oh I am draggging tonight. But I forced myself.

- loaded the dishwasher
- washed off counters and stove
- used a razor to scrape baked-on food off the glass stovetop
- took out the very full kitchen trash
- opened some boxes that came this week (food and supplements)

I am sleeping very poorly which could be why I am always so tired. I usually lie in bed for 2 hours or so unable to fall asleep. I cannot fall asleep in silence, at all. Music is slightly better. Audiobooks make me toss and turn. Talk radio makes me fall asleep the quickest. So I always put that on at bedtime. However, I notice I wake up if they talk about anything creepy, or anything I am very interested in, or if I set a sleep timer and it turns off. Last night I remember waking up like 6 times and "rewinding" the topic so I could hear it, and then falling asleep again... repeat. Very unrestful. Not sure how to solve this issue.

hi CM. I have not heard of August anxiety, myself. I know fall is my busiest time of year with many more demands, so I try to take it easy in August. It has not worked out, though, to take it easy over the rest of the summer.

I was home all afternoon and evening and could have gotten so much done but I was slogging around exhausted. I wish this could be fixed. I have to really push myself to do any little thing, and it makes me feel so lazy.

But at least my living room is clean.

Sometimes I wish I had another adult living with me. Maybe a husband, maybe a friend of either gender who I could talk with and do fun things with, cook and eat with, and to motivate each other to do things. But really if I had someone living with me, I would want them to clean the house and do the yard work. So I guess I really want a maid/gardener!

Hang in there, Tatoulia. Your posts are fine, we want to know how you are.

Lila, you're doing A-OK. Regarding the final push and why it feels harder, well, I remember the times I was moving and how emptying a residence just seems like it takes forever, and I think there are similarities even with ordinary decluttering. I think some of it is we get used to some of the things that we don't consciously notice - simple examples might be a wastebasket, a mop, a box of tissues - they almost exist in the realm of abstraction in their category as "supplies," then all of a sudden we must recognize that each separate one is a physical entity that takes up X amount of space and requires a decision from us. Other stuff might get lumped into categories by location ("the stuff on the kitchen counter") or use ("toys," "art supplies") or owner ("So and So's stuff"). Going from the abstract to the concrete can be a shock.

Went to the grocery store Friday and ran into a gal from my old local decluttering club, from pre Covid days. She said it is meeting monthly in person and Zoom. I might go - sometimes I've felt a bit of nostalgia for it even if some things annoyed me (they were minor things, really). Next time is mid August. Just might be good to connect with some people - seems like the pattern recently, people I've known or new people, and I feel like it's a blessing.

This coming week will be busy but hopefully not have so many people I know's deaths happening close together. That got a little surreal, and I don't mean that in a flippant way; it was just strange and disconcerting. My roommate returned from her trip yesterday. She is still having a lot of pain. Has MRI Tuesday. Hope there will be help for her. Want to see her happy and enjoying retirement.

It is 101 degrees here, heat index 105. Nasty. And supposed to go even higher in the next few days. But supposedly a change to come around Saturday with storms and about 10 or more degrees "cooler" thereafter. It will be the final week that the water parks will be open on weekdays. And in August weekends only through September 4th; I don't know how busy they will be on weekends. It's a toss up when it gets this hot - because it's a potential driving anxiety and migraine risk, yet all the sweeter to get in the water once there. Hoping I can be the brave version of myself.

Just a strange question - has anyone heard of this new term "August anxiety"? It's been written about online and our senior center newsletter mentioned it. Roommate immediately thought of me and how I get a little sad once solstice is past, and tend to dread winter way before it even hits. Mainly what I hate are the shortened daylight hours (don't like night driving) and the cold especially when it's confining. And wearing heavy clothes. I've learned to take vitamin D and such, and get sunlight when possible, which help the biological component. But it's just the practical realities that tax my patience to the max. The articles on August anxiety talk about feeling disappointed at not having enjoyed the summer enough - that is also relatable. Anyone else notice this pattern?

