The party sounds even better! The people you wanted to be with!

Happy to hear about the new sprout!

I felt access to the washer this AM! Very haooy about that!

Just up, making my coffee. I'm back to coffee. Taste so good.

Have a cookout at a friend's house today. Looking forward to it. Just their family and BF and me. Perfect.

Need to work in time to see mom.

Good morning.

To be clear, the party was me, the English teacher who is leaving, and our mutual favorite ever student (18 and graduated). We told all the stories we couldn't tell when we were on "opposite teams" and we laughed so hard!

My in-laws left yesterday morning. Mil took a bunch of recycling with her that she can recycle but I can't. They didn't bring us anything, so net out.

My end of year gifts were a Tshirt, a plant, a bag of homemade fire starter cones, a half pint jar of sugar scrub, two gift cards, a bottle of wine, and a painted rock magnet. The other teacher and I drank the wine Friday before I came home.

CM,
I'm sorry about your family house. It sounds like you and roommate are making progress though! Is the house a place you could potentially live and pay rent to your cousins?

Lila, you are doing well. Don't worry about a little set back, just try not to let it linger.

Tatoulia, it was good that you got so much done at your mom's place. It sounds like she's doing well given the situation.

Ddil is pregnant! We are all both excited and nervous because Dd lost the baby in December.

The girls went yard sailing and I did not go with them. They bought baby things and house things and a pair of new in the packaging goat socks for me.

I have done 1/4 of my evaluations. To stay on track I should do 10-12 more today, but I might skip them and just enjoy my people. Then I will have to do at least 13 on the other days. The only day that might be hard is Wednesday.

Lila, I don't see where you did anything dumb. You didn't have much of a choice other than to take it. Hose it off and if not usable, then get rid of it. No one need be the wiser.

Mom was pretty good when we saw her. She was sitting in a chair and her very tasty dinner had just arrived. A beautiful piece of lasagna and fresh, perfectly cooked green beans. She ate a good portion of her meal. She insisting on leaving the hospital and at some points she's not even sure where she is.

Bf and I just got home. We saw mo,, then went to the cemetery, then grabbed a bite to eat, then fed mom's cat.

I'm too tired to do laundry. I'm going to bed.

Goodnight, dear friends.

Tatoulia, that is all good what you did for your mom. It will be nicer for her with that stuff gone.

I had time with Tot today and we are also have a bbq at our house tomorrow. I enjoyed having her. I want to do this more frequently.

I worked this morning and have a social group thing tonight so am just chilling in the meantime. I would really like a nice thick piece of cake, but I'm not buying it and am too lazy to make it. So maybe I will lose some weight this week.

I am a little upset about something dumb I did. I am part of a neighborhood group that you can give things away or ask for items you need, and I have given things and also gotten some very nice things. I asked for a baby item for my upcoming grandchild and someone said she had one to give me. I was pretty excited and she said she would put it out for me but her kids were sleeping. When I got there it was so dirty, omg. Covered in dust and cobwebs, but I thought, well, Son and I can hose it off outside and it might be really nice. Then I went to stick it in my car and it was so heavy, way heavier than I would have imagined, I also hurt myself and could barely get it into the car. As I am loading it I am thinking "this is never going to work, it is way too heavy, it is filthy..." but here I am in someone's driveway with it halfway in my car. I thought about pulling it back out and leaving it but thought it would be rude so I took it. It is in my car and I am so irritated. I will have Son pull it out and see if it is even in decent enough shape to give to someone else or if it is trash. I should never have taken it!! Ugh.

Happy Sunday! Warm day here in Boston.

I went to mom's to feed the kitty and I filled a 30 gallon trash bin. Clothes, old comforter, stuff. Stiff that no one needs. The beautiful cotton dress I gave her was all poopy so I threw it out. I threw out a bathrobe that had gotten tangled in her wheelchair and so they used scissors to cut it. Stuff like that. The cat was glad that I was hanging out and puttering. She'll never breathe a word. Mom accuses me of stealing from her so I might as well take care of some stuff for her. I question what the next steps are for her. She's so angry with me. Not sure who my BF is but tells him he's great.

I wanted to do her laundry but the washers were full. Would like to do some of my own but our washer is full, too.

I've showered and I'm going to relax now. We will visit mom later.

Hello everyone! I'm glad your cousin is close by, CM. Just keep feeling the feels. It's okay to feel wistful and it can be very soothing to think of simpler times and places.

You are doing good work, too, Lila. I confess I didn't do anything today. I went to mom's to feed the kitty (went twice) and BF and I visited mom in the hospital. She is very upset with me. Just the dementia talking. She's in for at least another day. I think we are close to her batteries running out. Dr called me to discuss a few things including whether w3 have a Do Not Resuscitate order (we do).

So there we have it. I mainly slept today. Just hung out and slept.

Tmr I'll do laundry and other stuff.

post 3, hmmm, lonely around here today.

When Teen saw my smoothie they asked me to make them one. So that is great! I made them a nice, healthy smoothie and used up more produce. Good nutrition for them!

I have one WIN for today: I got the table cleared off. There is still a crock pot on it because I am trying to find a place for it. I did wipe off the table with paper towels and water, but need to wash it down better. Then that is done.

No sign of the missing coffee pods anywhere.

I baked some pasta with broccoli. I started just a little on the counter/bar. Son did not get out of bed til late afternoon so I did not have help to do other things.

I did put the clean dishes away and hand washed a few things. Watched TV a bit. Watched a documentary.

As I went in my room and looked at stuff the main question I have is:
How do you decide what to get rid of?
Going by whether I used it in the past year does not work for me. Many things I see as essential, or things I am attached to, I do not use much.
Going by whether it bring me joy does not work for practical things. Although, if something makes me sad, I can let that go.

I did decide to return all the books that people have loaned to me to read except for 2. Some of them I have had for a year or two. The sit in piles and mock me for not reading them. People mean well and bring me books and tell me how much I will enjoy them or they will help me in my job. But I don't read them. I must have a good dozen books that are not mine. A few I am not even sure whose they are! So, the ones I do know, I will start returning this week. It just feels weird to have someone's book for 6 months or a year and return it and say you never read it.

post 2 for accountability.

