautiful work.

I spent the afternoon at mom's, watching tv. Really nice. We don't ever do that. I did some furniture rearranging.

Ok I'm going to just be quiet for a little while. Rest my head.

How interesting what both of you shared about Christmas gifts. And WOW about the giving being a monetary value of love. And they hyperfocus on value. I wonder where that started from?

My parents and grandparents have all been dead a long time... in laws, too. They died young. So I only give gifts to my husband and my kids and grandkids. I have done no shopping yet. I am fairly broke but I put aside enough for gifts. I never know what to give husband - perhaps a dumpster rental subscription?? lol. I guess it will be a gift card to a restaurant since I don't want to give him any more STUFF.

Today was church all morning. Then home, lunch, play with dog a little. I am going out to an early dinner with a friend in 3 hours and have a meeting tonight. So I don't have much time to work on the house today. Maybe I can just get the picture hung and a few living room things put away.

Delving into the "whys" of hoarding and procrastination - so my friend gave me this painting as a gift probably 2 or 3 years ago. I love it. It is big and on a canvas. I propped it on a short cabinet in the living room with a 'plan' to hang it in a specific spot. But it doesnt have the little hanging hardware on the back. So it still sits. In fact, it ended up shoved BEHIND the cabinet most of this year! I pulled it ou and dusted off the cabinet and it is there now. I even bought hanging hardware years ago. So the steps I need to take are:

1. Find the hanging hardware. There are several options in this kit of hanging items.

2. Look through them and choose which hardware will work best.

3. Find a hammer.

4. Attach the hardware to the bakc of the painting.

5. Choose the exact location to hang - how high? how far between walls? Measure and level to that spot.

6. Find a suitable nail and put it in the wall in the right spot.

7. Get the painting hung on that nail and check that it is level and looks nice.

See how "hang the painting" turns into a huge project in my own mind?? It is overwhelming to me and that is why it's not been done. I wonder how long all of that will take? I imagine about 30-45 minutes. I guess I will push myself to do it NOW. I will time myself and see how long it takes. I will have 2-3 years of procrastination anxiety once it is done!!

Good morning!

Lila, good choice to switch to something else when you feel burned out on a job. I'm sorry about your big item, but you will get so much space back - focus on that. One interesting exercise is to divide the value of your home by square foot so you can see how much the space you are giving away rent free to things you don't want is actually worth. Would it cost you more than $110 to add that much space to your home?

I'm very happy for you about the medical thing.

Good luck on your living room today - I hope you get great satisfaction from ganging the painting. If you need a boost, just go look at your bar!

Tatoulia,

You sound so calm and together going into the holidays. It is nice to see. Our Christmas shopping is weird. We buy big expensive presents for Dh parents every year because that is how his parents believe you show love. They have a lot more money than we do, so it is silly. They can buy anything they want. Monetary value is very important to them. Mil has a designated amount of money she spends on each family member that is carefully calculated to reflect the amount she is supposed to love them based on their degree of relatedness to her. Every year around august she panics that her Christmas shopping is not done and begins demanding shopping lists from us. I am never able to come up with appropriate items, but last year Dh told her to get me a check designated for my garden seeds and plants. She liked that, so now I think she will fund my garden every year at exactly the amount she doesn't manage to spend on things.

She has also started passing her jewelry on and is concerned about the fact that it is coming out of the value of the estate, so If you choose a piece of jewelry (she sends emails and photos throughout the year) that she thinks is valuable, she wraps it for Christmas and deducts the value from your gift spending. I got a very pretty antique bracelet and pair of earrings this year, but they are both "not real" and the bracelet needs repair, so she told me "you can just have these. They aren't worth anything."

Anyway, aside from that - sometimes I buy presents for my parents and sometimes I don't, it depends on if I see something they would like. Sometimes I make them a thing. They have lots of stuff. When our kids were little we tried to balance number of packages, and when they got older we tried to balance money spent, and after discussion this year, we're just buying a few things for each of them and only really spending money on Dd2 because she is at a stage in her life when the things she really wants are not in easy reach of her income. I'm making spoon rests for ds and flower pots for ddil, and I need to get on that!

I bought new pajamas on sale for Bean already, but that is part of his "thanksgiving gift" - lol. I told the kids I want to give my grandkids pajamas and a book after thanksgiving every year as part of their "Christmas" Dd said that was ok. But then after I bought the pajamas, she said that I can't give him anything new or plastic this year (I am allowed to use new non-plastic materials if I make him something.) I have two books for him that I bought used. I might give him the brio table for Christmas..

This is becoming a book.

Anyway, yesterday I threw pots in the morning (kept 5, I'm out of practice) went to the studio sale and caught up with people, I have missed, and then went back out after dinner and threw two more pots worth keeping and one maybe, and trimmed an old piece. I'm going back out this morning to do some casting, trim the stuff I threw yesterday, and maybe start the spoon rests.

I am rewashing yesterday's laundry because I forgot it.

Wow! Ladies! You are all doing so much. I can't address each thing but please let me express my gratitude to each and every one of you. Great friends.

SubC I am thrilled you have time off! Lila and road, you are getting so much done! Cm-checking in on you!

