Hi everybody from the bunny house.

It has been a working vacation I guess. The bed I'm sleeping with has a mattress that feels like being on a happy cloud in heaven! 😇

With 29 rabbits it's busy though. They are very sweet. There's a list but I still get confused once in awhile but that's because the bunny lady is such a pro at it and if we're doing things at the same time and I don't sync what we're doing with the list and the clock I can get thrown off.

But everyone has still gotten their food and their playtime one way or another.

Hoping this break resets my mind a little. I think it has the potential to, if I can ease back into things smoothly upon my return. There's plenty to do, and it won't all get done before my oral surgery on Thursday. But if I can figure out what things are most important and just concentrate on those.

Sending support to all. Lila you are here!

Had my second dose today. Going to bed. So far, so good.

Got four bags to goodwill.

Will write more later. Just need to get to bed.

2nd post today -

I dug everything out of the left side of my bedroom closet, vacuumed, and donated/tossed some stuff... maybe 25% of what was in there. Now my bed and the floor around it is literally covered in stuff. I don't want to put it all back in there but I don't have space to put it where it actually goes. It is after 6pm and I have to get this sorted out. This is why I never get things done. I have a box of stuff that needs to go downstairs and a box that needs to go in the spare bedroom but the spare bedroom is full of stuff I need to sort. I guess I will just try and make space. Or put that box back in my closet until that room is sorted.

I have this one blouse. My friend who is older and more like a motherly figure gave me a bunch of her clothes a few months ago because I needed them (now they are too small). This blouse is too foofy for me. It has ruffles. I am not a ruffle person and I tried to turn it down but she insisted I would look lovely in it. I took it. Now I want to donate it. But when she gave me these things she said she did not want them going to Goodwill. I do not have the emotional strength or the time to talk with her about this. I think I will just donate it and pray she never asks. This is why this is hard.

hi... sigh.

It is nice coming and seeing you folks that I feel like I "know" and catching up with you.

I am trying so hard. I have to admit I have fallen into a depression the last 3 months. I lost a very beloved pet in a traumatic way and it was more than I could bear. I still can hardly bear it. But I have my remaining puppy and my child's cat, to love. I have spent a lot of time withdrawing and crying and feeling abandoned. I have talked to a few close people about it and I think I am coming out of it. But not quite.

Picking up my pet's ashes was so upsetting. I got them in a "scatter box" (cheap plastic) and it is larger than I expected. They handed them to me in a white paper gift bag. I came home and put the bag with the ashes inside at the foot of my bed where she used to sleep. I cannot even cope with moving or touching the bag. I would like to figure out something to do with them. A nice box or urn? One of those glass things they put ashes in like art? A necklace? I really want to bury them but I can't bear the thought of moving and leaving her. I think we may move so I am just waiting.

Since last week I did dive into a pile and found the coupon for the free bag of dog food ($52 worth) and went and got it today - coupon expires tomorrow! I have not looked for the envelopes or coffee card.

I think the packing thing will help. I am not packing everything and then sorting, but the reverse: sorting and only packing what I would want to bring to a new home. Except I am not exactly packing, but doing it with this mindset.

Today I started with working a path to the closet and then the left side of the closet. I have a trash bag and donate boxes. Today I filled one large donate box and started on a smaller one. Mostly it is sheets and blankets that I never use (still hard to give because they are practical) and a few other items. Then I messaged a thrift shop and they said they would be happy to schedule a time to come pick up my boxes next week so I am having my son put the donate boxes in the garage for them. I think. Maybe not. I am worried my hoarder husband will go through them and take things out to keep. So maybe I will keep them in my bedroom until ready.

I have a lot lot lot of clothes in sizes from women's medium/10 to my current XL+/18+. I gained like 70 pounds in the last year and a half. I am scared to get rid of anything because I wish I had not gotten rid of ALL my "fat clothes" when I lost weight because now I literally have two pairs of pants and 6 shirts that fit. I gave away everything else and it was NICE clothes. I can't afford new and expect to re-lose the weight.

I signed up for PT and start Monday.

And then some other stuff happened....

I got pulled to sub for another teacher whose Friday is longer than mine, and the help got reassigned. I did a little on my own, but am still hoping for help.

It's a nice evening and Dh is mowing. I should be doing some yard or garden work, but I am tired. But also, I know if I don't start getting more exercise I will always be tired.

