oh, thank you for your sweet concerns, SubC and Tatoulia. Life altering, yes, but not life threatening. It will be a few months of recovery, but mostly back to semi-normal hopefully in a few weeks. Worst pain of my life, not trying to be cryptic, just have always wondered, what if someone from my actual life wandered across this site and figured out these posts are from me and I would be so sad, thinking my co workers or people who know me know the state of my home. But anyway, suffering, humbling, and hard time bouncing back. I just want to lay here and sleep. I am finding it harder than ever to get up and do anything, even given that I am recovering from surgery. My motivation has dropped to zero.

However, the thought of someone else coming in here to help me or bring me food or heaven forbid, get me things or clean up, is just enough to make me do a little bit.

Yesterday I gathered all the dog snacks and chews in my bedroom into one box.

I also gathered all my snacks in my bedroom, put into baggies and put on one desk shelf. The rest went into a kitchen cabinet. I don't need THAT MANY snacks in here.

I was able to shower yesterday for the first time all week. Today I will try and wash a load of laundry with some help.

I also sat here and went through one box of books I inherited from a dear friend, and found 4 or 5 to donate.

I will do 5 minutes of sorting or wiping down in my bedroom and my bathroom, as I am able.

Truth be told, I am sad, and want to do nothing.

Lila, good to hear from you and we understand completely! I would be mortified, too, if someone found me here. It's our private space and our private community.

Just don't overdo. Please just take care of yourself. I understand being sad as I have been very sad for about a month. I am sure that having significant surgery is making your sadness even worse. Here for you.

I've been reading most of the day. I took subway downtown to get brother a birthday cake. Too humid to walk. Came home, showered, and read. Now I'm doing a little laundry.

I haven't really done anything else. I'll put dishes in the dishwasher and will run it in a little while.

SubC, I think of that as sort of slipping decluttering in "sideways," when our attention is focused on something else. That can make it easier by taking the pressure off, the push-pull, "will I or won't I" do this. That head on approach can result in indecision gridlock.

Hi CM! So good to see you! The weather out your way has had me worried.

The super hot day was perfect for going to the water park though. 🙂

hello, friends. I am here, blurry-brained and eyes glazed from so much work, but finally here I am on my two week vacation. I love my job but everyone needs a break. I am enjoying being home, sleeping in, playing with Tot. I caught up on some of the posts.

SubC, that situation at the school would have been upsetting to me. I probably would have a car full too, but most of it would go directly to a nonprofit second hand store for donation. I used to pick up everything useful - everything - and save it. Off curbs, free stuff at yard sales, all of it. That did not serve me as you know so I have donated a lot of that stuff. I like your idea of having new instructions so people can feel good about taking things. This world is so wasteful!!

Tatoulia, I'm sorry about the safe deposit boxes, that would be upsetting, but it sounds like you worked through a lot of those feelings. I'm glad you should get those things back.

Hi CM, Alanna, who am I missing?

I'm trying to do some major decluttering and cleaning and reorganizing as part of my time off.

Back later!

post #2 -

Today I was wondering how other people's houses don't get so disgusting and gross. I was getting the dog his food and noticed that the lid of the dog food bin is covered in dust and ick. I have wiped it off many times but here it is, looking like it has not been cleaned in years. How is it that other people's things look clean and fresh every day? I know I will wash it and get it looking nice, yet, not long from now it will be like this again. I don't understand how it works. Do other people really have the time to clean every item in an entire house every day to keep it looking like new?

Today was a good day, though.
- loaded and ran the dishwasher
- partly unloaded and put away clean dishes
- folded and put away kitchen and bathroom towels that were in the dryer
- did 3 loads of laundry, mainly my clothing and towels
- took a few things out to the trash
- picked up my car from the mechanic
- then drove my car to a car wash, because it was filthy. Ran it through and then used their vacuums and got it vacuumed out, all trash out. It is still not "clean" but certainly better.
- paid bills
- picked up all the stuff off the counter and bagged it for dil. Put the crock pot away.
- vacuumed and mopped about 75% of the kitchen and dining room floor. I did not move all the chairs and table which are against a wall, but the rest got mopped.

