As I said during the chat last night, I think the best approach is to call it "communication failure" and move on, ideally with nobody having any hard feelings. Even if you think someone else acted in a way that you wouldn't consider appropriate for yourself. (This applies to today's confrontation, too.)

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. Let's try to all remain friends.

Diane, That was big of you to apologize for blowing up in chat last night and being very negative telling either myself or the group to shut up...not sure?

It is very concerning for myself and am sure others who are new(maybe some who are not?), to have experienced that volatiility in chat last night. It is a support chat and as such would hope we all make an effort to be kind and there for each other.

For those who were not there, since my name has been brought up. It was Jar Lady's turn and she had just said she was going to pass, as she had to find her cat. I responded to her comment wishing her well finding her cat. Immediately there was a "shut up etc". Apparently between Jar Lady sharing about her cat and my comment being able to be typed, diane's turn had started.

So at most an innocent unintentional comment duriing her "talk time", of which resulted in nasty words and support around them by some.

Personally, I do not agree with that type of behavior which is all I had made clear despite some defending it. Bet it if had been me saying it to someone, would have been completely pounced on as despite being a good and supportive person....am new and don't have that rapport built with many here. I would hope even if I had been around long enough to have solid friends here that it would still not be considered ok if I treated anyone whether new or old that way....OR that anyone that has been here a longer time think it is ok for that reason to say things that are so negative and unsupportive to new(er) folks.

I "get" and it has been made clear that diane has a specific request that no one speak except for tillie during her turn in group chat. Firstly again, I was still responding to Jar Lady who passed her turn to Diane...wishing her well finding her cat. Secondly, errors from those of us who are not familiar with the nuaces or different rules for different people are going to happen. To have aggession not only directed(understand there was frustration and why despite there not being any intention) and supported by some in the group is quite disturbing.

Vi, I do not believe there was anything malicious or negative said about diane after she had left by myself or Beverly. I get that you all know each other well and it seemed felt the need to defend diane as opposed to be real about what went on.....we do that with our close friends sometimes(not so good for an innocent new person to have to bear or anyone else who also has stress and concerntraion issues as well either). I know you this is a close knit group and some of us are new, although am not taking blame or responsability for someone else's issues or ok to be made out like I was nsaty for standing up for myself or the group(whoever the shut up was directed towards). [ P.S.- you were logged in late last night in chat .... still on into the morning my time. Just an fyi in case your computer is doing weird things.]

In a perfect world enough time between Jar lady passing he turn to diane while finding her cat and my comment wishing her well doing so, would have occured before her time started. It was a supportive comment towards a member in chat that resulted in a volatile reaction that was not ok. In saying such, the focus seemed to be placed upon myself or Beverly for not being ok with it, instead of where it belonged with clarity that yes none of us should be speaking to each other that way in support chat. There was nothing mean or intentionl done towards diane.

It certainly left a bad taste in my mouth for sure, although since hearing that is the first time for that to be the case am not going to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Before last night, chat had been mostly a positive experience for myslef that I was looked forward to, as did Jar Lady share who started same day as I.

Am not here to argue or debate anything with anyone about last night, as frankly it was stressful and exhasuting enough experiencing it once. Quite silly when you put it into perscpective really.

Am here to give and receive support like everyone else and we are all human, as well as have different needs. Hopefully we can all move forward now and take whatever lesson if any, each of us may have gotten. So long as we all treat each other with respect and allow for human error(not intentional negativity), it should stay a great suportive place.

Look forward to getting back to that and posting here as well to give and receive the support this site has been intended to provide.

All the best to the new friends I have made so far and everyone else, who I do not yet know! We all need each other and the journey getting where we want/need to go is going to be amazing!!! 🙂

Peace....

Hey Diane ~

Ps to Vi! Congratulations on your bravery--glad to hear you have a therapist appt scheduled!

Dianne, thank you so much for your post. I cannot thank you enough. You made me feel worthwhile.

Wishing everyone a beautiful day. It is lovely here on the East Coast and I hope to read everyone's posts. You are important to me. You never fail to build me up.

Good Morning.

