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Hoarding Help Message Boards : The Daily Chat : What Are You Doing Today
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What Are You Doing Today
   

Subclinical
Posted: 31 May 2022 - 05:48 AM
Lila, you are doing really, really well!

I did not do those evaluations last night so now I am behind.

We have to travel for a memorial service tomorrow and I am leaving the farm sitter a mess. There are 14 things on my list for today.

Have you guys ever seen the 4 square graph about things that are urgent vs. important? You make 4 boxes (like an xy axis with boxes in the quadrants) starting at the zero intersection, you go up or down depending on how urgent the thing is, then you go left or right depending on how important the thing is. Then you just do the things in the positive numbers quadrant.

If it's neither urgent, nor important, you just don't do it (ex - read that magazine article about birds in South America)

Things that are urgent, but not important, will simply expire if you don't get to them (Dry raspberry leaves for tea) so you do them third, and things that are important but not urgent come second (they tend to become urgent as time goes by, but some won't - like "read story to Bean")

We are wired to try to do the urgent things first, so we miss a lot of second rank things because we are doing 3rd rank things.

Only I think my house is such a wreck because I find it neither urgent nor important. I can still do it later and there are things that matter more to me (see, "read story to Bean")
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Lila
Posted: 30 May 2022 - 11:28 PM
Mar, re the table, my posts here go back awhile to when my kitchen table and counter were covered n stuff for many, many months... a year maybe? long time not eating at the table etc. But I recently, I think for Easter, got it done. It was a lot. And when it got to the point I was 3/4 done I just could not deal with the rest and put it in a laundry basket in my bedroom and cleaned off the table and used it! It was so nice, and so motivating to see it cleared. It stayed clear awhile. Items do gather there but it seriously only takes me 10 or 15 minutes now to get it cleared again. That method worked for me because a laundry basket in my room is easier to eventually sort than then table.

Today I did my famous, recurring pill-bottle-sort. Why are there so many pill bottles and how do they keep multiplying?? But I pulled out the lock box, put like with like, then got rid of anything expired, some duplicates and some I won't use. Consolidated like pills with like. Got it under control and put back away (about a dozen bottles thrown out - not the actual pills - I dispose of those as local police direct).

I finished opening boxes that came in the mail, had my son take them out and flatten them, saved 2 or 3 for use as donate boxes.

Washed a load of clothes and put them away.

Made a new recipe I wanted to try instead of going out and buying the food already made.

I have a whole lot to get done this week and very little motivation, but I will try to get moving in the morning.


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Tatoulia
Posted: 30 May 2022 - 10:01 PM
Hello Mar! And CM, SUBC, LILA, ROAD!

Mar, I like to start with the easy stuff, trash, recycling, other stuff that can just go. If there are magazines or newspapers, I give myself a finite time to read them before going into recycling. Example: if I don't read by noon tomorrow, they are gone. Then group like stuff with like stuff. Take dishes and utensils to kitchen.

Just an idea to help get you started. Do any of these ideas appeal to you?

Lmk! Good to hear from you!
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CriticalMass
Posted: 30 May 2022 - 09:34 PM
Mar,I get it. I'm renting a room from a friend. It was supposed to be temporary. It's now been 7 years. Her house is not large and she has a lot of furniture and misc. There are shared areas, and I feel guilty for how my overflow has, well, overflowed into them. She is patient because we both struggle.

I run into that problem too, of okay, I need to clear off X area - but even if I can reduce the amount, there's still some that can't be reduced and I don't know where to put it.
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Subclinical
Posted: 30 May 2022 - 08:43 PM
Mar,

I don't know what us on your dining room table, but maybe it's still there because it is some of the more difficult stuff? Can you find an area of less difficult stuff to clear off and move the things from the dining table?

Still haven't done today's last evaluations.
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Subclinical
Posted: 30 May 2022 - 07:58 PM
Lila, thank you.

We had a teen give a speech at graduation in which he talked about moving to our school. He thanked us for giving him a place (after his previous school) where he felt safe and comfortable just being himself. He said "you would think that would be the bare minimum - simply letting someone exist - but sadly it isn't." That was the point where I started crying.

I hope updating your wardrobe went well, and tgat your trip next week is productive.
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Subclinical
Posted: 30 May 2022 - 07:27 PM
I'm having some trouble with mental processing tonight.

I'm going to make a couple of quick lists interrupted by tasks - very ADD style.

CM, we crossed before. I hope you got some more work done on your quilt.

I am hopeful to hear about progress around the chest of drawers.

Yay for Larry!

Need to do another class tonight before I go to bed to stay on target. Don't know if I'll make it.
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Mar
Posted: 30 May 2022 - 05:30 PM
The table is covered of stuff and cannot be used. I try to clear it but don't know where to put the stuff. More than eight months.
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Mar
Posted: 30 May 2022 - 04:31 PM
Hi Lila! Nice to meet you :)
I am not new, I arrived here some years ago but I don't write often :(

Today I continue trying to declutter the dining room table
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Lila
Posted: 30 May 2022 - 12:20 PM
hi everyone!

Okay who is Mar?? Hi Mar, are you new? It sounds like you know some folks here!

SubC, I wish my teen had a teacher like you. Just one teacher like you in high school would have changed their life. It breaks my heart. Teen quit and wants a GED. Working on it.

Road, sorry you have to deal with graduation loss. When my disabled son did not grad with his friends it made me literally sick seeing all the friends posts on FB. The good news is, he is still a great kid and it didn't make much difference to him in his life. He is happy and I got through it. You will too!

hi CM and Tatoulia, I need to catch up better.

I am going to a major cancer center several hours away next week. We'll see what they say and do. This week I am home, no tests or anything, so am trying to catch up on stuff. Doing well this morning.

Today so far (it is just after 10am) I:
opened boxes and packages (I had a stress induced online shopping spree and am dealing with it now)
Tried on some clothes I ordered and set aside most of them to return
started a little kitchen cleaning and fridge sorting
started to get the bathroom trash ready to empty but I need to find the bags

Re: the shopping spree: I think I ordered about 20 items of clothing. I was cancer stressed. It was a distraction. It took me hours to browse websites and find things and order them, and it was just to get my mind off scary things, I think. I did get some good sales. My plan is to try each thing on. Anything I don't love goes back. Anything I do love, for each item I keep, one thing from my closet goes into the donate bin. I have to say, since I wear the same few things every day, they are getting actually threadbare in places so are ready to donate anyway but then I would be naked so this will work out okay.

I think I am going to try a new recipe or two today as well.

Will update more.

What are you doing/decluttering today?


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Mar
Posted: 29 May 2022 - 11:44 PM
Hi, I hope all of you are OK!

