hi Road! Oh I feel the same way when I finally do something I've been procrastinating. The relief is so good, I wonder why I didn't do it sooner! I have to try and remember that when I am procrastinating. Good job on the 15 pounds!! That's excellent. I am at 14! I am using mfp app for logging. See you on the decluttering the waistline thread??

Today I "decluttered" my spice cabinet by finding a recipe for homemade chai tea. It uses whole cloves, cinnamon sticks, cardamom and black peppercorns... all things that have been getting stale and gathering dust for 15+ years in my cabinet but I knew they still had SOME value and could not throw them out. Making this tea will use those up in no time! I just added extra of each spice, since they are not fresh - but they are not moldy or bad since they are very dry. They made a very nice tea for myself and my son this morning. I feel good about this. I also used decaf tea. Oh, and I found some old but very expensive bourbon vanilla paste and added some of that.

I hope to get all my medical questions and second opinion this week.

Hi all,

Subc, that bean is such a charmer. Love him. Glad you're getting through the end of the school year ok. That crunch is really palpable.

I'm on the next to last crunch for this year. Looking forward to it being over. Talked with a person from the state board in special ed - I guess like a parent liaison... wish I had had the steel to make this call a few months ago. Could have had a few more options probably, and each and every day it has hung over my head since then would have been free of that stress. This is why I shoul not procrastinate! This lady was super annoying because a) she wasn't the person I was trying to connect with anyway b) she confused me with another person c) she wasted about 3 minutes explaining how the staff screwed up logging in my call which of course is internal office stuff and has nothing to do with me D) she kept making assumptions about my situation And therefore never really got what my issue was. Ugh frustrating. But I did glean two key bits of info from her. Not sure my next step...

I'm definitely in the dumps over this. I'm a little hopeful that there's still a way to keep him at the high school next year or possibly still spend some time there doing PE or electives or extra curricular or something... I keep visualizing getting out from under this decision so I can go back to feeling more normal or to start feeling good about the summer.

Paperwork day again today. I have everything laid out and I think (other than not succeeding in this placement situation) I haven't forgotten anything or dropped too many balls... Summer activities are all set for my son and I feel good about them. Also feel like a renewed sense of "need to get out more" and enjoy things in the community - both for me and my son. We used to Live on the edge of the city before we bought our house and moved back to the burbs. You could walk everywhere and take the train anywhere. I used to commute through the city up to the north suburbs for work every day. Now I am such a baby about going into the city. It's ridiculous. Haven't been to the big museums in years... no concerts, operas, broadway shows... gotta change that. Would love to take a big road trip too but I am not sure how to make that happen. I just know I have NOT been "carping the diem" 😂 nearly enough.

Lila, way to go on the bedroom. Sounds like you did a "reset" AND you Reorganized and got rid of some things.

Cm, high fives on your doll decisions.

Tatoulia, the percales are a-ok but are now covered with muddy puppy paw prints. I feel like the laundry never ends. Am I right? I am definitely always carrying things with me when I leave a room but I think your comment about not letting things lay somewhere they don't belong for a brief holiday... hit home. I have so many waiting rooms in the house. That's a problem. Wish I didn't have stairs because that's a definite deterrent for me but hopefully that will get easier. I will definitely be more conscious of taking a few extra steps if that gets the item "home" instead of just to a way station...

Health wise, I'm doing well on the diet. Have almost hit 15lbs. Which I'm really happy about. I am pushing first for 30 and then I will do a major re-eval. I have 100 to go for sure. My diet has changed pretty drastically and I'm tracking everything. I use the "lose it" app my brother had so much luck with when he lost 150+ a few years ago. I may have said this but I did nail down an appt, with a new doc. I am not feeling as great about this guy as I am feeling relieved I don't have to go back to that other office again. I think after I see him the first time (soon) all my stuff will start going to him and hopefully I can ask him if he can review my history and let me know if he thinks we are missing anything else or if it's ok to wait til august to see what these "structures" are growing out of my kidneys... etc. and if I don't like his bedside manner I will deal with him til I can find someone I like.

Tatoulia, I am so glad you are enjoying this new chapter if your life!