Aside from that, I cooked a curry using stuff I had in the fridge, made coffee, played with the dog and Tot, read with Tot, and put some random things away.

I think of how much free time I would have if I had someone to clean for me. I would be free to do things I enjoy.

Good morning!

Hi Lila. I am also on vacation.

Camp was fun last week, but I am looking forward to some open days. It was nice and short, so that I got to enjoy the kids, but was barely starting to get attached by the end of the week, so it wasn't hard to leave them. My employer handed me my paycheck yesterday! I am not used to being paid so fast. It was nice.

I don't know who these "other people" are. I think they don't have dogs and children. I think they like to clean. When we were homeschooling, we went to other families homes a lot. Generally the room we were meeting in had been swept or vacuumed and most of the surfaces wiped down. Bathrooms were usually clean. The rest of the house and yard were pretty much mostly like ours - kind of dirty and fairly messy. Most of them did not have hoarded rooms though. More stuff makes cleaning harder and take longer.

My cousin likes to clean. She wipes down every surface in her kitchen every night, including the floor. She has very little stuff on the counters or table and nothing on her windowsills, and she uses disposable cleaning cloths. She also wipes up and does dishes as she goes when she cooks (but she uses a lot of prepared foods, so that doesn't take long). Her evening "clean" takes her ten minutes. If she made a curry, that would be her activity for the afternoon/evening.

They are moving my husband's office at work. He is getting a smaller office shared with two people instead of one. (They are downsizing building use) it has a window with a view of the dumpster in the parking lot. Currently he works from home two days a week. This week he worked from home every day because the union guys have to pack up his computer and anything else and move it and set it up, so it takes all week for a section to be moved. No one can move their own stuff. He brought everything home except the equipment (like the computer) that belongs to his employer. 28 years of books, awards, photos, Knick knacks, office supplies. He says he might never go back unless he has to meet with someone. There is a lot of "new" stuff in my house. I'm not sure how I feel about this. When he works from home he yells into the "phone" (computer headset) a lot and creates a lot of dishes and empty food packaging. He also has trouble stopping in the evening.

Anyway, today is a catching up day with a wedding to attend in the evening (Dh work friend) so I will let you guys know how it goes.

Hello hello! Vermont went well. Took me all week to recover from so much driving. We had rain and fog and a tornado warning on way up to VT. Luckily Emiko did not tell me about the warnings coming through our iPhones. All is well with mom's grave and we had a wonderful time with my sister. The hotel was very nice.

Lila, I need to think about what you wrote about other people's homes being so clean. I think of that in terms of decluttering, too. I think some of it comes from dealing with things in the moment. I have been working actively on finishing things I've started and taking care of things now. I tend to start making my bed and then abandoning the last little bit (like fluffing my pillows) and then I wonder why things never look right. So I'm working on that. Trying to take care of things as I recognize them instead of saying, I'll need to do that later.

I'm going to think alot about your post.

Hello SubC, CM, Alanna! Hope I didn't miss anyone!

Good morning.

Tatoulia, I'm glad things went well for you.

I mostly puttered around yesterday. Dh helped me clean in the kitchen/great room area a bit.

The wedding was very nice. It was a second marriage for both and their kids made up the wedding party. The six year old clearly couldn't wait to get the ring on his stepmother's hand and kept having to be told "not yet" as he tried to hand it to his dad. I think the bride's teenage daughter has a few more reservations - her big brother leaves for college in the fall and instead of being a family of her and her mom whom she is very close to, she will now have a stepdad , two little sisters, and a little brother. But she walked her mother down the aisle. (Actually down the curved rock stairs between the flower beds - the setting was really gorgeous.)

Slept in this morning and a bit tired, but determined to get some things done. We had huge storms yesterday and the heat has finally broken, so garden for a few hours this morning, and cheese/ice cream making in the afternoon I think.

Hello again.

I am having a fairly successful day.

