My heart is breaking, Lila. I am so sad for you. I have felt these feelings before and it's awful. It's embarrassing and awful. Many years ago, when I was about 18, a man in his 30s said to me, my shoes cost more than your whole outfit. In front of people. I was humiliated and I felt stung. It was awful.

Can I offer a different take on this? Get rid of the sweater. You will always feel terrible in it. Also, you need to report him to HR. You cannot let someone talk to you that way. Tell HR. Whether he's a co-worker or a visitor or a vendor, HR needs to know. You can tell them you were embarrassed and hurt. It's okay. They may do nothing, but they need to know.

I would tell you to keep the sweater and to wear it proudly but I wouldn't be able to. I'd always feel terrible and awful. And I care too much about myself to feel awful.

I can send you the $13 and I want you to get something new. I will tell you that part of my dehoarding has been to get rid of things that dredge up bad memories. This sweater is one of them. And I know you looked cute in it.

Thanks guys. I am still sad looking at it. I have an unreasonable fear of someone finding this forum and realizing they know me, so I am scared to say what he said about it. Sigh.

I spent an hour looking on amazon for a cute top to buy so I could have something else to wear. But every item that is not a solid plain color, I think, "does this pattern look dumb? will someone say something about it?" I am too sensitive. I hope someday I am going to feel confident enough not to care what anyone says.

I had a long, busy day. Tomorrow I get to stay home and work on the house and relax. I was going to ask my son to help me today to throw some things out and put donations in the car etc, things I cannot do with a messed up arm. But he is still asleep.

Tatoulia, we posted at the same time. You are so sweet. Thank you, your kindness brought tears to my eyes. I think I probably will just go ahead and donate it, which also makes me sad, but you're right. I will always feel self conscious in that if I wear it now. How his one comment in front of people changed something that made me happy into something that made me sad.

He is a visitor, and this might sound nuts, I'm not sure, but I think if I were to tell HR, I would feel like they think I am loony. Like I can't handle a little "joke." So I probably will never tell anyone but this board... but will donate it and look for something else. It is so rare to find something I love. I wish I could find the exact item in a different pattern.

I trust your instincts but in my office, the comment would be seen as bullying. We are over the idea that someone can be mean and then say, can't you take a joke?

Get rid of it. It will not make you happy. You will find something that makes you happy. Is there a thrift shop with decent clothes near you? I forget what size you are and thrift stores seem to favor smaller sizes. We were in goodwill the other day and I thought about starting to shop there after I lose another ten. I actually buy very expensive clothes and wear them forever, but sometimes I'm tempted to see what goodwill has.

CM, I am sorry about the poor doggy.

I think the secret is that calm and boring only come in bits and we just have to learn to grab them as they go by. I wonder why the stress always bleeds into the calm bits, but the calm never bleeds into the stressful bits.

Except for Tatoulia - Tatoulia, you are an inspiration. I can only imagine if I had had cleaners show up while I was still in bed. Honestly, I don't think I could cope with "I never know when they are coming." That would be a deal breaker for me.

I hope the bunny house is a positive experience. There must be a lot of cleaning with so many bunnies!

I remember a monsoon in Kansas in august on our way back from moving dd2. Horrible rain, but one of the most gorgeous rainbows I've ever seen.

CM, Do you have a primary care doctor who you see regularly? I want you to stay healthy!

Lila, I hope I didn't scare you off firing all those questions at you. Block off your days off. Tell people you are sorry, but you have appointments that can't be moved. (They are appointments with rest and recovery!)

40 days to my vacation..

Tatoulia, the mother of the mother-daughter bunny team will still be there. I am not in any shape mentally to tackle the whole thing on my own. If they both had to be away I'd need my own backup. I just wish the daughter was more the type to text back and forth; although where she is heading may not even have cell phone service. I'm not good at being the one with whom the buck stops when I am just trying to keep on an even keel myself and not have my agoraphobia and separation from home anxiety flare up.

However, I am trying to think positive, remember my Poco a Poco philosophy, and believe that if we got in a jam there would surely be a neighbor and/or some bunny club member who could pitch in. And the house is near a fire station and a hospital and the police substation is only a couple miles away. The Catholic parish I used to attend is two or three blocks from the bunny house as well. So really there are safety anchors all around, I won't be out in the middle of nowhere.

