Lila, I hope the dr. Can give you reassuring news. As for falling apart - that is why your friend is going. If you didn't need support, there would be no point in her coming along.

CM, I will not jinx you by mentioning anything but I am sharing hope!

I had a staff meeting yesterday. We're apparently having an art show may 4 - which was a surprise to the art department, and they said they are going to start paying us for a time consuming task they have been expecting us to do for free (I'd say "as part of our job", but we are paid hourly and only for time that is spent actually in the classroom with students - plus one planning hour if you work enough teaching hours.) after my last experience with benefits, I'll believe that after the money shows up. It would be a nice bonus if it does.

Road, what is next?

Tatoulia, let us kniw if the chairs are up!

Praying and keeping my fingers crossed, CM. Also for Lila. Lila we are here for you.

Road, that was arduous work giving us a tour of your bedroom. Thank you! I need to know what you have and what your circumstance is. I know you can do this. I don't mean to be silly and petty, but would you be able to set and stick to a schedule to change your sheets? I want you to have the nice feeling of clean sheets fairly frequently. I swear it will help you find the strength for the other stuff.

Back to office for me tomorrow. I workedmtoday at home. I logged on 1-1/2 hours earlier than I usually do and what a difference! I got a lot of work done and was focused.

Would love to get into the office at a normal time tomorrow.

I will post pictures of my chairs! Good idea! I love how they look. You'll probably all laugh at me when you see what a nothing job it was. And you'll wonder why I put it off for so long.

Again wishing I could hug Lila through the screen. What I can do is take you with me to my Holy Hour at church today, and pray 🙏 for good options and for peace of mind. So that I will do.

I want again to catch up more thoroughly on everyone's posts. Looks like a lot happening. I want more to be happening with my clutter too. This has been another unsettling time, and the weather and schedule and other things keep throwing plans back. But it's early in the season, so hopefully will get into a rhythm.

Random - just had to smile at Bean and the matter of the least fuzzy rabbit. I have weird sensory quirks, and tend to prefer petting smooth coated animals over fluffy ones. My roommate is the opposite; for her, the fuzzier the better. Her two former dogs were long haired. And one of the cats is a foofball. She interprets long fur as softer. My skin/tactile sense finds fluffy fur to be dry and tickly. Also, smooth fur picks up less foreign matter and mats less. Anyhow, I'm glad there was a bunny that Bean could enjoy.

Tomorrow afternoon I go to help out at the bunny house while one of the ladies goes on a trip. Things to do to get ready today and tomorrow morning. If I have down time over there I can post more. Because it seems like there's just so much going on I can't even delineate it all.

Especially given the following. Buckle your seat belts.

Okay, this is big, and scary to write because I have a hard time not being superstitious after all we have been through with this... but it looks like the big plumbing repair is going to finally happen. We are moving the ball down the field. Instead of the guy who keeps having delays, we have initiated the process with a professional company, recommended by my friends, a couple who have used them for several of their own residences and rentals. The AC unit will need to be relocated, and my friends also recommend an HVAC company.

Fingers crossed... 🤞

So from my bed "at 6 o'clock", the door on the left Going clockwise... The room is an L shape with the door being the lower left hand corner of the L if that makes sense. There's one continuous line of storage from wall to wall floor to (close to the) ceiling

At 7:00, there's an antique cabinet w glass doors that holds antique collections of antique folk dolls, antique books and China. (Did I mention it was antique? Lol) door is broken, odyssey to fix it. Sad face. Might move downstairs. Not actively collecting. This is just displaying existing collection. Sitting on top is artwork, a lamp not working... too much clutter.

At 8:00, overstuffed book shelf at 45 degree angle. 2/3 books, 1/3 fragile decorations. If I remove 20/30 books, it could be neatly arranged. This is a quick project I haven't prioritized. But could make a big impact quickly. On top are some oversized fragile things.

On the floor in front of these two pieces is the last remaining big clutter/mess in the front half of the room. There's a basket of toiletries that need to go in my closet (but no where to store them there yet) or bathroom closet (which will lead to reorganizing the bathroom closet and is a large project). This might be where I could create a. Stitchy space so that I'm not using my bed and aggravating my pain situation... there's stil 2 or 3 cubic feet of crap on the floor, various fans, garbage, and misc. to deal with there.

