Way to go Tatoulia!

It is noon. I did my chores, baked the bread, switched over the laundry and started a second load, unloaded the dishwasher and put a few things in, and started picking at the downstairs fridge.

Cleaning out the downstairs fridge is my big goal to complete today. I have some other jobs I have committed only to "work on" including stall cleaning.

Good morning everybody!

I'm extra busy at the end of quarters. Tax time doesnt affect me. End of calendar year does. Last week was a special and unexpected project.

I'm grateful for the sunshine today! I checked my to do list from yesterday and all was accomplished!

I will be serial posting today.

This time yesterday I was still in bed.

I have been up for three hours.

I drank my coffee, partly caught up on my "daily" meditations, wrote in my journal, did yoga, ate breakfast, made Dh breakfast, partly unloaded the dishwasher, started a load of laundry, and started a loaf of bread (it's rising)

I put off my chores, but I am going to go do them now.

Good morning! I set my alarm today so I could start resetting my biorhythm. Despite my lazy day yesterday, my body still thinks I got up at 4.

So Tatoulia, are you extra busy right now because it's almost tax time, or is it just random?

I made myself a short list of tasks to accomplish today to try to get my groove back. We'll see how it goes.

Hello, all!

Wheatback pennies are my favorite, Lila. They are little works of art. I save them.

BF owns a few businesses, which he started from scratch. His office is a few blocks from my place, so I can see him a lot. He is working way too many hours and I need him to rethink things a little bit. But I won't say anything because that's not our deal. Our deal is to be supportive and not make ?helpful suggestions' when it comes to work. We bounce things off of each other and ask for advice, but we don't make gratuitous statements such as "you work too late" or "you don't work enough".

I'm in the corporate world doing corporate stuff, essentially. I work for a very large company. Work with numbers and money and audits and stuff like that. I took this job about a decade ago after a very nice albeit stressful career in a related sector. I have never worked for myself. I like the rhythm of a regular paycheck.

This job has been very stressful for about a year. I'm not ready to rethink it. The company is great. The stress over the past year hasn't been great. But I have three new employees who are great and I'll see how it goes with them.

I did some groceries for mom today and cleaned her cat's box and did other stuff. I got some work done today. I did not see BF.

I didn't do any work this weekend. I'll try to get up early tmr to start slogging through my emails.

I have Bean. He is our one and only. Sometimes before he really understood English, dd would look at him and say "some day there is going to be another baby and Grammie will think the world revolves around BOTH of you - and you won't like it." But I don't see another one any time soon. Ddil is in no hurry, dd2 is single, and Dd1 is quite happy with Bean. I am happy with Bean too - I like being able to let the world revolve around him.

Dh retirement plan includes me working for two more years, but I have told them, if dsil needs to go back to work, i will quit and watch Bean. I can do something to get some more money later. I can never get back this time.

So, i literally did nothing today but chores, eat, watch videos, and run two loads of laundry. I need to go do evening chores now, set up the coffee, and go to bed. I am hoping I will wake up refreshed and with some energy tomorrow.

SubC, I have three grands and one on the way this summer. They are all very little and such fun. I do wish the far away ones were closer. How about you?

So nice you had family over, but I know how exhausting that is, too. How are we going to get some motivation and stop eating cake (for me, it was cookies this morning)? I dunno. I did nothing yet but church.

hi Tatoulia! Thanks for stopping in. I hope you have a good day and get back to see us soon.

The time change is rough!

I did a funny task last night for like 2 hours. I sorted change! I have had a literal bucket of coins on my bookshelf for about 25 years (is that crazy??) When my kids were little we would always throw the pennies and nickels in there and I'd say "we will do something fun with it when it's enough!" Well it was never really enough or I never got around to counting it, it got all covered in hair and dust. And then a few years back I thought, what if that million dollar penny everyone wishes they had is in there? And I bought a coin value book and a little magnifier. And did nothing!

Anyway for some reason last night I wanted to do "something" but not anything strenuous. I wanted mindless. So I took handfuls of coins on the coffee table, watched tv, and put the pennies, nickels, few dimes and few quarters in different piles. Then I looked it up and sorted the 1982 and older pennies into a separate pile (they are real copper), the 1983 to 2010 in another pile and the newer "shield" pennies into a different pile (less likely to be valuable). I found three "wheat" pennies which are older. I sorted the other coins into 1990 and newer, and older. At some point I will figure out how to look through each pile to see if there is anything valuable. Wouldn't it be cool if I had a coin worth a few thousand? The newer ones I will spend.

Then today when I came home from church I brought in all the loose change in my car and started to sort it as well. I put newer quarters and dimes back in the car to spend if I stop for a coffee or something.

I have to say, sorting coins is pretty relaxing. Like doing a puzzle. I am going to check in the garage and see if there are any containers of coins in there to add to my sorting pile.

By the way I am bagging them up in ziplocs by type, and have the ziplocks in a shoebox. I think coin sorting will be my new pasttime, as it is very relaxing and once I find the ones not extra valuable, I can spend them (getting them out of my house).

Tatoulia, I am often curious about what kind of work you do. I totally understand that you don't want to be specific, but I know that Lulu does crisis care work, and Road runs a household and facilitates her sons education and socials, and CM writes and quilts and wishes she could find a practical way to do something from home at least a few hours a week. Your boyfriend does some type of retail, but your job seems to vary from light and flexible to overwhelming and very demanding and I wonder what your field is.

I am not a football person, but a lot of my people are football people.

I was wandering around the house picking up dirty dishes and Dh asked "what are you doing?" I said "trying to reestablish a baseline." He said "what?" I said "I'm trying to get back to 4th and ten." He said "you mean first and ten." I said, "no, that implies net progress. I just want to get back to where I started before I run out of time - 4th and ten."

Checking in! Keep doing what you are doing! I've read your posts and do not have time to comment. Please know that you are all making good progress! Lila that is sad

We hired a shredding company at one point. It was $150 split between BF and myself. We got rid of so much and we only used half of the allotment that the $150 charged. I can't remember the dimension but maybe two 50 gallon garbage bins? Or two 30 bins? We only used one if I can recall. It was great for us. We may do one more time for his business. I was lucky that my friend was living here at the time and we were able to get bags ready to go for when the truck came by BF's office. It was so freeing.


