Tatoulia, I'm glad you were able to cheer up your mom and to get your laundry done.

It was really good that you were able to resist taking things, but I can't explain the car. Maybe your friends snuck things in?

I am having a tough day, but I am pushing through it. I found moths in the basement again. They had destroyed things again. Things I really liked, but fortunately things that *I* made this time. Also, I had a talk with myself. I said "girl, let's think about when this bag of stuff came down here." And I thinked. And the answer was: "after the fair in 2019." And I said to myself "so you are telling me that this bag of stuff was really important to you. So important that it has been down here for FOUR YEARS and never once have you wondered where a single item in this bag was. Never once have you gone looking for one of these things, or wanted to use it, or look at it, for FOUR YEARS! These are not baby things. They are your things, that you could be using regularly. What are you doing?! Fix your life!"

And then I decided to burn the burn box, which I have not done since I started the grass fire. But we were out of matches (or Dh hid them from me) so I had to go to the store. And I took the trash and the plastic bag recycling. And I was so stressed out, I bought a dozen sugar coated donuts on clearance and I ate three of them for lunch on the way home while contemplating wether or not binge eating is a problem if you are fully aware you are doing it and making a conscious decision to self soothe.

I have successfully burned the burn box. It took much longer than usual because every time the flames got more than about 8" tall I sprinkled them with water. The ground was soaked, the grass was green. It was still and drizzling and I weeded around the fire circle before I started and I took four buckets of water and the rake and my cell phone. It was ridiculous. And my heart was pounding the entire time until I felt dizzy and out of breath and by the time I was done I was shaking.

Now I am drinking water and feeling a little sick from adrenaline (and maybe donuts) and my belly muscles feel tight, but I did it.

And then I went online and ordered moth traps. Because there were none at the grocery store.

I need a shower. I smell like stress.

Despite my difficult day, I came home and did two loads of laundry. One was the sheets for the foldout from my guest being here and a load of delicates.

I may go try to do some laundry now. Maybe I'll do the quilt the guest was using so I can put it away.

Sounds like your husband is giving you great support, SubC. That's terrific that you can get the recycling out sooner!

Last weekend at BF's house, the helper kept wanting to save stuff and I kept telling her, you can save it if you want it but I'm not getting more stuff in my house. And I didn't hesitate on any of it. So why is my car full right now? No idea.

Having dinner with a friend from work tonight. Had a challenging day at work yesterday. Had good support from my superiors.

I'm up super early for me so I might as well make my coffee and get my day started.

Mom was pretty good last night. I got her into a clean nightie. She had the usual stories of people breaking into her place and stealing the remote for her tv.so I picked it up from the floor and said, the stealing stops now. It cheered her up.

Good morning.

I hope somebody comes by today.

Going through my son's childhood stuff with him last night was pretty emotional. I was worn out. Today I'm feeling reenergized though.

I told Dh that I wanted to buy ds a big plastic footlocker to transport all his things in because I want to keep some of my bins (still have cardboard boxes on my storage racks) and because there were a few items that were loose because they were too long or too tall for my bins. Dh said "take the grey one in my shop. It's full of plastic sheets, just dump them out. They should probably be recycled anyway."

Also he doesn't want to wait until November for another recycling drop and is willing to drive a load down with me with the truck, possibly on a Thursday afternoon so we don't have to deal with a busy Saturday.

I got through about half of the fabric. It was enough to put away the fabric that was not in bins.

I FaceTimed my son and ddil and went through his bins. He wants about 3/4 of it. I am ok with getting rid of about half of what he doesn't want. A few things I will put out for Bean to play with. He said to get rid of his very favorite stuffed animal from when he was little because it is completely worn out. I can't do that, but that is about me, not him. I still have dd1's shredded blankie too.

That is my day. I am tired. I need to get that table cleared off so I can stop for a while.

Things are slowing down today!

I got DD's things in the new bins and managed to add three bridesmaids dresses she left in her closet.

Then I decided to start with fabric since there seemed to be a lot of fabric on the table.

One bin spread all over the rug by fiber content and I have managed to throw away a small handful of scraps and donate two pairs of silk pajama pants that I thought I might use for fabric.

I am not going to confess to how many bins are left, but since I started with not all the fabric in bins, I am going to call this a success if I don't ADD any bins but I get all the fabric put away.

Know what I need? I need to clear off my work table and get my sewing machine fixed. That baby quilt in my son's bin? I MADE that 29 years ago with a toddler underfoot and a part time job. And I made him a matching bunting doll.

Aaaaarg!

SubC, you aren't wasting a minute of your time! You are getting so much done!

My challenge this weekend will be to deal with the stuff I've brought into my house. Then I will have to deal with my car.

Trying to configure Saturday's hazardous waste day since everything needs to be in the trunk and my trunk is full. I'm trying to see if I can borrow BFs car from the woman who has it. The electronics are in his trunk and it would be easiest for me to take the car. We shall see.

Good morning!

This morning I found a bin with my ds name on it (I am now working in the othe4 side of the basement as well because I need more space to empty the first side)

I cringed.

Then I opened it - it is his baby quilt and his favorite stuffed animals! His baby is due in January! So now, all I have to do is schedule a FaceTime call with him to empty the bin! Stuff he wants I will take to him in November. Stuff he does not want I will donate or keep in the "Grammie's house" toys (the Grammie's house toys also need decluttering, but that is a different round. I did find 4 games to get rid of last night.)

Thanks Tatoulia.

I think that child is going to save me.

