I found the paper!!!

It took me all day yesterday, digging through every pile it could be in! And where was it? It was on the kitchen table, under some empty grocery bags. Why?? But I was so ecstatic to find it so I could do the thing I was supposed to do with the info a long time ago! Whew.

And now... there is another paper missing. A diagram I need for work that I last saw a year ago. So that one, I was looking as I went looking for the other paper. But it was not any of those more "recent piles" of papers. I have searched exhaustingly for the diagram. I even emptied out a filing cabinet today looking for it. There is one pile left in my bedroom that it could be in... oh, and probably a tub, maybe a box. Would it be easier to try and re-draw the diagram? Maybe, but not as accurate. But if I can't find it tonight I will draw it.

Today I also:
- loaded and ran the dishwasher
- dug around to find a half empty plastic bin, with some of ex's things in it, put his things in his room and brought the empty tub upstairs.
- sorted many items from my closet that are too small and put them into that tub. It will go downstairs. If I lost 15 pounds most of it would fit.

Now I really need to hang up the clothes piled on the rocking chair, since I have space and hangers in my closet now. I probably tubbed 20+ items so I should be able to hang up most of my things.

I've mentioned I wear the same 5 or so things all the time, but now maybe I can mix it up. I have a couple of cardigan sweaters so could wear many combinations of colored shirts under those. I have to get up and speak tomorrow so I am very glad I got the clothes sorted.

How are the rest of you doing?

Just came back and reread that.

Lila, clearly that should say "paper" not "check" below..

Tired brain.

Hey CM! In your case I'd prefer an improvement over "business as usual." You need some rainbows and butterflies for a change! Hoping for the best.

Hi Lila! I really, really, really hope you find the check.

I am bad at friends. I am worse at age appropriate friends. The one I emailed this morning is 19. The one who just emailed me and we are trying to make dinner plans next week is 20. As in, my friends are younger than my children.

In college my two best friends were guys - one was my age and the other was 12 years older. The closest things I have to girlfriends my age are two women at work whom I really like and who seem to like me back, but NEVER have time to do anything outside of school - one of them I had dinner with in a group once. That's it for 11 years. If I quit I would probably never see them again. And one "mom friend" who has outlasted our kids growing up - mostly because our husbands are practically brothers. I like her a lot, but if I could only hang out with one of them, I'd pick him.

I have absolutely no idea how to make friends.

Good school day today. The rabbit behaved.

Good morning. Well slightly after lunchtime. CM, I hope your situation goes well and favorably. Thank you for checking in!

SubC, good plan on the friend-building. Friends are important.

This morning I loaded the dishwasher and put a few things away. I search the whole (@#$*%#$# bedroom for that darned paper. I even took the clothing off the rocking chair and table one by one, to see if it was in there somewhere or under it all - no luck. I did fold 2 items that are too small. Still need the tub.

That paper!!! I have to find it!! So I am going to sort through all the papers on my kitchen table, the tub of papers next to me (although I think I already did sort those) and just look everywhere I can to find it I don't know where it could be and I am so frustrated. I can't work on anything else til I find that paper or decide it is really gone. I even dug through the trash bag in my room looking for it.

I'm sorry I poofed again... it's complicated. Waiting to hear about something that came up unexpectedly and I pray that the outcome will be favorable. Won't know for a few weeks. I'll lurk and keep up with you all in the meantime. Hopefully it'll all be okay and back to business as usual. Best to all.

Good morning!

Road, you have to actually take the rest of the pile somewhere before your son unpacks it, ok?

I'm glad you are making progress on your organization!

Lila, I didn't realize how bad the leg was - definitely do the PT! You don't have time not to!

I believe you can get the too small things out of your room.

My top urgent/important today is school, so I need to just focus on that for the next 9.5 hours. Then I'd like to work on pottery this evening and get to bed early, but I know I will come home tired, snack, Dh will ask if I want to watch a movie, I'll say yes, we'll open some wine, and I'll stay up too late.. He is an enabler.

He also wants to invite some friends over on Sunday. I am trying not to die about the condition of the farm. Not just the house - everything!

I decided I need to do something about the lack of friends situation. I am going to try to reach out to a friend or potential friend every day. This morning I had an email from a newish friend who is not too far away physically, so I already did my thing for today by replying and also inviting her to hang out at a mutually workable time and place.

Ok, gotta hit the school thing.

Oh - brought home a retired poster from school yesterday. Probably a bad choice. Can't let it go yet.

hi Road! I tripped and fell and hurt my leg. It was black and blue top to bottom. They say now I need PT. Ugh, I don't have time to keep getting injured and sick.

Hi SubC, sounds like fun at school! I did go look at clothes on amazon again but I did not buy anything. I do plan to shop my piles tomorrow.

I have been doing this thing: I have major piles of clothes on the rocking chair and side table. I go in there and move them to the bed. sort them into piles. then at bedtime I put them back in piles on the rocking chair and end table. I have been doing this for WEEKS and it is so dumb it is making me mad! But there is so much junk I can't get to the closet or drawers. I am also not ready to get rid of any more clothes. So, I will ask Son to get me a plastic bin, and tomorrow I will bin anything that is too small, and put it downstairs in a corner somewhere. That's my 'for now' solution and I hope I can do it.

I did not find that stupid paper yet tonight, but I did sort a couple of piles looking for it, and threw some things away. It's late so I don't think I will look much further. I'm going to bed soon.

