Good Morning Everybody

Hi Subclinical
Happy you spent the time hanging out with DH.
Hoping you get the schedule that is best for you and your students.
Good luck with your plans for today 🙂

The blizzard was short lived here.
About 2 inches of snow on the ground.
Over night the temps dropped drastically so now everything is icy and frozen over.
Not going anywhere so not worried about all the icy roads.

The warm sunny days have gotten the Iris and Grape Hyacinths putting up their leaves.
Fortunately those varieties can handle a little freezing.

good morning all.

Tillie, I hope you are safe in your blizzard and that some of that snow melts into your ground!

I decided to sign up for "40 steps to make my life easier"

Yesterday I withdrew my request for an addition class next year. It will be a small but noticeable pay cut - not back to last year, but less than this year. I got a pretty big "raise" (more hours, hourly pay increase was 2.5% pretax) this year, but have managed to save a lot of it.

Today I am doing laundry and working in the studio, then going to class. I need to do lesson prep tonight or tomorrow morning. I didn't get anything done in the studio yesterday because I ended up hanging out with dh all morning - pleasant but not productive.

I too find doing laundry to be so cathartic.
Thank you (((hug)))

WAY TO GO! for all you have been doing for yourself at your home!
Wonderful to hear your future plans for Mom's care.
You have done so much all by yourself for so many years, bless you.

Oh GEE, I wonder why Miss kitty doesn't get a new bathroom floor. LOL ;D

It is snowing fast and furious right now.
The raging winds have the snow falling sideways.
It is also bitterly bone chilling cold.
As I watch it's almost white out conditions.
Guess the best way to describe it is "blizzard".

Tillie I am horrified I am so sorry. I know you broke the cycle by being a loving mother to your boy and to us. You have made me feel loved and important.

I decided to do a load of laundry. No one is using the machines and I'll feel better. It's a palate cleanser for me I feel better when I'm doing laundry. I'm washing my towels and my terry cloth bathrobe. I'll put in dryer when my sub arrives. I'm half dressed and I dried my hair. I'm having a bagel with honey and I feel much improved.

I will have loads of laundry tomorrow. I had four outfit changes today. And I'll feel good about doing the laundry!

I unloaded the dishwasher. Now I'm going to take a look at some papers. Also I don't have any scary tax liabilities this year so I can do my taxes early and let the chips fall where they may.

I am glad that mom is freshly showered with clean hair and a clean bed to climb into tonight. I have her towels all ready to be cleaned by her laundress and the ladies can skip changing her bed tmr unless she gets sick again. I've also told mom that in addition to two showers a week, I will pay for the hairdresser downstairs to wash her hair once a week.

I'm excited about my bathroom project. I'm excited about bringing the bathroom into the color schemes for the rest of my house.

I need to replace the floor but not while I have my kitty. She and I know why.

Really hoping you do go and eat that sub! ;D

You need a big time out with a change of scenery.

You did good negotiating. 🙂
She may try to back out of the agreement but you are not allowed to. (((HUG)))

Really wish there was something good to remember my muther by.
She was the kind of person who relished pounding her fists into the back of an infant/toddler/small child/young girl simply because it made her feel good.
The older I get the more my back hurts and then I think of her.

I went back to her place and finished up her laundry, threw out a few things while she wasn't looking, did a bit of organizing and made her a sandwich for dinner. She refused any and all services so we went through it again, this time I told her my best employees are the delegators. And we sill be delegating some tasks. And she started saying that she'd agree to just someone once a week and eventually I got her to twice a day. I reminded her how much she likes the aides, etc, and I'm calling over tmr.

So I think we are okay for now.

I just showered and washed my hair. BF wants me to join in the super bowl fun. He even offered to get me a sub instead of pizza, wings. I'm too tired. It sounds delicious so I told him if I feel better in a bit that I'll come over.

