Lila! Do not color your hair! Everyone is going natural right now. My last hair dye was March 2020 and within a year or so all of the dye was gone and I now proudly wear my greys! They are only in the front and also look like highlights to some extent.

If the lighter colors are looking good on you and gaining compliments maybe that is the way to go. Lighter blues and greens. They don't have to be bright colors, it sounds like the softer colors are working for you! Get a scarf or two and then wear white tops. You instantly have a number of outfits just by wearing a scarf.

hello, friends.

Been so busy and working constantly.

SubC, I did go to the party, and I managed. I knew some people so just sat around chatting and we had snacks. We did some icebreaker games. It was fine and afterwards a couple of us stood around and chatted about more serious things. I think I got home around 10 and was wiped out for work the next morning.

Working long hours, a lot of volunteering, and finding things I can say no to.

Tatoulia, I felt so bad all week because I did not get back to you. I went to my Instagram page right after I last posted and it said it was locked down as being a fraudulent page?!? It had steps to take and I started through them and could not get it to work so I gave up. Tomorrow is my day off, so I am going to try again.

I did have a question for you, though, and an update for all about my "scared of my own appearance" issue. This week I got like 4 or 5 compliments on my hair! It was so weird. Just out of the blue. I did nothing special. I was about to color it again but got so busy and didn't... and now everyone is like 'oh I love your hair, it is so pretty' and 'what did you do to your hair, highlights? it looks so beautiful!' so well I feel good about it and am holding off coloring it again. I was always a natural medium brown and started coloring it in my 30s as it was going grey. I was darker brown for awhile. In the last 10 years my hair is pretty much totally grey but I color it a lighter brown. I started coloring it a very light brown/dark blonde just so the roots wouldn't show as fast. Now it fades to a lighter blonde, almost.

So, Tatoulia, my question is this: do you know what colors of clothing look best on a person with light hair, light skin and blue eyes? As I've mentioned, I tend to go with blacks, dark greys, dark blues. But a friend insists my hair looks great but I need to "brighten up my color palette" of how I dress. I am scared to do this. And I am fat. And I am extremely self conscious about patterns... you know why.

Any thoughts from you or others on best colors and maybe patterns would be good.

Most recent compliments were on the light blue/cris cross patterned shirt under a white sweater, and awhile ago a green/blue patterned blouse under a black sweater.

Mostly I try to hide and not be noticed. But I want to look nice.

Hi everyone! I'm making a lot of tough decisions these days with respect to stuff. First off, I own too much. I have kitty's old dishes packed and ready to go. A girlfriend came for dinner Tuesday and she took some of the cat dishes with her. I have donation clothes bag started. I do have three things to photograph for Lila and I will do so.

We are cleaning out BF's basement in anticipation of his move and I'm just getting rid of almost everything. Big suitcase that was my mother's, three chairs, records, etc. could I sell some of this? Maybe. Do I feel like it? No. Donate. It will be a big trip to goodwill this weekend. I also have some cat stuff to take to the shelter.

So a lot going on. It makes me feel good to just make the decision. Stuff I didn't know we still had and I certainly do not need anymore. Never did need it, actually.

Reduce. Reduce. Reduce. Feels so good. Finding a use for something is not the same as something being useful. Not the same. I only have so much time on this planet and moving stuff around isn't a good use of my time.

Emotional roller coaster mostly school related lately.

Never enough time - Alice's rabbit!

I picked up a piece of discarded furniture on tuesday with an eye to making it a cool project I don't have time for.

Exhaustion wears down my resistance.

Good morning!

Had a great day with Bean yesterday - he really likes the ducks. We did not go get feed however, because he didn't want to, so I must squeeze that in this morning before school (or the chickens will be eating more expensive goat food all week)

My days are still too full. I forgot it was dsil's birthday yesterday so ended up using nap time to squeeze in baking him a pie instead of school work. I took Bean to school to be picked up and dsil asked if I could wait for Dd to pick him up (not a problem, but I helped him make some little clay cookie cut bears instead of getting started on what I was there for) Then Dh wanted a haircut last night. I did that, but seem to have gotten so tired/distracted that I ground the coffee, filled the coffeemaker with water, and then walked away without putting the ground coffee into the coffeemaker last night.

I also left folded laundry on the couch.

I also brought home a plastic three drawer wheeled chest that was sitting out by the dumpster at school. I don't have plans for it - it just looked so useful..

I was at school for a couple of hours. I got the projects picked up, kiln unloaded, loaded, and started, and notes made on about half the projects that need to go back. I need to make notes on the rest today.

I made myself a 28 day calendar page with all my events and hard deadlines on it. It is kind of overwhelming.

This morning I have started a load of laundry (and made coffee).

SubC you've gotten a lot done! Congratulations! Yes finding bathroom time and food breaks is nearly impossible some days. Even for me, who works in an office job and works from home a lot of the time. I love the idea of a sewing kit for a graduation gift! Really a great idea.

This weekend I did mainly social things. I tried on some of my clothes to determine where I am in the weight loss. I haven't lost much lately, just another two pounds. I've maintained the house and laundry situation. Have kept up with the dishes for the most part but have not been perfect.

I have to take some things to the dry cleaners today. I keep putting it off. For no reason other than being very busy.

Good morning again!

I got my mugs done yesterday. The concert was very good.

I moved the duck pen and cleaned up a bit in the barn.

I replaced the one tomato plant that got murdered by the hail.

I ran the dishwasher. I rinsed out more recycling than I created.

Basically, I gained ground on pottery, my garden, dishes, and the barn. I am still behind on all those things, but less behind than I was on Friday.

I took care of an online thing before it became a problem.

I only lost ground on laundry and a little bit of picking up after myself. I started a load of laundry when I got up this morning.

Bean and I will have to go buy feed again today. After his nap I will take him to school with me so I can make some notes on the art show projects that are ready to go home and pick up the final projects from my Friday classes (we have three more classes, but they are "cheese/ice cream", "compare/contrast ducks and chickens", and "pull weeds/harvest garlic/play review game".) The kids just dropped their projects off in the room on Friday because I was outside. Bean's Daddy will come get him at school.

