Dh went out to run some errands.

He called dd2 and told her not to come out here - roads.

So maybe we will see her tomorrow!

I have finished the dining porch floor (not counting the filthy door rug that is in the washing machine)

Good morning.

It's up to 2 degrees!

Tatoulia, your Christmas plans sound lovely.

We are still feeling fine. Dd1 plans to come by today on her way to her in-laws. Her whole family had Covid in the summer and has been vaccinated and double boosted, and she is not concerned about waiting for the second test. They will be back late tonight to have Christmas morning with us.

I am still working on cleaning and decorating.

Checking in! We had today offf, which was good. Rainy and windy so I didn't leave the house. Cleaners came and I finished wrapping gifts. I baked cookies tonight and have showered. Going to go grab my laundry and call it a night

SubC and Cm I am so sorry about your respective covid situations!

Good work at mom's, SubC. Four bags out is four bags out!

We go to our friends' house tmr then church. They invited us on Wednesday and we are pretty excited. So we will have Lebanese food here on Christmas instead of Christmas Eve. And we will go to church with them. Their kids are pretty excited. The boy (11yo) wants us to sleep over.

Love you all thank you for being here for me, year after year.

Dd2's flight was canceled she is now coming on Boxing Day.

I hope the aroma therapy works well and quickly!

I still feel fine. I have spent most of the day struggling with the dining porch. I have about 11 trips to make from there to the studio barn, but since positive temperatures have been pushed to 8:00, I will wait and do that tomorrow.

I have broken the dining porch down into 5 tasks:
Clean off and sweep floor (about half done)
Clean off and extend big table (about half done)
Trips to studio barn
Clean off little table
Put up decorations

Dd2's plane is delayed.

I am nearly done washing and drying laundry, but not putting away.

I threw a few small items into the trash can today and gave my chickens a dish of fridge discards. I still have one shelf and the door to clean out of the fridge. Thinking of Road..

My at home Covid test was negative. I should test again on Sunday, but was not contagious when at my parents' house. That is a relief. (I feel fine.)

Yes, SubC, poco a poco is the best way I've found in recent times.

Just discovered that I have pretty obvious Covid olfactory loss. It came on over the last 3-4 days, as I was feeling better! My nose is reasonably clear, I can breathe, but each day less ability to smell. I pray it returns quickly, and doesn't turn into that "everything smells like garbage" phenomenon or anything.

It's weird because my roommate with her allergies usually can't smell much, and I with my neuroatypical sensory sensitivity can smell things way too well - but we are now reversed! I went to wipe off something with a lemon Lysol wipe and she smelled it strongly and I had to get right up to the container to get even a faint whiff. I went and lit a match, then blew it out, could barely detect the smoke, whilst she could smell it clearly from another room. I got my vanilla and almond extract bottles and not much there either.

They say you can do physical therapy to retrain your nose using extracts so I believe I will start doing that ASAP.

Good morning.

I still feel fine.

It is -8 here and snowing sideways, but since you are reading this, we obviously still have power. Mr. Kitty is very glad that we came home and he is not sheltering in the barn with the other critters.

I got on the scale this morning and my weight has topped out again.

I feel like my year is getting off to a very hard start, but really, it is just a lot of friction. I will go as CM says "poco a poco"

So sorry, SubC, you didn't need that on top of everything else. 😢

When my roommate's test came up positive, I felt shock and intense dismay and panic too... it did ease up by the next day somewhat. You've had a lot on your plate.

Hello all,

We are home.

Lila, I hope things are going well with your company. I also think you are doing well.

Tatoulia, did you get your laundry done? I am working on the post vacation laundry.

CM, I hope you are feeling better and stay warm and safe and your power stays on!

Dh brother in law tested positive for Covid today after developing symptoms on Tuesday.

So we are exposed, and even worse, we have possibly exposed my parents. So far everyone feels fine, but I am feeling grumpy and angry without a clear target. I don't know how this will effect our plans with the kids, and I worry about my dad. Mostly I am angry that something bad could happen because I did a thing I never wanted to do in the first place (visit the in-laws)

On the positive side, I was able to help my mom let go of about four grocery bags of stuff from the house - not really a drop in that particular bucket, but we emptied a drawer.