So some decent progress. CM I too focus on the positive. She is my mother and we've had some good times. But the drama investment has ended and she knows if. Once we have more care for her, I can enjoy her company more.

So bossy (stubborn!).

Bf just called back. It'll be an hour for his pizza and wings so he ordered me a sub, figuring I'll feel better in an hour. I like it.

Hi CriticalMass
(((HUG)))
I am so happy for you that you are able to move on in a positive way. 😀

Oh Tatoulia 🙁
So very, very sorry.
No, You should not be the only one tasked with her care.
Please check out the available services. There must be some that know how to handle "bossy" clients.
Get some brochures of nursing homes and aides and give them to her.
Maybe BF would be able to get her to understand that this help is necessary and will be happening???

(((HUGS)))

I love the thought of the Reno laundromat after hours!!! Very colorful image.

I got there and she was very sick everywhere. I changed her bed, showered her and washed her hair, cleaned the chair and carpeting and I just stopped home to use my bathroom. I'm heading back.

The aides there stopped me and told me that she needs an aide twice a day and that they need me to get her to stop being "bossy," which I thought was a charming way to put it.

I have her sheets and other gross stuff in her washers at her house. I will go check on them. Their washers and particularly the dryers are nasty.

I am looking forward to losing weight because I don't think I can eat again. This was a terrible mess up clean up.

I gave her the choice of a nursing home or services. I don't know her answer yet because she probably doesn't realize that I mean it.

Tatoulia & Tillie,

I have endured "Mama Drama" too; since we had the extended period of her 4-1/2 years in the nursing home to spend getting a perspective, forgiveness has happened so I tend not to say much, I want to do my best just to remember the good and forget the bad.

Anyway, just know that I probably understand more about these things than I have let on.

(((HUG))) Tatoulia

I have always found mindless housework to be a great way to work out many emotions in a positive way.

Looking forward to hearing all about your bathroom re-do! 😀

You could start going in on Thursdays and see what happens.
Either way I'm sure there will be no negative consequences.

So very considerate to not use the washers on weekends since you can use them all the other days.
When I lived in Reno whenever I needed to use the laundromat I would go after midnight.
The town was lively and the night people were so much kinder, considerate and more interesting than the day people.

The wind has been raging today, blowing in the next storm.
Will probably blow the storm past me and to the mountains.

You'd be my favorite child, Tillie.

Thank you! I know my mother loves me and is proud of me. And we have had many many wonderful times together. But alas, I am a mere mortal after all

I've scrubbed my kitchen counters! Why? I'm trying to work it out. I will head up there soon and I'm taking no prisoners. She's going to be getting extra help and maybe if it's neater and cleaner, she'll be less embarrassed and resistant.

She let me take one of her Audubon prints yesterday. It's gorgeous but I don't have it hung in the right spot. But it is on the wall.

I've also laid out the plans for my bathroom. I'll get the fabric next month for the shower curtain and from there I will hire the painter. I've been emailing with my artist friend so we can discuss what the design will be. I'll post pics of my fabric soon.

We had bright sun this am but now decidedly overcast. I'm running dishwasher. I haven't washed mom's nighties. Will do tomorrow. I don't like to use washer in Sundays because I have the pleasure of using during the week.

I also think I'll start going to office on Thursdays again. I've been staying home and I'm not sure that's positive. May be more of a negative.

Happy 02022020

Hi Subclinical
Hope you get that warm sunny day 🙂
Good luck with all your plans.
I'm very happy you have a good mother (((HUG)))

Dear Tatoulia
You are such a treasure.
Wish I had had a daughter like you.

I truly understand how the mental manipulation over all the years has been torment for you.

