Quick hello

Heatwave here, although the predictions were worse than the reality. Yesterday I went to the water park. That is such an amazing de-stresser for me. Planning to do more of it, plus get restarted on my physical therapy exercises.

Have dropped a few pounds, kind of hovering at one spot, hoping the scale will start going downward soon. At least don't feel quite as uncomfortable in my clothes as when I'd hit that higher point. And coping without the crazy stress eating. My favorite fruits like nectarines and plums, cantaloupe and watermelon, strawberries, cherries, etc. are in season. Getting me some antioxidants and fiber!

Still working on the computer files directory and it feels good. It's going faster now too. I have deleted a lot of junk. I realize it's not the same as getting rid of physical junk, but it's kind of helping me get in the mood for doing that at some point again.

Still awaiting the financial advice from my friend before I go shopping for the new computer. She is vacationing now though. It's okay, I think this one will hold out (fingers crossed) a few weeks longer. It's getting slower but not horrendously so. And I'll have my nice streamlined file directories to put into the new one. Really looking forward to that, and to increased productivity with writing and digital art/graphics, etc.

Good morning!

Hi May May!

Still on vacation.

Lila, how is the bar going? I would start with the things that have homes because they are easiest.

Why are there dog treats? You aren't buying new dog treats are you?

Beach is calling!

Road, I felt super crummy after the first shingles shot. The second one didn't affect me. You sound down in the dumps. Sending you strength and much love.

SubC thanks for checking in!

Hello Lila and May! Cm! Thinking of you, too!

hi guys! Thank you for the tips Tatoulia. All tips are always welcome. You never know what will hit just right and help!

I called and asked not to go in for my meeting today. I am too tired and overwhelmed, so I am going to just call and talk to the 'boss' at 10 instead. Then I am going to pick up my free birthday splurges (you know how places give you free things in your birthday month) and then taking teen to an appointment an hour away. Was going to have Tot, but she is sick. I hope I don't catch it because she was on my lap yesterday for awhile.

The dog treats... well, the cookie type are in the jar and we give the puppy a cookie when he goes into his crate nicely, and at bedtime. The bags of little soft treats are for training him. I will stop buying more. I obviously have enough!! Will consolidate and start actually doing more training to use them for what they were bought for!

I will look at the stuff with a more thoughtful eye at what is in the way etc. I have done absolutely nothing with it this week - been at meetings, too busy, babysitting, etc. I am home most of today although I have to run errands, so will work on things.

My big priority is my kitchen (and bar and dining area) now. My boss heard I have no dh here anymore and son is working and I had mentioned having so many home repairs, and now he is planning to come fix some things and/or send a person or two rom his 'crew' (people I know) to help fix some things in maybe 2 weeks. There is NO WAY I want these people seeing the terrible condition of things now!! It might be in disrepeair but at least it needs to be clean!! omg it stresses me out. But there is my motivation.

I need to be thoughtful about my day, so I am going to sit down and make a list on paper. Go in garage and get some toys for Tot and drop them on their porch so she has something to do while her mom cares for Acorn; go get my free iced coffee and muffin and whatever else is nearby; get an xray; pick up prescriptions; get gas; bank deposit. I think that is all the errands, and then I can be home and take teen to their appointment. I don't have to go out tonight either so can work on the bar.

Thanks for the update, MayMay. Fascinating!

So I've started to make lists to get things done and it's helping a lot. Yesterday I got three goodwill bags to the car. That felt really good. The clothes are all nice and I went back and forth on one blouse. I took a package to the post office just as it was closing. Returning a pair of shoes.

I am desperate to find good walking shoes. I've been wearing Allbirds for a number of years but I've noticed that the flats aren't wide enough. They are wide enough and fit comfortably but the sole isn't wide enough and I've been falling. I tried birdies and I do love the dressier ones, the commuter ones didn't fit. I've just ordered two pair of something called vivaia shoes and we will see how those work. I just want a nice flat to walk around the city.

So that's the news. I have a meeting to run to.