I have to go. I slept all day yesterday. I had two nights in a row where I worked alot. Wednesday was 9 AM to 1 AM with no break for a meal. Thursday I took a nap break and then worked from 10 or 1030 to 1:30 AM. Been very rough. So I took a Xanax Friday night and I slept all day yesterday. Woke up for a bit twice to feed the cat.

Ttyl. Keep up the good work. I am proud of you!

Good afternoon.

Lila, I am sorry about the baby. I'm glad you were ready to let that stuff go.

It sounds like you did a really good job clearing things out!

How many grandchildren do you have?

My kids have taken off - ds and his wife left for the airport at 4:30 a.m. new time. We did not get up to see them off! It was not so much a visit as putting them up for a few nights - ds and ddil were here for a wedding in her family, and Dd had a swim meet that she is coaching. We had a little time together yesterday, but I was pretty cooked.

So, my spring break has actually started and I am still mostly interested in watching videos and eating cake. I need to try to find some more productive and healthy ways of renewing my energy and engagement in life. But maybe I will take the afternoon anyway - I was up late last night and slept through most of the morning. So far I have literally done only my morning chores. I do have a long list of things I want to do in break, but currently I have no motivation.

post 4 - last one for the day

I sorted one more file that had the medical bills for when I lost a baby :(

I don't know why I hung onto that all these years, but it's all in the trash now and I am relieved.

I went into the family room and put in the donate box: a couple books, some videos, some empty VHS cases.

I also went in the garage and threw out 2 broken appliances, a couple boxes, and an old rusty faucet.

I feel better. When you look back at all 4 posts, I actually did pretty well today, for having no motivation.

post 3 - where is everybody?? lol, I always end up talking to myself! But I am getting little things done.

I gathered some boxes in dh's area to be trashed. Also picked up any garbage in there and put in the trash can.

You know how I was sorting my oldest's photos and school papers and baby blanket and all that and mailed two boxes to him? Well, I realized there are files in the old file cabinet with papers in there from literally 30 years ago, including everything from the bills from his birth (he is over 30!), childhood medical papers, and a few more school things. So I pulled his files and started sorting. It's very emotional. I mean all the bills in there from his birth! Baby bills and such. Useless, though.

Anyway I sorted it all, threw out 90% of the papers, shredded some, and picked out a few things he might find useful (medical info) and the bill for his birth because it is interesting, and am mailing those to him.

There are dozens of files in that cabinet that are 15 to 30+ years old. I guess as I feel able I will pull a file here and there, sort and toss. I am guessing almost all of it is going in the trash.

post 2 - what I have done today. (celebrate the little victories)

I took a trash bag in my bedroom and picked up the few pieces of paper trash on the floor.

I took the billion prescription bottles that seem to multiply around my room, and piled them all on my bed. Separated a couple expired bottles for disposal, consolidated the travel meds with the home ones and threw out the empty bottles, consolidated what was left. Locked most of it in the lock box.

That's pretty much it. DH is going on a trip for a week so I took him to the airport and now am pondering whether I want to declutter some of his stuff that has spilled into my area, and/or the garage. I probably should sort some of my stuff and put it in the garage before he hoards up any empty spaces.

Hi all, I'm back! Sorry I disappeared without notice. Things got very hectic and then I went out of state to visit my grandchildren (only one is local - Tot). I got back Monday but have been racing around catching up on things.

I have very low energy (what's new?) so am drinking coffee and trying to get motivated. I caught up on the old thread, and after I post I will catch up on this one.

I wanted to note that before I left, I did get the white plastic and the cutting boards clean and all the stains off! They were so stained and ugly for years, no matter if I washed, scrubbed, soaked. In fact, years ago I finally threw out the white plastic stepstool I had because it looked so grungy. And I bought a new (same) one. I am trying not to waste money so this time as a last ditch effort, I found some "soft scrub" cleaner with bleach that was in my closet, I wiped it into the surfaces and left them for over an hour. Came back and nothing looked any better but when I rinsed them off, WOW!! Pure bright white! Stool looks like new, and cutting boards much better! I am really proud of myself for doing this, instead of tossing everything and buying a new stool and cutting boards (saved $50+!)

I am not sure what tasks I will do today. I was away for a week and a half, and nothing got done, and everything is the same as it was. I am very unmotivated. Anyone want to give me some motivation???

I am also going to post in the decluttering your waistline thread.

Good morning.

It snowed last night.

Road, that vision board thing sounds like fun.

I used to watch outlander, but it got too dark for me a long time ago.

CM, I'm glad your student loan situation took a step in the right direction.

I'm very much enjoying hearing about the progress on your quilt.

I am officially on spring break. Still working on getting to the break part, but I am trying to take things a little slowly this morning.

Ds and ddil are here. I told ddil (sped teacher) about the article, and she instantly said "quit" also.

And yet, none of us has quit - lol!

My school did lose our Spanish teacher yesterday. She apologized to the director for leaving her in a bind, but apparently she got a really good job opportunity that is not likely to come again. So the director has ten days to find a new Spanish teacher - or subs who can teach without lesson plans. I took a brief moment to be sorry because she was really good, and then moved on to the practical aspect of needing to move her bulletin board before the new teacher starts (it is on the wall between our classrooms and I don't like where she put it - it wastes too much wall space - which is always in short supply.) this is who I have become. (shakes head)

Dh and I have a concert tonight. I am feeling stressed about it because they have eliminated mask and vaccine requirements. I have become disconnected from my internal stress responses over the last two years but realized that when we were talking about it I was chewing on my cuticles and needed new deodorant.

So basically, none of the benefits of being on break are really going to start until tomorrow. I am going to try to do some basics today that I have "routines" for like laundry and dishes and picking up feed, so that I am at least in a better position. I actually handed my kids a basket of clean sheets to put on their beds. I said "the housekeeping staff sucks, but the hotel prices are good."

Time for an update that is actually less gloomy for a change! 😀

I received an answer via email from the student loan place, they answered both my questions succinctly and were apologetic for the confusion, and now I can lay that business to rest for the time being. Everything is as it should be. Except for my hope to someday win the lottery and send them a check and never have to deal with them again. Or at least be able to budget in a payment that would retire the debt in a reasonable timeframe, i.e., before I am rotting in my grave.

Road, I will investigate that Therabreath and see if one of their products would work for me. Right now, another happy thing, the mouth/face pain has not bothered me for a few days. I do think it worsens when a weather front is moving in. Not deluding myself that at some point I probably will need to see the dentist, but if it doesn't have to be super-urgent during all the other crazy we have going on around this house, that'd be great.

