Lila, I hope the wedding goes smoothly.

I don't know why you would get called to do something next week? Are you on call for a job or did you tell someone they could call you?

You can not answer your phone.

Seriously. It's a thing. My cell phone is in my car, and if the house phone rings, I will only answer it if it is Dh or one of Bean's parents. My mom promised not to call me. I promised to email her that I am still alive after I do chores tonight.

My studio is somewhat cleaner and more orderly. Only somewhat. I still plan to make Christmas gifts for ds and ddil before I go to bed tonight.

Lila, i'm sorry you are depressed. It is a rough time of year.

About the car - I'm not sure what you are proposing to do for your insurance claim. How much is your deductible? You can let them pay the whole amount to fix your car, but if you turn it in as a hit and run and you know who hit you, that is insurance fraud. Is this person important enough to you to commit a crime for?

I'm not trying to make you feel worse, I just want you to think about the situation and not get yourself into a mess.

Do something nice for you. Or one small step to feel like you accomplished something - even if it's something very small. And maybe call work and your friend and tell them you don't feel well. This is true. Mental health is also health.

Road - laundry!

SubC, yeah, I wouldn't do that. I already reported it to my insurance and theirs. They said to get an estimate and submit it for payment, either to their insurance or to mine (which would cost a 500 deductible). Then I asked, if they give me a check based on that estimate, do I have to use it to get my car repaired? Or can I just drive it with the dent and keep the money? My agent said it is fine and legal if I want to keep the money and not repair the car, so I was thinking I might do that. But... guess not. And if I let this friend pay my deductible and my insurance fix my car then my premium may go up. So I dunno. Why does my life have to be so complicated? I just want to live my life.

Sigh. Well, I will try and take some rest time tonight and then get up in the morning with a better attitude.

Lila, my grandfather ran an insurance agency. Unless things have changed drastically, the claim is going to be on this person's insurance because it has been reported. Your insurance company will go after theirs for the total amount if yours pays you, and you should not have to pay a deductible - you should get the total amount. Your insurance agency pays you as a service, ultimately it is the person at fault who pays. The deductible is only for if your insurance covers the claim - your fault or hit and run or uninsured motorist.

You can ask your insurance agent exactly how it works if you turn the claim in to each company, your agent works for you, but the only way I know that this stays off for them is if their agent lets them write you a check and doesn't turn the accident in to the company. That is unethical, but not your problem.

I was once in an "accident" in which I cracked a plastic vanity frame on a license plate trying to get out of a parallel parking situation the other person had created (she parked too close after I parked) she insisted on filing a claim. Fortunately directly with my agent. My agent had me bring him $38 and paid her out of petty cash (very petty!)

They would need to pay you the total amount, not just your deductible, because if you claim anything from your insurance, yours reports to theirs.

Please don't let the person pay you $500 and leave you out of pocket or driving a dented car.

No matter what, you don't have to get your car fixed. It will be worth less at resale and you are not "keeping the money" you are borrowing against the value of the car.

I still am not ready for today or tomorrow and I need to be ready for both. So much I want to do. I kind of wish there was no school tomorrow.

I am so done with this year. I am not even interested in my teacher presents. I just piled them on a bench unopened.

Sending love to all. Subc's insurance advice is spot on. Lila, you've made the reports and the claim, you can very credibly tell the friend that the process is in the works and while you might've been able to consider their repair offer if you'd known before the insurance claim, it is now out of your hands. Keep it businesslike and apologize (as a social lubricant and not as an actual apology) and just say that it's out of your hands, the insurance company has already appraised, started the process, etc. your ins will then get the money from their insurance and it's no longer a deductible situation because the hit-and-run has been identified. You'll get all that's owed to you. Just be sorry that the situation has now taken on a life of its own and move forward.

Cm sending love and strength. Road, sending love and strength. You too, Lila. SubC guess what? Sending love and strength.

CM, sending you all the hugs and support I can virtually ::::::: it's hard not to feel crunched this time of year even if nothing out of the ordinary is going on, and what with all the loss you've experienced I can just imagine how heavy it all must feel.

I imagine we've all been in therapy at one point or another. I think I've done stretches about 4 times, each with clinicians of varying abilities/sensibilities/talent, and I've learned different things from each experience. But really anything that helps take some of the pressure or load off of you or helps you feel lighter - lean into whatever those things might be... maybe it's taking some commitments off your plate for a bit, getting away for a couple days, or spending less time with certain people and more time with others, just lean toward the stuff that makes you feel better and hopefully you will feel some relief...