I was thinking about what might give me energy that is not unhealthy, and decided to make a green smoothie. This is also good because I have a lot of produce in the fridge and freezer that needs to be eaten.

I am now sipping a smoothie made with a frozen banana, frozen mango, a few frozen cranberries, a squeeze of fresh lemon, 2 T chia seeds, water, and several big handfuls of fresh spinach. Blended it up and it made a huge smoothie, maybe 20 oz. If I don't drink it all, I will save the rest in the fridge for later this afternoon. This is basically my lunch.

I also sorted the other bags of greens and put paper towels in with them so they stay fresh longer. I threw out a very small cabbage that was getting moldy looking, but saved a nice fresh large cabbage. I saw some cucumbers in there that need to be used so looked up a recipe for cucumber salad. I usually make it with sour cream but we don't have any due to our Pantry challenge, so I am going to make it with vinegar, red onion, a little sugar, dried dill, salt and pepper.

I am feeling just the slightest bit more energized and decided that the bedroom is just too much right now, so my goal today will be to clean off the dining room table which is piled up. If I get that done, I may also work on the counter/bar that is even worse, and dusty.

I actually lost a large box of coffee pods last time I cleaned off the table. I have no idea where I put them, and Son really would like to have them. So maybe I can look around and find those for him as well. That would be, for me, a successful day.

I also have holes in my shoes now. I need to look in my closet and see if I have a pair of Brooks. You know I donated a bunch, but not Brooks, just ones that were kind of brightly colored and not really suitable for work. I wear black or dark grey Brooks most of the time as I am prone to tendonitis until I lose this weight.

What are you all doing?

CM that sounds sad about your grandma's house. I am always desperate to latch on to anything that makes me feel like I have a family, being also an only child and everyone is dead. So I would clutter up my house if I was in your situation. I hope you are able to not inherit a lot of junk. Maybe it would be nice to have an item or two that is special. I wonder sometimes if any of my kids will want any of my stuff. Probably not.

I have today off so slept in, cooked eggs and toast, made coffee and read on the deck. It is nice and relaxing.

However I spent most of yesterday relaxing, and I need to actually get some things done - cleaning and decluttering. My doctor had said I need to lose weight and gave me a prescription. I have been taking a half pill but this morning I decided to take a whole one. It is supposed to help with energy. I took it ten minutes ago and am waiting for the energy. Even if it just gives me a slight boost, it will get me moving and I can get something done.

I know it is lame that I have to rely on a pill, or caffeine, etc, to get me off the couch, but it is what it is. I am so sluggish I would easily sit on the couch for days, watching tv, surfing the web. I know that is partly a result of being 70ish pounds overweight, and partly from never exercising. A body at rest tends to stay at rest. I am hopeful these pills will help me start to move more, and lose weight, and it will snowball into better energy overall.

I'll let you know how that goes.

Just been busy, read posts. Prayers for your mom Tatoulia and for Lila and for Teen, for peace and calm.

We had some accomplishments this week. The people from the habitat for humanity resale place came and got roommate's surplus lumber from projects that are either done or unlikely to get done. Not only did it free up physical space in the garage, I know it gave her closure and hope. It will also make it easier for further decluttering of the garage to occur. Though it's not my garage, I am happy to help and it feels good.

We also put battered lawn and garden items by the curb. Some things got picked up by whoever, some went with the trash. I know now not to buy those molded plastic chairs. They rot in the sun and end up all brittle and scabby and then are good for nothing and finish up in the landfill. Roommate has purchased nicer outdoor furniture - not the ritzy fancy stuff that costs hundreds of dollars, but better constructed pieces than the plastic junk. I have been doing my duty testing them out, especially of an evening when the temperature is nice and the birds are singing like crazy.

The weather is better here, I hope to do some in my storage, I still have to get that medical assistance form done (bleah, but necessary) and I did give it a preliminary once over so I know what information I'm going to need to dig out.

My cousin who moved to town has also been cleaning out my grandma's house. Grandma died in the 80s, and the two youngest aunts who never married lived there until they went into the nursing home a few years back. They had hoarded, my cousin described basically goat paths. I knew it had been getting worse and that they hadn't wanted people to visit anymore. Of course since I didn't drive on the highway I couldn't go over there on my own. They probably would've just insisted on meeting elsewhere anyway.

There is a lot connected with this whole business - triggers of my own situations, the fact that along with cousins I'm one of the heirs when the house is sold eventually although it won't fetch much, the memories of when my grandma was still alive and the clan would gather, the changes, deaths, divorces, drifting apart, being isolated in a different city from those relatives and the ones on the other side as well in another town in the opposite direction. So I'm feeling all the feels and trying to stay steady and be grateful for the present. I'm thankful for the new connection with my cousin. She is the surviving sibling of an original four. And I'm an only child and we are close in age. I'd love it if we could be sort of like sisters. But I don't want to rush anything, and I know she is busy, has a husband and kids and grandkids and wants to find a job here. But she reached out to me, so that may bode well.

Basically, my immediate goals are: Get medicaid form completed and faxed asap, and prepare for church garage sale with all that entails, hopefully maximizing the outflow from my storage and perhaps here at the house, just anyplace I find stuff that I can part with. It was in the church bulletin that a week from tomorrow I think it is, there will be designated times for dropping off donations, which will allow me to empty my van and be able to get additional loads, rinse and repeat.

I think as long as you take that motivation and try to start (rather than ignoring it) you'll get there. Keep trying. Put on some music. Pour a cold glass of water. Roll up your sleeves. And never stop trying.

So glad you had a great party, SubC.

Tatoulia, what a nice friend. A very thoughtful gift. Also I hope your mom is okay.

Thank you for shoring me up, too. I like being able to come here and visit, no judgement. It's nice.

I am sooooo glad I have tomorrow off, too. It has been quite awhile since I had two full days off in a row. There is something about being relaxed at night because I don't have to get up early.

I made veggies for lunch and dinner. Teen is having a hard time, so I broke the no buying groceries and went and got them some snacks. They are just miserable so I thought it would cheer them up. There was a breakup. I don't know much else, but it's sad.

I have clean laundry on my bed that I will put away before I sleep.