I packaged up a bunch of stuff to mail today and went to the post office. I also had a new battery put into my newly found watch. I picked up a few craft things for friend's kids. I'll be packaging those up and mailing next week. I sent a few things from our childhood to my sister. I stopped by my friend's work to invite her for dinner and we had a good meal together here.

I saw BF for a few minutes and dropped off some milk and bread for mom. I'll help her tmr.

Now I'm running the dishwasher and getting ready for bed.

I am having Thanksgiving catered. I'll go to mom's lunchtime with her meal and sit with her while she eats. BF and I will eat here thanksgiving night.

My cleaners will deep clean mom's on Tuesday. I suspect that will be the day they clean my house. I'll work from home that day instead of going in.

I was thinking about Christmas today and how people spend money they don't have on stuff they don't need and for people they don't like. I'm pretty much done with my shopping. I have new robe and nightgown for mom, a calendar for BF, a Turkish towel and bathrobe for my friend from Japan (the one who lived here) since she will be joining us for Christmas dinner. I am having the oil painting of BF's cat framed for him for his Christmas gift. I have little gifts such as handmade soaps, chocolates, cookie tins for any extra gifts I may need. Dry cleaner, person who cleans our common areas, etc. service gifts. I'll make three gingerbread houses and that should complete it. Really no muss, no fuss. I will send my brother a check. So now I can just enjoy myself. I'll make mom, BF and friend stockings as that is one of my favorite things to do. I was telling her tonight about the stockings and how I use the ones from my childhood and then I take them back. Just so she's clear as to how that works.

Keep up the very good work! I have a bag ready for goodwill. Trying to reduce.

Oh! Good shopping decisions, SubC. Watch your anxiety, though. You've been doing well and not taking stuff from the street. Don't fall back into the old pattern. I'm proud of you and want you to focus on you.

I like the two things out for each one thing brought in. It has been a more meaningful practice for me?allows for progress vs maintaining an unhappy status quote. Your thoughts?

Aww, SubC, that's ok. Sometimes we get stuff. It's hard not to. Sounds like you were moderate though. Maybe trade out? Someone here told me that - bring a thing in, something goes out. I try to do that but don't always.

I got a little more of the table done. Then I started to feel burned out. So I went in my room and got that big medical equipment thing, cleaned it well, got all the accessories, cords, pieces, etc and cleaned them off. Laid it all out on my bed and took pictures (for the record so it's clear what I sold her). Turned it on, tested it and took pics of it working. Put it all away into its huge box which I had vacuumed out and dusted. Now it is taking up about 1/3 the space and this week I will take the big box over to the person who is buying it and I will have ALL that space back! That is a huge relief.

The other bigger item that I have been trying to sell is not selling. It was about $110 new. I listed it for 50, and gradually listed it more places and lowered the price. Now it is $30. I also offered it to a friend who didn't need it. I will give it another week and then offer it for free. I hate to do that but... it s taking up too much space.

That's about all I can handle for the day. But wow, my goal was just to get the bar cleared off so I got more done than my goal so I am happy about that.

Only 4 more days til Thanksgiving, and I want everything cleaned in the kitchen/dining/living/bathroom before then so really need to get all the decluttering of those spaces done by Tuesday night.

I think I can do it. One day finishing the living room and hanging the painting. One day finishing the dining room and the tall cabinet. And one day doing the kitchen. I'll need to mop as well and clean the bathroom but I can do that stuff on Weds. Ugh but the cooking too. Hmmm.

Woot!
Way to go Lila!

Now you just have to stick to the table plan.

Bean is bringing his parents here for Thanksgiving (I'll pick him up Wednesday morning and they will join us Wednesday night and stay to Friday morning - when they will leave him here for me to return to Dd after work)

Someone is going to cook I presume. Not me.

Today was not a productive stuff day.

I went to the studio pottery sale, where I bought three items for myself - I little cup, a creamer sized mixing bowl style pitcher, and a decorative pumpkin. On the way I stopped at the reuse store and bought brushes for my class and a mold and a stamp for pottery for me. And on the way home I picked up a brio table and an interesting looking ball toy (that might not be fixable) off the curb for Bean.

I guess I should stay home.

Major announcement - the kitchen bar is cleared!! The only thing on it is the Keurig! Wow, it feels so amazing to accomplish this and see it clear. Thank you guys sooo much for encouraging me. Several things went into the trash, one or twin in the donate bin. I only had to move a couple things to the table. And I did actually get some more of the table cleared too! A few items got put into my bedroom because they do belong in there, although there is no space, so I'll need to get rid of some things in there to make space. But not many things, only a few!

I had just gotten everything off that bar counter and was about to wash off the dust and ick, when my husband (way more hoarder than me) came upstairs to cook himself something and he set some things on the bar!! I was so irritated. I JUST got it cleared and it wasn't even clean yet and he sets junk on top of the dust! I said 'I am cleaning this off' and moved them items to the table and told him he needed to take them with him and find a space for them. Then I used wet paper towels to wipe all the dust off the bar, then used a soapy sponge and hot water to wash the whole bar counter. It was pretty bad. But now it is perfectly clean - I even sprayed it with disinfecting cleaner at the end and wiped it again. I am proud of myself!!