I've felt pretty down lately about my sons stage in life and school and decided I needed to pick up vision boarding again. It's something I used to be pretty's was into but I've gotten away from it... but the way I do it its 100% positive and you can't help but feel better afterwards.

Little victories...

Hey all, I breached the basement door and went down to do some laundry and try to find my winter shirts... found some but I am still really missing some stuff. I'm so confused as to where it could All be... maybe the garage!

So I cleared off the counter table thing where we put all the baskets when it might flood... I washed it, including some artifact mouse poop from a couple years ago. Yiiiiiikes. That was no fun. But I sorted through the various baskets and I have to say it did not feel daunting to me. I mean I wasn't all gung ho about it but it seemed manageable. I started a load and kind of straightened out that corner a bit. Then I went and grabbed my sons mini tree for his room and came up and set that up. I made his bed and put his new Christmas throw pillow in the bed. He will probably walk in and go "oh ho, so cuuuute, mom" - who knows I might get another pat on the head. While I was down there I saw evidence everywhere of the H's "cleaning job" down there which he was very proud of but always makes me cringe because I know something is always going to get broken and he's never going to tell me about it. Another thing that's frustrating that of course I never have the right to complain about because I a hoard which means I am powerless I guess? Anyway, the other frustration is that the bins get stacked cockeyed and then they tip over and break. One must respect the architectural integrity of the sterilite! Oh well, the only solution for my complaints it would seem Is to eventually make the hoard disappear... and the sooner I can get it out of anything that seems like "his space", the better it will be for everyone. By the way, the friend I visited Monday has talked about her mother's hoarding issue before. I've shared my situation but she was one of the people who didn't believe me since my living room looks normal. It came up again and She tried to tell me I didn't have a problem so I reality checked her with the 200 bins in the garage Tidbit and said, my house might not be as bad as your moms but I actually do have a serious issue and kind of explained the levels and what phase I was in now... and she felt all embarrassed that she had criticized her mom and I'm like, no I get it. No need to apologize. I would have probably ended up there if I didn't hit the brakes...

So reflecting on my overall progress, I have three main areas:
1) room
2) basement
3) garage

1) in my room, I think I have the garbage Dealt with now, and the laundry almost dealt with. I have a decent "curtain" solution for window that I've been using makeshift weirdness on for a long time. I elevated my bed which is a health "to-do" off my list, I've consolidated most of the paper work and crafting garbage to the office area and taken some bulk of the extra stuff out to the garage. Next up I think I need to replace my standing desk so that I have a good spot to sort out all the paper work that's in this room. There's a lot I'm ready to get rid of so that's positive. The stuff that regards my son is heavy emotional baggage that will be more of a challenge to go through I will save for last. I've generated a new master to do board with 4 categories-
1) my health
2) sons health
3) "clearing" (aka dehoarding)
4) misc.

Plan to start some new vision boards to get my attitudes turned around about some things. I feel like crying just writing that. We stuff down a lot don't we,,,

Eventually, I need to repair and repaint in here and freshen up the decor a bit but for now there are enough pretty things in here that I don't feel anxious about getting that done,

2) basement
Working on laundry and consolidating existing storage...
would like to cut down my sons toys and books by half or at least get rid of one storage shelving unit. This will be a little challenging emotionally.

Surplus kitchen stuff, No real attachment to this stuff. Should be able to get rid of several boxes...

Old paper work... not necessarily emotional baggage just very time consuming and dense,,, and large volume!

Holiday decor. Some is emotional. Other stuff is not. Might think about selling off most of the hallmark stuff next year. Can definitely pare down several boxes right now though I think.

Old clothes... this would be an easy project and could get rid of 2-3 bins pretty easily.

Old artwork... defn. Some stuff I could let go of now.

Old videos/dvds...

Paint/hardware, I will leave that up to the H, will just try to make it easier for him to access that part of the basement.

Extra household decor and antiques I'm not using... would be easy to pick things to get rid of and then more challenging to figure out how to get rid of Them...

3) garage
Short term goal is to clear out a wider and wider space around workbench, and consolidate things moving the bulk further back into the garage... the stuff in here is harder because it's more mementos and creative supplies... but I think I'm going to find a lot has been ruined by mice and dampness... pang of anxiety!! But I mainly just need to clear out a small space to take the pressure off and will work on the rest next year - like maybe summer time...

I better post before I hit the wrong thing and lose this tome.

Your info was perfect SubC. I guess the person wanted to keep it off her insurance and thought she could just pay 500 and be done with it. I wasn't sure but my agent told me that even if I did file through mine, they would go after her for payment. AND that the guy she wanted to give an estimate is not an approved person. So to stick with my estimate I already have.