I brought home some fabric, a cross stitch to frame and keep that my mom made, a stack of books (7 I think) to read with Bean, a bunch of thank you cards from mom's desk (that I will use up but she decided she won't) the furniture that goes with the little people dollhouse (already had the dollhouse) the little people bus, the little people school, a cooking pot with a lid, stickers for Bean from mil, a new Christmas ornament, a pair of earrings, hand lotion, lip balm, a book and a new bathrobe (replaces the one that tore down the back). I also have a new tote bag from my mom which I like, but I left the less nice library tote bag behind (we filled it with items for goodwill)

We are battening down the hatches to prepare for the winter storm. Everybody stay safe!

Happy new year - about 5 hours ago.

We are trying to beat winter home and have just stopped at a hotel.

Dd had a dr. Apt today and sounds like she is doing ok.

Sorry I'm too tired to really engage. Hugs!

Just holding everyone in my heart.

This is just a little update for the record.

It doesn't feel like a solstice. My roommate and I have been dealing with Covid. Mine is fairly light, and even hers is gradually improving but with her respiratory vulnerability she must be careful.

In the confusion I forgot that Monday was a year since my dear friend passed. But I remembered today.

Then there's this "bomb cyclone" winter storm which you are no doubt aware of too. Pretty nasty stuff. Hope everyone can ride it out okay. Hope the power stays on.

Don't know how it will go for Christmas yet. If I can't go to church I will watch the Pope from St. Peter's on TV. For now, playing it by ear on plans. Uncertainty is never my thing, but here we are.

I was reading back through more of your posts and also caught a few of my own. I had promised an update on the unresolved thing. So.

The unresolved thing a) is still unresolved as I'd hoped, b) may have escalated or been lost in the shuffle, and c) if b, the escalation would probably be more of a nerve wracking gambit and huge stress therefore I would just be inclined to cut my losses. Not only these things, but d) I don't know where I stand with the person who had offered to help but has too much drama in their own life to be able to do much.

I probably won't refer to this matter further unless there is unexpected good news. Otherwise, poco a poco and trust in the Lord. I can't do a thing to affect the outcome. Just have to grieve and move forward. I sure hope 2023 is an improvement over this year.

So. Christmas music and movies, lights, Advent candles, chicken soup, fuzzy robe, bunnies, cats, distractions, sleep but not too much, prayers - these are survival.

I'm so sorry for this painful news, SubC. Thinking of you b

SubC, my condolences 😥💗

I am at my parents house.

I survived the in-laws. I slept a lot.

Dd1 called. She says she is ok, but she lost the baby. We are sad.

Good morning, everyone! I am fighting the fatigue here. Not easy.

I have made a list for today and I hope I get through it. Busy time of year. I did two loads of laundry last night. I have more to do, esp cat blankets. I hope I do something today. I'd also like to mail some Christmas cards. Time to be productive. It won't change my fatigue so I should just do it.

What are you doing today?

Hey Lila! Glad you checked in! You must be doing a good job of decluttering if you can have house guests! Well done!

I continue to battle fatigue. I will get there. Saw a friend today and we had a terrific time. BF came downtown tonight and we visited mom. Now I'm doing my first load of laundry all weekend, if you can believe it.

I still have to write my Christmas cards and get them out. Always something.

I'll write more later! Can definitely use everyone's help in keeping things moving.

Hello!

I have not read anything yet, because I have company and don't want anyone catching me on a hoarders site (my hoard is pretty much hidden in closed rooms at this point, aside from the one on my bar counter. I have two people here for another couple weeks. You can imagine the hiding that has to go on. I flit in and out of my bedroom, which is utterly hoarded up, quickly and in the dark so no one catches an accidental glimpse of what's inside.

How are you all? I will try and come back to read later today, when they are away. I just wanted to update, I miss you guys. It has been chaos, trying to finish my separation, having people here due to a crisis in their life, having anxiety provoking things at work, and I was sick twice since I was last here. But I am okay, still have not had my imaging for cancer but will after the holidays.

I stayed home today with a huge conflict in my brain. I want to rest and do nothing. I need to clean and organize. I also need to go shopping for Christmas and go let my son fix my car. This has always been a good spot to make a commitment and clear my head, so I will try that.

What I plan to do today:
1) finish my coffee, feed the dogs and then get started on home tasks:
- dishes/dishwasher
- clean up tree needles/vacuum
- find Christmas lights and decor
- chop and freeze produce from the fridge
- cook something
- give away some produce online
- dust, clean, wipe things down a bit

2) go to my son's to fix my car and see grands

3) make a Christmas shopping list, and then go shop tomorrow and Monday

4) finish legal paperwork, bills, other paper tasks

Wish me luck, I probably would just sit here and do nothing instead if I did not have guests watching me. So embarrassing.