I pulled some weeds this morning and got all of the pepper plants Dh bought me planted- so they are not sitting on the front porch anymore, and also they did not die. It took a little longer than I expected and I got somewhat overheated, so I had a shower and a rest.

Then I spent some time working on the counter of doom! "Better" is relative, but any progress is good progress.

Now I am having a short break from standing, and then I am going to make some bread and start the dishwasher.

Good morning.

Stay cool Tatoulia! We had a heat index of 105 yesterday and an air quality warning. It was hard to explain Bean why he couldn't play outside.

My house is a mess. I slept late, and had strange dreams, and need to take care of the chores before it gets too hot in a couple of hours. I have two major projects I want to work on today and can probably only find time for one, although Dh will be gone until dark, so we'll see.

Thinking about your dad, SubC.

Thanks Tatoulia.

He's home now and on orders rest the rest of the week - stay home in bed or a chair and just walk around the house as needed.

Dsil is sick, so Dd - who is not sick (yet) is planning to come here to sleep. She's going to get dinner somewhere after work and pick up breakfast on her way tomorrow. Bean is home with daddy and won't come on Thursday now. Since I'm running camp next week that means I won't see him for two weeks.

I haven't made any attempts at either of the projects I thought I was going to work on today, but I have puttered around cleaning up and doing some laundry. I just still can't seem to find my energy.

Good morning! Happy solstice!

My dsil still has a fever and Bean says his throat hurts, so Dd is still sleeping here. We are all over cautious about the baby brother.

The heat is still miserable. Tatoulia, how are you coping?

I made a lot of cheese yesterday (one of the major projects) and need to make more chocolate sauce (I use a spoon or two in milk as a treat instead of buying cocoa or chocolate powder.)

I need to do some pottery prep for camp next week and for a class I am taking that also starts next week. I'm going to a program at the studio tonight, so it is a going places day. I have a bunch of errands to plan out and load in the car.

Dh had the day off yesterday and he helped me get the AC fixed in my car, so I can drive it now. He also brought me ten pepper plants when he went to the hardware store. He has been taking really good care of me lately.

Ok, off to do chores and such before it gets too hot!

Good morning!

I miss everyone.

I skipped my errands and my event on Thursday. It was just too hot. The venue was not air conditioned. Hopefully it will rain today and break the heat.

I've made very little progress on tidying my house, but I have been making cheese and chocolate goodies and frozen custard, which is not helping my weight.

Dd is bringing Bean over today because I didn't get to see him at the end of last week because of dsil being sick, and I will have camp mon-Fri. She will drop him off and I will take him home later. And do some of my errands, but not everything because some stuff is closed on Sunday.

I'm hoping the structure of camp will help me get myself back into some routine and progress. I've been drifting a lot this month and really only have 8 weeks to get myself together before school demands start again. My house and my stuff are feeling overwhelming.

I'm here. Going to VT today to take care of some stuff involving mom. Have a friend coming by to take care of cats.

Hey All 🙂

I'm sorry I haven't kept up with posts (reading or replying), I'm still grading papers - 230 questions to go. I'll reply when I'm done.

Just wanted to pop in and send love to everyone. <3

Hi Tatoulia! I hope Vermont goes smoothly.

Hi Alanna! So glad you are still here! I feel you on the grading. Ug!

Hi CM, hi Lila!

My Dd decided to meet a friend for ice cream this evening, so I only had to take Bean as far as the ice cream store. So I only dropped trash and got groceries.

Camp starts tomorrow. If I get done in time, I will go to the bank.

I did get the house tidied up a bit today. It's a mystery why I can clean up when Bean is here, but not when he isn't! I mean, he helps, but not that much. I think it's being trapped, but not needed. - like I'm done eating lunch, and he isn't, so I sort out the stuff on the table while I talk to him. Or he wants company in the bathroom, so I wipe the counter..

He had fun with the new tumbling mat today. It was a mat and also a fort roof.

Other updates on other threads ..

Good morning.

Wonder what everyone is up to. Alanna, did you finish the grading? When do your terms run?

