Today I dropped off the garage sale stuff at my church. I'm guessing 8-10 cubic feet. They are accepting donations for a couple more days but it depends on whether I have a vehicle to go to storage and see if there's anything else I can easily decide about in a short time.

The guy who I've found to replace the window motor, his shop opens at 10:00 tomorrow morning. I am seeing in hindsight a possible "comedy" of errors. I had nursed that tire through Memorial weekend, and Tuesday morning I'd gone to Mass, and driving back I thought oh, he's not open. So I thought he must have taken another day off. Because he has sometimes been closed for vacation. This is an example of how my mind can draw a quick conclusion and forget to consider other possibilities. I didn't pull in and look at the sign of the shop hours. So then I went to that other place and things blew up.

Sigh... well, now I know. There are so many things to keep track of, and people do things different ways. Most mechanic shops I've gone to years ago were open at 7:00 or 8:00 in the morning. This guy is different. He was probably there last Tuesday if I had just checked, and I could've gone when he opened. I don't like making phone calls - and maybe that wouldn't have told me anything if he didn't answer his phone until 10:00. It's just one of those things I should've put two and two together but I'm rather bad about that sort of thing. The holiday caused me to make an assumption which was likely wrong. Well, I'll try to be more on the ball in future. Seems like I either overthink things or don't think enough.

I pray everything goes smoothly tomorrow.

Lila,

I am hot and tired and sweaty. My knees hurt. I need to lose 25 pounds. I got short of breath dumping the wheelbarrow.

Stubbornness is my superpower.

Unfortunately I am unable to apply it to things I don't want to do (like the things I would need to do to lose 25lbs.)

Yay for finally getting rid of the clothes! I am proud of you too!

X can deal with the glass when he moves out. Teen is his child too.

I grouped some like with like things in the basement. That is all.

My new tablecloth is on the table. Dh likes it. He played golf today and he stopped at a thrift store and bought three new golf shirts. I have recycled/binned their packaging and washed them and they need to go in the dryer. I also cut Dh hair, so now the sheet that goes around his shoulders needs washed. Keeping up is hard.

Wow SubC, your work is inspiring. It is making me think about how my weight and health issues has affected my life, and how much I need to lose weight and build my stamina back up. I can do SO little before being exhausted! But I sit down and rest and am making myself get back up. My knees hurt sooo bad though.

I am so proud of myself - I went downstairs and sorted all the piles of clothes that are Teen's but they threw them in the other room and "don't want them." Most of this stuff I have saved for years and refused to part with. Well I managed to bag up 45 pieces of clothing and threw them out! (Due to possible bugs and no time to wash). I feel much lighter, and great that they are gone. I put them on the daily tally.

These clothes were in the room my ex has his stuff in (renting). I see there is broken glass all over the floor in there too from where Teen had a rage of some sort. I left it. Maybe another day, or maybe they can clean it themselves.

I have the baby library. Bean has actually worn out a lot of ds's clothes. I felt badly about that for about three seconds, then ds said "that's fine." And dd1 said "but (bean) has new stuff to pass down." And dsil said "he (meaning ds) wants a girl anyway."

I walked out and dumped the wheelbarrow full of smelly duck bedding so I can put new smelly duck bedding in it tonight when I put the ducks away.

And my new tablecloth arrived. It is in the washing machine and the packaging is all sorted into the correct recycling.

I finished unloading the car, and I finished putting the groceries away. Not being exhausted is good. I am going to go see what I can do in the basement - at least until the washer stops.

It sounds like a great day to me, SubC! All that work. Be sure to recognize all you have done already! It sounds to me like the kind of work that feels good, too.

I baked a rhubarb coffee cake. Then sorted one bag of fresh greens and put the good leaves all into one of my "stays fresh longer" containers. Then sorted another bag of spinach and cooked what was good and put it in the fridge for later. That all takes up less room and won't spoil as fast as those leaves were going.

Looked in the fridge and threw out a few old things. I still need to look on the bottom shelf.

You're right about the stuff, and short of some miracle cure and massive shift to normalcy, I don't expect Teen to have kids. I actually saved a lot of their baby clothes because they are super cute, nice brands. They are in the garage and I am going to get them out and start letting the grandkids wear them. Teen always gripes and wants them back for their kids, even though they don't want kids... so, I am just going to enjoy my grands in them. And if DIL wants to give a few back for Teen, so be it, but I am over it.

Teen wants to come home today. We need to figure out the clothing situation. I will go down before they get home and dispose of most of that pile that is too small/styles they don't like. I didn't wash them, and they had thrown them in another room, so I'll be throwing them out... just in case they have bugs. Ugh. I will report on the Daily Tally.

Lila, you can save some things, but maybe focus on saving the things you are saving for YOU. you can also offer things to the households of the grandchildren you have now. These things don't have value to teen and you don't know if they will choose to have children or care then. All you know is that right now they break things and you are trying to prevent that at the cost of wear and tear on you.

My ducks are grazing on the lawn.
It feels like summer.

So far today I took my vitamin, moved the chicken tractor so I could rotate the goats into a new field, I planted six habanero pepper plants and three more replacement tomatoes (the tomatoes got too leggy and I didn't harden them off properly) and weeded three beds of greens and root crops. I cut a bunch of lower limbs off a cedar tree that is in what will be a flowerbed/boarder next to my driveway (tree stays, I just need a few feet of clearance under it) and I let the ducks out.

It's not a bad start. Now it is hot and I'm trying to decide if I have the creative energy to go work in the pottery studio or the executive function to go work in the basement, or if I should just read.

I want cake, but I ate carrots, but now I think I might have cake also. The cake is a low sugar dark chocolate.

Thanks for the encouragement, SubC! I am glad I did it. We ended up eating the artichokes plus some asparagus I found in the fridge, plus watermelon. I also had a kiwi. Sounds like you had a productive day, too!