Hello everyone!

About to jump on the shower and run errands with the BF. I slept pretty well last night. I'm still tired. I'm keeping track of my protein.
I'm out of tea yet scrounged up one bag with caffeine. I have plenty of decaf and herbal.

Thank you, CM! Just what I needed!

I hope your headache quiets, SubC. Safe travels. I hope the weather isn't too bad when you are traveling. Oh, and I'm excited that your daughter got a job! I remember what a blow it was to her to lose her job after she moved. And how her relationship with your husband meant that he knew the right stuff to say.

Keep us posted when you can! The bring a pot in a paper bag is such a great idea for a gift exchange!

Good morning!

Tatoulia, I'm glad your mom enjoyed the party.

I had a very good time at mine last night. There was a pit firing and I fired and brought home seven more pots. We also had a gift exchange of "bring a piece of pottery in a brown paper bag, take home a different bag." The pot I picked is perfectly nice, but nothing special, I am going to pass it on to the flower class. I lost track of my running total. (Also, the flower class gave me a poinsettia in a pot someone else donated.)

I only added one teacher gift yesterday - candy. I'll put it out when the kids come.

Tired and my head aches this morning. Starting our trip this evening. Looking forward to Monday when the hard part is mostly over (except the long drive home) and I get to see my parents.

Tatoulia, perhaps this will help:

🎄 🎅 ❄ ☃️ 😇 🎁 🎀 🥁 🕯 🌟

Cm thank you for the good advice. Keep up with the tiny slips of paper! Progress is progress!

SubC good for you to take care of one gift before bringing it home! A lot of my hoarding issues were wrapped up in proving that I am loved. Deciding that I am, I have found it easier to let go.

Mom enjoyed wearing her dress at the Christmas party today. I tried to liven up the party but it wasn't possible. She enjoyed the food and the company. We were at a pretty good table.

I fell asleep once I got home. Now I'm running the dishwasher and catching up with you all.

We will have big rain here tmr.

I need to lean into Christmas, CM.

Hi guys!

CM, I'm glad you have things that center and soothe you. I'm excited by the idea of the little slips of paper going!

Tatoulia, I'm sorry you aren't feeling motivated. The store gifts will be easy - I keep a few (there's a cute little pocket notebook I will use up by spring - it's just right for the daily "to do" list I keep on my school desk - usually I use my post-it pad) others will be put out on a table for my family to help themselves and then donated. Food generally gets eaten.

The handmade gifts I usually keep until I forget who made them, unless I just love them for their own sake - or if the kid's name is on them, I might keep them longer. I confess that I put one straight in the trash today (after all the kids were out of the building and before the janitors emptied the cans) because it was shedding glitter like crazy.

I'm taking a quick break between tasks - I'm actually at the pottery studio where the party is tonight because I needed to get to the shop before 5, but I've been taking care of some communication I needed to do for school in the studio lounge.

My lesson plans are actually set out on my desk, and the materials for tomorrow are as ready as I can get them before school opens tomorrow! It turns out I can do this if I am motivated enough! (I was terrified I would run short on time and forget something)

I have no more laundry to do, and very little barn/animal prep, but I haven't really started thinking about packing yet, my house is a mess, and I won't be able to put up all the decorations I wanted to have up before dd2 comes home the 23rd.

We do the best we can.

I ghosted again 👻 because I had more weird confusing stuff happening. It's not resolved yet, either - well, at least I don't know if it is. Hence the adjectives weird and confusing. The only thing I can do is try to get in whatever reasonable mental and spiritual philosophical mode I can.

When I do my daily prayers, my Rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet which is similar to a Rosary, I use videos to follow along with. One of the prayer videos is part of a series by Franciscan Friars and so I watched a short talk that has helped - it's called "Poco a Poco" and it is just about taking life little by little which is what poco a poco means in Spanish. The Spanish phrases end with "vamos a llegar" which means, colloquially translated, "we're gonna make it." It's just a quiet simplification of life's complication - I'm sure many religions and wise philosophies have something similar.

And that's as deep as I'm going to get right now.

Today I'm doing a backload of laundry. I have been working on my computer and getting a few things done. Being knocked back by the weird development made me drift for awhile. But I need to re-engage with what I can. The computer will soon be ready to receive input from myriad scattered notes on bits of paper so that the bits can be tossed.

