Diane, I understand the tendency to compare ourselves to others. Just a week ago I was comparing myself to you when I found a steady leak in a basement pipe. I looked in a few places to see if it was coming from somewhere else and just running down the pipe. I knew, being a Sunday, plumber prices would be crazy expensive. I was so angry with myself for being so useless. I didn't want to post about it because I felt like people might think I was stupid and frivolous for spending the money to fix it instead of figuring a way to do it myself ~ at least for a day til the prices dropped. I was thinking about all you went thru this winter and how resourceful you were even with bad injuries. To me, you can do it all and I wish I had your abilities.
Then I thought, just be grateful I can pay for the repair. All of us have different talents and blessings and it's more productive to focus on that. There was plenty more to beat myself up about by letting maintenance go til the problems gets much worse. Then deal with THOSE feelings and say, it's ok, big mistake, you'll learn from that.
Like it isn't hard enough that we have to deal with the physical hoards and deteriorations and emotions; then we pile on more by being hard on ourselves. That's the biggest thing I'm trying to change.
Sometimes we compare and feel discouraged. Sometimes we are excited and inspired by others' progress. There are times I don't want to post because I feel like such a Dianne Downer. Other times I don't want to post because I feel like it sounds too happy, happy.
Being grateful for whatever blessings we have helps me in keeping the balance. It helps us to be supportive of others in their pain or happy with them in their accomplishments.
Your biggest gifts are your tremendous self-reliance, your handy-woman skills, your persistence, your self-knowledge, your willingness to put yourself in social contact in the real world and your ability to pull back when you're feeling overwhelmed. If we're going to compare, YOU are the one we can look to for attaining higher ground!
Tillie
Posted: 10 May 2014 - 09:55 AM
Good morning :)
Hi Diane :) Nobody posting here has to respond to any other posters. We can post however/whatever we want to say. I started this thread just so people had a place to keep in touch with others by putting down in words things they wanted or needed to get out. A safe place where even if you had a crappy day or got absolutely nothing accomplished, it is alright. Many times just writing it down and putting "it out there" helps us to understand our own selves better, insight. Often, it is very cleansing for the soul. When we write out our dissapiontments, sadness, misery or pain, these problems get lighter. Here, we are not all alone in the world any more.
WAY TO GO! everybody for what you have accomplished, for making plans and most of all for keeping on trying your best every day. :D
diane
Posted: 09 May 2014 - 09:27 PM
After Tuesday pm chat, I did take a shower as planned. Got all dishes caught up on Wednesday, worked in yard all day. Yesterday I worked at a health clinic for a few hours then spent the rest of the day cleaning house and deck for a visit this morning at 9:30am. She actually got here at 9:10 as I was finishing cleaning this morning. I did a dash and stash at 8:30 for the things I could not finish. Yesterday I spent well over 2 hours going through 2 bins of papers and bills, tossing, or filing, also have a burn pile, papers with personal information. I was able to have a visit with my friend and her dog without too much stress, although all week I worked like a maniac to prepare for visit. Her first time here, I will be taking care of her dog starting next Thursday, loved spending time with her dog, just so sweet and affectionate, although first dog I have had here that sheds. Vacuumed after they left, hair everywhere. they left at noon and I spent the rest of the day doing very little. I skipped class this afternoon, enough being around people for awhile. I have not posted because I feel it is difficult to respond to all of the posters, and compare myself to others who do this so well, then feel bad. I am tired from all the cleaning this week, and appreciate how nice it looks. Ashamed of the rooms that have more junk in them. Did throw away a bunch of stuff. Had planned to place things in bag, place in car, wait a week----instead I said it is easier to just throw things away that I am not sure if good enough to donate. Trunk is still full of donations, will do when I go somewhere in car. Very windy here, rain on and off, getting ready for nice weather that should be here Monday.
LR2014
Posted: 09 May 2014 - 04:00 PM
Hi, all. I haven't read other people's posts yet, so I'll save my comments and cheers for later. I wanted to "check in," though.
So far, I've taken out trash (not just here but also at another location I have to deal with), washed and dried laundry (haven't put it up yet, though), did a little bit (just a little bit) in that bedroom I've been working on, and got a battery replaced in a smoke alarm. I have an event to attend early this evening, so I'll try not to be too ambitious with my goals for the rest of the day. I do plan to read posts, add to my gratitude list, and load some dishes into the dishwasher. I'd list more goals, but one thing I'm trying to learn to do is to be realistic about what I can and can't get done in a given day. I feel that I am making progress in that arena.
Looking forward to reading your posts later!
Vi0l3t
Posted: 09 May 2014 - 01:12 PM
been making progress this week, earlier this week i cleaned out my room and have been able to keep it clean, the next day i cleaned out my son's room and the next i cleaned my daughter's and organized all the toys from both children's rooms, including separating the legos from the rest of the toys. I've started the den, but because my SO has been working from home all week i haven't made much progress. today he's a few towns away so i hope to make much more headway with the den. I've also been killing the laundry pile and find that I now need to thin the herd in that department. we all have too much stuff, my children included. yesterday I wrote my son a letter regarding his room and my expectations of his cleaning habits and his responsibility to himself and our home. he's 8 but he needs to start somewhere. tomorrow we're going to the new apartments to sign papers and get the processs started after we view the rooms.
I also need to clean the fridge and do the dishes today. work work work. I'm tired but it's so worth it. Last night my SO and I talked about how a minimalist vision is what we both want. And I so do. that movie, Finding Nemo has a character who's greatest line is "just keep swimming" and it's a great line, but it just isn't enough. I'm not looking to walk around someone else's town when I've got an empire to build. Good luck to all of you this weekend, and to the other Mommies Happy Mother's Day.
