Not completely caught up. Hi Jules!

Lila I am so sorry you are sick. Cm and SubC I would never take away your creativity! Just an observation that I know I have it easier because I don't need to save anything for a project. I'm all the project I can handle!

Hello Jules and welcome!

Jump in anywhere!

Hello nice people. I've been reading the notes here a little while. Makes me feel not quite so alone with my challenges. Just want to say thanks for all you've shared.

Good morning!

Lila, it should be enough for the whole year with some left over. I buy the clay 25 boxes at a time for the discount. If every student used their full amount allowed I would need about 45 boxes, but they usually don't. I have 8 boxes left from last year.

I did not do any dishes yesterday and it is a real stumbling block this morning. I want to make cheese this morning, but I need a clean kitchen.

I brought home some papers from school also. (In the interest of full disclosure of "in". I need to get serious about detailed planning and prep as far as lesson plans this weekend.

Last night I intended to go back and work in the garden, but my evening got derailed. Dh has a side hustle doing small batch coffee roasting. He mostly sells to friends and a few friends of friends. He wants to "retire" and just do coffee. (So far all of the profit has been plowed back into the business - mostly equipment) so last night a friend came to get coffee and stayed talking for a while.

Then my farm sitter came by to get paid. The farm sitter is dd2's BFF. She is freshly divorced and "unemployed" with three kids. (She farm sits, babysits odd hours for shift work, does photography, cleans houses, does sewing, mending, and alterations.) seriously, this girl can do anything! She built her first apartment in the hay loft of a barn when she was a teenager. One night she shot a coyote from the bedroom window at 30 yards.

There is a coffee shop available for lease in the town between my house and her house. I greeted her with "(Dh) wants to know if you've ever thought about running a coffee shop" her face lit up and a long discussion with Dh occurred while I hung out with her kids. (I love her kids. I joke that the littlest is named after me. He's not, but he has the masculine form of my name. - she did once name a 4h goat after me "because she's stubborn.") anyway, they are going to arrange to tour the place and there went my gardening evening..

Ok, off my butt and to work.

Good job on the lawn!

That's a lot of clay!!

I feel pretty lousy but I did one good thing today. No one has mowed my lawn in two months. Teen won't, son has been busy, I can't. I have been agonizing over it. I saw the neighbor's lawn guy out there working today (our yeards adjoin) and I asked him how much to mow JUST the front on mine? Gave him $20 and he just rode his riding mower over the front, and even trimmed with the weed whacker for me. It only took him 10 minutes so I think we were both quite happy with the deal.

I also threw away a few things like tomatoes going bad and junk mail.

Hi CM,

I hope the news from the bank stays good.

I don't think I would trade my creative pursuits for order and peace.

Lila, I'm sorry you are missing your babes. Keep taking care of yourself.

I want to say that from what you have told us, a supported living situation sounds like it might be good for your teen.

The basement is not so much "I'm semi ready to let go of this." It's more "this belongs in the basement." Or "this has no other place to go." The number of categories of things that "belong" in the basement is excessive: holiday things, craft things, garden things, food preservation things, books and pottery that don't fit upstairs, clothes that are too small for Bean, toys that are too old or too young for Bean, coolers, suitcases, teacher things, childhood memorabilia saved for my children at their request, old letters, food (pantry, chest freezer and extra fridge are in basement), extra blankets..

Staff meeting was ok. I got to meet new coworkers and technically old coworkers who I never met because of covid and scheduling. I picked up 2,000 lbs if clay and some other teachers helped me unload it. I can't get the printer to work. I feel really good about my room, and my open house kids did a great job decorating my whiteboard (I left them an invitation)

I'm hot and sweaty and tired and I should figure out dinner.

hi again, feeling rough but then better here and there.

SubC, I love reading about your fun with Bean. It also makes me 'homesick' for my little Tot and Acorn who I can't see right now because I'm so sick. I miss them terribly!!! Question: what you said about the basement - when you are decluttering the upstairs, do you move things to the basement? I do that with the garage. It's like an intermediate "I'm ready to move this out of the living area but not quite ready for it to be gone forever."

Being this sick, somehow makes me feel like throwing out EVERYTHING because nothing matters. But I dare not do it. I think I would tend ot get rid of things I actually need and would regret, in the state of mind I am in. Like NOTHING matters.

Teen has been having meltdowns again (and thank you SubC for the thoughtful response about autism) and I am just at the point of being angry instead of just sad. I already had moved all the regular dishes, glasses, etc into boxes in the garage. Then had to move glass mixing bowls and other things into a box in my bedroom (which I resent having to do). Then had to move most of the plastic plates, bowls, cups into my room because Teen will leave them all dirty in their bedroom. I am seriously considering boxing up all the cookware, ALL of it... casserole dishes, everything... into a far corner of the garage. Teen has started going into the garage and grabbed glasses, mason jars, and mugs that were on shelves but not in boxes and throwing/shattering them. I feel like they might need residential care. I'm trying to find options. They will be 18 next year and I don't plan to take the abuse forever.

Anyway, in between migraines and nausea I am going to try and get rid of a few things.

How are you all?

Quick post and I'll come back later - glad you are feeling better and back with us, Lila.

Thanks for the responses ladies, regarding houses and stuff. Much food for thought. Tatoulia, I can imagine it would be easier for me like you said if I didn't have the insatiable creative drive. But without it, would I even be me? 😅

I'm still waiting on my replacement debit card, but yesterday I did get a nice letter from the bank and it sounds like they are leaning towards crediting the $139.00 fraudulent charge back. It will take 60 days to be official if it goes through for sure. I had given them all that documentation which I think helped.

There was a time, not many years ago, when the absence of $139.00 would've affected my ability to make it through a month. Right now things aren't quite that tight. I am blessed.

Good morning!

Lila, I'm sorry you have been sick!

Last night I dreamed my mom and I were decluttering the playroom my brother and I had when we were little. We were going through boxes of her things and my old toys and the things I saved from the kids for Bean and any siblings/cousins though. I think that one came from the house conversation and the fact that Dd1 and dsil are decluttering and rearranging the house so that "Mommy and Daddy make new room for (Bean)" they are planning a second and in typical to her fashion, Dd doesn't want to get pregnant until she has everything figured out and set up. Their house is 3 bedrooms and a bath upstairs, good sized living room, small dining room and kitchen downstairs, laundry room and garage in a walkout basement. The bedroom Bean has now is very tight with the crib, dresser/changing table, bookshelf and a chair.

I have a staff meeting at noon today. I also need to go to the clay studio and buy clay for my classes. I'm super tired and my knees hurt.

