Oh, Tatoulia, I was at my storage today and I hate it so much - I know we are all different, and I don't feel like I can get rid of it yet, but when I can, what a glorious day that will be - I hope. I hope it is not a forced thing all depressing and shameful and stressful.

Furniture is generally something that I've come to view as very utilitarian for the most part. I do have some that was from my grandpa, just one bookcase and a small table, and a couple of small shelving things my dad made. Those don't take up much space and if/when I get a senior apartment or something they would fit easily. Besides, the table and one of the little shelves are here at the house.

I can neither afford nor do I have the desire for, expensive designer furniture or whatever that people feel they need to store indefinitely. Actually, at the storage unit, I often see people storing furniture that is of no real intrinsic value at all. Get rid of it, I say; furniture is not that difficult to pick up on the cheap. Of course that is my one area where I can be sanctimonious; small clutter is my downfall.

So... it was kind of depressing over there, and I didn't find a lot for the garage sale, though I did get a tub out that will hold garage sale stuff for transport and never return - it has no lid and a crack on the bottom, and it's too big. I don't like the big ones and am phasing them out. The space where the tub was was one of the most awful jumbled areas, and I was able to improve it somewhat - more work is needed but poco a poco.

Most likely the senior center garage sale will be a symbolic effort, to get the ball rolling as I said. The church rummage sale in June will be my bigger opportunity, I think.

Although the going through stuff is blech, there are bright spots - detachment is ratcheting up a notch and letting go is almost too easy. At least of some things. There will be harder things. But I am not to them yet. Getting rid of the easier things is progress for now.

Hello, everyone.

Lauren, I might be willing to talk with you. I also suggest getting in touch with Cory Chalmers, who runs this site and was a staple on the Hoarders show. If you click the link, you can send him an email.

SubC, I am so sorry you are overwhelmed. Right now, I'm still working on reducing my stuff. I said to the friend I saw over the weekend, I have too much stuff, and she said as she left my apartment, you don't have too much stuff, not at all. So that was a good feeling.

Cm happy Easter! I was able to stream church for mom. And she enjoyed it. I enjoyed it, too. BF got up early to go to church at 9AM only to learn that they had cancelled the 9AM, choosing to hold a midnight mass the night before and an 11 AM mass. I wish I had gotten up early enough to go to the 11AM at my church. Anyway, streaming the services helped me.

The friend I saw this weekend has had a lifetime of money problems, and even at her age, nothing has changed. She makes poor decisions a lot. And now I find out she's paying for storage for all new furniture that she bought for her last apt and that does not fit in her current apt. I wish I could give her the advice to sell it but I don't think she wants to hear about it. I did share with her how several years ago I found myself in deep debt and how I cleaned out my $400 month storage space and kept nothing. That's when I started here on the boards. That was 2014! Wow! My life is easier and quieter now. Thanks to everyone here. My problem was sentimentality, I'm afraid. Her problem stems from being broke. She's been broke the entire time I've known her. Makes me very sad. She earns a good income so I'm not sure what poor choices she makes along the way. Not clothing or designer stuff. Not sure exactly.

Okay I must go for now. Thank you everyone for being here!

Hi all, belated Happy Easter

Holy Week was very nice - my roommate went to the bunny therapy sessions and we did finally get one other volunteer. Hopefully we will get more. This week there is Tuesday morning, when I quilt, Wednesday morning but I don't want to try and do that one because it's sandwiched in between my morning Mass and my 1:00 p.m. holy hour, and on the other side of town. When I was younger I would do the flying back and forth but these days I'm really not up for it. Don't know if I'll regain that amount of energy someday or not. There is one session on Friday afternoon which I may do.

Spring is getting into that time of multiple conflicting demands, and trying to coordinate my schedule, roommate's schedule where there is overlap, and being mindful of the weather in terms of being able to get garage sale stuff out of the storage unit without things getting blown into the next county. Wind is not as bad this week but there still may be some; I need to get a read on what days.

Really want to get to the gym but already it's feeling like another stressful thing to coordinate... makes me anguished, hope I can calm down and see what's feasible, and carry through with what is and not feel guilty about what isn't. Somehow I'll be getting more physical movement in, but I hate that it is already mid-April and I'm still lagging, still feeling stressed by the planning and somewhat by the driving. It would help so much if I could get started back in the habit by going in the morning after Mass (I'm going to try and keep up with the daily on the days I can; I do think it helps me even though right now I probably sound frenzied but in time I believe it brings me peace).

Around here once you get past about 2:30 p.m. the traffic picks up noticeably with shift workers and school buses clogging the roads, and I would be so relieved if driving were just an incidental thing and not something I have to think about and try not to have anxiety over. Just to get started. Then when going to the gym again becomes routine, hopefully the driving won't bug me so much because I'll have the endorphins on my side and so on.

I really think it will work out, it's just a lot right now. And when it does, it'll also influence my decision making and other aspects that tie in to being able to make better progress on decluttering. Today I did find an air purifier of roommate's that has been stored in my room and was able to get her to take it and she'll probably sell it in the garage sale. It is at least 1 cubic foot! And I've been pulling out this and that, not a lot last week but a few things this morning, found four shirts to let go, two roommate might be able to wear, two definitely garage sale.

Again, I know that sale won't be a miracle solution, but it could be a good kickstarter.

Hello,

My name is Lauren and I'm a student journalist at the University of South Carolina. I'm writing an article about individuals living with or recovering from hoarding disorder and the resources and support services that exist to help them. To make sure I am giving this topic the utmost care and respect, I think it's important that I include the voices of a few people who have been personally affected. Please let me know if anyone would be interested in doing a brief phone interview with me to talk about their experiences. I look forward to hearing from you all!

Tatoulia,

I'm sorry we're leaving you all alone.

I'm not buying anything for the garden anytime soon. I'm too tired and overwhelmed for any new projects.