I skipped church this morning since I desperately need a day at home to just do what I want. Teen's room is done. I will go in there and see if I see any bugs, but I think Teen will come back today. I do need to wash bedding in the other 2 rooms, but probably not today.

I also changed and washed out the cat litter box 2 days ago as Teen had not done it and it was gross.

This morning I had coffee and an English muffin. Loaded the dishwasher which is running. I think I will get the kitchen cleaned up a bit and work on gathering trash and donations from the two rooms upstairs and my room. Somehow as things keep getting broken by Teen, my attachment to things is kind of changing. Looking at all their childhood things shattered on the floor and seeing them give away their clothing to friends makes me realize how little control I actually have over things, and how little they matter.

As CM said, it's not worth my peace.

May as well donate and get rid of things before Teen destroys them. I have to get over the sadness of not being able to keep precious things for my grandkids to enjoy. They would have really liked those porcelain angels, and the pretty glass prisms. But there will be other things, and the time spent is what is more important.

I have been updating the Declutter your Waistline thread and also the Daily Tally thread. Let's see how many I can add to my Daily Tally today!

Yay artichokes!

Artichokes and pasta sounds good.

I had pasta with fake meat tomatoes sauce. And a piece of chocolate cake and milk.

I am caught up on the dishes!

(The dishwasher is running and there is a pie pan soaking, but the pie pan was used after my in-laws left on Sunday and just got empty.)

I mostly unloaded the car and I mostly put the groceries away.

Well, Son would like artichokes so I am going to cook those. I went as far as to look at pizza online and start and order, and then thought about the waste of money and closed that window. But I prob will dig in the freezer to see if there is anything to go with the artichokes. If not, I might just cook a bit of pasta with it.

Oh Lila, I hope you find the strength to cook the vegetables.

Think how proud you will be of yourself! You will save money and be healthier!

But if you can't, that is ok. You had a big day. Some days we just have to eat pizza.

Wow!! Two new grands! Congrats, that is wonderful news. Prayers for healthy littles.

It sounds like you got a lot done too. I hope you get some chill time.

I am beat. I can barely finish but asked Son to get the pillows out of the dryer and put the last load from washer to dryer. The only things left are to make Teen's bed, which Son will help me with, and put the folded clean blankets on their bed and put the other ones away. When Teen gets home, I will ask them to start keeping their clean clothing hung in the closet or in a dresser drawer, to keep bugs at a minimum risk. I have asked for years. They had things neat like that until age 13 or 14 and it went downhill, as they just leave clean clothes in a basket on the floor. Bad idea, if you have a bug issue.

Monday I need to set up an appointment with Teen's dermatologist to figure out the rashes they have going on. Some look like bites, and some look like allergic reaction or eczema or something.

I need to cook some vegetables but I am so exhausted and really want pizza instead.

Good job Lila! We are proud of you!

That is a lot of work. But. Now teen's room is clean! Hopefully the only th8ngs in it are th8ngs tha5 belong to teen. And it sounds like you got some things out for good!

I took my vitamin.

I finished my evaluations. I also "finished" the laundry (not put away and of course there are still a few dirty clothes and towels, but not a whole load.) I dropped off trash and got gas and picked up my popcorn popper and a few other things from school.

I dropped off my pots to be fired for Wednesday, and I bought myself a small toy- it's a texture roller that puts maze designs on clay.

I went to the grocery store and bought food I want to eat. Whole grain cereal and veggie dogs and rolls and mustard and broccoli and carrots and lots of fruit.

I did not get to go to Bean's house because of my cold. But while Dd was telling me I couldn't bring my cold over, she also told me that she also is expecting! We aren't allowed to tell anyone in case "this one doesn't work out either" but hopefully I will have two new grandbabies in January! One will be in Wisconsin and one will be here and they are due only two weeks apart, so this could be difficult!

I am finally starting to relax and feel like I am "done".

post 2, because I feel like quitting but am trying to be accountable.

This is hard work! Laundry is still going. Trash went out, vacuuming is done, all other shoes and cloth items in a sealed bag in my car to get hot. I steamed most of the room. Thing kept malfunctioning so it was frustrating. But it's done. I'm letting things dry out and then will move the furniture back and mop the floor with disinfectant. Then I need to find a place for blankets. Teen had 3 or 4 queen blankets, a twin or two, and probably 6 smaller blankets. Many were gifts so they want them. Some are mine, taken from a closet. Trying to place them in a bug free zone, just in case. I hate house bugs!

More to do, some outside. I hope to get some down time but kind of doubt it. Then Teen will come home and all bets are off for any relaxing.

But, I am getting things done. I really hope this is enough.

SubC, good morning. Aww, the goat. It really is hard sometimes with our animals. LOL so true about why are wild animals just not lying dead everywhere?? It seems our domestics are not as hardy as their wild counterparts.

My pup (who is not a pup anymore, but he will always be my babypup) is slightly better this morning. I think he is slightly better in the mornings due to staying off his feet all night plus having meds in him. After a day of walking around, at night he is limping worse. I am trying to keep him quiet as much as possible, but he is not a quiet type of dog. I hope your sheep gets better soon, too.

Son is up and willing to help me. Today will be a good day. After he has breakfast, we will be working on Teen's room and finishing that up. He will help me by moving furniture and vacuuming some more so I can use a steamer on places there could be bugs: a fabric chair, the mattress, and probably the base of the walls where bugs seem to gather. I will probably steam the tile floor as well, as it needs it. He will also mow the lawn.