My muther was insisting that I should care for her in her old age after my father would die at some future time.
She went as far as to purchase a house for me with another entire smaller house on the property where she planned to live.
My father bought mortgage insurance so when he died the house would be free & clear and in my name.
I refused to even go and see that place.
There was no way that I was ever going to place myself back into the same situation I had to grow up in.
Out of her 5 children she hated only me and the abuse was severe.
But she did relish being able to tell everybody what a horrible child I am for refusing her generous offer.
Her hateful spiteful lies finally made me sever all contact with her and my father and the siblings that she loved but knew they would never take care of her.

Tatoulia, you are a wonderful beautiful daughter (((HUG)))

SubC THANK YOU. Yes I'm going to suggest we be more realistic. Thank you so much. That's a very nice way to put it.

I'll be nice and kind and sweet today. Maybe not sweet. But o am going to start clearing the stuff out of her house. I'll channel my energy in a positive way.

SubC thank you so much. I am kind and loving and I focus on the good and not the bad. I'm burned out. When I was studying for my boards, she wasn't allowed to call me because I couldn't take her drama. Just three weeks. That's all. And she had her secretary call me (!) to tell me to call her. Whenever I had an important test or something big going on, she would start up some made believe drama. Back then, no caller ID, no email. She would call and I'd say hello and she'd say, what's the worst thing that could happen. And weird stuff like that. If I had an important exam or interview, she'd call up and say that she had breast cancer. She would raise the stakes.

Thank you for letting me tell you about this. I view my mother as a shy woman who set a selfless example for us. And I will get back there. We have a good time together and I will remember her fondly and with much love. It's just all catching up to me.

She did not do this to the other kids. My sister left home at 16 to pursue a career in abusing drugs and my brother is 10 years younger than me. So just a child. Plus he went to fancy east coast boarding schools.

I'm the only kid with a job, a career, benefits, 401k, etc. and I'm losing my mind. The seizures thing is the last thing I need right now. And she was so happy on the phone. She was thrilled. And I guess I saw my burnout coming because I said don't move I'll be there. And the pages are numbered and she had 6 out of 9.

I shouldn't be yelling at a 90 year old. But I dont know how I'm supposed to keep doing this. I had my evaluation at work on Friday and I showed up after a night of being in a hospital.

In truth, she's my mother and I love her and I try not to say mean things about her. Because of her, I love the arts and other things. And I love her. Just not today.

Happy palindrome!

Tatoulia,

I didn't know that you and your mom had a difficult history. When I read about you taking care of her, I always assume that she is like my mom. My mom is the best mom in the world and my brother and I argue over who has tape on her.

I wouldn't take her to the fabric store though. I would just say "mom, realistically, you are not going to do that. Let's find something to do that makes more sense."

I'm sorry she fell, and about the possible nursing home. At least if she does move to a nursing home, someone else will assist with her bathing. It is ok to find other people to be her caregivers so that you can just be her daughter.

And I would like to say, that reading about all the "bad" things you think you did - I still hope my kids take that good care of me. So please do not hate yourself. Your expectations are much too high.

Today I am going to work in my studio, make progress on school work, and work on cleaning the barn in the afternoon when it is supposed to be sunny and warm. Probably have to do some laundry also. I wanted to sleep in but was fully awake by 6, so I only slept in a little.

Thank you! I had a social worker with me at the hospital on Thursday and it helped. I think I need a social worker.

I also need respite care. Although I suspect that mom won't be in assisted living long. I think they are going to have to move her to nursing home.

I am exhausted. There's more to this obviously but I've reached the end of my rope.

Even BF is really mad about things now and that man is a saint. He's mad because she shows off in front of other people and that's how she had this terrible fall where she has really injured herself. I have never seen him so angry with her. He scolded her very quietly while we waited for the ambulance Thursday but tonight he was walking me home around midnight and he was really angry. He just cannot believe how she does this sort of thing.

He doesn't know the half of it. I take her to fabric stores and pattern stores because she's going to make this thing and that thing but she can't see and she can't move and this and that and the rest of it. She needs to borrow my candy thermometer because she wants to make penuche but she'll never be able to read it and she'll never be able to stir it. Thursday at the hospital she needs to buy fabric and make her own hospital gowns because the fabric is so lousy. All this stuff with no sense of realism.