Why do I have this urge to get rid of things, and really want it, but when I go in a room to start, I get totally frozen and do nothing? Hm. I will try again tomorrow.

Congratulations on finishing the school year with a great party, SubC!

We went to the museum of fine arts tonight to see the Hokusai exhibit. BF, Emiko and me. Emiko brought us each a beautiful framed picture of BF in front of the business he sold. I was so touched (she had come by here before we left for the museum) and I couldn't believe my lovely gift. He opened his present later in the evening and was similarly touched. He was unaware that she had even taken the picture. It is a gift that will help me once he leaves.

Mom fell and is in the hospital. The poor thing. I assume she is okay; I have not heard from the hospital despite leaving a message for the dr. I'll try again in the AM. Emiko and I went to mom's tonight to feed her cat. I left the kitty an extra plate of food and I'll get up early tmr to feed her.

Lila, you are strong. I'm sure it gets tiring being so strong. I'm right here, shoring you up.

Cm. Sending you love.

Good last day of school.

Best after party ever.

Everyone went to bed an hour after I got home. I spent part of that hour doing chores.

Dishwasher running

Off to bed myself. More eventually.

Thank you Tatoulia. Your words are a comfort. Being heard, and not 100% alone, is a comfort. I threw out the brokens and feel somewhat better. A few items were not broken, or just small chips. I put those into a box that I need to find space for in my room. You see how my locked room is a storage unit, and anything outside of it is subject to destruction. I hope this changes.

I did not cry, but just resigned myself to the fact. And, told myself, things are just things. It is God and family that matters.

I am getting things done while relaxing. I gave away some extra produce I had so that it does not all go bad before I can use it. And I am going to use some produce to make a recipe for lunch today, too.

I loaded the dishwasher and it is running.
I went through my emails in my personal account, over 250 of them. My goals was to get down to 150 and I did get under that goal. I have a few I need to do things about or respond to and will do that. But the work ones I will do next week.

Enjoying the quiet, the windows being open, the tv on some of the time, coffee, and time with the dogs.

I will keep working on my room and donating more things.

Hello everyone! Lila, I'm sorry about all that went on. I am so sorry. If you can limit your grief, please do so. Tell yourself you'll cry about the things for X minutes and then let the glass things go. I have not been in your position and my advice is stupid. Trying to find a way to comfort you.

Florida specialist: please reach out to Cory Chaomers and ask him if it's okay to advertise here. Keep up the good work.

SubC, last day of school. Wow. 5e time is flying.

I slept in today. My company gave us a mental health day today. I had to get up in the am to turn off my alarm and feed the kitty. I then slept solidly until the doorbell rang. My meds were being delivered. I got up, then got dressed and took the garbage and recycling out. I have so much laundry to do today. Let's see if I do it.

Have plans with BF and Emiko tonight. Should be fun. It may be the last time she sees him before he leaves.

That's the plans for today. Basically nothing.

Hi SubC, I hope your day goes well. Change is hard even if it is a recurring, shifting change.

I had a good day yesterday, worked hard, had a very successful day. Now I am off today, tomorrow, and Monday which is much needed! I am so happy to be home today and not talk to people (except my family).

Today I:
Got up early, read the Bible, made coffee
Gathered trash in a bag, as it is trash day
Picked up broken angels and put them in the trash bag too
Took that bag of trash outside to the bin
Rolled the other bin to the road
Pulled some weeds out front and put them in the bin
Put dirty clothes and towels in baskets/hampers

There is a lot I would like to accomplish over these days off, but mainly I want to enjoy being home.

What are you all up to this long weekend?

Hey everyone,

I hope this message finds you in a place of understanding and compassion. It's not easy to open up about personal struggles, but sometimes, finding solace in a supportive community can make all the difference.

I'm here today to extend a helping hand to those who are dealing with the overwhelming challenge of hoarding, an issue that hits close to home for me. Growing up in a family of hoarders, I intimately understand the complex emotions and deep attachments we can develop towards our possessions.

As a real estate professional specializing in the restoration of homes affected by hoarding, my mission is to bring newfound hope and clarity into your life. I've witnessed firsthand the weight that hoarding can place on individuals, families, and relationships. But please know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

If you find yourself in need of assistance with cleanup, repairs, or even if you're contemplating a fresh start by leaving your current home, I am here for you. With empathy and expertise, I can guide you through the process, providing the support you deserve every step of the way.

Restoring a home isn't just about creating a physical space; it's about restoring your peace of mind, reclaiming a sense of control, and fostering a nurturing environment that promotes well-being. Together, we can embark on a transformative journey to overcome the challenges that hoarding presents.

Please don't hesitate to reach out to me at 305-209-4632. Your call will be met with the utmost confidentiality and understanding. Remember, you're not alone in this, and I am committed to assisting you in any way I can.

Wishing you strength, courage, and the promise of a brighter future.

Warm regards,

Ty Cornelius
Professional Hoarding Restoration Specialist

Lila, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

Last day of school.

Not ready. The tears started yesterday. I wrote notes to my four favorite students and we had our big official goodbyes at the end of class and then the annual school wide ice cream party. Two of them don't have classes today, so I don't know when/if I will see them again.

I had a returning student who is in art school come yesterday with her final project from her ceramics class and give a presentation. That was nice. We got a bit of a catch up.

Before I leave for school I have last assignments to check and the counter mess to stash in the basement.

We got our end of the year teacher gifts from the school - it was a $15 gift card to a grocery store - which I have already spent on donuts for class today, and a school t-shirt with the new logo that I don't like on a color of shirt that looks awful on me. I didn't order any shirts this year for the first time because I have 15 without holes and don't like the logo. I'll wear it on days we do a project that threatens my clothes. I kind of wish they would just skip the teacher gifts.

My boy and his wife are here and we had a short visit last night before bed. I'll stay as late as I can at school tonight cleaning up my room to avoid Dh parents as much as I can. My all time favorite student - who graduated this year - is staying late to repaint the classroom ceiling he decorated for the prank and finish gridding my table, so that will keep me there as well.

