Hey sub c, looks like we cross posted. You try to tackle more work in a day on most days than any one I know.

When there's seemingly "too much" and it's hard to sort, one thing that helps me if that 80/20 principle. Somewhere in the swirl is a 20% target where if you do those tasks you will get the biggest (80%) pay off. And likewise, 80% of your efforts are likely to only give you 20% of your pay off. Moral of the story is try to find that 20% - most essential, most important, but least time consuming tasks and just do those first. If only it were that easy. I do really think it's true but honestly I forget to think that way most of the time.

I ended up digging into my room a bit... took the swifter and swept all things on the pathway, in the closet, and under the bed and out into the hallway. Some garbage mixed in but mostly laundry and it's a lot of laundry! I also have a big pile of clean clothes on the bed. As predicted I am to that point where it's time to do a clothing purge. I never thought it would take me this long to get to this point but I know I have not slid backwards (too much) anyway. But I really have to get some closure on this project. Still, even in a year where I didn't have big Psychological monsters lurking behind me May is not really the time of year to get a lot done. Just so much going on in school and other areas. I threw away about 30 printed emails. Whoopdy doo! Ha! No, I'm proud of myself. That's a challenge.

My Paper sorting categories usually end up looking like this:
1) son/health
2) son/school
3) son/recreation
4) me/health
5) me/hobby/stitchy things
6) me/hobby/genealogy
7) receipts/financial stuff
8) master lists (rolling eyes at this one)
9) Hot hot urgent don't lose and tape it to the wall by the door.
10) daily schedule sheets/clipboard
11) other misc crap that I try to just pitch.

I just went somewhere very dark indeed but I am not going to even type it out.

Diet stuff is going well. Turns out getting scared to death of dying prematurely really lit a fire under me. Last night I made an entree out of this book... kind of disappointing but still worth walking through the steps and now maybe I can modify it a little more to our liking. It was peppers stuffed with rice and collard greens basically. The seasoning was basically just lemon juice which was fine if your palate is in the mood for that... I think it would prob be better with a Mexican profile, heavy on the spices, cilantro and lime juice for zIng. The H understands the food is going to be very different now but he's ok with eating healthier for sure. This is horrifying but we all weigh the same Right now. H is 20+ where he likes to be but is 6'5". I am just barely holding on to 5'1" and my son is only 5'4" or so so that's really bad for him being so young. I took 30 years of adulthood to get here. He's now on thyroid meds and his diet is about to radically change again due to my situation so hopefully we start seeing our numbers go down together. I don't care about my husbands weight. He's just being vain honestly. But my son and I really really need to drop the pounds. I'm down about 10 so far. First 10 are the easiest but better than struggling right off the bat.

Ok, that's way too much of me in a single day. If I do anything amazing I will come back and update you.

Ciao ciao!

Hi Tatoulia

Thanks for checking in, I was feeling lonely.

I am still trying to pack too much into too little time - and berating myself for failing. And for "wasting" time reading or watching videos online. Yesterday I made myself stop watching an inspirational video and go outside and weed. Because surely every moment I am not asleep can be productive. Knowing that is absurd and I would never expect it of someone else does not seem to help.

Weeding was all I had the energy for - it is pretty much mindless. Planting requires thought. Cleaning the house requires too much executive function.

"I am woman! I am invincible! I am tired!"

We had a dance at school this weekend - it seems to have been a super spreader event. 11 kids and two staff out as of yesterday afternoon. Masks required in teen classes all week.

Less than 3 weeks of school left. Since we aren't in session on Mondays, that's 11 days. I am in "not enough/too much time" mode.

The sun is rising - gotta go do chores.

Hi gang, quiet week here looks like...

Trying to figure out where to start... this past week there were some good things, some bad... the health news is mostly bad other than the fact that I'm staying on top of it. More on that in a minute.

We did have people over for Mother's Day. My parents, brother, and the H's mom. She isn't typically invited over for things because they are usually estranged, but ever since the H's youngest brother died (2020) she's been trying harder or is better able to be civil. She does talk about him as if he's still alive - they have "conversations." I am someone who believes that people's spirits live on and I've personally experienced getting visitations or messages in dreams. But she takes it to a whole other level. I hesitate to apply the term delusional to that situation because I don't know how a parent is supposed to get through something like that. But historically, she has been delusional about a lot of things. Like she firmly believes she paid for his college when she most distinctly did not, etc. But anyway, it feels good that we can reach out to her a little more now. She is in poor health and is living in a low income retirement community. It's just adequate - very no-frills - such a contrast to where my parents are living.

Anyway so she came and my parents and brother were very sociable with her - they are good about that. I'm sure they were confused when she was talking about what Her son (the deceased) said the other day.

And my poor brother had a tragedy this week. He lets his cat out to sun himself on nice days and he went to move the car to mow the lawn and he ran over the cat. He brought the poor guy into the vet but he was gone. He was such a sweet cat and my brother was so sweet with him. We are all just sick about it.

For the Mother's Day thing we drove out to the country and picked up some stuff from our favorite BBQ place, and then just made some more dishes to go with it. It should have been super easy and relaxing but again the cleaning before hand was stressful and the H is annoyed I didn't get more done earlier and he helps but does stupid things like clean rooms no one will see or dig up dandelions when the patio table hasn't been washed since last October and we are about to eat off of it. That is just how he is so the solution is that I do more prep before hand. But this one did kind of morph from dessert only into a whole thing. My own fault. But pleasant day and we did another watermelon drop for my son which was really fun. And he looooooves getting the attention of an extra grandma.

