The Lila show, episode 3...

I dragged myself outside in the cold and scooped up a whole bucket full of dog poo from the yard. Bagged it and put it in the bin. Then played with the dog.

Then came inside and ate pizza. And then went back outside, gathered up a plastic crate, 3 bins, a set of dog stairs, a trash can, a couple of lids and a stepstool that had been left outside a few months ago. Hooked up the hose, sprayed all of it with cleaner and then the hose. Relatively clean. Let them drip a bit, wiped them off with a towel and dragged everything into the house. Much of this belongs to ex, and I will ask Son to stick them in his storage space (he still has things here). I feel good that I got that done, but now I feel so tired and wonder if I will get anything else done today.

Tot and family will be here in 4 hours. I really have to get the table cleaned off.

post 2 today. I am still quite sluggish to the point I made a second cup of coffee, with caffeine - a rare thing for me. I am sipping it now.

It is almost lunchtime and here is what I did since the last post:
- found a plastic bin with just towels in it, put them elsewhere, and brought the empty bin into Teen's room
- a very depressing time picking up tons of clean clothes off Teen's floor, shaking them out, sorting them. I washed all of them some time age for them, but they just got thrown on the floor and I was told nothing fits (not true) and they hate all the clothes (which they picked out and I paid for). I folded a few things I know they won't wear and put them in the bin. I am unsure what to do with the rest, as I cannot afford to keep buying and donating all their clothes. But I don't know what they actually WILL wear. Sigh. Need to go back in and bin some more things I guess. But all the shirts are wrinkled so I may throw them all into the wash, again. Tiring. And I miss Teen before they were like this.
- picked up some trash and put into a bag to take out
- brought a few things upstairs that belong up here

I dunno, it feels like I am going in circles. Also, Teen and addict friend drew a depressing, terrible mural on the wall with black waterproof makeup. I tried to see if it would come off with a couple different cleaners, just now. No luck, will try dawn power spray. The whole situation makes me so sad. I am trying not to sink into it.

I also got some meat out of the freezer to thaw for dinner tonight and will get it in the oven soon. And gave the dog a bone so he won't be too bored.

SubC, awww, you are making a difference in those lives! How wonderful!

I 100% understand the Brio tracks. Just thinking about it makes ME want to climb into the dumpster, lol. But here is something that helps me in those situations. There have been times I threw away things that looked good and salvageable, but threw them out because 1) they got dropped into a dirty toilet by a child, 2) a child vomited on them, or 3) they made me sad because of a very bad memory. So now when I see things thrown out, I think, well, they threw them out for a reason and it is probably gross. I don't want the germs or grossness or the bad energy in my house. That helps me.

Your routine sounds reasonable. I remember when I was super depressed I would go 5-7 days without a shower. I still washed my face and put on deoderant but did not go out much. Now that I have friends and a job and community, and am not super depressed, I don't do that. But, when I have a day off, I skip the shower sometimes. Like yesterday. I plan to shower tonight so I am ready for work in the morning.

I am struggling with energy today. I am also feeling the stark emptiness of my home after decades of living with lots of kids, a husband, sometimes a friend or boarder. Now, everyone is gone but Son, and he works. It is so quiet, it makes me want to cry. I miss having lots of children or teens. I play music or leave the tv on all the time. I am having my Tots over tonight for dinner and that will help.

My low energy would allow me to literally sit on the couch all day and do nothing, but I am fighting it and just made some regular coffee to help.

So far all I have done is:
- scrubbed, soaked, scrubbed again the pan from the bottom of the toaster oven
- basically nothing else but feed dogs and let them out

I hope after the coffee I can get some work done, while relaxing.

How are you today SubC, and other friends?

Anyone new lurking?

Lila, you got a lot done!

I hope you also feel more relaxed!

This is my work "grooming" routine:
Shower, shave as needed, deodorant, brush teeth, brush and braid hair.
Jeans without holes, school t-shirt, necklace.
Earrings for special days (theme days - I have a bunch of fun earrings like frogs and pumpkins) and socks and an open men's flannel shirt for cold ones.

When Dh and I go out I wear fancy clothes and jewelry and put my hair up.

Today I am going to focus on finishing all the clay making for my class this week and the sale this coming weekend (ack!)

Tomorrow I switch to glazing.

One of my seniors told me they considered having me speak at graduation at the senior meeting (this is considered an honor and as far as I know I have never been suggested before) I'm pretty sure I got a deer in the headlights look and I told him "nobody would enjoy that but you." (I am very clear with my kids that talking to their parents causes me anxiety. They know I try to hide when teachers have to go up front to be thanked or introduced in assemblies..) he laughed and said "don't worry, I said we *considered* it." Then the group wanted reassurance that I was coming to graduation. I told them I will sit in the audience and cry.

I took a feed bag of garbage from the studio to the dumpster yesterday, and I was able to easily find samples of all three types of fiber that I have on hand to share with my classes (we are discussing fiber production animals and related small scale homesteading skills) I managed to find my enthusiasm too, and came up with great lessons.

And I already know what I'm going to do next week!

