Good morning!

I slept ten hours last night. I think things caught up with me.

I have three boxes of projects to check by Wednesday, and at least four loads of laundry to wash today. Dishes are backed up and Dh work Christmas party is this afternoon/evening. It's at a nearby amusement park that has holiday lights and displays. The gathering for food, drinks, and the usual "merry Christmas the company loves you speech" is in a hall for a late lunch/early dinner (from 2-4? Who scheduled this thing?) and then we can stay as long as we want at the park. We have ruled out staying for the 10 pm closing fireworks.

I am going to try to focus on solstice and Christmas and just keeping up with each day and enjoying the celebrations the next two weeks. There will be time to get back to work in January.

One more day of teaching on Wednesday - the kids will spend most of their class time sharing finished projects and packing up their work to take home, so it should be low stress.

I recommend the vitamin.

Mostly vegetarian here (fish a few times a year) and I'm on a 50+ multivitamin for women and an additional 325mg of iron daily. If I miss a few days, I notice.

I finished breaking the pots. I tried to mend one and it did not go well, so that will go in the bridge fill tomorrow. No mercy for bad pots. They don't get better, they just torment me.

My dad picked one he liked over FaceTime, so that is taken care of as well.

SubC, that sounds like it will be very pretty!

The soup turned out very good. I got all my paperwork filled out, took a page to Teen to sign, went and mailed them all. Then to the ups store for two things I was returning. Then to the mall and returned another item, and picked up my new towels and small blanket I got on clearance. I am not doing anymore shopping except Christmas gifts for other people. All my towels are 15+ years old, mostly raggedy. I just wanted a few new ones for my own bathroom. I got 4. I continue to donate as the old ones get holes (animal shelters need them) but the old ones are best for Teen because if they ruin one I won't be bothered.

It is almost 5, and I did not get all the things done, but I did get some important things done, and I can still work on stuff this evening and tomorrow.

SubC, I wonder if I would feel better if I just take a multivitamin with iron every day. Being vegetarian, it is possible I am missing something. I do take a B12 every once in awhile. But I already have a bottle of multis sitting here so why not try? I do have low thyroid and Hashimoto's but I take synthroid and have tried higher doses, doesn't seem to make any difference.

Hi Lila,
yes, that is similar to what I want to try, except I want to do mine with colored epoxy. Possibly with mica for shimmer. Because sadly, I do not have a bunch of extra gold sitting around.

I'm sorry your doctor isn't able to help you. Getting put on iron tablets made such a big difference in my life. I had had my thyroid checked, and when it was normal, I just decided I was getting old.

I had a good day at school today. One of my students brought me a bag of fire starters, and a former student, now friend, sent in a funny and thoughtful gift with her brother. He plopped it on my desk and announced "this is from the sister."

My boss liked the dice tower I made for her niece. A coworker wants me to make another one for her son. I told her we can talk about it after the holidays.

I came home and started my kiln for the last load I need to do before Christmas.

Good morning. I have a few days off now after a very busy week. Tatoulia, hugs. It is so hard losing your mother, no matter the circumstances. Prayers for peace. SubC, I really enjoyed reading about your grandmothers! What a beautiful story. And makes me think about what my little Tots will remember about me, and the holidays, etc.

I remember seeing a thing about how in Japan they glue broken pottery back together with gold, and it looks better than it did before it was broken. Not that you have a lot of gold lying around, but, maybe something else pretty could be used in a similar way.

I am trying to get things done today. I am still feeling so slow and sluggish, but am drinking coffee and making myself do some things.

I am almost done making a pot of bean soup. I have a few more vegetables to chop and throw in. It smells so good.

I have some forms to fill out and mail, and an item to box up and return... maybe 2 items. I want to finish my Christmas decorating (tree and living room)... I waited long enough. The tree just has lights on it. I want to open boxes and start wrapping presents, and figure out what else I need to shop for.

I'm already tired thinking about it. I wish a doctor would take me seriously and help me find out what to do about being so totally sluggish allll the time.

Good morning.

Yesterday I broke another batch of pots, made two dozen deviled eggs, checked some of the kids work (the essentials) did my lesson plans, and had a great time at the party with Bean.

In the process I have trashed my studio, my house, and my weight.

Today I'll teach and try to clean up.

I did have a conversation at the party with a skilled artisan about why my pots keep breaking. He had some suggestions that it is too late to implement (involving the first firing of the pots which is done already), but I will try in January. I'm just going to try one last batch and literally let the pieces fall where they may. I do have plans for the broken pots. There is a decorative mending technique I want to try.

I participated in the "bring a pot, take a pot" brown paper bag gift exchange and I like my pot. It is pretty, small, and useful (a little porcelain tumbler) and I know the person who made it.

Ok, off to face my day.

Hi Tatoulia!

<<<hug>>>

Of course you miss your mom. You have had a lot of hard changes this year and you are handling them really well.

CM, we miss you.

Today I am going to focus on firing another batch of feather pots, making a lot of deviled eggs for the potluck tonight, checking student work, lesson plans, and enjoying the party with Bean. As I look at that list, my gut reaction is that that is too many priorities to use the word "focus". I will do the best I can.