Good evening y'all! The 2nd day of the cleanup went really well. We got rid of like 5 truck loads of junk. Now my boys and I are heading to Cracker Barrel for dinner. Then when we get back to the hotel, we're going to chill out in the pool and hot tub for a bit.😁

Hi all, still not caught up on the thread yet. Feeling crummy today from shingles vax yesterday. Uggggh. And this tinnitus is driving me straight up the wall. Went to see doc about it but he basically said it's age related hearing loss, nothing you can do, etc. Not curable, not really even treatable other than training your brain to perceive it less. But then I researched more and I did find some stuff about medications causing it so hopefully that's what it is and is still reversible. Send up a little prayer... really struggling tonight.

PSA- make sure you know what damages your kidneys if they are marginal as well as your inner ear. Those are two things that once gone are gone.

Sending out hugs to you all - I'm sure I will feel better qtomorow and will try to catch up then.

Looking forward to hearing about the hoarding cleanup. I don't now how many details you can share but I have a few questions. Is the hoarder still in the house? What type of hoard are you looking at? Trash, too many possessions, animals, etc. very interested in what you are doing. Obviously I understand if you cannot share.

Hi Tatoulia😃 yes the hoarder is still in the house. The hoard is a mix of basically trash and too many possessions. Today was a little rough, but of course it was the first day of the cleanup so I wasn't expecting it to be easy.😅

Good morning y'all! Today is my first major hoarding cleanup in like NINE YEARS! (Yeah it's been a really really long time!) and it's my boys first major cleanup ever. so this will be very interesting; leading a cleanup with 7 rowdy, hyperactive early 20 somethings.😜

Tackling the counter/bar (my most cluttered area, always, ever)!

I am going to do what I did for my bedroom and LIST what is on the bar. That helped me get rid of things because itemizing made me way more aware what is there. So, we have this bar counter long enough for like 2 barstools, a little wider than a kitchen counter. It's between the kitchen and dining room and ALWAYS is a reflection of my state of mind and emotions. It is terrible right now. I took photos and am going to list here what is on the bar (that I can see). Then I will go do something about it!

landline phone and charger/base
jar of dog treats
3 or 4 bags of dog treats, 2 bags of food samples
2 bags of cat treats
empty spray bottle
bird feeder someone gave me, that I want to hang
bird seed
container of dog food (we scoop from it to feed him)
change, pens, tiny parts of things
2 plants in small pots
one large empty pot, meant to replace a broken one outside
part of a dollhouse, to be glued back in
toys for Tot that have small pieces and can't go in the toybox
plant spray
oven cleaner
dog muzzle wipes (medicated)
leash, poop bags
rolls of packing tape
glue for book repair
2 cans of dusting spray
(omg, at this point I am like WHY - a lot of these things have a home they could be put in!)
mail for ex, son who doesn't live here anymore, and friend who got mail here a long time ago
box of kleenex, a towel I don't like that I'm giving to ex
Keurig, coffee pod spinning holder
reusable shopping bags and plastic bags
a candle my son gave me for my birthday
some kind of remote with one battery in it
food scale
junk mail, a flashlight, tab stickers for my planner
small shoulder bag I use when I walk the dogs
coffee tumbler, glass cleaner, kitchen cleaner, upholstery spot cleaner
clothes for Tot in case she has a potty accident
dog brushes, more upholstery spray or laundry spray
plastic ice bin and ice cube trays (no room in freezer right now)
little insulated bag to keep things cold
various papers and bits, lint roller, coasters

That's all I can see. There is stuff under those layers. Do you see how weird this space is? I need to clear it, and then find a system to KEEP it cleared.

What I WANT on the bar: phone/charger, food scale, keurig/kcup spinner, one jar of dog treats, box of kleenex. A plant or two. That is all!!

Thanks Lila!😃 I plan on posting more often.😁

I'm going to try to describe something that Tillie once said to me. MayMay if you remember it, please pipe up.

She said something about the things that are in the way. And I realized that whenever I reached for something particular in my kitchen cabinet, I had to first move the measuring glass out of the way. And so I learned to either move or get rid of the measuring glasses in my way in all areas of my life.