I have a headache from it, am supposed to give their agent a recorded statement tomorrow, and have to do other stuff, and I am just soooo bummed. I have to help with an event tomorrow, Saturday, AND Sunday. I am tired and don't get a day off this week at all. It's my fault for agreeing to do this stuff but honestly I DO want to do it and help my friends... I feel like a jerk NOT wanting to do anything but... there is no bailing on this. It's too important and no one else can do it sooo. I am doing it.

I think december is bad for me because there is less light, it's cold, I can't be outside as much, I miss everyone who died, I'm sad everyone else is having big christmas parties with family, and I don't. Plus I am tired of being broke and sitting on broken couches, broken chairs, putting my coffee on a broken end table and looking and holes in the walls. I need some money. Bah.

Good morning!

Quick note this morning because I have a lot to do to get ready for my last school day before break!

Road, you sound like you have a really good plan and a solid grasp of what you need to do. Remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint. But maybe pick one of those areas where it would be easy to discard and jump in!

Lila, a lot of us have trouble with the cold and lack of light. I've never been diagnosed with anything (probably due to only participating in medical evaluations that involve lab tests) but my family pretty much takes my SAD for granted. We say I'm "solar powered"

I'm sorry this accident is causing you even more stress. When you do get the money, can you plan carefully and is it to make a nice space in your home? Maybe you can find some quality used furniture (I like second hand because it has already demonstrated that it isn't going to fall apart quickly.)

What are your Christmas plans? Is there something you can do to make the holiday special for yourself?

Yesterday I bought cards to write thank you notes. I also had my last pottery class of the session - some good pots, some bleh pots.

I've been working on cleaning up my classroom because they are doing surfaces over break and you can't see mine. I just ask them to please not throw anything away.

Ok, gotta go!

Thanks guys, I'm a bit better today. Road, I enjoyed reading your work and progress/process. I think it really helps to type it out, and it helps me to read others' lists too.

I did something today. You know all that stuff I have been putting off mailing to my son? It's all very emotional. Anyway, today I sorted the papers one more time, took photos of anything I thought I might want to see again, and put all the loose photos, papers, yearbooks and Christmas ornaments into a flat rate box. I put in a note explaining the items. I put in his first shirts and his hospital leg bands. I sealed it all up and it is ready to label and mail. Not everything fit - but I have a second box ready. I dusted his big photo album (I made one for each of my kids as they grew up) and my son's favorite book as a child, a card for each grandchild, and yesterday I came across the baby quilt I made for my son while I was pregnant. It is faded and thinned but he loved it. It was such a labor of love. I folded it up and it is going in the second box with the album and book. I'll check around and see if I have anything else I can add to the box for him. I will mail the boxes on Monday. Emotional. An admission I am getting older and there is no point to my holding onto any of this. Time for it to go on to the next generation. Maybe someday my grandchildren will enjoy these things.

The rest of the day I worked at the event, got very sore, cleaned the bathtub, worked on paperwork and calls. I'm resting now for the event tomorrow.

I'm not caught up at all but I just read Lila?a post. Very hard emotional work. Wow.

Got my booster. Feeling okay.

Good morning from my quiet house.

Actually, it is good morning from my not-so-quiet house.

Mr. kitty and I quite enjoyed getting up and switching the laundry over first thing. I also turned the lights on this morning instead of sneaking out of the bedroom as there is no one to wake up!

Lila, that was a huge job that you did! And in the middle of other draining demands! Be kind to yourself now. The boxes may give you momentum, but if you just crash on Monday, don't be surprised. And give yourself permission to just rest.

I opened most of my teacher presents last night. So far there are only two small non-consumable and one large one that I want to keep, which is a good thing, and I think my girls will be pleased with some of the other items.

I also got a labor intensive house plant which is currently in bloom. I will enjoy it for a few weeks and give it to dsil when the flowers die. He is good at house plants. I am not. I can visit it.

Gifts range from a lovingly hand made paper bookmark (small keep) to a snuggly throw blanket (large keep) We serve a wide range of families.

I'm eating student cookies for breakfast. I would like to make a public service announcement. If it looks like a chocolate chip cookie, but it is going to taste like "omg, that was a lot of peppermint!" You should label it.

I got a couple of gift cards with QR codes, which is interesting, because I can't read them. I don't know how much they are for, but they are to the same flower-and-coffee shop, and it looks like I can get a plant for about $10, so whatever the amount it should be fine and the place looks like an interesting outing. It's a local non-chain small business in a redevelopment area, so I approve.

