Good morning!

Tatoulia, thank you for checking on road!

I am laughing that you are not making progress on anything but your finances and your weight. Think about that - two major areas in your life that have gotten better in the last six weeks! You only have so much energy - give yourself credit!

CM, I'm sorry the library was disappointing. It's great that the quilt is still moving though! And clean gutters. Clean gutters will help keep other problems from happening.

I am still working on hard main goals and new habits. I got half my seeds ordered yesterday (see me leave out the word "only"?)

I went to bed last night feeling very discouraged - thinking about how my day had produced laundry and garbage and recycling and dishes and that my boss added a task to my list and I didn't work on school stuff or clean any part of the house or barns. The only part I broke even on was dishes.

But the seeds are a big deal. And my habits are a good foundation. I'll take recycling and garbage today. And I'll do some laundry.

Glad to hear that Jerry is turning out to be reliable. Now to find a sewer person, CM! It's a start.

I'm not making much progress. Y friend is coming Wednesday afternoon to help with the chairs. I've had the fabric for a while. Normally I do them myself but this had a stripe and I will need a more precise hand and eye. How I envy your quilting, CM. and Road's embroidery. And your pottery, SubC.

Bf and I didn't celebrate Valentine's Day as we are not ready to be in a restaurant. And he had a mix-up on my flowers, and he felt badly. My birthday is three weeks away. I am absolutely fine with how today was a series of mix ups. I told him to concentrate on my birthday. Oh! And I'll order my birthday cake soon. I may order two, since I'll want one for when I celebrate with mom. I prefer to get my own cake. At my surprise 50th I brought my own. And guess what? The bakery gave me the wrong cake! And it was a non-event. We just served it up with the three kinds of ice cream and it tasted so good.

Okay, off to do other things. Maybe go to bed.

I'm making no progress except financially. No spend continues. And I'm finally working on myself physically and have lost two lbs. my weigh ins are Monday mornings. So those things show progress.

Happy Valentine's Day 💘

I'm typing this at the library branch that reopened. I'm sorry to say I'm rather disappointed in version 2.0. It's more echo-ey and just not set up well for an introvert who likes to come to a quiet library. Everything happening everywhere is audible pretty much everywhere, whether it's the children in their section or adults who don't use quiet voices. But perhaps it'll improve if I can figure out the best times to come. Daytime business hours certainly aren't it, at least not during tax season. There were AARP people doing people's taxes and talking. I walked around looking for quiet study rooms and found none save for the ones occupied by the AARP people.

If this doesn't work out, there are still the other branches I have had moderately decent luck with; I was just hopeful because this is closer to where I live.

Sigh.

Tomorrow I hope to resume progress on my quilt at church. The weekend was a bust for that, and it made me bummed out for awhile. Went to my storage unit and pulled out a few more fabrics that might work in it. So much stash. But I have a plan, for when I get done with these current couple of quilts which are built around printed/embroidered blocks and are more elaborate.

That plan is, I'm just going to start making scrappy blocks with all kinds of stash, and then when I get a certain number, like a dozen, decide on a way to make them into a quilt, with sashing and borders etc. Just churn 'em out one after another.

Today my roommate had Larry, the handyman referred from the senior center, to clean the gutters and he also gave her some leads on storm windows. Though of course the sewer line must come first. I am hoping this handyman pool from the senior center may still lead to some referral for that. It's such an uphill climb, especially the finances. Is it any wonder we buy a lottery ticket now and then...

But at least that's some better progress than being completely stalled out.

Since I couldn't focus much here, I did do some downloading of research articles to my flash drive, which I can do quickly without needing my high level concentration.

This is sort of the approach to life I've had to take for some years now - very piecemeal but trying to believe that at some point it will begin to come together into finished projects that I've dreamed of. Including a decluttered existence. That project is a big one indeed.

Road is doing fine. She's taking some time to regather and recalibrate!

Happy Valentine's Day!

I miss Tillie. I pretend she's with Nate and Mrs Nate.

I'll check in on Road via Instagram.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Sending love out to you all.

The moon was beautiful when I got up this morning, which always makes me think of tillie.

I am worried about road.

Today is a Bean day, so I get to spend Valentine's Day with two of my loves. (Dh is still working from home.)

Today's big goal is finish the seed order. I have some smaller goals as opportunities arise.

The days are getting longer. We are halfway through February. Mr. kitty says this snow nonsense is ridiculous.

What a sweet tradition, SubC. And I like the work your plan advice. Good to hear you had a nice time at the concert.

I'm a slug on the weekends. Nothing to show for my time.

I have my seed order as done as I can get it right now. I need to call the seed companies and ask a couple of questions before I finalize it.

Today was my grandfather's birthday. He would have been 105 years old.

Every year on his birthday I cut Willow starts. And every year I cut too many, and they don't get planted and they get knocked over on the pitch, and the rot, and they overgrown their energy, and they mostly die.

He used to say "plan your work, and work your plan." So tonight, I went out and I cut six starts. Just six. I can pot up six little trees when they start to grow roots. I can keep six little trees watered. I can find spots for six little trees. Maybe next year I'll do 8.

Pound cake in the oven, laundry well underway.

Good morning.

The concert was excellent.

Dinner was also good. Yummy food and we were seated in a little booth tucked in a corner like an afterthought well away from other tables. I brought half my meal home for tonight.

I was pretty lazy yesterday, but I ran the dishwasher and a load of laundry and found all my garden materials and sorted them out.

My main hail for today is to finish the seed order.

I also want to make another pound cake and run another load of laundry - those will interweave.

Beyond that I do not know. I am a Super Bowl agnostic.

Okay I wrote out my checks, dropped off mom's groceries, then went for a walk. It was good to be out. It helped me see how out of shape I am.

I have to do better.

I am getting rid of the shirt I wore today and the bra. Neither are doing me any favors. After my walk, I did two loads of laundry and showered. Even though it's super early by my standards, I think I'll go into bed now. I stated a new book on my kindle today.

Hello everyone! 3:20 here and probably 60 degreees out. Windows open to air out the house

I'm going for a walk now. I did some of mom's groceries today. Have not dropped off yet.

I've been putting off writing a few checks for bills and so I will do those now, then go for a long walk.

Good morning!

Lila, I am sorry you feel defeated. You have a kitchen table! That is a good thing!

I hope that you get some rest today.

Dh and I have a date tonight. We are going to the symphony again. He wants to get dinner first - in a restaurant. We have eaten in restaurants three times in the last two years. One time was ok (high sided booths, few customers, masked servers), one time was not too bad (private space in very packed restaurant with a small vaccinated group of friends, masked servers), and one time was awful (masked staff, few people, but the guys at the booth next to us - less than 2 feet from Dh head - were loudly denouncing vaccines and precautions. I had to leave because I couldn't eat.).

My big goal for the weekend is to plan my garden, get my seed orders together, and order anything that can be done online. One place i know I will have to call on Monday.