At 9:00
Behind the angled bookshelf is another stuffed bookshelf. Some books, some binders, genealogy research, and craft stuff. Will prob keep top shelf for personal binders and son's current school stuff, 1 or 2 shelves for genealogy, and bottom half is all negotiable.

In front of this is a 4' pile of crap that all needs to go somewhere other than my room. Some garbage, mostly gifts that never got returned or were never quite delivered to their intended target. Sad face.

At 10:00 there's a tower of half empty elfa storage (2 stacked units) contents totally negotiable.
On the floor in front of this are some of my old vision boards.

At 11:00 is my desk... old tile kitchen table with hutch on top. Currently unusable, jammed with office supplies and sorted paperwork. Hutch could hold 3-4 cubic feet with room to breathe, prob need to get rid of 3-4. Under the desk is prob 7-8 cubic feet of stuff. Blanking what it is right now. Oh, there's a bin of stitching stuff down there.

At 12:00 is the end of the straight path from the door way. There are several baskets deep of my sons school supplies mostly. This is the next category going to the garage. That wall has two windows so no floor to ceiling storage there.

At 1:00 is the far corner of my standing desk. This has 3? Bins still stacked on top. Mostly my officey paperwork and some school stuff and some school supplies. Underneath is more Of the same and some trash. Nothing gross thank goodness... previously this had a bookshelf with binders sitting on top of it which basically broke the table. That shelf and all the contents have already moved tothegarage. Under the desk there's an access door to some under the eaves storage. I *think* there are several bins of photos and stuff in there.itsbeenawhile.

At 2:00 close side of the standing desk. When I get stuff cleared out underneath I can fix the table so it's standing height again. I definitely want to keep this table but needs to be fixed. Crap underneath mostly needs to go. I have piles of current paperwork and my printer on this half of the table. Everything Here has been touched within the last week or two. More vision board stuff to the right of the table.

At 3:00 is my dresser. It's a small scale thing from the 30s? From top to bottom, fragile stuff on top (messy), top drawer jewelry, then cabinet section has baby keepsakes, etc., then underwear, then socks, then tee shirts. Then the room just out to the foot of the "L" and that's my closet. Between 2x3' and 3x4'. Need to install shelves. And probably repair plaster. Just moved 5 bins from closet to basement (the H) and another bin full of old school paperwork th@5 had been on the floor at 7:00.

At 4:00, 5, 6 is the other window , my bed, and needlework bin on bed and clean clothes on bed, and art work on walls. Between bed and the door is my nightstand. Might try to put an in basket by door to keep boys from dumping stuff in my room...

NOTHING under bed or dresser!!

Hi all,

Tatoulia, nice job on the chairs! If you feel like sharing post on IG.

Lila, Re: health situation, I was just going to ask what the timeline was for next steps, but looks like you are already there. Share here if you're up for it...

Bean, haha! Omg I just called subc Bean! 🥰 I am charmed with Bean and am seriously considering one of the neighborhood littles to have some bean fun myself.

I like the new line you found, subc, about being conscious of what you're doing in relation to your ultimate goals.

Tatoulia asked about furniture. Might have been Lila you're thinking of as I remember there was a discussion about furniture pieces. My room is jammed with too much stuff of everything *except* clothing storage. So I have to get rid of everything else but get a little more clothing storage. I have gone from dirty clothing on garbage piled floor and clean clothes in bin on bed to dirty clothes on clean floor, half clean clothes in dresser, and half clean clothes on bed. Extra clothes also on bed. Mostly empty closet. Want to get rid of a basket of clothes and make my closet fully usable for storage. And get rid of volume in my room that's craft supplies, decor, and my sons school stuff. I'll break it down in a separate post.

Tatoulia, my clean, soft, warm sheets are light tan/beige color, and they are made of bamboo fiber. I switch from cotton flannel to bamboo many years ago and I love them! I used to get too hot in summer with the flannel. These are perfect year round. I just thrown a blanket or two on top. And yes to the top sheet, sooo cozy. I love a clean bed too. I slept better... and, the reservation is (I think, hope and pray) resolved. Place 1 backed out totally. Place 2 sent me a contract. I signed it and sent it in. Our finance person is in tomorrow to pay the contract. So I just hope they don't have any issue with what I have done, and approval just goes on through.

