Wow SubC, your work is inspiring. It is making me think about how my weight and health issues has affected my life, and how much I need to lose weight and build my stamina back up. I can do SO little before being exhausted! But I sit down and rest and am making myself get back up. My knees hurt sooo bad though.

I am so proud of myself - I went downstairs and sorted all the piles of clothes that are Teen's but they threw them in the other room and "don't want them." Most of this stuff I have saved for years and refused to part with. Well I managed to bag up 45 pieces of clothing and threw them out! (Due to possible bugs and no time to wash). I feel much lighter, and great that they are gone. I put them on the daily tally.

These clothes were in the room my ex has his stuff in (renting). I see there is broken glass all over the floor in there too from where Teen had a rage of some sort. I left it. Maybe another day, or maybe they can clean it themselves.

Lila,

I am hot and tired and sweaty. My knees hurt. I need to lose 25 pounds. I got short of breath dumping the wheelbarrow.

Stubbornness is my superpower.

Unfortunately I am unable to apply it to things I don't want to do (like the things I would need to do to lose 25lbs.)

Yay for finally getting rid of the clothes! I am proud of you too!

X can deal with the glass when he moves out. Teen is his child too.

I grouped some like with like things in the basement. That is all.

My new tablecloth is on the table. Dh likes it. He played golf today and he stopped at a thrift store and bought three new golf shirts. I have recycled/binned their packaging and washed them and they need to go in the dryer. I also cut Dh hair, so now the sheet that goes around his shoulders needs washed. Keeping up is hard.

Today I dropped off the garage sale stuff at my church. I'm guessing 8-10 cubic feet. They are accepting donations for a couple more days but it depends on whether I have a vehicle to go to storage and see if there's anything else I can easily decide about in a short time.

The guy who I've found to replace the window motor, his shop opens at 10:00 tomorrow morning. I am seeing in hindsight a possible "comedy" of errors. I had nursed that tire through Memorial weekend, and Tuesday morning I'd gone to Mass, and driving back I thought oh, he's not open. So I thought he must have taken another day off. Because he has sometimes been closed for vacation. This is an example of how my mind can draw a quick conclusion and forget to consider other possibilities. I didn't pull in and look at the sign of the shop hours. So then I went to that other place and things blew up.

Sigh... well, now I know. There are so many things to keep track of, and people do things different ways. Most mechanic shops I've gone to years ago were open at 7:00 or 8:00 in the morning. This guy is different. He was probably there last Tuesday if I had just checked, and I could've gone when he opened. I don't like making phone calls - and maybe that wouldn't have told me anything if he didn't answer his phone until 10:00. It's just one of those things I should've put two and two together but I'm rather bad about that sort of thing. The holiday caused me to make an assumption which was likely wrong. Well, I'll try to be more on the ball in future. Seems like I either overthink things or don't think enough.

I pray everything goes smoothly tomorrow.

Oh CM,

I do things like that all the time. And then my very helpful family says "a normal person would." thank you family, that is very helpful. - sarcasm!

I hope today goes well.

Great job on the garage sale drop!

Lila, all that stuff I did yesterday laid me out cold. I went to bed at 9:30 and woke up at 4:30 with a headache. I used the bathroom and tried to go back to sleep, but the moon was too bright. Got up a little after 5 and tried to drink coffee. My body rebelled and I napped off and on on the couch until six, then crawled back in bed. I got up again about 9 and had some water and ibuprofen for my headache. In the last 30 minutes all I've managed to do is type this and sip coffee.

I think the adrenaline wore off and my whole school year landed on me. I really want to go back to bed, but it's a gorgeous day and someone has to milk the goat and feed the animals.

Hopefully the headache will be gone soon.

I hope you feel better soon, SubC, and thanks for the empathy and relatability re the convoluted thinking patterns, although I'm sorry you've had the aggravation too.

