Tatoulia,

When my boyfriend is cleaning, I feel like... this is my mess, I made it, I need to clean it. And I feel like a jerk that in order for him to be comfortable here, he has to spend a bunch of time cleaning. I guess it's like... I couldn't manage to get it done so now you have to do it. Definitely lazy failure feelings. My therapist said I need to learn to not take things so personally when it comes to him cleaning - it's not a judgement on me. Easier said than done of course!

I too haven't had roommates in the past. In college I had a couple short-term roommates (never longer than a semester), but once I was able to be solo, that was the path I chose. I've lived alone for the past 14 years and it's definitely an adjustment to share living space with someone else. Fortunately he's consistently kind and supportive of me.


Hope everyone is having a good Monday!

Mel, you've certainly faced a lot of challenges this weekend. I understand the feeling that the clean living room doesn't make you feel better. It can dredge up a host of emotions that you wouldn't expect. For me, I felt like a lazy failure who wasted time, money, space and energy on junk. Just work through it. You're not expected to feel happy re having living room clean. Maybe you can shift your focus in a different direction? Good to have someone carry the heavy stuff so you don't get hurt?

I have lived alone my entire adult life. Didn't even have a roommate during college and grad school. Would find it very difficult to get any sort of roommate. Expect the adjustment period. You'll get there.

Ps maybe there's something wrong with me but I thought your answer re mouse trap was clever!

Hi everyone,

Busy weekend! Hope everyone is doing well today.

Diane, happy happy birthday! Very glad you had your nice shower. Is there anything else you can do to protect your pipes? I agree it was a good plan to do dishes and laundry just in case. Please keep taking care of yourself.

Tatoulia, congrats on making the rug delivery! Hooray! One less thing to worry about!

Dianne, so sorry that you had a day of putting out fires. Even small fires are frustrating but that was all a lot of stuff to deal with in a short period of time. I hope this week is much better and easier. Computers unfortunately often seem to have that issue of fix one problem and something else comes up. Best of luck at the vet tomorrow!

Dave, did you go ahead and get the haircut?

Lots has been going on here. My boyfriend has been living here full time and it's a bit of an adjustment. He has been incredibly kind and supportive. We got cable installed (for the first time!) and the installation went fast and easy, which was wonderful. Before he came out we spent some time cleaning the living room to prepare (they ask for 3 ft of space around the place that the install is going to happen), and after the install was complete he rearranged the area around the tv and then went on a cleaning spree. I barely recognize my living room. There is a coffee table i planned on getting rid of and we totally cleared it off and all around where it had been. My boyfriend suggested we me it into the second bedroom. I was hesitant, but then he told me he'd already been in there, which totally freaked me out. Then he nonchalantly carried the coffee table in there and left it there. I felt freaked out and I needed a lot of reassurance but he promised it was no big deal. The only other awkward moment was when he found a mouse trap and asked what it was. He looked horrified and asked if I had a mice. I said "sometimes in the fall." I know, I should have told him the truth, but I felt like he had already been so kind and supportive I just couldn't face telling him.

We also made a trip to the electronics recycling Saturday morning. I got rid of a huge old monitor (that i injured myself trying to move out of the second bedroom on my own because I didn't want my boyfriend to see - not a major injury but I tripped on the stuff in there and dropped the monitor and bruised my hand and my leg), an old cd player, an old stereo system, a non-working vhs player (and threw away ALL of my vhs tapes), and an old non-working digital converter box. It felt like a lot of stuff but it didn't look like much in my boyfriend's car. But it's that much more stuff out of the house.

I wish i was the kind of person who found cleaning therapeutic and who felt better when the house was clean. It's just not me. I can see that it looks nicer, cleaner, etc - but it doesn't "do" anything for me.