Congrats on the chairs!

SubC, so nice about Bean. Especially about the bunny. I so want to my Tot over here but I feel unwell. Headache and very tired. Hopefully soon.

I see the doctor later this week to get the lowdown on treatment options. I am just sick over it all. I have only told a handful of friends. One of them today offered to go with me to the Dr. Unlike my usual loner self, I said yes to this. I am afraid and hope I won't freak out with her there. I usually end up sitting in my car crying after stressful Dr appointments, and this is top of the stress list. In fact I feel frozen with distress. I did basically nothing today but care for dogs. I did not get enough sleep, ate a bit of junky things and sat on the couch watching tv all day. I feel worse doing that so will do better tomorrow. I have to work in the morning anyway.

Goals for tomorrow -

I can't even do it. I guess my goal for tomorrow is to get something useful done, eat healthier, and feel better.

Tatoulia, hooray for your chairs! That has been a long time coming! You must be really happy about it!

Bean was a good little helper with the morning chores. And he asked me to take the least fuzzy rabbit out of her cage and he pet her! Bean has some sensory issues and he is afraid of fuzzy things.

We just played inside in the afternoon. He was very cuddly and wanted lots of stories. We did find two of his balls that had gotten lost under furniture. He was excited about that.

I went to the library after I returned him and checked out six books. I have a (slightly adapted) line for everyone from the pasture management book: Always ask yourself "what is the purpose of this action or input? Does it (move you toward you goals)..what did it accomplish? Is there a cheaper or more effective way to accomplish the same thing?"

School this afternoon, class tonight.

We did the chairs! They look great! I'm going to ask my cleaners to make me one matching pillow for my desk chair.

Ok to the office tmr. Everyone will be there, which I am not excited about. But I'll mask up and make it through.

Have been shredding mail today. Cleaned kitty's box.

Good morning!

Everyone was busy this weekend!

Lila, I hope the work thing works out. And be gentle with yourself.

It is good that your teen cleaned up. They are trying.

Tatoulia, good luck with the chairs!

Road, good luck with your deadlines and appointments today. You got a lot done over the weekend!

Bean is still sleeping, but likely not for long. He was so tired last night that he was saying "nap, lie down" during his story. But he also still wanted his story. It is supposed to rain most of the morning, so I don't know if it will be dry enough for us to work in the garden this afternoon.

The kids finished putting a temporary roof on the shelter by the pond last night, so that project is done for now. Eventually it will get screens and a real roof.

Today - dishes, laundry, play with Bean, bank after I drop him off.

Lila, tell me about your clean sheets! What color are they? Do you use a top sheet? I am such a fan of a nice clean bed. Did you sleep better?

I'm sorry about your teen but that is terrific progress that they cleaned up! I hope that tmr someone gets back to you regarding the meeting space.

Going to go to bed soon. Saw BF for a while tonight.

Nice to see your serial posts, Road! Interesting comment about dysregulation. I'll have to look that up. I got yelled at again today and when I disengaged I heard glass being thrown and breaking, but I stayed out of it. Then I heard them cleaning it up. So even if there is another hole in another wall, it is progress that they cleaned it up.

I am so exhausted all the time. I assume this has to do with my health. I took a walk down the block and back yesterday but won't get one in today... too windy. Will try again tomorrow.

DH has moved a significant amount of stuff into his room. I am hopeful he might actually see the benefit of throwing away some of what's left (trash and old mail).

I did manage to put the clean sheets on my bed last night, out of necessity, but it was really hard for me. I had to sit down in between.

I am getting nowhere with the work issue, have heard nothing back so I guess I will send one last email asking if the cheaper place might work out. I have to make a decision tomorrow one way or the other.

I don't have it in me to clean or organize today. I hope to find time tomorrow.

Yay for clean sheets, Road!

Road, refresh my memory, you have a lot of furniture in your bedroom? And I once suggested that you consider getting rid of a piece? This is an honest question. I keep wondering who I had that conversation with. Please don't be offended. I sometimes have to stop and sort out everyone's situations. I would love to see you get some more room in your bedroom.

I ask because I was glad to hear that you put a piece of furniture in your closet. Is that because it will be easier to use there and now that is the furniture's new home? Or are you trying to do something else with it? In any event, if it is something you can eventually get rid of, that might be good. Make a little space for yourself. But no pressure. And no judge mental. 😀

I did three loads of laundry. All folded and out away, except some pieces are hanging to dry. Really have two more loads to go but one would need to be hung and I'm out of space.

