Good evening!

CM, I hope you can fix your fan.

Tatoulia, good job on getting back to the healthy eating.

When the car and garage are gone, you will own only the things that are in your house! I know you feel like that is too many things right now, but I find that idea really impressive. I know you will keep making progress on sorting out your mom's stuff and either making space for it or letting it go.

My Bean is spending the night! His mama is finally feeling ok with the idea again (and he begged). She is staying until he is asleep. But it is a start. (The problem is her anxiety - objectively she trusts us, but it is hard for her to know she can't check on him at night.)

She told him that he would sleep here and then tomorrow at the end of the day he will go home. He said "no, I want to stay here. You can come back." And she asked if he wanted them to live here now, and he said "yes. I like these people." It was so funny and cute - like we were something he had just tried for the first time and decided he likes.

We get to go out for lunch today! Finally the temperature isn't just absolutely brutal.

My cabin fever took over early on and kicked my executive functioning's butt. It just felt like coping with the cold weather was all my mind had the bandwidth for. Our power went out last night; it had flickered on Friday and Saturday and I can't remember, maybe Sunday as well - just out for like a minute or less then back on. But last night was out for about 15-20 minutes. The entire neighborhood.

I know it will be a short week, too. Poco a Poco will definitely apply to getting back into the swing of things. Tomorrow roommate and I plan to go for a swim, which should get the blood pumping. And I'll have a chance to stick my wrist on the hot whirlpool tub's jets. I guess when I played my keyboard on Sunday morning, reaching for 2 notes above an octave when I wasn't used to it strained the tendons. I iced it last night, which helped some. Friday we have a brainstorming session with the bunny shelter, for which I have not done much to prepare as I had intended.

My cousin's school had no classes yesterday of course because of the holiday, and cancelled today because of the cold. Hers is a tiny district adjacent to Wichita. Wichita cancelled as well. So cousin and I got to text last night awhile. She's decluttering too. It's cool that we can encourage each other.

And this morning I decided to try again to phone a friend who's been hard to catch, and had a nice chat with her. She's seriously considering moving to the little town where her daughter and grandchildren live, about 26 miles away. She needs to be closer to them, because of her health, but I will miss her. We've been friends since our 20s. Haven't gotten to get together in person since before Covid. I wish highway driving/longer distances from home didn't bother me so, I'd be able to go see her. But this friend does have siblings still in town, so perhaps when she comes in to visit them we would be able to get together. Or maybe by some miracle I will be able to make the drive someday. Who knows. Never say never.

I was a bit discouraged on Sunday as I was preparing to sit down at the keyboard, at how much stuff I had to shift and pile still to get to it. It's by the sewing machine table, and most of the stuff in question is sewing related, or crafts. I know I've made some dent in it, but y'know how it is when you're just halfway through and there's not yet a good fit between amount of stuff and available space. Piling things in sloppy ways is the bane of my existence, yet here we are. I know it will get better, must try to stay positive.

That is really cute! What a sweetpea.

Thanks for the perspective on my stuff, SubC. I used to have stuff in BF's basement and stuff in car. Soon it will all be here or donated. Not bad! I will feel better to be sure.

When I first came here in 2015 maybe? I had a large storage space. It was filled too to bottom, front to back, and I got rid of everything. Now look where I'm headed. It will be challenging and I'll need your help, but we will get it done.

I wish it weren't winter because I'm a bit of a hibernator.

Hello friends, been back to work but today is a snow day/work at home. TotsDad came over and is still here. We sorted some of the last boxes and bins, moved things, swept and mopped, he nailed some cords up along the wall so they are not all over the floor.

I have been weighing and making attempts at weight loss/better eating. I have been donating and trashing things. I am tired and the last parts are exhausting. Stuff I have no place for. Several bins of my childhood things or my Dad's things got tossed into one of the kids rooms which is a storage unit right now. I will deal with that later. Right now we are behind on getting them moved in, and are trying to finish up those 2 rooms. We are 90% done at least.

I will update the Daily Tally and the Decluttering the Pounds threads and hope to hear from some of you over there.

I did read your posts and I am glad to hear you got your evaluations done, SubC, and I hope we all can get through this icky winter.

Also someone said they were coming today to buy the queen bed and then they just didn't bother to show up at all. Rude.

Good morning!