My sister didn't make it because she got her new puppy. I know I've. Itched about this before but she was active on all of these pet adoption/rescue sites but she only buys dogs from breeders. She jumps through so many hoops justifying it it's ridiculous. She has had trouble maintaining her pets and is very strapped for cash and is supplemented heavily by my parents. She had 4 dogs, then when they started dying off they got five rag doll cats. Then she got another dog and said that was the last one. Then when we got our puppy last year I didn't even tell her about it because I was afraid it would prompt her to get another puppy. Well of course she did get one. Then recently she started talking about getting another One and everyone tried to talk her out of it and she was so pissed at everyone and passive aggressively dissed us all on Facebook. But she proceeded and then we all kind of just accepted it. So she picked up the puppy this week. Then yesterday she mentioned two puppy names and I'm like wait - what? And she got two! So now she has four dogs again. She also lied and said the breeder donated the second one. At least half of her dogs And cats have been"donated" to her by breeders. Ok. So it's concerning that she's still spending money she hasn't got at 5x the rate it's coming in. Frustrating. But this is the pattern.

Well anyway, same old same old. Good thing I'm so perfect. Haha

So my health sitch is looking worse every time I go see someone. I got repeat labs done and nothing changed. Then I got an U/S and they found two problems- one thing on my kidney, and something with my liver. I already knew there was something going on with my liver from a CT scan 15 years ago. Do then I got a referral to a urologist which I didn't understand, but got in to see him and started reading his card and it had all this cancer stuff on it. I just got a general referral to this practice so maybe I was reading into it but then he came into the room and started saying mechanically how these cysts are almost always nothing and blahblahblah and then he starts looking at the images and quickly shifts gears. He starts describing it in medical terminology and That how even though there's a worldwide shortage of contrast I'm a worthy recipient because ... (this is looking bad) I'm like that doesn't sound good... And he kind of waves that off and next thing I know I'm setting up an MRI appt. I checked in with this kidney group I joined and a lot of people said they had cysts, no big deal, monitoring... but their descriptions all sounded the same as each other and different than mine. Also naturally I looked things up and the words he used are not associated with "no big deal benign"... so MRI Friday.

Also scheduled gyne, nutritionist, and something else. I haven't updated my friends yet and my family still is in the dark. I haven't been able to bring myself yet to deal with my sons school situation so that's looking more and more like I'm not up for the fight.prob too late now anyway. And his medical stuff has been on hold while I work out my stuff and I can't put that off anymore, but now we are staring down graduation...

My kitchen is a mess. My house needs picking up,and my room is trashed.

So that's my journal entry, vent,and life update.

I hope everyone is hanging in there and enjoying the (hey we didn't get a spring) weather.

Lila, thanks for the update On your situation and hoping for a plan that you feel good about... thinking of you 💕

I'm here. Just getting caught upon posts. I had a wonderful two days on the Cape and my mother never noticed I was gone. Had a good Mother's Day with her. My friend stopped by to borrow my car and she brought mom roses. Good day. I was at office today and going in again tmr. Cleaners came today instead of tmr.

So I have nice clean sheets waiting for me.

Will catch up on the posts. Just wanted to say hello.

Good morning!

I am tired. Bean woke up at 2:30 last night because/and he stripped his sheet off the crib and he yelled for someone to fix it. Then I had trouble getting back to sleep.

Dd2 cut down all the trees that were growing up in my garden space and helped me remove a rotting fence post and a piece of rusting fence (the fence has been there for 19 years partly buried in wet clay and needs to be replaced)

She helped me move the mobile chicken coop to a new field. We cut back some blackberry canes and she brush hogged a section of overgrown field for me where Bean and I are going to plant melons. Then we planted and mulched (with the last of the mulch from fall) ten elderberry bushes where I am trying to establish a hedge and laid out a field tarp to solarize the weeds where I hope to grow a sunflower house for Bean.

Then she took a nap.

Dd1 showed up with her family and the girls cooked dinner. It was a good day.

Hi Lila.

I am glad you were able to rest and let things slide.

You did a lot in your house! Have your things really been sorted twice this year?! I have things in my house I haven't looked at since well before Bean was born.

I'm not sure how much help I can be, but I will try. I think things like "camping stuff" can definitely be binned up and labelled "camping stuff". Likewise the "kitchen items for kids to take or toss"

I think I would make a small notebook with all the important information in it and put it somewhere it will easily be found - people don't usually look through files near the start. Also tell people where it is and what it is.

Clothes, just start trying them on and keep your favorites that fit in you clothing storage until it is full - the rest donate or I guess bin if you think you might change size or wear the favorites out. One thing about cancer treatment that I have seen is that it usually leads to weight loss.

I wish my grandmother had labelled the quilts by maker.

We only got two loads of mulch yesterday - the line was much worse than usual, but it was barely enough for the play set and is all spread.

Today my dd2 is here. She just arrived with cinnamon rolls to pop in my oven, and then she is going to help me in the yard/garden/barn as I choose.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you. Lila and road, I hope you are celebrated by your kids. CM, thank you from all of the critters you care for who can't say it, and Tatoulia, thank you from the mother's whose lives you make better by the energy you invest in their kids. Thinking of Tillie today.

post 3 - I would like help.

I am feeling stuck on my bedroom now, since all trash is bagged, papers sorted. But it is still piled up and cluttered. Every pile, cabinet, and drawer has been sorted at least twice this year.

My goal, aside from making space, is to have it be evident what is important if I die. I don't want my family to have to go through piles.

Goals:
- All clothing contained in closet and drawers (meaning, I have to get rid of some things or bin them to the garage).

- 'good' jewelry in a jewelry box, separate from 'play' stuff I keep around for the grands.

- photos, videos, albums evident

-important papers somewhere

-heirlooms identified. Not sure if I should make a list of what belonged to my mom, dad, grandma, etc... what do you think? A list and put it in a folder labeled important or something?

NO PILES for family to sort through if I am gone!! None! It would be so terrible, I think.

I am starting this with my bedroom but really I have a whole family room and garage to deal with if I have time.

