SubC,

You'll be interested to know I remembered the laundry but forgot the bread last night.

I don't know why they always try to jam kids in. Will they split the class at some point? There are still issues like this in unionized public schools but you do get the sense that in private schools teachers rights and the standards are dependent on the personalities of whoever happens to be in the administration and on the board year to year. Not a good feeling.

Tatoulia, what's going on with your eye?

Lila, you sound like you are really making great progress... I think it helps me to keep track of everything in writing also... helps me process things I guess...

Well, I have been making an effort to take a little couch time every night with the puppy as she's not getting enough people time... I've been in the habit of hanging out in my room and not in the living room or dining room but now that we have the puppy, that leaves her alone a lot more because there's too much she can get into in my room still. She's 8 months old already and finally had 3 days in a row with no accidents. Cross your fingers!

As you know, SubC, I do a lot of laundry. A lot of little loads. I didn't subscribe, I just bought a large amount. I can see where a subscription would be too much! The dishwasher pods are nice. The bag they come in is biodegradable. They are in the little rinse-away pods. I prefer this brand to the brand that Whole Foods carries.

I do hope they'll let me swap the unopened pack for the unscented ones. They are a decent company and I'm a good customer. We shall see.

I have kitty's box clean and I'll take my laundry out now. I'm waiting to see if BF needs something from me tonight. I'm hoping not, as I'd like to shower and go to bed now. I have a few more papers to shred. Cleaners are coming in Thursday this week. I'll be at work, so they will pick up keys from BF and then he'll zip over here to reset the alarm. It will be terrific to come home to clean sheets. Really nothing like it.

Good to read your posts.

Good luck with the IEP tomorrow, Road. . And congratulations on your progress! Well done with the fridge and the bathroom cabinet. And yes, more puppy time. You are doing great!

SubC I'm sorry that the school isn't reliable and trustworthy. And I'm also sorry they are trying to out more kids in your room. You know your capacity. Every student's life will be diminished if there's too much going on. To the extent you can, stay firm.

I have a stye, Roadm and it's painful. The hot compresses help. It looks particularly gruesome today but it hurts less. I will get to a doctor depending on how it looks tomorrow.

I had coffee with my old boss today. It was nice. We sat in a park. I brought my own herbal tea. We got pastries from the French patisserie on my block.

Cleaners come while I'm at the office tomorrow, which is terrific. They have to stop at BFs work to get the keys.

I did a little shredding today. Keeping up with the papers.

SubC, the dishwasher pods will soon be coming in a paper wrapper. I'll keep you posted.

Not much news here. Keep up the good work!

Okay was able to stay in tonight, other than taking the trash out. I've showered and put the dishwasher on the timer. Off to bed. Goodnight, everyone.

Tatoulia - Oh, those are no fun. If memory serves, when it gets less painful you're rounding the corner, even if it appears worse. Fingers crossed. Hot compresses seemed quaint to me and I was surprised they seemed to work.

Du thé et patisserie (can't think of the word for ?sounds'!) lovely. So nice that you appreciate your cleaners so much. And your friends! Your vibe is zen.

I was just thinking about my history with friendships... i just wrote and deleted this about 5x. Psychoanalyzing oneself at 1:54am is not ideal... I really need to get a computer so I can start journaling again. That is on both Versions of my Master lists, as Are draft goals for several of my friendships. Oh, and there's a whole page devoted just to "clearing house" and you guys are right up at the top. ::::chimes::::

SubC, I used to rescue from trash piles when I lived in KY. There were all kinds of nice things set out on the curb for trash day and I got lots of good things! Fortunately, here we are not allowed to put things out like that, so there is no temptation. Everything has to fit inside the cans, aside from a couple weeks a year when it is 'clean up month' or something and we are allowed to leave things that area like 3 feet square. So still, just small items. If we want to dispose of bigger things we have to take to the dump and pay a fee.

The CleanPeople sheets sound really cool! I love that idea! So do the sheets do a good job getting things clean? Getting out stains or do you need to still use stain spray? I am going to look on the website because less big jugs in the laundry room would be very nice.

Nice to hear from you too, Tatoulia.

My day was tired. But I forced myself to do a couple little things. For one, I cleared off one couch in the living room. I folded the blankets and put them in my room with the other homeless blankets.I folded the dog bed and put it in the laundry basket full of stash and dash, to sort out tomorrow. I put a bathrobe and a hair towel in the donation box. I put away a couple of dog items. Oh, and I found a solution to the baby books/puzzles! My coffee table lifts up to open and has small storage areas in the top (I wish it was the whole top! I vacuumed them out and dusted them, and the baby books fit in one side, and one wooden block puzzle fits in the other side! I put the larger books and puzzle on a shelf. I am so glad those things have a home now.

I also started to sort the kitchen table by piling papers and mail in one pile, throwing out the junk, piling toys in another pile, put a thing or two away. Opened up 3 Amazon packages that have been sitting there for weeks and threw away the packaging.