Another happy thing - our snow and a little bit of frozen stuff did its thing over the last couple of days but now is on the way out. Roommate and I were going to breakfast at McD's and on this one side street a guy went into a skid 😳 - luckily, he was a ways from us yet, and had room himself to regain control. People forget to watch out for invisible "black ice." Temps here are in the 30s now and melting is occurring, hopefully drying out will also have time to happen before evening.

But wait - there's more! I got more progress made on my quilt during the indoor days. I think everything is cut out, so the next step will be sewing the pieces together.

My roommate has a week off work this coming week for spring break. This should allow me to do some things I don't normally get to do around this house. And the weather is supposed to be better. We will make a trip to our favorite locally owned plant nursery one of the days. Even though it's probably early for them to have a big variety, it's the spring-is-coming ritual aspect that is enjoyable in itself.

Still brainstorming ways to organize better, to facilitate decluttering, and to be able to work on my cherished projects in ways that will be productive, in the case of artsy-crafty things also pare down stash, and so on. Debating whether the laptop table I bought last year meets my needs, but don't want to get in too big a rush to buy something else.

Still wish that nearby branch library was quieter and had more atmosphere (flourescent glaring lights do not an atmosphere make). Tried it again the other day, one of the cold days, thinking it ought to be empty and quiet. It was, for awhile, then two guys at another computer started talking. I miss the quiet libraries of yesteryear sooooo much! 😫 But at least if I want to have a book shipped from another library to save gasoline, I can pick it up there. And once in awhile I might get lucky on the quiet, with noise cancelling headphones, etc.

But overall, things are going better and I'm glad.

Subc,

That's funny about your article response and that your friend basically had the same take on it. I think the H was feeling that way before but the group he has is so nice this year it makes up for a lot of the headaches. He is still disgusted with the admin however! Teacher safety, meh. As for the advice about the H, And the dishes and com-mun-i-ca-action... I will give your ideas some serious consideration. It all seems so alien to me but that probably means I should try it as if we had more of those skills we wouldn't be in such a perpetually bad condition. By the way his response after I cleaned that shelf off was "who cleaned the fridge?" It's like "what?!" What did he think I would say, the puppy?! Oh my goodness. We are a pair.

I lost my first response due to ignoring the battery low warning and I didn't notice my charger was in upside down and not charging a darn thing. it's ok though because all I was doing was complaining about my sister and her delusions which I should be more sensitive to as they are very similar to my own. So much to say on that topic but I will leave it there for now as I've already submitted it to the ethereal internet gods.

I can positively report that I did some resetting this am,,, swept out my room, cleared the walkway, printed out some march daily pages... these are very cheerful because they are covered in springy st. Patty's green things and I even had a green binder clip and green pencil right here to break into a new month (on day ten),,, haha. If you're wondering why I always type commas instead of an ellipse it's because I can't get used to typing on this iPad keyboard. I wonder if I can blame my deteriorating grammar on that, too. I quickly wrote up a list of 8 urgent to dos and am half way done getting the laundry into the hall, along with the floor garbage from the week, and the actual garbage, and GET THIS ***** there are TWO RETURNS sitting in my purse ready to go with all missing pieces accounted for. It's an early spring miracle!

I did go to the bff's the other day and we worked on vision boards. I mainly facilitated her "phase 1" as I like to call it... but naturally, it did get my own wheels spinning which is good. She took an extremely circuitous route to starting... we meandered through so many different topics for almost 90 mins before we got going but I knew she was prob a little nervous about it and didn't want to push her. But we eventually got it done and it seemed like the format was working ok for her so that's good. So she ended with doing four main categories and then added a few sub heads to each and a few punch lists underneath a few of those. Next time we will work on adding some visuals, resources, and converting some of the words into more of an affirmation statement. It's a little depressing reflecting on how much ground I've lost since I was very connected with my goals, but I'm clawing my way out of the pit again, what can I say...

Here it's still cold and snow is in the forecast but the birds are singing and the snowdrops are about to pop... when you're a gardener the early spring isn't as punishing as the end of winter because you know what's happening under the soil... I usually start seeds but haven't been motivated to do that yet. Still deciding,,,

I am composing this in an empty email... I better go and post this and get back to work on my room so I have a little time to sew before I pick u p the kid...

Is anyone else watching outlander? A gf told me this season is supposed to get even darker which is not my cuppa... also watching gilded age and "somebody somewhere"...

Today I told my favorite colleague about the article, and I got to the question, but before I could tell her about my response, she said "find another career."

Also I got an email today from a coworker that said basically "thank you for doing the thing, will you please do the thing again." I'm pretending I didn't get it.

And I have a special needs student who I am contemplating advocating more structure for that she won't like. I went to someone for a sounding board and said "do you teach (student)?" And the immediate response was "oh,yes. she loves you!" Not what I was looking for when I was planning to be meaner. Otoh, she might love me because I'm one of the few teachers who expects her to be competent.

I used to get angry and tell my dad "I hate you." And he would say "it's not my job to make you like me. It's my job to make sure you grow up into a decent, functional human being."

Did I tell you my dad broke his leg?

Good morning!

Road, Dh and I have a lot of those moments - where he is trying to help me and I feel criticized by the fact that he is doing something I have internalized as "my job" and failed at. Especially because he will attack the job with a suddenness and energy that he says comes from enthusiasm - "I have some time and energy and I'm going to get this done!" And I see as anger - "I can't stand this anymore and I need to do it right now."

I have some thoughts that might help.
- it is not your job. Everybody in your house eats. All of the people in your house have failed to keep up with their food supply. While your son may not be someone who can be held responsible for this, your Dh certainly is. Accept that he is finally pitching in on a problem he helped cause.
- take a positive view. He is trying to help solve a problem that makes your life harder.
- use words. Start by expressing appreciation for the fact that he is helping. Then communicate your feelings and needs. Be positive. "Hey, I really appreciate that you are taking care of those containers. I feel badly that I didn't do it. I'm sure you aren't trying to make me feel bad, but it would really help me if you would say something like "I'm going to get these containers out and clean them so we can use the fridge better. I'm not upset that you haven't done it, obviously it hasn't been the top of my list either." Or "I really appreciate you taking care of those containers. I'll try to work around you, but I may need to ask you to move something so I can finish making dinner."