How to do this? Suggestions? How do I know if I should get rid of an item? For example camping stuff, sports items, that I think the grands will use. VS old pots and pans, kitchen items, that I think teen or son will use when they move out within 2 years. Bin things together with a label on the bin? Thoughts??

post 2 today -

I went in my room with an empty trash bag and forced myself.

- sorted all the new, short piles of papers covering every surface. Most got thrown away. Many were shredded. A few got put in a 'do soon' pile, a few in a 'file' pile, and a few in a 'I dunno but save' pile. All piles are on my bed.

- picked up bits and pieces of trash off the floor etc and threw them away. Got pretty much all of it.

- put one item in the donate box.

That's all I could handle, but it's progress. I will go back in soon and try to do a little more. I caught up on reading here and want to say, praying for you all, especially Road with the medical issues.

Whew. Hi all, I'm back.

I had to take the whole week off work, like, for real, no "I'm taking off but working at home because I can't let anything slide." I actually let things slide! I needed the rest so badly. I had medical procedures this week that were NOT FUN and were kind of frightening but I got through it. Now waiting on pathology reports and have to see the oncologist again in 2 days. Praying for positive news.

I was too sick and weak to get much done. However, I did gather all the books that I have borrowed, and I got one of them read. I will return it this week. I'll read or skim the others so I can return them too.

My bedroom is in severe chaos. I did take 3 items I had ordered online and returned them yesterday. I clipped my dog's nails. I did a load of laundry.

I will gladly accept any encouragement to do something about my bedroom.

Good morning.

Today is mulch day. The township I teach in gives away free mulch and compost twice a year. (It's not really "free" because I have to drive the truck 45 minutes each way, but it's cheap.)

This year the mulch will be for Bean's play set. It was actually my kids' play set, but Dd cleared away all the brambles, and now we will put down cardboard and mulch so that Bean can use it.

I need to leave in an hour and a half to get the first load. Then I will call Dd and dsil, and they will bring Bean out to me and take the truck to get the next load, while Bean and I spread the first one and prep cardboard for the next one. Repeat all day. In the unlikely event that we get too much mulch for the play set (the line is long and I'm betting we get three loads) the rest will be piled up for garden use and mud control in goat pens.

Dh and I have a concert tonight, so I will have to quit early.

House is still a mess, no progress on decluttering, counter is nearly gone again. Three more weeks of school.

We still have not gotten our new credit cards over two weeks after having to cancel them because the number was stolen. So I have bought nothing but gasoline and feed. I have to write checks or go to the bank counter to get cash because I don't have an atm or debit card or any payment ap (personal choice) Dh got groceries on Thursday.

That is hilarious about the MIL. Well you are well underway. 2000 sounds amazing. Mine is roughly 8x20 and even that is broken up into pieces... I have one raised bed and peas against the fence on the drive way side and usually do some pots. Nothing so far this year though. The thing I get the biggest joy from are having a nice variety of heirloom tomatoes. Should expand my bean offerings though as that is a safer bet for kidney stuff. What's the point of living if you can't eat heirloom tomatoes?! I grew this one type of long bean that had the most amazing blossom and fragrance.

Started another load of laundry... and brought up the one from the dryer. The new sheets are on the bed. They're not on the bed but they are folded sitting on the bed. Haha.

One goal I had for this year which I *have* achieved is getting my sons social and recreational calendars back to pre pandemic levels... he has been pleasantly busy for the last 3 months just the way he likes it. And today was the day to sign up for summer activities. Almost spaced it, then I had technical issues repeatedly, but I got it done. Phew.

Yes, they travel all the time. Mil may get more joy out of the opportunity to complain about this than she would have gotten from the trip.

I have planted lettuce, spinach, beets, kohlrabi, turnips, peas, rutabaga, onions, scallions, leeks, garlic, green beans, purple beans, yellow beans, black beans, Lima beans, potatoes, carrots and radishes. My garden is 2,000 square feet. This sounds like a lot, but 40% of that is paths. And it provides vegetables for 7 adults, a teenage boy, and a toddler. It seems big when I am prepping beds and planting in the spring, but not when it is May and I am out of green beans and won't have more for three months. I would actually like to double it.

Subc, nightmare scenario on that tour situation with the in-laws. hoping this isn't that once in a lifetime trip. But I think you said they have some dough?

Long stretch of gray and rainy and cold here also. This spring is one for the books. Yesterday the sun broke through late in the day and I did exactly nothing about it other than to notice it. Tatoulia you are setting a good example getting out there walking... maybe I will try a walk today. Good you all can't see my facial expressions...

Cm, nice job on catching up on some stuff... that's got to feel good. Hope migraines are under control. My friend in Norman OK keeps me appraised of all that crazy weather. In Chicagoland the tornado alley tends to run just south of us but we occasionally get smacked. On Saturday we had one touch down a few towns East. (And not far from the prom) but it was an hour earlier.

No gardening happening here yet. Sub c, anything in the ground yet? I think you said you'd started a couple things?

Lila, hope you are holding up ok getting through the various appts and tests.

Road - good for you on your accomplishments!

The cross post sits made me smile.

Road, there's a part in fiddler on the roof about "an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, and we will all be blind and toothless" you need to do whatever it takes to help yourself be as healthy as possible. Justice is overrated - if you sue, the insurance company will either fight you or settle. Either way, the doctor's premiums will go up and that cost will be passed on to patients. If you lose it will cost you money and time. If you get a settlement, taxes and lawyers will take a big bite, but it might help with your expenses. Letting local people know how the doctor failed you would have a more positive effect on your community and be more likely to directly effect the doctor.

I am tired. My body is sore. My house is a mess.

My inlaws went on a month long Viking tour of Europe. They flew to Hungary on Friday. Yesterday they were denied permission to continue with the tour because fil tested + for covid. They are quarantining in a hotel for 5 days and will then have to fly home.