I'm glad you had fun with your friend.

I am burnt out and my house is getting worse and my weight is going up.

Yesterday I groomed the bunnies for spring. Today is a Bean day.

Hi everyone.

I saw my long lost girlfriend and her mother today. Her mother was so surprised to see me! I took the train and then my friend drove me home and came in for a visit. Very good time. I had feared she was bringing her husband with her and luckily she did not.

I'm working on paring down my house. I feel so good with making decisions. BF will be here til May, maybe mud-May. I'm keeping it together on my end.

I feel so good about getting things out of my house. The too big clothes is an especially satisfying feeling.

I am washing my thin white quilt right now. I need to face facts that it is looking very ragged and I'm not sure that it was meant to last the 25 years I've had it. Kitty sneezed up a storm in it last night. So it's in the dryer.

I don't know what to do. I cannot find a reasonably priced white quilt that meets my needs in terms of where it is made and texture.

Hope everyone is well. I'm thinking about you!

Hello! I do hope you can avoid an argument with your husband, SubC. Would it be possible to try not to buy anything for the garden while you see what else you might have?

I have the cat's box clean and the garbage out. I'll take my recycling out in the AM. I'll go into the office tmr. Should be just my intern and me, so that will be good. I doubt they will let us leave early for Good Friday. I don't think they've done that before. Of course, since I highly doubt anyone else will be on our floor tmr, we may decide to leave early. I will not be staying til my usual 8PM.
I see my friend and her mother on Saturday. There's a piece to that which is causing me some concern. But it will be fine.

That's the news from here. I hope I can fall asleep soon.

CM, at first I thought "great drying weather!" Then I saw the dust..

Having driven across Kansas, I think you need more trees.

The student who is struggling came to see me on her own yesterday. We talked about a lot of stuff, only tangentially about the substance issue. She is trying to quit. I told her to come hang out with me any time.

Dh and I had a fight yesterday. He took a bunch of "metal scrap" to recycling. Some of it was things I wanted to save for reuse. When stuff like this happens I tell myself I will just use the joint credit card - which he pays - to buy new stuff instead. But I know I won't. Partly because we would then have this conversation:
Why is there $$ on the cc from store?
Because I needed xyz and you threw out the stuff I was going to use.
That was all trash. I don't want xyz in the garden.
It wasn't all trash, I do, and it's my garden.
Fight ensues.

I do have more space, SubC, but sometimes it's hard to see. The closet definitely has more space. My friend will come over to see more of my artwork and see if there is anything she wants.

My closet is definitely looser. I don't have a lot in it to start because I'm not a clotheshorse. But getting rid of the clothes worn before the 30 lb weight loss is really great. I have some more expensive pieces to get rid of. Summer linen pieces.

Heading over to mom's, then will come back here.

Cm I want you to focus on Holy Week. The bunny club needs to take a backseat to this very meaningful week. It does.

I know the weather isn't helping you right now. It will. I promise.

I am excited about the garage sale table. Finding out what sells and for how much! Will be great!

Sorry if that was rather strong... wish it was easier to have patience with the abrupt changes. To not notice them so much. Probably the overall pattern will be good, and I did enjoy the warm Monday and got several things done. I guess for now I can do some planning for the sale in my mind and decide what to look for when the weather is decent for going to the storage, what to pull out, etc.

I know this sale is not a huge thing and it's only one day, so it won't be a miracle cure. Mainly it will satisfy the desire to try and sell a few items to feel a token of recuperating for the cost of them. Like an additional avenue besides just donating, and to see what sells or doesn't. Then the focus will shift towards the church sale, and I like that they're having it earlier in June possibly before it gets super hot.

Why CM Is Constantly Bitching About the Weather, Chapter 47, Subsection G, Paragraph 14.1:

Today the high temperature here was 82.94 degrees.

The forecast for the next couple of days, and I quote:

Another Weather Alert Day is coming up Tuesday for the extreme fire danger and strong wind gusts that are forecast for the entire region. Any grass fire that may get started could go out-of-control very quickly with wind gusts between 50 and 60 mph into the afternoon. Some of the strongest wind gusts will be focused in central and western Kansas.

It looks like most of the state will have another warm day, with highs ranging from the 50s in the northwest to mid 80s near Wichita. Blowing dust and potential power outages are a concern throughout the afternoon and early evening.

The wind will turn back to the northwest into Tuesday night as a cold front clears the area. Low temperatures by Wednesday morning will be down in the 20s and 30s, with gusts still around 25 early Wednesday.

Source: KWCH


I rest my case, and hope this is the end of the crazy for awhile, though I'm not holding my breath.

Tatoulia, how can you have donations out and not more room?!

CM, I hope the bunny thing works out. Good for you getting the garage sale booth!

Somehow I am back in "no time, panic" mode. But I keep telling myself it will be ok.

I cleaned out two things from the freezer and a rotting pumpkin from the basement today.

quick little check in

Weather was bothersome, though today is rather nice, warm and almost summerlike. Tomorrow we are supposed to have another round of nasty wind though. But maybe by about Thursday it'll move out and let us enjoy Easter weekend?

Learned Saturday that bunny club lined up a lot of care home therapy dates... which would be fine except that they scheduled them for all this week and next, three days per week! I realize they might not have had a choice because this outfit operates several small homes and maybe that's how their activity director has to do it to stay afloat. Hard to say. I will only do what I can, especially during Holy Week. The whole business kind of blindsided me and was upsetting but I did try and do what I could, put announcements up to try and recruit volunteers.

Today went in person to senior center and scheduled our garage sale booth, since I kept trying by phone and not getting anyone, and I hate leaving messages (because they are loose ends). The sale is < 3 weeks away. Praying the wind will not come after this week, so that I can get in storage unit and get lots of stuff out. Maybe stuff in my bedroom at the house as well, like some clothes.