The decluttering has really come to a complete stop again lately. Hopefully I will get back to it after the holidays. I do feel like I've made progress on limiting acquisitions.

Hello Ladies! Thank you for your posts! They felt like visits!

I've let my house go and will put some music on and start some cleanup. Cleaners come in the AM. I miss my mom.

Good morning!

Zoning meeting yesterday - zon8ng change was finally denied, but the guy I'm going to try to get voted off the board basically gave them instructions for another try. The whole thing was exhausting. 2.5 hour meeting, wrecked my whole day. It took until three before I was recovered from the adrenaline nausea enough to eat breakfast.

I did try to do a load of feather pots, but they all broke.

School today. Not ready. Everybody hang in there!

Great job on the returns! So much progress!

I have a question - is x still renting space in your house?

I used to feel bad when my kids lived here. And I used to feel bad for Dh. And I used to get mad at my kids for not helping and cleaning up their stuff. (Those poor kids were overwhelmed. They had way too much stuff.) I used to apologize for my house. and if I could go back and do it over again? I would try less and not get mad and not feel bad about any of it. I don't apologize for my house anymore.

I was lucky to know both of my grandmothers when I was a kid. My mom's mother was also a hoarder, but she was a hoarder with a huge immaculate house (it took the family a year to clear it out after she died - some of the stuff in the attic and basement was very dusty) who cooked and canned and did needlecrafts and read good books, and had beautiful flower gardens and threw huge family events and had parties, and I have no idea how she did it. It was all amazing, and I loved it.

The other one just loved me more than anyone or anything in the world. This may not be true, but I knew it so thoroughly that I can't not believe it. She didn't clean (at all. The maid came once a week. She had a job.) she wasn't much of a cook, she knitted a little. She marked my height on the wall of her kitchen and let me dig in the flower beds with kitchen spoons and taught me how to ride a serving tray down a flight of stairs. She taught me to knit when I was 5 or 6 because the other grandmother didn't have enough patience. I stayed with her for a week once and she didn't make me brush my hair all week and let me choose my own clothes and my mothers friends saw me at school at were horrified. I got to buy lunch all week! She used to say she didn't have time to fuss (and she didn't - she died when I was 15) and "if my tablecloth is wrinkled and it bothers you, I'll find you an iron."

The first grandmother was part of the reason I got overwhelmed with stuff. And she was a lot of the reason my kids got overwhelmed with stuff. And my mother reinforced it and taught me the being exhausted trying to deal with the stuff, being mad at your kids because they can't keep up with it pattern - but we went to school and she cleaned everything up. My kids stayed home and we dug in the flowerbeds.

And my mother admits that a lot of her mother in law's approach was probably healthy, and she tries not to be appalled at my house, but I don't have a maid. And when I quote the iron comment to her - she takes the iron. So does my oldest daughter. And I do not feel bad about that anymore.

I am trying really hard not to overwhelm Bean with stuff. It's very hard this time of year because I remember Christmases at that first grandmothers house with decorations everywhere and music and too much delicious food and piles of presents, and my cousin. But when I think about it, the very best part was my cousin. And we actually got tired of opening presents (we would get so many useful things, and too many toys, and when we got to the toys we really wanted, we wanted to just go play). And we mostly ate cookies and pie.

I have a twelve foot Christmas tree. Covered with lights and ornaments that Bean is allowed to rearrange and surrounded by a toy train he is allowed to play with. We read Christmas stories next to it every Monday. He's three. That's a big enough memory. All he really needs is cookies, a pie, a few presents he actually wants to play with, and people who want to play with him.

I have two pairs of pajamas (bought on sale) three museum quality plastic dinosaurs (also on sale) a family of deer (same sale as the Dino's) and a used book for him. I'll probably buy a couple more used books and add some stocking goodies - candy, a grapefruit - he likes grapefruit, some consumables like stickers scrounged from my basement hoard, and his whole Christmas haul will be under $100, exciting, and not overwhelming.

I'm taking him with me to the potluck at the pottery studio. He's hoping there will be dogs and cake. I can pretty much guarantee there will be dogs and cake. Dogs and cake do not need to be cleaned up, stored, dusted, or (if they are other people's dogs) taken care of.

I didn't check the work at school last night. I was too tired. I took care of the kiln, made some copies, straightened up a few things in my classroom, and brought the work home. Meeting this morning, pottery, work checking, and lesson plans after.

sorry this is so long.

You guys are both doing a lot. Great work! SubC, your cleaning philosphy sounds like mine, right down to writing my name in the dust. But I feel bad about it, and probably should just get over it. I wonder how someone like me in their 50's can get through a whole life of wife and mother etc and never get a cleaning routine down like other people seem to have.

I did good today and returned 6 items! Five clothing and one baby blanket that dil really does not need (heck, I have a tub of them in the garage.. why did I buy one??) I got back about $90! The tops were all pretty cheap prices but this robe I got myself was $52 but way too thin, so back it went. I almost always get dressed immediately when I get up so no need for a robe. I really just need one of those wearable blankets!