I know - Poco a Poco is how one survives the difficult times. And being proactive, like trying to put in things to look forward to. So maybe fall and winter won't seem so bad anyway. Hope all that wasn't too Debbie Downer, but I was just curious.

hugs Tatoulia, we are glad you're here! SubC, I might like a tbalecloth on my table. I know I have one or two. I stopped using them because kids spill all over the place and I would have to wash it all the time. I used plastic ones for many years, easy to wipe when kids spill or color or get playdough on it, but can be cheap looking. I probably have one of those around here, too. I won't buy anything new though, not for a long time.

I went to work and it was good but long. I'm home feeling so tired.

When Tot and family came last night, I was proud of how clean it was. The kids took out just about every toy and had fun. Their mom always helps pick up before they leave, so that's nice. Some of the things got mixed up, so after they left I re-sorted and put things in their place. That only took 5 minutes and it worth it to me to keep it nice.

The kitchen is a wreck though, as Teen went in and cooked and left a huge mess. I need to take the trash out and do something with the kitchen. I just hate cleaning it because within a few hours, Teen will have it all messy again. It feels like a losing battle. I need an attitude adjustment.

I apologize for not reading your posts and congratulating you all for your many accomplishments. I am not keeping up. Thank you for letting me be here anyway.

It really was so much better I've cried only twice today. It is a beautiful day. Cool breeze and no humidity. I've done some work. Going to go see mom now. Awaiting a call from BF.

Have fun with your friend! I'm sorry about the recycling.

Tatoulia, it was probably better than having a big, emotional parting. You will see him again, you will just need to focus on something else for a while.

My friend is coming in late this afternoon. I am really looking forward to seeing her.

I talked to my mom last night and she told me their county is discontinuing the recycling program because people were using the drops as a free dump. You can still recycle, but you have to drive everything to the county dump and have it inspected. It isn't safe for my dad to drive to the dump, so he has ordered garbage service and now they will just throw everything in that. I am sad about it.

Yet another reminder to me to lean out and get the stuff that can be recycled to the recycling NOW.

We inadvertently said our goodbyes without realizing it. He came here in the afternoon and said goodbye to kitty. We then went to his house and while there, I decided to take my car home since he would be coming in with his car later tonight to give to the person he's giving it to nd we'd be together then. Then there was torrential rain and I called him and said, I'll take her up to your house tmr to pick up the car, don't come here tonight. So it turns out we've seen each other for the last time for a while. He leaves early in the AM. we've decided this is for the best. It will be a terrible burden to come here in the early AM just to cry a lot. No one needs that.

Yay Lila!

I am proud of you too!

Like your dog, i always feel a bit unsettled when there is too much change in my environment. Even if it is good change. You might be feeling that too.

Now you have to defend your living room! Take a few minutes every day to return (or send) misplaced items to their true homes and vacuum as needed.

Our everyday table has a tablecloth and a coiled grass tray with a plant, some shells, and the salt and pepper on it. I have been removing everything else at least once a day. It's a small victory, but I'm enjoying it.

The tray was $2 at goodwill, the shells were collected by me and my mom,, and the plant was a gift from a student, so very inexpensive, but it feels fancy to me.

Dh and I went swimming this afternoon. I think I have found another spot to shift things in the pottery studio. And a few small things to let go.

Poco a poco.

I did it. I dusted and vacuumed. The living room looks almost sparse! She I say, normal (although not decorated). The dog seemed confused when he came in, lol... all the empty space!

I will at some point need to really dust the bookshelves, as I just did the edges. But everything else is cleaner than it has been in a very long time.

I got dinner out of the freezer (because that is what I need to use) and will cut up some watermelon to go with it. I made juice popsicles for Tot and Acorn (and us... lime, yummy). I will vacuum the kitchen/dining room and get the table cleaned off.

I am proud of myself.

That piece of art sounds really cool and unique, SubC. A nice find!