Today is a Bean day. I have him Mondays and Thursdays this summer.

He has to be home early today though, because he has swimming lessons through the end of June. I will go to school when I take him home. They closed all the roads around the building for construction last week and made our parking lot inaccessible, so the administration extended the deadline for cleaning out classrooms to tomorrow. I still have a lot to do.

I did surprisingly finish most of the things on my list and go to the trainville farmers market yesterday. It was their first day, and there are no farmers yet - lol! Too early in the season. It's held in a nice grassy area by the park in front of a little shop that used to be a shed and the associated food truck. The food truck has four picnic tables. It turns out I know the market organizer - she is the same person who organizes the holiday and farm markets at our fire station. No one had bedding plants. It was face painting, soap, and bath bombs, candles, bread, and cookies. Plus the food truck and shop.

I struggle with local markets. I believe in them, and want to support them, but also, I wish they would have things I need. I don't like scented candles and soaps, I make bread and cookies, and I don't need my face painted. (Although I would have bought Bean a cookie and had his face painted if he had been with me and wanted me to.) The food truck has "grill" in it's name and is covered in cows. (Vegetarian in case you forgot)

Sometimes I feel like I consume so much, and then I go out and mingle with the world..

I'm thinking about taking some pottery and some baby goats and getting a table next week. Not sure how serious I feel about it yet though. I need to talk to Dh a little more. He was feeling under the weather last night.

Good morning.

I decided not to do the market next week. It's supposed to be 96 degrees, and I have other things I need to do right now.

I had a good day with Bean. We picked up the new chicks and he is very pleased with his new silkies. I did have one chick who didn't make it through the night, but she was not a silkie, so it is fine. She was wobbly when she arrived, and a ten percent loss for random reasons is not uncommon in the first 48 hours of a hatch. The rest look good and if they survive to lunch time we will have cleared that hurdle.

School. The trip to school was a hoarding trigger nightmare. My car is full. I started out so well. I walked through the halls past all the other teachers' discard piles and I collected two large pads of chart paper and a stack of file folders to use in my room. Then I went back for 4 cool rubber band powered toy planes to bring home for my little boys. And then I started working on my classroom. I even put some random bits of non-recyclable plastic stuff in the trash can.

Then the building manager showed up and started stuffing entire piles into black plastic trash bags without even looking through them. And I said "hang on, are you just going to throw all of that away?" And she said "yes. I do not have time to sort it. If you want any of this, take it." And so I took a bunch of stuff. And she even called me back a few times for things that I figured she wouldn't throw out because they were larger objects with a clear destination - like an empty bin with a lid that obviously belongs in a particular closet: "do you want this?" I hesitate "seriously, I'm going to throw it out." And once, looking down into a cardboard box "Lego's." Me "(S), those go in somebody's room." Her "take the whole box" and I took the whole cardboard box that the legos were loose and mixed into. It looks like someone dumped a desk drawer into it.

And the whole time there was this horrible battle in my brain "I should just walk away. This is really bad for me. This is really wasteful and destructive and absurd. This is a symptom of a society with unhealthy values. I can't believe she is just going to throw out things that are still perfectly useful and functional. This is definitely triggering all of my hoarding instincts. This is probably making me worse. I need to stop doing this. How long would it take to sort out the donations and recycling? Longer than I have. So we are just going to throw out stuff that we spent money on and could keep using because we are too lazy to put it back in the supply closet. And then we will buy more. There are so many things I can't buy for my class because my budget isn't big enough. And then we will have fundraisers? Why should we expect parents to give us money when we don't steward it well? We are literally going to pay to have the dumpster emptied when it is full of stuff that is perfectly good but we ‘don't have time' to put somewhere else. How can we do this and then seriously expect our students to take care of the stuff in the classrooms? I really need to stop. I could just throw all the bags in my car, none of this is dirty or dangerous. No I can't there is too much."

I did finally walk away. But my car is full and I am still struggling to deal with the whole experience and the anger and frustration it stirred up. And I did not finish what I needed to do in my room. And I thought I would go back today, but now I need to deal with my car.