I wasted the day. Wasted it. Now it's dark out and I may go visit boyfriend for a bit.

I am also going to get rid of my old makeup. Even stuff that isn't actually old but now that I have the nice stuff from the UK company, I don't want to go back to the other stuff. So why have it junk up my closet. The UK stuff is light and weightless and so nice.

Me again... serial posting!

More excitement over here...

- took everything off the bed (omg that was a lot)
- stripped the sheets
- put on new mattress cover
- put on clean fitted and flat sheets
- ejected a pile of my sons clothes he threw in here.
- put small dresser in the closet (had to empty it out and then move it etc bit of a project.
- folded more pajama pants, shorts, etc. and put away.

I think if I can deep clean and primer the closet (and maybe add one more shelf or something) I will have enough clothing storage. I hope.
- purged two shirts. One is too small and one is ugly.

I seriously worked up a sweat and my head got hot!

Oddly, my room looks way worse than it did before... but I know I am making net gains.

OK now this is truly bizarre but if you're still reading along and I don't blame you if you're not, but I had a long rant last post about being better than the hoarders who buy unnecessary stitchy stuff, and I immediately tuned into a new video and one of the people I had in mind (who I totally love btw) said they had had a. Large Household repair expense And she was now going to be reasonable about her buying. And she had given it a lot of thought and framed it in a way that was healthy and mostly positive... It was amazing! It was so weird that I had just been visualizing them and then she did a 180.

Anyhow. Ok, I'm done. 🙂

Hi again,

Big flurry of activity since my last post.
- consolidated two partially filled toiletries bins into one.
- emptied out the closet of the last of the bins. Next step will be emptying out the corner and left hand side of standing desk of all of my sons school stuff per my plan...
- Swept all. Laundry and garbage out to hall
- sorted out garbage
- laundry to basket
- started folding laundry & put away
- paired more socks and put away
- *** significant trigger *** packed up the two baskets that had speech Stuff (the afore mentioned "ream of paper"and old ieps into a bin and they are ready to go to the garage. I will eventually need to toss 96% of the contents of that bin but for now it will not be sucking my soul in my room and cluttering up my walk way.

HURRAYYYYYYYY ! (I'm pretending to be excited but it is a big deal.)

Purchases from the other day - the long anticipated needlework shop field trip ! I probably maxed out what I could reasonably spend but I rationalized it because I was annoyed that we didn't go anywhere for spring break. #justthetruth
- book
- chart
- about 20 new flosses
- couple other little accessories
- 2 new pieces of linen

They charged one of them twice so I sent them an email. Hope they are not a. Pain to deal with.

I. Did feel slightly self satisfied that I have not fallen for some of the big money pitfalls that some people do - hopefully all these people have more money than me and not less... what I'm talking about are the other "unnecessary" needlework accessories like needle minders, Floss drops, project bag and floss drop jewelry (not kidding), fabric project bags, and chart collecting and collecting of all of the above. I feel like after I turned around my fabric hoarding I'm less likely to fall for new collections. That's what these things really are for people who buy and buy and buy. They're just collecting. They can't possibly use all of that stuff. See how judge mental I am? I love how auto correct broke that into two words. Haha ANYWAY! I. Use the clear vinyl project bags with zippers (a couple bucks a piece vs. $50 a throw for fabric project bags) and I purchased two needle minders awhile back and quickly realized that was all I needed. The linen is expensive and I basically don't buy any til I have run out of it. I only buy charts I can't resist. I don't collect them. I could buy fewer. But I only want to compare myself to people who buy more! Hahaha. But I do use mostly silk floss whereas many people use cotton or overdyed cotton so that's a bigger expense. So anyway, I'm wrestling with myself on that but nothing too out of limits... much bigger issue is proceeding with getting rid of all the crap in the garage and basement. Volume wise the needlework stuff is very compact so not a big deal other than Keeping it within what can I afford to spend... and still being able to afford to do other things like go on vacation,

Did I mention I was thinking of trying a financial app again to try to focus on saving for vacations? I think that might work. I hope it works.