Kind of ran around a lot today. Went for a long drive with the Ps to look at leaves. It's really amazing. We are just slightly past the peak but should still be really pretty for another week.

Yesterday (?) went through all my socks and sons socks and underwear. The other day I also went through all his shirts and sweatshirts trying to get rid of the stuff that is too small. I ended up chucking a few things and piling up a tall basket of clothes to get rid of. He got at it and pulled a couple things out and then my husband did too. So today I bought some new larger underwear for him and some extra long undershirts (trying to keep his belly and butt crack covered up). Omg it's a major challenge. Let me tell you. Yesterday I also set up some new magnet strips I bought in lieu of a bulletin board by my bedroom door. Had to trouble shoot the command strip things but I think it's holding now. So that's progress. There's still laundry to do but not sure what's on the agenda for tomorrow.

Lila, I missed what was up with your leg - cellulitis? DVT??

Gotta. Help the young dude get ready for bed. Gotta run but I will catch u ptomorrow.

Lila!

I am sorry things are hard, but so good to hear from you!

"Dear kettle,
The Oreos are not your friends.
Love,
The pot"

It's like I can only make so many good choices in a day and then I come home and encounter food...

Don't buy clothes. Go shop your piles!

I hope you find your paper.

I am almost ready for school tomorrow as far as planning, but I will have a lot to load in the truck. And I have papers to check.

Today was fancy dress day at school (spirit week) I wore one of my daughter's old brides maid dresses over my school t-shirt and jeans. The kids loved it. Also a tiara.

Tomorrow is Halloween costume day, but I am taking my rabbit in to visit, so I might skip that.

hello!

- insert mental picture of me sitting surrounded by candy wrappers and oreo crumbs, staring into space with a glazed over look

Here I am. I have tomorrow off so will come back and catch up on posts then. My leg is still very painful. My separation is filed but not complete (I have more papers to fill out and file). My house is a wreck, I am overwhelmed with how many things I need to do. I'm hoping to catch up on the most important things tomorrow.

Today I did load and run the dishwasher and wash out the gross sink. Then worked. I could be doing something now but am decompressing instead.

I think the one thing I will try to do this evening is find that darned piece of paper with all the important information I was given, and lost. I am 99% sure it is in my room, in a pile. It could be in the guest room, in the old stash n dash box from weeks ago. If I don't find that paper it is going to be super embarrassing. So, I will focus on just finding that. Everything else can wait til tomorrow.

I keep wanting to buy clothes. I must have spent 4 hours just looking at clothes on Amazon this week. I guess it is a distraction. In fact I feel very compelled to go look for clothes on Amazon right now! I have not bought anything. I really need to spend that time sorting the clothes I have, in piles, and put away things that are too tight so I have on hand things I can wear, easily.

I am making a goal and trying to convince myself to do it: No-spend November, AND lose 15 pounds in November. I think I can do it as I have a lot of water weight from eating junk and would probably drop 5-7 pounds in the first 3 days just from that.

Back to the oreos.

I did the top item on my urgent/important chart.

It took over an hour and will actually have no discernible effect on my day.

But I feel better.

Still working on that executive function. I keep hoping it is like muscles and will get stronger if I exercise it.

Good morning!

Tatoulia, I was thinking more about mom's support staff. I hope the Covid clears out quickly!

Road, your dog is trying to help you declutter. If only she could make better choices..

I don't have a frame of reference for "biscuits are burning" ?

Our fall color and weather was beautiful this year, but we have also been abnormally dry. I have been glad of some rain this week.

Unfortunately it rained out our pit firing last night. I have many things ready to go next week though. I did get four things in the raku firing. They turned out ok. nothing exciting. Again I am working with old inventory, so not sure about the count. Next week will be new stuff though.

I did buy some new materials for school yesterday, and also one small thing for me. - it's consumable though.

I stayed up too late last night after I got home from class, and I made bad food choices. I know I need to get more rest, but there are too many things I want or need to do and I am dropping balls again. So far they mostly bounce, but there are deadlines coming up and time running out on things..

Dh is overworked and exhausted.

Ok, I leave for school in less than 4 hours. Chores, lesson plans, and maybe a few things off my list..

Hi everyone!

Just BF, mom and me, SubC. There's an outbreak of covid at mom's so we reserved the rarely used music room on an upper floor. All meals are being delivered to the residents right now. I did see a neighbor in the laundry room and I offered her a piece of cake. Ditto the aides.

Went to work today and had a pretty good day. Glad to be home with kitty. Going to go to bed soon. I'm showered. Something happened and the cleaners couldn't come today. So no clean sheets for me tonight. They'll come tmr or Friday.

Good morning! I have been sitting in my car awhile waiting for it to warm up - so cold just wearing a fleece. I guess it's time to break out the winter coat. Did I ever tell you guys about how I missed my golden opportunity to shout out "my biscuits are burnin!"

I'm headed to Dunkin' Donuts to indulge in a peach passion ice green tea. And let's face it - probably a glazed donut. The sun has all the leaves glowing right now. It's a spectacular year here for color. How about you guys?

I actually really want to walk (what?!) but my back is still tweaked. I had two hours last night when it was almost fine but it's bad again this am.

My little dog is staring at me through the front door. She's confused. "Why you sit out there when you could be in here petting and feeding me?"

I caught her chewing a huge hole in this pretty wrap thing I was using as a curtain. She has destroyed soooo many things.

Ok I'm gonna drive around and take some pictures since I can't walk. Will check back in later.

Good morning!