Yesterday Bean and I baked bread and made a cake. We also went down to the basement and found some more animals for his animal basket.

Something has to be done about that basement! It is getting very bad again. I'm not even buying/collecting stuff - just fluffing. (And moving things from other parts of the house that are getting better)

hi all, I've missed you guys. I've been pretty sick. Still am sick. But, better enough to sit here and read a little, and type. I have not caught up on posts yet, but CM's question caught my eye so I will answer it. Then I'll catch up on other responses.

As a kid we lived in a very small house, although I didn't realize how small. It was in the country but had no outbuildings, not even a shed or a garage. It was one floor and an unfinished basement. It had 2 bedrooms, one bathroom, a living room and a kitchen. That's it. The washer and dryer were in the basement along with my Dad's tools so he had a bit of a work area down there.

My bedroom was small and had a closet. I never had a mess in there. All my clothes fit in the closet and my one dresser. I had a small bookshelf. An end table. A radio. That's about it.

Anything we were saving and not using was in boxes in the basement. I remember my Dad had a couple boxes of things of his childhood, and his parent's things, down there, But only 2 or 3 boxes.

Oh, I almost forgot, we had an unfinished attic as well, and my mom had a few boxes up there. Just a few, 2 or 3. She used to stack her junk on the stairs to the attic sometimes. That was the only clutter in the whole house. If I wanted anything I knew right where it was. I don't remember ever searching for anything.

So I grew up with very little space but that felt fine. It's all I knew. Anything I outgrew or didn't use anymore disappeared. I guess my mom donated it or something.

My house now is big. Well not huge, but way big compared to my childhood home. Two floors, five bedrooms, three bathrooms, living room, family room, dining room, kitchen, laundry room, den, two car garage, storage room, and storage shed. Too much room, really, but feels like not enough because of the clutter. That's the problem. I have room to keep saving everything so I do. Two of the bedrooms are really large but feel small, stuffed with junk.

I would rather have a smaller house and get rid of all this junk. I have been sick most of the time lately so not able to get rid of things even with ex gone. When I am well again, I plan to work on bettering my situation every single day.

I enjoyed reading about your different houses, SubC.

I can definitely tell that school is weighing on your mind.

A bit of a slow start for me today. I'm having trouble falling asleep at night, which is nothing new. I woke up a bit tired today.

Found two more things to donate. I'm happy with the progress I am making. I think I told you I'm getting rid of my clock radio. I don't use it. I also have four cloth napkins to move on (I bought them used, used them for a year and now time to go). I have to go through the cat plates. She once again has too many.

So that's what I'll be working on between now and Saturday. I truly have to go goodwill on Saturday. I haven't. Been ti my car in ages and I know there is a lot to go to goodwill in there. Best to send on its way.

Good morning.

It apparently didn't rain here while we were gone and all my little spinach and lettuce seedlings died. Now we are having a dreadful thunderstorm. The rain started yesterday mid afternoon, so I didn't get to pick everything.

Bean is coming today, so we will do some baking. I take him back when I go to my class tonight. It will be a long day.

Apparently 5 days on the road muddled my brain. I did two loads of laundry yesterday, but I forgot that Dh turned off the laundry room water before we left and I ran the first load twice - once with no water. Then I forgot to start the dryer, so when the second load was done, the first was still wet. Finally got the first load in the dryer when I went to bed.

I did run a load of dishes yesterday - we had left a bunch rinsed and in the scullery sink.

I had trouble getting to sleep last night - slept late yesterday from being worn out and am apparently a bit off from the time zone change. I dreamt that I was still in high school, but my school wasn't open. My mom told me, well, you have to go to school. I'll take you to (school where she taught after I was grown) and you can go to sixth grade. They still remember you. It will be fine. (I never went to school there). She drove me in a school bus and rolled it down a hill (that didn't exist at any real school I know) when we arrived. We were thrown clear and floated to the ground. The bus was wrecked, but her classroom aide picked it up and drove it away. My school principal came out and led me to the line out front of the building (which was my old intermediate school) and suggested I try 4th grade instead, because it would be more fun. (I student taught 4th grade) The building was completely different inside, and my classmates were some of my former/current students. I played a card game with one while we waited for the teacher and eventually realized that was me. So I left and went in search of the biology class (apparently the building had a junior high wing) because they had my chickens. Then I woke up. I think my brain is trying to reintegrate school into my life. Staff meeting Wednesday, classes a week from today.

Am not caught up on the posts but I know that SubC is home safely and that CM wants to know about growing up.

Growing up we lived in houses. We moved a lot. Always had my own bedroom. Shared a bathroom with my sister. Parents had their own bathroom. Living room, den, dining room, etc. all different houses. Ranch houses, Victorian brownstone with 6 bedrooms and eight fireplaces, split level, colonial, some houses had in ground pools.

I don't think in terms of minimalism. At all. Someone high up from work came over Sunday, which was fun. I wasn't expecting her to come in. It was nice knowing her socially for a bit. She loved my place. I hadn't cleaned up because I thought she was dropping off her cat and leaving.

So, I wish I had two extra rooms here. My place feels large because I have very high ceilings. I wish I had outdoor space. I don't have these and that's fine. I'm not willing to trade location for the things I'd like. I could sell this, buy a house, and still have $$ leftover. But the location factor would be tough on me.

I'm in the If You Dont Have Room, You Have Too Much Stuff Camp.

I remember Tillie, with her very modest possessions, and she'd still go through them and make smart decisions. When I tell you that there's nothing I wish I had kept, I am being sincere. I might miss it, or I might occasionally think of something to do with something that's long gone, and I'm fine with it. The fact that today I can think up a way to use something I got rid of does not mean I should have kept it. Not at all.

The dishes and china I buy at goodwill are fun for me. And then I donate them back. I can enjoy them and then decide that it's time to move on. Getting attached to things isn't helpful or useful. I can enjoy them and let them go. I worked hard to get here. My only vision was to get rid of stuff. I didn't set a goal of minimalism or anything like that. I am not creative nor am I a perfectionist, so I didn't have those obstacles. I had to deal with childhood ghosts and wistfulness for an earlier time, and I've made good choices along the way.

Oh CM,

We spent the night in Salina! If I had known...

Wow, SubC, thanks for the lovely detailed reply, which I shall have to read more than once to absorb everything in. Incidentally, have I ever shared here how much I enjoy looking at houses and house plans? The Internet Archive is a treasure trove for that - lots of vintage ones especially. And of course there's always Zillow a person can poke around on.

