Oh, Lila, bless you for the kind words. I didn't know you were another only child! It is a thing that I suppose can be a blessing or a curse - or perhaps a mixed bag, as I did enjoy some of the closeness and affection with my parents - though the helicopter parenting and having fewer people around to diffuse tensions when they cropped up was not so great.

Ah well. I accept it as God's will, but I'm one who will do what I can to gently encourage people to have more than one kid if I can. I just believe siblinghood is a highly essential type of human relationship just like that of parent and child, that it's desirable not to miss out on if it can be prevented. I see so many these days wanting to be "One and Done" even when they can easily afford more and there aren't any health problems etc. to consider. Some just want more trips to Disney World and material goods. But I will refrain from getting on my soapbox any further.

Maybe a lot of us older ladies will eventually form communities so that we can afford retirement, help each other out, and not be lonely - it's a trend I've seen a bit of in the press. Tiny houses, pocket communities, that sort of thing.

I'm feeling a lot better than I did on Thursday, because yesterday went very well regarding the tire situation. Roadside assistance arrived and the guy efficiently got the spare on, and he looked at the piece of metal in the tire and said it looked fixable. Which it was. The guy at the tire shop was very quick and efficient and it didn't cost much - yay! I was so thankful. So many times things like this turn into big expensive complicated things, even a cascade of problems.

That's why I want to find some financial solution, so I can maintain an emergency fund, have the means to get routine maintenance done on things, and so on.

I got the tire out for the roadside guy and set it on the grass before he came, so he wouldn't see the junk in the van (stuff I need to dispatch to its new home or to recycling) although the guy at the tire place saw it when he put the spare back in, but hopefully did not judge me too badly. I really want to get the van dejunked and clean - when I got it in 2018, for awhile I was able to, then things kind of deteriorated. I think I'll try and report any kind of progress I make on it here or on the Tally thread; that will give me some good positive reinforcement and celebration. Having it nice again will feel so good.

Poco a poco... solve one small challenge at a time.

This morning roommate and I checked out this nearby coffee shop. I should've done so a long time ago, because it's a fantastic place that I will go to often. A hangout. They have booths with power outlets, wifi - and it's quiet, peaceful, no loud music or migraine inducing lighting - just a great atmosphere. I can see myself taking my laptop there to write. It's not a place where I would be afraid to go. I can get a lot done in a place like that.

Good morning.

Lila, it will take wanting the space more than you want the things.

I am not really there yet. I backslide.

Dh and I have a free conservation program and breakfast from the county this morning. I signed us up a while ago and was excited about it. Now I’m just tired. I stayed up much too late last night googling friends from college. They mostly didn’t come up. The things that did come up were mostly sad. Three guys seem to have good jobs and are on linked in. I found out one of them is married - no kids - from his mother’s obituary. The guy who wanted to be a writer wrote one book and apparently opened a successful lawn care business. One guy had an old go fund me page. His wife died of a brain tumor four years ago. He had quit his job to care for her. Couldn’t find anything further. The page didn’t raise much, but it provided the only evidence of yet another friend who contributed, so I guess they stayed in touch.

I’ve been missing them a lot lately as I am watching my crop of much loved young men get ready to launch themselves out of high school. But really I think I miss the teen/twentyish them. I wonder if I would even be able to talk to these old men.

I slowly lost touch with all of them once I had kids.

I googled the girls from my dorm too. The two cute, funny, highly social ended up with good careers. They look happy on Pinterest, but no spouses, no kids. My roommate (is still) married, had three kids, and teaches preschool.

Gotta do chores and go. Need to get out of my head! It’s a far worse mess than my house.

I literally sat on the couch almost all day and looked up and it is almost night. Maybe I just needed the down time with very little stimulation to calm my nerves.

I want to get rid of the landfill that is inside my home but what is it going to take?

I did go into my bedroom and looked around for things to get rid of and sat on the bed and got overwhelmed.

I forgot about working my way out from the bed. I just want to throw things in a box and get rid of it all. I wish I could do that. I will try again.