My mail still doesn't work, but I can read it online. My weather ap is also struggling. It may need to be updated.

Tatoulia, I am glad you were able to have a nice birthday for mom. Was anyone from her place able to share the cake with you, or was it just a "family" gathering?

I have a lot going on in my head these days. I have been missing having actual friends lately. Yesterday I had a really good time basically just hanging out with some of my students and I remembered Dd telling me I can't be friends with students. I also found an old letter from a dear friend I haven't spoken to in along while. And as I am mulling things over I remembered another friend telling me "you have an existential crisis every fall." I said "I do?" And she said "yes." I said "I don't remember." And she said "I know." So all of that I guess.

Meanwhile the house is still a mess, the garden produce is still sitting in the wagon, and I am not ready for school.

Congratulations on the new IPad!

Ye olde bra! You crack me up, Road!

I have been buying clothes online. There are three basic stores where I shop for clothes. Sometimes I order their things on line. I try on once they arrive and if they don't work, I put in a plastic bag and put on my list to return. My motivator is getting the credit on my credit card. I have a lot to return to Macys because as I mentioned, I accidentally bought doubles. And I don't like any of the things. I also feel differently about my body after the past week.

SubC, Halloween is a tricky holiday for me. I become scared easily. Skeletons scare me. I like seeing the little kids but not the rougher ones. Like your sweet grandson, I'm partial to black cats.

Mom's birthday was lovely. Bf and I picked up flowers, her cake, and a pizza. The pizza looked so good but I couldn't have any. I did have a thin slice of cake but no ice cream. It was a white birthday cake with white frosting from one of my favorite bakeries. I served it with strawberry ice cream. I reserved the music room in her building and had pretty plates and napkins. She definitely enjoyed her day. It was nice being in the clean, clear, roomy music room on the fifth floor. Very nice.

Okay I need fifteen minutes to pick up for the cleaners then must shower. Due to work problems, I do not want to be my usual late self.

I got a new iPad.

I did not have an anxiety attack in the store.

My mail is not working, but it isn't done transferring, so hopefully the mail will work.

I have 14 days to take the old one back as a "trade in" I will also take the older broken ones back for recycling.

I do not like the new touch screen keyboard. Dh says I can probably change it.

I have been sleepy all day, but I put away all but one load of laundry this morning and then washed another load. I just remembered I need to do more laundry tonight. Ug. Carry on..

Good morning!

So, I started getting out Halloween decorations yesterday. Did I mention that Bean is not a huge fan of the holiday? He mostly just likes pumpkins. Without faces. And black cats. Because they are cats.

I otoh, love Halloween. I have four big bins of decorations. This morning I decided I can part with two strings of skull lights, a pair of witch tights, and three little stuffed bears who have costumes that don't come off. Also that the Halloween pottery stuff needs to be boxed up separately, because by the time I get the decorations out, it is too late to make themed pottery.

I'm not going to put up very much this year.

Good evening. Tired and marginally functional.

That may have been a reasonable lust, but I didn't finish it.

I did do some things that weren't on the list, but not apple pie.

We did chores, made bread, carved Bean's jack o lantern, shelled a few beans, hung out with the goats, played and read books.

Also I showered, moved the car seat, strapped down the slide in the truck, did a load of dishes, and loaded some pots to fire.

Mailed the check to the fence guy, returned the library book (and two others) dropped off Bean and the slide at his house, loaded the kiln (broke two out of four of my bowls) - I was mad at myself when I broke the first one, and then I broke the second one the exact same way! Too tired. Too rushed.

Dh asked me to stop at the grocery store - which I hate doing any more. Groceries are so expensive and he always wants prepared food I don't feel good about buying. And now it is almost ten, I just had dinner, and I still need to do chores.

Road, my process is just don't buy it unless you are sure you need and want it!

Good job on the pillow!

Hi all,

I feel. Like I've wasted today. In the am I was so sleepy I couldn't get. Much done and then I did nap (it's catching up on sleep I'm not getting at night - still never quite reaching the 7 hours total). Mark. 🥴

Tatoulia, what's your process for buying and returning? I am so bad at returning it's ridiculous. Partly memory issues for sure, but I'm guessing you have a good system for it. I saw on a hoarders uk episode that gift buying is one of the subsets of hoardy shopping. And I tick that box a bit too. I have bins and bins of things that were intended as gifts that never got delivered. I also had a bin going in my room of stuff to be returned. It was organized this summer when the things were still returnable. Now it's even closer to the door! But there it sits. I have $20 worth of dog treats that my dog rejected sitting ready to go into kohl's to return and those have been in the car a week. I just blank or avoid. I'm sure I have $1000+ of stuff that just never got returned. At least.

I was doing laundry this am in the basement and poked around looking for something big and easy to donate. Found a yucky old feather pillow filler that was a throw Pillow on our old sofa that we got rid of. I almost threw it away 6 weeks ago but hesitated because my older dog loved sleeping on it so much. Then somehow it ended up in the basement. Maybe me ? Maybe the H? No clue. But then I picked it up and almost talked myself out of it again (ridiculous! Broken brain!) and luckily I made it up the stairs with it and got it in the kitchen garbage and tied it up and out it went. Also tried to find a box of paperwork to go through - ha. That was an exercise in futility. My brain went around in little jagged hamster wheel circles - jagged and rusty! Haha - until I started smelling smoke and then I gave up. Had to settle for tossing that gross old pillow.