So hey, I felt like I got nothing done today but listing it makes me feel better. Tomorrow I will do more.

Good morning all!

Road, good luck at the iep meeting.

It sounds like you are making good progress.

Tatoulia, I'm glad your eye is hurting less. Hoping for quick healing!

I talked to the guidance counselor and she is not going to put the boy in my room. I don't know what she is going to do with him, but he won't be added to my class. Apparently the problem is that they cancelled another class for low enrollment and now they need the spaces. Perhaps they should ask the other teacher to do the class after all. Maybe some of my kids will transfer...

The woman who founded our school (which my kids attended) is still the primary director (the board eventually hired an assistant director, who was later promoted to "codirector" and they split the duties, so I refer to each of them as "my boss") I'm not really sure what duties or authority the board has. I think they are mostly a legal fiction as far as actual decision making.

Over the years as we have grown and the codirector has exerted influence, we have drifted away from the original vision somewhat sometimes in very effective and practical ways, and sometimes in aggravating and disappointing ways, but always in understandable ways.

And then this year, the original director made some decisions that were apparently motivated by finances and retention concerns. My problem wasn't the decisions, it was the approach. Changes were made retroactively, without discussion, in violation of contracted terms, in an ambiguous email, and there was no apology before or after.

To be as fair as possible, I may be the only staff member who learned about the changes by email, because two days prior to the email, they were (discussed? Presented?) in a staff meeting that was scheduled during one of my classes.

But what remains is that a woman I have trusted to do the right thing, even when I know that she will always put the school first, for 20 years, in an institution that literally states "we have one rule, we treat each other with respect", chose to do something unethical and probably illegal and didn't even feel the need to talk to me about it. And apparently is so unbothered by it that she doesn't even think she owes me an apology.

In fact, when I took advantage of the ambiguity in the email to act as if I assumed she was NOT doing what she was doing (hoping she would change her mind or at least talk to me), she sent me another email that clarified her decision with a tone that implied *I* was trying to do something unethical, or at least unreasonable (by claiming benefits contracted in writing for a period I had already worked)

I have also always put the school first. I have literally told this woman "no" a handful of times - mostly "no I can't sub for that class" when it was literally impossible, and once "no, you can't store playground equipment in my barn." I have taken voluntary pay cuts. I have invested time and energy in providing my classes with as little expense as possible. I have donated supplies and one year significant cash. Every significant thing I have asked for has been for the benefit of my class, not me personally (a new, fully functional kiln, my shelves, more practical sinks) - and each of them has involved waiting periods of years and open gratitude from me. (The sinks were actually covid decisions.)

I don't take days off. I was sick for a week once. During which I taught one of my classes remotely. Also I was out for two days awaiting covid test results last year - during which I taught ALL of my classes remotely.

For those of you who are new here - "Subclinical" refers to a variety of conditions. One of which is that I am probably one step off (or one step on?) the autism spectrum. (Or "definitely on" or "definitely off" depending on which person who knows me you ask) human relationships are really hard for me because I cannot predict or sometimes understand human behavior and so everybody is a threat. It took me a long time to trust this person, and now I can't.

As in, Dd has been telling me for years, since before Bean, that her kids won't go to school there. And now I agree. This breaks my heart.

Related to that - road, I am bad at friends. I wouldn't even bother to make a written plan.

Good morning!

Tatoulia, is the bag biodegradable as in paper, or is it "biodegradable" plastic - that requires municipal composting which we don't have here.

Lila, I don't know about Tatoulia's sheets, but with mine, I've had very good luck wetting the stain and sticking a piece of strip to it a few minutes before laundering - even got off dried on ring around the collar.

Hooray for the coffee table solution! I think you got quite a bit accomplished!

I am trying to get myself into motion this morning. It's harder than I expected. Even though I am particularly looking forward to my third class today, I am just really ready for thanksgiving break!

Dh had to physically go to work this morning, and he has a work dinner meeting (I am sooooo glad he got his booster!) tonight, so I am getting some time all alone. This is something I really need. I am such an introvert that I don't even really relax if I am technically alone, but someone else is around and might turn up at any minute (like when Dh is out mowing the floodplain, which would be two or three blocks away in Tatoulia's world)

Ok, off to be functional!

Good morning clearers...

I have read through about half and as usual have much to say about all the things but I will finish reading before I ask ?s...

I like the fluffing explanation. That's right on the money. Also the concept of the money being spent on the front end and not getting hung up on what you're going to get back for things. I know a huge amount of the :::whispering::: 200 bins ::::: I have out in the garage is stuff I've hesitated getting rid of because it's newish and I want to get money back out of it, but I know having been in this situation for years already, that a habit of hesitating over these decisions leads to bins and bins full of stuff that's no longer saleable... sellable? And so now it's almost worthless AND you've paid the price of being burdened by it all on top of everything else.

