You are both so supportive, I am thankful for you. Really, it means a lot. I have no siblings, no living parents, I sort of poured my whole self into my kids. SubC, I am so sorry about the struggles of your girls. All of it is hard... I think we feel their pain in a literal way. I remember long ago someone telling me, when you have a child, your heart is walking around outside your body for the rest of your life. I thought, oh how sweet - that means when they skin their knee you hurt for them and when their friend is mean to them you are hurt too. Which is true, but I had no idea it extended into adulthood. The aching for my kids is worse than any ache I ever felt for anything that ever happened to me.

I got out of bed and went to church this morning. I needed it. The sermon spoke to me. The worship songs were beautiful. There was one that choked me up so I could not even sing, but just stood there letting the words wash over me, with tears running down my face. It felt quite healing and like God was saying He loves me. Thankfully the church has dimmed lights during singing so I could be doing that and not be noticed much. I feel better now.

It is all quiet and I am enjoying it as I know it won't be this way for long.

Yes, SubC, they took the dump pile! They tried several times to leave it or part of it. But I kept insisting. At one point they told me to leave it on the curb. I said, "we don't do that here." Because we get fined if it is large. or charged a fee for trash pickup if it is small. No way anyone would take those nasty, mouse pooped mattresses, bent bed rails, and broken desk in 10 bent and rusted pieces. So it is all gone, and I am so relieved.

I have nothing left in me to sort or clean, so I am going to rest until it is time to do other things, and play a game with Tot when she gets home.

Those are great plans, Lila!

I ended up not renting a car today. There is a lot of traffic with college graduations and it seemed like more trouble than it's worth. So I walked to grocery store and got cat litter.

I have a to do list that I'm getting through, and that feels good.

I heard from my friend from whom I'm buying the little house overseas and her situation has changed meaning she's no longer moving to the US but I can still buy the her little house next to her main house. So that takes some of the financial pressure off of me and gives me more time to get the $$ together without going into debt. She was at the houses this weekend to de-winterize them and get them cleaned up for the spring, summer, and fall.

I may or may not have mentioned the little house. It holds one or two people comfortably and no more, which is exactly what I want. No guests essentially. It's adorable.

So that's my situation today. I just showered and I feel so cool and so clean.

Very nice, Tatoulia. The little house sounds lovely, and just small enough.

I played games with Tot, and then Acorn woke up from her nap, and she "played" too. We had a nice time.

I realized today that I am in a bad state emotionally. My stress level is very high, I cry a lot, I am sad. Mostly around Teen and the hopelessness. I have begged for help, tried every mental health resource. I don't know if there is anything left to try. It is making me sick.

So, I don't know how to fix this, but it feels like I am spiraling. I went to a counselor but she was not helpful. Just kept expressing shock and "wow" and" you have done everything that I would suggest" (re: Teen) and eventually there was nothing left to say.

SubC, the tools are mostly in a storage room with an outside door, which he has a key to. I plan to ask him for all his keys tomorrow. The tools were bought during our marriage with joint funds and I was granted all of that in the separation, so I will tell him no on anything I don't want him taking. But it also means I have to be here the whole time and supervise the move, which will probably take 2 hours or so. I hope it goes fast and easy... it is stressing me out.

I walked the dog today which was nice. But I spent a good 4 hours dealing with Teen having meltdowns. I typed 3 different paragraphs about that but deleted them all.

Tomorrow I will try to get some weeding done.

I am starting to train myself to use my new phone I bought in February to serve as an auxiliary brain. I had done that somewhat with my tablet, but the tablet also is where I do more elaborate stuff, almost like a computer - internet research, posting here and elsewhere, reading books, some writing and art, etc. - and the quotidian bits and pieces can sort of get buried in the bigger projects.

The phone is not where I do as much reading and so on. Only once in awhile if I don't have the tablet handy. Plus now with this phone I have a much better note taking app. It lets me organize the notes into folders, there are more options for font colors, highlighting, bullet points (love bullet points!) - like real documents. And they can be backed up, so I won't lose them as I did the notes on the old phone.

So I'm using this to help me remember what to do ahead and things to take with me on Thursday to the bunny shelter house, and I can also use it for jotting down notes for my decluttering (because I've felt kind of lost and not sure where to dive in). And just whatever else day to day. Those "loose ends" that I need to do but won't remember to do in the absence of reminders. I can even set alarm reminders to chime for the important ones.

I think it will all help.

