Great work, everyone!

I too was going to suggest putting the grocery bags in the car. I keep only two of the grocery recycling bags with the nylon straps. Any more than that is too much for me. There are certainly times when I'm out and about and decide to get groceries. I pay the dime or nickel for the plastic or much preferred paper bag. Then I use the plastic bags over and over again by keeping it folded in my purse. The paper bags I recycle with my recycling or I use them to put my donations in. I will not allow the ones with the handles to take over my house. Frequently if BF and I are going for a walk, I bring a bag for him.

I used to keep too many bags and boxes. Now I keep these numbers very, very low.

Lila, I'm sure you are exhausted by the work you did today so I am hesitant to offer any advice. Just keep doing what you are doing. You are doing a great job.

Bf, now that he's not working every day, is learning a lot. Even when we took his boxes of paperwork to be shredded yesterday, he said how he's much more willing to get rid of papers now. The first two times we hired the shredding truck, he was being more discerning. Now he's built up some of those muscles that are necessary to decide what to keep and what to get rid of. The next day in Boston is near the end of September . He has marked his calendar! The city hires the same type of shredding truck that we hire, and we can watch them raise our bin into the truck before leaving. And the city recycles the boxes we brought the paper in. Pretty good thing! We also discovered that we can take our old batteries for recycling on these days. All around a great event.

We also took a box of shredding for his neighbor.

Today I relaxed then did mom's groceries (with a tote bag), unloaded the groceries and then did some of my grocery shopping with the same tote. BF will take me for the heavy stuff I need tomorrow night.

Another beautiful night here, so I can sleep with the windows open and ceiling fan on. Pretty nice.

Good afternoon!

Lila, you did a great job with your closet!

Dd2 and I have been working on the bins she has stored in my basement. She found a bunch of stuff she is ready to get rid of (and I saved less than a shoebox full for the grandchildren) but there will probably be the same number of bins because she is planning on sending some things from her apartment that she wants but not to move out of state back here for me to store.

I sorted the bags of stuff she already brought from her apartment to get rid of into donation and recycling locations and managed to only "rescue" a small stack of consumables - mostly art supplies.

She also inspired me to disassemble and recycle an item from my desk.

post 2 today.

So, I've taken a lot of things out of the closet. It's a "coat closet" and has a few coats in there. But mostly it is other stuff since we really lack closet space. It has double sliding doors.

From the closet:

- threw out a half case of bottled flavored water, long ago expired

- donated a scarf, a hat, a couple pairs of gloves

- moved some protein shakes to the kitchen

- found 2 cans of dog food, which I need and was about to go purchase. Will use these today or tomorrow.

I took about half the rest of the stuff out of the closet and sorted by type. Who knew I had 8 or 9 cans of compressed air in there??

I have like 50 or more microfiber dusting cloths. I don't need that many, but hesitate to get rid of something I will use. I might donate the oldest ones, then put half the rest in a ziplock and stick them in the bathroom cabinet downstairs for when the ones I have up here get raggy. I also have a LOT of cleaning brushes, swiffers, etc etc. I will sort through them.

Several bags of dog food came out of the closet so I will decide which dog will get what and use them up.

I am going to pick out the cleaning supplies that are the closest to being used up, and use them up. That should make room for everything I need to fit in there.

I am not going to agonize over the rest of the things in there that I want to keep for now. I think just this bit of sorting will make enough room to help me get the table cleared off.

Thank you for the help, SubC. Your words help me get outside the cycle in my head and think in another direction.

Why 10 boxes is too much... hmmm. Well, I guess I am imagining it to be emotionally draining to even look in one box. But, in the past when I was sorting, I would just open a box, dig through, feel overwhelmed and put it back away. Taking things OUT of the box and spreading it out probably would dissipate a lot of the overwhelm.... wouldn't it. Yeah I think it would. And privacy would be key. If anyone is WITH me looking in the box or sorting anything, I start to feel pressure, and I can't seem to get rid of things underany pressure.

I have not started yet today, but perhaps a good place to start this day is that closet. Things are falling out of it, things are blocking the sliding closet doors from sliding, stuff is just piled up, falling off the shelves. I will start there, try to donate a few things and beaten it up enough to fit the cleaners on the table into the closet, on a shelf.

I'll report back and I hope people come and post! Even if it's just another episode of the SubC and Lila show 🙂

Mail - you can circle the name and write "not at this address" and put it back in the mailbox with the flag up. You are not the postman. ("Real" mail will get returned to sender if there is no forwarding order on file.)