Well, I feel like I just got started with my morning but it's time for my son to come home already. Guess I better brush my hair and put on ye olde bra.

Tatoulia, surprised you were up to doing that much but I would say that's a good sign. Don't over do it though sister! Hope mom has a great bday tomorrow.

Subc, the thought of bean getting to experience the joys of baking bread up close makes me happy. 🥰

Over and out.

I am definitely wiped out today. Just showered. Have a 230 meeting that I should be able to use the camera while I'm on it.

Talked to mom today to talk up her birthday. Just to keep her going.

I did some laundry last night. Thanks for the offer to help, Road! Would have enjoyed the company, to be sure.

Ran the dishwasher last night. I don't have many dishes these days because I am not eating much but kitty and her dishes March on.

I have a lot of clothes to return. I bought too many and also, I accidentally bought duplicates. And I'm keeping none of them. I can return some tonight and th ones from Macys will have to wait as I am not going downtown until Wednesday.

So I have a small todo list for tonight. I bought kitty a new litter box over the weekend. It was time.

It is recycling night so I have some things to get out.

I miss having the shredder in some respects but I don't miss fiddling with it when it got jammed or even having to find time to shred. I have a shoebox that I will take to our hazardous waste day in November. I just keep putting things in there for now.

Good morning!

I have baked the raisin bread and cleaned out my purse. Dh should be up in a few minutes. Bean is still sleeping. We will bake wheat bread and white bread together. Maybe I will bake pie. I am feeling very on top of things, so I'm sure I've forgotten something important.

Tatoulia, I'm glad you have bf and good friends to care for you. I'm sure you will make mom's birthday lovely.

Your house can't be too bad after a couple of weeks with just one person and a kitty. You forget and get used to the new normal.

I have a nest on the couch again, so I need to address that today. I have made a list of work and fun and things to do while Bean naps. I think for once it is a reasonable list.

Hello everyone! Of course I knew you were teasing me, SubC! But the weight loss is nice!

Road, I'm sorry about your pain. I'm proud of your progress! Happy birthday to your son!

It's messy and dirty in here. We ran errands yesterday and although I was shaky in the beginning, I did rally and do much better. While we were out my friend Emiko stopped by and left my favorite bagels and flowers for me.

We both saw mom last night which seemed to help her. Because her place has active covid cases, all of her meals are being delivered to her.

I stopped by tonight but she was asleep, so I let her be. I didn't get there til 10PM and I knocked and when I didn't hear anything, I stopped downstairs to speak with the aides. Mom has known I was in the hospital really only to give herself something to focus on. She's worried about her birthday on Tuesday. I think I'll have flowers delivered to make her happy. I've ordered a cake and will bring her something for lunch.

I had a baked potato tonight. I wish I'd noticed how long I had it in the oven because it was perfect and fluffy.

That's the news from here. Not much but something. I'll be glad when the cleaners come.

Hi Road!

I'm sorry you are still in pain. :(

I am not afraid of heights, I am afraid of falling. If the bucket came up past my belly button, I would love it. I'm great as long as my center of gravity is below a rail.

Yay for your "new" fridge and throwing away old announcements and not being afraid to have people see your house!

Try not to buy anything this week.

It is hard going from kid birthdays to big people birthdays. My mom threw amazing parties! I don't know why we can't have fun parties with games and prizes and crafts as adults.

I got caught up on washing and drying my laundry today but only put away one load - we both have clean underwear in our drawers - yay!

My kids made dinner and helped clean up, so my kitchen looks pretty good and there are only a few dishes in the scullery sink.

I have five large bowls drying in the studio, and I found an important tool after it only being lost for three days. I was starting to feel really bad "I keep feeling like I am making progress and then things like this happen to remind me that I am a mess and cannot cope." but I feel better now.

Bean and I will bake tomorrow.

Hi Tatoulia, hi subc, hi everybody!

I am still in wretched pain from the other day. What's odd is sometimes it's only minor and I can walk almost normally. But most of the time it's excruciating and I can't put weight on my right hip/leg without it feeling like -ugh it's bad. But we had two outings (skipped the third) yesterday, and today we were celebrating my sons bday with my side of the family and so I was hobbling around all day today also. The weather and the leaves here yesterday and today were jaw dropping. I actually got to ride in a fire truck bucket yesterday 100 feet in the air. It was amazing. Half the crowd (small festival) want3d to try it and the other half were scared of heights. I boasted "eh, I've stepped out of a plane so this is no big deal." So I went up with a friends daughter so she didn't have to. My son wasn't interested either and let everyone know. Haha. The view was spectacular. Just that high you could see 5 towns away. Pretty cool. Actually,the fireman said he could pick out the sears tower but I couldn't see it (a little hazy).

Today the Ps and my brother came over.my sister is still sick but not with Covid, but she's been sick two weeks now. My niece who usually blows these things off or arrives or leaves impaired showed up and was straight the entire time. It was very nice but also felt some resentment that most of the time we can't count on either one of them. Anyhoo. But her being there made my son very happy. I think he's gotten to the age where he's feeling a little wistful for his childhood birthdays and a little let down no matter how much Extra I try to do for him to make up for his being an only child and with all his cousins living far away,etc. but I'm sure by the time I turned 19 bdays were starting to be depressing to me also. Just wish he was able to express his feelings more.