SubC, I have been going to a clinic where I have a new resident doctor every couple of years. They work on teams under experienced physicians. I've been pleased with the care; they helped me connect with the surgeon and the physical therapy etc. I do think at some point though I might want to look for someone in their own practice with whom I could have more continuity as I get older. I might also prefer to let go of my psych doc and just have the GP write the scripts for my Xanax (hopefully by then I will be completely off antidepressants, and the only other thing I take is thyroid). The migraine thing I plan to keep researching supplements for. It also may get triggered by changes in sleep or activity, so I should ease into those gradually. I'm still glad I went for that swim though, and surely the next one will be more routine. My circulation should improve with exercise, too.

I sure had envisioned spring being more warm by now and being able to sit outdoors and work on a backlog of crafts that needed painting. Stuff that I'd hoped to market to help the bunny club, and that the supplies for have been a logjam preventing progress with other decluttering. Maybe in May this will be possible. Any good weather we get is always spoken for six ways to Sunday, being also needed for storage unit progress and gardening and - dare I hope - just a little R&R out in nature to destress once in awhile? I can't clone myself; I must choose wisely what to do when good weather presents itself. Indecision and second guessing are frequently present in those moments.

hi all! SubC, you didn't scare me off, I like questions. I was just work-work-working. You're right, my job is weird. I was doing a lot of work as a volunteer for several years, no pay, just what I felt I was called to in ministry. I took on a big role during covid but there was no budget to hire me, so I just did it. Found it very fulfilling. Last year I was hired part time. But it was for that big role, mainly, and one smaller role. So anything I do for those two things, up to 20 hours, I get paid for. Anything else is volunteer. Well, some of my volunteer work is a commitment that I made for 3-4 years, before I was hired. So I can't just stop that part and it takes maybe 10 hours a week. Then there are some things that are just things I have done for years and I have not been able to find anyone else to take it over, and I kind of like it, so I keep doing it. Then there are a few things I roll my eyes at and would like to get out of. Those are the bits I am slowly extracting myself from, whether there is a substitute or not. So I work about 20 hours paid and 15 hours volunteer each week. When my 3 year commitment is up, that should decrease by 10 hours.

Complicated, I know.

I too suffer migraines, and am not happy to think it could be a stroke risk.

I was supposed to go in today for a couple of hours but have been fighting a bad headache. I opted out of about 5 hours of volunteer stuff between yesterday and today, so I am home this morning. AND, you will be happy to know I wrote OFF on both Friday and Saturday this week, cancelled one appointment, and told people I am busy! So I get my two days off. I am working from home today both on personal and work stuff.

Hope to get some serious cleaning and decluttering done!

second post -

This is not really a hoarding issue, but maybe it kind of is... I have no where else to share this.

Remember the last clothing item I bought was online, only $13, was a cardigan type thing? Well it came and I LOVED it. Not only is the fabric nice, thick and soft, I liked the colors, it fits perfectly. And the right fabric weight for spring and cool summer nights. I felt so happy to have something new to wear to work!

Well this week I wore it to a social thing at my work with about 50-60 people coming. And this guy walks up to me and makes this comment about my cardigan, basically making fun of the pattern on it. In front of people. And now when I look at it I can't unsee what he said, and I wonder if other people think that about it. I feel stupid, I feel embarrassed. I am not a fashion person and I thought it looked cute but really no one has complimented me on it, and maybe it just looks dumb. Now I am so upset, I don't think I can even wear it. This guy is at a lot of events and so are the other people and I keep thinking they will always think that when I wear it. I am so unreasonably sad about this. Super sad, I could cry. I have so few things to wear, and now I am pretty sure this is not going to be worn again.

Sad.

Lila,

That guy is a first class JERK. I challenge you to wear the cardigan proudly and defiantly and if he opens his pie hole, just give him a cold side eye and say not one word.

Stopped at a garage sale.

Bought: flat plastic box of fondant tools for clay
Three display stands for my sales (used two to set up tonight, might not keep the other)
Oven mitt
4 square cork boards (impulse, they just looked so USEFUL)

Sale tomorrow wish me luck.

I'm excited for your sale, SubC! Today I have to return a pair of shoes and I have a bag of clothes to donate. Some never worn or only worn once or twice. Big clothes. Glad that someone will be excited to find them at good will!