Watermelons are a problem. Just try to eat the food in the fridge before you buy more.

Can you keep the bags in your car?

Cleaning out the cleaner closet sounds like a good idea.

Not buying teen anymore clothes also sounds like a good idea -
Teen has clothes
Teen has few or no places they have to go, so pretty much any clothes are acceptable
You are concerned about finances.
Teen has a pattern of requesting and rejecting clothes - you are reinforcing that.

You can't sort ten boxes at a time that is too many?
Or you need to see it all?

If it's too many, that's fine. I was just thinking ten boxes would be a good amount to spread out in a room and group by category. Maybe the boxes are bigger than I am imagining. Once you had it out, you could work on it at whatever speed worked and lock the door between (I am a big advocate of this door lock. You need a safe, private, space.)

Good ideas, SubC. Weather is a major problem with sorting in the driveway or garage (which is not heated nor cooled). It is over 100 degrees outside here in summer, most days, so garage is unbearable. There will be a nice window in fall to sort in the garage, but until then, I can only do it early in the morning. I don't think I can sort 10 boxes at a time. The garage stuff is a lot of emotionally charged stuff. It's been in there for 15 - 25 years. Things that were my kids. Things like a ton of camping gear because we used to camp and I have not been able to let it go yet. But I am close. I keep wanting to imagine my grown kids and my grandkids all going on a camping trip with me. Hmmm. Other stuff that is from my childhood, or my exes, or... "might use someday" etc. I really have to get a grip though.

I like your question about the table and why I keep having to clean it off repeatedly. It makes me stop and think from an outside perspective. I guess it clutters up because we so rarely eat dinner together anymore. And that makes me so, so sad. But I don't have the time and energy to do it and invite my adult kids over. I dunno. My son who lives with me works through lunch and dinner. My teen is picky and grouchy. So there is no one to make dinner for unless I invote people, and sometimes they don't come.

What is gathered on the table? Let's see.

- A watermelon and a squash. There is no room in the fridge or counters.

- many cleaners and an aphid spray. The closet where cleaners go is a wreck so there is no shelf space so I need to clean out that closet to make room.

- a box with two brand new, pricey sweaters that teen begged me to order from etsy, that they then received and hated, but there is no return policy. They make me angry. I am planning to put them in a clothing tub because teen changes their mind so much and I don't have the energy to try and re-sell them.

- papers that either need to be filed or dealth with

- a couple books

- a bag of bags. Sheesh. Well now you have to pay for bags at the grocery store so if I need them but have no place for them.

- a couple dog things my dog uses, but not everyday, but a friend gave them to me and wants a video of him using them.

- some Ramen bowls for Teen but there is no room in the cabinet

- a little pile of office supplies like adhesive tabs

- mail that came for ex or for son who doesn't live here, to pass on

- a bird feeder and hanger my friend gave me. I dont know where to hang it, and it's hot outside.

- a leash. A dog towel. Mostly just random things with no home that I stick there.

Good evening!

Tatoulia, happy shredding day! Today I made squash pancakes, but my family ate them all.

Lila, could you use your driveway to sort out the garage?

Or maybe the weather or neighbors are a problem.

I'm guessing that your Ex's room is smaller than the garage, but soon it will be empty! Once it is empty, you can do a super deep clean on the surfaces.

Then you will have a relatively big empty space, so you could do at least part of the garage at a time. If you can get rid of 80% it should go well even if you do about ten boxes at a time. Then at some point you would have half the garage empty, and you could use that space to sort the other half.

If you put a lock on your new empty room's door, you can safely and neatly store the things you are keeping in there!

It sounds like you are making good food choices.

Where does the stuff on the table keep coming from? You keep cleaning it off - is it the same stuff just moving back and forth from another surface? Or just some difficult to manage category of stuff?

post 2, update:

So far today I have:

- worked on the kitchen table, filled a grocery bag with stuff from the table and took it out to the trash with 2 small boxed that had stuff in them, plus a squash gone bad

- sorted a container of spinach, took all the good spinach and washed it and am steaming it to eat today

- loaded the dishwasher and cleaned out the sink

I think for lunch I will eat the two ears of corn sitting on my counter, still pretty fresh, plus a nectarine and some of the steamed spinach.

