Good luck today, SubC. Deep breaths! Lots of water!

Good morning everybody!

Tatoulia, movie into your chest didn't seem like a good thing, but it sounds like you are on the mend. Glad you have your kitty to make you feel better. My kitty (actually my son's kitty who was left behind) is always the best company when I am low.

Yesterday I took care of the cherries. I made some cheese, but it wasn't coming out well, so I quit. I stirred the red glaze.

The inspector couldn't come and I didn't do any evaluations, and so I must do them all today because they are due in the morning. I intended to reread them today for editing before sending them in.

My kitchen is a horrible mess. I never checked the mail, which kept papers out. I did make dinner. I filled the washing machine and forgot to start it.

I feel discouraged today. And I overslept. Dh did not set the alarm. I know that sleep is important, but it is always better when I go to bed early, not sleep late. Instead I stayed up too late last night.

But the inspector IS coming, and we have drywall being delivered this morning. I am going to do the farm chores, and then, aside from those two interruptions, I will focus on the evaluations like a laser beam until they are done. I am supposed to help at the food bank at 4:30.

Hi Joan--i appreciate your giving us a glimpse of your struggles. It is certainly a tough existence and I am so pleased you are here with us.

My kitty is next to me, purring away right now. She'll be thirteen this summer and she's so dear. She looks older to me, but that's fine. I do not look the way I did when I went to the shelter so many years ago, looking for a cat to be my co-pilot.

I only dusted one surface in the bedroom today. During lunch I went up to my mother's to change the litter box. Her regular cleaning lady is on vacation and the substitute doesn't clean the boxes (understandable--her usual person does it as a favor). After work I did some shopping I needed to do for a wedding this weekend,

I did finally clean my bathroom sink and the vanity and the toilet. The tub is still gross, as is the floor, but I'm getting there. I also cleaned the mirror in the bathroom, honestly this took no time at all.

I have the coffee ready to start up in the AM. all of the dishes are in the dishwasher and I wiped down the one clear counter.

I have to be at work on time tomorrow, none of my usual hijinks as we have an all-department meeting that starts promptly at nine. I am also presenting at it so I need to be use and awake.

One habit I've learned since I came here is I fold and put away my laundry. What a giant difference in my life. Takes no time.

Thank you both, Tatoulia and SubC, for the good wishes about my "sheets" (really a bare mattress). I remember when I was in my 20s how much I liked clean sheets. However, now I am demanding more from the universe: a body that sleeps deeply amd regularly. The universe is putting up a fight, but I'll win in the end.

Unfortunately I have no "team" on this plane to give me any practical help with my daily tasks, such as home maintenance, sheet changing, etc. There are many reasons for this, and most of them wouldn't be apprended even if I tried to explain, so I won't try. The nature of my job on the planet seems to require a monastic sort of life, meaning a solitary MONOastic life.

Tillie, glad you agree with me on the value of sleep and meditation. Love the cat stories. I gave up on pets about 15 years ago, when my goldfish Pumpkin died and I realized I was too sick to even keep a fish in good health. SubC, I have a life-long movement disoder that is very difficult to manage, plus other health issues.

Anony, I see your emotional upset as progress. Anyone who really sees what is going on and has been going on on this planet would be very upset. People are starting to see and respond to the conditions we live with here, and to question whether improvements are in order. You are an old soul, so you are a natural empath and are affected by the planetary shifts.

If I forgot anyone, my apologies. Tat, hope you feel better soon. You are doing the right thing to take care of yourself

I'm working from home today. Still sick but it's moving deeper into my chest which I see as progress. I am also going to fast today.

I am washing my bed linens now. Will dust and vacuum bedroom today and will again tackle the question of where to put my suitcase. There are more pressing matters but getting home from work yesterday and having my room clean was such a great feeling and I need to feel this way everyday. Get this to a habit level.

Good morning everyone!

Tatoulia, thank you for the encouragement. I'm not really sure if I'm managing more out than in, but I am trying. Since I am keeping the old shirts, yesterday was really an increas - the recycling had all come in from the grocery store recently.

Joan, I don't know your back story, but I am sorry you are struggling with such health issues! I also wish that someone (maybe your team in this realm) could fix your bed up for you. It seems like that might help with the quality of your sleep.

My big to do tasks for today are
make cheese
Freeze the rest of the cherries
And finish my evaluations.

Hopefully I also will be meeting with the building inspector, but the office isn't open to call yet.

Then I have work in the studio, work in the garden, work in the barn, laundry, dishes, dinner to make... The list goes on, but I won't get to all of that. Most important is to avoid spoiled milk and rotten cherries (and conserve resources!) and to keep in good standing at work. Focus!

PS to SubC, slot of people I talk to change their sheets every two weeks. I don't think you are outside the norm. My hair is bone straight and I have to wash it on days I go to the office and if I'm going out for dinner or meeting someone or doing anything other than just errands. It gets all bumpy and odd from sleeping.

Hello everyone!