I had to look back, because sometimes when I'm ghosting I still check on you all - and wanted to say I was really glad to hear Lila had a good health report and I pray it will continue to be good.

Glad the solstice is < 1 week away. Just the idea of days growing longer helps. Leaning into Christmas a lot these days too. Some years I can be bah humbug but not this one. It's roommate's first Christmas in retirement, and she's had her own struggles so she really needs some cheer as well. I think it's helping us to watch the shows, listen to the music, put up decorations and lights, go driving to look at lights, and for me my Advent candles are wonderful.

Poco a poco
Vamos a llegar

Take care

SubC, I am sorry you are in a time crunch right now. I seem to have enough time but not enough motivation. I'm doing precious little these days.

I'm getting my h air cut at 1 PM then mom's Christmas party at 4:30. I will have to eat before leaving since I will not eat there and plus I have a lot of stomach issues to sort through. So I'll use the stomach issues as my reason for not eating. I bough mom a new dress for the party and I'll wear a sparkly dress.

I have no motivation and only fatigue. Of course if any of you invited me to your house, I'd be all over sorting the teacher gifts and getting them to goodwill. When I used to receive office gifts I wouldn't let them in the house. I once abandoned ship in my way home and put in a garbage can. I cannot take the gifts into my home. Now, there are no such gifts coming my way. Most of the business partner gifts go to the office which I put out to be shared. One place refuses to take me off their list and I have to take it to goodwill. It is so much work and so much waste. At least the food gifts are eaten. Not by me right now, but eaten by others.

I am sure that for you, SubC, a lot of these gifts hold meaning and emotion for you. A gift from a student is much different than from a colleague or business partner. I would struggle.

My house is nice and clean. I have laundry to do, especially if I'm going to find something to wear to work tmr.

Good morning.

Yesterday I brought home 7 new pieces of pottery from class.

And some teacher presents. Plants, pens and notepads, lotion, a mug, things I can eat, a candle. I'll sort them out later.

I need to leave for school in less than three hours. I need to be ready for today, tomorrow, and ourctrip.

I cannot see this happening.

I have a party tonight that I refuse to give up.

I am trying very hard to move and to focus.

Hello SubC! I almost fell asleep in my office last night, took a cab home, slept til this AM. I am now supe4 late for work and need to dry my hair and get dressed.

I'm exhausted. Sending you strength! Keep getting rid of thos3 books!

It's kind of lonely here these days.

I got rid of 8 more books. 2 to the Spanish teacher and six donated.

Bought a 2023 calendar and two boxes of cards. Total 30 cards. Already have 25 thank you notes to write, so will probably end up needing another box of cards, but maybe I can scare some up if I search my desk.

My dd2 got a new job.

There was much rejoicing!

Good morning.

I am tired. My back is sore. Each day between now and our departure to mil's house contains less "free" time.

I want to stay home and read on the couch and putter.

Instead I need to go do chores in the dark and then attack my list and go teach.

I miss everybody!

Good evening!

I hope everybody is doing ok.

Lila and CM, you are on my mind.

My list got up to 43 things. I did 13 of them. Including drop my big box of donations. I did not shop. It was too overwhelming. I just wanted books or puzzles or card games and the checkout lines were about seven people long with carts full of stuff.

I did stop at the farm store and buy myself a new flat backed rubber bucket. And I bought Bean a Tyrannosaurus rex for Christmas. (Yes, the farm store sells dinosaurs). So far he is getting that and a teepee (second hand) - both approved by his momma. I would like to find him a grader, a cement mixer, and/or (depending on size and price) a roller. But all I can find are plastic ones. I want die cast metal.

I also cleaned stalls. It had been a while. It took 5 hours. My back is sore. I did take water breaks and rest. The boys are in their winter quarters.

The dishwasher is running. The kitchen looks pretty good. I have chosen 12 things for tomorrow. (I included my chores)

Good morning!

I have a list. My list is 41 items long and includes all the things I want to do before I leave for mil's house on Friday.

Although some of the things can be done in the car on the way there, or even during the "visit"

My list does not include recurring items such as "chores", "laundry" and "dishes", although it does include lesson plans because I mean for the week before break and the week after break.

Some items are individual yaks, and some are a whole herd.

So far this morning I started tea bread (need to make two loaves before Thursday) and ordered ds some stocking goodies.