Two recent influences on my thought processes - I have been reading the book "simple abundance" which has daily meditations on your approach to life, and I subscribe to emails from a YouTube homesteader (Justin). So recently S.A. has informed me that my life is a work of art, and that preparation is important in a work of art - that we often forget that the artist didn't just create the piece all in one stroke - she had to prime the canvas, plan the fabric layout, wedge the clay. ;)

And so, I need to start with planning and then preparation, and that even if it doesn't seem like anything is happening, it will lead to the "sudden" result.

And Justin sent me an email titled "your to do list is too long " advocating identifying your goals, choosing your primary goal for the day, making your "to do" list, and then crossing off anything that doesn't get you closer to that goal.

My primary goal for today is my garden. And my to do list is the planning and preparation required.

Been a week, I feel like I'm in a daze. I got a lot of work done, caught up on, lots of writing, meetings, and projects, and some planning. Now I am burned out at the moment. Today and tomorrow are my "weekend" as I planned them, but people kept calling me all morning about work stuff, and it would have complicated things to not answer them, so I spent all morning on work stuff. I am wiped out and spent all day after that just sitting here trying to recuperate.

I did one good thing today. I cleared off the kitchen table so we could eat together. It had not been cleared off in about a month. I did not get every item into its 'place,' but I got it cleared and wiped off and it is still clear.

That is the only declutter/clean I did all week, aside from loading the dishwasher twice.

I have tomorrow totally off and free, and plan to be home and go nowhere and please please don't let anyone call and text and email me about work stuff. I usually have boundaries... but I am leaving out of town for a week so I have to respond to stuff now or I will get bothered the whole time I am gone.

My current mood is 'defeated' and I hope tomorrow will be better.

I took the baby goats to school today so my classes could observe and interact with them - Friday's classes are animal studies.

The kids loved it, as always. I also had my first significant experience with social media. My high school class was first and several kids asked if they could take photos of the goats and if they could post them.

By lunch time I had three graduated former students turn up in my classroom wearing visitor badges because they "saw on [P]'s Instagram that it was goat day" I also met a mom for the first time because she wanted to see the goats, so she picked up her kid in person five minutes early.

Good news from my mom - after spending all day on the phone, she got documentation of the prepaid arrangements for internment. (Even though she had no right to it) The research place will ship the ashes to my mother, who will make arrangements with the minister and deliver them to the cemetery. This will cost my mother a total of $40. She feels much better.

CM, I definitely think you should talk to your pastor. If a Mass is important to you, you should be able to know that you will have one. It will give you piece of mind.

I have told my kids that they need to do what ever gives them the most comfort, but that I would really prefer not to be embalmed from a toxic chemicals in the environment point of view. My oldest said that they will just throw me in the boneyard, and I said - truly without irony - that that would be great except that I am pretty sure open air composting of a human is illegal and I would really prefer that they stay out of trouble with the law. She shrugged and said "out here, who's going to notice?" I'm more of a "god is everywhere" type, so the thought of my (very very old - lol!) body dissolving into the soil along with my lost goats and nurturing the trees seems pretty cool...aside from the illegal part.

Do you have any financial stake in the repairs or just a steady rent amount? I do think it sounds like you are ready to move on from the handyman personally. Supporting his small business appears to be enabling him to keep making bad choices.

Ending on a high note - I am super excited about the quilt! Since my own projects have been mostly stalled, it seems to me to be moving really fast!

Oh, SubC, that is awful about your friend. And it's the very sort of situation I dread, being a NINOK (person with No Immediate Next Of Kin) and also the next to youngest of cousins on both sides of the family not knowing which cousins or their children will even be alive by the time I will need someone, nor are we all that involved in one another's lives. We are friendly and loving when we meet at funerals of other relatives, then we go our separate ways again.

I'm not even sure who will coordinate or attend my own funeral. I still want a bona fide Catholic one, a Mass of Christian Burial would be awesome but at the very least the liturgy for a Catholic funeral outside of Mass which we had for my dad since Mom was Protestant and kind of uncomfortable with the idea of an entire Mass. My dad's side of the family cousins, though, mostly aren't practicing Catholics anymore, nor are their kids. And I don't know young families in my parish well enough that any of them might be willing to step in if needed. It's just me, muddling along alone most of the time.

I need to meet with my pastor and get some ideas for what people in my situation can do, and one of these days also get with a funeral home. I'm not planning on dying anytime soon - would love to live to 100 if I can stay healthy and die quickly - wouldn't we all! But it'd be peace of mind to have the funeral stuff sorted.

If I could, I'd start some sort of nonprofit for awareness on NINOKs and elder orphans.

I was fortunate when my mom passed in 2008 that the nursing home knew me and didn't give me any hassle about things. Because we didn't have her funeral preplanned, she died intestate, and so on. Some of that was why the foreclosure happened, although of course the main reason was simply $$$ - or lack thereof.

Tatoulia, I do hope there will be a cognitive shift for roommate. I've been over it in my head and in conversations with her, wondering if the Sunk Cost Fallacy has been at play. It's so difficult to know, because there are some concrete reasons why we're stuck. The biggest one is that the guy is owed $3k of my roommate's money by Home Depot for the accident, and my roommate can't just write that off; it will still be hard enough to do a sewer project that could be $15k with it. It's all so damnably uncertain.

This man I don't believe is intentionally dishonest much less malicious, but he does not have the knack for keeping a good paper trail and sharing pertinent aspects thereof with the customer. If he had, roommate might've been able to take action against Home Depot herself instead of having him be the middleman, and gotten her money back by now. I know like with my auto repairs I've always wished he would give me copies of the parts receipts but he never does. At times I went and bought the parts myself, which he was fine with, but some things were specialized or I was busy or for whatever reason it wouldn't have been practical for me to go track them down.

I believe he has ADHD and memory problems, I know he has some sort of lingering effects from growing up with a mean drunk dad who beat him, and his family seems to have difficulty coordinating their lives as well, and I don't know exactly how that manifests, except that he has trouble rounding up his sons when they are scheduled to help him. Really he needs to consider going on disability or something if having a small business isn't working out. Or finding a job where they will give him some structure. Or whatever. I know I can't solve his problems, just gotta pray for him. And for us. What a mess it has become.

Bear in mind I have ZERO SAY in decision making on these things, and roommate is so stressed out and has a heart problem, so if she is getting upset trying to discuss it, my two choices are basically Shut Up or Be Quiet. Not that she says it in such blunt terms, but that's what I have to do. I'm certainly not going to live with guilt that I caused her to have a heart attack or a stroke by being pushy or argumentative.

And I'm well aware that stuffing the thoughts, emotions, etc. is doing my own health no good. Plus of course the topic itself is not one I can vent about to very many people due to its icky nature. Once again, busted sewer pipes don't make for delightful dinner party conversations.

I did a wrap-up thing on the student loan paperwork, namely getting a copy of my disability statement of what I make a month and a cover letter to go with it, as documentation to go with what I did online the other day. I'll mail it today.