So good to hear from you. Dear Joan, I wish I could put a sheet on that bed for you. I know much of your time and energy is spent on your health. I am pleased your health is getting better. I am mentally making your bed for you.

Anony, I know that frustrating feeling--all of us here do. Sometimes I feel I abused my privilege of owning stuff and now I'm stuck with all this junk and a place that causes me shame. Breathe, take a walk, have a cool glass of water, tomorrow is another day.

SubC, you are doing a good job of more out/less in! I am so glad you are part of this group--very helpful to have you here!

Tillie, aww the two kitties sleeping with you! I seem to remember you hang your sheets outside to dry. So jealous! Love that feeling if percale cotton sheets, dried in the sunlight and air.

Well I still feel really sick. Went into office today. Came home and slept. Very sore throat and very painful. I didn't even have coffee today, I just waited to eat at lunch time and merely drank water. Hopefully tomorrow I'll see some improvement.

Hi anony,I hope you figure it out.

So along with not washing my sheets enough I wash my hair too much ;D

I'm really tired this evening and just coasting. I dropped off the recycling today and I bought one pair of shorts at the thrift store. I was fiddling with the hem of my shorts (dh calls out "OCD") and my thumb went through the fabric. Yesterday the button fell off another pair. I'm starting to look like a scarecrow. But I will keep these shorts for "good" (wearing in public) and still wear the old ones on the farm until my underwear shows.

Stirred the glaze.

Did a big to do list thing that will reduce my expenses by 40 cents a day.

Thank you, Tillie! Thats an interesting idea! Ive been thinking about how to go about that?! .....ive also been ridiculously emotional all day..crying over everything.....

Hi Everybody :)

Hi Anonymoniker :)
I was thinking...
maybe a teenager or a college student would be good help for you.
They are cheaper than professional adults and they are still young enough that their opinions are not yet set in stone.
They might be better at understanding what you want done and how they can help you.

Hi Subclinical :)
Yes, lots of stuff still comes in all the time. :(
And a big YES! I am always thinking about going out to the electrical box and switching off the power. LOL ;D

I change my sheets every time I wash my hair, about every five days.
My sheets & pillow cases get fuzzy from the two cats that always sleep with me.
Or since they hog the bed I guess I should say I sleep with them.

Hi Tatoulia :)
Have you found a good forever place for the luggage?
That's always a hard one because you want it safe & clean and somewhere close.

Hi Joan :)

Hi Porter :)

Hi CriticalMass :)

Time spent getting the sleep our bodies need is never wasted time.
Time spent in quiet contemplation/meditation is never wasted time.
Spending all day watching cute cat videos or playing solitaire could well be considered wasted time.
Everything in moderation.

Hello, to all!
Im getting so frustrated at myself. I just cant seem to get any momentum going. Its just so overwhelming. Id been considering attending an event out of state next month, but for many reasons have decided not to. Now im thinking if i could somehow turn not going into some kind of inspiration or accomplish things here as a tribute to my not going....i just can not understand how ive accomplished very difficult feats on my own, that are considered enormous challenges, even impossible to do without 'support'by our society, and yet i can not seem to simply clean my dang house....i think i need to just hire someone to help me in some way....at least try it.... :(

Joan, i can totally relate to your ~☆~Team in the Spirit World~☆~ In many ways i have more of a relationship with those who have left this 'Plane' than with those who are still here...♡♡♡
The shelf painting was harder than id expected. The black shelf is not easy to cover with paint, plus i didnt want to get any paint on my shoes, but the ground was too hot to be barefoot, so i had to wait all day for the sun to get behind the trees. Im hoping to somehow arrange my herbal remedies, tinctures, vitamins & supplements, etc. on this shelf...?...somehow...?

Joan, i can totally relate to your ~☆~Team in the Spirit World~☆~ In many ways i have more of a relationship with those who have left this 'Plane' than with those who are still here...♡♡♡
The shelf painting was harder than id expected. The black shelf is not easy to cover with paint, plus i didnt want to get any paint on my shoes, but the ground was too hot to be barefoot, so i had to wait all day for the sun to get behind the trees. Im hoping to somehow arrange my herbal remedies, tinctures, vitamins & supplements, etc. on this shelf...?...somehow...?

My bottom sheet tore and peeled off my mattress about ten years ago, I'm guessing. My pillowcase gets washed with the one or two loads of laundry I manage to do every 4 to 6 weeks. It's the best I can do.

I do very well. I would have been dead 30 yrars ago, except for sn outstanding team (most of them in spirit world) and my own ingenuity at keeping myself breathing.

Hi everyone!

Porter, thinking of you and hoping your move is going well!

Anony, good for you on your walk! You can paint a plastic shelf? How did that go?

Tillie, I'm glad some stuff left, but wish it was more. I'm sure you can hardly see a change. Is stuff still coming in too? Do you ever want to cut the electricity?

I change my sheets once a week at my best. More like 3x a month.

My to do list is "everything that has to be done today or there will be negative consequences" plus the things I really want to do. I never get it all done, so there are always negative consequences or dissapointments or both.

