Good morning everybody.

Tillie, I hope things are better today. It amazes me that you can live in that situation and continue to be so warm and supportive towards us and our setbacks and little victories.

Joan, I missed you yesterday, but I am also glad that you were feeling better.

CM, I'm sorry you are losing your priest. Change and transition are hard. It is good that you recognize when you need time to step back and regroup. (I hid in my bedroom for three hours after I got home from jury duty)

You have made a lot of progress on your storage area. You will move it when you are ready.

My son in law's family breaks my heart sometimes. He's a really good guy. He does have a batch of great aunts and uncles on his dad's side, and he and his sister are close, but the stuff he has gone through with his parents the last few years! Anyway, dd grew up with me, so she is very good at being patient with the people she loves. They take care of each other and he makes her happy.

They are coming over today. The girls are going to cook dinner for dh, so I have to clean the kitchen. This will be son in laws 3rd Father's Day without his dad. Last year the kids were away on their honeymoon. Dh worries about how to approach his role, he wants to be there for both of them, but he doesn't want to make sil feel like he is trying to take his dad's place. For me it's easy - your mom is a nightmare, I love you, you are mine now.

His mom came to me during the wedding reception (before the cake was cut) and asked "can I go now?" I wanted to say "sure. You're done here. I got this." But I told her that whatever worked for her son was fine with me.

Anyway, back to the hoard. I got a magazine yesterday along with the regular mail that I've been falling behind on. But I found more recycling in the studio. The magazine pile is still less than 8" tall. (I keep it in an 8" tall space)

It is supposed to rain all day today, so after the kitchen and some laundry, I will go back to my studio.

Greetings everyone. It's been a hard time to get focused is why my posts have been further apart. But I love coming back and catching up on yours.

Porter - keeping your wits about you in the midst of chaos. Grasping your way inch by inch, tub by tub, balancing relationships like sorting mixed-together laundry. Deciding not to let alcohol add further chaos. You are climbing this mountain and you're a wounded warrior hero in my book.

Tillie - brilliant idea about the candles. Sorry he is being so difficult, angry, and stubborn. There is something that his hoard represents in his mind, whether it's a brain injury or miswiring or an emotional woundedness. Not your circus, but too bad the monkeys got loose and you have to fend them off from attacking your peace. Thinking of you and hoping for resolution. Every day you carve out your own peaceful space is a victory. And even on those days when it doesn't go so well, we're here for you 100%.

Subclinical, sorry to hear your kids have had to go through crazy trauma and drama with others. Hopefully the sorting associated with those events will have a finite end to it. It's great that you're working on setting an example with the child that has inherited the hoarding gene. I love hearing about your studio progress! My dream is to have space to work on my art, sewing, Steampunk, etc. Someday . . . and decluttering my supplies will help even if that dream workspace is not a reality at the moment. Thanks for the example to follow.

Anonymoniker, I so understand that love-hate relationship with Facebook! About 4 years ago I was ready to pull the plug. And so many times it still annoys me. But it's my only way to know what's going on with my extended family, and now some community things I'm involved in, such as my rabbit rescue group. So it's a necessary evil in my life. But I envy those who don't have the time suck it causes. I bet you'll get a lot more done!

I pray for all of us fighting this insanity.

Hi Joan, glad you had some relief from your movement disorder. Hope you get even more good days.

And now for my status report. It's kind of blah still. Even painful. I've been fighting off burnout and frustration. Today things kind of came to a head. I'd been going to go to this expo downtown on housing - hoping I could get some info on where I might move that I could afford on my Social Security but not feel like I was in a scary ghetto/trashy place. Not planning to move out from where I am until I build up some money again, and that's going to take awhile. Just fact finding. And my roommate had been given tickets for a music theater production in the afternoon. Both of us are introverts and it has been HOT here, but it was nice of the friend of hers to give us the tickets so we were going to go regardless.

So I get downtown, pull into a parking place by the expo and the library (was also thinking about going in the library for a few minutes) - and it hit me: I'd forgotten to put my cell phone in my pocket when I got up. Now you have to understand - as an agoraphobic, I think of my cell as my lifeline. It and my container with my meds. Finding myself out in public without either causes an immediate panic attack.

I was able to keep my wits about me enough to get into the library and use a courtesy phone to call a friend to "rescue" me. She followed me driving back home. By then I was crying but relieved. The thing is, I have been so strung out by stress and overcommitment (as defined by introvert standards, not "normal people" standards, LOL) that I had almost forgotten my phone a couple of other times within the past month. That is not me. Even with ADHD I usually remember my phone! A definite red flag that something's not right.

Back at the house, I was asked by my roommate if I was going back downtown. I said no, I'd just have to turn around and come back again to dress for the music theatre. So we went and ate and did an errand, and came back to get ready. Long story short, she couldn't find the tickets, so we ended up not going. I pointed out that there are soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan and places carrying full gear in the 120 or whatever degree heat so ours are "first world problems" and we should just absolve ourselves of guilt over losing track of a set of tickets. Perspective. Her life has been full of stress lately too. I figure the whole day may have been God's way of saying "Chill. Don't sweat the small stuff."

Anyway, I'm going to pull back, refuse any extraneous commitments. If I need to, I will employ the phrase "I'm not feeling well." Because I'm not. I've been in the mental ward, decades ago, and I have no desire to return, and if this crap doesn't let up, I'll be in danger of ending up there. I intend to start right here in this house, in my room and the part of the family room where I have some stuff, and go inch by inch, item by item, until every last bit of it is Dealt With. Because otherwise it is making me sick.

I've also been aware of the emotions that are probably going to hit tomorrow as our priest who's been pastor of our parish for 7 years has his last Sunday Mass with us before transitioning to a different parish. It's going to be weird; we've known for a few weeks but for me it's just barely beginning to feel real. Our new priest won't arrive till the first of August - fortunately we know him, he filled in some for our current one and he's a great guy, so that will ease the transition. In the meantime it'll be kind of odd with substitutes but they'll probably be familiar faces as well.