I wrote a post, I wish you can read it and comment.
Oh, I'd like to be more constant in coming here. This is a nice place.

(((Hugs)))
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Subclinical
Posted: 29 May 2022 - 04:53 PM
So, I have done 2/3 of today's allotment of evaluations. I did the math and I need to put in about 3 hours a day to get them done on time.

I am motivated in this first batch, because I had a student in three of my classes who is going to go from "student" to "friend I met at work" as soon as I turn in her last evaluation and close out our professional relationship. (Yes, she's 18. No, I apparently don't know how old I am. We're planning to take a class together in July. Her mom supports this. Yes, I am also older than her mom.)

I'm not really good at the age thing - when Dd was 14 we shipped her off to Europe for a month to visit friends from church. They were her friends. They were in their 50s. Obviously we knew them well enough to trust them with our child, but they were not our friends. She stayed in touch with them for years after we did.

I am slowly adding paper to the recycling and running loads of laundry while I work.
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CriticalMass
Posted: 29 May 2022 - 04:52 PM
It's been busy time. Last week there was also a lot of rain, and chilly temperatures. Thursday morning Larry came and now we have the storm windows up, and the front door useable again.

We had one or two beautiful days. Then it shifted to hot and very windy yesterday and today. More rain and possibly some severe weather is on the way yet again the early part of the week... 😑 My roommate is out of town so I must remember to check battery powered lighting options just in case.

Progress on the quilt continues. Hoping for more over the weekend, having the space to myself. Also some computer catching up.

Started doing some whatever in my room. Don't know whether to call it officially decluttering or more just assessing. Although I did pull out a few miscellaneous items and throw away a small bag of just junk like sprung hair elastics and expired medicines, etc.

I'm working on getting everything out of this chest of drawers my roommate said it'd be okay to donate to the garage sale. It's kind of bulky. I have a wire shelf unit that will be slimmer and have wheels. Hoping that will work better. If it goes really well, the new shelves will also allow me to get rid of a set of plastic shelves in the room, paring down and consolidating the items currently kept in both places.

Unfortunately when I was working, I also had some moments that were quite frustrating, like when stuff got jostled and started to fall from a shelf. Thought it might hit my lamp and make a mess of broken glass. Luckily it didn't, but I was so angry I had to step away for a bit. And I've just been grouchy the last couple of days but better today.

I've decided that for the bunny club garage sale if I only get a few things taken over it's okay, because we're running into a time crunch. And my church's sale will be a week later. Beyond that, there are always the thrift shops.

Next week may be really crazy.
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Tatoulia
Posted: 29 May 2022 - 03:01 PM
I know writing the evaluations is a lot of work, SubC. Hoping you can find the strength to do some today.

I made it to Macys to make the return. Downtown was crowded but Macys was empty, so it was quick. I'm waiting for BF right now so I'm doing a very quick load of darks. I have to help him get stuff out of the business. Then he'll take me shopping for mom's groceries. I have a pair of pants to return to j crew. I'll deal with that tmr.
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Subclinical
Posted: 29 May 2022 - 11:29 AM
Road, I am also sorry to hear about the fighting.

You have done the best you can with graduation. It will be ok.

I'm sure your Dh will be ok too. It can be scary to stand up to your employer, but this is why teachers have unions. (I do not have a union, but I have Dh. Nothing bad would happen if I got fired, I would just have to give up some good things that cost money.)

Tatoulia, good job with the drop off! I am sorry to hear about your mom.

I have all the materials organized for evaluations, but they refuse to write themselves. I have been putting them off by pulling weeds, but now it is hot.

Bah humbug.
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Tatoulia
Posted: 28 May 2022 - 09:28 PM
Road, I'm sorry for all the hard feelings today. I do hope your son gets one more year in school. I'm sorry husband was mean to you. I'm proud of all the dishwasher runs today! Good work!
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Road
Posted: 28 May 2022 - 07:35 PM
Hi all,

Beautiful Day here today. Only spent a few outside though. Went to my Ps and we sat out on the balcony. They are really happy living at this place. Making friends, getting involved in activities. I ventured into my back yard finally. Omg. What a mess. Well, parts of it are lush and beautiful, and other parts (veggie garden) are flush with 20 Types of Weeds and surrounded by sagging black snow-fencing. Total eyesore. Feel bad because that's what our neighbors view is. Found some volunteer romaine and enough fresh dill to feed the neighborhood. I see there's a stand of feverfew in there which I will need to get rid of - don't want that beast on that side of the house... garlic and onions everywhere.

Missing the grad today was harder than I thought it would be. I'm totally staying away from Facebook. Do NOT want to see all the kids his year with their grad stuff going on. Didn't anticipate that for some reason. Also didn't consider there would be a lot of people expecting to see him at the ceremony and wondering why he wasn't there. He will be able to "graduate" any time over the next few years so he will still have that experience - probably next year - and will still have friends he can experience that with. The state contacted the school and seeing the superintendents name on that doc upset the H. He works for the Dist. And so I have always handled the school stuff alone for the most part. Even though he has agreed And seemed on board with what we are trying to do, seeing the big bosses name copied in on the correspondence freaked him out and the next thing I knew he was saying a lot of not nice things to me. We argued. A branch of that argument involved my health issues which was also not nice and kind of scraping the bottom of the whatever. Disappointing. We are at level one of dealing with the state about to go to level 2 but they have still only offered that one thing so I am not real hopeful we will get too much more. Argument also (predictably) elicited another threat about a Clearout of the basement. Something tells me this type of exchange x1000 might have something to do with the "structure" near my adrenal gland.

Well, tomorrow we have a couple grad parties to go to. No plans for the holiday yet.

Ran the Dw a couple times and did quite a bit of picking up around the house. I think the dogs have fleas. I had one pill left and gave it to the puppy but still need to get the other one. Forgot about it today.
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Tatoulia
Posted: 28 May 2022 - 07:34 PM
Hello, All. SubC that is sweet that you and the other teacher have gotten to know each other by proxy. Road and Lila, praying for your health. CM I would love to have one of your quilts! Imagine the joy of the person who will receive it!

I brought a bag of stuff to goodwill today. No purchases, only output. BF and I had a late lunch together. I was going to go to Macys to return something but dark clouds formed overhead and it started to rain. I'll go tmr.

I was up early today and did two loads of laundry. But I need to explain myself. We got out of work at two yesterday, but I had 12 business lunch. We ate outside at a steak house and my filet was very tasty and afterward, I just had to come home to nap. So getting home at 8 AM isn't such an accomplishment after all.

I am actively looking to reduce things in my apt and my house seemed particularly clean after the ladies were here on Wednesday.