Even if you don't feel positive, making an attempt to frame the situation as a positive thing verbally can help you feel better about it and move the situation in a more positive direction. Words are really powerful. One of my biggest hurdles is negative self talk, and a lot of that comes from internalizing expectations that I just assume everyone has without even asking them.

CM, congrats on your win and your quilt progress!

Tatoulia, I don't really "get" make up, but some of my teens do some really cool looking things with it. I'm glad yours is making you happy.

I think letting the cleaners do the cleaning is the point. It's so maladaptive that we judge ourselves for how our house looks before people come to clean it. We wouldn't judge ourselves for how tall our grass got before the lawn service came to mow it or for how dirty our clothes were when we left them at the dry cleaner.

Wednesday. Three school days and then spring break. I really need this break.

I read an article about teachers and the pandemic and at the end it asked for reader feedback from teachers and the first question was "knowing what you know now, what advice would you give yourself in spring 2020?" My instant, knee-jerk unfiltered response was "quit." That is definitely not good.

Quick check in!

SubC you haven't shopped the curb in a while! And you got something useful and expensive. Remember when you used to do this to save the object? You now do it to save yourself. Well done! Good focus shift!

Road, that's very kind of you to associate those five seconds with me! I do have my little five minute miracles that make me so happy.

I never did get my hour to take care of stuff today but I did get the kitchen okay and did a load of towels, made sure the bathroom was decent (changed out the towels and wiped the sink). Bedroom also picked up as well as hallway and entryway. So I did maybe 40 of the 60 minutes I needed. Something big sort of blew up while I was out so my work day was eaten up with that. I was fine. Coffee in the AM and tea in the PM. We had take out tonight and I'd saved my friend a piece of cake, which I brought home from mom's. She enjoyed it after dinner.

Cm congratulations on $10! Yay you! Oh to have one of the quilts from the church! I bet they are beautiful!

My friend likes the makeup I bought. I haven't tried it yet but I put some of the foundation on and it felt great and I picked the right color.

Cleaners come tmr. So they can do the final 20 minutes for me.

I'll be back in a few days, thought I should pop in briefly. More bad winter weather. March is sometimes being February 2.0 Director's Extended Edition. 🥶 I am so done with winter! But winter is not done with us.

Won $10 at the quilt bingo on Sunday, which was amusing - I always keep marking my numbers even if someone calls Bingo, and suddenly I saw that I had a Bingo too. Since there were two people with bingos for the quilt, we drew playing cards and I got the lower card. Which is fine; as much as I like our quilts, I really don't need one. The $10 is A-OK.

It was sleeting and raining out during the bingo.

Today I got more cutting of fabric done for the quilt I've been putting together. Just a few small pieces to go. Roommate has next week off for spring break, so I might be able to do more things in the house without her having zoom meetings and stuff in the same room.

I can get depressed over lots of things that are "out of order" in my life, and then I think of the people in Ukraine and other conflict spots around the globe. My suffering is minor in comparison.

Good morning everyone,

I have a kitchen update... the H started unloading all the moldy food in Tupperware from the fridge the other day. I kind of barked at him because I was trying tO cook at the time and was paranoid that he was try8ng to make me feel bad, so he just left it all there in the sink. Last night I moved it all out to the porch so it would freeze and not smell so bad and while I still have that bs to deal with I did clean out the fridge a bit. I took one of the shelves and drawers out and washed everything that I could, repaired the drawer and purged yet more bad stuff out of what was on those shelves. Then with it all half empty and wide open I was motivated to wash more of the surfaces. Had what I'm gonna call a "Tatoulia moment" when I realized the front/floor of the fridge would only take 5.3 seconds to wipe down because I deep cleaned it the last time I worked on the fridge. Aha! So this is how clean people live. It's not nearly as overwhelming when something takes 5.3 seconds instead of the 2 hours and 83,000 minutes my brain thinks it will. And what do you know it didn't even take 5.3... I'd say it was more like 4.378.

Beautiful blue skies here today. Snow on the ground, very pretty. No missles flying overhead. I can't complain. But I probably will!

Heading over to the bff's house this am to help w vision boards. I need to update mine as they are all about ? years old. I am too cynical to work on them this am but if I follow my own advice about how to make them I should get an attitude adjustment out of it.

Sub c, keep us posted on what bean is saying, that's so cute.

Good morning.

I'm not sure how Bean feels about thunderstorms. It was over before I picked him up. He generally loves things that are "noisy". (Like roosters, vacuums, and fire trucks.) Although, he had a very difficult play date last weekend. The house had cartoons playing the whole time and most of the toys were electronic and made noise and lit up and moved by themselves, and he just climbed into DD's lap and cried and then clung to her.

Tatoulia, I don't think anything that can be cleaned up in an hour us a pigsty. I couldn't clean off my counter in an hour. I think you have reached the point where you make goid devisions about your spending. You just need to keep an eye on your budget.

Yesterday I shopped (I mistyped "stopped" and decided to leave the autocorrect) at the side of the road and picked up a small dog crate that had obviously been used as a chick pen (the chick feeder was still in it) and some wire shelving of a type I use to make temporary pens. I don't need these things right now, but they were good quality, and sometimes I need them. With the price of all things metal going up so much I couldn't resist the "bargain".

Road, doesn't the dog say "feed the dog, feed the dog"? The cat never lets me forget that.

Unfortunately I have no advice on your sister.

I left my hometown 36 years ago, and for the last ten have basically not left my parents' house when I visit. I was talking to my mom about Bean the other day and I told her I was sorry that I had taken her grandchildren so far from her. She said "you would not have been happy here." Which is true. I walked away from my best friend and a boy I loved because I knew they would never leave. He has had a good life. The town tore her apart. I sometimes feel like I abandoned her, but I think that if I had stayed I would have married him and all three of us would have suffered.

A lot of my friends got pregnant in high school. One was already married. Even more got pregnant within a year of graduating. My Dd thinks I had my kids really young. I'm like "I was 23 and had been married for two years! It was about time!"

Road, do the laundry! Are you going to start on the things?

I am still overwhelmed.

Hi Lila! Hi CM!

Tatoulia, hope your bday was grand. Sounds like you enjoyed your time off with the exception of the tragic funeral situation.