Forget the storage unit across town for now, unless I get to a point of readiness for dealing with, say, more boxes of photos to be scanned or something, then I'll go fetch whatever. The move to a closer storage unit can wait until fall when the weather is cooler. It's going to happen, but not at the cost of a heat stroke which would fry even more brain cells I can't afford to lose.

In short, CriticalMass has reached critical mass yet again. And she's drawing a line in the sand. Whether that is a mixed metaphor or not. Fighting back. So there!

Nice reading all of your posts--keep up the good work.

Tillie my heart breaks. I am so sorry about the abuse and foul language. All I can offer is my friendship and support. You are a loving presence in my life. I had no idea re your toilet situation and naturally I am distressed.

I haven't done anything beyond two loads of laundry this AM, changing my sheets then napping. Now I'm catching up with you and I have a kitty purring by my side.

Will write more later. Glad to read your posts.

Anony,

We cross posted. Stick with it! It will be worth it!

In the corner of the studio (there is only one corner because it is in the corner of the barn) there are three 3ft wide shelves side by side, and another 3ft long shelf at 90 degrees. I have not totally organized the shelves, but I have decided what should be on each of them, and I can see everything that currently is on each of them.

One thing that is very clear is that there are way way too many nearly empty bottles of glaze! (I'm working on orange right now)

But the really exciting thing, is that the 27 square feet of floor edged by these shelves is empty except for the double sheet of cardboard I put there to cushion my feet from the concrete!

On the side of the cardboard across from the three shelves is a very messy work table. But soon, this will be my glazing area! And it will be organized and professional!

I am working my way out from the corner.

Hi, everyone!
Just last night, my main procrastination distraction; my main facebook page, got yanked from me cuz i kept refusing to sign their consent to access every bit of my privacy away to them. Theyve been bugging me for a few years with alerts, and it finally 'expired.' Well, that eliminated a main failure in my self-discipline. I now have a better opportunity to focus on this disgusting mess. Its weird. Id decided not to go to an out of state event, with the pact with myself that itd be worth not going if i got enough done here to make a difference...then 'poof', a major barricade just evaporated!!! Im kinda freaked, and kinda relieved!!! It almost seems like a secret answered prayer....i just hope i can make good use of the opportunity?! I still have a second facebook, but im not going to add anymore sites, but my 2 favorites, so itll just be a brief treat to read it....(sigh)
~☆♡☆~

I was thinking more of having the toilet work done while he was gone. But yes, you are right that you would need buy in to get rid of his scrap. Too bad there isn't more of a homemade scented candle market.....

The "kid" still at home is the other hoarder. She is 20. We have purged many of the toys as they have grown. I am trying to be patient with her.

The oldest has three bins in my basement that she would probably take if I asked her to, but her dh is still sorting through his "inheritance" of mixed family heirlooms and garbage and I promised her a few years.

Basically, his father died tragically, his mother married her lover almost right away, and my poor son in law had one weekend to save whatever he wanted to keep because "stepdad" was selling the house.

Dd went up with him in her Honda Civic thinking she would help him pack stuff up, and then realized that "whatever he wanted to keep" included handmade by his father bedroom furniture and that his mother had already thrown everything from his and his sister's childhood (9 years apart) randomly into boxes. So dd took a deep breath and said "we'll take it all. You and J can sort it at our house. Start disassembling furniture, I'll go rent a uhaul."

That was 14 months ago - 3 months before his sister fled her abusive boyfriend. She just got back into a house in March, so now things are starting to get split up.

The boy is getting married in September and starting to look at houses. If he moves into a house, the star wars toys go there. He just (literally, instant messenger) told me to go ahead and get rid of his racecar track.

Tillie, so sorry to hear about your difficulties. I had a feeling things weren't going well on your end.

Hello, SubC, Tat, Porter, CM, and Anony.

I had yoga class this morning, so I feel good. The movement disorder got worse for a few weeks but improved the last few days. Just keeping my balanace.

Be well.

Tillie, so sorry to hear about your difficulties. I had a feeling things weren't going well on your end.

Hello, SubC, Tat, Porter, CM, and Anony.

I had yoga class this morning, so I feel good. The movement disorder got worse for a few weeks but improved the last few days. Just keeping my balanace.

Be well.

Subclinical
Rule number one is...
never throw out, toss. sell or touch a hoarder's stuff behind their backs.
That just makes the hoard even harder.
In this county they do not care what people do on their own property just as long as they pay their taxes and any licensing fees for businesses.
I could open a legal brothel here if I got the permit to.
Sorry, but the defendant throwing up made me laugh out loud. :D

Hi Subclinical :)
Here is a suggestion...
Define the space that you would like to keep the toys for the kid still living at home.
Explain to the child that this is their toy storage area and whatever fits there they can keep, excess needs to be donated.
Explain that space is limited and there is space you want for other activities.
Help the kid sort through all their toys and make good keep/donate decisions.
This is also a great teaching/learning exercise for the child as to how to make these kinds of decisions, problem solving. :)

This is how I helped my child reclaim his bedroom when his paternal grandparents insisted on giving him about three new toys every week and way too many on holidays.
He really enjoyed the donating to less fortunate children and taught him charity.

Hi Tillie,

You hadn't posted yet when I posted.

I'm so sorry that your hoarder us still bringing things home. Is he ever gone for a while? Could you find a scrapper and sell a bunch of stuff and get a new toilet?

I'm guessing you don't have any kind of zoning authority that could force an outside clean up?

Jury duty was odd. They spent most of the morning screening jurors (I was picked) and then the defendant threw up during opening statements and we were all sent home.

I'm still focusing on my pottery studio. The studio is starting to take shape, but there are clearly too many toys. I *can* move them all to the basement, but it is going to be completely non functional down there. Just stacks of bins....

I want to keep the toys for them. I want the studio, I want to be able to use the basement. I am frustrated.

And most of the toys I would really like to get rid of are things that the child who is living with me is attached to.