The van threw a code this morning, GASCAP, which can just mean the gas cap is loose, or it can mean other things in the fuel lines or something. So now I have to factor in whether to have that looked into, or what. If I had all kinds of money I would. But I don't. I cleared the code and tightened the gas cap, and am going to drive around and hope it doesn't do it again or worse yet give the check engine light.

Hope the gas cap was just loose.

My headache is mostly gone, but I am still weak and wobbly. I did my chores and I made myself some scrambled eggs on toast - when I started eating them I felt like I was ravenous - I had to remind myself to slow down and chew. So maybe I just burned through all my energy reserves yesterday.

I used to drink a lot in college. My best friend did not and we would go to parties together and he would keep an eye on me. This morning I felt pretty much the way I used to feel when he would take one look at me, put a glass of water and two Tylenol on the table, and start scrambling eggs. If I ate the eggs early enough, I'd be ok. And, as he said "if not, eggs come up easy." So they've always been my go to for uncertainty.

I've lost the cool part of the morning, but I'm going to go out and cut chamomile. I noticed yesterday that it is blooming. And it is a quiet, sitting job.

Goid morn8ng!

I am feeling much better today.

Dh has gone in to work early and will be home late after playing golf tonight, so I have 15 lovely uninterrupted hours stretching out before me.

I'll report back later.

Lila, you can save some things, but maybe focus on saving the things you are saving for YOU. you can also offer things to the households of the grandchildren you have now. These things don't have value to teen and you don't know if they will choose to have children or care then. All you know is that right now they break things and you are trying to prevent that at the cost of wear and tear on you.

My ducks are grazing on the lawn.
It feels like summer.

So far today I took my vitamin, moved the chicken tractor so I could rotate the goats into a new field, I planted six habanero pepper plants and three more replacement tomatoes (the tomatoes got too leggy and I didn't harden them off properly) and weeded three beds of greens and root crops. I cut a bunch of lower limbs off a cedar tree that is in what will be a flowerbed/boarder next to my driveway (tree stays, I just need a few feet of clearance under it) and I let the ducks out.

It's not a bad start. Now it is hot and I'm trying to decide if I have the creative energy to go work in the pottery studio or the executive function to go work in the basement, or if I should just read.

I want cake, but I ate carrots, but now I think I might have cake also. The cake is a low sugar dark chocolate.

It sounds like a great day to me, SubC! All that work. Be sure to recognize all you have done already! It sounds to me like the kind of work that feels good, too.

I baked a rhubarb coffee cake. Then sorted one bag of fresh greens and put the good leaves all into one of my "stays fresh longer" containers. Then sorted another bag of spinach and cooked what was good and put it in the fridge for later. That all takes up less room and won't spoil as fast as those leaves were going.

Looked in the fridge and threw out a few old things. I still need to look on the bottom shelf.

You're right about the stuff, and short of some miracle cure and massive shift to normalcy, I don't expect Teen to have kids. I actually saved a lot of their baby clothes because they are super cute, nice brands. They are in the garage and I am going to get them out and start letting the grandkids wear them. Teen always gripes and wants them back for their kids, even though they don't want kids... so, I am just going to enjoy my grands in them. And if DIL wants to give a few back for Teen, so be it, but I am over it.

Teen wants to come home today. We need to figure out the clothing situation. I will go down before they get home and dispose of most of that pile that is too small/styles they don't like. I didn't wash them, and they had thrown them in another room, so I'll be throwing them out... just in case they have bugs. Ugh. I will report on the Daily Tally.

I have the baby library. Bean has actually worn out a lot of ds's clothes. I felt badly about that for about three seconds, then ds said "that's fine." And dd1 said "but (bean) has new stuff to pass down." And dsil said "he (meaning ds) wants a girl anyway."

I walked out and dumped the wheelbarrow full of smelly duck bedding so I can put new smelly duck bedding in it tonight when I put the ducks away.

And my new tablecloth arrived. It is in the washing machine and the packaging is all sorted into the correct recycling.

