CM, I am glad you are still getting to Mass! Is the drive from Mass to the gym longer or shorter than driving home?

I agree with Tatoulia that it is good you are finding easier things. And I'm very happy one of roommates things is gone from your room!

I'm sorry your storage unit is depressing.

Tatoulia, it's hard when we feel like we could solve our friend's problems, but that's why they have those problems and we don't. everybody has their own daemons to wrestle.

I had a good day with Bean yesterday. We built a cave out of couch cushions and pretended to be bears. He liked his Easter basket. I went overboard again, but not too far. I gave him a chocolate rabbit, candy in eggs, a bag of s'mores goldfish, and three of the little animals. Two animals and no goldfish would have made him just as happy. I sent it all home with him.

We met his daddy at the library, but we didn't go in because he skipped his nap and fell asleep in the car on the way there, so I just sat in the lot with the windows down. After they left, I went in the library, and it was hard for me to leave. The library is quiet and clean and orderly and full of books and chairs and tables that have nothing on them. I checked out a variety of 5 books that I hope will help me reset my life a little and I eventually came home.

Back to school today.

Hello everyone.

I am working from home today. Bright sunny day. Cold. I'll take the sunshine!

I have meetings starting in fewer than 10 minutes and I may have mistimed my laundry.

I cannot underestimate the power of getting things out of the house. Getting rid of the painting and the bags of donations has made me feel so much better. I don't have any more room any where, but it is a good start.

I will be back later.

quick little check in

Weather was bothersome, though today is rather nice, warm and almost summerlike. Tomorrow we are supposed to have another round of nasty wind though. But maybe by about Thursday it'll move out and let us enjoy Easter weekend?

Learned Saturday that bunny club lined up a lot of care home therapy dates... which would be fine except that they scheduled them for all this week and next, three days per week! I realize they might not have had a choice because this outfit operates several small homes and maybe that's how their activity director has to do it to stay afloat. Hard to say. I will only do what I can, especially during Holy Week. The whole business kind of blindsided me and was upsetting but I did try and do what I could, put announcements up to try and recruit volunteers.

Today went in person to senior center and scheduled our garage sale booth, since I kept trying by phone and not getting anyone, and I hate leaving messages (because they are loose ends). The sale is < 3 weeks away. Praying the wind will not come after this week, so that I can get in storage unit and get lots of stuff out. Maybe stuff in my bedroom at the house as well, like some clothes.

I'm annoyed with my weight not budging. Hope I will finally get going with exercise soon. It's complicated getting to the place (especially with swimming, remembering what to take), but once I do it a bit the routine will seem less like I need a major jumpstart to do it.

Trying also to figure out what to eat (less of certain things, perhaps different things) without stressing about all the logistics of it or getting into my old "dieting" mode which was never much help in years past. Just trying to eeeeaaaaasssee into it and not overthink it.

When weather's nice, I could walk up and down the block like I did in February (weather here was nicer then than in March, but now April is finally - I hope - going to bring in a mellower pattern, after that wind and front move through.

Over the weekend I had migraines, and I suspect the shifting barometric pressures had something to do with those, though the triggers are never clear cut. Feeling better now, though - woke up with one today, so went back to sleep for awhile then got up and did payday errands and had lunch with someone I haven't seen for awhile. That was fun, and the migraine accompanying brain fog from yesterday did seem to lift by late morning.

Oh, and the bug man came on Friday, the culmination of our preparations of moving stuff around in the garage, etc. Roommate and I were both tired but relieved. And that was probably why I didn't like hearing news on Saturday of fresh demands on my time. But again, I will try to be assertive about how much I intend to take on with the bunny club stuff. Hoping we get more people. There are a few young ones who I hope will step up to the plate.

Tatoulia, how can you have donations out and not more room?!

CM, I hope the bunny thing works out. Good for you getting the garage sale booth!

Somehow I am back in "no time, panic" mode. But I keep telling myself it will be ok.

I cleaned out two things from the freezer and a rotting pumpkin from the basement today.

Why CM Is Constantly Bitching About the Weather, Chapter 47, Subsection G, Paragraph 14.1:

Today the high temperature here was 82.94 degrees.