Drs. Appt for me tomorrow. Well, lab work tomorrow, drs appt weds. The lab work is almost no anxiety for me but the drs. Appt is already making me jittery.

Also have a big summer recreation registration deadline tomorrow for my son that's kind of a black cloud hanging over my head and I'm not sure why.

We had 4th shot appts Friday but they cancelled because they set up appt slots and didn't have any vaccine. So I gotta go through that whole scheduling rigmarole again which is always a big stress tornado for me.

Ok, I better stop rambling. Back later

Well I didn't get far but Lila, I am so sorry I missed that post from the other day when I wasn't checking in. My son has had stuff like that too. I can't even count how many times I've been clocked over the years. He's so sweet sometimes I block out that he's done that but ... I rely on a Down syndrome specific behavior board on Facebook for ideas. Great give and take on that board. I have several friends who have kids with autism (wide range of cognitive abilities) who have put all the holes in all the walls, etc. So I send you my support 💕💕💕... even though you know it may be beyond them to control it's still happening and when some of it is directed at you it still is a bit of a trauma that you have to process.

Is everyone Here familiar with the term "disregulation?" This is part of what causes someone to punch a hole in the wall and yell and scream at someone, and also (I think) What causes us to be triggered and have one bad thing sabotage a whole day. Learning how to recognize when we are getting into that state and strategies for getting back into a calmer, peaceful ( or "ready to learn" as the teachers say) state is the key to many things in life I'm thinking... I will be back again,

Ack I missed 3 days. Be back after catching up...

On today's radar:
To donate pile:
3 books
3 magazines

Found another one I was about to duplicate... thereby averting that whole thing.

The H let me know we had extra queen sheets and brought the bin to me so I grabbed some. Will try two sets for now and don't have to buy any.

Floor was getting pretty bad from dirty laundry and puppy shredding Mahem. Swept out most of it and sorted out tissue & polyfill shred from laundry.

Right now my bed is full of clean clothes, needlework stuff, and assorted books and cords, etc. so I need to deal with all that stuff to change my sheets...

When I change my sheets I'll try to savor the experience like Tatoulia does. ☺️ Back in a bit.

Good afternoon!

Lila, that is a stressful work situation! Let me know how it is going. Good work yesterday! Making soup and stripping the bed, etc. excellent!

I am getting up a bit later today. I'm not sure what I reported on yesterday but while at mim's, I noticed a leak in her kitchenette and the maintenance guy came up. She won't have water in the kitchen area until Monday. But bathroom still works. Glad I was there to manage that for her. The maintenance guy mentioned what a sweetheart she is, so that was nice.

After mim's, I took a shower then took a nap.

Had dinner out with my friend last night and it was so delicious. Beautiful walk to and from the restaurant.

It's April and it's no spend for me. No buying little extras and everything that I see that is cute. No buying on sale, etc.

Today is laundry and shredding papers day. I'll report back.

Oh! My friend said she may come Monday to help with the chairs. I may try to do one myself today, so then she need only match the other one.

post 2 -

I feel exhausted, but I am trying to do some things.

- took sheets off bed, washed, and they are in the dryer
- went outside and cleaned up some of the dog poo in the dogs' area
- made vegetable soup from veggies that needed to be used up in the fridge, which is very good and is helping me feel better
- washed the blender and a few dishes

I have something from work that I am 100% responsible for that is hanging, and it is making me stressed. I thought it was solved but then got an email from a company backing out, with decent reasons, but left me in a bad place since I got approval for that company and that price, and not my supervisor is on vacation, and the other options I've been frantically researching are 4x the cost or more (due to a steep discount because of a relationship with the first place). And then the first place said they felt bad and were going to go to the board to see if they could accommodate, but then one of the other places offered a 25% discount... but that is still 3x the cost... and I have no one I can get approval from. But if I don't take it, I might lose it and then the first one might not pan out and a whole bunch of peoples' plans will be messed up!!! Argh... praying that I get an answer from the first one, either way, so I can firmly decide.

SubC, I love the soft petting badger imagery. Thank you. Thank you also for the words of understanding toward my child. It helps me to be reminded of it being the pain they are in and not really directed at me. I even thought, maybe teen had this rage outburst because 2 days ago I shared my new diagnosis with the kids. Maybe it is as overwhelming to them as it is to me. But it hurt me deeply that when I most needed caring and kindness I got an attack. I don't want to hold it against them. They are acting normal today and I will be compassionate.