I also got one of my kids to 'run' things for me: he took some items to my car, a bag to the trash, my husband's junk to him in his den, put away the carpet cleaner, took more stuff to the trash, put laundry and baskets in the laundry room. That helped me a lot.

The kitchen table is not bad now so I might even be able to get that done today! Oh and I had my son take a printer downstairs with its ink, and I dusted the cabinet it was on. That was in the living room and so even that room is getting much better.

Good morning SubC. Sounds like a nice quiet day is just what is needed. I hope you feel better tonight! Maybe just put your feet up and read a book, or watch a movie, drink some tea etc. We all need room to breathe. That's most of what I did yesterday... sit, chill, breathe.

Today I am drinking coffee this morning so I can get moving and clean. I am hopeful and doubtful at the same time that today could be the day I clear the whole bar. This morning when I walked past it I finally saw how much less stuff is on there. So I already put 2 things away. They are not in ideal places (crowded under the sink and in a cabinet) but they are away, and I can declutter those spaces another day, after Thanksgiving. The kitchen table is still pretty covered. But maybe if I focus on the bar, it will build momentum. I think I will make it my goal to get everything off the bar and wash the thick dust off the bar today. I think just seeing it clear and clean will be an immense boost, even if some of the final items are just moved to the kitchen table so I can clean the bar off. But the rule will be, I can move a few things to the table, BUT I can NOT move them back to the bar to clean the table!

One step at a time.

What are you all doing for Thanksgiving?

Road,

So sorry about your iep meeting. I'm proud of you for not decompressing with alcohol though - it rarely helps.

nice job on the laundry! You are doing really well with the morning routine and the stacking. I hope you start to see it make a difference soon!

I'm glad you found your slides. Tgat us one of those events where I take a moment to encourage myself. "I am doing better. I found the slides and r secure them before anything bad happened."

I was mostly venting about work, and just trying to let you guys know where my head is. I had a good day yesterday with my kids. I also had a couple of conversations with my boss about students and supplies that looked and sounded totally normal, so I guess we are just going to pretend nothing ever happened. Right up to the day I decide to quit and she tries to make me feel guilty for leaving... (or maybe she won't - that will be offensive - she always tries to make the good teachers feel guilty or sad so that maybe they'll change their minds and at least teach one class) anyway, I think that is years out.


Lila - great job on the bar! I am so happy for you that things had homes!

I can't believe someone would say that about your child (well, actually I can believe it. I tell people that when I decided to become a teacher I felt confident that even if I wasn't very good at it, I would be SO much better than some of the teachers I had.) I can find something to like in almost any kid (there have been a few mean girls and one probable sociopath I have had trouble with) Adults are a different story..

Anyway, it sounds like you are getting more organized, and that is great!


Hi Tatoulia and CM!

I am officially on break now, but it looks like I will be spending most of my break with Bean. Which is delightful, but not productive.

I don't have him today and I am going to start by focusing on pottery in my studio and maybe go to the studio sale downtown. Dh is playing golf.

My house is a mess. Yesterday I left some paper egg cartons hanging off the arm of the couch. I also left mr. kitty inside all day. Let's just say those egg cartons are no longer a threat..

I'm going to throw a load of laundry in before I get going (join mr road?) but otherwise I'm going to try to just be on vacation today and clear my head.

Checking in, how are you all doing? Any projects or decluttering today?

I am seeing the counter of the bar! Bit by bit it is happening. I emptied a big bin and washed all the dust and pet hair out of the bin. I got a much smaller bin from my bedroom and put all the "keep but doesn't have a home" into there. I am going to use the newly emptied bigger bin for kid's toys and make room for it on a closet shelf, which will get a bunch of toys off the kitchen table. Bit by bit, screws, coins, cords, etc are getting put away. I found like 8 new sponges and a pack of toothbrushes and a lot of other things that DO have homes and put them away. It is getting down to the hardest items to find homes for.

I hate to admit this but I have 3 blenders. Yes, full size blenders. I also have a mini blender. I am not sure why it has been so difficult to get rid of even one blender, but I am going to box up the one we use least and put it in the garage. That is a step towards getting rid of it which I am not ready to do.

There is still a lot left on the table too but I am getting there.

Thanks SubC :)

Road, I feel for you. I remember crying in IEP meetings. In one, the principal actually said he did not LIKE my son. He said that in front of all the other people, whose mouths dropped open. Nowadays I would probably go into a controlled rage, but back then I just cried and cried. SO awkward for me. I too struggled to hold in tears during any meetings for my kids. So I know what you mean and I hope it gets easier over time for you as it has for me.

Wow the table/bar is overwhelming!! But I worked on it. I even found one thing to donate and a few to throw out. I gathered about a dozen pens, pencils and markers off the surfaces and put them in the art drawer. Put half a bag of dog food into the bin and a new bag of treats that was sitting there into the treat jar. I started moving things into 'like' piles... so a pile of coins, a pile of paper clips, a pile of screws and little parts of things that I don't know what they're for. Found a little bin to put the screws etc into. I put away the paper clips. I put the cleaning supplies into the cleaning closet (see some of it DID have a home!). The entire bar is covered in thick dust. I got one small corner cleared and washed off.