I agree that at kitty's age, her digestive system probably just didn't like the sudden bounce.

CM, excellent decision making. I hope we will get to see the finished quilt! Also I'm looking forward to hearing that you can use the front door!

Just keep moving.

Lila, I will try to check in on the other thread more.

Thank you for the sweet wishes.

My day started out hard because Dh and I had a big fight - very rare for us. I won't get into details, but one of us did storm off and yell at the other that he could ".cut your own Damn hair." And then stomp around and cry for a while.

We made up and things are ok. And we picked Bean up together and took him on his very first trip to the "food store". He loved riding in the cart and getting to help take things off the shelves and put them in it. I let him choose his own goldfish crackers.

He was a delight all evening as always, and is trying hard to be a good influence on me. We have two bath sheets - pink and green- that have become his towels. After bath I said "ready for the big green towel?" And he said "big pink towel." I told him "the big pink towel is dirty." And he looked at me very sternly and said "Grammie WASH big pink towel." I told him I would wash it for next time and he said "yes. Ok." I started the load as soon as he was in bed.

Lila, from reading your words,I could taste the IV contrast. It is so miserable. Good work on the clothes. Good to know what you wear each week so you can think about possibly decreasing what's in the closet.

I brought mom an ice cream sandwich tonight. Afterward BFmet me there and we walked to the grocery store together. I picked up lemonade for the staff at mom's. Oh and we saw the graduate. What a hot day for him to have an outdoor graduation.

Okay time to crawl into bed. The new bedspread is so pretty.

Tatoulia, the hazardous waste event sounds amazing! And motivating! You did well with it, too. I will be watching for something like that in my area. Sorry about the cat puke... I hate that kind of thing. I really love the habit of taking something with you when you leave a room. I am going to try and build that habit - I can see where it would make a big difference.

SubC, give yourself credit for that laundry. It's a big task and so easy to let slide. I hope Bean gives you some joy.

CM, if you haven't yet, come join us on the decluttering the pounds thread (I haven't looked at it yet today). I am posting regularly because I am committed, so will be happy to cheer you on when you're ready.

My contrast was IV. I could taste it in my mouth as it went through and it was like a whiff of alcohol and metal.

I feel good today but being a bit lazy. I did go to church, ate a healthy lunch and am watching tv but I am going to go outside and be in the sunshine a little bit. I got most of my clothes sorted out yesterday, hung a few things up. All of the (few) things I wear every week are laid back on the rocking chair but it is not a massive pile like it was before. It's like 5 shirts, a sweater and a sweatshirt. I wear the same things over and over. Eventually I will make room in my closet to have those things all hung up too, but today isn't the day... too much stuff in front of the closet, and too much stuff in the closet, and no more hangers. But I did make good progress.

What a difference a week makes! Since the closing on the business, BF and I went out for dinner Friday night, today we went for breakfast, then we went shopping around the city. We picked up his coffee for home, I returned a skirt, we went to our favorite hotel and sat in the lobby for an hour, walked around, etc. right now it's unbelievably hot so I came back home. My quilts are done and sheets are now in the wash. I'll go check on them now. I forgot to set a timer. We have not had any true leisure time together in years. Even when we run errands, it's a combination of getting things for his businesses straightened away and a combination of taking care of my family. We will get together in another hour or so to pick up a graduation gift card for a friend (terrific kid) and then run some errands for me. We can't do it now because his car doesn't have working AC and I hate city driving and parking. We will look at new cars later in the summer. We've been waiting to see which one of us blinks first on getting a car.

Okay sheets are in the dryer and I started a load of dark delicates.

I may put one thin quilt back on my bed and debut my new white bedspread. It's very pretty, white cotton gauze with a stiffer cotton ruffle. I'm pretty excited about it. I bought it in March, I think. Made in Portugal. I'll have to think about how to do this because I do like one free flowing throw over me at night. I'll see how the bedspread looks.

I have my drapes closed to help the house from heating up. It's not too bad.

WTG CM! Wow! Excellent decision making on the dolls and the cracked tub! SubC you are going through a lot. You have so much going on. Please know that I am extremely fond of you and want to make sure you are okay.