Aside from that, I went to visit friends today, which cheered me up immensely, and now I am ready to go back to work tomorrow. It will be a long day but I am glad. I am ready to be productive.

Tatoulia, do you have someone to go do those returns with you? They will be hard. You are doing a great job on the apartment.

I wish *i* had my energy. I run on coffee. I push myself until I am tired all the time. I get mad at my body when it is tired and won't do what I want, even though I know it just needs sleep and good food and exercise.

Also, I don't do a lot of things other people assume one does. I don't clean my house until it really starts to bother me. Or company is coming. I have a high tolerance for dirt and clutter. You can write in my dust. I have a high capacity washing machine and a willingness to dress out of laundry baskets. My skin and hair care routine is soap, water, conditioner, towel, brush. Lotion if I remember - mostly just for hands after pottery or gardening. If I go out, I usually braid my hair at a stoplight. I unsubscribed to all the junk mail and magazines, so I get the mail out of the box every few days and deal with it in about two minutes.

Dh pays most of my bills. I never wash my car. I only make my bed when I change the sheets. I rarely cook (last night I had cheese, crackers and a banana for dinner. Dinner took ten minutes.) I don't rinse the dishes when I load the dishwasher. If they don't get clean, I put them back in the sink so they get wet every time I wash my hands and I run them through again.

Also, this is as close as I get to social media. I shop very little (I can't remember the last time I returned something - 7 years ago? Second choice dress for DD's wedding?) I am super picky about social activities and events and a known hermit, so I mostly don't get invited anyway. I don't text. Sometimes I don't answer the phone. And my job is part time. When I was working four days a week and keeping Bean the 5th, it was killing me.

Today I will do yoga and chores, pick up Bean at DD's work parking lot, play with Bean (maybe bake with him) fix him lunch, take him home and drop him off and go to school and switch the kiln over and check work, unload the dishwasher, chores, and bed. I showered last night, so I probably won't shower until morning. That is literally all I will do besides eating food directly out of containers, dressing, and brushing my hair and teeth.

Hi everyone! Thank you for the encouragement


Today was goodwill day. We had two large boxes that went to goodwill. We cleared out her kitchen cabinets and drawers. All of her pots and pans are very good quality and very familiar to me. But I have my own good quality and familiar pots and pans so we donated all of them. Plates, mugs, etc went to goodwill. Then we went to the office to pick up more boxes. Our floor is bing combined with one of the other floors and this was the first I'd been in so I unpacked my box. We picked up boxes that my friend needed and dropped off two at moms for the next round of clean out. I expect to take mom's books down to the library at her place and I have a place to donate her cds. I need to get her coats washed and dry cleaned to that I can donate them. I may do a little checking to see if any one is doing a coat drive where they clean the coats.

Still more to do. Maybe I can tackle the bookshelves on my own. I did get sad when I went back there alone tonight but that's okay too.

Lila, return the clothes you don't want now. Don't wait til it's too late! I have a ton of clothes to return that I bought for my mother to wear during the holidays. I also have to return the two nightgowns I purchased for her Christmas gift. Something tike me not to take the tags off and wash them (usually I wash her nightgowns before bringing them to her).

SubC I wish I had your energy!!!

See Lila, you are doing great! You already got rid of three times as much as you bought!

The thing is that everything in my week is good. Well, except checking work. I could do without checking work. And the zoning meeting, but I am hoping the zoning meeting will be good news.

There are just so many things I want to do. And then I end up trying to drink life out of a fire hose and the next thing I know, I'm drowning.

I dropped a reasonable number of finished pieces off to be fired for class and I fired a load of feather pots. Two out of five broke badly, but two didn't break, and one only has a small crack.

I have the piece for my boss glazed and ready for its second firing. I'm looking forward to seeing how it comes out.

I also cut Dh hair before he left and ordered ddil's Christmas gifts today. That was fun, because she wanted lots of books "paperback, preferably used" so I could buy her a lot of them and I just ordered them all shipped straight to her, so she will be getting about six packages. Hopefully on different days, but all by the 22nd.

I should head upstairs ad try to get some sleep.

oh Tatoulia, that is a lot to handle. But you are doing great, making progress and not freezing up, which is good. Grief can freeze people. Prayers for comfort.

SubC WOW, what a busy week. I can see why you are overwhelmed. You will get through it - try and look for the happiest bits, like Bean. And you are enjoying your tree and new chair!

I did not buy 30 items of clothing, probably about 10 but have decided to return at least 3, maybe 5 of those new clothing items. I will pack them up today to return tomorrow. I also put 3 more of my older clothing items into the donate box. I had Son take a donate box and bag to my car so I cannot start thinking about taking things back out.

I woke up and thought I heard something in my bedroom last night. Like a mouse or something. In fact I think it was the rain and/or nightmares I was having, as there is no mouse evidence anywhere, but it still has me wanting to clear more things out of my bedroom.

Will catch up more later.

Tatoulia, I'm glad Emiko and your other friends are helping you.

The decision making must be exhausting - even if you are clear on what you want to keep and what goes to your sister, deciding what to tackle next and where everything else goes becomes exhausting after a while.