Tillie
Posted: 09 May 2014 - 11:16 AM
Good morning :)
The wind just keeps on blowing day & night. :/ It has my brain all scrambled and I can't get outside to enjoy the flowers. The cats all try to go out but just come back inside after about half an hour. Oh well.... Have a short list of TO-DOs for today. Another weekend on the horizon where I wait & hope he will finally do something but I am not holding my breath.
Keep up all the GREAT work you all are doing! Remember, even just simple easy tasks all matter in the long run and making time for you to rest, relax and enjoy life is so very very important too.
Roxie
Posted: 09 May 2014 - 09:04 AM
I woke up later than usual and tired. The cats had already bombarded me for quite awhile and must have given up. Now I'm up and I see it is raining. Maybe that has something to do with it.
I did empty the dishwasher yesterday. Then I opened and unpacked and broke down several boxes. I dug out the chargers and batteries for my Alligator saw and Weed Whacker and hooked them up. Of course, rain. But they are set to go now.
I unpacked two five gallon Nato gas cans I ordered. I am now realizing these may not be right for me. They weigh seven pounds empty and someone on youtube said something like 40 pounds when full. Not sure I can handle that. I need to rethink it. I'm just not having luck with gas cans for storage or for regular use. With new regulations, the new plastic ones I cannot put the spout together properly to use and I get gas all over the place. Sheer stupidity by the gov't this time.
Maybe I'll see if I can use them for long term water storage.
Also opened up the Garrett Ace 250 to see what actually came with it. I need a good belt and a propointer and a good hat and gloves. It's not the cheapest hobby to start up, but then, baseball bats are outrageously priced nowadays, too.
My son sent a cat tower I'd had on my wish list, and the cats love it. They haven't had one for years.
Reading your wonderful posts, cheering you on, proud of you.
Dianne
Posted: 09 May 2014 - 08:53 AM
Good Morning,
With the activity level ramped up again yesterday I felt my stress levels going up. I need to carve out a little area (even if it's only in my brain) where I can take a few moments to breathe quietly.
Today I need to pick up remaining 2 dogs from vet. One is coming home with an injured eye so 3 types of meds 3x a day need to be added to the animals' med chart. There have been multiple teeth removed from several dogs and cats which mean antibiotics, pain meds and food changes for a few weeks. Everyone is getting old.
Over 200 lbs. of animal food came in recently and it's still sitting in boxes in the garage. Today I need sort and stack.
Other chores ~ pay bills, go to post office, grocery store.
Plan on giving 15 minutes each to filing some paperwork, gathering some books for donations, prepping some veggies and fruits.
If it all gets done, a reward of a chocolate and coke ice cream soda. :)
Karl
Posted: 09 May 2014 - 12:15 AM
My room currently looks a bit more cluttered than in my "before" picture, since I've been going through boxes, but I'd like to think that it's something I can put back to normal without too much effort. This is a busy weekend, but I'll try to make time for it.
I forgot to mention yesterday that I took some time to oil my bicycle chain. It's made a tremendous difference! I wish I'd gotten around to it earlier. (Well, buying the oil earlier, and then doing the task.)
I'm currently working out logistics for Friday. If I get up early, I can pick up some bread, retrieve the glasses that I left behind on Saturday, stop at the storage unit, and maybe get the unforwarded mail from my ex-housemate, before going to the event where I'll be demoing some games.
Tillie
Posted: 08 May 2014 - 09:28 PM
Hi :)
This morning I wrote a nice long post, saying all the things that I wanted to say. Before I was finished and posted, my computer "blinked" and it all vanished. Was so upset because I didn't have time to rewrite it all, was busy doing other stuff. :(
Anyways... WAY TO GO!!! everybody for all you have done and are planning to do. Make sure to be kind and loving to yourselves. :)
LR2014
Posted: 08 May 2014 - 06:48 PM
Hi, all!
Barb: Glad you were able to get so much done yesterday and that you are treating yourself to a pedicure and manicure. (I've never had either one, myself.) I really hope you enjoy your upcoming trip. I read the post you were talking about. I have lots of comments (positive ones), but I'll save them for another time.
Dianne: It's so great that you and your daughter are able to work well together!
Me: I got my morning goals done. On-going bad weather in the area has caused a shift in my plans for the evening. Goals for the rest of the day: Add to my gratitude list, work at least ten more minutes in the BIT book, get my laundry ready to take to the Laundromat to dry (whether I dry it tonight or early tomorrow), and make sure the trash gets put out.
Have a good evening, everybody.
Dianne
Posted: 08 May 2014 - 11:50 AM
Hi everybody,
Laura was a dear at the beach and got so much work done for me. I need to finish up in the kitchen and a once over cleaning and we'll be ready for summer renters.
I caught up with an old friend who owns a darling shop for all things cat and dog. Laura and I treated ourselves to beautiful rings with blue opals. We bought a few new throw rugs and sofa pillows which really brightened and freshened the place up.
Only 4 dogs are coming back today. The vet didn't finish all the dentals and asked to keep 2 babies til tomorrow. Kitties were beyond themselves with joy to see mama Laura home.
Before I pick up dogs I need to restock their food bins, clean litter boxes, and hose down the deck. Pollen is everywhere. Laura's laundry is washed, dried, needs to be put away.
We both came home very relaxed and the plan is to keep activities more balanced. We're so grateful that there are two of us on the same page and that we work together so well. I couldn't have a more wonderful daughter. :)
Barb
Posted: 08 May 2014 - 10:54 AM
Good morning, all! Yesterday was a very productive day working outside. i did not stick to my 1 hour schedule but stayed with it until the back was done. I am not sorry that I rethought my plans. The vines were getting out of hand and would have been completely unmanageable if I had waited until I got back from vacation. i was very tired and sore when I came in, however, and just did maintenance tasks that evening. Today I need to take a shower and go down to the county courthouse. I got my property tax statement and there are some errors on it. Taxes will be due while I am on vacation, so i need to take care of this today. i am also going to get a manicure and pedicure. I have never had a pedicure before and usually do my own nails. But i would like for them to look nice on my trip. I really did a number on my hands and finger nails pulling out those vines yesterday. Have a great day, whatever you choose to do.