As to contrast I had to drink it many years ago and at nights I could still taste it. They tried to flavor it strawberry. That stays with a person.

So, my cat did a major throw up in my bed last night. She popped in to say hello (3AM, her time to shine) and the second she got on the bed, she threw up. A lot. I had to change my sheets and both quilts now need to be washed. I put on the sheets I washed yesterday and added the blanket I'd washed last night and had put away for the summer. One of the pillows cannot be saved or shall I say, should not be saved. I wasn't mad or anything it was just one of those life moments. So here I am starting laundry all over again after doing so much yesterday. Since we only have one washer and dryer, I need to make sure I'm not hogging it. I do know that on nice days like this, no one is looking to do laundry.

I don't know where the extra stuff is coming from, SubC. I don't think I'm acquiring as much as I'm losing my patience with stuff. There have been some things coming in, little plates and stuff from goodwill and that sort of thing. But I need to just go room by room and decide to let some things go. Not for any big reason but just to do so. Will be a good exercise for me.

One thing that I'm doing now and has become habit is when I leave a room, I take something with me. It was something I'd worked in here and now it just happens. So if I'm having coffee in the living room, if I get up to do something, the coffee cup comes with me. I've also finally, finally (it's a miracle) formed the habit where if I take something to put it somewhere, it goes to that place. No stops. It doesn't get to sit in my dresser for a week or take up residence on the hallway table. That's been a big thing for me. Something I tried to incorporate and now just happens. I still hear the voice telling me to do it but I do it pretty much automatically.

Going to go check on the quilts. See how they are washing up. She has never thrown up on my bed and the only thing I can think is when she jumped up on the bed, it triggered a weak stomach.

Boy my bed is easy to make with just the headboard and not the whole bed. It may have been only the second time I have made it since getting the new (to me) headboard. (Because my cleaners change my sheets once a week).

SubC the next hazardous waste day is June 18 here in Boston so they are serious about it. I'd heard about it in the past but this was my first time going to it. Very well organized. I think I have some old cell phones somewhere that I can take next time. I will also see what BF has at home for old computers and get those over there.

Hi ladies

Struggling with weight too. I've regained the "Covid 19." 😧 I just gave up being vigilant during the stress of the plumbing disrepair. But now that's resolved and I'm resignedly getting back on track, albeit slowly as I want to ease into it and avoid triggering my inner rebellion against the disciplines required.

When I swam the other day it was great but maybe I overdid it a little because I was having fun. But a couple days later, because I've been so out of shape, I fell into kind of a fatigue-funk. Tired, emotionally drained, prone to being negative and a worrywart about anything and everything. Hoping to pull out of that. Telling myself to see it as just a need to pace myself going from a couch potato lifestyle to being more active again.

Roommate and I went to the botanical gardens yesterday. So that was walking but at a leisurely pace, out in nature, getting the vitamin D. I still was moody last night, but better now.

I've gotten some significant progress made on my quilt. I'd say I'm about 1/3 of the way with sewing it together.

Road and Lila, I had a cat scan a few years ago before my abdominal surgery. The contrast stuff was a decent tasting vanilla, unlike what I had many many years ago which was nasty. But afterward I did feel a bit strange and fatigued for awhile from it. I'm sensitive to side effects that many people wouldn't notice.

Larry is supposed to install the storm windows on Wednesday. And hopefully fix the front door which hasn't been latching properly. We've had to place a cinder block in front of it and use the side door which is getting old.

I'm going through some dolls, the 18" American Girl size, and some are going to be donated. The good ones that I keep are my models for when I display the clothes I make. I do still want to sell the clothes for those and for Barbies, on Etsy or other online venues. It feels good letting go of the dolls that are too "well loved" for my display purposes but that kids can still have fun with. Also the huge cracked tub will go, and the remaining dolls will be in something smaller and neater.

SubC, sorry about the chickens.

Well, better leave it there for now, time to feed bunnies and get ready for church.

I tried to sleep in this morning but didn't even make it to six.

I can't sleep because my brain is too busy with all the things I need to do, and I am too tired to do them.

Last night I struggled through putting away three baskets of laundry and emptying the dishwasher. Now I am drinking coffee.