The dumpster had been emptied and someone from the neighborhood had thrown a bunch of toys into it. I could see pieces of brio train track! But they were all the way at the bottom and wet from the rain. I did not climb into the dumpster and rescue them. It was a struggle. But I resisted. If they had been dry, or not in the bottom, or not behind my school - I might have given in. They are still in my head.

post 2 today -for accountability

I am enjoying my peaceful day! My Tots and family are coming for dinner tomorrow, so that gives me inspiration to get the kitchen table cleaned off and the kitchen decent.

So far I:
- sorted all the mail piles, threw out quite a bit
- heated up some soup and ate it
- hand washed the dishes, put a few away
- folded a basket of towels and put them away
- picked up all the dirty laundry and put it into the basket
- put some of Tot's toy set into a new box and threw the old broken box away
- put away random items from the kitchen table and other areas
- sorted all the pills, consolidated, threw out about 10 bottles
- put rust remover on the can opener blades and scrubbed them

I got a lot done while relaxing! I plan to clean up the kitchen and my bathroom a bit more, but that's about it for today, I think.

Oh, I also checked the balance on 2 gift cards, and it was 0, so I tossed them. I have this thing about wanting to keep empty gift cards so kids can play with them but seriously I need to stop.

Good morning everyone! SubC, I wish I could sit on the floor and work on things in a blanket nest! That sounds so inviting and comfy. When I sit on the floor, number one I cannot get back up easily (weight and knee problems) and number two my legs go numb and my back hurts (weakness and weight, I am sure). That would be a fun goal for me: get strong enough and light enough that I can sit on the floor and do things, most importantly, play with Tot.

I slept in, got up and made a nice pot of coffee with filtered water and beans I put in the grinder, fed dogs and let them out. I'm sipping coffee and watching Yes to the Dress.

So far I already:
- picked up dirty towels in the master bath and put them in the hamper
- put some trash items in a grocery bag and took it out to the trash can, along with a broken mop handle and a DONUT BOX (SubC my soul sister)
- brought in the mail
- loaded the dishwasher

That is a nice start and I did all this in a relaxed fashion while just wandering around doing my thing.

What I love about days off, aside from sleep and coffee, is that I just run a comb through my hair and don't fix it up "nice" and I don't wear makeup and I wear my loose baggy jeans and my old comfy favorite shirt that has some little holes in the sleeves. I have two in different colors and they are too ratty, really, to wear out, but I love them for home, until I find something to replace them.

Will be back with more updates as I get things done!

Welcome back Lila!

Rest is important! Be sure to put relaxing on that list!

It is raining.

I have a low folding Japanese table that I use for a desk/project table. I am a person who sits on the floor. The idea is that it can be set up in the main space or wherever and then folded up and slid under the couch in the den. It's a compromise with Dh. I have had it set up all week and it has my ornament project in process. I have created a blanket nest next to it to sit in. Mr. kitty came in soaking wet and plopped himself down in my blanket nest.

I guess I will have to clean it up. To me it looks inviting and calls me to come create, but to Dh it just looks like a mess.

I didn't tell you about my bad food choices yesterday (I've been making bad food choices all week, but yesterday was particularly bad. I went into the grocery store, and I started on the healthy side and put organic vegan soups into my cart. By the time I got to the other side, it was soda and clearance donuts. Guess which I ate for dinner? Hint, not soup.

This morning I am feeling very unprepared and unmotivated about my classes and I am having coffee and stale donuts for breakfast.

On the bright side, I also forgot to tell you that my pile of old magazines is down to 15. That's something..

omg, my brain hurts!!

I missed being here, sorry I missed my favorite show (the SubC show) and just now got on and read about half the older posts. It is night so I will read the other half in the morning.

I worked and worked and worked, drove for hours to see Teen who is still not home, could not see my Tots because they were sick. I have not had a real day off in a long time. Today I did as much work as I could, and I am taking off FOR REAL the next 2 days, going nowhere. I am too tired and my home is actually in chaos. Covered in dog hair, foam (long story), dirty dishes, dirty laundry and layers of dust and paperwork!!

I am so happy that tomorrow morniing I can sleep in, make a pot of fresh coffee instead of a keurig pod, and chill. Just stay home, do some things that need to be done, relax... ahhh. I really need this.

I am going to work on my planner a little before bed, so I have a decent list of what I'd like to get done over the next 2 days.

See you in the morning!

Good work Road. I hope your brother follows through.

You are seeing the shopping, so that is good.

I'm sorry about your flood. I know all too well that heart sinking feeling when you realize the problem is so much worse because you couldn't cope with the whatever.

Nothing new in today but two pieces of mail I left in the car - I think one junk, one cc statement (I pay that online, but the paper copy reminds me to do it). I made some more pig ornaments for the sale. I'll panic plan my classes in the morning.

My Dh is coming home! They can't do the thing anymore because of the hurricane. So may be he will have to go back, or maybe they will be able to do the rest of the thing with him here, but for now he is coming home!

Little update. Dragged my brother over 2 miles of broken glass fielding petulant behavior and mild insults til we got his job app submitted. I found out he hadn't done his resume yet (after being unemployed for a year or two already but he couldn't bring himself to do that today so I will invite myself over there again tomorrow and try to get that done. If he gets past this hump he can navigate things - it's just this front end he can't handle. he's an exemplary employee but is so freaked by the application process. Anyhoo, so hope this job works out so he can get back on his feet again.