I have twelve more school days this year. I am panicking.

Good morning everybody!

CM, I hope you get your nap today!

I suggest making the girl a sewing/repair kit. Ds was one of the most popular guys in his dorm because he could put your button back on. Decorate a container, toss in some basic thread colors a little pair of scissors and some needles. Bonuses: A few squares of Velcro and plain extra buttons if you have them around, some safety pins (different sizes - emergency pin or replacing drawstring), some regular pins (stuck in a card if you don't have a little pincushion) a measuring tape. Maybe pair it with some laundry sheets.

Lila, did you go to the party? Nice that you got paid for your lunch meeting. My job takes my lunch all the time. It was interesting because when I was outside all day with the goat, a couple of administration staff offered to watch her so that I could have a break to eat lunch or go to the bathroom. The third one is not in charge of me in any way, so when she insisted "you can't go all day without a break" I laughed and said "you do realize I normally go all day without a break, right? I'm just in my room where no one can see me." (I took the breaks btw.)

Tatoulia, one of my coworkers told me that next week she is going to tell kids about how the sirens went off, traffic was stopped, and the goat and I came back on a fire truck (the station is across the street from us)

I planted ten little tomato plants yesterday. It is currently raining like Kansas with hail. I hope they survive. I want to go turn the heat on in my studio so I can finish some mugs in time to drop them off for firing today when we go out for our concert, but, hail.

What wonderful news, Lila! Wow! So pleased!

SubC someday everyone will remember the time you sprinted a mile and back to capture the escaped goat while helicopters circled!

Cm you are doing great this weekend with the bunnies! I must confess that I know nothing about rabbits.

We had brunch with a former employee today. She's graduating from college and so we took her out. Absolutely lovely time.

I'm now going to head over to see mom. I was terrible and didn't go yesterday.

hi CM. I like hearing your bunny stories. My best friend, who passed away 2 years ago, was involved in bunny rescue and she loved them so much. I miss her. I hope your bunnies are calm and happy today.

SubC, that is a good idea with the free calendar. I like that you can look back over time and see patterns.

I am down another pound.

I loaded the dishwasher and ran it last night.

Today I have just been relaxing. I have a lunch date with someone, and it is work related so I get paid for this one, a surprise! Then I am invited to a party tonight and I rsvp'ed yes, but it feels overwhelming. I have said yes and then did a last minute no to the last 2 parties (same group) so I really need to go so they don't think I just don't want to be part of their social group. I do. I want to. But somehow every time it comes time to get ready, figure out what to bring, and go, I feel like such the outcast. I envision myself at the party and everyone else is talking and having fun and I am sitting there awkwardly and then leaving early. I dunno, it is hard for me. But since I have to get ready for the lunch date, it should be easier to actually go to the party this time.

I am on Day 3 of helping out at the bunny shelter house while the daughter is out of town, so that the mother won't have to run everything alone. The mother seems more rested - I had been worried about her when we had the event in March, she was so tired then. But in her home environment she has a good routine going. I, too, have been pleasantly surprised at how smoothly it runs with as many rabbits as they have right now.

I went back to where I live yesterday to check on my own rabbits, and they seem fine. Today I shall do the same, plus get some lunch, wash my hair, and go to a 4:00 p.m. Mass at the parish over here by the bunny house, and that way tomorrow morning I can just get up and help with bunnies one last time and then head back home in the late morning or early afternoon. A nap is on the agenda after I've gotten there and settled back in.

We had one stressful episode last night, though. A sort of chain reaction of stressed bunnies. One in particular got triggered like a combat veteran with PTSD. We were very worried about him. There are other bunnies near this one who are new and skittish, and that doesn't help. They pick up on each other's behaviors and body language, and of course if one thumps it sets off a chain reaction of endless thumping. It was all so unexpected because things had gone smoothly and the freaked out guy is usually mellow.

But today everyone seems okay. I pray so hard that the overall situation can get better - like, if they are meant to continue having a shelter God will direct them to an affordable building and bring some steady donors, or if not that the shelter can be downsized or whatever in a peaceful process that meets the bunnies' needs and doesn't leave emotional scars on the humans involved. Like I said above, we manage well enough if things go according to plan, but it feels like there's no reserve of resources (material or personnel-wise) for crises.

Weather here is in a change pattern - we had a nice day or two that would've been good for storage unit work, but I couldn't go there because I was doing this. Today and tomorrow it's supposed to shoot up into the 90s, and that'll breed weather - possibly thunderstorms most of the coming week. I wonder how much rain that'll entail, whether it's our May monsoon season on the way or just light storms.

Still, next week should be calmer in terms of regrouping and getting back to a less eventful flow of the days - I hope. Scared to say that sometimes, because I've said it before and been blindsided by crazy unexpected stuff.

Being away from home gives me a little emotional distance from the clutter and a little hope that I'll be able to formulate - and more importantly execute - some viable plans for tackling longstanding "hot spots" and piles. Projects that I've been avoiding because they're intimidating. And some of them do indeed require strategy - if I were to just plunge in willy nilly moving stuff around I'd make it much worse.

Weather will stabilize at some point, the storms may not be continuous - some things like crafts that I had thought of doing out on the patio may be possible, as may finally figuring out a way to clear off the back room worktable and be able to sew etc. I'm invited to a graduation party in a week and was trying to think of a gift for this girl that won't break the bank. Thought of sewing a pillowcase using the fabric for the university she plans to attend. But that's a lot to do in a week if I'm going to do it - shop for the fabric, prewash it, press it, cut out the pillowcase, stitch it together.

Used to be when I had a better workspace it wouldn't have been hard at all. These days everything is complicated. Well, we'll see. Backup plan is just find some merch with that school's mascot and pay inflated prices for it and try to spiff it up to look like more. For example, a coffee mug with the mascot, then maybe at a candy store I can find those M&Ms in the school colors and stuff a bagful of those in there and add some ribbon. I'll figure something out.