CM, I didn't finish my thought. I am just a few years younger than you. If you lived near me, which I think you don't, I'd see if we could get together and form a sisterhood. I always have wanted a sister, and sometimes I will make a friend who kind of feels like one. But you're right, people are too busy. I don't really have anyone close anymore. My two best friends died and two close friends moved away and I never see them anymore. It is lonely and scary. There is no way Teen will help me when I am old. Oldest son, no way either, as he is far away and not concerned about me even now. Youngest son is disabled but would help as he can but I worry about him when I am gone. The other two kids, one will come see me like 4-5x a year, not even on holidays. Tot's parents are my close family and I pray it stays that way. Ugh I am rambling again.

Anyway I meant to say if you even happen to come to the PNW I would be your in person friend and we could declutter together or something.

There is room in my trash cans for more trash to go before the trucks come. I wonder if there is anything else I can toss. I do have a box of donations just about full and will put them in my car.

ugh CM, sorry about the flat tire. I hot a board on the highway this morning (unseen in time) and hope my tires are ok and no nails.

CM, I am in a similar boat. No siblings, parents long gone. I have one aunt with dementia that I love and call occasionally, and one cousin I am friendly with, but see maybe once a decade. However I do have kids and grandkids now. I was so lonely as a child and had as many kids as I could with the crappy husbands I had. Thankful for them and need to get with Tot's family more regularly.

Teen refused to go to their appointment yesterday. I have been feeling kind of emotionally wrecked. I went to the meeting and felt fine but then there was just the slightest bit of tension/disagreement and I shut right down and was shaking. My boss was there. I think he saw how messed up I am and I am afraid he is going to ask me to take a break from work and I don't want to. It's my sanity. He assigned me some HR person last week which has never happened to me before. He said it with a smile and was like 'oh she's just for your support' but now I am scared I will get fired or something because my kid is out of control at home.

Anyway. This morning I:

- took the broken microwave to the trash bin to be taken
- put a bag of leaves into the bin
- drove to work before anyone else got there to pick up some soup someone made for me and left in the fridge. It is my day off and I did not want to talk to anyone. One guy was coming in as I was leaving but I just said hi and ran off.
- made coffee. Am drinking it. Had a banana. Am considering throwing away the Oreos so I don't eat them all.

Roadside Assistance request sent, which went smoothly. Still, I must admit I am not a fan of all this adulting. This weekend will mark 20 years since my dad passed, and I used to be so blessed to have him to help with my vehicles; if he couldn't do something himself he at least knew where to take it.

I feel so alone in the world sometimes; my parents gone and me with no siblings, spouse, nor children plus the lovely ball and chain that is agoraphobia to reckon with. The parental generation relatives dying off, first cousins half gone and most not nearby, their children I don't know really well, though they are mostly decent people who I think would help if they were close. Sometimes I ponder moving to the town where my dad was from, so I could be near those cousins' children as I age. Having no kids of my own I need to find some way to be connected with people who will likely live long enough to be able to help me when I can't do for myself.

Friends, too, have become much sparser and communication with them harder - I think this was a trend that was starting even before pandemic but that really accelerated it. I'm noticing a pattern, too - in my 30s-50s it was still possible to easily make new friends and connect with them, at least if they were single like me. I quit trying with married people. Anyhow, now that most people my age are firmly ensconced in the grandparent life and retired or thinking about it, they seem busier and more cocooned in their own immediate circle than ever. Perhaps I'll make some friends through the senior center, but it may take some time.

I guess it's just turning 60 shock still - and 61 soon, in April. It's different than the crisis I went through turning 30, which was difficult in its own way (suddenly realizing my parents were mortal). I got through that one, I still had health and energy, and I still do to a great extent, brain glitches aside. But it does feel weird contemplating my OWN mortality.

This is actually one driving force behind my recent jumpstarting of my decluttering process, honestly. Swedish Death Cleaning, perhaps.

Hope this wasn't all too morbid. But it kind of helps to just spew it out, because it's been haunting me lately. Maybe this'll help externalize the angst.

Lila, I hope your work thing and teen’s appointment went well.

(CM, apostrophes have not been working for me - we will see how that one went)

Yes, the animals are Schleich. They are cheaper direct than through tractor supply depending on shipping.

I hope your tire is an easy fix.

Nothing cleared out or cleaned up today. Just checking in.

Exclamation point-!