"Early this morning, we set a record for cold temperatures! Roberts Field reporting a temp of -19 degrees which broke the record for this day. Yesterday, -15 broke a record as well!! BRR!!" Local weather report
Well, no wonder it was so difficult to stay warm!!
Finally got it warm enough in here to take a shower, and hot water was so great. I got very little accomplished today. Enjoyed your birthday wishes, thanks. Dave you are so right, I do have to figure out something to continue living independently. I went to mailbox today, road was like a sheet of ice, steep driveway. Shoveled enough snow so could get to the road. 3 birthday cards, made the walk worth it. It is already -2 degrees so another cold night, will leave water running again tonight. Daily they say it will be above 0 tonight, then temp dips to minus teens. I am physically exhausted.
Dave I worked sorting in the bedroom today, and thought of you when I found 100's of sox, forgot I stashed a bunch to sort "later". I have too dang much stuff. I was motivated to donate today, then got caught up in sorting, and churning. Maybe tomorrow will be more productive. I did shower, wash hair, do dishes, made soup, brought fire wood in, kept fire going, found gloves and boots.
Tat happy to hear your delivery went well and you are home safe and sound. Meant a lot to me to read the kind things you wrote today, thanks so much. Dianne thanks for the cute greeting.

Just read Dianne's post in What Are You Doing Today. God bless the kittycat.

Happy birthday dear Diane! Oh how I wish I could've taken you for a lobster dinner today--or anything else that you would enjoy.

Happy happy birthday! You are remarkable, industrious, loving, thoughtful, friend to dogs, friend to hoarders--truly lovely and wonderful! More than once I have felt down and out-of-place and I have come on this site hoping to hear from you--you make me feel less alone in my struggles.

(Home safe, exhausted and hungry--everyone's well wishes and angels and encouragement and everything else were much needed and greatly appreciated).

diane,

It is troubling to read about all of the things you are coping with with your home.

I hope that in the spring you are able to return to considering some options, that your finances may permit some changes, and that you can come up with something that still gives you a snug living environment but requires less labor on your part to protect it from the weather around you. I think this may allow you to continue with the independent living you treasure longer than you might otherwise be able to do.

Please take care of yourself and watch over your hands and feet since you know they are now some level of threat to your health. I know it is extremely (did i mention extremely) difficult to buy gloves and a scarf when you know you have 50 of each (Well maybe just 10 :) ) in a box somewhere, but if you are coping with 5 above to 10 below temperatures, you need them badly-give youself permission to buy one useful set to preserve your body parts as long as possible. If nothing else, think of it like oiling a garden tool before you put it away. Your hands are really important tools for you.

Tat,
Best wishes for the trip. I think this qualifies as extreme cleaning (or maybe extreme cleanout).

(^)
:-0 hbtu 0-:

Thanks Dianne and Tat, hoping a safe trip for you Tat.
Well, today is my 66th bday and It is about 0 degrees out now, so gives me permission to not feel bad about being alone on bday. Excuses: car snowed in, steep icy driveway, so no people even if I did have plans.
All I wanted for my birthday is a hot shower so left water running last night and it worked. Last year I just left slow drip, and they froze so left small stream, felt wasteful but I deserve water today, so make it ok.
Sun is out, even though so cold sun brightens my spirit. For my bday present I plan to fill two donation bags, giving is better than getting for this hoarder.
Friend called this am and sang happy bday, and will pick me up for class tomorrow that we go to on Mondays, and will take donations I pack today to thrift store. I told her I planned to fill bags, seem to do what I say, when someone else will know if I don't do it. Hope you all are staying nice and warm today and Tat looking forward to report on trip.

Keep up the good work Diane. I will say a prayer for you and the water!

Getting ready to leave on my excursion. Nervous about doing this much driving in one day. I am getting where I need to be and this will be a very big and much needed relief.

Have a wonderful day everyone! Would love to hear some updates ftom Bitsy and Tillie and Mel and LR and of course Roxie. And if I forgot to mention you, please no offense. You are all important and have helped me both measurably and immeasurably.

Great reading your posts Tat and Dianne. I finally got all snow off roof and wood in. It is already 9 degrees below zero, praying water is still running in the morning. It was sunny today but did not even get to 20 degrees.
Tat I am so happy to hear you found your earmuffs no problems. I am far from that point, and really frustrated with the amount of stuff I still think I need to keep. Got so much out of here last year, surprised I have so much tucked away in every possible storage place in here. Seeing some progress this week would be great, since it is so cold, plan to start filling donation bags again. Guess will need to be in chat room to get some stuff done.
The fear of frozen pipes has made me do dishes daily, even did a load of laundry tonight thinking it might be last of the running water. So happy to read your posts, I appreciate hearing what is going on in your life.