As for me, I'd like you to know that I'm still not acquiring, I have let a little clutter creep in here and there, but Mister has been really good about helping to remind me to keep it in check, and has been helping to facilitate my cleaning needs without complaint. We still haven't gotten more shelving, but baby steps. I've been tossing out things that break that I've had problems throwing out in the past, i.e broken toys, and socks with holes. It still makes me sick to my stomach to do it, but I know it's the best thing for me to do. I'm also still organizing the few boxes of things that are unorganized still and if I find an item unacceptable it gets tossed.
I still have a long way to go. I'm also finally getting some things started that I should have a long time ago. I cleared it with my insurance and I'm making an appointment to see a therapist next month. It scares the hell out of me but I can't keep going on like I have been.
Again, I'm sorry I haven't been around, life changed a bit after we moved. I've made a few friends and both kids are in school now. I've been expanding my portfolio, which is good too.
If anyone has skype they can contact me there. my skype name is vi0l33ts.
See you all soon, lots of love,
Vi0l33t

To Tat ~

I hope repeating what you wrote came out in pink! I wanted it to stand out! That is some of the best stuff I have read in a long time! YES!!!

Diane, Grace and Sheryl , I wasn't on chat last night but hope to see you all here posting on the boards. I take great strength from my fellow hoarders and I very much enjoy my friendships here. I

To Diane, my dear friend, I have signed on to chat a handful of times. I am comfortable hearing other people tell their stories and trying to offer some support. I am less comfortable when it's my turn. It can be a busy place and I haven't found it to be a comfortable venue for me.

I respect your wishes and do not want to pressure you, but please don't leave the message boards!! Pretty please!! You are important to me, and I bet I'm speaking for a lot of people right now.

That said, please know from the bottom of my heart I do want you to do what's best for you. And if taking a break is best, I support you and I understand.

Thank you all in the Sun meeting. Remember that no one is perfect but we are growing.

I was in the chat room tonight and can understand how you feel! This was my 2nd time and it gets a little hectic; especially for the person who only has 15 min to type!! Think about your decision, maybe you have now helped the group to set some ground rules; when it's someone's turn. Think about it??!!

Just wanted to say I am sorry I lost it in chat tonight. I find it difficult to focus when interrupted. Looking back I should have just signed off. I often focus on others and solving their problems, and it is difficult for me to ask for help. The 15 min. chat time is usually a good exercise for me to focus on myself and look at my accomplishments and goals for the week. When continually interrupted I became more and more anxious until I could not concentrate at all, all I could think of was "SHUT THE X UP". Being on this site has saved my life this past 1&1/2 years. Maybe it is time to let go of the group and problem solve on my own. Having ADHD is no fun and distractions are difficult to deal with for me. I will try to talk myself into posting on message boards, not sure if I will be able to return to chat. Wish you all well on your journey.

Diane, I loved being the person who had everything. Need this? Take mine! Then I began buying stuff in anticipation of someone, anyone(!) needing it. Then I bought multiples of things, in case someone needed it. Then it turned out my beautiful place was junked everywhere. And the second I realized that I'm trying to be everyone's hero, I was able to let it all go. This happened a few months ago, when I was forming my friendships here. Something snapped.

What a burden being the go-to person. I wanted to be her, and I was her, and now I'll leave that to someone else. I don't want to have a bunch of #{%^¥ junking up my house because some day, some one, be they friend or stranger, might possibly need one of the six million things I bought in the last 19 years. It's a relief. These things exist in the world, I tell myself, at places called stores. I don't need to warehouse this stuff any longer. Other parts of my hoard have a different story, but my 'just in case stuff" has all been cleared out. I'm fortunate that I don't have a moment of regret. And today was a good test of that.

Hello gals, great to sign on and read your posts, was feeling a little isolated. fun day today painting things, you name it I painted it, just because. cleaned up most of it, creeping clutter seems to sneak up from every direction, thanks for discussing it. did dishes again today.
congrats tat for having no more extras in case people need it, I still have stuff for others, so helps to here it is ok, to just get rid of it, but makes me so happy to give it when others need it, even if I waste 2 hours looking for it to give it to them. then I get grumpy because I do this for them and do not take care of myself, how silly is that, so much easier to get rid of extras and say, nope, all gone.
I watered this morning before painting. finally washed car mats, hung them and now they are dry and ready to go to car, they were so dirty, had been vacuumed in past a few times but never washed, really need to be replaced, huge old coffee stains. Good enough for now. did not get much done of any substance, just using up more paint before it freezes. the chinese red shelf is outside freezer room in walkway and looks so cool, gloss red, so fun to do creative things. also painted a wood mirror frame/shelf same red yesterday and hung that today on other side of door, looks like it was planned. Plan to put shelves up in garage with some of the boards I painted today, already have brackets.

Great to read everyone's posts. Thank you Tillie for discussing creeping clutter. I cleaned off my dresser this AM and will take care of living room tonight. Congratulations to LR for having an extra large shredding bag! Diane, thank you for your kind words. Greatly needed. And of course hello and thank you to everyone!