I'm not sure there is anything wrong with hibernating. And if you are hibernating with your stuff you might be more likely to deal with it.

Bean is still asleep. Dh is going to the gym. I might stick an earphone in and do yoga. I don't want to wake Bean up. He always has to get up early on Mondays so he can go to work with Dd and get picked up.

Don't expect any progress today - just hanging with my boy.

Hope and Lila, I hope to hear from you soon.

Good morning.

Lila, you have done so very well! It is ok that you have a storage room right now. Your progress has been phenomenal! And you will have your lovely littles right there in your home, and their Dad on hand to keep helping you!

I'm sorry about the bed people though. That is a big object.

CM, how was lunch? How is your wrist? I'm sorry you felt discouraged, but I think you are doing well. Your posts sound much more upbeat lately. It is good to hear you are sewing and playing music and getting out to exercise.

I had a good day yesterday. I did yoga and brushed my teeth and showered before school. I got there in time to unload the kiln and write all the lesson plans on the board before the kids arrived. All my classes went well and I picked up the information I needed, and I only stayed after for two hours straightening up my room, editing evaluations, and turning all the Wednesday class ones in. (Plus a couple of trips up and down the stairs to fortify myself with tea and 100 calories nut packs from the office - bless the parents who keep the snack station stocked!)

Tomorrow I have less editing to do, but I need to load the kiln, so two hours is probably a reasonable guess for that.

When I got home I took the kettle out to thaw water for the animals and actually cooked dinner. - I used up the last of a package of open bulgar that had been languishing, and the broccoli. My fridge still needs work. Dh was happy that there was dinner when he got home. I even ran a load of laundry after chores, but I didn't clean up the dishes.

Today it is supposed to get up into the 20s. I need to make a run to the feed store. The only prep I have for school tomorrow is some fun stuff. I'm going to try to put away the last few Christmas decorations, get out to my studio, and otherwise just putter about making a little progress on the house. I'll check back later.

This will be a hit and miss, piecemeal post.

Tatoulia, I remember 2015 was when I landed here, right after moving from my previous roommate's to the current one. The move was utterly chaotic and I declared I would become a minimalist thereafter. Well... progress has been very slow on that goal. I hope it is still a viable goal. I remember you were finishing up the storage unit.

I haven't gotten much done on household projects, but yesterday I went out and did errands, which was actually a thing I felt pretty good about. You see, the weather here has improved from bitter cold, but it has settled into a grey, dreary, cold, damp, mizzly drizzly phase that has lasted approximately 53 days. At least that's how long it has felt. It's the sort of weather that tempts me to cocoon. And I was growing increasingly concerned that I might get more and more rusty (read: anxious) about getting out and driving places.

But I did, and it was a success, and today I drove to the other side of town to a bookstore to get a replacement Harry Potter book for a damaged one, then to the bunny rescue house where I am helping with clerical stuff and bunny care. So now it feels like I'm back in the swing of things after the time of covid and really bad cold weather.

They are still not showing any sunshine forecast until Sunday. I'm not depressed, but I am somewhat sluggish. The dampness makes the cold feel colder. Just not enjoyable weather to be out in a whole lot. And diminished energy and purpose re indoor tasks, though hoping I can get going on something.

Can I just add an emotional reaction I had today, to sorting those bins of ex's?

At first it was fine. Then as it was more and more bins of papers, I found myself getting resentful. And then angry. I got so angry because why should I be the one having to sort his hoard?? I couldn't just toss it all in the trash, because in between all the junk mail, fliers, used paper towels, etc were just a few things that should be kept. In between all of that, among 6 trash bags full of garbage, I found some sweet little notes and drawings our daughter made for him when she was little... a few photos... some letters from his dead mother and sister that would be meaningful to him... and his birth certificate! So piece by piece I sorted all that junk, 6 trash bags of literal trash plus the one bin of stuff that ended up being saved.

And some of it brought back memories. Of when we were in love, of when he became a complete a-hole, of the pain during the period when I still loved him but he did not love me.

And I got mad. AND, I was pulling out old receipts and my finger was sliced by a razor hidden in there. Yes a razor. It hurts really bad, it got blood all over, and a cut open fingertip is no fun. That also made me mad.

But in the end, I thought how glad I am that my kids are not going to be left with this kind of mess to deal with when I die. Thank God for that.