Today was literally the first time in his life that he has seen the basement rug. It was also the first time in his life that he has seen the beautiful (to me at least, and really, it's pretty good) castle mural that his mom and uncle and aunt painted on the back of the bookshelf I'm using as a room divider.

I dropped the donations. They mostly filled the back of my suv behind the back seat.

I went in the store. I am still looking for specific items. I did not find them, but I did find a garlic press. It is the one I have, but in better condition than mine. I bought it for 50 cents to put aside. Because I love my garlic press and now I feel like I am set for life. They can discontinue or redesign it, I have a spare. A garlic press is small. Maybe someday I will decide that was a mistake, but I think I will get 50 cents worth of happiness out of having it until then.

Then I went into Biglots. My first reaction was to almost stop breathing from the plastic off-gassing smell. Then I started panicking. I made a beeline for the bins. I had to sort through them carefully to find four in good condition. NEW items! I felt so discouraged I wanted to cry. In used to shop at Biglots all the time! I loved it. The little containers, the holiday decor, trinkets, and treasures, and craft supplies...

I actually ran into furniture trying to escape to the checkout with my bins.

But yes, I still bought the bins. I am going to take the four unmatched bins that are full of stuff that belong to Dd2, and I am going to pack up that stuff in the four lavender bins that I bought to match the one I replaced her cardboard box with. Then when I move the holiday rack, I am going to slide them under it and leave them there until she can deal with them. I think she is also a hoarder, and she has enough stress in her life right now. She is doing much better maintaining her environment. She can get her present in order before she deals with her past.

Then I am going to use the four unmatched bins to help me sort out some other categories I need to add things from the table to. - wait, I didn't tell you about the table!

I haven't finished dealing with all of the stuff in bins, or over half of the stuff in cabinets and drawers, but the only visible mess on that side of the basement is a 6'x2.5' folding table with about two feet of stuff piled on it. That's it. Really. When that is gone, I get to move the storage rack and start setting up for me and Bean. I'm going to paint the wall behind the storage rack.

Anyway, eventually, when I have sorted out all the bins, I expect to be able to at least discard a broken bin and two big cardboard boxes. - net storage addition = one bin or less.

Wow!!!! Beautiful.

This is really emotional.

My basement stairs go down the center of the house and end at a landing against the wall. You have to turn left or right to see any of the basement. My pantry overflow is in a cupboard right at the bottom of the stairs on the left - the side I am cleaning.

Bean has gone down with me before to get something out of that cupboard, but I keep him on my hip.

Today he asked for cranberry sauce. (Yes, I have cranberry sauce, it's a treat, but I just keep a can downstairs) I told him I had to get it out of the basement and he asked if he could come.

I said "yes, but this time you have to walk, because guess what?"
"What?"
"Grammie has been cleaning up the basement to make a space for you and Grammie."
"To do what?"
"To play and do art and build big castles and trains."

The look on his face was somewhat doubtful.

Then we went down. And when we turned the corner - it was astonished joy - seriously, like a kid finding a puppy under the Christmas tree. I almost cried.

I am doing really well in the basement guys.

My big black bag is full. Well, it's not totally totally full, but I'm afraid to put any more weight in it. Today's best work - pillows

Little needlepoint pillow my aunt made - saved.

Throw pillow from my childhood bed in 70's pink checks and floral ribbon trim - donated. Somebody will either be retro excited or reuse the pillow form.

Needlepoint pillow that my step grandmother "M" made that was falling apart - disassembled. Needlepoint (in beautiful shape) washed and blocked. The rest - in the trash.

Quality feather throw pillow form that is just about the right size for M's work, saved. I don't make pillows, but somebody does.

Lumpy body pillow handed to Dh friend who stopped by to see Dh on his way to volunteering at the dog rescue just as I was trying to decide if anyone could possibly want it!

That body pillow was so big I have an empty shelf! I forgot it was there!

Aaaaaand my friend cancelled because she is sick.

Back to the basement.

I like the idea of you having a bed that makes you happy. :)

My friend is coming in less than two hours.

Here is a snapshot of my brain:
Me to Dh: The ".and there's actually enough surface area for us to work out there."
Dh "how many chairs do you have?"
Me: :0

Need to take some chairs out!

I spent a few more minutes in the basement this morning. Added to the recycling and the donate bag. Just a few things. Found a container and a home for some loose items I want to keep.

It's funny, Dh said "you must be getting to the hard part now" but what he doesn't understand is that it is all the hard part, and it is unpredictably hard. Also that I have basically been moving through the space, not the difficulty level. Like this morning - I ran across one nice, perfectly useful item and my brain was just "oh, how did that get here? Donate." But the Tupperware with no lid in the size and shape I don't even like - "SCREEEeeech" (Tupperware is expensive, what if I decide I need this after all? I could put something in it that sticks up past the top and it would be contained. How much is a replacement lid? One might turn up at a garage sale or thrift...) 20 minutes and some online searches later, I am proud to say it is in the donate bag.

SubC thanks. I can afford the sheets and they will bring me a lot of comfort. I bought three different top sheets and three pillowcases. They will make me exceedingly happy. I bought one too sheet first, and when it arrived, I washed it up and I am so glad to have it that I went to Etsy and found a few more. I did resist a fair number and I made sure to stick with white with embroidery around the top of the sheet. So I'll make sure the cleaners put them on wrong side up so they can be folded down and show the pretty embroidery. I miss having sheets like this.the sheets of my childhood.

You did really hard work today, SubC. I know it was really hard.