I've even toyed with software for designing house plans - Sweet Home 3D is a free open source one. And Android apps. I've wondered if I could learn CAD and do something like assisting an architect - maybe I could work remotely - and bring in some money. It may be worth exploring. Wouldn't that be the ultimate poetic resolution, if I could help plan houses and be able to afford one. For now it's one of my many daydreams but who knows.

Kansas is indeed a wide open place, at least my part of it mostly is. I live in Wichita. My agoraphobia actually began in the lanes of the US54 (aka Kellogg) flyover. I had already been having panic attacks from my ill-fated graduate teaching assistant year. Then I guess the free floating anxiety latched onto the driving.

Out in the wide open spaces, or in crowded city traffic, though, ultimately it's the same stupid fear, namely of having a panic attack in a situation where help is unavailable. Which means that the only real cure is regaining trust in myself that I'll be able to get through it. That's what has proven elusive. But I have some ideas for practicing again - Covid time stresses have caused backsliding but I can start to take some baby steps to regain the ground I lost.

Today I've been working with my data backup and seeing satisfying progress. And finding things related to writing. Along with some other things that have been paused, I really want to get to writing again.

CM,

I did not wave because I have no idea where you live (apparently Kansas) I must have felt you somehow though, because I did comment to Dh as we were driving through "this would be a terrible place to have agoraphobia."

I grew up in multiple houses. We moved. - including a little two bedroom apartment and a huge 4 bedroom house with a big kitchen divided by an island into what would be called a kitchen and dining room in a listing, plus a formal dining room, a den, a huge sunken living room, a library loft, a laundry room that was an actual room, a front entry hall that was an actual room, three bathrooms, and an attic. Also in the summers I lived in what was technically a 5 bedroom house, but the bedrooms were not much larger than the beds. My cousin and I shared one that had twin beds (no headboards or foot boards) pushed against the walls and separated by a nightstand and a strip of floor the width of the nightstand. The door of the room brushed her bed when it swung in to open. You had to sit on mine to open our sliding door closet. That house also had a large porch, a tiny kitchen, two tiny bathrooms, and a living room. In our closet we had clothes, a few games and toys, books (mostly library) art supplies, household paper products, and the dishes that didn't fit in the kitchen. We also had a beach to go to.

Dh and I have lived in multiple houses too. When we moved into this one, it was listed as a "4 bedroom" - unfinished flooding basement with cracked foundation walls. Outdoor "porch" - concrete slab with support posts and sloped roof running the length of the house. First floor: 7' ceilings, living room with stairs to upstairs in it, kitchen and dining area (just held our table with no leaves - seats six people who like each other), laundry room (hallway to back door with machines crammed in), shower but no tub bathroom, 10x10 bedroom, 10x13 master bedroom with dressing area and full bath. "Second floor" half story (ceiling is only the full 7' for an 8 foot strip the length of the house) divided into two "bedrooms" by a hallway - no doors that runs past the top of the stairway and the bathroom (bathroom between two "bedrooms". We raised three kids from elementary school age to adulthood in this house while doing repairs and upgrades, and then added on. They had 28 acres to "live" in. (Our kids became adults and started getting married and one Christmas our best friends came over with their family and we realized that there was barely room in our living room - largest room in our house - for 13 people to mostly stand - some with their arms around each other, and sing. We ate in three different rooms. - we had a serious conversation about moving when we retire vs. adding a new great room that would allow space for our growing family and picked adding on. We are lucky that we could afford it.)

When we bought this house, we gutted the place the first week. Drywall had to be replaced, floors had to be replaced - including some subfloor, foundation repair, electrical work had to be done, plumbing had to be done. Phase two we replaced windows, added a door, divided and enclosed the porch, put in a woodstove (not being cold that winter was priceless!) Dd1 tells people "when I was ten my parents bought a tear down, and then we moved into it." We moved from a nice, large suburban house with four actual bedrooms.

The studio/shop barn is basically an oversized garage, the barn leaks. I had a lot of things get ruined and make me cry over the years. I'm still learning. This is hopefully my last place.

But ultimately, you can only have the stuff that fits into the space you can afford and the space you can afford is not always fair. There are trade-offs. Dd could have had a studio apartment in a nicer neighborhood, but she wanted the one bedroom so she could keep more of her stuff and not feel smothered in the winter. For the rent she is paying, she could have a one bedroom house with a suburban yard in my parents' town. If you fill your space with stuff, you have less "living" space.

SubC, hope you waved in my direction passing through Kansas! 😉 I know it's been a long journey for you literally and metaphorically. Hope by now you're safely home and getting some rest.

We had a nice thunderstorm with RAIN here last night! ⛈ I would have to look to see how many weeks we had no precipitation whatsoever. It's been a long time. Still 90s temps predicted this coming week, so it'll be steamy, but we needed the rain so badly.

I've been plagued by hay fever for a few days. It wasn't as bad as a cold but it still lowered my energy level. The rain may have reduced it but not 100%. I'll know by tomorrow if it's getting over with.

Hope so, because I want to have energy to do more. Since it'll be hot, maybe some more computer tasks, and I know of easy ones to start with.

I'm also beginning to think about physical decluttering again, here at the house. Reading books and finishing one then trying to decide what to read next made me think about books I have that I don't want to keep. 📚 I'm starting to get a clearer idea of how to determine which books "spark joy" vs. are just ones I thought I'd like to read but in several years have not actually read, and when I ask myself well, why don't I read that one right now? And if I encounter inner resistance, then perhaps that's a sign I'm just not all that thrilled with that particular book after all.

It sounds like a no brainer, but I need to go through that process nevertheless. Then I can actually feel good about letting go. It feels like a mindful decision. Plus these days as I've mentioned, I've been finding a lot of the books on the Internet Archive so if I get rid of one and then have a burning desire to read it, it's still accessible. This is going to help a lot, and with any luck will segue into the piles of books in my storage unit when the weather is again conducive to working over there.

Then other categories might also spin off. Clothes aren't a huge problem for me because in my moves I've purged some, and because I don't wear business clothes and even my church clothes are relatively casual. A few bottlenecks exist in terms of pieces that meet my sensory requirements but need some sewing done. Like several pairs of 100% cotton shorts a friend gave me but they need pockets lengthened to accommodate my smartphone and drawstrings because sensory reasons (it's complicated 😜).

And other categories beyond but let's not get too crazy all at once. Steady as she goes.

___________________

This next section is ramblings and it's late

I have a topic I'd be interested in you all's thoughts on. Namely, Place. Meaning living space. What were you used to growing up, what did you end up with, and do you feel it suits you? What do you think about for the future?