I'll report back on my vacation later. It's supposed to rain most of the day, so puttering and pottery to start.

Oh sad face. I lost my replies to SubC and tatoulia. When will I learn?!

SubC that's a really interesting (and complicated) process. It kind of appeals to me - the create your own approach - but the "dream sheet" concept was pushing it. I?ll bet almost every teacher rolled their eyes when they saw that. Haha. Good that you're laying down some boundaries, as they haven't been trustworthy in the past. Now you know what you're dealing with, you can engage with sufficient protections in place. Here's hoping you get a good schedule that works for you. I know you love working with the kids and teaching your stuff.

I've taught at planned parenthood and for park districts in college, worked as an aide in special ed, substitute taught for about 6 years, every subject area and grade level k-8, and taught graphic design software at the college level. I have clocked 100s of hours teaching my son also since our district was very weak in academics for him. Loved opportunities to make up my own stuff and I'm good at that. But the challenge I always have is follow through and sticking with a routine.

Hey, you know I've been on this drive to get to the bottom of all the laundry in the house and last week I found my husbands stash of singleton socks and washed them to see if any of his matched any of mine... and guess what I didn't do.... CHECK the laundry. Yes that's right. It was even on one of those days when you threw out a random "check the laundry" and I still forgot it! LOL so tonight I was hosting another major sock pairing event. Managed to pair about 20 more. Still have about 50? But there are still a few baskets of laundry in the basement,., so I guess I'll try to get through that next but D day approacheth... (sock Dump Day)

Tatoulia, what's your daily cleaning routine? I know you said your clothing has two locations, the laundry basket or "where it goes" ... how about your paperwork and kitchen stuffs? Do you have a system that works for you or what's your ideal?

It was funny what you said about the road rage incident ? people trying to drive their cars AND the one in front of them also. Still chuckling about that one. I used to get angry every time I was in the car probably but I am pretty chill now. I let people go ahead or wave people on, if someone is tailing me I will usually just pull over and let them feel dumb for tailing me. But if you pull up behind me after I just cried on the phone making a drs. Appt for my son and start laying on your horn I will cut you. Hahaaaaa. I was looking for that truck all over town today by the way. What is my problem?

I did opt for a stitching day today. Went to my friends house late am til about 1:30 and we stitched and chatted, then I went to pick up my son. Time to get him to bed now actually. He just sneezed more times in a row than anyone I've ever heard before so I hope he isn't coming down with something. Especially not the thing.

Hope everyone has a good evening!

Sub c to answer you abt house guest. She's a 2nd cousin. We are really friendly with her on Facebook and she's stayed with my parents a few years ago for 3 days and we all had a nice time so I know her a little. But I think she might be semi homeless - she's been staying with one of her first cousins helping to take care of her elderly uncle And when she visits her kids she stays for quite awhile. Anyway, whatever the situation is, she asked thurs. if she could park her car here and I was like sure no problem and then it dawned on me she was talking about this Pastweekend. Then she was really vague about when she'd be showing up and as the day wore on I pressed her more assertively for an eta and she was oddly evasive. At some point she said she was 40 mins away and she didn't show up for another 3 hours or something. Very strange. She did apologize and was sheepish but I can't explain it. I guess she had a really hard time getting her stuff together or she was really in a muddle? Or acted like she was on the road but hadn't left yet? Well, anyway now e have the awkward thing of what to do when she comes back through. I would love to see her but will probably lie and say someone is coming in a day later so she doesn't feel like it's an open ended situation. It was actually kind of an interesting dance in the text thread because she kept trying to get me to do things for her and I kept pushing back offering her less and less in return. Just kInda weird. I still like her though.

I just want to ask for some prayers and good thoughts. This year has been tough for a lot of people, I know, and my problems I'm sure fall somewhere in the middle.

Yet I could use some support. I don't know if I mentioned how many losses there have been just in November and December of people I know or their loved ones. We lost our quilt guild leader, I may have mentioned her. Three other ladies in quilting were widowed.

And last night I got a call about the friend who came back from death's door in spring of 2019. She has been a fighter, but she is in another serious battle and we just don't know what may happen. The friend who is her DPOA and my dear friend as well, and who has several family members with difficult situations herself, called me last night to let me know what was going on.

I just feel heavy hearted. And things around this house have not improved a whole lot - the repairs remain undone, and my roommate is about to implode with her job stress, her boss keeps scheduling meetings (which make it hard for me to be in this house with all the yacking going on - but thank the Lord for noise cancelling headphones). Today I have to go out to holy hour at church and the winds here are 30-50 mph with gusts up to 70. Ugh.