I finished unloading the car, and I finished putting the groceries away. Not being exhausted is good. I am going to go see what I can do in the basement - at least until the washer stops.

Oh Lila, I hope you find the strength to cook the vegetables.

Think how proud you will be of yourself! You will save money and be healthier!

But if you can't, that is ok. You had a big day. Some days we just have to eat pizza.

Well, Son would like artichokes so I am going to cook those. I went as far as to look at pizza online and start and order, and then thought about the waste of money and closed that window. But I prob will dig in the freezer to see if there is anything to go with the artichokes. If not, I might just cook a bit of pasta with it.

Yay artichokes!

Artichokes and pasta sounds good.

I had pasta with fake meat tomatoes sauce. And a piece of chocolate cake and milk.

I am caught up on the dishes!

(The dishwasher is running and there is a pie pan soaking, but the pie pan was used after my in-laws left on Sunday and just got empty.)

I mostly unloaded the car and I mostly put the groceries away.

Thanks for the encouragement, SubC! I am glad I did it. We ended up eating the artichokes plus some asparagus I found in the fridge, plus watermelon. I also had a kiwi. Sounds like you had a productive day, too!

I skipped church this morning since I desperately need a day at home to just do what I want. Teen's room is done. I will go in there and see if I see any bugs, but I think Teen will come back today. I do need to wash bedding in the other 2 rooms, but probably not today.

I also changed and washed out the cat litter box 2 days ago as Teen had not done it and it was gross.

This morning I had coffee and an English muffin. Loaded the dishwasher which is running. I think I will get the kitchen cleaned up a bit and work on gathering trash and donations from the two rooms upstairs and my room. Somehow as things keep getting broken by Teen, my attachment to things is kind of changing. Looking at all their childhood things shattered on the floor and seeing them give away their clothing to friends makes me realize how little control I actually have over things, and how little they matter.

As CM said, it's not worth my peace.

May as well donate and get rid of things before Teen destroys them. I have to get over the sadness of not being able to keep precious things for my grandkids to enjoy. They would have really liked those porcelain angels, and the pretty glass prisms. But there will be other things, and the time spent is what is more important.

I have been updating the Declutter your Waistline thread and also the Daily Tally thread. Let's see how many I can add to my Daily Tally today!

Hi Lila.

My first response was to be all excited like a puppy to see you, but wow.

I looked up foxtails and dogs - I had no idea.

And the bedbugs. I would cry. Yes, you have to wash all the things and seal all the things and possibly spray.

I am glad that at least you can take some time off, but this is like my spring break. It is not a break, it is just more trauma.

I have been eating a lot this week. I accidentally caught sight of myself in the mirror when I was changing - ug.

I have five more evaluations to write.

Tomorrow I do those, maybe work a little in the garden, hopefully "finish off" the laundry and the dishes, go to school and get some stuff out of my room and clean up a little, take pots to the studio to prep for class on wednesday, and go by Bean's house to entertain him while his parents finish packing for a trip they are taking next week. Also possibly make a plan to start eating a little better and buy some food.

I am ready to reclaim my life and start making some progress again.

hi SubC! yeah, I had heard about foxtails but all my life never had one get inside my dog like this. It's awful really! He has so much energy but can't do anything. Poor baby limping and hopping.

I hope you're still around tonight to hear that my day went better than I expected. Son and I went into the dreaded Teen room, looking for bugs. We did not find ANY. The ones I saw crawling around were nowhere to be seen. I guess they could be hiding, or maybe God had mercy on me and poofed them out of existence last night when I was crying and pleading with him to fix it. We took sheets and pillows off, looked under the edges, mattress cover, pulled the bed away from the wall and searched. Not one bug of any kind. Bizarre. Son vacuumed and I put the bedding into the HOT HOT wash with an extra rinse, and then the HOT HOT dryer. Also Teen's clothes. I even called the bug guy who talked me through what to look for and how to find them and how to kill them. But, never saw one. But we will continue to clean while Teen stays at her brother's house.