Good Morning Everybody :)

Hi Tatoulia :)
Keeping up with the laundry, dishes and kitty stuff can at times be exactly what needs to be done to keep from falling backwards.
At least things aren't getting worse, just dustier. (((HUGS)))

Hi Subclinical :)
How was jury duty?
Hope Jim is feeling better (((HUGS)))

Hi Porter :)
Keep on being the great Dad you are for your Daughter. (((HUGS)))

Hi CriticalMass :)
Hi Anonymoniker :)
Hi Joan :)

Things here are not going very well.
He keeps dragging in more & more stuff every week.
He is being very mean, nasty and abusive.
Does nothing to clean up, fix or repair necessary things.
A vast majority of the stuff he drags home is home repair & improvement stuff that sits around the property getting destroyed and made useless.
He NEVER does any home repair or improvements. He really sucks at that kind of thing anyways.
A few weeks ago he brought me a candle making kit from the thrift shop.
I had my fill of candle making way back in the late 1960s and early 1970s.
I did not want to make candles, still don't.
Couldn't put it in the trash because he searches all the trash and removes lots of things.
Couldn't donate it because he would just buy it again.
Didn't want to store it anywhere here, just more clutter.
So I used it all up and made two tall pillar candles, scented and colored a deep mahogany.
Tossed all the remaining bits & pieces.
Now I will burn the candles and make them go away. :D

Warning... Rant coming.....
The toilet has not properly flushed for several years.
The plumbing/septic sewer system is fine, rebuilt only a few years ago.
The toilet is very old and the thing is full of hard water deposits so the flush water doesn't swoosh out properly.
I Have done EVERYTHING I can think of to make it flush right but nothing is working.
We desperately need a new toilet.
After all these years of having to use a bucket of water to flush it I am sick and tired of this.
Whenever I mention the problem he angrily says
"Well then we just won't have a f****** toilet".
End of discussion.
This house is a disaster area and getting more & more uninhabitable by the day.
Rant over. Thanks for listening...

Good morning, everybody!

We had a few nice days here--meaning not hot and not humid but the humidity has crept back in. I need to stay hydrated and accomplish this weekend as I have done precious little beyond my usual laundry and dishes.

Being Saturday, I have my brother to take care of but he hasn't called me yet so I'm doing a quick load of laundry and might just change my sheets now. I have the back window open for kitty's fresh air and I can feel how heavy the air is.

What are you doing today? Love hearing from you all. This is a great support for me.

Quick drive by. Very tired these days. Have been getting good sleep, which is an unusual thing for me--very pleased for the good sleep.

Will endeavor to leave the office by 7:30 tonight. I like to stay late on Fridays. Today I feel too tired to get myself home. But I will.

Just checking in.

Jim is out for ten days for health reasons. I brought home 3 boxes from the food bank.

I have jury duty today. I don't mind the jury part, but the being trapped in a chair surrounded by people part will be tough.

Porter, great job on your living room! A room a day is really ambitious!

Your plan for your new home sounds amazing, and what you are working to offer your daughter is impressive. I hope you know that I just want you both to have as much support as possible, which is what prompted me to bring up grief support groups. If you already have that elsewhere, then that is terrific. I'm a firm believer in recruiting GOOD, SUPPORTIVE help in raising kids (not people who want to "help" you follow their agenda!)

Also, I think you are more of a poet than you realize.

I should be working on my garden and stuff for my class today, but I have my teeth in this studio project and I don't want to stop.

I have started moving the stored toys from the studio barn to the basement. This is going to make the basement crowded and messy, but it's already not good space. I want to ask the kids if they can give it a few of these toys, and also my ds is talking about buying a house in the next year. If he buys a house, he has to take about 8 of these bins. They are full of star wars stuff that I don't want to store.

The baby won't move out for at least a year, and then probably into a small apartment. I'd rather have a crowded, hoarded basement for a few years and a nice, functional studio NOW.

Slowing getting things done. A work in progress.

yes I'm concerned about my daughter . But she has a lot of friends . I refuse to allow her to become isolated.
I engage all her family .

but I don't tolerate being undermined in decisions I make for her... I don't even want hear emotional opinions. Where im being told I'm making mistakes.

Not saying I'm hearing that here. To be clear her family aunts and uncles have sting opinions based on my wife telling how much of creep I am over the 20 years she's been with me and very little chance to redeem myself of even explain my side of the issues.

So if they start in with discourse I eliminate them from open discussions and make that very clear. I will not, I refuse dwell in past on things that I can not change.

My plan for is for her to be in the high school she has chosen .
to have the friends that she loves and the respect and love her. To give her a university education and assist with getting in into a house ownership and pass her my boat and truck .

I don't know if I will fall in love again and live with a woman in warm and friendly relationship. And for her to have a step mother. If that happens . It won't because I can not afford to live in our home on my own income.

if we don't die suddenly, then it's a sickness that may slowly diminish us until can't get out of bed. Its sad to watch it happen to our loved ones as we continue on. I wish i was more poetic and could say something beautiful about it.
but our marriage was not worthy of such poetic beauty.
We became parents in a life of co existence. But . Its still hard to lose such a close friend.

I strongly believe life is what we make it.
My home is filled with memory, music , art, food and drink.
comfortable places to rest and rejuvenate. Its warm .
and in a capital city with access to everything.

My daughters knows she may choose whom she wishes to live with for her high school years. But she also know I love her. And will do all I can for her. Even be parental as needed.

in this difficult time , I make sure she has NORMAL time.
and she doesn't have to be attention seeking to deal with her issues.

ok .
back to the hoarding.
I had everthing organized. But when I moved alot of it got mixed up. And is now like as if all got thrown on the dryer and mixed up . Reds whites darks intimates, even coats linens And swimming gear and just mixed up with no rhyme or reason . Just giant mixture of clutter in many many boxes.

so finding what I need .when I need it. Slow going.
but I'm getting the hallways clear. And the it's getting better everyday. I know it will be a great place whether my daughter stays or not. Its a four bed room two story with basement and small yard. A grill and picnic table.
a coffee nook.
more kitchen tool than most men know how to use.
large screen tvs in all bedrooms
I'm searching for a new cat.
basement fill with poets
And eight person Mahogany dinning table.
a dressing room with a 7 x 3 full mirror
a drumming area
an art area
7 large closets filled with lots and lots
an 10x20 covered porch.
caring nieghbors.