When I got back I looked at everyone and said "thank you for not filming that."

If by "athlete" you mean "old lady who responds to adrenaline" then, sure.

I guess your year is going to be like the school year I am finishing - too long for the stress and exhaustion, but also too short for your goals. I hope that you find your dream partner.

I haven't made it out to the studio to turn the heat on yet. It was hard to get up when my alarm went off. I was dreaming and didn't get up right away. I have changed the moving blanket over to the dryer (I use it to line my backseat when I transport the goat)

I picked up a free calendar from a store counter and I have been writing what I accomplish. the days are pretty full. I also write down the days I crash, so I can see what leads to the crash, and have a realistic picture of how often it happens.

I think "no spend" is pretty unrealistic - there always have to be exceptions. If it makes you really think about the things you are buying - that is enough.

oh my goodness SubC!! I can just picture you running down the road after this goat, while the children behind you hold the baby ducks! Wow, you're an athlete, lol. I am glad you got her back.

Well, actually it is the real year. It's actually an elected church position, and they elect new people in February. I made a 4 year commitment and am in my 3rd year but my boss said since I am on staff now, I can get out a year early. So I'm in it til February, actually. However, if I can find the right replacement, then I can start working with them now - and, maybe even be released early if I have a trained person willing to come on early. It has to be the right person, because whoever takes my volunteer position is going to be working with me in my paid position. I want them to be someone I work well with, so I am praying and looking around.

I feel like today just whizzed right by. I always think I got nothing done... and I really didn't do any decluttering or even cleaning. So what I did do today:

- rested and relaxed
- cooked a new recipe made from sweet potatoes, spinach, chickpeas and a tahini sauce. It was good!
- answered a few texts, calls, and emails that are volunteer related (but not the volunteer stuff I am getting out of
- sorted papers in my to-do bin and threw away a good stack
- ordered my new planners for the 2023-24 year, since they were on sale 20% off and free shipping
(note - no-spend is not going so great. It is more of a less-spend).
- went to the pharmacy and to the grocery store (got just a few items I need for recipes)
- texted with a neighbor about their very noisy and destructive dog, and I hope we are resolving that issue
- went through a bunch of old medical docs online and wrote down dates of my visits, procedures, and imaging since I was dx with cancer, so I have all that in one place

See, I did a lot really! I feel better writing it down.

Also I am down 4 of the 20 pounds I want to lose. I have more to lose, but this is my first goal and is on the other thread.

Yay Lila!

Great news on the medical front! (No cancer beats broken arm and also hopefully now that they know it is broken they can actually help you fix it!

I hope when you say "finish out the year" you mean a school year or some other artificial year and not 2023. That is too long to keep a job you quit!

I miss road too. I worry about her.

I took the goat and half the ducks to school today. The kids love the ducks. The milking went well, buttthe goat escaped and I had to chase her two blocks (while my class stayed with the ducks and another teacher) I finally got some neighbors to help me catch her in their backyard. I'm sure the whole thing was hilarious to watch. By the time the story got back to me, I had run ten blocks- which is flattering as I am pretty sure I can't run ten blocks.

Tomorrow Isa garden/barn/pottery day.

Medical stuff first: no signs of any cancer recurrence! So happy! There are still spots that they think are benign but need to be checked by the oncologist, and if he agrees, then we can just monitor. Second issue, my arm is broken after all. Sheesh. I need more imaging next week to look at it and see if I need surgery, or just PT.

Thank you SubC, that makes me feel better. I appreciate your friendship and for sure, my grands need me. You are right about my kids trusting me with their babies. Honestly I was so surprised and happy when Tot and Acorn's mom invited me to be with her during labor and delivery. What an amazing experience! And, they handed Tot over at just a few weeks old for me to babysit while they went on a date! That is a wonderful gift. I need to focus on the good. Are your in-laws actually staying with you when they come? For how long? Sounds stressful. Congrats on the review and dinner! We already knew you were excellent :)

Tatoulia, thanks, I have not been on here or instagram in days. I was super busy. I am right now volunteering 15-20 hours a week (more than I am even working, with all the medical stuff). I sat down with my boss this week and told him I am 'resigning' from my biggest volunteer time drain. It is 8 - 10 hours a week and I had committed to it before I was hired. He is super supportive and I will finish out the year, and we will work together to find a replacement. I hope your stressful week turns out less stressful than you expect.

Where are CM and Road? Boy it has been ages since I saw Road on here.

Today is my day off and I have an errand to run but the rest is relaxing, enjoying eggs, toast, and coffee, and doing some decluttering, I hope.

Tatoulia, I am glad things are easing up for you.

I made a decision relating to treating myself as well as I treat other people today. I would not expect my children's teachers to put in the level of unpaid time and effort that I put in.

I had gotten approval to write up a volunteer position to help with some of my classroom jobs for next year, and found a skilled volunteer who wants to help me. Parents are required to either pay extra or put in a certain # of volunteer hours on various school needs based on their children's class load. My potential volunteer hasn't registered his kids yet because he needs to get paid again first, so we don't know what his commitment will be.

So I went to my boss and I said "I need to write up this job, but I'm not sure what is a reasonable request. Given that it is going to be this guy, there is actually a lot he could do that would help me (examples) but those are all things I am currently doing for free." She said "all of that. We'll just make that his job. Write up everything you want. If his kids take more classes than we expect, you can expand it, and if it takes too much time, we'll look into offering him tuition reduction - he can use it."

I feel so much lighter. I don't want to give too many details about the person, but given his day job, there are a lot of things he can do easily and quickly that are hard or time consuming for me. He can even do some of them during his day job and his boss will not mind because it comes under "customer service" for that job.

I have never even asked him for that customer service type of help before. I am the grocery customer who, when it is raining and the checker asks "would you like help out with that? Says "no thank you." Because I don't want to drag some teenager out in the rain.