SubC, Are the animals Schleich? Those are really cute; they sell them here at Tractor Supply and I have to resist - they have realistic cute bunnies. My roommate did buy one a few years back. Bean ought to like them.

Sounds like we're all riding the struggle bus a bit this week. It hit me today. Which was supposed to be a snow day and I'd done prep like go to the grocery store yesterday, was going to do my long-neglected laundry and basically chill.

But got off to a late start, got irritated that roommate hadn't cleaned the lint off the dryer screen, in a temper I whacked it against the wastebasket too hard and a corner of the frame chipped off. Mea culpa. Ordered her another one on general principles, and as penance for my stupid temper. The old one does still work, though. I
thought I was getting better about that sort of thing, but I backslide from time to time. Bleah.

Then went out to put some books to get rid of in the van, and discovered a flat tire. I thought I drove over something Tuesday morning on my way to church quilting. But I couldn't see any damage then. And it let me drive to church yesterday again, and to the store, thank goodness I guess that it didn't go flat while I was out and about.

Looks like my insurance roadside assistance will cover coming to put on the spare. But I'll do it tomorrow. Even though the snow missed us, the cold did not, and I don't fancy standing out there doing (guess what) the task of clearing junk away so that I can get to the spare tire. The junk in question is stuff that is going to go away, mostly, and I know I've been making progress. But to someone who doesn't know what I've been accomplishing and how much worse it had been, of course it will just look like a mess and me like a slob. Bleah again.

It's supposed to warm up a bit tomorrow, though, and hopefully this will all get taken care of. I pray the tire guy Julio can repair it and I won't need to purchase new tires. I do want to get some eventually but would like to have another few paydays first.

_________________________________

Testing 1 2 3 on the punctuation

We know periods and commas are still working, so I won't bother with them.

Question mark ?
Colon : Semicolon ;
Exclamation point !
Parentheses ( )
Percent sign %
Asterisk *
Plus + Hyphen or minus - Equal sign =
Dollar sign $

And now we shall see.

For good measure, some emojis, not that I am holding my breath...

ð?™?ð???ð?¦¡â?¤ï¸?

Today is hard and I am tired and emotional, have to take Teen to an appt and then have a work meeting that I am dreading.

Today I am looking for a lost item so I went in my room and hung up about a dozen clothing items in my closet, which cleared some space. I donated one shirt. I have not found the item.

SubC, a fire! Goodness. I am glad you were there to help that student. I know how stressful things throw everything off for days.

Tatoulia, thank you for asking. I actually like interacting and thinking through this stuff. It helps me process.

I think the records are worth it, at least to play them one time, because I have such little connection to them. I miss my Dad so much and everyone on his side died long ago. Thinking about them listening to this music, and my Dad hearing it as a child, makes me feel connected to them. However, once I play them, if I don't enjoy the music, I could see myself selling or donating them and not needing the record player any more. I believe it has a way to record/copy LPs/records onto CDs or digitally, so I could do that if there are just a few I like and then move on. Or see if any of my kids want them.

The freezer is something I had because of being broke all the time. So when you go to the food bank they give you a lot of bread, muffins, bagels and stuff, and then I can freeze them. Also, when people give me things like peppers, onions, fruit, etc from gardens I always chop and freeze. When I make big pots of soup or casseroles I freeze a few quarts to have later when I am busy. I look for meat to be on sale, then when it hits the "sell by" date it is super cheap and I buy it and freeze it. So that's how I've used the freezer, plus you know, the kids and grandkids like to have pizza, burritos, my son likes frozen meals to take to work. That kind of thing. If it died, I would not replace it, as now all my kids are grown and I no longer cook for 7+ people a night. I might get a little chest freezer instead. I think if it was just me I would do as you do. So it will be that way eventually. But I think if I had not thought about this I would automatically buy another freezer when this one dies. Now I realize I won't need one.

Hello everyone. Lila, I’m sorry about the freezer and the box. Would you mind if I asked you a few questions? Please do not answer if you don’t want to.

Is it worth it to you to play your grandparents records? Stop and think about that. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. It is okay if priorities change. It really is.

How long do you keep food in the freezer and then do you eventually eat it? I have to admit that I tend to buy my food each night. Sometimes two nights in advance. I rarely have things in my freezer. I have lived like this since grad school. I remember someone commenting about how I buy my food each night. And I do. Most is consumed within two days of buying it. For me it is heaven. I can see how it would be a nightmare for most.