I was cranky today because I spent the entire weekend taking care of everyone but me. No time left to get to storage and I was getting grumpy. Then, I had a moment that only a struggling hoarder could appreciate: My mother asked me if I had a planter so she could re- pot a plant. And I said, no, I hot rid of everything. I no longer have things just on case someone should need them. I felt fantastic. Completely fantastic and proud of myself. Not an inch of guilt. I felt proud.

Thank you all. You got me here. Now I have to continue to work. Including finding time to go to storage, which would actually be fun for me. Fun to get rid of stuff and to be able to get to a smaller storage space, with an eye toward complete elimination.

Creeping Clutter

This is why it is so very important for us all to defend our cleared areas.
Periodically throughout the day look around, see if you can spot the small stuff that if left there will grow over night into a major clutter monster.

Good Morning Everybody 🙂

TTYL 😀

LR, Tat and Tillie, reading your posts, made me smile, so happy things are going well and tat that you are so honest, creeping clutter is not our friend, but sure tries to be.
Fianlly dishes are all caught up. Think I finally found the magic combination to stop drips in walkway. Poured water and it looks good, now just have to finish attaching my inventions!! It makes me smile when I look at the way I use my crap to patch things, including coated stove pipe, not up to builders standards, but they said there was no answer to leaks, we will see if it holds when winter visits. Painted white around my red door to freezer room. I had painted it tan last year, but wanted white around chinese red. Beautiful day enjoying my little projects, just have to talk myself into finishing it and not just jump to next thing. During this break I came up with lots of things to do rather than finish fastening pieces around pipes of walkway. I think part of me likes the drama of leaving things undone, and see if it falls apart. Whats that about? Oh, typical addict behavior. Several thoughts of acquiring today, to avoid doing the hard part. Tat your post helped me. I would like an aversion to acquiring, but just knowing you are stopping helps me. LR sounds like you got through those boxes. Tillie you continue to make the best of a bad situation, inspiring.

Happy Saturday. Good to read everyone's posts.

I took my shredding to my "shred place" this morning. I had gathered so much that it was too heavy for me to carry all at once. (That's a happy thing . . . got lots more stuff than usual shredded!) Yea!

Might post more later, but I wanted to share that little tidbit. Hugs to everybody.

Good Morning 🙂

Remember to smile, laugh, dance and sing a little. 🙂

Sounds like you had a great day, Diane! Good color choice for the freezer room door! You got so much done AND you avoided a garage sale! You did a great job. I have passed up all street sales since I met everyone here. Have only gone to Goodwill to donate, haven't wandered back to see what China or glass treasure is waiting for me. For now, I feel an aversion to acquiring stuff. I hope it lasts, for I still have a long way to go. Tomorrow is supposed to be better weather (we are having a blast of hear and humidity here) so I vow to go to storage space.

I see the clutter creeping back into living room and into bedroom dresser. I need to address this.

Have a wonderful day, everyone!

Thanks for the support Tillie. Waking up at 5am is not a lot of fun for you, hope your day went ok.
I slept in for the first time in weeks.
Went up on roof and did about an hour of work. My friend that I got the digital camera a year ago is having her annual garage sale today. She asked me to come and visit with her, I said I might. Well I knew I would come home with stuff I do not need, so happy hoard knocked some sense into my brain!!! Had to talk myself into staying home by bribing myself to shop at home and do some painting. I painted the freezer room door Chinese Red, gloss enamel, so fun. Then painted my flower petals red that I cut out of sheet metal from roof, cute. Painted a board same red to use as a shelf. Fun to paint. Painted the white roof coat grey so doesn't stand out so much, neighbors had complained about how bad it looked, did it for myself, not them. The brat part of me enjoyed annoying neighbor that complained, the one that smokes and tosses butts.
I did not get much done, things that matter, mostly just had fun today. Friend emailed and asked where I was today. I just said I painted a door and myself. I really like staying home and doing fun stuff and avoiding garage sales.