Lila, I think you got a lot accomplished.

Tatoulia,
Thank you for going to the hazardous waste day and for telling about it. Things like that help me feel less despairing.

I'm not sure how you can gave more stuff to get rid of. Is it sneaking in?

I know I am bringing home bags from my classroom and tiny animals and earrings..

I have been having a very nospendy month though.

Our cc number got stolen the first week, so it was cancelled since May 5. Despite regular calls and reassurances that the card is "in the mail" they don't seem to be able to get us a new one.

have a second cc that is supposed to be for farm/pottery/school(reimbursable) expenses.

I have been using it to buy gas this month, but I have stopped buying anything else. (Dh is in charge of groceries) I do still buy feed, class tuition (automatic) and of course the very expensive electric fence (if it saves two chickens it will pay for itself in eggs in a year)

Buying gas with my cc has made me face the very sad fact that it currently costs me $17 a day to commute to work. (And that's just gas, not wear and tear on my car, or prorated insurance and tags.)

Ok, somewhere in me I have to find the will to engage with my life. Bean is coming tonight.

Good accomplishments today, Lila! I'm so proud of you! I don't do a good job of acknowledging everyone but as I read your posts, I cheer everyone in. Naturally I am upset about all that you, Lila and you, Road, are going through medically.

I need to get rid of stuff once again. It's getting to be too much. I'm not sure how or why, but it is.

Road, yay on the percale sheets! Do you love them?

SubC what a lovely senior prank day and graduation day! I live the little snowmen, esp the earrings. Very, very sweet. I bet they loved their ceramic hippos!

Sorry I've fallen to one side. Something big for me today was I went to the hazardous waste event in the city. It's pretty nice. I got rid of a laptop, BF's old dvd, BF's monitor, and two paint cans. It was quite the operation and I was very impressed. They also had stations for clothing* and textiles and a paper shredding truck. There may have been one more station, too. They take up to ten boxes of paper shredding. Very positive experience.

I did four loads of laundry this am. Some will need to be folded before I go to bed.

My weight is miserable and embarrassing, so I'm here for you.

serial post for motivation -

I went in my bedroom and took every piece of clothing off the rocking chair, dog kennel, and tables and made piles on my bed: winter/put away, wearing regularly, keep in closet for occasional use.

I shifted things around in drawers and put all the winter clothes away in dressers - with room to spare!

I sorted all items on the kennel and side table and threw away much of it, made a pile to file. Gathered all prescription meds to sort and put away or toss.

I also put the sheets in the dryer.

Now I am TIRED and sitting for a break. I will go back and hang things up, file things, and put the electric blanket away. I feel good finally getting these things accomplished!

That sounds like a pretty good day, SubC, I'm glad it went well.

I was pretty burned out about diet. Now it is basically a life/death situation for me, so I am doing it. A cousin was just dx with the very same cancer I am dealing with so it is pretty serious. I am using mfp (to log my calories) and writing my walking in my planner. Maybe I will write total calories each day in my planner, too.

I just had some green tea and am trying to get motivated to work on the clothing situation in my room. I did put my sheets in the washer and will go put them in the dryer now.

Graduation was really nice. I only cried a little. 5 former students were there (including the one I was still chatting with as they put away the chairs)

One of my snowman girls handed me a box marked "21" and grinned. Inside it were a pair of earrings made from three little white beads each - like a row of graduated pearls - or a snowman. I put them on. Then I did a double take "wait, is that the date, or." and she said "it's the new number of snowmen. Those count as one."

Lila,
I am glad you are feeling more positive.
I definitely want to make better choices. I stalled out.

Road, I'm sorry about your parents' friend.

I think your son would love the senior pranks. I have never met him, but I can imagine him moving my snowmen around!

I wrapped and delivered my hippos, unloaded my car (into a pile in my basement), reloaded the kiln, and turned in my employment forms.

I need to do some laundry too.

Okay, I am feeling much more positive today. I won't have all the results and prognosis until probably Monday or Tuesday (also waiting for second opinion) but somehow I feel better about things.

I did a load of laundry yesterday and loaded the dishwasher.