And of utmost relevance to this context, how does the whole question of stuff and cubic footage in one's residence play into that? I read things on decluttering that say if one can't fit possessions neatly and comfortably into one's available space, then one should get rid of things. Also the matter of how much space one can afford to buy or rent.

If I didn't have this arrangement with my roommate, which is far from ideal but it has saved me from homelessness, I might be able to rent some hole in the wall, or see if I could swing a tiny house. That would be about it. I grew up in a 3 bedroom with basement, approximately 2300 square foot house with just my parents. I'm still used to that footprint. My apartment of 17 years before my dad died was probably 700 square feet with a huge balcony. I used to cat sit for the couple with the 3,000 square feet single story place which felt so expansive.

Tatoulia I know is in Boston, I imagine space is at a premium there and folks are used to smaller urban spaces. SubC is on the farm and has a house and outbuildings. So some varying perspectives. I know wherever we are, we can be minimalist or hoarder or anything in between. I'm just trying to get a feel for what is reasonable. I have the family pictures and not too many bulky keepsakes, and I hope to digitize a fair amount of that.

My own stuff, the things I like, the gear for various endeavors from baking to artwork to sewing, reading, and more - some of it is discretionary, some I may decide is not as relevant to my current life as it used to be, but I still have a really hard time thinking that I might have to give up an activity I do hope to do just because the equipment takes up room. And I've tried to be less sentimental re keepsakes, but I don't know if I can let go of enough to be super compact.

The minimalist ideas I had are not dead, but they have been put on the back burner while I've dealt with stressful times. Maybe after I get back into a rhythm, it'll be easier to refresh my mind on those and re-envision goals.

We've all been through stressful times with Covid and it's not completely over. I've been thinking about friends I'd like to reconnect with if possible, and just lots of things about the future which seems so uncertain. Family members dying off, my anxiety and whether it will ever diminish enough to allow me to work a little and earn some money, and whether inflation will still keep dreams of my own place out of reach. And much much more but it really is awfully late so I better make myself stop there.

But please, if you feel comfortable with the idea, share your experiences and thoughts regarding size of living space and how to resolve the conflict of having a certain amount of stuff that you don't feel like you could live in too tiny of a place. Thanks.

We are almost home!

Another hour and a half. We decided just to go for it because there has been almost no traffic today, and let's just say that we made unexpectedly fast progress when I was driving through several very open states - (cars were passing me as much as ten mph faster on the left too)

Talked to Dd2 on our way today and she still sounds super happy. Her first day of work is tomorrow. I have little or no ambition for tomorrow. We'll see. I do have some job work that has to be done by Wednesday, and I might have Bean Tuesday.

Tatoulia,

I'm excited for her, but I just want to be home.

I'm tired and my head aches. I didn't sleep well, I've had enough nights in hotels - but there is one more. I have trouble finding food on the road.

I miss my Dd2 already, and I miss Bean.

Dh is still sleeping and I am drinking crummy hotel coffee in the lobby somewhere in Kansas.

Dd1 sent me a cute quote from Bean yesterday. Lilly is their dog. "We are going to pick grammie's garden because they are on long trip. Lilly can't pick because she doesn't have thumbs. Mommy and (bean) have thumbs!"

Wow. That is a lot, SubC. How do you feel about your daughter being able to move in and have a clean slate? I cannot imagine it. I have been here far too many years.

I have a cat here staying with me. The two cats haven't met although I just heard my cat go into the bedroom.

The other cat is under my bed. I don't know how this is going and unfortunately there's more to this story but I can only handle so much at a time.

Spent the day with BF. I took his car and we ran errands. He made me lunch and we ate on his terrace which was really nice.

I ran to mom's for a quick visit and to drop off bread and milk. Then tonight I walked to the store and did my own thing.

Now I'm showered, I'm running the dishwasher, and my sheets are in the dryer.

My cat came back from the bedroom. . She seems a bit clueless, which is for the best.

Today I put together some cloth napkins for donation and I took my clock radio to donate, too. I never use it. I haven't really used it since before the pandemic. I tend to sleep through it and I haven't actually had it set and on for a few years. And I was off on the time by about an hour and 20 so really it's not for me. I'll have to think about what to use for a click but I'm in no rush. BF wakes me up every morning. I will need to come up with a solution.

All of dd2's furniture is assembled and most of her boxes are unpacked.

There is no recycling at her apartment, so all the packing material had to go in the dumpster. I just took a deep breath and helped toss.

We left her to rearrange things on her own tonight (most of her clothes are just piled on her dresser and chair and things are just put roughly in the right room and piled on furniture). I know she will want to organize her closet and get everything in the right drawers and on the right shelves and put her decorations around the way she wants them.

We got her a shower rod and curtain and some nice containers for packing her lunch (I made her recycle all the old ziploc instead of packing it.) the lighting in her apartment isn't great, so we are going to go back in the morning, admire whatever she got done, and take her to Lowe's for an undercabinet strip for her kitchen sink area and maybe a tall light for her living room. (She had one, but it was wobbly and she donated it at her old place.)

And then we are going to leave and drive1200 miles home.

Glad you arrived safe and sound, SubC!

Cm you are doing so well with the electronics!

Hello road and Lila!

We are here.
She us happy.
We are tired - move in tomorrow.

CM, I am so pleased for you!

At library, on fast computer, used it to back up everything I could possibly want from the old tablet. Yay!

A few things to do now in terms of copying the backed up stuff over to my home laptop, eliminating duplicates along the way. I found lots of junk to delete today already! And when it's all nice in my file directory at home I'll back that up to the external hard drive and it'll be ready to be put on the new laptop when I get one.

In a few weeks, the big shift I've obliquely referred to should be happening. If it goes well, it'll be a game changer. But I'll have to be ready to do my part.

637 miles.

So far, so good. A few close calls on the highway - glad you guys are keeping me safe ;)

Dd2 has realized how far from home she is moving and cried at a rest stop, but we have eaten and are all feeling better now. Sleeping soon!

Safe Travels, SubC, if you see this.

Well, I had an "interesting" rest of my evening last night. Went into my bank account to check the balance, and found a fraudulent charge! Some bozo had used my debit card number to purchase an annual membership to Prime. 😡 So I was trying to call the hotlines, but the one I needed was only available till 8:00 and it was just past that.

Went to the bank this morning though, and the charge is flagged as disputed, turned in my old debit card and will get a new one in 1-2 weeks. Don't know now whether I'll be able to purchase a computer until I get it. And will that look suspicious, making a big purchase on a spanking new card? Dunno. I'll see what I need to do. Could maybe get a cashier's check to pay for the computer?