Hey, another thing...this just popped into my mind. As I've maybe mentioned, I am refraining from the sharing on diet and food here because it's kind of a fraught topic for me that I am better discerning in private. But rest assured that I wish us all much success with whatever things we want to do nutrition and weight loss wise. 🙂 Anyway, here's the thing that popped into my head: Gut microbiome. I've been reading about new discoveries in terms of gut health affecting mental health. I think this is a promising area. I had been taking probiotics for some years and then I got away from it. I'm starting up again in hopes of helping my anxiety, and perhaps the ADHD as well if it affects that. It's probably good for a lot of things. And I'm pretty sure pre- and probiotics can be helpful for weight. So just thought I'd pass that along.

Good morning. I am getting a lazy start this morning. It is wet and grey outside and I am tired. I slept until Dh alarm went off this morning and then fell back asleep while he was in the shower. I need to go milk very soon though.

CM, my auxiliary brain is scribbled on pieces of paper and in notebooks scattered throughout my house and studio. It is a physical representation of the state of my actual brain.

I don't think an electronic brain would help me, but sometimes I wish I had a very small dictaphone I could pin to my clothing to make notes during the day and then play back in the evening to organize on paper. Smaller than my flip phone. Maybe an Apple Watch with no strap - do they have a voice memo function?

The most important/urgent thing I need to do today is check my students work.

We have our art show after school tomorrow, and if I get all the work checked, anyone who stays to the end can help with clean up by taking their work home at the end of the show. Also the kids need to make artist cards to display with their work, so I need to hand it back at least temporarily at the start of each class. It will be much easier for me if that is permanently.

Dsil needs me to watch Bean after school tomorrow, so Bean will be helping with set up.

Good evening friends.

I have three more projects to check. This has taken all day (9 a.m. to 10 p.m.) with short breaks (15 minutes or less per hour) plus one long one for evening chores.

I also ran and unloaded the dishwasher and gave the last round of baby goat shots.

Procrastination is a costly habit. Wonder if I'll learn anything for next year?

One thing I learned today is that I make very bad food choices when I have to sit at a table and deal with papers/computer all day.

How were things elsewhere?

Lol, SubC, I have those zillion scraps of paper with to do notes as well. I'm hoping to corral them into the electronic version. Maybe I'll even get lucky and find that a fair number of them are obsolete and can be tossed.

Preparations for the bunny shelter days are proceeding well. I need to make measured portions of my bunnies' food for roommate to give them mornings and evenings. I will miss my sweet babies so much! And they may be jealous when I return smelling of other rabbits.

I pray for energy and a clear, calm mind. It can get hectic taking care of so many rabbits and interacting with the human(s), the shelter lady and volunteers and clients. Plus the daily grocery run at a store that is loud and sometimes crowded,
and we usually have to go during the busy time.

Good morning!

CM, many of mine are repetitive.

Why do you have to go to the grocery store every day?

My entire body is sore from yesterday, but mostly my back, hips, and legs from standing on the gym floor for hours. We had the arts fair after school yesterday and with teaching, set up, and tear down I was there from 8:45 a.m. to 7:30 p.m.

Also I wore dressier shoes (and dressier clothes.) the shoes are very pretty, but they hurt my feet (I went barefoot during clean up) so they are being donated.

On the way to school I drove by a furniture thrift store that had a very cute little wooden desk with many drawers in bad condition out for free. I did not stop even though I was driving the truck because I was in a hurry. It was still there on the way home, but I was exhausted.so I was saved from another project.

Today I stay home and hopefully work on the garden and barn. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

hi guys. I was sick a few days, worked a lot a few days, and now am about to have my days off. I need them. I am drained.

CM I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but my best friend, who passed away a couple years ago, was involved in bunny rescue. She had two fosters that she ended up fostering forever. She really loved her bunnies and helping with rescue and got really mad around Easter when people would give their kids bunnies and then go dump them in a field when they got bigger. So sad. I love bunnies too and had 2 about thirty years ago on our farm.

SubC, your art show sounds interesting and stressful and nice. I am glad you get to spend so much time with Bean. How is Jane?

I went to my dr this week and he is trying to help me get a grip on my health and find solutions to my issues. I got some referrals, higher thyroid med dose, and I bought a fitbit to monitor some things he was concerned about. He thinks I may have sleep apnea, so this will probably show me some signs if I do. If I went in for an actual sleep study, I am quite sure I would lay there wide awake all night. This thing measures my heart rate, oxygen, sleep cycles, etc. And, it is a step counter, and the Dr wants me to try and reach step goals. I am so sedentary that my first goal is 3000 steps a day. I barely hit that today, with effort. It has an alarm if I sit for an hour, to remind me to get up and do something. So far, so good.