Today wasn't too bad. More out than in - I dropped off the trash and plastic and just bought education and food. And my class was great!

Stirred the red glaze (it gets stirred 2-3 minutes every day until it is completely dissolved.)

Well garbage and recycling out, dishwasher emptied, emptied suitcases and have moved to bedroom/no permanent home located yet. I'm going to spend a few minutes getting ready for tomorrow then hop in bed.

I wasted a lot of time tonight. If I put music in, I putter and get things done. Tomorrow night I'll put the music on.

Thank you for the tips re lists, Anony. Greatly appreciated. my list today includes emptying my suitcases, getting them out of the living room and finding a permanent home not just in my bedroom

SubC, even at my worst, I change my sheets at least once a week. Sometimes in the summer I change them twice a week. If I am sick, I also change much more frequently. The clean sheet feeling is just so wonderful. I make my bed everyday. Right now with my summer bedspread it takes a bit of time but I have a system. Generally when people ask me where to start, I suggest getting trash out, getting dishes done, and making the bed. A made bed changes the whole room (in my eyes). I would rather a pile of dirty dishes than an unmade bed.

~♡~Happy Hello to all!!!~♡~ :D
SubClinical, i know what you mean about 'wasting time cleaning.' Ive also looked at that, trying not to use it as an excuse, but knowing there is a lot to that & not let life experiences slip away while im practicing self-discipline by cleaning some tiny area that i know will be filthy again in 2 weeks!
Joan, YES, SLEEP IS SO IMPORTANT!!! i am also regularly surprised by how so many health conscious people completely overlook getting enough sleep?!?
Tatoulia, Yes, lists are such a critical component to accomplishment for me and ive also gone through that exact thinking with setting my list goals too high! Lately ive been following my 3 a day rule of having 3 different goals a day, which does not include maintenance stuff, like you were referring to also, Tillie.
Tillie, i wish so much your situation could shift. Part of me thinks he should get praise for achieving the 1/3 truck load taken away, but the thing i can not, nor will ever get past, is him killing your cat. I have had that same thing done to me twice & has messed me up maybe more than anything in my life. I do wonder & am afraid to even ask, but is it possible for you to move to a better situation? ~♡~
Today i tried something new. Instead of taking hours to drink my coffee, cuz im really reading stuff on the internet, i decided to go for a walk first, while it was still cool outside. Im going to paint a plastic kitchen shelf turquoise today! Its outside being washed now! This should nicely compliment the clean cupboard & maybe even shift that entire area to something pleasant?!! :D

Good Morning Everybody :)

My To-Do lists are very simple.
I just jot down the things that really must get done.
Things that I might forget to do or schedule the time for.
The usual every day daily things like cat stuff I don't list.
But I do jot down to wash the litter boxes.
A lot of my lists contain only two or three things.
Routine daily stuff I don't need to remind myself to do.
It's the other less often done stuff I would tend to forget.
It's a great feeling when I can finally throw that daily list away :D
Whenever I have to travel somewhere I always write out a long detailed list and check things off as I do them.

Well, another weekend has come & gone.
He spent many, many hours on the computer playing mind numbing games.
He spent half an hour finding things and putting them in the 1/3rd of the back of the truck and took them away.

My personal problem is that with the outside of this place looking so bad
I keep pushing myself to keep obsessively working in here to keep things clean and tidy.
The mess outside is a bad reflection on me as a woman and the housekeeper.
Really wish that I didn't have to wait for him to die before I can hire a crew to come in and help me clean up this mess.

Good morning!

Joan, thank you for your insights into Time. Also your comments on sleep and the changing cultural view of sleep. SubC, I enjoyed reading your post and learning more about you and your situation! Very helpful.

Tillie, re: making a to do list. I used to be a strong proponent of the to do list. I kept little lists and enjoyed checking things off as well as knowing I wasn't forgetting something I needed to do. In both college and grad school I was able to balance working, school and my household (such as it was) by keeping lists. In fact, many of my diary entries (which I shredded this year in favor of space) would contain lists of things to do. A while back I gave up on the lists, deciding that they were solid proof of my inertia and failures--somewhere along the line I just stopped taking care of things the way I used to.

Well, in preparing for my trip I made a list. I listed the things I needed to get done--mani/pedi, car inspected, dealing with the other car, paying bills, what mom needed, etc. and do you know what? I was ahead of schedule and I got a good portion of the list done. I'm thinking I need to go back to lists--give them another try. I'm sure I would have never found the time for the manicure & pedicure if not for my list. And other things/I was able to group things into days to make sure I'd get them done.

So, I'll give this list thing another try. I'll be specific enough (clean tub) rather than too general (clean house)

I'm proud of everyone's accomplishments--just seeing what we can achieve together is inspiring. Joan, I know that you suffer and how hard you work on your health. Hearing from you is always wonderful--I know it's not easy.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I love to hear from everyone-- no matter the condition of your house, no matter what. I tend to stop posting when I stop doing. Magically, when I post, I get more done.