Well, one step at a time. I came back today and looked up my Amazon account and printed some things verifying that I don't have Prime. I had it for a little while in 2018 and cancelled, and it shows that. I'll take that back to the bank lady for further verification.

And when I get the new debit card - this is something I thought might be good to share with you all - I'm not going to keep it listed on the Amazon account. Sometimes I pay with gift cards anyway, but if for some reason I need to use the card in a pinch, I shall immediately afterward delete it from the information on my account. That should be safer. So thought in case you might want to do the same to keep your own accounts safer.

-----

Then I was also having a little dismay about the tablet I replaced the battery in - hopefully it'll still be okay, but it was draining the charge more rapidly than it should've, and apps were crashing and having to be restarted. I think the best thing I can do is hurry and get it synced to a computer - perhaps the speedy ones at the library - and copy off my data. Then it can just be for games and reading and no worries.


Soooo... lots of nitpicky stuff, and some aggravation. But trying to stay positive. Friend just invited me for pizza lunch, and that might be a nice stress reliever. So talk to you all later on.

Safe travels! Hello everyone!

Nice work CM!

Sensory issues are often part of autism, but autism is not the most common cause of sensory issues.

If you don't hear from me, wish me safe travels!

Well, getting some done on the electronics front! It's tedious in spots, but there is some good. The old tablet did very well - I had almost gone and ordered another a replacement battery a few weeks back, then it occurred to me to check, and I found one I'd gotten months ago! Lol! The older battery may be kaput so I'll probably just take it to be recycled.

But it's charging and it booted quite nicely with the new one! And taking the cover off and getting it back on went well too. There is one issue, and that is that the SD card will go in seemingly okay, but it won't completely mount and be recognized by the device. I've taken it out, though, and put it into my laptop slot to read it and copy stuff. Files are there. A few photos are corrupted, but I'm not sure, they may be backed up or accessible elsewhere, and some were just screenshots that I'm not that interested in anymore. I think there won't be any major losses. Fingers crossed.

Then I'll see about syncing the tablet straight into my laptop for backing up, and hopefully that won't be extremely tedious - it can get a bit fussy checking did I back up this file or that. Especially since it's been 1-2 years since I really did much with it and I've forgotten where I was. But once I'm satisfied, I can have that new screen glass put on the thing. Maybe have the SD port checked to see if it needs soldered or something and work again (I can replace batteries and charging ports, but soldering circuit boards and that type of thing is above my pay grade).

I'm looking at that tablet being simply a games and reading device more in future, given its age and smaller memory capacity.

And now, to the matter of a laptop - my friend did my tax figuring thing and apparently I'll be good come next year, so I can begin shopping.

SubC, one thing I found in my files was a screenshot of an online quiz for Asperger's that I took - and it was one of the corrupted photos so 3/4 of it was a black screen of death, but the top was the URL so I might take it again. Some things I'm reading and pondering are making me wonder again about me. Don't want to jump to any conclusions - autism right now is receiving much attention, and I am paranoid about am I just thinking about it because it's "trending" for lack of a better word?

But I know things like I can relate to Bean and the fuzzy bunny! I prefer smooth slick furred animals. My roommate likes the fuzzy ones. It's funny how people are different, if nothing else.

Well, I better go scare up some food, tummy is growling. I'm feeling generally hopeful about things starting to move forward on my backlog.

My dd1 is a force of nature.

They were back here by 2. She relieved me of a big bag of produce and took directions for the garden. Nothing too bad will happen in the fridge.

I am mostly ready for the farm sitter and partly packed.

Dd1 came with me to school and my sign is up and my room is ready for open house.

The thyme is taken care of. I went to the first 45 minutes of class but skipped out on the hands on free time and the demo because I don't want to make the specific thing being demoed and I wanted to get home earlier.

I did not deal with the money.

I need to do dishes and chores.

Ok, specifically help (I really hope one of you comes by soon because the free floating anxiety is really bad and I am just randomly starting things.

List:
-Get ready for farm sitter
-Pack for trip
-Clean out fridge
-Put away thyme from dehydrator (running)
-Go to 6:30 class - last possible moment to leave home 5:30, last possible moment to leave school 6:15)
-Get to class studio before 4:30 because they owe me money and I need to meet with someone (back up last possible moments by 2 hours, insert dead time)
-Go to school and figure out how to print out sign and then put sign up possibly work on room. Back up plan, hand write sign.
-pick stuff from garden (why? I don't have time to process any of it)
-dishes

Somebody come put this list in order!

I found a bag of candy. I ate it.
I spent two hours deleting old messages from my iPad to try to get my storage use down to where I can use my word processing ap - no luck.

Good morning.

Dh noticed that I have made some progress in the scullery.

Ironically it was this morning when my brain is in completely overloaded catastrophizing mode and I feel like everything is horrible and out of control.

I have made a list of things I need to do before we leave tomorrow. It is enough for a week.

I am trying to just do one thing at a time, but I am having trouble prioritizing.

I really need my cousin. Dd1 took the day off work to go help load dd2's trailer. I did not have a sister - I had my cousin. We shared a room at my grandparents house every summer and lived ten minutes apart during the school year. Our mothers were sorority sisters (aunt married mom's brother) and good friends, so we were together all the time and celebrated all of our holidays together.

Ok, I haven't even finished chores - but the dishwasher is running. Chores. Help.

Bean got to see the tractor exchange. He was very excited about the new tractor, but his lip quivered a little when the old one left. He really loved that tractor.

I did not anticipate that. I felt a little sad too - that was the tractor Dh gave him his very first tractor ride on. It was a big grandfather moment.

Papa took him for a long ride on the new one and let him operate some of the hydraulics. He likes that it has stairs too, so he can get up on it "all by own self".

Room is basically done except for some information I have to put out - it is "surface clean". I took care of the open shelves and everything looks nice as long as nobody starts opening cabinet doors.

Good job on petting the bunny, bean!

I have to clean kitty box and take it and the recycling out. We are having some much needed rain.

Good afternoon!

Bean and I are having a busy day.

I got most of the chores done before he woke up, but he helped me take feed to the chickens and treats to the goats, and he pulled his little wagon all the way around the house.

We put the fuzzy rabbit in the wagon and he petted her back very confidently! It would be great if he is getting over the fuzzy sensory issues!

We played with toys and fixed Papa a snack.

My Dd2 left me three loads of laundry - everything she needs for the trip west since the rest of her clothes are nearly all in boxes, plus her bathroom rug. Her last load is in the dryer and I am starting MY laundry that I need to do today. Fortunately Bean likes to do laundry.