I put on some loud 80s music and got up and forced myself to work. I got just about to the point of vacuuming when Teen came and asked me (nicely) if I could pick up some soup for them, as they had a gift card. So I stopped working and went and got the soup, got us each a drink, came home and made myself a grilled cheese sandwich.

I spent about 20 minutes working. I think, as I look around, I feel slightly lost for some reason, not enough piles??? but I think in 5 minutes, I can straighten the one last end table, so a quick dusting of what's left, and be ready to vacuum. So let me go get that taken care of, and vacuum.

I also brushed both dogs so that there is more hair in the trash and not as much falling off them.

Good afternoon!

Lila,mit gets harder b3cause we tend to start with the easiest stuff and because we get tired, and b3cause we feel like we've done a lot, so it doesn't look so bad.

I am finding that my basement gets harder and harder and slower and slower.

I did walk down to the craft show. Not too bad, a lot of bits and bobs and jewelry, and of course the ever present Tupperware and pampered chef.

Only one booth I'd call art (I'm snobby, there were also some nice crafts - well done crochet, bird houses, sewn items..) but the artist was a newly retired guy who described himself as a "hobbyist" and made turned wood items - candle holders and bottles and accent pieces - out of various bits of "found" wood that strike his fancy. He had a really good eye for bringing out the form and character. I bought a piece from him. It used to be a fence post, and he left the base washed and lightly brushed with a piece of barbed wire wrapped around and staple on. The top 3/4 was turned to a bottle shape and then the whole thing was stained to show the grain, the bottle was lightly burned to darken it and it was waxed, capped with a bit of cork, and accented with twine.

I found a good spot for it when I got home, and Dh saw it immediately when he got home and said "I like this."

I decided I could part with 8 styrofoam snowmen my students made me to balance my wooden bottle. That is not all of the snowmen, it's just 8 of the 13 that were in that particular box.

I'm sure there will be a further reconning eventually.

update 1 -

- Dusted the entertainment center and one end table.
- put some DVDs in the cabinet and the rest in the staging area room
- put a few things from the living room away, spot vacuumed

bahhhhh why does it get harder the cleaner it gets? There is not a whole lot left scattered around the living room but I find myself so emotionally resistant to finishing it! Why? I guess it doesn't matter why...

If I just pushed into it and did everything in here in one push, I could have the room done in under a half hour, I think. Including vacuuming. Why am I feeling so trapped by this?

If I had cookies, I would be binge eating them right now. Well, eating too many, anyway. This is a sign of trying to shove down my emotions.

So I came to post here. I am resting a little and then will try to just DO IT.

Good morning. Tatoulia, I hope opportunities abound for you! SubC, hopefully it will be a good day.

I am off to a slow start too. But I made myself breakfast, and I picked up two items to throw away: an old lanyard that is no good, and the center of a lantern that Teen broke a long time ago. I saved the middle. Who knows why. So added two more items to the Daily Tally.

Tot and Acorn and fam are coming for dinner, so I am going to finish cleaning up the living room today and clear off the kitchen table, which is piled with stuff again. Will vacuum, maybe brush the dogs.

Keep up the good work, everyone. Not through all of your posts but sitting here in awe of you!

Bf and I had dinner at our restaurant last night instead of museum. Then we sat with mom. I became a little teary when he asked the waiter to take care of me when he's gone. And again when he told mom's kitty to take good care of mom.

Today we've decided to look at our opportunities.

Good morning.

Stayed up too late last night and a slow start this morning.

Good for you getting things done Lila!

It's still rainy here, but supposed to clear up later. The heat and humidity have been really bad. My beans are ready to pick, but everything is wet and I can't stand to be out there.

I still don't know if my friend is coming today or tomorrow or flaking on me. I hope not the third, but her life is a mess, so she'll do the best she can.