I donated a bag of clothes today. Very pleased with that. I did not return my shoes yet. We did some grocery shopping and we went to visit mom. She was wearing a yellow cotton dress I gave her and looked very pretty. It was buttoned wrong but I didn't say anything. I did mention that she wasn't wearing any underwear. She wears diapers and I've noticed lately that she's been skipping them. So I got her organized on that front. Always something.

I have to go swap the laundry into the dryer. I'm keeping up with the dishes and folding all laundry, etc. sometimes that's a victory in itself.

Hi ladies,

This will truly be the short version but just want to say Hi.

Garage sale Friday went well. I just made 40 bucks, but it's 40 bucks I didn't have before, it was enjoyable knowing that people were surprisingly interested in my rubber stamps, and hopefully the stamps will be used and enjoyed. I still have some of them; they can go in the church sale.

Today we had a bunny club booth at a pet supply store and it was nice though I got there a little late (see below). The store was smaller and quieter, and the staff very friendly, interested, and helpful. They are open to our doing it regularly. We do need more volunteers still so that we can take turns and not everybody have to do it each time.

My bunny, the reason I was late - she has had a week of off and on tummy trouble so I needed to make sure she was eating okay before I joined the others. It's been crazy weather here, surprise surprise - big differences in temperature. Wondering if that could make a difference for the bunnies, in adjusting. Or maybe it's just an unknown cause. I've been tweaking her diet with some success - more hay, less pelleted food.

Looking into some more things I can do. Hesitant about the vet because I don't know if she really needs strong medications; I think we can get on top of this with nutrition and exercise. She is such a sweet girl, sensitive, headstrong, and always has been a mommy's girl. She took to me from the moment I met her when I still had another female rabbit. When that one passed unexpectedly I knew I had to have this one, no question.

Next week there are no added commitments on my schedule! I hope it stays that way!

Good morning!

CM, I am glad you found some success with your garage sale. I hope your bunny is ok.

My sale went pretty well.I sold most of the new stuff and a couple of older pieces. I think I may have spent more than I made though. It will be close.

There is an artist who works out of our building - you can google him (patrick dougherty ceramics) who is amazing and an elder statesman of sorts. He is currently fighting cancer for as many good days as he can get, and yesterday was one. He had a booth and the studio set him up with some comfortable chairs (Beth laughed when he said he only needed one chair - he ended up with five and was holding court in a "potter's lounge" all day.) and Dh let me buy one of his raven bowls - so that was mostly where my money went. - Dh and I have a "buy real art from living artists" policy.

I also got a beautiful hand painted flower mug for my mom and a serving bowl and two matching small bowls from a friend whose work is slowly filling my kitchen.

Patrick walked around the sale in the afternoon and he gave me some very kind and supportive feedback on my work. Also word got out that he was there and a bunch of people from the studio who haven't been around for years made a point of showing up and it was fun to see some of them!

Had dinner at dd1's house last night with Bean, sil, Dh, and heartdaughter and her wife. Very fun and laughed a lot, but stayed too late!

Today I am going to try to crawl out from under my week.

hi all. Catching up on your posts and was struck by the idea that filling our time is a form of hoarding, like filling our house (overfilling). I think I do that sometimes.

I have not done any cleaning or decluttering. When I got back from vacation it has just been work work work nonstop, along with my nephew coming to visit us for a week. It was a welcome visit and he helped with various things. He left today.

SubC, I never did clean under my bed. I stopped working on the room and did not get to looking in the vent either. I was just working all the time and then did not want to disappear into my room to clean while I had company here.

Everything is a mess. I did load the dishwasher and it is running. I did a load of laundry last night and need to put it away. My kitchen is so messy and needs a good declutter and scrub. But my arm is still in a brace so I am limited. I also have to go to work in less than an hour (again) and will be gone until night. I need a break but I am not about to get one anytime soon. Hoarding activities in my life?? Maybe. Some of it is my job but only about half of it. The rest is volunteer work.

I really need to somehow enforce my two days off a week. I had a training on BOTH days this week. What am I supposed to do with that? ugh.

Lila, is the training voluntary or required? Unpaid or paid? Does it benefit you, or people you do work for? I don't really understand how your job works because I get the impression you get paid to do your job a certain number of hours, but then your volunteer work is Also doing your job but just not getting paid?