Other goals for today:
- finish washing and drying all Teen's bedding and clothing
- find and throw out any old clothing they no longer use
- bag up any fabric items and shoes that can't go in the wash, and put the sealed bag in the back of my car for a few days to kill any bugs/eggs. It will be 90 degrees out so the car should get hot enough to kill everything
- check the other two, actually three, bedrooms for any signs of bugs and wash that bedding as well

I would like to be working on my bedroom and kitchen, but that has to wait. I will also use up some veggies in my fridge, or process them to freeze, at least, so they don't go bad.

Teen should be coming back tonight.

And what is everyone else up to?

Hi Lila,

I had gone to bed, but good news this morning! I hope the bugs have truly gone.

Our critters can be so hard.

My new goat developed a leg problem shortly after Mother's Day. She began by limping on one front leg, then wouldn't put weight on it, second leg, progression, wouldn't stand on her own. I thought at first she had twisted a knee, but everything felt sound, I started treating it as a hoof issue, and then I got frustrated and asked her "why are you floppy?" "Floppy" is a magic word with goats - selenium. I dosed her, but there is very little space between the therapeutic dose and toxicity, so I was careful. She stopped getting worse. She has been getting better painfully slowly. Yesterday she stood on her own after I lifted her to her feet. For less than a second, but she was standing. I can dose her again in about two weeks (I noted it on the calendar but don't have it here) it may be July before she walks again. Sometimes I wonder why wild animals aren't just lying dead everywhere.

Meanwhile the little buckling is charming and sturdy.

After a week away from school and mostly from people and sleeping without an alarm, I am starting to feel less exhausted. But I miss my kids. I think it would have helped if I could have avoided this stupid cold, but I'm sure I got the cold because I was worn down. Full disclosure I haven't even been taking my vitamins for three weeks. I had some bad heartburn and couldn't face them because they always make my stomach feel bad for ten or fifteen minutes. I will try to fix at least that today.

And take the recycling. I think I left that off my list. A small thing for my body and a small thing for my house.

p.s. - yes, I will join you in reclaiming my life as well. I bet you are exhausted, at least emotionally.

hi SubC! yeah, I had heard about foxtails but all my life never had one get inside my dog like this. It's awful really! He has so much energy but can't do anything. Poor baby limping and hopping.

I hope you're still around tonight to hear that my day went better than I expected. Son and I went into the dreaded Teen room, looking for bugs. We did not find ANY. The ones I saw crawling around were nowhere to be seen. I guess they could be hiding, or maybe God had mercy on me and poofed them out of existence last night when I was crying and pleading with him to fix it. We took sheets and pillows off, looked under the edges, mattress cover, pulled the bed away from the wall and searched. Not one bug of any kind. Bizarre. Son vacuumed and I put the bedding into the HOT HOT wash with an extra rinse, and then the HOT HOT dryer. Also Teen's clothes. I even called the bug guy who talked me through what to look for and how to find them and how to kill them. But, never saw one. But we will continue to clean while Teen stays at her brother's house.

Thankful.

I took Son to an appointment today. Took trash out. Worked on Teen's room. It was overall a decent day. I need to go back in Teen's room and look for the box of clothes we sorted a couple months ago that were too small. I want to get rid of them. I may just throw them out since IF there were bugs, I don't want to pass them on, and don't have time to wash those too.

Happy I also have tomorrow off!

Hi Lila.

My first response was to be all excited like a puppy to see you, but wow.

I looked up foxtails and dogs - I had no idea.

And the bedbugs. I would cry. Yes, you have to wash all the things and seal all the things and possibly spray.

I am glad that at least you can take some time off, but this is like my spring break. It is not a break, it is just more trauma.

I have been eating a lot this week. I accidentally caught sight of myself in the mirror when I was changing - ug.

I have five more evaluations to write.

Tomorrow I do those, maybe work a little in the garden, hopefully "finish off" the laundry and the dishes, go to school and get some stuff out of my room and clean up a little, take pots to the studio to prep for class on wednesday, and go by Bean's house to entertain him while his parents finish packing for a trip they are taking next week. Also possibly make a plan to start eating a little better and buy some food.

I am ready to reclaim my life and start making some progress again.

CM, oh that burns me up that he did that! All of it. And I know the single older woman tax too, although I do have sons who will do a few things for me. I have been taken advantage of and scammed too, and it is NOT fair or right. But yeah, how much is our peace worth? At some point you have to either fight to the death on it or give it up. Sigh.

My dog is slightly improved but really not much. I have another appointment with the vet on Monday. More and more. The bill so far exceeds my entire May paycheck! But thankfully I have pet insurance only on this one dog, and it will cover about half when you count deductible and all. But still, 2 weeks pay, SO FAR. And I will pay whatever it takes to get him well.

Many other things going on. I was so overwhelmed with work and now my boss is on leave so I decided to take 3 days off in a row, so I could just relax, catch up on tasks, spend time with Tot and kids. Then last night Teen complained of bites on their arms. I went and looked and they have bedbugs in their bed. I am distraught. I have never dealt with them before. That room is on a different floor from my room and I have none in my room. But, wow. I guess I will spend my entire 3 days off trying to get that under control. From what I have read, I think I should wash all bedding, clothing, towels etc on hot and dry them on hot. Put everything else in garbage bags and put in the garage to get hot on a hot day. Vacuum the room and mattress. Use a steam cleaner to go over the room and mattress. Teen did sleep in one spare room for one night so I will have to do it there, too. Very overwhelming. I would rather throw everything out and walk away and live in a cabin in the woods, but I have kids and grandkids to think about. I really want to move.

Very tired and feeling like I will never get any rest or true breaks.

I just ordered a new tablecloth for summer.

It was much too easy. - Amazon prime one click.

Good job Tatoulia!

I'm sorry about your mom. I assume they've looked at things like infection, hydration, and blood sugar?

CM, I do understand about the guy. My life would probably be much easier if I could let go of injustice.

Mr. Kitty finally got his shot yesterday. They were very pleased with him and said nice things about his coat, his weight, his teeth, and his personality. They were surprised that he is 13.