Great to read Diane and Dianne's posts! Diane, imagine my shock when I looked for my gloves and earmuffs and there they were, in a plastic bin in my dining room closet--the one that. "We" (you, me, Tillie, LR, Roxie, Bitsy, etc etc) cleaned out this summer ! Dianne thank you for your enthusiastic post! Need this support!

Keep up the good work everyone. Have rental SUV with rug loaded in. Just took a shower and I'm making spaghetti. Going to cuddle with kitty over a movie as alas, the boyfriend is working tonight.

Thank you all--will try to write tomorrow. Be well. Take good care of yourselves and I appreciate the enthusiasm and support!

To clarify, two roofs that crashed were not mine, they were at lumber mill, 350 employees are now not working, the other roof was at a commercial building. Wake up call for me, if they lost their roofs, my old trailer with flat roof is at huge risk, so back up on roof now. Nice reading your posts.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!! Have about 18 inches of snow on roof. Two big buildings have roofs that buckled, so have been shoveling snow off my flat trailer roof, deck sidewalks. Below zero temps last night, water still running so far. Back up shoveling the roof today. Out of wood on deck so have to bring in enough wood for a few days. Supposed to be 0 again tonight so big night to keep pipes from freezing, seems to freeze after this many days of below zero, very anxious about no water this early in the year. Have water stored for drinking, and toilet flushing, no fun last winter with 7 days without water. I have better insulation this year, fingers crossed for running water.
Past year my "organizing" put winter boots who knows where, if I put it out of sight tough to find, same with winter gloves etc. Pulled tons of stuff out of closet and garage until I found them. A reminder I still have too dang much stuff. Frost bite last winter, so put all stuff in an obvious place, except not obvious this year. Fingers and toes came close to frost bite before finding them yesterday. Slow learner.

Christian childrens music. Veggietales.

(a joke. check those song lines again!)

Dave I'm infamiliar with the music -- glad you found something to help you along!!!

I heard back from one of the shipping companies. $795. To take the rug 200 miles.

I'm renting an SUV and driving up Monday. I'm hoping to go Sunday since I don't want to take Monday off but will do whatever it takes to get rid if storage space by 11/30. So far only one thing from storage has come into my home: a picture of me as a baby. As my boyfriend helped me assess the rug situation tonight, he picked up the picture in the storage bin and said, this should be in your house. You have one thousand things that are meaningless and this is in storage.

Pretty sweet. I also reminded him that there are fewer and fewer things in my house, but of course, that wasn't what he was talking about. He was talking about the picture.

I'll keep everyone posted on what's going on. I'm exhausted mentally but exhilarated at the same time.

Much love to all.

Oh Yes!!!!

Great cleaning music!!!!!. "We are the pirates who don't do anything. We just stay home and lay around." Time for another cup of coffee!

I think that I will go and get a first barber haircut in over a year.

Then perhaps I will tackle the level 5 morass that is my half of the dining room table. (Peering down, I see "Silly Songs with Larry" peeking out of a mound on the floor. Do you suppose that is good cleaning music?)

Mel, keep up the good work. Just remember to take a moment here or there to breathe. You will adjust to this-- it's tough but take a moment here or there to breathe. You'll eventually find that your life is easier, not harder. It's a lot at once and just because it's positive change doesn't mean it's easy. But you'll find you love it.

Dave, Tatoulia and Dianne,

Thank you all so very much for your kind words. I was just such a mess when he texted to tell me that he had cleaned that cabinet out. There's still more to do on it but he did a great job on it. I was so worried I would get home and he would look at me differently or would tell me we had to have a talk about it or something. But instead he had dinner warming on the stove for me and everything has been fine.

Tatoulia, I was so happy for you to read about your healing relationship with your brother and sister. That's so awesome! I'm so glad they're working with you and helping you out. Fingers crossed on the oriental rug! It sounds like things have been going so well.

I haven't made a lot of progress since my boyfriend moved in. So far things are going well and I'm getting adjusted to the kitties too (I've never lived with cats before and I haven't had a pet while I've been living alone so it's an adjustment to make sure I don't step on/walk into the cats). the kitchen sink and bathtub seem to be draining incredibly slowly. When it was just me I mostly had sandwiches and cereal so i never had much to do dishes-wise, and I didn't shower at home so I had no idea how the drain was. Since both are draining slowly it seems likely that there's a problem in the main line. I'm trying to focus on the positive - things like this are forcing me to get things fixed that really do need to be fixed.