I missed one of my friends dads funerals this past weekend. This is someone I really cherish as a friend and I was disappointed in myself that I wasn't there for her. This is an old school friend and while I was trying to get a grip on the anxiety of being in a crowd of people and what would I wear I suddenly remembered that I would see a bunch of people from my childhood including possibly an ex- something or other and no one would recognize me due to how much weight I've gained, etc. I've basically been in hiding out in my hometown for the last 20 years. Lol.

Tatoulia, I appreciate how you broke down the amount of time it would take you to deal with resetting your apt. I am not near that stage in my room but the living room and bathrooms are like that and the kitchen is at times. So hearing you describe it like that is reassuring. I also know it's really not possible if you have an excess in volume still. Which I do in my room. There is still just 2x too much stuff in here and so when something happens or something is out of place it can quickly become unusable. Right now between me and the back 40 are three laundry baskets and 2 pieces of furniture. Totally blocking the walk way. And my bed is full of laundry again. It's like this because I was chipping away at the laundry again so it's progress, but not. Well, it's time to start not just cleaning the things but sorting the clean things and getting rid of half the things.

LILA please report to the conference room!!
Hope everyone has a good day. Xoxo

Hi all, I am still catching up but wanted to say hi before I fall asleep again. This time I'm up courtesy of one of my horrendous coughing fits/asthma attacks or whatever they are. One of my many concerning health issues I never seem to get answers for. It would take ten minutes to describe it so I will save that for another day.

CM, I have the same issue with phone calls and AI phone systems. I see red very quickly. I wonder if you couldn't do TYY. I'll bet your cousin would know what the parameters are of that.

I get facial pain both from sinuses and dental stuff. My teeth aren't in bad shape but I do get inflammation that flares up occasionally. Therabreath has some products that seem to deal well with that and that's a rinse if thats preferable to brushing. If you do need to see someone the good news is it really is a different world now with dental people being more informed about special needs. I would guess that's something some practices would put in their web sites (like alternatives to typical treatment practices)... might be reassuring to find info like that out there.

Fear of the unknown is usually (but not always! Lol) worse than the reality. I feel like I've been operating in that cloud for the last 8 months with my son and now here we are with most of the really bad stuff ruled out and I needlessly tortured myself for all that time because I was so paralyzed by fear. Well, to be fair the medical system dropped the ball for me repeatedly not to mention wait times for pediatric specialists. The eeg seems to have been normal but no one has called me so I have to face down the phone, dammit. Right now the annoyance of people I've confided in nagging me if I've gotten information back yet is not exceeding the fear of making the call so that might get done today.

My sister has been trying to reach out to me again and we are kind of establishing more of a relationship again. Broke some new ground with her today which was hella awkward as the kids say (maybe) but anyway. It came about because she started talking about getting another (animal) and I was silent and she got defensive and started shutting down the convo. I kept her on the phone without totally backing down and she managed to put up with that affront (to her delusion I guess) and we talked about other things before we ended the convo. Will see when she wants to talk to me again though. I invoked the fact that we both struggle with the same things - not specifically animal collecting but hoarding and depression and living in a pit of despair that impairs your ability to take care of your house and Yourself and other living things... Additionally, she is financially strapped and has been dependent on my parents for financial help for years and years. That part of it directly impacts them (and me to a lesser degree) . If you have someone who's strapped For cash but is still in good shape otherwise and can take care of their pets, that's different. Well anyway I could go down t his rabbit hole for 15 more minutes about why this is a bad decision for her but my question is really more how do you relate to a sib or close friend who is making a bad decision but is operating in a haze of delusion and also will not really allow conversation about it but will just kind of block you out of their lives if there's an issue rather than just working it out. I feel like when I haven't said anything directly in the past it Feels like you're condoning things and ironically reinforcing something that's very bad for them and then the negative feelings still ooze out passive aggressively. Any suggestions appreciated. I don't want to sink our relationship again with this but at the same time I feel like if I can't say something to her about it, who can? I feel like by my not saying things before it enabled her to blow through huge amounts of money and years of substance abuse, etc.

Sub c, unfortunately I did NOT remember the laundry. Seriously considering a star chart for this very specific issue. Not sure why no one has come up with a reminder app for this. I feel like it needs to talk outloud... [alarm set for 55 mins] beep beep beep "Hey bozo! Check the laundry! " Or bing bong "did you remember to turn off the sprinkler?" Or whoop whoop whoop "feed the dog. Feed the dog."

Okay time for bed and back to work tmr. I really should've taken tmr off. I've enjoyed my time so much!

Cake and ice cream with mom today and then dinner with BF and Emiko. She's coming over tmr night for dinner.

My house is a pigsty. My bed is made but that's about it. It's a real mess here. Tmr will be a busy day for me at work.

Bf seems to be doing better. He's making some changes to his life. I'm scared and sad and happy all at once. He just can't go on like this, working seven days a week without a break. He is never home. We spent exactly one day at his house in the past 12 months. I am praying on it.

So I have to pick up my house tmr. It is really nasty. On the plus side, we are talking maybe an hour's worth of work. Maybe only 45 minutes but I'll find an hour tmr. This is the pleasure I can enjoy after the pain and embarrassment and upset of hoarding and my fear of letting go. The pleasure knowing that this pigsty is an hour to pull together. Three 20 minute bursts. This alone makes me happy.

My goals: Lose weight. Work opens in one month. I bought two skirts that I can rotate at the office fairly easily. They are in my colors (anything that goes with navy) and if I should be so lucky, they won't fit when I go back to work and instead I'll be exchanging them for a smaller size. I'm so short that 10 lbs could easily mean down a size.

I've been spending this past week. I bought some very nice makeup (British company; makeup made in Italy), some clothes (including two casual tops, one sweatshirt, three work tops and a blazer), a book for BF and a vase and a pitcher. I was very, very tempted by some jewelry at auction. I made it through, unscathed.

Oh! When having girls' day, we stopped by the consignment shop and I think two of my pieces or maybe one, not sure how they were priced, sold. Tiny check but that's fine with me. Fewer jewelry items.

Bottom line: I need to get this buying out of my system. I want to be normal this month and then no spend April.

I'm rambling. I'm sorry.

Thank you! I'm enjoying my birthday so far by staying in bed. But I did wake up to feed the kitty cat.

Will the thunderstorms scare your grandson? I still get a bit scared and yet I love them. IF I am inside and cozy.

Happy birthday Tatoulia!

How was your webinar?