Dh helped me put the great room mostly back in order last night. A lot of things are stuck wily-nilly on shelves in other rooms, but at least I have cozy and calm in here. I'm sitting by my beautiful lit up Christmas tree in my new rocking chair.

Today after Dh leaves I need to focus on pottery. I got almost nothing done yesterday. I did trim and finish three pieces I had started, so at least those can go to the studio today to be fired. Today is the deadline for my class to have work ready to fire and on the cart.

Tomorrow is Bean, Tuesday I need to go to the final zoning meeting to decide about the Dollar store that hopefully won't be built in my little town, Wednesday I teach and have my final pottery class (we'll be glazing - I won't have a lot to do because I only have three pieces ready to glaze right now. I'm not sure when the new ones will come back.). Thursday Dh will be back and I can work on my pottery at home again, but I also have a potluck that evening. Friday I teach, Saturday we have Dh holiday event for work, Sunday we have plans with friends - I need to make fudge, and then Monday Bean again. I also have a lot of work the kids did at school that I need to do evaluations on and return on Friday or next Wednesday. Those are just the major bits. It all feels a little overwhelming, but I think I am coping really well this year.

Another PS Monday night Emiko cleared out my mother's bathroom and clothes closet. I'm working on her dresser drawers. Tuesday night a different friend packed up my grandmother's China for my sister and she will store it until the spring.

I don't know what else I've told you. Ten bags of garbage out of my mother's very small place. I'm working on it. Just slowly.

Ps thank you everyone for your kind expressions of sympathy.

Forgive me for not reading your posts. Today a friend and I took two large bags of clean linens to the animal shelter. Then we took mom's bed (headboard, footboard, rails), two tables and a chair to the donation center. I also wrapped up some pitchers and vases and we donated them. Tmr we will take things to goodwil. Friday her dr's office will pick up wheelchair, walker, etc.

Nine people have sent flowers to me. A lot of flowers here.

I'll feel better tmr as I make more progress. Did not go to moms on W,Th, F so I am behind.

I should feel better about getting rid of the stuff but I am overwhelmed.

Lila, you donated 30 items of clothing - I am hoping that you did not buy 30 items of new clothing and that you have made progress. If you DID buy 30 new items of clothing, I support returning a few. Either that or donate some more. One way or another you need to come out ahead.

My new tablecloth is in the wash for the third time. I spilled tomato sauce on it. It did get lighter the first two times. I hate when I do things like that.

post 2 -

I went through my closet and drawers in my bedroom and found a few more things to donate. Made space, hung up or folded 75% of the clothes that were strewn all over.

I need to organize my closet. I need to decide if I am returning a couple things recently bought... probably will.

Will keep updating the tally.

Good job on the chair SubC!! I liked your thought process and how you made a logical decision that makes things not harder on yourself.

I went downstairs and sorted two clothing bins of too-small clothing. I managed to donate 30 items and consolidate into one bin! I know I probably should have donated more, but this is a good step since I have already sorted those clothes several times and thought I was down to the bare minimum I can keep. I also took out one shirt to try on, and if it does not fit, it will also be donated. And I took out 3 shirts and put them in Teen's stack since they might fit them and they might like them when they get home... if not, they will also be donated. It just felt like something nice I could do for them.

I am getting close to 700 items gone in the Daily Tally, which does not include actual trash, but only things I was keeping for a purpose or to save. I don't think there is another clothing bin but if there is, I will sort that too.

I am going to pick through my closet and take out things that are nowhere near fitting and put them into that bin downstairs that is empty. Why? Because a lot of them have sentimental value - concert shirts, clothes friends gave me, clothes with pictures of my dogs on them, clothes from recreation things I used to do, and I emotionally cannot donate them yet. But getting them out of my closet and bedroom, and into a bin downstairs is a good first move. Then I will have room to hang up the things I actually wear.

The clothing thing is hard for me because I know what it is like to not have anything to wear, but I am trying to trust that God will provide what I need, when I need it, AND I have lots of nice things to wear now after my business trip. Well, winter things anyway!

I will be right over for dinner..

Of course you are still upset! Good healthy food sounds like a good step though. I'm sorry tot and siblings are sick, but a little quiet is probably good for you.

And getting decisions made about your clothes so you can hang up what you like and pare down what you don't. I want you to be able to easily get dressed in the morning and feel good about yourself.

We have the chairs. They look really nice. We took the other chair up to Dh office and he pointed to the big heavy office chair and said "now where does this go?" And I said "St.Vincent's. But it's raining." And he said "do you want to put it in the basement for now?"

And I thought - do I want to carry this around the corner, down a flight of stairs, around another corner, down another flight of stairs, around a corner and across the basement so that later I can carry it across the basement, around a corner, up a flight of stairs, around a corner, and out to the truck? And I said "no. I want to leave it right here in the middle of your office until somebody is ready to drive it to St. Vincent's." And I walked away. I didn't chose that chair, I didn't buy that chair, I have never liked that chair, and I am not messing with it again except to help it leave.

oh SubC that does sound like a bit of a challenge. I wonder if you can put narrow shelves behind the speakers to cover the wires. Something like DVD shelving, which is not as deep but fits books and things. Although adding more things is probably not a great suggestion.