Hi errrbody,

1) remembered the laundry! There's nothing in the wash and a load dry in the dryer!
2) it includes new sheets! I thought of Tatoulia the entire time I was pulling them from the wash and putting them into the dryer.
3) baby birds outside my window.
4) major health wake up call in progress... nothing to report other than that I am actually "on it."
5) rare accomplishment yesterday... tracked down missing box and went through it all the way down to the bottom. **
6) doggie 1 fully recovered from almost bleeding to death episode. Back to being scrappy with doggie 2. All antibiotics were administered and on time. Most other meds as well.
7) Ps seem to have gotten through their case of Covid without too much trouble.
8) we seem to have gotten through a very front-facing weekend without catching it.

I'll stop there because I am starting to pad my answers and because 8 is my favorite.

** Saturday when we thought people were coming to our house for prom pictures... while I was upstairs getting my son ready the H took the assorted paperwork off the dining room table and boxed it up and stashed it. Yesterday I took the rare initiative (because important papers were missing) to track down the box (quite large and heavy) and haul it back up to the dining room. I don't attempt stuff like this much anymore because it would hurt my hips too much to carry something with both hands up a flight of stairs. I've basically been pulling myself upstairs using a lot of arm strength... but hips have gotten slightly better due to PT so I tried it and I made it. I may have done some swearing. Got it to the table and went through it all. This scenario (I let stuff pile up in a public space and the H is annoyed by it. He boxes it up without saying anything and stashes it somewhere x392) is how we have 392 boxes of assorted paperwork in the garage and basement.

Only 391 to go. You know how we've joked about square inch reports? And how on ww ("double dub") people have that signature on the end of their posts that records starting, current, and goal weight, etc.
?-
SW: ###
CW
GW
And other stats that identify where they are on the journey?maybe I should start signing off my posts that way in here... V is volume.
?-
SV: 413 large bins
CV: 392
garage: 192
basement: 179
back forty: 10
DR: 1 deconstructed
BR: Currently in pitched battle with self defending 31 sf of reclaimed floor space.
Focus project: installing shelves in closet
Impetum vitae: renibus decrepitus

Cm, I don't know which is scarier, the tornado or the migraine. It sounds awful. I'm so sorry.

Gett8ng ready for work, off to the office soon. Another grey day here. Will have to check if it's supposed to rain.

Once again, having difficulty finding time to post. Last week had at least two more migraines - one prior to the storm that generated a tornado that damaged homes in Andover, KS the suburb east of Wichita. Fortunately no fatalities.

I've been doing some laundry, and other catching up tasks. It's sporadic, my productivity, and because I've had to wait to post, I've forgotten details. We've had off and on rain but some actual nice weather here and there. Maybe it will start to string together a stretch of nicer weather.

The front that produced the tornado, once it was past, my migraines I think went with it - fingers crossed they won't return!

Hi Road. I'm sorry for what you are going through. Is there a plan for your next steps? I am so sorry about this.

I had a fairly successful day. Managed to fly under the radar. Walked home from work, which felt good. Now I've showered and just hanging out.

I returned two blouses at Macys tonight, which felt pretty good. I've been meaning to do so and just got it out of the way. I have my wonderful cleaners tomorrow.

That's the news from here.

Hi guys,

Health update... got the kidney u/s. Sounds like there may be scarring on both sides which isn't a surprise given the stage I'm in. Also found a cyst/lesion which is hopefully of the harmless benign kind and not polycystic kidney disease (Which I think would be a worse dx than general chronic kidney disease...) will need to do ct or mri next and hopefully that will pick up some of the other nonsense that's been going on in my abdomen. Nurse will call and tell me what I need to do. I updated my two friends who are on my "team" and the one who has all the healthcare credentials really thinks I should let go of all the anger I have at this doc for bungling my healthcare. Or helping me to bungle it. I am not sure I am prepared to do that but I am taking it under advisement. Same with the school situation for my son. I guess I am waving a big flag named JUSTICE! or something but I also need to not diminish my reserves and I don't want to juice my adrenal glands/cortisol levels any more than they already are. If there are steps I can take that aren't super stressful I will take them and reevaluate in another week...

Needing to do a big all day paper sort and organization and rewriting of notes, etc. for all the stuff that's in limbo... that's my goal for today/tomorrow.

I didn't make it to the post office yesterday. I did, however, get cat litter, clean her box, and I also worked on the coffee table. I shredded papers, got all the tax stuff in a pile, etc. I had a meeting that went to 5:30. So although the box is ready to post (I've put the address on), I will have to wait to mail it. The kids know it's coming, so I better look alive.

My eye is definitely on the mend. I highly recommend using telemedicine for minor things such as this. It was easy, fast, free (my blue cross offers it for free with no co-pay) and did the trick.

I washed my cardigans last night. All around, I had a good day yesterday.

Now I need to get ready for work.

Morning check in. A bit of a grey day here. I do have cat blankets to wash. Might do later in the day.

I am going to set an appointment for me to work on coffee table. I also need to get to the post office today to mail some treats to our friends' children.

Always welcome!

We appreciate all the updates. I'm glad you got help for your eye.

I have today's first load in the washer and the Bean asleep for the night. His parents came out and assembled some furniture for the new shelter by the pond (nothing fancy - plywood pre-cut) and stayed for dinner.

Bean played on the play set (still here from my kids), tossed sticks in the frog pond, watched the neighbor plant his field with a GIANT tractor and fed dandelions to the goats.

Tomorrow we plant green beans (late) and the rest of the potatoes (very late). We also need to go get more chicken feed, which will involve watching a forklift.

Road, I hope you find your papers. I'm glad your son enjoyed his prom!

Off to do evening chores!

It's me, wearing out my welcome. I picked up my medicine and I saw mom. I still need to get to grocery store for me. Just put in my first dose of the medicine. I hope it does the trick.

Running the dishwasher. Beautiful day out, 63F°

I'm on my fifth load of laundry! My pjs are in the dryer. This last load is delicates. I'd be further long but it kept rinsing the last batch, and the two times I checked on it, it said rinsing with 29 minutes to go. Oh well.