Thankful.

I took Son to an appointment today. Took trash out. Worked on Teen's room. It was overall a decent day. I need to go back in Teen's room and look for the box of clothes we sorted a couple months ago that were too small. I want to get rid of them. I may just throw them out since IF there were bugs, I don't want to pass them on, and don't have time to wash those too.

Happy I also have tomorrow off!

p.s. - yes, I will join you in reclaiming my life as well. I bet you are exhausted, at least emotionally.

Hi Lila,

I had gone to bed, but good news this morning! I hope the bugs have truly gone.

Our critters can be so hard.

My new goat developed a leg problem shortly after Mother's Day. She began by limping on one front leg, then wouldn't put weight on it, second leg, progression, wouldn't stand on her own. I thought at first she had twisted a knee, but everything felt sound, I started treating it as a hoof issue, and then I got frustrated and asked her "why are you floppy?" "Floppy" is a magic word with goats - selenium. I dosed her, but there is very little space between the therapeutic dose and toxicity, so I was careful. She stopped getting worse. She has been getting better painfully slowly. Yesterday she stood on her own after I lifted her to her feet. For less than a second, but she was standing. I can dose her again in about two weeks (I noted it on the calendar but don't have it here) it may be July before she walks again. Sometimes I wonder why wild animals aren't just lying dead everywhere.

Meanwhile the little buckling is charming and sturdy.

After a week away from school and mostly from people and sleeping without an alarm, I am starting to feel less exhausted. But I miss my kids. I think it would have helped if I could have avoided this stupid cold, but I'm sure I got the cold because I was worn down. Full disclosure I haven't even been taking my vitamins for three weeks. I had some bad heartburn and couldn't face them because they always make my stomach feel bad for ten or fifteen minutes. I will try to fix at least that today.

And take the recycling. I think I left that off my list. A small thing for my body and a small thing for my house.

SubC, good morning. Aww, the goat. It really is hard sometimes with our animals. LOL so true about why are wild animals just not lying dead everywhere?? It seems our domestics are not as hardy as their wild counterparts.

My pup (who is not a pup anymore, but he will always be my babypup) is slightly better this morning. I think he is slightly better in the mornings due to staying off his feet all night plus having meds in him. After a day of walking around, at night he is limping worse. I am trying to keep him quiet as much as possible, but he is not a quiet type of dog. I hope your sheep gets better soon, too.

Son is up and willing to help me. Today will be a good day. After he has breakfast, we will be working on Teen's room and finishing that up. He will help me by moving furniture and vacuuming some more so I can use a steamer on places there could be bugs: a fabric chair, the mattress, and probably the base of the walls where bugs seem to gather. I will probably steam the tile floor as well, as it needs it. He will also mow the lawn.

Other goals for today:
- finish washing and drying all Teen's bedding and clothing
- find and throw out any old clothing they no longer use
- bag up any fabric items and shoes that can't go in the wash, and put the sealed bag in the back of my car for a few days to kill any bugs/eggs. It will be 90 degrees out so the car should get hot enough to kill everything
- check the other two, actually three, bedrooms for any signs of bugs and wash that bedding as well

I would like to be working on my bedroom and kitchen, but that has to wait. I will also use up some veggies in my fridge, or process them to freeze, at least, so they don't go bad.

Teen should be coming back tonight.

And what is everyone else up to?

post 2, because I feel like quitting but am trying to be accountable.

This is hard work! Laundry is still going. Trash went out, vacuuming is done, all other shoes and cloth items in a sealed bag in my car to get hot. I steamed most of the room. Thing kept malfunctioning so it was frustrating. But it's done. I'm letting things dry out and then will move the furniture back and mop the floor with disinfectant. Then I need to find a place for blankets. Teen had 3 or 4 queen blankets, a twin or two, and probably 6 smaller blankets. Many were gifts so they want them. Some are mine, taken from a closet. Trying to place them in a bug free zone, just in case. I hate house bugs!