LR2014
Posted: 08 May 2014 - 09:37 AM
Good morning, all. The weather here is such that I will need to curtail outdoor work, at least for part of the day. I'm going to set my goals a few hours at a time. Here are goals for the morning:
Work on dishes, buy groceries, spend ten minutes on paperwork, spend five minutes working in the BIT book.
Hugs.
LR2014
Posted: 07 May 2014 - 10:22 PM
Roxie: Cool that you know some Urdu. Thanks for the info about the youtube video info on the saw. I tried finding videos that week when I'd disassembled the saw and couldn't get it reassembled; I think I just don't know how to do good youtube searches yet, because I was having trouble finding any video that would help me with it.
Barb: I relate to the mail-in-the-car issue. On the topic of making ourselves stop a task, I tried today to give myself a reward for stopping a task within a reasonable period of time. I think that may be a good technique to help me with that issue.
Tillie: Thanks for the Frost link. I looked at a couple of those videos today.
Vi: Glad you made so much progress!
Hugs to all.
LR2014
Posted: 07 May 2014 - 09:34 PM
Hi, again, all. I have read your posts and plan to comment later, but first I want to post a follow up on my plans for today.
I did everything on my list of goals I that posted this morning. I think I worked longer than an hour on that yard. (My saw was very helpful, Roxie. I had had problems getting it to work right the past few days and thought I needed to replace the chain, but I found out I was just using a weak battery. I'm really glad to have it up and running again.) One important thing I got done was to set up a routine doctor's appointment. I've been putting off setting that up, so I'm glad this morning that I got that done.
I've said before that I am at the point in the BIT book where you take "before" pictures of your stuff. I thought that that would be easy for me. I'd started taking pictures of some smaller, "easy" rooms (like my bathrooms, which aren't all that cluttered, relatively speaking). Today I started taking pictures of my living room. Five minutes into that, I was getting bummed out, because at the moment it is one of my most cluttered areas. I'm still not finished with the pictures of that room. I decided to go to some of the areas of my place that are less cluttered and do some of my picture taking there, to remind myself that not everything in my place is in shambles. Over the next day or so, I can pick up where I left off with the living room picture-taking.
When I get bummed, I need to remind myself that I am moving forward.
Have a great evening, everyone.
vi0l3t
Posted: 07 May 2014 - 01:53 PM
Yesterday I cleaned my bedroom from top to bottom in an effort to give my SO back part of the house. it took hours but i actually finished it. I realised the reason he can't see my progress is because if it isn't finished it doesn't look like anything to him. today I'm going to work on the den so he has a proper workspace. I'll be posting before and after pics once it's finished over on Candy's before and after thread.
I posted a new entry on How to Help a Hoarder, How to talk with a counselor about hoarding. Check it out and let me know what you think.
Barb
Posted: 07 May 2014 - 07:32 AM
Good morning, all! What a great discussion we had last night! I wish I could have hung in a little longer but it was after midnight here, I had gotten up early, and I just couldn't stay awake any longer. Today: 1. One hour of outside yardwork. One hour only! (I'll have to set the timer. It is really gorgeous out today and the temptation will be to keep finding more outdoor projects to finish.) I need to tear out some vines, finish trimming, and fix the fence on the south side. 2. Clean out the car. My mailbox is at the end of the driveway and I tend to just throw mail on the front seat when I go somewhere. The important stuff goes in the house when I return, but the junk mail has accumulated. I also have two Christmas presents in there that I don't want to keep. 3. Continue decluttering the entry and living room. Tomorrow is trash day and the toter will hold three more contractor bags. 4. Talk to my neighbor about picking up the mail and mowing for me while I am gone. Have a great day all!
Roxie
Posted: 07 May 2014 - 07:26 AM
Urdu, not the other typo. lol
Roxie
Posted: 07 May 2014 - 07:25 AM
Morning all. I managed yesterday to remove my cast (I had to consult with youtube to figure out how), bathe, shampoo and get the cast back on.
The pulmonologist appt. went fine. Turns out he was born and raised in Peshawar, Pakistan, and I spent my teen years in Karachi, so we gabbed a whole bunch. I know a little Urder, he is fluent in Pushto ( sp?). I was last there in 1967, he in 1984. He says it is unrecognizable as I knew it and says "don't go visit." I concur. It is not the same place and I would not be welcome. Still, I have many fond memories of the good days there, and hate what is going on in that country.
I came home to five boxes on my porch. Two are very big and I'm not sure I can bring them inside, so I guess I'll have to unpack out there. I have no idea what's in them. Some may be something I ordered, but I suspect the rest are mother's day gifts from my son. Exciting, tiring.
I am being sent for testing that sounds like it will take quite awhile, then meet again with the pulmonologist.
Tillie, search on youtube for Black & Decker Alligator. You can see it in use. I'm sure you can handle it, given its fairly light weight and the fact that the chain saw does the work lots more than you do. Right, LR? Also, LR there are a couple videos on youtube showing repairs to it, oiling it, taking it apart, etc. that are very helpful.
Cheers to all.
LR2014
Posted: 07 May 2014 - 06:54 AM
Good morning, everybody!
Karl: Great on getting all that accomplished. By the way, I appreciate your commitment to the chats and the role you play in facilitating them. Super!
Me: I did get my goals done for yesterday. I realized after getting to my work spot that my weed issue is worse than I thought. I also spy poison ivy (or at least that is what I think it is) in that area, so I'm having to take extra precautions as I work there. I didn't get finished with the work, but I got a decent start.