I'm sorry about the teenager. Rough day off.

I got part of a stall cleaned out yesterday and did a quick and dirty Spring grooming cut on my boy bunny. He looks patchy and pathetic, but much more comfortable. He had some major dreads going on.

I discovered once again that I am very out of shape from winter, but the increased sunlight is helping with my motivation.

This morning we are having a major thunderstorm! I was planning to take Bean out in the garden this afternoon - but it may be too wet.

Hi everyone, not much to report. I had Friday off and went to a very sad funeral for a teenager who collapsed suddenly and ultimately passed away. Saturday I had girls' day with a friend and her daughter and then the three of us visited another friend and his son. BF and I ate out last night for the first time in 2 years.

Yesterday I got up at 8:15 AM, which is unheard of for me. I did laundry and had time to get gas and meet my friends with no rushing or running late. Last night I was up late. Woke up late today, talked on the phone with a friend then just fooled around til about 4. I went to see BF, then went to Macys, then back here, then to BF's then to mom's. So I did get something out of the day.

I have spent quite a bit of money this weekend and need to take a look at things and stop it. My office reopens on April 4 so I bought two skirts that I will be able to wear. I'm hoping, however, to have lost some weight before then, in which case, I could return the skirts.

I have tmr off. That's it for me. Everyone, be good to yourselves.

I didn't get most if that done. I played with bean.

I did do some laundry, plus washed a few dishes, made bread, and hosted dinner - so the dishes are just as bad or worse.

It was supposed to rain this morning, so I slept in - only to wake up and discover that the rain has been pushed to the afternoon.

And I just cut the bread - which is doughy and undercooked.

And watched a herd of 8 deer walk up along the edge of my woods. I realize some people would think that was cool- but deer don't even start giving birth until April - and eight on my land means extensive habitat destruction already. It is too many!

Ok, I need to shift focus and be more positive. (And remember I'm giving up trying to control things for lent) I had a great day with bean yesterday. The sun is shining now. The girl triplet found the second test yesterday - so I will NOT have to milk and bottle feed. (That's a backhanded positive - let's see - the triplets are doing well.) all the baby goats are doing well.

I'm going to go outside.

Good morning.

I got a decent amount of sleep last night- although I was still awakened by my alarm instead of waking up naturally.

Today is sort of a "start anywhere" day. Everything has gotten so out of hand that there are things that need doing wherever I look.

I still don't know if the kids plan to come out. It's supposed to be warm, so a good day for getting things done outside. And I need to start garden seeds, glaze the Christmas gifts I made for ds and ddil (they might be coming next weekend) as always I'm behind on school stuff, and the laundry and dishes are piled up.

Dh is going to play golf today.

CM, I'm sorry you are having so much trouble with your teeth. :(

Lately my dreams have been about school.

Triplets and momma are still doing fine, but they are all eating from one side so there us going to ge milking and bottle feeding in my future.

Road, I hope you get good answers for your son.

SubC, I can imagine triplet kids would be more challenging just as multiple people births are.

I've been busy with the start of Lent, a doctor appointment yesterday, bunny therapy at a retirement home today, and the quilt bingo will be Sunday. There's also a comic con in our town, but I'm not sure about it - every year I want to go to this one and check it out and every year it is during a time when I'm super busy. And with all that's going on in the world, it doesn't have the same appeal as it would during quieter times.

Some things that feel depressing... pain in my face for about a month, intermittent, thought it was sinus which would be so much "better" than dental. But doctor yesterday checked my sinuses and also Dr. Google seems to think it's dental. Ugh. 😖 Thinking I'm probably going to end up with dentures at some point, since doing the things that are required to preserve real teeth are the things that traumatize me. Things that were decided for me as a child, such as that I would continue to see the dentist that was not willing to work with my anxiety, just because my parents didn't want to hurt his feelings? And to remove too many of my teeth, permanent ones that mean I have fewer teeth to spare now?

Well, enough on that. I don't want to talk about it too much, even this much is anguish for me.

The other thing - I feel a little more like there might be recourse - student loan income based plan renewal woes. Their communication is crappy. I grew up with old school correspondence skills, but the modern world wants to shoehorn everyone into spoken communication with an AI over the phone. Which is a MESS for someone with ADHD auditory processing disorder - I end up with my blood pressure up, angry, practically in a meltdown, and STILL may not understand what has been said or make any headway.

So anyway, I'm going to try the correspondence thing again, with a new tactic. Seriously, what do Deaf and hard of hearing people do with an outfit like that?! I suppose they have TTY. If I am forced to communicate via phone call, I may visit that senior center and see if someone there who is good at phone calls could help interface for me. Or maybe my cousin who has a cochlear implant and has volunteered with the agency for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing might know a way.

It's hard to explain this neuroatypical stuff to ordinary civilians, though. They think I'm just being weird.

In the nights, often, I dream about clutter, moving, flea markets, sales, etc. Does anyone else do that? It is a depressing type of dream, though peppered with little dopamine moments of finding caches of objects like rare dolls - such a microcosm of my life. Ugh. I hope that when I get to decluttering my stuff seriously as I hope to very soon, these dreams will go away. I think they are born of frustration at not being in progress mode right now. Weather will be chilly again but hopefully not terrible. Perhaps after a few days we'll see some real spring? I need to gear up ahead of time, I realize, so I don't miss the chance to jump on the opportunities. Sometimes I have had warm days slide by.

Would love to give up hoarding for Lent - permanently!

Good morning - woke up too early to be functional but too late to try to go back to sleep.

House is a wreck.

Road, I am familiar with rootsandrefuge. I watch her stuff and I am a little jealous - of her gardens, her big batch of kids, her heavily involved husband and her budget.

But then I remember that the budget comes from YouTube - which I would hate, and she can do so much because she has paid help, and she sent her kids to school, and if my husband was that involved my budget would be minuscule because he would have to give up his day job. But I wish I had had someone like her as a friend when my kids were younger.

Twins or singles. Twins are best of you can get them to each pick a side.

I got quads once, but they all died.

So far so good on the triplets.

Current goal: make it through the next 24 hours.

These days Dh cooks. If Dh doesn't cook and there are no left overs I eat things like handfuls of nuts, slices of bread, pieces of cheese, and whole fruit.

Dsil fed me tonight - lentils and curried pumpkin soup with tofu.

Bean says "oop!"