Lila, you have a lot on your counter. Anything that is actually just in your way of getting to what you use? If you find you don't use the coffee cup spinner, get rid of it. Is there a reason to save the towel for the ex? It sounds like he has scads of stuff. If the ice cube trays don't fit in the freezer, do you need them? That sort of thing; forgive my bluntness. The analysis can be freeing or it can be overwhelming. And if you don't want to look at things that way, that's okay too. I understand. Or maybe now isn't the time

I have two bags of nice clothing to be donated and a bag of towels for the shelter. As I mentioned in a previous post, I only keep four white bath towels and one Turkish towel. I bought a few towels on sale and have washed those up to replace the ones I donated a week or so ago. Taking a look at my hand towels, I found I have two that can go. I then took a look at my tea towels and let two go.

I still have more clothes to go through. Stuff that fits but isn't fitting my current aesthetic. I panicked bought things when the office opened up and I was too fat for my clothes. Now that I've accepted my weight, I've bought stuff from boutiques that can hold me over for as long as I need. Washing up and putting the panic buys in the donation bag. I want to have three bags ready. BF said he'll take them to the car for me. MayMay I live in the city and my parking garage is six blocks away. It was too humid today to do unnecessary walking. I did walk to get mom's groceries and I walked to the pharmacy to get my rx. I stopped at my favorite little spot for a seltzer and it was fun just sitting in the city alone. BF was working.

I have one final laundry load to fold and put away and I'm ready for bed. I showered after getting home from mom's; the walk with the groceries was intense. Not too hot but plenty humid.

Hey all, hey Lila,

I'm getting my son off to school but you can reach me on Instagram or fb. I will code things a little I guess. Ig: j a n e s a y s 8 but without all the spaces, and fb is s a r a j o n e s and the picture is green sneakers. Msg me anytime. Will check back in later.

Omg. I'm glad my posts were so helpful for you.😃

hi MayMay! Nice to meet you. I am relatively new. Working on my clutter/hoard/mess and now getting out from under my newly-ex-dh's hoard as well. I hope to see you around more!

Tatoulia,

I hope to be in your situation in 5 or 10 years and still here helping others like you are doing. I really want a clean and uncluttered home, very much. Now that ex is on the way out, I can see the freedom ahead. I know I have my own issues, but it just has been so compounded by his hoard.

I have not cleaned or decluttered anything today yet.

Also, yes, I have so so many clothes even after I donated many boxes. And yet, I wear the same pair of jeans for most of the week and then switch to a pair that is slightly too baggy while I wash the regular ones. And I have a pair of sweeatpants just in case. I probably have 30 pairs of jeans ranging from size 10 to 22W. Tons of clothes from Medium up to 2XL. I hate having nothing to wear but so many clothes. That's what I get for gaining and losing the same 80 pounds 3 times. I've purged as much clothing as I am able (willing?) for now, unless things get worn out. I will surely get rid of things as they become too large (I am down about 20 pounds again).

My kitchen table is clear and clean (we ate dinner on it last night) but my counter/bar is like a giant dump site. It is terrible!!!! If I can get that under control, I will feel better if anyone stops over unannounced. It literally looks like someone just threw stuff there in piles.

Good work, Lila.

Hi everybody! Let's see if I can bounce right back into this, I haven't posted on here in like 8 to 9 years.😕 today my boys (aka my roommates) and I are packing up and getting ready to head down to Tennessee for my first big hoarding cleanup in like 9 years.

MAYMAY! You stopped posting around the time I came on and your past posts were so helpful!

We haven't heard from Tillie, Roxie, LR, Diane, Dianne, Joan and others in a long time.

I finished my place in 2018 and have weekly house cleaners now. My life is free and easy. I have developed habits that I'd forgotten such as doing dishes every night and folding all laundry. I freely and automatically assess the items in my home. A true relief.

I seem to remember that you went in the business and from the sound of your post, you are going strong!