Yes, it's like you get the momentum going and them something happens and everything screeches to a halt. Like I had to go inside my head and cope, instead of working on anything. I feel less upset today so will try and get done what I had intended for yesterday. I hope you enjoy your date night, and time with Bean!

Thank you for the hugs CM... hugs back. I can share the badger.

Tatoulia, I understand what you're saying. And I am biting my tongue NOT to say things like that to teen, or anyone else. It was always drilled into me as a kid, you are responsible for your own feelings. "No one can MAKE you mad or sad" etc. Although I do know things and people affect me, and I say things made me mad... but I won't verbally blame someone. It's something we all have to learn, I think.

DH update: he has been moving things into his new room! He did some stuff I didn't like, such as took apart the whole bed and put the mattress on the floor (it was my mother's bed), but, I decided to let it go and let him handle that. I am happy to see he moved his dresser into there and his cabinet. There is a LOT to keep moving and it is rather shocking to see the new room looking like it's getting filled up, but the old room looks almost the same, aside from one corner. You guys were not kidding when you told me about the hoard "fluffing up" when you start messing with it! I am really hoping he does not try and put part of his hoard in some other area, but I have a low tolerance right now. So, if he goes out again, I'm going in there with a trash bag to "help."

Will be back to share what I get done today. I hope you all will be posting too.

Lila, I am so sorry. We will stand by your side and shore you up.

I like what SubC said about your teen. It's hard not to take it personally especially so on a day when you have had very bad medical news. I am so sorry.

I used to let one bad thing ruin my day. But I come from people who do not dust themselves off. I don't want to say anything bad but I've heard, "I was happy tilI saw you" or "I was happy until this and now my day is ruined" a lot. And it was so off-putting and manipulative. To be candid, I probably was bratty or mean but the constant pushing me to be responsible for other peoples' days helped me to let things roll off of me better. NOT that your medical issue or upset with your teen is something that should roll off of you. I was responding to your general philosophical question.

I've had something work-related in my mind since Thursday. It's causing me stress but I am able to mainly put it away and not let it be responsible for my happiness. I used to brood and let things ruin my day; now I am much more selective. I'm still me, however, a Champion Worrier.

Actually woke up early today around 8:30 AM. BF and I ran some errands. I'm going to go take care of mom's groceries. I'd love to get a load of laundry in; I'll go check the status.

Having dinner out with a friend tonight. A bit nervous to be in a restaurant but it's the place that BF and I used to go frequently pre-pandemic and we went twice for my birthday. I'll be back later. I got a scissor sharpener and have sharpened my scissors for the fabric project.

Hugs to Lila 💗💗💗💗💗

Oh Lila,

The badger must come and sit in your lap and let you pet his soft badger fur. No badgering for you and he will bite anyone who bothers you!

That was a hard day.

And yes, that happens to me. Over much smaller things. I will be moving along, and then something will go wrong or come along to sidetrack me or shift my focus and my whole day will be ruined and the negative voices in my head will start saying terrible things about me and I will loose all of my energy and initiative, and then the day will be over and I will just be angry at myself for proving the voices right.

I do not have the skills to help you with your teen, but I think I would try to tell myself "this is not my child, this is something that is happening to my child. We are suffering through this this together and it is harder for my child, because I am only the target if the rage, but they have been completely taken over by it."

If your dog got it's leg stuck in a trap and was in horrible pain and it bit you while you were trying to free it - you would know that your dog, who loves and trusts you, wasn't trying to hurt you - it was just reacting to the pain and you were at the place where the pain was happening.

The pain in this case is not physical, and it doesn't make the experience any less exhausting and frustrating and overwhelming, but maybe it will help if you can remember that your child is literally lashing out at overwhelming pain and not see it as a personal attack.

Be gentle with yourself.

Yesterday went pretty well at school and I sold three dozen eggs which helps with my egg backlog - I need to bake again. Also, I need to do about three thousand things in the barn and finish starting my very late seeds.

Dh and I have another date tonight - because of covid, all the concerts got pushed and rescheduled and so there are a bunch in a row instead of every few weeks.

Dd says Bean can stay over again tomorrow night.

lol, I like the badger. Send him my way.

I read your posts, but have no energy to respond. But I have a question.

