Thanks SubC and Tatoulia! Yes, the friends will be fixing the leak. All the wet boxes got disposed of and the things I put in ex's den are in tubs, and dry, so won't be an issue. I do wish he had a deadline, but I am trying VERY hard to be as easy as possible about this because he is the type who would lawyer up and cause me a lot of stress if he felt unduly pressed. So, I do believe he is looking for a new place to live and that once he has established that, he will be in a hurry to come get this hoard and his furniture. He loves his hoard so I don't think I have to worry about him leaving it here.

When he moved in with me 20ish years ago, he brought this terrible old couch from the 80s. It has a pull out bed that is all bent and thin and uncomfortable, which makes is super heavy and almost impossible to move. My kid's pet died on it (old age) and now I can't stand to look at it, the pet died right there. And then another pet peed on it (foster long ago). I hate that couch!!! I have begged to get rid of it but it is HIS. But it won't fit in his den. I cannot WAIT for him to take that couch!!!!! When that couch is in the driveway getting loaded into his moving van, it will be the symbol of complete freedom that I need.

In favor of wash and donate!

Lila, you did great! Also consider if anyone would want the paint cans. Check online (unless you already know) how to dispose of. Some can be opened and once dry, can go in the regular trash, other types need to wait for hazardous material disposal. There may be nothing salvageable in those cans.

We did mom's groceries tonight. She's so mixed up, the poor thing. I am still waiting on her bank statements and she said they arrived but then she couldn't find them and then later on she said she found them and then tonight all she had to show for herself was one piece of paper, not from her bank, and she said the statements didn't arrive. Who knows anymore.

I slept this afternoon. I haven't done that in a long time. It felt good. Now I'm doing laundry. I did a load earlier today and now I'm on my third. I have a lot of laundry because I had to keep the visiting cat from scratching my furniture.

Excellent Lila!

Does xh have a deadline for coming back? I hope you did not put anything wet that will cause a problem in your house.

Is the leak one of the things your friends are fixing?

The coffee shop building is cute. The potential coffee shop owners are very excited but uncertain. I attended the first planning analysis meeting in which I tried not to talk, but did offer information I knew from working at the farmers market. Also, at one point I finally interrupted with "I'm going to jump in here. One thing you really have to remember is that you guys are partners. He is not your boss, He doesn't get to tell you what to do."

I tried to throw some pots. I am rusty and got frustrated. I am having a really hard time just being today, but I did realize a few minutes ago that my shirt was making me grumpy. Maybe I am catching up to the 2 y.o.

Somebody remind me to donate that shirt after I wash it.

oh and p.s., THANK YOU SubC for the steps to deal with the bathroom and pathway, kitchen cups etc. That helps a lot!

This is an "I am proud of myself" post. Please celebrate with me!

I finally felt well enough to do things today. We have a water leak in the storage room so we have to take everything out of there. This storage room is where my ex has thrown everything. It is a hoarder paradise (hell?) combined with tools, parts of things, gardening items and many shelves. Much of it got wet. It has not been gone through in probably 15 years. With ex gone I can!

My son and I took 90% of the things out of there. It was thrown, heaped to the ceiling! Broken tools, old junk, cobwebs. We took it all out and it is spread all over the patio.

- 3 large rubbedmaid tubs of ex's junk. I just peeked but there are things like 20 year old underwear, clothes with holes, his shoes, old blankets. As I found things of his in the room I added them: books, old sports stuff, tools I know are his, shoes. All 3 are being put into ex's den where all his hoard now lives for him to move when he comes back for it all.

- 6 or 7 cardboard boxes of random junk - all flattened and put out

- filled a whole yard waste leaf bag with trash and broken items

- took one of the very large trash bins (huge city ones) and filled it TO THE RIM with stuff: broken leaf blower, old wires, pieces, parts, boards, an old DIRTY toilet seat from when he replaced one 12 years ago, a tarp that is 75% holes. Totally filled!

- consolidated Keep tools and pieces into a bin

- Found a huge box full of political signs that won't fit in the trash can so stuck them in his den for him to deal with. It would fill my bin.

I have to figure out what to do with about a dozen cans of paint that are really old. Might list them for free online.

There is a lot to still go through but it feels SO good to be getting rid of so much crap!!

hello everyone! I feel so much better today! Life is so much better when you're not coughing your guts out with a fever.

SubC, here is how I feel about the toys. There is something very good and special about being a grandma and having special toys. I myself went overboard saving things, but when I started to declutter, I rated the toys on three things: 1) how much does Tot like this toy (or future grands)? 2) how decent is the quality? and,3) how much space would be created by giving this toy away? To me, 3 was most enlightening. So, I have a little case of "my little pony" toys. I also had a big plastic dinosaur with balls that went in it. I know ffor a fact those ponies will be well loved (and they are) and the big dino only is fun for a very limited age range. But I decided to save the ponies and get rid of the dino because the dino took up so much more space! One Sheep or other animal takes up a tiny amount of space and gives years of imaginative play. So I would get him the sheep. It would be special, and if he asks for any other animals, tell him to shop in the bin, and maybe, just MAYBE he could as for the next special animal for Christmas! A nice, small gift to add to the Grammy toys!

TLDR, I tended to get rid of big toys and save the little ones.

Hi again Jules, what area of your home would you like mroe space in?

Hi Tatoullia, CM, Road, all. This is long and I am going to write a new post with what I did today.

SubC, bean puts the proper names on his feelings! Extraordinary. Your children are doing a great job raising him! As are you and your husband. I think we could all learn to stop and label our status. Sometimes I have a headache and it may take me 45 minutes before I realize I have a headache. I'm just miserable and don't know why.

Hello, Jules! Whether you are looking for help or just want to say hello, you are always welcome! If you have something particular you'd like to do (like getting started LOL because that can be tough), it's nice to go around and get rid of trash. And define trash for yourself. Empty food wrappers, used paper towels, etc. you'll learn as you go along that trash has a definition that will expand. But start with the easy stuff. You'll build the mental muscle to get rid of the harder stuff.