One thing on my list is a trip to the thrift store - where I will drop my box and also shop for stocking stuffers.
Now I'm going to go do chores.

Hi Tatoulia!

Thanks for not leaving me alone.

Is your shot making you tired?

Gingerbread houses do sound like fun. My mil used to make gingerbread houses with my kids some years, but it was not fun because it was basically an exercise in following directions in order to make the house look exactly as grandma had envisioned. Maybe some day I will make one with Bean. It can be lopsided and wobbly and have bites missing for all I care.

He is sick and cannot come over tomorrow - which makes me really sad, because now I won't see him until right before Christmas. But I am going to do my best to make excellent use of the time.

Yesterday was mostly pottery and a little housework.

Today I worked on the scullery, cleaned out two stalls, added a Christmas decoration to the donate bin, put a few small items from the barn into the trash bag, found two more pots that can be smashed and one to give the flower class, dropped off the recycling and some items at school, cleaned an abandoned project off one of my shelves at the pottery studio - dumpster, and coated my pots with mica and got them up to be fired in time.

My new board has introduced me to the concept of "shaving the yak" which is basically getting bogged down in some task that is many steps removed from your original task due to a chain of connections and distractions. I do that a lot. I also have problems with completion and perfectionism, so that I never feel like a task is done or good enough.

So I decided that I would try looking at a big task I wanted to do, and then cutting it down to one small yak. And only that yak. I want to clean the scullery, so I picked the pile of pizza boxes. I flattened them and took them out to the garden. Then I started moving stones so I could lay them out -YAK!

Chose a new stone free area to work on and laid them out. Went out to the barn to get used bedding to bury them. Started moving fences out of a stall -YAK!

Moved to a different stall. Raked out the whole stall and dumped the bedding on the boxes (not enough bedding). Realized the feed and water bucket needed washing- YAK!

Started on a second stall. Finished covering pizza boxes. Second stall is not done - YAK!

Wait, first yak is shaved! Pizza boxes are done! New yak! - finish stall. Got some other cardboard from studio barn, finished cleaning out stall!

Took shower and moved on! I accomplished so many things!

(Don't worry, I will wash the feed and water buckets in a few minutes when I refill them. I always do if they need it.)

Very good way to orient your thinking, SubC: what can I gain if I give up this (you put it much better). I'll carry that with me, to be sure.

I slept til 330 PM today. I did get up early to feed the cat and I took my shot. Every time BF tried to get me up, turns out I was still asleep. I am dressed and doing laundry and running the dishwasher. Made a list of what I need to do today.

Decorated ginger bread houses with my friend and her children yesterday. We had a lot of fun.

I have a lot to get to the recycling bin tomorrow. Have been receiving a lot of gifts. Largely vendor gifts. Some come to my office and some go to BF's former business. The ones at my office I can put out for everyone. The stuff I get through BF's business we tend to give away. Someone sent me three bottles of wine and one was $115. I cannot imagine that. One was 80 and one was 40. He and I will figure it out.

I have a small list that of goals for today. I just need to do them. I'll be markedly happier if I do them.

Hope everyone is doing okay. Stop by and write when you can! I miss you all!

So I smashed 14 discard pots into the retaining wall fill by the creek. Making me +2 for the fall. I also threw this morning though... it's a process.

Good morning!

I set my alarm so I would get up this morning because today is my last free day of 2022. After this I will have classes, travel, Bean, company, big work deadlines, events.. my next truly free day is Jan 28. Some of those things are good and some are not. Only the good ones are avoidable.

I'm planning to drink my coffee, turn the heat on in the studio, do my chores, go throw pots, and see where the day calls me.

I joined the new board. So far I have mostly been reading, but a few people posted welcomes to me, and it is helping me unwind my head a little.

Yesterday one of my students gave me a really cute Christmas ornament that she made - so I'm even again without help from my mom. Oh well.

I also got thanked again for the books and told they were already in use. And I got thanked again for the teacher event in November, and I had a good conversation with two new teachers, and in general it was a strangely social day for me.

And I had a fantastic time in two of my classes that have been fairly difficult this year (and that I am dropping next year) judging by the laughter, the kids did too. But now I am feeling conflict about giving them up.