I've made my bed and more important, I had a telemedicine appointment for my eye and the rx had already been filled. I just need to pick it up!! Amazing. I signed up for the appointment, was told it would be in two hours, and to put the phone number in my contacts, and before I had a chance to do so, I received the link. So the doctor wants me to see my doctor during the week but he's ordered the antibiotic ointment in the meantime. Hoping to get some relief.

I'll go make myself something to eat since I do not want to get shaky the way I was yesterday. Cat is asleep. Do I dare make tuna for lunch?

Glad your son had a good prom!

Good work on the massive pen and junk mail purge. The awareness to throw out the broken item comes with time, and then it becomes routine. Whenever I suggest to someone at work to throw out the used up pen, they look at me like I'm crazy.

I've done my towels, which are folded and put away. My sheets are in the dryer and now I'm washing my jeans. If there's still no one in the room, I'll sneak in one more laundry. I'll do my delicates which I'll be hanging to dry. I've showered, and that feels good. Dishwasher unloaded and I have a few things to put in.

Hi everyone,

Lila, I was just starting to wonder about that long list of juicing ingredients when you clarified those went into three different juices and not all into one. 😂 and I high five you too for cleaning the fridge, saving the produce and juicing the hell out of everything. You ticked all the boxes! Sounds like a lot of positive self care... 💕

Subc, glad to hear the positive stuff happening with work and colleagues. I can just imagine how with farm living the work truly never ends. You finish many many tasks each and every day and most people would never even attempt it because it's so much hard work. I know you love the reward of the self sufficiency and ecology of it all.

Tatoulia, those are some really good tips. I'm kind of half and half on those so far. I've done huge pen and pencil purges and "won't tolerate" a pencil with a bad eraser or an iffy pen. Out they go. But that's during a focused "purge." What do I do subconsciously when I'm rummaging for something and I pick up something that doesn't work and the garbage is waaaayyy over there... it's possible I'm throwing it back in the desk not even realizing it. We tackled the junk mail years ago... reduced the incoming and directly trash direct mail everything. I do keep the Sundance catalog and will look at a few fliers but if they linger and I look at them and they are stale I do toss them. These are the EASY things to throw away. But as you said, it's the tiny things that add up. What's the expression, a decision delayed... something something? A decision delayed multiplies & extends the chaos for sure. Puppies and kids with cognitive issues and ocd don't help either! Puppy accidents and toy destruction and tissue shredding and walking on my iPad while I'm composing a post... I had relaxed a bit on locking my room every time I walked away but now my son is starting to shuffle all the things again... I found two wet wipe containers in my box of cross stitch... luckily they were old/dry so no leaks or anything. Accidental toppling of stacks... and yesterday we thought my sons friend and family were going to come to our place for pictures and even though the living room and dining room were clean, the H couldn't handle the fact that there were papers all over one half of the table so while I was occupied getting my son ready he dispatched of all that stuff and I still don't know where any of it is. And of course they cancelled! Perfect example though of how when you don't deal With things in a normal time frame, chaos ensues and multiplies...

Alrighty folks, I have dumped out the scattered contents of my brain for you again... and now I can't tie anything up with a bow because we need to get ready for a special olympics track meet.

The boy had an awesome time at prom last night, bitter sweet for mom but he was very happy.

Later!
,

Lila, you had a good "day off" and definitely got some good things done! SubC, my mother made our bread growing up. What a gift to have homemade bread each week. You amaze me. Hello abroad and CM.

I either have another stye or an eye infection or both. Terrible pain. Will need to see an eye doctor. Hopefully can get an appointment tomorrow.

Yesterday I hung out with BF, then ran a couple of errands but I got shakey so I had to come back home. I made something to eat and then just lost my motivation so that was it. I fell asleep on the couch and ended up going to bed around 9 PM.

Now I'm running a load of towels, as I am going through washcloths due to my eye. I may try to launder my sheets depending on whether anyone else will be using the machine. The building is really quiet these days.

So today, it's getting some laundry done and going to see mom. I could finish the coffee table. Don't know why I haven't. I'm out of excuses.

Good evening!

Hi Lila, I am keeping you in my thoughts. I hope your Dh steps up and helps. Nice job on rescuing the produce.

Road, I hope your son has a great prom!

I am pretty much constantly surrounded by chaos. I usually feel like I am one strong breeze away from the whole house of cards collapsing. Unfortunately almost nothing on my list is ever "done" every day there are morning chores, evening chores, milk and eggs to handle, dishes, laundry, food, things to put away that will just be used again. Most days there are lesson plans and papers to check and classes to teach and a commute. In spring there are weeds to pull and things to plant. Every week there is baking. When I skip it we run out of bread. Last weekend I weathered a goat. That made me happy because it was "done."

Tatoulia, what are you doing with your weekend?

Staff meeting was good today. I think my coteacher is good. I have employment forms to fill out and not lose. I stopped at goodwill on the way home. I didn't want anything. I need more jeans, but they won't let you try stuff on.

hi again,

thanks for posting, you guys. It helps to come and read.

Yesterday I took the day "off." What I got done:

opened two boxes that came
sorted the fridge and threw out bad produce and foods no longer good
gathered on-the-line produce that needed to be used ASAP, had my son get out my juicer, and made juice for 3 meals. I ingested the healthy tasty juice from a bowl of baby spinach, a whole package of mixed greens. 6 stalks of celery, a large cucumber, half a lemon, two green apples, a handful of grapes, a small baggie of berries, two carrots, some cherry tomatoes, and a bag of orange wedges. (Not all together - made 3 different juices of things that tasted nice together)
stared at laundry. lol

Today I spent time with a friend and relaxed. I still have some time. I plan to make a juice for dinner. I plan to do a bit of organizing.

First, everyone, sending you support. A lot of health issues going on. I am so sorry.