Good work getting the tree out, SubC. And the evaluations. I dislike paperwork myself.

I took all those tank tops and tees out of the drawer again, and this time I donated 8 of them!! Thanks for the help with that. I have space in the drawer now for something I wear and like.

I am inspired by the desk in my room and the lack of dust and hair in that corner. But, imagine all those tubs and piles I talked about before... and now most of them are ON my bed or surrounding my bed! I don't think I can even get TO my bed. And it's evening. So, I do need to go back in there and find room for all the displaced stuff. Maybe that will help me get rid of more. I do feel good about it.

Tatoulia, good to see you. I hope you feel rested after your day of sleep. Taking care of yourself is important.

SubC, the categories are a good way to look at some of these things. Especially the toys and dress up clothes and such. Thank you.

I do have a lot of sentimental 'stuff' even though I got rid of a LOT of it. Papers my kids wrote or drew, artwork of theirs, things that they loved as little kids.

And things that were my parents or grandparents.

All of those things make me acutely aware of the passing of time. It is a very uncomfortable feeling.

We cross posted, SubC!

Yeah, I am about done with the sorting now. To clarify, Tots Family is all moving in with me AND bringing all their stuff. But the garage was 100% full, and that room ex's stuff is in is a huge room they will need to live in. He rents "half" the room and the other half was my stuff. We cleared the garage to make space for Tots' familys' things and for stuff in that room and stuff in my house that I am packing for when I eventually move out, in a year or so.

So the space ex is renting will be the garage space and part of a smaller room instead of half of that huge room. The huge room will be lived in by Totsfam.

If I just shoved all his stuff in the garage there would be no room for anything else... thus the sorting/consolidating. We are about done, though. I just need to move the clothing he has in dressers into bins and my son will put them in the garage. They have to be binned to avoid mice.

When I move he will get 2 months' notice to come and get it or it will all be donated/trashed. I refuse to take it with me!

SubC, I'm sorry. Teen told me yesterday, literally, that I am a failure as a mother. I guess we have to remember that we did our best.

Thanks Lila and SubC.

I appreciate your transparency and advise. It helps to know that you are not alone and someone understands. Made a lot of progess yesterday or at least I'm proud of what I got done. I cleaned 1/2 of my family room. I discarded 2 bins and 3 trash bags of junk. I can see the walls and was able to use my fireplace. I rewarded myself at the end of the evening by meditating in front of the fireplace. Felt good but also painful because it made me remember how beautiful my home used to be. I had support person (relative) on the phone with me for almost 4 hours which helped me get through. I don't call the person much (for support) because I don't want scare them off. I call when I really need help and yesterday I used that lifeline and made progress. Like yesterday, not going to commit to anything other than making some type of progress. the goal is to throw away more junk. Wish I could do better but right now this is unfortunately my best.

Lila - congrats on getting through the dresser and for pivoting when you got stuck. I love SubC's advise on the tanks and the fact that you were able to donate 8 tanks!!! Great job.

SubC - congrats on getting through the evaluations and getting the tree down and decorations away. Also, thanks so much again. My hygiene has never really been an issue but lately I've struggled to take care of myself like I used to. Most days just trying to survive. I'm drained from the jobsearch and closed doors. I am however getting out and staying out of bed daily. I also make my bed daily. I am still isolating but may force myself to go for a walk. I did meditate again this morning.

ok off to the hoard....I'll circle back with my progress.

Good morning.

I woke up sad and miserable today.

But now the sun is out and I have ventured into the crisp (7F) air to do chores and am feeling a bit better. Feeling hopeful about cranking through these evaluations, although the ones today will unfortunately be more incomplete than yesterdays - upside, I have been making lesson plans for each class that will allow me to finish off their evaluations as I go so my Wednesday is completely prepped.

Lila, I know this is easier said than done, but try not to keep things that make you sad.

Good morning.

Lila, I do not believe you were a failure as a mother. We did do our best. This youngest one of mine needed a different mother and I could not be that person. I have felt sorry for her about that since she was little. She still calls expecting against all evidence and experience to be able to talk to that imaginary person - and ends up having very unsatisfactory conversations with me.

I understand better what you are doing with ex's stuff now. That is overwhelming. I'm very glad you are almost through it. 2 months is very generous. I bet he won't come back for it, but I am glad you have the income source.