I can understand the panic attack with the acrid burning smell, SubC.

As for me, I’m continuing to reduce my things. I have too many.

I have to go make dinner. My little grandma cat is sitting next to me and purring. She’s a little sweetheart.

Hello.

Lila, that is a lot with the box. I’m sorry. About the freezer too.

We had sort of a fire at school today - a ballast burned out in a light in the art room. Whole third floor smelled awful. We evacuated and the fire department removed the light fixture. It threw off the whole day.

I did manage to calm down a kid who was having a panic attack.

Right now I just want to get through the week.

update today -

I cleaned off the kitchen table and wiped it off. Gathered what needs to be taken to the post office and will take it today.

I cleaned out the big freezer, partly, as at some point last week in the Teen rampage it turned off/breaker got tripped without our noticing, so much of the food was thawed and mushy. I took what was not at all frozen and threw it out, sadly. I think most of the rest will be okay. Who knows.

I am getting myself ready because I have to go to work in 2 hours, so probably will just add to the Daily Tally when I get home tonight. Hope to get back to cleaning and decluttering tomorrow.

SubC, the lamp is on a box. The box is large. Inside it is a record player system I bought a few years ago and never even opened the box. Heck it could even be broken in there and I wouldn't know and couldn't return it now!

I bought it, then it sat in my bedroom for a few years. Then a year or two ago I remember posting about it on here and deciding it needed to get set up and used. So I bought the box out to the living room and set it up on my filing cabinet - the box, that is. Without opening it. Then, this year at Christmas, I wanted to put the Nativity on the filing cabinet for Tot to see, as usual. So the big box got put on the floor between the cabinet and the recliner, and there it sits.

The lamp was on an end table but kept getting knocked off by the clumsy dog, so got put behind the recliner. Which eventually ended up with it on the box so I could vacuum.

What is the solution? I don't know. I am dismayed that if I set up the record player and records (which belonged to my grandparents), Teen will fly into a rage and destroy it at some point. So now I am thinking it has to go back into my bedroom. But I am trying to declutter in there. I don't think I have a surface large enough for it to sit on in there to be out and be used. I don't know.

Everything I have is subject to destruction. So I try not to get anything else new and breakable, try not to get too attached to things, and am trying to keep things where they won't get destroyed. Sigh.

Late night with my class last night and very tired today. Less than six hours of sleep.

I posted on the tally thread.

I need to come home and get to bed early tonight.

Last night I added a promise to do something for somebody.

And I have a staff meeting at lunch today.

And some paperwork I have to take care of.

My toy animals are supposed to come in the mail tomorrow.

Things feel like they are trending in the wrong direction. But maybe that is just lack of sleep.

Good morning (exclamation)

Happy Valentine’s Day to all (exclamation) We are about halfway through February (exclamation)

It is very difficult for me to express myself without exclamation marks, quotes, and apostrophes (exclamation)

The thing with the animals is that we have so many toys. More toys than any child should ever need. I was spoiled, My kids were spoiled, and so many things have been saved and passed down….

Dd told me when he was younger that I was never to buy anything new for him. She has relaxed a bit, but not much. Also, her house is small, so I am the quote toy library, where things are rotated back and forth so that he has a variety at home without needing a lot of storage.

I could get rid of some of the animals that have found their way into the box which are not the same kind and not as nice, but they belong to my ds or dd2.

When I was 40, I told my kids I would store stuff for them until they were 40, or my youngest grandchild was ten, whichever came first, and then I was keeping only the things I really liked and the rest went out or to them. Bean is 2.5 and still my only. Dd2 will be 27 this year.

Also, the animals are nice, but they are still plastic, which I try to avoid.

Lila, good job on the remotes. Is the lamp on a box, or in a box? What is in the box? Are you using a box as a table?

Back to school today. I will let you know if I manage to remove anything from the household.

The animals sound like a great deal! Bean loves them and they will make good and not huge gifts that he will pass on to his kids someday I bet.

Little kitty hugging you makes me smile.

I worked on the remotes and managed to put one more in the donate box so far.

My living room is the most clean and decluttered it has been in years I think. It still needs a little work but for some reason I have been REALLY resistant to finishing it up.