Bean also says "baby goats! Mama goat! Grammie car!"

Triplets?! What are they usually? Twins or singles? You must be toast.

Those plans for lent sound both reasonable and wise.

I have two loads of laundry going today, one in dryer, one in wash currently,,,

Puppy chaos - another pooping In the house event this am, as well as a shredding throw pillow extravaganza. Oy! Getting a handle on the grooming though. I think I will make an appt for her to get groomed in a few weeks so she can see how I'm doing and deal with her face since she won't let me do anything to her face. I can barely manage a totally low maintenance dog and a kind of high maintenance puppy. Can't imagine juggling an assortment including birthing goat babies! Are you familiar with "roots and refuge?" On YouTube?

Got more of the groceries put away and made some pickled veggies for banh mi. Yummmmm. I didn't get very far with the fridge, but will take a stab at meal planning today for now through the weekend. I made butter chicken last night and made a little salad to go with as well as some frozen samosas and naan, etc. it was good but I only made enough for one meal so I have to figure something out for tonight. I go through waves of cooking more or less. I need to get to where we are not dining out or doing fast food except once or twice a week. I'm a soup (and sammie) nazi according to the H so I do try to do soup once a week or so and make it a clean out the fridge event so that works well.

Also started editing my stitching videos (filmed back in dec) for YouTube again but I gave up. I can't think clearly enough to edit.

My son has dance class tonight. Do not want to go out but I will take him because he loves it so much. I have had sessions where I blew off taking him to a lot of things but I'm doing pretty well this time with things.

How do you guys handle meal planning and cooking in your house?

Goat triplets.

Long night.

Rough birth.

Life is kicking my butt right now.

Very glad the eeg went well!

For Lent I am focusing on giving up in general - expectations, attempts to control things, uninvited involvement. Sort of a "let go and let god" philosophy. Also "things" that require effort, but I haven't had time to start addressing the ones I already have yet, only to stop seeking them out.

Omg... March 2 evaporated into thin air! I hope everyone is ok.

Yesterday we had the eeg. All went well. The H agreed to take half a day off to help and since he drove and was the one to "nap" with the boy during the test, he got a gold star. Everyone was exhausted because it's a sleep deprived test so we had to keep him up til 12 and wake him up at 3. By yesterday afternoon he was totally slap happy but still didn't get to sleep til 8pm. Hope he's up for school today.

The tech who did the test was from Ukraine so we chatted to her about the situation briefly. She wanted to talk but also was trying to hold it together enough to do her job. She said they had several family members they were trying to get out and they had quite an ordeal. I guess at one point they were on the phone with them when they heard shelling start and the phone went dead and couldn't get ahold of them again for several hours.

I got a temporary reprieve on the prepping for guests scenario. My friend who was going to stay with us decided not to come after all. She was driving from CO to Chicago basically for the weekend so that would have been brutal. That Nebraska never ends as some of us probably know. But since all the stuff I had laid out that I needed to do in time for her visit, still needs to be done, so I will try to do it. Well, I kind of lost the whole day yesterday and the kid is home on Friday so this is my only chance. I did get most of the laundry down already and did one load (which is now on the bed). And I did some grocery shopping. Bathrooms are in pretty good shape so I think it would only take 15 mins a piece to do those so I will. I'll do another load of laundry (or maybe more), and tackle a couple shelves in the fridge. There are still groceries all over the table and piano and counters so... and here I was just getting all philosophical about the Ukrainians facing down war and only buying what they needed at the grocery so that others could buy what they needed and I *still* overbought. I have been watching some budget meal planning videos lately in an effort to carve enough out of the grocery and dining expenditures to afford to take vacations again... I Had a little success last week and will keep you posted... I was fascinated a few months ago when I saw one woman work out a $10 for the week food budget... eggs and scallions and scallion pancakes, bananas, etc. not a gourmet feast but totally doable, especially in a pinch. Obviously, she wasn't wasting any food. It was inspirational.

Well,I better get moving. Back later to check in.

Good luck to your son tomorrow, Road!

You are brave to have a houseguest. Most people want clean sheets and bedding and a clean bathroom. Let the rest happen with or without you. You know you are doing well and you have your hands full most days. My birthday is Monday.

My cleaners come tomorrow and not a moment too soon. I changed my own sheets last week and the bed doesn't feel righ. I'm not used to not having a footboard.

Very busy this week at work. Looking forward to Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday off.

I'll do the dishes and then get ready for bed. I snuck in a load of towels tonight; I'll get them out of the dryer in a little while.

I have my mindful emotional eating webinar tomorrow. Wish me well!

Hi all, so great to read your posts. Tatoulia, happy birthday! Early? Late? It's also the H's bday this week.

Interesting observations from everyone about a number of things! I am also really into process/tracking and while I KNOW it can bog me down it's also sometimes very motivating, star charts for adults!

Being a graphic designer, my approach ended up being to make it very detailed and pretty at the same time. I used some of David Seah's forms as a base and customized and cute-ified them. This is a daily worksheet I used to plan and track everything... health goals, diet, money spent, films watched, creative endeavors - you name it. I actually made different ones for each month, incorporating italian terms (trying to learn Italian) and all the habits I was trying to instill. I guess at this point I am back to using these about half the time. I know when I do I generally have more productive days. Of all the many habits listed on this sheet, I currently ignore almost all of them. That's probably why the system isn't overwhelming me. Lol.

I don't know about you guys - well, I think CM's comments must have gotten me thinking about this - but I anticipate spring pushing me around a corner. I always feel better(mentally and physically)... so hopefully I can have - MAKE - another big leap forward in progress.

My son has eeg tomorrow (weds) and then I have a couple friends coming to town for another friends dads funeral this weekend. One is staying with us for a day or two, this always presents interesting challenges for people in our situation,,, where do they sleep? What has to be cleaned? Triage!!! What in my room can be sorted out and what has to be shoved into the back 40 and hidden behind my temporary curtain situation? Well, one positive thing is last summer before my floor was cleaned out I would never have let her stay here. She's one of my best friends and knows all my secrets but has never actually been in my house. Like happens a lot when I casually identify as a hoarder people don't take it seriously (or don't know how to act when I say that) so they probably imagine a cluttered kitchen countertop and not a full basement and full 2.5 car garage.

Well, anyway, the impending visit should definitely light a fire under me. Or at least TRIAGE!