Today's anxiety report is high due to meeting with my sons speech therapist online in a few minutes. Last time I cried so I have that memory to deal with and also we're going to be talking communication devices and that has some triggers for me as well. Long story. On Thursday we have the iep and so far I have neglected most of what I should have done by now to prepare...

Had a pretty big household work day yesterday(procrastinating preparing for the iep) haha. I always get a lot of housework done this time of year. Put away Halloween/fall stuff and got out the first two bins of Christmas stuff. This is the stuff that's fast to put up... I. Kind of thought my son would enjoy it but he was kind of meh about it yesterday and then this am when I came down and saw it I kind of snarled at the mantle so I guess I jumped the gun a bit.

Going through all the Weird things that need washing like gloves and hats and scarves, and then I found stashes of kitchen wash cloths my husband had put outside on the back porch for some reason... so I'm washing those also. Did a few loads of clothes also.

More later - I'm off to the meeting...

Road, I hope your meeting goes well.

This morning I took the compost out, fed the chickens the pumpkin Dh mom brought Bean (on November 6? After I sent photos of Bean picking the pumpkins I grew?) which the kids left behind and I was planning to cook, but I realized last night it was starting to rot on my counter. And burned the burn bag (one paper grocery bag, mostly food contaminated paperboard/waxed paper)

The recycling to drop at the grocery and the community bins is loaded in my car, along with two lightly filled and tied shut plastic grocery bags of garbage (mostly disposable diapers from Bean. His dad has been moving away from the cloth recently with the poop being worse and other demands on his time), two not all the way to the top paper grocery bags of stuff for goodwill (added a pair of shoes this morning) a couple of "like new" items for the book and toy drive, and 12 books to go to the used book store (two were newly added to the pile this morning.)

All I need to do now is find my lesson plans, gather my stuff for school, and then go do all the things.

I'm back and all the fretting was pointless. It was totally fine, she was nice, no crying, and I even found out the new system can do what I want it to and she's willing to let me customize it. This has been a battle since grade school so that's actually a huge relief.

I started some more laundry... mismatched socks, and hand towels and fleeces this time... the H is a coat hoarder so I'm washing all the washables and am going to lay them out and see if we can narrow some things down. The closet is only so big and the back porch was getting crowded with coats and shoes as well and we recently had a moth problem out there so I want to try to hit the reset button on all that. Hopefully if I put all my coats and shoes out (and my son's) he won't feel like I'm singling him out. In the past he's been indignant about the fact that I'm the one with the problem (how dare I) - I shouldn't try to manage HIS stuff, etc. but I think I have a right to try to organize stuff that's in a common area. I wouldn't go into his clothes closet and try to do that. Maybe I won't say anything other than "which stuff do you want in the front closet?" And let him deal with the rest. That's what I will do.

Had a little breakthrough (very little, but nevertheless) with the Christmas stuff. One of the boxes we unpacked yesterday was the nativities. Yes I said nativitIES... I have a collection. I've always enjoyed setting them up but this time i was like "wow. That's a lot." So I'm either going to figure out a way to spread them out so they look less cluttery or donate some (rolling eyes) or just not have them all out. I need to do this in every category of my life of course but this is the current one. Oh, also I realized that I have a puppy. She can totally knock over each and every wise man and chew the heads off all the camels. Hadn't considered that... hmmm.

We are hosting tksgiving this year. Probably just my immediate family, but possibly MIL. BIL and SIL and kids never want to do holiday stuff in an effort to avoid the MIL. Psychologically, I would describe her as a narcissist, many qualities of borderline personality disorder, and probably bipolar also. She is a walking bundle of paranoid nerve endings... how she never developed a drug problem is quite amazing actually when you consider the state of her neurological situation. Anyway, she's come to a few of my sons bday parties and a few thanksgivings at my parents house, but she is capable of behaving when she's with strangers at a neutral location, but since it's at our house this time, could be dicey. Letting the H decide. I'm more sympathetic (believe it or not) To her plight than he is. It's got to be tough being all alone with no friends or family that want to be with you because you've abused everyone and burned every bridge, but are too delusional to realize your culpability. Blah blah blah.

So I tried to get my brother to agree to use the smoker he just got from. Our dad to cook a turkey or a couple chickens and he found about 8 ways to wriggle out of it. Even though it will probably just be a small group I feel a little resentful that it's all getting heaped on me. My mom and dad will probably help more than they should and brother won't do anything, and H may or may not help depending on his unpredictable moods, and sister may or may not help depending on if she's impaired that day or not. So I know the answer is to just keep things simple but the Martha Stewart in me naturally wants to make it all festive and yummy. My family doesn't care though because my parents and brother are not foodies and my sister is a foodie but she can't eat most of it because she's a veggie and sometimes a vegan so I need to try to keep it simple. Right?