I'm heading out to do chores and garden this morning.

Also on the list - 6 evaluations (11 left) and some time in the pottery studio.

I haven't set my alarm for a week. I haven't driven more than ten miles from home since Friday. Dh says I'm starting to seem human again, even with the cold.

Hugs to you, Tatoulia. My mom had intermittent dementia in her last years, although she was basically blind by then and much less mobile - though she would yell at night and was disturbing the other patients, and had to be medicated or they might've kicked her out. I was very hesitant about the medication they wanted to give her. But the doctor addressed my concerns well and kept the dose as low as possible. The other issue was infections which can exacerbate dementia. It is hard in so many ways and heartbreaking to watch them decline. ? I feel for you. May God hold her and you in the palm of His hand.

Thank you for your very kind words, SubC. They dead five trials on the docket and none went forward. The subway and bus were very pleasant and I arrived there before the court doors were open. BF said that everyone at court was proud of me. I think you know that I'm late for work every day, and have been for 30 years.

I came home, napped for 30 minutes, then worked solidly. Oh I saw mom, she is very odd and tried to leave twice today. She rolled around in her wheelchair and was found behind the building. I want her to find peace. This is very hard on everyone.

Okay I've showered and I'm going to start the dishwasher. I need to change out the cat box, too.

White rabbit X 3

I am not up for any further drama with the car place guy, so I write off the 85 bucks as if the wind caught them out of my hand and they tumbled down the sidewalk and into a storm grate. It's an unfortunate thing that shouldn't have gone the way it did, but it's over. As a wise priest told me a couple of years ago after a different upsetting interaction I was trying to get past, it's not worth my peace.

Moving on... it rained earlier and the window didn't leak, so that's reassuring as we're due for more rain here and there these next few days.

Hoping to finish my paperwork soon. It needs supplemental documentation from several sources which is why it feels complicated and tedious. But I'm getting the stuff rounded up.

Hope everyone finishes getting well, and doing evaluations and other pending things. We should all celebrate when we finish whatever we've got going.

Good morning!
White rabbits.

It's a brand new month. I have 87 days before I have to go back to work - although I'll spend part of that preparing - and 21 more evaluations to write.

I'm planning to get outside at least a bit this morning and just write ten today. The ten most standard ones. Then tomorrow I'll write the six hardest, and the 5 most fun - nothing but good to say and lots of it - on Saturday or Sunday. Bean is leaving town Sunday, so I may go over there Saturday. The evaluations are due Monday at 10:00 a.m.

My cold is starting to get a bit better. The ducks woke me at 2 a.m., but everything was fine. I think the moon made it hard for them to sleep also.

Tatoulia, I hope jury duty goes well today. I'm sorry you have to do it, but I think you are the sort of person I would want sitting in judgement.

I have one more guest bed to remake and one or two more loads of dishes.

Ps credit cards are the biggest scam. I had a rule when I first got mine, that I wouldn't pay for yesterday's hangover. The only time I got in trouble with credit cards was a few years back, when I took a much lower paying job for the work-life balance and I didn't know how to say no to my brother and mom. I cleared up all of that once my mortgage was over and now I use my credit card daily, but it's paid all at once. I've generally been good with my finances except that I didn't save enough. I've always purchased exactly what I wanted. Not on credit. I just purchased what I wanted when I wanted it and paid for it. Instead of saving.

I'm better now but still prone to buying what I want and when I want it.

The latest version of credit cards is that almost everything I look at on line talks about splitting it into four monthly payments. It's still just charging. Designed to make people overspend.

The 85 guy needs to fix this for you. But I understand if you cannot go back. It's just so much money.

I'm going to head up to see mom now.

My stomach is finally better. I suffered Monday and Tuesday.

I do not want to go to jury duty tmr solely because of the great inconvenience to get to the courthouse. I am not happy but I refuse to pay for what will prove to be a very expensive cab ride.

I am angry about the $85 dollar guy. I want to go back with you and tell him "look, you charged $85 to fix this window and it is not fixed. I realize you didn't break it, but you did roll it down. The position of the window has nothing to do with the tire, so basically you charged $85 to put part of the car unrelated to the job back where it was when it was left with you. Obviously this is not the kind of relationship where you should be messing with this car, so just return the $85 and we'll call it done."

Then if he says "no." I say "I don't think you meant that, because I'm sure you'd rather be known as kind and reasonable than for taking advantage of older women with little means and doing shoddy work."

Then we either leave with your $85 or we start with the BBB and move on to the bunny club, the church, the senior center, yelp, Angie, social media, anyone else you know, and possibly the local news sources. I'm like that. I cut my teeth on security deposits in college.

I think you should try to schedule the window fix for after the church sale. Set the money aside.

Also, credit cards work really hard to help people get themselves into trouble. They have very smart people working against you.

29 evaluations to go.

P.S.

I meant to add regarding the van window that I was able to shove it up closed with my hands, so that's a relief. I'm not sure if we're due for any rain before it'd get fixed, but it's just good to know it is closed completely. I'm going to go out and put a piece of tape over the switch to remind myself not to try and use it.

... argh having trouble with Captcha again, it's like a video game where you have to click and it keeps adding more! Stupid thing!

Aw, SubC, that's sweet of you to virtually offer your hubby to fix my van. The further development today is that I had been tentatively trying to roll the window down just a little way - I knew to go 1/3 to 1/2 down or further would be inviting disaster. Well, it was only down a half inch or less and it was stuck again. I had been thinking about the guy with the tire place, whether he could do another repair, namely to fix the little pump that squirts windshield washer fluid. It's been a nuisance having to splash the stuff on with a cup or using a spray bottle then hurry and run the wipers. And I got to thinking, ask him if he could do the window roller upper motor.

