I thought I had written earlier today but I guess I didn't!

Good luck today, CM! Drink lots of water and rest as much as you need to,

So ladies I'm not feeling as light and happy as I'd like. I think part of it is because she still has her stuff here and there are still many things for me to go through. I may take a break tonight.

It's so funny, I think about the stress of it all and I just want to eat ice cream. I have not had ice cream in 10 days. Having her here keeps me from binge eating. So I am getting a much more organized house and I'm not binge eating. It's a pretty good situation here.

My cleaners came today. It's just the one who comes right now. Her mother took a different job. They must've needed the steady income or something. She's doing a great job for me. She'll come again next week. I will have her every week until my friend moves out.

My friend found a good apartment but without a job, the landlord is hesitant to rent to her. We will see what happens in the next day or two. If she does get the apartment, she'll be gone in June 1st which would be good for her. She hasn't had a place to live in a long time and she's bouncing around.

She did my bedroom closet yesterday. I'm not sure if I mentioned it. I had to leave the apartment as it was stressing me out. So I went to get the car and then BF helped with getting the seven or so bags for donations into the car.

In another hour I will go get our dinner for tonight. We are out of everything here. Im thinking quiche and salad. We are out of fruit and just about everything except cat food.

Wish me well. I would like a break tonight.

Happy jab day CM!

I hope your cousin is able to help you.

Tatoulia, I continue to be in awe of your progress! The good feelings will come soon.

Nothing here is ever "complete" - lol.

The money spending is ok. A little stressful, but I am not being extravagant by most standards. The big project will "pay" for itself in eggs in a couple of years and last long past that. Mostly I keep buying myself more work.... I want all the things, but i overestimate what I can do. (Dd1 is in charge of the big project, so that will go well.)

Yesterday i did some laundry and dishes, cleared the worst of the overgrowth from behind the greenhouse so I can see the irises that are about to bloom, finished squaring a raised bed, and planted the last of the leeks. We are still getting frost warnings here!

Today is a long teaching day and I am struggling to get started.

Tatoulia, I was going to say, your Magic Mess Fairy could stop by Kansas on her way to her next destination. I hesitate to frighten her to death, though... 🤪

SubC, busy time for you but nice getting to see some family I'm sure. Wish weather would cooperate more for both you and me.

I'm almost giddy about getting the 2nd Covid jab tomorrow. And I only have 2 antibiotic pills tomorrow a.m. and p.m., then one a.m. on Thursday and I'm done with those suckers! The tooth spot is healing well as far as I can tell. Once in awhile I take a single Tylenol or Ibuprofen. They always send a script for opioids along and I'm like Nope. I hate those things. They either make me barf or get hives or constipation. Who needs that!

The clutter, well, I vacillate between strong despair and glimpses of hope. I try not to take too seriously the bad feelings these last couple of weeks especially. Between the BIG BUT and the tiredness from the dental stuff, I think my brain is a bit whack. I've shifted into neutral acceptance re the BIG BUT, and the tiredness will be resolved when I get sufficient rest.

This year so far has been way different from what I'd hoped, and I'm just trying to believe it can still be one of accomplishment as far as decluttering, and peace of mind regarding the big decisions and plans I need to start making in order not to end up a bag lady in retirement in a few years. I will be talking to my cousin about the social security disability/part time work etc. stuff pretty soon. Hoping that there will be a viable solution to my dilemmas.

Cabinets not can binges

Ps the fact that I notice the chaos is good. It used to be chaotic here as a rule. Then it was just closets and can
Binges that were chaotic. So it is worth it to feel the chaos.

I know your house is going to look beautiful when the fencing and plants are complete. I do hate that feeling of spending money after money after money. I haven't bought my plants for my window boxes yet. Too much going on here. Maybe on Saturday.

Right now there is still chaos so it's hard to feel the progress. I don't look in the cabinets or the closet. I just deal with the stuff out here. And between her suitcases and having to have two places for kitty to eat and having papers out for me to shred etc, it feels heavy and not light.

But we will get there. Cleaners come tomorrow.

Tatoulia, you will feel so much lighter when the donations go!

I am buying, buying, buying...

Wood,, fencing, plants, so many plans for spring...

And it is so wet and cold.

No rain until Sunday, so I am going to try to do a garden thing every day.

Sunday - house.

Today, trash and recycling drops, just what's easy.

We are doing it! She got into the kitchen last night. I think I mentioned that we bought some organization baskets and bins on Saturday once she had a clear idea of my needs. So she's doing a great job organizing and putting things back in a logical fashion. We are at the point where I am saying "get rid of it" snd she is saying, we have room, you can keep it.