Saw a few previews of the new Beatles documentary that's coming out... can't wait to see it!

Back later,

Lila, thank you for describing your situation! I know it well! I would put everyth8ng into bags and then stuff my closet. One year at Christmas I couldn't find the potatoes. I made BF check his car. I looked everywhere. Come spring, I discovered well-sprouted potatoes in my closet.

I don't stash and dash anymore. It has to be gone. Papers shredded, dishes away, etc. it's a matter of constantly reducing my things.

About the medical device: what about calling them, seeing if you have an open balance. If it's more than you can gain by selling it, ask them to take it back. Then your debt is gone and you have more space. Be realistic about what you can sell it for. One of my favorite decluttering quotes talks about how you lose the money when you buy the thing, not when you get rid of it. Obviously being a medical device, you needed it. But if you don't need it now, find the easiest and cheapest way to get rid of it.

I hope you find another blanket! Is your new bedspread too hot always or just now? If always, sell it. It's not going to get any cooler because it is new.

I'm just sharing with you what I do and say to myself. You are not expected to do these things, just something for you to consider. See what resonates.

No one would find my house to be minimalist by any means. But I've greatly reduced and I am happy. At Christmas, I'll go through my things once again and decide what to do. I'm sure there's more to let go. The fewer Christmas things I have, the more precious the others will be.

I had one of my mother's friends here a number of years ago. She doesn't sleep a lot and has to be always moving. She really cleaned my kitchen. She also offered me tips. But I wasn't offended. I was really glad she cleaned my kitchen. By the second time she visited, I had cleaners every other week. She felt pretty proud that I had taken her tips and kept up with them.

The first time my cleaners came, the main person squealed with delight and said my house was really dirty. She was kind and genuine. I said, I know, I've been really sad and depressed. So we decided which areas she'd clean that week. Now it's her two friends that clean here. Originally I wouldn't let them clean the bedroom and now? In addition to cleaning it, they change the sheets once a week.

Just keep doing what you are doing. It is no longer a battle for me. I mean, it is a battle but I have reframed it in my mind to be something logical and normal. Just normal decision making.

Take care everyone. Thinking about you all.

Good evening.

Tatoulia, I am glad you found your watch!

I hope that your eye feels much better soon!

Lila, that sounds like a good start!
Yay for dishes and fewer dog toys!

I would put the books in a cupboard that the grand Dd can open but the puppy cannot, or up on a higher shelf in a bin or not in a bin.

You have extra sheets and blankets - choose some and tuck them around the couch to cover the cushions. You don't have to make fitted covers right now.

My pie filling did not come out right at all. I was feeling really down that I have so many projects and so little time, and the one big project I did today came out so badly, and I was listing all the things that were wrong and what I might be able to do to still use them for pie, and Dh said "hey - worst case - we have eight jars of yummy apples!" This is one of the reasons why I love my Dh.

Tomorrow I have Bean.

Round 2.

I gave done chores, watered the plants that aren't dead, put away one basket of laundry, cleared the dining table, and picked up feed.

I feel tired, shaky and overwhelmed and I have been yelling at Dh who left to do errands. We have a date scheduled tonight - we'll see how that goes.

I'm having some tea. Possibly not the best choice since my caffeine consumption has been ramping up the last month and I probably need a detox, but it is warm.

Road, I'm glad you have your bf to help you with the medical stuff. Hang in there.

I think a lot of us associated with schools have some ptsd (not even sure the post part is relevant, really, we are still in it. If anything, schools are becoming more and more of a battleground) from the complete disruption of everything we relied on to structure our days and support our work. In some things you can make up time and recover lost ground - but you can't recover childhoods.

I hope your day went well with your niece.

Check the laundry ❤️

I do love your husband for being supportive. He adds the right perspective just when you need it, SubC.

Lila, SubC has a very good suggestion. You have these couches for Thanksgiving. Throw the sheets on them. Enjoy your Thanksgiving. Don't apologize for the couches. They are not a reflection on you. They are just old couches. That's all.

I'm not a fan of binning stuff but if your grandchild won't be enjoying the books and puzzles until he/she is older, bin them for now. Soon enough you will have a higher shelf of a cabinet to put them in. Seriously. Don't be so hard on yourself. You've got this. And like it or not, you are stuck with us and we will see you through this.

If your grandchild will enjoy now, then leave two books out and one puzzle. Just for now until you have more space. And you will have more space. I don't have kids so again I may be off base here (and okay to call me on it) but kids only need a few things to play with at a time. They didn't need four puzzles or five books. At my grandmother's house we played with the marble thing where we would feed marbles down it, with the old bank that looked Ike a cash register, and super Spirograph. That's it. If she had other stuff in the cupboard (and it was full) it didn't matter because that's all we ever played with. All we needed, all we used. You will have space again. You are moving forward.