There is a craft fair at our former elementary school building today. (It's now a child care program and a lot of empty rooms as the elementary schools were all consolidated into one big building near the housing development sprawl - welcome to rural life.) I don't know if it will be really cool or a few sad tables but I'm going over this morning - it's not quite a mile. If the heat index wasn't so bad I'd walk, but I think I'll drive. If my kids had gone to school they would have been walkers. I did walk ds to scouts there when it wasn't icy or raining.

Dh is playing golf.

Update later.

Lila here, gettin' things done...

- sorted and cooked some spinach
- washed the dishes
-cleaned off the stove and counters
- picked up DVDs and video games and CDs from being scattered around one corner of the living room, dusted them and stacked them, and dusted the corner table

I am so tired. I hope if I get to bed early, I will have some energy in the morning to get some more done.

My living room is getting better, but has a ways to go. The end table beside me has a printer on it, and also has stacks of random junk. Markers, pens, pencils, papers, books, candles.... so tomorrow I will try and sort that table.

It will be so nice when this is done. All the things in the Daily Tally that have left my home have made a big difference.

Now if only the dust and dog hair could get under control!

hi SubC! Little bits are good. That's kind of what I'm doing today, although all in one area.

The VHS tapes don't seem to be worth anything, so I am giving them away to a neighbor. I am slightly irritable because Teen invited over a friend that I cannot stand. I do not like this friend whatsoever, but they do not seem to be doing anything illegal etc so I allowed them to come visit Teen and hang out downstairs. Teen has very few friends so I don't want to isolate them further. They might go out to a small concert this evening. However because this friend is downstairs, I am choosing not to go downstairs to do laundry or work on anything down there. I do not want to be around them. #1 I am an introvert, and #2 I do not like them.

I will try and get the living room cleaned up a bit more.

Hi Lila,

My internet was out most of the day. We've been having crazy storms.

Good job on the toys! The toys are hard because they have a lot of emotions attached. Things that were good and were over and visions that didn't come true.

I don't know about the tapes or the jewelry - except that you will probably do better privately than at a jeweler or pawnbroker, but you might be able to get an offer to see what the low end is.

CM, good luck with the dog. I'm glad you got to see your movie.

I've been doing little bits today. The lack of sun was hard. I fixed my iPad stand (wooden book stand, like for a cookbook) and glued the Velcro pieces that I found in my random box back onto Bean's wooden food (I think they came off when dd2 was younger), filled the recycling rack (I think four more days will actually empty the bin, but I might take a break while my friend is here), repotted a plant, my curtain rod arrived and I hung Bean's tractor flag.. That sort of thing.

episode 4...

95% of toys and books in the living room are sorted and put away. (Have not found the puzzle base)

Questions:

1 - where do you think is best to sell jewelry? I need to sell my wedding/engagement set, which is gold and diamonds. I am looking at online sites.

2 - do you think any VHS tapes could actually be worth money? I saved 6 tapes when I purged, because when I searched them on ebay they looked high dollar. But at the same time, the same tapes are also sold cheap. So I dunno. I am going to look again now, and if I don't think they are valuable they will be donated. If I do, they will be listed for sale.

episode 3...

I am pushing through, just making myself get up and do one thing.

- vacuumed/wiped out the end table
- put puzzles and blocks in the end table
- put the dollhouse people and furniture in a little plastic bin

the Lila show....

I am feeling stuck. I think it is because almost all of these toys were Teen's when they were little. Just looking at and handling them all is like flashbacks or something.

I put the magnet dolls in a plastic bin. Put the choking hazards in a bag to put away for now. There is not a whole lot left to sort but I am frozen.

Okay, so I am working on the toy sorting.

- pulled all the toys out of the toybox
- vacuumed inside the toybox
- cleaned off Acorn's favorite, the singing piggy bank, and put new batteries in it
- sorted toy pieces into categories; put the kitchen toys in the little kitchen, the duplo blocks in its container, ponies all together in their bag, etc
- donated 6 toys that are small and not part of any kit, mainly, the kind of thing that comes in a happy meal
- threw away 2 toy parts that I have been saving
- put many of the baby-safe toys back into the toybox

Now I am left with some toys that need some kind of organization. The nice toy animals (like SubC has, kind of), some dollhouse people and furniture (I need to look in the garage and see if the dollhouse is there), some other random things. I have small plastic bins in my bedroom I will probably use for these.