Goals for today: Get laundry that I did last night dried and put away. Spend fifteen minutes (at least) working in the BIT book. Spend ten minutes on paperwork. Review my plan for the week I worked on Sunday. Make a business phone call related to insurance. Spend at least an hour working on weeds and/or yard debris, and do what I can to stay away from the poison ivy! Also, add to my gratitude list.
Hugs to all.
Karl
Posted: 06 May 2014 - 06:56 PM
All four errands completed! Now I'll relax some before the chat session starts in an hour.
LR2014
Posted: 06 May 2014 - 03:38 PM
Karl: Way to go on the insurance forms! And cool idea for keeping the blank pieces of paper handy.
Roxie: Thanks for satisfying my curiosity about the saw. That's exactly what I have, and I love it. I have that, the weed whacker, and a hedge trimmer, and they all work really well for me. Yes, you might need to heal a bit more before you can use them as much as you want, but I'll bet you'll really like them when you're able to make full use of them. (No, B&D isn't paying me to say that. Ha.) By the way, when I posted a few weeks ago (April 11 or so) about getting a wire caught in a tool, that's what it was: it got caught up in that saw. (Glad to have it back up in running order again.) Hope your appointment goes/went well.
Dianne: Hope your "cat free" time goes well.
Tillie: Hope you have fun playing today!
Me: I did (eventually) get a decent amount of sleep last night. I'm pleased that even with all the outside work yesterday and with the high pollen count here, I'm still headache free at this point. (Yea!)
Goals for the rest of today: Add to my gratitude list, and (with sunscreen on) go attack some overgrown weeds and work on cleaning some yard debris. I also need to run the dishwasher. I will probably post more later.
Hugs to all.
Tillie
Posted: 06 May 2014 - 11:47 AM
Good morning :)
Hi Violet :) So great you are getting support and understanding from Ax. :D WAY TO GO! for all you are doing!
Hi LR2014 :) Yes, Barb's list of rules is for everybody who wants to maintain the home and keep it from getting out of hand. FANTASTIC work you have been doing working through BIT! :D
Hi Karl :) YEA! for working on those insurance papers! :D WTG! developing new systems for the scrap paper clutter. Your plans for today are great! ;) Last Saturday the grocery store here was all out of Esater candy, all gone. Good that I got mine when I did.
Hi Roxie :) Ever since I first saw that alligator saw, I have wanted one. But my hands and arms probably wouldn't be able to work it, too weak & wimpy. This is "the spouse of a hoarder website". The only place I have found that allows non clutterers to participate fully. Good luck with that new doctor today. :)
Hi Dianne :) You had me smiling and laughing with the tale of your day with the kittens. :D Pets do take up a lot of our time, but only if we are doing it right. Those fur babies are so fortunate to have you loving them. (((HUGS)))
Dark, cold and rainy day here. The cats are all fussy and keep telling me to bring back the sun beams, like I can control the weather. I am all caught up with the laundry & dishes. The house was cleaned yesterday. Except for the usual daily stuff, I have the whole day off. :) Planning to play all day! Hope you all have a fun day too :)
Dianne
Posted: 06 May 2014 - 11:04 AM
I'm headed back to the beach today to pick up Laura. Dogs are coming back on Thursday.
I was getting a lot of catch-up work done on maintained areas and laundry. It really was nice to be able to work without dogs wanting to play inside, needing to potty outside, needing multiple feedings, med times and brushings. I do love them but not having them for a week shows mw how much work they really are.
Without mama Laura, her clowder of kitties is all over me ~ literally. Directly underfoot, rolling on the floor where I'm trying to scrub with pinesol, walking on my blanket covered head in bed, gently pawing my face, jumping on my lap when I'm on the toilet, 3 pukes on my bed last night.... I finally put a couple in dog crates so I could finish the kitchen/breakfastroom floor. The older ones (4) hang with her when she's home. The younger clowder (4) plus the outcast hangs with me, so mine were not happy about the intruders and having to share attention. I am greatly looking forward to 12 hours of cat free time today.
A few weeks ago all yearly vet related activities were taken care of. That was extremely time consuming. I cut back on some other obligations and am looking forward to more time for digging out.
Roxie
Posted: 06 May 2014 - 06:28 AM
Morning, all. LR, the chain saw I got is a Black & Decker Alligator Lopper chain saw that is 18v cordless. I got more batteries, actually, with a couple other tools I bought before, including my new weed whacker. I have about an acre of property so it's too big for extension cords, and those get me all tangled up, anyway. I figure that I and the batteries will fade about the same time, so that is a win-win. hehe Don't know if I can use it yet since you have to have some strength and ability to grasp in both hands/arms. I'll see.
Same with the new weed whacker.
I spent most of yesterday "studying" on the internet. This afternoon I have an appointment with another new doctor, a pulmonologist. Eek
I remember when my ex and I were in marital counseling (I was not a hoarder then) and the therapist said something to Ex that made sense. I was pissed because I had been saying the same thing. Therapist said sometimes they just need to hear it from someone "outside." Pfft. But it is true. Give Ax a big hug. If he likes using a computer maybe you can find a spouse of hoarder website somewhere.
Where is Dave?
Karl
Posted: 06 May 2014 - 02:53 AM
Today I biked to a different grocery store -- they had some Easter candy but no indication of price. I got a couple of caramel eggs anyway; they turned out to be $0.25 each. I picked up a couple of other food items that were cheaper than I'd seen elsewhere, too. The dollar store next door had reading glasses; I'll probably pick up a pair on a future visit -- I think my optometrist has been overcharging me for prescription lenses that I don't seriously need.