I loaded the dishwasher and ran it and unloaded it and am starting to load it again. Bean went down for a much needed early nap - he stayed up late entertaining the adults last night. Finally his father pointed out that it was already 8:00, the child hadn't had a bath yet (and needed one) and he was tucking his babydoll in bed - A sign that he himself is tired.

The new tractor is supposed to be delivered this afternoon (and the trade-in taken away) so I am hoping he is awake for that. If not, I may have to wake him up!

Good morning!

Lila, it sounds like your son is contributing what he can to the household. That is why I asked if he laid rent "in any way." His presence does make things more difficult and complicated, because some of the steps you void take with teen would be too much if an inconvenience for him.

I hope you thanked teen for making an effort with the clean up. It's a start and you want to encourage that.

I do remember that teen is autistic. It's such a broad label though. I work with high functioning kids and they usually respond well to clear statements of expectations, detailed directions, and explanations of rules and social norms. I just have to tell them a little if stuff that you don't usually think you have to tell people. And everybody likes to have their effort appreciated.

One year I had a kid who was working hard on social skills. She was very funny, but she would say things she shouldn't say. I spent a lot of time saying "Jane, that's rude." And she always responded "it is? Why?".."oh. Okay!".."sorry (other kid)"

Hygiene is often really really hard for autistic kids as a personal experience, but neatness and cleaning up after yourself is a more trainable task. If there is a sensory part of that that is a struggle for teen, maybe you guys could talk it over and find a way around it.

Good work sorting! I'm glad you found your planner, and I hope it dried ok.

Tatoulia, thank you for helping with the subway issues.

I'm glad your mom is doing better. Shoes do sound like a necessity. Good idea on the different colors.

CM, I am always impressed that you can do computer things. If anything at all goes wrong on my computer I just ask for help. And that is just software. I can't imagine taking something apart.

I understand about the loose ends. All the unfinished details are distracting and steal your energy. I don't remember where I saw the expression , but I loved it and made it my own - when I have that sort of thing going on, I say "I am being nibbled to death by ducks!"

I think our dreams are like paperbag skits. Our brain has all these random bits to file from our day and is trying to make some kind of coherent narrative out of them.

My house is an awful mess again, but that is fine. My day took a turn yesterday afternoon when Dd2 called and said she was coming down to help in my classroom. So I drove in to the classroom. We got the student shelves done. So, the student shelves are ready and the tables are clean and clear (my desk isn't bad). What is left is two tall open shelves, a very disorganized cabinet, and three boxes of stuff I brought home to sort through. Plus some notes and signs. Dd put some labels on my shelves too - her handwriting is very pretty.

Dd1 texted about dinner while we were working, and Dd2 coordinated a plan for everyone - including Dh - to meet at a restaurant our family really likes. But the wait was 35 minutes, and 2 y.o.s don't wait 35 minutes at restaurants. So we got the food to go - sil and Bean and I went home (to my house) Dh waited for our food, and my girls went to the grocery store for drinks and diapers. Then everyone spent the evening at my house (creating lots of dishes) and Bean slept over since he is here today anyway (which is why the diaper run).

So I did not go to bed with empty sinks, but there was a point yesterday when they were empty.

Today is dishes and laundry and mostly Bean.

Well, ladies...

Things are starting to get rolling on the changes. I'll have more news soon. This past week was rather ragged for me, though, just processing the fact that my uncle is gone and that only my aunt is left of the parental generation on that side of the family. Plus the aunt is definitively known now to have Alzheimer's, which adds another layer of sad. And there's only a 98 year old uncle left on the other side of the family.

Finally got more rest today though and feel a bit stronger and calmer. These big changes in the offing are generating ideas and to-dos for things that I have been needing or wanting to do but that kept getting back burnered due to chaos, uncertainty, and events like my uncle's passing, that would hijack my brain's thinking process with confusion and/or strong emotion.

I'm sure y'all are totally bored by now with all my tedious recounting of computer related things I want to do, and guess what - I have more. Sorry... but it does really help me to be able to believe that soon I'll be able to keep up with my thoughts and plans better, by virtue of data dumping more frequently.

So, I have my old tablet. It hasn't booted for some time. There are photos and things on it that I don't want to lose. Anyway, I thought it might be dead dead, because the battery wasn't even charging. But then I discovered it had - apparently a loose charger connection was corrected. Yay!

That's the first step. Still need to remove the battery and put it back in, as I looked up online how to fix it trying to boot but not being able to. And I have a spare battery if needed. As soon as I get it going, I'll back up everything six ways to Sunday!

Then too, my tax thing is going to be figured out hopefully tomorrow by my helpful friend. And I will at long last shop for that laptop. Money is a thing that I am not totally tight with these days, but it sure does go fast, what with vehicle repairs and at some point I'm going to need to deal with a broken off tooth. The root is all that's left, and I'll get the oral surgeon to remove it. And the tooth was in a semi-visible place so down the line I'll want to see if a bridge is feasible.

Anyway, all this stuff may sound irrelevant to decluttering, yet it isn't really, because it's loose ends. Loose ends are one of my hardest things. So if loose ends are starting to get dealt with, over the long haul that's gonna help.

Oh boy in the planner, Lila! Always something. I think that you are doing what you can with teen. They came back down and worked on the kitchen, and that's progress to be sure.

BF called upright after I posted and had a lunch that someone brought him and I told him to come here to eat it. So I had about seven minutes and I was able to sweep, set the table, put clean hand towels in the bathroom and I was ready. What a fabulous feeling. so clean and airy. Really nice. We split the lunch and the person bought him two desserts. Then we went together to visit mom.

I'm running dishwasher and need to shower and get to bed.

Time at mom's was good. Bf stayed a little while and then left. I was emptying boxes of mom's personal supplies and as I was breaking down the boxes, she asked me to save one for her sweaters and I said no, if you don't have room for your clothes you have too many clothes. I will get some hangers and go over to organize her clothes.

That's what I tell myself when I don't have a place for something. I say, you have too much stuff and I force myself to get rid of things. I used to hate emptying the dishwasher as a teen because there wasn't a place to put everything. So now I make myself look around. If I have to move something to use the other thing, and I don't ever use the thing I have to move..guess that thing is getting donated or if I'm using only occasionally, it gets moved to the back.

Mom acknowledged she's had a rough few days.