Hi tatoulia. I'm sorry you were sick too, but glad your week off helped you feel better.

You are starting to make me feel like I don't change my sheets enough.

Hi Tillie,

I can't imagine what it would feel like to have my to do list done. I think I was born with a to do list.

Hi Joan! Hi everybody!

Part of my hoarding problem came from not wanting to waste my time. I was raising and homeschooling three children. I am a very good at teaching and very good at kids, but, because I'm a hoarder, I'm very bad at the decision making purging process. So that was really slow and hard and ate up too much time.

I had to have someone review their work every year, so instead of curating a portfolio, when they were done with an assignment and we had gone over it, I threw it in a box. When the box got full, I started another box. And at the end if the year, I took all the boxes to the evaluator, who returned them to me after signing off (I'm not sure he ever looked in the boxes)

So many cool things came into my hands that might be useful for a lesson or a project...

When they were done with toys, all the toys went down to the basement for later - clothes, books.... Too hard to choose what to save. Don't have time. Gotta teach math/go to the library/do the laundry/bake/it's zoo day.... I'll get to this later.

Then the basement got full and the house started filling up....

Later never came. They grew up. I guess now is later.

Yesterday was pretty good. I made progress on my evaluations for my job, I helped dh with the addition, I picked the cherries in a timely fashion, I spent a little time in my garden, I worked on the studio (I started the red glaze), I emptied another feed box, and I went to bed with an almost clean kitchen.

All that came into the house was Dd's plastic Chinese take out container. It still has food in it.

Today I have to go out in the world. I will take some of the trash and all of the plastic bag recycling. Hopefully I will make good decisions.

Today I have to

Time itself is something we bring value into by occupying a certsin space/time with our consciousness. In and of itself, time is inert.

I am very cautious about the usual notions of valuing time. Is time spent asleep "time wasted"? In the past the answer would have been yes, but just now people are learning the value of sleep. I have never had proper sleep on an ongoing basis at any time in my entire life. I am still working towards having sleep at night and functional time during the day. My functional time now is still barely enough to cover survival tasks. If I do not spend most of my time in a resting state, my system will start blowing gaskets.

All Doing comes from Being. Time is valuable as a receptacle of consciousness. Time cannot be properly evaluated from a linear viewpint. It would be like evaluating an iceberg by the tip of its tip.

Hello Tillie! I've managed to run the dishwasher and do two loads of laundry since I've been back. I need to do much more laundry and I should change my sheets but I think instead I'll just head to bed. Kittycat is purring away and naturally very, very cute.

I figure re the sheets I only slept on them fir half a week, do I can change tomorrow or the next day and it will be fine.

Good point re time, SubC. I question my choices of how I spend it.

Well I am heading off to bed--back to work--feels very restorative to have taken a week off. And even sweeter, only used 4 days since Memorial Day was in the mix.

Hi Tatoulia :)
Happy you & kitty are back home again safely.
Sorry you were sickly while you were away(((HUGS)))
Hope my ramblings about clutter vs non-clutter were helpful LOL :D

Been taking it easy today since all my "have-Tos" have been done.

Subclinical :)
Time is a very valuable commodity and there really isn't enough of it for us to do everything that looks interesting to us.
It is very important to decide what we most want to do and then make the time to do it.
This is where we set priorities as to how we will spend our valuable time. :D

Makes me very sad to see how many years have been wasted by his hoard. ;P

Hello everyone--home safe & sound. Was sick most of my trip but still a great time. Have cat in car now and BF is driving us home.

Loved reading your posts! Tillie, yours is very instructive--thank you!

This: "Craft supplies for hobbies that you used to do but no longer have the inspiration to do any longer is now clutter."

Really jumped out at me. I have a lot of materials for projects that I either want to do or want to want to do (in some cases the desire has been beaten down by failure and derision even though the idea is still appealing.)

Also, I fight depression, and some days I don't "want to" do anything.

But I think about the reasons I don't do a lot of these things and they come down to time (I say I don't have enough, but i need to look at how I'm using the time I have) and scope (I am overwhelmed b the quantity of materials and number of projects.

So, one rational solution would be to just clear out all the supplies except a small selection and actually do those things.

But I don't want to spend the time getting rid of perfectly useful things for projects I want to do instead of doing the projects.

Today dh and I worked in the studio/shop barn cleaning up and organizing. It got really really bad over the last year.

I only straightened a small area and got rid of a handful of recycling, but I also used some of my materials to start some work for my class that begins tomorrow and found the tools I will need.

And I looked around at the overwhelming studio space and chose three tasks that will USE UP stockpiled materials and make more space while I engage in activities I think I want to do. I wrote them in big letters on the chalk board and I'm going to try to do one every day.

They are:
*Mulch the garden (I have stockpiled cardboard)

*Mix glaze (I have stockpiled the last dried out inch of hundreds of bottles - actually remixing and using them will save me money at more than minimum wage for my efforts.)