Did I tell you I drew a box around a week in June and wrote "(Subclinical) on vacation" in it?

Dh family wants to know if we are coming east to visit this summer. They haven't even arrived to torment us in May yet.

Tatoulia, I forgot to tell you good job on the clothes.

Today was a hard day for me. I had plans, but they didn't happen. I didn't get enough sleep. Dh woke me up early because he went to play golf and then I was awake, and I don't nap well. The sun never came out.

Well, my bunny girl is doing great now. Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for roommate's dog. He started to feel unwell Sunday night, and Monday morning had left a mess on the living room rug. That became a pattern and he is still pretty under the weather. Started to maybe get better then stalled out. She's taking him to the vet Friday morning, soonest time they had. It has been chaotic here, with roommate unable to leave the house. Dog can't go out in the yard because he's of a breed that might try to escape. She's trying to get things like probiotics into him per vet advice.

Weather has been chilly and rainy; we need the rain of course, having been in pretty much a prolonged drought with only sporadic rains for months. It's still not a lot of rain. Sometimes May brings monsoon season here, though. It's not impossible storage unit work weather but I hate to be gone so for now I am holding off. Sleep has been hard for roommate with dog waking her up several times a night. I've needed more sleep just from the stress, though I have to be careful not to get too much.

I did make it to the gym on Monday, swam, but in the shower had a sudden onset of migraine. I've been googling this - it's called a "cortical spreading depression" and has something to do with the electrical activity in the brain. I'm going to keep tabs on it - there can be an association with stroke risk, and my mother and her mother had strokes (grandma died from hers but that was in the fifties). And my paternal grandfather was epileptic and my dad had migraines. So we have/had fritzy brains I guess. Magnesium is supposed to help with this cortical thing and I do take it, but perhaps I need more. I also wonder if the physical activity, on top of tiredness from last week's caring for miss bunny, was a trigger.

So anyhoodles, I am so ready for nice enjoyable spring weather and boring stressfree life! Where do I go to sign up for that?

Next weekend, the first in May, I will be spending nights at the bunny shelter house, perhaps I mentioned that. I want to be prepared well ahead of time for the change in routine so that it will go smoothly. It's a tiring thing; they have 30-40 rabbits to look after. Daily trip to the grocery store, different routine, etc. Not my favorite things but I will do my best. There is a nice bed with a new mattress and that feels wonderful, though they get up at zero dark thirty to start the hourly feeding rotations.

After that, dare I hope for the aforementioned boring calm life? 😛

Hi everyone!

I took today off and spent with BF. Bright, sunny day with just the perfect amount of cool in the air really lovely day.

My cleaners came early (I never know what time they come) and I was still in bed and my alarm was still on. If someone comes through a door while the alarm is activated, it beeps for thirty seconds. If a window, it immediately goes off. So I had plenty of time to jump up and turn the alarm off. House is nice and clean, naturally.

CM you are so brave to sleep at the bunny house. Will you be the only 2-legged individual there? I'm glad the bed is comfy! Also, congratulations on earning $40 at the garage sale! You got rid of stuff and made money! Yay, you!

SUBC! The potter you mentioned does beautiful work. I'm thrilled you bought one of his pieces!

I'm working on another donation bag of big clothes. Some I can give to mom, some to another woman, and the rest to be donated. I bought a nice set of six vintage dishes today, very nice, that I will use for new kitty. I will get rid of all but two of my old cat dishes. I love the little plates my last furry friend used but it's paining me to see them. I'll keep two (I know which two) and donate the rest. I have kept her toys.

As BF has been cleaning out his place to get ready to go overseas, he keeps finding all sorts of my last kitty's toys. When she was younger, she'd travel with me to his house. And she would stay with him when I'd be away on business. And he keeps finding these little finger puppets I'd buy for her at the hospital gift shop when I was a volunteer in the surgical unit. So long ago.

Goodnight, dear friends.

Ps hello Lila! Did not mean to snub you! Yes! Please try to enforce two days off! You need that time for yourself!

Here.

Notebook is working well, but as you may have noticed, everything works well for a few weeks.

Still working on decluttering my life. Too much to do today!

Ducks, rabbit, pottery sale set up.

