I found you guys!!! I'm so happy! I got a new phone and couldn't find this group. How is everyone doing?

I'm at the vet with kitty today. He may be having kidney issues. I hope not. He's an old boy, but I want to hang on to my bestie for a couple more years.

When I do get home, today is going to be a lazy day. I plan to kick back and watch a couple movies. If I do get the energy to do more, I'm going to start cleaning the bathroom and collecting clothes to donate. I have way too many clothes. I have some things that were Christmas gifts and not my style. I have to get over the emotional tie to those things and pass them on to people who will/can use them. Have a good day everybody!

Good Morning Everybody

Bright sun shiny morning.
No precipitation predicted, high temps near 50 degrees.

Today my plan is to do general house cleaning.
Clean bathroom.
Go around the house wiping off surfaces, door knobs, light switches, door jams & etc. where he puts his dirty hands.
Wash floors.
Dust TV and furniture.
Move furniture & etc. and vacuum thoroughly.
The house will still look like crap but at least it will be clean. ;p

Good Late afternoon/Early Evening

Had a good day.
Slowly & leisurely got a lot of little this&that done.
Cooked/baked and tidied up the kitchen mess I made doing that.
Brushed Twinkles until he swatted me with claws out.
Sorted out, organized and straightened out a few things/areas.
Thought about what I may do tomorrow.
A bit more of a little this&that.

Good Morning Everybody

Hi CriticalMass 😉

Hi Tatoulia
Hope the lecture series and meeting with a friend were enjoyable.
Bet those fresh sheets were very inviting to crawl into. 😉

Hi Subclinical
Yep, that's what happens when you have a minute to spare.
Something comes up to fill that time space.
Hoping you soon get a routine/schedule for better food, more exercise (swimming) and forcing yourself to get to bed early enough.

I really needed yesterday.
Just doing what I wanted to do and not fretting about anything.
Been way too long since I allowed myself to be selfish and carefree.
Helped me to accept what is, is what it is.
And what will be is what it will be.

Hi Guys 😀

Great to hear what all you have been up to!

I am very tired but happy.
Went to town.
The people at the thrift shop are still sickly with some kind of serious coughing thing now.
Everything was half priced there today, I found nothing to buy.
Made it safely to the credit union so now I have some cash.
Have spent the entire afternoon watching two movies that I have been really wanting to see.
"Zombieland, Double Tap" and the entire "IT" movie.
Had two cats snuggling on the couch with me the whole time.
It's after 9pm now and I am so sleepy. 😀

Good to hear about everyone's plans. SubC you know I marvel at how much you get done! Tillie I hope you find a treasure or two!

Thank you for the nice words about mom. Back when I used to take care of my brother, especially after he was partially paralyzed, someone once said to me, in my next lifetime I want to come back with you as my sister.

We have lecture series tonight and meeting a friend for dinner first. I don't feel like going but I'm having a cup of coffee and will meet her.

I have to finish putting the sheets on my bed. I don't have too much time so I'll jump on this now.

Good morning all.

Tatoulia, I think you are a very good daughter. I hope someday my kids take as good care of me as you do of your mom!

Good job on owners! Papers are hard!

Tillie, I hope you have a good day in town.

Things are going pretty much fine. I am still struggling with time management. For example - today I have a 45 minute lunch break. I leave home at 8:00, drive, set up my room, and teach for 7 hours minus a 45 minute lunch break. I thought I would review some things for my 3:30 class and/or work on my seed order at lunch.

But, yesterday I ran into a student in the hall who is excited about a project, and I committed to work with her on my lunch break. She isn't in any of my classes this year and I miss her, and I am also excited about the project. And now I have to be fully ready for my class when I leave at 8 and who knows when I will do the seeds.

And I get too tired in the evenings to do anything. I've been forgetting my vitamins about once a week. I forgot them last night. I swam after school, got home around 7, ate, did chores, ran the dishwasher, set up the coffee, read email from parents, read the paper, and went to bed about 9:30.

The only good thing is that at times like last night when I drove by the thrift store and knew I was going home to an empty house so I had time, I still didn't stop because I was too tired.

I just need to keep focusing on good choices - better food, more exercise, going to bed when I am tired instead of wasting time thinking I am going to get a second wind and do something, and all the small moments in the day.