I set a 15m timer and focused on getting my insurance forms together. This is to get paid for my dental checkup back in February. (Somehow during the move, I'd misplaced both the forms that the insurance company had sent me, and the statement from the dentist, even though I was trying to be careful about keeping them handy. It turned out to be faster to get replacement copies than to find the originals.) I got the forms filled out and ready to be mailed, then treated myself to some ice cream.
Other accomplishments: I have my laptop computer on a small table where it's trying to share space with a pen and various scraps of paper, some of which are blank scraps for making notes, and some of which already have notes on them. To fix this confusion, I took an envelope, labeled it, and taped it to the wall; this is now the "home" location for small blank scraps of paper. It's within reach while I'm at the computer, but it's not taking up any horizontal space.
I finally dug out the tumbler that's been sitting in a box in my room for no good reason, washed it out, and put it in the bathroom. Tonight I'll be able to use that after brushing my teeth, instead of cupped hands. Yay.
Plans for Tuesday: Go to the post office and mail the insurance forms. Deposit a check at the bank. Locate the bike shop and see about buying some lubricant for the chain. Restock ice cream on the return trip.
LR2014
Posted: 05 May 2014 - 11:23 PM
Barb: About your post on the other thread . . . even though I live alone these days, I think I should post that list of rules just for myself!
Vi: It's so good to hear your progress. I'm glad Ax is trying to understand.
Tillie: I'm sorry you hurt your hand!
Me: I did go do my outside work today at that rural area. I used my "protective gear," and especially the dust mask. (It was really a high-pollen day!) Did a lot of walking in the process. I got good and tired, so maybe I'll sleep well tonight. I also did some "in town" outside work, like bagging up some leaves and dealing with some weeds. Got lots of laundry done and took it to the Laundromat to dry. Have put away some of it but not all of it.
As for my work in the BIT book . . . the next stage was for me to start taking "before" pictures. The thought of doing that doesn't bother me, but I was tired and didn't want to start on it tonight. I started to write "Am moving my BIT work goal to tomorrow." But then I thought, "I can get at least one small room done tonight, and then I won't have to fess up on the message board that I didn't get any of it done today." That was just enough motivation for me to get up and start taking some pictures. They are loaded onto my computer now. I started with the two smallest and easiest rooms (the bathrooms). I even took pictures of what was inside the cabinets. I had been wondering where I put my bathroom scales. What do you know? They were in the bathroom! (They were inside one of the cabinets, and I hadn't thought to look there!)
Have a good evening, all.
Vi0l3t
Posted: 05 May 2014 - 01:17 PM
Good Mourning, it is rainy and cold outside so again the garage has to wait, so instead my focus will be on the den. The Den, is by far the worst of the rooms and I'll be working at getting boxes sorted and items pared down to fewer and few things. mostly it's books, but I have thrown out all the old magazines that no one has read in forever, anything that was torn, and put the old how to baby books into the donation pile. I'd keep them, but the man and I have decided our two kids are enough :) Speaking of the man, let's call him Ax, has been really supportive lately. Ever since I've found you guys he's been more willing to talk to me earnestly about the problem without getting angry or hurt. He's really been stressing the importance of keeping the new place in order and clean and though i fully agree with him and really do want that I still feel completely ashamed that he feels he HAS to tell me that. But the truth is he has just as much invested in our home as I do and he's relying on me to keep the house and kids in check. Sometimes it's easy for me to dismiss him mentally with thoughts like he just doesn't understand or, it's too hard, and a million other excuses, but it's not right. I should be able to handle this no problem. granted I didn't create this mess all by my lonesome, but I have been the one in control of it from the very beginning. Self control hasn't been my strong suit, but it has to be now. I can't have the things I want for myself or the kids if i can't let go of the BS and excuses and just get it done. last night I was telling him about some of the good things you guys have taught me, and i can see he's a bit irritated, so I tell him I'm sorry that it's taken me so long. He actually listened to my explanations about why I haven't listened to him, but somehow i get it when you guys talk. He says that sometimes I have to hear it from someone outside for me to get it. he's right. he also understands that it's going to be hard for me to keep it in check. I'm really glad that he's trying so hard to be patient and that he's trusting me with the things that are so important to us both. Thanks again you guys. I may not ever be able to stop saying thank you. I'll check back in tonight with today's progress. Have a great day, all of you
Also, ceciliab, if you come back and read this I really hope you can come back on Tuesday to our meeting. We were really sad when we couldn't talk to you last night and hope you come back, particularly me since it seems our current problems are very similar :)
Tillie
Posted: 05 May 2014 - 11:51 AM
Good morning :)
Last night was another GREAT chat session! :D
Hi Dianne :) Glad you were able to get that leak fixed fast. Yes, the hoarding and neglected repairs/maintenance here has made a lot of simple repairs into major and expensive projects too. Hope you & the kitties had a pleasant and peaceful day together. :)
Hi Minnie :) So wonderful meeting you in chat last night! :D
Hi LR2014 :) Great thinking things through about what you brought in! WAY TO GO! for that and all you have been doing! :D
Hi Violet :) WAY TO GO!!! :D Keep up all the wonderful progress you are making by tossing the things that don't fit in with your vision of your new life. :D
Hi Roxie :) WAY TO GO! for keeping up with the little tasks. They all add up and are important too. Your delivery stuff sounds interesting, I like that kind of stuff too. ;)
Hi Diane :) Hi Karl :) Hi SusanL :) Hi Susanl's friend :)
Hello, hello, hello to all who read here too. :)
My plan for today is to do the usual weekly cleaning... bathroom, floors, wiping stuff, etc. Hurt my right hand yeaterday, banged it hard. Today it is sore and stiff. Should feel better if I just "walk it off" and use it. Dark & cloudy today with a chance of thunder storms. Good day to keep busy inside.