So considering everthing . I'm fine.
we're fine.
Just a few ducks to put in order.
I have four friends that I could pour my heart out to and one a can get drunk with in fun way if I ever wanted to.
but I'm a koala. I'm technically an alcoholic, but I've been sober 7 months and have only started drinking in social situations, BUT NOT until I'm sick on the floor.
I'm not ever going to return to drinking. Its not fun for me anymore. And I have diabetes, so it's got to be worth it.
but when I look at my daughter. I rather see a sober and stable father than a selfish drunk. So .


I've purged alot.
ALOT
TODAY
the living room only has what going to stay in it and nothing else.
tommorrow the dinning room.

feeling better . About moving on without them.

I did amazing stuff in the studio barn today.

I have to tell you guys because it looks like somebody picked up the barn and shook it. - no credit here!

I generated only a small grocery bag if recycling and half that of trash, but there was a huge amount of sorting and organizing and planning and making decisions. Decisions! Hard!

I took apart all the "creations" my son and his friends had made out of K'nex (very big step) and put the K'nex away neatly and sorted and was able to empty FOUR containers. Instead of two plus shelves, they now take up just over one shelf.

I talked to The drywall guys (kinda big step) and claimed some of their scrap to line my wire rack shelves in the studio (drywall makes excellent ware boards, wire is a problem - I've been contemplating new shelves) and now I have space to put the molds that are piled on the floor. And don't need new shelves! (boards are finished for 3 of 8 shelves and rough cut for the other 5)

And I used some empty bins to sort and organize my firing cones and kiln furniture on an existing shelf and emptied an entire rolling cart (8 drawers, paper ream sized)

I had to take a shower - I had spiderwebs and dead bugs and drywall dust in my hair.

Good morning!

Tillie I'm glad you are feeling better and that the weather is improving. SubC great work on getting rid of the octopus.

Yesterday's heat made me crazy and I started just taking things out of my drawers and putting into donation bags. Even though frustrated and miserable, that five minute burst was good for me. I will not be looking in the bags before moving them to car.

My weather is much better today so I have windows open and ceiling fans on. Am working from home and hoping to visit mom for a few minutes today.

Good morning all!

Porter, your wife is in hospice. I am confident that whatever money she has, she doesn't need it now. But you said she is a good mom. As a mom, I will tell you there is nothing questionable or borderline about what you did. She is leaving behind her daughter, and anything she has that will make her daughter's position in life more secure, should be used.

Does the hospice have support groups for you and your daughter? Based on my experience with hospice, I would strongly suggest you go if such a thing is available.

I am sorry for all the pain you are facing right now. You are doing great just keeping daily life going.

As a teacher, I have worked with a lot of goth kids who turned into delightful adults. Just keep an eye on her and her friends (also important with teenagers who appear to be bright and shiny) and keep listening. You may want to meet with the guidance counselor at the new school and let her know what is going on.

Tillie, did you get your house back into your comfort zone? I understand the snow now! I've been to Nevada in the summer. I grew up in a place where we said "it's not the heat, it's the humidity" in your case, "it's not the latitude, it's the elevation."?

People are hanging drywall in the addition. It's really hard for me to have people in my space. I spent a lot of yesterday out in the studio barn sorting through old boxes of toys. I am making a mess. But, I am resolved to throw away the inflatable pond octopus. I have loved it, but it was put away less than sanitary some years ago,and it is just gross. There is no cleaning this. It has to go. It doesn't take up that much space, but it goes take up space. Eventually the small things add up and bury you.

I am thinking about leaving home today. There are good reasons to and good reasons not to. I will see how it goes.

Greetings from northern Nevada :D

Sun is shining and at 60 degrees already outside.
Going to be a better day! :D

Hi Porter :)
Hoping you have someone there in real life to talk to.
You are going through such a difficult time. (((HUGS)))

Hi Tatoulia :)
Hope you are feeling better (((HUGS)))
Hasn't been that long ago that you were so terribly ill and your body still needs extra special care.

Hi CriticalMass :)
loved your long post.
Thank you for updating us.
Keep up all the great works! :D

Hi Anonymoniker :)
How's going there?
Hope the spiders aren't too many (((HUGS)))

Hi Joan :)

Hi Subclinical :)
Sorry you have to resort to such drastic measures to protect the chickens :(

My house is a disaster area.
That's what happens when I have a "pity party".
So today I will wash dishes, vacuum the carpet and generally straighten it up.

Did very little today.
one of those headaches that I can't seem to rid of.
I sorted out some of the bill issues. At least for now.
sending a check from my wife's account.
it's a question ably unethical move.
But I feel like I'm robbing Peter to pay paul, and hope it buys me ten days.
I've written all here checks for several years.
she has the money, and I'm not applying it to the new place.
just paying off the old place.


The house is safe to move around in.
I try to stick to large things, but start puttering around with the junk. I've purged so much , but I'm still technically and officially a hoarder.

thank you all for the support. Its hard, I didn't realize my phone was missing , my brother called me again and again for support, but I was busy and unaware.
I know it's not my fault. But it knaws at me real deep.
He's gone, and it's ok to grieve. With and without people.

My wife and I talk on phone now alot.
I try to be her normal.
My daughter , what can I say. 14 and into dark clothes and edgy music. Its like just want to slap some pastel tape on her and hope it catches on. Shes really trying to be a challenge , but that's ok. I just want her to feel at home and make sure she access to support without having to be attention seeking.


I'd say 95% of the heavy things are in place.
it's just now keeping what makes the house function
in a presentable arrange ments. And removing the tubs thatneed to stowed away. So im much closer to light at the of the hallway.