Today I went grocery shopping and got healthy foods.

Goal for today: get my clothing sorted and ready to wear (spring/summer) and winter stuff put away.

Also, anyone here still wanting to lose weight, or eat healthier? I have good reasons to change my diet and lose weight and am actively doing that so I will be posting regularly in the Releasing the Pounds thread on here. Hope to see some of you there!

Hi errbody-

Subc, that prank day sounds so fun. Great way to unleash creativity and laughter. Love it.

Today we have funeral for one of the last of my parents best/old friends. One of two families that were our closest church
friends growing up and we'd go camping together and stuff. My parents are the last pair standing. Lucky for us but kind of hard on them. Glad they've made new friends at their new place.

Went back to sleep a few times overnight and this am so caught up a little. I had 3 hours weds and 4 hours Thursday so I was really in need of some Zzzzs.

This am I brought some new plants from the driveway to the back. looked at my sad garden all weedy and ugh. started doing the weeks pile up of dishes. Got the bad smell taken care of then soaked one load and rested, then cooked bfast for my son and fed dogs, then did another load, then rested, then started some laundry and picked up a bit. There was a lot of running down the puppy retrieving things she was chewing up. Oh ma lawd that doggo is a handful.

That's it for now peeps.

I didn't find any more snowmen.

Today is graduation. I will cry.

I have a little pile of ceramic hippos for my graduates. I need to wrap them.

My house is a mess. My car is full of things I cleaned out of my classroom, I have a huge pile of grading to do, and I need to turn in my employment forms for my summer job.

I have to load the kiln again after graduation.

The guidance counselor let slip that a specific former student is coming. I am really looking forward to seeing her!

My electric fence arrived but I'm not sure when I'll get it set up.

4 more days of school this year.

These random statements are pretty much a snapshot of my brain this morning.

I can't remember 11. All I can remember are the 12 ladybugs who came to the ladybug picnic.

Last night was the senior prank. The seniors have an overnight party (in 2020 there was nothing, and last year it was a few hours in the evening) and they set up pranks on/for the students and teachers. You can opt out by locking your door and putting a sign on it. I locked the closet where we store projects in process to avoid accidents.

They filled the 1/2 home room with stuffed animals - in all the places students would sit and in all the cubbies, for the students to keep. They switched all the history and science books to opposite classrooms and made memes of the high school teachers for their doors. They set yoda up with a book in the science reading corner to highlight their work. They moved a life-sized seated sculpture to the front desk, put "out of order" signs on all the office equipment, Saran wrapped the director's desk and then decorated it with probably 100s of stickers, gift wrapped the AP history teacher's furniture, built a castle with a moat in AP english, and hid 120 tiny plastic animals and 25 handmade frog puppets (school mascot) all over for people to find all day. There are still ten frogs unaccounted for. They also made calling cards and left them in all the locations they pranked and next to the frogs. I have an octopus and a manatee who can sit on my fingertips. I traded a turtle for the manatee.

In my room they left me a potted plant named "frosty" and a styrofoam snowman marked #15 on my desk. I spent all my free time searching (and cleaning out) my room. I have found numbers 1-6. At the end of the day they told me that the snowmen are all at school (I was starting to think that 7-14 were imaginary), but not necessarily in my classroom, the sizes vary, and some may be flat.

My trash can was full again and my recycling halfway.

On the way home I thought of two more locations to check tomorrow.

I was so happy all day.

Sub c, I'm trying really hard to remember what song in Sesame Street went along with the number 11. One day a few years ago I had an epiphany that my life's work was meant to be making short Animated educational films like the kind they showed on Sesame Street. "I'm the king of 8s! 1 2 3 4 5678!" That didn't last long. I still like the idea though.

Lila, I was so paranoid about the contrast that I drank lots of water before and after. I don't remember feeling bad from it. I think what I had started with a G? Hope the yuck didn't last too long. Hoping you hear some good results today!