I pushed through some dishes last night after I posted in an effort to go to bed and not cry. This morning I am throwing together some lesson plans, doing my chores, and heading off to school to start again. I am going to try to stop after school and drop off some books at the used book store. The external structure is good for me.

Hope, wow, half the living room is amazing progress! How wonderful that you had someone willing to support you on the phone through that. I too have a fireplace and it is so relaxing the few times a year I use it! It sounds like you live alone, Hope. Wondering if you have kids or grandkids that are part of the equation? My kids are all 18 and up, two live with me, and I think the reason I've been able to keep the main house areas functional all these years is them. But it's still embarrassing how cluttery it is. Teen (who is 18) says to me, "you're a hoarder!" and it makes me feel bad. My son who is father to my grandkids who I call Tot, Acorn, and Star, is very very supportive but jokes and says I'm a hoarder too. Like when I hesitate to get rid of things, he laughs a little and says that... but it is very good natured, and so, I try to prove him wrong! I'm in my mid 50s by the way.

I'm separated for a year and a half, from my ex who was also a hoarder but maybe more deeply entrenched than I. He grew up in poverty so he saves everything. When sorting I found piles of used paper towels, every bit of junk mail for 18 years, every receipt since the 80's and I mean even receipts where he paid cash for milk or bread. He saved burned out light bulbs, wrapped in used paper towels, drained batteries, pens that stopped working and have no ink, pencil stubs. So this is why it has been difficult sorting his tubs and boxes which I HAD to sort as mice got into the boxes. I believe I sorted about 40 large bins/boxes and what is left is about 25. The rest was trash. He would never have allowed me to do this with him here, but when we were married, if he went away on a trip and I cleaned/purged a bit he never complained much. Only if he was present would he get enraged if I threw out a scrap of paper or old light bulb.

Anyway. There's a bit of me.

Today I will continue to work on boxes and bins in his room, my room, and the family room. Let's update each other as we progress!

Thanks for letting me vent and for support guys. Still catching up on posts replying to what I read so far.

SubC - glad to see that your day is beginning to look up and that you got out to get some air and love the advise that you gave on the categories. Also, great job on pressing through the evaluations. Living life while dealing with the hoard is a job itself.

Lila - seems that you are making wonderful progress. Your consistent purge is an inspiration. When are totsfam coming again? Also, what impact if any will they have on the hoard?

Tat - great job on dishwasher and laundry. I count it all because it matters. Today, I had to tidy the front porch (again) and I packed up books I got stuck on yesterday morning but I counted it progress because i got something done. I'm also glad that your friend is coming. Everyone has something that they are not proud of/great at. I understand the anxiety of your friend coming. The main thing is that you remain proud of the progess that you are making because only you know all the details about what you are going through and what it takes to dig out.

In addition to the above, I told a close family member about my situation. They want to help. I was close to saying yes but realized how cold it is in here at times. I'm having trouble focusing on this post. Really struggling through all of this. I will post again later or tomorrow.

I also appreciate any tips on how you handle mail and for cleaning a stove with grease build up.

Will try and keep caught up with posting before it gets too far behind. We have all been posting so much - but that's fantastic, it means we're all on a roll. Even if some individual days are tough, overall the trend is good.

I'm giving roommate's bunnies their morning exercise time while roommate does a few winterizing tasks, because in a couple days it's going to turn nasty cold here until about next Wednesday. Bleah. We went swimming Monday and will go for general exercise today, before we are cooped up indoors more.

As I mentioned on the Daily Tally, I got the one pair of jeans hemmed. I'd actually already been wearing them even too long, but it feels great to have them as they should be. The other two pairs that need pocket extensions are next. SubC, the sewing queue I think is everything inside and in the garage, it just got separated. Although when I pull both lots into one and maybe order them in some sort of priority, there could be items that just get relegated to donation. It won't take long to look through it.

Some will be machine repairs and some hand sewing, like darning socks. I do darn socks, because the ones I have are high cotton content and replacements aren't readily available in stores these days. Most everything is high synthetic anymore, and I prefer cotton. At least I'll darn ones that are in good shape. A few get to the point where the fiber has deteriorated, and those can't be saved. They make good dusting cloths and will be used as I'm cleaning.