What struggling on is being so tired of the stuff.
no amount of sleep lifts my energy level.

I look at it like this.
I might feel better when it's all put away. But prolonging it until feel I like it will make it feel overwhelming.

Evacuate 1 room per day+ what im intrested in accomplishing.

in the storage area for clutter. I'm using a method that each room of the house has its own box or boxes.
I hope to purge most of what doesnt work at the new place.

I was offered to help clear my brothers belongings.
I declined. And let my other brother deal and keep his things . He was not a hoarder. I need to focus on my own stuff.

Tillie, depression makes everything hard. Go easy on yourself. I am wondering where you are - I have hot weather like tatoulia.

I went to the grocery store today and just bought the food on my list, plus some cherries, strawberries, and a grapefruit. Those are ok treats. The prices were good.

I dropped off the plastic recycling and two little bags of trash.

I also went to class again and brought home two pages of notes and an example to put in my studio. That's a very useful thing though.

Tatoulia, I hope you feel better. Did you get your garbage out?

My kitty wants to go outside and he can't because I had to put out a "special treat" fir a raccoon tonight (he'd been eating my chickens and won't give up)

Oh Tillie i am sorry you are so depressed and I hope the weather delivers as forecasted and you feel better.

I did take my garbage out then went to sleep with AC on. I just woke up and I'm feeling feverish. I had an English muffin and a large glass of water. I must have consumed my weight in water today so I can't imagine it's dehydration. I think it's just lousy weather. Kitty has spent the last two days sleeping in her carrier. The top is mesh so it doesn't hold in the heat and yet it gives her a sense of security. That, or she desperately wants to go back to my BFs house.

Hi Everybody

Super depressed due to the weather the last few days.
I do not mind the rain & hail and the dark dreary days.
It's the friggin cold that's got me down.
A high temperature of 40 degrees is not enough and with the raging winds it's really a lot colder.
The cats are all feeling the same way as me.
We are all constantly grouching at each other and that just makes us all that much more miserable.
Tomorrow they are promising it will be 70 degrees and I know I will feel so much happier then. ;)

Hi everyone!

Very hot day here. Really awful. I'm working from home. Have dusted the bedroom and dine a lot of laundry. The laundry really heats up the house. I need to vacuum but just so hot.

I slept with AC on in the bedroom last night and I slept very well. Would like a repeat for tonight.

It's garbage night and I never feel like taking it out on Mondays. I need to, because I won't be up early enough to get out tomorrow before pickup. I did take recycling out earlier today.

I unloaded dishwasher and visited mom. I just wish I could force myself to vacuum.

I need to remind myself of how much happier (or st least, less miserable) I am when it's hot and my house is cleaner. I really hate my house when it's filthy and hot.

The living room is in shambles but at least I'm keeping bedroom nice.

Porter, thanks for the update. Sorry you've had all that to deal with. We're all behind you buddy.

Oh porter, I am so sorry!

I was so excited to see your post, but then how hard.

You made it to the new house though. You made it. Your daughter is there.

I hope your creditors will work with you. Have you asked about a payment plan? Explained that the bills were unpaid because a terminally ill woman didn't let you know she couldn't handle the finances anymore and you thought things were ok?

I am glad you have your workspace. You have time to organize things. A month is not long at all. If I could get the rest of my hoard organized in a month, I would think I was superwoman.

Take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing when you can.

My sincere condolences, Porter. I am so very sorry.

Porter, I am glad you are OK.

So sorry to hear about your loss of your brother and your other misfortunes. You are running into a lot of upsets at once.

You can handle it. Keep your perspective. Rest between projects. See you soon.

Hi Porter :)
Thank you for posting.
You have my sincerest condolences
((((((HUGS))))))
Hang in there baby
Things have got to start looking up for you soon.

I've finally got it all in the next house.

but disaster has me reeling. My wife has been sent to a hospice center. And my brother killed himself.
they locked the doors on me as I was trying to move .
I broke in and was arrested.
I got 95% and the 5% isnt needed in the new place.
So as it would happen . My wife quit paying bills in February without telling me. So I have to cough up $1245 and or live without some utilities. I could deal with except the new landlord is breathing down my neck about it already.

even my phone was stolen.
I don't know how long this wifi will be available to me . But as just finished putting the very last thing inside my home I thought of you people. I'm fine. Battered and bruised but not broken. I'm still working , and my daughter will be home on tuesday. Just the two of us. $125 a week from my wife disability will come my way. And that will be enough .
I know thing could be worse. So im thankful for it even if it's barely enough.



my escape about the flying bike has been nominal.
but just will point out that many species achieve flight.
humans have for over 100 years now. The largest species to take flight was a global flyer , was as tall as a giraffe.
My work area is set up in basement a 8x8 area dedicated to my projects. And a 10 for long tool counter across from the area to keep projects free of tools and clutter. I'm very pleased to have such dream to work on.

on the 20th will be 1 month since I started moving.
at first it nice when it was just furniture, but then the hoard came in from an organized stated to just stacks and stacks and stacks. Until it was a hoard again.
But I know I will get it done. I know I will because I've done this before, I have to set realistic goals and go room by room. I think I can manage to tame it by the 20th.
I could just dump it all in basement. But that would silly to rush so fast that I have to restack everything again and again. If I go according to plan it will slowly turn into a home again.

I've been so exhausted. I finally slept yesterday until my eyes just popped open. Im sad for my brother and my wife.
But I'm staying calm and trying to keep on keepin on.

Tatoulia, you have a lot of people to take care of! And no one else is taking care of you.

CM, I also enjoyed the long post! I am hopeful for you about your move.

I forgot to say that on Thursday Jim the pig farmer was back, so I only took my usual one box of stale bread. It means I also have to buy feed, but if is much easier to manage.

I went to a baby shower today and I took a like-new children's book that I already had (I tend to pick up good titles in good condition at good prices. Each of my kids is getting a starter library when they have children) with a gift certificate for an online store that has stuff I know the new mom wants, wrapped in a reused gift bag and tissue. Dd also went to the shower and wrapped her gift using my stash. Plus she helped with games and I was able to provide felt and safety pins. So, some outs. Small outs, but still outs.