Good Morning Everybody 🙂

TTYL 😀

Hello all, great reading your posts, thanks. We are so lucky to have each other.
Today was my first clinic this year, it was great, really enjoyed it and the gals I worked with. took a shower yesterday, 4 loads of laundry, so nice to sleep in clean sheets.
tillie I assume you did get dressed yesterday if you accomplished all of that work.
I noticed I was stressed this morning and tried on so many clothes, wasted over an hour, instead of just wearing what I had out to wear. It was good to pull out all the clothes, now will have to deal with them. My plan is to do what you said tillie, try them on and keep what I really like, will need to be on chat work to be willing to let go of a bunch of clothes.
Thanks tillie for support on big bedroom, I am getting close to being sick and tired of all the clothes, belts, purses etc.----------. Tillie you said to go slow this week so thought of that as the hoard buried me. I say I will do what others suggest, knowing it is a good plan, then start working on something totally different. After work today, I said just do something fun, so I worked in the yard, needed that outside time. Took all the roofing shingles that did not fit in garbage last week and got them in garbage for tomorrow, so happy that will all be gone tomorrow. Still have some of the boards that turned in to sawdust from roof, but that can go next week or burn when burning is allowed.
Garbage cart is full to brim, threw some things away for practice, cups, no chips or cracks, would have to wash to donate, so tossed them. I put a fire wood rack on deck that I used last year but took off deck in spring. Got most of roofing supplies off roof, including the boards I used to walk on. Still a few things to fix up there, almost done.
A filling fell out of a tooth this afternoon so I have to call dentist tomorrow to make an appt. to have it filled before it rots. Sick of dental bills.
Thanks again for all of your posts, so great to feel like I have a group of friends to discuss our progress, ups and downs.

You really are a marvel, Tillie. You embody my favorite saying, which is, the soul's highest calling is to be if good cheer. I'm not sure if that's attributable to Keats or Yeats or another poet I studied in college, but I strive to live by that phrase. And you are living proof it can be done.

Roxie, the walkers with the seats are marvelous. Some of the people I take care of have them and they are terrific. I'm glad you stood your ground and insisted on one. As to packing up and going to your brother's, I can understand. What I suggest is think about it. Take your time and think about it. If I were being pressured, my answer would be an immediate "no!" So take a little time to mull it over. Being pressured makes it so I can't even think. If your answer is still no, then so be it. It'll be your decision and not a reaction to pressure.

To everyone, I enjoy your posts. You are helpful and strong and good friends. Meeting you has made a measurable and positive impact on me.

Thank you Dianne (((HUGS)))

I used to not be able to deal with these attacks but I got help.
Dr. Michael Tompkins, author of "Digging Out".
On the A&E message boards back when "HOARDERS" was still on the air.
The things he wrote to me helped me so much in how I now deal emotionally with this.
Bless him for his truly kind and generous spirit.
(((Dr. Tompkins))) 🙂

Tillie, I swear to God you have beyond human strength!

{{{{HUGE HUGS}}}}

Good Morning Everybody 🙂

Today I have the day off.
Yesterday I washed, scrubbed & sanitized litter boxes.
Swept floors & porches.
Watered outside.
Cleaned the bathroom, washed the floors, vacuumed the carpet and dusted.
Pulled some weeds.
Cleaned the kitchen.
Did some laundry.
And a bunch of other little tasks then took a shower & went to bed where I was too wound up to relax and fall asleep.
Was sleeping in this morning and the phone woke me up to let me know he had not paid the phone bill and service would be cut off.
They call every month to tell me that. 🙁
Anyways... today I will relax and work on some sewing projects.

Hey Roxie,

My oldest brother made me an offer and a plan to shut up my house here and move up to Minnesota to his house for a month "or so." Problem is, I feel pressured from all sides to do this and I do not want to do it.

Hello everyone! Good to read your posts! Hooray for all of the good work. Thank you for the "happy dance" Tillie! Yes I did get into that closet. Took the two little bags of coins I found in there to bank--$29.97! That brings my total take (so far) to $33. I keep telling myself there's $100, and I'm a third of the way there!

Roasted a turkey for a person who is a shut-in today. Counter space! Clear sink! Clean fridge! Well I won't go so far as to say cooking a turkey was a joy, but it was great in my nice clean kitchen! And I cleaned it up immediately.

Dianne, the story of the friends tossing their trash into the back of your car resonated with me. Just so upsetting. Just socked me in the gut.

Diane, you are so industrious. I know how discouraging it is to be a hoarder. We all do. I swear sometimes I get tired just from reading all that you've accomplished. Keep your chin up. You're doing great work.

LR, keep up the good boxes work. Funny, I used to stuff papers in boxes and feel like I'd straightened up. And now, I realize that the boxes were just clutter dens. None left in the house, will see what evil lurks in my storage spot.

Hope to hear from all of you soon. Thinking of Roxie and Bitsy and Karl and sending all my best to everyone here.