I also seem to have lost the wooden puzzle base. The kids play with it a lot. I have all the wooden chunky pieces that go in it, but where did the base disappear to?? Will be searching.

I am going to sort the dress-up jewelry and the my little ponies and take out any items that are small enough for Acorn to put in her mouth, and put them in a quart baggie. I'll save those on the top shelf of the closet to use when they are older, because they go with the kits (shoes and hats for the ponies, etc). I will however be alert to anything I feel like I can donate instead of saving.

Also need a place for the baby books (some are inside my coffee table) and I think I can clean out one end table to store these.

Hi all - I will attempt to keep this short because already I'm way later to get ready to go to the grocery store. But we know how well I do at keeping things short, lol.

Lila, sorry to hear about the financial stresses. Been there, done that, have a closet full of the T-shirts. It's less often a huge crisis now that I'm on disability with predictable albeit small checks, vs. when I was just struggling along with sporadic jobs and periods of unemployment. And since I came to this roommate situation where I have fewer expenses. It's good if you are able and willing to consider selling the house at some point and downsizing to something more sustainable - get lots of good advice as to what that would be, issues like equity if you go for owning vs. renting, etc. And of course we all have our work cut out for us in terms of reducing stuff. Ain't life fun. But Poco a Poco, we'll get there. You're doing great here lately.

SubC, I definitely have working memory related difficulties with object permanence. Out of sight, out of mind for sure. And like you, I have been aware of the need to switch from viewing storage space as needing to have things stored in it vs. discerning what items are truly useful on a regular basis, taking good care of those, and moving the superfluous on out of my life.

Tatoulia, just sending bunches of hugs, I remember my own boyfriend years ago - early on when he didn't want to come over on a Saturday as we had been in a routine, said he "needed space" and at first I was upset, then I visited the art supply store and bought pastels and ended up spending a satisfying afternoon doing a picture. The whole experience shifted my perspective. Hopefully you will find things that fulfill your soul in similar ways and give you strength.

Roommate went out of town for a family funeral so I'm minding the fort here. This time she didn't take the dog, and I haven't done his care routine for a long time - had thought perhaps I should so I wouldn't forget everything. There are adaptations I make - for example, due to agoraphobia I can't walk him far from the neighborhood, but it's still 100 degree days so short walks are okay anyway. We're managing. The cats and bunnies I'm used to. Then there's the watering of the grass and gardens, that in itself is another big thing. Roommate does a lot more of this sort of routine; I'm more of an indoors gal. I have to write every task on a list and then half the time I forget to look at the list! But I muddle through.

Yesterday I met up with the senior center folks and saw the Barbie movie. People had a choice of about four movies and most went to Oppenheimer or Sound of Freedom. I went for the fluff and one of my favorite fandoms. Even wore a pink top and brought a Barbie doll along as many people on my social media did when they saw it. I'm too averse to my image being posted but I did take selfies just for my own giggles. It was a good break from all the heavy stuff this week.

Maybe I'll get time to do some writing and computer graphics stuff later. But I better get to the store now.

SubC, good work on that cabinet! I can visualize the change and it is good! Also on the baskets to the vendor. It is so much easier for me, too, to give something to someone I now will use it, than to just donate or trash, sometimes.

I enjoyed my peaceful morning, reading on the deck for awhile. It is my day off and I am very happy. So far I:

- unloaded the dishwasher
- took out a bag of trash and a few other trash items to the bins

I am not super motivated (yet) to do more, but I think I will sort the toys. They are all over the living room and some in Tot's room. I want to sort the baby toys and keep them in the living room, and put the bigger kid items in the Tot room. Some will be put away in drawers or on shelves if they have small pieces that Acorn cannot have.