Also I started soaking the orange glaze, and worked some more on organizing the studio.

Well I haven't done much of anything today. Saw brother, took him on errands then napped. I've now showered and washed my hair, stripped sheets from bed and have dishwasher ready to go. This sounds like more than it is. The house is a furious mess and I'm tired.

Very hot today over 90F. Going to be hard to do much of anything next couple of days. I've kept my windows shut and drapes closed.

My legs hurt from all the bug bites from last night's wedding in the woods.

How are you?

CM I am savoring your post! Thank you--I feel more hopeful now. I have read your post twice and will read it again in a bit.

It is 3:30 and brother called me at 8 to start the day. I'd barely gotten home and in bed from the wedding.

Thinking of you all. CM thank you! Loved reading about your activities, your thoughts on our individual activities and your next step plans! Any chance you'd consider not waiting for the perfect moment to change the storage and call it ready? Let me know--you seem to be flirting with that idea, even if you don't realize it!🙂

Being a night owl, but it's a nice quiet time to finally get this long post up. I'll use different colors and space to make it seem less like one huge Russian novel.


Last couple of weeks have been pretty busy with church and other commitments. I got several boxes' worth of items donated and helped at the church garage sale Thursday. I also went to some sales myself - another church and some neighborhood ones. But I was good - I really did need to look for certain clothing items and I found some of those. Yesterday I made it to the gym finally. Been out of the habit plus tired, so all I did was take a very leisurely swim and get in the hot whirlpool. But that's okay, it was a start, and a good de-stresser.

I got other clothing at Walmart this week. Still need summer shoes; most of mine are getting ratty. I found one pair of nice sandals last week at yet another church sale. I've still been very excited about doing creative stuff. I'm enjoying buying stuff - must watch out - I've felt that old inner frenzy of acquisition. It's not unusual for that to happen after payday (the 3rd). I spend 3/4 of the month pinching pennies and I get antsy, want to cut loose. Bought a few art supplies here and there, and one more Barbie doll when I was at Walmart. She was only $5.00 and a beautiful, Irish-looking redhead, an unusual find. I want to sew her an Irish themed dress. These new items need attending to and put away, the clothing items washed, receipts entered in my spreadsheet, etc.

It's like what SubC posted about with the food, I know that it's a different type of stuff but I relate to that about bring something home and having trouble integrating it or dealing with it before it just becomes another clutter problem. Which then I sometimes want to escape dealing with by going shopping! I'm glad I went for that swim - I think exercise can help channel some of the nervous energy that might otherwise feed the shopping urge.

Sounds like you struggle with the decision making a lot - it's an occupational hazard for those of us who craft, help people, don't like to see waste, etc. Thinking of ways to repurpose allows us to justify keeping things, but it's a double-edged sword of course. I've been questioning myself on this sort of thing a lot during my decluttering process. Your plan of attack for the crafting supplies sounds like a good start. Keep the momentum going and get those suckers glazed and fired! ;)


Tillie, I really like your list on how to decide if something is clutter. I use a lot of those principles too.

That might be worth trying with Steven, having his friend talk to him. You're right - it's easier to see someone else's hoard with a fresh set of eyes. I find I can spot my friends' clutter right away - but I do have to remind myself to use discretion as to whether I should say anything at all, and take a diplomatic and non-threatening approach if I do. I've also been on the receiving end of it with my social worker at the storage unit. I find even though I was enthused I do from time to time experience "backlash" when I look and see how her ways (for example, packing methods) differ from mine. I think, "Why did I let her talk me into that?!" I guess that's natural, and it's not going to make me regress and rebel. The push-pull process regarding how to tackle the hoard is both internal in our own minds and external with our would-be helpers or people we're close to.


Tatoulia, sorry you have been sick - hope you'll soon be on the mend. It does me good to read your posts about changing sheets and making the bed, though - because it does feel so nice and fresh when I do it, and I hope I'll be motivated to do it more often. I grew up with a neatnik mother and beds were made daily and sheets changed regularly, but out on my own I got ever more lazy. Then clutter started claiming portions of my bed and floor. The idea of changing sheets frequently is demotivating when you know you're going to have to go through this tedious business of removing the crap from the bed and replacing it again because it has no other place to go. :( It's a long-term goal, when I get my own home again, to reverse this situation. I already have analyzed what would help: 1) Have a bed that is not in a corner - only the head of the bed against a wall, and 2) a good minimalist bed and linens that don't require fussing - no dust ruffles, fitted sheets, complicated headboard/frame assemblies, or other things that I find annoying or bang my shins on.


Joan, you're right that getting the right amount of rest we individually need is definitely not a waste of time! If I don't get enough good rest, I'm klutzy and grumpy and inefficient so that consumes more time and creates more complications. I do tend to wish for more time - wish I had a Doctor Who TARDIS which if you're familiar with the show, is bigger on the inside (more space!) and can travel through time and space. I wonder if a real hoarder could even manage to fill up a TARDIS. LOL! Meanwhile, I attempt to come to terms with the standard 24-hour day. Some days more successfully than others.


Lists - I would be lost without mine - although I had hoped to go completely electronic when I got my tablet and not have little slips of paper anymore. It only worked for awhile. Important things come quickly and in the time it takes to find and boot the tablet they can slip away. Plus I use a lot of colored paper notes which provide immediate visual cues. Sometimes I just need those.


Anony, what a scary episode! Sounds like you're dealing with some toxic people and that can sure be bad on all aspects - mind, body, emotions, and spirit. Please do take care - I second Tatoulia's recommendation of plenty of hydration especially with the summer. Maybe an electrolyte drink - sometimes I've heard a person can overdo straight water, and if you've had faint feelings there might be something out of balance.