I'm trying to find the peace where I can. And hope that someday I'll be a productive contributing member of this thread again with uplifting stories of decluttering success, handy life hacks, etc. Right now, though, I'm hanging by a thread.

CM, we are happy just to have your presence. I worry about you and hope to hear something every time I come by.

I'm sorry that there has been so much loss in your life this year. That is very sad about your quilting group. I am glad you have each other and your church though.

I hope holy hour brought you comfort and hope.

Road, that is an odd situation.

Two more school days until break! Today I got presents, a flu shot, and a note from the building manager that they will be cleaning rooms over break, and we should label anything that might be mistaken for recycling or trash. I asked her "why do you hate me? That's everything in my room."

I didn't open the presents yet.

I donated four old towels to the animal shelter drive. I'm sure I could have donated more, but I did not have time to sort things out.

I also mailed my parents' Christmas gift.

Dh did all the dishes.

I am so depressed. I read some of your replies but don't have the brainpower to respond... but I do care.

Someone ran into me in a parking lot and dented and scratched my car. I am so sad. It was in perfect shape. Now it looks terrible. I thought, well, maybe there is a silver lining. I asked the insurance company if I can get an estimate and then just keep the money and they said yes. I got an estimate, almost $3k. WOW I needed this, I will drive a dented scraped car for that much. But then the person who hit me called. I happen to know them. They were very nice, admitted blame and then said they really need this not to go on their insurance, so said if I take it to their body shop and it's not too much, they'll just pay to get it fixed. And if it is more than my deductible they will just pay my deductible. I am sad... I need the money but I can tell this will go very sour and come back to haunt me if I decline (because of where I know them from and what our relationship is there - long story but it would go ugly if I tried to just get the money).

Also sad because someone at work got upset at me, caught a huge mistake I made, told me another decision I made was bad. I am overly sensitive to this kind of thing and feel rejected and laid in bed and cried last night.

I just feel deflated, broke, ineffective. Lonely. Fat. I can't get anything done. I just want to go to bed early and lay there and cry, and then wake up in the morning and lay there.

I am supposed to have coffee with a friend tomorrow but I secretly hope for a massive ice storm so I can skip work and not see anyone and just sit home and cry.

Thank you SubC, I needed to hear that today. That helps me to read and re-read thta. And Tatoulia as well for chiming in.

I think you're right and they dog has just got to be trained. I am physically not able yet to do a class, but maybe I can in Jan/Feb. But I know enough to do home training until then. I am putting it in my planner to do at least one training session every day with him. Just basics to start with, like sit, down, come. He knows those words and does them if I have a treat but otherwise he blows me off and does what he wants. So we will work on those, and stay.

So now my updates will be both dog training and working on the house. I can do small things with the house and not do any new areas until the dog is trained enough to be less stressful.

I have to go to a really lame party I don't feel like going to in about 15 minutes. I am not a very social person, honestly, but this is a small gathering of like 10 of us so I can't just skip. I will go and try to enjoy some part of it. I have a church thing tonight I am going to also, for Christmas. I do want to go to that. I am just tired thinking about it.

Good morning!

Lila, I just don't go. People who know me understand, and I don't really care about the rest. I get that from my father. My mom told him once that their friends were offended that he never goes to their parties, and my dad said "well, I'm offended that they never come over to split wood."

All I got done yesterday was keep up with the dishes and the two loads of laundry (not put away). "Some other stuff happened" and I ended up spending the whole afternoon/evening with Bean and the kids. He said my name! (Sort of. He said "Ehmmie", but he definitely meant Grammie.)

I also brought home a fully loaded truck from the kids garage. They have decided that with a (theoretically) fully functional pottery studio available to them for free an hour away and a fantastic one with reasonable rates seven minutes from their house, they do not need one in their garage. So they passed on the hand me down kiln, and the wheel and tools (all gifted from Dh uncle or dsil's grandmother) were loaded up and sent home with me.

I am allowed to sort through everything and keep/discard/donate.

I have two wheels in my studio right now, but one of them is jury-rigged and Dh doesn't trust the wiring. I have to leave it unplugged unless I am using it and "pay attention- if you think you smell smoke, unplug it!" So that wheel is going to be recycled. I think there will be a big scrap metal recycling run some time during break when young people are here to help load the truck.

Today is a Bean day and a trip to the Festival of Lights at the zoo (also with Bean) so I have no decluttering or decorating plans. Laundry, dishes, or school work while he naps.