The table and bar are still perplexing me. I don't have 'homes' for the stuff that is piled there. But it isn't stuff I will donate. I guess I really need to clean out the hall closet to make a home for things... but ugh, I don't wanna.

Hello friends. So nice to come back and see lots of posts... I read every one! I am sorry for your loss, CM. Also, I want to come to Sorting Heaven! I would love to have someone help me haul the entire contents of my super-stuffed garage to another place, so I could clean the actual garage. The floor is strewn with shattered glass on and under things from teen, bits of leaves and stuff that blew in from outside, random small things and bugs. Then I would sort every stupid box!! I bet I would be happy to donate 80% of what is in the garage if I could step outside the space and SEE it all. It is hard for me to SEE things if they are in a box in the same spot for 20+ years. Now that ex is gone, I could clear that space without fear of him hoarding it up again.

SubC, great work on the bathroom, the garden, the classroom etc! You have gotten a lot done. And I am happy you are spending time with Bean. We are not at 14 days for Acorn and about 9 days for Tot post-covid, and finally yesterday they all stopped coughing. I am going over to see them all today finally.

I worked so, so hard this week. Every hour practically I was working, even my usual day off yesterday, so that I can take next week "mostly" off. I don't know how other, paid people there take weeks and even a month off completely. I hope to stay home most of the week.

My kitchen table and dining room bar are sooo cluttered and piled up you can't see the surface. Those are the areas I will tackle now. Plus cleaning the kitchen. I am tempted to work on the bedroom or the bathroom some more, and maybe I will in between, but the first thing you see when you walk in my house is the table and bar piled with crap. And I am tired of looking at it.

I'll come back and share how it is going and hope to see more posts of what you're all doing today! I wonder where Road is?

Good morning! SubC I would love some of your delicious food right now! Had a bellyache and terrible heartburn all night. Just awful.

It is hazardous waste day in the city. I'm going to go get BFs car and go up to his house. He has boxes of papers for shredding.

I'll talk to you later!

More thoughts -

First an accomplishment - my dressing table now has nothing on it but the framed pictures I choose to have there. This leaves the dresser - which is a large drift of mostly tiny items.

Ok, Dd2 is coming home today to have a combined b-day/going away party bonfire with her childhood friends tonight.

Dd1 called and is planning to come over later in the afternoon with Bean and probably sil to see her.

It's a nice day, so off to the garden I go.

Good morning!

Tatoulia, thanks for keeping the show going yesterday.

CM, I hope I didn't hurt your feelings. I do think your warehouse center ideas sound great, but I've also reached a point where I realize something just has to happen now, and you really can build on a small pivot point. The answer to "I don't know where to start" really is "anywhere. Just start."

I worked in the garden yesterday and put four quarts of kohlrabi up in the freezer. We also had kohlrabi for dinner Thursday night - and carrot cake muffins (cupcakes!). I cut the sugar in the muffins by 1/4 and I think they are still too sweet. Dh put cream cheese frosting on his. My refrigerators are exploding right now. So many yummy vegetables, so little time.

While I was chopping kohlrabi yesterday I watched YouTube videos. I found a really interesting one on what she called the "chaotic creative brain". It made so much sense to me - my mind works the way she was describing. I have a super hard time with schedules and routines and lists. I find a new system, get really excited about it, and then quickly lose my motivation and stop using it. She said "if you want a chaotic creative to quit something, put it on a schedule and tell them they have to do it for 15 minutes a day." I don't respond to artificial deadlines. If I'm going to do a thing or stick with a thing, I have to be either super excited about it or genuinely almost out of time. And everything else will be sacrificed to that thing. I need to be exposed to something new for a while before I become interested.

I just kept thinking "yes. Yes. Yes.."

So, like right now, I'm tired of cleaning up after myself. I don't want to do it anymore. It was working great, but it takes too much energy and involves a routine and artificial deadlines. I didn't get excited about the cleaning up, I got excited about the system. And now I am tired of the system and ready to move on. Sometimes that happens in days, sometimes weeks, my interests and motivation can be cyclical.

Right now all I want to do is garden and preserve food. And that gets interrupted and I feel grumpy. I don't want school to start because I'm in garden mode. But making myself go into my classroom and set up gets me excited about my classes..

It's why I always say "I just need a week to.." Doing things in little bits is hard.

Hello everyone. SubC The tortillas sound delicious. Everything you cook and make fascinates me. You are amazing.