And a happier thing - I got a list typed out of which fabrics go where on my quilt, so now I'm ready to cut the pieces, and from there it's all assembly on the sewing machine, then when the main work is done, deciding on a border, what size and fabric it should be, etc.

I'm thrilled that my quilting work is really picking up steam now. It probably shouldn't have been this hard all along, but last summer was so disruptive with the house repairs and the suspense about the ones that didn't get done. I guess I just lost my place in the stream of time (sounds like some sort of problem one would encounter on Doctor Who, doesn't it?).

And I'm telling myself that any warm days in the near future aren't too early to begin working in the storage unit, too. We have one yucky weather day forecasted for Thursday of next week but it should be short lived.

So there are some heavy burdens, still, but there are some things that are cheering me up and bringing rays of hope.

My laptop battery cord keeps coming loose and I better end this and post just in case.

Hi Road and Lila, hope to hear from you too soon!

Oh I'm feel so sad for your mother, SubC. What a terrible situation. That is so sad. What a mess. They did the best they could, I'm afraid. In the early 90s when I volunteered on an AIDS project, we would have the patients/clients sign a Declaration of Remains, which would allow them to decide who would get custody of their bodies. Gruesome, but back then, someone could be estranged from their family and then the person's partner would have no rights whatsoever.

I also added my friend to my safe deposit box, so she can swoop in and grab my stuff as needed. It's so important to have these things in order. It's not about what I want to happen, it's about ease for the ones left behind. My one friend or BF get everything. There's money left for sister and brother that they will get immediately and not out of probated estate. I just want it to be as peaceful as possible with BF getting the max, either straight away or filtered through my girlfriend. I worry about this stuff.

CM, thank you for explaining the context. What makes me happy is that you are starting to think in different directions, even with the handyman. I have long thought, and I'm sure you suspected, that sticking by the handyman is just another hoarding situation where you couldn't let him go. Your belief in him was admirable. Just by considering another living arrangement and a different handyman will free you. You'll stop feeling so stuck.

Thank you for sharing your context CM.

My youngest Dd lives in a city. As part of her job she finds tenants for rental properties. She gets very angry because it is her job to represent the owners and she is legally obligated to find them the very "best" tenant she can - which means, for example, that she recently rented a very reasonable two bedroom apartment near a school to a single professional with a good job history instead of to a single mom with two kids who had gaps in her employment. Then she called me and cried. Her best friend is a single mom who deals with housing insecurity.

The idea of a new handyman makes me very hopeful.

Now I'm going to tell you something else that is probably stressful. My mom's friend died yesterday. Mom had her medical power of attorney and was listed as "next of kin" on her emergency contact forms because they had been friends since second grade and she had no living family. It was not unexpected, she had made very clear end of life choices and mom was able to honor them and see that she was well cared for. Mom also got the church to buy a special recorded Bible for the church library and then set it up to play in her room the last few days - she told mom she wanted it, and mom said when she brought it in, her friend was barely communicative, but she smiled and mom literally watched her blood pressure drop on the monitor. So that part went well.

Here is the part that did not go well: a medical power of attorney expires when you die. Next of kin on an emergency form is not a legal document. The nursing home told my mother they have no will or similar paperwork on file (my mom witnessed it along with a nursing home employee, and then the nursing home employee took it away "to file" the employee claims to have no memory of this "it was so long ago")

The friend wanted to leave her body to medical research and then have her ashes interred next to her parents. she bought a plot. Her money and belongings were to go to the church and she asked mom to clean out her room and make decisions about what to keep and throw away or give away on the church's behalf (ie "church rummage sale, dumpster, photos that someone might want.)

The hospital says mom is a legal stranger and unless she can find paperwork in 72 hours, the body becomes "unclaimed" and (fortunately) will be donated to exactly the place the friend chose. But - no one will be allowed to claim the ashes. They will be "buried" (scattered?) in the research institutions anonymous plot.

Also, the nursing home is keeping (or throwing away)all of her money and belongings, and won't let mom in even to remove personal items (photos).

So I know that Tatoulia has made very good arrangements, but please CM - or anyone else, make sure you have your legal paperwork in order and in the hands of more than one person, whom you trust.

Here is some context for my housing woes.

Wichita is known as the "Air Capital of the World." It has McConnell AFB, and several aircraft manufacturers, although some have moved elsewhere but others have come in and I'm not up on all of it. But it is shaped geographically and otherwise
by its aviation history.

The southeast part of town especially. During WWII, a lot of housing was built that was intended to be temporary, to house the aircraft workers. Especially "Hilltop" and "Planeview" neighborhoods. It remained, most of it, to the present day, becoming dilapidated and slummy. Some has been fixed up here and there with grant money and this and that, and in the year after the foreclosure I lived in a 4-plex complex near the Hilltop area. It was ostensibly for "moderate income" residents.

Even with food stamps, on my newly acquired social security disability budget, I was running a deficit at this place. Plus (spoiler alert!) I had too much stuff. And there were roaches, and gangs - one Sunday morning I went to leave for Mass, saw cop cars about 5 blocks down, turned out there had been a gang murder.

It just wasn't working for me at that place, and it was one of the better ones I could get, because I looked and looked. Regular, mainstream, safe neighborhood located apartment/house landlords want your monthly income to be 4x the rent amount, the average rent amounts are over 50% of my monthly SSDI income.

HUD and that sort of thing here is in the sketchy neighborhoods, of which there are many, not just in the southeast. And there are regular inspections, which makes me feel invaded and spied upon, and a zillion rules, and sometimes limits on pets so I wouldn't be able to have my bunnies.

(So it's actually more doable to have the storage unit because as long as I pay the rent, nobody bothers me. Tatoulia, Wichita storage unit rent is about 1/3 what Boston is although I guess one would have to crunch the numbers to see how the percentages and cost of living etc. shake out.)

So anyway, in 2012 I moved to the house of Roommate 1. That lasted until 2015. There were some ways that it was stressful on both of us, sharing that small house (though it did have two bathrooms!). When she told me to leave it was very upsetting, though after some time to regroup our friendship resumed and I'm glad we were able to get past the bad time.

My current roommate, bless her, was willing to take me in in 2015, and the bunnies, and she has been kind. I know I'm not the easiest person to live with. I got rid of the horrible money pit van, and things aren't quite as pinched as they were. I think I'm getting better at being a decent roommate. Finding the L-Theanine for my ADHD has been a godsend.

I've racked my brains for years about jobs and housing and all of it. Having no family plus having agoraphobia means I'd be petrified to try and move to a different town. (I'd wondered at various times if being near my cousins would help.) But my roots are here, my church, all the various anchors that keep me even the least bit grounded.

And I've been to therapies back in the day and got the T-shirts, and it did some good I suppose but in some ways it messed my head up worse but I'm not going to go into that. Whatever tools I have for fighting the anxiety I'll just have to chip away at it. Maybe the L-Theanine will help that too - I wonder sometimes if it might be.