As for other posts you made - I think we're all in that boat of being intelligent, creative people who can accomplish some pretty amazing things - yet are frustrated by our difficulties coping with what society views as "simple" things like staying decluttered or accomplishing routine tasks. From what I've picked up in my clutter club group and online, and from my own and others' experiences, I am more and more convinced that our brains are wired differently. Thankfully, neuroplasticity enables us to "rewire" them in most cases but there is an investment of time and conscious effort in the process. First, I think, we must "rewire" that part that programs us to be discouraged if we don't succeed immediately and perfectly! Or if we go along on a roll and then hit a bump in the road. Remember Winston Churchill - Never never never never give in completely to that discouragement. Keep picking back up and pushing forward.


Joan, you are an example of a quiet sort of courage in your monastic life and coping with your suffering the best way you know how. Glad you are here with us. I do think there is some newer science on the horizon that will address problems' causes without just stumbling around in the dark, making people guinea pigs for unproven psychiatric approaches and Big Pharma profit margins. I say that as someone who has benefited up to a point from the mental health system and medications, but also experienced damage from each of those.


As for the rest of my current situation update - the storage unit is getting closer to being ready to move - it's less a matter of bringing it back from a total disaster now and more a matter of how much fine tuning I want to do before vs. after the move. And when the move can happen. Weather is definitely heading into hot now - 90s. Blech. I'll have a chat with the social worker at clutter club meeting the 21st and see what she thinks - if the Moving Minions can be gotten, that would be an incentive to go ahead. Otherwise wait till fall. But still I've come a long way from where I was at the beginning of the year, so that's something.

Okay, now to see if this will post and then this night owl will fly back into her hollow tree and get some shut eye!

Tatoulia, that is great about your hair dryer! It must feel really good. I love it when I find a place for something.

So, these actually might be the last yogurt cups I ever get. I stopped buying yogurt in little cups two years ago, and I hope I never need to again.

I could, of course, ask the parents to provide yogurt cups. But our parents are so great and so helpful - when the science teacher needed two liter bottles, the parents sent them in full - because nobody drank soda. One parent helpfully provided paper cups in case someone else's kid wanted to drink the soda. I don't want them buying trash just so I can use it!

Dh and dd moved the ping pong table from the studio/shop barn to the new basement space under the addition. There is more room than we thought there would be, and dh says if I will sweep the floor I can move my exercise bike out there to stay. Both of those things open up space for me. Also, it's really nice of dh because I wasn't supposed to get to put anything in the new space. He doesn't usually give me space because he worries that I will hoard it, so maybe this means that he believes I am changing?

Of course then I took advantage of the new space in the studio barn to spread out a bunch of stuff I wanted to sort through. So it looks worse. But, I found a doll carriage from when I was little. My kids played with it, but they didn't love it the way I did, and looking at it now, there are a lot of things about it that are not really safe. It needs to go. I will take it to goodwill, because it is pretty close to antique at this point and someone might want it as a collectible. That is a pretty big thing.

Good Morning Everybody :)

Hi Anonymoniker :)
The heat is a killer!
Stay out of it.
Plus the older we get the less our bodies can tolerate it. (((HUGS)))

Hi Joan :)
Keep searching out good alternative ways. :D

Hi Tatoulia :)
So sorry that cough is hanging on (((HUGS)))
I would try drowning it out with lemonade and/or tea with lemon and honey, but that's just me. ;D
Hoping you have a blast at the wedding and even dance!
WTG! for finding a permanent home for the hair dryer!
So nice when we can finally "put" something away away.

Hi CriticalMass :)
Looking forward to catching up with you :D

Hi Subclinical :)
Yes I put on shoes and went to the grocery store.
Didn't get a cantaloupe but did get a HUGE watermelon and a bunch of other lovely produce. :)
About the yogurt cups...
my thinking is, if you still get yogurt in those non-recyclable cups then toss these and just collect the new ones as they come in.
But I really don't know your situation or how things go there and maybe these are the last yogurt cups you will ever get. ;D

HELLO PORTER!!!
We all miss you :(

After grocery shopping yesterday I had a nagging headache that aspirin didn't help.
I was exhausted and kept falling asleep the rest of the afternoon/evening.
Weather here has turned cold again.
Snow predicted in the higher elevations.
My plans for this weekend are....
I have no plans ;P

Thanks for the drive by CM! Looking forward to hearing from you.

SubC it is a real pleasure having you here! The group is active and this is so helpful to all of us. As to complaining, we are all entitled to complain! We are all safe here! And like you, we take and find our joys where we can.

Hello to everyone--doing laundry and a little relaxation before getting ready for the wedding. My big accomplishment this week was cleaning out a drawer in the bathroom and discovering that my hair dryer can fit in it! No longer just laying about.

Coffee clinks to all!

Good morning everyone.

Tillie, did you get food?

I hate going out. Sometimes I imagine if it was just me here - I would only leave to go to work. And some days, i wouldn't be able to face stopping on the way home, so I would run out of all kinds of stuff. I'd live on rice pudding for days because there is always milk and I buy rice in huge sacks. It wouldn't taste as good once I ran out of sugar, but that still might not motivate me to go to the store. In the summer I would lose track of what day it was, start ignoring clocks....

This is part of why I take classes in the summer and volunteer at the food bank. It makes me leave the house. Also it makes me talk to people, which I know is important, even though it is hard. The depression used to hold off until October, or even November in a good year, but now it is hitting me in the summer. I don't know why. Maybe menopause? Maybe I am just lonely.

The transition out of school at the end of the year is hard. I had a really strong physical reaction to turning in the evaluations yesterday - like I had been doing hard physical labor for days. And I have been cold all week - which is crazy, because it'd been getting up into the 80s, but yesterday it was so bad my Renaults kicked in.

But now I feel like a whiner. My health is generally excellent. I feel awful for those of you who are struggling with severe physical limits and pain!

Anony, my brother suffers from a cooling disorder. He used to get hassled (even by teachers) for being a "wimp" because he had a doctor's note to miss gym if the temp was over 80. Plus he was supposed to opt out of some activities. He was a tough looking 6' tall teenager and he never would (probably because of the teasing) so my mom would get called to come get him because he had passed out and was grey and vomiting. I learned you don't mess with heat!