- end table next to me has a printer, my planner markers, a pen holder and a mug coaster on it. That's all I want on there, but there are a handful of other things to deal with and then it needs dusted.

- end table on the other side has all those remotes on it, and needs dusted/windexed.

- coffee table has my laptops on it which is fine, but also 2 piles of papers and a box. The papers should go BUT HOW. Why are papers so hard.

Heck, that's about it really. There is a lamp on a box in the corner that I should dust and find a home for but everything else in the living room looks pretty good. Oh, need to vacuum the recliner and couches, and dust the leather chair.

Will bring you and your grandson a lot of pleasure! Not whatever I wrote

You were not bad, SubC. You did a good job and this will bring both you and grandson a,or if plewsure! Yay for the coupon.

I got the trash out tonight and I did two loads of laundry during the day. I just showered and the dishwasher is running. The dear little cat is hugging me.

I called my pharmacist today because some of the meds are giving me trouble. He will be straightening this out. This is the pharmacist at the hospital, not the one at the drugstore.

I have a lot to do tmr. I am not sure of what meetings I have so I’ll try to fit in a few errands during the day.

Keep up the good work, everyone. Lila, congratulations for getting rid of the remotes. Press through the feeling that you may need them some day. Work through it. It is a very good thing to change the mindset from what if I need it someday to I do not need it now. This helped me immensely. Let me know how it works for you.

Lila, the dog sounds like enough for one day all by itself (exclamation point)

I had a good day with Bean. We cut willow starts and played and I ran a load of wash and a load of dishes.

He had fun feeding the baby chickens. And we went for a walk and played outside. Finally the weather is a little better.

I was �bad� today, but I don’t regret it.

Bean loves the little plastic animals that my kids collected when they were young. (Remember the big Daddy sheep?) they are very well made and realistic, and I got him a T-Rex (�big chomp� for Christmas. Dd took her share from her childhood home and he plays with the rest here.

Anyway, I got an email that they were having a buy two get one free sale. Then I started putting things in and out of my cart to see how close I could come to free shipping (forty-one cents over the minimum if anyone wonders) I abandoned the cart so many times they sent me a ten percent off coupon if I ordered within 48 hours. So basically, I got 43% off and free shipping. (Could not avoid the tax, but it was just state and not local) I bought a lot of animals.

I will put a couple in his Easter basket and save some for surprises here and there is his birthday and Christmas….

Well, it is getting into late afternoon. I feel so stalled and frozen but I did take my large furry dog to the self serve dog wash and washed him, which is a bigger task than it sounds like. I was there at least 2 hours. I was soaked and covered in hair when I got home. But he is clean, nearly dry, and happy.

I also washed the dog beds/covers. The innards of the beds are out on the deck airing out. I also vacuumed and cleaned the floor of his crate.

The living room is close to done.

- vacuumed most of the carpet
- dusted a bit more
- put things away

I have a dilemma pile of tv/vcr remotes, I dunno, maybe a dozen of them. They were on a shelf behind a chair. I KNOW I don't need all these. They are dusty and who knows what works with what. I started out by lining them up and taking out 3 that I know are universal/newer to save. Out of what's left I found 2 duplicates and put them in the donation bin. Now I have like 7 left. I keep thinking the minute I donate one, I will find what I needed it for. I dunno. I think I will look at the tvs in my house and just keep the remotes that match that brand.

Also I ran errands and Teen is home so I hope that goes well.

Tatoulia,

My condolences on your kitty - she had a long and good life with you, and I'm glad you had BF and Emiko there with you for support. And what a wonderful legacy in her memory to give a home to a senior cat.

I would put heart emojis and stuff there but I don't know what's up with this site - it doesn't seem to be processing my emojis or even your punctuation properly.

I guess I could do the old sideways heart: <3

There!

Thanks everyone!

Lila, great work! I’ll make a list too. I did take care of one phone call (cancelling cable for brother) so that’s done. I still have one more personal call.

I’m doing a quick load of laundry. I am behind.

Keep up the good work!

hmmm, I made a post last night I think, responding to you guys and offering kitty condolences, but I don't see it now.