I hope you and Bean have a nice time together. Tot and siblings are all sick, so I am on my own with my youngest Son here. I took a diet pill this morning to try and get some energy and get off the couch. So far no dice. I am eating toast and tea, and am slow roasting a big container of cherry tomatoes a friend gave me. You do them in a slow oven for 3 hours with a few cloves of garlic. I found a recipe where you put them in with small pasta, couscous, or rice and olives and herbs. I might do that with them if I don't feel like eating them by themselves.

I need to clean out the fridge as well and cook something for Son and I tonight. I am still a bit distraught about my Really Bad Thing. I will try and sort clothes today. In fact, it is not too late to return some of my Black Friday buys. I will sort through and decide.

Lila, I'm glad you have someone to help you clean and a better space to be in.

Take this time while someone else is caring for teen and focus on you and what you need..

Tatoulia, I am thinking of you as well.

My main living space is in an uproar. Dh decided he wanted to spend his Christmas bonus on new speakers. They sound wonderful, but they do not look wonderful. They are big, dark, freestanding things and they block part of the windows. The old speakers had stands with shelves that I put art and books on. Now the art and books have nowhere to go. And the cords that used to run down the wall behind the speaker stands are now just running down the wall.

To make life more interesting, the furniture place called. The chairs that were supposed to take until February are done. I don't know if the guy was just very motivated to get paid the balance before Christmas, or if the mild weather we've had gave him more time in his shop, or what. I am excited to have our chairs, but we need to go pick them up today and then move more things around.

Anyway, we'll see if I can turn this disruption into progress.

Dh has to travel for work this week. He is leaving tomorrow and not coming back until Wednesday night. Bean and I will be on our own on Monday. Bean will miss seeing Papa. Even though he is mostly working upstairs when Bean is here, we usually take him a snack in the morning and see him at lunch.

You're right... why am I so good at cramming everything away til later? sigh...

It was a nice visit and now I have a much cleaner, more enjoyable space to grieve in. Son helped me and we vacuumed, dusted, wiped grime off the gross windows (dog nose), washed the dishes, cleaned off the table and bar/counter, and it was 80% like a normal house. Clean enough I think she probably barely noticed the bits of clutter that were left. I feel better.

I am still updating the Daily Tally and will keep on adding bits and pieces. I did not get to the clothing yet. Perhaps tomorrow. I really needed this time off.

Lila, be gentle to yourself. You need to give yourself time to process you pain and grief, you can't just stuff it in a bin to deal with later.

People should understand.

You made good choices, SubC. You definitely should be proud of yourself.

Today someone elderly is coming by for a few minutes, so I am trying to get the main area of the house acceptable. I feel frozen though, slept in til 9, laid around for an hour watching videos. It is very hard to do anything. I am emotionally stuck. But also motivated to not have her see my terrible living conditions. Well, not terrible, but certainly they feel like a disgrace when someone is coming over.

I started another paper bag with bits of trash getting put into it. I loaded the dishwasher and hand washed 75% of the rest of the dishes. I got half of the infamous bar/counter cleared off and washed. Son just got up so he is going to help me with the floors and dusting.

I am really an emotional wreck though.

The throwing did not go well, but here is what I did that I am proud of. I looked at the pots and if they were "eh, maybe" pots, I did not let them dry to see if I would like them better. (Let's face it, I won't) I just smashed them wet. Then I gathered up all the used wet clay, and rewedged it and bagged it. So after it rests for a day or two, it can be wedged again and used again. I did not leave it in a giant pile to dry out and need extensive rebatching. This is part of my finishing things goals. I made life easier for future subc instead of harder.

SubC, I, too, am eating popcorn!

Good advice on the clothing and I will continue to work on it. I made slight progress - put two shirts in the donate box. What I think may make this easier for me is, I have bins of clothing I have not worn in years, that is way way too small. It would be pretty easy at this point to donate most of those, and move anything from my room that is "slightly" too tight but I still really want, into one of the bins. That would kill 2 birds. I think. And is a less stressful thought than donating everything in my room... so I will go sort the bins.

Son and I got the lights on the Christmas tree and he brought up the boxes of ornaments which I'll put on the tree tomorrow. We wrapped a really big present that TotsDad had delivered here for ddil. We put it under the tree.

I am blessed with very good and kind friends so I am focusing on that, and my thoughtful kids and sweet grandkids.

Someone has texted that they are stopping by tomorrow, so my goal will be to get the nativity up and some garland and decor... just a few Christmasy things... and to mop the kitchen floor and declutter the main area a bit in the morning.

Sadly, I am eating popcorn.

Lila, I want you to see if you can do something - you have new, beautiful clothes. You do not want to move all of the old clothes that don't work or don't fit. You now KNOW that you can get new clothes when you need them.