So today he was open, and yes, he can do it. It is not going to be cheap but it needs to be done, and then hopefully it'll last and I'll have peace of mind. I'll work it into the budget somehow.

I confess I am responsible for some of my bad situation due to bad choices made in my youth - especially credit cards. If I knew then what I know now and so on and so forth... but I'm also looking at that good old neurodivergence thing and in some cases I wonder what I could've done much differently in terms of being able to keep jobs - if I'd had more stability and a life coach or someone to make budgeting less of a confusing chore, and if I'd had someone to explain to me how impulse spending was being fed by dopamine cravings.

Ah well, hindsight is indeed 20/20. There were other things that were all snarled up in my younger years and they are too embarrassing to recount, so I'll just leave that alone. I'm trying, belatedly, to figure out how to make a lot of things work. Meanwhile, the world has changed so much, too. The straightforward clerk typist jobs that once I was too restless to want, now I could really go for one of those, for instance. But computers changed that - and people wanted administrative assistants who can "multitask in a fast-paced environment without showing signs of stress" - I've literally read job listings stating that sort of requirement. And there are some jobs and corporate cultures which my moral beliefs will not permit me to consider; I'm not going to open that can of worms too far but it's a thing.

But, I haven't really gotten started looking - I'm not quite to the point chronologically where I think it's time - maybe in a year or so. Right now I just am trying to make good decisions on spending, and to keep track of the figures even as I wish those figures could have at least one more decimal place, perhaps more, on them.

The practicalities of getting the van repair done will have to be worked in around a couple of things - my payday is Friday so it'd be better to do it after that, but next week is supposed to be the run-up to the church garage sale. I've just decided it's in the Lord's hands. If it doesn't interfere with getting stuff to the church sale, bueno. If I can only get what I've got now and not a whole lot more, well, then I'll just have to donate future stuff elsewhere, and it'll still benefit someone somewhere. So there we have it. Poco a Poco again!

Cm, I am so sorry that happened. An extra $85 is nothing to sneeze at. You did your best. I love SubC's advice about how to handle car repairs and how to get things to "good enough." I could feel the sadness and the frustration and then to have someone mouth off to you. And then you end up being the person apologizing just to get it done. I am so sorry. You made it through.

SubC, yes skip the class. Sometimes skipping something is a very good thing.

Thank you for the support. I am letting things slip around here. Just did yesterday's dishes, that sort of thing. I have not made my bed because my cleaners are coming over, which means clean sheets for me!

I have jury duty tomorrow, which is fine, except it is in a court that is not in Boston proper but still in our county. So I have to go by subway and then bus and between the two this will take me a lot if time tomorrow.

I am being good to myself. I bought fudgsicles last night because I deserve them. I had one and it was tasty.

Good morning!

Tatoulia, you have so much going on! It's ok if some days you don't make your bed. (I only make mine when I change the sheets or want to use it as a surface)

CM, I am sorry about your van.

Here is my viewpoint, which I am very sure is informed by neurodiversity in this case, but it works. People should not be embarrassed about being poor unless they are poor because they did something really stupid - like betting their life savings in a casino. The system is designed to keep you poor.

Also, people can see your van. Pretending your van is fine is like me pretending I am skinny. People can see me. I never lie about my weight.

So, you are a person with a high maintenance van who wants to keep it running as cheaply as possible - sounds smart! Tell people "hey, this is going on with my window. It's not my top priority right now, but it's becoming annoying. Do you know anybody good who doesn't charge an arm and a leg? Because obviously, there's a limit to how much money I want to throw at this thing."

I wish my Dh could fix your van. Although actually, when my windows died he just said "you need to start saving for a new car." One of my requirements for my "new" car was that it have ac or windows that rolled down. Either one, as my current car had neither. I would literally have to stop in shady locations and open all the doors. Some days I couldn't drive it.

I am going to skip my class tonight. I don't have pots ready, I have this yucky cold, I'm tired, my house is still a mess, and I have 47 more evaluations to write.

Ds and ddil took some baby stuff home from the basement.

I don't think the van window thing is right even yet. Stopped at the grocery store and it was stiffer and made a creaky noise. I'm going to be super babying it and hoping at some point I can just afford to get the motor replaced.

It's hard when I don't know which car place to trust anymore. Maybe I can think of someone to ask who they go to; it's harder than it used to be to do that. I know fewer people. And since I have to be so careful about expenses, I don't like to let on to people about how this is not a straightforward thing of just call someone and take it in the next day. There's all this strategy involved.

Went to a different tire place because my usual guy was closed. He does that, that's the only bad thing - sometimes goes on vacation or something. I hate making phone calls so I didn't think to call ahead.

At this other place, the guy was kind of brusque, but he did discover what has been the problem all along - there was a file in it somehow, guess I drove over it, who knows, and two holes - well, now I know. All seemed well. I paid and was ready to drive out of their parking lot WHEN...

I discovered he had rolled the driver's side window all the way down. It has an issue with the motor, but is fine if you don't roll it all the way down. I was so upset, and he got upset with me (how to explain to neurotypicals - esp. males - that I can be upset at my LIFE and how it keeps having these stupid costly glitches, and the anxiety and financial implications of same, rather than at the person - but I can understand he probably did think I was aiming it at him). Anyway he was about to kick me off the premises and then I managed to convince him that I was doing my best to calm down so then he fixed the stupid window and I paid him an additional 85 bucks to do it but it's done. I was crying by then.

I am so sick, sick, sick of paying the tax of being a single poor woman with no husband or brothers to help, who can't get things fixed like a window motor replaced or a tire looked at before it becomes an emergency and everything ends up in a big fat drama and upset. And then it ends up costing me money and stress at unexpected times - and still I have to try and save money for the bigger repair that can't get done the way it can for people who make a decent income and can just schedule these things on an as-needed basis.

Rant over. I'm tired.