*Throw and fire barrel pots (something I enjoy that will use up some of the clay in my studio, although the kind I have the least of, use up the scrap wood and sawdust I have stockpiled for firing, and bring in income because I sell these)

A good way to determine if something is reasonable or just random clutter is it's immediate usefulness and condition.
A weeks supply of food for farm animals is useful and you keep checking on it's condition and tossing anything too far gone.
A bunch of assorted little bits of assorted carpet scraps is not useful, you have no use for them and they are full of dirt and bugs is just random clutter. Steven has this...
Seasonal things that you use but need to store during off seasons is reasonable.
Anything broken is clutter unless you will be fixing and using it in the very near future.
Things that you used to like and use regularly but haven't wanted for a long time is now clutter.
Multiples of items stored away for "Justin Case" is clutter that needs to be sorted out and evaluated.
Items you have accumulated but have never used or needed or really have any desire to ever use is clutter.
Anything that does not add to your life but rather takes away from your life is clutter.
Anything that makes you sad or angry or any other negative feelings is clutter.
A box, chest or trunk of sentimental keepsakes is not clutter as long as it is not everything in the entire room or house.
Craft supplies for hobbies that you used to do but no longer have the inspiration to do any longer is now clutter.
Clothes/linens that are stained, torn, don't fit or otherwise unused are clutter.
It's hard to make these decisions, takes a lot of brain power & energy deciding.
This is why it's best if we all have someone we trust to just be there to give their view point.
But since we don't, we have each other here to ask.

I keep trying to get Steven to bring his friend over here to help him see what is what.
Even a fellow hoarder is good at making those keep/toss decisions in someone else's hoard. :)

Thank you Tillie.

There is a line about how being paranoid doesn't mean there isn't someone out to get you. It is like that for me with stuff. I know that I should have a right to a certain amount of space and quantity of possessions, but I am never sure where that line reasonably goes. I often enlist dh (which won't work in this case) my mom (who is not a farm person and would be appalled by even one loaf of slightly moldy bread) or my kids (not in a conflict with their father) to guage if I am out of line.

Today have sorted out the boxes and removed the compost. I am down to five from seven, so it looks like it will be the right amount of food for the whole week.

I worked in my garden a little - non stuff focused enjoyable use of time I am trying to make more central, and I made a pie from the cherries that I actually 1- picked before the birds got them, and 2 - used before they spoiled in my fridge! Yay me!

I cleaned out the fridge a little. I had to toss four pork chops out in the woods, because dh and dd didn't eat them and said they had been in there too long. The waste of money annoys me, but more the waste of the pig's life! (I'm a vegetarian in case that hasn't come up yet)

I'm behind on the milk, but I am handling the mail ok. Not cutting into the paper backlog lately though, just managing the inflow. I wanted to make cheese today, but the pie took too much time, energy, and extra dishes.

Subclinical :)
It sounds like he is just complaining about it being stored in the basement "just because".
The animals must be fed and right now given your limited food storage areas this arrangement seems quite reasonable.
You asked for non-hoarders opinions so I have given you mine. :D

Also, I got too caught up in the bread and forgot to tell you that I hope your hoarder makes some progress on the driveway this weekend!

Anony, thank you for sharing, I feel like I can see your counter. It makes me smile for you!

Tillie, about the food:
as long as you only take what your animals will eat before it totally rots -
Because I have to take entire boxes, sometimes I bring home things that are too far gone or not ok to feed. Those things normally go in the compost right away because I normally get home half an hour before dh and unload the car. This week he was home early.

I then felt like I had to "sneak" the boxes down to the basement and have not had a good chance to sort all of them without him noticing and getting angry, and one may be getting tomato juice on the unfinished, carpet glue residue and rust stain covered, concrete floor.

My thought about that is that if I'm lucky the acidity will loosen some of the glue before I clean it up.

Usually there are only one or two boxes.



is it in your husband's way? -
He often doesn't go into the basement for weeks, so usually no, but right now he is doing some plumbing, so maybe.


Does he have to fight his way around it to do things?-
Again, no, but he did have to work around other things that could not be moved in part because of the boxes.


Is it attracting bugs or rodents?-
That's why I changed to using the basement - no mice, no raccoons, no flies.


What does he say about it being there?-
"Why do you have to bring home moldy bread?!"
"We can afford to buy chicken feed!" (But by "we" he means me. The farm expenses come out of my pay, which is small and also covers my contribution to the addition we are building, the continuing ed class I am taking this summer, and any "wants" I have - there is very little left these days for "wants". My big expense this week will be a lunch out with friends $10 tops.)
"I hate this."


He lives there too and if he has a reasonable complaint about it then it is not right to ignore his thoughts & feelings on this matter :)-
I am not ignoring his thoughts and feeling on the matter, I am just trying to understand how much of his complaint is reasonable, and how much is irrational. I think some of this is coming from his own issues - his mom starved the kids when he was little. He actually stole food from other kids lunches and he has ongoing physical consequences. And he should talk to his therapist instead of yelling at me. But I'm not sure, because it is an area where I am not always rational.