TRIAGE list:
1) determine guest sleeping location
2) determine alternate sleeping locations for the rest of us
3) clean sheets and towels for guest (towels are done)
4) clean bathrooms (not in bad shape)
5) bad smells? Refresh freshy things
6) FRIDGE! Omg. The horror.
7) the worst cabinets
8) other cleaning
9) groceries/cooking plan

Alright friends, it's 3:30 am and since my insomnia started a few hours early tonight it's almost time to go to bed again...

Also I can't even about the Ukraine situation. I've reflected a lot on these people going from a place of security and comfort one day and literally having their lives threatened or fleeing their home and country the next. What are they carrying? A purse or maybe a single piece of luggage. Their pet. Their kids. What do they have left? Just their friends and family who are all in danger. What do they have materially? Nothing. Do we know what we would take if we only had an hour to pack a bag? What about all the rest?

Lila where are you? Did you disappear like me?

That's an interesting topic, SubC. A few years back, our health insurer had a steps app and you could win badges for 7000 steps a day, 10000 steps a day, doing 7000 for ten days in a month, etc and I thought about how stupid the badges were.until I started collecting them. We also coul earn up to 100 a quarter, which most of us got our 400 each year. But the badges felt so good. Who knew?

I'm going to have to up my diet game. I've decided that when I'm down 20 pounds I'll start getting Botox in my forehead. I have the elevens very deeply. No crows feet or other wrinkles. Very deep lines in forehead. One of the lines looks like a thunderbolt.

So I was hunting on m6 phone for some info I needed and I found all these notes to myself in 2014 about my hoarding and having too much stuff. Amazing how aware I was and the things I'd say to myself. I knew I had to do something. And I made simple lists. I'm so grateful I did it. Huge gratitude to stop living that way.

Ok tonight I really am going to go to bed early. I hope.

Good morning!

I am picking my boy up a bit later today because his mother has other plans. I am rethinking my "habits" I did not fill out my chart all weekend, and I am realizing that the chart had become another source of stress. I was up to nine habits and most days could not do all of them. I was also starting to worry about remembering to record.

I think the value of the habits was less the tracking and more the being mindful of focusing on certain things. So I am taking a short break and setting a new resolution for March, or possibly lent. I have been doing some reading today on Lenten spiritual practices, and there is a lot for thought. (I was raised in a spiritual tradition of memorization and obedience. Neither of those is particularly helpful to me.)

I have also been reading about gamification and how the assignment of points (rewards - grades, dollars, prizes, "likes", views, badges, titles..) teaches us what to focus on (value, pay attention to, invest our time in, track, collect.)

I feel like there is a connection to be made there.

Glad you were able to restore your spirit by attending the conference! And enjoying yourself!

I am taking Friday and Monday off to celebrate my birthday. The 4th is also my anniversary with miss kitty. She was a birthday gift 17 years ago. I still remember bringing her home. She was a wreck from being a stray and sick and was neutered the day before. She was the most pathetic thing. Now we are pathetic together.

Cm, you will break the log jam. I saw something meaningful (well, meaningful enough) on Twitter or Instagram and for the life of me, I don't recall what it said. But it reminded me of both myself and you, so I'll search around for it.

Shout out to Road and Lila!

Everyone is quiet today.

I made four gallons of milk into two pints of cream, a quart plus half a pint of ricotta, and four wheels of mozzarella. I gave part of the whey to the chickens and put the rest away for baking or chickens on another day.

I also made pound cake.

I ran the dishwasher which took care of about half the resulting dishes, and I did two loads of laundry.

I didn't do lesson plans. I have to email the reptile kids' parents tomorrow. I know that doesn't make sense, but I need to get to bed, and if I put the note here, I'll see it.

Good morning! I slept late.

It is sunny today and supposed to warm up. Dh is going to go play golf.

My plan for the day is to do lesson plans and make cheese and maybe poundcake. There are a lot of other things I would like to do, but I have a very busy week ahead and cheese and lesson plans (and pound cake) will reduce the pressure.

Yesterday I went to a wonderful all day teacher workshop at the city studio. I brought home a goodie bag and bought a few things - some for me and some for school. (They had 20% off all day) and I restocked some of the clay and glaze for school.

For me there are two small tools and some goodie bag stencils. I don't know yet which stencils I will keep and which I will take to school (the more fragile ones will stay with me - I can take them in if a particular student might benefit from them) but they are 6" thin squares, so one or ten makes little storage difference. I actually already have one of these stencils, so they will stack on top.

It was a really good mental health break. I realized part way through the third session (after lunch) that I was just relaxed and having fun and not thinking about all the other things I need to do at all.

I need more days like that.

Oops, left out a word - should read "nothing terribly difficult."

At library, found this new thread.

Weather is improving here. Should be in a pattern that'll be easier to cope with. Next week is a little busy, Ash Wednesday, a doctor appointment and payday/bill paying on Thursday, a bunny therapy session in a care facility on Friday. Nothing terribly, just things to remember.

Work on my quilt had slowed down but should pick up again.

I've been bugged a lot by thoughts of my STUFF. I know the angst is partly due to impatience with the bad weather and the way world events make one think about what really matters or doesn't.

But I keep telling myself that stewing about the hoarding and clutter isn't going to be productive, that soon enough I will be able to do something about it. Hopefully that will put an end to the worrying with action. Days will be warmer - and longer. I'll make a point of putting more emphasis on resolving things especially with the storage unit being so disarrayed, and too much stuff where I live - break the logjams, rethink a lot of things, see what can go away.

I was actually up early (for me) today and it felt good! I had coffee and a bagel. BF actually had this AM off so I met him at his place. He was shoveling when I got there. Beautiful, sunny day. Now he's back at the office and I am here.

I changed my sheets yesterday. My cleaners didn't come because I was feeling poorly. I did two loads of laundry last night and have two more to do today, but I don't know yet whether I will. I'm out of oj and other things but might wait to do my shopping til tomorrow. I'm feeling a bit sleepy and feel like laying around.

I'm taking a zoom class for emotional eating on Tuesday. Courtesy of the Boston Public Library but in truth the thanks goes to CM. She got me here!

Good morning! Thank you!

Howdy hey
I don't know why I thought I could make that rhyme with seventeen.

Good morning everyone. Rare moment nothing to say, just "hi"

Ok, hopefully this will make a new thread that Everyone can find easily. If it works, I'll go put a note on the old thread.