I'm annoyed with my weight not budging. Hope I will finally get going with exercise soon. It's complicated getting to the place (especially with swimming, remembering what to take), but once I do it a bit the routine will seem less like I need a major jumpstart to do it.

Trying also to figure out what to eat (less of certain things, perhaps different things) without stressing about all the logistics of it or getting into my old "dieting" mode which was never much help in years past. Just trying to eeeeaaaaasssee into it and not overthink it.

When weather's nice, I could walk up and down the block like I did in February (weather here was nicer then than in March, but now April is finally - I hope - going to bring in a mellower pattern, after that wind and front move through.

Over the weekend I had migraines, and I suspect the shifting barometric pressures had something to do with those, though the triggers are never clear cut. Feeling better now, though - woke up with one today, so went back to sleep for awhile then got up and did payday errands and had lunch with someone I haven't seen for awhile. That was fun, and the migraine accompanying brain fog from yesterday did seem to lift by late morning.

Oh, and the bug man came on Friday, the culmination of our preparations of moving stuff around in the garage, etc. Roommate and I were both tired but relieved. And that was probably why I didn't like hearing news on Saturday of fresh demands on my time. But again, I will try to be assertive about how much I intend to take on with the bunny club stuff. Hoping we get more people. There are a few young ones who I hope will step up to the plate.

Hello everyone.

I am working from home today. Bright sunny day. Cold. I'll take the sunshine!

I have meetings starting in fewer than 10 minutes and I may have mistimed my laundry.

I cannot underestimate the power of getting things out of the house. Getting rid of the painting and the bags of donations has made me feel so much better. I don't have any more room any where, but it is a good start.

I will be back later.

Hello!

Good car!

I'm feeling a little bit better because I got a big job off my list today.

I put a few small things in the trash bag while I was working in the barn.

Dd called and asked me for some things to use in eggs for a hunt Bean and his friends are having. I found four matchbox cars and four plastic animals she can use.

Hello everyone!

I took the artwork to my friend's house today. I also got several bags of donations to the car. It was the first I've driven all year! My car has a thick layer of dust on it! But it started and drove fine.

That's the news from here. Getting things out feels really good.

Will catch up on your posts now.

Some barn work done, no bookshelf.

The party was great. Bean and the birthday "girl" both seemed to have a great time, so what more could I ask?

My evening got harder.

I am just beaten down. Need to get to sleep.

hello SubC! Good thoughts. And heaven knows I have plenty of 'healthy snack containers' in my bedroom that I can utilize for this.

The student situation sounds very hard. Youth with addiction issues have so much to face. Oh how I wish they would not start. What a long hard road to get sober. I have seen it myself (not me being addicted, but being close to the addicted). Prayers for this youth to find their way to a safe and more joyful place.

Today I had a work meeting and then came home and ordered my "last" pizza order for a long time. I wanted to cook but it is nearly impossible one handed, although, I am sure people who have one hand find a way. Perhaps I am a whiner with many excuses. But, we are leaving on vacation in a couple of days and when I get back it will be No-Spend Nine Months. Meaning the rest of 2023. Parameters will be established but fast food is not going to be an included approved spend.

I did manage to get the stove and one counter washed off with my left hand.

I also sorted a bin of papers last night, threw some away, and today I shredded all the mobile-deposited checks I had stacked up.

Most of the rest of what I will do is washing clothes and prepping for the trip, packing, etc.

Good morning!

White rabbits!

Lila, I'm sorry I didn't respond to you last night. I just didn't have the energy.

You don't have to change everything completely all at once. That usually is what makes people give up because it isn't sustainable.

You got here gradually. You can get out a few steps at a time. Just keep asking yourself if the thing you are doing is moving you in the right direction or the wrong direction. And set yourself up for success.

One help is to try to make the good actions easier and the bad actions harder - so when you have fresh food come in - fix yourself some containers of healthy grab and go snacks. Then, when you have to go out, put your purse somewhere in the back of the car where you can't reach it, and put your healthy snack somewhere easy to get. Now you can't go through the drive through - you have to park and get your purse. But there is a healthy snack right there!

Use the times when you have energy to help future you.

I slept last night. Woke up with the beginnings of a headache and uneasy stomach which I think are from the ridiculous amount of caffeine I've been pumping into my body for the last two weeks. I'm having a slow morning with coffee and toast.

I'm also obsessing over a situation at school. I've got a student with a substance problem. I'm pretty sure she knows I know. I have no hard evidence - which is good because hard evidence would put me in the difficult position of being required to report her and have her expelled. That helps no one. What I want to do is help her quit. I'm trying to figure out how to start the conversation.

In other news, I'm going to try to get some barn work done this morning. Including some cleaning out of things into a garbage bag.

Then I need to take a shower and go into town - my heartdaughter is throwing herself a birthday party. She had a lousy childhood and never got an actually birthday party with friends and games and stuff, so she has decided to have one this year. She booked a venue where they do all the party stuff and invited a bunch of friends who she thought would get behind the idea. Bean and his parents will be there too. Dh is not coming because he is a curmudgeon.

The party venue is walking distance from where I take used books, so I might spend a few minutes with the bookshelf to see if I can find that not so great book I read some friends and drop them off.

SubC, I'm sorry about the misunderstanding. That's hard. You were trying. Sometimes I feel like an alien in this world, too. Everyone else seems to function and I am just pretending.

CM, I hope your weather went okay.

I feel so sad today. I look at the state of my life and how it has spiraled into the toilet over the last year and I always go back to needing a whole new fresh start. Like if I don't do something now, I will look up in ten years, my grandkids will be growing up with no memories of me, if I am even alive, and I will still be sitting here in my dirty cluttered house, unhealthy, fat, alone, with a sad dog who is bored.