I also hit a milestone last night in the Daily Tally. I had made a goal to get rid of 1000 items from my home (straight-up trash not included) and yesterday I hit 100 items gone. I am proud of myself. This is motivating me to continue.

I am feeling brain fogged and need to make a list of goals for today.

1- wash dog
2- wash dog beds
3- finish living room

Maybe that is enough for now.

Oh Tatoulia, I’m so sorry about dear kitty. It sounds as though you and your new friend are caring for each other though. I hope she has many years with you. Mr. Kitty is almost 13 and still strong and healthy.

How wonderful that your clothes are fitting again (exclamation mark) - lol

Oh no my font is crazy, too!

Quick check in. I’m maintaining here and doing a bit better. My no spend January was excellent and I’m glad.

So about a week and a half ago I looked the kitty in her eyes and I could tell it was time to say goodbye. I decided to take her back to the shelter where I met her and I left a message. I just wanted to close the loop. She was a very good cat for 18 years in my house. They called me back, using her shelter name, and they couldn’t believe that the sick stray I took in back in 2005 was still alive! and I made the appt for Friday to put her to sleep. My friend Emiko came for dinner Thursday night to say goodbye and BF spent Friday afternoon here. I worked from home on Friday. We were very sad when we took her to the clinic attached to the shelter but we were pretty good about not crying in front of her. We were wrecks and I was really wailing as we left the clinic. We came back here and had dinner. On Sunday, a week ago, we went to the shelter just to look and they had a very sweet 14 yo cat that no one wanted. She’s a tiny thing, only 6 lbs. she will live out her days here. She is affectionate and sweet. I love looking over at kitty’s chair and seeing this little fluffball sound asleep. She settled right in and is grateful to have a home after months in the shelter. I am happy to have a little soul here.

I have some clutter to deal with tmr. I’ll be so glad when I make a decision on it. I had a pretty good day today, saw mom, did a small grocery shop for her, did only one load of laundry, then went to a different grocery store for me. I got my recycling out and did other things that made me feel better.

Jeans I haven’t been able to wear fit me! Some of my pretty tops are fitting me, too!

So that’s the news. I merely skimmed everyone’s posts. What is going on with the font, dear SubC?

Hello to all. Road, I’m thinking of your dear son.

Lila, be kind to yourself. You are getting stuff done.

CM, something is weird here - I can’t use apostrophes or exclamation marks.

Road, how is your son?

MyLife, did you come back?

Tatoulia?

I made five new pieces (three still need work) and a mess in my studio. That is ok, it is a productive mess. I have almost finished using up the clay I bought that I don’t like. I found a new box of clay to use for my class this week. I started rehydrating some more old clay I have in buckets.

Dh made dinner and I put the leftovers away.

I started another load of laundry.

I didn’t really tell you guys about remixing the clay at school - someone gave me an industrial kitchen mixer and it was amazing (insert exclamation mark) they gave it to ME not the school, so I can bring it home this summer and get a lot of the old clay back into usable form (insert another exclamation mark)

Ok, chores to do. Still working on not staying up too late.

hi CM! Emotional stuff is hard to recover from. I am dealing with that as well. Makes it so hard to get anything done.

Like today, I force myself off the couch, I do maybe a tiny thing like just move the recliner back to where it should be and then I need a break. I also folded the electric blanket at put it away and that was the only thing I could handle in that moment. I am really struggling.

I am reheating some pizza. So many things I need to do and feel frozen to do anything. It is giving me a headache.

Blue Screen of Death emojis, second try:

ð?'»ð??±

Puttering with the computer - I'll be glad to get these file directories streamlined. I think even the computer itself might be glad. Yesterday it gave me the Blue Screen of Death! ð?'»ð??± I hope I fixed it with the scans and updates I ran. I've been asking a lot of it with my moving things from one place to another. Not that the RAM is not up to the task, but perhaps there's some sort of confusion. Although the BSOD happened when I was on Facebook (which they have tinkered with until it's a blasted convoluted mess anymore to try and do anything on with groups or even commenting on a post anymore - but that's a rant for another day).

Otherwise just a quiet Sunday. Yesterday got a bit hectic with working on stuff for the bunny club - just kept having additional graphics to make for the newsletter and such. They turned out rather cute though, announcements for upcoming events. I'm still kind of fried from the last week and a half but recovering.