So I can't do this anymore. There's more to it because she is super shy but she is privately VERY DRAMATIC with me and if she thinks I'm not upset enough she makes a bunch of stuff up. So around 10 PM, while BF and I were out, she said she read in her medical record that she had a seizure. Since I know this didn't happen and I was at the hospital with her the entire night, i said , don't move and keep the medical record with you. Now she can't move so because of her severe pain but of course when I got there, she had 6 of the 9 pages. And those six didn't . mention a seizure. She never has the proof but she read it and it happened and eventually she will spin it into how she heard them mention the seizure to her.

And I felt badly in front of BF saying, she won't have any proof of this. I don't tell anyone or how she's spent a lifetime trying to suck me into drama.

She's been dramatic, behind the scenes, forever. And I'm done with it. I yelled at her and said. Of course the pages that says seizure is missing. Of course it is. And of course none of the doctors or nurses mentioned it to use at the hospital. And I just told her how she's spent her life trying to churn me up and I can't do it anymore. I cannot give her anymore attention than I am and that I don't need her to make up stuff thinking I'll pay more attention to her.

She was shocked. I have never brought this up with her and honestly I shouldn't have now. What's the point? But I'm at the end of my rope.

And meanwhile, she is in absolutely terrible shape. She hurt her pelvis, back, neck and head. And she fell about 3:30 in the afternoon but didn't tell me or anyone til about 7:30 PM.

I'm done with this. I cannot keep doing this. She always ALWAYS finds the worst possible read of anything. You know I could've died. The doctor said I could've died if I'd waited two minutes. So dramatic. All my life she would churn my stomach and make me worry.

I'm sorry. I'm just so tired of her foolishness. I am so tired. We ended on a good note but I'm pretty much disgusted by this BS.
And I've never said anything to anyone about this. But trust me, I've had to discount what she says my whole life. And I'm exhausted.

My sister hasn't even called to see how mom is.

Meanwhile I get to help her shower tmr as she is ripe. The whole apt smells.

And of course I'll end up hating myself for all of this. So this is turning out nice

Awe Sweetie
Big (((HUGS)))

They have support groups for caretakers just for this reason.
We here are all more than happy to be your support group.

We understand how physically, mentally and especially emotionally hard this is.

Letting it all out is good so rant on.

(((HUG)))

Quick check in. I just ranted and raved on a really old thread here about how exhausted I am. My mother had a really bad fall and I'm so tired of it. I'm tired of taking care of a human being. I'm tired. I'm so tired of it. I'm tired of the chaos of her home I am tired of her thinking she can do things that she cannot. I'm tired. I am tired.

On a more positive note, I see I've been posting here a really long time. Thank you for putting up with me.

When you put it that way
40 is not too much.

🙂

Fun Fact...

02 02 2020

They say this kind of palindrome has not happened in the last 900 years.

40 of some things is a lot, but not of others - 40 meals with fruits AND vegetables, 40 keep/toss decisions, 40 surfaces cleaned, 40 things cleaned up in the studio, 40 sq. feet of garden space cleared, 40 seedlings started, 40 project ideas for classes, 40 pots thrown...

I do more than 40 trips up three flights of stairs every month at work.

Maybe I could lose 40 ounces (2.5 lbs).

Good Evening Everyone

Hi Tatoulia

Hi CriticalMass
LOL 😀
WAY TO GO!!!! finally tossing out that doodad!!!
LOL

So wonderful you have started the quilt planning.
What fun that one will be.

Pretty busy schedule this next week.
One day at a time and do not try rushing in the bad weather.

Hi Subclinical
YEA! for a fun experience today! 😀
Sounds like the things you acquired are all for your own arts/crafts/hobbies or to use at school.
WTG! for knowing where you will be storing them!