I am leaving on my trip in a couple days and when I get back I expect to change things. Everything, really.

- I am completely out of shape to the point I keep getting injured and/or sick. I gained like 60+ pounds since covid started, I do not exercise or even take walks anymore. I work or sit. This has got to change. I need to be active for my health, be strong for my grandkids so I can do things with them, and lose weight to function. Health simply must take priority and I must lose weight.

- I am admittedly lazy. And have no energy. And this ties to my last point of health. This has to change and will include less time on screens. I probably look at screens MOST of the time when I am home.

- Dirty cluttered house has to change. I am going to purge and spring clean when I get back.

- Wasteful spending has GOT to stop. This week I got some fast food and some candy, I keep making excuses for this kind of behavior! I need to start the no-spend thing. Essentials/bills only.

- prioritize relationships and stop being such an immense introvert. At the very least I need to put more effort into my family relationships. Good heavens. What is wrong with me?

All of this makes me frustrated and mad on a daily basis because I want it but I have zero energy, and when I finally push myself into doing it now I have a messed up arm and can't even wash dishes or carry anything. I am so frustrated!!!

Well, at least it is in writing and I will do these things. I am trying to make myself scrub the stove top with my left hand, next.

The open house went ok.

My friend came with her little brother, so it was fun to chat with her.

I got to the studio early enough to finish my homework before class.

I need more sleep. Everything else rests on that.

Good morning.

Didn't get anything done yesterday evening and stayed up too late anyway. I did make a fire because it has gotten cold again, and I set up a group discussion area online for one of my classes.

Full day teaching today, high school open house that I am not ready for and do not anticipate being ready for after school - my table is probably going to have three pieces of pottery, the description (but not syllabus) of my new class, and me to answer questions.

Then my class for which I have completed 2/3 of my homework.

When do we get to the other side CM?

May or may not check in till weekend... today helped roommate put plastic covering on her old greenhouse because it will have to hold some items from the garage for when bug man comes Friday - but said items can't go out there too soon because it's going to rain, also we have WIND starting some tomorrow and a LOT on Thursday, and many indoor things will also be disrupted on Thursday day and into evening and nighttime. Thunderstorms are predicted for Friday.

I am not looking forward to any of it. I try to plan, and yes, I'm trying to remember Poco a Poco, but this level of crazy is hard. I will be so thankful when it is behind us. Perhaps we will get lucky and some of the weather predictions will miss us - although wind predictions never miss.

See you on the other side...

Good morning!

Lila, I hope the bin filling went well. I'm glad you are using things.

I had a really good day with Bean yesterday. We played cars and zoo and drew with chalk, and then when it got warmer and drier outside we got the baby goat out for a while and moved some rocks and found a turtle and played on the creek bank.

But I messed up nap time and failed at understanding the return plan (in my defense "I will pick him up" sounds like the person is coming here - right? Even though the person usually meets me somewhere and meant that. - she usually says "I will meet you." or "can you bring him..") anyway Dd got mad at me, and then Dh and I had a long emotional conversation about my inability to function in the real world and I cried a lot and I just feel exhausted, emotionally drained, and uninterested in teaching today.

Also, it kept me from getting my homework done last night.

And my hip hurts a lot today. - I'm going to guess climbing down the hill to the creek and back and squatting on the creek bank for a long time. Worth it though.

hi SubC, I hope you had a nice dinner with dh. I too have a bag full of plastic Easter eggs we reuse every year. They might be 15-20 years old. I am feeling a bit sad because I won't be here for Easter with Tot and Acorn (but happy I will be with the other grands). I would like to do something special for Easter with the girls before I go. Teen is going with me, and Son is staying home/working and taking care of the pets. His brother will come over every day to check on things and help with the pets.

My new routine is to actually eat or process the produce as I receive it. I have friends who grow things or buy things and share with me, as well as donated veggies. I am ashamed of how much of this I have wasted in the past by letting it go bad. I am not doing that anymore. So new routine is process veggies/fruits on my day off.

Today I have a bad headache and annoyed that my arm is useless. But, Son is helping me. He vacuumed for me. So far I:
- unloaded and loaded the dishwasher and it is running
- made coffee and oatmeal for breakfast
- cut and cleaned fresh kale. Some is soaking in the sink and some is in a vase to freshen it up. I plan to cook part and save part.

I am going to go in my bedroom and sort. I have a trash bag and an empty donation box. I also have an almost-empty tote that had a new bedspread in it. I bought it years ago and never used it and had some kind of complex about it. Teen asked for it so I gave it to them. Good riddance! I an put "save for later" items in that tote and put it in the garage or the staging area. Wish me strength to do more than look around and get frustrated.

Good morning!

Hi Lila, I'm sorry you were left on your own. I was cleaning the chicken coop, and a good friend's daughter turned up on her way through the state with friends (just to say hi, pet the goat, and use the bathroom - haven't seen her in years!) I kind of had to rush them off so I could shower and get ready because Dh and I had a concert and dinner in the city with friends. Then home late-ish, chores, and bed. Full day.

I'm really glad your son is helping you.

What will he and teen do while you are on your trip?

Please clarify the "new routine" - cooking on Sunday?

Bean did not spend the night last night because of our date. I am picking him up at 8:30. Dsil is meeting me halfway.

He has a little playgroup of friends and the parents want to have an egg hunt for them, but as good millennial parents they are concerned about not wanting to buy plastic eggs and contribute to the destruction of the earth. My Dd told them she has the perfect solution - I will be taking the bin of plastic eggs to dsil today, they will use as many as they want, and then they will return them to me. All the fun, none of the guilt.

Meanwhile, I ordered more plastic animals. I am getting quite a stockpile. I couldn't resist because they had a special flash Easter sale with double points, free shipping on an order half the usual size and 60% off selected items. There were more than enough "selected items" I wanted to get me to the new shipping minimum, but I stopped there.