But roommate and I came over to the bunny house and that has actually been a productive and quiet and enjoyable thing, working on a brochure, which was another thing on my to-do list anyway, so at least it will get done. My plans to do my medicaid form this afternoon, well, they got postponed. I was too brain fried to do government paperwork anyway, and would've probably just taken a nap had they not asked if I wanted to accompany roommate while she did some spreadsheets for them and I thought why not.

We need to head back to the house now so I'll close here. Hope no further drama re my vehicle.

Hi everyone!

I'm definitely slipping. Have not made my bed. But I did four loads of laundry yesterday. Two loads of delicates, my blanket, and my sheets.

My mind feels full. Mom's cat was great today. I'll go see mom in a little while. Have not heard from the doctor so not sure what her status is. Received permission to work from home this week.

Sorry about your cold, SubC. I'm worried about the doggy, Lila. Cm I hope the tire works out okay tmr. I'm glad your roommate went to church with you. It sounds like staying put will be the best bet for you as moving to another town doesn't make sense. And as you noted, who knows what state the house is in.

We had a fun time at our friend's house. Their cat is at the end of his life. The cat and I have been friends for many, many years. And this was the last time they'll see my bf before he leaves. So I was pretty tearful on the way home. Plus my mother's doctor called while I was there and there are some conversations around that going on.

We then saw mom who was in great spirits! Then we visited her cat. I came home and took the garbage and recycling out.

I'm still hungry. But I don't even have bread so I can't make a piece of toast.

So off to bed for me.

4 loads of laundry done!

CM, I didn't realize the house was so far away.

I'm sorry about your tire.

And Lila, I am worried about your dog.

Apparently one of my little darlings also gave me a cold asan end of the year gift. Bean and family went home. Ds and ddil are here until tomorrow morn8ng.

I just want to sleep.

Quiet Memorial Day around here. Haven't gone out much except yesterday, and briefly today, because I shouldn't drive my van much. Here's why:

On Friday I think it was, I'd stopped at this car wash place where they have free air for tires. I have one tire on my van that has had a strange slow leak that I couldn't find - and sometimes it leaked and sometimes it didn't. So anyway, the guy there said he could fix it for $10. And I thought he did. Saturday I took roommate and my former roommate to the plant nurseries some miles away and back. But then in the evening, the tire was obviously going down. So we took it to air. I was frustrated, because I'd felt so relieved thinking it has been resolved; I'd envisioned a nice drive to church yesterday for Pentecost, and so on. I was thinking about the hassle of calling for roadside assistance, how I'd get to church, etc. Things were in a muddle.

But it worked out reasonably okay in the end - roommate offered to drive and come to church with me and then we ran some of her errands. The tire didn't go flat flat, so I've just been keeping an eye on it. Roommate followed me to put air in it at the Quik Trip again this morning, so fingers crossed I'll be able to take it to the tire guy tomorrow morning - the one I've done business with before and who seems competent. It will cost another $25, but that's okay. I should've done this before. The guy at the car wash did at least find the place where it was leaking - it was on the inside, by the rim, was why I couldn't find it. There were bubbles when he put water on it. And he marked it with a white grease pencil so I will be able to point it out right away to my regular guy.

I've been doing little things like starting to clear off the dining table of my stuff, a task I've been procrastinating on. Roommate has a few things on it too but it shouldn't take her long to get hers either and then we will have the table clear and we will try to be good and not let it accumulate stuff again.

Other places in the house that are flat surface "hotspots" will be targeted next. And various other messes in my universe. The church garage sale dropoff times will be next Sunday through Wednesday. The weather this week may be rainy at times but looks like I'll be able to work around it. I don't feel as organized and cohesive as ideally I'd like to about this sale prep, but surely there's enough of an idea of what I want to accomplish to get started and hopefully a momentum will ensue and spark further ideas.

I know my cousin was over to my grandma's house the other day because she texted me pictures; I don't know if she stayed over there or has gone back and forth or what. The house is in another town, and I'm not sure in what shape (I've no funds for repairs or upgrades), and the neighborhood it's in is in decline. So it would be unlikely that I'd be trying to swing a deal to live there. Just uprooting from this town would be hard due to my agoraphobia; I'd probably have a ton of anxiety if I were far from the familiar. Besides, with the one cousin now living here, and my friends being here, this is probably the best for me unless something drastically changes.

It'll be nice to have my wheels back tomorrow, for sure.

Congrats on the pregnant ddil, SubC! How exciting! Grandkids are so fun! Tatoulia, I am glad your mom is doing ok.

I worked yesterday and went to a social and came home late and it made me sooo tired. People wipe me out, even though I like them and want to go.

Today I have off and we are having a family bbq at my house. Tot's dad will do the grilling. I need to do a bit of prep/cooking. I also need to re-clear the table, which will only take under 5 minutes.

Today I sorted some VHS tapes and donated 6 of them and had Son take the box to my car. He also took the filthy stroller out of my car and unfolded it outside. It is actually pretty nice. But extremely heavy to me. I think if we wash it, it will work for me to walk the babies to the park. But not really to take places. I will have to find a lightweight type for that.

I am unloading the dishwasher and going to wipe down the kitchen so I can prep and cook. I am making the cucumber salad that I did not get around to yesterday. And another recipe.

I also used a gift card to order a few food items for the bbq. I think we are pretty done with the no-buying thing, but we certainly have bought less groceries and used more of what we have and will keep that up.

My younger dog is injured. I took him to the vet, paid $350 and it is not resolved. May need to take him back tomorrow. $350 is a whole week's pay for me so I am not thrilled, especially since it did not get resolved, but I am not really worried about $$ because I believe God will provide what I need.

The party sounds even better! The people you wanted to be with!

Happy to hear about the new sprout!

I felt access to the washer this AM! Very haooy about that!