Must function!

hi all,

A long couple days of work, and very tired. I would even call in a "mental health day" if I could, today and tomorrow. But, as much as I believe things can go on without us, I did need to go today and I am glad I did. My boss took us to lunch for a meeting today and covered the bill, so that was nice for us all. Tomorrow is my "big day," the event I have planned and spent many hours inviting people to. A kickoff event, something I was hired to do. So, I must go, and I will be glad I did. And then I can have Friday off.

I was supposed to work this evening as well, but 1) our dog got a foxtail in his paw and we were trying to soak it and help him stop licking it and 2) Teen had a quite angry meltdown. It was brewing yesterday. They had gone in Tot's room and grabbed a bin of pretty ceramics that I had saved that Teen had treasured as a little child, and she dashed it all to the floor. All the little things, ceramic angels, a porcelain elephant, little dishes she played with and glass trinkets she had gotten from vacations, all shattered everywhere. I looked but cannot bear to pick them up. I started, but the angel with the wings broken off and the other angel with its praying arms broken off just put me in tears, so I just shut the door and they sit in there. I will have to deal with it. Many saved, treasured things will be going in the trash. I had hoped she would have them on the shelf in there and show them to Tot and explain where she got each one. But, no normalcy here. Sad.

Anyway then last night Teen threw the DVDs I sorted all over the room, as well as all of my work papers and a basket of laundry. Then tonight they went into a rage and broke the wood trim off all the walls downstairs and found 2 glass items somewhere in the garage, brought them in and threw them. Glass everywhere. Also broke the baby gate. Police came and did nothing, crisis people were called and did nothing, told me to take Teen to a counselor. As if we have not for many years. There is sadly no help for mental illness, autism, any of it.

Anyway, Son fixed the gate and cleaned up glass out of the family room but the rest is just strewn everywhere downstairs.

I am exhausted, running on little sleep, dog is licking his wound raw, and I have a soft cone somewhere but who can find it in the clutter? He is limping. I have to take him to the vet in the morning before work and will miss part of work but my team will start on the event prep without me.

I am glad I am not prone to depression because this would really put me in an abyss. I am very tired. Everything is messed up and broken and so many things need to be done that I don't know how to even start.

I hope tomorrow is better. I fear my entire paycheck for 2 weeks will be spent on getting my dog well.

Glad Monday is also supposed to be a day off, and I hope it stays that way.

I worked late last night. Got through a lot of work. Back to work today. Need to do my hair and get dressed, etc.

Cleaners today. Clean sheets when I get home!

Have a great day, everyone!

Lila, great work! And you were so smart and thoughtful to let the teen's accomplishments stand without pointing out the dishes! A victory for both! Great to get some things out of the house! Well done! I hope you feel lighter!

If you or your son or even teen are handy, you could watch some YouTubes to figure out how to patch the wall.

Put the ducks away! Yes, SubC, your grandson may save us all.
I did wash my sheets and folded them and I put them away. Just one load and it felt good.

I didn't do the dishes last night because I went to bed early. So I just did them. I need to do my hair, get dressed, and go to work.

Take care, everyone! We are doing it!

Good morning!

Lila, you sound like you are making progress. The recliner was a big step! And I am so happy that working with teen went well!

I'm glad you get another day off on Friday.

Tatoulia, did you get to do your laundry?

Bean and I had fun with the ducks yesterday. They really enjoyed splashing in the baby pool.

When dsil picked Bean up, Bean instructed me that when I got home, I must "put the ducks away, and dump out the water, and put the pool back sideways." His need for order may be my salvation.

I did not stop and take any of the free irises someone put out by the road. Even though they were free, I still have too much to plant.

I would like to mention that I don't almost always pour myself a glass of wine when I get home on Fridays, I almost always have one on the last day of school.

I have lesson prep and grading to do this morning because I was too tired last night after chasing ducks around in the sunshine.

There are clean sheets on the bed for my son and ddil, but there are still baskets of clean laundry parked in their room.

I have a rain barrel workshop tonight and a last kiln load to fire after school (well, not the last, but the last that will be returned this year.)

Ok, I need to get busy!

2 weeks to my vacation.

I worked from home today about 3 hours and now feel like I need another day off. That will happen Friday.

I sorted the DVDs and put 9 of them, in cases, into the donate box. Then I asked Son to dismantle the DVD shelf and he took it out to the trash. Actually it is a big relief. I do need to get that hole fixed though, it's an eyesore.

I also went behind Teen as they cooked and encouraged them to "leave it like you found it." They were able to put away their leftovers, and wiped off the stove and counters. They forgot to put their dishes in the dishwasher, and went downstairs, so I did it this time. I want them to feel like they did something good, with the cleanup they did do.

So the kitchen is still clean.

I also folded up winter clothes and put them in drawers, and hung up a few things. I picked up papers and receipts off the floor in my room and threw away most of them.

Ran a couple errands. Feeling like I am making some progress here.

SubC, thank you for the kind words about my mom. I appreciate it have a great day with your grandson!

Yay for new shorts, CM! That's a good feeling to know you are set as you head into warmer weather!

Lila, good thought-process! No need to keep things just to hide the holes in the wall! Congratulations to son for clean8ng the kitchen! Do not feel guilty! He's developed good habits so no need to discourage.

I'm going to PO today to send the pants back and to mail a gift to a friend. That will feel good to get those things out of the house!

Hoping to do some laundry today. We shall see if the machine is busy.

Working from home today, in office tmr and the next day.

Good morning. I caught up on all your posts! So nice to hear the good things. I hope the iffy things improve. I wish my memory was good enough to recount and respond, but to do that I need two windows and today is a one-window morning.

I took today off after being required to work Saturday. I needed a day at home. I will do some calls or emails, but no big work. I might run an errand later. It is so nice outside!

So how is everyone's decluttering/cleaning efforts going?

I keep getting injured or sick and it has really made my house look like no one cares about cleaning. In fact the kitchen was so bad yesterday, almost every dish dirty in the sink, food spilled on stove and counters and left to dry there, even wrappers and trash on the counters. Thank you Teen. Teen refuses to even throw away a wrapper when the trash can is right there. I tried to start cleaning yesterday, scraped dried noodles out of a pan and off the stove and counters, and got overwhelmed. Well I am very thankful that Son cleaned the entire kitchen while I was sleeping. I feel a bit guilty he did it and not me, but also so very thankful to have clean counters, stove and sink and clean dishes. I know Teen will just wreck it again which is so discouraging.