I feel like Alice's white rabbit.

CM, I can't keep tract of my life. I certainly don't expect you to.

I was talking to an online friend who has been hospitalized a couple of times. She said no one around her ever sees it coming - quote: "I cope, I cope, I cope, I don't cope - hospital."

Projects are commitments too. A lot of my commitments count as projects.

Yay floorspace! Iirc, you did finally get rid of all the rickety shelves, right? So now, we just have good shelves and they are starting to get organized! If you get enough floorspace, can you sort in the storage space on windy days? Or is there a danger of locking yourself in?

Bean has a cold, which is making him take a very long nap. Daddy said not to wake him, so I have had a rest and gotten some things done. Mostly clearing off the couch and sorting papers into large groups so I can sort them into subgroups and get somethings done later I pulled a little recycling as I went.

This is a break, but I think I will get back to work - he should be awake any second.

We're meeting his daddy at the library at 5:30, so about an hour and a quarter until we have to leave. We'll probably head out early and enjoy the library.

Congratulations on getting to the storage space! And good for you to go through through rubber stamps! Great progress, CM! Good to hear you so upbeat!

SubC, you do a lot and take on a lot. And teaching is a very difficult profession. The students have depend on you beyond learning, which must be satisfying and draining all at the same time. You need to look out for yourself.

We had a great time at the marathon. Now I'm home and figuring out what to do. I have an appointment in my office at 9:30 tmr and I cannot be late. I have to figure out what to wear so that I am ready. I also have to make the French toast casserole tonight so I can pop it in the oven tomorrow night when I get home from work. I have a friend coming over for dinner and I thought that breakfast for dinner would be nice.

Cool rainy day here. My kind of weather, to be sure. Good for the runners at the marathon, too.

Tatoulia,

I'm glad you enjoyed the marathon.

I took Bean to the library. Then I met Dh for dinner. It was good and a nice interlude, but let's just say I am not decluttering my waistline.

I started the little kiln again. Will pop back out soon. I'm really going to like this I think.

My unbusy book says that like decluttering, you don't start by adding, you start by subtracting. Don't shoehorn in "self care" and "relationship building" activities, just stop doing things. And that it's equally hard. Oh good. (Sarcasm)

Dh parents asked us to go on a European river cruise with them and his siblings and their spouses. Fortunately for Dh that is (as my father would put it) "a two word no." This has led to several conversations and a lot of truth between Dh and his parents the last few days. Apparently his father said "we always thought you didn't like to travel because of (me). But apparently, it's YOU."

Dh feels obligated to try to come up with some alternative form of family vacation that would actually be enjoyable. I think that might require an alternative family. I shared some stuff from the book with him and told him I am not interested in investing my life energy in this event at this time. He was ok with that.

I wish I had had Bean longer today. Bean is definitely on my keep list. He sparks joy.

Oh dear on the travel. I get it. I would love to do one of those river cruises but you need to pick your travel companions carefully. A trip depends on no tension and clear expectations. There are definitely people I'd do a weekend with but not a week or more.

Okay I am going to go to bed soon. My little friend is sound asleep next to me. She's really a sweetheart. She's adorable around all visitors but ultimately devoted to me. I'm glad I got her. I was a little worried I'd gotten a new cat too soon after saying goodbye to Miss Kitty.

I did not see my mother today and I'm feeling very guilty. And I have to be in office and then a friend for dinner tomorrow. I'll try to find a way to make this work. I'm most worried about whether kitty has proper water. If I can get to work early enough tomorrow, I'll try to exit at 430. Won't be easy after taking today off but I'll try to focus and not waste time. There are only so many hours in a day.

Down time is very important, SubC. I luckily have a lot of it in my life, which mainly comes from living alone. It's lonelier than most people might like, but it suits me.

Tatoulia, the cruise itself is a no for Dh. He has severe anxiety and travel and lack of control both make it worse. Being trapped on a cruise boat with other people in charge of his schedule and the location changing daily - hard no. (Hard is not my father's two word no, it's another h word.)

Unfortunately in Dh family a lack of interest in traveling and an inability to simply ignore suffering are character flaws.