BF seems okay but a bit quiet. He's still at the business but with much( more free time on his hands. I'm still a little nervous about when he's not right here for me but I'll adapt.

I'm also adapting to having more time with him.

Mom is definitely losing her marbles. I'm in denial on it.
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Subclinical
Posted: 27 May 2022 - 09:03 PM
I am trying to get my head around my classes being over.
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Subclinical
Posted: 27 May 2022 - 04:47 AM
Road, it sounds like you are making progress on the school issue! Will your son get to do graduation next year? (Or when he is ready?)

Change takes time and bodies take a while to detox.

I found more snowmen yesterday. There are 4 outstanding. A student told me there is one left she can locate in my room and the other three are a mystery - janitorial staff? Another student moving them? A student took them home because there were the other creature hunts going on..?

I made them a cake. They appreciated it.

The day was a rollercoaster. I had a conflict with my boss again and this time I spoke up because it was about my kids, not me. I don't know if it helped, but I can move on because of it. I did stay and angry clean my room for a while. (Helped with the snowman infestation) I am bringing home a lot of stuff. I swore I wouldn't do that, but it's just easier. Especially since I am doing demolition in my room this summer.

After school I found ANOTHER surprise left by a senior - who had already stopped to thank me and say goodbye. I actually sat on the floor of the hallway and sobbed. (I originally wrote "special senior" - but they are all special.) picked myself up and worked on my room a little more, then had a great conversation with another teacher who didn't seem to be able to go home.

It's funny - we've worked together 7 years, and I say hi to her in the hall all the time and we exchange little comments about kids or events, but we've never really had a conversation we're so wrapped up in our students. But we feel like we know each other, because my kids adore her and talk about her all the time - I know what lessons she is doing every week and what activities and what they discuss and learn in her room and little details about her life, and apparently they do the same about me in her room.

She was in my classroom for the first time. Her eyes went straight to the tiles that are covering the upper third of my walls year by year and kid by kid and she said "oh my god! This is amazing!" We talked about the kids and laughed so hard!

Ok, off to wrap things up! I will then crash super hard.
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Road
Posted: 26 May 2022 - 09:10 AM
Hi all,

Subc, full days tomorrow and Thursday, then Tuesday. Weds, thurs and Friday Next week are shortened days And then that's it.

I sent that email to an admin at the director level, then it rapidly escalated to the exec dir of special services, and then the asst. superintendent. Something tells me they REALLY don't want someone from the state coming in. I had to field a few phone calls even though my goal was to do no more comm. with them verbally. Everything needs to be in writing. We've gone back and forth two rounds with these emails. They did grant us one of our requests, but nothing substantial (yet). They did include that offer in an email and also said this am it's still on the table so I don't feel they can revoke that now. He will at least get that which is more than we had last week. We do have to sacrifice the grad ceremony. luckily, he doesn't comprehend that concept enough to know what he's missing. I'm not happy about it but it would have been bittersweet anyway. So now we wait for them to offer a better compromise, or we proceed to this facilitated IEP mtg., and possibly go a few more steps before we fold. We really have nothing to lose. It's stressful but worth the effort I think. I really kind of hope I don't get any emails or calls today.

3 more health related appts. In the next week or two. I did finally tell my parents what's going on (after my mom caught me off guard). That was rough but it's better that they know now. I basically feel the same - which is crummy. I still have the same amt of joint pain, lower back pain, crampy fibroid jerks, low mood, etc. I was hoping quitting all the things would alleviate some of those symptoms but hasn't so far. All the chemicals in Diet Coke, Advil, 2x week+ fast food, all the dairy, all the potatoes... I mean, I'm sure it is having a benefit, but not in any way I can feel. But I will keep going. My goal is in a few months to have checked every box in terms of consulting with different healthcare providers, and for my next set of labs to show a difference. I did hit 15 pounds (I rock!) and next landmark is 30. Go me. Lila, I will take a look at that app. The lose it app is surprisingly good at crunching data, but the user interface for groups is terrible. You don't even get notifications when someone responds to your post.

I'm heading off to " stitch some Xes " And maybe catch an hour of sleep. I always thought I was only getting 4.5-5 hours a night and now I have the data. That's not cutting it! Body needs to heal.

Everyone have an awesome day. Carpe those diems.
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Subclinical
Posted: 26 May 2022 - 04:54 AM
Two more days of school. Thursdays have been my favorite this year.

Yesterday was a whirlwind of packing up. A few of my little kids told me they will be changing schools next year. I will miss seeing them grow.

I stopped to see Bean on my way to class last night. Dsil sent another box of outgrown clothes back with me.

I finally got two things on the firing cart for my class I am taking. A third is drying on my shelf. I'd like to make a couple more this week, but we'll see. Despite my best intentions, I have not started evaluations - or graded papers for tomorrow 😳 this is no longer avoidable!
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Subclinical
Posted: 25 May 2022 - 04:26 AM
Road - I love old school. I am a Luddite. (I first typed "I live old school" by accident and thought about leaving it, because I do.)

How many more days of school does your family have this year?

I taught one of my seniors for the last time yesterday.

I found three more snowmen, fired the last load to go home, and was gifted some cookies. I also cleaned more stuff out of my room. This is the week where I take a deep breath and fill my tiny wastebasket every night.

Today is the last day for my Wednesday classes. It is the day I bring donuts, so I have to get going early (so I can stop and buy donuts) speaking of buying - Our cc finally showed up yesterday.

I didn't feel well last night - I had a headache right behind one eye - the kind that makes your stomach feel bad after a while, and I panicked that I was going to miss the last week of school. But I took an Advil, drank some water, went to bed, and feel better this morning. Probably dehydration - the school building is hot, and with masking back, I don't drink enough.
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Lila
Posted: 24 May 2022 - 06:42 PM
oops! Sorry Road, I almost forgot... it's My fitness pal and it is a free app! I love it.
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Lila
Posted: 24 May 2022 - 06:41 PM
Good job Road! You are fighting for your son and I think there is no more noble cause! Cheering you on.

I spent the day driving an hour and a half away for teen to have an appointment. I am tired and I have a meeting tonight. So, no cleaning/decluttering today.
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Road
Posted: 24 May 2022 - 06:22 PM
Hi all,

Little update, I decided to fight back with the school situation. I talked to two people from the state, several friends, printed out And read guides and handbooks, got the H to do the same, drafted an email, got some people to review it, revised it and sent it today. I decided I have nothing to lose by resisting. They offered no compromises or alternatives and were all spineless during our meeting either by lying about their reasons Or by remaining silent. I got some clarity on what the stages of intervention are and a sense for how far I'm willing to go or not go. We can get help with a new IEP from the state, we can request mediation, we can file a complaint. And it goes from there. My weakness is I don't know the regulations very well. I wish we were in a position to hire an advocate or an attorney. If it doesn't work out it's not the end of the world and we will adjust. But I am relieved I found a way to TRY to get a better outcome for my son.