Please go to your closet, your dressers, your chairs. and start bagging the old clothes. If you haven't worn it this year and you don't absolutely LOVE it and it doesn't fit RIGHT NOW, donate it. Just bag it up and donate it. If you think it needs to be washed first, hand the bag to your son and say "I want to donate these, but I think they need to be washed first. Can you take care of that?" Then just trust him.

I spent a lot of time dealing with a bank thing. And I did finish four more pots. Dh is home and needs to do some things in the shop, so I am heading back out to the studio.

SubC, that is very insightful about what angry stressed and sad stressed each say. Quite accurate in my experience. I have been feeling like none of it matters. But today I am pushing through and trying to do SOMETHING, because TotsDad and my grandkids do matter, and my decluttering is for them now.

My bedroom looks like a landfill, you would not believe it. It was only a couple months ago I had the floor mostly cleaned, right? And clear paths and very few small piles. Now it literally looks like a Walmart exploded in there. I don't know how it happened. It did it itself! Well ok, I did it, but it was subconscious.

Today I dug out the half filled box and half filled bag of donations and put them on my bed. I grabbed a paper bag to use for trash and put that there too, and another empty box. Just doing that felt enormous. I picked up trash and put in the bag. The dust was terrible and dog hair everywhere and I started sneezing. I started in one corner and pulled out a box and sorted food container lids, so many. I managed to pick out seven that are still good, but not useful since Teen broke the corresponding glass containers, and I donated those lids. Then I went in the bathroom and pulled out five small candles in glass jars. I picked out my favorite one and donated the other four. Put dirty laundry in the clothes basket. Put a few items away where they belong. Got overwhelmed, found a bag of Hershey kisses, took a handful and am now sitting on the couch recharging.

My goal is to get the donation bag and 2 boxes (or at least 1) filled and put into the car.

There is a playpen in my room that is literally filled with stuff and has clothing draped all over the sides... probably 15+ items, maybe 20 or more. And more piles on the rocking chair. I hate to admit this but most of the clothes are new. I went a little crazy with stress shopping online during Black Friday and got some great deals, but... well, I have no where to put the clothes now. So I will be sorting the older clothes to pick put things to donate to make room for the new ones. It is simple stuff like some soft sweatshirts for when I am home, a hoodie, some plain long sleeved tees for layering under sweaters. I had to get a few things for my business trip as well and I feel SO GOOD about the blouses - Tatoulia, you would be proud of me! and a friend went with me to tell me what looked good AND insisted on buying them! - so, some older stuff really can go.

What else are you all doing today?

Lila, I do the same thing. I resolve to empty the sink before I have a snack, or spend five minutes cleaning up before I fix any food or watch a video. And I have so much resolve in the morning when the whole day is stretching ahead of me. And then somehow I loose all my resolve and find myself by afternoon eating popcorn and watching YouTube on the couch with a sink full of dishes.

I don't know the answer.

Today I am in my studio. I'm firing the kiln and trying to motivate myself to do some stuff for my class. Realistically this is the last day to make new stuff for this class. I can fire 25 pieces. I have 16 I didn't smash, 7 of those are actually finished, and I like 5 of them.

Your son doesn't get to be disappointed in you. You are doing the very best you can (if you honestly don't believe that, then, ok, do better, but you can only do what you can do.) if he has talked himself into believing you can do more, that's on him. His job is to do the very best HE can do to help you, and then whatever happens, happens.

I don't know the answer about the stress cleaning you mentioned elsewhere, but I think it matters if you are angry stressed vs sad stressed. When I am angry stressed I can clean. And talk to people I am afraid of. And do other surprising things. But when I am sad stressed I just want to eat and sleep and watch videos and read.

Angry stressed says "none of this is as important as." and "well, at least I can do this." and sad stressed says "none of this actually matters. None of this will make a difference."

Hello friends. I had a hard week. But I am ready to try and not dwell on it anymore, and try to get some things done. I did not get anything done this week. In fact I took the week off work but have been unable to get things done. I posted on SubC's Really Bad Thing thread because I didn't want it here, but it is there if you want to know. But anyway, I am going to try and get up off the floor today and focus on my blessings, and get some normal life things done.

The moving probably will be in 6 months to a year, and I am not sure if Son who lives with me will move with me but it is likely. TotsDad is moving in with the family probably in a month. He would like it to be sooner but I have not made room - I am trying. He is going to stay here a few months while he renovates his house. I feel like he is disappointed that I am not getting it done faster because he could do it in a day. But I am trying. Sort of. I will try today. I will also try to get the tree decorated.

It was a cold, wet, dark day yesterday and everything was a struggle, but I did get the pots smashed and clean up in the studio quite a bit. Also nearly caught up on dishes and laundry.

I'm still tired, but teach today and have a class tonight, so I'm pushing through it.

Hope everyone is ok.

Good morning.

I slept in today - very tired. I've been trying to do a lot, including more throwing pots, which is physical. I realized last night that I have used almost 50lb of reclaimed clay the last two weeks (although some ends up back in the reclaim bucket from trimming feet). At this rate - which I don't think I can sustain - I might get down to what fits in my buckets and not have a bunch of plastic bags sitting around by the end of the school year.

The more progress I make, the more I understand the reality of my situation.