Hi again nice people. Thanks for making me feel welcome and inviting me to tell about what I'm dealing with.

I'm retired and live alone. I have too much stuff and not enough storage. My last place was smaller, but had fabulous amount of storage space.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the extent of the mess and my physical limitations. At least I can see now which really helps.

I get inspired from reading what y'all (yes I'm Southern lol) write about doing.

Good morning!

Tatoulua, I am Lol about "one needs to be an adult".

I hope the visiting kitty enjoyed the vacation, and I'm sure your kitty is pleased to see things are back to normal. Mr. kitty would never put up with such a thing! This morning he loves me very much and is back in his rightful place, so whatever I did before must have been forgiven.

I was thinking that I would get rid of some *other* toy. I did grab a snake out of the bin while we were looking - it was not the same brand or scale and looked shabby compared to the other animals. The ones available are still just as nice - they are a German company. IMHO, the Germans are quite excellent at toys.

It is now the part of the year where I panic. I slept well last night, but woke up this morning from a dream about my first class (which was actually a class that meets Wednesday last period.) my school neighbor for some reason was also teaching in my classroom, and her class was large, took up most of my room, and went well. I was in the back of my room and only had three students and the entire class period was a disaster.

As always I feel under prepared and overwhelmed.

Bean and family are coming at 4 today - they will eat dinner and Bean will stay the night.

Coffee shop tour at 2 which I have asked to be included on.

I still have prep to do for school, and today looks like the only day this week I can throw pots (which I need to do for Tuesday's class) and also the only day this week I can can salsa - which I really want to do, but maybe the pots are more important? Except the pots are for fun, and salsa is food and getting expensive these days..

I swear, I watch Bean make decisions (like choosing his animals) and self regulate ("Bean need little rest.") and I think "that is amazing executive function for a 2 y.o." and also I despair that I will never match him. The two year old knows when he is tired and needs to rest, and I, the adult, just get cranky and difficult.

Hello everyone! SubC, that is solid advice on cleaning the bathroom. I think most people enjoy a clean bathroom more than anything.

Okay my cat is home and the visiting cat left. We went to the Red Sox game tonight, I won the company tickets on Friday for today's afternoon game. I invited a friend who has a husband and two kids. I told her, any two family members are invited to join us but one needs to be an adult. She did admit that for a moment she thought she could go for dinner alone with her husband. So my friend and her 11 year old joined us. Great weather, great game. By the time we walked home from the park, my work friend was here to get the cat.

SubC I was going to tell you no, you do not need another zoo toy and the ones made today will not come close to the quality of the ones you have now. But then something tugged at my heartstrings. Yes get the sheep. No you don't need to give a different zoo animal away.

Good morning!

I just noticed that this thread is very long. Is it still loading ok CM?

I was pretty tired last night.I'm getting concerned about school starting and the demands on my energy if one two year old is wearing me out this much.

Dsil picked some things in my garden and replanted some things that died while we were gone, and moved some "volunteer" trees from my flower bed to the woods. All the ash trees are dying from invasive emerald ash borers, and we try to replant native trees as much as we can. The volunteers were wild cherries and redbuds.

Bean played, ate, and napped. We did not try to do any "works" yesterday.

As always I have a long list for today that I will not finish.

Here is a hoarding/collecting thing I am mulling over. In my basement I have a tub of very nice plastic animals that my kids collected over the years from the zoo gift shop. (We went often, and we had a membership, so the zoo was very cheap per visit and the animals - which we got a discount on - were a nice treat and a way to support the zoo.) I have not counted them, but there are easily over a hundred animals. I had put a few out for Bean, and he loved them, and the other day he looked them over and announced "Grammie need more animals." So, I took him down to the basement with his little basket and let him choose some more to bring up. He was very deliberate about which ones and selected about ten.

He was apparently paying close attention because yesterday while he was playing with them, he presented me with the basket and told me "Grammie get blue bucket (bin). Need crocodile and sheep." But he was disappointed the we only have baby sheep. He would like "big daddy sheep." And now I want to buy him a sheep.

I have literally cubic yards of toys in my basement, but I don't have a "big daddy sheep". His parents would tell me (and have) "he doesn't always get what he wants" but I feel like as long as it is reasonable and not bad for them, everybody should get what they want. And I'm sure they have sheep at the farm store.

I don't know, maybe if I get rid of something bigger than a sheep? The animals are more expensive now, and I'm not going to buy him everything he wants, but they are still a small expense and we do have those two little orphan lambs... (I love that he believes mama goats take care of baby goats and all other creatures (like him) are cared for by their Daddies.)

First: Deep clean the bathroom your friends are going to use -

1) dust
2) scrub toilet, use bleach,
3) scrub sink and vanity, put out fresh soap
4) sweep and mop floor
5) clean tub/shower if any
6) wipe down walls if needed.

Next grab some rags and dust from the front door to the area where they will be working - top down, then go back and sweep/vacuum. Focus on the path they will take and the closest surfaces, not the whole room.

Don't worry about picking up except to create access. Apologize for the house. Mention that you could never do anything with Dh there and you can't wait until all of his stuff is gone so you can get things back in order.

Kitchen is 3rd. It won't stay clean, but make sure it is thoroughly dusted and you have clean cups/glasses. Wash the table and wipe off chairs if needed right before they come.

oh hey Road! Glad you popped in! We are here when you're ready to chat some more.

Hi Tatoulia, CM, SubC, everyone. I am having a thought crisis about how to clean/declutter.

Imagine if you will that you live in a 3000 square foot, 2 story home that has not been thoroughly cleaned in decades. Just vacuuming and basics. Imagine you have some friends who are planning to help you with some repair projects around said home, and they ill start coming over in a week and continue coming over periodically to do these projects with and for you. You cannot afford to pay for this kind of help, so it is am amazing blessing that they are willing to come and help!

But, the house is in this state of uncleanliness that some might think is just a bit dirty and others might think is disgustingly filthy, and you don't know who thinks what. So you have a drive, now, to DO something about it before these people start showing up to help.