I'm continuing to not spend on myself but mom needs shoes. So I bought two pair tonight from Macys. One is a coral color and the other is navy. I frequently see her wearing one black and one navy so no more getting two pair of dark colors. And I will throw out the ones she's wearing now. So much for no-spend August but I'm still doing it. Plus I'm doing no spend September so I can't just wait a week it two to get her shoes. This will fall into necessity and not as a splurge.

post 3 -

I looked and looked and finally found my new planner!! and then I spilled my iced tea on it!!!! omg!!!! I was freaking out but it mostly got the cover and not the pages. I am wiping tea off my pants, couch, computer and planners.

post 2 -

oh, tatoulia, thank you for sharing about your kitchen. I admit to leaving it like that sometimes due to feeling overwhelmed too. I think Teen feels overwhelmed 24/7.

What I've done today:

It makes me anxious but in order to clean off the bar counter, I have to move things to the (clean and cleared) kitchen table to sort them into piles and then wash off the super dusty bar counter. I got about half the stuff moved to the table and just seeing it like that gives me stress, but I already decided I will NOT leave anything on the table tonight. Even if I end up moving all the stuff back to the bar!!

The piles sorted on the table are:

- things to go into the garage
- vitamins to put away
- dog brushes and supplements to figure out where to store and keep handy
- things to go in my bedroom
- cleaning duster to put in the closet (the dog took it out)
- pile of mail to sort
- pile of receipts to sort
- pile of paperwork to sort
- the box of clothes I bought for teen that they won't wear
- things to give back to my daughter in law that belong to Tot
- things to fix

On the counter there is a pile of pens/pencils, a pile of change, some plants in pots, the keurig and spinny pod holder, and a lot of really random items. And a thick layer of dust!!!

My goal for today is to get this done, or close to done.

I also am upset that I cannot find the new planner I bought like a month ago. I want to sit down and fill out September today but I can't find it anywhere!! I found the empty box it was in... ugh. I threw that away, still looking.

Good morning. Sorry about the huge vent last night... I was cranky. I find it interesting you both shared dreams, because I too had a dream last night. In it, I had a little child, and she was trying to poison me. She was giving me pills and somehow she was in charge (only age 6 or 7!) and telling me I had to take them. I could feel the pills dissolving in my mouth, and knew they were poison, but had to pretend to be taking them and then find a discreet way to spit them out where the child could not see me do it. It was a terrible dream. And now coming back and re-reading my own post, I definitely see how it represnts things in my relationship with Teen.

Son is in his 20s and is disabled, so has lived at home and has always help by doing yard work, walking the dogs, vacuuming and doing anything I ask. He is easy. This is his first actual job and it is full time and now I barely see him (he gets home at 9pm). So no, he is not paying rent, at this point. But he uses his pay checks to buy himmself clothes, shoes, got himself a phone, things like that. He is going to try for his drivers license and then I hope he can get an old car to drive to work. He catches rides now or I drive him, so I do want him to save his money for a car. And he will pay his insurance and gas. He used to help in the kitchen but got very frustrated with teen leaving messes for him, so I took over and gave him other chores.

Teen is high schooler and is autistic, which is probably the root of this issue, says the counselor. Hygeine and neatness has always been a battle. No amount of rewards or consequences changes it. They stopped getting an allowance because of this leaving messes issue. They know they would get an allowance if they would just clean it up plus their room and one chore, but no luck. Have worked with the therapist on this for years. Last night after I cleaned it they came up and cooked and then cleaned up about half of the stuff since I was on their case today. But then left 3 things on the counter and didn't wipe it off. So, it's improvement but, sigh.

Anyway today I'm staying home and working on decluttering.

I slept til 11:30 today and not due to being up too late last night! I went to bed at a very reasonable hour. I was having a very odd dream when I woke up with a start, SubC. I thought I was on the subway but it seemed like a long time between stops and then they announced we were express to Ottawa. From Boston.

There is a lot going on with public transit in Boston right now. They closed down an entire subway line with only a few days notice. It will be shut for 30 days. People in my company are fine; they can work from home. But this luxury is hardly afforded to everyone and I've been involved in making sure that people are getting the message. It is especially hard on disabled and elderly. There is also a problem with cutting out the people in Chinatown, who primarily use public transport and who were having their station closed with no alternative shuttle. So I've been working on that for the last week. It's a scene. this is volunteer work and bears no resemblance to my real job. But it's on my mind. I helped a woman to a shuttle bus yesterday after the block party and we discussed some of the problems that she is facing.

Mom is better this morning. Morning meaning 1130 when I woke up. I'll head up in a bit. I'm trying to get my coffee in before my stomach goes into a knot.

Lila, the way you describe the kitchen after teen uses it is exactly how I used to keep my kitchen during my hoarding years. I didn't care and let things pile up and I was blind to how awful it looked, right down to the crumpled up paper towels. I know what you are feeling. I don't have a solution other than to say, I used to keep my own kitchen that way.

I went to bed with my kitchen a mess last night. So while I was waiting for the kettle, I emptied the dishwasher, refilled it; put my cloth napkins into the hamper, watered the window boxes, and put everything away. It took less than ten minutes and I was reflecting on how I used to leave it. Drop something or spill it? Not an issue, I'll clean up later. And I was thinking about that before I read your post. I can tell you I don't know why I did that.

Okay going to eat breakfast before I go to mom's.

Good morning!

Nice to see posts!

Lila, anyone capable of cooking us capable of cleaning up after themselves.

How old is teen, and what do you do for them besides buy clothes? (I'm sure there are many things, I am just looking for a list) what things does teen do for themselves besides make food at random times?

How old is your son? Does he pay rent? (In any form)

Tatoulia, the picnic sounds nice! I'm glad that you have a government you feel good about. I wish it didn't matter what color their skin was.

Dh came home and spent some time with me yesterday evening (he had been gone all day) he helped me calm down and get recentered a little, and I finally slept well last night. I did dream that we were staying in a rambling old New England farmhouse on the coast, and our room was on the second floor, and there was a storm (there was a real storm here last night) and the ocean came up to the bottom of the window and started leaking in. But in my dream I got up and looked around the house and the first floor wasn't leaking and everyone was asleep, so I thought "oh, it's just my room, and it's not that bad, we can clean it up in the morning." And dream me went back to sleep - brain reset!

I almost finished cleaning out the second side of the scullery sink yesterday. And the counter is getting better. My very modest goal for today is to go to bed with the kitchen sink and both sides of the double scullery sink empty. I'm not sure what I'm going to do besides that.

Sorry I missed you guys today. I planned to be home just working on deluttering and cleaning, but there is always some drama or phone calls or emails or whatever, and Although I did get some things done, I didn't get a chance to ome and serial post with you. Hopefully tomorrow!