My ex is in town and has not contacted me about his junk. I am praying he won't just show up tonight or say he is coming in the morning. I just can't. I think he will be respectful enough to not come in the morning if I tell him I need to rest. If he does show up tonight, I will show him a few boxes he can take with him to sort or whatever. but this is stressful, and I will be glad when it is over. TotsDad hurt his back so no load went to the dump yet. I will ask my nephew if he can help get that stuff loaded on the truck and taken to the dump. We'll see. He may not have time since he is bringing his brother who is not close to us and won't want to hang out or anything.

Everything needs cleaned, everything needs sorted, and I just want to sleep.

Good morning.

Lila, I hope you can get some rest, and that the thyroid adjustment and fitbit help you. I will be glad for you when ex's stuff is gone.

All the baby goats are doing well. Jane is not growing exactly as I hoped. She's a healthy, sturdy little goat, just cosmetically not quite the direction I want to go. I may put her up for sale after all. My original plan was to sell all the babies this year because I have enough to deal with on this farm already and it was probably a wise plan. Also, I need to bring more new genetics in rather than staying with mostly what I have. we'll see. I'm trying to not get too attached.

The art show was good. The kids did some amazing stuff, I'm just always stressed about getting everything set up well and not having anything broken. Also, the gym is horribly loud. And unairconditioned, so it got very hot with so many people. Bean and I were overstimulated, which meant that he wanted to be picked up - which meant that we were both hotter. And he weighs 42 pounds.

Yesterday I got half a garden bed and a row of potatoes planted. I also cleaned out one of the goats stalls. Then it got hot and I was tired and I wasted the rest of my day watching videos. I wish I had planted more because it rained last night and is supposed to continue off and on until sometime next week.

May is always a lot with end of school year stuff and yard and garden demands.

Today should be a calmer day at school, but there is still a lot of year end wrap up to do. Three and a half more weeks!

At bunny shelter. This will have to be quick.

Arrived yesterday during a time of extra things happening. Hence did not get to bring my stuff in and get oriented properly. Confusion ensued. Sometimes I was catching the rhythm based on past experience, other times was teetering on the edge of a meltdown.

Hard enough to establish and maintain my own routines in a familiar environment. These ladies, this is their familiar environment and routines.

Prayers appreciated! I hope I'll settle in better after awhile.

Prayers, CM! I hope you will feel more at peace and settled and you have a good day. SubC, it probably is a good plan to sell the goat... a little breathing room is always good. Where is Tatoulia?

I am feeling unsettled about the whole thing with ex. He did show up and brought food to eat with Teen, which was nice, although I hope at some point to have him stop being in my house. Maybe next trip I will see if they can go somewhere else to eat, but, with Teen's anxiety, that may be unlikley.

Ex said something as he was leaving about how he is not going to sort but he is going to give some tools to his friend. He was exiting and I was so surprized I said nothing, although he mentioned a large expensive tool we got during the marriage. I know legally he has no right to just take my stuff, anything. But what to say? So today I did send him an email mentioning that of course he can take any tools he had before we met, but anything else, please tell me what you have in mind as I need my tools and want my sons to have anything I have, because they actually work on things. We will see what he says in response. But I am stressed.

I really should, and will, go into the storage areas and do what I planned - put away anything I don't want taken. It is just a pain, and a lot of work, and I don't want to. But, I will.

So far today I:
- unloaded and loaded the dishwasher
- took Youngest Son on an errand and to work
- found the long trimmers and trimmed a lot of hanging branches on my front yard trees that were hanging onto my car
- put branches and pulled weeds into recycle bin and put it on the curb
- cleaned one corner of my driveway. I have a neighbor who throws trash into the adjoining corner and it looks terrible but is too big for me to do anything with. So I just sort of pushed it all back over the property line, picked up small things, and swept up dead leaves there so my area looks better.

I also logged my calories. Now I am sort of relaxing, trying to chill before going out there to look at the boxes and tools and stuff, ughhhh.

Hi CM, sorry you are feeling swept up in the storm. I hope you will get to enjoy the bunnies.

Lila, is "out there" a shed? Or the garage? If it's a shed, can you just put a padlock on it?

As far as the expensive tool tha5 is yours, you just say "no."