That is the state I am in, and if only I was not sick, and without air conditioning, I would be racing around trying to clean to prepare. But I am too sick and too hot, so I am trying to figure out how to handle this when I am better enough.

The floors downstairs and tile, and dirty. But can't just be mopped due to huge amounts of clutter, cat litter, dog hair and other debris on the floors. The walls are even dirty. Everything is covered in dust including windowsills, everything. The whole exterior in back is coated in cobwebs, dead bugs, dead leaves.

The toilets are gross and the bathroom floors are terrible. The shower stall my kids use is terrible. My upstairs is better, because it gets vacuumed regularly and dusted occasionally, but it is still pretty bad. Stuff on every surface.

I have a vague feeling of wanting to just start filling a dumpster, but I don't have one, nor the energy.

Where does one even begin?

Road!

So happy to see your name this morning!

I'm glad you're doing ok and look forward to hearing more when you feel like it.

CM, I don't do custom orders either.

Hooray for a crisis averted this time! Things are looking up!

Tatoulia, I hope you are enjoying some extra cat snuggles.

Mr. kitty is apparently offended about something this morning and has perched at the other end of the couch instead of coming close for his usual morning attention.

Lila, keep up with the resting and recovering!

And a wave to Jules and any other lurkers.

Dsil sent me a note last night asking if he could bring the Bean out today. Apparently my Dd has been working late and Bean has been very "two" and he needs a break and another adult. He offered to help me with "anything".

Nothing non-consumable in yesterday since I stayed home, but nothing out either - just rebalancing food and trying to keep up with dishes.

No big plans for today. No insights on my dreams either - complete hash. Ddil's cousin stole my Jeep - I don't have a Jeep. I made ds go look for it. Hanging out in a restaurant/bar at a resort with a bunch of young girls. Driving a long way and having car trouble. (Well, that might be because the brakes are broken on my suv again - maybe I subconsciously want to replace it with a Jeep?)

Make good choices!

Hi everyone, didn't intend on being absent for so long. Just laying low. Hope everyone is ok. I am doing fine. Hugs to everyone!

SubC, I like that! I can run it by my roommate. Luckily, she will be the one doing the knitting for the foreseeable. My knitting skills are not there. I'll stick to downloading the patterns for her because I know where to find them, and to sewing. LOL! 😅

I may have mentioned this before, too, but I will not be taking custom orders because of how bad I am at deadlines. The closest I might come would be if someone says "I like that ensemble; can you make me one in blue?" I will say that I can't guarantee it but I will consider making it at some point for regular stock, and to check back.

I guess a lot of crazy was happening at the house while I was at the library - guy came to inspect AC and furnace, discovered and was able to fix a problem that had it gone unchecked, would've resulted in needing to replace them, a big and costly hassle.

SubC those are helpful thought-processes you laid out for us! Thank you all for your kind words! Going to be now. My cat is home and out visitor cat is very sweet, too.

And Lila, right now it is fresh mozzarella, because I just made it. If you store it in whey, it stays soft like that, but I usually wrap it and freeze it or put it in the fridge, so it gets drier and will slice or grate.

So sorry about the corona virus! Almost too bad that you can taste sweet, it would be nice to at least get a diet boost from this. Hopefully your taste comes back quickly!

Oops CM,

I didn't see you when I posted before.

It's very hot. I picked the fresh beans snd came back in - there weren't too many this time. But I need some water.

My laundry strips arrived while I was in the garden. I have them set to ship automatically every year, with the largest box for the lowest price per load. The box is still smaller than the boxes I used to buy powdered detergent in, but it is too many strips. Eventually I will have to cancel for a year until I run the supply down. I like having it delivered in summer though, because I don't want to worry about the truck getting down our driveway. It was packed in a slightly larger plain cardboard box with some brown paper packing that will be good for Dh to ship coffee in. So perfect for a hoarder - nothing to save, nothing to "waste".

CM,

I have a thought about your clothes project - this comes from homeschooling my kids. Aside from math, my kids were "unschooled" this means different things to different people, but for us, it meant that the kids were in charge of their own educations (I confess to asking leading questions and throwing random interesting stuff at them) - When my oldest went to high school, I still considered her "unschooled" because we had a clear understanding that she could quit at any time - even in the middle of a class - the high school was simply another resource she had chosen for her education. (Also, when she told me the guidance counselor said she had to take a particular subject to graduate, I asked "do you want to graduate?")

I digress... anyway, every fall, we would make a plan for what they wanted to do and how they were going to do it and who was responsible for what (like, if they were going to learn guitar, did that mean lessons? Where? How would they get there? Who would pay? How much would they practice?) we would check in periodically to see if we were meeting our goals and could also ask the people involved to discuss revisions - "I am having a hard time making dinner on the nights I pick you up from lacross. Is there anyone who lives near us and could you arrange a carpool? Alternately, do you have another solution for dinner?"

So I was thinking - you and your roommate could have a plan for how many and what kind of doll clothes you want to have ready and when and then set goals for how you will get there and write it out and put it on the wall. Then you could have a weekly check in with tea and cookies or something to see how it is going and decide if it is realistic or needs to be changed or one of you needs to make changes, and then it would just be the list and not anyone nagging.

So maybe it says:
Goal: X number of Barbie sweaters on x date
Plan: CM will get patterns by x date
CM will check supplies and assemble materials and equipment by x date
CM will knit for x minutes a day (or "x amount if time twice a week", or from "x o'clock to y o'clock on.") you get the idea..
Roommate will:

Next goal:

Maybe you need to check in every day, or have gold stars, or whatever, ymmv..

SubC, now I am thinking this must be fresh mozzarella like you buy to slice with tomatoes and basil, am I right? Or is it the harder kind you can shred for pizza? How cool that you can make your own!

I just made some seasoned fries but when I tried to eat them I couldn't taste them. So I don't want them. I also cannot taste Doritos or cheese or tomato soup. I can taste fresh fruit though. And sweet things. Coronavirus...

I'm running out of steam so taking it easy right now.

Hi Lila!

I am very spoiled with my little tin of coffee on the counter that magically refills itself with a variety of fresh beans. Also sometimes I get invited to fancy tastings where Dh is trying different roasts of new varieties and he puts tiny cups out on the table and asks me to try them and give him feedback without any background information.