Must admit I was so stressed by that and a string of stressful events yesterday that I went to a thrift shop. (Like a junkie for a fix). I spent $20 and bought 4 vintage ornies to add to the hoard, several baskets which I ended up regretting, and some x stitch patterns and a book. Don't need any of it! Not in need of advice, just reporting the facts.

Good news is I cleaned out my car a little and took some returns to kohls before hand. I bought a couple tee shirts and a bday card for my niece, and a padding ton bear for my son. Didn't really need the tee shirts but some of the 2x I just bought are actually a little too big (what?!?!) also realized I have a similar paddington I forgot about, and I could have sent my niece a card from my stash. Oh well. Shopped for sofas and lamps which we need at the thrift but no luck. Actually found a pot of lamps I liked but I went over them with a fine tooth comb and found some damage. So that's no dice. (According to my thrifty rules).

Over and out.

Hi,

Oh, that pic was just a test. If I can figure out how to do a few at once I'll try again.

(Long family related rant was here... )

Had a little emergency flood last night when the toilet overflowed. You hear a funny noise " oh that's not right..." and the next thing you know there's a .25" wall of water coming at your piles. These are the things you have to worry about when there's stuff that shouldn't be where it is. And always too much of it. Luckily I caught most of it in time.

Alrighty, I'm off to decide if I should go back to bed or something else...

Good morning!

I slept a little later than usual today, but I was up much too late last night.

I am struggling very hard with time management. It turns out being home alone is very little improvement. Although there are fewer dishes and my mornings are more organic.

Brought home pots from class last night. I'm not counting the pots. I'll have a look at the pot situation after the sale in two weeks.

Road, I hope things go well with your parents today.

Tatoulia, it's great that mom is showing interest in activities!

I have laundry running - because I don't have to worry about when Dh will get in the shower, and I did the dishes last night. I'm running the dishwasher every other day because I have a second milk bucket.

CM, I hope things are looking up, and Lila I miss you!

Super auick drive by - you took the trays off of your fridge door! Wow!

I hope your tummy feels better!

https://www.dropbox.com/s/p95vxqvb565hobt/2022-10-02%2013.29.34.jpg?dl=0

...

The fridge is my friend

Hey all, trying again to share a photo...

Bit of a tough day. Had a doc appt. he thinks my issues are complications from GERD, so trying meds for that for month or less and go from there. Hope that's it and it's controllable without aggravating my kidney situation...

Felt kind of sick so wasn't up to much mentally. Got a barrage of calls from the MIL which was super annoying but I'm trying to let this be a practice in patience/spiritual growth. She needs help. I'm available. She has no one else and her own two sons are having a hard time taking care of her because she was so horrible to them.

Also dealing with my bro trying to get him to finish this application. I realize now that I'm unable to walk on eggshells with him that is the only way to coax him into doing it. This must be how people who tried to help us over the years have felt. Super frustrating I must say! The delusions and excuses are whoppers. And just ridiculous. He really has a totally distorted perception of what is required.

Lastly, the Ps are coming over Tomorrow to do a gardening project and I'm very worried how I will keep the out of the garage. It's the volume that is bad, as well as the fact that 90% of what they gave me 18 months ago is still piled up in the garage. When I say they I mean my dad cause my mom doesnt care about any material thing.

Wish me luck...

Quick drive by. Tea clinks! Still not allowed coffee and I don't miss it.

I'm working on my house and am pleased with the progress. Small things make a big difference.

The last two weeks I've been going into the office on Tuesdays and Wednesdays instead of my usual Wednesdays and Fridays and I've liked it. Fridays are extremely boring at work. My new hire is doing great. He comes to the office when I am there even though he's only required to come in once a week. He's extremely quiet and hardworking. Im glad we have him.

The doctor added a medication to mom's roster and she's been doing fairly well! Sunday she was pretty upset, bordering on abusive with the workers. She was very mad at me because she thought I was going to visit her at 1:30 and BF and I got there at 4:30, and it was dark. So I said we were going to take her to the mall and she was mean and I clarified we are taking you now. So we wheeled her over to the Prudential Center and window shopped. We went into a paper store, where I bought her Christmas cards and a few other things she wanted. We had her out and about for an hour and 45 minutes and she's been in a better mood ever since. She hasn't been out of her place in ages, largely because I do not drive much and putting her wheelchair in and out of the car is too much for me.

The new med has calmed her nightly hallucinations. Her delusions (people talking about her, the aides calling her a dirty word, people being liars) are still in place. Last night, when BF and I stopped by to see her, she talked endlessly about her day and how great it was. She actually went to an apple tart demonstration and made her own, and she went to a music concert. Today, there are a few activities that she showed interest in. Flower arranging and painting on a ceramic mug. One of the residents said she'd pick up mom for that. Progress! She never goes to things downstairs.

That's the news from the couch. Fireplace on, kitty asleep next to me. I need to get ready for work.

CM, SubC, Road, Lila, and everyone else, I'm cheering you on!

Wow road,

I am still trying to find time and motivation to put thanksgiving stuff out.

I realized that I did clean up the Halloween stuff only a week after Halloween though. Except my big ghost - I washed that and hung it to dry, but it's probably ready now.