Happy Monday! :D
LR2014
Posted: 05 May 2014 - 07:26 AM
Good morning, everybody.
Roxie: Yes, it is great to know that people care. As a matter of fact, I was just getting ready to post the things below, and I said to myself: Wait! Hit "refresh," because Roxie has probably posted something by now! And I was right. (See, I kind of even know your schedule by now!) A "tea" clink to you! By the way, the batteries I mentioned below fit that saw I talked about, and I plan to use it today.
Yes, vi, it was a good meeting last night! Glad you are able to get rid of so much stuff!
My BRB comment last night turned out to be a stretch. I'd been awake since 3am and since my brain was also on Benadryl by the time the chat started, let's just say I had a "little" (uh, yeah, right) nap after I left the computer. I did eventually come back. (I have witnesses.) Sorry about that . . . and I'm sorry for my own sake, because I almost certainly missed a lot of good stuff. I tried reading what I'd missed, but there was just too much to catch up on. I'll just have to live with my feelings of deprivation for what I missed. So glad to meet the new people who joined in.
As for my goals for yesterday . . . I thought I did them all, but I saw this morning that I didn't add to my gratitude list. Did that one this morning.
I discovered yesterday that a package I'd ordered had been delivered, and I went to the delivery place to go pick it up. I spent a lot of time thinking about that package as I brought it home. "Is this adding to my clutter?" There were three things in the package. Two were replacement 18v tool batteries. I already had taken the worn out ones to a recycling place earlier in the week, so no . . . those weren't adding to my clutter. Two in, two out. Plus, they were making my tools fully usable again. The third item I'd ordered was one that will be used up in the next few months. The empty box? I found a very good reason to (sacrilege of sacrileges) get rid of it, and I did so. (Shhh . . . don't tell my old self that I got rid of a brand new box!) Conclusion: I did OK.
Plans for today: I plan to mail off a finished project. (Found items needed to finish that project when I was working last week on that bedroom, and I was able to finish it pretty quickly after that.) Weather and allergies permitting, I plan to go do outside work at that rural area I've talked about. (Yes . . . with already-loaded gloves, dust mask, goggles, boots, etc. I will also try to get back inside before it gets too hot. Hydration, yes . . . heat strokes, no. Thanks, Tillie.) I need to check on things out there, and I think the exercise I get out there will help me a lot with my sleep (less likely to wake up at 3am). I will probably also work in the BIT book and finish laundry.
Happy Cinco de Mayo. And by the way, although May 5 is a significant day in Mexican history, it is not (contrary to popular belief) Mexican Independence Day. That is in mid-September. Regardless, it sounds to me like a good excuse to eat Mexican food today and celebrate.
Have a super day, all!
Roxie
Posted: 05 May 2014 - 07:09 AM
Good morning, all. Welcome, Minnie. I hope you could make it to group, but you are welcome here every day as you need and like. You can do this as we support one another. So glad you could find a therapist. Find a way to pay even if insurance doesn't cover it.
(((Dianne))) Welcome back.
I will try to remember to find the info on that "chain saw" I have and post about it here.
I did get the dishwasher unloaded, then gathered all the stray dishes, filled dishwasher again and ran it for clean dishes. I unpacked one box of items delivered (pine tar soap, a hand cranked apple corer, herbal nail fungus product, hand scrub brush, and a book "The Encyclopedia of Country Living"). Not much else got done.
Coffee cup clink.
vi0l3t
Posted: 05 May 2014 - 01:16 AM
today i did not a whole lot, but did nearly finish the dishes :) tomorrow I'll pack up the rest of the ones I can pack and will work on the den. and I'll toss some more stuff because I don't bloody want it anymore :)
good meeting tonight
Dianne
Posted: 04 May 2014 - 12:31 PM
Hey Minnie,
You CAN make your house better and you will.
You're right, it will take time. Keep your focus on cleaning basic areas first. Your husband will continue to be angry. Keep plugging away. Whether he stays or leaves you'll be improving for yourself.
You have a great group of people to talk to now, right here. :)
LR2014
Posted: 04 May 2014 - 12:27 PM
Minnie: I am sooo glad you found us. Welcome! Please keep coming back here and posting. I see in the things Tillie wrote you below that she's told you about the chat tonight. As an FYI, we each get a fifteen minute turn to "talk" about our situation. You can just "listen" if you wish; you don't have to share if you don't want to. During the chat, we share helpful ideas, progress, plans, frustrations, and much more. The best part is that we share friendship and encourage one another. I'm glad you are reaching out for help. You're right; with the right kind of help and the desire to do so, we can make this situation better. I'm sorry you are going through so much pain in your situation. Hugs.
Karl: You get a lot done by bike/scooter/bus. I'm impressed!
Roxie: A coffee cup salute to you, too! (OK, I'm really more of a tea person myself, but same idea.) I'm still wanting to know about your saw. (See bottom part of my May 2nd afternoon post.) And I agree with Dianne: I love your pretty pink font. : )
Dianne: I'm enjoying getting to know you, too! Thanks for the positive words. : )
Tillie: I'd forgotten it was Star Wars Day! Thanks for the reminder. Yes . . . we're not getting dust here per se, but it's a high wind day. Me and my allergies have decided to stay inside much of the day.
My goals for today: Add to my gratitude list, spend fifteen minutes working in the BIT book, spend ten minutes on paperwork, and work some on my plans for the week. More than likely, I will be at the chat tonight, but it's a little more uncertain than usual. If I'm not there, have fun without me. : )
Hugs to all.
Dianne
Posted: 04 May 2014 - 12:22 PM
I could have used Diane's skills yesterday. I went into the furnace room to change filters and add salt to the water tank. There was a small, steady leak from somewhere. I've been checking the attic with all the heavy rains we've had. I checked the outside to see if there was any standing water coming through. I went ahead and paid the weekend price to have a plumber come in and fix it.