If I can get rid of as much anxiety (and cubic feet of stuff 😉) as possible, and look for some way to bring in money, things could improve. It will be a marathon not a sprint. We did go to the senior center today. Roommate got the name of a handyman as well as inquiring about jobs. The handyman can't do our big job, but I think it may be a beginning of extricating ourselves from the situation that hasn't been working out. Maybe it could lead to a referral to someone. We'll see. Keep on praying for us on all that.

I also talked briefly to a nice man about the senior job program for myself. It probably wouldn't be doable till I'm 62, because I don't want to risk my disability safety net, such as it is. But it was informative.

After the visit to the senior center we were both kind of mentally exhausted with all the things it gave us to think about.

I cleaned my bunnies' cages when I got home. The motivation was not easy to come by, but I did it. I love those two furry rascals so much. 🐇 🐇

Yay CM! I am so glad you got to do fun stuff.!

I am more of a trees person. I have the opposite problem - I focus on one tree at a time and the next thing I know, I am lost in the rainforest and can't figure out why everything won't just fall together into a beautiful park.

The current fence project is part of my new plan to fix that. I am trying to have a vision and lay out infrastructure before I just throw a bunch of things together and can't figure out where to put them.

It is easy to plan and prepare when you have money though. Unfortunately that makes all the difference - the kids are out of the house and I have been working more and more hours every year and so I have been able to save up for this fence. Without that, I would still be cobbling together "the best I can do for now" Which was never really good enough. And then the fence will pay dividends by reducing stress and time consumption and even daily expenses - this summer I won't have to hay feed my boys at all!

I wish we could find a way to jump start you CM. I've watched you struggle to save that start and get wiped out by random events too many times! Like Tatoulia, I do wonder what your options are - have you looked around to see how much a small place would cost? How big is your storage unit? How big is the gap between new place and storage unit plus cost of current home? Even if you slept in the living room and just moved your storage unit contents into your bedroom - the "storage unit" would be right at hand to work on, and you would know what you actually needed. And have a working bathroom!

I ordered two new bras on sale yesterday. The ones I have are becoming ratty and uncomfortable. I will get rid of some old ones when they arrive. I did enjoy not having to wear bras during covid.

Tatoulia, some days it's good to just stop and enjoy the day.

Both of you made me think of the line "life is what happens while you are making other plans."

Road and Lila, how are you doing?

Congratulations CM! It's so much fun to hear about your quilting! WTG! What a great feeling to be alive!

That is an interesting thought process to get your own place. I assume that your roommate owns her own place. Does she need your income to stay in her home? Does she feel tied to the home? I seem to remember when you got your storage space. You were moving from one to another at some point, too. I don't know how much the storage space costs, but if you were to get rid of it, would you be able to rent a place of your own? I have no concept of prices. When I got rid of my storage in ?2013? 14? It was up around 450, 500 a month I think. I try not to think about it. Again, I am not trying to pry, I was thinking about a way out of your home situation. I feel for you.

Not much to report today. Cleaners come on Friday this week. I honestly don't care what day they come. I just hope they don't mind coming into the city every week. I don't know where their other clients are. But I pay them well for what amounts to 1-1/2 hours. I don't know why I am worrying.

I did my hair and put on makeup today, which felt pretty great. I want to start wearing makeup again. It brightens up my face. I put jewelry on too. So it was a pretty good day. I saw mom tonight. I didn't want to go but BF said he'd drive me. So I couldn't say no. I walked home but first stopped at the PO to mail my sister's birthday card (from Mom) and my valentine to BF. I mailed friend's kids' valentine package yesterday.

So not a lot to show for myself today. Will crawl in bed and read now.

I did more things!

And these were FUN things.

Yesterday, I took my quilt stuff to church with me, quilted with the ladies in the morning, then spread out my cutting mat and cut all the strips of fabric I'll need for edging 24 blocks. Today I have holy hour and I kept the quilting stuff in the car so I can do some more.

Will probably do laundry on Friday at the laundromat.

Getting some real progress made on the quilt felt SOOOO good. Like endorphin generating good. And it couldn't have come at a better time. I've been having some sleepless times of overwhelm and worry about our house situation, roommate's health, my wondering about my future ability to ever afford my own place when I struggle with jobs the way I have all my life... we're going to the senior center, I may have mentioned, so she can see about a job for her, and I can just make inquiries for future reference. I'd been thinking about the plumbing situation and wondering if there was any way I could move out, and I'd even let roommate come over to my place to use the restroom! But alas, it's really not feasible right now.

So many changes in my life have been forced upon me; rarely have I had resources and agency to simply choose a positive move and savor the results. I thought I was on my way a few times only to hit major crises - the onset of panic attacks, getting laid off of a good job, mental breakdown due to grief over breakup with boyfriend, agoraphobia, my dad dying suddenly, my job blowing up after my mom died... and the horrid foreclosure of 2011, having to leave my childhood home and neighborhood in shame and uncertainty.

Yikes, that really went to a dark place. Enough. Quilting. Endorphins. Accomplishment. One little victory at a time. There, that's better. Get quilts made, fabric stash gone, start tackling the storage unit ASAP.

Storage decluttering plans here lately can also bring an overwhelm feeling, since a few years ago I'd thought it was so temporary until I could afford my own place, but sometimes I wonder will I be able to, or will I just get to the point of having to let go of everything to go to, idk, assisted living someday? Mustn't dwell on that, just get in and get the stuff dealt with, think not about the future theoretical apartment or house which may still be possible, but just focus on reducing cubic feet of stuff.

Because I'm a forest person, not a tree person. That hangs me up. I go over to storage and try to deal with the STUFF, but the way I make decisions is still based on the DREAM of where it'll go in my new place. Not that I'm not trying to be realistic. Simply that I see the HOUSEHOLD rather than X number of cubic feet of miscellaneous items. That's why I'm rather bewildered when I look around and see... wait for it... miscellaneous items. Stretching as far as the eye can see, jumbled and piled and sad, oh my.

Really gotta have a shift in mindset, I'm realizing right as I'm typing all this. Which I'm sure is rather confusing to read, but bear with me, I may be having an epiphany here.

I love you gals for your support, btw. And because we're comrades in this crazy struggle. And because we're artsy, quirky, imaginative, intelligent people despite outward appearances that might cause others to judge us based only on our clutter issues.

lol at the French toast!

When we thought we might be snowed in without power, Dh bought hard cheese, crackers, and apples - food that can be eaten without cooking and left out on the counter. And cliff bars. Only one of us thinks cliff bars are "food"

Being back at school yesterday went well, but then I did not sleep well last night. I woke up early from a lucid dream in which I thought - "I better wake up I feel like I might have overslept my alarm" actually my alarm was going to go off in a few minutes, but Dh has a large clock in the room, and I could only see the first number because of a pile of books. His clock is set ahead ten minutes, so I thought I had in fact slept through my alarm and didn't know if it was by minutes or nearly an hour, so I started my day with a jolt of adrenaline.

