Your special house or the antics of your cats or your pretty back yard will take you to the quietness inside where your strength resides.

Back into surgery again today.
Complications.
Still not out of the woods. :(
My nerves are totally shot.

Wish I had better news to post.
Keep up all the fantastic forward progress.
(((hugs)))

Good morning, everyone! Great to see so many of you! Diane, that is a nice, sweet thought! Yes! You need to love yourself! I am working at home today so will fit in a little maintenance.

Plan: vacuum bedroom. I vacuumed last week, need to establish it needs to be done once a week. I have already emptied clean dishwasher, filled it with last night's dishes, changed the cat's placemat and made my bed. Making my bed shouldn't count because I've made it every single day of my life, I don't even notice that I'm doing it. That's where I want the dishes to be. In a category where I don't even think about it.

Have a wonderful day, everyone. Congratulations on your good work!

Good morning. Tillie, hugs as you deal with all that "stuff" in his room. You have a lot of compassion as a human being to be doing what you are doing for him. Glad you have the chance to be at your own home and with your kitties.

Diane, I think that what you said in your last post is a great goal for many of us: "I will do the best I can to improve and for now, accept I can love myself even on days I do not make much progress." I like that.

I spent a little time yesterday morning making use of the tool that I had gotten back "up and running" on Monday. That was satisfying. I also spent a lot of time working on my "vehicle project." I did a lot of churning at first, but I eventually made some progress. I also found a "significant item" while I was going through the stuff in there.

Karl, thank you for your help yesterday as I worked on this project.

Hugs to everyone.

So true Tillie, no place like home. Happy you are able to love on kitties.
Where did the time go today. I pulled weeds today, washed more dishes.
I think it was you Tat, that said you are messy. Well today I saw and accepted I am messy. I will do the best I can to improve and for now, accept I can love myself even on days I do not make much progress.

You are amazing Tillie. Take a nice hit shower, put on fresh nightclothes and get some sleep. Are you also taking care of neighbor's animals this week?

Wish I were there to help.

HI! EVERYBODY :D
Please forgive me for not responding to all of you individually.

Taking a break & a breather.
Been working hard all day doing the extreme clearing and sorting out of his bedroom.
So far...
I have done 8 loads of his laundry
Filled 3 big trash bags with garbage and LOTS of rotted food type yuck.
Filled 2 burn barrels with paper food wrapper type stuff
and sorted out the still edible food stuff from the other clutter.

I estimate that I still have 4 more loads of laundry to do and 3 more big bags of garbage to bag up.

Haven't even started cleaning/washing/straightening/organizing in there.

Think I will shut the door and call it a day
but I got a good head start in there today. :)

All the kitties are so happy I am home but they are keeping a close eye on me just in case I get "lost" again and can't find my way back home.

There's no place like home. ;)

Keep your chin up Tillie. Will write more later. Til then I hope you can sleep and shower and just find some time to be yourself, before you have to mentally and physically prepare for the road ahead

Hi to everyone!

I got a little bit done on my vehicle today. It wasn't much, but I know that every little bit counts. Progress. I also was able to do a little repair work on a tool that was inside and got it up and running again.

Diane, glad you were able to get so much done today and got to play with the rock piles. :)

Tillie, I'm glad to know that you have the chance to be home with the kitties!

Hugs to all.

Thanks for the update Tillie. It is wonderful that he needs to have a clean room to recover in, less stink coming from his room after you clean it. Of course I hope to hear that they fixed his brain while in hospital. Sweet dreams

Never saw a hearse with a trailer hitch Dave

GREAT to see so many posts! :D
Promise I will read them tomorrow when my brain is less foggy.

Hospital is 75 miles away from my home & that's why I stayed with friends.
But today I felt things are settled enough that I drove home.
So wonderful to be back home with my kitties! :D
He still has to stay in the hospital for now.
Maybe tomorrow I will start to dig out his bedroom so he will be able to get in there using a walker.
Right now there is just a small goat path surrounded by heaps of "stuff" and very unsanitary for a person with deep surgical incisions running the length of both legs.
Will need all your help and encouragement to tackle this.
But for now I am just looking forward to sleeping in my own bed with my cats. :D

Good night & sweet dreams (((hugs)))

I guess I could ask to be buried with a trailer load of moldy lumber and wide mouth salsa jars. :-)

Diane! Great work! We were writing and posting at same time! Glad the freezer is full! I'm plugging away here and thinking of you and of course, praying for Tillie. Keep up the good work! It's tough but we are strong together.