SO ! Now that that crunch is done (or the hardest part? Is done) I am shifting gears to Helping my son have the best end of the school year experience and transitioning into summer... Even though there's still a lot of unpleasantness to come, getting that email sent is a huge relief.

I had another u/s this am - proud of myself that I keep chipping away at it. I have more things to do and more to process but I'm in good shape in terms of dealing with things.

Hey Lila, which app are you using? I didn't recognize that. The app I'm using is limited in that it doesn't track some of the stuff I am monitoring, but generally it's working for me. ::: health & healing... all cells, all souls... ::: my mantra. Also I am letting these unwanted cells And "structures" know they need not stick around. They can dematerialize and scoot off... Everything here is in balance and moving toward total health. Ommmm:::

Also brought my son to a follow up with the neuro. I asked for and got a referral and an order for an extended eeg. But this guy kind of threw up his hands and basically implied he's going to have to send us elsewhere because he can't explain what's going on. Personally I would like to see him try a little, but better to know he's not invested and look elsewhere I guess.

Decided to start sending some cards to my good friend who has helped me so much lately. She's in the dumps with Covid right now and I know she really loves getting things in the mail so I started collecting a little pile of cards that suit her and will start sending some to her. So old school! ☺️

Decided to just chill tonight since last night and today was so intense. Wish I could toss back a couple glasses of wine but that's not happening right now. So I will settle for water.

Tomorrow is a new day. 💕❤️💜
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Subclinical
Posted: 24 May 2022 - 06:14 AM
Good morning.

Road, when I had kids at home the laundry never ended. Now it is possible but rare - we don't have a dog.

I hope something works out for your son. This year I have two graduates who asked if they can come back and volunteer in my class next year. - yes!

Lila, good job making use of the spices! Groceries have gotten so expensive (women have been saying that for hundreds of years). I was shocked by the bill on Sunday, but Dh bought a lot of processed foods. I remember my dd telling someone I fed a family of five on $100 a week (almost 20 years ago) and them being completely shocked and saying "how?!") (We homeschooled and the kids were in charge of the sugar content, per unit pricing, and running total) step one - budget the first $100 for seeds.

The next four days and the school year is done.😮😁😢

I finally got out to work on my pottery last night and I hurt my wrist and elbow. Pacing!

Speaking of pacing - gotta go!
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Lila
Posted: 23 May 2022 - 10:59 AM
hi Road! Oh I feel the same way when I finally do something I've been procrastinating. The relief is so good, I wonder why I didn't do it sooner! I have to try and remember that when I am procrastinating. Good job on the 15 pounds!! That's excellent. I am at 14! I am using mfp app for logging. See you on the decluttering the waistline thread??

Today I "decluttered" my spice cabinet by finding a recipe for homemade chai tea. It uses whole cloves, cinnamon sticks, cardamom and black peppercorns... all things that have been getting stale and gathering dust for 15+ years in my cabinet but I knew they still had SOME value and could not throw them out. Making this tea will use those up in no time! I just added extra of each spice, since they are not fresh - but they are not moldy or bad since they are very dry. They made a very nice tea for myself and my son this morning. I feel good about this. I also used decaf tea. Oh, and I found some old but very expensive bourbon vanilla paste and added some of that.

I hope to get all my medical questions and second opinion this week.
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Road
Posted: 23 May 2022 - 10:12 AM
Hi all,

Subc, that bean is such a charmer. Love him. Glad you're getting through the end of the school year ok. That crunch is really palpable.

I'm on the next to last crunch for this year. Looking forward to it being over. Talked with a person from the state board in special ed - I guess like a parent liaison... wish I had had the steel to make this call a few months ago. Could have had a few more options probably, and each and every day it has hung over my head since then would have been free of that stress. This is why I shoul not procrastinate! This lady was super annoying because a) she wasn't the person I was trying to connect with anyway b) she confused me with another person c) she wasted about 3 minutes explaining how the staff screwed up logging in my call which of course is internal office stuff and has nothing to do with me D) she kept making assumptions about my situation And therefore never really got what my issue was. Ugh frustrating. But I did glean two key bits of info from her. Not sure my next step...

I'm definitely in the dumps over this. I'm a little hopeful that there's still a way to keep him at the high school next year or possibly still spend some time there doing PE or electives or extra curricular or something... I keep visualizing getting out from under this decision so I can go back to feeling more normal or to start feeling good about the summer.

Paperwork day again today. I have everything laid out and I think (other than not succeeding in this placement situation) I haven't forgotten anything or dropped too many balls... Summer activities are all set for my son and I feel good about them. Also feel like a renewed sense of "need to get out more" and enjoy things in the community - both for me and my son. We used to Live on the edge of the city before we bought our house and moved back to the burbs. You could walk everywhere and take the train anywhere. I used to commute through the city up to the north suburbs for work every day. Now I am such a baby about going into the city. It's ridiculous. Haven't been to the big museums in years... no concerts, operas, broadway shows... gotta change that. Would love to take a big road trip too but I am not sure how to make that happen. I just know I have NOT been "carping the diem" 😂 nearly enough.

Lila, way to go on the bedroom. Sounds like you did a "reset" AND you Reorganized and got rid of some things.

Cm, high fives on your doll decisions.

Tatoulia, the percales are a-ok but are now covered with muddy puppy paw prints. I feel like the laundry never ends. Am I right? I am definitely always carrying things with me when I leave a room but I think your comment about not letting things lay somewhere they don't belong for a brief holiday... hit home. I have so many waiting rooms in the house. That's a problem. Wish I didn't have stairs because that's a definite deterrent for me but hopefully that will get easier. I will definitely be more conscious of taking a few extra steps if that gets the item "home" instead of just to a way station...

Health wise, I'm doing well on the diet. Have almost hit 15lbs. Which I'm really happy about. I am pushing first for 30 and then I will do a major re-eval. I have 100 to go for sure. My diet has changed pretty drastically and I'm tracking everything. I use the "lose it" app my brother had so much luck with when he lost 150+ a few years ago. I may have said this but I did nail down an appt, with a new doc. I am not feeling as great about this guy as I am feeling relieved I don't have to go back to that other office again. I think after I see him the first time (soon) all my stuff will start going to him and hopefully I can ask him if he can review my history and let me know if he thinks we are missing anything else or if it's ok to wait til august to see what these "structures" are growing out of my kidneys... etc. and if I don't like his bedside manner I will deal with him til I can find someone I like.
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Subclinical
Posted: 22 May 2022 - 08:58 PM
Tatoulia, I am so glad you are enjoying this new chapter if your life!