I'm also getting cable for the first time! Having an installer in was never an option for me before. I still have a few more things to move in the area where we're going to have the line come in (we hope) but I do think it's going to be OK. It will be great to have good reliable internet and be able to watch some tv shows that I'm currently buying on itunes and have to wait hours for each episode to download on my laptop.

Saturday will be a busy day. It's the electronics recycling day (8 - noon) in the next town over, I have an appointment with my counselor at 10, and then the cable installer is supposed to come between 1 and 5. I feel like so much is changing so fast.

As we get down to the nitty gritty I'm going to need a lot of help. It's going to be tougher and tougher to make decisions and the decisions are going to start to hurt. But I'm not anxious just yet. I know you will all be here to pick up the pieces.

Please everyone keep your fingers crossed that I can get the rug shipped for less than the cost of the storage space. Otherwise I need to rent something big. It will be tough driving but I know my boyfriend would take the day off to go with me. But the least inconvenient way to go is with the shipping.

I can tell I'm getting anxious again. I'm doing that thing where I obsess and wind myself up. I think I will nip this in the bud with some kitty cuddle time and maybe watch a movie on Netflix.

The end is near! My sister took a lot of stuff off my hands today and she help me make some decisions re junking some stuff. It was great. She agrees with my brother's idea that we skip the step of going into smaller storage space and that we forge ahead into no space.

I have contacted a company re having the oriental rug shipped. I will let you know the quote. I'm hoping it's low, not high. (Was that too obvious? --what I mean is I hope it's a number that I can work with).

I can see the end closer and closer. My brother said he'll help me this weekend. I am so excited !!!

Dianne, you are so sweet. The only thing sweeter than your words to me would be sitting in my jammies and having Laura read me a goodnight story. Yes, you are that sweet. I find the encouragement and kind words here are very important. You, and everyone else here, are helping to build and reinforce my self worth.

Thank you. I believe I'll always be a work in progress but actually thought tonight that I'd love to go around and help people with their hoards. I cleaned out a trash hoarders place in April/May and then got to work on my hoard. The trash hoarder had no ties to his stuff and has kept his new place clean and trash-free. In fact, he told me the other day how much he loves his bedroom. I had to throw out all of his bedding including mattresses (but no bed bugs , believe it or not). I picked out his new mattress and went to the store to get his bedding and pillows, etc. he can't go to stores due to mental issues but I gotta tell you, I saw his place recently and I was very impressed.

I wish I could go around and help other people. Alas, I have to finish getting my finances in order first.

Getting support from my family is remarkable. I've been caring for my brother for over two decades (his mental illness struck during his first year of college) and it's been terrible. But I have persevered and he has found a large measure of peace.

I went to storage spot tonight and it is completely organized for sister's visit. The stuff she is taking is up front and the things I have questions are off to the side. I see the end is near, although any one else looking at it would think that it's a mess and stuffed. But I know better.

I'd be mortified, too, Mel, but he took it in stride. Find a way to take it in stride, too. And give a little extra love to him and his cats tonight--all three of them are helping you out! He knows you've been overwhelmed.

This summer I had a friend come to my house, hadn't seen her in a dozen years. I was well into my dehoarding when she came here. I'd cleaned my kitchen (or so I thought) and had gotten rid of scads of dishes, pots and pans, junk, stuff. I wiped down a the cabinets, used pretty linen napkins for shelf paper. The first morning that she was here, she got up at 4:30 AM and cleaned my kitchen. It sparkled. And she cleaned out the roundy-round cabinet that I hadn't touched. She made a big bag of the expired food and re-stocked it with cleaning supplies. The next morning she cleaned out my fridge--every shelf, door, etcetera sparkled. And I wasn't embarrassed and I didn't feel bad because she said, you are so busy and you don't have time and if you had the time, you would do it. And I decided to tell myself she's right. (Even though we all know that's not my issue). She also taught me some tips for keeping the kitchen clean. And I'm doing them every night.


So, your boyfriend knows you've been busy and overwhelmed so he did it. How nice. And do you know what, Mel? You deserve this kindness and understanding. You are wonderful and sweet and loving.

mel it's ok. You're doing it together. He's supporting you. His work does not diminish your work or your intentions. You are growing. You are changing. You are learning about working with someone. He's telling you you don't have to do it all yourself.