I'm not sure where you live but check to see if you have a Habitat for Humanity Re-Store. Great furniture, minuscule prices. Just a thought.

Most of all, hang in there. Some days are frustrating. That goes for you, too, my dear SubC. So have a glass of water and just forget about it.

I will take your advice about a compress to my poor sore eye. I may also go to the eye doctor on Tuesday.

Im going to go get the dishes into the dishwasher and take a shower.

Hi people,

Alright I managed to deal with the abandoned laundry. I brought up the two baskets of clean stuff, folded towels... and started rewashing the stuff I forgot. If I get down there again tonight it should be ok.

Hit the store for some essentials, cooked some chicken breasts for whatever. All the living things have been fed and medicated and nurtured to some degree and now I'm hiding out in my room to gather myself a bit.

The stuff with my son hit me hard today. I have a cloud of doom hanging over my head. I heard from the drs office that she is referring him to a neurosurgeon in addition to the neurologist we are already scheduled to see. This has me pretty well terrified. I'm fearing she saw something on the X-ray in addition to the vertebrae issue... speculation. I know I just need to schedule this appt and hopefully it will be soon. My bff is coming over tomorrow to help with medical stuff. The H is overloaded this week with conferences and b-ball games so - but even if he wasn't he doesn't let any of this type of thing really land on him. Well, I can't dwell on it anymore, I'm gonna go back to trying not to think about it - wish me luck.

Tomorrow I will get that appointment scheduled for my son, and one for myself too - and have a chat with my friend about what's going on. I've gotten some of the iep to dos crossed off my list or started so I will try to take the next step on each of those.

Aaaand, take 3.

The high chair has been scrubbed, the dishwasher has been emptied and filled and started, the tea is gone, and I listened to an inspirational podcast. It mostly inspired me torethink my entire life, but I'm sure I'll be able to narrow that down eventually.

It would help so much if the sun would cone out. Even for a few minutes.

Tatoulua, I appreciate your cheerful encouragement!

Good job in shopping at the museum and not buying the fleece.

I still can't imagine getting to your level. My fantasy is someday opening a closet door and having an empty shelf for extra cats.

Someone posted that should couldn't understand how she could get rid of so much and still have her space be so full. Tillie called that fluffing. All the things you have packed away are settled down or under pressure, and when you sort through them, they "fluff" and take up more space.

That's how I feel about all the things I need to do right now. Like I have been forcing things into limited time slots to do just enough to get by, and every time I get a little extra time, they just fluff up and fill it.

Ok, off to start some wash.

Good morning!

Road, I hope you remembered your laundry.

Good for you working on the iep.

A referral to a neurosurgeon would frighten me as well.

Your comment on"all the living things." reminded me that there was a time not too long ago when I was clinging to the nightly mantra "nothing died today" for reassurance. Like whatever else happened, as long as death hadn't visited my barn in the shape of a raccoon or a hawk or disease or old age or bad genetics, or. the day wasn't that bad. Because I had had so many adverse events I was literally approaching the barn braced for one.

So, I am in a better place. I expect all the animals to be alive, present, healthy and accounted for. I expect my basement to be dry and my pantry to be free of mice. I expect my classes to meet in person. I expect my car to be reliable. I expect to have Bean every Monday.

My next 50 hours are going to be a mix of trying to force myself to do things, doing things I wish I was better prepared for, moments of actual fun I am guarding ferociously, and sleep. Saturday I will try to catch up on things. So many, many things.

Yesterday the "florist and floriculture" classes celebrated "kindness week". At lunch time I had a young brother/sister pair I teach bring me their flower arrangement with a really sweet card thanking me for being kind. Then after school I ran into a 16y.o. student who was coming up the stairs toward my room (not heading out of the building). He was holding a vase of flowers and I genuinely thought someone had chosen him and said "oh, those are really nice." He said "thanks. Do you want them? I have to give them to somebody before I go home." The other kids had pretty much drained out of my floor, and he only has three teachers upstairs - one goes home early and he was walking away from the second. So I'm going to flatter myself that that was 16 y.o. Boy for "these are for you."

I don't think I have said much if anything about some recent disappointments with my admin, but when I came home with the flowers, Dh said "Your administration finally realized what a valuable employee you are and apologized?" And I laughed and said "Right. < sarcastic. But the people I actually work for love me." I needed that this week.

Okay,I'm just going to hop in because right after I made the previous post with the blue hearts, I saw Road's post about her son so I wanted to check again on him. I am glad that there is a less scary possibility, and of course I will be keeping him in my prayers. 🙏 And now I'll drop another visual for myself.

💗💗💗💗💗

There. Now I'll again know where to catch up on reading besides what I quickly skimmed.

My roommate is out of town till tomorrow, and I set up card tables to sort on in the living room. Made some good progress! Some doll boxes into recycling, dolls neater and more condensed.