I'm sorry about your attacks. I hope the doc can help you.

As for your brother - I hope things work out for him. Please remember though that he is not your responsibility. That doesn't mean don't help him, it just means you can only do so much, and then you have to let go and leave things up to him.

I enjoyed the eclipse this morning, but I am also struggling with the short days, and the early dark. It's quarterpast seven and I want to go to bed. Also I need to eat. It seems like too much work. I have successfully cleared out most of the easy bad choices. It turns out that this means I have to cook, but I'm not hungry enough to want to cook.

I forgot my lunch, and then I came home and ate about a cup of cashews and a thick slice of tea bread.

Last night I had tea, crackers with cheese, and pickles.

I had my Green Day yesterday and today I took a big box of things to school to stay. Mostly consumables. I'm too tired to decide if today is yellow or green, but I think I did pretty well. Nothing new came home.

Oh wow, a week escapes me just like that. Well, I had two more "attacks." Since the pre Halloween one and I actually made a drs. Appt this time. The last one was the worst so far and lasted two days. I had plans to take my son to my m&d who live all of 5 mins away and couldn't even go in I felt so bad. Luckily my mom offered to just take him and drop him off later so I went home and went to bed. The H was off work but was trying to fix the fence panels that got creamed in the latest storm so he was very annoyed that I was still sick. His brain is also broken. Good news is I slept four hours during the day yesterday and still slept all night last night. Woke up feeling better with no pain at all. If I didn't lose at least a pound from all that agony I will be miffed.

I am determined not to get depressed this winter. I am back to taking vit D & B although now I have to be a little careful with D I guess. I also have a light thingy and am going to try to do the 20 min walk in the sun every morning.

The H was encouraging to put up Christmas decorations early which I thought was interesting, or should I say dr. Hyde. But I guess what I really need to do is help my brother apply for a job. There's an opening through a friend of a friend situation. It's come up before and he blew it off and now they've gone through so many people they are hiring again and she actually thought of him for the job now and he can't get himself to apply. He has been well educated and mostly underemployed Over his career, and now unemployed. All his friends from high school are high achievers and I'm sure he's constantly comparing himself to them. Anyway, I told him about the job Thursday and he has yet to apply. I felt too sick Sunday and Monday to help him other than nag him via text. It's weird because when I mentioned it to him he jumped at it and you could tell he felt a huge sense of relief but then he couldn't even apply. His brain is also broken.

In getting ready for Halloween I already pulled the key Christmas bins out so that should be pretty easy. We still need a new tree. We keep inheriting trees that don't quite work and that is such a hassle. I'm pretty sure we finally dumped one but unless I wrote a big neon sign on the remaining trees I won't remember what state any of them are in, and let's face it, the secret hoarder (the H) probably put the one he was supposed to dump back in the garage. But anyway, if I do any decorating This week it will just be Mantle and a few other things in the living room. This is the 80%! Meaning this is the job that is fun, Lots of cute stuff that's been curated, dahling... takes only an hour or two and has the biggest impact. The tree is the 20. It takes 8 hours, the lights never turn out quite right, I end up with scratches everywhere... Over and out.

Hi CM,

Thanks for coming by!

I am wishing for you a settled and peaceful holiday season!

I forgot to confess yesterday that I brought home two multi page handouts about clay and a poster from the studio. I did recycle a large cardboard Halloween sign that I've had for a long time. I looked at it and thought "it is so hard to get this in my bin without bending it and it looks dated, and I hardly ever put it up, and it's literally printed cardboard.." And then I folded it up for the recycling really fast before I could think about it too much.

Enjoying Bean and a stretch of nice weather and working on a Green Day..

Things are still up in the air for me, plus new struggles, but I'm doing my best to hang in. I just felt like saying Hi this morning. Pretty soon, like within a couple of weeks, I'll have info regarding the uncertain things (and one of them may turn out okay, but I need confirmation).

So anyway - Hi! Thinking of you all. Take care and be well. TTYL

Love, CM

It's the Subclinical show!

I got a lot done in my studio today. Unloaded the kiln (one pot cracked) trimmed another bowl, trimmed and burnished the 8 pots from yesterday, wedged some clay, rolled out and cut another slab bowl, and cleaned up a little more.

I also drove down to the big studio, put mica on 4 of the pots and set them up for bisque firing for class this week (Sunday night is the deadline), filled my car with gas, and bought cheese and milk for Bean (also gnocchi and pasta for me)

Took a shower, talked to Dh, set up the coffee, prepped the fruit for raisin bread tomorrow, and now I'm having a glass of wine and I'm going to make pig ornaments in my pajamas.

I'm calling today green because I have a sense of accomplishment even though I didn't even clean up my dishes in the house.

Good morning again!

I failed to sleep late, but I feel rested. Hopefully I won't have any trouble getting to sleep early tonight - tomorrow is a Bean day.

I made some coffee this morning, then went out to work in my studio until I got hungry - I'm continuing to work on cleaning up as I go.

Did chores - figured the critters were hungry too, and had some breakfast. I'm about to head back out to see if the kiln can be unloaded.

Hope everybody is having a good weekend!

Good evening!