SubC congratulations on the job! Cm, good for you to move to the other library. I have strong street smarts, which comes from living in cities for my entire adult life. Road, if there are two pairs of shoes that don't fit your son, are they too small? Might be a good time to get rid of them. Lila, we are with you every step of the way. Do get your will written. I updated mine a few years back to leave everything to my BF and one of my girlfriends. I left to my wealthy girlfriend as she will be the best steward of my money, whether she keeps it or uses to take care of my family. Her choice. You will not find sadness in doing your will, you will feel good about it.

Road, I want to share some very small things I do which have a large impact on calming the chaos. My whole life I've seen people pick up a pen, see that it doesn't work, then put it right back in the desk or drawer. Sometimes even I'll grab a pen and someone will say, that one doesn't work. I cannot understand that. If the pen doesn't work, then get rid of it. So I have incorporated that into my daily thinking. If something doesn't work, and I know that now, then it's gone from my life. Adjusting this way has helped me to maintain the stuff in my house. I'm not aggravated when I go to get my scissors and I can only find the broken ones. The broken ones are gone. I no longer keep worn and tattered shoes to wear "in the rain" or some other perceived event. I have rain shoes for when it rains. These worn, used, not quite right things are daily irritants and add to the chaos.

So that is one small way that I try to keep up with things. It works with magazines or mail catalogs, too. If I have been shuffling it with the intention of reading, at some point I just say, clearly it's not important and I move it to the recycling bin. You'd be surprised how quickly you feel a difference, not reaching for that odd pencil with the broken tip when you just need something to write with. Eliminate the tiny "straw that broke the camel's back."

Okay I have the weekend free and open, which keeps surprising me for some reason.

?? long muse:
I've been reminded by my good friend recently that we have to take charge of our lives, even if there are things we can't control... we can still feel like we are in the drivers seat making the important decisions and steering things in the direction we want to go.

I don't know where you guys see yourselves in this context but I know I usually feel like my life is in a state of chaos. I have a day to day routine that is mostly functional but there are areas that are a total $#!T$#@W... my room, the garage, the basement... healthcare for me and my son, certain aspects of the finances... there are times I can't seem to take much action, and other times where I feel like I am much more focused and able to gain some traction or even make big advances... I remember one time taking a survey about "energy drains" and my score was basically off the charts. One thing I realized a few years ago (more in theory than practice) was that when you actually "complete" certain Types of things on your list, they are DONE and gone - sometimes forever, sometimes for a long time. You're not going to be drained by that anymore, or have a sense of dread over it... A typical person feels a lot of accomplishment when they finish something. I am not as in touch with this sensation as most people... I guess I do things because I am on auto pilot or to avoid consequences... who wants to live like that? Well, I do fun things and rewarding things to feel good, for sure... sometimes too much time spent doing stuff. Like that and not enough adulting. How do you get a sense of accomplishment from adulting?

??

Well, anyway,

Health wise, I got more lab work done. No change. In a month or two I have high hopes of seeing a positive change but prob too soon right now. Some other absurd interactions with that drs office. Definitely maybe going to see if they can be sued for this. Kidney u/s tomorrow. I think that will just tell you if you have another kidney condition that could be affecting how your kidneys function - like a deformation or Stones or cysts. Kicking butt with taking action on everything I need to do for this situation - Took a deep dive educating myself, rapidly improved diet, started losing weight, slowly improving physical activity, almost on top of follow ups with appts., etc. So yay me.

My Mom just tested pos. she's feeling ok, they are both double double so I don't expect anything too rough although my dad had a pretty good wheeze going a week or two ago. We did see them Sunday but they think they know they got it from a couple at dinner Monday. Next door neighbors have it now too.

Did a big bag of dishes yesterday from the week. And the cooking has been irregular because I'm grappling with how I need to cook for me and haven't quite incorporated that into a family cooking situation, so it's been a lot of ad hoc whatever.

Son is set for prom tonight. Suit, check, ticket, check, chaperone, check, friends to go with, check, we also have 4 pairs of shoes, 2 of which do not fit and 2 tbd... we also have 2 new shirt options and all the H's shirts to choose from. There is not a shirt alive that fits my son of course. Still hoping to find a nice tie and some Zazzy socks to bling it up. That's today's mission for me. And to just live in the moment for him tonight and not worry about all the other school bs for now. The chaperone going with him is a friend of mine who works as an aide in his program. She generously offered to take videos for me. This is major. Son also has his special olympics track meet Sunday. He's not a serious athlete like a lot of these guys are but it's just a fun carnival type atmosphere so should be good.

Alright, I better get it moving. Going to read through part of this new cookbook for kidney disease and make a plan for this weekend. I was encouraged To see that there were some southeast Asian recipes in there...

Lila, I've been thinking about you while you're dealing with the wretched limbo. You're going to figure out what you're dealing with, figure out a plan, and "git ?er done" (as my friend Monica said during treatment) then you can move forward with your life with whatever tweaks or shifts or transformations you want to make...

Hello all,

I have been dealing with all the medical tests, appointments, emotional stuff, will there be more surgery? chemo? what? Lots of doctors. It is very draining. I will be having a procedure and biopsy in a few days to find out if area number two is also cancer, or not. Pray it isn't. So I have been turning over a lot of my work to other people, training them, explaining things, letting things go. It's sad. I don't have the strength to continue it all. Breaks my heart. But I want to live, so taking care of myself and probably will not be working for a week, aside from a few hours Sunday. I need to write a will. I hate thinking about it but it has to be done. But today I am resting and having Tot over to play.

I asked DH to help with the cleaning. He said okay. But has not yet, we will see. If he can clean up the kitchen for me that will help a lot.

I am going to try and sort things today. Unpack packages that came (I had a minor online shopping spree as a stress reaction but some will be returned) and sort and try to donate things that don't matter.

Will update later - missed you all!