ANYWAY! I've been continuing to watch the UK hoarders show. Very motivational. I was reflecting today that there was no major preparty clean up this time because of the work I've been doing and the H did a big clean up the other day as well. He had to move his mom out of her rehab after her accident and back into her apartment. He said she was an absolute beast to the staff in the place so he was not happy with her. But he brought home a bunch of her laundry and is going to replace all of her broken laundry baskets. She grew up very wealthy but is living in low income retirement apt now. It's perfectly safe and clean but is super bare bones. Oh I keep rambling.

This was the first time I didn't bother to close my bedroom door when company came over in years. It's still completely trashed but not so trashed that I would die 1000 deaths if my other saw it. The floor downstairs needed sweeping (and washing!) but everything was picked up except my sons area which was actually worse than usual because he got into a "dumping" spree yesterday. The sound of things being dumped is so stressful I almost have a PTSD response to it. He's so much better than he used to be but this is at least part of how the house got as bad as it is.

Oh this is funny. My niece asked if we got a new fridge and I said "no, I just cleaned it and am trying not to stuff it..." funny that she thought it was new.

I bought some magnetic strips to put on my wall by the door (office area) with magnets with hooks on them to hang binder clips of projects right by the door. I am going to hang the strips with command strip thingies. Hope this idea works. Another little development is that I had two school activities hanging up there and as each one passed instead of getting hoardy with saving the flyer, I actually threw them away.

I feel like I've been buying a lot lately. Like I just got an order from eBay for some silk. Each skein was a good price for what it is but it was a stash builder instead of something I needed for a specific project so It would be better if I wasn't buying that kind of thing. I also bought a new chart that was kind of expensive and tacked some other things onto the order. Well actually I edited down what was in my cart by half But it still ended up being $60 or 70. I could probably do that once a month but it's happening more often than that. I am trying to get up The nerve to add up "stitching spending 2022"... yikes. I would like to go on a couple retreats next year but if I am going to do that I really have to rein in the general impulse shopping...

Over and out for now.

Subc, good trick on the kids. They are lucky to have you even when you're giving them a scare. Haha.

Tatoulia, I am so sorry you're dealing with some mystery allergy scares and have been sick enough to need to be in the hospital a few times. Not good my friend! Can BF do your laundry this week? If I lived nearby I would do it for you. Glad he's been looking out for your mom. Sending hugs:::

Good morning!

Still holding down the fort. Hoping people will be able to come by and have good news!


I started the wash and the dishwasher and found my overdue library book. The fact that I have an overdue library book is not a good sign. This is the second one this year.

Trying to be productive and make good choices today.

I definitely didn't think you did it on purpose tatoulia - I was just trying to make light of the only good part.

I got less done in my studio than I wanted - everything is such a mess! But a few things are underway. I think I will work some more tomorrow. Then Bean is coming in the afternoon to spend the night.

I'm not sure he liked the party - it was a bit overwhelming. But ge liked the kid in the avocado costume, and he liked the donut..

I was a little bit wicked tonight. After Bean went home, I used my key to go upstairs and get some stuff together in my classroom and load the kiln. That's not the wicked part. At the other end of the hall is a stairway. There is a gate that locks at the top, but there is a landing on the far side of the gate. The girls bathroom is halfway up the stairway and the boys is at the bottom, and then there is a doorway into the room where the party was.

Some of my teens had come all the way up the stairs and were hanging out. I snuck down the hall and rattled the gate. They nearly jumped out of their skins. Then I said "hi." They were torn between relief that it was me and concern that I am a teacher and they probably shouldn't be up there. They fell all over themselves to tell me they were just talking. I said "I know. I could hear you." One of them told me lights kept going on and off on the third floor. I said "yes. That's me. I'm working up here." Then I said "see you next week." And left them to their consciences. They're good kids. There was nothing stopping them from going out the gym door and hanging out in the dark parking lot, so I very much approve of their choice. Our neighborhood isn't bad, but it's not totally safe at night. There was a robbery with a shooting at the quick stop across the corner a few years ago, and the bus line stops at our corner, which can mean drunks or transactions on Saturday night. My kids don't need some middle aged drunk guy "making them offers".

It was fun to scare them though.

This wasn't planned, I swear! But all is well. BF is taking good care of me but there's not much to do. He dropped off a potato and a sweet potato for me last night together with a mini flowering plant that is so sweet.

I'm going to shower and we will run errands by car today. I'll bake a potato later in the day.

My house is a mess. I had to cancel the cleaners on short notice this week (still paid them, their income is built into my budget) and so it's not great right now. It's both a mess and dirty. And I'm not up on laundry at all.

We will see what I am up for doing once we are home tonight.

What are you doing today?

Tatoulia, I do NOT approve of this method of jump starting your weight loss!

I hope bf is taking good care of YOU as well as of mom! We need you to get better.

I pulled off lesson plans yesterday and my classes went well. I left everything I had in the classroom though. I did nothing last night but snack and watch videos. I should have gone to bed as soon as I finished my chores. I was going to try not to do this this year, but honestly, I don't think I can help it. I am an introvert who loves kids. Being around people exhausts me, but engaging with my students makes me happy. I think the best I can do is try to close my door and eat my lunch by myself.

Everywhere I look there are messes and unfinished tasks. I am going to ignore them. I am not going to worry about the produce that is becoming chicken food. I am not going to worry about the unplanted garlic. I am going to eat my breakfast, do my chores, and work in my pottery studio until time to clean up and go get Bean. I am taking him to the Halloween party at school tonight. Those are the two things at the top of my urgent/important chart.

I'm here. Was back in hospital for allergic reaction/epi/IV/observation. Doing much better now. Cried a lot today. Not good.