I dropped off recycling and some more things from the barn for the dumpster yesterday. I pay income taxes where I work. In exchange I get public services where I work. I hope to never need the police or fire dept. (although we have had to have the fire department check our building a few times due to old lights literally burning out). But I am happy with the large recycling bins at the park and the new dumpster they put next to them in the hope that people would stop throwing trash in the recycling bins. The park is on my way to work.

The tentative schedule for next year is out. My hours are down by two or three a week (depending on how admin responds to a request to add a class back in a spot that seems open) and it looks like we won't have split lunch next year (anything is possible) in general I am happy with it. I did request one age group adjustment. I basically told admin "we should probably raise the lower end of this class, I teach the material at a more mature level." But honestly, I will teach the way I teach no matter what - if an 8 y.o. 4h kid can handle the content, a 13 y.o. suburban kid should be able to cope. I don't coddle.

My fence people are supposed to come out and mark the fence line today - there is still a lot of snow!

There's an independent news website in Boston that has a French Toast Alert system, meaning whether you should go buy bread, milk and eggs, depending on the forecast. In calm weather the alert is at one slice (low).

I would like to make some progress today but I'm not sure what that would look like. Dieting is going well. No complaints.

Good morning!

Tatoulia, nice resolution on the robe. I hope you find just the thing on sale this sumner!

Good job doing your taxes! I am spoiled because Dh does ours. We always owe because he doesn't like to loan the government interest free money so he keeps our withholding as low as possible. I remember our youngest Dd being confused by all of her friends looking forward to their tax refunds when she started working.

Yes, there is plenty to eat. I would get concerned if it was the flour and sugar that were cleaned out. Diet soda is a bad habit anyway.

We kind of laugh about the way everyone panic buys milk and eggs and bread when a storm is coming. (Not in a making fun of way, just in a "wow, that is a different way of life" way) We usually have fresh milk and eggs every day, and we keep flour, sugar, and baking powder in stock, so if the power goes out, we would have scrambled eggs and/or pancakes cooked on the woodstove. I always wonder about filling your fridge with milk and eggs when the power is going to go out. Even in winter there is kale in the garden, so that is good in the eggs too for nutrition. And dried tomatoes.

Back to school today. So far only one student out with covid that I know of.

Need to get feed and make that poundcake before I go in this morning.

Hi SubC you are definitely teaching too much if you are in the and above range.

It is weird seeing the grocery store shelves bare. We have a lot of that here. But we still have plenty to eat. Just need to make some modifications sometimes. Cat food and cat litter are particularly scarce. I still only buy five or six cans when I see it. I have. A large order that goes to mom's from chewy and I just order a few cases for myself as need be.

I completed my taxes and they are filed. I owed a little state and am getting a surprising amount for a fed refund and I'm not sure why, nothing outrageous or life changing but I'm still excited.

Okay, I am not buying another white terry robe. I can't find one I like. I will wear this one for a while longer and then get rid of it. Summer will be here soon so I won't need it. And then I'll take my time finding a new one.

It's good that I am able to let go of certain habits.

I had to use printer today so I'll put it away now. It was giving me trouble while trying to scan a large document, double sided document so I'll just take it to work and scan it there. I tried three times before giving up. That's enough.

Going to get the dishes done, shower and go to bed. Early am meeting with higher ups.

CM, You did the thing!
I hope you enjoyed your lunch!

I got to play with Bean all day.

Then I stopped at the grocery store and picked up flour and sugar and bananas and grapefruit and a bottle of wine and soup and bread for dinner. My soup was meh. The soup shelf was stripped and none of the vegetarian options I know I like was available. Dh soup was in stock.

Also unavailable were any diet soda in cans except coke zero, and any bran cereal.

It is so weird to me still to see all the people in the grocery store not wearing masks. I went to the liberal area, so probably 20% were wearing them, plus most of the employees.

I am going to put my desks back together in their more friendly, space saving layout that only provides 4 ft of distance tomorrow. The administration didn't say I can, but our case numbers are back below the fall peak when that was ok.

Tomorrow morning I am going to make a pound cake. I have too many eggs and no milk yet.

My administration sent out a survey about evaluations. I learned that I am in the top range (the one that ends "and above") for number of evaluations. But at the center for time spent per kid (they really think we might be spending 45 minutes per kid? And they think that is ok?) I was also very honest (that's me!) I put in the comments section that by the time I finished I was considering cutting the number of classes I teach.

Congratulations 🎉🎈🎊 I am so proud of you, CM! Great work! I have one more thing to fill out before my taxes are done and you are inspiring me!

Boast Post

I'm at the library, and I did my student loan income based repayment plan renewal online.

This is one of those tasks I never look forward to doing, even though it's not terribly hard.

Bonus points for managing to handle a question that came up and I wasn't sure what to put down so I had to use the online chat*. It's a new feature, and I'm very thankful they've finally got one; still, I was a bit nervous in case no one could answer my question. But finally I was able to convey what I needed and get the answer, and finish the form.

*They always wanted to have you call an 800 number which had a ghastly phone tree system and I don't do well with spoken communication thanks to my auditory processing issues. In the past I had a friend who'd get on the line with me, but I'm not really in touch with that friend these days.

So now that I did that paperwork task, I can decide what to tackle next. Bunny cages are going to need a cleaning sometime this week. After that, there are several directions I could go in.

I promised myself a reward for doing the thing. So I'm going to go get lunch.

You did a lot, SubC! Mom was still in her nightie when I saw her yesterday. She's usually completely dressed including jewelry. It was good to see her relaxing. Glad you alternated between pjs yesterday.

Okay back to work for me. Coffee clinks!

Tatoulia, I hope you had a good visit with your mom

I have spent the day changing into and out of my pajamas.

Slept in, had coffee, took care of work email - put on yoga clothes and did yoga. Put pajamas back on and did dishes.

Put on farm clothes, did chores, ate breakfast, met with fence guy.

Put pajamas back on and read and did laundry and worked on school files and watched inspirational farm videos.

Put farm clothes back on and immunized and disbudded four baby goats. Worked on cleaning up the barn a little while the iron reheated between goats. Did evening chores early. Showered, put pajamas back on.

It's not even 7 pm and my plans for the rest of the evening are two loads of laundry and relaxing.

Hello again.

I did the rest of mom's grocery shopping then stayed at her place for about an hour. I sorted through some clothes on a chair. I hung some up, out some in laundry and took five pieces for dry cleaning. I'll stop at dry cleaners tomorrow.

I am showered and making dinner. I have figured out the two pieces of information I need to finish my taxes. So there's no excuse unless any of you can help me to procrastinate.

My birthday is in March. I'm going to think about what to buy myself. My white terry bathrobe is falling to pieces. Might be a good idea for my gift to myself. If not, I'll just shop and not buy it. I should inventory what I really need for a bathrobe. I like having a fluffy robe for when I get out of the shower. I have other ones that I wear over my pjs. So I'll pretend shop for a while. But I won't buy a thing.