In better news, DD's doctor says she probably won't have to have a c-section, so things are looking better and better there. And they are starting to prepare for the baby - Bean is going to be moving to his new room and a twin bed (his current bedroom is only big enough for a toddler bed or crib, the chair Dd nurses in, one bookshelf, and a dresser that doubles as a changing table)

I'm sorry, SubC, that is extremely dismaying to see. Shamefully wasteful and sad. I could analyze what I believe are contributing social factors to such occurrences, but it might shade over into political and moral ideological controversy... so instead I'll just say that I think one thing that happens is people get way too pressed for time so they just go into a dumping frenzy. I could definitely see that in a school end of term scenario.

But I'm glad to be reading your posts about good news regarding the new grandson's imminent arrival and his improved prognosis and good news for your daughter as well re delivery. Continuing to hope and pray for the absolute best for all. 🙂

I'm here, just not posting.

Thank you for the continued good news on the pregnancy.

I've been giving some thought to wearing one of my mother's bracelets all the time. I couldn't find it here so I figured it must be in my safety deposit box. So I went to call the vault for their hours (not affiliated with a bank) and when I looked for the number, I saw the vault is permanently closed. I have two safety deposit boxes there. One small, one large. I felt really concerned and after my meeting at work I walked over to the building. The security guard gave me the property manager's number. He couldn't give me any information on the vault and whether the contents were still there, other than to say other people had come by before and he was unaware of any problems. . I waited to call for two days because I needed to live with the thought that it could be all gone. I found a way to make peace with it. I called the property manager on Friday and he'll give me access next week. I can only clean out the small box because I'll need someone with a car to get the large box. The man who ran the vault died in December. He was a very nice man and extremely fatherly toward me. I've known him since I was 23 and he was so proud of me for getting my degrees. The last time I saw him, I wanted to ask him to lunch but his worker was getting lunch for him. But I really had to live with the whole, what if it's all gone. I didn't cry, told BF about it and he told me not to worry. The vault is being closed and I am half thinking about whether I should try to be the person who runs it. Wondering what the property manager would think of that. Not a ton of money but if I had an employee who worked full time, I could stop by on my lunchtimes to check in. Just a crazy thought. Or I could only be open three days a week and make it days I work from home, and just work there instead. I don't know how many of the boxes generate rent or if I could make it make sense financially. Probably not.

Anyway, I did have to think about the nature of objects and their ultimate value. I will sell most of the jewelry. I don't even know what's in there, truthfully.

Good morning!

Thanks for posting.

CM, what surprised me most was how utterly exhausting the whole experience was. My car is not fully unloaded, but what is still in it is stuff I brought home from my classroom intentionally to sort, clean, reorganize, and plan.

I have trash (that I will take back and throw in the dumpster at school) recycling, donations, a box to return to school, a box of consumables like paper and folders, and a box of things to decide if I want to keep or donate.

I am wondering if I can ask the building manager to amend her instructions to put unwanted items in the hall and be done by x date to add "please help yourself to any items in the hall that you can use for next year. (Which is sort of understood but not stated) Any items still in the hall on x date will be thrown away" - giving people permission to take items for personal use without guilt just before that point and also a heads up that if they want to come sort their recycling, or other people's recycling out or take items to donate, that's the cut off.

Tatoulia, I'm not sure you need a new business to run. I would have been on the phone right away! I was burglarized 35 years ago and still have not made peace with some of the things I lost.

Hi everyone! I'm very low energy these days. I did get out today but felt crummy after taking care of the task and so I came home. Now I have a minimum of two things I need to do so I will go r7n those errands now. We still have good weather but the heatwave starts Tuesday so I must run now.

SubC, I would've struggled seeing all of that stuff headed for the landfill. I hope you can find homes for all of it.

I don't know why I needed to wait to deal with the safety deposit issue. I used to run off of drama and upset and I've been fairly calm the last 15 or so years and I need to let that be my default, even if I have to work on it. If I'd been in my 20s or 30s, everyone in my office would have been involved and I'd be visibly panicking and upset. Now I'm much more practical.