We have to get the donation bags to the car tonight. Actually, we have to get the car here. Too much to carry.

We took out so many garbage bags last night, including an additional two bags of shredding, representing our efforts last night.

I only get uncomfortable when she says what's next. I'm better when she's just doing it and not talking about the next area she's cleaning. She started on the kitchen on her own. And that was better than saying, I'm in the kitchen. I shred and she brings me stuff to ask about and she also makes a basket of stuff for me to sort. The system is working.

I don't feel lighter but I know we are doing this.

I'm grateful that you are healing, CM. The magic mess fairy is here at my house-disguised as a Japanese woman who has boundless energy and common-sense organization skills. She's here at my house at least through the end of May so I can send her your way when she's done.

Something that resonated with me was SubC?s phrase of shrines to the past. Thank you! I've been letting go of a lot of stuff and this will help me even more. I've been able to get rid of stuff I never thought possible and yet I still have plenty of stuff left that I love. I can't have a shrine to the past here. I don't have room for living.

Big trash night for us here. Also, she's going to go grab my car and bring it down today so that we can load the stuff for goodwill. We took three or four bags down and have much, much more. I found some sweet dollhouse furniture. Some will go to my friend who has my other stuff and some will go to my sister and sadly I had three pieces that needed to be tossed.

Okay back to work for me!

Tatoulia, you are rocking it!

That is an amazing clear out!

CM, I hope your jab doesn't wear you out too much. I am so happy that you will be fully vaccinated though!

I did not know there was a magic mess fairy! How do I summon her?

My mother has been using quarantine to sort out the house. She is on the last room upstairs. (Upstairs is basically 4 bedrooms that are rarely used and had become storage/shrines to the past.) she is on the last room and "almost done" she says she has empty drawers in every room. She has been grouping like items together (which she says has meant bringing some things up from downstairs and making some rooms look worse) and recording where everything is in a notebook, marking the areas my brother or I are supposed to help her with.

I will be going to visit at the beginning of July, so we will see how many of those areas we can get through. I'm sure it will mean me bring more stuff here. (I know she has the letter my grandmother wrote to my grandfather about her parents giving her a hope chest for Christmas and I am supposed to take it because I have the hope chest.)

I had a great Mother's Day weekend! Saturday I got two loads of mulch and the day with Bean and Dh made a nice dinner for us, Bean's family and dd2. Sunday I slept in and dd2 made pancakes for breakfast. it rained most of the day, but dd2 helped me pull weeds, prep beds, and plant cucumbers during a brief break in the rain, and ds and ddil called on FaceTime and we talked for a hour. (And I also called my mom.)

Bean today and still lots to do!

Wow, you ladies seem to be having some progress. I wish I weren't so stalled out. Trying to believe it will pick up soon though.

Weather is still blah. My 2nd Covid shot is Wednesday - and the days following it are to be nice weather, but will I be tired from the shot? Who knows. Maybe I'll get lucky and not be tired.

Found out some things re the BIG BUT that aren't a miraculous resolution, but do make the whole business less of a mystery and source of consternation. Still wish it was completed and behind us, of course, and we don't know when it will be.

Dental surgery recovery proceeding well. A little fatigue and mild pain but nothing serious. I can chew food enough to get by. Four more days of horse pill antibiotics, I'll be glad to be done with those. I wonder if they sap my energy a bit. I have probiotics and vitamins to take.

I want the Magic Mess Fairy to come and deal with all my mess. But she seems to be social distancing.

Big doings yesterday. Wow. We have four bags of books, one bag of coats, one bag of miscellany to donate. Huge changes. We have empty spaces in my closet. Two big recycling bags and two big trash bags. Less painful last night than other nights.

Huge changes. I'll feel lighter once we get the garbage and recycling out tomorrow night. Not yet there.

SubC! Congratulations on the good meeting with the administration! Very good to hear that you are appreciated.

Once again you have a very big day and weekend in front of you. You amaze me.

Friend and I haven't done anything the last two nights. My two kitchen drawers are amazing and so easy to use. And despite getting rid of so many kitchen items, the drawers have all that I need. So that is a big weight off of me. She has one more drawer to do.

We have a lot more to do in the living room closet but we are getting there.

I have a big list of errands today and I just hope I do them. Right now I am waiting for the laundry to finish. I washed friend's sheets and pjs this AM.

Meeting with admin went great.