Thanks for the kind words. I spoke a bit more with BF and told him how much I have in savings. My bonus should be distributed in March, too. He said he wouldn't be considering it if he didn't have enough money. So I think it will work. I told him in my current job I cannot move but if need be, I can look for a different job in the company if we need to move. I'm just showing him support at this point. I don't think he would leave the area and he's not looking to leave me, I'm just trying to pray for his situation. I am happy and not at all insecure. I need him to slow down on how much he is working. Our time off consists of running errands.

I am glad you missed going to the party. And your husband's sadness and guilt are understandable. Someone once said, in a completely different context, you can have all the money in the world but if the weather's not on your side it's all for naught. I was at a party and this guy was talking about some rich neighbor's wedding and how there were torrential rains and the tent flooded, etc. so there's that.

Off to do mom's groceries and then to visit,

Ttyl.

Lila,

We crossed. I still think you did a good job on the shoes. If the orthotic insoles hurt, maybe they are wrong or you don't need them? I don't know. I would try going for a walk in just the comfortable shoes.

Lila,

I'm sorry Tot is sick!

Good job on the shoes!

CM, I may have told you this before, but I also make nests everywhere, so I completely understand! I think you are wiggling the logjam a little. You may not see it, but even a few days a month of quilting are a start from where you were last year!

Tatoulia, I hope things turn out well for your BF. Anyone who would be willing to leave you behind is an idiot, and you have never given us any reason to think your BF is an idiot, so you should be fine.

Yes, the trip was completely cancelled. And Dh is very sad and guilty. But for me, it's only a blessing in disguise if the "disguise" is a paper mustache. Literally the only downside for me is Dh being sad and guilty. From my point of view, we just saved a Lot of money (hotel, farm sitter, lost wages, gas) and avoided 18-20 hours of driving and a party I did not want to go to and was probably going to start crying during.

Also I got lots of sleep, three days with Bean, and all day tomorrow to prepare for next week, and I have made progress on getting hazel to nurse her babies.

And, I got all the Christmas decorations packed up and taken down to the basement, but not put away in an orderly fashion.

The dishwasher is running, I did a load of laundry, and tomorrow the fence guy is coming out to review the job before starting work (oh yeah, if I had left I would have missed the call from the fence guy and he would have put my job off or cancelled it! - for some reason he was not getting my replies to his email.)

Tatoulia, I am trying. It is really hard.

I went back in my room and tried on two more pairs and they both felt comfortable. I might be able to walk in these but putting the orthotic insert in makes them hurt. I have never found shoes they are comfortable in. I keep thinking, ok, I need them now but if I lose 50 pounds and my tendons heal I probably won't need those inserts anymore and the shoes are so comfortable without them. I have a bit of panic thinking, if my husband leaves me, or dies, I will not have enough money to buy shoes, at all. The uncertainty of my financial situation is a driver to keep these shoes. What ifs are putting me in a panic.

I went back into the closet to pull out the ones in boxes thinking that might help me get rid of more. Well, one box is the exact same sneakers I am wearing now. They cost $130 and I bought an extra pair thinking there is a chance I wouldn't be able to afford them later. So I put those back. Then I pulled out 5 more boxes. 2 were dress shoes. 3 were Crocs sandals. All brand new. I put them all back.

So now there are I think 7 pairs of sneakers on my bed, and two in the donate bin, and I am stuck.

Will try again tomorrow.

CM, I insist you start using the patio right away! 😀. No better way to ensure that the work will begin! Seriously, though, I do worry about you so much.

Lila, if you can find two good pair, keep them. It's good to rotate the sneakers. And if one pair gets wet, they can dry out while you wear the other pair. Rest your feet and try again Monday!

I saw mom. I found hot cross buns (so early!) and picked up for her. I changed out the litter box for her cat.

I'm doing laundry. I did a load earlier in the day. When I fell, the clothes I was wearing were soaked. I had put in a plastic bag and this afternoon I washed them up. Now I'm doing two other loads. I've got my pjs in the dryer and I have to go get them and put my sheets in the dryer.

I picked up my potholder from BF so now the urge to buy a second pair has subsided. Thank goodness. I didn't have potholders for years, bought some on Etsy, and now I think I need a second pair? I haven't had any in ten years, or more.

SubC, enjoy your time with Bean! I want my Tot to come over but she has a cold, so we are waiting. I miss her!

Tatoulia, thank you for the encouragement. You are so right about the shoes. I have some very bad pain and tendonitis so it is hard to find comfortable shoes. Most of these pairs are from 8-10 years ago, some never worn. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I remember seeing good shoes on sale cheap, and buying them, thinking I would need them or they would fit better if I lost weight. But I need one good pair of sneakers that feels good. Not 6 in the closet out of boxes, 2 or more in there in boxes, and more on the floor. Sheesh.

Anyway I went in there and vacuumed out all the pairs of shoes. I looked them over and picked out the most worn looking pair and put it in the donate box. Then I picked the one I thought most likely to be comfortable, put the inserts in them, walked in the house, they felt sore. I took out the inserts, put in the extra padding and the inserts again and they felt pretty good! So I grabbed my dog and went for a walk. I could not go very far, less than half a mile, and as I walked I noticed my little toes rubbing a lot. And then my arches started to hurt. And by the end of the walk I was very ready to come in the house, take out the inserts and toss those sneakers in the donate box! They are pretty new so someone will love them.

Now my feet hurt a bit so I am sitting with my feet up. I don't trust trying on another pair just yet since my feet already hurt. But hey I am down by 2 pair donated so that's progress!

I also made my spinach smoothie and drank it and it actually made me feel a lot better!

CM, I know what you mean. I have been taking books and other items to my office for more space, but I don't want to clutter it up, so I am being careful about it. Once the bookshelf is full, a book in will mean a book goes out. I like going to my office to work on things even if they are not 'work' things. It's peaceful.

I was in the logjam for 4 days straight but I am kicking around a bit now. It comes and goes. But today is finally a good day for me and you will get yours too.

Finally digging out of the snow (it's melting, temps are up) and the mental sluggishness that went with the storm days.

Wanted to have even a small decluttering task to report, because to be honest I haven't done much in awhile. But today I am working on my "nest" on the couch. I tend to create a nest wherever I go, of projects and stuff dropped off in passing, etc. It's one of my difficult habits to overcome.

It's hard to figure out how when I'm just squeezing myself into the margins where I live. Then I still end up having too much stuff, and encroaching on what should be shared space. This is embarrassing to admit. I'm still casting about for extra places I can take projects away from here to work on them, and may have some success there bit by bit, as long as stupid Omicron will recede.

For instance, there is a public library branch closer to home that has been closed for some months for renovation, and it's due to reopen on Valentine's Day. I have the main library and a different branch I go to sometimes, not super far, but this other one will be closer. I hope they have it done nicely and that there'll be quiet places where I can write and research and read. Public libraries can be a mixed bag because of, well, the public. I'm hypersensitive to noises with the ADHD needing to be able to focus. Going to make sure I bring along the noise cancelling headphones.