I am keeping all of you in my thoughts as you face the challenges in your lives. Although I am hoping that CM has a positive thing keeping her busy.

Bean and I did some shopping yesterday with my teacher gift cards. I now own a mattress pad without any tears in it and a new "Christmas" tablecloth that is cream with gold stars and so can be used for other celebrations. I put my new Christmas placemats from the craft sale on it and it looks beautiful. We also bought Bean some paints and a wooden tree and he is working on a surprise for his parents.

I have not reworked any "salvageable" finished pots yet, and have set myself the task of taking 4 (two for November and two for December) down to the bridge and smashing them into the backfill today. I promised myself I would either fix or smash two a month. If I actually get around to fixing any in December, I will credit January.

My condolences, Tatoulia.

I've been away from posting for a bit and there is a reason but I don't feel ready to say it. It's nothing to do with any of you, rest assured. Poco a Poco. Take care.

Tatoulia,

I am so very sorry. I know that your mom leaves a huge hole in your heart and your life. You were an amazing daughter and it was a gift for your mom to have you there beside her to the end.

oh Tatoulia, I am so sorry for your loss. It is hard losing your mom, even when things have been hard. Hugs to you.

Hi everyone. My mother died last night. She entered hospice at home on Friday I think. I'm confused on dates and days. Anyway I was sleeping on her bed with her. My sister had taken a break, and when she came back in, she woke me up to say, your work is done.

Sister left today. We both need some space. I need to go to funeral home tmr and then start on mom's place.

Wait - you got a live tree delivered? Cool!

How did your plans go?

The concert was the orchestra. They played Bach and Mahler.

You are moving? Did you tell us you were moving before? Where are you moving to?

Will the son who is moving in with you live in your house, or the son who already lives there? Or both?

I went to a potters social this morning - which was fun, but took a big chunk out of my day. Then I threw four more pots. They were not as good as the ones I threw yesterday, but they were more technically difficult. I also wedged a bunch of clay. My arms and hands and wrists are sore. Somehow that is all I got done today.

Well, I also dropped a bunch of used socks off for recycling on my way home from the social, and stopped at a thrift store and bought two hanging things to use for my pottery sale displays. So I added things to my house..

Now I need to check classwork.

post 2 -

We did get our Christmas tree last night so it is up and pretty (not decorated yet). Smells really nice.

I spent some time yesterday dealing with finances and papers and stuff, and this morning I updated my planner for December.

What I would like to do today:
find my comfy sweatpants
put away clothes in my bedroom - it is like a closet exploded in there
get rid of five items from my bedroom
clean up my bathroom a bit

What are you all doing today?

That is so cool, SubC, about knowing the potters' work. Was the concert an orchestra or what?

I am doing liquid diet today for testing tomorrow so while I have a bit of energy now, it probably will wane. But, this morning after watching church online, I dug in the closet and found some of those 360 swiffer dusters and used 3 of them to dust my two bookshelves and the ceiling fan. Wow, were those bookshelves dusty!! Thick layer so I felt like if ever there was a time to use a disposable duster, this was it. I usually use microfiber cloths but am glad I could just toss out the thick dust on these.

I glanced over some of the books but will look again. I have culled so many books that what is left is probably 98% books I really love and want. I will see if I can find the other 2% to donate!

One thing I have a dilemma about is the other items on the bookshelves. They collect dust and honestly I am sick of many of them. But, they are pottery items my kids made for me as children/teens. They are still proud of them when they come over and they are pretty cool. Three or four of them I could stand to get rid of but they are the ones that are very detailed and the most work. I could not throw them out. I don't think they are really donatable either. Will I regret getting rid of them? Should I ask the kids who made them if they want them?

Part of me is like... within a year I will be moving and then can leave behind whatever that son and family wants and can use, but he has no room for them right now. Like all the camping gear in the garage. He can't store it at his house but once I move out. it would be nice for him to have in the garage and go camping.

I have a big shelf downstairs too with childhood ceramics on it that my mother made. I think those I will wrap in towels or something and put in a tote, labelled fragile and ready to move with me. Maybe what I need to do is start packing for my eventual move... and whatever is left, ask my kdis if they want any of it.

Input welcome.

Yay Lila!

Good luck with your table piles. I'm sure the less dusty environment will be good for you!

I hope things go well with the bookshelf too. Sometimes when things have been buried or stashed away for a while we have more clarity on reencountering them.

My new lights came yesterday, but I haven't put them on yet. It was a full day.

I finished the construction of the commission for my boss and threw ten pots. I'm going to try to throw ten more today and let my dad pick from them all. What he wants is a style I usually sell, but I am down to my last three, and I don't want to feel like I gave him a remainder. I'm kind of laughing at myself, because of the three, two are "ordinary" and one is cool. I'll probably make 20 new pots and Dad will choose that last cool one. Or worse, one of the "ordinary" pots.