Also, as the hoard has diminished, the space in the house where I am allowed to "store" stuff has been slowly reduced. The basement is still on the list of my spaces, and he has said repeatedly that he doesn't care what I do down there as long as he has a clear path to the area with the electric box (he does) and everything is away from the walls (it is, except one storage rack that he placed.)

I hate the basement and would prefer to have one of the first floor rooms with light to work on my projects, but he wants them kept "nice" for guests. I am hoping to renegotiate after I have made more progress, dd moves out, and the addition is finished. But I would not store moldy bread in a guest room. Just sewing/quilting/spinning/knitting/teaching/scrapbook stuff. Maybe one project at a time that could be cleared away with a little warning.

Right now the guest rooms and dining porch still shift back and forth between usable and overwhelming so I have no ground to stand on.

Hi Everybody :)

HEY!!!! PORTER!!!!! :D
How's it going???????

Hi Tatoulia :)
Hoping you are having a good time and not worrying about everything back home. (((hugs)))

Hi CriticalMass :)
Did you get your bedroom neater?
One big road block people who tend to hoard run into
is striving for perfection.
If they can't do it perfectly they tend to freeze up and don't get any of it done.
Strive for "good enough" and then later on tweak it to make it even better. ;)

Hi Subclinical :)
About the food...
you have animals that need to be fed
the food is free and would be thrown out
as long as you only take what your animals will eat before it totally rots
I think that is a great way to recycle food that would usually go to the dump and be wasted.
But...
is it in your husband's way?
Does he have to fight his way around it to do things?
Is it attracting bugs or rodents?
What does he say about it being there?
He lives there too and if he has a reasonable complaint about it then it is not right to ignore his thoughts & feelings on this matter :)

Hi Joan :)
Compost here is no problem for me.
I toss every food type scrap out on the heap of raked up leaves & weeds.
Most food scraps never linger long because birds or skunks or "?" come by and eat it.

Hi Anonymoniker :)
WTG! WOOHOOOOO!!!!!
Wonderful that you finally conquered that cupboard!!!
I really like that you then decorated the freshly clear & clean counter top with some special things.
WAY TO GO!!!! :D

Well another weekend is here, again.
Talked to him last night about him working to clear the driveway.
He just sat there looking at me, no response.
I want someone else to come here and deal with him.
I am so done trying
but I still want this yard cleaned up.
Anyways...
Have been keeping all the cats inside this week because the baby birds are fledging.
One fledged right in front of my face while I was out watering.
So cute! :)

Quick hello--good to read your conversations, SubC, Joan & Anony. I'm on my trip. Very tired so heading to bed. Great work in the cupboard, Anony! It sounds beautiful & clean! The objects in it are terrific!

Hoping Tillie is OK.

Ive become fascinated with compost! Maybe its the rebirth reality, maybe its the primal aspects, maybe its just that old, used up stuff can be useful?(ha ha)
The 6 things on my clean cupboard counter are; a brightly painted wooden fish from a trip to the Yucatan with my sister, an oil lamp from when i was trying to be solar,2 purple crystal antique vases of my Grandmother's, a colorful tropical glass with colorful glass swizzle sticks, and a Peyote Ceremonial mask i gave my Dad as a gift during his mask collection phase~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~each has special memories~....well, the drink glass doesnt, but its pretty & i like it!!! ~♡~ :D

Thank you for understanding. I would like hear (especially from Tillie or other non hoarders) if the bread thing seems reasonable or ideas to change it.

When my dd and son in law lived in a duplex, son in law used to freeze the compost in plastic containers and bring it when they came out to the farm. It drove dd nuts.

My friend's son runs a compost route. He picks up compostable food scraps from people who subscribe to the service and delivers them to a composting location on a farm. I'm not sure how the getting paid part works.

I had a compost tumbler. It's ok, but it's a batch composted, so yin need two. Because at some point you Havel stop adding things and just turn it. Also you have to be careful about the moisture level. Now I just have a three heap system. If I lived where I couldn't, might try an indoor worm farm.

Anony, I really want to know what six things you have on your counter.

~♡~Hello all you wonderful forum friends!!!~♡~
I cant believe how active this board has gotten! I have a long list of responses to all, but it keeps getting outdated cuz more posts get put up!
Tillie, i hope someday that you & your partner can come to an agreement of some kind. It seems he is using all that stuff as a way to fight with you.
Subclinical, i would hire you as a professional nagger in a NY minute!!!(i think that means fast?) ha ha..and i love the puzzle analogy!
Joan i also cringe every time i toss old food that could be compost. I tried composting, but kept messing it up. Im wanting to buy one that i can turn that gives it air ventilation...if i had a truck.
And i agree about appreciating my place! That helps me the most! Seeing a worse house than mine, freaks me out in a different way than a spotless house..ha ha
Tatoulia, the fact your cat loves it at your boyfriend's house just re-confirms my envy of y'all's relationship! That is still my goal! Im serious, you have been a huge inspiration in my path for that!
CM, ive been using your social worker's tactic of yelling 'squirrel' at myself when i get distracted, but my cats keep looking around confused....ha ha ;D
YES, IM AN INTROVERT!!! I love knowing i dont have to go anywhere or see anybody!
Ok, my big accomplishment has been finally getting that big kitchen cupboard completely cleaned & cleared & the counter on it is GORGEOUS right now, cuz i just put back 6 significant items,all clean & sparkly & i do not want to clutter it back up, so im gonna find another place for the rest of the junk that was on it....a lot can go in a drawer that i cleared. I just LOVE the way it looks now!!! ~♡~