Joan, I'm glad you are seeing bright spots and progress!

Tatoulia I hope your cough is better soon!

I am going to try to focus on my garden and pottery this weekend. I finished the red glaze yesterday, so however much time that was (maybe half an hour total?) and I have two bottles of useable glaze worth about $27 total. See, the problem isn't that I save this stuff, it's that I have no follow through!

I set all the little yogurt cups I cracked the dry glaze out of aside to wash, but I think that actually I don't need them. I should probably throw them in the trash, right? They don't recycle. I can't think of another use for them. This is - oh, wait! My class can start plants in them in the fall! (This paragraph brought to you by my actual stream of consciousness. - so now I will wash the cups and set them aside until September. I need to make a place to store stuff for that class so I can find them.

When I was typing "this is" the next word was going to be "hard" and I was feeling sad and frustrated. Then I thought of the plants and I got a jolt of happy. If dh were watching that, he probably would have felt a tiny bit of hope (she's going to throw something away!) followed by dissapointment and disgust (nope. As usual.) I don't know what is right. I know he wants less stuff in our lives, but isn't it better to use things you already have rather than constantly creating garbage and buying new?

I have made a huge dent in the coming in. They still buy things, but I am trying to tell you everything - bought, accepted, salvaged - so you can see how I'm doing and give me good feedback. (oh, I bought a container of paint stripper last week for a furniture project - which I didn't mention because it is consumable. The dresser has been sitting in my garage for months.)

CM, I am looking forward to your post.

This is a test post - Internet has had issues today. I have another longer post I saved that I hope to upload tomorrow. Meanwhile, if you're reading this, know that I'm thinking of all of you. Anonymoniker and Joan especially my heart goes out to you. May you find healing and strength. <3 <3

More later.

Dear Joan--somehow I missed your post. I feel terrible about your situation. How terrible. My heart breaks for you. Keep fighting. Dear thing.

Anony--do not overwork yourself--esp in heat and humidity. I have an extremely low tolerance for heat, humidity and direct sun. I get sick very easily in the heat. Sometimes in the summer I wait at the office til seven before going home, just so i can take public transportation without it being too crowded and hot. I've also been known to carry a ziplock bag of ice to put on my wrists. You must be very, very careful.

We are expecting heat here next week. Not looking forward to that. I rarely make plans in the summer because I know if it's hot and humid, I won't be up for it. Snowstorm expected? I will meet you for dinner and a movie!

Tillie! My cough is working it's way through my body. I am tired of it. It gives me a headache.

Hope everyone is well and happy. I slept after work tonight then had to go up to mom's at 10 because she was having some problems. TV wouldn't work, she was hungry, etc. I'm now home and showered. Have a wedding tomorrow -- looking forward to it.

Hah! Anony, I am constantly reassuring myself that I am not making excuses.

Tillie, I feel bad that you have to go through that.

My movement disorder (cheek biting) was dismissed for decades as "just emotional". I got dumped into the alleged "mental health system". It took me about 35 years just to get one doctor to take the problem seriously. No-one (not even the providers I see every week) realize how devasting this disoder is. My brain does not work right at any time. My sleep could hardly be called "sleep" most of my life. For the last 3 years I have been seeing a chiropractor, now every week since last September, because the bitng twists my head off my neck. I often have been getting vertigo and balance issues.

After a recent setback these last two days were great, so time spent not bitng gives me hope. In this lifetime I have to work with what I have. Newer modalities (like homeopathy and the type of yoga that I practice) help a lot. In coming times I expect medical systems to address actual needs of patients, rather than just disposing of "defective people".

That is my rant for tonight. Be well.

~♡~Greetings, y'all!~♡~
I got myself so worked up yesterday, i got dizzy & weak & thought i was having a stroke or heart attack! I laid down & slept almost 12 hours. Its not just this horrendous mess that i cant seem to fix, its also my situation with my family. Theres so much that i cant even say on here...
Joan, you are right about how often crying & upset can be a new level of learning about to break through. I do want that. As bad as some of this really is, i do also often not acknowledge real obstacles, like my wrist that easily gets reinjured. I feel like im making excuses, but it is very real! Also, the heat outside is very real! Feeling faint working in it is real, not imagined. I want so much to do this myself, but im just not able to. Youre right Tillie, hiring someone younger may be just what i need for all the reasons you listed!
Im very grateful today to be alive & still functioning just fine! ~♡~

Hi Everybody :)

Hi Subclinical :)
Sounds like things went very well today! :D
YEA! for new shorts just in the nick of time.
WTG! for getting so many things done and especially the inspection passing.

Hi Tatoulia :)
WTG! for getting the bathroom tidier :D
Your hair is the exact opposite of mine. Mine is a super curly nightmare. LOL :D

Hi Joan :)
I truly understand having physical limitations.
I have an abdomen full of cysts and tumors that at times twist and burst causing me to be very ill and in incredible pain.
That is why I am unemployed.
But I do my best when I can, that's all we can do. (((HUGS)))

Hi Anonymoniker :)

Hi CM :)

HI Porter :)

Watered everything outside today then spent the rest of the day making fabric strips for rag rug making.
Need to go grocery shopping soon, all out of fresh produce and want a cantaloupe too.
But really don't want to go to town or put on shoes.

Thanks tatoulia,

Making myself accountable to someone (besides my boss) helps.

I got the evaluations done. I'll proof read them this evening and turn them in by the deadline at 9 tomorrow. (Probably before I go to bed)

The inspector came and we passed.

Drywall is delivered. Kitchen is better, laundry is reduced to what fits in the basket.

Dd is making dinner tonight,so I am going to walk up for the mail, process that, stir the red glaze, shower, and go to the food bank. I will triage the never ending list again tomorrow.

Btw, I tore the tush of those shorts this morning, so they are going, and the new pair was just in time!