Dh and I went downtown yesterday evening for a concert. We had to go early because there was a soccer game and parking was hard to find and a long walk. As a result, we got to enjoy the Christmas decorations and do some window shopping. I asked to go into one store that had a lot of handcrafted items. I went straight to a display to pick up a dish and he asked "did that catch your eye?" I flipped it over and said "oh, that makes sense, B— R—, she's the one who did the dishes at (little restaurant we went to)" a few minutes later he picked up a mug and said "I like these." I said "of course you do, that's Ryan. You like everything he makes." He asked "is there a potter in this city you don't know?" Which I found funny because I'm going to a social event at the studio this morning because I feel like I don't know anybody!

SubC, sounds like you are doing so well! Good job on the full toybox going.

I bought our Christmas tree today but it was not delivered yet. They said it would come today and it still might, but maybe tomorrow. But Son and I cleaned the living room to make space for the tree. There was no room. We pulled all the furniture out and he vacuumed and we rearranged and made room for the tree in the front window. It is a little crowded in here but not bad. I also dusted a lot of the room. There is a stack of stuff on each of two tables in here that I need to sort and put away or get rid of. Now I can also access the two bookshelves, dust them and maybe some things will get donated. I may work on that in the morning.

It looks much better and so much less dust. I think I need to sort the toybox too, and make a box of things to donate.

Hi Lila!
So glad you got out in front of that flood!

And that you have a working toilet and a clear sewer line!

I took a bunch of stuff to the thrift store on Thursday. While I was there I shopped for the toy drive for "like new" books and toys. Dh and I like to do another child that matches ours - when the kids were younger we let them choose things for their age/gender match, then for a while we just picked an angel off a tree, and now I buy things Bean likes. (although I bought literally every good "like new" hardcover or board book I found - 50 cents each and there were only 19.) plus a floor puzzle, four stuffed animals, and a puppet. I also stopped at a regular store to spend the rest of my budget on a few good quality new toys.

I also bought three "not quite like new" books for Bean for here and a toy dog that I'm saving for the January grandson. Other "items in" include a tumbling mat for Bean for my house, which I bought with old gift cards from students. I'm working on actually spending them - so many are from places I don't usually shop..

One big thing I took to the thrift store was the wooden toy box I bought 28 years ago in Iowa. It was one of those things that seemed really cool but never quite lived up to my expectations. I started to pass it on so many times and then got cold feet. I finally decided to just pull the trigger. It was full of many small items and clothes being decluttered.

Today I am checking student projects and working on a couple of commissions (one from my boss and one from my dad - I generally don't do commissions, but those are two not picky people I know well.) so I will be "decluttering" my clay stash (and maybe working on my studio as I go)

Hi guys! Oh SubC, I'm so sorry you struggle with migraines. I get them once in awhile and they are debilitating. You guys won't believe it but after my son and I spent half a day picking up the family room, that evening the downstairs flooded. Yes he got the toilet working, but apparently there was a blockage wayyyy down under the house (which the Rooter company has now fixed). But had we not taken out the couch and cleaned up in there, it would have been so much worse with stuff ALL over the floor. Since we cleaned up and picked up, only 3 or 4 things were on the floor and got wet that matter. The rest was in totes or stacked!

Anyway that is done and I am posting stuff as it goes on the Daily Tally thread. It is not a TON so far, but a few things we listed online for free and a lot of random junk thrown out, old food, boxes... stuff I didnt even include in the Daily Tally. I am doing more today because I have off. I worked all week.

I will post updates as things leave!

Good morning!
Wondering how Lila's project is going.

I woke up with a terrible headache. This has been happening more often. On further research I learned several things:

I used to have migraines in my early 20s. I thought they went away, but it turns out that they just got less bad. A headache in one spot that lasts for a really long time and makes you nauseous is still a migraine even if it doesn't put you in a dark closet focused on your breathing.

Migraines can either get worse or better at menopause. I seem to have lost the toss on that one.

My lowest impact options are to make a bunch of healthy life choices I don't want to make. Otoh, my head hurts, I feel sick to my stomach, and it's interfering with my life.

In other news, dd1 wants some duplos.

Lila, great job!

I am so excited for you! Your son sounds like good help. I hope your toilet is working.

Tatoulia, I'm sorry you are having to go through this very hard time now, and that your bf is not there with you. I know that makes it harder. I am hoping that your sister will step up with help and support and this can be a time of healing for the two of you at least.

We got the train set up and played with it for a while, then bean got a little rough with the pieces so I got out the Duplos for him. It quickly became clear that I have too many Duplos. I need to address this with the kids. Originally I intended to send 1/4 with each of them when the6 had kids and keep the last 1/4. But dd1 never took any.

Lila, this is great! Drink plenty of cool or cold water. It will help to keep you going. Your son understands the process and you are doing really well. Again, cold water. I went through this myself before I met you. Boxes were tough! Especially anything that was cute or from a store that no longer exists or a box that is a "good clean box" or something in an unusual shape or color. I've done it. It's hard and it's a giant lift. Keep drinking cool water. It's surprisingly refreshing for body and mind.

The tree sounds nice, SubC. I love the idea of the train set! Fun time of year for your and your family.

I have the morning off for dds and to take care of my mother. I need to get her a pastor and I need some clarity on her meds. Poor mom. She needs peace.