I found out there was a "holey sock drive" to get socks to recycle not too far from my work and sorted out my sock basket. 27 socks with holes or bad thin spots or no match. I dropped them off and then bought a fancy coffee cake for tomorrow from the bakery next to the drop point to surprise Dh. He was pleased.

CM, I am sorry everything is so churned up for you. I know what you mean about everything being so disrupted that your "normal schedule" is more of an aspirational ideal than something that ever actually happens.

Think good thoughts for me and my roommate. We got another immediate crisis taken care of but the underlying problem was going to be taken care of too, but now it has gone back into limbo.

Warning ⚠️ vent/rant incoming

All of the goings on have been Executive Functioning Hell with my ADHD. A ridiculous amount of stuff to try and coordinate together and integrate into the "routine" daily stuff. Routine in irony quotes because my life is so difficult to structure I can't honestly claim to even have a routine. Haven't for years really.

This morning I am trying to get ready to go to the bunny house. And roommate's boss and roommate are on a conference call and roommate's loud teacher voice is getting on my last nerve. I feel bad saying that but it's just so over my sensory and concentration threshold.

In addition, I'm going to have another molar extracted next week and am on amoxicillin, 3x a day and has to be taken with food and I need to get probiotics in to keep my tummy from acting up. More to coordinate.

I'm just about to go mad from all the coordinating. To add a special irony, the weather is finally absolutely beautiful but I have no time to go work at the storage unit. Bleah. 😛

Maybe in a few days things will be better. I sure hope so.

Wow. SubC. Wow. Keep us posted.

I have three bosses at work. The senior boss and the less senior boss are technically equal but focus on different areas of program, however, they cover each other's areas when one is out. (the senior boss will also override the other and make more decisions alone) - they are in charge of all things people.

The other boss is sort of a shadow boss - most of the time I don't see or think about her, but she is in charge of all things things. Lately she has gotten a bug in her bonnet (or some funding?) and she is around a lot making changes.

Usually she makes changes that I find disruptive and I try to keep her out if my spaces, but I got ahead of her this time! She has hired one of my favorite teens as one of her deep cleaning people, and I got her to assign my room to him (I know he will come to me with questions instead of to her and things I need will not get tossed) also I highlighted a door problem which caused her to come into the kiln room to affix a sign, at which point she nearly had a panic attack (not really, but she kept saying "oh my god" and "this is not ok.") so the kiln room is getting some major work (because yes, that is a sign post holding the high voltage electric cord up in the air because yes, the room floods regularly, and no, I don't want most of this stuff here, but it was left here and it is heavy.)

The downside of this (but also a good thing) is that she realizes she has no idea what most of what she is looking at is, so I have to stay after work today to direct the cleanout operation. The upside is that with the speed she moves, I may have a clean, dry, orderly, uncrowded kiln area in a week or two.

SubC I remember my brother once saying to me, there's nothing worse than having to apologize to a cat. So I get it and my heart hurts, too. You are a good person.

I like the rain barrel idea! Ive noticed a few cropping up here in the city, amid the brownstones. Please keep me posted!

I have nothing to show for myself. A day of meetings and emails.

Tatoulia, I miss Tillie too.

I'm glad you will have your cleaning fairy again next week. And yay for making mom happy with pizza!

Because I am feeling tired and overwhelmed and somewhat disengaged, I did a very bad animal care thing this week. I don't even want to tell you what it was, but I felt so awful. The animal in question is ok and forgave me immediately - which actually made me feel even worse.

5.5 more weeks of school. For some of my classes that feels too long and for some too short. Today should be a good day.

I have started putting things on my calendar again. May 22nd I am going to a rain barrel workshop at my county extension office. This is a little scary because my county skews heavily toward all the factors that make people ignore covid, but I'm hoping the "rain barrel" part will skew it back. Also the photos from last year make it look like an outdoor event. I will wear my mask.

I brought home more school recycling, but it is just big cardboard boxes to go under the goat bedding in my garden.

Just getting by on the day to day.

Hello, All.

I MISS TILLIE.

Cm we will try to be patient as you await the possible big thing! I do hope you can get some cooperative weather and some time to work on your storage space.

Thank you so much SubC for having my back. I have been eating a lot better and feeling better about myself. I volunteered to return to work starting June 1 with just two days in the office. We shall see what the company says. Walking to and from work will be good for me.

Well I have a clean house-my lady came today. Her mother hasn't been joining her, so she's cleaning it all herself. With my friend coming this weekend, I have asked her to come again next week.