I'm home. It was a very long afternoon but it's finished. And I put the keys at BF's old business for the cleaners to pick up. I'm exhausted. My helper came closer to 6 but she did all of the garbage runs. Two of BF's friends came by and I cried a lot. The husband was coming to pick up a few things to take to Montreal and the wife came along to check on me. I cried the entire time but they were good about it.

My body is sore. I've showered. I'm tired. My feet hurt. But we did it. It's done. My car is terrible. Oh well I cannot do everything at once.

I saw mom today and took her down to a concert and she was enjoying herself.

Oh my gosh, I totally forgot - Tatoulia, I think that shopping is ok. It is just replacement shopping to get something that makes you happier. As long as you can afford the upgrade - go for it.

Hi guys! It is good to see everybody here!

(Lila, I know you are working and will be back soon, but we've been hanging out ;) )

Today was really really hard. I didn't do beans or pottery studio. I stuck with the basement. It is like a splinter i can't stop picking at.

I had to call my mom. I hit the boxes of doll stuff. Clothes, patterns, doll making materials, dolls that need work, dolls I haven't figured out where to display.. Plus I had to talk about some other things. She was super supportive. She told me to get rid of anything I wanted and not worry about it. Even the rocking chairs. She said she didn't care about them and that if I regretted it I could have the child's rocker that was mine that she still keeps by her fireplace with a bear in it for visiting children. She says she understands because her house is just as bad (it isn't, but only because it is huge) and it keeps her up at night.

So far I am keeping the rocking chairs. I have managed to fit them and the cradle into the space that I am allowed to clutter up (which is supposed to be my work/school project space) but the situation is not long term sustainable.

I added five of the fifteen "not displayed" dolls to the donate pile and got rid of at least 3/4 of the ones that need work (hair fixed, clothes mended or added, restringing.) probably more because so many of them were small and a couple of the ones I kept were larger. I kept most of the doll clothes just because I lost energy to go through them and they are in a bin, so the bin would just be less full - I don't have an empty smaller bin. And all the doll making materials (except hats - I put all the straw hats in the craft store box) and patterns because that was too hard, and again - bin.

I put all the doll related donations in a black plastic bag so I can't see them and change my mind, and will try to do a donate drop on Tuesday.

I cut all the yarn drawstrings off the "very useful" plastic bags with drawstrings and put the bags in the recycling (and the strings in a craft drawer - best I can do today) I did not keep the one with the cute snowman printed on it. they filled a plastic grocery bag until it would barely tie. I filled a paper grocery bag with glass (saved jars) and paper/card stock/cardboard recycling, and a small box (large shoebox sized) with metal recycling. I flattened three large cardboard boxes that are now empty.

I am tired, but also kind of just want everything I have sorted out gone and I want to buy some more bins to finish this off (I want to sort the top shelf of stuff into bins and get rid of the cardboard. I think I deserve the reward.)

Hey the gang's all here!

The cradle is definitely a tough decision, it made me remember my cradle and how sweet it was. For some reason I kept it in my bedroom as a child and I just loved it.

BF became overwhelmed before leaving. He was overwhelmed and now it is my problem. The goal is to finish today. I can't do this any other way. My cleaners will clean on Monday and hopefully his place will be rented soon. I have to finish today. I cannot do this during the week and my next weekend is fully including taking the electronics and shredding to the hazardous waste event.

My body is so sore. I live a sedentary lifestyle. Yes I walk everywhere but the bending and reaching and lifting is new to me! I cannot have the mentality that I will get this stuff done some other time. It's now or never. I need to be done with it. When the friend showed up yesterday, she was amazed at how much garbage I'd put on the patio for us to take to the dumpster. She thought that I'd got alone done. Today is finishing.

The only thing I'm keeping of his is a towel. One white towel. I have no room for his stuff and my place is quickly getting trashed due to the chaos. My car is a crime scene.

What did I buy? Vintage embroidered sheets from Etsy. Stuff that looks like my childhood. All are white so I won't do the, why did I buy non-white sheets lament that I feel whenever I buy non-white sheets. Old fieldcrest percale sheets. Only to sheets and pillow cases. I will go through my top sheets and pare down. I have four sets of sheets normally. I will get rid of top sheets so I still only have four sets (plus the set for my foldout, which is a twin). So not great, SubC, but comfort purchases. And I will swap out.

Okay I need to do a few hours of work work before the next steps for this day.

Envious of your Mrs Meyers Iowa pine scent! Hey cm you are doing great! Do what you can for bunny club and remember, you do a lot for the bunnies.

Well, we have had our storms come through last night and the night before, so now we're out of that exhausting heat wave. It's 69 here. It'll still be August, and there'll be times of humidity, but a change is good.

There are some scheduled events that have been on the calendar, to which will be added roommate's medical appointments that she will find out the times of, hopefully soon. The rabbit club annual fundraiser is on the 20th and we will do what we can but have also made them aware that things are in a state of flux so we could end up not being able to do everything that we did in previous years. They need to be sure and recruit others or be prepared for the consequences if they don't.

I've been doing graphic and writing pieces for them, getting the word out, but am behind schedule on those due to the timing of our health crisis stuff. I'll do the best I can and that's all I can do. It's literally crazy just trying to remember which things I still need to write or design, along with keeping up with my own personal paper work and calendar. All when my "office" consists of one end of the sofa and a table not much bigger than a TV tray for my laptop. I make little lists and big long lists and I have to spread it out to remember anything because out of sight out of mind. Hence clutter increases rapidly. I had been intending to start decluttering the sofa, not have things get worse. After this push, though, I can try to regroup.