Just up, making my coffee. I'm back to coffee. Taste so good.

Have a cookout at a friend's house today. Looking forward to it. Just their family and BF and me. Perfect.

Need to work in time to see mom.

Good morning.

To be clear, the party was me, the English teacher who is leaving, and our mutual favorite ever student (18 and graduated). We told all the stories we couldn't tell when we were on "opposite teams" and we laughed so hard!

My in-laws left yesterday morning. Mil took a bunch of recycling with her that she can recycle but I can't. They didn't bring us anything, so net out.

My end of year gifts were a Tshirt, a plant, a bag of homemade fire starter cones, a half pint jar of sugar scrub, two gift cards, a bottle of wine, and a painted rock magnet. The other teacher and I drank the wine Friday before I came home.

CM,
I'm sorry about your family house. It sounds like you and roommate are making progress though! Is the house a place you could potentially live and pay rent to your cousins?

Lila, you are doing well. Don't worry about a little set back, just try not to let it linger.

Tatoulia, it was good that you got so much done at your mom's place. It sounds like she's doing well given the situation.

Ddil is pregnant! We are all both excited and nervous because Dd lost the baby in December.

The girls went yard sailing and I did not go with them. They bought baby things and house things and a pair of new in the packaging goat socks for me.

I have done 1/4 of my evaluations. To stay on track I should do 10-12 more today, but I might skip them and just enjoy my people. Then I will have to do at least 13 on the other days. The only day that might be hard is Wednesday.

Lila, I don't see where you did anything dumb. You didn't have much of a choice other than to take it. Hose it off and if not usable, then get rid of it. No one need be the wiser.

Mom was pretty good when we saw her. She was sitting in a chair and her very tasty dinner had just arrived. A beautiful piece of lasagna and fresh, perfectly cooked green beans. She ate a good portion of her meal. She insisting on leaving the hospital and at some points she's not even sure where she is.

Bf and I just got home. We saw mo,, then went to the cemetery, then grabbed a bite to eat, then fed mom's cat.

I'm too tired to do laundry. I'm going to bed.

Goodnight, dear friends.

Tatoulia, that is all good what you did for your mom. It will be nicer for her with that stuff gone.

I had time with Tot today and we are also have a bbq at our house tomorrow. I enjoyed having her. I want to do this more frequently.

I worked this morning and have a social group thing tonight so am just chilling in the meantime. I would really like a nice thick piece of cake, but I'm not buying it and am too lazy to make it. So maybe I will lose some weight this week.

I am a little upset about something dumb I did. I am part of a neighborhood group that you can give things away or ask for items you need, and I have given things and also gotten some very nice things. I asked for a baby item for my upcoming grandchild and someone said she had one to give me. I was pretty excited and she said she would put it out for me but her kids were sleeping. When I got there it was so dirty, omg. Covered in dust and cobwebs, but I thought, well, Son and I can hose it off outside and it might be really nice. Then I went to stick it in my car and it was so heavy, way heavier than I would have imagined, I also hurt myself and could barely get it into the car. As I am loading it I am thinking "this is never going to work, it is way too heavy, it is filthy..." but here I am in someone's driveway with it halfway in my car. I thought about pulling it back out and leaving it but thought it would be rude so I took it. It is in my car and I am so irritated. I will have Son pull it out and see if it is even in decent enough shape to give to someone else or if it is trash. I should never have taken it!! Ugh.

Happy Sunday! Warm day here in Boston.

I went to mom's to feed the kitty and I filled a 30 gallon trash bin. Clothes, old comforter, stuff. Stiff that no one needs. The beautiful cotton dress I gave her was all poopy so I threw it out. I threw out a bathrobe that had gotten tangled in her wheelchair and so they used scissors to cut it. Stuff like that. The cat was glad that I was hanging out and puttering. She'll never breathe a word. Mom accuses me of stealing from her so I might as well take care of some stuff for her. I question what the next steps are for her. She's so angry with me. Not sure who my BF is but tells him he's great.

I wanted to do her laundry but the washers were full. Would like to do some of my own but our washer is full, too.

I've showered and I'm going to relax now. We will visit mom later.

Hello everyone! I'm glad your cousin is close by, CM. Just keep feeling the feels. It's okay to feel wistful and it can be very soothing to think of simpler times and places.

You are doing good work, too, Lila. I confess I didn't do anything today. I went to mom's to feed the kitty (went twice) and BF and I visited mom in the hospital. She is very upset with me. Just the dementia talking. She's in for at least another day. I think we are close to her batteries running out. Dr called me to discuss a few things including whether w3 have a Do Not Resuscitate order (we do).

So there we have it. I mainly slept today. Just hung out and slept.

Tmr I'll do laundry and other stuff.

post 3, hmmm, lonely around here today.

When Teen saw my smoothie they asked me to make them one. So that is great! I made them a nice, healthy smoothie and used up more produce. Good nutrition for them!

I have one WIN for today: I got the table cleared off. There is still a crock pot on it because I am trying to find a place for it. I did wipe off the table with paper towels and water, but need to wash it down better. Then that is done.

No sign of the missing coffee pods anywhere.

I baked some pasta with broccoli. I started just a little on the counter/bar. Son did not get out of bed til late afternoon so I did not have help to do other things.

I did put the clean dishes away and hand washed a few things. Watched TV a bit. Watched a documentary.

As I went in my room and looked at stuff the main question I have is:
How do you decide what to get rid of?
Going by whether I used it in the past year does not work for me. Many things I see as essential, or things I am attached to, I do not use much.
Going by whether it bring me joy does not work for practical things. Although, if something makes me sad, I can let that go.