I get a new student today. He replaces one that switched classes at the end of the semester (I lost 5 at the end of the semester. 🙁 ) he's the little brother of a student I really like, so I am looking forward to meeting him.

Good Evening

Hi Tatoulia
WAY TO GO! for all that progress!!! 😀
You have been being a good daughter.
You visit her often and help her too.
You are there for her when she needs you, even if she doesn't think she does. (((HUG)))

Lets have cocoa and buttered toast, YUM 😉

Pretty much made up my mind that I will be going into town tomorrow.
Will check out thrift shop, hope they are all better now from their hideous GI upsets.
Will fill one water bottle at the water depot.
Will force myself to enter the credit union and get some cash, for some reason I still have anxiety about that place.
I think it's getting to the location off the deadly highway???
Will grocery shop for some fresh produce.

SubC! You are doing great! Very proud of you! And CM! I like the idea of taking the dog for a walk! Im sorry that your friend was back in the hospital.

Tillie! I am trying so hard to be a good daughter. I did stop by to see mom last night. I was having dinner with a friend and then I walked her to symphony hall so we stopped by mom's. I changed the cat box while I was there.

I got all of my garbage out last night and my recycling too. I have been working in shredding papers and it's going well! Progress! Actual progress.

Today it felt like winter. It has t felt very wintry this year. It was raw and not exactly cold but windy.

On tap for tmr is continued work on papers. That's what I most need to do. I also have to change my sheets. But I'm doing pretty well. I feel I'm doing a good job keeping up and chipping away.

Tillie I wish we could get together for a cocoa or a cup of tea.

I'm going to go into bed now, I think. I'm very tired today and wanted to call in sick and sleep instead. Glad I didn't waste a day off that way.

Good Morning

Hi Subclinical
From what al you have written
seems like you are doing alright there.
Not bringing in more is so very important.
You are involved in your career and also doing your art/craft projects.
You have been able to entertain family and friends and even put them up for over night visits.
You have been tending to your pets and livestock.
More clearing out, decluttering, cleaning and organizing will come in time but for right now
you are doing fine. 😀

Doesn't look like we will get any rain or snow here.
Doesn't look like there will be any decluttering or cleaning on the hoard here.
Scooter is enjoying sniffing his fresh clean couch quilt.
Twinkles is constantly complaining about everything, because he's a cat and cats do that.
Other than cat related daily tasks I have no chores to do today, all caught up.
Thinking maybe I might go into town this week???
Didn't grocery shop last week, still have food and other essentials.

Good morning!

Tatoulia, Your evening sounds like fun!

CM, you have so many pets. I think pets are a lot harder than farm animals. I only have two pets - the rabbits. Even Mr. kitty is more of a roommate. we just throw him outside all the time when he is being annoying.

I think I am going to breed the rabbits in June. There are people posting in search of the breed, and I am not sure how old Trilby is. She will be at least two and maybe three. From everything I read, If I wait any longer for a first breeding, it will be less safe.

CM, I know you are probably opposed to breeding rabbits, but these are production animals, not just pets. If I end up with 14 rabbits I will take care of them. (I will kick myself, but I will take care of them - and I will probably neuter them)

Tillie, the biggest help on the garden is just getting a date set aside and nailed down to do it.

I had a good class yesterday. I am being more productive this session. Actually put something on the firing cart and it was only week three! And then one of the potters I look up to said something nice about it. I have two started pieces that I brought home in the back of my car.

Not doing much clearing out these days, but not bringing in either.

Good Afternoon Everyone

Hi Subclinical
Happy you had a good visit with friends. 🙂
That would be so wonderful to have help getting the garden all set up this year.
WTG! for the work on evaluations!!!

Hi Tatoulia
Sorry but...
WTF!!! 😮
What the H is wrong with that assistant???
I just don't understand and all this antisemitism lately too.

Fantastic that you and all your friends had such a wonderful time together and the restaurant staff are all so beautiful. 🙂

WTG! for taking Mom to sit out in the parking lot!
A change of scenery is always refreshing.

Hi CriticalMass
Hope you and the dog had a chance for a nice walk and some bonding time.
WTG! for sleeping better and staying off caffeine in the evening too.