Art supplies and writing notebooks were unearthed behind the teetering stack. So a place to start next, all ready to go. Plus the hope of getting more artwork and writing done again. Need to dust first of all! 😜

It's getting chillier here, though I'm sure we'll have some warm days interspersed. But if I can't get to the storage unit, I can do plenty of good here. Graduated physical therapy on Thursday so won't have the appointments to fit in. Though I'll need to keep it up at the gym, but can be flexible with scheduling on that.

Roommate wants to get another female bunny.

hi friends, wow! All these great posts to go through! I seem to get super busy Sunday through Wednesday, then sometimes I have a free Thurs. Am almost always home Fri/Sat which is when my mind goes back to decluttering.

SubC, how old is your Bean? My grandd is almost 3 and she is the light of my life. I try to go get her and bring her over once or twice a week. I am working on having more energy and being intentional about it. Before I got sick a couple months ago, I used to have her family over for dinner 2 or 3 nights a week. But I have only cooked 2 or 3 times in the last few months. I was so drained by being sick and am still getting my energy back.

The whole garage thing makes my nerves hurt! I can't imagine. I'm glad you are doing okay with that. How is your dh about the clutter and stuff? Is he understanding? Mine is a more severe hoarder of everything, like empty boxes and used paper towels. Mine is I call "milder" as all of my bins, totes and piles are stuff that is (to me) useful. I am working on my clutter but he refuses to work on his. He has boxes of receipts from the 70s (like for milk, bread, toilet paper) and boxes of clothes from then, with holes in them and won't go through any of it. So I am careful not to create too much space where he can add more. But he has nothing in my bedroom (another whole story... he has his own room) so I can clear that space. But it is taking so long!

Will go back and read others' posts now.

SubC, the fluffing makes so much sense. I think that has been happening. Also I pulled things out from under the bed and they are still out being sorted, which takes a lot of room.

I hope your date went ok. I had an argument with my kid (I try never to do that but they did something that made me so angry) and now I have regret and a massive headache. I had a terrible day going to the funeral of a close friend. I was supposed to say some things about them but I just sat there completely choked up, unable to speak and unable to stop the tears from streaming down my face. At one point I felt like I was going to have a panic attack and almost left. I just sat there trying to think of other things, distract myself, breathe... it was terrible. I am tearing up just thinking about it.

I did get the dog stairs put into the garage, and threw out 2 large boxes from the garage to make that room. They were empty and not good boxes for donating things in (holes).

I found a small blanket for my bed and put it on the bed to keep me warmer and that worked. I folded a few blankets and put them in the empty cabinet space... and found another set of sheets.

I found the contract for the medical equipment, went through my records, added up payments and amount owed, and I am clear. It's all paid for and I can sell it. That is as far as I got. I need to lay it out, clean it, plug it in and be sure it still works fine. Then I can contact a couple people who may want to buy it and if they don't, list it for sale. I really need the money, I am so broke right now I had $19 in the bank after the house pmt this month.

I am so sad, and I feel sick because of grief and stress of the arguing, and the headache is awful. Can I just erase today?

Also, this evening I finally got someone who wanted the loveseat I have had listed for free. So thankful he came and got it. It was piled with my husband's clothes and suitcases so now he has to find a spot for those. I am putting a piece of exercise equipment in that spot after we vacuum it tomorrow.

And with that I am going to take a tylenol and a TUMS and try to feel better because I feel so upset I am nauseous now.

Tatoullia, Boston! Great, I can almost hear your accent! I am more of a country or suburb person because big cities scare me. But my cousin lives in NYC and loves it, walks everywhere, doesn't even have a car. So I understand that.

CM, death is very hard. I hate that heavy feeling of loss. One of my dear friends died from covid and I have the funeral in a week. I also went to a funeral recently of my friend's teen who died by suicide. So terrible!! It sort of freezes me for a few days with sadness.

Going back to read more people's posts.

I took some tylenol and a tums and laid in bed for almost 2 hours. Cried and thought and listened to music and got warm. It is now bedtime, but I felt better and not sleepy so got up.

Tatoulia, thank you for the advice and tips. Those are very helpful. I like the thought that you lose the money when you buy it, not when you get rid of it. That's a good thought.

The medical device I needed but knew I did not really have that kind of money, so made payments and it was over $5k in a year and a half. I am hoping to turn around and sell it for $3k. But heck, if I got $2k for it I would be happy. I just hope I can sell it. That's a lot of money for me. So I hope tomorrow to lay it out and make sure it works, then wipe it down, take photos, put it in the original box, more photos, and try to find a buyer.

The other item I put up for sale for $45 has had no bites, so tomorrow I am putting it down to $40. I paid $110 for it and it is like new but did get some use and was worth it.

I lost 2 pounds last week but today I was stressed and ate a bunch of pasta for breakfast and dinner, so... probably back to square 1.