Okay I will do a tiny bit of work now and then shower and climb into my clean bed.

Brought mom a pizza tonight! She was thrilled!

Good morning all! Coffee clinks!

CM, making plans and getting things out of the way are good.

Tatoulia, I still feel it is wrong for people to spontaneously comment on your weight. I have also gained weight. I keep losing and regaining the same three pounds, so I am not making any progress.

I got more planted in the garden yesterday. I also brought home extra recycling from work. I am technically the recycling coordinator, but I am too disorganized to coordinate well, so sometimes I just bring the stuff home. Nobody else cares enough to accept the job.

Busy school day today!

Hi SubC, Tatoulia, Marie, Lila, and anyone else

Keep your fingers crossed - something major may be changing for the better here. And there are other things which aren't so great but that I guess I will survive and get past.

The weather has once again been gusty windy, but it hardly matters because I can't go to the storage unit anyway for reasons that have to do with the big things going on. Roommate and I are both rather scattered at the moment.

Roommate is past the immunity waiting period. I will be by late May, after that second shot.

This spring has been not at all what I'd hoped for, yet once some of the things that have been needing to be gotten out of the way are gotten out of the way, I guess then I might be able to make a game plan in several areas of life.

How sweet to have a little one sleeping, SubC.

Bf and I had dinner tonight. No dessert. I'm full. We had a good time together.

Thanks for standing up for me. One of the other aides came over to agree that I'd put on so much weight. So it's real. But I'm feeling strong. I can lose a little something before going back to office in June. Once I'm on my way I do okay.

I'm tired and have a bit of a headache. Will do the dishes and call it a night.

Hello!
The Bean is napping.

Lila, good job getting rid of the chair!

I'm sure you've made a decision and done something by now, but I would say that any way you can divide it up and make it more manageable is good.

Be wary of boxing everything up and then unpacking and sorting one box at a time in a move type scenario though. In my personal experience, that leads to the empty spaces getting filled up with new problems before the old ones are addressed.

Hi Marie, I hope you stick around!

Tatoulia, good luck with your friend. Also, I don't care how much weight you've gained, it was not ok for that person to point it out!

Ok, gonna hit the dishes while the baby naps - just like old times!

Hello everyone! Sorry I've been absent! I'm here!

SubC I am so sorry about your friend and his circumstances. Access to mental health in this country is so difficult. I remember when that poor senator had a son who he tried to get admitted, the boy was sent home, and before the night was over the poor child was dead and had stabbed his father. And I remember thinking at the time, if he can't get his son help, who can?

Glad you had the family over!,

Lila, it is tough to get rid of things. I promise you that the more you do it, you will build muscle for it. Emotional muscle. I don't know about choosing a corner but I think that sounds like a very good idea! I had a friend here recently who helped me get through some stuff and it was exceedingly helpful. And painful. But we did it and she'll be here again on May 2 and she wants to work on that closet some more. So we shall! It's going to be awful. But we will do it.

Wendy/Marie! Come join us here. And don't worry about the spelling of my name. It's a made up name. Many, many years ago I found a sweet note that my BF had saved from some other lifetime. It was written in French and I couldn't make out all of the words but it was very sweet and very loving and the person who signed it had some delicate name and I thought it said Tatoulia but I'm not sure. Anyway it was what I decided to call myself when I got here. My actual name is not exotic at all.

So this weekend we celebrated BF's birthday by going to the museum then having Thai food here. I have kept up pretty well with the apartment and was able to do som elaundry on Friday. Today I mainly slept and read.

One of the aides at my mother's house pulled me aside to say I've put on a lot of weight. She's right. I've put on a lot of weight. And my nutritionist, who helped me so much in the past, is MIA. I had even set aside a large amount of money to see her last year in March then the pandemic hit. So I'll listen to the cds of her voice and hope it helps. I plan to go to work June 1 and if I could even lose a few pounds I'd be really happy.

I need to get at least one bag out this week. One bag of donations. Also I have to get rid of a lamp. BF says he wants it and I need to have it gone before my friend comes on Sunday. This time she's here for an unknown period of time. She is getting her second shot this week and I get mine on Saturday. We will both still wear our masks here and following the strict bathroom protocols we've been following. She's going to try to find an apartment here. If she stays for any appreciable length of time I'll move the cleaners to every week.