More to do, some outside. I hope to get some down time but kind of doubt it. Then Teen will come home and all bets are off for any relaxing.

But, I am getting things done. I really hope this is enough.

Good job Lila! We are proud of you!

That is a lot of work. But. Now teen's room is clean! Hopefully the only th8ngs in it are th8ngs tha5 belong to teen. And it sounds like you got some things out for good!

I took my vitamin.

I finished my evaluations. I also "finished" the laundry (not put away and of course there are still a few dirty clothes and towels, but not a whole load.) I dropped off trash and got gas and picked up my popcorn popper and a few other things from school.

I dropped off my pots to be fired for Wednesday, and I bought myself a small toy- it's a texture roller that puts maze designs on clay.

I went to the grocery store and bought food I want to eat. Whole grain cereal and veggie dogs and rolls and mustard and broccoli and carrots and lots of fruit.

I did not get to go to Bean's house because of my cold. But while Dd was telling me I couldn't bring my cold over, she also told me that she also is expecting! We aren't allowed to tell anyone in case "this one doesn't work out either" but hopefully I will have two new grandbabies in January! One will be in Wisconsin and one will be here and they are due only two weeks apart, so this could be difficult!

I am finally starting to relax and feel like I am "done".

Wow!! Two new grands! Congrats, that is wonderful news. Prayers for healthy littles.

It sounds like you got a lot done too. I hope you get some chill time.

I am beat. I can barely finish but asked Son to get the pillows out of the dryer and put the last load from washer to dryer. The only things left are to make Teen's bed, which Son will help me with, and put the folded clean blankets on their bed and put the other ones away. When Teen gets home, I will ask them to start keeping their clean clothing hung in the closet or in a dresser drawer, to keep bugs at a minimum risk. I have asked for years. They had things neat like that until age 13 or 14 and it went downhill, as they just leave clean clothes in a basket on the floor. Bad idea, if you have a bug issue.

Monday I need to set up an appointment with Teen's dermatologist to figure out the rashes they have going on. Some look like bites, and some look like allergic reaction or eczema or something.

I need to cook some vegetables but I am so exhausted and really want pizza instead.

Hugs to you, Tatoulia. My mom had intermittent dementia in her last years, although she was basically blind by then and much less mobile - though she would yell at night and was disturbing the other patients, and had to be medicated or they might've kicked her out. I was very hesitant about the medication they wanted to give her. But the doctor addressed my concerns well and kept the dose as low as possible. The other issue was infections which can exacerbate dementia. It is hard in so many ways and heartbreaking to watch them decline. ? I feel for you. May God hold her and you in the palm of His hand.

Good job Tatoulia!

I'm sorry about your mom. I assume they've looked at things like infection, hydration, and blood sugar?

CM, I do understand about the guy. My life would probably be much easier if I could let go of injustice.

Mr. Kitty finally got his shot yesterday. They were very pleased with him and said nice things about his coat, his weight, his teeth, and his personality. They were surprised that he is 13.

I'm heading out to do chores and garden this morning.

Also on the list - 6 evaluations (11 left) and some time in the pottery studio.

I haven't set my alarm for a week. I haven't driven more than ten miles from home since Friday. Dh says I'm starting to seem human again, even with the cold.

I just ordered a new tablecloth for summer.

It was much too easy. - Amazon prime one click.

CM, oh that burns me up that he did that! All of it. And I know the single older woman tax too, although I do have sons who will do a few things for me. I have been taken advantage of and scammed too, and it is NOT fair or right. But yeah, how much is our peace worth? At some point you have to either fight to the death on it or give it up. Sigh.