I can't do everything. I have to remember - like the stuff - it isn't "this" vs. "not this." It's "this" vs. "what I can have if I give this up." (Why would I get rid of 16 nice children's books written in a language Bean might want to learn some day? - because if I do, I can move my fiber arts books to a new shelf and Bean can have the books he loves *right now* on a shelf he can reach instead of piled on a bed that somebody needs to sleep in in two weeks.) (also apparently it buys me social capital, which feels incredibly weird to me. - but that's the other board. ;) )

Good morning.

Road, I'm sorry about the conflict with you and mr. Road. Hopefully you won't ever feel the need to stash stuff in his room again - you have elbow room in the basement now!

I am still crashing around 7 p.m.

I'm not ready for today. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through today. But it will probably be fine.

I had a good day at school yesterday. I put some items from my classroom that I had planned to reuse but realized I had more than I needed and those would require too much effort into the trash.

The school trash "disappears" every day at 4:30, so if I wait until close to then the whole process is easier and more effective.

I'm doing really well at not bringing new items into my house.

Hi all,

Yeah, re: Mr. Road , he absolutely feels that way, but this stuff was only in his room because I was in the process of clearing my room out this week. It's like a week long process but we were only on day 5 I think. Normally there is nothing of mine in his room. I moved out of the master bed room a number of years ago. The living room and kitchen and downstairs bathrooms are normal rooms. All my crap was in my room and the basement and garage. This is something I changed when he was getting overwhelmed by the things so gradually I ended up withdrawing from all of the house except my room which is sad commentary, but that's what happened. I am working on being able to keep the kitchen in more of an acceptable level of clean for him. As I get better about certain things he gets more demanding and rigid. For example he can't tolerate day to day mail and school papers on half the dining room table. He wants it clear and with a table cloth on it. I personally don't know anyone who has a perfectly picked up living room and dining room table. He doesn't even want to see my purse hanging on a chair. To me that's excessive. It's likely that if I didn't have the issues I do he wouldn't have gotten so rigid about normal messes. But it's defeating feeling like no matter what skills I acquire or progress I make it will never be enough. It feels like wherever I am, the bar gets raised above that. He can be piggy too though, like he will eat a bag of chips and just drop it on the floor next to the couch or take a cap off a bottle and let them pile up in the drawer. His tools out in the garage are just piled up all over, etc. but the power dynamic is such that he stands above me and judges freely. Ugh, oh I'm really feeling good about this guy today. Sorry to complain about this so much but the dynamic is woven into the whole situation.

So current status here is my room is almost totally cleaned out. I have a few drawers, the top of the dresser, one bookshelf, and one big basket that still needs sorting out. Otherwise, everything else is staying. The right amount of clothes, paperwork, office supplies, hobby supplies, etc. the desks are cleaned off and back where they were. One big bookshelf has been totally cleared, cleaned off, repaired, and is still half empty. The printer is set up again. The lamp shades have been beaten, the floor has been sort of washed... there are curtains On the windows, the heating vent is unobstructed... it's all good.so I will keep working on the remaining projects in here and at the same time keep going on the laundry and start going through more stuff in the basement, trying to clean out and organize and reduce total volume.

Have to get moving. The little man has a b-ball game tonight.

Hang in there everyone,

Good morning!

Hi Road! Good to see you!

Good job getting the trash out of your room!

I have a thought, I don't know if it is helpful, but maybe mr. Road was thinking "my room was clean. I don't want this stuff piled in my room. I don't want this stuff at all." Remember you don't like it when your boys dump stuff in your room. It's possible they don't like stuff in their rooms either.

It's great that you have elbow room in the basement!

I'm sorry that you feel crummy too. Rough all around.

I worry about Lila. (And CM, I miss you!)

The place I'm thinking about joining is a board for people on the spectrum. The depression was really bad this week and I stumbled across it looking for..something. I'm still reading, but it seems like I would be welcome without a diagnosis, the conversations feel natural, there are other people dealing with social issues and depression (ie- this would be a good time to call a friend if I had a friend I could discuss this with.) and the social rules are written out. That's really Important for me - especially when I am not at my best. Right now I am stressing about that paragraph I wrote about mr. Road. Maybe it is not helpful, maybe it is worded badly, maybe it could be taken wrong, I don't know. And if I messed up, will road tell me why or will her feelings just be hurt?

Dh is less excited. He thinks going on that board makes me "worse". I think it is like if you are a native speaker of another language and you learned English as an older adult - if you spend time with others who speak your native tongue, it is easier and more relaxing to have conversations, but then you don't practice your English and afterwards your accent is stronger and maybe you forgot a word?