They made a point of telling me I will get a raise next year. (But that unfortunately raises will be small because we are behind from covid) I told them some things that are more important to me than a raise (didn't phrase it that way) and they made a couple of notes to see if I can have those things.

I talked a little bit about my teaching goals and style and things I've learning in the last few years and they gave me positive feedback on the direction I want to go.

Bean is going to have to help me with laundry today.

Also, my car is full of recycle/reuse stuff from school.

BUT part of it is a bunch of identical small cardboard boxes from some equipment we ordered. The boss of things gave them to me and they are 1/2" shallower than my supply cabinet, and stack exactly 5 high and almost exactly four wide on the shelves. I am putting all the materials for a specific project or 5 jars of glaze, or one category of item in them, and labeling the end with tape. It makes the cupboard more efficient and more visually quiet and I can easily find things. I brought some of the boxes home because there are things I have been storing in my home studio that can now be transferred to my cabinet.

Gotta go milk!

Make up and shredded oaper... I'm going to relax about your trash.

CM, I hope your BIG BUT resolves. And that you could laugh at Tatoulia's joke. I'm head your surgery went well.

Tatoulia, your friend would completely stress me out! I'm glad she is helping you, but definitely stand up for your breaks!

We moved to a new state when dd2 was 2 weeks old. My mil showed up to "help" she thought we should completely unpack and organize the house in less than a week and she wouldn't do any of the things I needed her to do to help with my 2 and 4 y.o. She just wanted to unpack my stuff, decide where to put it, and throw out the boxes.

Yesterday I burned the burn bag. I have been making really bad choices about my time use - especially in the evenings, and staying up too late. I blame it on being tired, but then I stay up too late....

I have got to do better.

I have so much planned for this weekend! Early start tomorrow to pick up free mulch, then Dd is bringing Bean and taking our truck (which I have to have the mulch out of) to pick up compost all day (same location - free city yard waste program, two days a year) as sil's bday present. They are coming back for dinner and dd2 is coming into town for dinner and to spend the night and help spread the mulch on Sunday. I want to make sil a birthday pie. Dd2's bed is covered in clean laundry. My dishes are piled up again.

I am behind on garden planting and have some critical end of year things to get done for school in the next two weeks. Today is my end of year conference with admin, and I really don't have my thoughts together.

Must get moving!

I'm glad the dental work went well despite the BIG BUT. Hoping for a resolution and a happy one! You know I'm on your side. And I have a BIG BUTT so truly I am a kindred spirit.

All the garbage out and the recycling out. Good to say goodbye to six bags of detritus. We didn't work on apartment tonight. My friend spent time with my mother (even snuck upstairs and played with the cat) then we went for a walk and then BF and I ran errands. Now I'm running the dishwasher and getting ready to listen to my tapes.

Love you all.

Had my molar tooth out this morning at the oral surgeon's. It went smoothly and like the one last year is so far giving me little pain. I'm just taking it easy. Have to take another week of antibiotics, bleah, and these are augmentin which I think is harsher on my gi tract than was the amoxicillin. But I've got my probiotics and my crackers.

The Big Unresolved Thing that I don't want to speak of in further detail almost got resolved earlier this week, then got derailed yet again. I'll just call it the BIG BUT. Ha. I probably won't refer to it much. Someday may feel like telling the story, if ever it has a happy ending. If ever it has an ending.

So I had been upset about the latest false hope re the non-resolution of the BIG BUT. And since I'm one who is super aware of the mind-body connection, I had feared the stress could cause a bad outcome with this dental surgery. Very thankful that proved unfounded. So now I just recover from the physical, which should be easy enough. Then I'll regroup and tackle the mental, emotional, and spiritual.

Putting on a shirt! Snort! I hope I meant nice shirt!

I am a little stressed about what's in the trash bags, too, but what's done is done. Our shredded paper is not recyclable and I do have at least one bag of shredded paper

This whole process is stressful. She is relentless. I had to have a break last night so I asked her to neaten out my linen closet which was already in good shape. So she did that and I threw out my makeup etc that hasn't been used in a year.

She's here for an indeterminate amount of time so I'm trying to make the most of it. Her tackling of my kitchen drawers has been very positive. But I'm going to break soon so I'm going to need her to lay off. Tonight we will work since tomorrow is garbage day. But I'm going to need a bit of a break. Her plan is to finish everything this weekend but I'm not going to be able to take that. But I think I can get her to ease up. We are saving a few things so for her when she gets her own apartment. She's looking at another place today then she's going to go run errands for my BF.