Hi again. Sorry for the sporadic drop-ins and posts. I get discouraged and stop thinking about it for awhile and then get motivated and want to do something. I don't remember if I shared this, but I had one of those big papasan chairs, the giant sized expensive ones with a cushion. My kid I bought it for decided it was too big for her room. It is NICE so I hung onto it for like 5 more years. I has sat on the guest bed all that time. I finally posted it on Craigslist and sold it for over $100! It feels good for something BIG to be gone.

I really need to work on my upstairs. I have "lost" some important things in my bedroom: a coupon for a free large bag of dog food that will expire soon, and a $50 gift card to a coffee shop that is going out of business. I need to find these so that is my main motivation to get my bedroom decluttered. It is terrible in there even with all the work I have done in the past. I also need to find envelopes in there.

What I could use help with is how to get this done. I took some of your tips before like sorting paper piles and moving the weights out of there. But I walk in and am just overwhelmed. Do you think I should do, like, goals of areas in there? Because the whole room is just paralyzing to me. Maybe do something like, Northeast corner. Southeast corner. North wall, South wall. and so on? Under bed... closet... and inside cabinets.

I have thought I could deal with it as if I were moving to a new home. Have any of you tried that? Actually packing a room? If I packed everything I would move, then do a deep clean and get rid of everything else, maybe that would work? I would like to hear your experiences. I need to start today.

Tatoulia,
Two weeks ago, you replied to my Hoarded a childhood Memories post under Daily Chat. Thanks for your reply. I responded a week later, sorry I took so long. I appreciate your sympathy. I don't think you saw my reply. Just wanted you to see it, and know I appreciate you responding to my post. (From now on on message boards, I am going to call myself "Marie".). Thanks, Tatoulia. (Hope I spelled ur name right.)

The dishwasher is fixed.

I ran it 4 times.

Most of the laundry is clean and most of the clean, dry laundry is put away.

The kids came out this evening with Bean. They took home the baby backpack for hiking (to carry the baby, not for him to wear.)

My extra son's mom also came by today and I sent him a dozen ferns. (Bean's parents took 10, and my friend is taking 10 tomorrow, so that leaves 68 to plant.)

The thing that makes me crazy is that the case didn't go to mental health court. The boy has been waiting trial in a secure program. He can't leave for anything. His grandfather died and he was not allowed to go to the service. He has no internet or phone, tv is limited and communal, books have to be approved. His mail is opened. his visitors have to be adults approved by his treatment team in designated rooms/areas (visits were by iPad during covid). He has a lead role in working the gardens on "campus" that help feed the patients, and he is doing well there. The maximum penalty in mental health court could have been much longer, but it would have been served where he is.

Dh is still working on the dishwasher. He thinks I might be able to use it this weekend.

Tatoulia,I ?my sure you are overwhelmed with two jobs! I hope you find a good candidate soon.

The visit from your friend sounds fun and promising.

CM, I am very glad you got your shot!

I for one do not want to go back to "normal". The old "Normal" is too much for me. I was just starting to be able to manage the new "normal". All I want back is my students, pottery classes, and the ability to feel safe in a store or an art fair - with masks is fine with me. I can't read people's facial expressions most of the time anyway - with masks that is forgiven. I guess I would also like restaurants, but not as often as Dh wants to go. I like take out. I can already have my family in my house. I can wait a few more years for non-family.

Congratulations on your first dose of vaccine, CM, it is weird to think of what our lives were like before all of this happened.

SubC I know the boy's circumstance has weighed heavily on your mind and heart. He did what he thought would be best. 11 years is a long time. Hopefully your state has a 2/3ds to serve or other such policy.

SubC you amaze me with your garden and farm. We got snow this past weekend but no hard frost so our trees, etc are still beautiful. Glad you are getting good time with your grandson. Three new t shirts makes sense. You didn't get any last year and you are very good about limiting your world wardrobe.

Cm you are doing a great job in reducing your fabrics! Keep up the good work!

My friend moves in for a while in May 2. So I guess she and I will be getting rid of more things here.

My new role at the company is challenging. And I still have my old role. I am hoping to see some resumes next week to start the interview process.

It snowed here yesterday morning, but melted off quickly.

Got my first Covid jab today, Pfizer. Second one on May 12th. It was sort of emotional, made me remember how things were when the pandemic started, all we've been through, my roommate and I, in this time. And thoughts of being freer to do stuff, whatever stuff there is open to do. Yet wanting to be cautious in case mutated strains come.