As the season changes in a month or two, I will see about a renewed effort to reckon with my storage unit once it's not a fiery furnace in there. We each had big plans for dealing with our respective clutter right before this most recent turn of events. She had been frustrated because of having been retired all these months and not being further along with hers because we've mainly been putting out fires, and I have been in the same mode for years. We'd each gotten some little things done and occasionally a bigger thing such as having the big boards in the garage picked up by Habitat for Humanity. And she's got to be in a lot less pain to be able to do much at all. And I need to be less distractible etc.

Good morn8ng!

Coffee clinks!

Tatoulia, I hope your body is feeling rested. Don't forget that we carry our emotions in our bodies, so be extra kind to yours.

Lila, success! I hope you have a good day at work today. Young adults are hard on the nervous system. Young adults with challenges even more so. It's really hard when your kids have to learn things the hard way.

I am feeling discouraged about my basement. I am looking at the things I want to keep and the available space and my brain is telling me that there is no way this is going to work. It's not even just the bin type stuff. My kid's cradle, two children's rocking chairs (one needs repair, both sentimental) and a table have nowhere to go.

I love that cradle and it has been an issue its whole existence. Dh hates it because he was always whacking his ankles on the rockers the years it lived at the foot of our bed (with a baby in it) my kids have told me in no uncertain terms that it is not safe for babies and it is a miracle they didn't die. It belonged to my grandmother and she gave it to me when I was pregnant with dd1. My mom and uncle didn't die either. Nor did my cousin, my brother, or I when we were visiting. Currently it is filled with dolls.

I'm not sure what I will get up to today. Maybe getting the studio in better shape for tomorrow.

Also, I have beans to blanch and get in the dehydrator.

Wow, Tatoulia. That is a lot to handle. How long do you have to get it emptied? Glad you have a helper.

SubC, dinner was very good and we had a nice time and my son installed the new (used but given to me) booster seat for Tot in my car. I barely got everything done but I think I did. I got the meat, salad, and potatoes made and marinated some tomatoes, too.

After they left, I even cleaned off the table. I found another bottle of that very nice Mrs Meyers cleaning spray (pine!) to use on it.
- loaded the dishwasher
- hand washed a few things
- finished making the recipe Teen and I started earlier (they opted out)
- got the first load of towels out of the dryer and put in another load

It is late, after 10pm, and I am supposed to be at work at.... hmmm, 8 I think? Ugh though.

I will probably finish folding and sorting towels tomorrow afternoon, as I am beat and ready for bed. Teen is giving me anxiety about some of the choices they are making, but it seems I have no recourse. Praying for their safety.

I don't know about the shopping Tatoulia - why did you shop? What did you buy?

I'm surprised bf left so much behind for you to handle! Are you keeping some of it? What will happen to his laundry? (I would keep one soft, comfy shirt or sweater to throw on when I felt lonely,)

Hang in there!

Lila, I hope you are having a nice dinner.

I don't know why things are so hard. They are hard for me too.

I'm turning in now. Carry on!

Hello, everyone! I am here and in one piece! I just read all of your posts! Wow! A lot going on! Cm , I am sorry about your roommate's bad health news.

Lila, I think you are working toward a good plan of letting go of resentment that teen makes a mess. Do what you can to keep yourself calm.

SubC, do I need to account for my shopping? If it helps, I thought of you when I shopped.

I was busy all week. On Sunday I went to BF's house to assess its status and I was taken aback by how much stuff there was left. A lot. in every room. Even the dishwasher is full. Tons of stuff. By the time I got home from his house, Emiko was here with dinner. Then a colleague dropped her cat off for a two week vacation. So I was very busy. I did cry a great deal on Sunday but then became too busy. I went to the office on Monday and then one of the young employees slept over. She had told me she'd sleep over as soon as he left. We had dinner at an outdoor cafe by my house and it was nice. I then visited mom. I went to work again on Tuesday and Wednesday so I've just been too busy to be too upset. WFH Thursday and Friday and seem to have a good focus. I was too tired and a bit sad so did not go the the museum last night. But I did get a much needed haircut.

Today I ran some errands and then went to BF's to work on his place. I got many garbage bags together and a big box of recycling. The friend who is inheriting the car came up to his place after her work today and helped me with the garbage and the recycling. She also wanted his dishes and liquor, even the stuff that has been opened. I took the laundry I could find for him and I'm washing it here now. Then I'll take the sheets and towels to the animal shelter. He'd purchased an air mattress for the time between the shipment of his things and his departure. I deflated that today and have it in a bag for someone to pick up. I have a huge box for donations as well as a huge box of electronics recycling. He'd left his toaster and other stuff. Boston's hazardous waste day is next week and they will take the electronics.

My body hurts from all the work. I have to finish tmr. The friend gets off work at 3 and will come help me then.

That's what's going on. Haven't cried too much. He arrived at his destination at 2AM. We've talked several times but the WiFi is spotty where he is so it's been tough.

Okay off to move his stuff to the dryer.

I'm okay. Keeping it together for now.

omg every little thing takes monumental effort...

- washed the potatoes and put water on to boil
- put a load of towels in to wash and other load in the dryer

Why are such small things so exhausting? I really think something has to be wrong with me.