~♡~Hello all you wonderful forum friends!!!~♡~
I cant believe how active this board has gotten! I have a long list of responses to all, but it keeps getting outdated cuz more posts get put up!
Tillie, i hope someday that you & your partner can come to an agreement of some kind. It seems he is using all that stuff as a way to fight with you.
Subclinical, i would hire you as a professional nagger in a NY minute!!!(i think that means fast?) ha ha..and i love the puzzle analogy!
Joan i also cringe every time i toss old food that could be compost. I tried composting, but kept messing it up. Im wanting to buy one that i can turn that gives it air ventilation...if i had a truck.
And i agree about appreciating my place! That helps me the most! Seeing a worse house than mine, freaks me out in a different way than a spotless house..ha ha
Tatoulia, the fact your cat loves it at your boyfriend's house just re-confirms my envy of y'all's relationship! That is still my goal! Im serious, you have been a huge inspiration in my path for that!
CM, ive been using your social worker's tactic of yelling 'squirrel' at myself when i get distracted, but my cats keep looking around confused....ha ha ;D
YES, IM AN INTROVERT!!! I love knowing i dont have to go anywhere or see anybody!
Ok, my big accomplishment has been finally getting that big kitchen cupboard completely cleaned & cleared & the counter on it is GORGEOUS right now, cuz i just put back 6 significant items,all clean & sparkly & i do not want to clutter it back up, so im gonna find another place for the rest of the junk that was on it....a lot can go in a drawer that i cleared. I just LOVE the way it looks now!!! ~♡~

SubC, I can relate. I used to save all of my old food scraps and mulch them in a bin at a Whole Foods near me. Now they've stopped putting out the bin, and it is a dilemma for me. I end up now just throwing the food waste in the trash. I don't feel good about it, but where I live there is nowhere outside to just recommit the stuff to nature.

Yesterday evening I worked at the food bank. We had boxes and boxes of bread. Also greens in packaging. It seems like the grocery stores always gave too little or too much to give us. There is not enough refridgeration for these things - the space is taken up by dairy and eggs which people prefer. The room is not air conditioned. The bread goes moldy quickly.

And I was the only farmer there

Ruth kept packing things up because they had a sppt of mold or were getting limp or were too bruised. I asked her "how much of this do you want me to take?" And she said "it's you or the dumpster."

So now, my car is full of old bread and spoiled produce. I couldn't unload it all last night. I was tired and dh wanted me to do other stuff.

So now my chickens will eat well and free for a while, and I will recycle the bread bags instead of tossing them in the dumpster. But I also have a lot to do, and managing this will use my time.

Also I have no good place to store the bread. I was leaving it in the garage but a raccoon found a way in. - if I put it in the barn and a goat gets loose it could eat some and get sick (I have no secure storage in the barn) so I put it in the basement, and dh sees it and gets angry.

I try to see this differently, but my brain refuses. It is a small use of time that saves money and helps the environment. Both of these things make me feel good and I do not see the harm. Other people appear to consider this behavior normal (they think I'm weird for saving and recycling the case wrap, which mostly uses time when I would just be standing around at the food bank, plus two or three minutes to move to small bags at home and drop at the store when I go)

I too would like to hear about porter's move!

CM - so exciting that you are almost done packing your breakables! I still think it's great that you are going to quilting group.

I still am not back to my 100% (which isn't even close to normal 100%.). Also I had kind of a setback today. The basement is somewhat jumbled from the rapid clean up, and I had a large framed picture leaning against the side of a box. I went down to get a box of potatoes to sort out (if you don't sort through them checking for bad spots regularly, one spoils and then it gets left in and things get really ugly.) and as I was turning with the box held in both hands by cut out handles, I had to step over something. I bumped the picture with my knee, it fell, and I stumbled and stepped on it. The miracle was that the glass didn't break and I was ok, but that could have been really awful. It was a reminder that as far as I have come, my home is not safe, and I still have too much stuff and continue to make bad decisions.

I remember back when I first realized that I was a hoarder and started being honest with myself about the situation and taking responsibility, I was at the park with a friend and a couple she was friends with. I commented to my friend that I was planning to work in the basement that week, and the other woman said "oh,we need to clean out our garage. It's horrible!" I said "probably not this horrible." And she said "oh, I bet it's worse. We don't even let people in there because it's so embarrassing." And my friend said, deadpan, "I don't let my kids in her basement because they could die."