I really need to clear things out of the basement and organize - but it will have to wait for 9 more weeks of school plus a week of evaluations. I have a feeling that time is going to fly.

continuing...

- prepped and cooked a batch of collards
- roasted 4 heads of garlic and 4 sweet potatoes
- cleaned up after myself
- found a recipe for garlic mushrooms and have a plan to saute the mushrooms and put them over pasta for dinner

I am proud of myself for preparing all this produce today so it will not go to waste. This will be my new routine.

ohhh I'm back and no one posted! Bummer, but I hope to hear from someone next time!

SubC, I like your "STOP" acronym idea. Thank you. I do pray a lot so it fits in.

I got so much done today even with my messed up wrist. Son has been super helpful. The things I am doing are to support my total change idea. I spent time processing produce. Son helped with some chopping and he cleaned off the stove for me.

- steamed 2 big batches of spinach. Froze one batch and put one in the fridge to eat. This was a chore because there was some small areas starting to go slimy so I had to pick through a lot of greens.
- trimmed and steamed a head of cauliflower, which is cooling and I will eat it over the next couple days. I like it mashed into oatmeal, believe it or not. Pretty tasteless but very healthy.
- sat in the sun for a bit
- Son put some things in the garage for me and put some things away. The table is not cleared yet---
- went through piles of mail and threw a lot away.

I am leaving on a trip to see my other grands next week so my goal is to eat and process all the produce so nothing goes bad while I am gone.

Tatoulia, I'm with you on being bold enough to say no if someone is that pushy. Mine is not a money issue - no one would ask me for money as pretty much everyone knows I don't have it - but they ask for time, and effort. Will you come help me clean my house (but they really mean, will you come clean my house while I talk on the phone?) or will you watch my kids? Will you go run errands for me, or let me stay with you for free? I used to feel like I wanted to help and say yes all the time, but I started to be more discerning and now I only help when I feel spiritually led to. Of course if someone is in true need I will offer my help. That's different.

hi SubC, hope you have a good day today. I stayed home today due to not feeling well and I am glad I did.

I cant use my right hand but Son got up and helped me and together (me directing and doing light things, him lifting and carrying and juicing):
- sorted the fridge and tossed bad stuff
- juiced older oranges and drank fresh juice
- took trash out
- loaded dishwasher and it is running
- put some things away

He is off today and not busy, so next he is going to put the donations in my car and bring me a new empty box to start filling. I also am sorting some produce and he can help chop things so I can process them and have healthy things to eat. That is part of my 'big change': stop buying junk and letting produce go bad. Eat what I get each week. Lots of veggies I am given for free. I have dried beans, split peas and lentils and rice I can cook when I am thinking there is nothing to eat. I will learn some new ways to cook.

Goal: get the kitchen table cleared off today. I will need Son's help as I am dependent on him with my wrist messed up.

Also, I lost the little vent thingy that goes on the top of my instant pot. I NEED to find it so I can cook.

Putting the cancer plaque in the box and having son take it out to the car!! 200th item!

Lila, I agree with you and SubC. It was given lovingly, you received it lovingly, and the gift has served its purpose. Great item to donate!

Reading a book is good, SubC! Even if the book itself wasn't very good.

I'm working on stuff. I know that the post about being vulnerable may have seemed strange. I am very kind and people sometimes prey on that. I'm generally pretty good but if I'm sad or feeling like I don't care, I'm more vulnerable. Just today I ran into someone in the street that I knew from BF's business (not that I could remember her name until I described her to BF) and instead of just saying hello, she stopped, asked me about a restaurant down the street, asked me if I'd eaten there (and I told her the truth, occasionally on a summer night for a burger on the patio) and she was rummaging through her purse, then saying that her check didn't arrive, and she's waiting on her taxes, etc. I was trying to get away from her because I was headed to mom's and she mentioned that she was going to the restaurant and she didn't know what she would do. And so I said, I'll tell BF you say hello she was trying to get me to pay for her meal or loan her money. After I was able to describe her sufficiently to BF, he was mentioning that she's a scam artist and he's glad I got away from her. These types of things. I tell myself, if people are bold enough to ask, I am bold enough to say no.

Getting g a few things done here!!

Lila,

I am home. Also I am your partner in "not getting the stuff I wanted to do done because of pain" today. Also, the wind took our power out for hours. It just came back.

Here are some things you can do -
start looking at smaller houses for sale online - imagine what stuff you would take and put in the rooms. Rethink the stuff you wouldn't take
Pray. - there are a lot of "stop" acronyms for dealing with challenging situations. One that might help you when you are facing something that leads you to bad coping mechanisms is "stop, take a breathe, observe your physical and emotional state, pray for guidance" t is also sometimes think, and o can be "open yourself to possibilities"
Look into long term possibilities for teen.

And YES! Get rid of the cancer plaque! I hate those pink ribbons. Every time I see a pink ribbon I am reminded that my grandmother died of breast cancer and I think how much she would have hated them.

Tatoulia, I'm glad you are making plans to feel more secure. Good for you and bf making progress on stuff!

Cm, how was the tea party?

I read a book today. It was ok, but not great. It can go now.

Spending time with your mom is something, Tatoulia, so give yourself credit for doing that. And I hope you are working on the house and feeling good about it!

SubC where are you? I can't remember if you are still with your daughter or came home. My memory is so concerning that I am probably going to see my doctor. It happened after the 3rd round of covid.

So let me tell you a story. When I was dx with cancer last year it was very hard. I hope my testing next month shows it is gone, but I don't know yet. Well, a friend came over and gave me a little plaque last month. It is a poem painted on a plaque and placed in a little stand (she did not paint it or write it - she found it at a yard sale). It is a poem about cancer. It is meant to be encouraging, but seeing a plaque that says "Cancer" at the top in pretty script every day when I wake up is bothering me and making it ever-present. I wanted to get rid of it immediately, but she gave it so lovingly and the though was so kind that I kept it. I think that would be a suitable 200th item to put in my donate bin. What do you think?