Next tasks will be:
- cook the potatoes
- make the salad
- dust
- swiffer the floor because there is no way I am mopping
- brush the dogs
- clear off the table and wash it
- more laundry

Then Tot and family will be here and we can sit and visit and have a nice time together. I will report back that I got the above list DONE.

yes SubC, you did better! You are making progress.

I admit I only clean because of the babies coming over. With 2 dogs, I fear my son and DIL would think it is too dirty to bring my grands over, and that would devastate me. So I vacuum because if DIL picks up the crawling baby and she is covered in dog hair, I am risking being able to have them over.

But I am proud of myself that I CAN do this.

Still slogging along...

- brought up the forgotten dryer stuff
- hung up 2 shirts and sorted the rest
- got the meat seasoned and into the oven
- put the dog food into the correct bins and put away

I also looked for one can of an ingredient I needed to make the dinner salad. I looked in all the cabinets and it is gone. It is an obscure ingredient I bought awhile ago, and I wonder if Teen opened it to see what it was and then threw it out. Either that happened or I REALLY misplaced it, because it doesn't seem to be in any kitchen cabinet. I checked twice.

So plan B, a simple cucumber salad instead.

I hate that cleaning makes me so tired that by the time the kids get here I am wiped out. I wonder how to improve this? Lose weight, for sure...

Lila - I just want you to know - you do actual cleaning a lot more than I do.

I "unpacked" another section of the basement. So there is a lot less open floor. Sigh. But I did clear the new section all the way down to the little carpet area (the really thin kind that's more like a big door mat - I don't actually know where this came from) and vacuum it.

I found a sort of hard thing from my childhood that I decided I can give away. I also found my Christmas tree earrings! I really like those - now I can wear them in December! (If I don't lose them again)

And I found a small index card file box of the type I have been thinking about buying for a project. Yay me!

And some more trash that wasn't trash when I put it in the basement. Sigh.

All I can do is better. I think today I did better.

The black box... ha, I have some 'stash n dash' things in boxes and files myself that I should attend to someday.

It is super slow going today. I have little energy. So everything is in tiny bits. So far I:

- vacuumed the kitchen
- opened packages on the table and put things away
- helped Teen with part 1 of a recipe they wanted to make
- wiped things down again
- put wash into dryer and forgot to bring up the dryer stuff
- took car seat cover off car seat and put it in the wash
- vacuumed the living room, picking up dog toys as I go
- brought big bag of dog food upstairs

Boy I am tired and I need to get dinner made, mop, put dog food away, other stuff...

Thank you for being here to "report" to. It helps me be accountable and see I really am getting some things done.

Good job on the towels!

My goodwill gets so many towels that they periodically bag them all up and sell the bag for $8. Since the bag is clear, you can see what you are getting. I occasionally buy a bag to get a nice new towel. Sometimes I get several. Then I redonate whatever is in good condition to a different charity that does not seem to have a towel problem, and whatever is not to an animal place. It's kind of fun to check out the bags - like a treasure hunt "hmm, this one matches my bathroom, but this one looks really fluffy and there are two wash clothes in here I could use for cleaning cloths..."

I think I will feel better about the basement space once I have something on the floor - mats or rugs to make it nicer and define some spaces. But that is a long way off.

The basement process is iterative. Sometimes I find something, and I know where I want it to go, but then I have to go move the thing that is there, which has to go somewhere else, until I find some things that can leave or take something back to the decision pile.

This afternoon, in the bottom of a closet, I found a big black portable file box. It was literally a "black box" I had no idea what was in it. I opened it - files. With neatly labelled tabs. Containing my financial records, farm records, teaching materials and records divided by classes, photos, coupons, project ideas, Christmas cards... Dated from 2013 to 2019.

And then, probably because I was working on the dining table and company was coming (maybe Christmas 2019?) it was stuffed in the closet and never seen again.

So.

Yeah.

I should probably clean that out.

oh SubC, why is it that a clear expanse of floor feels like that? Like when I had my bedroom floor picked up it felt so uncomfortable, yet my brain was proud. I somehow have subconsciously covered a good bit of the floor again, I've noticed, although it is a lot less deep. Maybe it takes time to get used to. But it won't take as long to pick it up again.

I find myself quite distracted today and this not getting much done. I did take some meat out of the freezer to thaw for dinner tonight, and looked up 2 recipes for the side dishes.

I also am doing my laundry. And, I am washing towels. Last time I washed towels, I noticed that a good percentage of them are raggedy. They are thinner, have small holes in them and the edges are frayed. So this time I am going to wash them and then sort out the worst ones and bag them up for a lady who can use them in her dog rescue. I already promised her a bag, so now I have to sort enough to give her. She is very thankful to have them, which makes it easier to move them out of here.

I am slightly concerned I have very few towels nice enough that I could hand them to company to use for a shower. But keeping the raggy ones will not change that. So off they go.

Will post again in a bit, after I deal with more stuff.

Hi Lila,

We cross posted.

With teen, I feel like at this point you are less parenting and more negotiating with a roomate.

I want to make more progress on the basement, but I am feeling stuck. I am tired of dealing with paper (I just piled the unsorted stuff on top of the big paper cutter because it fits and only looks a little messy).

Also, I have stuff i found I want to take to ds (which won't happen until Thanksgiving) and there is actually a big expanse of empty concrete floor down there now, which I actually find unsettling. It's like my conscious brain is telling me "this is good." But my subconscious is a small prey animal screaming "there's no cover! We're going to die!"

Took the stuff.

Got rid of everything but the dead markers, which apparently they don't take anymore. I brought them home. They take up about one cubic foot. I am going to wait and see if the school recycling program runs this year.