I am up super late because of the sleeping until 10:00.

It's ok though. I figured out I could go to bed at midnight, set my alarm for 7, and still get 8 hours of sleep tonight.

I won't quite make it.

I put away the clean laundry while Dh was packing this morning.

I trimmed up three large bowls and got them in the kiln. Then I cleaned up around the kiln so that I could fire it without burning the studio down. I threw pots, with breaks to straighten up a little more, until my hands hurt and I got hungry and things started to go badly. I have 8 keepers.

I have a box of stuff to go back to school, and I put some things in trash and recycling.

The dishwasher is running, and I am having some bread, chocolate milk, and almonds and calling that dinner.

Oops - it's technically morning now - I can't remember the last time I was up this late! Dh would not let this happen! I don't do well with time when he is gone. I fall into kairos.

Good morning.
Still.
Barely.

I slept 12 hours. I dreamed a lot. My life is exhausting.

Yay for hazardous waste day!

There is a thing I want to go to next weekend if Dh is still gone. It is the free take away day at the recycling and reuse center. I know that I should not go in part because I won't go if he is back because he will be angry. I know the time would be better spent fixing up my studio and getting ready for my sale. But I really really want to go.

Hello, I'm not caught up on all the posts. SubC, I like your red, green, yellow system. I'm proud of you for telling your friend that you are a hoarder. I once told someone that I hoard things because I want to prove that I am loved. She was a college student I was having dinner with. And she said, you are loved, you can get rid of it. So that was probably seven years ago when I started on this site. And so when I feel like keeping stuff I ask myself if I'm trying to prove that I am loved.

The box idea would never work for me, I'm afraid. I wouldn't deal with the box. My friend was here for dinner and she said the house looks really good and that we can work on closets together. So I'm psyched about that. I told her I could buy her dinner but she's really just enamored with my lemon pasta with shrimp so that's what I'll make her.

I have a lot of recycling to take out and I'm also gathering things for hazardous waste day. Pretty excited about all of this.

Lila, where is the produce coming from?

Rinse the spinach and put it in a plastic bag in a paper towel to soak up extra moisture and maintain humidity. Wash the carrots and cut the tops off. Put the celery in a jar with a little water - stems down, and tent a plastic bag over the top.

Very good job facing the dog poo!

I acquired 4 large sheets of soundproofing foam at school today. This is a pottery treasure. I cut two good sized squares off for me and cut the rest of one piece and another half piece into sections for my students. Then I got tired of cutting. I brought my two squares home, put the cut pieces away in my classroom, and stashed the remainder in my closet.

I'm tired. I think today is a "yellow" day. Didn't really keep up, didn't really fall behind.

All day people have been trying to suck me into things that are not my job or none of my business. I'm ready for some time without people!

back for post 2 today.

I am resting which is nice, eating too much which isn't great. But I did clean off the stove and started a pot of soup.

You know what makes me sad? Why I go in the fridge and get vegetables out and they've gone bad. I feel so guilty, and sad, and want to cry. It feels hopeless. I got out the carrots for the soup. One bag was slimed and all bad and got tossed. The second bag was not very fresh but not gross or slimy, so I dumped them in the sink, sorted out any that didn't look good and tossed them, and washed the rest. Chopped some for the soup. Then got out a bag of celery. A whole, large bag someone gave me. And I open it and some of them are gone bad, some have ends that are gross, but some look perfectly fresh. I picked out some fresh ones, washed, and cut for soup. The rest of the bag is sitting in the sink. I need to dump them out and salvage any that are good and wash them and toss the rest, but it is emotionally draining and makes me so sad. Got out the cabbage one one end was going bad. I cut it in half, tossed the half with the bad end and used the rest. So at least I am using some of it up.

I guess I don't know how to keep my produce fresh. I just stick the bag of carrots or celery or spinach in the fridge and it goes bad. Should I do something differently so they last longer?

I also need to work on some legal stuff and absolutely do not want to.

hi guys, so nice to come back after a (seems to me) long while and see posts. Road, it was good to have a long post from you and update. LOL, the ranch costume made me smile! Hi Tatoulia and SubC, I mostly caught up on your posts too. I can imagine Bean in his costume. Tot was a princess. Such a fun age.

Teen is still not home. Son is working and I barely see him, but he helps when he is around. My leg hurts and is not fully functional, but I am now in physical therapy and it seems to be helping. I am very, very drained from working endless hours (this is my busiest week of the year) and today is finally my day off, and I am TAKING it. Also hoping/planning to take Monday off.

I woke up early today and already before 9am I:
- loaded the dishwasher
-cleaned on side of the sink
-sorted produce, asked a neighbor if they wanted some extra, put a box of extras on the porch and they picked it up
-cleaned up about half of the poopy yard
- someone left a bag of poo in the poo container and the lid off, and it poured rain. SO GROSS. I was retching but I poured off some of the water, tied the bag shut, gently lifted it into another bag in case of leaks, tied THAT shut, and carried it to the trash bin which gets picked up today. Then put in a new bag in the container and THE LID ON.
- put in a load of laundry
-worked on my planner

hey that's not bad right??

I would like to make soup and process the rest of my extra produce today - chopping, freezing, storing, hanging herbs to dry, etc. Need to clean up the counters a bit first.