I stopped on the way home today and bought two carabiner clips and a rubber bucket. They will make my chores easier.

I have 13 more school days this year. Tomorrow my lesson plan is "take goat to school" - wish me luck! This should be my second hardest remaining day. I am going to improvise a milking stand from the bike rack.

Checking in. The meal sounds nice, SubC. What a great gift!

This is the last stressful week. Due to circumstances, tomorrow is being held remote. I am volunteering this week on something stressful. I received an email tonight at ten saying that tomorrow will be remote. That is a big relief. I was half in work, have at volunteer today. A blur.

Time for bed. Lila i will catch my breath over the weekend and I will get in touch with you.

Good morning!

It's supposed to be cloudy and cool all day today, but I will be inside teaching anyway. Our art show is after school, and it is also the last night we can do wet work at the class I am taking. It's actually my last week of class because I will be skipping next week for a school event.

I had some nice things happen to me yesterday. I had my end of the year review and I am terrific. A friend brought me some sweet potato slips (they were free, so that doesn't count against my no buying plan), and in honor of teacher appreciation day, a restaurant near school gave me a yummy, healthy, free dinner! Dh was playing golf, so it was excellent timing.

I was stunned. Usually "teacher appreciation" giveaways are things for your classroom, or mugs, or discounts if you buy something. This was literally "order off the menu, flash your school ID, have a nice day!" They emailed our school admin to tell us about it.

The huge lift to my mood and feeling of gratitude that someone just gave me dinner because I am a teacher also opened my eyes to how little outside support I have gotten this year. My meal was less than $10. And it made my week.

I stuck another little doodad in my friend's prize jar at school yesterday. Pretty much the best I can do lately is hold the line on things coming in.

I slept on my neck wrong last night and it is very sore this morning, so I am moving slowly.

Lila, you are important to us.

You are also important to your grands. The fact that your kids let you have tot and acorn so much tells me the problem is the other people, not you.

I really hope that all of the medical tests come back clear!

I put most of the laundry away yesterday.

My dd1 offered to come over and help clean my house before her grandparents arrive in 25 days. I said no. I told her I have made it clear to everyone that the house is not going to be clean. The timing of this visit is terrible and was not chosen by me. No amount of housecleaning has ever pleased my mil, and I am not putting in effort for them that I am not willing to put in for those of us who live here all the time. I told her that if she actually wants to help me, there are a lot of other things she could do. She said ok, no.

My school dreams were the normal, kids in the classroom variety last night.

Off to face my day.

ohhh Tatoulia, that is cool! I have been out of the country one time for my child's medical procedure. And in Europe I too washed my clothes in the sink and hung them out. At one place there was a washer and dryer but they took soooo long, like literally 3 to 5 hours each, I don't know why.

I am thinking about what else I have that will work together, in layers. Thank you for inspiring! I hope your very stressful week turns out well, and that you have some stress relief too.

SubC, what a dream! Indeed, time to plan some time off! Stress takes quite a toll on our health, I believe. And thank you for your kind words. I am doing a lot of mental work right now. I have medical tests this week to see if they got all the cancer. I think they did, but if they did not, I have a lot of awful days ahead. Praying it is gone. Waiting to find out if one is going to have a normal summer or a terrible one makes one think about everything a bit differently.

And so, I want to clean as well, and get my health and finances in order.

I want to believe I am as important as everyone else. I know I am to God. But I have exes who left and don't like me, I have some strained relationships with family, I have a Teen who regularly tries to hurt me emotionally (and in the past, physically) and parents who abandoned and disowned me, so, it makes it hard to see my value, except through the eyes of God, who loves me faithfully and completely.

White rabbits!

Tatoulia, I'm doing more thinking about clothes than doing - unless you count washing.

I'm glad you got to celebrate bf's bday with mom.

I think you were sleeping because of the stress. I hope that your week goes well.

I had a miscommunication with Dh yesterday that colored my whole day. By evening I had a horrible headache. Dh thought it was dehydration. I ate, drank a bunch of water, rested on the couch, and even took ibuprofen. It still took 2.5 hours to go away so I could sleep. I think it was stress.

Last night I dreamed that I turned myself in for killing someone so that I wouldn't have to go to work. Literally on my way to work, I decided I would just find a police officer and confess to a murder and then call my boss and say "sorry, won't be in, no sub plans, I've been arrested for murder." I don't think that (in the dream) I actually killed anyone, but I picked up a hitchhiker and took him with me as a witness so I would be more believable.

My brain thinks I really need some time off!

Lila, I forgot to tell you earlier, I would NOT think less of you if I saw your house! I think you are coping amazingly well with very difficult circumstances and you should cut yourself some slack. What I wish you could learn is that you are just as important as all those people in your life that you are pouring out energy caring for, and you deserve to have comfortable clothes that make you feel good, and a clean, comfortable, welcoming place to sleep, and healthy, nourishing food.

I am starting to actually want to clean my house again - it has reached the point where it is bothering me, but I don't know when I can do that.

I love how you are both thinking about clothes! I went to Europe once with four tops four bottoms and it equaled 16 outfits. In Paris our room had a balcony so I'd wash my things in the sink and have them dry over night. In Holland, we had a washer. I also had one or two jackets.

I'm with SubC on getting rid of the antlers. Last weekend I donated some of my bigger clothes including a beautiful pair of midnight blue velvet pants and a sparkly top I never wore. Not even once. Now I'm sorry I didn't save them for dear Lila. But, the money was spent and so no need to hang onto. I don't want the safety net of bigger clothes.

We visited mom today. I brought a cake from a bakery for us to enjoy downstairs for my BF's birthday. We offer cake to whoever wanders by us as we enjoy it in the cafe/kitchen of the assisted living. We make sure staff gets a piece and then we share with whoever comes by. It was a big hit. I had ice cream and no cake since I do not like Boston Cream Pie.

BF and I then did some grocery shopping for mom.