Lila, I used to wonder where everyone's stuff is, too. Now I know they just have less stuff. Not more storage, but actually less stuff. BF is getting ready to go overseas and he's getting rid of stuff and he's just reached the lightbulb moment. He is now taken a second look at stuff that just a few months ago he was saving, and he's found that more than 3/4 of the Must Save stuff can be shredded or donated. Pretty nice! I am setting up an Etsy shop for him and will sell some of his vintage stuff. Let's see how that goes.

I am sorry about your poor wrist, Lila. Try to nurse it as much as possible so that it will heal faster!

Hello CM! Let's hear about the bunny tea party! SubC, I'm sorry you made yourself sore from picking up the mamma goat. I am sure the students really love you for bringing them in.

I have nothing to show for today. I have one load of laundry in the dryer and I've emptied the dishwasher. I took mom a blouse that is too big for me and I also brought her dinner. She eats early, so I was there by 4:30 and I sat with her while she ate.

I need to see if BF will drive me to my car tomorrow. I'd like to take the painting my friend wants to the car as well as a bag or two of things to let go of. I have one full bag still here and I expect to fill one more tonight.

My BF and I are trying to get him ready for his trip as well as getting me ready. I have to get some things in place so that I keep my chin up when he's gone. For now, it's about getting him ready and making sure that I have what I need in place. The biggest fear in terms of me is not seeming vulnerable to certain people. So we are carefully telling people about his trip. There are a lot of predators and I'll likely be feeling vulnerable in the beginning after two decades of nearly daily togetherness. So far so good. I heard from a friend this week who when I mentioned his trip, she said, great, we will get together once a week. That's the sort of person I need to be around, not the ones that will see it as an opportunity to take advantage of me. I know it may seem weird that this is a concern but it can be tough out there. I'm personally very strong but then again I look at how I've let certain family members exploit me for time and money and so I have to tread carefully. He's coming back, we just don't have his game plan nailed down.

Okay enough about that. I'll need to get cracking on some stuff here. I want my house to look nicer. I know I can do it!

Sitting here unable to work but thinking about what complete change would look like, a bit more.

adding:
- not living in fear anymore
- making room, literally and figuratively
- not emotional eating, but building habits of working out, walking, lifting weights, working in the yard as coping mechanisms along with meditation
- being able to find what I need rather than digging through piles. No more piles.

I FEEL like getting rid of things today.

hello, friends. I WANT TO GO TO A BUNNY TEA PARTY!!!! It would probably not look like your tea party, but bunnies with little fancy hats sitting at the table with me...

Today is my day off. I planned to work hard all day and get boxes and boxes loaded up to donate, trashes full and out, and yard worked on. Instead, yesterday I fell on my wrist and spent 3 hours at urgent care for xrays. Thankfully not broken but badly sprained, so in a brace. Do you know how impossible it is to do work with a splinted right arm? Can't bend, turn a key, carry. So, day of rest. I hope it heals fast. I am typing with one finger and my left hand.

What would my complete change look like? without considering "how", what I envision is:

- reducing my belongings by 50%
- just getting rid of everything I am not using
- trusting that if I need something in the future, God will provide
- getting a smaller house
- stop sitting around. stop wasting time
- instead of watching tv, sleeping, eating, shopping, I work on my environment, my health, and my relationships
- I stop rotating my life around Teen's needs and begin to focus on my own needs more

I went to a friend's house yesterday and there was NO clutter. It was cute and neat. I kept wondering where all her 'stuff' is. I can't get my head around it, but I want it.

Sorry you're having the nasty weather now, SubC. Hope it improves soon.

Bunny tea party fundraiser we'll be leaving for at 2:00. Hope we make lots of money and have fun and that it isn't more work than it's worth. You never know about these things when you're a very small nonprofit. The bigger ones have the rich donors and the people who really know how to put on an event. Ours is more fly by the seat of the pants.

Weather gradually improving here. Next week will be somewhat taken up with the annual push to get ready for bug man (termite inspection). Garage sort-of decluttering, it's been a work in progress for years. That's roommate's decision making area, I'm just the helper.

Need to remember, too, to make the reservation for the senior center garage sale. And really start gathering stuff in earnest.

Was at the storage unit the other day to get my steampunk hat. My, my. Everytime I go to that place I'm either "It's not too bad; I think it won't take too much longer to get the extraneous stuff gone, neaten the rest, etc." or "Yikes... I have so much stuff." This visit was more the latter. However, I will not lose heart. Besides, I was just popping in, so there wasn't a focus of a lot of accomplishment that particular day. When I go back to pull stuff for the sale, that should be a more positive thing.

Good, well it is still morning.

Tatoulia I'm sorry you are stressed and having those dreams. I bet your definition of mess is my definition of orderly - lol!

Hello intermittent Lila, I hope you are getting some rest. What would your complete change look like? Maybe brainstorm some really crazy outside the box scenarios - don't worry about practicalities, and see where your thoughts lead you. There may be practical steps you can take that come out of the exercise. I still can't believe dd2 just dropped her entire life and moved to Denver.

I watched "everything, everywhere, all at once" on one of the plane rides. It was a very silly movie, but it had strong underlying themes. The idea that every small choice you make changes the path of your life. The protagonist in the movie was supposedly living the worst possible version of her life, but she "saved the universe" by choosing to stay there with her daughter. I am cynical about that narrative choice, but the idea of finding the best of the situation and focusing on that is good, and also - for crying out loud- make better choices! Even if they are only small ones - she had alternate paths that started with small choices and built on each other.