I discovered Gatorade yesterday and felt invincible after drinking about a third of the bottle. Then broke out into hives and tongue swelling, the same thing that put me in hospital Wednesday. So that's over.

I have a banana that I'll try to eat now. Have been on one slice of toast a day. Trying to be brave a try something else. BF is taking good care of mom.

Road, I used to say I was de-s$#&ing my mother's house and she I would laugh. Our laughs are harder to find these days but we are trying.

Road, yay for your walk!

Tatoulia, I hope you are feeling better! I worry!

Former student came by today. Quite the shock. I thought he was somebody's dad on a tour. This is the second time this year I have found myself hugging a man who used to be a little boy I taught! I am old. And they are bigger than I am! He is doing well. I got a chance to catch up a little. Unfortunately his big sister, whom I also taught, is in the hospital with covid. I can only hope she will be ok. When I think of her, I imagine a shy, smiley 14 y.o.

Anyway, on the stuff front - I bought a cutting wheel for the Dremel tool that I need for pottery, and I bought two weird round ball things at a garage sale to play with making textures. I think you are supposed to put them in a bowl for decoration? One has plants and faces and the other has fish and shells.

The goats seem pleased with their new fence.

Hey newsflash ! I took the dogs for a W A L K. Can you believe it? Lol. I really just walked to the end of the street and back but we have a verrrrry long street. It was about all I could handle. Now my back is killing me but I'm glad I did it.

That is all.

Love your parting thought... breathing room... letting the light in.

Sometimes I make an effort to use the term "clearing" instead of cleaning or *dehoarding...* ? now, that is a beautiful concept with an ugly name.

Someone in another group shared links to a U.K. show about hoarders. It features dr. Stelios something and he seems like a wonderful therapist. The way they share and edit the show is very compassionate I think but still pretty realistic. Definitely inspirational. I think it's called "hoarder next door" on "only human" - check it out on YouTube.

Another incredibly beautiful day here today. Maybe I will actually go out for a walk.

Oh, like back to school night.

I always dread that as a teacher because I am afraid of parents, but I liked it as a parent.

I am really stuck on what I am going to do with my classes today. Some of them are finishing things and some are not and I'm not sure how much time is available in each class. I'm also not sure what unit I want to do next. It's usually easy, but my own homestead is such a mess right now, I can't just grab whatever I'm doing and take it in. I better think fast because I leave for school in less than 3 hours.

This relates to hoarding because I think about how nice it would be to be organized and on top of things instead of constantly reacting and trying to juggle the too much. Even when it is too much good stuff, it is still too much!

My life is a little like Road's fridge was. Everything I put in there is something I wanted, but then things get lost or ruined because it is too full and there is no space. Space is a thing. Space in your environment and space in your days!

Glad you're excited about meeting your new students! And about your iPad! 😄

Curriculum night is just where parents come into the school and meet staff and hear more about students days and ask questions and stuff. For our kids it should be earlier in the year, last a little longer or be offered more than once a year but I will take what I can get. Good thing is most people seemed nice and he sits next to his oldest friend. The vocational teacher also said I was welcome to come In And help any time which is great.I think they are short staffed. I used to be able to do that in grade school and that's how I found out what was really going on and got to know the staff. Also - get this - they were asking for donations of empty vases, odd containers, old jewelry, and fabric ! Lol I almost blurted out that I was a hoarder and they are in good hands. Thank god I didn't. Now let's see if I can let go some of the 1000s of yards of fabric I have.

The MIL is still in the nursing rehab after her accident. Son #2 finally put in an appearance. First time since the accident. Evidently she really pissed him off a couple weeks ago. Usually he's the one who can deal with seeing her.

Tatoulia, hope you're feeling a little better. Thinking of you.

Road,

I am also out of sight out of mind! Sorry about your laundry.

We also have olive oil for cooking on the counter. But those other things go in a cabinet. I don't really think of most of tgem as condiments.

What is curriculum night?

I had a REALLY good day at school today.

I'm looking forward to meeting my new students tomorrow.

AND my fence is done, AND the bill is close enough to expectations that I can buy a new iPad.

But right now I am super tired and it is bed time.

Didn't get to the laundry again. I just realized the H took it downstairs to help me so it was out of sight and already forgotten. Just read an article about hoarding and it hit on out of sight out of mind and working memory issues. and also having a visual/spatial 3-d map of where things are. When something gets moved by someone else it no longer exists. I Check all those boxes.

Condiments on counter are spices, oils, vinegars, etc. I have a crock for cooking utensils, a basket for oils, and a basket for vinegars. The H would be happiest having nothing on the counter but would be ok with salt pepper and one other thing maybe. In actuality, there are about 50+ spice containers and other things sitting in that corner. I would work best having a fully exposed spice rack on the counter but our spice rack is in the cab. This means every time I cook or I would have to get out spices I need and put them away after. I'm short so I can only easily access the bottom shelf of every cabinet. So that limits options a little too. This is sort of the problem child in the kitchen- this corner. I think when I have the whole thing deep cleaned and am. Egged with daily dishes I will prob not be overwhelmed just getting spices out and putting them back every time as needed. Right now it seems beyond me.

Well, curriculum night tonight has my stomach in knots. anxiety is a beast. I feel so bad for people who struggle with it. I comfort myself saying I can wear something presentable, Will prob see friends I can chat with,and do not need to ask any controversial questions. And it's only an hour. Deep breaths. This is not in any way threatening your life.