I did decide to return all the books that people have loaned to me to read except for 2. Some of them I have had for a year or two. The sit in piles and mock me for not reading them. People mean well and bring me books and tell me how much I will enjoy them or they will help me in my job. But I don't read them. I must have a good dozen books that are not mine. A few I am not even sure whose they are! So, the ones I do know, I will start returning this week. It just feels weird to have someone's book for 6 months or a year and return it and say you never read it.

post 2 for accountability.

I was thinking about what might give me energy that is not unhealthy, and decided to make a green smoothie. This is also good because I have a lot of produce in the fridge and freezer that needs to be eaten.

I am now sipping a smoothie made with a frozen banana, frozen mango, a few frozen cranberries, a squeeze of fresh lemon, 2 T chia seeds, water, and several big handfuls of fresh spinach. Blended it up and it made a huge smoothie, maybe 20 oz. If I don't drink it all, I will save the rest in the fridge for later this afternoon. This is basically my lunch.

I also sorted the other bags of greens and put paper towels in with them so they stay fresh longer. I threw out a very small cabbage that was getting moldy looking, but saved a nice fresh large cabbage. I saw some cucumbers in there that need to be used so looked up a recipe for cucumber salad. I usually make it with sour cream but we don't have any due to our Pantry challenge, so I am going to make it with vinegar, red onion, a little sugar, dried dill, salt and pepper.

I am feeling just the slightest bit more energized and decided that the bedroom is just too much right now, so my goal today will be to clean off the dining room table which is piled up. If I get that done, I may also work on the counter/bar that is even worse, and dusty.

I actually lost a large box of coffee pods last time I cleaned off the table. I have no idea where I put them, and Son really would like to have them. So maybe I can look around and find those for him as well. That would be, for me, a successful day.

I also have holes in my shoes now. I need to look in my closet and see if I have a pair of Brooks. You know I donated a bunch, but not Brooks, just ones that were kind of brightly colored and not really suitable for work. I wear black or dark grey Brooks most of the time as I am prone to tendonitis until I lose this weight.

What are you all doing?

CM that sounds sad about your grandma's house. I am always desperate to latch on to anything that makes me feel like I have a family, being also an only child and everyone is dead. So I would clutter up my house if I was in your situation. I hope you are able to not inherit a lot of junk. Maybe it would be nice to have an item or two that is special. I wonder sometimes if any of my kids will want any of my stuff. Probably not.

I have today off so slept in, cooked eggs and toast, made coffee and read on the deck. It is nice and relaxing.

However I spent most of yesterday relaxing, and I need to actually get some things done - cleaning and decluttering. My doctor had said I need to lose weight and gave me a prescription. I have been taking a half pill but this morning I decided to take a whole one. It is supposed to help with energy. I took it ten minutes ago and am waiting for the energy. Even if it just gives me a slight boost, it will get me moving and I can get something done.

I know it is lame that I have to rely on a pill, or caffeine, etc, to get me off the couch, but it is what it is. I am so sluggish I would easily sit on the couch for days, watching tv, surfing the web. I know that is partly a result of being 70ish pounds overweight, and partly from never exercising. A body at rest tends to stay at rest. I am hopeful these pills will help me start to move more, and lose weight, and it will snowball into better energy overall.

I'll let you know how that goes.

Just been busy, read posts. Prayers for your mom Tatoulia and for Lila and for Teen, for peace and calm.

We had some accomplishments this week. The people from the habitat for humanity resale place came and got roommate's surplus lumber from projects that are either done or unlikely to get done. Not only did it free up physical space in the garage, I know it gave her closure and hope. It will also make it easier for further decluttering of the garage to occur. Though it's not my garage, I am happy to help and it feels good.

We also put battered lawn and garden items by the curb. Some things got picked up by whoever, some went with the trash. I know now not to buy those molded plastic chairs. They rot in the sun and end up all brittle and scabby and then are good for nothing and finish up in the landfill. Roommate has purchased nicer outdoor furniture - not the ritzy fancy stuff that costs hundreds of dollars, but better constructed pieces than the plastic junk. I have been doing my duty testing them out, especially of an evening when the temperature is nice and the birds are singing like crazy.

The weather is better here, I hope to do some in my storage, I still have to get that medical assistance form done (bleah, but necessary) and I did give it a preliminary once over so I know what information I'm going to need to dig out.

My cousin who moved to town has also been cleaning out my grandma's house. Grandma died in the 80s, and the two youngest aunts who never married lived there until they went into the nursing home a few years back. They had hoarded, my cousin described basically goat paths. I knew it had been getting worse and that they hadn't wanted people to visit anymore. Of course since I didn't drive on the highway I couldn't go over there on my own. They probably would've just insisted on meeting elsewhere anyway.

There is a lot connected with this whole business - triggers of my own situations, the fact that along with cousins I'm one of the heirs when the house is sold eventually although it won't fetch much, the memories of when my grandma was still alive and the clan would gather, the changes, deaths, divorces, drifting apart, being isolated in a different city from those relatives and the ones on the other side as well in another town in the opposite direction. So I'm feeling all the feels and trying to stay steady and be grateful for the present. I'm thankful for the new connection with my cousin. She is the surviving sibling of an original four. And I'm an only child and we are close in age. I'd love it if we could be sort of like sisters. But I don't want to rush anything, and I know she is busy, has a husband and kids and grandkids and wants to find a job here. But she reached out to me, so that may bode well.

Basically, my immediate goals are: Get medicaid form completed and faxed asap, and prepare for church garage sale with all that entails, hopefully maximizing the outflow from my storage and perhaps here at the house, just anyplace I find stuff that I can part with. It was in the church bulletin that a week from tomorrow I think it is, there will be designated times for dropping off donations, which will allow me to empty my van and be able to get additional loads, rinse and repeat.

I think as long as you take that motivation and try to start (rather than ignoring it) you'll get there. Keep trying. Put on some music. Pour a cold glass of water. Roll up your sleeves. And never stop trying.