I was thinking about Road the other day too!

Brushing teeth at some point in the last few years became a whenever thing for me as well, also showering here at the house (besides I'm more of a tub bath gal). I understand these routines tend to be difficult for neurodivergent people, because of sensory and executive functioning issues. Mind you, I don't go around smelly or gross; I can always do the cowgirl washcloth bath. At the gym somehow I find showering easier to manage so that has helped.

Tatoulia, laundry still counts as a win and bragging rights for me because I find it challenging. Lol! We are all at different stages.

I had to look up what a zip car was. My ex boyfriend was trending toward minimalism by the time he left town years ago (we had already ended our romantic phase). He had sold his house because he didn't like long term commitments (hence why marriage and kids were a deal breaker for our relationship) and did not wish even to own a car. He drove his to his home state and sold it to his stepdad. To my knowledge he has been fanatically "carfree" ever since. I guess it works for those who like that lifestyle especially in big cities. I'm not that type. My van not only gets me places, it feels like a cozy little home away from home on wheels, and when one is agoraphobic, sometimes that really helps.

Well, I need to stop here so roommate and I can proceed to the gym soon. I'll save other posting for later. Have a good day ladies!

Where are all my peeps???

I am working hard as TotsDad is coming back over shortly and he is hoping to be "done" today. I don't know about THAT but I am trying.

I posted the big huge computer stand/desk combo from the family room online and someone is supposed to be picking it up shortly! To do this I had to take everything off it and dust it and put stuff somewhere. I did that!

I also sorted stacks of books and videos that were on the floor into keep, donate, and trash (some were moldy because they got wet at some point).

I have been going through the last of ex's bins, mostly just consolidating books and getting them ready for TotsDad to put them in the garage.

Part of this is so hard because it is stuff I have had forever, like the furniture. Some of it I do NOT want to look at or deal with or think about, but I have to. It is somewhat stressful.

But the goal is just to get ex's room and family room pretty much empty for Totsfam to move in.

It is exhausting but getting done.

SubC, I'm sorry you woke up sad. The cold air surely does make up snap out of it a bit, in some way, even if still struggling.

Hope, this hoard has been massive. My house is probably 3000 square feet and most of it was full of stuff. Every closet and spare room crammed to the brim and spilling out. Ex's den was full to the top with a teeny pathway from door to bed. I went back last night and scrolled through the topics and in 2016 I used to post as "wife." You can see them by looking at who started the thread. And 3000 square feet does not include the shed and the two car garage that was stuffed full of junk.

Three yard sales, countless trips to the donation place, giving away big things online, I mean it has to be like 1500 square feet of junk that has come out of here already.

Totsfam is moving in with us this week, and there are 5 of them (3 kids) and although I am clearing, I still have my furniture and functional stuff and have no idea where they are going to put everything like pots and pans. One of us will probably pack up or stay packed... we'll see. I plan to buy a smaller home and move out in a year or so. They are definitely displacing the hoard. I have two small kids bedrooms still pretty hoarded up with toys and random junk that I will keep working on.

Hope, when the mail comes in, ALL the junk and ads go into the trash, and never get set down. The rest, if I have time, get opened... envelopes in trash, bills and action items in my action tote, the rest in a box to be filed if I am keeping it. However I admit I often don't have time, and after I throw out the junk I toss the rest on the bar/counter in the kitchen. It piles up. I am working on the habit.

Stove grease: Dawn Powerwash spray is great for the outside/top!! Just spray it (soak) and let sit 10 minutes, then wipe off with paper towels and scrub with a scrubber. I really like Scrub Daddy sponges for this but use what you have that has a scrubby side. Then, wipe it with paper towels and spray with Dawn Powerwash again and let sit 10 min, repeat.

Somewhere in there if needed you can use Bartender's Friend powder to scrub more. I also bought a razor blade scraper which gets all the burned on stuff off a glass cooktop.

I hope this helps... for inside the stove I use the self cleaner when I am home. I don't like the chemical stuff but if needed you can use that.

Having coffee, will start on the hoard again soon.

Good job getting those jeans hemmed, CM!

I am so tired, and tired of being sick. I was thinking about a desk I have downstairs and how I need to get rid of it to make space, when I realized I would love to have it as a workspace in my bedroom. So today I am going to measure it and see if it would fit along one wall. There is absolutely no room with all the clutter, but maybe this would be a motivator for me to make space in my room for the desk. I will decide one way or the other today.