Yesterday I did a whole lot of nothing. I overslept til nearly noon. I had to see my brother for the first time in 4 years. I took the bus so he wouldn't think that I have a car and so that we won't fall into my running errands for him. It went well. I didn't recognize him. He's lost a ton of weight. His clothes were nice and they fit him. We talked for maybe ten minutes and that was that. Backstory: his license expired and it is impossible to get a new one easily. The earliest appointment he could get was one month after his birthday. So I took the bus to get his meds for him (hormones require ID). He met me and it was easy. No hugs or other stuff. Very casual. And the bus was easy.

Today I'm up pretty late too. I just started some laundry while I'm sipping my coffee. I have four loads to do. Sheets are in. I may launder my towels too before getting out for the day.

I am purging closet today. Shoes I will never wear again. The pandemic has changed my feet. I brought home a pair of heels from the office to donate. I have plenty of dress shoes I can still wear when going out on occasions it's getting rid of ones I used to wear frequently but I know in my heart I won't wear again. Hoping to make it to the car to at least get them out of the house. I think I have some clothes I can take a look at too.

Lila I am amazed at how many clothes you own! I keep my clothes to a minimum. The exception right now is I had a lovely wardrobe prepandemic and I'm keeping some of it (esp the three work dresses I bought in March 2020). But I do still have stuff I can look at with a critical eye. So my goal is to make up the bags and then get to the car. I don't actually need to take them to goodwill today; I only need to get them out of my house.

So I'm making a list of things to do. Will write more later.

SubC, this is actually very helpful, thank you!

Sadly, I have been a semi-hoarder myself, so what is ours in the garage would not fit in the house. However, my semi-hoarding was triggered in part by dh filling up any space I cleared. So when I would sell, donate, toss to make more room in the garage or other areas, he would immediately bring in more of his things and fill the space again. So I stopped moving anything out, in response. There was a lot of resentment there. So actually, there is probably a large truckload worth of my things in there that I don't really want, and will gladly donate after he is out of there. I still have fears if I donate and clear it NOW, he will show up and say he wants to use that cleared space to store all of his things. Once he is officially out and I am allowed to change the locks, all bets are off and I will be having a donating spree the likes of which this board has never seen! LOL

Anyway, rambling to clear my mind, it helps.

The garage is not cooled/heated so it gets extremely hot in there in summer. I can only move things into there if heat will not harm them. The storage room he has all piled to the ceiling has a/c. And his bedroom has a/c obviously. So I think I will take a spin on your idea and fill his bedroom top to bottom with his stuff from my bathroom, the office, the family room, the kitchen. That will prevent him from coming back to sleep in there, just in case, and it will get it out of my view.

Good thought on not giving him more of my mental space. It is definitely too late.

I will also try to peek in boxes and bins as I move things into his area, and if there are momentos teen might want, I can set them aside. I'll probably ask him if he would leave those for teen. He probably would, on some things.

I went into the garage for a bit, and started moving my things over to one side and making a path to his stacks. It is a double car garage, and half of it is piled with within a couple feet of the ceiling with his things. It got too hot by 10am so I had to stop. But I plan to peek in those boxes and re-stack as well, just so I know what he is taking. I tried to sort the boxes a decade ago. The ones I looked in were filled with old shirts and socks with holes in them, faded clothes that would never fit, from the 60s-70s, receipts from that time period, old light bulbs and forks, etc. There are a lot of books which I don't care about.

I am very glad this is getting resolved. I have a very small bit of anxiety that he will reappear and try to move back in and fight me to put him out. I will be trying to get legal aid this coming week to try and make things official.

Thanks Tatoulia! Nice to see you posting as well. You're right... no way to know what he will do, but unlikely he will take it all. I probably should not worry about it for now. Just consolidate his stuff for him, and wait. Once things are official and he lets me know his intentions, we can go from there.

Today I got the rest of his things out of the master bathroom and put them in his bedroom.

I will double check that bathroom, the other bathroom, my bedroom, and the rest of the upstairs for anything that's his and put it in there. I'll also check the family room - I know there are things that belong to him in there, so will start moving them into his room also. First, though, I need to peek in the bins in his room to make sure there is nothing that belongs to me and the kids. I have a few bins of my own in there that I might move out to the family room to make sure they don't get accidentally taken. I mean, he has keys... he could just come when I'm not home and take what he thinks is his... although I doubt he would do that. He said he would let me know if he is coming by. He is a few hours away so it isn't like he can just pop in.