So there was this cabinet in my kitchen where the mice had clearly been partying it up for years. The stuff that was there was my grandma's and I never cleaned it out or did anything with it (so everything in there was at least 14 years old). In the last few weeks I threw away 90% of the stuff that was in there but when I was done I was going to go in there with wipes and a vacuum and pull out the paper lining so it would be much cleaner. My boyfriend wanted to store the pots and pans there so I was planning on working on it this week. He texted me just now that he cleaned it out and the garbage is next to the garage. I'm embarrassed and horrified, I can only imagine what he found in there. I feel like I've hidden some of how bad it was from him and now that he's seen it he's going to see me differently. Just really freaked out right now. :(

Wow, Mel! This certainly moved fast! I hope you and your boyfriend continue with the progress--do you feel less alone in your struggles? I recently have had help from my brother , which is amazing on many levels. He is mentally and physically ill and has a lot of struggles. He is suddenly very interested in helping me out. The last two decades with my brother have been hell on earth. I feel like my hard work in finding doctors and fighting Medicare and fighting for this and for that and finding safe and decent housing , etc, has paid off. First, it's great to see him feeling better and second , it's a relief to have some help. He was very good when I started dehoarding. We made it a project to go to goodwill together. It got him out of his house, it got junk out of my house, and he felt like he was contributing ( which he was). Now that he's added it up in his brain that we could have a better Christmas if we got rid of storage payment....well, he really can't be stopped. My sister (with whom I've been estranged pretty much since I was a teen) suddenly is appreciative of all I've been saddled with and has made many trips to help me. She has an entire waterproof shed on her property that she says I can put whatever I want in there. So I am lucky that people (and truly the most unexpected people) are here for me. My goal is to have very little in the storage shed.

And everyone here, you have started me down this road and continue to cheer me on. I am lucky.

Thank you all. Really touched by the support you provide me.

Tillie !!!!!!! Great to hear from you! GREAT job on the tree! Congratulations! That is progress! Take good care of yourself today. I'm sure you are hurting all over. What dear friends you have! Dear Mr P. Dear Nate and Mrs Nate. Dear Tillie.

Some positive progress to report.
Yesterday Nate come here and cut down a tree for me.
Mr. Hoarder, who also hoards all the trees on the property, did not freak out and get nasty mean about it like he usually does. We arranged to have four of us here working on it so he had some peer pressure.
This tree was on the north side of my little yard/garden area and was more dead than alive.
It was over two stories tall with lots of large branches. We cut off all the branches first then cut down the thick heavy trunk.
When the trunk was down you could see that half the inside was hollowed out with rot and there was a large wasp nest in there.
I used a whole can of wasp spray & there were still wasps all over.
Mrs. Nate and I moved all the branches to the side yard and carried all the stove length logs to the driveway to be loaded into Nate's truck.
Then I raked the grass and got up all the little sticks.
Mr. P helped as much as he could but he is missing fingers and a leg from a car crash fire but he was a lot of moral support.
I am in a lot of pain but it was worth it.
Mr. Hoarder did nothing to help but at least he did not and has not fought me about removing that tree. :)

d surgery.

There must be some kind of joke I can make about moving from studying exterior results to interior parts, but I I can't put it together right at the moment!

Mel99 and others.

We can put those lists in a thread in the cleanup section at some point. I'm just not satisfied that the ideas I expressed at this point are complete enough or focused enough for that now. Make any comments you care to make.

Dave, when I looked online, said if it runs but does not heat, could be breakers, which are ancient, or the thermostat. I did flick the breakers back and forth, not sure where the thermostat is, might be in manual that is filed somewhere!! Thanks for the online suggestions. I did get kindling chopped, clothes on line, wood for fire on deck, painted more of wood shed, spiders are not thrilled, brought paint inside that was all over, so doesn't freeze. Very windy so did not get plastic up. Feels good to be back on the board and catch up with all of you. I worked at a job Thursday from 6am to 5pm with just a 15 min. break, at a friends job, who was not able to get back in time for work. I had never worked in surgery before so it was a little stressful, and exhausting, but sooooo interesting.
Tomorrow I can get more pre freeze work done around here. Thanks Tat for welcoming me back!!!!