I am so frustrated with Teen. I know they maybe can't help some of it, but maybe they can. Every time Teen makes themselves food in the kitchen, they leave a mess. I am talking about simple things, like leaving the ketchup and mustard on the counter, spilling food and not wiping it up, leaving the empty wrappers on the counter, leaving the dirty pans and spatulas and butter knives on the counter, leaving used paper towels crumpled on the counter. And leaving food on plates and putting in the sink that way. I mean the trash can is right there, a sponge is right there, the dishwasher is right there. Nomatter what I say it is like this. And they take food to their room and then leave the dirty dishes in there until we literally run out of dishes. Then bring them up and throw them all in the sink!! Nothing I have done, positive or punitive or instructive, has changed it at all. So today I took ALL the silverware, dishes, pans et and shoved them in my bedroom. I was angry and resentful doing it. I seriously can't even keep 3 plasti plates in my kitchen... they all end up dirty in teens room. Anyway I told them if they want dishes to bring up the 20 dishes in their room and wash them. But it is SO inconvenient for me and my son. VERY irritated but this should stop the constant piles of dirty dishes. I probably will just box up all the f-ing dishes, pots and pans and shove them in the garage since I can't even have a normal life anymore.

I can definitely understand the panic attack, SubC. You are working with poison and your are scared for your daughter and you don't want her to be far away and other things are piling up. Panic attacks are so scary. I'm so sorry that you had one.

I started to go to a open market in Copley square today, just to poke around, and then as I cut through a park on my way, there was a mayor's block party so I sat and met some of my politicians and it was just so lovely. I really like our mayor. She's so good. My state rep was there?he's an ER MD who posted very inspirational videos during the pandemic. My city councilor, my congresswoman, everyone was there. And each of the positions I just mentioned are held by people of color. They are do-ers. What a thrill to meet them all today. A few of my neighbors were there, too. So after being there, I went to the grocery store and bought a few cans of cat food for my very good girl.

I have tried to call mom but her phone is off the hook. Nothing I can do,

I've showered and I'm quickly doing a load of delicates which can dry overnight in my apartment. I will likely go to bed soon, I'll see if there is anything good on tv.

I do wish I could get mom on thr phone, just to say hello. I am unwilling to walk up the street to see her. I want to stay in.

Hi Tatoulia!
Thanks for posting!

I'm sorry about your mom. I hope her mind clears up, or at least brings back the singing cats!

The raspberry syrup sounds lovely.

I had to clean up some poison and afterwards I had another panic attack. My brain was trying to convince me that I had ingested some of the poison somehow - maybe it got on my skin! - and now I was going to die. I knew that I had been very careful and not exposed myself to the poison, but it was a hard battle. I ended up wasting two hours watching an old comedy from my childhood to distract myself.

Then I went out to cut the shelf pieces for school. I need sixteen. I cut four and wanted to quit, but I told myself I had to do half. When I did the second four I measured wrong and started cutting. I realized my mistake and salvaged the material, but you can tell I screwed up. So I quit for a while.

I've done a little work in the scullery.

SubC, I love your cousin. I could actually hear the kindness and let's get this done in the words you wrote. And isn't that sweet about the time you threw everything together for her!

I ended up not going to the office yesterday. My admin had the day off so I wasn't affecting her. I was worn out from mom Thursday night (she is having a very bad dementia spell) and I was sweaty (I like to say humid) so I was humid and worn out and hadn't gathered my garbage and hadn't done any laundry and I hadn't cleaned cats box plus I had an important zoom meeting at 10 where I was in charge so I decided not to go in. And yesterday went well for me. I did three loads of laundry, I made dinner for myself, I saw mom (still terrible) was focused at work, dealt with multiple calls from mom. She's crying and sad but also angry and it's tough. She thinks the bank sent her a letter telling her that they gave away her money to some man who came in and said he knew a family who could use it. The only letter she could produce was one saying she's overdrawn by $2.10.

Then she called last night, crying, saying that now that her money has been stolen, she can't move back to her old condo. She said she only paid $40 a month for a mortgage and no condo fee. And now that her money is gone, she cannot go back.

Today's drama is more of the same. Today she was very sad and crying. Very sad. Not as combative. Not yelling at me.

I hope that she doesn't live too long with this sadness and anger. She deserves better. I don't want this to linger for her.

I'm just finishing up making my raspberry syrup. A nearby bakery makes delicious house made raspberry seltzer and I have the recipe. So I make a batch about once a week as a much-deserved treat.

I will get out soon even though it's hot out. I am wearing linen pants and a white shirt. I'll need to put on a bathrobe before I use the immersion blender on my raspberry syrup.

Good morning.

I put the laundry away last night.

I managed to sleep until three thirty before I woke up in s panicked from a nightmare - this time I had gotten the open house date wrong and it was today.

This summer was supposed to be a chance to rest and recover. I had an out of state funeral in June, I took a job for two weeks that turned out to be far more demanding than expected, a loss and a funeral in July, and now packing Dd2 and moving her 20 hours away.

My few in town friends have also had difficult summers - weeks out of state to care for a ddil undergoing surgery, a house hit badly by a tornado, a job change and forced school change for a child. there is no one to lean on.

Anyway, I am getting a very late start this morning. Maybe somebody will come by before I come back.

Guess I'm on my own today.

Neither my cousin nor my wanna have shown up.

I've mostly been picking at things.

The dishwasher is running for the second time. The kitchen sink is empty except for a couple of dish cloths. I put away two loads of laundry and washed a new one. (I have two more loads to put away.) The scullery counter is better, but you can't actually tell.

I sorted through my school cookie cutters a little and found some I have decided to donate.

I still feel tired and discouraged, but maybe if I sleep ok tonight tomorrow will look better.

Back again. Moving slowly today - serious shortage of "Wanna"

I did the chores.
The dishwasher is running
The washing machine is running.

I wish my cousin was here. She actually likes to clean. I can just hear her voice "oh lord (nickname only she uses for me) we have to do something about this!" And then she would just start. She wouldn't sound judgmental either, it would be like all of this just happened - same tone she would use on discovering I had come to visit and she was out of ice cream. Same words too.

Once when I went to visit, she went upstairs to put her two small kids to bed, and I tossed the laundry into the laundry room, the dirty dishes into the sink, and the toys into the toy box. Then I put the books back on the shelf and replaced the throw pillows and quilt. When she came down she said "you cleaned my entire house!" "I said "no I didn't, I just tossed everything together." And she actually said "that's the hard part." I wish. The hard part is having places for everything in the first place and then actually cleaning stuff.