I agree that at kitty's age, her digestive system probably just didn't like the sudden bounce.

CM, excellent decision making. I hope we will get to see the finished quilt! Also I'm looking forward to hearing that you can use the front door!

Just keep moving.

Lila, I will try to check in on the other thread more.

Thank you for the sweet wishes.

My day started out hard because Dh and I had a big fight - very rare for us. I won't get into details, but one of us did storm off and yell at the other that he could ".cut your own Damn hair." And then stomp around and cry for a while.

We made up and things are ok. And we picked Bean up together and took him on his very first trip to the "food store". He loved riding in the cart and getting to help take things off the shelves and put them in it. I let him choose his own goldfish crackers.

He was a delight all evening as always, and is trying hard to be a good influence on me. We have two bath sheets - pink and green- that have become his towels. After bath I said "ready for the big green towel?" And he said "big pink towel." I told him "the big pink towel is dirty." And he looked at me very sternly and said "Grammie WASH big pink towel." I told him I would wash it for next time and he said "yes. Ok." I started the load as soon as he was in bed.
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Tatoulia
Posted: 22 May 2022 - 08:52 PM
Lila, from reading your words,I could taste the IV contrast. It is so miserable. Good work on the clothes. Good to know what you wear each week so you can think about possibly decreasing what's in the closet.

I brought mom an ice cream sandwich tonight. Afterward BFmet me there and we walked to the grocery store together. I picked up lemonade for the staff at mom's. Oh and we saw the graduate. What a hot day for him to have an outdoor graduation.

Okay time to crawl into bed. The new bedspread is so pretty.
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Lila
Posted: 22 May 2022 - 05:22 PM
Tatoulia, the hazardous waste event sounds amazing! And motivating! You did well with it, too. I will be watching for something like that in my area. Sorry about the cat puke... I hate that kind of thing. I really love the habit of taking something with you when you leave a room. I am going to try and build that habit - I can see where it would make a big difference.

SubC, give yourself credit for that laundry. It's a big task and so easy to let slide. I hope Bean gives you some joy.

CM, if you haven't yet, come join us on the decluttering the pounds thread (I haven't looked at it yet today). I am posting regularly because I am committed, so will be happy to cheer you on when you're ready.

My contrast was IV. I could taste it in my mouth as it went through and it was like a whiff of alcohol and metal.

I feel good today but being a bit lazy. I did go to church, ate a healthy lunch and am watching tv but I am going to go outside and be in the sunshine a little bit. I got most of my clothes sorted out yesterday, hung a few things up. All of the (few) things I wear every week are laid back on the rocking chair but it is not a massive pile like it was before. It's like 5 shirts, a sweater and a sweatshirt. I wear the same things over and over. Eventually I will make room in my closet to have those things all hung up too, but today isn't the day... too much stuff in front of the closet, and too much stuff in the closet, and no more hangers. But I did make good progress.
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Tatoulia
Posted: 22 May 2022 - 04:06 PM
What a difference a week makes! Since the closing on the business, BF and I went out for dinner Friday night, today we went for breakfast, then we went shopping around the city. We picked up his coffee for home, I returned a skirt, we went to our favorite hotel and sat in the lobby for an hour, walked around, etc. right now it's unbelievably hot so I came back home. My quilts are done and sheets are now in the wash. I'll go check on them now. I forgot to set a timer. We have not had any true leisure time together in years. Even when we run errands, it's a combination of getting things for his businesses straightened away and a combination of taking care of my family. We will get together in another hour or so to pick up a graduation gift card for a friend (terrific kid) and then run some errands for me. We can't do it now because his car doesn't have working AC and I hate city driving and parking. We will look at new cars later in the summer. We've been waiting to see which one of us blinks first on getting a car.

Okay sheets are in the dryer and I started a load of dark delicates.

I may put one thin quilt back on my bed and debut my new white bedspread. It's very pretty, white cotton gauze with a stiffer cotton ruffle. I'm pretty excited about it. I bought it in March, I think. Made in Portugal. I'll have to think about how to do this because I do like one free flowing throw over me at night. I'll see how the bedspread looks.

I have my drapes closed to help the house from heating up. It's not too bad.


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Tatoulia
Posted: 22 May 2022 - 09:27 AM
WTG CM! Wow! Excellent decision making on the dolls and the cracked tub! SubC you are going through a lot. You have so much going on. Please know that I am extremely fond of you and want to make sure you are okay.

As to contrast I had to drink it many years ago and at nights I could still taste it. They tried to flavor it strawberry. That stays with a person.

So, my cat did a major throw up in my bed last night. She popped in to say hello (3AM, her time to shine) and the second she got on the bed, she threw up. A lot. I had to change my sheets and both quilts now need to be washed. I put on the sheets I washed yesterday and added the blanket I'd washed last night and had put away for the summer. One of the pillows cannot be saved or shall I say, should not be saved. I wasn't mad or anything it was just one of those life moments. So here I am starting laundry all over again after doing so much yesterday. Since we only have one washer and dryer, I need to make sure I'm not hogging it. I do know that on nice days like this, no one is looking to do laundry.

I don't know where the extra stuff is coming from, SubC. I don't think I'm acquiring as much as I'm losing my patience with stuff. There have been some things coming in, little plates and stuff from goodwill and that sort of thing. But I need to just go room by room and decide to let some things go. Not for any big reason but just to do so. Will be a good exercise for me.

One thing that I'm doing now and has become habit is when I leave a room, I take something with me. It was something I'd worked in here and now it just happens. So if I'm having coffee in the living room, if I get up to do something, the coffee cup comes with me. I've also finally, finally (it's a miracle) formed the habit where if I take something to put it somewhere, it goes to that place. No stops. It doesn't get to sit in my dresser for a week or take up residence on the hallway table. That's been a big thing for me. Something I tried to incorporate and now just happens. I still hear the voice telling me to do it but I do it pretty much automatically.

Going to go check on the quilts. See how they are washing up. She has never thrown up on my bed and the only thing I can think is when she jumped up on the bed, it triggered a weak stomach.

Boy my bed is easy to make with just the headboard and not the whole bed. It may have been only the second time I have made it since getting the new (to me) headboard. (Because my cleaners change my sheets once a week).