It is yours, you do not want to give it away -"no." That is not rude or unreasonable or anything. If he is trying to take things that belong to you, that is unreasonable. And also rude, and also theft.

So, the little desk was still there today before school. And also after school. You know where this is going- it's in my barn. It's been a long week and it's harder to resist when I am tired. Also because I am still regretting those curtains.

I dropped off some books, I brought home another book and some toy animals - two steps forward, one step back...

Good suggestions SubC. For those who don't know, we have a 'Decluttering the pounds' thread as well, which you are welcome to join. If I could just lose 20-25 pounds, 80% of my clothes would fit (talking about the ones in my bedroom, not in totes in the garage).

Well, what can I do today? I stayed home to recuperate and slept until almost 9am, unheard of. I must have needed it. TotsDad moved the mattresses out of the way, but injured his back (pulled muscle I believe) so could not go to the dump. This is slightly distressing to me, as it looks like we have a big pile for the dump and ex may assume he can throw things in that pile. Maybe if I am lucky, he will see utility in every item and TAKE the whole pile with him, haha. This is how he functioned in our home - keep everything, even broken/trash. But he has no place to put it so I am probably just dreaming.

It is so quiet and TotsFam is gone to church, so perhaps I can go do some garage sorting. I want to spend at least an hour today in there making sure my things are in safe place and ex's are evident.

Perhaps I can take a few days off work in May just to get things done around the house - but I would want to have a solid plan ahead so it is not wasted, AND need to get my energy issue improved first. I have a Dr appt tomorrow where I will beg and plead for my primary Dr to help me get my thyroid and weight taken care of. I guess I need a referral to an endocrinologist, and some other help with my other health issues. I better write them all down today so I can remember what I want to ask him about.

It is interesting to hear some facts about your life, SubC. We do make assumptions, don't we? Somehow I didn't realize you work 2 days a week. Do you get most of your exercise/movement from gardening? I barely get any movement. My yard is kind of sad. Brown spots here and there, a bit overgrown in places because I am too weak to mow and everyone else is so busy I have to beg someone to mow. I always have to remind my adult kids to help. I wish they would just do it. Like if I ask, they will vacuum or take the trash out or put a load of towels in, but I have to ask, usually twice. I have tried saying 'this is the chore I expect you to do because you live here' but they seem to all be so busy and need reminding or it does not get done.

I am not sure what to do next. Maybe go unload the dishwasher.

Oh Lila, that would be so wonderful if ex hauled away all the dump stuff!

Exercise - digging, hoeing, raking, moving fence, unloading feed sacks, unloading hay and straw, cleaning out stalls, walking around moving animals, hauling water in buckets, cutting brush, wedging clay, throwing pots, playing with Bean "run Grammie! Run!" and sometimes yoga.

I do the chores I care about and I ignore the rest. Dh does the ones he cares about. Sometimes we care about the same things but whomever can't stand it anymore first does it.

I have had a good recovery day - because I have not done any of the important things yet. Dd called and said Bean wants to stay home tonight because they got an evening invitation from his friend, so I will have to go get him in the morning.

So, i told you about buying the solution to rehydrate the glazes? It's concentrated, and it comes in a pint. You mix half a tablespoon into a pint of water and that's what you use to rehydrate the glaze. Today I mixed up my first pint, and I turned 23 jars with dried up glaze into 6 jars with useable glaze and 17 empty jars. I am keeping 4 of the empty jars for storing things like homemade glaze blends or slips, but I am recycling 13 jars. That was a hard decision, so I am going to give myself credit for the 13 items.

I also divided all (I think) my glaze jars into three groups- the two kinds I use the most and everything else. Then I grouped the first 25 colors of my primary brand into sets of the same color jars and started remixing. I have a long way to go - I did six colors.

Also I washed three loads of laundry and so far dried two but didn't put any away, and I unloaded, loaded, and ran the dishwasher and cleaned off the eating table.

Oh, I just remembered that I didn't tell you how my sale went - ok. Not great. It was slow this year. I didn't make my minimum goal but I got to see some friends and spend time with Bean and I got a present. And I resisted buying stuff.

SubC, I'm so glad your recovery day was good! And glad to hear your sale went well and you didn't buy stuff. That sounds like quite a task with the jars... both productive and helpful. I definitely give you credit for the 13 jars!! Good job!

Today was a recovery sort of day for me too. I did unload/reload the dishwasher, wash off some counters, and wash the air fryer.