Did laundry and hung it out this morning.
It's all dry, folded and put away now.
Then I decided to wash the couch quilt even though Scooter objected.
It's out on the line now, by 4pm it should be dry.

Me again

Yesterday was helpful in terms of I did go to the park for a short while; there were families and frisbee golfers so it wasn't creepy.

Then I went to the library, was on Facebook, and my friend from out of state messaged me that our other friend who was in the hospital most of the spring of 2019, was back in. She'd gone for something about her dialysis port then had breathing and heart issues.

But she is doing better; that's a relief. I pray she bounces back without further incident. I'll call her in a little while.

Also while I was on Messenger about all that, the Facebook feed showed the breaking news about Kobe Bryant's helicopter crash, which was sad. So I had a bunch of adrenaline pumping through me when I left the library.

I had texted the church prayer line about my friend, though, and I went and bought a get well card and wrote in it and mailed in it, so after that I felt calmer, and came on home for the evening.

Last night I slept in my bedroom. Kitty came for awhile but didn't stay the night. I am close to finishing a book trilogy but got sleepy before the ending. I'm sure the heroine and the main villainess are heading toward the climactic final confrontation, but I'll have to read that part today.

Sleeping was better - I am cutting way back on caffeine after the crazy nights I've been having. I did have some sweets but oh well. I let myself sleep in a bit this morning, or doze as I got more wakeful but wasn't quite ready to get up.

So the day started later than I would like, yet has been okay. Wondering about doing some laundry. Today is pleasant and sunny but another winter slop spell is still predicted for tomorrow. 😛 But then by next weekend they're predicting 67 degrees! No objections from me on that!

What I decide to do with the afternoon will need to be something I can do while having a long phone conversation with my friend. Before that I'm actually thinking of taking my roommate's dog for a brief stroll up and down the street (if I stay within the block I don't have anxiety).

That dog and I have had such a strange relationship and I feel guilty that I went from really liking him when he first was adopted, to really being annoyed with him, to a sort of grey area. He's really a good natured dog; it's just that I'm more of a cat/bunny person and his teenage behavior issues coincided with my scary surgery and sickness a few years back.

My roommate herself was pretty frustrated early on because his breed is different from what she was used to and she was sick and it was a nasty cold winter but in order to keep the dog from being a complete maniac with all his energy, she was having to get out morning and evening in the frigid weather and walk him a long distance to even hope he would be worn out enough to be calm at home.

He has actually become pretty chill after 3+ years, which surprised us. So I think I'll walk him out in the sun and think about what I want to do with the afternoon when I return.

I'm glad I feel more normal and rested than I did last week. I did read through posts so now I know how things have been going for the rest of you.

Ps I just want to clarify that I quietly asked the waiter if we should move into the bar and he gave me the death stare. We are frequent guests at this restaurant and we chose it precisely because we knew they'd take care of us. In fact, when I was going back and forth about how mNy people, they told me just to grind my appetite and not to worry about the numbers. So it was great.

SubC I agree with you 100%. I do agree with you. I can't reconcile that with my belief in the jury system, and I won't try to. I work with a lot of inner city kids and it is true that I consistently catch a break. And it's wrong. And I know it.

And your example is perfect and true. No argument here.

(this is irrelevant but I'm not using the placard until we have a new one).

At work last week I asked the assistant to set up a meeting with all of the managers in a particular department for me. She came back with a series of questions regarding whether she should include a black manager. The only black manager in that department. I was incensed.

I have a lot to do today. I had a busy weekend with BF's family in from out of town which meant late nights. One night we stayed at least an hour past the time the restaurant closed, with more and more people showing up to join us. We had a blast, ordered every dessert on the menu at one point. The restaurant was very good and never said a word about how late it was or the fact that we kept ordering more things. Someone even showed up after it was closed and they got him a chair and brought him a drink. A very good weekend with everyone here. I'm full and stuffed. We also went to church on Sunday, which was good.

I have errands to run today in addition to meeting a friend for dinner and doing errands with BF Tonight.

CM I don't find that you are blathering at all!! I feel that I am the blatherer in the family!

Okay I'm off to take care of a few things and will report back later.
Tillie I did take mom for groceries and as I suspected, she did t want to go in. It wasn't too cold so I could leave her in the car for a bit.

Lots to do. Let's see me do it!