I made two wheels (a gallon a wheel) of mozzarella.

The dishwasher is running for the second time and the kitchen and scullery look a bit better, but not great. I picked some dry beans and some tomatoes, and I cleaned a few things out of the basement fridge that have been there too long and are just chicken food. I try so hard to keep up with the harvest, but there never seems to be enough time - or perhaps enough energy, since just now I have had time to watch a video with a glass of milk and a piece of cake.

I'm getting ready to go out and do a bit more picking - yellow beans this time, to dry.

I am glad you are feeling better, but sorry about your kitchen. Keep resting as much as you can.

Tatoulia, I did not feel that you were chiding us or trying to change us. I was just saying, that while I am glad you have found what works for you (and I wouldn't change you) I am not jealous of that one thing that makes some of this easier for you.

Ok, off I go!

Tatoulia, I knew what you meant, lol. 😉 In a tiny way I envy you not having the creative monkey on your back!

Hi Jules! Nice to meet you.

SubC, your daughter's friend sounds like a cool gal. The kind of person I probably would be more if I didn't have anxiety and executive functioning annoyances to deal with. But I have thought about doing small side hustles and may be able to find things that work for me.

It was interesting about your hubby's coffee gig too. I'm hoping that this doll clothes thing my roommate wants to do with me will be worth our while. She is very gung-ho, and unlike me is not so scatterbrained. As long as we can avoid getting into the pattern of me dropping the ball and her needing to remind me and me thinking she's nagging, and getting grouchy, we will do fine. At least I see the pitfall to avoid and can be proactive about it.

And I need to download some Barbie knitting patterns now, speaking of that.

Welcome Jules! When you feel ready, tell us a little about what you're dealing with.

SubC, what kind of cheese are you making? I want some of that freshly roasted coffee!

I feel unwell still today but better than yesterday. I managed to cut up a cantaloupe (and eat some, so good!) and start to clean up the kitchen. Teen left a HUGE mess. It was so bad it almost felt like a giant "f you." They were angry at me yesterday and yelled and I had to go isolate myself. So yeah, I think the giant mess is on purpose. Wrappers, spills, dirty dishes, food left out, dirty paper towels, stuff burned onto the stove. I was going to leave it until they clean it up, but I know darn well they will not clean it up, they will just shove it over and make bigger mess. So I threw out all the trash, put the dishes in the dishwasher, put food away. I have not cleaned the stove and counters yet but I will. I will say something to Teen about it but I know they will just yell and rant. Austism sucks.

I have a lot of paperwork to catch up on, and am so far behind in work, but I don't feel well enough to do a lot. I'm just doing little bits. Today is the first day I feel ok enough to sort of relax and feel like I'm getting a break. It is hard to do that when you are in pain, coughing, super sick. They days just whipped by and I did mostly nothing but sleep and feel sick.

Not completely caught up. Hi Jules!

Lila I am so sorry you are sick. Cm and SubC I would never take away your creativity! Just an observation that I know I have it easier because I don't need to save anything for a project. I'm all the project I can handle!

Hello Jules and welcome!

Jump in anywhere!

Hello nice people. I've been reading the notes here a little while. Makes me feel not quite so alone with my challenges. Just want to say thanks for all you've shared.

Good morning!

Lila, it should be enough for the whole year with some left over. I buy the clay 25 boxes at a time for the discount. If every student used their full amount allowed I would need about 45 boxes, but they usually don't. I have 8 boxes left from last year.

I did not do any dishes yesterday and it is a real stumbling block this morning. I want to make cheese this morning, but I need a clean kitchen.

I brought home some papers from school also. (In the interest of full disclosure of "in". I need to get serious about detailed planning and prep as far as lesson plans this weekend.

Last night I intended to go back and work in the garden, but my evening got derailed. Dh has a side hustle doing small batch coffee roasting. He mostly sells to friends and a few friends of friends. He wants to "retire" and just do coffee. (So far all of the profit has been plowed back into the business - mostly equipment) so last night a friend came to get coffee and stayed talking for a while.

Then my farm sitter came by to get paid. The farm sitter is dd2's BFF. She is freshly divorced and "unemployed" with three kids. (She farm sits, babysits odd hours for shift work, does photography, cleans houses, does sewing, mending, and alterations.) seriously, this girl can do anything! She built her first apartment in the hay loft of a barn when she was a teenager. One night she shot a coyote from the bedroom window at 30 yards.

There is a coffee shop available for lease in the town between my house and her house. I greeted her with "(Dh) wants to know if you've ever thought about running a coffee shop" her face lit up and a long discussion with Dh occurred while I hung out with her kids. (I love her kids. I joke that the littlest is named after me. He's not, but he has the masculine form of my name. - she did once name a 4h goat after me "because she's stubborn.") anyway, they are going to arrange to tour the place and there went my gardening evening..

Ok, off my butt and to work.

Good job on the lawn!

That's a lot of clay!!

I feel pretty lousy but I did one good thing today. No one has mowed my lawn in two months. Teen won't, son has been busy, I can't. I have been agonizing over it. I saw the neighbor's lawn guy out there working today (our yeards adjoin) and I asked him how much to mow JUST the front on mine? Gave him $20 and he just rode his riding mower over the front, and even trimmed with the weed whacker for me. It only took him 10 minutes so I think we were both quite happy with the deal.

I also threw away a few things like tomatoes going bad and junk mail.

Hi CM,

I hope the news from the bank stays good.

I don't think I would trade my creative pursuits for order and peace.

Lila, I'm sorry you are missing your babes. Keep taking care of yourself.

I want to say that from what you have told us, a supported living situation sounds like it might be good for your teen.

The basement is not so much "I'm semi ready to let go of this." It's more "this belongs in the basement." Or "this has no other place to go." The number of categories of things that "belong" in the basement is excessive: holiday things, craft things, garden things, food preservation things, books and pottery that don't fit upstairs, clothes that are too small for Bean, toys that are too old or too young for Bean, coolers, suitcases, teacher things, childhood memorabilia saved for my children at their request, old letters, food (pantry, chest freezer and extra fridge are in basement), extra blankets..