Got about 2/3-3/4 of the way done on packing the breakables yesterday. Close enough that I may just finish packing them at storage tomorrow, stopping by a liquor store or somewhere if I need a sturdy box or two.

I'm wondering about pushing myself just to arrange for and proceed with the move soon. Realizing it's never going to be as "perfect" and efficient as I'd wish - and that the whole point is to simply get the stuff closer so that continuing to deal with it will be easy, not requiring the planning and gasoline expense of a trip across town. I had left stuff at the current location in 2012 because although it wasn't right around the corner from where I was moving to, I didn't anticipate making the second move in 2015 to further in the oopposite direction.

On the 17th of this month, our city government is having a Housing Expo which I plan to go to. I'm not planning to move out of my friend's house that soon, but I'd like to see if there are resources that could be pertinent for me in the long term.

Anyway, today is an open-ended day and I'll just be around the house for most or all of it. So my big goal is laundry and doing what I can on my bedroom which is rather scary at the moment. I hope by bedtime tonight it'll be neater and more peaceful and liveable.

Hi SubC & CM. Good to hear from you both! Glad you'll be getting stuff to the church sale, CM. That will be a good feeling! I managed to get out a bag of recyclables before leaving this AM. I have three bags of garbage, which I won't be able to get out until Monday night. I get home Sunday, so hopefully not too smelly when I get home.

SubC I know that feeling of having papers piled up. So much to deal with. I don't know how people get through their papers. They are everywhere. I've gotten better but am hardly a model paper citizen. It's getting easier but still difficult.

Hoping for an update from Anony and Porter. Hope you are doing ok Tillie!

I'll just hit a few highlights and then I need to scoot to church for quilting. But I've been checking in. Hoping your anxiety is all gone, Tatoulia, and Tillie, hope your frustrations are lessened. SubC, good idea to take advantage of those opportunities!

Me, I've been pretty scattered and so has my environment. Had some anxiety pretty strong yesterday but my prayer hour got me past that. Very thankful that it did! :)

Just busy with this and that, and hoping to get a handle on things like laundry and papers that have made my bedroom pretty messy. Plus those fragile items I bought home from storage to repack - only a few of those left. I'll feel a lot better when the bedroom at least somewhat liveable again. Monday I can finally take my garage sale donations to the church - yay! It'll feel good to have them out of my hair.

The sale is the 8th-10th. I'm going to shop then work a shift at it - but I promise to be good. Hoping I can find some clothes, maybe even shoes that I really do need and can't afford at retail prices.

Take care all - wonder how Porter is doing . . .

Enjoy your trip!

The fact that vacuuming is even an option sounds pretty together to me.

My throw rug is rolled up on the porch wet because one of the dogs had an accident. I washed it but need to roll it out on the driveway to dry when the rain stops and then vacuum it. Meanwhile, I need to take advantage of the clear floors from the visit to really clean them before I start creating a bunch of "work stations" again.

the kitchen table gas already become a "file" for papers that ds returned to me. He took his "keeping box" when he moved out last year, and has sorted through it. He brought back cards and letters that were actually his sisters', a little bit of art he did as a kid, and the directions to some games.

Dd who lives at home already took care of her pile, but there is a card to her from my grandparents (now deceased) that she rejected and I wanted.

Lots of laundry, some lingering dishes. End of the year paperwork for my classes, and a garden to weed. Any progress on the actual hoard will be incidental.

Awww Tillie thank you for the right words at the right time.

I am puttering a little. Am packed. Didn't vacuum so as not to upset the cat. Am calling cab in AM for trip to airport. I think I'll be able to get cat in carrier. I'm tired but don't want to nap. Only about an hour til BF comes.

Thank you all for being good friends. Tillie, you are the best friend I could ever ask for. Sending you much love and strength.

Tatoulia :)
I have been reading every word (((HUGS)))
Have a safe trip, try to relax and enjoy every minute away.
Everything will still be waiting for you when you get back.
I know it's nice to have all loose ends all tied up before going away but that's really not important, really :)

Ok, doing better. Got car to garage after putting air in tires and battery jumped. Very glad BF was with me, we ultimately decided not to get it fixed and just got it inspected. We then found a place to park it so we can deal with it when I'm home from trip.

I'm going to finish packing then get back to puttering. Cat still here/we ran out of time so he'll come get her at 11 tonight.

Hope you are all well--missing you and would love to hear from you. Sorry I'm writing so much. Just ignore me/which loosely translates into please don't ignore me!

❤️

Severe anxiety. Need to get that stupid car cleaned out and over to mechanic. I missed the garbage today. I have to get cat in her carrier to go to BF's and house is filthy. I've been doing some puttering this AM but very anxious. At least I have BF to help me with car situation. I will feel better once car is at the garage. Then I can start worrying about a lot of other things.

Ugh I haven't done enough and I'm aggravated right now. What a waste of a day. Very frustrated.