I'm sorry that both SubC and CM have upsetting news. Shout out to MayMay, Road, Tess, everyone!

I am getting rid of more stuff. Some of my decisions are bad ones but I'm doing it. Allow me to explain: I have many new bras that are too small due to extreme covid weight. I could keep them, but they are mocking me. I haven't given up the idea of losing weight, but I don't need things in my house that are making me feel bad.

Before August 1 (and the start of a no spend month), I bought a new clothes hamper. I had liked it for a while but hard to justify the cost. It was down by $30 (and still priced outrageously high) and I didn't need it except that the one I have in my bedroom no longer goes with my decor. So I put donation things in the old and took it to my car. I'm happier with the new one. The old one went with my decor at the time but I've since recovered the chair and changed up what I was using in the bathroom so it didn't make any sense.

No spend August is going great. I'm in favor of it.

My house is feeling much cleaner. I'm getting rid of things and it's helpful. I'm also making sure that when I leave a room, I take whatever doesn't belong in it out. So if I'm leaving to go to rest room, I take my coffee cup and put it in the dishwasher. Just taking things with me is helping a lot.

The effects of having cleaners once a week is really helping me. It's just a luxury. And mom's place is so clean right now. So easy to be in it.

CM,

Your warehouse sounds amazing, but I will tell you a secret - you won't like it,

You have all the space you need.

Because eventually, everything has to fit neatly into the space you actually have. With at least a chair and most of a bed uncovered.

Yes, it's easier if you can spread it all out on tarps ala Cory and get help, but let's face it, we have limited energy.

If you have a square foot of clean surface, you can make progress.

If you pick a category that might be easiest for you to reduce and tell me how much surface area you have, I will give you a process.

Here is a thing that happened to me today - I wanted a tortilla for lunch, but we had no tortillas. But, I had a clean stove and a clean counter. I googled "fast, easy tortillas" I divided the recipe by 4, and I was even able to lay my hands on my rolling pin. In less time than it would have taken me to get to the grocery store, I had four hot, fresh tortillas made from only flour, water, oil and salt. - and no plastic packaging. They were do good I spread a little peach jam on a second one, rolled it up and called it dessert!

The key to this is: CLEANING UP AFTER MYSELF

I don't like it. It takes longer (except making the tortillas was so fast because the surfaces were clean and I could find all the things I needed!) it's frustrating when things don't have places they go (but I got the thing from somewhere, so it can go back there, or closer to where it actually belongs, or maybe I can move (or remove!) something else to make space for it.)

I removed some things from my dressing table today - I put the dirty apron in the laundry basket. I put the picture back in it's frame and hung it back on the wall, I put my earrings back in my jewelry box. I made a space on the closet shelf (by shoving things over - the closet is a work in progress) for the sentimental stuffed dog and put it away.

And when I was loading the dishes in the dishwasher and I started cleaning a plastic tray and realized it did not have a recycling symbol on it, I decided I can put it in a bag for the dumpster. And I did.

I want a life where I make tortillas.

You know what I would do among other things if I won the lottery? I would start a business, or it might even be a nonprofit - because I'd want to reach the people like myself who have the willingness to work on their hoarding issues but just lack the funds to have SPACE, so that everything's jammed together...

Well, I would provide them that space! I would obtain large, empty warehouse type buildings, either buy or rent depending on what's more cost effective and efficient in a given locale. I'd have folding tables, shelves, dollies and carts, and helpers to lift heavy stuff. Plenty of trash bins and supplies, recycling containers, and other bins and trucks that would regularly transport donations to charity.

I'd have clean bathrooms and a kitchen so they could come and stay as long as they needed during daylight hours. A lounge with wifi and comfy couches. Since my warehouses would be large, multiple sorters could work at the same time. If they desired, they could have curtains for privacy. Maybe some sorting spaces would be away from the main one, for those folks new to all this and more nervous.

The lounge could be a place for camaraderie, swapping war stories in the clutter battle, bolstering one another's morale and energy, and of course celebrating victories. A TV would have YouTube with Marie Kondo and other videos available. There might even be a very chill, very Zen vibe coach on hand in case someone needs a little advice, venting, hand holding, or whatever.

U-Haul truck service would be available to transport people's stuff - from wherever they currently have it to the sorting warehouse, and what is kept to its final destination which is hopefully a clean and uncluttered house or apartment.

I would call it Sorting Heaven 😇 lol

Or perhaps just Sortaway.