Also thinking about when life was "normal" and wondering at what point it will have as many activities to juggle as it did pre-Covid. Mixed feelings about that because of how I feel when I'm busy and don't have as much down time.

It snowed last night.

And tomorrow night (early morning) we will have a hard frost. For the second year in a row there will be no cherries. Probably no peaches or apricots for the raccoons as well, and I am concerned about the lilacs and the blueberries and the tender leaves on the little trees.

Good news - I am/was late getting most of my spring crops planted.

Also, I need new lesson plans for today, because we will not be working in our gardens this morning.

My house is a wreck and I am tired. Still so tired.

My friend's son took a plea bargain this week. He will be sentenced in June. He faces up to 11 years in prison. This is not justice, it is just more tragedy.

Marie, is this it?

https://hoardingcleanup.com/chat_room

I've got to rethink my strategy again. More bad weather coming in, and right now I'm at a point where I need to make some bigger progress or it ends up just being shuffling things around and making more of a mess... stay tuned

Thinking of Tillie this morning

Good morning!

Marie, I hope you got your link to work.

CM, tatoulia, and all, I hope things are going well.

Shaped another garden bed yesterday and dsil and I planted 20 trees. Dh and I still have 40 more to plant. I carried our 24lb bean for part of the time. Dsil also mended my stall where the baby goats were escaping.

Dd made dinner, swept the great room floor, baked muffins (which she mostly took home) and washed more of my dishes than she used.

This morning I need to stop at school and take the hatching eggs out of the turners. Then I pick up Bean for the day. I have a lot of school prep still to do. And laundry. Bean helps me with laundry - he likes to play in the big messy pile on the bed while I fold.

No progress on the dehoarding lately, but still doing well on the "use what I have" system. (Like the board for patching the stall.)

I don't know Marie, I can see the button, but I don't do the live online stuff.

Don't see the red button on side that is supposed to say online support group or something like that to log into the live chat at 5 pm pacific this eve.? Help? Does it automatically come up at that time? Thanks

Well, surprisingly I didn't sleep well last night - woke up several times.

Yesterday I ran a load of wash, washed some dishes, potted up tomatoes and peppers and moved them to the greenhouse, shaped one raised bed, planted lettuces, scallions, endive, and parsnips, and almost finished another raised bed - it started raining and I was trying to rush to get it done, but then it started hailing.

Dh took my dishwasher apart and thinks he can resurrect it. He ordered the part and it is supposed to come on Tuesday.

Today - more garden, then Bean's family is coming and bringing friends to see the baby goats, then the friends are leaving and the rest of us are going to plant trees.

I still have a ton of stuff to do for school as well - and more laundry.

Good morning.

It was hard to get up today. I'm very tired. Milking time needs to be fairly consistent, and some days it has to be by 5:30. I'm not getting enough sleep lately. I had pushed my weight down a touch, but it has bounced back up. Not sleeping enough leads to more eating.

My list of things to do is overwhelming and the dishes have piled up all week.

I ordered more "work clothes" three school tshirts and a sweatshirt. I generally order 2 shirts a year, but we didn't do the order last year. I really like this year's shirts.

I'll come back soon to tell you how my day went. Maybe not until tomorrow morning though.

It's still been off and on with the motivation. Tomorrow will be rainy so it will be laundry day, which has needed to happen anyway.

Today I did reduce by half my collection of prom dress magazines, which are inspiration for my doll clothes sewing. Picked out the prettiest ones and will donate the rest. That gets rid of a cubic foot or so. The ones I'm keeping are from the mid-00s when they caught my eye. The dresses from that time are girly and pretty and bright. They spark joy for me. I never got to go to a prom, but I can still enjoy looking at the dresses!

Got more big tubs of fabric to reduce by picking out favorites and letting go of so-so ones, and/or doing the thing of only keeping smaller amounts and donating extra.

So. Many. Creative. Shiny. Things. Acquired over so much of my life. How to achieve a balance, enjoy the best, let go of the rest... and not be worried about how much there is to sort through. And about how time is passing so quickly.

I hope when Covid ends it'll feel easier - it could go either way. Having someone help me sort once in awhile might be nice, for instance. I don't usually want a helper because they get antsy when I'm indecisive. But I think sometimes I'm just a bit lonely, so a little teamwork might be welcome. Donation, going to the library and other places to do creative work instead of always having to try to do stuff in this small cramped house, I'll enjoy that.