I just lost my tolerance for the cr#%?*p in my life. It just got to be too much. My issue now is taking it to a a further level of getting rid of stuff. But I also have the issue of just being a slob and wanting to clean my house. I so understand the issue of the books. But it was like something within me snapped last summer. I'm able to weed through my things much easier. A biggie for me was when I realized I'd gathered a lifetime of stuff just in case anyone ever needed it. I think that happened around August of last year. I can tell you honestly and truly, I no longer have anything in my house that I am keeping for some undefined person who might have a need for it someday. That was huge. HUGE to let go of trying to be everything to everybody. I also made a pile I called "boulevard of broken dreams," where I accepted that I won't be knitting this pair of mittens or that scarf, and got rid of all of my knitting stuff. I also got rid of other projects that didn't pan out. I got rid of ironing board, I don't iron, have all my stuff done by drycleaner, and can steam the wrinkles out with my steamer. I just ran through the stuff. The second level of dehoarding was actually easier than I would've expected, but at that point I'd worked through the anxiety. Still only regret getting rid of one thing--just the one. I gave someone an oil painting I'd done as a child. I gave it to the friend who visited me and deep cleaned my kitchen and sorted my papers. And even that I shouldn't dare be upset about--she commented on it quite a bit and when I mentioned I'd painted it, she couldn't believe it so on impulse I stated, take it. So I gave it to her out of love. She accepted me and she took apart my fridge and cleaned it and she deep cleaned my kitchen. Happily and sweetly.

Dave, I realize this all was like a miracle but I feel free and strong. I need to work on maintenance. Today I cleared off my dresser and polished it. It looks beautiful. And I dusted the side table and the other table in my room. Maintenance will mean every week. I need to find a way to do that. It is hard and painful. But this is the price of my freedom. It's a hefty charge. And worth it.

And I needed every single person here. Still do. Much love to Tillie, Diane, LR, Dianne, Bitsy, Roxie--everyone. We are getting this done!

Tat and Dave, I enjoyed your book discussion. I too, have gotten rid of tons of books. you reminded me to get rid of more books. Unlike you, I am not a reader, just bought lots of books I planned to read. Emotional attachments to books that promised to make life better, if I would just read them.
Today I finally went to Trader Joes and Costco. My little freezer is finally full of good stuff. Costco had organic strawberries that are so good. I also took care of an IRA issue I have put off for months.
I was tired after all that shopping, so just fiddled around with my rock piles. I set timer this morning and washed dishes.
Thanks LR.
Hi Tillie, how are you feeling?

Dave, I finally got to the point where if I had found something damaged or mildew-ridden (which I did not) I would've felt a burst of relief, as in "now I no longer have to make the decision"-- the mold and mildew would've settled it for me. (TOSS). I'm glad you read the other posts because I tried to answer your question and explain my thought-process. It is so very hard, Dave.

This weekend while going to goodwill to drop stuff off I noticed a luggage rack/folding cart in my trunk. I asked Mom if I could donate it, and she said no. I said, that's fine but it's going in your apt (said with some attitude). So then I said, what do you need it for (she can barely walk now even with her walker and will likely need a wheelchair soon, if not yesterday) and she said she needs it, it's hers and she has a big box of stuff to move. Being a daughter, it's important to keep the mother-daughter conflict going, so I asked her who she thought would be moving the box, because if it's me or my BF we will use a dolly or a hand truck, not the luggage rack/cart. She finally relented and I handed it over to goodwill. She was saving it for no reason. She was saving it because it's hard to give up stuff. And because she doesn't recognize that she's 85. She's human. But since she's my mom, I pushed her. Anyone else, fine, take it, what do I care. But she's my mom.

Sorry, I just saw the post immediately below. Didn't relize there were others. I will read them too.

Let me correct myself--I mentioned having phony emotional attachment to some gift books. I also had and have very real emotional attachments to other books. Books I was reading at a certain tough time in my life, what I was reading when I learned my father was dying, etc. but in examining my emotional attachments, I was able to weed out and prioritize where I was actually feeling an emotional attachment and where I placed one because so-and-so gave to me 100 years ago and I didn't even like/read the book.

I am nit and would not insult anyone (including myself) for having attachments. I was merely separating my wheat from my chaff.

LR I seem to remember how you supported me. It stands out in my mind because I was brand new here and you were so loving. That is true for everyone here (I dearly remember Tillie's first post which mentioned me!) but you were giving me understanding when I didn't think anyone could ever understand me.

Tatoulia, thanks for that great description of how you reduced the number of books you have. Very helpful!