Ps to all, thank you for your kind words. It means a lot to read so many nice things. Right now I'm giving mom a break. The last go-round took it out of her mentally. I did notice last night when I stopped by to groom her cat, that the place really does look so much better and I was able to focus on that rather than how much more I wish she'd let me do.

Hi everyone, good to see so many posts!

Dave, really nice putting together those lists. I find it so heartbreaking when people come and post here who are so clearly desperate. I want to do something to help, but as you said... it takes time and money and labor. It's not something that just happens. Thanks for going through and writing that stuff up.

Tatoulia, congrats on all that progress! It must feel so awesome!

Dianne, thanks for sharing so much about your thought process. So many things that are so familiar to me too. The site where you can light a candle and set your intentions is really nice too! I do think it helps to have a routine to help get you started.

I read a book a while back that suggested sorting your music into playlists for various things - for example, one for concentrating, one for relaxing, one for powering through stuff that you don't feel like doing, etc. I love music so I love this idea but I just haven't gotten myself around to doing this yet.

My boyfriend is now mostly moved in. I kind of had this idea that I was going to have a little more time and he would mostly move in toward the end of the month, but once his car was working again, he moved in all his kitchen stuff (and has already been cooking and cleaning in there). I absolutely have to finish cleaning out the second bedroom. There's nowhere he can store his clothes right now and there's a ton more storage in that area. I think I'm going to try to work on it in the mornings after he leaves for work but before I do.

The kitties are moved in. They were a little traumatized the first day but are improving. I've never lived with cats before so it's a little strange for me. I caught a couple more mice right before they moved in, which I was quite pleased about, and I'm hoping their presence will drive away any others.

I hope everyone had a good and productive weekend!

Hello everyone! I confess that it makes me happy when I see that someone has posted! Good to read Bitsy's posts. Thank you for your encouragement, Dianne and Dave! Diane!!!!! It's been too long. I miss you so much. You have a lot if projects in front of you and wish overate there to help--but I have a feeling I'd be more of a hindrance!

Also ended up seeing brother today and he has offered to help me with storage place again this week. I font know of I'll have time/energy to do after work this week but my sister will be going with me Tuesday.

Dianne, the dolls were pretty easy. I kept my madams Alexander ones to see if my sister wants to sell for me. History has taught me that I will not sell anything so for me to out in a "to be sold pile" is akin to hoarding. If she does not want to do so, then I will likely take to goodwill and let someone enjoy a good find. If that ends up bring the scenario, then I will keep one. And I know which one.

I still have a lot to go but my brother would like me to see about making this the last month I pay for storage, as opposed to the last month I pay for the big space. The oriental rug is the sticking point. But let me keep my eye on the prize and keep on it. No need to look for obstacles!

Thank you all for your encouragement and hope and help. I miss Tillie and Mel and Roxie and Bitsy and LR and everyone else.

diane,
It was nice to see a post from you. (Thank you for your kind words.)

If you have an electric dryer-We have an old Maytag electric dryer. It has broken a few times and I have been able to get ideas about what was broken from online research. there is an eBay vendor named Supplystuf that I have purchased belt, bearings, and a motor from. I was able to find a repair site that had pictures about how to take my particular dryer apart. I've also replaced the timer switch up on the console. I bought that from a guy in Canada who rebuilds them. I think I can find his current eBay selling name if you need it.

Washing machine or gas dryer would be another story-don't think I would be comfortable trying to fix them.

The rug won't fit in her vehicle. Autocorrect said Mr He Rig. Oops. Hope everyone is well.

Hello everyone! Today I went to my storage space and made measurable progress!! Very excited! My brother took Christmas stuff and put it in his closet, and then I got rid of six boxes of books, a large container of clothes, some pottery, some dolls from my childhood and other things and took to goodwill. So excited! I also met with someone at the storage place who showed me a much smaller space (1/4 size of current unit) and it's my goal to be in a smaller unit by end of month. I still need a spot for one of my mother's otiental rugs til my sister can pick it up. It's huge. Sister is coming this week to get desk and several boxes. Mr he rig won't fit in her current vehicle.

Very hard work today. Hard work and very satisfying. My goal is to get rid of everything and not bring any of it into my house. So far so good!!