I slept most of the weekend. I'm not sure why. I have a stressful week in front of me. I'm out of the office for a few days with volunteer work and the volunteer work is very stressful work. And one of the volunteer days I need to pop into the office so I can present nationally and not internally—my audience is external and internal attendees. Very nerve-wracking.

Last two weeks have been stressful and then the upcoming one.

p.s., I have some hope to learn, as Tatoulia is helping me think outside my little cluttered box. I hope my IG account will be a way to maybe get ideas on clothes too. I might take a pic of my wardrobe and get more ideas what I could add to make things more nice-looking as outfits.

Thanks, SubC! I am pretty excited to have something I feel good in!

I literally own 2 pairs of pants that fit me, plus one pair of grey sweats that I can wear when the pants are in the washer. The pants are both blue jeans. One is slightly baggy and the other fits well. Every day I work, I wear the better fitting ones. I take them off when I get home and change into the other one, and wash them twice a week. When it is hot weather I still only wear the jeans.

I am not sure "how" to wear other kinds of pants - and I have no skirts or dresses that fit me. Well I do have one plain black skirt that is super long that I wear to a funeral or whatever I have to be dressy for like once or twice a year.

Every day I wear black sneakers. With the skirt I do have dress shoes to wear.

I feel like such a disaster, really. If I can lose 20-25 pounds I have a whole wardrobe of nicer things that fit.

I think my View of Self affects not only how I dress, but my weight and my clutter, my home, my yard. Everything.

I think you should let the unwanted antlers bless some other doggie babies.

Also - you have a new outfit - yay! Did you wear it with a skirt, or pants? If you switch the bottom - you have two outfits! If you find another blouse that works, you have four! Four outfits with just 5 items of clothing! See how easy this will be? You don't need all of those clothes, you just need to get them out of the way so you can find the ones you wear and keep them neat and ready to go! (Do not look in my closet)

Ok, back to the pottery studio. I am making stuff today.

SubC, but the doggies are my baaaabies!! lol. But yes, I stopped buying them and ran out, so ordered 3 bags for Son to give them while I was on vacation. The big bin in my room actually has so much other stuff in it. Antlers. Twelve inch tracheas. Nylabones. Pig ears. And a whole bag of dried beef liver, which you are supposed to give sparingly. In fact as I was cramming the dog treats in there yesterday, I thought about giving most of the antlers away but remembered how darned expensive they were. I got them for my past dog, but my current dogs don't like deer and elk antlers, only moose. So maybe I could post the antlers on my dog training group and give them away to bless others and remember that "the money was spent/wasted when you bought the item, not when you got rid of it" and "God will provide what I need in the future."

Everything counts, SubC. I threw out a plant that was annoying me forever. It was so ugly an weird no one would want it. I let the guilt go with it.

Good thoughts on where to donate clothing. Yes, we do have a charity shop I usually give to (rather than Goodwill) but you also reminded me that there is a donation drive at church and I can donate there as well.

Clothing note: after hanging up and putting away a lot of clothes yesterday, I decided to try wearing something new (from my closet). I wore a patterned blouse that older friend had given me, which a lightweight white cardigan I bought a long time ago and never wore. I got 4 compliments on my outfit! I NEVER get that many compliments (heck apparently I even get insults) so I was excited! So now I have another outfit I will better in!

SubC and anyone else, if you want to be on instagram it was easy to make a second account that is totally anonymous. I chose "private" and used a name no one would trace me to. I am planning to post clothing choices, and progress on the cleaning.

Lila, thanks for joining IG. I'll post the pants soon!

SubC, I am trying not to struggle with stuff. I implement my, time for someone else to love it, philosophy. When I was setting aside the plates to keep, I thought, and then what? What do I do with them? And so they will all be donated. I feel so much better. Asking myself, and then what? Is helpful when I'm buying stuff or trying to save it.

Okay I've lounged enough for the day! Going into start to look productive.

Oh, also, Lila, do you donate to a religious organization? Could you maybe see donating some of those clothes you don't need to where people who do need them can get them as part of that?

Do you have a charity shop that does that sort of work?

Tatoulia, you say "I was putting too much pressure on myself so I donated it all." I still say "too much pressure, I'll come back to it later."

You and Lila are making me want to get on Instagram, but not enough to make me actually get on Instagram.

Lila, you are accomplishing things! Healthy food plus good time with teen is a double win! One thing tha5 stood out to me though was that you are still struggling with dog treats. At one time you had decided to stop buying dog treats until you ran out. Did that happen?

I am also kind of wanting to clean out my clothes, but mostly because 1) "everybody else is doing it" and 2) I kind of want a new sweater. Again, just because people ar3 talking about it.

I did decide today while I was working on the garden that I am not buying anything else that can die (seeds, plants, animals) until I get what I have under control. I will however make an exception if the right buck or bred doe turns up. There is a nice looking buck an hour and a half from me, but I have no way to get him here. We got rid of the covered pick up and I can't put a buck in the back of my car the way I did the fiber goat.

Anyway, house is still a mess, but I made progress in the garden. I used some saved fencing and used up a few packets of seeds. Does that count?

Dishwasher and washing machine are running and I am going out to my studio.

I posted 2 pics on the IG. One of the bar/counter and one of the space between my bed and closet. I am working on both, bit by bit. I had actually moved about a dozen clothing items off the ricking chair and hung them up or put in drawers before I took the pic. The floor is a different story, ugh.

I don't know why it is easy in my head to declutter until I walk in there or up to the counter, and then it is overwhelming. I cannot see how to get out of the clutter.

I have been tossing obvious trash, moving things from the counter to the bedroom (see why they are the bad areas?), reorganizing. I have put 2 items in the donate box so far, but they are small items.

I also took some dog treats off the counter, put some in the treat jar and took some into my room and tried to fit them into a large dog treats bin. I had to remove something so I took a large dog chew out and gave it to my dog, who is happily chewing it now. It is consumable so will be gone today.

I also gave a box of food items away to a neighbor. It had been sitting on my floor and some on that counter.