Goals for today:
Get stuff cleaned and out of the house.

I did give away that big recliner yesterday. I loved it, but the seat was peeling the fake leather off, and once it gets bad no one will take it. So I gave it to someone who wants to cover it, for their father who needs a recliner. This made a very nice big empty space in my living room.

Also behind the recliner is a narrow tall shelf for DVDs. However teen has knocked it over so many times it is basically beyond repair, shelves on the floor, frame broken, DVDs all over the floor behind the recliner... so now just in piles.

Goal for today: go through the DVDs. I tried last night and got too emotional. A lot of the videos you can't find on netflix or amazon or anything. I will try to choose a few to donate and put the "watch soon" ones in the tv stand and box the rest, or maybe move them to a shelf in Tot's guest room until I can handle donating more.

The shelf was covering a big hole in the living room wall that Teen made a few years ago, and it makes me very sad, but I need to throw out this broken shelf. The hole is too low to hang anything over and too big for me to simply patch. It hurts my feelings to have all these holes in my walls... but I can't keep clutter just to put in front of holes.

There has to be something deeper about that.

Will report back later!

Good morning!

CM, I am so glad you have new shorts and are getting time outside and reconnecting with people! Those things are very important!

Tatoulia, you are taking good care of your mom!

I'm sorry the store was closed.

I am getting Bean a little bit late this morning - and no donuts. He's staying home with daddy instead of leaving for work with mommy and daddy is not a morning person. We're meeting in a different location too. So, I took an extra hour to sleep - which turned out to be a good idea because Dh woke me up a couple of times last night - I think I was snoring, and I know I was hot. I got pushed over.

Anyway, chores to do and a bit of clean up before I do go get him.

Have a great day!

It's been busy but mostly good.

I bought one pair of shorts because I actually found the kind I like. They are men's 100% cotton jersey with drawstring and pockets but you can't tell, they are pretty plain and basic. I needed a new black pair as my current ones are ready to be yard work shorts. I am also going to order a grey pair that they didn't have in stock, and possibly a blue. I've been short of shorts, haha, so this is legit. I still have those ones from my friend that I need to sew on, but those are bright colors like pink, yellow, orange, etc., and I'm still slow getting to my sewing. I'll be glad to have those eventually; meanwhile I'll have some versatile neutrals ready to go.

A really good thing happened. On Friday morning, roommate returned from walking her dog with the news that a garage sale was in progress at the house of my childhood friend 2-1/2 blocks away. I've been trying to figure out how to reconnect with this friend. I know that I learned after the fact that her mom had passed away a year or two ago, and I would see the truck for the lawn mowing people occasionally. Yet I never saw my friend come or go. I remembered that she used to go to work very early before Covid, had no idea whether she was working remotely, whether the phone numbers I had were current, etc. Tried calling them but the voicemail message was generic so I didn't leave a message. Didn't know if it'd be creepy to just go over there and knock on the door after so long. I'd been at an impasse.

So... I jumped in my van and off I went and my dear friend was there and so happy to see me! We have a lot of catching up to do. There is a sad side, in that she has some serious health issues. But perhaps she will get through treatments and who knows. Trying to pray, hope, and not worry about that, and just rejoice in our renewed contact. Even got to chat with the friend's sister as well.

This spring has been blessed with renewed contacts, my cousin who moved to town, and another friend recently in addition to this one. I'd been feeling cut off from my past connections a lot, kind of alone in the cosmos at times, so now I am reassured. I think there will be positive overflow in terms of reduced anxiety even. The endorphins from the encounter itself, and the easing of existential angst, can really help a person in that regard!

Today we had the bunny get together. Different venue, quieter, which was refreshing. Attendance was small, probably because lots of graduations are taking place and other things connected to the school year drawing to a close. The bunnies seemed to enjoy themselves. I got a migraine right at the end, I think from something different I ate for lunch that might've had MSG in it.

This coming week I have one appointment that I will be glad to check off the list, and the forms to fill out. Then I will feel relieved. Hoping the bunny people don't pressure me too much about clipping toenails again at the shelter, which always eats up two consecutive days. I don't mean to make the bunnies wait too long, but I need some breathing room. We'll get it done asap, but on my timetable as well as theirs.

Add me to the list of "wonder about autism sometimes." It does run in the family along with ADHD, which I know I have. Like you, at my age I'm not convinced pursuing any official confirmation or disconfirmation (if that's a word) would be worth the hassle. So I just sometimes refer to myself as neuroatypical or neurodivergent which covers the bases. Makes one wonder a little bit, if there are connections with autism and clutter and hoarding though. Maybe someone should do a study. Probably someone has.

Been enjoying the outdoors in the evenings here lately, before the mosquitoes arrive in force. Connecting with nature is also a very good thing. The weather does get crazy and unpredictable here, but on occasion that works out in our favor. Peonies have been blooming and I love them.

Joke was on me as the store had closed on May 8 and another boutique went in, so I kept walking around trying to find it! So I will be mailing back the linen pants. Do not want to drive to a different location. So that's settled.

I did very minor grocery shopping as o started to feel very weak. I've felt like this lately. I came close to fainting a week ago when BF was over. I think I need my meds checked. I am not dehydrated. I'll start checking my blood pressure every night.

I stopped by mom's. The bra I brought that is too big for me fit her very well. I have one more like it and will bring it over. Plus I ordered some me for her. So all is well in that front. I also brought her a fairly nice navy shirt with some eyelet detailing that will look nice on her. I'm so glad that some of my clothes can go to her. I wish I had some skirts to give her but I don't think I do. I think I've donated the only two that would have made sense for her and I'm not sure they would have fit her as she has a very big stomach and no waist to speak of.

Not very warm but I'm not feeling great so will run AC in bedroom tonight.

New kitty is a joy. I'm so glad I have her. My last cat made it to nearly 19. This cat is 15. If I can even have two great years with her, I'll be happy. Quite frankly, I'll take whatever time we have. She is adorable and very social and cuddly.

That's the news from Boston.