So, here is a place where I can say "I put a plastic lid in the trash" and people can understand that that was an accomplishment instead of treating me like I'm nuts. And on the other board I feel liked could say some other sorts of things that have historically gone badly for me.

I got to bed too late last night. But yesterday I let go of 16 books and I took a shower and I did a load of laundry. And my classes went ok. Dh said last night that he has realized that showers are a mental health thing for me, so now he worries if I don't take a shower every day. (And that's one of those things. I think when most people are "too depressed to take a shower" they don't have the energy to move or to care if they are clean? I feel like I would benefit from a place where people understand that I just cannot face the idea of being wet.)

Anyway - another day. Off to do my best.

Hi all,

Tatoulia, I don't know what's going on with you health wise, but don't be shy about calling thE nurse
/doctor and let them know what you're experiencing. Sometimes I talk myself out of doing stuff like that and then it turns out if they had known there might've been a solution... sending you some hugs on that account and also your mom and bf concerns. Can you spare him right now?

I have a friend who lives in Switzerland. I'm always amazed how many other countries they visit casually on a weekend. Oh, we were in Germany last weekend... next weekend Belgique or whatever. It's so different than here.

Subc, I never mind your musings on social issues btw but yes, seek out additional specific support that will help you. As you all know I had to join some other hoarding groups so I could share photos. This format drives me insane but I love all you guys so much I can't quit you. 😂

Epic week continues cleaning out the very last scrap of my room. Mr. Road could only stay nice for so long and yesterday he came home cranky and threatened me about throwing the stuff that remained in his room into the garage. At the time I was taking my son to basketball so there was nothing I could do about it and sure enough when I came home it had all disappeared. He knows what I'm trying to do, he sees me working on it, sees the pile going down... you should think it would be encouraging to him - but no, it just angers him. Maybe he's thinking "why didn't you do this sooner" or "how did you let it get this bad" or "why aren't you the person I wish you were" ... obviously this is an exercise in futility. I tried not to focus on what might have gotten damaged that he moved or where he moved it or whatever, and as you can see tried to make excuses for him, but it left me absolutely drained and this am I went back to bed from 8-10 and then I wanted to sleep all day. I felt really yuck. Like organ sick. So I don't know if my chemistry is off or whatever - or maybe I'm getting sick. My bro ended up coming down with the plague after tday... anyway, I'm pretty disgusted with the H and just want this phase to be done. Well, actually, he speeded up this phase for me moving all that crap out to the garage. I could look at itthat way.

I went through the fourth (?) and final pile of trash from my room. The other three were in earlier phases. 3 half filled bags went out to the garbage. For the chair I think I decided to shop for something better and smaller. Something with arms but a narrower profile. Then I can keep a stitching spot in my room which I would like. Everything in here looks so shabby now. 20 years... our house has some movement issues and so the walls need to be patched up again and ugh. Needs a paint job badly. I'm annoyed I basically had to move things back the way they were and could have saved myself a lot of time and effort and sore muscles... but you don't know til you know sometimes.

I got the bookshelf stabilized and put the genealogy binders back up. I have a few more projects in here and then it's on to the garage or basement. Blah blah blah... I'm not as intimidated by it now as I know there is a lot of easy stuff to start with... just dealing with that stuff will take quite a while...

Better hit the hay. Bonsoir mes amies

PS whoohooo on giving away the books! So proud of you!

Had trouble posting my reply. Thank you for your sweet words, SubC. I will support you in all endeavors!

I worked from home today and will be in office tomorrow for our department meeting. A few of us were asked last minute if we'd like to make a statement at the end of the meeting tomorrow. There were prompts like th best thing that happened, etc. I chose the most surreal thing that happened this year, which was that I had to recoup a couple of million dollars that was accidentally paid out. Very few people other than senior management know about this issue and so people will find it quirky. This was sheer torture because the money was sent all over the place and I had to contact each person individually with a long list of each amount, some as small as $12.06. And guess what, I got back every penny.

So tomorrow is an in office day.

Tonight I was able to shampoo my vomity carpet. It came out really nice. Cleaners are coming on Friday, thankfully, so they will never even know that I threw up in the bedroom.

I'm running the dishwasher and I did two loads of laundry. I've decided to wear a sparkly dress to work tomorrow. I'm also thinking about washing it and seeing if mom wants to wear it to her Christmas party. I'm not sure if it will fit her as it may be too tight. But I could try it on her. It's pretty and sparkly and brand new and I don't think I'll wear it again since I do not anticipate it will fit. I'll be too thin.