I think TotsDad is coming again today to help move some more stuff, so I will get working on it. I need to move some knick knacks off a huge desk/shelf so we can get rid of that.

Wish me luck... I will try, and will report back. Thank you for the accountability.

Hi all!

Lila, I was teaching, and then I was staying after for two hours to fire the kiln and grade stuff. Great job on the tank tops!

Did the furniture get picked up?

Totsdad sounds ambitious! You have been getting an amazing amount done though. By "done" does he mean just those two rooms? How empty is "pretty much empty"?

Hope, I also think that cleaning half the living room is very impressive. And that it is nice that you could meditate by the fire. I'm currently sitting on the floor in front of the woodstove eating cold pizza out of the box.

Did you go for a walk?

omg this is so hard, but I am doing it. But by bit.

- sorted 3 more of ex's tubs, probably close to the last of them. It was 80% junk mail and old papers from 15+ years ago, thrown out, the rest consolidated into a bin.

- measured the desk and decided I want it in my bedroom if TotsDad can get it in there.

- moved plastic storage drawers and a dollhouse from my bedroom into the little kids' bedroom which is a mess right now. I need to vacuum where it was and move more stuff for the desk to be in there.

- found that TotsDad had started packing items off a shelf, which gave me some anxiety, and I took the stuff out of the tote and re-packed it and labeled it. This is stuff in the bedroom that TotsFam will be moving into.

Now I need TotsDad to show up and move about 5 or 6 totes I packed up, into the garage, and for him to take the dozen or so bags of trash out of the huge room into the trash outside. And, if he can, move the desk upstairs.

This is all a lot of work, many many decisions that I don't have time to agonize over. A lot of the things I am touching and seeing are very emotional... things of my kids when they were little, things of mine, of my various exes, things I had plans for that never panned out. You know what I mean. Thirty years worth of stuff I hung onto for one reason or another. It is really emotional.

hi SubC! Glad to see you. I've been posting on the Daily Tally to help my anxiety about what we are doing. We are down to the stuff that has not been touched, hard stuff. But we are doing it.

TotsDad mainly needs those two rooms and the garage to be done so he can move in. He will have their beds and such in the huge room, and is bringing his exercise equipment and a wall mount tv for the family room, and then whatever he brings that doesn't fit in those rooms will go in the garage.

This does affect the rest of the house because anything moved but not donated/thrown out is migrating to other spaces. I probably also need to make space for some of their things in the kitchen.

And I am sorting the smaller bedrooms upstairs so the kids can play and I can keep some things, but that can continue on after they move in.

They want to move in this week, which is why the big push. The furniture did get picked up. I really almost wanted to keep it. But that was emotional, not practical.

Conversation with TotsDad:

me: This is getting really hard.
him: why?
me: I dunno, it's just hard.

Then we got to work.

TotsDad came for an hour and a half, and we:

- moved all the tools and related items to the storage/tool room
- he organized the laundry room shelves and I threw out several old things and we moved cleaners out of the family room
- sorted the remaining boxes
- put an office chair in my room to try with my desk in there
- got rid of extra cords
- donated a bunch of dog toys
- swept the floor
- took the bin of fragile items that we took off the big desk, and brought it upstairs to keep under my bed
- got rid of a bunch of dowels, trim, rods, etc from the corner

So we got a lot done.

Good morning.

Last night I set up the coffee pot to make a pot of coffee before I woke up this morning - as I usually do. However, I did not put the carafe on it. Yeah.

Ok, I can only do better from here.

Lila, are you feeling any better? did tot'sdad come and move the desk? Did the huge desk/shelf get cleared out?

You are doing a huge job! Just keep reminding yourself that it is for tot and acorn. You can have the stuff in your house, or you can have them in your house.

One of my biggest motivating factors is not letting the stuff get in the way of my time with Bean. I took a pile of books to the used book store yesterday. When I was working on the shelves I found some board books I have never read to Bean. He is three. He is mostly done with board books. I had to ask myself "am I sad that these were tucked away and I forgot them and didn't read them to him - in which case I should get them out where I remember to read them to Birdy, or do I not care, in which case I should get rid of them."