The forecast for the next couple of days, and I quote:

Another Weather Alert Day is coming up Tuesday for the extreme fire danger and strong wind gusts that are forecast for the entire region. Any grass fire that may get started could go out-of-control very quickly with wind gusts between 50 and 60 mph into the afternoon. Some of the strongest wind gusts will be focused in central and western Kansas.

Source: KWCH

I rest my case, and hope this is the end of the crazy for awhile, though I'm not holding my breath.

Sorry if that was rather strong... wish it was easier to have patience with the abrupt changes. To not notice them so much. Probably the overall pattern will be good, and I did enjoy the warm Monday and got several things done. I guess for now I can do some planning for the sale in my mind and decide what to look for when the weather is decent for going to the storage, what to pull out, etc.

I know this sale is not a huge thing and it's only one day, so it won't be a miracle cure. Mainly it will satisfy the desire to try and sell a few items to feel a token of recuperating for the cost of them. Like an additional avenue besides just donating, and to see what sells or doesn't. Then the focus will shift towards the church sale, and I like that they're having it earlier in June possibly before it gets super hot.

I do have more space, SubC, but sometimes it's hard to see. The closet definitely has more space. My friend will come over to see more of my artwork and see if there is anything she wants.

My closet is definitely looser. I don't have a lot in it to start because I'm not a clotheshorse. But getting rid of the clothes worn before the 30 lb weight loss is really great. I have some more expensive pieces to get rid of. Summer linen pieces.

Heading over to mom's, then will come back here.

Cm I want you to focus on Holy Week. The bunny club needs to take a backseat to this very meaningful week. It does.

I know the weather isn't helping you right now. It will. I promise.

I am excited about the garage sale table. Finding out what sells and for how much! Will be great!

CM, at first I thought "great drying weather!" Then I saw the dust..

Having driven across Kansas, I think you need more trees.

The student who is struggling came to see me on her own yesterday. We talked about a lot of stuff, only tangentially about the substance issue. She is trying to quit. I told her to come hang out with me any time.

Dh and I had a fight yesterday. He took a bunch of "metal scrap" to recycling. Some of it was things I wanted to save for reuse. When stuff like this happens I tell myself I will just use the joint credit card - which he pays - to buy new stuff instead. But I know I won't. Partly because we would then have this conversation:
Why is there $$ on the cc from store?
Because I needed xyz and you threw out the stuff I was going to use.
That was all trash. I don't want xyz in the garden.
It wasn't all trash, I do, and it's my garden.
Fight ensues.

hello SubC! Good thoughts. And heaven knows I have plenty of 'healthy snack containers' in my bedroom that I can utilize for this.

The student situation sounds very hard. Youth with addiction issues have so much to face. Oh how I wish they would not start. What a long hard road to get sober. I have seen it myself (not me being addicted, but being close to the addicted). Prayers for this youth to find their way to a safe and more joyful place.

Today I had a work meeting and then came home and ordered my "last" pizza order for a long time. I wanted to cook but it is nearly impossible one handed, although, I am sure people who have one hand find a way. Perhaps I am a whiner with many excuses. But, we are leaving on vacation in a couple of days and when I get back it will be No-Spend Nine Months. Meaning the rest of 2023. Parameters will be established but fast food is not going to be an included approved spend.

I did manage to get the stove and one counter washed off with my left hand.

I also sorted a bin of papers last night, threw some away, and today I shredded all the mobile-deposited checks I had stacked up.

Most of the rest of what I will do is washing clothes and prepping for the trip, packing, etc.

Some barn work done, no bookshelf.

The party was great. Bean and the birthday "girl" both seemed to have a great time, so what more could I ask?

My evening got harder.

I am just beaten down. Need to get to sleep.

Hello everyone!

I took the artwork to my friend's house today. I also got several bags of donations to the car. It was the first I've driven all year! My car has a thick layer of dust on it! But it started and drove fine.

That's the news from here. Getting things out feels really good.

Will catch up on your posts now.

Hello!

Good car!

I'm feeling a little bit better because I got a big job off my list today.

I put a few small things in the trash bag while I was working in the barn.

Dd called and asked me for some things to use in eggs for a hunt Bean and his friends are having. I found four matchbox cars and four plastic animals she can use.

Lila, I agree with you and SubC. It was given lovingly, you received it lovingly, and the gift has served its purpose. Great item to donate!

Reading a book is good, SubC! Even if the book itself wasn't very good.