SubC, fun to hear about Bean saying your name. So cute. grammie is nice and if it morphs into an approximation, that will be nice, too. 😘

Lila, sorry to hear about your puppy planner disaster. As a former and sometimes power planner person, you have my condolences. 8 month old puppy, here. When the opportunity came up last spring I knew I wasn't in the head space to take it on but the third time my husband asked I said yes. Oh boy! I feel bad because I can see a direct connection between the amt of attention she gets and her lack of productive development. Right now she spends a lot of time in the kitchen and playing outside with our old grumpy dog. Well, grumpy since we got the new dog... poor thing. She can only handle being in the living room if she's on a lead and has something to chew on. Pees and poops everywhere inside but can go potty on command outside. Definitely signing up for training soon!

Had a weird weekend getting ready for our houseguest who basically never came (she was only here from 2:30-5:30 am). Very weird situation. Had to nap Sunday from that, then last night woke up at 2 and could never get back to sleep because of the nap. So I napped again this am, and we shall see what happens tonight!

When I woke up I knew I needed to get the appt. for my son taken care of. I found 8 ways to avoid it and then I did it and started crying and then my phone died. Omg and while I was on the call, the puppy was on my bed eating important papers and trying to swallow quilting pins and omg... it was pure chaos. Luckily the lady called me back and we finished up. Unfortunately, the MRI has now been moved back to January 7th. No one seems to be concerned that this kid could have a brain tumor except for me. I know that thought is what set me off. The other thing is the sheer complexity of it all. I have to get him in to see his primary (hour away), I have to see if they can do labs (bloodwork) while he's sedated, he has to have a COVID test two days before, I have to call them with the appt date after I make it. They're going to call me twice beforE the MRI with instructions... Yada yada yada.

This is a story - skip it if you're pressed for time!
Anyway, so I got that over with and then headed up to the special Rec place to drop off my late registration. There was a lunatic behind me honking that I wasn't turning left fast enough even though We are on a 5 lane highway and there was oncoming traffic in the outside lane. When I finally turned in to the driveway, he kept on honking at me. Now, I am short, I am fat, I am middle aged, and I probably come across as a mother or grandmothery type... but You might be Surprised how angry I can get in a situation like that. (Or maybe hearing me talk about the H you're not surprised...) But at this point I was still assuming he was going the same place I was going so I had no intention of getting into a confrontation with this guy because I probably knew him! So I kind of pull over thinking he will go around me but he keeps laying on the horn so I wave him around me, He lays on the horn... I get out of my Car. I am driving a 15 year old Honda and he's in a $70k jacked up beast pick up of some sort... he's yelling at me to move still that I'm blocking the driveway and I'm like I'm out of the driveway, (My trunk was hanging over maybe) you just can't turn in because You're hugging the curb and you're driving this ridiculous thing! I try explaining why I couldn't turn before (what was I thinking) he continues to honk, starts to swear, threatens to ram my car!! I'm like, do you work here? This is a small community (meaning special needs), I probably know you! He continues to swear, honk. I get back in my car and move up so he has the clearance to swing his wide turning radius into the parking lot, etc. I wish I would have said "be my guest! I need a new car!" so naturally I turn around and Park. He's parked on the other end yelling at whoever he's talking to on the phone now, I just stand there on the sidewalk like a bad ass tiny fat mad mama bear daring for him to exit his vehicle. He never does. Then I start coming to my senses and I go into the building to drop off the dumb form and she starts to enter it all while I wait. I tell her what just happened and she's so sweet about it. Turns out she's kind of a bad ass in gramma clothing, too! She thinks she's gonna come out there and beat the guy up with me or something, haha. By the time she was done he was gone. What a ridiculous scare baby. Lol I am just so hoping he was just pulling in there to talk on the phone and that he doesn't have a poor kid with special needs. What a beast. He was so rude to not let me get a swear word in edgewise. What's the expression? I think he said "don't mess with me today..." and I'm like "no, don't mess with ME today. You have no idea.!" Oh I am so ridiculous,

So all that to say, I got a big hairy thing crossed off the medical list And a big hairy thing crossed off the social/Rec list for my son. I signed him up for so much I'll probably have to cancel some. He will have so much to do he won't know what to think! And I still have So much to do but I have to keep what's been done in front of me,

Will try to come back later,

Road, I'm sorry there is so much stress in your life right now. I hope you can find time for things that center and soothe you.

I would never fight with an angry person in a jacked up truck here. The odds of being shot are too high.

Good for getting a big thing off your list!

I ended up taking the trash bag with me and dropping it when I got gas on the way to get Bean yesterday. One accomplishment?

I had a really good day with him. He's a little sad right now though, because his molars are coming in.