Found out more stuff I can take! But still not going again until November.

I stopped at a yard sale. I bought a book for Bean, a book for Surprise (really for ds) and a dump truck for Bean.

Wasn't even tempted by the containers. Not even the giant mint condition bins the woman was selling for only $5 (ok, I was tempted by the bins. But what I need is a slightly smaller size)

Maybe. We'll see when I get things sorted out. only so many bins will fit on the racks. But I have some cardboard boxes I want to eliminate.

I actually stopped at three yard sales and a thrift store. But I only shopped at the one.

Good morning SubC, and all who are coming to read later!

I am a list maker too SubC, like you said, then my brain isn't constantly jumping to the things I don't want to forget. This is why I love having a paper planner. There is something for me about having it all written down, so I can go back and simply highlight or circle the one, two, or three things I want to get done that day or week. It helps me prioritize and it feels so good to cross things off the list.

I have today off and am really enjoying it! Nice cool weather so I sat outside to read for a good hour with coffee this morning. Then heated up some veggie eggrolls for my unconventional breakfast.

I saw that Teen left a small mess, quite small actually, in the night. So I washed those dishes and wiped the counters and now it is all clean again. I had a nice conversation with a friend the other day and decided that instead of being frustrated several times a day getting agitated with Teen's messes, I will simply clean it up with a prayer in my heart for them, and also will invite them to clean up WITH me if they are awake and around at the time. If they decline I will just do it. This goes against all my parenting thoughts, but the usual things have not worked whatsoever and because of the autism I feel like I have to choose between two scenarios: Teen suffering and me being at peace, or both of us suffering. I am stepping out of the suffering as much as I am able.

I have to prep for Tot and family coming for dinner tonight, so that is my main goal. Floors, declutter, clear table, prep food.

I am going to make myself a "messy list" as well, since it makes me happy and it will help me not forget things I want to get done this week.

Lila, yay for a clean kitchen!

CM, I have a question for you - you don't have to write the answer. What is one thing you can do today that will make tomorrow easier? Not "could" do, CAN do. Maybe it's cut up a piece of fruit to have a snack ready in the fridge, maybe it's drink one more glass of water, take the trash out, wash a dish, clear off a spot to make or eat breakfast, go to bed ten minutes earlier, pick up something from the floor you keep stepping over. Or even something big like swim or take a detour to drop off something that is in your van.

Maybe it's just make a giant messy list of all the things you feel like you should be doing or want to do so that it is all written down and your brain doesn't have to hold onto it so hard. (I suggest on your computer if you pick that.)

Do the thing. Then tomorrow, use the little bit of slack to do another thing.

I am heading off to empty my car in fifteen minutes.

Go team!

P.s. hugs for Tatoulia.

CM, bless you and your roommate. It is hard living with someone who is disabled or chronically ill. Make sure you take time to care for yourself and get time away. Prayers for healing and peace.

SubC, wow! you have accelerated the recycling for sure! Very cool :)

I just cleaned the kitchen and got all the dishes done and counters and stove clean. That feels good.

Tomorrow I need to address the floor. The last time I mopped was when I posted about it here, which has been awhile. There are spills and it is looking rough so maybe tomorrow I can mop, or at least swiffer. I have a suddenly sore shoulder, so I don't know if I will be able to actually mop. Feels like a pulled muscle or pinched nerve.

I also need to do laundry.

Feeling pretty good tonight.

Well, my update is that roommate got her medical call back and knows what she's up against. It's not easy, but there are some things they can do. I hope she can get some relief. It's something neither of us expected, her being plunged rapidly into the existence of a semi-disabled person and me scrambling to catch up and figure out how to help and how to cope with my own mixed emotions (because we never seem to have much smooth sailing time between big life challenges).

I guess we just have to wait till we know more; I need to rest my mind a bit to digest all this new information, but try not to let it gnaw at me and cause anxiety. Going swimming will help, provided I can remain calm enough to get there. Which I probably can - one mustn't judge how one will feel on the same day one has received difficult news, y'know? A good night's sleep - hope roommate can get something resembling that, and me as well. Our hot weather is lessening but the nice rain missed us. However more storms may materialize over the weekend. It'd help her not to have so much watering to do.

I'll respond more to decluttering posts and so on when I have a few more functioning brain cells. Have a good night all.

Hi Lila!

If you leave the bins open in the back yard, the birds will eat all the maggots for you. (Guess who isn't grossed out)

I stopped by school to drop off a little box of stuff in my classroom on my way to take care of Bean. The building manager was there getting rid of my old water mat rugs. As in, they were on the way to the dumpster because the edges are curling up. I am apparently getting new ones this year!

So now, the old ones are in my garage. They really need to be washed. Then I will either heat gun the edges or cut them and they can go collect dust and dirt in the studio/shop barn.

But, my car is full! I think it is as full as it was last month. That means that in one month I have cleared out and collected enough reusable and recyclable items that are not thrift shop items as I did in the year before!

Plus bags of regular recycling and one or two small bags of trash every week. (I took another small bag of trash and three bags of recycling to the drop today.)

So, tomorrow morning I get up early and take everything away.

Then I rest a little and start again to see if I can do the same in November.