I'm working on stuff. I know that the post about being vulnerable may have seemed strange. I am very kind and people sometimes prey on that. I'm generally pretty good but if I'm sad or feeling like I don't care, I'm more vulnerable. Just today I ran into someone in the street that I knew from BF's business (not that I could remember her name until I described her to BF) and instead of just saying hello, she stopped, asked me about a restaurant down the street, asked me if I'd eaten there (and I told her the truth, occasionally on a summer night for a burger on the patio) and she was rummaging through her purse, then saying that her check didn't arrive, and she's waiting on her taxes, etc. I was trying to get away from her because I was headed to mom's and she mentioned that she was going to the restaurant and she didn't know what she would do. And so I said, I'll tell BF you say hello she was trying to get me to pay for her meal or loan her money. After I was able to describe her sufficiently to BF, he was mentioning that she's a scam artist and he's glad I got away from her. These types of things. I tell myself, if people are bold enough to ask, I am bold enough to say no.

Getting g a few things done here!!

Tatoulia, I'm with you on being bold enough to say no if someone is that pushy. Mine is not a money issue - no one would ask me for money as pretty much everyone knows I don't have it - but they ask for time, and effort. Will you come help me clean my house (but they really mean, will you come clean my house while I talk on the phone?) or will you watch my kids? Will you go run errands for me, or let me stay with you for free? I used to feel like I wanted to help and say yes all the time, but I started to be more discerning and now I only help when I feel spiritually led to. Of course if someone is in true need I will offer my help. That's different.

hi SubC, hope you have a good day today. I stayed home today due to not feeling well and I am glad I did.

I cant use my right hand but Son got up and helped me and together (me directing and doing light things, him lifting and carrying and juicing):
- sorted the fridge and tossed bad stuff
- juiced older oranges and drank fresh juice
- took trash out
- loaded dishwasher and it is running
- put some things away

He is off today and not busy, so next he is going to put the donations in my car and bring me a new empty box to start filling. I also am sorting some produce and he can help chop things so I can process them and have healthy things to eat. That is part of my 'big change': stop buying junk and letting produce go bad. Eat what I get each week. Lots of veggies I am given for free. I have dried beans, split peas and lentils and rice I can cook when I am thinking there is nothing to eat. I will learn some new ways to cook.

Goal: get the kitchen table cleared off today. I will need Son's help as I am dependent on him with my wrist messed up.

Also, I lost the little vent thingy that goes on the top of my instant pot. I NEED to find it so I can cook.

Putting the cancer plaque in the box and having son take it out to the car!! 200th item!

ohhh I'm back and no one posted! Bummer, but I hope to hear from someone next time!

SubC, I like your "STOP" acronym idea. Thank you. I do pray a lot so it fits in.

I got so much done today even with my messed up wrist. Son has been super helpful. The things I am doing are to support my total change idea. I spent time processing produce. Son helped with some chopping and he cleaned off the stove for me.

- steamed 2 big batches of spinach. Froze one batch and put one in the fridge to eat. This was a chore because there was some small areas starting to go slimy so I had to pick through a lot of greens.
- trimmed and steamed a head of cauliflower, which is cooling and I will eat it over the next couple days. I like it mashed into oatmeal, believe it or not. Pretty tasteless but very healthy.
- sat in the sun for a bit
- Son put some things in the garage for me and put some things away. The table is not cleared yet---
- went through piles of mail and threw a lot away.

I am leaving on a trip to see my other grands next week so my goal is to eat and process all the produce so nothing goes bad while I am gone.

continuing...

- prepped and cooked a batch of collards
- roasted 4 heads of garlic and 4 sweet potatoes
- cleaned up after myself
- found a recipe for garlic mushrooms and have a plan to saute the mushrooms and put them over pasta for dinner

I am proud of myself for preparing all this produce today so it will not go to waste. This will be my new routine.

Good morning!

Hi Lila, I'm sorry you were left on your own. I was cleaning the chicken coop, and a good friend's daughter turned up on her way through the state with friends (just to say hi, pet the goat, and use the bathroom - haven't seen her in years!) I kind of had to rush them off so I could shower and get ready because Dh and I had a concert and dinner in the city with friends. Then home late-ish, chores, and bed. Full day.

I'm really glad your son is helping you.

What will he and teen do while you are on your trip?

Please clarify the "new routine" - cooking on Sunday?