Wow, that resonated with me, SubC re letting people ruin your day when they aren't even here yet. You have helped me immensely. Recently I saw a friend whom I hadn't seen in many, many, years and I got it into my head that she was bringing her husband to lunch and I was upset about it for a week. Now in my case, it didn't come to fruition and in your case it will, and yet we both are wasting the same time.

Hippos distributed. That is so sweet.

I slept relatively poorly last night. A lot of up and down and heartburn, which I hate.

I have to return shoes and two pair of linen pants that I bought. They colors weren't working for me so I bought two more and now I have the original colors to return. I could mail them and once a woman in the store was a bit snotty, by pointing out that I could mail them, but I don't want to be intimidated by that one person's remark. Look at me, making decisions based on a random statement made to me once. I need to stop this.

I need to get to mom's today to change the cat box. I normally don't like to go on sundays because that is the day she has her college student visit and I feel that it's my day off. But I know kitty's box needs to be changed so I will head over sometime later.

I don't now if I mentioned this but mom was a little weird yesterday. Basically had her boobs hanging out in the dining room (she was having lunch when I stopped by). She had in a cardigan with no shirt underneath it. She said she didn't have any shirts and so when I was in her place, I found two in her drawers and I hung them up in her closet. Then I came back home and ordered her four or five tshirt type tops from Macy's. Two were in white, which is a disaster, but she spills on everything so what does it matter. I buy on the sale sale, sale prices for her. The quality is good enough, meaning that the cotton is thick and the seams are sown well. So I bought what I could find in her size and I am hoping they all fit her okay.

Today I have to wash my blanket and put it away. I was much too hot with it last night. I had the ceiling fan on but couldn't open the windows due to rain. It's now sunny and cool and I am happy.

I keep crossing with Tatoulia.

I am so tired. This morning I slept until I woke up at nearly 8. I remember Dh alarm going off, but he got up, made coffee and left for golf without saying goodbye. I'm quite sure I was asleep again in seconds. I don't remember the coffee grinder.

I have so many different things I need to do today. It is hard because I don't shift well. I don't even want to start.

I am working on making sure I get some rest and some things that I enjoy. It is so stressful to know my in-laws will be here on a day I normally just dump everything and crash. Dh knows not to talk to me on the last day of school. Mil never stops talking.

I will be an exhausted, wrung out, emotional mess about ending my year with my kids - some of whom I know I will never see or hear from again. The hardest part of my job will still be in front of me.

Mil will be all "isn't it nice to be done?" (I'm not) "but you don't have to teach any more." (That's the part I like.) "but now you'll have time to catch up on the house." - subtext, this place is a pigsty.

I'm going to buy myself a bottle of wine and pour a glass when I get home Friday. I almost always do. Fil is extremely uncomfortable even being in the same room with someone who is drinking and mil is very judgmental about it. Although sometimes she gets in a mood where she wants to tell you things like she likes the taste of rum (in cake, with the alcohol baked out) - tee hee aren't I bad?

When I feel the urge to respond to her, I'll just have another sip of wine.

I really need to find a way to stop letting these people ruin my week when they aren't even here yet.

Made it through graduation. Hippos distributed, tears shed.

The autism thing is basically a working theory with me. Probably am, not big on labels. It's just shorthand for a grab bag of things that may or may not coexist.. I'm pretty sure I would never have offered a teacher an armchair diagnosis. I also care not at all that she did.

Yay for the donate box!

I didn't do anything useful last night, so I need to get out of this dress and back to my regularly overscheduled life.

My in-laws arrive in six days and school will be over!

Hi, Lila, I've sent you a few messages via IG but you obviously aren't getting them. The pants I have for you are Eileen Fisher wide leg linen in size XL if you are able to check the size chart. Also a size XL double knit wide leg pant from J Jill. I sent you the size charts. Let me know if you can look these up and if you think the pants would fit you now or if they are anything you'd wear. If not, that's absolutely fine!

It's a grey day with a bit of rain. The green of the trees is very pretty.

We went to hazardous waste day, then visited mom, then ran a few more errands. Successful day for us! And it's only 2 PM so pretty snazzy.

Interesting about the autism comment, SubC. Two of my kids have it. And Teen has told me I am as well, but I dunno. I feel like at this point it doesn't matter... I am who I am.

Son is making fresh lemonade right now. Can't wait for a glass.

Tatoulia, are you able to see my IG? I cannot get through their hoops to 'prove' it is not a "fraudulent account." I keep pressing the 'email me a code' thing but it never shows up in my email.

I did get a lot done today including some nice restful time. Ran to the bank, deposited the cash, came home and paid the bills. Called to find out gift card balances on all those cards, wrote the balances on them with sharpie, and put the smallest balances in my purse to use up (major stores so I can get toilet paper, laundry soap etc).

Then got calls, texts and emails from work. This is unusual because my boss also takes today off. But apparently he got sucked into working. I limited my involvement to a half hour, and I will get paid for it!

Picked up a bit more. I will go back in my room and work on it some more before bed. Will ask Son to take a box out to my car to donate.

Hi all!

Lila, this year I am not doing any camps, so once I finish the evaluations, I will have no more paid or time scheduled work until the end of august.

I hope to be focusing on the farm. My pottery, my grandson, my house, and of course - lesson planning.

That drawer sounds really hard. I hope you did keep going because it seems like after tha5 anything would be easy.

I do not think teen hates you. I think everything is really hard for teen right now and you are safe to vent anger at, because unlike dad and maybe others, teen knows you. Will. Not. Leave.

Teen wants to do a food challenge with you right now. Just enjoy that for as long as you can.

I told one of my graduating (tomorrow!) seniors a story this week. The story involved me panicking and fleeing in the face of a tidal wave of balloons, but only tangentially, the rest was a funny interaction with a younger student that followed. I got to the end and my senior asked "have you ever considered getting a formal autism diagnosis?" (Emphasis on "formal") I just said "what good would that do me?" No boundaries. The boundaries are just gone. I can't get to next Friday fast enough.

Currently resting with some wine and snacks before I get back in harness.

My heart is breaking, too, Lila. I'm glad you found money and gift cards. You had to go into the drawer. Next burst of energy you can work on your bedroom and the piles.

SubC, I forgot what all you wrote but I know you had a good senior day.

Hello CM!