Do you ever get completely deflated and frozen by one bad thing that happens, and 'ruins' your whole day?

I had a happy mood, despite some very bad medical news, and planned to get some things done today. Then, remember the autistic kiddo that used to rage and put holes in walls and break things? Well, I actually was feeling hopeful and decided to go ahead and start fixing the holes, since it has been such a long time. I was planning to start this week. But as I dreaded, today teen had their first rage in months and threw something big and dented a wall. Maybe dented the item too but I have not looked. Then they screamed at me and called me names.

None of my other kids, or anyone else, has treated me like this and it is crushing to me. No amount of boundaries or consequences fixes this, and the dr says it is the autism. But, it hurt me so badly, when I am already teetering on depression over this new medical dx (the c word), that I just cried and then had no energy or motivation and spent the entire day sitting, doing nothing at all.

I don't know how to fix my response. I should brush it off but it really destroys me and I just go into a zone of not caring and not moving.

Tomorrow, I hope will be better. I completely wasted today, my one day off.

Back to normal - my list got longer yesterday and I am tired, unprepared, and reluctant to go to school. Fridays are just not my favorite.

Today is the last day of the third quarter.

Dh ate the leftover take out for lunch and got a pizza for dinner yesterday, so I have more empty packaging.

My heart gs has to leave school early and miss my class today for a diagnostic mri. He is excited about getting pictures of his brain.

Road, we would send each other the badger when we needed help motivating ourselves. Sometimes if the badger assisted with a difficult errand (s)he would get a treat. Like an ice cream cone.

Here is a thing that happened yesterday - I left for work with a list of things I needed to do yesterday. (I always do). Normally during the day I cross things out and add new things that come up to the bottom of the list. At the end of the school day I check the list to see what I should do before I leave, and in the evening I assign the leftover tasks to the next day or the master list.

Yesterday the kids put the chairs up and left, I tidied the room, I looked down at my list, and EVERYTHING was crossed off! No emails to send, no forms to turn in, I even got the kiln started on my afternoon break!

I mean, today's list is still ridiculously long, and the master list still covers a sheet of notebook paper, including tasks that will take hours, but nothing new got added! I just did the things that came up as they came up!

And I remembered that this used to happen many times. I used to put extra things on the list to do if I had time and sometimes I got to them. It has been so long I can't remember the last time this happened.

I used to clean up the floor because I felt bad about how messy my room got and all the work for the cleaning service. Also because I didn't want the random pencils and lost papers to be thrown out. We have changed cleaning services so many times in the last two years that I no longer even know if we have one. I don't care how much work it is to clean my floor. I don't even care of the floor gets cleaned anymore. I don't even NOTICE if the floor gets cleaned anymore.

I'm sure I will be back to bare survival mode today, but it was nice to feel like I could actually do my job yesterday. Or as my cousin put it "so today was manageable."

Dh brought home take out, but we didn't finish it, so the containers are in the fridge, not on the scullery counter.

Woohoo, it worked!

I am at the library again. I think our rain rained itself out sooner than expected yesterday. I had a migraine most of the day. Stress, I'm betting. Okay now.

Probably should head home, we have a project afoot and roommate may need my help, and I may have some aspects of it that I need to do.

My brain has been like a piece of unraveled yarn this week. I get paid on Friday, since my Social Security date is the 3rd which falls on Sunday. I hope the check will be for real, since Friday is April Fool's Day!

Enjoy the Badger, and when you need the Badger we will help you find the Badger to badger you!

This may or may not yield an image of the Badger:

I. Think the Badger predates me. I must know all about the badger...STAT!

It's always easier for us to "know" what the right thing is to do than to actually do the right thing. I still appreciate everyone's insights in here though because you all understand where we are coming from more than everyone in our lives.

Sub c, I am with you on the numbers. We never had accurate numbers and now we've dismantled much of what was in place. Boosters here tomorrow for All three of us and I made appts for my Ps when I was over there today so they are actually getting them now. I am getting shingles also. It's the one thing my mother in law has ever cared enough to nag me to do because she and my brother in law who died in ?20 both got it bad. She had it in her eye and is still having painful scalp and eye issues on that side years later.