Good morning.

I had fun yesterday, but I am tired from all the socialing. Also, I had to give one of my friends sad news she hadn't heard. I cried in the restaurant.

Also, the battery died in my car yesterday. Fortunately in the garage, but unfortunately right before I left for school, so I had to move everything I had loaded in my car and arrived in a rush. I am glad I have the farm truck as a back up! (Yes, it would have been faster to jump the car, but it wasn't all the way dead and I thought it was a starter problem. Then I got home and it was all the way dead.)

I am giving myself "lights" this month for each day. Tuesday and Wednesday were "green" - overall made progress and left myself better off than I was when I woke up. Yesterday was "yellow" pretty much kept up with things, but added to my work load or let some things slide that shouldn't (in this case added a commitment for school and didn't do lesson planning) I remembered to buy tp though! I'm trying to stay out of "red" - skipping something important or with significant consequences/falling noticeably behind.

I recycled another magazine and took some saved containers to school (which is what I had saved them for) I told my older (still young, age inappropriate) friend that I'm a hoarder. She looked surprised but not concerned (it was in relation to talking about learning to take small steps when the big ones are too hard and that it gets easier. I told her about coming here too.) Then she asked me a question she had apparently been wanting to ask since she was my student "So are you on the spectrum?"

All I could say was "probably." I told her I've never been diagnosed with anything but anemia because I've never been officially tested for anything else.

Anyway, gotta go stay out of the red..

I forgot to set my alarm last night.

Probably good because I needed the sleep, but I had plans for the time.

I have another new student coming today. I hope I like her.

Dh and I were talking over breakfast about things we need more of in our lives. I told him my problem was that I couldn't think of anything I'm willing to give up to make time except housework and meals. (And commuting, but not the things I'm commuting to...)

I hoard activities and experiences too..

I went by Bean's house after school yesterday. His Mommy had a meeting and dsil fed me dinner. I got Bean to eat his broccoli, so it was a big win.

Ok, off to do things and be social today.

Took 7 pieces of scrap fence to school to give another teacher for a project.

Also took half a dozen dried out markers to drop in the marker recycling collection.

A student gave me a pretty live flower hair comb.

Brought home a lot of new pots not sure how many will stay - update later.

Tomorrow I have lunch with one age inappropriate friend and dinner with another. (Both over 18 and under 21.)

Need to get to bed!

I was thinking the box just to clear and decide - whatever you didn't put back you could carry to where it goes and then have the empty box for the next space - by moving it, you would have to really see it.

I'm glad you have your friend to help.

Hi SubC! Good work on getting through the papers and magazines!

It is surface decorations. I'm loathe to put in a box because then I have a box full of stuff. And I can't allow that. I am going to put things away. And then decide what I want to come back. And if there's not room to put away, then things will have to move on to goodwill.

My friend is coming for dinner Friday night. She will help. She loves going through my stuff. Loves the closets. Loves the drawers. She's magical.

Abdomen is definitely iffy today. Tea for me. If need be, I'll buy crackers but I hate the sodium. Salt isn't my thing. I can also have a banana or rice.

Good morning!

Tatoulia, how are you this morning?

Lila, how is your leg?

I did the chores last night, but no pottery, and left the lesson plans for this morning. I am tired this morning. I did get out to the studio and check on the pots that were drying. I forgot to take something out though. I am trying.

Yesterday was actually a very productive day. Today I will probably just coast. I have class again tonight.

I have upped my caffeine too much again. I know it's a crutch, but I can't seem to shake it.

I counted the old magazines. There are 21. Going back to 2020.

Dh says he will leave sometime this weekend for work, depending on flight options. He doesn't know how long he will be gone. Mornings will be easier because I won't need to be quiet, but evenings will be a struggle. And I will miss him.

So I have been pulling one at a time off the stack and putting it in the bathroom. it was previously more than 3 years.

The new ones I read tonight instead of surfing online and they are all in the recycling!

Take care of yourself! You are very important. We don't want you back in the hospital.

Are the decorations on surfaces or walls? Can you grab a box or basket and clear off the surfaces one at a time and then judiciously put back?

Hi SubC! Good getting those things out of the house!

I was glad to be at the office today. My abdomen is painful. I need to be careful here. I ate crackers for lunch and then just had some tuna. I'll see how this sits.

I think I'll do a load of delicates then shower and call it a night. I don't know if mom's new meds start tonight. Her meds are locked in her room and the aides give her the meds each night. I don't want to call attention to it, either.

So my goal is to get rid of the clutter in the living room. I don't see it, so it's hard for me. It isn't clutter like piles of stuff, it's just decorative stuff that needs to take a holiday and give me some room to breathe.

SubC what do you think you should do with the three years worth of local papers. Could you decide to let them go? I'm in the same boat, sometimes, and ultimately I find letting them go is the easiest. Let me know if you want any encouragement. Also let me know if you want me to leave it be!

I have a terrible headache in addition to the abdomen pain. I'm afraid I'll have to figure things out. All was going so well but obviously I ate too much last night.

I have a list of things to do tomorrow and later this week. I'll report back.

Winding down.

Laundry from this morning has finished in the dryer.