Good morning.

Critical Mass, please keep "dropping in and blathering" I like to hear what is going on with you and worry when people are missing.

I am struggling in this grey darkness along with you. I hope you can get outside.

Remember that you do have people. You have us, and your roomate and the bunny club and your church.

If you got your room in order, could you have your bunnies in it at night?

That grey cat picture wants to be a meme.

Tatoulia, I hope you will forgive me, but I'm going to use your expired parking tag as an illustration to try to help you understand how I feel about the system. What is right and good is that your mother should be able to go to the grocery store. But the law is that that tag has to be current. So maybe Boston is still Mayberry and you are white and middle class and your car is nice and the cop would see your mom and ignore the expired tag or give you a warning. And that cop would be not following the system. And if you got a ticket, well, you could pay it.

I live near a different city. The car is a beater, mom is out of food, it is too cold, gas to leave the motor running is expensive, and the tag hasn't been renewed because someone would have to get time off work. Good chance the driver is black or brown. Cop looks the car over closely, ticket goes on, can't be paid, and things spiral into suspended licenses and arrest for driving without one. And that is exactly how the system is made to work. Each step following the law.

And so I do not confuse the law with justice.

Justice might have been approximated in mental health court, but apparently someone wiser than god didn't think the case belonged there.

We had a good time with our friends yesterday. The house still looks pretty good, although there are lots of dirty dishes.

I got to introduce them to my bunnies yesterday too. I didn't realize they had never met Trilby, and a Winter was a hit.

He is also a gardener, and he made a plan to help me with my garden this year. He understands that my biggest challenge is making time and getting started, so we made a date. On March 1st, he is going to come over and help me clean out my greenhouse. He will bring his seedlings to put in it, and if I have seedlings started I will put mine there too. If I do not, I will start my seeds that day. His wife is coming too and she and dh are going to hang out and cook for us.

So now, I need to do my seed order!

I have three more evaluations to do this morning and eight to upload before I can go to my class.

I am feeling stronger today.

Not My Circus
Not My Monkeys

LOL CriticalMass 😀

Love that big gray kitty and the bunnies look so huggable too. 😉

Hi CriticalMass
Yeah, I get it.
The fear of having an anxiety attack is as paralyzing as having a panic attack.
The only way I know to work on this is to keep pushing the boundaries, little by little.
I did this just this past week by going into the two drug stores.
"New" places and people are always so anxiety creating.
But I did it and nothing bad happened to me and at Walgreen's when I bought some powder (that was not corn starch) the checker was very nice. 😀
So glad I forced myself to push my boundaries.

About trying to make those keep/donate/toss decisions on things that have been boxed up and out of sight.
It's just so hard.
When My dear friend died, I boxed up her house and put it all into storage.
I was homeless for about 9 months, finally moved into a tiny place and brought all the storage stuff into my new home.
Since I had never lived with these things I did not know what I wanted or could use myself.
So little by little I unpacked the stuff, removed items I didn't want and put to use the things I had a use for.
But there was stuff I was undecided on so I packed it back up.
Every time I went through the boxes I was able to make good decisions on the items.
Keep/donate/toss.
So I went from <30> boxes down to <20> then <10> etc. and so on over a couple of years.

I honestly believe we need to LIVE with that storage stuff for a while before we know what we want to do with it.

Got a little rain sprinkles today.
Really want lots of snow.
Up hill from here they have gotten so much snow that people have died in avalanches this Winter.
The drought is not ever going away... 🙁

It's weird, Tillie - I can relate to you AND to Steven. LOL! His traumatic brain injury, my friend's strokes, and my ADHD are similar in their manifestations.

And I too am frustrated in having to wait until someone else is away before I can really start my day, even though it is a lot less of a wait than you have, and she is making so much of a sacrifice. I feel so guilty for being the recipient of her generosity, without which I would be in some homeless shelter or who knows what - and yet I have the nerve to feel sorry for myself and, yes, even complain (been working on that but sometimes I let something slip).

However. I do feel better now that this day has gotten underway. The sun is out as promised, and soon I'm going to go somewhere, the library again but before that I may go to this one woodsy park near downtown. It was a magical place in my childhood that my dad would take me to - with a fairy house (water pump house about 2-3 feet tall to Muggles) and forest and pond and the river nearby.