I have to leave in 4 hours.

I think when I go in my room, I need to talk to myself and pray to God. "He will provide what you need in the future. Trust in him, don't hoard, don't save up everything. Trust he will provide and you will have what you need." That kind of thing.

ok. I made a second account for this! I followed you Tatoulia. If anyone else wants to connect, tell me and I will follow you also. I have not posted pictures yet, but I will!

Make a second account. That's what I did. You can find me at Susie.7010. That's the account I made for this board. Then I can post a few things. Both items are machine washable, hang to dry. Also, what is your height?

Talk to your friend with the not-tragic arms. She'll help you find things for you. She will be flattered and happy to help.

Stop feeling like a fraud. You are entitled to feel good in your clothes.

In other news, I was trying to reduce the cat plates since I bought new kitty a nice set of vintage plates. I was finding that I was saving too many of the other plates, so I ended up putting all of the old vintage plates in a box to donate. I was trying to save four, and I had to ask myself, for what? So all of my prior cat's dishes are going to be donated. I was putting too much pressure on myself.

Okay I have to get up and pick up a cake from the bakery. I may stay there and have breakfast.

post 2, progress/accountability.

Yesterday I feel like I got nothing done. But here is what we did:
- Teen and I made sauce from fresh veggies together, one of the nicest times I have had with them recently. They also helped make a salad, cooked the pasta, and we had Tot and Acorn and fam over for dinner. It was good. I am glad a lot of veg got used and not wasted.
- ran dishwasher, unloaded, reloaded, ran.
- Son and Teen and I together got the dining room table cleared so we could eat together. This was no easy task, and some of it just got stacked on the counter/bar to deal with later. But the table is still cleared and clean.
- took a whole lot of trash to the bins which were picked up yesterday.

So hey I did some things.

Today so far:
- Son is working on the sprinklers outside and I am turning them on and off for him.
- unloaded and re-loaded the dishwasher
- made myself avocado toast on whole grain bread for breakfast, with coffee.

I really want to declutter today. I will make a goal: 10 things in the donate box and have son move it to my car.

I am going out socially with friends tonight and am both excited and nervous. I have to do laundry and figure out what to wear. I am having a procrastination issue.

Tatoulia, oh wow that would be cool, I would love to see. I am on instagram, how do I find you? I barely use it but would love to use it to connect with friends on this board. Tell me what to do. In fact, I may create a second account so I can post pics of my hoard progress, my clothes etc. The account I have has all the people from work on it and has my actual first and last name so maybe a more anon account would be good for other things not work related.

SubC, lol, I feel like I am in the homeless dresser category by default, too. Since I started working at a church, I've tried to up my "game" a little bit (I have no game) and I try to look at what other people wear there. I only have like 4 women I work with, the rest men. So not much to compare... the young one is jeans/tee, the one my age and size has some very cute tops I love but her arms are not tragic like mine, so she can get way more cute things with shorter sleeves. She wear tiny patterns, like little dots or specks on a pretty bright color and it looks so nice on her. The other two women wear cardigan type things a lot. And there I am trying to hide the holes in my worn out clothes.

I did have an older lady friend, the one who told me to wear more colors, who gave me some of her clothes. She was updating her wardrobe. And I liked them and they fit and I was trying to ease the colors into my comfort zone and then I gained weight and they don't fit. She gave me a blazer, too.

I guess when I dress nice I feel like a fraud because I am so NOT put together. I have to fix my confidence. I just feel like such a fake because if anyone came to my house and saw how I live they would probably think less of me. I feel like I am always hiding something but wanting to change it. Ugh maybe I need a counselor.

Felt put together in the pants. I wore less structured items at the height of my weight, so to speak.

Good idea on getting someone to help!

Cm I'm sorry about the doggie. I hope the vet can help him!

Lila are you on Instagram? I have a beautiful pair of navy wide leg pants that are VERY forgiving and I only wore last year, before the weight loss. I felt so out together in those pants! I've already donated the silk blouses that I wore with the pants but I do have a wonderful white unstructured jacket that would look really nice with them. The jacket is from Eileen Fisher and the pants were from J Jill. I shopped at those stores when I was heavier and now I'm fitting into my clothes from my usual store, J McLaughlin.

If you are on Instagram, I can show you the clothes and if you want them, you can send me a private message and I will send them to you.

Lila, to you know anyone you think is really put together and has good fashion sense? Do you know them well enough to talk to them about clothes? Maybe even to say "hey, I've gained some weight (it's always weird to me that people don't want to say this out loud - like what, the other person can't see you?) and I'm really struggling with clothes - I have a couple of outfits I'd like you opinion on - would you be willing to help me? We could get together, or I could put them on at home and show you some photos."

Like Gilda Radner, I base my fashion sense on what doesn't itch, so I'm probably not a good source. My younger daughter and a coworker used to beg me to let them put me on the show "what not to wear."

I wear a school t-shirt and a pair of jeans to school every single day. I add an open, oversized, sometimes ratty men's flannel shirt over top if it is cool which I use as a smock/hand towel. If it is warm I wear a bib apron for the same purpose. I have a school sweatshirt for cold days that I don't teach a clay class.

My "everyday" clothes are more varied. Farm wear (which I don't bother to change out of to run to the store or if someone is coming over) is a style my youngest calls "mid century homeless person" keys being durable, comfortable, and washable.

I've bought a few dresses and skirts from an online store called "unique vintage" for fancy. They have very dramatic patterns and people will look you over. But they are fun and I have gotten multiple compliments from random women. My body shape is 1950's.

I like navy, but I find it hard to match pieces from the thrift store - black and browns are more forgiving. Wine is also a good base color if it goes well with your skin tone.

Also, for a good quality, comfortable, dressy basic, I love naadam sweaters.