Staff meeting was ok. I got to meet new coworkers and technically old coworkers who I never met because of covid and scheduling. I picked up 2,000 lbs if clay and some other teachers helped me unload it. I can't get the printer to work. I feel really good about my room, and my open house kids did a great job decorating my whiteboard (I left them an invitation)

I'm hot and sweaty and tired and I should figure out dinner.

hi again, feeling rough but then better here and there.

SubC, I love reading about your fun with Bean. It also makes me 'homesick' for my little Tot and Acorn who I can't see right now because I'm so sick. I miss them terribly!!! Question: what you said about the basement - when you are decluttering the upstairs, do you move things to the basement? I do that with the garage. It's like an intermediate "I'm ready to move this out of the living area but not quite ready for it to be gone forever."

Being this sick, somehow makes me feel like throwing out EVERYTHING because nothing matters. But I dare not do it. I think I would tend ot get rid of things I actually need and would regret, in the state of mind I am in. Like NOTHING matters.

Teen has been having meltdowns again (and thank you SubC for the thoughtful response about autism) and I am just at the point of being angry instead of just sad. I already had moved all the regular dishes, glasses, etc into boxes in the garage. Then had to move glass mixing bowls and other things into a box in my bedroom (which I resent having to do). Then had to move most of the plastic plates, bowls, cups into my room because Teen will leave them all dirty in their bedroom. I am seriously considering boxing up all the cookware, ALL of it... casserole dishes, everything... into a far corner of the garage. Teen has started going into the garage and grabbed glasses, mason jars, and mugs that were on shelves but not in boxes and throwing/shattering them. I feel like they might need residential care. I'm trying to find options. They will be 18 next year and I don't plan to take the abuse forever.

Anyway, in between migraines and nausea I am going to try and get rid of a few things.

How are you all?

Quick post and I'll come back later - glad you are feeling better and back with us, Lila.

Thanks for the responses ladies, regarding houses and stuff. Much food for thought. Tatoulia, I can imagine it would be easier for me like you said if I didn't have the insatiable creative drive. But without it, would I even be me? 😅

I'm still waiting on my replacement debit card, but yesterday I did get a nice letter from the bank and it sounds like they are leaning towards crediting the $139.00 fraudulent charge back. It will take 60 days to be official if it goes through for sure. I had given them all that documentation which I think helped.

There was a time, not many years ago, when the absence of $139.00 would've affected my ability to make it through a month. Right now things aren't quite that tight. I am blessed.

Good morning!

Lila, I'm sorry you have been sick!

Last night I dreamed my mom and I were decluttering the playroom my brother and I had when we were little. We were going through boxes of her things and my old toys and the things I saved from the kids for Bean and any siblings/cousins though. I think that one came from the house conversation and the fact that Dd1 and dsil are decluttering and rearranging the house so that "Mommy and Daddy make new room for (Bean)" they are planning a second and in typical to her fashion, Dd doesn't want to get pregnant until she has everything figured out and set up. Their house is 3 bedrooms and a bath upstairs, good sized living room, small dining room and kitchen downstairs, laundry room and garage in a walkout basement. The bedroom Bean has now is very tight with the crib, dresser/changing table, bookshelf and a chair.

I have a staff meeting at noon today. I also need to go to the clay studio and buy clay for my classes. I'm super tired and my knees hurt.

Yesterday Bean and I baked bread and made a cake. We also went down to the basement and found some more animals for his animal basket.

Something has to be done about that basement! It is getting very bad again. I'm not even buying/collecting stuff - just fluffing. (And moving things from other parts of the house that are getting better)

hi all, I've missed you guys. I've been pretty sick. Still am sick. But, better enough to sit here and read a little, and type. I have not caught up on posts yet, but CM's question caught my eye so I will answer it. Then I'll catch up on other responses.

As a kid we lived in a very small house, although I didn't realize how small. It was in the country but had no outbuildings, not even a shed or a garage. It was one floor and an unfinished basement. It had 2 bedrooms, one bathroom, a living room and a kitchen. That's it. The washer and dryer were in the basement along with my Dad's tools so he had a bit of a work area down there.

My bedroom was small and had a closet. I never had a mess in there. All my clothes fit in the closet and my one dresser. I had a small bookshelf. An end table. A radio. That's about it.

Anything we were saving and not using was in boxes in the basement. I remember my Dad had a couple boxes of things of his childhood, and his parent's things, down there, But only 2 or 3 boxes.

Oh, I almost forgot, we had an unfinished attic as well, and my mom had a few boxes up there. Just a few, 2 or 3. She used to stack her junk on the stairs to the attic sometimes. That was the only clutter in the whole house. If I wanted anything I knew right where it was. I don't remember ever searching for anything.

So I grew up with very little space but that felt fine. It's all I knew. Anything I outgrew or didn't use anymore disappeared. I guess my mom donated it or something.

My house now is big. Well not huge, but way big compared to my childhood home. Two floors, five bedrooms, three bathrooms, living room, family room, dining room, kitchen, laundry room, den, two car garage, storage room, and storage shed. Too much room, really, but feels like not enough because of the clutter. That's the problem. I have room to keep saving everything so I do. Two of the bedrooms are really large but feel small, stuffed with junk.

I would rather have a smaller house and get rid of all this junk. I have been sick most of the time lately so not able to get rid of things even with ex gone. When I am well again, I plan to work on bettering my situation every single day.

I enjoyed reading about your different houses, SubC.

I can definitely tell that school is weighing on your mind.

A bit of a slow start for me today. I'm having trouble falling asleep at night, which is nothing new. I woke up a bit tired today.

Found two more things to donate. I'm happy with the progress I am making. I think I told you I'm getting rid of my clock radio. I don't use it. I also have four cloth napkins to move on (I bought them used, used them for a year and now time to go). I have to go through the cat plates. She once again has too many.