She did my hair and makeup for my seminar yesterday and I felt really confident and happy.

Oh my Tatoulua,

I am laughing about your shirt because I think you mean a nice shirt, but I sometimes have to put pants on for company and it's because I'm just not wearing pants.

I'm happy for your progress, but I'm also trying to not stress about your trash bags. I want to say "three bags of trash?! Are you sure? Let me look...."

Lately I have been wandering around the building at school saying "this recycles. This recycles..."

I am trying to get my act together for a trip to the "moop palace" (what my Dd calls the city reuse/recycling hub.) moop is an acronym for "material out of place" just like a weed is a plant that is growing in a place where you don't want it, "trash" is often just moop.

This morning it think I will take out the burn bag and do that because it is full and because I got a chicken breast for Dh this week (one of the things I like about feeling able to go in the grocery store - Dh chicken breast comes in a piece of paper instead of a plastic wrapped styrofoam tray)

We have one recycling bag, four donation bags, and three garbage bags. It's been hard but it's going. She straightened up my linen closet and it looks great and she's done two out of three kitchen drawers. It's hard but it's getting done. My friend is relentless and fearless. Cannot wait for garbage night so we can get this stuff out.

I don't yet feel lighter but I'm trying. I've been shredding and shredding and shredding. I was feeling lighter yesterday. Today I feel a bit besieged.

Good morning! Lots going on here!

Success breeds success! So true! I'll be saying that to myself as I continue to reduce. Friend and I have started a bag to donate.

Lila I am so proud of you! Every one of us here can relate.

Love hearing from you all-I have a meeting soon so need to put on a shirt.

Lila, you can do this!

I would say make an appointment to get rid of that box on Thursday. Or next Thursday if they need more notice. Then buckle down and see how much you can add.

Maybe try to do the most remote area you can reach - those often have things that are easier to get rid of because they have bern unused for so long.

How long do you think it would take you to make space and clear off that table? Be honest. We won't judge you even if you say something like "a year." The important thing is to set a goal and keep working at it. Even if it's ten minutes a day. Even if all you do in that ten minutes is move things around. Working on those executive function skills strengthens them and helps make the job easier.

You sound like you have a good attitude. Being ready to make change is a huge part of the battle, so you have already made a lot of progress! You just can't see it yet.

Today I have a routine medical appointment and I teach.

Hi Lila,

It really is hard at first. But then the various aspects of tackling the problem start to come together, and success breeds success. Patience to get to that point is the hardest thing to find when you're just starting out. Well, and sometimes in the later stages too - those bumps in the road that we all hit.

And it sounds as though perhaps right now finding a neutral "staging area" may be your challenge? I know how that is! If I move some stuff to location B to deal with the contents of location A, then location B becomes a worse mess, and sometimes location C, which was innocently minding its own business and might even have been somewhat clean, suddenly finds itself inundated with stray items from both A and B!

It truly is crazy. Sometimes it is humorous, sometimes it's aggravating. But keep on going. Like it says at the top of this page, Together we CAN beat this!

Thanks. It is hard. I look at all the huge piles and I think I am finally at the point where it is not worth it to me to keep all this stuff. How nice would it be if I could find things when I need them. It has been years since I could walk around my bedroom freely. Years! I have to step over/fall over piles and boxes to even try to get to a window and open it or to a dresser to get clothes. How nice would it be to have a clean space.

And as I said it has been weeks, maybe a couple months since we all sat at the table to eat. It is piled high. It is mostly things I am keeping. If I got rid of things in closets and cabinets then I'd have room to put those things, so that is another goal.

okay. My puppy is asleep so I am going in my bedroom and try to get rid of a few more things. IT IS HARD.

Oh Lila!

I remember the days when I would make a little clean spot and sweep it, and then wipe things off and put them into the little clean spot and clean the next spot, and it was such a huge accomplishment. Really, I mean that. It was. It took so much effort to do that and so much mental energy.

Don't give up. It will be hard, and then it will be a little easier, and a little easier, and if you don't give up, you will eventually find yourself struggling with a situation that is actually better than you ever imagined you could reach. 🤣 (someone else will have to speak to not struggling.)

If I tossed Bean's toys back into their basket and picked up two cat toys and a pair of shoes - I could sweep this entire room. Every room isn't that good, but this is the biggest room in my house.

Tatoulia, I hope you have fun with your friend and feel good about the things you get done!

Yes, I have spruce trees to plant. Yesterday I planted kale and leeks. Today it rained a lot. Hopefully the seeds got watered in and not washed out.