The trick now is, of course, I don't have my dad with me, so I will have to gauge whether it feels safe or creepy. It can be either or both. On a sunny Sunday there will probably be families and I won't go far from my vehicle or may just sit in it and read a book. It'd be nice to walk just a bit.

I remember years ago my ex boyfriend and I would go walking on Sunday afternoons in another park nearby. But it was often sad because I wanted to feel more of a connection with him and he was a distant, lone wolf type of guy (speculation between me and my friends range from he was actually gay or on the autism spectrum or something...). It is nice now to create other, happier memories. Which is possible if I can avoid creepy people and drama.

I miss walking through neighborhoods that are safe but that I get agoraphobia in nonetheless, if I get too far from home. That came over me nearly 20 years ago and put paid to the long walks I used to take. Maybe I need to come up with a strategy now to reclaim it. It is a weird thing - not really connected with fear of crime so much as just not trusting myself to be able to ride through the anxiety till it passes.

Well anyway. I'll give that some thought. I put a few new things up on IG, the bunnies together and some quotes I made with an app. My roommate, bless her, had had a difficult time sleeping last night too and we swapped war stories earlier.

She also said some things about the dolls that were positive, that I could use them to connect creatively people, which is true. I think I needed to hear that - I must relax about the whole thing, instead of making it an internal battle - keep, get rid of, resist, clutch, rinse and repeat. Probably after I get that other clutter cleared I can lay the dolls out and evaluate which ones truly "spark joy" or whatever.

Anyway, it feels good to feel better. Our weather picture is still mixed. Tuesday is the worst, and of course that's the day I have quilting and holy hour. Hope streets aren't nasty.

That blasted groundhog better come through with a promise of Spring on the 2nd or I'll get Badger to nip him!

Good Morning Everyone

Hi CriticalMass
I too wake up so early and start to worry about all the things I consciously refuse to worry about in the daytime.
So often staring into that deep dark scary abyss.
My future is so bleak.
((((HUGS))))

Insomnia post

I don't want to make it official that I may be in winter depression - and I'm not even 100% sure I am. But something is "off."

Did get some sleep till maybe 3:30, then it was worry time. Prayed about the most troubling things, and got up and went clear to the other end of the house to hug bunnies. I miss living on my own for many reasons, and one is that I used to not have to be so far from my babies. Hearing their little rustlings in the night was comforting for so many years.

Things I buy, like dolls or creative supplies, I buy because I like, of course, but then that goes against my goal of simplifying. The spending over time adds up, but every time I've had larger amounts of money these past few years it quickly gets siphoned off by some car repair or other crisis. It thus feels futile to even try to have a long term financial plan.

This all sounds awful but I'm trying to keep my finger in the dam holding back despair over that. It's because I've little to no belief I could support or better myself through a job, because the anxiety and ADHD and other crap have always ruined that, and having no husband or other next of kin I feel like I'm dangling over a scary abyss.

How can I be intelligent yet so disempowered...? Ugh.

Also trying not to catch my roommate's depression about her work struggles because she us so dutiful and gets dumped on, expected to do the work of approximately 3 people. Winter doldrums for her as well.

The creativity and the decluttering mojo are still present, but need to be fanned into flame. The afternoon is supposed to be 54 degrees and sunny. I pray it helps shift my mental outlook. I know this grey time of year won't last forever.

I appreciate you all being acknowledging of me despite the fact that I have mostly just dropped in and blathered about me then flown off. I do want to read what is going on with you when my concentration is better, and I will. I've skimmed a bit, so I know some. Take care.

Okay. I self medicated with mini powdered sugar donuts and am going to try to relax even though I'll be getting up officially in an hour or two.

Good Evening Everybody

WOW! Subclinical
WAY TO GO!
Your home is fantastic for your nonjudgmental friend's visit! 😀
So, no Valentine's day tree.
YEA! for the goat treat though!
You did good working on those evaluations too and there is still time to finish the rest tomorrow.