SubC, was thinking more about your comment. I still have not decided what to do, although I probably will donate it. I thought about what I could say to him if he says something again. I mean, maybe he would say something about the next thing I wear, and I can't just stop wearing things over this person or anyone else. I am so self conscious that any little thing bothers me. I have one blouse I like that I think looks nice and someone complimented me on it. But I wore it last week and 2 or 3 people sort of glanced me up and down, you know what I mean? It could be they noticed I have gained weight, or maybe they were looking at my arm brace, who knows? But it makes me want to crawl in a hole and never come out. Only God Himself gives me enough confidence and strength to keep going back, because I feel like it is important that I am helping people. But oh how I feel inadequate and frumpy.

CM, any news on sick dog? I am late to the poo-party, but whenever my dogs have runny poo, I have always given them a spoon of canned pumpkin to firm it up. Not pie filling but just plain canned pumpkin. A spoon size for a bog dog is like 3 tablespoons, smaller for small dogs. I keep pumpkin on hand for this.

I hope bunny house goes well.

Tatoulia, thank you, yes, that helps. I feel like my mother never showed me anything like clothes, hair, nails, makeup, nothing. The older I get, the more I realize how neglected I was. At any rate, when I was thin and curvy I could just throw on jeans and a tee shirt and look good! Or a cute dress. I guess being fat and getting older, I can't pull that off anymore and am learning what to do. So your advice, and anything else you think of, is helpful.

I feel like imagining how you dress, you look really put together and classy. I don't know if I can ever look that way. But maybe. Part of me feels like if I can lose this weight I will look "good enough" in the clothes I have (but also want to build a wardrobe like you are describing, because I get speaking engagements every so often and feel very NOT put together. I would like to change that). There just comes a tipping point in BMI or something where I look bad no matter what. That is how I feel. And yet I sit here eating cheese and crackers and didn't take a walk today.

I am an only child, I try very hard to fit in and connect, but it is hard for me. I feel like my work is my safe place, where I finally feel accepted. I guess that is why this hurt me so much.

So, go to goodwill or other thrift shops and look for a good navy or beige or other neutral dress. Buy costume jewelry. A bangle bracelet and a necklace. And you are ready to go. If you don't like that, ask your kids which jeans look best. Try to find a dark wash pair. Buy a white T-shirt and find a white blouse to wear over it. Button-down type. If you can find a linen blazer, buy it. Now you've got a blazer to wear with your jeans or your dress, a button down shirt to wear with your jeans or dress, at shirt to wear under your button down so you can wear it open. Tshirt should be same color as your bottom down, preferably white. Get a tshirt the same color as your blazer, maybe pink or yellow, whatever structured blazer you can find at good will. Do not wear a black tshirt under a bright blazer. Try to find a tshirt in the same color family. Wear your bangle bracelet and your necklace. Good to go.

I love talking about clothes. These are my opinions, only. Not insulting anyone and not trying to get into an argument. I wear navy and not black. I think navy looks smarter. Navy also goes with everything. It's not drab like grey and black seems overdone and rarely well done.

I love a 3/4 length or bracelet length sleeve. I think that sleeves that go to the elbow (but do not cover it) look frumpy on me. I do wear patterns but judiciously. I like to wear color, sometimes via shoes or a silk scarf. I wear white in the summer. White tops. Looks so clean whether paired with jeans or with a navy skirt. I love that clean crisp look of a white top. Even a white tshirt with a white linen blouse over it is nice.

Sweaters are tough. It's hard to find a cardigan that fits well. I do not like long length cardigans. I also want my cardigan to have 3/4 length sleeves.

I like nice shoes. Colorful. Not black. Something to pop.

I own very few clothes. I have two pair of jeans. That's it. Fewer than you would believe. A handful of skirts, a couple of dresses, and tops. I am fortunate to be able to buy more pricey items (but not designer) things. My skirts are generally around $200, my tops are around $200, and my dresses around $300. My shoes come in under $200. Again, I buy expensive and wear for years and years. I do not wear black shoes.

I have had young women ask me to take them shopping and I would take them to the sales rack of Lord and Taylor (how I miss them!) and show them what I'd look at and why. What makes something look cheap to me and what could make it look expensive. A few nice pieces of jewelry help.

I love putting together outfits, which ends up being pretty easy since everything is navy or another shade of blue.

Does this help? I know I buy expensive but I look for good structure in a piece and something I can wear different ways. Navy dresses NEVER let me down. They are always ready to go.

Lila, I love SubC's "I wear it just for you" line, but I also understand that some things hit us so hard that we need lots of time and distance to even be able to face them again. I've had a few such things in my revolutions around the Sun.

Hoping you find some things you like, Lila. I am trying to avoid having to shop for jeans/pants until I lose some of the regain. Things threaten to become threadbare as the weather keeps reverting to cold. If I can just survive until it's capri pants time (and pray those fit - I think they will).

I would like to have that man read aloud this Bible verse:

"For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: but the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison" (James 3:7-8).

And I know I've shot off my mouth in anger and stupidity, too, many a time in my life so I am not letting myself off the hook either - it's why that verse is something I know to remember and think upon.

Well, here it is Friday, aka Day 5 of Sick Dog. Who is at the vet's. My roommate has experienced something akin to quarantine this week, never being able to leave him alone unsupervised - we kind of take turns with bunny care and I watch the dog briefly if she's at the back of the house but at least I can leave, I make the grocery runs etc. Today we were both able to go out and do errands. She will get the dog back late afternoon. Vet hasn't called with any info as yet.

It's been rainy and chilly. I find myself tempted to sleep in the daytime. I've resisted some and given in some. With all the distraction I forgot Monday to put the lint trap back in the dryer after cleaning it, so I will have the fun of climbing it and getting back behind to sweep it out so that we can use the machine again; I need to do a load of whites before going to the bunny house next weekend.

Praying that bunny house thing goes smoothly. When it was originally scheduled - at the first of the year no less! - of course life seemed wide open and like it'd be no problem. Although I know better - stuff always comes up. But we've really been slammed. I had been looking forward to going into it well prepared and without anxiety and brain fried. Can I still? Stay tuned. I talked to them, and they know we've been going through all this stuff, so they are understanding. Again, it's too early to tell. Things may still allow for adequate prep.

oh and thank you Tatoulia, what a kind offer.