So that's what I'll be working on between now and Saturday. I truly have to go goodwill on Saturday. I haven't. Been ti my car in ages and I know there is a lot to go to goodwill in there. Best to send on its way.

Good morning.

It apparently didn't rain here while we were gone and all my little spinach and lettuce seedlings died. Now we are having a dreadful thunderstorm. The rain started yesterday mid afternoon, so I didn't get to pick everything.

Bean is coming today, so we will do some baking. I take him back when I go to my class tonight. It will be a long day.

Apparently 5 days on the road muddled my brain. I did two loads of laundry yesterday, but I forgot that Dh turned off the laundry room water before we left and I ran the first load twice - once with no water. Then I forgot to start the dryer, so when the second load was done, the first was still wet. Finally got the first load in the dryer when I went to bed.

I did run a load of dishes yesterday - we had left a bunch rinsed and in the scullery sink.

I had trouble getting to sleep last night - slept late yesterday from being worn out and am apparently a bit off from the time zone change. I dreamt that I was still in high school, but my school wasn't open. My mom told me, well, you have to go to school. I'll take you to (school where she taught after I was grown) and you can go to sixth grade. They still remember you. It will be fine. (I never went to school there). She drove me in a school bus and rolled it down a hill (that didn't exist at any real school I know) when we arrived. We were thrown clear and floated to the ground. The bus was wrecked, but her classroom aide picked it up and drove it away. My school principal came out and led me to the line out front of the building (which was my old intermediate school) and suggested I try 4th grade instead, because it would be more fun. (I student taught 4th grade) The building was completely different inside, and my classmates were some of my former/current students. I played a card game with one while we waited for the teacher and eventually realized that was me. So I left and went in search of the biology class (apparently the building had a junior high wing) because they had my chickens. Then I woke up. I think my brain is trying to reintegrate school into my life. Staff meeting Wednesday, classes a week from today.

Am not caught up on the posts but I know that SubC is home safely and that CM wants to know about growing up.

Growing up we lived in houses. We moved a lot. Always had my own bedroom. Shared a bathroom with my sister. Parents had their own bathroom. Living room, den, dining room, etc. all different houses. Ranch houses, Victorian brownstone with 6 bedrooms and eight fireplaces, split level, colonial, some houses had in ground pools.

I don't think in terms of minimalism. At all. Someone high up from work came over Sunday, which was fun. I wasn't expecting her to come in. It was nice knowing her socially for a bit. She loved my place. I hadn't cleaned up because I thought she was dropping off her cat and leaving.

So, I wish I had two extra rooms here. My place feels large because I have very high ceilings. I wish I had outdoor space. I don't have these and that's fine. I'm not willing to trade location for the things I'd like. I could sell this, buy a house, and still have $$ leftover. But the location factor would be tough on me.

I'm in the If You Dont Have Room, You Have Too Much Stuff Camp.

I remember Tillie, with her very modest possessions, and she'd still go through them and make smart decisions. When I tell you that there's nothing I wish I had kept, I am being sincere. I might miss it, or I might occasionally think of something to do with something that's long gone, and I'm fine with it. The fact that today I can think up a way to use something I got rid of does not mean I should have kept it. Not at all.

The dishes and china I buy at goodwill are fun for me. And then I donate them back. I can enjoy them and then decide that it's time to move on. Getting attached to things isn't helpful or useful. I can enjoy them and let them go. I worked hard to get here. My only vision was to get rid of stuff. I didn't set a goal of minimalism or anything like that. I am not creative nor am I a perfectionist, so I didn't have those obstacles. I had to deal with childhood ghosts and wistfulness for an earlier time, and I've made good choices along the way.

Oh CM,

We spent the night in Salina! If I had known...

Wow, SubC, thanks for the lovely detailed reply, which I shall have to read more than once to absorb everything in. Incidentally, have I ever shared here how much I enjoy looking at houses and house plans? The Internet Archive is a treasure trove for that - lots of vintage ones especially. And of course there's always Zillow a person can poke around on.

I've even toyed with software for designing house plans - Sweet Home 3D is a free open source one. And Android apps. I've wondered if I could learn CAD and do something like assisting an architect - maybe I could work remotely - and bring in some money. It may be worth exploring. Wouldn't that be the ultimate poetic resolution, if I could help plan houses and be able to afford one. For now it's one of my many daydreams but who knows.

Kansas is indeed a wide open place, at least my part of it mostly is. I live in Wichita. My agoraphobia actually began in the lanes of the US54 (aka Kellogg) flyover. I had already been having panic attacks from my ill-fated graduate teaching assistant year. Then I guess the free floating anxiety latched onto the driving.

Out in the wide open spaces, or in crowded city traffic, though, ultimately it's the same stupid fear, namely of having a panic attack in a situation where help is unavailable. Which means that the only real cure is regaining trust in myself that I'll be able to get through it. That's what has proven elusive. But I have some ideas for practicing again - Covid time stresses have caused backsliding but I can start to take some baby steps to regain the ground I lost.

Today I've been working with my data backup and seeing satisfying progress. And finding things related to writing. Along with some other things that have been paused, I really want to get to writing again.

CM,

I did not wave because I have no idea where you live (apparently Kansas) I must have felt you somehow though, because I did comment to Dh as we were driving through "this would be a terrible place to have agoraphobia."

I grew up in multiple houses. We moved. - including a little two bedroom apartment and a huge 4 bedroom house with a big kitchen divided by an island into what would be called a kitchen and dining room in a listing, plus a formal dining room, a den, a huge sunken living room, a library loft, a laundry room that was an actual room, a front entry hall that was an actual room, three bathrooms, and an attic. Also in the summers I lived in what was technically a 5 bedroom house, but the bedrooms were not much larger than the beds. My cousin and I shared one that had twin beds (no headboards or foot boards) pushed against the walls and separated by a nightstand and a strip of floor the width of the nightstand. The door of the room brushed her bed when it swung in to open. You had to sit on mine to open our sliding door closet. That house also had a large porch, a tiny kitchen, two tiny bathrooms, and a living room. In our closet we had clothes, a few games and toys, books (mostly library) art supplies, household paper products, and the dishes that didn't fit in the kitchen. We also had a beach to go to.