We could also get Cory in on it somehow, if he's interested. 😉

I ❤ to daydream.

CM,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't beat yourself up. You have found some photos - that is still good.

Yesterday I picked a few things in the garden - the harvest is just exploding, and got most of it at least rinsed and put in the fridge (the beans are still on the counter) I put four quarts of summer squash and six half cup jars of pesto in the freezer. I checked the fridge and gave a few things to the chickens *before* they caused me to have to wash a vegetable crisper.

I chopped up tomatoes and let them marinate with fresh basil and pepper and balsamic vinegar for dinner. (Served with homemade bread for me and store pasta for Dh)

And I cleaned up after myself. (Although I forgot to start the dishwasher before I went to bed.)

All of that is temporary, but it feels like forward progress to be able to do it. Cleaning up after yourself takes a long time!

I also finally cleared that last bathroom surface down to clock and candle and wiped it clean.

More garden today. I also have two more surfaces upstairs that are buried under stuff drifts. My dressing table and my dresser. So today I will get something off of one of those. - small, easy, "keep moving" goal.

I'll report back later.

And CM, I hope you find your pictures! (And maybe some less important items you can part with while you look!)

Hi to everyone!

Those moments when you wish so badly that you had gotten on top of the mess and disorganization a long time ago...

My uncle, my mom's baby brother, turned 94 on Friday the 5th. He died this morning after an injury on Monday. I'm trying to find the photos that I know exist to send to my cousins, but there are so many boxes and in different places (including possibly the storage unit but I do recall I made an effort to get photos over here to the house because the damp was damaging them). I've found a few, though.

Why is it that we put off caring for the most meaningful things - short of the people themselves - that carry our memories, and busy ourselves with lesser everyday stuff? Is it just because it's more time consuming to scan and organize the photos and clippings?

I don't know. But this gives me something to think about as in a month or so we head into a cooler time of year when organizing my storage unit will be doable.

And yes, ultimately the people themselves are more valuable than even the photos. But the photos are nevertheless very nice to have.

Nothing to report, but I hated seeing that at the top when I checked in this morning.

I think today is going to be a garden/food focused day, so I may not make progress on the decluttering front.

I'm tired and discouraged and my head hurts.

My heartgrandson was expelled from my school.

It's one of those "if this kid wasn't my kid I would believe the other kid too." situations and nothing to be done.

Aaaaugh!

That was a lot longer. I edited it before I posted.

Good evening!

I spent 7.5 hours working in my classroom.

I think I have all the large furniture where it will go.

I found the tiles I was looking for!

I got 40 out of 66 glued to the wall. My feet are sore from going up and down the ladder. Also, it was exhausting - every tile placement is a decision.

I'm pretty sure I have now touched every item in my room at least once. But most of it is not where it belongs. I have started grouping items by category. I also removed two small pieces of furniture today. And I took the plaster molds I wasn't sure what to do with down and left them in the church rummage sale (we rent our building from the church and they have a rummage sale in the gym every summer.

Good morning again.

Bean and I only did one basket of laundry and there is room in the dishwasher but dishes not loaded.

It was nice in the morning, so we played outside.

This morning I am going to load my car with the goes to school stuff and take Bean with me after breakfast and chores. His Daddy is meeting us because he has things to donate to our art program, and he will take Bean and I will work on my room all day.

I am feeling overwhelmed by my life again. Everything is good, but there is so much of it. Last night I dreamed a bunch of my former students came back to help with my room. I also dreamed that I had new goats that I want but know I am not ready for.

Also, we are spending a lot of money right now which is making me feel very insecure and makes it hard to let go of things. My car, which also needs new tires before winter, dd2 is moving to another state and I will probably need to drive out with her and fly back (which is going to also eat up a week of my life and I will probably miss open house at school) and I will have to pay the farm sitter for another week, and I have a big fence job scheduled for the end of September. It took me 6 months to get on their list and I can't reschedule for spring - maybe summer next year, which will be bad timing and make other stuff more expensive. I have saved up for the fence job.

On top of all this, the rebuilt 1970s tractor is acting up and Dh says it is probably time to replace it instead of rebuilding it again.

I need to remind myself that having seven bins of yarn (for example) is not going to help with the sense of no time or the cost of the tractor in any way.

Good morning.

Lila, can you find a place for the soap to serve a decorative function?