Not that it matters, but I wasn't a child in the 1939s. I merely used to, as a child, go to garage sales to see if they had any nancy drew books. I donated all of them--decided to make someone's day if they went into goodwill and found them to resell.

I also told myself that the books are out there in the world, and that's enough for me. If I really need to see a book again, I'll go buy it. I have NO regrets, not pining for even one. Made my peace with it.

Dave, it broke my heart. But here's how I did it (you need to bear in mind I got rid of over 10, and more likely close to 15, copy paper sized boxes of books).

First, I did the easy ones. Books I didn't like and/or would never read again. Easy. I also got rid of duplicates (why three copies of a book). Then I moved on to books people had given to me and that I didn't like, so I was only keeping because of some phony emotional attachment.

I also still had some college books that I kept for some pretend reason or another--poof, gone. Luckily I'd gotten rid of grad school books long ago.

Childhood books: more of a struggle. Ultimately only allowed myself to keep the four or five Nancy Drew books that I really will read again. Rest, even though from the 1930s, were donated. Children's books were given a last loving look, kept half, gave a favorite to a friend for her child, and saved the ones on French for my boyfriend.
That's essentially the process. It is continually being refined so I can get rid of more. Tough, painful, needed to stay well-hydrated.

There were a few more categories, including books I'd bought in my 20s to look cool or artsy.

IT IS ALSO HELPFUL TO HAVE A KINDLE. I stopped buying books likely five years ago. It also (sadly) helpful that there are no bookstores around for me to go in and browse and buy.

Hi again, everyone. While I was on chat tonight, I realized that I am at my one year "anniversary" of being in chat and on the message board. Thanks for all the help and encouragement you all have given me this past year!!

Hello Everybody!

Thank you (((HUGS)))
First surgery didn't work right.
He is back in surgery again.
Other stuff going on too.
I am hanging in there, doing the best I can.
Been living on too much sugar and too much caffeine and not enough sleep.

Take care.

Love, Tillie

I just now got back to reading more posts and just saw all the "hospital news," Tillie. Many hugs. I am definitely sending thoughts your way.

Congratulations on paperwork progress, Bitsy!

It is snowing here, again, big flakes, looks pretty, esp with my vase of fifty daffodils on the table.

Sending regards to everyone, thinking of you all and praying for Tillie

Also I got part way sorting through a bag of paper work and so I may have most of tax stuff together. Paid some bills.

LR2014 thanks for keeping us up to date. Try not to be so hard on yourself.
It's so difficult (for me anyway) to work on the car very much in winter or if it's pouring rain. Finally the weather is warmer here and hopefully where you are. it lifts the spirits and makes it easier to get moving. I had to smile. I don't know when's the last time I've heard anybody say "diddly squat" !!

Hey, Diane, good to see you. Took mom out today. Got a bag together to drop off at goodwill. Jeans and pjs--I bought new beans and pjs last week so got rid of some. Doing laundry, but that doesn't count for me--the trick will be to see if I fold and put away. I have all dishes in dishwasher--not in sink. Ran dishwasher last night and emptied this AM. I am much, much happier when I tend to dishes and folding/putting away laundry. Each task probably takes five minutes, tops, and yet my happiness is huge. I need to remember this.

I just made food and ate it--on weekends my eating times get messed up. I end up skipping lunch and then get shaker and over hungry by four. I need to correct that, but first I need to do more re: clutter. I need to be stronger and more proactive.

Hi Tat and LR. How are you Tillie and Dave. Tanner just went home, boo hoo. So much to do and here I sit. Cloudy skies are not my friend.

Hello LR! How are you? Let's commiserate, happily, together! My coffee table is still a mountain of God knows what and my taxes aren't done! But today is a new day. AND dreaded closet only half done. Gee whiz. Now I'm picking on myself....allow me to pour another cup of coffee and start doing! Glad to hear from you!

Hi, everyone. I'm doing a little late-night catch up reading on the message board. Grace, it's really good to hear from you! I was just thinking about you the last couple of days!

Dave, I like your description of having everyone's voices in the back of your head as you were struggling with churning. I relate to that!

I wish to announce that I've had a project on the burner for quite some time now . . . clearing things out of my vehicle and organizing the things in there (tools and such) that I do want to keep inside of it. I've mentioned this project on chat quite a number of times. How is that project going, you ask? It's not . . . it's not "going" at all. I'm doing diddly squat on it. Just confessing. They say it's good for the soul. Hopefully, it will be good for the motivation, too. Tune in later to find out.

Looking forward to doing more reading here to see what all of you are up to.