Bean did not spend the night last night because of our date. I am picking him up at 8:30. Dsil is meeting me halfway.

He has a little playgroup of friends and the parents want to have an egg hunt for them, but as good millennial parents they are concerned about not wanting to buy plastic eggs and contribute to the destruction of the earth. My Dd told them she has the perfect solution - I will be taking the bin of plastic eggs to dsil today, they will use as many as they want, and then they will return them to me. All the fun, none of the guilt.

Meanwhile, I ordered more plastic animals. I am getting quite a stockpile. I couldn't resist because they had a special flash Easter sale with double points, free shipping on an order half the usual size and 60% off selected items. There were more than enough "selected items" I wanted to get me to the new shipping minimum, but I stopped there.

I really need to clear things out of the basement and organize - but it will have to wait for 9 more weeks of school plus a week of evaluations. I have a feeling that time is going to fly.

hi SubC, I hope you had a nice dinner with dh. I too have a bag full of plastic Easter eggs we reuse every year. They might be 15-20 years old. I am feeling a bit sad because I won't be here for Easter with Tot and Acorn (but happy I will be with the other grands). I would like to do something special for Easter with the girls before I go. Teen is going with me, and Son is staying home/working and taking care of the pets. His brother will come over every day to check on things and help with the pets.

My new routine is to actually eat or process the produce as I receive it. I have friends who grow things or buy things and share with me, as well as donated veggies. I am ashamed of how much of this I have wasted in the past by letting it go bad. I am not doing that anymore. So new routine is process veggies/fruits on my day off.

Today I have a bad headache and annoyed that my arm is useless. But, Son is helping me. He vacuumed for me. So far I:
- unloaded and loaded the dishwasher and it is running
- made coffee and oatmeal for breakfast
- cut and cleaned fresh kale. Some is soaking in the sink and some is in a vase to freshen it up. I plan to cook part and save part.

I am going to go in my bedroom and sort. I have a trash bag and an empty donation box. I also have an almost-empty tote that had a new bedspread in it. I bought it years ago and never used it and had some kind of complex about it. Teen asked for it so I gave it to them. Good riddance! I an put "save for later" items in that tote and put it in the garage or the staging area. Wish me strength to do more than look around and get frustrated.

Good morning!

Lila, I hope the bin filling went well. I'm glad you are using things.

I had a really good day with Bean yesterday. We played cars and zoo and drew with chalk, and then when it got warmer and drier outside we got the baby goat out for a while and moved some rocks and found a turtle and played on the creek bank.

But I messed up nap time and failed at understanding the return plan (in my defense "I will pick him up" sounds like the person is coming here - right? Even though the person usually meets me somewhere and meant that. - she usually says "I will meet you." or "can you bring him..") anyway Dd got mad at me, and then Dh and I had a long emotional conversation about my inability to function in the real world and I cried a lot and I just feel exhausted, emotionally drained, and uninterested in teaching today.

Also, it kept me from getting my homework done last night.

And my hip hurts a lot today. - I'm going to guess climbing down the hill to the creek and back and squatting on the creek bank for a long time. Worth it though.

May or may not check in till weekend... today helped roommate put plastic covering on her old greenhouse because it will have to hold some items from the garage for when bug man comes Friday - but said items can't go out there too soon because it's going to rain, also we have WIND starting some tomorrow and a LOT on Thursday, and many indoor things will also be disrupted on Thursday day and into evening and nighttime. Thunderstorms are predicted for Friday.

I am not looking forward to any of it. I try to plan, and yes, I'm trying to remember Poco a Poco, but this level of crazy is hard. I will be so thankful when it is behind us. Perhaps we will get lucky and some of the weather predictions will miss us - although wind predictions never miss.

See you on the other side...

Good morning.

Didn't get anything done yesterday evening and stayed up too late anyway. I did make a fire because it has gotten cold again, and I set up a group discussion area online for one of my classes.

Full day teaching today, high school open house that I am not ready for and do not anticipate being ready for after school - my table is probably going to have three pieces of pottery, the description (but not syllabus) of my new class, and me to answer questions.

Then my class for which I have completed 2/3 of my homework.

When do we get to the other side CM?

The open house went ok.

My friend came with her little brother, so it was fun to chat with her.

I got to the studio early enough to finish my homework before class.