Also, teen's behavior does not mean that they don't love you. It means that they are a teenager with autism. Autism makes it very hard to relate appropriately to people. Being a teenager makes it hard to relate to your parents. There is a misconception that autistic people are not emotional - autistic people feel things very deeply. They just don't express these feelings the same way.

I remember hearing an autistic guy talk about trying to relate to his girlfriend once. He said "if you tell me once that having me bring you coffee makes you feel loved, I will bring you so much coffee that it becomes annoying. Then, when you get mad at me, I will bring you more coffee."

Do you use the random items in the bathroom? Put as much as possible away.

I have a twisty pottery vase thing in my bathroom - it holds my brush, my toothbrush, my razor, and a pair of tweezers. I can pick the whole thing up with one hand to wipe the counter. I also have a soap pump and a cup with my toothpaste in it, although I think I am going to work on putting the toothpaste away - I don't like it in the cup, but my vanity has a cupboard and then low drawers. And a bottle of lotion that I also use for shaving which I also want to get under the sink, but that space needs to be cleaned out. Deodorant is in the cupboard and I don't use make up or other products. Hair elastics are in the drawer. (Drawer needs cleaned out also)

I have actually been picking at this space for a couple of weeks - it was very bad. I have another little surface that just yesterday finally got down to only items that belong in the bathroom. I had gotten into the habit of dumping the contents of my pockets on it every night. By the end of the week I hope to get it cleared down to the candle and the clock and wipe it clean.

I got most of the dishes into the dishwasher last night and ran it, and I am mostly caught up on the laundry except that Bean and I have two baskets to put away today. (He likes to take something out of the basket and hand it to you to fold and to carry a little pile to it's destination.) He is spending the night, so the most I expect from today is cleaning up after myself somewhat as I go.

Eat healthy food Lila!

SubC, no, they won't. You have to bag it and pay $2.50 per bag that's not in the can... but, I think he will take it, but if it's still here it is going in the trash.

I worked on the vanity some more. Not many items left. I run out of energy fast. But, I also realized that when I eat sugar or a lot of refined carbs, I get tired a lot faster than when I eat healthier choices. So tomorrow I will get more done, as I will eat better. I have off tomorrow morning but work in the afternoon. This is my last week working on a 9 week project that I've been in charge of which takes 3 hours on Mondays, 2 hours on Tuesdays, and 4 hours on Thursdays. Thursday it is DONE so I will have 9 more free hours in my week, plus travel time! No new projects until mid September.

I would really like to drive to the forest or a beach or something and just have some chill time, but I would like someone to come with me. Ex is gone, teen isn't interested and is very stressful, son has to work. I miss the days when my kids were young and I could take them on trips. My closest friends passed away in recent years, so I am fairly alone.

Okay, to stay on topic, here is what is left on the vanity causing me problems:

-toothpaste and toothbrush - maybe I should put them in a cup, or leave them out?
-lotion that is too big and tall to fit in a cabinet. I use it often. Maybe could put it inder the sink, but then it is not convenient. Leave it out?
-wipes
-small random items with no home
-an empty spray bottle which I do want to keep for water spray
-a star shaped soap teen gave me when they were young, when they seemed to care about me. They are so detached now. I never used the soap, maybe it is because when it is gone I will miss looking at it and remembering how they used to love me.

Maybe some of this stuff can go in the closet. Maybe I could use a small ziplock bag for the random items.

Under the sink is a whole nother story. What a mess in there.

Will your trash collection take items that are not in the can?

If so, you can tell the ex that you are putting the food on the curb if he wants to get it before the trash guys.

I'm sure the guy sees gross stuff under stoves all the time.

Ok, really gonna go make the bed.

Very good SubC, I will check on resources. Honestly this district is something else. There have been months teen has not even checked in to school, and no one calls or anything. They don't care. I am surprized we don't get Becca billed. Teen was in public online school for a long time, did basically nothing, and now is in a private one but still connected through the district.

Did I mention ex did come by yesterday but only for 10 minutes, barely said anything, and only took a couple items. He had 3 canvas bags and I know he took some clothes and who knows what else in them. He said he is coming back for the food in a couple days. It doesn't look like he is going to take much. Sigh.

I also found out that the guy who is oming over to fix my stove soon says "it's so simple, you just pull the stove out and take off the back, blah blah blah" but you KNOW my heart leapt into my throat when he said pull the stove out. Can you IMAGINE what is under there, back there, stuck to the back and sides?? omg horrifying. There are tiny 1/8 inch gaps on each side and things spill down there. I KNOW it is revolting. So I will need my son to pull it out for me so we can clean it before this guys comes to fix it. My whole kitchen is gross right now. It makes me sad.