His dad simply cannot understand why he wouldn't/can't just ignore being physically ill, in pain, and exhausted, and go on the trip - Dh "why?" Fil seems to think there is some potential for enjoying the experience or that it has value in and of itself? I would be restating what he seems to be trying to say back to him, and then if he agreed that I understood, I would have to tell him "There is no point in continuing this conversation. The world view you are expressing qualifies as insanity in my reality." (Then fil would probably tell me you can't have your own reality, to which I would likely counter "why not? You do.")

Dh recognized at dinner last night that I no longer have a relationship with his parents. They are just people I know who have (mostly unhealthy) relationships with some of my I'mrelatives.

I'm glad the new kitty is working out for both of you. Please try not to feel guilty about your mom. You are wonderful to her. I hope my kids treat me half as well! As you say, there are only so many hours in the day.

This morning my book told me that if I follow the process I can reclaim as many as ten hours in my week. I have already reclaimed 11.5 for fall by dropping classes, and it was a very hard choice, and I know it will not be enough. Also the book does not seem to understand that I have pretty much pared out all the things I don't like that can go.

Speaking of - things to do!

Oh your poor husband! I'm sad that his family doesn't understand him. I'm glad he had you.

I'd give dinner tonight a C- My friend gave it a solid B. Not sure if she was being polite. I'll cook something better next week. She loves my lemon pasta.

We pay plastic on my couch ends tonight. Trying to keep my grandma cat from scratching it up. We shall see.

I need to start the dishwasher and go to bed. I'm tired and have a headache. Two days in a row with a headache.

Tatoulia, at my house the family motto is "any meal mom doesn't cook is a good meal."

There are a lot of things about Dh family that make me sad. He does have some wonderful aunts, uncles, and cousins.

I forgot to say that I put two small items from my birthday treat bag from heartdaughter's birthday into my teacher friend's prize jar. They were tiny, but something. I recycled the prize bag, but I am keeping the notepad and the punching bag. Currently carrying the notepad in my pocket and using it up for my daily "don't forget" lists.

Keeping a small notebook is a good idea. I frequently have one in my bag. Writing it down vs typing the list into my phone is more satisfying.

I'm showered and need to get ready for work. I need to up my energy today. We have a lecture to go to tonight. Tomorrow night I'm having dinner with my former intern. She graduates in a few weeks. Then I'm pretty sure I have Friday to myself.

Im working on reducing here and it is making me feel better. I have a nice Christmas outfit that I bought and never wore. Someone will be glad to find that at goodwill

Hi everyone. I went through my blouses today and have at least two more to get rid of! They are hanging off of me. I know I have to go through my linen pants and get those ready to donate.

I have a ton of laundry to do. I did get my towels washed and my sheets washed. I'm too busy these days. After work I met two girlfriends for dinner (one was my intern last year and she's graduating in two weeks). Then I went to mom's and checked in on her. Now I'm in my pjs and running the dishwasher.

Time for bed. I hope everyone is doing okay!

Thank you, Tatoulia, those are good insights and I am trying very hard to change my poverty mindset to one trusting in God to provide all I need. There has to be a balance in there between where I am and getting rid of too much. Your sharing makes me think, perhaps I could donate SOME of those clothes. I don't love most of them, they were bought when I was thinner and broke and they were on sale. Most of them were pretty cheap. I do think I will sort through and donate, say 1 of every 4 items, the ones I love the least, when I get to the point I can sort them. Many are in bins in the garage or downstairs. Perhaps if I pull out from under the bed I can donate some of those.

I went back in and found 2 more paper piles. I actually ended up shredded part of the pile and throwing some others away. The rest, into the large bin which is now almost full of papers. Someday in the next 2 months I'll need to actually go through them. Right now I am trying to clear space. I sorted 3 or 4 boxes and bins of random stuff, all covered in dust and dog hair, ugh. I had to dust and vacuum the layers. I donated like 4 or 5 things (I mark a tally on the donate box so I can put it on my Daily Tally later) and threw a few things away.

Sorted all the cords and plugs into a small bin with a lid.
Sorted all the wall-hanging and home-fixing items into another small tub with lid.
Put various random items where they belong.
There is still a small pile on my bed to deal with. And maybe one more box on the floor to sort. This is a LOT of progress and I am proud of myself.

The other half of the room, by the closet, it as bad as ever but there were no mouse sounds over there. I do need to clear a path to my closet though since I am going to church tomorrow.