I made a goal today to eat an orange and a tomato, which I just finished. I had the tomato in a sandwich. Did the sandwich have mayo on it? Why yes, yes it did. But no meat. So hey. I am weird how I really LOVE certain foods one would think of as condiments: mayo, butter, Ranch. I could eat straight pieces of butter on crackers like cheese if I let myself. It is very weird but, for some reason that's what I crave. And bacon, but now I am vegetarian so that's out.

I also watched baby Star while DIL took Tot to the dr for an ear infection.

Not a whole lot going on... we did finally get a more substantial amount of rain over the last couple of days. It had been a while since we had much. Roommate is gardening like a fiend.

I'm going to help out at the bunny rescue later in the week. I'm going to do what I feel I can but others need to pitch in too. In some ways I kind of have wanted a change - I know it won't be like a vacation because I'll be busy, but I almost never get away from here so close enough.

So I'll have some lists to make and packing and planning to do, grocery run because I will want some of the food I'm used to along, and this and that. It promises to be a full week.

CM, I hope you enjoy your bunny time.

Lila, it sounds like your body craves fat. Maybe work on cutting the sugar and refined carbs and give yourself "treats" like eggs and cheese. (Or dip the tomato slices in Mayo or ranch and skip the bread...)

Bean is helping me with the laundry and cooking me imaginary food this morning. Later we might work in the garden.

thanks all for the thoughts. Alanna, may I ask how old you are? It sounds like you're a teacher. I am mid 50s with a bunch of adult kids and a bunch of little grandkids, and an ex who was (is) a hoarder. I formed in myself some sort of hoarding issue as well, although not as impactful as his, but one of my sons came to move his family in with me so he helped me sort an immense amount of stuff and donate it. I started the Daily Tally thread and got rid of over 1000 items last year! Not counting actual trash. I am proud of that and working towards 600 this year. You are welcome to post on that thread too if you find it helpful.

I am feeling stuck, very stuck. Not just in sorting/cleaning, but in just about everything. Weight gain, incativity, sluggishness (thatnks to very low thyroid that hopefully my Dr will address), feeling like moving, etc. I look at other people's lives and wonder, how do they do all that? doing stuff wth family, friends, working in their gardens and yards, being active, cooking dinner, cleaning, all that. How? I barely can keep up with the basics of laundry and dishes and taking a shower 2 or 3 times a week.

I did go get my hair cut today. I did help Teen prep some food and talked to her for a bit. I did spend some time with Tot. I want to do more but I don't want to do more.

I would sum up my current mood lately as ambivalent, and slightly overwhelmed, but unmotivated to do anything. If it were not for my work that I love, and my grandkids, I would do basically nothing.

p.s., I could totally be on 600 lb Life, the show... if left to my own devices. I would be the 600-lb-life-Hoarders edition.

I am about 250 tho.

So nice to know someone is thinking of me in the evening!

So the connection of this to decluttering is to remove the items and triggers that cause you to snack. But you have other people living in your house. So that is hard.

Also try to replace foods and habits. Like the tea for snacking.

I have been using two mental tricks. Whenever I look at snack food I think "that is Dh bag of chips" or "those are Bean's cookies." Not when I want to eat it, when I buy it, when I unpack it, when I open a cabinet and see it - it helps put my brain in a space where that food is not something I can eat. Because it is not my food.

Also, I tell myself I have to eat things - like "I have to eat these carrots and a banana today" then when I want to eat, I already have a healthy focus on something to eat. And there is less room in my stomach for the other things.

And I'm sure that it helps that now that it is spring I am very busy doing physical labor.

Ack! I posted that on the wrong thread! For some reason my keyboard won't come up on the site this morning and I had to cut and paste from notes.

Good morning.

I fixed the keyboard issue. Sorry about the misplaced post.

Alanna, I guess it's Sunday afternoon or evening where you are. Can you find 15 minutes to gather trash and take it straight to the outside bin?

Lila, I hope you get the thyroid sorted out - that makes a big difference.

I think we make assumptions about other people's lives.

I don't get my hair cut, I don't wear make up (I sometimes wear yesterday's clothes and don't brush my hair when I am staying home) I rarely cook meals. I rarely do stuff with friends. I only work two days a week. Family stuff is mostly Bean on Mondays. I rarely clean (bean likes it when we vacuum on Mondays)

Dh wanted to stop for dinner out Friday night and I begged off because it would take too much time.