40 of anything in one month is an awful lot.
Better if it were 20 or 29, one for each day.
How about modifying it that way?
Is there anything specific you want to address this month?

Today was so beautiful.
I opened the windows and doors and the cats and I went outside.
Raked some leaves along the side of the driveway.
Scooter jumped the fence but eventually jumped back home.
It got up to 70 degrees!
Laundry dried quickly & is all folded and put away.
Scooter and I took a nap on the couch.
Tomorrow is supposed to be cold with rain and snow.

Oh! We cross posted! Yay for the quilt!!

I had a very good day at my workshop today!

I learned lots of new things and I got a goody bag (three brushes, a tool, and two sponges plus consumables) I possibly made a new friend, and I made a tile and a rubber fish stamp and some plaster molds to keep or maybe use at school.

Some people threw their tiles in the trash after they practiced the different techniques on them. I saved the four near the top of the bin that I could see without rummaging. A little cool water and they will be like new! good to demo on or let my class use. (I also saved a partial bottle of water, poured it out, and put it in the recycling.) My tile is a cute underwater scene with my fish.

I also bought a bunch of things both for me and for my classroom because it was 20% off in-stock items today. For me: six small tools and two large tools and a t-shirt I've been wanting. The next 20% off day will probably be in July.

So, today there was a lot of in. But, I do know exactly where I'm going to put all of my new things.

Do we have a February challenge? I'm thinking about joining a "February 40" on another website, but I can't think of a thing I want to do 40 times, or 40 items, or 40 hours. Suggestions?

CM, did you get a chance to work on your quilt or use any of your new binders?

Just a humorous little thing I wanted to share. I have a small 2-compartment pill box I carry in my pocket. For years, a doodad has resided in it. The doodad is a metal holder peg that you stick in one of the predrilled holes in a particle board bookcase; a team of 4 of them holds each shelf. At some point in the distant past, while moving probably, the doodad went rogue. I found it and put it in the pillbox, thinking I would replace it in its proper home.

I have not owned a particle board bookcase for years. This evening I was putting a couple ibuprofens in the pill box. I saw the doodad. I decided to THROW IT AWAY. And I did. ROTFL, the stuff we keep! 😀

We have had our sunny mid-60s day today, and tomorrow is supposed to bring 70s! I'm not a football person much, but I hope the Kansas City Chiefs win the Super Bowl. Several of my friends are big fans.

I also got the bunny litterboxes done which I was dreading and had to just BADGER myself to do or I might procrastinate. And washed out their water bowls. Also observed and assisted my roommate as she cleaned the fish tank.

Yesterday I got out the sketches for the next quilt, and have started making a mockup using GIMP on the computer to do a layout grid, upon which I'll size the bird and flower basket embroidery motifs. The mockup will guide the piecing and construction later on, too.

The coming week is going to be full, with payday Monday, quilting and holy hour (and icky weather) Tuesday, a doctor appt Wednesday, and sitting with my older lady Thursday. Must try to remember, just take it one day at a time.

Happy February!

Good Morning Everybody
February already!!!

Hi Subclinical
Wonderful that you and your boss were able to come up with a perfect solution!!!
YEA! for loving your job and work environment 😀

Well, February is starting out very good for me.
General house cleaning is done.
Have the clothesline filled with laundry and today will be gorgeous for drying.
Of course there are always household chores needing to be done but I am not striving for perfect, just "good enough".

Tess is back!

I made it through my week. My house is a bit of a mess, but not too bad. I have to head out early again today because I have a (always wonderful, inspiring and uplifting - I go every year) teacher workshop to fill my day.

Tomorrow I will clean up the house and do some barn cleaning and school focused stuff.