I watched a thing last night about Uric acid being the culprit in everything... (dr. Perlmutter) it was interesting. I'm going to read more about it anyway. Some of what they recommended overlapped with kidney diet, some with cardiovascular health, and some with diabetes friendly eating... well, not friendly to diabetes, but you know what I mean. At some point it seems like they all cancel each other out. If you're low protein, low carb and low fat, ummmm. But I guess the central point is smaller portions, less animal, no processed... more walk, less stress. Hence! I am going to try to gather up all my dietary targets on a board to keep myself on track. Lemon good. Ginger good. Blueberries good. Bacon bad. Etc. and evidently I need to learn to like coffee.

Talent show last night went great. I was sick to my stomach seeing some of these two faced whatevers... these people have no spine. (The teachers who wouldn't stand up for my son) Ugggh! But sorry - it was a great night for the kid. He stole the show and hammed it up and had a great time. It was wonderful seeing everyone's talent. One girl told some jokes and she was really funny. Another girl came out with a painting of dragon characters from the movie and extemporaneously told the audience all about each one. She told us we would be terrified and indeed, she had us oooing and ahhhhing. Another boy sang beautifully, a few kids played piano. My dad being a pianist was having a heart attack watching them try to balance their music on top of the piano because no one had a music stand for them. Two of my sons girl friends with Down syndrome each sang a song. It's kind of an inside joke with parents that our kids love singing and dancing and are so talented in an artistic delivery of a song, but the actual sound could best be described as a caterwaul (or however you spell that. ) They think they sound amaaazing. They don't. 🥴But their delivery is amazing. 🥰 more creative arts in the schools!! And don't cheat the kids with special needs out of it - they really shine. Great night.

Alrighty, I am off to procrastinate on a few things again and maybe get a few things done as well...

L'chaim!

SubC, we all have hard things, and there is no comparing when it comes to struggle. There is always a gradient, right? And it's still hard and someone else always has it worse than any of us but our feelings are still legit. So don't feel bad about sharing.

I felt nauseous still this morning so just made some toast and feel 80% better. I have to take teen to a psych dr today but I have all morning to myself. So I have about 2.5 hours before we have to get ready to leave. One new thing is I am not supposed to drink caffeine anymore... so I don't know how I will get energized. I will get productive as soon as I am done posting here, and will come back and share. I hope some of you are around today and can share what you are doing to declutter or clean, too. It helps motivate me when we can share and cheer each other on.

Road - I read your whole list.

Good job!

Was your dog shocked by 11 chickens or 11 students? When I went back and looked at my post, the Sesame Street voice in my head told me "today's episode is brought to you by the number 11"

I hope the lack of apparent urgency on the part of your doctors indicates that whatever is going on is actually medically of low concern.

Lila, I am also hoping you get a clear and effective treatment plan.

Nothing to see here but disfunction, disorder and self induced exhaustion. I skipped my class last night because I had done no prep work. I used the time I freed up to read things online that made me feel bad about the world. In light of what everybody else has going on, I just feel like I'm whining.

hi all, brief hello!

Road, I had to do the breathe/hold stuff today in an MRI. I hope it turns out. So sorry you are having heath stuff too. It is so draining.

I have been doing medical stuff all week and not feeling well. Did the contrast bother you Road? It makes me feel ill.

I am staying home, cancelled appointments to rest. I should know my treatment plans on Friday. Or next week if I go for the second opinion.

I hope to have the energy to clean tomorrow because it is terrible in this house!!

People! Dear ones,

I just missed you. I am very energized today (mentally?) for some reason. Doing things I usually would avoid or not even think of. I still feel super tired and look like §#!+ but my brain is working or something.

So I post lists to help my brain and spirit so please don't bother reading the following:

- went through the important/recent paper piles just days after doing it which is progress. The tendency has been to let them fester in between and then miss things.
- folded laundry, put some away, Put some in laundry basket, put another shirt in the donate pile, And yeah.
- had the clean clothes topple off the bed yesterday and could deal with it this am because napping doggie. But I can do it now.
- Emptied out a laundry basket that was starting to collect crap.
- good convo with mom. Long chat with brother. He is still having flashbacks from the accident with his cat so I guess I'm trying to take his mind off of it a little. He's home alone all day and it's gotta be really tough. Feel so bad.
- Threw away a bunch of items which are typical of things that I don't make decisions on and lead to pile ups... I will now list them for my satisfaction...
- power bank box
- light therapy box
- phone charging box
- tried out new light and charger
- mattress protector packaging
- box of dried out dusty wet wipes
- box of jet mop cleaning pad refills for a jet mop we have never owned (can't remember if it was an honest mistake or thrift store madness)... these have probably been in my room for a few years.
- bagged up a belt and socks that need to be returned to a physical store
- wedding invitation envelope (I literally held it in my hands admiring how pretty it was and the paper it was printed on and then put it back on my night stand. Then I came to my senses and put it in the trash,
- gathered up grocery bags and glasses and other misc things that need to go downstairs
- put blank and recyclable copy paper back by printer
- grabbed a stack of paper off my standing desk to go through and went through it. My standing desk which had been half clear is not pretty cluttered up again... I guess cause it's new ground (Newly reclaimed?) I am not used to "DEFENDING THE SPACE!"
- cleaned off bedside table. It had really piled up again.
-picked up a bunch of garbage from the floor in the floor area which still hasn't been cleared yet. I have to start "seeing" this pile. I am blind to it,

I guess that's enough listing. I must really be procrastinating making those calls!

Both my besties have Covid in their houses right now. I think my son is the only one still wearing a mask at school. It's everywhere and even in Chicagoland now most people aren't wearing them in stores or schools. I'm so over it too, honestly. I get it. But logic is logic? Isn't it? Anyway...

Cm, you said that so kindly. If I have done that, I apologize and will try not to in the future. I appreciate you saying something. I also appreciate hearing your thoughts on approaching the storage unit tasks. Helps me to hear ideas as I will be trying to deal with the garage soon.

Health wise, the new urologist gets a D- for not contacting me about the MRI and blowing off my questions. Actually the nurse responded of course. Blew off two of my 3 questions and got the third one inside out and backwards. And this is an MRI because of an abnormal growth mind you. No big whoop. Yep I will wait til august to find out what's what. I don't know what to do honestly. I loathe doctors with a passion.

OMG it's a miracle. I noticed my iPad was down to 1% and plugged it in before I lost yet another post. Lol

But anyway, my health plan is to keep on this kidney diet, continue losing weight, schedule the nephrology appt., see the gyne this Friday, continue looking for a new doc, see the nutritionist June 2nd, and keep checking in with my friend every week or two for advice. I'll ask her about the MRI results too and see what she thinks I should do in the meantime.

I had the ugly monster triggered yesterday while I was at PT. (The ugly monster is my childhood traumas from hospitalizations, etc,) She had scolded me slightly about cancelling last week. I've made every other appt, and had very good reasons for cancelling which I didn't discuss with her, but anyway, so there was a little bit of a negative set up there, then she had me lay on my back to do this ball exercise, and it kind of aggravated this pain in my flank roughly in the area where this thing is in my kidney. So the combo of those things and being vulnerable in my back in a not private setting at all, and I started welling up with tears. I hate that I do this - it's so embarrassing. I was able to eventually spit out the words, "I'm just worried about something" And I Was able to get up and she had me do something else and I bit my lip the whole rest of the session and managed to get out of there without blobbing. Ugh. Hate it! I've been to yrs of therapy essentially for this. I feel like I understand where it comes from and I have worked through so much of it, am fully conscious of the connections, and yet the tears surface. Often at the most ridiculous times.

Talent show tonight for the boy. He will dance big on stage for the crowd. I made him a video to play in the background of him dancing in the car. It should be fun. That was one of the last deadline things I have for him this year so it was a relief to get that done. Next up is graduation on the 28th. I am so done with these people and this school year but I feel so bad for him. I got an 11th hour surge of adrenaline to try to convince them again to let him stay at this school next year. I feel like such a total failure as a mom that I have not been able to advocate for him more effectIvely. I am confident and proud about what I am good at with him and as a mom, but school interface has been a weak area. It just is. And here I am fighting for another year of it. Lol. Anyway, so I will try a few more things, but when all is said and done I will be glad this year is over and we can shift gears into summer schedules a bit. Also then I can do more structured teaching with him and see if we can pick up any lose ground. Will also need to shift gears then from my healthcare needs to his and see if we can't tie some of those loose ends.