While we were at my dads he launched into another attack. On my brother. Odd because he could express anger that he doesn't have a job or disgust at the state of his house, but what ends up coming out is fury at how he is not placing his furniture or exercise equipment in the right place. Very bizarre. Luckily I was able to handle it better this time. I tried distract and change the subject tactic but he came back to it and then I said, well, he's really turning his ship now and is trying hard so I think we can all try to be supportive and encourage him to keep going. What's he going to say to that? Lol oh well. The H just told me I get my "indignance" from him. Well that's true. My mother would certainly never act indignant about anything. Then I got my son to ask him to play the piano for us and we went in the piano room and he played girl from ipanema and my son danced hilariously and it was all good. Phew.

Not much happening here today. House is trashed and it's my "day off" to do other things tomorrow so I guess I am gonna have to get some cleaning done tonight,

What's up with you guys?

Road, that is a very good idea about using the bins as tables.
Buying new things almost never helps.

Lila, that sounds like a conditional "allow" to me. I'd be investing in some black garbage bags and hitting his space every chance I got - and this is me, who hates putting anything in the trash. You shouldn't gave to live with garbage in the house. (Subclinical imagines her Dh reading that and rolling his eyes at the piles of recycling in the basement waiting to be transported and the giant drift waiting to be rinsed on the counter.)

Speaking of, there are now a bunch of seeds, seed potatoes, and onion sets on my clean counter. Dh brought them to me from a friend yesterday. I think Dh is the scullery jinx. He is the source of most of the packaging.

And I had class last night and not enough sleep, so I am tired. I am not going to judge myself when I am tired.

Road, your scullery jinx comment reminded me of the badger. Was the badger around when you showed up? Tatoulia and CM, where did we leave the badger? Maybe he could help Tatoulia schedule her chairs?

Mask optional at school day 1 went ok yesterday. Most of the kids are not wearing them, but at least one in each of my classes was, so I still am. Cases are increasing in our area, but not by a lot. I don't think the case counts are close to accurate anymore, the only good data is hospitalizations and deaths, and even deaths is a bit suspect.

Lila, tha5# great news about fb marketplace. That will make things much much easier to get rid of so much stuff. Yes, I will probably stay away from the free board. Haha. Might not be quite safe yet. It's mystifying to me that people could hang on to literal garbage but I would have died if anyone , even best friends or family, would have seen my room a year ago. I saved these clear plastic candy containers you get at aldi thinking I would use them for this grand scheme I had to decorate the house like a gingerbread house for Christmas. I *think* I finally recycled them. I hope I did.

Well, I lined up 4 bins and an. Old guitar to go to the garage but the H was running around being annoyingly productive all day so he didn't get to it. That's fine... we will get to it tomorrow. It's actually pretty freeing knowing ALL the school supplies stuff is going out to the garage. Well, I still have the stash in the dining room, and the enormous cabinet full at the base of the stairs... and the rando stuff spread between 80 bins in the basement. I think I'm going to need to figure out something else for the closet. Might do open shelving with bins for the rest of my clothes. The dresser is not big enough and I am terrible at hanging things up so I think that's probably what would work best. Maybe I will look up some open Shelving closet Org stuff on YouTube for ideas... I'm not really thinking in terms of decorating yet, just emptying out, cleaning, sorting, and how to best store things. Maybe I will redecorate once I get the right amount of stuff in here.

I just had an idea for working in the garage. I really need to work at counter height big tables in order to sort stuff out and I was thinking I'd have to buy 4 or 5 6' folding tables but I just had the idea that I could use the bins! I literally have hundreds of bins in there. I can build rows of them 3 high and maybe two deep (instead of big towers which is how they are now) and use them as tables. If I need to sort into bins I will just have empty bins on top. They are modular, so to speak, so I can just c9nfigure them however I need them... I think this might work. Tables would prob work better but I don't really want to drop another $150 or whatever that would be.

I think it's helping trying to visualize working out there every morning for 2, 3, 4 hours or something. I have to make it part of the daily routine in order to make progress. It's so easy to blow it off out there because it's hidden. The garage door was open today because the H was out there working on the yard all day. It was a shock to see that huge wall of clear bins with white lids. Ugh. A world of chaos in a seemingly tidy package...

Planning to visit the Ps and possibly go to the other needlework shop tomorrow... I will definitely 86 the so-so books. When you only pay $3-4 a book, it's not hard to let go of it.