I took Shamrock and his mom along yesterday and we had lessons on her - The kids all loved it, but she wanted to lay down all day and I hurt my back lifting her to her feet over and over. I am stiff and hobbling today.

Dh had a long week as well, and suggested we get dinner out. The restaurant has changed hands since we last went (we can't remember how long ago) some of the food is better and some worse, but good enough, and the portions are huge, so we also have tonight's dinner.

We tried to get to bed early but Dh got a work call at ten pm that kept him working until midnight. I however went right back to sleep and slept nearly 12 hours. My brain feels much more clear now.

The sun is trying to come out, but the wind is roaring. CM, did you send this? Maybe it will dry things out a bit. We've had so much rain this week that the yard is saturated and has a coat of water most places - footsteps become footprint shaped puddles. There are flood warnings downstream from us. Our creek is already well into flood stage, but not up to our bridge.

I'll have to stay out of the woods today as I expect with the sodden ground and the wind we will lose more trees.

I intended to go down to the pottery studio today and glaze some things because tomorrow is the last day to put them up and we have other plans, but when my alarm went off this morning I decided I needed rest more.

Good morning! Tea clinks!!

Lila, I can feel the pain and exhaustion in your voice. Good that you are seeing today's time with son through a positive lens.

My house is a mess. I'm a bit of a mess, too. I can only do what I can do. I have to get ready for a meeting soon. I need to look good or at least not terrible.

I dreamt that I missed this meeting and that I missed another important one coming up later today and I was mortified. Those missing school and missing test dreams never go away for me.

Have a good day, everyone. I'll let you know what I can accomplish today! Bf is overwhelmed with all he has to do. Not sure if he'll let me help him or not.

hello again, the Intermittent Lila is back!

So busy, so much chaos and drama, so much work. My knees hurt soo much. I have to work tomorrow. I am really tired. And full of complaints. Will work on that...

I was about to say how happy I am that tomorrow I don't have to do ANYTHING in the morning until my 12:00 appointment, and then I looked at my planner and I have to take Son to an appointment at 9:30. And bring him home after. Oh well. I will have some quality time with son and maybe we will pick up a coffee or breakfast.

I am aggravated because I think I hot at least 199, maybe 200 items last week on the tally but forgot to update so not sure. I will take a peek in the new donation box and see if there is anything on top that wasn't counted.

I enjoyed reading about the baby goat. I am sorry for the hard and sad things and struggles you all are going through.

I feel like I need a complete change in my life. Like a big, complete change.

I thought I replied today but clearly I did not. I had said something along the lines of what a terrific grandmother and fantastic teacher you are, SubC.

Much better today. Just wiped out. I did managed two loads of laundry and honestly I should do more right now. I have just showered. I had to go to the vets office to get kitty's thyroid medicine. Bf was going to do it but he called me, terribly overwhelmed, and I told him to skip it. He is very overwhelmed these days.

So I went to vet's office and remembered to bring back the towel they gave me when it was sleeting out and I was carrying the cat home from her first visit. So one thing out! I have a good bag of donations ready with more getting ready to say goodbye. This makes me very happy, I know that everyone here knows the joy of reducing.

I may go do a quick load of laundry that I can hang to dry. I am behind but not terrible. Cleaners offered to come today but I felt it was too close to vomit-fest. I worked from home today.

Okay, all garbage and recycling out. Little kitty has a new litter box.

The city feels weird tonight. It rained at some point and is very humid (for me) and it feels a kitty eerie. I can't explain it. Just a weird feeling.

Dishwasher was run earlier this evening.

That's my news. I'm grateful to be feeling better.

Good thing - shamrocks mom is now doing all the feeding.

Bad thing - the rain barrel workshop is in May.

I just want to not be tired for a while.

Good morning.

Tatoulia, I'm sorry you were so sick! Glad you are on the mend though.

Shamrock is adorable. I wish I had the time and energy to just play with him and cuddle him. All the people around me are enjoying him though. Yesterday I took him to Bean's house after school. Bean's little friend came over to see the baby goat. Bean pulled him around from room to room in his plastic tub. At dinner "the fuzzy goat will sit next to me"

Bean has curls and the rest of us don't. He announced "I am fuzzy like the goat!"

I ended up taking shamrock to my class. Everyone loved him. He handled the missed meals ok. I probably don't need to take him to school today since he won't take a bottle anyway, but I promised the children he would be there all week.

I need to repot my seedlings and seem to be out of pots. This makes no sense. I dehoarded the pots a little, but surely not that thoroughly. A search will ensue.

I managed to get Shamrock's mom to hold still without the stand this morning - progress!

I have a rain barrel workshop tonight and will drop him off at home before it.

Hello everyone! Cm you sound like you are in a good frame of mind to welcome Spring! Looking at what's possible and what you want to do!

I bet Shamrock is adorable!

Had a brutal stomach bug. I just showered and stripped my bed. Everything needs to be washed. I'm putting clean sheets on the bed right now. One quilt washed and dried, another is in the dryer. Now washing my pjs and stuff. It was a brutal 24 hours. I'll have to wash the bedroom rug tmr.

I've had the window open and ceiling fan on, which has helped me immensely. Very sunny out. My friend dropped off chicken soup, tea, ginger ale, tulips, and other things on her way to work today. I wasn't expecting that. I think I'll be able to try the soup later.

I have to finish making my bed. Kitty stayed with me yesterday in the afternoon, which was really helpful. She's kept her distance since then, which I get, because I have been really sick.

I have another bag of donations ready. I'm just so eager to have space.

I cancelled the cleaners. I cannot have them in this wretched house. I still pay them, because I figure that it is an expensed budget and I know they depend on my income.

That's the news.

Oh!
Wanted to say that I am glad you are excited about sewing again and maybe you can bring the papers out to the common area for your roommate? That seems helpful, not passive aggressive.