Alright, well I am certainly tired of hearing myself talk so I better split.

P.s. subc my dogs looked up at me when I shouted "ELEVEN?!" I'm so sorry to hear that.

P.s. Tatoulia, I have my new percale sheet on my bed.

Sorry, I shouldn't just drop things like that.

Yesterday I picked up a patio umbrella from the trash next to work. I haven't had a chance to open it up and look at it yet. If it won't work as a shade umbrella, it should work as a garden tarp. The handle is wood - so that has potential as well.

I have been getting the kids to check our plastic bags in the classroom for holes and throw the bad ones in the trash can. It is easier to resist trying to wash and recycle them when I don't have to touch them. I'm trying not to think about it. I don't have time.

And I have a student out on a 72 hour hold.

💔

Quick good morning to you all. Cm good work at storage and glad to hear you were swimming!

SubC, you do have a lot of emotionally difficult things going on broad and Lila, I am so worried about your respective health.

Road,

You and Lila are doing so well with food!

CM,

Nice job on the storage unit! Starting is the hardest part! Same with swimming.

I am struggling with my emotional bandwidth. My mom's best friend has a son who is two days older than I am. We lived next door to each other from age 2 to age 7. He was my first "boyfriend" I kissed him on the cheek! Yesterday he had emergency surgery to removed covid related blood clots from his brain after a stroke. He is still testing +, so he is in isolation. He can move his arms and legs and speak, so they are hopeful.

Heartdaughter's wife has covid. 11 more kids are out this week. Plus two whose mom just decided they will take the week off. Which means tomorrow I box up all the things they won't get to finish.

A fox ate 11 of my chickens.

Dd and sil are fighting because of his hoarding. I wish I could help him.

Graduation is Saturday. End of year evaluations are looming. So is the memorial service for my favorite uncle (I got him when I married dh) I need to not get covid the next three weeks. Stubbornness is my superpower...

Bean and I planted melons yesterday. Then in the evening I planted the last of the cucumbers and summer squash.

That leaves sweet potatoes, winter squash, pumpkins, edamame, sunflowers, and the few seedlings I haven't killed. I may buy pepper and tomato starts this year. Mine are sad. I have basil to plant too, but I am so late I might not bother. There is not enough room in my garden!

I completely lost my counter again.

That is my theme song - not enough room! Not enough time!

Update: It went mostly well. Some feelings of discouragement but not all, a bit of hope here and there. I stopped after I felt I'd done a reasonable amount, so I wouldn't burn out.

And then I decided to go to the Y and swim, 🏊‍♀️ which was another thing I needed to initiate.

So a pretty decent day. 🙂

Okay y'all. I'm getting ready to head out. Would've gone this morning and generally will be starting in the mornings. But today I also needed to get my remaining flowers planted. 🌷🌻⚘💐🌼🌹🌸 When the weather is decent there's always a backlog list. But I got 'em done.

Noticing something that I'm going to share here. Please resist the urge to practice amateur therapy, I had years of the professional kind and I'm frankly burned out on it, and its accompanying lingo. That's just a general request, not picking on anyone in particular. But I've got to employ a couple of words that might suggest that I am seeking a therapy-like response. I'm not. Common sense and relating are welcome though. 😉

Here's the observation. I'm nervous about going! I almost have anxiety. Dread, certainly. Brace yourself for the big therapy sounding words. Ahem. I dread the cognitive aspect of the sorting. (That's because I dread the uncertainty and mental energy drain of decision making.) And, I dread the emotional garbage that goes with this hoarding conundrum. That includes frustration, bad memories of things that never worked out, such as perhaps employment and/or marriage, and wishing I owned a home, the foreclosure and the moves, the wanting to be creative but having to fight so hard to make it happen. Yada Yada Yada.

Okay. Enough. I could go on and on but that's not the point. The point is, I'm dropping a pin 📌 on the map to say "This is how I'm feeling right here right now" - and then come back later and compare. Because maybe I'll feel a whole lot better once I've gone and done. It's quite likely this is just first time of the season jitters.

She's a digger, not a different.