Dh and I have lived in multiple houses too. When we moved into this one, it was listed as a "4 bedroom" - unfinished flooding basement with cracked foundation walls. Outdoor "porch" - concrete slab with support posts and sloped roof running the length of the house. First floor: 7' ceilings, living room with stairs to upstairs in it, kitchen and dining area (just held our table with no leaves - seats six people who like each other), laundry room (hallway to back door with machines crammed in), shower but no tub bathroom, 10x10 bedroom, 10x13 master bedroom with dressing area and full bath. "Second floor" half story (ceiling is only the full 7' for an 8 foot strip the length of the house) divided into two "bedrooms" by a hallway - no doors that runs past the top of the stairway and the bathroom (bathroom between two "bedrooms". We raised three kids from elementary school age to adulthood in this house while doing repairs and upgrades, and then added on. They had 28 acres to "live" in. (Our kids became adults and started getting married and one Christmas our best friends came over with their family and we realized that there was barely room in our living room - largest room in our house - for 13 people to mostly stand - some with their arms around each other, and sing. We ate in three different rooms. - we had a serious conversation about moving when we retire vs. adding a new great room that would allow space for our growing family and picked adding on. We are lucky that we could afford it.)

When we bought this house, we gutted the place the first week. Drywall had to be replaced, floors had to be replaced - including some subfloor, foundation repair, electrical work had to be done, plumbing had to be done. Phase two we replaced windows, added a door, divided and enclosed the porch, put in a woodstove (not being cold that winter was priceless!) Dd1 tells people "when I was ten my parents bought a tear down, and then we moved into it." We moved from a nice, large suburban house with four actual bedrooms.

The studio/shop barn is basically an oversized garage, the barn leaks. I had a lot of things get ruined and make me cry over the years. I'm still learning. This is hopefully my last place.

But ultimately, you can only have the stuff that fits into the space you can afford and the space you can afford is not always fair. There are trade-offs. Dd could have had a studio apartment in a nicer neighborhood, but she wanted the one bedroom so she could keep more of her stuff and not feel smothered in the winter. For the rent she is paying, she could have a one bedroom house with a suburban yard in my parents' town. If you fill your space with stuff, you have less "living" space.

SubC, hope you waved in my direction passing through Kansas! 😉 I know it's been a long journey for you literally and metaphorically. Hope by now you're safely home and getting some rest.

We had a nice thunderstorm with RAIN here last night! ⛈ I would have to look to see how many weeks we had no precipitation whatsoever. It's been a long time. Still 90s temps predicted this coming week, so it'll be steamy, but we needed the rain so badly.

I've been plagued by hay fever for a few days. It wasn't as bad as a cold but it still lowered my energy level. The rain may have reduced it but not 100%. I'll know by tomorrow if it's getting over with.

Hope so, because I want to have energy to do more. Since it'll be hot, maybe some more computer tasks, and I know of easy ones to start with.

I'm also beginning to think about physical decluttering again, here at the house. Reading books and finishing one then trying to decide what to read next made me think about books I have that I don't want to keep. 📚 I'm starting to get a clearer idea of how to determine which books "spark joy" vs. are just ones I thought I'd like to read but in several years have not actually read, and when I ask myself well, why don't I read that one right now? And if I encounter inner resistance, then perhaps that's a sign I'm just not all that thrilled with that particular book after all.

It sounds like a no brainer, but I need to go through that process nevertheless. Then I can actually feel good about letting go. It feels like a mindful decision. Plus these days as I've mentioned, I've been finding a lot of the books on the Internet Archive so if I get rid of one and then have a burning desire to read it, it's still accessible. This is going to help a lot, and with any luck will segue into the piles of books in my storage unit when the weather is again conducive to working over there.

Then other categories might also spin off. Clothes aren't a huge problem for me because in my moves I've purged some, and because I don't wear business clothes and even my church clothes are relatively casual. A few bottlenecks exist in terms of pieces that meet my sensory requirements but need some sewing done. Like several pairs of 100% cotton shorts a friend gave me but they need pockets lengthened to accommodate my smartphone and drawstrings because sensory reasons (it's complicated 😜).

And other categories beyond but let's not get too crazy all at once. Steady as she goes.

___________________

This next section is ramblings and it's late

I have a topic I'd be interested in you all's thoughts on. Namely, Place. Meaning living space. What were you used to growing up, what did you end up with, and do you feel it suits you? What do you think about for the future?

And of utmost relevance to this context, how does the whole question of stuff and cubic footage in one's residence play into that? I read things on decluttering that say if one can't fit possessions neatly and comfortably into one's available space, then one should get rid of things. Also the matter of how much space one can afford to buy or rent.

If I didn't have this arrangement with my roommate, which is far from ideal but it has saved me from homelessness, I might be able to rent some hole in the wall, or see if I could swing a tiny house. That would be about it. I grew up in a 3 bedroom with basement, approximately 2300 square foot house with just my parents. I'm still used to that footprint. My apartment of 17 years before my dad died was probably 700 square feet with a huge balcony. I used to cat sit for the couple with the 3,000 square feet single story place which felt so expansive.

Tatoulia I know is in Boston, I imagine space is at a premium there and folks are used to smaller urban spaces. SubC is on the farm and has a house and outbuildings. So some varying perspectives. I know wherever we are, we can be minimalist or hoarder or anything in between. I'm just trying to get a feel for what is reasonable. I have the family pictures and not too many bulky keepsakes, and I hope to digitize a fair amount of that.

My own stuff, the things I like, the gear for various endeavors from baking to artwork to sewing, reading, and more - some of it is discretionary, some I may decide is not as relevant to my current life as it used to be, but I still have a really hard time thinking that I might have to give up an activity I do hope to do just because the equipment takes up room. And I've tried to be less sentimental re keepsakes, but I don't know if I can let go of enough to be super compact.

The minimalist ideas I had are not dead, but they have been put on the back burner while I've dealt with stressful times. Maybe after I get back into a rhythm, it'll be easier to refresh my mind on those and re-envision goals.