And for my quilting, the sewing studio every couple of weeks is helping me get the ball rolling - I wish the sessions were longer and more frequent! I still have the idea to use my church's basement quilting room sometimes too; they said it'd be all right. We've had these bad weather spells that seem to come in the middle of weeks for about 3 weeks, which makes me not plan to try and take a quilt project to the room at church, and then I forget about it. Or sometimes I get busy doing other things. Once I can get a habit established of going there regularly, it'll be good.

Really also wanting to do painting, and that's harder to find a space for. If nothing else, when spring comes I'm going out on the back patio. That's the patio that was supposed to be jackhammered into bits so that we could get a new sewer line, so maybe if I go out there and try to paint, it'll cause the plumbing project to finally get done? Heck, if I knew it would, I'd go out there and try and paint in the cold weather!

I don't know if I've said, but my roommate is in dire need of a change in jobs. The one she has had for all these years is overworking her and it's bad on her health. So who knows what will happen. I hope she can find something good. It might still be remote, that would be her preference, and with this plumbing situation trying to deal with basic things like showering and dressing up to go to an in-person job, it would be crazy for her and me both if that's what she ended up getting.

Right now, it just feels like we are fighting a war on too many fronts. I'm trying my best not to get demoralized. Usually I can think of things still to be thankful about, or if nothing else distract myself. Yet how I wish the logjam would break up and things could flow a bit.

Hello everyone!

Lila, you know what to do?you have enough sneakers, you don't need a pair that are uncomfortable. One of the things I live by is that I ca;do anything if I'm in the correct shoes. I hate uncomfortable shoes. It feels like everything is a milli9ns miles away. And shoes that were once uncomfortable and now are uncomfortable need to go. The fact that they once were good is irrelevant. They do not fit your feet and lifestyle now.

It is draining. Sometimes I feel like I abused my privilege to have money, since I spent it on multiples of irrelevant junk. Sometimes I feel like I abused my privilege of eating food, seeing how fat I've become. I get it.

I did start my taxes today. Still have a few more fields to fill out to complete my federal taxes. Then on to the state ones. Really should just do this weekend and file. Get it off my mind.

Need to visit mom soon. It will be dark before I know it. I slept til about noon and then BF and I went for errands. He's tired. The pandemic is wearing him out. I think he's about to make a major lifestyle switch. I hope so, for his sake. And I hope it doesn't end up leaving me behind so I will pray on it. I want him to make a change. He hinted the other day and then came out and said it today. I told him I agree. Then I called him a few minutes later and told him I agree. He is extremely reserved and he thinks things through. But I think he needs to do something. So I'll pray on it.

SubC if I am following correctly, your trip east is completely cancelled? And while a bad thing for you husband, it's a blessing in disguise for you?

Hi Lila,

I am mostly enjoying time with my family, and trying to keep up with the barn. When Bean is here I just play with him, so nothing else gets done. I am trying not to completely lose my habits list, but Dh won't do yoga when we have company, and I haven't been putting the laundry away. Food choices have been pretty bad too.

The kids are going to see if they can get out if the driveway this afternoon (it's a hilly, curvy, tenth of a mile) so we may have 24 hours of downtime that I can use productively.

Good job resisting the McMuffin!

Don't forget to get rid of the uncomfortable shoes when you find new ones that work.

I think it's overwhelming because of the need to overcome the inertia of not doing it and all the hours of knowing you didn't do it.

post 2 today -

I think I will come back and share what I am doing as I go today, to stay motivated. I hope that's ok. I hope to see some others also posting what you're doing.

After I posted I really forced myself off the couch. I thought, I will just get out the shoes from my closet. That's all, just get them out and later I will try them on with the inserts and choose the most comfortable. So I opened my closet. My memory says I have 2 pairs of shoes in there new in the box (sneakers) so I was going to grab those. Well I look on the closet shelf and see like 3 pairs of newish sneakers, NOT in boxes, in addition to the boxed ones... and then I see another brand new pair on the floor in there, and another in the corner of the room. And I remember there is another pair in the hall closet. I literally had to talk to myself out loud. At first it was "I can't do this, I can't do this" but I just started grabbing shoes and putting them on my bed in pairs. I just made myself. I left them boxed shoes in the closet since I figured I should use the ones out of boxes first. I got them all on the bed, 6 pairs of sneakers. This is not counting the pair I have been wearing, which are not comfortable to take walks in.

So that was hugely overwhelming but I did it. Come of them had literal dust bunnies on them and in them but I just lined them up and walked away. I will go back after I gather myself and calm down, and will clean them and start trying them on with various inserts. omg so overwhleming.

Then I went to the kitchen and just started doing that darned corner counter where the air fryer is. I moved it, and all the various junk, onto the stove. Threw out empty pill bottles. Washed out the corner counter, found some cleaning spray and sprayed/wiped it, wiped the air fryer and the coffee maker. Pulled out the toaster over from the side, washed the counter, wiped down the toaster oven. Put things away, put the appliances back. Now that whole corner counter is clean and uncluttered. I did not "wash"/scrub the toaster oven, but I wiped it off, so it is better, good enough for now.

Now I am sitting with my feet up trying to recover. I don't know why this stuff is SO draining!!

Thanks Tatoulia, it helps to have someone to talk to who understands. Yes, let's get something, anything done today. Not be too demanding on ourselves but get something done.

I am craving all kinds of food that's not good for me, so I am just having coffee so far. Also have a hoarding show on the tv right now. It makes me want to declutter. I believe I need to be taking my med in the morning to help with my mood. I took it this morning.

I want to have a big spinach smoothie this morning to get some good nutrition in. I want to find shoes in my closet and try out the inserts in them to find one that feels good. Then I want to take a walk in the sunshine. I feel like sitting around crying, but if I need to cry I will do it, but not as a whole sad day. I can cry while I do good things for myself if I need to. I want to work in my kitchen and my bedroom today. I want to pick up the living room and dust. I want to clear off the piled-high kitchen table and bar counter.

I won't get all of this done today but I will make SOME kind of progress in at least one of these directions. Please share what you guys are doing. It helps me not feel alone.

I will try, I will try.

Hi Lila. I don't think you need to feel badly about the Fitbit. This is a self-imposed challenge and you gave it some thought. Plus you are doing really well with using gift card for Starbucks treat. I'm being strict with myself. And I'm grateful for that.

The first time I had cleaners here in 2018, one of the women mentioned that my house is dirty. But she didn't say it with disdain and she was very cheerful about it. She wanted to know which areas to concentrate on. The first few times, I didn't let her in the bedroom. Then one time she went in it and she changed the sheets and that changed that. She did say that my house is too pretty to be dirty. She never pushed me to go beyond every other week. Then sometimes she would send other people to clean and I fell into a pattern with the two ladies (mother and daughter) I have now. We are in a good rhythm and they are more reliable than the other lady. It is rare that they can't come. Holidays they got a bit backed up due to suddenly everyone wanted their houses clean and truthfully I was happy their income was improving. When they did the giant job at mom's, they wrote to say they'd do her place for $XX now that it's clean, to keep it up. And what a difference. I'm no longer losing my mind at mom's due to the filth.