That's it for now.

Good morning!

It's Thursday. The fence guys said they would probably finish today. Then I will know exactly how much the job cost. I saved up 10% over the estimate, so I am hoping it comes in under and I can replace my iPad next week. I was hopeful for the 10th generation one, but none of the improvements matter to me, so I will buy the less expensive 9th. Currently I am using a gen5 I got in 2017. I mostly need more storage. This is my only computer.

Tatoulia, thank you for checking in! Keep taking good care of our friend!

Road, excellent job on the not wasting food ! And the space in the fridge! I am curious about what condiments you have on the counter. We have salt, pepper, and sugar.

Good job on the closet too. I hope you get to the laundry today. That was a brave house inventory. I am not brave enough to look too closely at mine right now.

I brought four more pots home from class last night. Three of them are just "eh." But one is a fall pumpkin dish I really like. I may try the "eh" ones in the sale. Those had been sitting on my unfinished work shelf for a while, so I'm not sure if they really count as "in".

I want to spend some serious time in my studio this weekend, but this morning I need to muck out dishes and prep school stuff.

I have a staff meeting at lunch time and two new students starting tomorrow.

Subc, chuckled at your "don't judge me!" That's how I always feel, too. I get especially defensive when I think medical people are making assumptions about how I eat based on my appearance.
😖

Also cleaned up floor of closet. Last week I had a hamper in the closet for 1st time in a long time. Most of the clothes hit the basket but my son is always throwing his dirty clothes at my head and a lot of those hit the floor. But anyway got it all gathered up and hauled it down to the first floor. May get the laundry going tomorrow.

Now the kitchen needs to be cleaned (dishes) but I am tired and unmotivated. The kid has a dinner activity tonight so maybe we will go out.

Right now in my house:
- living room - picked up and decorated (I wouldn't call it clean because. when is the last time anything was "cleaned" but it looks ok if someone came in.
- dining room - shelves are 1/2 tidy and 1/2 a mess. Table is 1/2 & 1/2 also. Couple bags on floor. Piano and desk are clean.
- bathroom is fine
- kitchen - counters full of groceries and dirty dishes and too many condiments. But open the fridge - I dare you ! It's practically clean! 😆
- sons play area (disaster)
- basement - fully hoarded with bins (floor to ceiling) and clear pathways
- garage - fully hoarded 1/2+ in bins/organized but full - 100s of bins. Very narrow pathway on one side only now.
- Upstairs bath is fine
- sons room - messy but ok
- master - clean
- my room - messy, back half still lightly hoardy, front half just messy. Clear path to door. Organized (but messy) office area.

Hi Tatoulia - hugs💗💗💗

Something fun to report.
Well, a couple.
1) the H finally noticed the fridge. Haha
2) we did t waste any leftovers this week - it's a minor miracle. Very pleased.
3) saw fridge shelf liners at Aldi today and thought "oh! I could use those now." Bought em, put ?em in!
4) when I came home I brought in all the groceries. I'm still low energy (kidneys plus ??) but since I've lost 25 lbs (still +100) it's so much easier getting around, being on my feet, going upstairs, arching heavy bags. All of it. Doesn't seem like it could make that much of a difference, but this is what I experienced last time I lost 25 lbs. yay
5) had a little surge of dread thinking of putting the stuff in the fridge then I remembered there's all this space in the fridge now! Whoo hoo! Easy!
6) even after I stocked the fridge there was still room!

In general I'm psyched because when I can string together enough days where my brain is working and I'm trying to use the systems that help me keep track of things, i start to gain actual traction on solving problems instead of just haplessly jumping on and falling off the hamster wheel called life. Hmmm. Last time I felt like this I ended up deciding to become a professional organizer. *raised eyebrows!!*

Checking in. I know a lot of us have health issues and am sending my best wishes. Good work on throwing out the mice blankets, Road. Very good progress. Thank you all for the well wishes. Definitely on the path to recovery.

Good morning all.

Keep getting well!

Road, good job noticing messes!

Use what you have - tables, sorting space, whatever. That goes for groceries too. Obviously you need to replace the things you use and are out if, but take a quick look in that fridge and think of the minimum you need to buy to use/use up a couple if things that are already in there. Stick to your list!

Today is my long day. I need to throw together lesson plans, check some notebooks, find something to take to my class for firing tonight, do chores, and pack lunch.

I did not buy new cutting boards at the grocery store yesterday. I need new ones eventually, but it can wait.

I bought chips, salsa, and ice cream for Dh at his request, plus diet soda for me (a bad habit that has become thoroughly entrenched again), a bottle of wine that was on sale, and refrigerated ravioli for a quick dinner. I wanted to wear a sign that said "my house is full of organic vegetables, local apples, and homemade bread! Don't judge me!"

Gotta go! Carry on! Get better!

Tatoulia!! Omg are you ok? You have been on my mind - let us know how you're feeling when you're up to it. Sending you healing vibes :::::

I did a little more on the fridge today & did all the usual taking care of the doggies and took the garbages out, etc. Tomorrow I prob need to hit the grocery store and do some laundry. I took a look at my sons shelves and was motivated to clean in his room. Have only felt that urge one other time in last 6 months. He cleans and dad does too so his room is ok but I just took notice of the feeling
Which shows you how rare it is. or I should say a sign of progress.