Hi Tatoulia
So, did you take Mom grocery shopping?
If anybody notices the expired card and sees your Mom I'm sure they would not quibble with you.
Less is more... 😉

Hi CriticalMass
Glad you have the library to escape to when you need it.
That time you need after doing a BIG PUSH is important.
We all get that way and need time to catch our breath and regroup.
If we push on we will get burn out and totally lose our mojo.
Wishing you a bright sunny tomorrow. 😀

Might rain/snow tomorrow so I won't be doing laundry but Monday is supposed to be nice so I might do it then.
Did some mending today.
My biggest problem is him staying up till 12:00 midnight or 1:00am or 2:00am and sometimes even 3:00am or 4:00am and even 5:00am.
Then coming in from the garage where he spends all his time and then sleeping until well after noon.
I can't do much until he gets up and leaves.
By the time he does leave I have no motivation to start anything since it's so late in the day.
I like to get up and get going in the morning.

Hi CM, sorry you are draggy.

Yes, I definitely get that letdown feeling after a big push. I think it's normal, like being tired after exercise. But like exercise, I think the more you do it, the more you can do.

Glad you feel safe at the library.

I have been amazingly productive. The tree has been taken down, ornaments packed away and tree taken to the goats. All the Christmas stuff is taken down to the basement and some of it is put away properly.

I have one more big load of laundry to do tomorrow. Plus two to put away.

The main room is mostly clean (mostly thanks to dh), just some school stuff to clear away.

Two loads of dishes washed (scullery is still a mess)

And I have 8 evaluations left. Very doable tomorrow afternoon.

My friends are not judgey, so I just need to clean the bathroom in the morning.

Still a bit draggy. Thursday night I had insomnia due to caffeine, I believe, plus my shoulder was achy and it was making all kinds of little referred twinges here and there. So last night I slept on the sofa just for a change. It was better.

Winter inertia sort of has a hold on me, though I think I can break it. Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny.

When my roommate and I made that big push earlier in the month, it's kind of like my mind had all it could absorb and needs a rest and regrouping period? Anyone else get that? I mean, part of me wants to really keep going, and another part of me ...can't just yet.

I'll try to do a little thing here and there. And I'll let y'all know if it gets to be time to call in the Badger.

My roommate's car is needing more repairs and though it's driveable she is not driving it more than necessary. Which means there is more time when she goes with me places, and is home. I felt the need for more alone time so I came to the library.

This is the library where that guy was playing his music too loudly that one day. The manager had contacted me to make sure I was okay since the guy was sketchy. He has been banned from the library. I'm not scared, though, because the grass fire that day and the presence of first responders made me feel more secure. It sounds like they know what to do about him and I would assume the police are aware.

The city is kind of crazy though - I had someone almost rear-end me the other day, and I was a bit reactive, though not my worst road rage-y like I used to be. Trying to learn how to do even better on keeping calm. It's not easy when I'm startled. I flip into fear which can turn into anger (which can lead to the Dark Side, says Yoda). But already being agoraphobic, I don't want to avoid going out too much; that could backfire.

Just kind of at sixes and sevens these days. Keep telling myself things will pick up.

Good afternoon!

Dark and dreary here. I'm working on evaluations and doing some procrasticleaning because we have friends coming for brunch tomorrow.

16 evaluations left to do, and then I have to proofread and upload all of them. Just discouraged myself by realizing that will literally take hours.

Good morning!

I have to get mom out today. She wants to go groceries. We have a few problems with that. She insists on staying in the car, and I won't leave it idling. She'll get cold. And if I can convince her to come in and sit down, we'll our handicap placard expired on the 15th. It is a lot of work and trouble to get her in and out of the car. But take her, I will.

SubC yay for a good day!

Tillie I am working to continue to simplify. It really is true that you can enjoy the important things once the unimportant are gone.

Good Morning

Thinking I should dust today.

Good Evening
6:35pm.
Had a good day hanging out with the cats.
Did some beading.
Ate a bunch.
Twinkles and Scooter were snuggling together on the couch quilt.
So cute 😉
Didn't rain or snow 🙁
Just cold and dark all day.

Good Morning

YEA! Subclinical
for a good day ;D

Still feeling alright, must have been an eight hour bug???

Slept in this morning till 8am.
All caught up on housework, kitchen, laundry, bathroom, etc.
Overcast with a chance of rain/snow today.
Planning on playing with beads and generally just hanging out.
Will do cat related stuff and brush Twinkles again too.

Just have a second. Thanks for all the news!

Today was a good day.