Some scrap fence is loaded in the truck to donate to another teacher for a project at school.

I turned in my old iPad for a $65 "trade in" refund and dropped two older damaged models for recycling at the same time.

Stopped at the feed store on the way home (have not unloaded the feed.)

Chores, pottery, and lesson plans left to do and once again out of steam.

I tossed three magazines into the recycling right before I left this morning. Three more arrived in the mail today. They are not subscriptions, they are local publications with events and articles. I always check the events and then keep them too long thinking I will read the articles. I currently have a three year stack.

Isn't it a white rabbit?

CM, where are you?!

I did get both an unexpected short flash of sun and a surprise visit from a friend in the parking lot when I showed up today, so I'm still doing ok.

I even remembered my lunch! (It's usually 50/50 on that one.)

I started the dishwasher and a load of wash before I left home, and completely loaded my car with stuff to not bring back.

I stopped at the bank - where they gave me a piece of Halloween candy, dropped 5 grocery bags of recycling, tossedthetwofeed bags with trash in them into the school dumpster, and carried two trips worth of equipment and supplies up to my room. Don't worry, I am not hoarding my room back up.

An hour of sun sounds so miserable, SubC. I am proud of how much you accomplish. This time of year is like swimming in jello. It's so hard.

November 1st. My goal is to declutter the living room. I can do it and I will be happy.

In honor of CM, rabbit rabbit rabbit. I'm not sure if the rule is to say rabbit two times or three.

Having my tea. It's dark out here. Not good. Dreading the time change.

Good morning.

I am up. I have eaten breakfast and taken my vitamin. I made Dh breakfast. I put my breakfast dishes and some of the backlog in the dishwasher. So far, progress.

My counter is a drift again. That is just going to be a hot spot for a while.

Only an hour of sun in the forecast.

Obviously I need to do my chores and go to work. The top urgent and important task is to get my lesson plans done before that! The second one is to remember to buy feed on the way home.

I have other things on my list for the day, but if I do those, it will be ok.

Planting garlic stayed on my urgent and important list for a month. Clearly it was not that important. I didn't do it. So I won't grow garlic this year. I am a little sad and disappointed in myself, but there will be time for garlic next year when I have things more under control. I have to believe I will have things more under control.

I am also looking forward to a day when the top urgent/important thing on my list is a thing that could just as well be done "tomorrow."

Hi tatoulia,

I hope the meds help.

Road, did your son go out to trick or treat?

Apparently Bean warmed up to the idea and loved it. People gave him chocolate! He discovered Kit Kats! He was a handyman with mama's hard hat, safety glasses, a canvas work bag with his toy tools, his carhartts, an orange shirt, and boots. His best friend was a green crayon, and their other buddy was a robot. So adorable!

He did enjoy the zoo jeep today.

I got out to the studio. Just for a few minutes. I trimmed one piece and brought back an item for the donate pile. It's progress.

I told Dh I am dying in the dark and he said "this is the first day you have felt like this. You have been doing really really well this year, and doing all kinds of things." So that's good I guess.

Second load of laundry is in the dryer. I cut Dh hair tonight. I am doing ok.

Hello, All!

Road, I'm so glad your son had a nice weekend!

SubC, we have very mild weather here and I can hear all the trick or treaters outside. Some years, I've handed out candy. Not this year.

Mom's dr called and he's going to be adding some meds to help with the dementia. I tried to tell her about that tonight.

I have my recycling out and kitty has a clean litter box. I need to shower and go to bed. I'm going into the office tmr.

I still feel like my house is cluttered. I'll work on it. I want it to be cute for Christmas.

The dark is killing me.

Overcast all day again today. At least I had Bean.

We picked up soil for the lemon tree - which is still in the truck, which went to the courthouse with Dh for early voting because it looks like he will be gone next week.

I unloaded, loaded, and ran the dishwasher. Did one load of laundry - Bean enjoyed putting the wet things in the dryer.

Did morning chores. Too early for evening.

No lesson plans yet. Trying to force myself out to the studio. No creative energy. It's not even six. I want to have a glass of wine for dinner and go to bed.

Also, my car has new tires and ball joints and I would really like to stop spending money. My paycheck has been delayed 24 hours by a bookkeeping error. 2/3 of it will go to the car. I apparently could not live on my paycheck. Although the government says My income is right at the poverty line for a family of 4.

And now it is pouring rain, so I want to go outside even less. Poor trick or treaters!

Happy Halloween!

My son is proudly manning his post handing out candy to trick or treaters. I wonder if this will be the year he stops going out.

I had an episode again of my mystery pressure/ chest pain. This time I took 2 gasx some pepto and a muscle relaxant Right away and so far it's holding steady at "feeling bloated and a little yuck". MUST go to the gastro and figure this out.

Over and out,

Good morning!
Happy Halloween!🎃

Nice job on the fridge and clothes Road!
What are you doing with the notices when you take them down? (Just checking)

It sounds like your son had a great weekend! And good for you hiking!

Keeping up with things is so exhausting! Why can't they just STAY clean? - lol.

Dh may have to go out of state on short notice - possibly today, so I need to up my laundry game.

My friend and I have narrowed our plans down to Thursday or Friday - I'm waiting to hear back from her.