I had a difficult to initiate meeting with my boss yesterday about my class schedule. The way the schedule worked out, there was a slot for the first and seconds that had to be social studies. But she needed the teacher who usually teaches that class (and loves it and is my friend) to teach an advanced class during that time. I otoh, had a hole in my schedule and no students available except the 1/2s. So she wanted me to take my friend's class. Which I did not feel good about. I don't even particularly like the class. (I love the 1/2s)

So I was brave and went to talk with her.

After talking it over for a little while, it was clear that my friend just can't teach that class next year because of timing conflicts. And that my boss was disappointed because I was the only good person available for the 1/2s at that time. But that neither one of us was happy with me teaching a class I don't like. We took a sidebar to talk a little about the classes I had been hoping to teach that also won't fit in the schedule, and suddenly realized that the difference between environmental science and social studies is a focus on the how instead of the why. So I'm going to rewrite a class I do want to teach to shift the focus (change out some activities, adjust some others, Shift the emphasis in the lessons) and do that in the space.

Also, evaluations went out Thursday, and I have gotten two thank you notes from parents.

I truly teach in one of the most amazing places on earth.

Good Evening Everybody

Hi Tess 🙂
Happy you found us again!!!
Hoping your Fur baby got some good news at the Vet today.
So, did you get some of those things done today?
All that kicking back & watching movies? 😀

Hi CriticalMass
Stay safe in that snowy sloppy weather.
Great your friend will be out of the hospital! 😀
WTG! for only taking the binders you think you have a use for.
We can't save the planet by hoarding out our homes with "good Stuff" to keep it out of the dumps.
Wishing you a gorgeous weekend full of sunshine and fresh air to help keep the moodiness away. 😉
Embroidery is so satisfying to do and it's something we can pick up whenever we have even a few free minutes.

Well...
did all that house cleaning and a bunch more today too.
Even vacuumed the coils under the fridge.
I hate having to be the cleaning fairy.
But I am enjoying sitting here in a clean house. 🙂

Welcome back, Tess! Hi Tillie, Tatoulia, SubC!

I didn't realize this many days had passed. We were dealing with the snow and wet slop mid week. Another round predicted for Tuesday, of course the day when I have quilting and Adoration (holy hour). If it gets really bad, dangerous to drive, Father might repose (return to the tabernacle) the Blessed Sacrament and cancel for however long till it's better. Just have to wait and see.

I was also preoccupied wondering how my friend in the hospital was doing. Finally got hold of her last night and it sounded like she was to be discharged back to the assisted living place. So that's a relief!

Yesterday was still chilly and overcast. I went and put gasoline in my van and got my prescriptions, dropped off a library book, went to two thrift stores. Bought a few small fabric pieces at one. And they gave me ring binders they were getting ready to toss because they had too many. I keep a stash of those for my writing and such.

I didn't take all of them. Some were not in good shape. Some were D ring, which I don't like. And I hated to appear greedy. Yet with the ones I didn't want but that were in good shape, it was difficult and sad not to take them. We waste so much in this country. If I won the lottery, I'd start some sort of nonprofit to distribute that sort of thing to needy students.

Alas, for now, I must detach. And by the way, I do plan to re-donate any binders I end up not needing rather than keep them for Justin.

Yesterday my mood was uneven. Cranky in spells. I have trouble getting going on errands a lot of times, then end up procrastinating getting lunch, because I want to keep going. I carry snacks but that's not a substitute for decent meals. Gotta work on that.

Today is a little warmer and with sunshine, and the weekend is predicted to be gorgeous. Wonder what old groundhog will say on Sunday. I'm hoping not to go to any grocery store until the Super Bowl prep is over.

Discovered that the 2nd portfolio I've bought for my big quilt cutting mat is too small. In case you ever need this information, know that a 24x36" quilting mat is really 25x37" and a pain in the patootie to find a carrying case for. Unless one wants to spend around 80 bucks.

Sigh. But despite these trials, I'm looking at moving ahead again on the quilt top I started planning in late 2019-early 2019. I need to make blocks to embroider birds and flowers on.