That darned blanket, Tatoulia, it makes me kind of mad. I had a different blanket on my bed I liked pretty well. But I only used it 4 months of the year and decided I wanted something prettier, so I donated it and bought this dumb one. I say dumb because it is pretty. I liked the look of it in the online ads. I thought, I will treat myself to this. Got it, and finally put it on the bed this fall and although it is quite thin, it is very dense and HOT. No breathing room at all. Part of me likes it when it is very cold because it warms me up fast. But then it gets hot and I throw it aside, and then I get cold and put it back on, get hot, on and on and lose sleep all night. It is a generous queen size so pretty heavy for being thin. Anyway it is making me mad because it is new, I just bought it, it was supposed to be a special treat and it just keeps making me hot! But I don't have another blanket warm enough. Maybe that comforter I just put away downstairs but it is ugly and really puffy, ugh. It is so annoying. Not sure what I will do about it but like many things, I need to get over it and get through all those emotions before I can move on from it.

Road Toad (lol) -
Oh wow, do you know yet what is going on with your son? I wish we had a more private forum to talk because my child also had to see a neurologist and a neurosurgeon, was diagnosed with scary things, was going to have spine/skull/brain surgery to fix it but they weren't even sure it could be fixed. Part of it was cranial instability. Part was some of their brain was extending down out of the skull into the spinal column. We ended up getting this fixed in a more non invasive manner a couple years ago and they are healthy now. Praying for your boy!

Also curious what kind of puppy you have! I have a German shepherd puppy.

Good morning.

I have a donut! Dh got us donuts on our way home last night.

Our date went well. We went to an indoor, live concert for the first time in over 20 months. Everybody had to wear masks and you had to show proof of vaccination at the door. The first half all the seats around us were completely empty, and then at intermission some late arrivals sat down diagonally in front of me. At first I had to keep reminding myself that it was safer than school, but then I just enjoyed the music.

Dh is being very kind to me. I think the hysterical screaming melt down yesterday might be why..

Lila,
Grief is heavy and hard and you should also treat yourself gently. I cannot do funerals. I went to my grandfathers funeral, and my cousin got up and said some very nice things, and the whole time I just thought "how can she possibly speak?" All I could do was cry.

About the bed. here is what I think you should do - put the ugly warm blanket on the bed. Cover it with the pretty hot blanket - now it is daytime and your bed is pretty. At night, take the pretty blanket off - it is dark and you are sleeping anyway. In the morning, make your bed with the pretty blanket. Keep doing this until you find the right blanket and donate the other two, or until you decide pretty isn't worth the effort and donate the pretty one.

$2000 is a lot of money. The fact that there are people who have more money than small countries doesn't change that.

I'm glad the loveseat is hone!

CM,
I love your hearts!

Yay for graduating physical therapy and making house progress!

Given all you have going on, I might suggest a few months with one bunny, but your roommate is an adult.

Yesterday - besides melting down - I cleaned up our living/dining/kitchen space (unfortunately mostly using the move the piles method), ran a load of laundry, put two away, and unloaded, loaded, and ran the dishwasher. I also picked up feed and watered my plants.

I think the only actual progress I have made the last few months is using clay and partly finished projects I already have for my classes. Does that count?

No sun again today. It was supposed to snow last night, but there is none on the ground.

okay! All caught up on your posts and feeling motivated.

I decided I am done sleeping on worn sheets (with some holes, even) with a ripped blanket (I love my soft sheets and blanket so have resisted change). I posted them on a group that uses old towels and sheets and blankets for dog bedding and someone said yes they want them. I am about to bag them up to be picked up. Then I looked in 2 closets until I found a brand new set of sheets and a brand new blanket of the same type of soft fabric, purchased years ago and never opened. I got them all out and the new sheets are in the wash, and the new blanket will follow. Will be making my bed and sleeping on the brand new sheets tonight! Plus now I have a pretty good sized open space on my closet shelf. I need to look around my room and see what would fit there, that I really want to keep.

I took all the donations and dropped them off this week too. So I need to find a box and start up again. I will work on my room some more today, little bits at a time. I also need to clean my kitchen and do my laundry (clothes).

I still cannot believe how cluttered my bedroom is, still. I bet I have taken out at least 6 trips to the donation place, gave away things, and threw away many bags and yet, it is so piled up. It's like the clutter is breeding! But I don't think I am bringing new stuff in so... hmmm.

I do have paths to the closet and dressers and windows now. I have a set of great big dog stairs in there that my dog used to climb onto my bed with. I don't need them anymore at this point but I do have an older dog who might need them. I will try and find space for them in the garage today. Maybe I can donate something out of the garage to make space. That will free up a big spot in my room.

My other goal for today is to take pictures of one large item in there and post it for sale and hope I can get a little cash out of it (and make space). I also need to figure out if and how I can sell one other large item. I might own money on it, I am not sure, so I need to find the contract and see. Then contact people who might want to buy it. And if no interest then I will post it online.