SubC the next hazardous waste day is June 18 here in Boston so they are serious about it. I'd heard about it in the past but this was my first time going to it. Very well organized. I think I have some old cell phones somewhere that I can take next time. I will also see what BF has at home for old computers and get those over there.
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CriticalMass
Posted: 22 May 2022 - 09:01 AM
Hi ladies

Struggling with weight too. I've regained the "Covid 19." 😧 I just gave up being vigilant during the stress of the plumbing disrepair. But now that's resolved and I'm resignedly getting back on track, albeit slowly as I want to ease into it and avoid triggering my inner rebellion against the disciplines required.

When I swam the other day it was great but maybe I overdid it a little because I was having fun. But a couple days later, because I've been so out of shape, I fell into kind of a fatigue-funk. Tired, emotionally drained, prone to being negative and a worrywart about anything and everything. Hoping to pull out of that. Telling myself to see it as just a need to pace myself going from a couch potato lifestyle to being more active again.

Roommate and I went to the botanical gardens yesterday. So that was walking but at a leisurely pace, out in nature, getting the vitamin D. I still was moody last night, but better now.

I've gotten some significant progress made on my quilt. I'd say I'm about 1/3 of the way with sewing it together.

Road and Lila, I had a cat scan a few years ago before my abdominal surgery. The contrast stuff was a decent tasting vanilla, unlike what I had many many years ago which was nasty. But afterward I did feel a bit strange and fatigued for awhile from it. I'm sensitive to side effects that many people wouldn't notice.

Larry is supposed to install the storm windows on Wednesday. And hopefully fix the front door which hasn't been latching properly. We've had to place a cinder block in front of it and use the side door which is getting old.

I'm going through some dolls, the 18" American Girl size, and some are going to be donated. The good ones that I keep are my models for when I display the clothes I make. I do still want to sell the clothes for those and for Barbies, on Etsy or other online venues. It feels good letting go of the dolls that are too "well loved" for my display purposes but that kids can still have fun with. Also the huge cracked tub will go, and the remaining dolls will be in something smaller and neater.

SubC, sorry about the chickens.

Well, better leave it there for now, time to feed bunnies and get ready for church.
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Subclinical
Posted: 22 May 2022 - 05:50 AM
I tried to sleep in this morning but didn't even make it to six.

I can't sleep because my brain is too busy with all the things I need to do, and I am too tired to do them.

Last night I struggled through putting away three baskets of laundry and emptying the dishwasher. Now I am drinking coffee.

Lila, I think you got a lot accomplished.

Tatoulia,
Thank you for going to the hazardous waste day and for telling about it. Things like that help me feel less despairing.

I'm not sure how you can gave more stuff to get rid of. Is it sneaking in?

I know I am bringing home bags from my classroom and tiny animals and earrings..

I have been having a very nospendy month though.

Our cc number got stolen the first week, so it was cancelled since May 5. Despite regular calls and reassurances that the card is "in the mail" they don't seem to be able to get us a new one.

have a second cc that is supposed to be for farm/pottery/school(reimbursable) expenses.

I have been using it to buy gas this month, but I have stopped buying anything else. (Dh is in charge of groceries) I do still buy feed, class tuition (automatic) and of course the very expensive electric fence (if it saves two chickens it will pay for itself in eggs in a year)

Buying gas with my cc has made me face the very sad fact that it currently costs me $17 a day to commute to work. (And that's just gas, not wear and tear on my car, or prorated insurance and tags.)

Ok, somewhere in me I have to find the will to engage with my life. Bean is coming tonight.
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Tatoulia
Posted: 21 May 2022 - 10:35 PM
Good accomplishments today, Lila! I'm so proud of you! I don't do a good job of acknowledging everyone but as I read your posts, I cheer everyone in. Naturally I am upset about all that you, Lila and you, Road, are going through medically.

I need to get rid of stuff once again. It's getting to be too much. I'm not sure how or why, but it is.
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Tatoulia
Posted: 21 May 2022 - 07:07 PM
Road, yay on the percale sheets! Do you love them?

SubC what a lovely senior prank day and graduation day! I live the little snowmen, esp the earrings. Very, very sweet. I bet they loved their ceramic hippos!

Sorry I've fallen to one side. Something big for me today was I went to the hazardous waste event in the city. It's pretty nice. I got rid of a laptop, BF's old dvd, BF's monitor, and two paint cans. It was quite the operation and I was very impressed. They also had stations for clothing* and textiles and a paper shredding truck. There may have been one more station, too. They take up to ten boxes of paper shredding. Very positive experience.

I did four loads of laundry this am. Some will need to be folded before I go to bed.

My weight is miserable and embarrassing, so I'm here for you.
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Lila
Posted: 21 May 2022 - 04:50 PM
serial post for motivation -

I went in my bedroom and took every piece of clothing off the rocking chair, dog kennel, and tables and made piles on my bed: winter/put away, wearing regularly, keep in closet for occasional use.

I shifted things around in drawers and put all the winter clothes away in dressers - with room to spare!

I sorted all items on the kennel and side table and threw away much of it, made a pile to file. Gathered all prescription meds to sort and put away or toss.

I also put the sheets in the dryer.

Now I am TIRED and sitting for a break. I will go back and hang things up, file things, and put the electric blanket away. I feel good finally getting these things accomplished!
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Lila
Posted: 21 May 2022 - 04:21 PM
That sounds like a pretty good day, SubC, I'm glad it went well.

I was pretty burned out about diet. Now it is basically a life/death situation for me, so I am doing it. A cousin was just dx with the very same cancer I am dealing with so it is pretty serious. I am using mfp (to log my calories) and writing my walking in my planner. Maybe I will write total calories each day in my planner, too.

I just had some green tea and am trying to get motivated to work on the clothing situation in my room. I did put my sheets in the washer and will go put them in the dryer now.
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Subclinical
Posted: 21 May 2022 - 03:55 PM
Graduation was really nice. I only cried a little. 5 former students were there (including the one I was still chatting with as they put away the chairs)

One of my snowman girls handed me a box marked "21" and grinned. Inside it were a pair of earrings made from three little white beads each - like a row of graduated pearls - or a snowman. I put them on. Then I did a double take "wait, is that the date, or." and she said "it's the new number of snowmen. Those count as one."

Lila,
I am glad you are feeling more positive.
I definitely want to make better choices. I stalled out.

Road, I'm sorry about your parents' friend.

I think your son would love the senior pranks. I have never met him, but I can imagine him moving my snowmen around!

I wrapped and delivered my hippos, unloaded my car (into a pile in my basement), reloaded the kiln, and turned in my employment forms.

I need to do some laundry too.
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Lila
Posted: 21 May 2022 - 02:42 PM
Okay, I am feeling much more positive today. I won't have all the results and prognosis until probably Monday or Tuesday (also waiting for second opinion) but somehow I feel better about things.