Also the kids books. My parents let us order any books we wanted from the scholastic book orders at school every month. I have so many kids paperbacks. My own kids didn't read most of them - they wanted to read new books that their friends were reading and we have an amazing library system. Really, the only ones I should keep are the ones that I think "oh, I loved this book. I want to share it with Bean or Birdy."

I am feeling very motivated to clean out right now. I think it's because I have to do evaluations.

CM, good job on the jeans! I'm happy you are posting more!

I also darn socks. Because I prefer thrift stores for clothes shopping, my biggest wardrobe investments are socks and undergarments. Sometimes I laugh at myself when I am getting dressed and realize my bra cost more than the rest of my outfit put together. I also have some very nice pajamas.

I am not going to try another link, but if you google "sockdreams" they have some fun, good quality cotton socks. They are not cheap though.

Ok, off to be functional. I'll report back.

Good morning.

Snow on the ground, high winds, temps in the 20s all day.

Today's goal will be banging out evaluations.

Lila, I think once the littles are there and playing in the room, you will have more clarity about what should be in it. Particularly on some of the stuff you are "saving for them" too many toys is overwhelming. It is best to just keep the favorite ones.

This week I discovered a new term "sable" "stash accumulated beyond life expectancy" this is definitely an issue for me. I am unlikely to live long enough to use up all of my craft materials and finish all of my project ideas. Maybe CM can relate.

It also applies to things like my children's books though. If I read Bean 5 or 6 books every week, and he wants his favorites over and over again, I simply won't have time to read them all to him before he is too old to enjoy the story. We only read half the Christmas books this year.

Hey You All,

Catching up again. Hadn't had much sleep due to cold and a bit of stress though I'm trying to keep it under control. Spent the day (over 8 hrs) job searching and interviewing. Anxiety got the best of me so I bombed on 2nd round interview. I was exhausted and simply couldn't think. Self esteem so low I don't recognize myself.

Tat- thanks for the encouragement and way to push through with the books. Posting is hard. I feel like instead of posting i should be clearing the hoard and then I'm embarrassed when I don't have anything done. Not giving up on myself. Somehow I am going to push my way through this.

CM - Great job on getting the jeans done and for staying active. Minimalism doesn't sound bad to me. Though I doubt that I'll ever get there. I am willing to let go of almost everything for a chance to start fresh. I envision rooms with VERY little. Determined to get to that place because this state is overwhelming.

SubC - way to go with the dishes and for protecting time with Bean. Understand how it feels to be unproductive. I still can't believe that it got this bad and though it was right in front of my eyes, I did not see it. Also, thanks for mentioning scholastic books, that brought back great memories.

Lila - way to push past your emotions and illness to get things done. congrats on almost being done with sorting through ex's things. I too am triggered when I touch certain items in my hoard. Unlike you, I become paralyzed with emotion.
You are being extremely generous with ex. Do you think maybe ex left those things because they were unable to face/clear the hoard? Also, now with your new roomers, will you still need the income from ex's hoard? I only ask because I see the emotional toll that my hoard is taking on me and I'm wondering if the rent you are receiving from ex is worth the emotional toll (if you are able to survive without it).

Hoping to have a more productive report later or tomorrow.

SubC, that is an interesting thought, sable. I will look around and think about that as well.

I agree on the toys, another hard thing. I might bin up one bin of things the girls are not fans of, for the boys when they come to visit. But one bin, not 10 bins like I used to do. I still have a plastic trash can full of my stuffed animals from my childhood, and I need to either give them to the kids who want them or let them go. It is pointless really.

This morning I am home and it is 1 degree. I have a big fire going in the fireplace. I found about 6 boxes of Duraflame logs in the garage from about 20 years ago when I was scared my heat would be shut off again... then later I found that those don't put off much heat like a real wood fire. Anyway, I have a wood fire going now but we are about out of firewood, so I plan to throw those logs on the fire this morning to keep it going a bit and take the edge off the cold in the living room. Plus I just like a fire. When TotsDad comes I will let it go out and we will work.