My usual guy wasn't on call. This fellow was great and had been here once before. He mentioned that. I was extremely embarrassed because I think the house was in worse shape now than it was when he was here 2 years ago. He said it was good not to have waited til Monday because the pipe was splitting due to acid in the water. The acid erosion was due to my years-long neglect in getting the water treatment system fixed. He said the new system (a year old) would prevent further problems but the damage that was already done may keep showing up. Oh, the expensive lessons I'm learning resulting from my hoarding. Bummer.
I'm kind of starting from scratch again and got a good bit accomplished yesterday. Laura's at the beach, dogs are in the kennel so it's just me and the kitties.
Tillie
Posted: 04 May 2014 - 12:18 PM
Dianne (((HUGS))) back ;)
Tillie
Posted: 04 May 2014 - 12:17 PM
Hi Minnie :) Welcome! So sorry to hear about your struggles. (((HUGS))) There is a book I wish your husband would read "Digging Out", helping your loved one manage clutter, hoarding & compulsive acquiring. This book helps people to understand the condition and explains ways to help, not hurt. Yelling and threatening never work and just matters worse. Please join us here on this message board and we will cheer you on and say WAY TO GO! for all your accomplishments. Tonight we have a SUNDAY NIGHT SUPPORT GROUP. Starts at 5:00pm Pacific time. The link is just to the right on this page, just click on it. We would all be very happy to have you join us. Hang in there! :D
Dianne
Posted: 04 May 2014 - 12:09 PM
Wow, so much going on here, wonderful to see!!
Tillie, many thanks for the warm welcome back. I missed you too, my wise sister. I love you! {{{HUGS}}}
Jess, welcome back to you! Congratulations on all your hard work ~ the physical with the move and the emotional with the changes!
LR, I'm getting to know you in reading your posts. I love your methods and your positive attitude is so encouraging!
Susan, great to see you! It's wonderful that you have raised a child who can move all his stuff out. Good, responsible kid. :)
Hello Susan's friend! :)
Vi, I look forward to getting to know you. Wonderful that you are prepping for an exciting move!
Karl, so glad to read that you're doing very well, you sound happy. :)
Roxie, it's wonderful to be reading your cheery, pink font again. Missed you, love you! {{{HUGS}}}
Barb, you're very fortunate to have maintained those long-term friendships. Of course it's more than fortunate; it takes effort and commitment to have such fulfilling relationships. I'm happy for you. :)
Diane, you are still impressing my with your handywoman skills! Take good care my friend!
minnie
Posted: 04 May 2014 - 11:51 AM
What am I doing today? I just found this site while looking for a counselor that specializes in hoarding. I found one. I don't know yet if she is on our insurance plan or not. My life is out of control. My husband is so angry, cold, full of rage and is acting like he hates me. My house is a mess. I am a hoarder but not at the TV show level yet. But it is getting worse. My marriage is at crisis level and there is no one currently I can talk to. So I'm sitting here in bed writing this. I believe I can make this house better. On Friday I cleaned in the family room because he had complained about it. Was he happier? No. He was mad that my art area is getting worse. Big fight on Saturday. I can't clean it all at once. Whatever I do accomplish, he acts like it is nothing and gets mad about some area I didn't get to. I'm trying. He is threatening to move out to an apartment. We can't afford but he says he will do it anyway. I'm not begging him to stay. All the yelling in the world isn't going to help me get better.
Tillie
Posted: 04 May 2014 - 11:11 AM
MAY THE 4TH BE WITH YOU Happy Star Wars Day. :)
Hi Jess :) WAY TO GO! with all you are doing. Keep up the great progress. :D
Hi LR2014 :) Hope you find those "before" photos :) Keep doing what you are doing and soon the place will look like it used to, so many years ago. I like how that room now has the sunlight coming in. WAY TO GO!
Hi SusanL :) YEA! wonderful you didn't over order. (((hugs))) for the last fledgling leaving the nest.
Hi to SusanL's friend :D
Hi Violet :) Congratulations getting accepted for the apartment you wanted! :D WAY TO GO!!! for all you have gotten accomplished for the move! :D
Hi Karl :) WAY TO GO! scoring all the freebie comic books. :D And for planning your grocery purchases wisely. :D
Hi Roxie :) I love to read all the posts here while I drink my morning tea. :) A good "trick" is to challenge ourselves with a 5 or 10 minute challenge. Think of a task/chore, set the timer and work at it till the timer goes off. It is really amazing what we can accomplish in doing just a few timed challenges every day.
Todays weather forecast is "DUST" which means the winds will be raging all the live long day. Tomorrow the forecast is scattered rain showers so my windows are still not washed.
Looking forward to Sunday night chat. :) Have a happy day everybody! :D
Roxie
Posted: 04 May 2014 - 06:06 AM
I love having my morning coffee with each and all of you. And it is so good to see folks who haven't been here in awhile. I've missed you.
I don't think I accomplished much yesterday other than "research" online. I'm learning so much and that fills me, but meanwhile, dropped the chores. It seems to be a balancing act for me. Some days I can "hit it" and some days, not. I need to catch up on physical chores more, and soon.
I did round up more outside dishes to bring in, but there are still a few out there. So one goal is to empty the clean dishes from the dishwasher and put all the dirty ones in and run a load. I also need to unpack shipping boxes of my new things, plug in the battery chargers for my non-electric tools, and clear the kitchen floor of all those boxes.