I did a load of laundry yesterday and loaded the dishwasher.

Today I went grocery shopping and got healthy foods.

Goal for today: get my clothing sorted and ready to wear (spring/summer) and winter stuff put away.

Also, anyone here still wanting to lose weight, or eat healthier? I have good reasons to change my diet and lose weight and am actively doing that so I will be posting regularly in the Releasing the Pounds thread on here. Hope to see some of you there!
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Road
Posted: 21 May 2022 - 12:03 PM
Hi errbody-

Subc, that prank day sounds so fun. Great way to unleash creativity and laughter. Love it.

Today we have funeral for one of the last of my parents best/old friends. One of two families that were our closest church
friends growing up and we'd go camping together and stuff. My parents are the last pair standing. Lucky for us but kind of hard on them. Glad they've made new friends at their new place.

Went back to sleep a few times overnight and this am so caught up a little. I had 3 hours weds and 4 hours Thursday so I was really in need of some Zzzzs.

This am I brought some new plants from the driveway to the back. looked at my sad garden all weedy and ugh. started doing the weeks pile up of dishes. Got the bad smell taken care of then soaked one load and rested, then cooked bfast for my son and fed dogs, then did another load, then rested, then started some laundry and picked up a bit. There was a lot of running down the puppy retrieving things she was chewing up. Oh ma lawd that doggo is a handful.

That's it for now peeps.
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Subclinical
Posted: 21 May 2022 - 04:36 AM
I didn't find any more snowmen.

Today is graduation. I will cry.

I have a little pile of ceramic hippos for my graduates. I need to wrap them.

My house is a mess. My car is full of things I cleaned out of my classroom, I have a huge pile of grading to do, and I need to turn in my employment forms for my summer job.

I have to load the kiln again after graduation.

The guidance counselor let slip that a specific former student is coming. I am really looking forward to seeing her!

My electric fence arrived but I'm not sure when I'll get it set up.

4 more days of school this year.

These random statements are pretty much a snapshot of my brain this morning.
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Subclinical
Posted: 19 May 2022 - 08:01 PM
I can't remember 11. All I can remember are the 12 ladybugs who came to the ladybug picnic.

Last night was the senior prank. The seniors have an overnight party (in 2020 there was nothing, and last year it was a few hours in the evening) and they set up pranks on/for the students and teachers. You can opt out by locking your door and putting a sign on it. I locked the closet where we store projects in process to avoid accidents.

They filled the 1/2 home room with stuffed animals - in all the places students would sit and in all the cubbies, for the students to keep. They switched all the history and science books to opposite classrooms and made memes of the high school teachers for their doors. They set yoda up with a book in the science reading corner to highlight their work. They moved a life-sized seated sculpture to the front desk, put "out of order" signs on all the office equipment, Saran wrapped the director's desk and then decorated it with probably 100s of stickers, gift wrapped the AP history teacher's furniture, built a castle with a moat in AP english, and hid 120 tiny plastic animals and 25 handmade frog puppets (school mascot) all over for people to find all day. There are still ten frogs unaccounted for. They also made calling cards and left them in all the locations they pranked and next to the frogs. I have an octopus and a manatee who can sit on my fingertips. I traded a turtle for the manatee.

In my room they left me a potted plant named "frosty" and a styrofoam snowman marked #15 on my desk. I spent all my free time searching (and cleaning out) my room. I have found numbers 1-6. At the end of the day they told me that the snowmen are all at school (I was starting to think that 7-14 were imaginary), but not necessarily in my classroom, the sizes vary, and some may be flat.

My trash can was full again and my recycling halfway.

On the way home I thought of two more locations to check tomorrow.

I was so happy all day.
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Roa
Posted: 19 May 2022 - 11:43 AM
Sub c, I'm trying really hard to remember what song in Sesame Street went along with the number 11. One day a few years ago I had an epiphany that my life's work was meant to be making short Animated educational films like the kind they showed on Sesame Street. "I'm the king of 8s! 1 2 3 4 5678!" That didn't last long. I still like the idea though.

Lila, I was so paranoid about the contrast that I drank lots of water before and after. I don't remember feeling bad from it. I think what I had started with a G? Hope the yuck didn't last too long. Hoping you hear some good results today!

I watched a thing last night about Uric acid being the culprit in everything... (dr. Perlmutter) it was interesting. I'm going to read more about it anyway. Some of what they recommended overlapped with kidney diet, some with cardiovascular health, and some with diabetes friendly eating... well, not friendly to diabetes, but you know what I mean. At some point it seems like they all cancel each other out. If you're low protein, low carb and low fat, ummmm. But I guess the central point is smaller portions, less animal, no processed... more walk, less stress. Hence! I am going to try to gather up all my dietary targets on a board to keep myself on track. Lemon good. Ginger good. Blueberries good. Bacon bad. Etc. and evidently I need to learn to like coffee.

Talent show last night went great. I was sick to my stomach seeing some of these two faced whatevers... these people have no spine. (The teachers who wouldn't stand up for my son) Ugggh! But sorry - it was a great night for the kid. He stole the show and hammed it up and had a great time. It was wonderful seeing everyone's talent. One girl told some jokes and she was really funny. Another girl came out with a painting of dragon characters from the movie and extemporaneously told the audience all about each one. She told us we would be terrified and indeed, she had us oooing and ahhhhing. Another boy sang beautifully, a few kids played piano. My dad being a pianist was having a heart attack watching them try to balance their music on top of the piano because no one had a music stand for them. Two of my sons girl friends with Down syndrome each sang a song. It's kind of an inside joke with parents that our kids love singing and dancing and are so talented in an artistic delivery of a song, but the actual sound could best be described as a caterwaul (or however you spell that. ) They think they sound amaaazing. They don't. 🥴But their delivery is amazing. 🥰 more creative arts in the schools!! And don't cheat the kids with special needs out of it - they really shine. Great night.

Alrighty, I am off to procrastinate on a few things again and maybe get a few things done as well...

L'chaim!
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Lila
Posted: 19 May 2022 - 11:25 AM
SubC, we all have hard things, and there is no comparing when it comes to struggle. There is always a gradient, right? And it's still hard and someone else always has it worse than any of us but our feelings are still legit. So don't feel bad about sharing.

I felt nauseous still this morning so just made some toast and feel 80% better. I have to take teen to a psych dr today but I have all morning to myself. So I have about 2.5 hours before we have to get ready to leave. One new thing is I am not supposed to drink caffeine anymore... so I don't know how I will get energized. I will get productive as soon as I am done posting here, and will come back and share. I hope some of you are around today and can share what you are doing to declutter or clean, too. It helps motivate me when we can share and cheer each other on.
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Subclinical
Posted: 19 May 2022 - 05:33 AM
Road - I read your whole list.