Hi Lila! Good job on the vanity!

I think only Road and I have husbands. Mine does clean. I would not say that he "helps me clean" I clean the things that bug me, he cleans the things that bug him. Sometimes things bug him and he can't clean them because my stuff is in the way and then he gets grumpy with me about the stuff, or he moves the stuff in a way that makes me grumpy. Or he cleans them with a chemical that upsets me. Sometimes things bug me and I clean them in a way that upsets him (He has finally trained me not to put his fancy pint glasses in the dishwasher, but that just means that when they pile up on the counter and I need the space, I move them to the part of the island he likes kept clean). Mostly we don't fight about it though - there are very few things we think of as "my job" or "your job".

Sometimes I will ask him to vacuum or clean the sink if there is company coming or something because he does not mind those jobs, and he will ask me to dust or clean the stove or put laundry away (laundry is my job, but I don't always put it away promptly)

Is teen in public online school? I think you should look into what services are available. They should be required to offer support for the autism. Possibly even if the online school is not public.

I made squash fritters. They were good. Part of me wants to try to get beets in the dehydrator tonight, but instead I am going to load and start the dishwasher and declare what I have done "enough"

I washed the sheets. I need to remake the bed.

Then:
Chores
Shower
Bedtime.

I am picking Bean up early tomorrow.

Thanks SubC, those are good points for me to consider. Teen is in an online school program now, so no support services. Even when they were in school with a 504, there was very little support. They just thought it was chosen poor behavior. Now that we have the autism dx, things make sensse, but maybe it is too late to get help. I am looking into it still.

I like the access part. It is just me, teen, and son. Teen has some kind of food issues... textures? obsessions? hard to say. I am about to ditch the grated cheese and the hotsauce out the window since I am so sick of cleaning it up.

I am working on cleaning the vanity. I have a few things left to find homes for but already scrubbed about 1/3 of the vanity top and it looks so nice. I hope to finish it by tonight.

Do you guys' husbands help you clean at all?

It's a little more complicated with your teen because of the autism challenges. Are they working with any support services through school? Usually if you are working on behavior modification it is good to use a consistent approach.

I think I would be more concerned about the tantrums than the food mess.

Reducing availability might help - who lives in your house besides you and teen? Keeping only small amounts of very healthy, easy to clean up food might help. For example - if other household members aren't eating grated cheese, then the first time grated cheese is left on the counter it doesn't get purchased again until kitchen skills are mastered.

I might also invest in some locks. That stinks, but if someone can't be trusted to be in parts of your house alone, something has to be done about that - the same way you put up baby gates for toddlers. - again, I would talk to teen's support people if they have them before making any changes.

SubC, you are a good teacher. How would you teach a teen to clean up after themselves if they make messes? I have tried asking, consequences, or even just leaving kitchen messes until there are no clean dishes or surfaces, but nothing seems to get through. There can be one clean plate and teen will fix food and leave grated cheese, crumbs, wrappers, and spills on the stove and counter even though the trash can is 2 feet away. If you have any ideas for this, I am all ears.

hello all! So glad to have posts to read today! I enjoyed each one, and wish I had the memory bandwidth to remember who said what and reply to everyone. Usually I open a separate window and respond as I am reading, but not today. I am waiting on a second window for a virtual appointment for teen, whose eye is swollen. Well, the lid. It is a 45 minute wait. Teen will not just put hot compresses on it because Mom said so, but perhaps if a doctor says so, they will. Or maybe they need drops, who knows.

Today was church and work and people, and now I am home eating soup and bread. I am irritated that Teen walked in the garage and then came in and tracked bits of glass all over. After this video visit I will try and get them to clean it up. Or else I have to do it. I also unloaded and loaded the dishwasher. Not running it yet, still has room. Kitchen is a wreck again, thanks teen. It is exhausting. I wish I could go back in time and wish I had known they had autism at a younger age so there could have been therapy. We just got a dx last year and now they don't have any life skills and are very stubborn to learn any, and nothing I do or say is changing anything.

Goals:

get the rest of the bathroom vanity stuff put away
wash off the vanity top and sink, which is layered in dust and gross
maybe vacuum, we'll see.