I need some caffeine or something. I am supposed to meet a friend for lunch or coffee soon. It is raining and I don't feel like going out but waiting for her to text me to see if she wants to go or cancels. My eyes itch from the dust.

Cm, Hi!!

SubC, I wrote you a heartfelt response and it vanished into the land of "fat thumbs" or something. I will reconstruct the essence of it later today. In the meantime, hearts...💕💕💕

Had a pretty productive last night and this am.

The iep started out ok but I was kind of ugly crying by the end. I went to a therapist for two years essentially to learn to stop crying in meetings. I learned a lot but I never quite achieved my goal. Afterwards I sat and stared into the abyss for about an hour, considered getting hammered or going out for Mexican- or both! But did neither. I'm honestly not sure what I did, but later in the afternoon, I worked on my thanksgiving plans and then last night did an Aldi run to see what I could find there and I was able to get almost everything there, so that was cool. I still spent a lot but, well, we know how that all goes.

This am I decided to just not go upstairs when I got home from dropping off my son.
- cleaned out my car trunk (More to do)
- cleaned out front closet (more to do)
- brought in more groceries
- some school emails
- some texts w family regarding thanksgiving
- garbage from trunk, front closet and kitchen
- organized dog gear (started)
- Went through a few boxes from the trunk that were from my mom and dad moving out of their house over the summer. Glad I did too because there are some antique slides in there (very fragile and something I cherish) and there was condensation on the bag they were in. Yikes...
- brought in, cleaned up and set up a couple lamps that have been in my trunk for ages. Need to find some shades but otherwise they will help solve the lighting issue til I find something better.
- washed windows on back door
- washed out the sink. (Dishes still covering counters)
- checked laundry - NOTHING FORGOTTEN! Lol
- went through a couple more Christmas boxes downstairs.

If I can get in the habit of having more mornings like this I'm sure I would see it making a difference (faster)... if I keep the pace I've been going I don't have confidence I will Be able to dig myself out of this... so I am going to try to establish This as my morning habit... someone had suggested tying a couple daily things together to help form a positive habit... I have been trying to come home, let the dogs out, prep their food, feed theM Let them back out again, and while they're out the second time, wash some cabinet fronts... so this will kind of be an extension of that. Then after a few hours I can chill or go run errrands or whatever... and then pick up the kid. So that's my goal.

Hope yoU guys are all doing well. Back later,

Good luck Lila! Maybe when you sort out the bins you will find more room in them.

Pottery/ceramics only. We have much better teachers for 2D art. I also teach farming/animal/homestead/ecology related classes.

Good morning. Looks like a declutter type of day.

SubC, are you an art teacher? Kiln reference :)

Guess what, great news! I contacted someone who is a professional that I knew has used the medical equipment I have and want to get rid of. They were excited to buy it!! I know them well so it will be in payments. I got the first payment and today I am going to get it all ready and boxed up, and will drop it off to them in a week or two. I am so happy! I really need the space from this big thing, AND the money.

My other priority today is the kitchen table and dining room. Honestly it looks like an impossible task to me right now. The table has only been clear once or twice in the last 4 months and now is totally covered in things. The bar has not been cleared since... oh man I don't even know, probably last Christmas? And it is completely covered and piled about a foot deep. There are a couple of bins on the bar so I can start by sorting those, perhaps. But all the stuff... ugh. Wish me luck!

Good morning.

I got to see part of the lunar eclipse this morning.

Lila, that stuff with no home is the worst.

We made our house bigger and Dh somehow managed to work it out so that I LOST storage space. I hate the container concept. It is valid, but that doesn't stop me from hating it.

Sometimes you just have to bin up papers. Just don't lose them. I think giving the bear to your grand Dd is a good idea. It is for her.

Also, good job using up what you have!

Road, check the laundry.

I have planned an easy day for school today, but I will have to stay late to load the kiln. My weekend (and my break) start after I catch up on my sleep tonight.

aaand part 3, my day.

I was very lazy today but I did get a small bin and start putting all the papers from everywhere into it. I did a quick sort and just pulled out the trash and threw away a stack of junk mail etc. I will take a look for anymore stray papers and then put the bin in my room to sort into files after Thanksgiving.

What's left on the table and counter is stuff. Not papers, but actual stuff. No trash, just stuff that has no home. Which has been sorted, so I don't think much will be donated. But I have to figure out where to put all this stuff if I am keeping it.

part 2 -

so the party is a wedding reception party. Now I am supposed to attend and help serve food and stuff. I am freaking out. But I want to be a good friend so I said yes.

I have not done a lot with the house the last few days. And two new things came in: an elderly lady gave me a teddy bear for my grandd, and a quilt she made herself with Christmas colors. I will put the quilt over one part of the messed up couch and it will look nice. I might give the bear to grandd to take home.

I took the clothes/soft things out of the donate box and put them into a bag to donate. I will spend some time today finding more items to donate. I did go through the stash n dash laundry basket in the living room and put those items away.

I have so much to do and only 6 more days after today to get things done for Thanksgiving. I am getting stressed now. Part of me really wants to sit and relax between doing calls and paperwork for work. But I also need to just make myself get up and work on the decluttering!!! Trying to find some motivation. I think if I can find another box and just start putting ALL the loose papers into it, to sort after Thanksgiving, that would help me. Papers everywhere!! I have to mini-sort them so I can keep out anything I need to deal with BEFORE thanksgiving. Then after, I can do the paperwork day where it all gets dealt with. At least putting them all in one big box would clean up the 10+ smaller piles of papers all over the house, right? Maybe I can find a plastic bin to use for this.