The drop recycling is a big deal, because some of it is food packaging, but most of it represents me letting go of plastic things I was saving because I thought I could fix them, or keep using them because they were only a little broken, or find a way to replace the missing piece, or maybe turn them into something...

hi SubC and CM! I had today off but was busy, so just now coming to read up. SubC, the crayons are something I used to do. I'd save all the broken ones from everywhere and melt them in muffin tins for my kids to color with. Which is a cool project! At some point, my kids outgrew crayons. And it was so very hard to let go of those homemade ones. It was like they were full of dreams. Letting them go felt like letting go of the intentions I had when I made them. And it made me face the reality of time passing by. CM, swimming sounds wonderful!! Maybe you can go another day. I bet you will feel better afterwards.

I had a call with a friend. Then did an online order for pickup (mostly food) and made an appointment at a cheap pedicure place. My feet are terrible since I have not had a pedi in ages. I mean, clean and clipped but just calloused and all that. So I went there and feel so much better, and picked up the groceries and came home and put them away.

I also watched the trash truck come and dump the bins. I like to watch it go. I had thrown out an old rickety chair and stool, one in each bin. They are on the Tally. They would have been difficult to fix and held bad memories. So off they went.

I also loaded and ran the dishwasher, hand washed a few things, and took out some trashes.

Here is the thing I would never tell anyone. When I went to bring in the empties bins, one had maggots in the bottom. omg. I was so grossed out, they were crawling around, I realized Teen just dumped the dirty cat litter in there with no bag. SO GROSS. So just now, I put bleach in there - both bins - and ran some water, let it sit awhile, then rinsed and dumped and rinsed with the hose. It ran into the street but I diluted it a lot and when it is drained/dried, I will sweep up whatever is left.

Resting now.

Coming back because that sounds like she's a kid. She's an adult who doesn't drive because of anxiety. Her mom drives her places. I am also friends with and invited Mom. Only daughter replied yet and used "I".

My younger friend is coming! I'm not sure if her mom is staying or dropping.

Bean is taking a nap now. I'm going to clean up a little for his parents and then do some planning.

Good morning!

I did stay home from class last night. I worked on my project a little, but I also remembered how frustrating the lighting in my studio is.

I did get brave and invite my friends to come next week, but I haven't heard from them yet, so now I have that "what if they don't want to come" feeling going on.

Today I am going to Bean's house to watch him while his daddy gets trained as a poll worker. We have a special election on Tuesday. (So I will have Bean Tuesday instead of Monday) I am not going to get through the entire backlog of recycling in time to drop it off on Saturday, but that is ok. I have a LOT to take and I will probably go again in November. (The September drop is Labor Day weekend and the October drop is the weekend of my birthday and my parents are coming. - I'm very excited about my parents coming! They just told me yesterday)

The first time I went I had most of a year of recycling and packed my car really full. This time will not be quite as full, but includes categories I didn't know I could take, and a lot of recycling found in the basement and studio this month. Honestly I could probably go another year, but I think I will have enough in November to be worth the trip. I want to ask Dh about recycling some old broken trash cans (he still uses them as stick storage for firewood, but a cardboard box would do, and they are empty half the year - the cardboard box would be gone for that half.) Then I will wait for spring or summer.

Hi CM,

Thanks for stopping in. I'm sorry your roommate is suffering and that your routines are disrupted.

I don't really understand about your captcha. Sometimes mine says try again several times, but it never changes while I am doing it.

My headache still won't go away. I am thinking about skipping my pottery class tonight. Realistically, I won't do anything I can't do at home, so it seems silly to drive for two hours. This particular class (group of students) doesn't offer me a lot of creative or social support, and I am pretty socialed out anyway.

I've found a few crayons to get rid of and decided to let go of 9 oversized ring binders (I kept three), two regular ones, and two accordion files. Those freed up quite a bit of space, but since the space I'm trying to empty is basically the middle of a room, it's not helping me with additional storage. Better organization maybe.

I've been watching a lot of videos to get ideas for organization. Clutterbug says I'm a "bee" (I want everything where I can see it and I want it sorted into seven thousand neatly stored and labelled categories and I have both emotional and logical justifications for keeping everything.)

The micro categories is what kills me - for example, I just pared our giant chunky homemade crayons down to a set of 8. But it was hard, because they are homemade, so each orange was a slightly different shade of orange. Finally I said to myself "subc. You still have the solar dehydrator. You still have silicone molds. You have 7,000 broken crayons that are not worth donating. If Bean or Surprise get super excited about giant chunky crayons and needs more shades, you guys can make crayons together!" Then I picked my favorite shade of each color and let go.

Just saying Hi, don't want you to feel lonely, SubC. I'm just hanging on, would actually be doing fairly well except this business of roommate's pain has thrown a huge monkey wrench into her life and a proportional yet smaller one into mine. It changes the daily routine significantly, it eats up time, and just, well, one star would not recommend. She had her MRI yesterday, so now it's just a wait for answers.

It's payday for me, so I'm going to go do the usual errands. Wanted to go swimming but don't want to have to fight the worst heat and traffic - had wanted to leave mid-morning and get the drive behind me then just hang out near the water park or something till it opens. Ah well. I'm making some progress with the driving anxiety but it's slower to get back to baseline than I'd like. Poco a poco for sure. I'm being patient with myself and as positive as I can muster. And I do believe that I'll get there - that's the most important thing, having faith that it's possible. Just like with the clutter, really - the times when I become greatly discouraged that's not good. The times when I can feel like "I got this" more good will happen.

Insofar as the heat, it's been a terrible heatwave here this week and last. On Tuesday I did get to the east water park, can't recall if I mentioned that - and one of the lifeguards had heatstroke and they had to call fire/EMS. Poor young lady, I pray she's okay. The heat is about to break with storms over tonight and into the weekend, if the weather people are correct. My meteorologist tree frog croaked repeatedly this morning, and it did sprinkle outside already.