Dh says I have to drive the truck this week because he doesn't have time to fix my car. Boohoo - working air conditioning! (Bad gas mileage)

I'm trying to have a recovery day today, although it is a good day to work in the garden, I have a LOT of student work to check, I need to disbud (horns) the little girl goat, and I have a raccoon problem.

"Recovery" includes trying to catch up on dishes and laundry - which I am going to go start now.

My goal today is to go pick up my packages. They are still delivered to BF's former business. That's all I have to do to feel like I got outside and actually did something.

I did my one goal and picked up the packages. I stood in the business for a while and thought about all the years we spent there. Then I stopped to get milk and then I stopped by mom's to talk to one of the aides. So my life doesnt look like it used to. But that's fine.

This spring seems slow to get started. I don't mean just the weather, although that does keep reversing back to cooler just when one thinks it is progressing normally for the time of year. Storms predicted for Thursday and beyond, rain definitely needed.

No, it's spring activity and projects that are slow getting going too. I'm not sure what to do first and about the time I might make some sort of decision or plan, life comes along with a thing to do that sidetracks even if the thing is good in itself. But I am starting to get out more and to feel more relaxed about it. My friend likes to go to this warehouse of $1.25 used books and movies. I've been very restrained there and lots of times won't buy anything. But I did find 2 CDs and 2 DVD sets (the latter will probably get watched by me and roommate then re-donated).

The CDs I've been playing while driving, for relaxation. One is music and nature sounds, heavy on the frogs. So most people play rock or country or hip hop, etc. I am driving down the street jamming with my frogs. Lol! Whatever works.

Good morning!

Alanna, have you had a chance to do something in your kitchen yet?

How does trash leave your house? Do you put it out on the curb on a specific day? Or take it to a collection point? Can you try to set aside some time right before collection to carefully gather a bag of trash and take it out, checking as you go and reminding yourself that you are checking carefully so you won't need to do it twice? This would save you some time and hopefully help clear out a bit.

Tatoulia, you sound a little sad. I hope that life throws you some more positive things. You are very accepting of change, but it is still difficult. Especially when the changes are unchosen or involve losses.

CM "driving down the street jamming with my frogs" - lol!

Lila, missing you!

I had a wonderful time with my family. My house is still a mess, but I have started the laundry and mostly kept up with the dishes.

Also, still working on time management, and my morning computer time is up. Have a great day everyone!

Good morning friends. I have read your posts and am glad to hear the good things going on. Tatoulia, I agree you seem sad, so I am praying you will find some light in the dark places and that you will feel loved.

hi SubC, I missed you too! I was working and working of course, and dealing with stuff, and starting to feel stressed. I had a bad headache this morning so stayed home to rest. I probably need to go to work this afternoon though.

Hi CM also! And hi to our new friend, Alanna! It's great to hear from you and I hope you will post all about your thoughts and how we can support you.

SubC, I would love to move all of ex's hoard out to the garage, but it is a moving van's worth and at least half the boxes are too heavy for me to carry - books and piles of things crammed in. I am very nervous about the whole situation. I do not like the idea of ex being in my home taking things, especially if I have to be at work!! And my boys also have to be at work. I was told ex is coming "a few days early to sort." I am very unhappy about that. I just want him to take all his boxes and go!! Not leave things here for me to deal with! I may have to make that clear, somehow... but how to enforce? I don't know. I am pretty sure he still has a key to my house, too. I am 99% sure he would not just come inside and take things - but a lot of my things are in the garage and storage room.

My plan to try and mitigate the stress is for TotsDad to take the old gross mattresses out of the garage and to the dump this Saturday. Then I will be able to access all the totes and boxes. Maybe in some way I can mark what is his, with stickers? or something? I do want to remove MY things from that area completely.

I hope to manage when he is here and I am here. I had a bad experience in the past with my first ex who came in and TOOK things after we were divorced.

Changing locks does not matter if you have a neurodivergent kid who will let them in regardless (oldest son,who let his dad in all those years ago but loves in another state now, and Teen, who no matter what I say will let their dad in and probably help him load up my stuff!).

My bedroom is the safe room which is locked and he has no key.

See how this is upsetting me?

I need to email ex and define when he will be here, and then call my nephew who is helping load but would honor my wishes. If nephew came before ex, he could help me move stuff.

Tired thinking about it.

Lila I am glad that you are posting and sorry about your distress. I will be thinking of you. Hi SubC Hi Cm Hi Alanna. Maybe not sad but wistful or blue? A small step up from sad.

BF's birthday is coming up. I have a full weekend ahead so that will help me through.