I have to locate a few Christmas things and out a few things away.

Oh Tatoulia,

I will of course still be here! I just feel like I need to take some of the non-hoarding issues to a more appropriate place.

I always enjoy your posts and find you very helpful.

I gave the Spanish teacher 16 books.

SubC, you need to do whatever is best for you. I don't know if you can consider still checking in with us or if that would be too much. In any event, I understand completely. I wonder if I talk off topic too much and if I'm being helpful at all.

Good morning.

Tatoulia, I hope you feel better today.

I woke up early this morning. I need to build on that by getting my chores done and taking a shower before school.

Yesterday was very hard, but I did manage to become glad I went to school by the end of my last class. I stopped at the store and bought broccoli and then cooked broccoli (green veggie!) brown rice, and eggs (for the omega3s) for my dinner. It took me over an hour, but it broke the snacking/carbs chain. I was wiped out by 7, but I loaded the dishwasher and ran it again.

I don't think I will go to my class tonight. I don't have any pots ready. This makes me sad and disappointed with myself. I am trying to be gentle, but it is hard.

I found an autism forum I am thinking about joining. I love you guys, but I feel like I am off topic a lot lately. That forum is larger and less personal, but very active, and a lot of what I'm reading is very on point. Dh made me stop reading out loud to him last night.

I told the Spanish teacher I will bring him some books. Now I need to do that.

I vacuumed the bedroom. Will shampoo the rug tmr. Stopped by to see mom for just a minute.

Didn't take my shot tonight. Definitely not feeling great.

I moved kitty's bed and heating pad to the living room so I can sleep with the ceiling fan tonight. I am miserable.

Okay, hoping everyone is doing okay. I feel your struggle, SubC.

Good job on the bag!

I have to find the strength to shampoo my rug. I am in terrible shape.

That sounds horrible!

I'm at school. I'm literally thinking "in two and a half hours I can go home. The next two and a half hours are the best part of my school week, so this is bad.

I brought a bag of paper from home to school forever.

The shots have caused severe nausea, heartburn, acid reflux, and I vomited three times last night. It was awful. Twice on my rug and the third time I made it to the bathroom. I will need to clean my rug tonight, if I find the strength. I cleaned it with a towel and water but it needs actual cleaning. Not sure if I'll go through with tonight's shot that was very rough on me. Supposedly the side effects improve.

Not good. Sorry you are so fatigued, SubC. Terrible way to feel.

Good job on the recycling Tatoulia!

The shots still awe me. At first I thought the not feeling well might be a side effect, but then I saw the coughing. So sorry.

I crashed last night. I thought I was doing better and then The sun went down and I realized I am still very tired and I had a negative event in the barn and I realized I still have no reserves.

Instead of doing anything productive or on my "want" list, I watched videos and went to bed - alone because it was too early for Dh. Still woke up tired. Mood disorders stink.

Dishes are bad this morning.

I dreamed that someone came and cleaned my house. It was good, except they cleared the whole problem counter and I had no idea what they did with the things on it. This caused me a lot of stress. No worries - this morning the counter is still a massive pile of bad and delayed decisions.

All recycling out and I remembered to pour cat litter in an old paint can so that's out too, I have another paint can but don't feel like looking for it. Might be under the sink in the bathroom.

I bought my wreaths over the weekend and got them hung on my windows. I went with wreaths with some pine cones and greens so no bow on them. They struck my fancy when we were at the boys and girls club. First time not having bows. I like the look, especially when it isn't cold out.

I am going to have to work from home tomorrow. I do not feel well enough to go in and I'm sure no one wants to hear me cough til I almost throw up.

So mom dropped a pill and it landed in the cat's dry bowl. Her meds are administered to her each night, so I can only surmise that one fell in her clothes and ultimately ended up in the cat bowl.

Tonight mom forgot my boyfriend's name. That's okay. It will be my name next. She's forgotten my phone number so I wrote it in two places for her.

I just did my shot for the day. This one pinched. Yesterday's shot did not. Maybe I went too fast or didn't have the correct angle. I'll pay better attention tomorrow. Tomorrow I will do it in my thigh as I am supposed to rotate areas. I'll learn more when they officially teach me during my telemedicine appointment on Friday. I used YouTube as my guide.