My other focus is this: my pastor from church knows what's going on, and a few friends are finding out. They may show up in the ocming week or two. One offered to come fix my stove. I would NOT want them in the house in its current state! So, I do want to get the main living area cleaned up soon. Looks like I have more space to put things downstairs now and sort later, so I may do that.

Thank you for all the support. I am finding out now how much of the hoarding is him, and how much is me.

Another update, just for the support...

I moved almost all of the ex's stuff from the family room into his bedroom. I am going to start calling him ex instead of dh... sigh. It was so much stuff. Several totes full of papers, magazines, books, clothes, who knows what. I also cleared the dozens of dusty books, movies and CDs from the shelf in there. He always wanted to build more shelves and have all his books out. I could not handle even what he had out, because he never dusted it, ever. Cobwebs and dead bugs and dust. Now it is all in his room, in boxes and bags. I put all the empty boxes and bags in there too, for when he moves his stuff.

The only thing I did not move from the family room, is tools. He has like, 4 or 5 tool boxes and totes plus a couple boxes, all full of tools. I will need some, so I just left them there and will ask him to please leave me what he thinks I may need in working on the house. Hopefully he will not want to drag all those tools with him, and will leave me some useful items. In honesty, not worth a fight so if he takes everything, I at least have a hammer and screwdrivers in my bedroom.

I have family coming over for dinnerand I almost have the table cleared off. I think my life looks more hopeful now.

So, I have a thought. I don't know a lot of the details or circumstances, so this may be way off base, but what if you went out to the garage and brought everything that belongs to you and the kids into the house. Then you just start filling the garage top to bottom with his stuff.

If you ran across something you thought your teen would want, you could set it aside and see if he asks for it.

As for papers and understanding, it sounds like it is too late for understanding to help. Might it be better just to let it go and not give him any more of your mental energy?

Again, I have a very limited window here, so if I'm way off, ignore me.

Quick drive by. Lila I hope he takes everything. I understand your anxiety but frankly I hope he takes everything. We know he won't right? He will just start filling out the new place with stuff, leaving your place as storage. Breathe. You've got this. It's a shock and is scary and weird and awful and yet you will reap the benefits of the change. You will. It's gotten to the point of being unsustainable for you and your health. We are here.

Thank you for taking the time to check in SubC, and break my row of posts. I too feel like I lost300 pounds of unhealthy weight as he left. And even more. In fact I thought of how many hundreds of pounds lighter my home will be once all his hoard is gone! I am in limbo now, able to move some things into his room from other areas of the house for him to take when he comes for his things, but unable to discard or do anything with his items until he has taken what he wants and, I assume, abandons the rest.

I imagine possible scenarios in my head. It helps me feel better:

1) he never comes back for anything, or just comes and takes a few things he can fit in his car. This is only a good scenario if I can get in writing that as of x date, I no longer have to hold onto his things.

2) he comes and takes a lot of things, moving them gradually into a place he chooses to live locally. I don't like this scenario because it drags out and keeps him around here.

3) he comes with a huge moving van and takes every scrap of his hoard. This one bothers me too, because I have envisioned a time when I would be able to sort through his junk, find some things for our teen to keep, mementos... maybe find a few valuable things to sell, some interesting old papers to tell me more about why he is the way he is, and the ultimate thrill of throwing out or donating the rest! If he takes it all, I will miss this experience, but really in the end it will be so much easier if he just does take it all, down to the last 1977 receipt for milk.

I think I will go now into the garage while it is cool enough and start separating anything of mine and my kids from his piles, so that he doesn't inadvertantly take something of ours.

SubC, I admire your dedication to caring for our Earth, recycling, etc. All I recycle are the boxes that come (we can flatten them and turn them in to recycle) and food scraps go in the compost bin. I re-use jars and things sometimes, but for my own sanity a lot of the time things just get put in the trash. I feel bad about it but I just can't cope with that right now. In the future I will.