Ok, off to try and do things.

hi guys,

I am at my "weekend" for the most part now. Just a phone meeting tonight at 7 and some paperwork etc to do at home today and then I am on break til Monday. YAY, I need it. I need more alone time in the winter.

Good job with the basement shopping, Road! I am teaching myself to do that. I was habitually buying new hair products, makeup and skin products every time my favorite ran out. For example, I had a foundation stick that I liked (easier than liquid etc, and I barely do makeup but just like to even out any redness). But I noticed I have at least 4 bottles of liquid foundation sitting around so I am making myself use those up before I buy a stick. Same for hair products - I have a whole cabinet full but they are not my "favorite" so I never used them. But there is nothing wrong with them, so I am using them up before I buy another favorite. Save money, make space! Learn new habits. Doing the same with the huge amount of dog food samples I have.

About friends... I get it. I am socially awkward too. Always have been quiet, shy, and as an adult have had to learn how to be social and even have learned to enjoy people, to an extent. But I feel the same about people not being predictable. And sometimes I say something that I think will have one reaction, and instead I get a not-so-positive or just confusing reaction, and then I feel like going away and hiding because I don't know how to interact with people.

It doesn't help that since the pandemic, I don't have anyone in my house. Right now I can't. The only people who have been in here lately are my own kids and ... this sounds bad... but if I know a friend has a worse house than mine (like theirs is more cluttered or is dirty - mine is not dirty but is very cluttered and dusty) then I will let them in my house because I know they won't judge. A friend came to my door today and I just stepped out onto the porch to talk to her, in the freezing cold. I felt bad but she didn't say anything. But when I go to people's houses they usually are all "come in! can I get you a cup of coffee?" Not sure why I find that so hard to do myself. Not sure if a perfect house would make it easier or not.

Good morning all!

Road, good luck at the iep meeting.

It sounds like you are making good progress.

Tatoulia, I'm glad your eye is hurting less. Hoping for quick healing!

I talked to the guidance counselor and she is not going to put the boy in my room. I don't know what she is going to do with him, but he won't be added to my class. Apparently the problem is that they cancelled another class for low enrollment and now they need the spaces. Perhaps they should ask the other teacher to do the class after all. Maybe some of my kids will transfer...

The woman who founded our school (which my kids attended) is still the primary director (the board eventually hired an assistant director, who was later promoted to "codirector" and they split the duties, so I refer to each of them as "my boss") I'm not really sure what duties or authority the board has. I think they are mostly a legal fiction as far as actual decision making.

Over the years as we have grown and the codirector has exerted influence, we have drifted away from the original vision somewhat sometimes in very effective and practical ways, and sometimes in aggravating and disappointing ways, but always in understandable ways.

And then this year, the original director made some decisions that were apparently motivated by finances and retention concerns. My problem wasn't the decisions, it was the approach. Changes were made retroactively, without discussion, in violation of contracted terms, in an ambiguous email, and there was no apology before or after.

To be as fair as possible, I may be the only staff member who learned about the changes by email, because two days prior to the email, they were (discussed? Presented?) in a staff meeting that was scheduled during one of my classes.

But what remains is that a woman I have trusted to do the right thing, even when I know that she will always put the school first, for 20 years, in an institution that literally states "we have one rule, we treat each other with respect", chose to do something unethical and probably illegal and didn't even feel the need to talk to me about it. And apparently is so unbothered by it that she doesn't even think she owes me an apology.

In fact, when I took advantage of the ambiguity in the email to act as if I assumed she was NOT doing what she was doing (hoping she would change her mind or at least talk to me), she sent me another email that clarified her decision with a tone that implied *I* was trying to do something unethical, or at least unreasonable (by claiming benefits contracted in writing for a period I had already worked)

I have also always put the school first. I have literally told this woman "no" a handful of times - mostly "no I can't sub for that class" when it was literally impossible, and once "no, you can't store playground equipment in my barn." I have taken voluntary pay cuts. I have invested time and energy in providing my classes with as little expense as possible. I have donated supplies and one year significant cash. Every significant thing I have asked for has been for the benefit of my class, not me personally (a new, fully functional kiln, my shelves, more practical sinks) - and each of them has involved waiting periods of years and open gratitude from me. (The sinks were actually covid decisions.)

I don't take days off. I was sick for a week once. During which I taught one of my classes remotely. Also I was out for two days awaiting covid test results last year - during which I taught ALL of my classes remotely.

For those of you who are new here - "Subclinical" refers to a variety of conditions. One of which is that I am probably one step off (or one step on?) the autism spectrum. (Or "definitely on" or "definitely off" depending on which person who knows me you ask) human relationships are really hard for me because I cannot predict or sometimes understand human behavior and so everybody is a threat. It took me a long time to trust this person, and now I can't.

As in, Dd has been telling me for years, since before Bean, that her kids won't go to school there. And now I agree. This breaks my heart.