I would like to know from people, how do you know how to dress, and where do you get your clothes? I have tried thrift stores, but there is a raging thrift store surge here where all the nice stuff seems to be immediately bought up.

I am generally a size XL in tops, sometimes XL is too tight but usually not. My jeans are, I think 18W. I am in my early 50s and I live where people dress pretty casually for everything. I find it hard not to be frumpy. I have a waist but my belly is too big and legs too. I hate my legs/knees and almost always just wear jeans. For tops I wear whatever is comfortable but need at least half to 3/4 sleeves to cover my saggy arms. To "dress up" I just wear a sweater, or a blouse with 3/4 sleeves. Or a tank or blouse with a light cardigan or one of those flowy summer cover up type things. I usually wear solid colors because obviously when I branch out and try a pattern I am not sure if it is cute or dumb. I have had older friends tell me I need to wear more colorful clothes. I prefer to stay safe with plain black, greys, blues, maybe tan or brown.

Any advice on how to dress or where to look at clothes would be appreciated. I know I've said I have tons of clothes but they are all too small and I would like ONE outfit I feel happy in, that fits.

Hugs my friends, for all your shared experiences of hurt. I wish the world was different.

Today is a new day and I stayed up very late last night getting some things done. Paperwork. Plus Son woke up and I had him help me take some things out of my car and into the house, and then had him put some things into my car. Mainly things I need to return and some fluorescent bulbs I need to take to recycle. Some books to take to work.

Then I bagged up trash from my room and 2 bathrooms for Son to take out, plus the kitchen trash, plus some old junk. Got the dishwasher loaded and run.

I have had a nice calm morning. Tot and Acorn are coming for dinner. I am making spaghetti sauce from fresh vegetables to have with pasta. I should get that started.

I really want to work on my bedroom and the kitchen. Both are pretty bad. It's time for lunch, and then perhaps I will get started on the sauce and decluttering.

What are you all up to today?

I am so mad at that horrible man!

I was in a conversation with our guidance counselor and another teacher yesterday and she said something so casually that was really painful for me. I know she is oblivious, but every time I start to warm up to her and think she is getting better at her job, she does something like that and I think "how can we send kids to you when they are in crisis?"

I could explain to her how I feel about the thing - this is not the first time she has done this and I know she has no idea - but it's pretty much a me thing, not a category of people thing, and I don't trust her enough to share anything personal with her. She would probably be surprised and stop, but she would also probably put it on me that she doesn't understand the situation, (well how was I supposed to know.) and I don't need to hear that.

I do understand about the sweater. When my grandfather remarried, it was very traumatic for me. I insisted on wearing a dress I had made in home economics even though it was not warm enough. My mom thought that I wanted to do it because I had been saving the dress for a special occasion. It was because I already hated that dress.

Ps it is a standing offer to replace the sweater. You can make a wish list on Amazon and I can buy it and you will remain anonymous, address and all.

I trust your instincts but in my office, the comment would be seen as bullying. We are over the idea that someone can be mean and then say, can't you take a joke?

Get rid of it. It will not make you happy. You will find something that makes you happy. Is there a thrift shop with decent clothes near you? I forget what size you are and thrift stores seem to favor smaller sizes. We were in goodwill the other day and I thought about starting to shop there after I lose another ten. I actually buy very expensive clothes and wear them forever, but sometimes I'm tempted to see what goodwill has.

Tatoulia, we posted at the same time. You are so sweet. Thank you, your kindness brought tears to my eyes. I think I probably will just go ahead and donate it, which also makes me sad, but you're right. I will always feel self conscious in that if I wear it now. How his one comment in front of people changed something that made me happy into something that made me sad.

He is a visitor, and this might sound nuts, I'm not sure, but I think if I were to tell HR, I would feel like they think I am loony. Like I can't handle a little "joke." So I probably will never tell anyone but this board... but will donate it and look for something else. It is so rare to find something I love. I wish I could find the exact item in a different pattern.

Thanks guys. I am still sad looking at it. I have an unreasonable fear of someone finding this forum and realizing they know me, so I am scared to say what he said about it. Sigh.

I spent an hour looking on amazon for a cute top to buy so I could have something else to wear. But every item that is not a solid plain color, I think, "does this pattern look dumb? will someone say something about it?" I am too sensitive. I hope someday I am going to feel confident enough not to care what anyone says.

I had a long, busy day. Tomorrow I get to stay home and work on the house and relax. I was going to ask my son to help me today to throw some things out and put donations in the car etc, things I cannot do with a messed up arm. But he is still asleep.

My heart is breaking, Lila. I am so sad for you. I have felt these feelings before and it's awful. It's embarrassing and awful. Many years ago, when I was about 18, a man in his 30s said to me, my shoes cost more than your whole outfit. In front of people. I was humiliated and I felt stung. It was awful.

Can I offer a different take on this? Get rid of the sweater. You will always feel terrible in it. Also, you need to report him to HR. You cannot let someone talk to you that way. Tell HR. Whether he's a co-worker or a visitor or a vendor, HR needs to know. You can tell them you were embarrassed and hurt. It's okay. They may do nothing, but they need to know.

I would tell you to keep the sweater and to wear it proudly but I wouldn't be able to. I'd always feel terrible and awful. And I care too much about myself to feel awful.

I can send you the $13 and I want you to get something new. I will tell you that part of my dehoarding has been to get rid of things that dredge up bad memories. This sweater is one of them. And I know you looked cute in it.

What on earth did he say about your poor cardigan?

I would wear it every time I knew I was going to see him. And if he made a comment again I would say "I know. I wear it just for you."

Seriously, unless the cardigan has curse words on it or something, just enjoy it!

Also, good job on the days off!

CM, I'm glad you have medical care.

Busy and tired, off i go..