Thanks Road, I would love to chat irl sometime, probably in a couple of weeks. Is there a way for us to connect without posting identity on here? I have a weird paranoia that people in my life will find me on here and recognize me and know about the condition of my house.

Hi Tatoulia, CM, everyone. I see there are a lot of posts for me to catch up on... looks like some good content! I will read a bit here and there today til I am caught up.

My update: teen is home and ok so far. I have had a crazy week. DH left. I will probably go file next week, I don't know. He can't come back. I am in a bit of shock. All these years resenting the hoarding and I am about to be free of HIS hoarding and able to deal with my own issues only, without him re-hoarding any space I clear. He has to come and pick up his things sometime in the next month or two, so I have to leave his things alone. Although I will probably consolidate all his things in his room so he can grab them all easily. And half the garage is his plus a whole storage room. I don't know how much he will take. At some point I will have to put a deadline to get things out.

This morning as a sign of my own new freedom and independence, I got rid of about 20 egg cartons he has saved in the kitchen for at least ten years. They were full of dust and dead bugs. I have wanted to get rid of them for years but couldn't. Now they are gone. I also took the trash out.

Goals for today: wash my sheets, clear the kitchen table, brush my dog. A few other things.

post 2-

I put my sheets in the wash. When I finish this post, I will move them to the dryer and put my blanket in the wash.

I have a confession. This last month was so stressful, that I did a lot of comfort behaviors that are harmful. Mainly, eating junk and spending money. Combined. I did not realize how bad it was. I got an alert that I had a low balance in the bank. I couldn't understand, since I had like $2k in there last time I looked! Where had it gone??

$800 mortgage
$500 car payment
A few other small bills, gas
and...
literally hundreds of dollars in food and drinks. And not even GOOD meals or groceries. Just crap! A trip to Sbux every day, ordering pizzas, stopping for fries or onion rings, ice cream, vegetarian sandwiches via fast food. Some frozen vegan meal plan I wanted to try for a month but it's not even tasty (still in the freezer, plan cancelled). Stopped and got lame things from quick fix restaurants. Now I have regained a couple pounds and lost hundreds of dollars. It is almost too much to face. I NEED that money for important things.

Lesson learned. I am done wasting money.

I caught up on all the posts, and now for dinner I REALLY want salmon and asparagus with squash biscuits and devilled eggs. Ha...

post 3-

awwww mannnn, I kept coming back all day but no one is here posting! It's lonely talking to myself, but hopefully someone will be here tomorrow.

I decided to get all of dh's things out of the master bathroom so I can use the cabinets and drawers etc that were his. I got a couple bags and boxes and it is just ridiculous. I remember cleaning these cabinets out for him probably 10 years ago. I am not sorting this time, just tossing it all into boxes and bags and putting it in his room so he can take it when he gets the rest of his things. Into the box went receipts for milk and bread from 2012, old batteries, used dirty ziplock bags, old toothbrushes, hotel toiletries, 15 bars of soap, about 40 disposable razors, old cords, plugs, nails, screws, pens, random bits, rocks, a bag of his hair when he cut it and saved it (why?), old magazines, just tons of junk. Nothing he has used in 8+ years. I ran out of energy and have one shelf left, but then I will put it all into his room. Sometimes soon, I will clean the shelves and sort my own clutter and have space to put my things.

I am too tired to make my bed now, so am resting and then will try to get the sheets out of the dryer and gradually get my bed made as my energy allows. I have adhd today and really want to brush the dog now, but need to make the bed first so I don't get covered in dog hair and then get it all over the sheets when I get them from the dryer.

Hi Lila! Good morning.

And a good morning to everyone else!

We often seem out of sinc here.

I am on vacation (everything that must be done is in the hands of the very competent farm sitter) so I may not check in much, but I am thinking of you.

I'm glad you can focus on clearing out and reclaiming your space. (I'm still sorry for whatever happened.)

When ❤️Dd left her abusive husband, she said she "lost 250lbs of unhealthy weight."

I'm going to be spending time with my extended family and resting and regrouping.

This morning we are going out to breakfast with Dh cousin.