I HATE THE CAPTCHAS - CAN'T POST WHEN THEY KEEP CHANGING FASTER THAN I CAN CLICK - AAAAARRRRGGGHHH

Good morning.

Welcome to our august line up, featuring subc.

Today we are addressing paper. Not "papers" as in "sheets of fiber made from tree pulp with writing or printing on them". Just "paper" as in "multiple types and colors of sheets of fiber in many colors made mostly but not always or exclusively from tree pulp and blank except sometimes with very useful seeming lines and grids".

My head hurts. Also, I found another place where things got wet. A long time ago. They are wrinkled and dry and stained. Thankfully not mildewed.

So far I have half a grocery bag of paper to recycle and a big bag of foam core to donate. I carried in one of the small portable folding tables I use for pottery sales to provide an additional sorting surface. I have been working for two hours and I am tired of it.

Good morning!

The moon is beautiful! The full moon always makes me think of tillie.

Yesterday while my friend was working I cleaned in my studio. I made some very small get rid of decisions, but mostly moved things around and literally cleaned.

I did not spend any time in reflection and contemplation of my "harvest" for this season. having my friend here is fun, but other people tend to disrupt the flow of my life. Also we went to chipotle yesterday.

We also went thrifting. I was very very good. I am looking for a few things and I tried to focus on those (didn't find them) and not get distracted and talk myself into stuff. A couple of times I picked something up, carried it for a bit, and then put it back. I did buy a Tupperware container that I have actually been thinking about ordering new and a cool puzzle for Bean. So that is two items I need to clear out of my house.

We also went to the gallery at the pottery studio and I picked up three finished pieces. I can't decide if I should count the pottery I make. It is coming in to my house, but I also sell some of it periodically, and I am really bad at keeping track of inventory. Also, if I am going to have to balance everything I make, I will be discouraged from making, and the clay is already here. Maybe I will worry about that after I set up a better inventory/storage system in the studio.

Good morning!

Mostly hanging out with my friend, and yesterday with Bean. My friend sleeps later than I do, and has to work virtually from 11-2, so there is some down time.

Yesterday during Bean's nap we chatted while she knitted and I sorted through the markers. I have a dead/recycle bag and a donate box for Saturday and am getting rid of almost twice what I am keeping.

Also Bean and I got out the bubbles that I have been saving since my kids were small and used them in the yard. We used up two little birthday favor jars. The bubbles didn't work well at first - being old, but I added one squirt of dish soap and they were great.

I fixed another overloved toy for Bean yesterday too.

Lila reporting back...

It is just past 3pm and I:

- went and returned some things I bought on impulse
- picked up the shirt order I had (used credit to buy)
- got a free coffee with a coupon
- took the first load out of the dryer and laid them flat on my bed until I can hang them
- put in 2 more loads. One is in the washer, one in the dryer
- carried the big heavy bags of dog food upstairs
- had lunch with my son
- had a phone visit with a friend

Now I am researching car repairs I need done and trying to find the lowest price. I am also researching places online that buy jewelry, so I can hopefully sell my wedding rings.

I hope you all are having a good day.

update: so far this morning I

- cleaned up all the dog poop out of their yard and put it out to the bin
- put in a load of laundry
- fetched the dog a little bit and looked around outside for Teen contraband

I am resting a bit. It was a lot of work out there cleaning up a whole 5 gal bucket full of poo. I will work on my planner and maybe make a couple of calls.

ohhh SubC, having new people over is an advanced skill! I struggle with it since the pandemic.

I have a lot to do today and should also work, even if from home. I made myself a written list in my planner. Since it is the LAST day of the month, I want to cross off as many things as possible before moving what did not get done to the August section of my planner.

I have a mix of housework, cooking, paperwork, calls, and piled up duties to do. As I go, I will try to declutter the areas I am in. Mainly, the laundry room needs a looking over. It is not bad, but I'm sure some things can go.

Good morning!

Lila, sometimes we just get worn out. It is ok to be tired and rest.

Have you tried finding some podcasts with voices you like and really boring topics? You could just listen to the same one every night. It would be like talk radio, I think.

Good job taking the time to put the toys back in order!

CM, I have not heard of "August Anxiety" I am familiar with the feeling of "where did the summer go? That kicks in around now however. I think that is pretty normal. And yes, I noticed last night that the days are getting shorter. Tomorrow is Lughnasadh, which is a time of reflection, marking the halfway point between summer and fall. So I'd say these feelings aren't exactly new to our times, we just like to label everything so that it sounds like pathology.

I always have a mix of regret for the waning summer and the things I didn't do and excitement about the new school year in August. The regrets aren't as bad this year because I set very conservative goals. I knew I needed to rest.

It's good that you are making/remaking connections.

Tatoulia, come as you are. We are just happy to have you here. I have had students who have gone through times when success was showing up and sitting in the classroom. This might be one of those times for you. And that is ok.

My friend stayed up late last night working, so I don't know how late she will sleep. I pick Bean up early this morning And we will stop for donuts.

I made more progress in the studio yesterday. I think I will invite some newish friends over to make stuff next week. (They are mom/daughter, both younger than I - I used to teach the daughter and will still have her brother in class this year) they are very non-judgy so as long as there is space for us all to work it should be ok. We'll see how brave I feel after the current friend visit is over.