Hey Road!

So I am about to shower and lie down. I'm not feeling very well. I went to mom's and saw her. She was pretty good!

I did a lot of laundry today but it doesn't count since I haven't folded it and put it away. And new kitty sleeps on the bedroom chair so no putting it there. As soon as I shower, I will fold it and put it away.

Tmr is hazardous waste day. Making a list of what I'm taking with me.

hi all, I'm back. Love my day off!! SubC, do you have to work over the summer at all (outside work at home, of course) or can you be home focusing on those projects and decluttering and such?

My boss is going on leave in 2 weeks which reduced my hours at work by about 4 hours a week. I also finished teaching my class, so that reduces my work-at-work by another 4-5 hours a week. My overall hours will go down a little... but the nice thing is, I can work from home on more days. Much better for me.

Hi all, miss you all! Hope to post a few times today as I work on the house.

Today I took out the bathroom trash and started to declutter my bedroom.

Silly me, I started with a nightstand drawer. It is funny to me because my bedroom is all piled up and looks terrible with no space, but I start with a drawer... sigh.

Anyway I did that because I wanted to find some cash to put in the bank to pay a bill I have not enough in the bank for. I knew some was in that drawer and some in another dresser so I looked through. I got rid of a few things (will list in my daily tally). But here is the thing.

I was literally crying and my heart breaking as I sorted that drawer. Drawings and notes from Teen, when they were little and loved me. Their first haircut ponytail in an envelope. How I miss how sweet she was and how close we were. They hate me now. I don't know if it will ever change.

Then in there were momentos of my best ever dog who passed 2 years ago. And a pawprint of our little dog who helped me raise my kids for 15 years but is long gone.

Then the pair of soft, brown leather gloves my ex (Teen's dad) bought me when we were dating. When we were in love. It was the sweetest gesture; they are good quality. But they are a bit tight and they break my heart. I was going to donate them, but I think I will put them in the little box on the shelf I have for Teen, if and when they are grown and stable. They might like to have something that shows their parents loved each other.

Then a couple of papers from the funeral of my dear friend/ex-boyfriend who died almost 10 years ago. I miss him so much.

Well that was so hard, but I did save the things that are so meaningful and threw out other things. I found so many gift cards stashed in the drawers and dresser - more than 25, I kid you not - so I sorted those and will call for balances and start using them instead of cash.

I found enough cash to cover my bill, and will put it in the bank this afternoon.

So now I am emotionally tired, but want to keep going.

I also listed one of my recliners online for free. It has some damage to it, and if it is not fixed it will get worse and then no one would want it. So I hope someone will come take it who knows how to fix the minor damage.

What are you all up to?

Good morn8ng.

CM, I'm glad you could find your paperwork. How many past copies do you have? Can you discard any? (Shred or tear up and mix with food waste or bunny bedding)

I truly do hope you find a solution. Maybe if roommate rents a storage area, you can have her things out of your room and tha5 will be enough to break your gridlock.

Everything here is such a mess right now. It's overwhelming and I actually want to work on it, but there is too much going on at school.

Today is my last time bringing animals in this year. Next year I don't have any animal classes. Tomorrow is graduation. Next week is wrap up and a lot of parties plus my in-laws and son and ddil arrive. Then evaluations. 17 days to my vacation. 8 to my last day of school.

Grading to do still..

I want to be free too. Want it so badly. Just feeling uncertain these days again. Need to chill and pray, for wisdom about what to do, and for hope because the clutter all seems very daunting and in a state of gridlock. I'm very, very tired of this situation my life has ended up in. Maybe I will feel better if I rest and pray and just try to get some peace of mind.

Got a weekend of activities coming up, a class on Saturday and a bunny event on Sunday. Plus a routine doctor appointment on Monday. I also need to fill out my medicaid paperwork, now that the Covid emergency is over it's no longer suspended. I don't like filling those out, it's tedious. But gotta do it. Found the folder of past ones to look at for examples. It was hard to get to but I extricated it from the tight space.

Today they filled stairwells with balloons (taping off the bottoms and avoiding primary fire escape routes), hung streamers throughout the hallways, put up black lights and disco balls in some of the classrooms, turned every single sign or decoration in the hallways and several classrooms (including mine) upside down, wrapped the individual drawers and desk tops of all the administrators in wrapping paper, carpeted the hallways and covered tables with bubble wrap in every classroom BUT mine - the only room where we always NEED bubble wrap - but it all found it's way to me, and hid 300 rubber ducks throughout the school. I brought home a red one.

They also left me the markers and acrylic sealer for the prank they had planned in my room - I often lament the fact that I want a permanent grid on my tables for mapping and cutting. They were going to grid my tables, but realized that they had not gotten permission and it was permanent and might be seen as vandalism. We're gridding the tables next week.

I have too much grading to do.

Carry on!

Hello everyone! It's Thursday! It's trash night for me so I've double checked my fridge to see if there's anything that needs to go. I also have cat box to change out.

How is everyone? Cm we support you 100%! We want you to be free of the clutter!

I have two pair of shoes to return. They are so pretty but I've tried them in three different sizes and I cannot make them work. That's okay. Gone are the days where I try to make ill-fitting things work. They never do and end up being a waste of money.

So that's what I'm doing today. Working and thinking about what to do next here.

Looking forward to hearing about the prank!

I had a good day at work. A bit of a headache tonight. I came home to a clean house and clean sheets! Such a great feeling! I'm so glad your son helped you with your sheets, Lila.

You know what,

If she wants to pay for it, go ahead and try it. Just promise me that you will never in any way feel obligated to cover the cost and that you will not leave anything important there so that if she stops paying you can let whatever is there go.

Do you really not have the use of a table for a few hours?

Tatoulia, I'm glad you have clothes!

Loaded kiln, heading to class.

Senior lock in tonight.

Cross your fingers I get a good prank.

Y'all...

It was my roommate's idea and it would be her money.

I cannot declutter the way people do who have houses. I am renting a room. These tables and such of which you speak, and these multiple rooms that comprise a home, are not my reality.

My roommate and I are well aware of the potential pitfalls and are intelligent enough to plan proactive strategies for dealing with them, and I will be monitoring the weather potential and advising her on feasibility, and if I don't feel confident that we can do this without making things 10x worse, then I will recommend that we don't go ahead with it.