Road, Glad the doggie is ok! I'm looking forward to the dance report.

CM, you don't have to be comfortable as long as you are not unkind. Yay for laundry!

Worked on my classroom yesterday and filled the wastebasket and paper recycling.

Job interview went well. I guess. I did not get the job I applied for (for which I am overqualified) I got a more senior (and appropriate) job with more responsibility and higher pay. I took it. It will still be fun, but it will be more like work and less like paid vacation. They only needed me for 2 of the three weeks I told them I was available. I have a staff meeting tomorrow.

Hi guys, I will have to check in again later just wanted to let you know the doggie pulled through. She is eating, drinking, and peeing and pooping and not trying to bleed to death anymore... slightly less busy day today so I can catch up on some things. Thanks for sending your support! Back later-

Mini happy post, just kitten size today 🐈

I'm at the library, this time the more suburban branch. I feel bad that I'm so easily freaked out by strange acting men, but I am. And I'm not street smart enough to recognize what their particular issue is. Is it mental illness, meth, or what? And most importantly, are they going to harass me. I've had enough of that in my life. I'm sorry if they are special needs or suffering, yet all I am trying to do is mind my own business and not bother others.

Okay, just had to get that off my chest.

Today I got up and just decided to do a load of laundry. Did not dither and hesitate and talk myself out of it, which has been happening a lot lately. So perhaps I'm getting more adjusted to this new normalcy finally. And it is really great to be able to go in and do a big load and not worry about anything backing up in the bathtub!

Road, I hope your dog is ok.

I'm glad you are finding some comfort and inspiration for yourself.

I love the thought of your son announcing that he is happy. We do that so rarely.

On a related note - I'm very happy about CM's plumbing! It's true though that once we get one level of stress off, the next thing just seems to rise to the top.

Tatoulia, I'm sorry you had such a hard day at work.

My brain wants to turn the "fancy with the cat post" comment into a song about CM set to the "fancy like Applebee's" song.

I decided I was wasting too much time sitting online in the morning and gave myself an extra hour of sleep last night. Trying to see if I can get better rested and more efficient.

It's a new class session at the studio so I am going on Wednesday nights and learning some new techniques to throw bigger pots. - I'm sure Dh will be so excited - bigger pots! More space! It was fun though. The class is being taught by the studio owner.

I have my job interview for summer camp there after school today.

I am starting to clean out my classroom for the summer (4.5 weeks) which unfortunately means I am bringing home a bunch of stuff. I'm trying to use the trash can.

Ok, 5 hours until I leave for school, but I have over planned it all!

Look at you, all fancy with the cat post! Wow CM!

I am so grateful you have plumbing again! I still don't know how you did it. I am so glad your roommate let go of the idea that your handyman could fix.

I lost my cool at work today. I just got upset and I was a bit tearful. But I had nothing to be ashamed of. I didn't swear or get loud or say anything nasty. I just felt the weight of the layers of bureaucracy upon me.

I was proud of myself for not swearing and not doing the weird stuff I used to do like blaming it on personal stress. Or swearing. Or trying to mask it by shifting the focus and blaming myself. I kept it focused on the actual problem so I think that was good. But I did shed a few tears.

House clean and looks beautiful.

Sheesh! It has been so hard to get a chance to sit down at the computer! Either it's just inconvenient, or Windows decides to do updates so I have to shut it down, and if I go do something else, I get sidetracked.

This post probably won't be the bright shining comprehensive post I had envisioned but that's okay. Besides, I had been feeling a bit down in the dumps a couple days ago so if I'd posted then it would've been depressing to read anyway. So this is going to be at least a bit happier post.



I'm at the library, and I don't want to stay too long. This is the downtown one. The branch, I tried again the other day and am pretty much done with that place. It just makes me uneasy. The downtown one can as well. But I'm a little more savvy where to sit and stuff - even so, there was a young man earlier going through ranting with a wild look in his eyes - mentally ill or high, I don't know which. I was ready to pack it in, but then I didn't hear him anymore so I stayed.

Our plumbing job is officially finished with yesterday's filling in of the hole with cement. Rainy days kept postponing that part. Weather here is still so changeable, and we may get a big storm tonight, another reason not to stay too long away from home.

Now that the plumbing is done, my main challenge is trying to work around roommate's working-from-home for these last few months until she retires. That's more difficult since she got her new bunny awhile back, because she has been taking her computer and work back to the bunny pen in the mornings to supervise the new bunny and her other bunny to make sure they play nicely. Because the other bunny died of stomach problems, roommate wants to give the bunnies morning and evening exercise. Which is a good idea.

But it means I have to get bunny feeding done early, then since neither I nor roommate need to go out to use a restroom somewhere, we're doing the kitchen shuffle getting our respective breakfasts, or the cat feeding shuffle, or whatever. It's definitely better than before, don't get me wrong, but not without the aggravations that were there prior to the plumbing breakdown, and the added complication of her bunny routine.

I'll stop complaining. Just a few months and she will retire. And there'll be some adjustment there but hopefully in a more positive direction.

Still also trying to figure out where to fit in my catching up on laundry, and how to embark on decluttering. Days feel so chopped up. I had migraines a couple days last week too.

Okay weird guy is back, over and out.

You have a lot of tough stuff going on, Road, and it is emotionally and mentally heavy. Your son will be upset about school but I sense he will at any age, whether it is this year, next year or the year after. I hope he can stay another year.

In a former life I was the advocate (and sister) of a mentally and physically ill person. The fight was tremendous and non-stop. And the guilt. I would feel guilty, my brother would pick up on that and make it worse and then my mother would pile it on too. A different situation, to be sure, and I'm not trying to compare your fight for your son. I want you to know that I understand the overwhelming responsibility it is to be an advocate. I'd take him to the doctor, then fight with to get the meds covered by insurance, then fight this thing and that things and it wouldn't end and yet as women we are made to feel guilty no matter the outcome good or bad. I am so sorry you and your sweet son are going through this. You both deserve better.