We've all been through stressful times with Covid and it's not completely over. I've been thinking about friends I'd like to reconnect with if possible, and just lots of things about the future which seems so uncertain. Family members dying off, my anxiety and whether it will ever diminish enough to allow me to work a little and earn some money, and whether inflation will still keep dreams of my own place out of reach. And much much more but it really is awfully late so I better make myself stop there.

But please, if you feel comfortable with the idea, share your experiences and thoughts regarding size of living space and how to resolve the conflict of having a certain amount of stuff that you don't feel like you could live in too tiny of a place. Thanks.

We are almost home!

Another hour and a half. We decided just to go for it because there has been almost no traffic today, and let's just say that we made unexpectedly fast progress when I was driving through several very open states - (cars were passing me as much as ten mph faster on the left too)

Talked to Dd2 on our way today and she still sounds super happy. Her first day of work is tomorrow. I have little or no ambition for tomorrow. We'll see. I do have some job work that has to be done by Wednesday, and I might have Bean Tuesday.

Tatoulia,

I'm excited for her, but I just want to be home.

I'm tired and my head aches. I didn't sleep well, I've had enough nights in hotels - but there is one more. I have trouble finding food on the road.

I miss my Dd2 already, and I miss Bean.

Dh is still sleeping and I am drinking crummy hotel coffee in the lobby somewhere in Kansas.

Dd1 sent me a cute quote from Bean yesterday. Lilly is their dog. "We are going to pick grammie's garden because they are on long trip. Lilly can't pick because she doesn't have thumbs. Mommy and (bean) have thumbs!"

Wow. That is a lot, SubC. How do you feel about your daughter being able to move in and have a clean slate? I cannot imagine it. I have been here far too many years.

I have a cat here staying with me. The two cats haven't met although I just heard my cat go into the bedroom.

The other cat is under my bed. I don't know how this is going and unfortunately there's more to this story but I can only handle so much at a time.

Spent the day with BF. I took his car and we ran errands. He made me lunch and we ate on his terrace which was really nice.

I ran to mom's for a quick visit and to drop off bread and milk. Then tonight I walked to the store and did my own thing.

Now I'm showered, I'm running the dishwasher, and my sheets are in the dryer.

My cat came back from the bedroom. . She seems a bit clueless, which is for the best.

Today I put together some cloth napkins for donation and I took my clock radio to donate, too. I never use it. I haven't really used it since before the pandemic. I tend to sleep through it and I haven't actually had it set and on for a few years. And I was off on the time by about an hour and 20 so really it's not for me. I'll have to think about what to use for a click but I'm in no rush. BF wakes me up every morning. I will need to come up with a solution.

All of dd2's furniture is assembled and most of her boxes are unpacked.

There is no recycling at her apartment, so all the packing material had to go in the dumpster. I just took a deep breath and helped toss.

We left her to rearrange things on her own tonight (most of her clothes are just piled on her dresser and chair and things are just put roughly in the right room and piled on furniture). I know she will want to organize her closet and get everything in the right drawers and on the right shelves and put her decorations around the way she wants them.

We got her a shower rod and curtain and some nice containers for packing her lunch (I made her recycle all the old ziploc instead of packing it.) the lighting in her apartment isn't great, so we are going to go back in the morning, admire whatever she got done, and take her to Lowe's for an undercabinet strip for her kitchen sink area and maybe a tall light for her living room. (She had one, but it was wobbly and she donated it at her old place.)

And then we are going to leave and drive1200 miles home.

Glad you arrived safe and sound, SubC!

Cm you are doing so well with the electronics!

Hello road and Lila!

We are here.
She us happy.
We are tired - move in tomorrow.

CM, I am so pleased for you!

At library, on fast computer, used it to back up everything I could possibly want from the old tablet. Yay!

A few things to do now in terms of copying the backed up stuff over to my home laptop, eliminating duplicates along the way. I found lots of junk to delete today already! And when it's all nice in my file directory at home I'll back that up to the external hard drive and it'll be ready to be put on the new laptop when I get one.

In a few weeks, the big shift I've obliquely referred to should be happening. If it goes well, it'll be a game changer. But I'll have to be ready to do my part.

637 miles.

So far, so good. A few close calls on the highway - glad you guys are keeping me safe ;)

Dd2 has realized how far from home she is moving and cried at a rest stop, but we have eaten and are all feeling better now. Sleeping soon!

Safe Travels, SubC, if you see this.

Well, I had an "interesting" rest of my evening last night. Went into my bank account to check the balance, and found a fraudulent charge! Some bozo had used my debit card number to purchase an annual membership to Prime. 😡 So I was trying to call the hotlines, but the one I needed was only available till 8:00 and it was just past that.

Went to the bank this morning though, and the charge is flagged as disputed, turned in my old debit card and will get a new one in 1-2 weeks. Don't know now whether I'll be able to purchase a computer until I get it. And will that look suspicious, making a big purchase on a spanking new card? Dunno. I'll see what I need to do. Could maybe get a cashier's check to pay for the computer?

Well, one step at a time. I came back today and looked up my Amazon account and printed some things verifying that I don't have Prime. I had it for a little while in 2018 and cancelled, and it shows that. I'll take that back to the bank lady for further verification.

And when I get the new debit card - this is something I thought might be good to share with you all - I'm not going to keep it listed on the Amazon account. Sometimes I pay with gift cards anyway, but if for some reason I need to use the card in a pinch, I shall immediately afterward delete it from the information on my account. That should be safer. So thought in case you might want to do the same to keep your own accounts safer.

-----

Then I was also having a little dismay about the tablet I replaced the battery in - hopefully it'll still be okay, but it was draining the charge more rapidly than it should've, and apps were crashing and having to be restarted. I think the best thing I can do is hurry and get it synced to a computer - perhaps the speedy ones at the library - and copy off my data. Then it can just be for games and reading and no worries.


Soooo... lots of nitpicky stuff, and some aggravation. But trying to stay positive. Friend just invited me for pizza lunch, and that might be a nice stress reliever. So talk to you all later on.

Safe travels! Hello everyone!