I would love to live near a steampunk yard. Most of the yards around here are decorated in "politics" or a "trailer trash" theme. ("Let's fill the lawn with cars that don't run, plastic kids toys and old furniture that was not meant to be kept outside") some are both.

Good morning!

The baby is Shamrock. The momma arrived with the name Daisy, but may be renamed. We had a Daisy once. I'm actually currently calling her "haystack" when I talk to her - she needs to be sheared. After she goes to school on Friday.

I am not making progress on anything. I am struggling to keep up with the minimum. The haystack lays down when the baby tries to eat unless I put her in the stand - he is going to school with me again today. But yesterday he wouldn't drink from his bottle. I need to go to the class I am taking, so we will be gone over 13 hours, so he better take the bottle today! That is three missed meals.

After school I am taking him to Bean's house so Bean can meet him and I can get a Bean fix. I haven't seen Bean for 9 days. Dsil said he will babysit shamrock while I am at class.

Ok, I've had my one cup of coffee with you guys. Will check in later!

Bouncing between threads - is the baby goat's name Shamrock, or the mama? I had a bunny named Shamrock who lived to be nearly 12. He was an absolute sweetie.

The sun is out but the wind is still around through tomorrow. Further apologies for my weather obsession, but I had to look it up... Wichita is in the Top 10, Dodge City is No. 1. It depends on which website you consult, and whether Alaska and Hawaii are included. Boston was actually higher than Wichita on one list.

So I'm really not exaggerating re how annoying this wind can be! (Note to self: Under no circumstances ever move to Dodge City.)

I hope to get over to the storage unit later in the week though. Need to grab my Steampunk hat for a weekend bunny club fundraiser, March Hare Tea Party. We hope to make money and perhaps find adopters for white rabbits (or any others, but we have an abundance of white ones).

The hat is in a box with some other Steampunk stuff. I am probably going to get rid of most of that, it's too bulky. Might keep a few small clock gears for jewelry but that would be all. There's a gentleman in the neighborhood who has a Steampunk themed house that he's made all sorts of pieces for in the yard. Might give it to him if he wants it.

I wish I was like him in terms of actually doing the crafts that I get stuff for, Steampunk or otherwise. But with the former, anymore I'd rather admire Steampunk crafts than make them because they aren't my main craft - I might incorporate the aesthetic into my artwork or doll clothes sewing, or make jewelry to wear. These days that's plenty.

Feeling warm fuzzies toward sewing again, which tells me I absolutely made the right decision in handing off that one quilt to the other lady to finish. It was a logjam for me. Now I can work with smaller pieces like doll clothes and individual quilt blocks.

First I'll need to get the recycling stuff out of the way. It has been parked blocking access to the craft and sewing table. It has felt good to still be saving some plastics from the landfill. But they are in the way. I approached roommate and she was very happy to buy a big outdoor trash can we can dedicate to recycling.

I also asked her about the stuff on the bookshelves in my bedroom, and she said one of them had doors on the bottom shelf and in there were papers she wants to go through. I couldn't remember that, but I went in there and got down on the floor and lo and behold, discovered that what I had taken as the inside of an empty bookcase actually was what she described! I need a better flashlight.

So I guess I just am going to have to keep working on clearing out in front of the shelving unit which also entails under that small table placed in front of it. I cringe even typing that, but it's reality and it doesn't have to stay that way forever. Harry Potter in the books lived scrunched up in a small space, but my books about him are going to need to be relocated at least temporarily, and if at some point roommate can get in and get her stuff, then I can figure out the next step.

I might take the Twilight books to storage for awhile, because the Internet Archive has those if I get the need to reread. Maybe even let them go. Don't have to decide today.

Various things are getting inspected, rediscovered, a few things tossed, again, breaking up the logjams. I do also need to resume my computer organizing. Sometimes I've chipped away at bits of it. I can surely get it to where I want it to be with a few more good productive sessions. And then I can go to town on the real work for which I bought the computer.

And not forget to get ready for the senior center garage sale in April. Time is just moving so fast. I guess that's why I get frustrated when the weather is not good, because if it had been I know I would be further along on all I have wanted to do. Right now it seems like hurry up and wait. Not that I don't do a few things. But the energy is not there the way it would be if spring would hurry up and start being springlike.

Tatoulia, I am very sorry you have personal stuff that is making you cry!

CM, I made it home and the weather is nice so I should fit in a little barn work, but I am so tired!

My baby goat is still at the sitter's house. She is bringing him home tonight. I will have to get up to feed him on the same schedule I was getting up to medicate Dd.

Need to get ready for classes tomorrow too.

Still waiting for the weather to not be nasty - it started out sunny but then got cloudy and terribly windy again. Not as cold, but still not nice. I had hoped to do a deep clean of bunny cages but I don't fancy being buffeted about when I take the stuff outdoors. Forecast shows windy tomorrow also. Hopefully Wednesday will be better.

Roommate and I went and bought a barrel for recycling so that it can be stored outdoors again, since we no longer have the container from the service that used to pick it up. When this new one gets full, I'll know it's time to take the bags to the place where the stuff goes.

Ps one more bag of things to donate! And I took a dress and one top over to mom. So I'm working on getting rid of things!

Checking in. Going to office tmr for my annual review. I received the written review and was pleased with it. Was surprised how good it was. This is my third manager in three years so it's tough to know how things are going, even though we have a solid corporate culture of continuous feedback. So it's really about my raise.

A former neighbor of mine (he lived downstairs from me 20+ years ago) texted me this AM and suggested we get together. I was still in bed so said, give me half an hour and come over for tea. We had a nice time and he lived meeting the new kitty. I only had to do five minutes of cleaning up so I guess I'm keeping up better than I thought.

Saw BF for a few minutes today and he went to mom's with me. We managed to talk her into going downstairs for dinner.

That's the news. There's some personal stuff going on so I'm crying a lot.