Meanwhile, todays goals:
Get out in the studio
Chores
Laundry
Dishes/counter
Bean (I have to give him back early so he can go trick or treating tonight)
Lesson plans
Potting soil for the lemon tree

Very reasonable, right?

Tatoulia & CM, thinking of you both! 💓💓

Hi everyone,

We had a busy social weekend but i managed to do some maintenance and "Sunday Resetting." I did some laundry a few days ago but baskets were piling up in my room so I got those emptied out and clothes folded and put away. Ive now gone through all my & my sons underwear, socks, and tee shirts. I counted and I have about 25 tee shirts in the drawer plus whatever is floating around. I have 25-30 regular pairs of underwear and socks. I have a drawer of odd socks too (like heavier winter ones). But suffice it to say I am well stocked in my day to day clothing but nothing ridiculous in terms of quantity and all the really stained, hated or holey stuff is gone. All clothes are either in the dresser, closet or laundry. Except for stuff that is lost in the hoard somewhere but I will deal with that stuff in 27 months when I get to it. Lol.

I also cleaned out the veggie drawers today & cooked a bit. I checked my old posts and cleaned those out a month ago. Then I did some maintenance two weeks ago and today they really needed cleaning again. This is probably a maintainable schedule. Plus, the more deep cleaning I check off the list the more time it will free so even though I will keep having more to maintain, there will be more time. I hope. I think focusing on some of this basic housekeeping skills is a more logical way to start (for those of us who have issues cleaning that contributes to our hoarding issues.) if we can't maintain a cleared, cleaned space, how will we maintain hoarded areas that are freshly cleared. This has been enough of a challenge for me as it is. I'm glad I'm doing this.

Oh, I also took down two events that passed for my son off the new magnetic strips. Again this is a weird ocd thing I guess. I want to save all the evidence of past events I guess so I won't forget they happened.

In personal updates, my son had a costume party Friday. He went as a bottle of ranch. Not surprisingly, he's so round, the one size costume was so tight he could hardly sit down in it. He tried to make friends with a piece of pizza, a hot dog, and a mustard. 😄 sat am we went to breakfast then went to explore a prehistoric mound site near our house. I actually managed to get in 5000 steps (which is still a big achievement for me) AND I did not wet my pants. Well I set my pants 4 other times this weekend but thankfully not out in public on that hike! 😄 then my son had his acting class performance. Today we went and got donuts and then another walk on the river. Lots of great photos everywhere - leaves are still hanging on. Then the guys went to my BILs house and then when they came back I took my son to a bday party. So fun weekend for the kid. So nice to have a busy social life again post (not really) pandemic.

As for friendships, I have had years of crappy and mediocre friendships. I've had years of plenty. Right now I'm still pushing myself a bit to get back out there but the friends I have are really quality friendships. I feel lucky. The stuff that stresses me is my health, the hoard, marital stuff (getting slightly better) and sibling tensions. and dealing with the school! 😖🫣

Good evening.

I hope everybody had a good day!

I spent a lot of time in the studio again. I worked on some pieces - not the ones I actually most need to get done, but the ones I most felt like doing, which I actually think is more important right now.

I wedged some more clay - not a lot, but a little, and finished or tossed into the reclaim bucket half a dozen started pieces - things I had shelved for a long time.

My biggest job was disassembling the big pile of window boxes I brought home from school. I put the 2x4 pieces in my animal barn (part of them are destined to become a new compost bin) and the screws on Dh workbench. The liners and crummy bases went into feed bags for a trip to the school dumpster. I have 1.5 feedbags of trash - mostly the remains of those window boxes. Since the school was going to throw them out, I don't feel bad using the dumpster - I saved them space and weight. Anyway, those are not stacked in my studio crowding my pottery wheel anymore.

I swept part of the floor too. And I brought in a toy jeep with a zoo wagon and washed it so Bean can drive his animals around in it tomorrow.

And I did a load of laundry.

Good (late) morning.

Was up until nearly midnight last night.

Lila, I am glad you found your paper! And good for you moving the clothes and xh things. Way to reclaim your bin!

I spent most of the day in the studio yesterday, but I think I spent half my time looking for things. It has become so disorganized, and a bit of a catchall storage - mostly for things Dh finds and decides are mine (apparently scrap wood I think I might want to use can't be in the scrap wood bin unless Dh also thinks he might want to use it.)

I did find some things that can go to school and never come back.

I also found some pictures on my ipad of my basement in 2019. I am sad because it looked much better than it does now. But, I have decided - my upstairs is not a storage area. My studio is not a storage area. My basement is a storage area. By the end of 2023, I want to have all the stored things in the basement (exceptions to be made for neatly organized, themed closets or cupboards upstairs as I have bedroom closets in what are now guest rooms) the basement does not have to be cleared out or organized, I just want everything to fit. Improving it can be 2024.

So, I am going to start by removing all the "not pottery studio" things from my studio area.

I will go out there every day.
I will not leave without making some improvement, no matter how small. Even if I just wash a brush and put it in the brush jar. (There are dirty brushes on the floor, because at some point I was sitting on the floor glazing because my work table and chair were piled full, and then I left, thinking I would come back, and I didn't come back..)

Keep me accountable!