Bean was lovely today. As always. I am behind on dishes and laundry again, but I will get to them. Other things have been more important.

My friend quotes his grandmother about making pizza - "take care of the edges, and the center will take care of itself." I've been thinking about that in relation to my life. What if I just focus on the things I never get around to?

The pickup is not Goodwill, it's a local small charity type thrift store. I didn't set a day because the person said "call back when your boxes are ready." I would have rather had a Thursday pickup but I didn't ask.

The bedroom is getting done a little at a time. The living room is too, because the carpet is gross and my son loaned me a carpet cleaner. My other son and I did about 1/4 of the living room the other day. I am cleaning each section as we go. The whole living room is too much at once so we will do another 1/4 in a day or two.

My dining room table is literally heaped with stuff about 2 feet deep. I can't deal with it. It's been like that for several weeks.

Depressing.

My friend has arrived. She's out now, visiting her cat. She is looking at several apartments tomorrow and I hope she finds one. Last time she was here, she made me think about getting rid of two tables here. I told her today that I've decided to get rid of them and she wants them. They are nice. They stack. I bought them for my printer but I haven't taken out the printer since I was promoted so I don't see the point in keeping the tables. I have a very narrow drop-leaf in my bedroom that I can use.

I have stripped my bed and I did tons of laundry today. I felt after spending from Saturday night to this AM in bed that I deserve clean sheets.

I haven't put it back together yet.

Okay it's 11:30 PM here and I'm feeling a lot better. Never felt bad, just tired. So I cannot complain.

I'm going to do a few things in the kitchen t hen go to bed. Just got up to eat a little something and feed the cat. She's been good all day but never once checked in on me. She's getting old, my poor little cat. I'm going to spend some time whither her now. She'll be upset when we have company tomorrow but she did finally sleep in her own bed, near where the fold out is, during my friend's last visit.

Okay going to unload the dishwasher that I ran earlier today and I will also wipe down the kitchen.

Hello everyone! Pretty tired from the second dose. Otherwise fine. Stayed in bed all day and just got up and had a bagel and decaf coffee.

Beautiful day out but I'm not sure I'll be going out. My friend is coming here tomorrow because she had a big reaction to her second dose.

Lila, I'm glad to hear you've made some progress! You could consider giving the blouse back to your friend. I try not to accept things with conditions. Too much work!

Cm glad you have a nice comfortable place to sleep! I guess I didn't realize that the week in charge gave you sleeping quarters too.

SubC yay for getting the trees planted! I know you still have the conifers?you are doing great!

If I can stay awake long enough, I'll need to sweep and wipe down the kitchen. My cleaners will be here again on Wednesday. I'll need every week while my friend is here.

Good morning.

Lila, I am happy to see you!

I am so sorry about your pet. Losing our animal friends is very hard. You will figure out the right thing to do about the ashes.

I'm glad you got the dog food.

Did you actually schedule the thrift store pick up? Setting a date next week seems like a really good idea - far enough to give you some time to see how much you can gather, but not so far that things get rethought or misplaced. It will also be good to have the "go" stuff just go! Don't worry about the blouse. A gift is yours to do as you wish (besides, I'm not sure that much pressure is really a "gift" and if they are picking up, it probably isn't goodwill anyway. Ours doesn't pick up.)

25% is great progress!

Tatoulia, good job getting your bags to goodwill! Thank you for getting both doses of your jab! I hope you don't feel crummy today.

CM, the bunny house sounds nice. Good sleep is a really important foundation for everything else.

29 rabbits is a lot.

I hope you get your most important things done. I made a list fir today and once again, it is long enough for a week...

Yesterday Dh and I finished planting the deciduous trees. I still have 14 evergreens, but those are all mine - he won't help me because he doesn't like them.

Dh did a bunch of mowing and brush hogging, including some areas I am trying to reclaim that I had marked out for him. It looks a lot better. I am working on reclaiming my garden space also, and I pulled weeds along the fence in an area i wasn't able to clear and plant last year. I am going to try to expand by 50% this year.

At one point my garden was four large sections. Last year I planted in two of them, but not fence to fence, plus pumpkins in part of a third. This year I plan to be fence to fence in the first one, a little more in the second one, the previous pumpkin space, plus about half of section 4. I have a growing family to feed again. 🙂

I didn't get as much as I had planned done, because Bean and family turned up with pizza and stayed for the evening. They wanted to borrow our truck so that dsil can help a friend move today. They will bring the truck back afterwards, so I will see Bean again today! Also, motivation to work fast and hard this morning - must get going!