We haven't pulled the trigger yet. We have time to evaluate.

In general, clutter problems are fueled and perpetuated by task and commitment overload in this modern society where consumer goods are too easy to acquire an excess of. Some people can stay on top of it. Some have executive functioning difficulties and it's harder. I know that's a bugbear I'm going to have to reckon with.

On the flip side, we have to do something radical or we're just going to implode here.

Hello, everyone!

Work is so busy. Last night I had an event to go to, which I enjoyed, but it was very tiring to be on. I worked from home today and back in office tmr. And so goes the grind.

All of my clothes are the clothes I had before I gained the weight, SubC. I won't have to buy anything beyond a few white shirts. T-shirt types but with a 3/4 length sleeve. I also bought two pair of linen pants so I have an alternative to skirts. I didn't wear pants prior to the pandemic. Or I can say rarely. Last summer was when I rediscovered the joy of linen pants. It's fun wearing my dresses and skirts to work again. I feel like me

I'm feeling pretty good about getting rid of stuff. I'm feeling strong. I'm trying to be at my best for when BF leaves. I think if I and my apt are at our best, I can just focus on what I'm feeling. Does that make sense? In the old days, when I was still de-hoarding my place, then summer was when I hated my situation the most. Id be hot and my place would seem twice as dirty.

Road! I'm glad you stopped by! I felt so sad when I saw that your brother died and the terrible effect it had on everyone, especially your sweet son.

Lila! I'm so glad that you are here and doing your best! I'm fascinated by your pantry plans with CM.

CM, we all love you and support you. You know that we will tell you like it is. SubC is correct. The second storage space is just that, another storage place. Please don't. We will support you if you do go ahead with this but please don't.

Good morning!

CM, I am also very happy about your cousin moving there. I just want the other post to stand alone. Seriously. The idea of another "temporary" storage unit frightens me. We know "temporary" and your budget is one of your concerns.

Lila, the YouTuber is "three rivers homestead" a lot of other homesteaders participate and tag "pantry challenge"

Good job cleaning out the fridge!

I tend to lose my lessons and have to recreate them. Someday..

hello all!

Road!! So happy you came to post. We missed you! I'm sorry for your loss, and your difficulties... but also glad your son is better.

CM, that is great! We can do our pantry challenge together! I want to look up the YouTuber that SubC mentioned for ideas and inspiration.

Tatoulia, wow!! What success with the weight loss! congratulations! I went to the Dr today and I HAVE to lose weight, so he gave me a prescription and said to get the weight off to help my many health issues. I will take it tomorrow.

SubC, I caught up on your posts too! My last day of teaching (a class at work) is this Weds and I will be so relieved. Although I enjoyed it a lot, it took up so much time because it was a brand new class so I had to study, create a lesson plan and worksheets every week. Whew, I don't know how teachers do it all the time! At least if they ask me to teach this class again in a year or something, I have the materials done and it will be easier.

Yesterday I had Son help me wash my sheets and make my bed.
Today I sorted most of the fridge and threw out stuff that was gone bad but I never got rid of it because I felt so guilty about it all.
Fresh start. I will run the dishwasher tonight.

CM,
I say this with so much love -
No.
Do not put money into another storage unit.

It will not be faster or easier.

You will have to gather the things, load the things, drive the things, unload the things.

It will rain.
The wind will be bad.
An animal will get sick.
Duties will call.

How much would that storage unit cost? It would be better to just give away that much money worth of replaceable stuff from your house every month until you have enough room to work at home.

How much space will giving away the wood make? There is an easy to use, free storage area with no commute.

Clean off one table and start three piles - keep, maybe, go.

When the table is full, put the keep back where it came from, put the maybe back if you have to, or in a box if you can find room for the box, and take the "go" out of your house. Start the next space. Even if a "space" is only a drawer or half a shelf or a box, every "go" makes a little more room.

A hoarder renting a storage unit is like and alchoholic opening a fifth to just put a drop on a toothache. The odds of it ending well are not high.

If you can't clear a table, clear the seat of a chair, clear a piece of floor, anything! Start small. If you clear out enough small things, you will have room to sort things that are a little larger until eventually you can make a nice workspace in the house.

The May Monsoon Season may have arrived here. At least yesterday, when we got an inch of rain in a short time.

I had to run outside and pull the van up into the driveway because the street was getting flooded. At the time, I was on the phone with my cousin, who just moved here in March after taking care of things of her dad's (that was my uncle who passed in February). Her husband had already been established in a job and house here.

She and I may get together tomorrow and I can take her some places I know - she wants to find a job, needs some additional computer classes and I know that guy at the library who teaches them, so I can help her make that connection.

I'm feeling guardedly optimistic that I will feel more connected to family now. I do have one other cousin and husband in town, whom I need to make more effort to see regularly. That one is 10 years older than me and this one who just moved is 1 year younger so we had always been closer. But I need to appreciate them both and cultivate those connections. Maybe all three of us gals can have some get togethers.

My roommate has made arrangements with the Habitat for Humanity place to come pick up some of her stuff in the garage - nice wood that someone can use and that will make her garage decluttering go more smoothly having those big unwieldy items gone. And she is also proposing that we get a very temporary storage unit so that we can both do staging of our stuff - we are both so overwhelmed and we would have to be very dedicated to not letting it become its own problem - we already discussed that. It was her idea, not mine. So... the main challenge for me if we go ahead with it will be staying on task and coordinating the work there with other daily and weekly tasks. And hoping the weather at least minimally cooperates.

It's a big deal, could be a gamechanger if it goes well. Again, it's risky, we know that. But things can't keep on the way they have been since her retirement and even before that, during her working from home time and the pandemic and crises like the lack of plumbing - things that are resolved yet the clutter piles we each have accumulated remain and threaten to keep growing. We must dig out. And we will feel so much better when we do.

So lots moving and shaking in my little corner of the world. Trying to mentally keep track of it, and to process the emotional excitement (my cousin lives in my town now - mind blown!) is quite a bit! But good things for a change, instead of all bad crises and glitches. So trying to enjoy the blessings and make the most of opportunities.