I need more sleep. Everything else rests on that.

SubC, I'm sorry about the misunderstanding. That's hard. You were trying. Sometimes I feel like an alien in this world, too. Everyone else seems to function and I am just pretending.

CM, I hope your weather went okay.

I feel so sad today. I look at the state of my life and how it has spiraled into the toilet over the last year and I always go back to needing a whole new fresh start. Like if I don't do something now, I will look up in ten years, my grandkids will be growing up with no memories of me, if I am even alive, and I will still be sitting here in my dirty cluttered house, unhealthy, fat, alone, with a sad dog who is bored.

I am leaving on my trip in a couple days and when I get back I expect to change things. Everything, really.

- I am completely out of shape to the point I keep getting injured and/or sick. I gained like 60+ pounds since covid started, I do not exercise or even take walks anymore. I work or sit. This has got to change. I need to be active for my health, be strong for my grandkids so I can do things with them, and lose weight to function. Health simply must take priority and I must lose weight.

- I am admittedly lazy. And have no energy. And this ties to my last point of health. This has to change and will include less time on screens. I probably look at screens MOST of the time when I am home.

- Dirty cluttered house has to change. I am going to purge and spring clean when I get back.

- Wasteful spending has GOT to stop. This week I got some fast food and some candy, I keep making excuses for this kind of behavior! I need to start the no-spend thing. Essentials/bills only.

- prioritize relationships and stop being such an immense introvert. At the very least I need to put more effort into my family relationships. Good heavens. What is wrong with me?

All of this makes me frustrated and mad on a daily basis because I want it but I have zero energy, and when I finally push myself into doing it now I have a messed up arm and can't even wash dishes or carry anything. I am so frustrated!!!

Well, at least it is in writing and I will do these things. I am trying to make myself scrub the stove top with my left hand, next.

Good morning!

White rabbits!

Lila, I'm sorry I didn't respond to you last night. I just didn't have the energy.

You don't have to change everything completely all at once. That usually is what makes people give up because it isn't sustainable.

You got here gradually. You can get out a few steps at a time. Just keep asking yourself if the thing you are doing is moving you in the right direction or the wrong direction. And set yourself up for success.

One help is to try to make the good actions easier and the bad actions harder - so when you have fresh food come in - fix yourself some containers of healthy grab and go snacks. Then, when you have to go out, put your purse somewhere in the back of the car where you can't reach it, and put your healthy snack somewhere easy to get. Now you can't go through the drive through - you have to park and get your purse. But there is a healthy snack right there!

Use the times when you have energy to help future you.

I slept last night. Woke up with the beginnings of a headache and uneasy stomach which I think are from the ridiculous amount of caffeine I've been pumping into my body for the last two weeks. I'm having a slow morning with coffee and toast.

I'm also obsessing over a situation at school. I've got a student with a substance problem. I'm pretty sure she knows I know. I have no hard evidence - which is good because hard evidence would put me in the difficult position of being required to report her and have her expelled. That helps no one. What I want to do is help her quit. I'm trying to figure out how to start the conversation.

In other news, I'm going to try to get some barn work done this morning. Including some cleaning out of things into a garbage bag.

Then I need to take a shower and go into town - my heartdaughter is throwing herself a birthday party. She had a lousy childhood and never got an actually birthday party with friends and games and stuff, so she has decided to have one this year. She booked a venue where they do all the party stuff and invited a bunch of friends who she thought would get behind the idea. Bean and his parents will be there too. Dh is not coming because he is a curmudgeon.

The party venue is walking distance from where I take used books, so I might spend a few minutes with the bookshelf to see if I can find that not so great book I read some friends and drop them off.

Lila,

I am home. Also I am your partner in "not getting the stuff I wanted to do done because of pain" today. Also, the wind took our power out for hours. It just came back.

Here are some things you can do -
start looking at smaller houses for sale online - imagine what stuff you would take and put in the rooms. Rethink the stuff you wouldn't take
Pray. - there are a lot of "stop" acronyms for dealing with challenging situations. One that might help you when you are facing something that leads you to bad coping mechanisms is "stop, take a breathe, observe your physical and emotional state, pray for guidance" t is also sometimes think, and o can be "open yourself to possibilities"
Look into long term possibilities for teen.