Related to that - road, I am bad at friends. I wouldn't even bother to make a written plan.

Tatoulia - Oh, those are no fun. If memory serves, when it gets less painful you're rounding the corner, even if it appears worse. Fingers crossed. Hot compresses seemed quaint to me and I was surprised they seemed to work.

Du thé et patisserie (can't think of the word for ?sounds'!) lovely. So nice that you appreciate your cleaners so much. And your friends! Your vibe is zen.

I was just thinking about my history with friendships... i just wrote and deleted this about 5x. Psychoanalyzing oneself at 1:54am is not ideal... I really need to get a computer so I can start journaling again. That is on both Versions of my Master lists, as Are draft goals for several of my friendships. Oh, and there's a whole page devoted just to "clearing house" and you guys are right up at the top. ::::chimes::::

Good to read your posts.

Good luck with the IEP tomorrow, Road. . And congratulations on your progress! Well done with the fridge and the bathroom cabinet. And yes, more puppy time. You are doing great!

SubC I'm sorry that the school isn't reliable and trustworthy. And I'm also sorry they are trying to out more kids in your room. You know your capacity. Every student's life will be diminished if there's too much going on. To the extent you can, stay firm.

I have a stye, Roadm and it's painful. The hot compresses help. It looks particularly gruesome today but it hurts less. I will get to a doctor depending on how it looks tomorrow.


I had coffee with my old boss today. It was nice. We sat in a park. I brought my own herbal tea. We got pastries from the French patisserie on my block.

Cleaners come while I'm at the office tomorrow, which is terrific. They have to stop at BFs work to get the keys.

I did a little shredding today. Keeping up with the papers.

SubC, the dishwasher pods will soon be coming in a paper wrapper. I'll keep you posted.

Not much news here. Keep up the good work!

SubC,

You'll be interested to know I remembered the laundry but forgot the bread last night.

I don't know why they always try to jam kids in. Will they split the class at some point? There are still issues like this in unionized public schools but you do get the sense that in private schools teachers rights and the standards are dependent on the personalities of whoever happens to be in the administration and on the board year to year. Not a good feeling.

Tatoulia, what's going on with your eye?

Lila, you sound like you are really making great progress... I think it helps me to keep track of everything in writing also... helps me process things I guess...

Well, I have been making an effort to take a little couch time every night with the puppy as she's not getting enough people time... I've been in the habit of hanging out in my room and not in the living room or dining room but now that we have the puppy, that leaves her alone a lot more because there's too much she can get into in my room still. She's 8 months old already and finally had 3 days in a row with no accidents. Cross your fingers!

Part 2 - my big face palm moment today was when - after painstakingly recreating my 3 page master list that I lost weeks ago - and it took about two hours I kid you not - I was nearing the bottom of some random papers on top of my printer and what do I find?! Augh!! So now I have all of them clipped to a presentation board and hopefully my son will leave them alone. I will take photos of them this time I guess,,,

I have almost gotten through all the dish towels and rags and almost have everything put back where it goes... also quickly purged a bunch of garbage from the fridge. I know it's almost going to need to be empty for thanks giving so... I guess I stalled out on cleaning cabinet fronts. I should get back to that. I also cleaned out the bathroom cabinet downstairs. I tossed a bunch of hand soap bottles I'm always intending to refill etc. so now I have gloves and masks and garbage bags on one side, and clean hand towels and wash cloths on the other side. All the garbage is off the floor right now due to the puppy...

So that's all progress and I feel good about it - the only frustration I have is a lack of focus (that's nothing new) and the pace is too slow to feel like I'm making a dent because the volume is so large. But I still feel pretty good about it because I'm getting used to throwing more away and am tightening up my standards a little about what to keep. Long way to go but everything I am doing does need to be done...

More later,

Hi y'all,

I'm checking in...

IEP meeting tomorrow. I am completely chill because I have decided to attend via video not in person. In person is better but I do get triggered (long story) and one of the things I learned during the pandemic is it works out better for me to not be in person. I can always be a pain in the ass later via email. Unfortunately, I have not read anything yet so I will be faking it tomorrow.

In the house clearing department, I am making some progress. I am continuing with the laundry. I washed all the orphan socks and had a major matching party and actually matched quite a few. I tossed some stuff, put a few more items in the donate section,,, oh hey, you guys will appreciate this too - I went shopping in The kitchen department in my basement yesterday and found a box of wine glasses. I brought up some muffin tins for some apps I'm going to make for thanksgiving, and just generally started lining soup some Christmas stuff and more laundry... as it stands now, nearly all the clothing items in my room are clean and folded. And the stuff that's in the laundry room is down to about 4 or 5 loads now I'd say. Gee, I hope that number is smaller than the last time I analyzed it. Haha - more in a sec

Oh dear Tatoulia, did you go to see a doctor about the eye?

Doing all the things yesterday has made me surprisingly tired. Unfortunately it didn't make too much of a dent in my home.

It looks like I will have Bean here Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday next week, with his parents staying over Wednesday and Thursday nights. That will be fun, but it also means that I will not have all the time I thought I would have to catch up on school and farm work and get December planned out. I think I want to work fewer hours next year. I was supposed to have benefits this year because I am finally full time, but they took those away retroactively, and so they can no longer promise me anything (as in, I do not trust them anymore, and so I am just working paycheck to paycheck and they cannot say "well, if you do this, we will do this" because I won't believe them. Which is really sad.) They were pretty minimal benefits anyway. My tangible benefits take place in my classroom.