The most urgent thing I have to do today is turn in my class proposals, or else I probably won't have a job next year.

I'll report back later.

SubC, you're right of course - I shouldn't have engaged with him at all - not after he kept honking at me for no good reason, not when he could clearly have gotten by me but chose to confront me instead, not when he kept using his truck horn to talk over me, or started swearing at me, and especially not after he threatened me. Obviously someone who acts like that is out of their mind, or on steroids or something... this guy definitely spends some of his spare time as an internet troll. Lol. It just amuses me to think what he must have thought of me coming back at him. When he comes down from whatever he was on, what will he think of what he did? Will he think anything of it? I can tell you if I see him in the wilds (of polite suburbia) again, he will definitely be publicly shamed.

So tell me more about class proposals. Are you creating course concepts and then they choose which things to offer? I'm curious how that works. Is it a big project or more like writing lesson plans?

Haven't figured out what my goals are for today. I should probably start thinking about Christmas. Haven't thought of one thing to get for anyone. We don't have much to do (We keep gift giving to a minimum) but I still need to get my butt in gear... Also would really love to have a quiet stitching day... I was just going to say I don't need to do laundry (which in and of itself is a major landmark actually) but I can't find any of my long sleeved shirts or sweaters right now and it's December... So I should probably do that.

Despite having 30 bins of Christmas stuff in the basement, I have exactly THREE bins worth of stuff out plus the tree and the house looks fully decorated. Does that mean I need to get rid of 27 bins of Christmas stuff?

Road you are brave! I'm a little mouse when it comes to encounters with men in trucks. I never understand why people try to drive their vehicle and the one in front of them! Glad you are safe and that you stood up for yourself.

I'm off to the office for the first time in a week. Lord only knows what to wear. Obviously I'm not doing a good job with dieting or even eating right. I don't know why I say obviously but it's pretty obvious to me!

Desk is halfway cleared but another trouble area is my coffee table.

I took bf his gingerbread house and it really is the best one I've done. Emiko did a great job and we had so much fun. It looks really nice. So one more to go.

I'm tired these days. I don't have what it takes. Some of this is too much sugar.

Everyone, I'll catch up on your comings and goings. In the meantime, I got my trash out last night and I changed the litter box. I wrapped one small present (white tissue paper and the cotton red and white string) and I wrote a few Christmas cards. I also wrote a check for a bill I've been procrastinating about. And then I went to the mailbox at the corner and mailed them all at 10 PM. Progress.

So I submitted the class proposals and now I feel really shaky.

The way my job works is that each year (usually in January) the currently employed teachers are asked to submit a list of classes they want to teach, marked with preferred age ranges, number of times the class should meet each week, and time duration (we have class slots ranging from 1-1.5 hours and some classes use two slots) if you have not taught a class before, you submit a course catalog description as well.

You are also asked to indicate the days and times you are available. (And special restrictions - I have in the past said that I can't drive in for only one class on a given day)

The administration then uses these requests to create a master schedule of classes for next year, and hires new teachers to plug any holes in the curriculum or school day. Terms of employment are for one year and at will, so basically, as we have established, your contract isn't worth the paper you have to print it on yourself if you want a hard copy.

Ironically this year they changed the name of the "class proposal worksheet" to "teacher dream sheet".

Historically I have bent over backwards to teach whatever they wanted whenever they wanted.

This year I sent them a list of courses marked with acceptable days and time slots for each course and age range (as in "I will teach this class for this age group in one of these slots or not at all") and three alternate courses with a list of time slots they could each be used to fill if the other classes don't work out.

My proposed schedule is all courses I have taught before and I offered them a catalog description of the others on request, should they want me to teach one or more. I'm not interested in putting a lot of work into something that won't get used or will possibly be handed to another teacher (that has happened)

I also preemptively refused the lunch schedule I do not want.

So, we'll see if I have a job next year and how part time it is. I should know by the end of March.

(I will drive in for one class next year, because I'll just drive to Bean's house and leave to teach my class.)

Btw road, what was the story with that house guest - friend or relative?

And you may not need to get rid of 27 bins of Christmas stuff, but 24? 20? Can you start with ONE this year?

Youngest Dd is going east with Dh on Friday to visit his family. I'm going to work.

Oh dear Lila, im so sorry about your emotional state. Going through the ornaments and the memories certainly makes sense. I have trouble doing the hard emotional work. I'm proud of you. This process is emotional and physical and intellectual and lots of other things. Passage of time is hard. I never mention my father but I miss him. I just miss him.