Wears me out thinking about all that, but having it typed here will help me stay on track. I will give myself extra time tomorrow and Saturday to get it all done, but am going to get as much of that done as I can today!

Waiting to hear about your lives and your decluttering adventures.

Update - Bean has gotten very attached to a stuffed animal from DD's childhood. We are trying to find a back up to allow for washing. They do still make them, but there is a whole line, and of course the one he loves is the one everybody seems to be sold out of.

I was motivated to go sort through the stuffed animal bins (four huge bins) to see what I have with embroidered (baby safe) eyes.

I found a few things to offer him to play with, but even better - I found seven I can donate. Seven is not a very big dent, but it is a dent, and these are four bins of "best and most loved" out of hundreds that belonged to me or my kids through the years, so any dent is good.

Hey all, happy to report I am out from under the cloud. Still a serious situation but yesterday I was in such a state I kept bursting into tears.

Today my bff came over (the one who dislocated her shoulder a bit ago - she made a great recovery) and we talked for hours and I vented it all and we covered her stuff as well, and then when she left I called and made the neurosurg. Appt. and actually felt better afterwards because the nurse was so matter of fact and did not think it would be treated like an emergency - more of a monitoring situation than imminent surgery, which was a big relief. They think he has atlantoaxial instability which means your c-1&c-2 are so slippy it's dangerous. The numbers indicated on the summary report put him in the "severe instability" and "requires surgical repair" categories. They'd be fusing 2 or more vertebrae together. It would also likely exclude him from quite a few sports and make his amazing but violent dance moves nervewracking for me instead of the highlight of my life. BUT... as much as I am prone to believing I know everything, I'm not actually a doctor so my interpretation of this report could be wrong, the X-ray could have been done wrong or interpreted incorrectly for a person with the anatomy of a person with Down syndrome... whatever, so we will see what the neurologist says on the 23rd and

Hello everyone!

Cm I am glad that your PT is over! I hope that means you are feeling better. Congratulations on your sorting projects! Good work!

SubC I am so glad you have your grandson. It's fun watching him grow up. Great work on making tough stuffed animal decisions! I loved your idea for Lila's too hot comforter!

Lila. I am so sorry about the rough patches. We all can relate to the desperation and headaches and nausea, etc. so terribly sad. I am happy about the loveseat! Yay it's gone! And yay you found more new sheets! Excellent work!

SubC I'd forgotten about the fluffing! Because I too sometimes question the unbelievable amount of stuff I still have despite the massive output of stuff, stuff and stuff.

Spent yesterday day with a few friends baking cookies. I brought 4 home for BF and 4 home for mom. I ate my share while there. One woman took home about 20. I wouldn't be able to have them in the house! ESP since we used one of my mother's recipes and it is my favorite cookie.

Ok going to run errands now. I did a quick load of towels this AM but once again forgot to put in my terry bathrobe, which I don't use over the summer. I'd like to give it a refresh before using it. I think I'll take it out of the closet and put it in my hamper.

Have a good day, everyone! Thinking of each of you!

PS I don't think I was clear in an earlier post and I don't think I said enough. If someone was judging me, I'd be really upset. My mother's friend was being very kind when she gave me tips. It was coming from a place of love. If she had been judging me or criticizing me, I would've fallen apart. Gotten defensive, angry, weepy or all of the above. Unnecessary to treat people poorly. It's hard enough in this world.

Oops
And then see what the surgeon says on the 8th and go from there. I saw plenty of scary words under the "long term prognosis" and "morbidity" sub heads but I am not reading those. This condition is one you read about when you're a new mom (with a baby with Down syndrome) but in the last 18 years having met hundreds of other families, I've never actually known anyone who got diagnosed with this. Gee I hate being the rare exception in cases like these...

Lila, I love hearing about your progress. It's motivating to me. I had so many things to say but now I am blanking out. I will have to check back again.

Sub c. I did manage to go back and deal with the laundry. Funny annoying thing was then I forgot to turn on the dryer and it molded in there overnight!!!! Oh well. I did fold the rest of the stuff and updated my calendar and crossed a few more things off my list. I am still adjusting to post COVID (not actually past COVID) realities of there being things to put on a calendar again. I was really feeling horrible about missing it on my sons entire high school career and it's almost over and I realized half of it was kind of lost to COVID. I mean the football games and basketball games, the dances - things he'd enjoy... I've gotten more neurotic Also but he hasn't been in school a huge chunk of his high school years. Same boat as the rest of humanity. Just another mental adjustment that has to be made.

Oh, and the puppy is a maltipoo. She's 3/4 poo and extremely hyper. My husband had a coworker who had just gotten her And timing was bad because she had a life crisis and wa# desperate to get her off her hands basically. My husband asked me and I said no twice and then I said ok, and then we ended up having some crises and it was terrible timing, but things are evening out a little now.