All this to say, that friend really liked cleaning your house. She wasn't telling you anything you didn't know. And I bet you even said, I'm sorry my house is so dirty.

I haven't accomplished anything either. I did work a few hours last night. I'd like to do my taxes this weekend. I generally owe a bit on state and have a negligible federal return. But I'd like to just do and get it out of my hair.

So I need to accomplish this weekend. Anything, quite frankly.

SubC, I did keep my resolve that day but then I did not get any of my declutter/cleaning goals done, not that day, and not any day. So today is I think day 4 of being kind of lost. I was anemic too, so I should start my iron again.

I just feel so unmotivated. I had trips on Tuesday and Thursday this week and it wore me out. I had plans to have happy meetups with two sets of friends today, but my teen woke up unwell and I just cancelled all my plans in case I would be spreading a cold, or whatever they have. They got a negative covid test today so probably just a cold.

I spent all day sitting here staring at the tv feeling tired. I feel terribly guilty that I wasted so many days this week... today was the most huge time waste ever. Not even a day of rest and enjoyment. Just sitting around, eating junk, and feeling blah.

Tatoulia, I did resist that egg mcmuffin and have not had one at all. On one of our road trips, I did stop at Sbux for a coffee (used my gift card) and also got one of their impossible breakfast sandwiches (plant based, on the gift card). That cured the urge and also stayed no spend and vegetarian. I like hearing about your processing. Don't apologse.. I think it helps us to type things out sometimes. I am doing better on my no spend than even last month so far, but last night in a stupor of desperation about my health, I bought a fitbit. It was on sale for about 1/3 off. I thought, this might really help me with my health. It came with a free 6 months premium, and a free Calm subscription. I am sort of regretting buying it today just because I spent. But, I used part of the money from that big medical thing I sold before. The fitbit has a 45 day money back guarantee, so if I don't really see much benefit, I will return it and it only will cost me the shipping back. I am marking on my planner when 30 days is so I can make a decision and only keep it if it is actually helping me improve my health.

But I still feel guilty for buying it.

So sorry you fell Tatoulia, but wow, great insights about being able to have people come help. I had surgery 2 years ago and we just stashed and dashed all the clutter into my bedroom, but it was nice I could have people come in and bring meals and visit a little. I had a friend who was a house cleaner who offered to come clean for me. She is of another culture that is more outspoken so she said some things about how dirty my house was that made me feel bad, even though it was not ehr intent. And I only let her clean the kitchen/dining and living rooms and one bathroom. AND I pre-cleaned them if you know what I mean. No trash or anything. It was wiped down and all. But she is a DEEP cleaner and was like, washing the ceiling and light fixtures! Of course I have not done it since then, even though she urged me to do it every week.

Okay enough about this stuff. So I will clean up my eating tomorrow (since it is bedtime and I am not eating more tonight). I've been vegetarian, but there is a big difference between a vegetarian extra cheese pizza and a vegetarian healthy salad or stir fry. I will also do something that makes me happy. Maybe read, or take a walk. Something.

Tatoulua, I'm glad you are ok!

We did not lose power, but we are snowed in (iced in actually) Bean's family is stuck here with us. Plenty of food and firewood and Dd just made a cake.

My farm sitter called to say she couldn't get here, and I said "don't worry, we can't leave. I was going to call you in an hour or two when (dh) accepted that".

School was cancelled, so I get paid for today (I don't get paid if I have a sub, but I have one paid snow day for each weekday I teach - if we miss two of the same day - Fridays for example, we have a make up day.) Dh is really sad that he will miss his dad's party. I feel bad because I am sad for him, but very happy for me.

I pushed Bean all through the woods on the little runner sled my mom pushed me on when I was a baby. I wasn't sure if he was having fun until I stopped and picked him up to see if he was warm enough. He started fussing and leaning back toward the sled and yelled "Mimi push [bean]!" So I'd say he liked it. Dsil took a photo and I sent it to my mom.

Woke up today with no swelling, only minor bruising and no pain! Tada!

After I fell tonight, I mentioned it on Twitter to someone who lives in Boston but I have never met in real life. I've taken exercise classes with her. Anyway, she offered to come over right away. And it occurred to me, seven years ago, I would've panicked and not have been able to have anyone over. Bear in mind, I didn't have her come over but if I'd broken anything, then I would've been in a pickle. When I had emergency appendectomy in late 1990s, my house was clean and clear and I was able to hire someone to make my breakfast and lunch each day. And have lots of visitors. And I lost my way in the sometime in the 2000s. I'm trying to think it through. Maybe 2009 or somewhere around there. I'm not sure at what point I couldn't have people in. There was so much stuff on the floors and just everywhere. I'm not sure. Before that, I had too much stuff and too many books but I could still be okay. I would apologize for messy house a lot. Who knows. It could've been awful and I wasn't seeing it.

Stay safe, SubC.

I fell tonight. I couldn't see due to the rain and it was dark and there was glare and I fell on a pothole while crossing the street. Two men helped me up and one got me across the street. My knee and ankle are doing better but my hands are painful. I'll take a Tylenol before bed.

I'm working now so I will ttyl. I like the idea of the potholders as a no sugary desserts award, SubC! Motivation!

So far we have power. And ice. Lots of ice. Bean's family is here with us. I still don't know what will happen about our trip.

Trying to straighten up a little and get my school stuff in order while bean takes a nap, so just a quick check in.

Good job on the no spend and the food choices Tatoulia. Maybe you could buy the potholders as a reward if you keep to the food plan.

Checking in on everyone. SubC let me know how the storm is affecting you!

Lila did you resist the egg McMuffin? I'm going strong on No Spend but not trying to brag, trying to reinforce the behavior in myself. Not buying $10, $20, $30 extra a day is going very well,for me. I still shop around Etsy but not buying anything. I am taking great satisfaction in looking at my credit card app every day. And my other best friend, PayPal app. In a week I'll be sending my sister her birthday flowers but since that is a yearly thing, planned, that doesn't affect the no-spend.

I'd like to go all of February too but there is a pair of potholders on Etsy that I want. I do have two visa gift cards so I could technically buy them that way. But I'm not going to until mid-month. I have two potholders now and I sue them probably every day every other day. I accidentally left one at BFs house and then I thought, don't I need another set ? Although the answer is no, I really do want another set and have picked them out on Etsy. I'll just see how I feel mid-February. I don't want to buy something to celebrate a month and a half of not buying something.

I'm talking way too much about this. I'm sorry.

Cleaners came today and then they went to mom's. It's a nice feeling.

I need to get to work on five bags out. I want five bags whether trash or donation. I want to reduce. Possessions and body. I have so many great clothes (by anyone else's standards I have very few clothes but they are navy or blue or white or a combination and I really like them). I have finally taken the no dessert, no sugary snacks seriously. It's been two days but it's two days. I did not achieve that goal for January, so I'm pretty excited for February. I don't even have one white top I can fit into. So here I go.