There is also dog hair in clumps everywhere, so I will try to get those vacuumed up too. Tot and Acorn and fam are coming over for dinner tomorrow (I need to figure out what to make, too).

I am doing good on my weight loss (on the other thread) - down 11 of the 20 pounds I set as my goal several months ago. Slow and steady-ish.

I hope to add some things to my Daily Tally, too.

Hope to see more posts today!

Oh!
I forgot the other thing i did yesterday.

I had a huge box of half-pint berry baskets in my basement from when Dd and I did a farmer's market 15 years ago. I stuck them in my car, stopped at the local farmer's market on my way to town, and gave them to a vendor! (Another day when I am not going somewhere I am going to buy some sunflowers from him. Maybe as a reward for more progress. They were beautiful.)

Good morning!

Lila, I'm glad you made it through. Enjoy some well earned rest.

Tatoulia, we've got you.

My friend's son gets out of prison in three years. He is learning a musical instrument, getting a college degree, working his way through a list of books, and doing various jobs. He corresponds with my daughter by snail mail.

If you think about what you want to accomplish in that time, it will go faster.

Yesterday I worked on (but not in) my studio again. I had another revelation - I have some old kitchen cabinets with a work counter on top. I may have some object permanence issues - when I put things in cabinets, those things basically ease to exist. Also, for YEARS I have been approaching the cabinets as "what can I fit in this space?" Yesterday I asked myself "what do I use in this space?" Then I opened the cabinets.

I found foam that I am always looking for because I never have enough. Enough to share with my classroom! I found two back up blenders. I am always looking for these blenders because I burn them out. I buy them cheaply at thrift stores and was getting concerned because I was down to the two I use regularly and hadn't seen any (or been thrifting much) for a while. I found molds and cookie cutters I forgot I had.

I took everything out of the cabinets. Then i took the shelves out of the cabinets. Then I took the doors off of the cabinets. I filled one cabinet with foam - to be sorted out later - and the other two are now vertical storage for ware boards and spacers for the slab roller that lives on top of the counter.

Those ware boards have been wandering around my studio with no good place to live for 5 years. They would often end up leaning against the front of the cabinets in a stack because that is where I use them, but I would have to move them off the stack and lean them somewhere else until I got to the one I wanted. And of course, I couldn't open the cabinets. Now I can just slide one out! (Imagine your books were stacked flat in front of your bookshelf - page side out - now they are on your bookshelf. That is the level of change.)

I think I am going to send the cabinet doors to the habitat restore. They are plain white. But first I am going to empty and remove the top cabinets so I can put open shelves there. Not soon. After the basement. Unless Dh gets annoyed by the stack. Then he can help take the cabinets down and do the drop.

Also, last night at the pottery studio I talked to a friend who convinced me to use one of the clays I have and can find instead of buying more clay. (He was working the register, so he is a good friend!) and I started a project that I am excited about continuing so I will work IN my studio today.

Oh, also while I was out I dropped the four bags of mixed recycling and two grocery bags of store return plastic.

hi friends. I made it through!!! My event was a big success and now I am done! I get tomorrow off and hopefully Saturday too and boy do I need it. What a lot of work.

SubC, CM, Tatoulia, I read your posts. I am sorry for the deaths and tears, the overwhelm of too much, the hard things. I am happy for the declutter progress and good things.

Tomorrow is trash day, so I am about to go take out all the trash and roll the bins to the road. I am super tired and probably will go to bed early so I can enjoy some early time outside reading in the morning.

Very good point on the shopping, SubC. That hadn't even occurred to me! Thank you!

Very good work on the recycling, SubC! Very pleased you have a routine and a backup plan just in case.

I cried a bunch today. But working from home so all is well.

Wild thunder tonight with not a lot of rain. Scary.

I'm going to make myself something to eat and then maybe work a bit.

I have to take the garbage and recycling out in the AM. Cleaners were here today. Very nice to have a clean house.