Diane, I've watched a lot of metal detecting videos on youtube and taken notes. I was looking for more of a beginner/intermediate level metal detector since I already had a little experience. There are only one or two units worth anything that are under or near $100. I read and watched a lot of reviews. Garret is like the star of metal detectors. The Ace 250 is expensive in my opinion, but likely to last me longer. The 150 would also be a good choice. Some people like Minelab machines. It would have been quite awhile before I could purchase the 250. But since my son bought it for me, I can save up for the Garret Pro-Pointer (a pinpointing tool) instead. I'll mention more if you are interested.
Hugs to each, and a coffee cup salute.
Karl
Posted: 04 May 2014 - 04:28 AM
Saturday was Free Comic Book Day, so I spent the whole day getting from one comic shop to another by bus and/or scooter, to maximize my haul. I also made a stop at my storage unit, but only had enough room to bring back one item (Tupperware appropriate for a box of breakfast cereal). My final stop was at the home where a friend hosts a monthly social event; as usual, there was excess food and I was encouraged to take some home. (I had a ride home, which is why I'd brought a portable scooter instead of my more convenient (but bulkier) bicycle.)
On Friday I'd made a quick grocery shopping trip. I was tempted to buy meat, but then realized that since I was very likely to be claiming significant leftovers at the Saturday event, I should hold off on getting anything perishable.
LR2014
Posted: 04 May 2014 - 03:47 AM
Hi, SusanL (and hi to SusanL's friend, too). Good to hear you were able to use restraint and not order too much. Cool.
Vi: So great to hear about your new place and that you are making good progress on packing! Yea!
Me: Another thought about moving I've intended to mention. Some of you (maybe Barb, others) have talked about visualizing rooms without clutter. That would be very hard for me to do. But . . . when I first moved here (ages ago), I first brought over just my "essentials" and set them up. I took pictures of my place and thought, "Oh, if only this were all I had to bring over here!" Without all those extra boxes (boxes of papers, of this, of that), the place looked fairly nice. I took pictures of it in its "nice," pre-cluttered state. I still have those pictures . . . somewhere. I can use those (when I run across them) to help me visualize how I would like things to look now.
Hugs to all.
vi0l3t
Posted: 03 May 2014 - 08:42 PM
I also wanted to say that you guys are all doing so well, and thank you for the sympathy about my hands and the window, I'm totally good though because my SO is a helluva nursie and patched me right up once he got home. Jess, I'm also moving. Don't feel so bad about it. moving is a wonderful opportunity to start over with the things you really truly love and to selectively acquire new things that you love even more. on top of that it means getting to meet new people who you may get to love even more than the stuff. And on top of that moving means you get to be free of all the anxiety from your old place because they won't be there when you step into the new place. Good Luck, Jess :) I'm really looking forward to Sunday's meeting so I can chat with you all.
vi0l3t
Posted: 03 May 2014 - 08:21 PM
didn't post yesterday, sorry but I'm here now. Good news, we got approved for the apartment we wanted and we're hoping to go take a look tomorrow! I realized 80% of the stuff in the garage isn't coming with us and the other stuff will either be stored or will be an easy pack since most of that stuff is already boxed! Yesterday I was able to wash and pack most of the glass/ceramic dishes and just need to pack the rest of the storage containers and cooking stuff. I also put all the pantry items into easily grabbed boxes and cleared all the cupboards so everything is an easy go once we get our move in date. our Daughter's room is clean and mostly ready to go, 80% of the laundry is done, all of the extra blankets and such have been packed and I cannot wait to button up the rest of the house :)
SusanL
Posted: 03 May 2014 - 07:57 PM
Hey Dianne, long time no see!
All of you are being so brave and facing things that are difficult. Very inspiring.
I did my best this week not to overshop. I ordered a single fitted sheet instead of more. Wait and see if that one solves the problem instead of ordering a whole bunch of stuff, some of which works and some of which gets stored.....for what?
Shoutout to a friend of mine who reads here without commenting. Come on in, the water's fine!
Red letter day here, youngest child finally moved all his boxes and stuff out. The 'baby' is 26 :)
LR2014
Posted: 03 May 2014 - 06:49 PM
Jess: Good to "see" you. I don't know if this relates to what you are feeling or not, but . . . sometimes, when I have to make a change of some sort (move to a new area, get a new job, and so forth), the feelings of leaving the familiar to go to the unfamiliar is unsettling. It helps me to remember that soon, the new place (new job, etc.) will stop being so new and will start feeling "old and comfortable" (and then eventually I won't want to leave that place/job, either). I do know that I don't like it when my "stuff" gets scrambled in a move. Just don't do what I did the last time. I packed a box that said, "Open this box first." (By now, I don't remember what all was in there, but it must have been important to me at the time.) A long time after I moved into my new place, I happened to be looking for something amidst the boxes that were stashed under my computer desk (boxes that, like many others, still hadn't been unpacked). What did I just happen to see under that computer desk? The box that I had labeled "Open first." Arrrgggghhh! Live and learn!
Barb: Glad you got to be with your friends! Happy mowing.
Dianne: Glad you are free to be back here. You said, " . . . life happens and then you get back in the saddle." Super attitude! Yes, that's just the reality of life sometimes. Thanks for the inspiration.
Tillie: Thanks for the comment. It does feel great when I can see a change in my thinking. Fresh lemonade? Haven't had any of that in a long time! Mmmmmm . . .
Me: I did all my goals for today. I decided I was running out of time to do the out-of-town thing, so I opted for the bedroom project instead. I spent more time cleaning in that bedroom than I spent actually dejunking it. One thing I did in there was to clean around the window area and take down and wash one of the curtains. I don't want to say how long that curtain had been up there! (Glad it's washable.) I'd forgotten how much light comes into that room when there are no curtains. The other rooms in my place are very dark and dreary, and there's no good way to let much sunlight into them. I may leave the curtains off in that bedroom and start spending more time in there once again just to enjoy the lovely sunshine! I'm itching to work on that room some more, and that feels good.