Good job!

Was your dog shocked by 11 chickens or 11 students? When I went back and looked at my post, the Sesame Street voice in my head told me "today's episode is brought to you by the number 11"

I hope the lack of apparent urgency on the part of your doctors indicates that whatever is going on is actually medically of low concern.

Lila, I am also hoping you get a clear and effective treatment plan.

Nothing to see here but disfunction, disorder and self induced exhaustion. I skipped my class last night because I had done no prep work. I used the time I freed up to read things online that made me feel bad about the world. In light of what everybody else has going on, I just feel like I'm whining.
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Lila
Posted: 18 May 2022 - 06:19 PM
hi all, brief hello!

Road, I had to do the breathe/hold stuff today in an MRI. I hope it turns out. So sorry you are having heath stuff too. It is so draining.

I have been doing medical stuff all week and not feeling well. Did the contrast bother you Road? It makes me feel ill.

I am staying home, cancelled appointments to rest. I should know my treatment plans on Friday. Or next week if I go for the second opinion.

I hope to have the energy to clean tomorrow because it is terrible in this house!!
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Road
Posted: 18 May 2022 - 12:58 PM
People! Dear ones,

I just missed you. I am very energized today (mentally?) for some reason. Doing things I usually would avoid or not even think of. I still feel super tired and look like ยง#!+ but my brain is working or something.

So I post lists to help my brain and spirit so please don't bother reading the following:

- went through the important/recent paper piles just days after doing it which is progress. The tendency has been to let them fester in between and then miss things.
- folded laundry, put some away, Put some in laundry basket, put another shirt in the donate pile, And yeah.
- had the clean clothes topple off the bed yesterday and could deal with it this am because napping doggie. But I can do it now.
- Emptied out a laundry basket that was starting to collect crap.
- good convo with mom. Long chat with brother. He is still having flashbacks from the accident with his cat so I guess I'm trying to take his mind off of it a little. He's home alone all day and it's gotta be really tough. Feel so bad.
- Threw away a bunch of items which are typical of things that I don't make decisions on and lead to pile ups... I will now list them for my satisfaction...
- power bank box
- light therapy box
- phone charging box
- tried out new light and charger
- mattress protector packaging
- box of dried out dusty wet wipes
- box of jet mop cleaning pad refills for a jet mop we have never owned (can't remember if it was an honest mistake or thrift store madness)... these have probably been in my room for a few years.
- bagged up a belt and socks that need to be returned to a physical store
- wedding invitation envelope (I literally held it in my hands admiring how pretty it was and the paper it was printed on and then put it back on my night stand. Then I came to my senses and put it in the trash,
- gathered up grocery bags and glasses and other misc things that need to go downstairs
- put blank and recyclable copy paper back by printer
- grabbed a stack of paper off my standing desk to go through and went through it. My standing desk which had been half clear is not pretty cluttered up again... I guess cause it's new ground (Newly reclaimed?) I am not used to "DEFENDING THE SPACE!"
- cleaned off bedside table. It had really piled up again.
-picked up a bunch of garbage from the floor in the floor area which still hasn't been cleared yet. I have to start "seeing" this pile. I am blind to it,

I guess that's enough listing. I must really be procrastinating making those calls!

Both my besties have Covid in their houses right now. I think my son is the only one still wearing a mask at school. It's everywhere and even in Chicagoland now most people aren't wearing them in stores or schools. I'm so over it too, honestly. I get it. But logic is logic? Isn't it? Anyway...

Cm, you said that so kindly. If I have done that, I apologize and will try not to in the future. I appreciate you saying something. I also appreciate hearing your thoughts on approaching the storage unit tasks. Helps me to hear ideas as I will be trying to deal with the garage soon.

Health wise, the new urologist gets a D- for not contacting me about the MRI and blowing off my questions. Actually the nurse responded of course. Blew off two of my 3 questions and got the third one inside out and backwards. And this is an MRI because of an abnormal growth mind you. No big whoop. Yep I will wait til august to find out what's what. I don't know what to do honestly. I loathe doctors with a passion.

OMG it's a miracle. I noticed my iPad was down to 1% and plugged it in before I lost yet another post. Lol

But anyway, my health plan is to keep on this kidney diet, continue losing weight, schedule the nephrology appt., see the gyne this Friday, continue looking for a new doc, see the nutritionist June 2nd, and keep checking in with my friend every week or two for advice. I'll ask her about the MRI results too and see what she thinks I should do in the meantime.

I had the ugly monster triggered yesterday while I was at PT. (The ugly monster is my childhood traumas from hospitalizations, etc,) She had scolded me slightly about cancelling last week. I've made every other appt, and had very good reasons for cancelling which I didn't discuss with her, but anyway, so there was a little bit of a negative set up there, then she had me lay on my back to do this ball exercise, and it kind of aggravated this pain in my flank roughly in the area where this thing is in my kidney. So the combo of those things and being vulnerable in my back in a not private setting at all, and I started welling up with tears. I hate that I do this - it's so embarrassing. I was able to eventually spit out the words, "I'm just worried about something" And I Was able to get up and she had me do something else and I bit my lip the whole rest of the session and managed to get out of there without blobbing. Ugh. Hate it! I've been to yrs of therapy essentially for this. I feel like I understand where it comes from and I have worked through so much of it, am fully conscious of the connections, and yet the tears surface. Often at the most ridiculous times.

Talent show tonight for the boy. He will dance big on stage for the crowd. I made him a video to play in the background of him dancing in the car. It should be fun. That was one of the last deadline things I have for him this year so it was a relief to get that done. Next up is graduation on the 28th. I am so done with these people and this school year but I feel so bad for him. I got an 11th hour surge of adrenaline to try to convince them again to let him stay at this school next year. I feel like such a total failure as a mom that I have not been able to advocate for him more effectIvely. I am confident and proud about what I am good at with him and as a mom, but school interface has been a weak area. It just is. And here I am fighting for another year of it. Lol. Anyway, so I will try a few more things, but when all is said and done I will be glad this year is over and we can shift gears into summer schedules a bit. Also then I can do more structured teaching with him and see if we can pick up any lose ground. Will also need to shift gears then from my healthcare needs to his and see if we can't tie some of those loose ends.

Alright, well I am certainly tired of hearing myself talk so I better split.

P.s. subc my dogs looked up at me when I shouted "ELEVEN?!" I'm so sorry to hear that.

P.s. Tatoulia, I have my new percale sheet on my bed.
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