Subc, I'd say about half the garage is in bins and half is kind of piles. I think that's a good strategy. I think I will get another 6' table for that. Actually, I do have a sorting area already in the basement. I should just clear that out and use that. I was working down there a bit last month. I got out the Halloween stuff and lined up the main Christmas bins. I did a bunch of old laundry and threw out some blankets and stuff that got mouse damaged a few years ago. To me the garage is both harder to navigate physically and probably has the harder stuff to purge. Maybe if I clear some stuff out of the basement I would be motivated to at least clear a bigger path in the garage. well, either way it's all good.

Goodnight Johnboy. Goodnight JimmySue.

Today's panic -

While looking for lesson plans I found my plate renewal and realized I've been driving on expired plates for two weeks.

Panicked, abandoned plans to try to get beet greens (urgent) into fridge while they are still edible and left early for BMV.

No line, was in 30 day grace period, so no fine or late fee.

Now at school half an hour early with a large hit of adrenaline in my veins and an inadequate coat. Fire drill in 45 minutes. I think my classes are going to be a bit loose today.

Good morning.

Sending love out to all the tummies this morning, and Lila's leg!

The cold and the short days are starting to get to me.

Last night after I took Bean home I wanted to clean up the living space and work on my pottery. Instead, I was delayed by a video call from Dd2 (more important - nothing urgent, my kids are just pretty much always more important) and then Dh came downstairs begging me to make dinner, so I did that, which ate up most of what was left of the evening and trashed the kitchen.

Bean and I did not bake bread yesterday because we were too busy with watching the fence posts go in - he needed to be outside or stand on a chair and I needed to be right next to him - because he was either outside or standing on a chair.

I don't have class tonight because it is a new session and now the class I won't be ready for (that I'm taking) is on Wednesday nights.

I grabbed a piece of scrap paper and did a massive brain dump of "things I need to do" which I probably need to plot on a quandrant chart.

At the moment I feel like everything is urgent.

Oh no Tatoulia!

I'm so sorry we didn't know!

Rest and get better! I hope the antibiotics work fast.

Been in hospital. Home now. Not sure if I mentioned the terrible abdominal pain I had last week. I have a diagnosis and am home on antibiotics.

Hey road, everyone needs a good star now and then!

Dh went through the digestive pain roller coaster - scopes and scans, severe elimination diet, meds. We finally determined that 1) he's lactose intolerant and 2) the pain is basically caused by stress. This took years. I finally found a holistic health and nutrition doctor who works out of a women's center in the city. Dh said "I'll try anything." He called her and asked if she minded that he was a man. She said "not if you don't mind that my waiting room is pink." So he got a referral to a fantastic mental health professional, dietary guidelines to follow when he is in stressful situations, an anti anxiety med for occasional use, and a muscle relaxant for emergencies.

He still has bad days, but his life is much better.

My favorite moment in the journey was when his mom (who is one giant stressor) was visiting and said to him "I hope we're not stressing you out" (because we don't intend to change our behavior in any way) and he said "no mom. I'm on enough drugs to handle anything." She thought he was joking. He literally wasn't medically allowed to drive the whole time they were here that trip.

Urgent but not important can be things with deadlines and expiration dates too - like "it's urgent that I make cheese this weekend because this milk is about to go off, but it's not important, because I still have cheese and the chickens can drink the sour milk" so if I get to it, great, and if not, I will not have to do it at all and the consequences are minor.

Road, are the things in the garage in boxes or bins? Maybe you could do some work in the basement until you have a "staging area" then you could take the boxes down one at a time to work on?

Right now I am cold and unmotivated. Bean and I spent a lot of the day outside watching the fence posts go in. Tomorrow they will stretch fence. They may even hang gates and be done tomorrow. That would be fantastic. Bean is napping. I should take a hot shower before he wakes up. That would probably help.

Lost my post again. Always letting my iPad run out of juice without noticing til it's too late.

Hernias hernias everywhere. Cm, I didn't read your post til after I posted mine. I had a friend who had to have one of those mesh surgeries repaired. Ugh.

Regarding the quadrants, if memory serves, there's urgent and not, and then important and then not. You want to be focusing on spending more and more of your time in #2 which is important but not urgent. That's relationship building and activities that feed your soul and build foundations for your future. Not important and not urgent is the quadrant of "waste" which is where a lot of people spend a lot of their time, but it just doesn't benefit you in anyway - it's where you go when you're tanked. Video games, junk tv, stress eating... Urgent and not important is also a waste - you're just getting sucked into other people's vortexes essentially. Important/urgent can't be avoided really, but you can examine what you consider is important and try to minimize the urgency of things... at least that's what I remember about this concept.

I always liked the 80/20 concept. It's the idea that if you pick the right 20% of things to focus on in your life, you will get 80% of all your rewards there. Alternatively, you can spin your wheels on working on the 80% of your life that will only pay off in 20% of rewards... you can approach a given task or project with the simple question - is this something that will have a big reward for me or is it likely to be a waste of time? It gets you into thinking what the end results of something will be and not just what feels most pressing at the moment/what's in your face?

Haven't thought much about these things for awhile...

I just straightened my Standing desk again. It was really great for wrapping gifts, too. It is still a little warped I guess but I will keep it for now. I am not sure what to work in next in my room. Lots of things to choose from.

Now that I am gaining some traction on my room and kitchen, etc. I am starting to think about the basement and the garage again. I know making elbow room in the garage would mean more to the H but as it's starting to get colder I'm thinking more in terms of the basement. Also the garage is so packed now I am really not sure where to start. I think I would need to buy a tent or something... any ideas?