I'm so sorry you were burglarized. I would never get over that, either.

I have been so tired the last three days. I'm sorry you are too Tatoulia.

My dad has heart surgery tomorrow. They are replacing a valve. His stats are not what they would like them to be for the surgery, but they won't get better, so they are going ahead. I am worried.

I will have Bean to distract me all day.

My mom called. Dad's surgery went well and they have moved him to the recovery room.

I think I can feel my blood pressure decreasing.

Hello, hello.

Lila, I am glad (forgive me SubC) that you were able to throw out the towels. Why? Because I am sure you have plenty of towels. Towels are those things that I swear multiply if you aren't careful. Congratulations on finding your check! I know how frustrating it is to hunt for things. I did have a recent pedicure and it was very, very relaxing. Glad to hear you were able to get one so economically!

I'm sorry that Bean had a rough day, SubC. I am sure you were a safe place for him to land. Im glad daughter has good medical care and an excellent support system.

I spent yesterday antiquing with a friend. No purchases but I enjoyed the time out and about. No temptation to buy anything. Thoroughly enjoyable day. Today I went to grocery store, then did some laundry, talked with a friend who informed me that a mutual friend died on Saturday (mutual friend had stopped all treatment a few weeks ago). Then I went to a different grocery store to get some heavy stuff that I couldn't get earlier. Tmr I'll need to get cat litter.

Shout out to Alanna and CM!
So off to shower for me.

Good morning!

It's ok Tatoulia. I don't have trash service, remember? I would have to bag those towels up and take them in my car an hour to the school dumpster - where I only have permission to throw away "a small thing now and then" or beg a friend or Dd to put them in their trash. Or burn them. I would default to washing.

Yesterday we went to church with Bean for his child dedication ceremony and then to the museum center. It was fun but tiring.

When we got home the fox problem had escalated. Clean up was discouraging. The chickens can't be out of their pen during the day any more. Which means they can't be out, because they won't go in in the morning, so I'm going to have to solve the raccoon problem (we're making progress) because penning them at night helps the raccoons. I reinforced the pen and managed to corral half of them last night. I'm down to 12 chickens. And no ducks.

I was very sad and I was looking at websites, thinking about getting new chicks (when school starts, as part of my class) when I stumbled across a great sale. I said to Dh "I guess this would be a bad time to order chicks." And he said "order whatever you want."

So now I have chicks coming at the end of the week. I guess they will start out in the garage and hopefully I can make the barn safe for them. He doesn't like to see me sad and discouraged. I hope this was not a mistake.

Bean again today.

I did finally plant the onions.

Hi Alanna, Lila, and CM!

oh SubC, I am so sorry about the fox problem, and the chickens, and all of that. I hesitate to "jump in and solve," but I just want to mention, have you ever considered having a flock/herd guardian dog? A Great Pyraneese will love your animals, protect chickens and goats and anything else. They are outside dogs who sleep with the flock/herd and take great happiness in being with them as family. Gentle giants until a fox or hawk comes around, then they will stand guard and not let harm come to their charges. Even against coyotes. I love them.

I forgot about you having no trash service. I would have burned these... they were soaked in urine and interspersed with mashed-in feces. And as Tatoulia said, we have enough towels. This actually solves an ongoing problem of Teen just using towels and throwing them on the floor and never washing them. None of the towels were the newer, good towels. I told her and everyone else, I am not replacing the things that were thrown out. If anyone needs towels or sheets they can buy them and then find a place in their room to keep them. I am retiring from providing laundry service for other adults.

Today I am supposed to be working from home until a later meeting around 5pm. I am getting no work done. I have zero motivation or energy. I am forcing myself to get up and do little things.
- took items out of packing materials
- wiped counters
- unloaded and mostly loaded the dishwasher

Tot is about to come upstairs, so I will probably read her a story. Then will try to chip away at small tasks and get myself "into" my work mindset at least for an hour to get the essentials done.

My health is in such a sorry state that it is hard to get motivated to do anything.