Wow great to catch up with you all! Amazing progress! I can't address everything so please know I am cheering for each of you! And Road, I'm so glad that the meeting went better than anticipated!

Ok I have to rest my poor, diseased eye now.

Good evening.

I did all the things. And a load of laundry.

And I bought three board books for Christmas. Two for bean and a really funny one for my sped teacher ddil.

And I bought bananas and forgot oat milk.

Road, yay for good meetings and for laundry. I hope you get some coat reduction.

I am vegetarian and I can eat all the things except the turkey - what do you put in them?

I also did not have much trouble with my progressive lenses. I know some people do, but if it lasts very long, you should definitely get checked.

Lila, you are a good friend. I would have punted on the party planning. Especially if there were other people to help. What is the party for?

Nice job on the closet. Your paperwork plan sounds good too.

I got a notice that I will have a new student after break in a class that is full. They have never force added without asking me before. I'm getting a bit annoyed. I sent a note saying the class if full. Seriously, the class is full! It is a young class and 25% is kids with significant issues affecting their behavior, plus one health issue that disrupts class mildly, and another kid who is just "a handful". No aide. No available desk. Class is full.

Yay for adulting, Road! lol. I am trying but I think you're ahead of me! And when I got "progressive lenses" (trifocal glasses) everything looked weird and made me nauseous for about a week. I almost cried. But my eyes got used to the warped thing and now nothing looks warped. Give it a week or two and see how you feel, but yes I hated them at first.

The party planning took WAY longer than I'd hoped - about 4 hours and I was so exhausted and everyone else was chatting and still going and I was like yep I am done, thanks, cya. But I did help and smiled and stayed cheery while I was there. Home now.

I got home and put in my load of laundry. It's in the wash now. Then I popped into my daughter's room and quickly took a lot of stuff out of her closet and binned it up in empty bins and boxes. No time to sort now, but at least her closet is 2/3 empty (some things on the top shelf and pushed into the far side) so she can use it to hang her clothes etc if she likes. When I get in a mood to really get rid of things, that stash of bins is going to be what I hit. I probably can donate about half of that stuff without too much angst.

Let's see, what else have I done today? Took a box of stuff to my office. Threw away 2 papers. Loaded the dishwasher and ran it.

Goals for the rest of the day include filing the donation box with stuff and putting it in my car. Drying and putting away my laundry. Oh and that laundry basket in the living room that I still have not looked in.

I was also thinking about all my paperwork. I think instead of taking bits of time sorting and re-sorting all of that, which I have done for years, I just need to pick a day on the calendar where I can set aside 3 or 4 hours as "paperwork day." Put ALL of the paperwork piles on the table together, put the trash can beside me and the paper shredder right there, have file folders and a pen ready, and just DO IT. Sort every piece of paper into trash/shred or a file folder and then at the end put the folders into the filing cabinet. That would be so amazing to be able to find every paper I need! I have all the folders and everything. I just need to dedicate a few hours to do it all at once instead of playing around like I've been doing, which has ended up in piles all over the house, partly sorted but never actually filed.

I need to move my soft/clothing donations from the box into bags. Then the box can be for other donations. I will do that today too.

Hi Lila, hi everyone,

I'm back from errands. I picked up my new glasses. I've been getting by on cheap readers for years. The frames are cute, they are flattering (I think) but I'm having more trouble seeing now than before. I think I can see street signs and leaves better but the distance I used to be able to see is now blurry And I can't bring my eyes into focus using the lower/reading section of the lens. Also everything is kind of warped. Is this normal? I will probably go back in and chat with them about it.

In other news, I also showered. I opened up most of the neglected school emails and filled out some of the forms. I looked up more recipes and then tried to narrow them down... I even did another load of laundry and folding. What with picking up my glasses, I'm pretty much adulting the hell out of this day. Lol.

I'm having a hard time getting moving this morning too, SubC. I am deciding if I want to go get an energy drink but I know they're not healthy. I am stressed out so I want to eat but trying to be calm.

So glad your meeting went well Road! That's a relief. I know what those school meetings can be like.

I am going to help a friend plan a party today. That is really not my thing and I'd rather stay home, but I want to be a good friend so I am going in about an hour. I have done nothing at home this morning but emails and decaf coffee. I guess I will go give my kid's cat his meds (he was sneezing and is on an antibiotic), then go dry my hair (I did shower so that's a plus) and get presentable. Then I think I will pull out that stash n dash laundry basket on my living room cabinet and see what's in there. I hope it is just a few big things I can put away and not another stack of papers I have to sort. I have filing cabinets but I have so much to sort and file that it just ends up in piles.

I have the rest of the day free, so when I get home I can do laundry and work on the kitchen table/bar.

I'm back and all the fretting was pointless. It was totally fine, she was nice, no crying, and I even found out the new system can do what I want it to and she's willing to let me customize it. This has been a battle since grade school so that's actually a huge relief.