I finally left the house around 4 pm. It is warm and very humid. No longer raining. Some wind but certainly not what Lila and SubC are facing. I got over to mom's and we looked though her jewelry box together. It was really nice to do that. I did some grocery shopping. I figure I'll make pizza for lunch tomorrow with Emiko.

Im doing laundry right now, my soothing activity. Thank goodness I learned from here that you haven't done laundry til it's folded and put away. I used to have the mixture of clean and dirty in my bed, chair, etc. now there is no such thing. I have a hamper for dirty clothes and clean clothes are put away.

I've started another bag for goodwill.

Kitty is asleep next to me and I feel like a new person while showering.

When I was coming in from mom's tonight, I thought not about how lucky I am to be able to invite people over, but more about the fairly long period where I couldn't invite people in. I am trying to figure out how many years that was. Ten? Seven? I used to be able to invite people over on a moment's notice. And. Now I can again, so that's good.

My goal is to clean off my desk tonight.

Hi gang

Lila, big hugs and prayers coming your way.

We were back in frenzied prep mode again getting ready for a houseguest. I am not totally sure how it needed so much work again so soon after Thanksgiving, but it did. The H did the kitchen and I did the downstairs bath. He did some Christmas decorating outside and I finally got around to lighting the tree and doing the ornaments. The bottom foot of the tree is still dark but I'll try to finish that up tomorrow. We've got the clean guest linens, etc. and groceries. In general it ent well. The guest is still in transit. No clue when she will get here. Kind of annoying but I was happy to have more time to get ready. She has an early flight tomorrow to Hawaii so

Lila, you are working really hard and making great progress! On the ornaments - some things make us happy/sad because they bring back good memories, but we miss them. Other things just make us sad. If you have any ornaments that just make you sad - I would like to encourage you to get rid of them. It will probably be very hard at first, but then you won't see them again and they will take their sad with them.

Tatoulia, how is your desk?

I confess that all of my clean laundry is not put away. Also I need to wash dirty laundry.

However, all of the dishes from today are either washed and put away or rinsed and in the dishwasher - which is not full.

I cleared off 18 linear inches of my counter. Some things I moved further down the counter, but I also took care of some things that were on the part I wasn't cleaning yet. I put more in the recycling and I filled another plastic grocery bag with trash.

Putting things in the trash is hard for me. I had a conversation with myself that went like this: "is your life under control?" "No." "Then you are going to have to accept that there is going to be waste. One grocery bag of trash a day is not a terrible price to pay for getting your life in order. Focus on the front end (incoming items) and keep making progress. Also, Tatoulia didn't buy wrapping paper."

Besides the counter, I found a paper bag full of items in my studio to return to school and never bring home again, and I cleared off a metal cart that is just too beat up and bent and added it to Dh scrap recycling pile. I also cleaned out a few file folders (paper ebbs and flows - I can never tell if I'm making progress)

I swept the stairs (they were dreadful!), dusted the banister, and put up the red bow, icicle lights, and banister sliding snowman I decorate them with. (Those will stay up into Feb.)

All I brought in today was the mail, which did include a few seed catalogs I am saving.

... so many interruptions, I thought I better send it before I lost my post again. Now I forget what I was gonna say. My son is spinning out kinda manicky tonight and I am hanging by my fingernails a bit. H is also high energy . I am a slug in comparison right now. Sounds like he just threw something, calgon!!!

Ok, I'm jumping out again to try to read through your posts. Will try to come back later,

Lila, glad you made the connection between the ornaments and getting emotional. That totally makes sense. I got mad at my son today because I caught him destroying another ornament of him he made at school when he was little. I'm like "I don't have that picture of you anywhere else!" Which to him. I'm sure is 100% meaningless. I've tr ied to take good care of them over the years and then he just casually rips it to shreds. Argh. Funny cause if anyone should have the right to destroy such a thing I guess it's him. But naturally he doesn't understand the implications for his poor mother. I guess I need to scan them all or something. My hard drive cracked in half about 15 years ago and I lost all his baby pictures. It was devastating. I've learned that lesson the hard way several times actually. Now I do have redundant back up systems...

You know how I said I don't have clothing attachments? Well, one of my major hoarding categories is Christmas ornaments. I have at least 1000 antique glass ornies. Mostly balls but some other motifs as well. And then I have at least 500 (Three trees worth) of collected vintage or vintage looking or homemade ornaments... these are the ones I use every year. I put out which ever box I find first. and I have 200+ hallmark which I never even display anymore. I am definitely the hoarding poster child in that you start out wanting to create these beautiful settings or wonderful memories but it gets so out of hand they kind of end up ruining everything.