I never would have believed, 10 or 15 years ago, that I would be able to get so many things out of my house. I mean, I have had several yard sales over the years and given a lot away and sold things. But there is this "base level" hoard that never moved, do you know what I mean friends? The stuff that just stays... the stuff you don't touch or deal with? Aside from ex's stuff, that baseline stuff is what we are doing now. Furniture. "Special" things. Stuff I have always thought I "needed." This is the hardest part of the hoard and I don't know how I would have done this without TotsDad. I may have done it but it would have taken at least 5 years instead of a month or two.

Good morning friends.
SubC, that is an excellent and motivating thought. I can have Tot and Acorn in my home or I can have stuff. I can't think of anything more motivating.

Hope, in fact, I have been here 30 years getting paralyzed by the hoard. Friends here can tell you, and you could look back in old posts, how I would go into a room look around, get paralyzed and walk out. Or open a few boxes, look at things, get overwhelmed, and walk out. I guess just forcing myself to pick ONE thing, or 3 things, or whatever, and sharing here, kept me trying.

And now with TotsDad being so kind and helping me, I cannot imagine saying to him, "no, you can't move those boxes, I need that stuff" and having him say "well there is no room for us then..." omg. So This has been THE biggest push ever.

I do, now, need the money from ex, but I suspect if and when he catches wind of my moving things around he will either a) not care at all because he has given up, or b) get angry and stop paying. We'll see. It is worth it for now, but when I move, I will NOT take his hoard with me. It will be up to my son if he wants to accept rent to keep ex's things in the garage, or give him the 2 month deadline.

Today I am still sick but have a goal:

- I need TotsDad to move a dresser to make room for the desk in my room. He did not come yesterday but is coming today.

- to move he dresser I need to take some clothes out of it. I will sort all the clothes that are a bit too small into an empty tote I bought up from ex's room (used to be full of papers).

- I will have TotsDad move that tote and a couple totes of books from my bedroom into the garage. I may even sort the books first, we'll see.

- I have to clear a path for him to bring the desk in also. This is no easy task.

So I will start working on those things in my bedroom to prepare for the desk. Even if it somehow cannot fit down the hall or through the door, my room will be better.

Lila, you are doing really, really well!

I am so glad you are burning up the logs and enjoying the fire instead of storing something that might be a fire hazard!

I have mad3 a start on evaluations again. I broke what I want to ge5 done today into 4 sections and I have finished the first section.

Dh is still working on his sound system and has been putting around moving things and interrupting me to ask questions.

The car is loaded with that chair, it's matching ottoman, my box of donations, some things Dh is ready to get rid of, and a small occasional table (also a Dh belonging - from mil). I don't count Dh things in or out, but I am happy to have the box going so I can't second guess.

Ok, back to work!

Good afternoon - here anyway.

I have finished 10(?)% of my evaluations. The question mark is because I will have to come back and record attendance on every single one after next friday because the semester ends then and these stupid things are due the following Monday. Also, I may need to add/change some comments based on what comes out of the kiln this week.

I had hoped to be at 20% by now, but I got a late start and no matter what I do I cannot seem to be fast.

Still, this is much better than Tuesday.

Hope, you will get there. You are interviewing for jobs! That is hard, and it is progress and you are doing it. I know it is frustrating, but don't give up. You have to give yourself credit for not giving up, ok? Can you do one kind thing for yourself today? Here are some things that you might be doing and not even realize they are accomplishments and if you aren't doing them, just pick one and congratulate yourself on helping Hope take a step forward ok?

Shower, brush your teeth, eat a piece of fruit, eat a vegetable, exercise (even just walk once around your house), brush your hair, put on music and sing along (it can lift your mood), wash the dishes you used for your last meal, get your dirty laundry off the floor, start a load of laundry, choose one surface and throw away the trash on it, find one item you can part with, make your bed, empty or wipe down a sink, take out the trash or recycling, deal with today's mail.. Pick one, or one of your own. And just let us know you did it.

We start where we are and we do the best we can. I am lucky. I have help. I have been physically undressed and put in a shower. I have had a bowl of soup put in front of me and been instructed to eat it one spoonful at a time. I have been dragged out of the house and just driven around in a car with the windows down and the radio on while I stared at the scenery and cried. I have had cabinets and closet racks tear free of walls and crash to the floor. I have cleaned up moldy boxes and mummified dead creatures - from inside of my house. I am never going to judge you.

You are already not spending the day in bed wearing yesterday's clothes and eating stale Halloween candy. You are doing ok.

Lila, good luck on your room!