I started some more laundry... mismatched socks, and hand towels and fleeces this time... the H is a coat hoarder so I'm washing all the washables and am going to lay them out and see if we can narrow some things down. The closet is only so big and the back porch was getting crowded with coats and shoes as well and we recently had a moth problem out there so I want to try to hit the reset button on all that. Hopefully if I put all my coats and shoes out (and my son's) he won't feel like I'm singling him out. In the past he's been indignant about the fact that I'm the one with the problem (how dare I) - I shouldn't try to manage HIS stuff, etc. but I think I have a right to try to organize stuff that's in a common area. I wouldn't go into his clothes closet and try to do that. Maybe I won't say anything other than "which stuff do you want in the front closet?" And let him deal with the rest. That's what I will do.

Had a little breakthrough (very little, but nevertheless) with the Christmas stuff. One of the boxes we unpacked yesterday was the nativities. Yes I said nativitIES... I have a collection. I've always enjoyed setting them up but this time i was like "wow. That's a lot." So I'm either going to figure out a way to spread them out so they look less cluttery or donate some (rolling eyes) or just not have them all out. I need to do this in every category of my life of course but this is the current one. Oh, also I realized that I have a puppy. She can totally knock over each and every wise man and chew the heads off all the camels. Hadn't considered that... hmmm.

We are hosting tksgiving this year. Probably just my immediate family, but possibly MIL. BIL and SIL and kids never want to do holiday stuff in an effort to avoid the MIL. Psychologically, I would describe her as a narcissist, many qualities of borderline personality disorder, and probably bipolar also. She is a walking bundle of paranoid nerve endings... how she never developed a drug problem is quite amazing actually when you consider the state of her neurological situation. Anyway, she's come to a few of my sons bday parties and a few thanksgivings at my parents house, but she is capable of behaving when she's with strangers at a neutral location, but since it's at our house this time, could be dicey. Letting the H decide. I'm more sympathetic (believe it or not) To her plight than he is. It's got to be tough being all alone with no friends or family that want to be with you because you've abused everyone and burned every bridge, but are too delusional to realize your culpability. Blah blah blah.

So I tried to get my brother to agree to use the smoker he just got from. Our dad to cook a turkey or a couple chickens and he found about 8 ways to wriggle out of it. Even though it will probably just be a small group I feel a little resentful that it's all getting heaped on me. My mom and dad will probably help more than they should and brother won't do anything, and H may or may not help depending on his unpredictable moods, and sister may or may not help depending on if she's impaired that day or not. So I know the answer is to just keep things simple but the Martha Stewart in me naturally wants to make it all festive and yummy. My family doesn't care though because my parents and brother are not foodies and my sister is a foodie but she can't eat most of it because she's a veggie and sometimes a vegan so I need to try to keep it simple. Right?

Saw a few previews of the new Beatles documentary that's coming out... can't wait to see it!

Back later,

Road, I hope your meeting goes well.

This morning I took the compost out, fed the chickens the pumpkin Dh mom brought Bean (on November 6? After I sent photos of Bean picking the pumpkins I grew?) which the kids left behind and I was planning to cook, but I realized last night it was starting to rot on my counter. And burned the burn bag (one paper grocery bag, mostly food contaminated paperboard/waxed paper)

The recycling to drop at the grocery and the community bins is loaded in my car, along with two lightly filled and tied shut plastic grocery bags of garbage (mostly disposable diapers from Bean. His dad has been moving away from the cloth recently with the poop being worse and other demands on his time), two not all the way to the top paper grocery bags of stuff for goodwill (added a pair of shoes this morning) a couple of "like new" items for the book and toy drive, and 12 books to go to the used book store (two were newly added to the pile this morning.)

All I need to do now is find my lesson plans, gather my stuff for school, and then go do all the things.

Good morning clearers...

I have read through about half and as usual have much to say about all the things but I will finish reading before I ask ?s...

I like the fluffing explanation. That's right on the money. Also the concept of the money being spent on the front end and not getting hung up on what you're going to get back for things. I know a huge amount of the :::whispering::: 200 bins ::::: I have out in the garage is stuff I've hesitated getting rid of because it's newish and I want to get money back out of it, but I know having been in this situation for years already, that a habit of hesitating over these decisions leads to bins and bins full of stuff that's no longer saleable... sellable? And so now it's almost worthless AND you've paid the price of being burdened by it all on top of everything else.

Today's anxiety report is high due to meeting with my sons speech therapist online in a few minutes. Last time I cried so I have that memory to deal with and also we're going to be talking communication devices and that has some triggers for me as well. Long story. On Thursday we have the iep and so far I have neglected most of what I should have done by now to prepare...

Had a pretty big household work day yesterday(procrastinating preparing for the iep) haha. I always get a lot of housework done this time of year. Put away Halloween/fall stuff and got out the first two bins of Christmas stuff. This is the stuff that's fast to put up... I. Kind of thought my son would enjoy it but he was kind of meh about it yesterday and then this am when I came down and saw it I kind of snarled at the mantle so I guess I jumped the gun a bit.

Going through all the Weird things that need washing like gloves and hats and scarves, and then I found stashes of kitchen wash cloths my husband had put outside on the back porch for some reason... so I'm washing those also. Did a few loads of clothes also.

More later - I'm off to the meeting...