And YES! Get rid of the cancer plaque! I hate those pink ribbons. Every time I see a pink ribbon I am reminded that my grandmother died of breast cancer and I think how much she would have hated them.

Tatoulia, I'm glad you are making plans to feel more secure. Good for you and bf making progress on stuff!

Cm, how was the tea party?

I read a book today. It was ok, but not great. It can go now.

Hello everyone! Cm you sound like you are in a good frame of mind to welcome Spring! Looking at what's possible and what you want to do!

I bet Shamrock is adorable!

Had a brutal stomach bug. I just showered and stripped my bed. Everything needs to be washed. I'm putting clean sheets on the bed right now. One quilt washed and dried, another is in the dryer. Now washing my pjs and stuff. It was a brutal 24 hours. I'll have to wash the bedroom rug tmr.

I've had the window open and ceiling fan on, which has helped me immensely. Very sunny out. My friend dropped off chicken soup, tea, ginger ale, tulips, and other things on her way to work today. I wasn't expecting that. I think I'll be able to try the soup later.

I have to finish making my bed. Kitty stayed with me yesterday in the afternoon, which was really helpful. She's kept her distance since then, which I get, because I have been really sick.

I have another bag of donations ready. I'm just so eager to have space.

I cancelled the cleaners. I cannot have them in this wretched house. I still pay them, because I figure that it is an expensed budget and I know they depend on my income.

That's the news.

Good morning.

Tatoulia, I'm sorry you were so sick! Glad you are on the mend though.

Shamrock is adorable. I wish I had the time and energy to just play with him and cuddle him. All the people around me are enjoying him though. Yesterday I took him to Bean's house after school. Bean's little friend came over to see the baby goat. Bean pulled him around from room to room in his plastic tub. At dinner "the fuzzy goat will sit next to me"

Bean has curls and the rest of us don't. He announced "I am fuzzy like the goat!"

I ended up taking shamrock to my class. Everyone loved him. He handled the missed meals ok. I probably don't need to take him to school today since he won't take a bottle anyway, but I promised the children he would be there all week.

I need to repot my seedlings and seem to be out of pots. This makes no sense. I dehoarded the pots a little, but surely not that thoroughly. A search will ensue.

I managed to get Shamrock's mom to hold still without the stand this morning - progress!

I have a rain barrel workshop tonight and will drop him off at home before it.

Good thing - shamrocks mom is now doing all the feeding.

Bad thing - the rain barrel workshop is in May.

I just want to not be tired for a while.

I thought I replied today but clearly I did not. I had said something along the lines of what a terrific grandmother and fantastic teacher you are, SubC.

Much better today. Just wiped out. I did managed two loads of laundry and honestly I should do more right now. I have just showered. I had to go to the vets office to get kitty's thyroid medicine. Bf was going to do it but he called me, terribly overwhelmed, and I told him to skip it. He is very overwhelmed these days.

So I went to vet's office and remembered to bring back the towel they gave me when it was sleeting out and I was carrying the cat home from her first visit. So one thing out! I have a good bag of donations ready with more getting ready to say goodbye. This makes me very happy, I know that everyone here knows the joy of reducing.

I may go do a quick load of laundry that I can hang to dry. I am behind but not terrible. Cleaners offered to come today but I felt it was too close to vomit-fest. I worked from home today.

Okay, all garbage and recycling out. Little kitty has a new litter box.

The city feels weird tonight. It rained at some point and is very humid (for me) and it feels a kitty eerie. I can't explain it. Just a weird feeling.

Dishwasher was run earlier this evening.

That's my news. I'm grateful to be feeling better.

hello again, the Intermittent Lila is back!

So busy, so much chaos and drama, so much work. My knees hurt soo much. I have to work tomorrow. I am really tired. And full of complaints. Will work on that...

I was about to say how happy I am that tomorrow I don't have to do ANYTHING in the morning until my 12:00 appointment, and then I looked at my planner and I have to take Son to an appointment at 9:30. And bring him home after. Oh well. I will have some quality time with son and maybe we will pick up a coffee or breakfast.

I am aggravated because I think I hot at least 199, maybe 200 items last week on the tally but forgot to update so not sure. I will take a peek in the new donation box and see if there is anything on top that wasn't counted.

I enjoyed reading about the baby goat. I am sorry for the hard and sad things and struggles you all are going through.

I feel like I need a complete change in my life. Like a big, complete change.