Okay getting ready for work. Ttyl.

Good morning people...

Watching "Heal" on prime video right now. It's about people who had serious medical issues and healed against conventional odds. Thumbs Up so far.

Everyone have a great day. ❤️❤️

Hi all,

Some pretty epic stress today. Suffice it to say we are still in limbo With sons placement for next year and trying to decide whether or not to involve an atty. He does have a girlfriend but her parents don't want her to date yet and she can't go to prom because they have too much going on in their life right now. She will be so disappointed when she sees pictures and stuff. Nothing I can do though. Maybe next year she can invite My son. Re my health stuff, talked to a close friend who's an RN, acupuncturist, Chinese med, etc. and she kicked me in the ass and. Helped me reframe everything in a more empowering way. So I am taking all of her advice and took a lot of action yesterday and today. Had some challenges finding a new doctor, but making progress and still sticking to diet. And now our older dog is really ill and has to stay overnight at emergency vet. I think she almost bled to death today. Not sure yet what's wrong. The most stressful thing in all of this is having to tell my son high school is over (if we decide not to fight) and hopefully I am not having to tell him his dog died on top of everything... he was just laying there and with a huge smile on his face he said "feel feel happy. So so glad." He is so sweet.

Hope everyone is doing ok. Subc, keep us posted on your summer job. Cute that bean calls you Grammie. Tatoulia, I like hearing about your coffee table. It gives me hope - it really does.

Lila and Cm, thinking of you too.

Home from work, showered, ready for bed. Cleaners tmr.

I should look around after work for some zero time slots.

Bean works very hard.

Yesterday he got upset because I decided to unload the dishwasher by myself while he was riding around on his truck. He came over and selected some items he could carry. I heard him tell himself "good helper."

He also insisted on filling the wagon with rocks as we walked back through the pasture and unloading them on the rock pile. If the rock was too big for him to pick up he pointed at it and announced firmly "Grammie carry big rock." Bean likes rules and order. He may be the thing that finally tips me out of chaos.

Yay for the coffee table! If you do zero more time today, you can finish the other half! - lol!

I need to put some zeros into my space!

Coconuts!

Road that makes me happy to hear about your son's dance! Does he have a date?

SubC you did a lot today! And bean is getting a lot done, too.

After work, I gathered up the kitty litter and recycling and took out back. Went to mom's with some waters and oj. Changed the litter at her house, then went up grocery store.

I've done half of my coffee table. Took zero time.

Dish washer is set to start in an hour. I need to shower and go to bed.

Sending everyone warm wishes for good health.

I recovered and had a great day with Bean.

We planted peas and overseeded the pasture and fed the goats and did the milking and saw baby bunnies in a nest in the garden (the momma will move them now) and made biscuits. Also, Papa took him for tractor ride.

House is a mess.

I have a job interview on Thursday after school for summer camp. (I only want to work 3 of the 11 weeks, which should be a disqualifier, but it includes the week they are having trouble filling and the woman interviewing me already asked me if I'm free for a planning meeting on Saturday)

Good morning!

Very exciting on the real shoes tatoulia!

I know you drove home "the long way" but I like imagining you successfully completing your fabric mission and driving home like royalty.

Road, I am sorry about your health issues, but glad you are doing well on you diet. Science advances all the time, so do your best and be hopeful.

I tried to work on the garden yesterday, but it was hot and I only got one more bed planted. If Bean and I don't get the peas in today I'll have to plant them alone.

I did run the dishwasher twice and do a load of laundry.

I slept badly last night and woke up with a headache. "Woke up" being questionable as I have been up for 40 minutes and am still fighting sleep. My stomach is not happy about the coffee this morning, which isn't helping.

Hi all,

Oh I loved that story, too, sub c. And Tatoulia, I appreciate your stories about your mom too. My MIL and my dad both have issues with boundaries.

Pretty good weekend here. Sat am kind of slow start. The guys went to breakfast. We used to go every sat. During Covid we stopped. Eventually the guys started going again. I found I was usually too uptight about being in the restaurant so no one had any fun. Haha. Not sure about the numbers around here since no one is testing... One of the H's close friends at work just came down with it but he doesn't think he's been within arms reach of him for awhile. Our planned 2nd boosters got thwarted a few times when wag's was allowing appointments without having vax supply. This is what computers are for people! So we still need to get that done. My son is going to prom next sat and I'm trying not to think of all the hot breathing out on the dance floor... ok now I'm picturing it. Yes we better get that shot tomorrow. Shoes arriving tues, suit can be picked up weds. I'm shopping for snazzy shirt and tie in the meantime... parents are coordinating a bit and all that stuff...

Received my jeans and shorts bins today. These are fabric basket bin things to sit on the shelves yet to be installed for my closet. They look pretty good and are the size I pictured. The closet isn't as deep as I thought though so I won't have room for all and will just return one set of them I guess.

I was thinking today about the garage. I haven't done anything in there at all this spring and prob won't be able to now for a few weeks. But I. Know if I don't start taking this on as my main hobby or job it will just never get done. Must. Focus!

Have been doing well with the diet changes in Regards to kidney issues. But I felt really tired today and my feet are really swollen tonight. Ordered three recommended books today. Still haven't talked to my family about it yet. I've been poking around in a fb group and picking up some good info. Sounded like people's numbers go up and down a bit but generally trend downward over time. Mine have been going down over years, I just wasn't aware of it. As with everything perspective is important. There are people freaking out who are where I was ten years ago. And they don't realize they are lucky they found out when they did because now they can do something about it. And then the other way, there was a woman who was only 28 and also has a daughter with special needs, and she's further down the line than me. She was born with 3 kidneys but two were damaged and now she's down to one. I worry about making it past 75 but she's prob worried about making it to 50.

Carpe diem peeps!