My dog is slightly improved but really not much. I have another appointment with the vet on Monday. More and more. The bill so far exceeds my entire May paycheck! But thankfully I have pet insurance only on this one dog, and it will cover about half when you count deductible and all. But still, 2 weeks pay, SO FAR. And I will pay whatever it takes to get him well.

Many other things going on. I was so overwhelmed with work and now my boss is on leave so I decided to take 3 days off in a row, so I could just relax, catch up on tasks, spend time with Tot and kids. Then last night Teen complained of bites on their arms. I went and looked and they have bedbugs in their bed. I am distraught. I have never dealt with them before. That room is on a different floor from my room and I have none in my room. But, wow. I guess I will spend my entire 3 days off trying to get that under control. From what I have read, I think I should wash all bedding, clothing, towels etc on hot and dry them on hot. Put everything else in garbage bags and put in the garage to get hot on a hot day. Vacuum the room and mattress. Use a steam cleaner to go over the room and mattress. Teen did sleep in one spare room for one night so I will have to do it there, too. Very overwhelming. I would rather throw everything out and walk away and live in a cabin in the woods, but I have kids and grandkids to think about. I really want to move.

Very tired and feeling like I will never get any rest or true breaks.

Ps credit cards are the biggest scam. I had a rule when I first got mine, that I wouldn't pay for yesterday's hangover. The only time I got in trouble with credit cards was a few years back, when I took a much lower paying job for the work-life balance and I didn't know how to say no to my brother and mom. I cleared up all of that once my mortgage was over and now I use my credit card daily, but it's paid all at once. I've generally been good with my finances except that I didn't save enough. I've always purchased exactly what I wanted. Not on credit. I just purchased what I wanted when I wanted it and paid for it. Instead of saving.

I'm better now but still prone to buying what I want and when I want it.

The latest version of credit cards is that almost everything I look at on line talks about splitting it into four monthly payments. It's still just charging. Designed to make people overspend.

Good morning!
White rabbits.

It's a brand new month. I have 87 days before I have to go back to work - although I'll spend part of that preparing - and 21 more evaluations to write.

I'm planning to get outside at least a bit this morning and just write ten today. The ten most standard ones. Then tomorrow I'll write the six hardest, and the 5 most fun - nothing but good to say and lots of it - on Saturday or Sunday. Bean is leaving town Sunday, so I may go over there Saturday. The evaluations are due Monday at 10:00 a.m.

My cold is starting to get a bit better. The ducks woke me at 2 a.m., but everything was fine. I think the moon made it hard for them to sleep also.

Tatoulia, I hope jury duty goes well today. I'm sorry you have to do it, but I think you are the sort of person I would want sitting in judgement.

I have one more guest bed to remake and one or two more loads of dishes.

White rabbit X 3

I am not up for any further drama with the car place guy, so I write off the 85 bucks as if the wind caught them out of my hand and they tumbled down the sidewalk and into a storm grate. It's an unfortunate thing that shouldn't have gone the way it did, but it's over. As a wise priest told me a couple of years ago after a different upsetting interaction I was trying to get past, it's not worth my peace.

Moving on... it rained earlier and the window didn't leak, so that's reassuring as we're due for more rain here and there these next few days.

Hoping to finish my paperwork soon. It needs supplemental documentation from several sources which is why it feels complicated and tedious. But I'm getting the stuff rounded up.

Hope everyone finishes getting well, and doing evaluations and other pending things. We should all celebrate when we finish whatever we've got going.

Thank you for your very kind words, SubC. They dead five trials on the docket and none went forward. The subway and bus were very pleasant and I arrived there before the court doors were open. BF said that everyone at court was proud of me. I think you know that I'm late for work every day, and have been for 30 years.

I came home, napped for 30 minutes, then worked solidly. Oh I saw mom, she is very odd and tried to leave twice today. She rolled around in her wheelchair and was found behind the building. I want her to find peace. This is very hard on everyone.

Okay I've showered and I'm going to start the dishwasher. I need to change out the cat box, too.