Quick check in. Road, great work! Lila, I'm exhausted these days, too. I wake up and get up but my brain isn't awake. Very weird feeling. Hello CM and Becky!
SubC a teacher's life is hard, to be sure.

I was at office today and stayed fairly late. Did a quick stop at mom's to see how clean her space is (cleaners came today). Now I'm showered and ready for bed. I do love my clean sheets nights. My house is very clean. I never would have gotten to this point without your help and some help from friends.

Road good job on the sorting out and discarding! I'm glad you're getting some "normal".

Heat advisory again today - and a horrible storm on the drive home so I couldn't roll the windows down to cool the car. The heat really wears me out.

Hi Becky, hi CM, Hi Tatoulia!

Hi "actually Lila" - lol!

I do get vacations, but not paid.

My regular job ended May/June - classes were out the last week of May and evaluations were due June 10.

I had a week "off" to catch up with stuff around the farm, and then my camp job started the 20th. That goes through July 1, and then I don't plan to get paid again until school responsibilities officially start Aug 28, but I'll spend time doing planning and prep and I have work to do on my classroom over the summer.

We are going to take an actual vacation this summer in July as my Dad has rented a beach house for a week and invited all of my family and my brother's family. (I have the one brother and no sisters)

Hi all,

This am was the first "normal" day for quite awhile. I just started doing some work outside and thought of you all and kept doing stuff JUST so I could come here and tell you all about it.

- three broken hose in the garbage.
- tested another hose
- sorted through a huge pile of yard & garden stuff the H pulled out yesterday. Stacked up a HUGE pile of plant containers - everything not in great shape and not dark brown/black.

This am was the first "normal" day for quite awhile. I just started doing some work outside and thought of you all and kept doing stuff JUST so I could come here and tell you all about it.

- threw broken hose in the garbage.
- tested another hose
- ordered two new hoses and a wand
- sorted through a huge pile of yard & garden stuff the H pulled out yesterday. Stacked up a HUGE pile of plant containers to throw away - anything broken, not in great shape and not dark brown/black
- piled up three bags of gardening junk a friend abandoned at my house a few years ago
- sorted and consolidated a few more planting related things
- made a salad for brekkie, brewed some green tea
**cleaned out bottom of drawer of fridge again and the bottom /floor of the fridge. I felt very adult.
- the other day I bagged up a large bag to donate
- sorted through my "out of the house" bin & bagged up another big bag to donate
- challenged myself to find three books to donate and after talking myself out of several of them (on very weak grounds) I found three I could part with. Very proud of myself.
- accidentally ordered 2 of a new book so I started the return on that
- cleaned up the shelving unit on the back porch a bit.

I'm forgetting a couple things but that's it for now.

Hope to come back later!
-

hi all,

SubC do you get a summer vacation time? I am looking at my own calendar and wondering why everyone else who actually is employed where I volunteer gets weeks of vacation time, while I stay and work while everyone is gone, and then when they come back I keep right on working to support what is going on. Which means, in 4 years I have taken one week off, twice, in the whole time, plus the week I had covid and the week I was dealing with cancer. And I am a volunteer. I need to actually schedule myself a break in the summer but I have a lot going on.

I was so tired this morning I could barely drag out of bed. I think I will skip the party thing tonight and stay home. I actually went and got an energy drink on the way home because I can't afford to have another day wasted lying around. I HAVE to get some cleaning done. It is getting the the point of gross around here, and embarrassing.

So I am sipping the energy drink now, waiting for it to kick in (which it will since I haven't had one in months) and hope I can get the kitchen and living room clean. The bar/counter between them is another story entirely so I won't worry about that until I get the main areas done.

Goals:
wash all dishes
load dshwasher
put dshes away
wash down counters, stove, fridge, dishwasher, miicrowave
wipe down trash can
clean windows
dust living room
use stick vacuum to clean up dog hair, dust bunnes etc

I will let oyu know how it goes.

Very quick drive by - greetings to all and welcome to Becky.

Good morning

I got so wired from Al the new info
At meeting. Good stuff. Then I couldn't sleep.

Plus my daughter finaly reached out.

She keeps herself quite distanced. Which

Drives me crazy.

Tatoulia, Great job at the camp. I sure

Miss kids.I have a close girlfriend who

Is being passive,aggressive. I call,she doesn't.

So I am pulling back.

Have a nice day,Becky

Good morning.

The exhaustion has set in. I am struggling to wake up enough to drink my coffee so I can do the things.

Camp was better for me yesterday as far as interest because I ran the main project. It was labor intensive though. Today the other teacher (my boss) is running the projects. I think that will be fine too because I have less concern about process. I am pretty good at following instructions and I am pretty good at being in charge. I am apparently less good at being partly in charge of someone else's vision.

For next week my boss has hired a second assistant and I will be the only teacher. The second assistant has lots of ideas but no classroom management skills. (She helped out today) she works well with the kids, but only one at a time. Next week has less clay work and is less in my wheelhouse.

Yesterday was mostly exhausting because it was very full. Morning chores and a few attempts at keeping the house together, leave at 8, camp prep from 9-10, camp from 9-12:30 plus stuff ran into 15 minutes of my lunch, back from lunch to help set up at 1:10, camp 1:30-4, clean up and planning discussion to 4:30 - over to Bean's house for play and dinner, class I'm raking 6:30-9, home at 10, an hour of chores, shower, bed.

Today I just come straight home from camp and try to do some house/farm things.

Also, the ac in my car is not working again - so, definitely has a leak. Can't fix it until after camp. Temps in the 90s. No ac at camp either - the heat doesn't help with the tired.

Ok, coffee is kicking in, gotta get to work.

Yay for the kittens, Becky! I do not go to the meetings. I hope you find some support there; everyone on here is very supportive.

tatoulia,

Oh thank you. For the message help.lol

I got kittens here. So sweet!

Are you coming to the meeting?

Hi Becky! Glad you are getting acclimated! When you start your replies, where it says Name, put in your own name, not the person you are replying to. I know it's a bit confusing but you'll get the hang of it.

Have been working from home today. Cleaners come tomorrow.

Poor kitty is sound asleep. She sleeps more and more. A little like me.

Hi there,

Thank you for the welcome.

Been needing support for this for so long

Getting alot done. I attended my first meeting,

And chat support. But now feel even more

Overwhelmed. of coarse over worked myself
Again. I think the denial is breaking.

I feel shocky. Is that common?


How are you?

Becky

Hi Lila,

So sorry for your sad news!

It would send anyone into tears.
Go slow,and take care of yourself.

Thank you,For the welcome.

Becky

I am so sorry, Lila. What a terrible loss. SubC is correct. Listen to her.

Lila, be gentle with yourself. Some days the dishes are all you can do.

Do any of you get paralyzed by emotion? Like if something upsets you, it seems impossible to do ANYTHING? I have really wanted a day to stay home and clean and sort, but something awful happened this morning - a close friend of my son's passed away. He won't be home until later tonight and I just have a sick feeling and pit in my stomach, not knowing if someone told him or he found out on social media or if I have to tell him. I can't call him so have to wait. It is so upsetting.

After sitting here crying and wandering and doing a lot of nothing all day I finally thought, this is not helping anything. I am upset but mainly it is HIS loss not mine. So I walked the dog.

Then finally I forced myself to start cleaning the kitchen. Just now I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, which is running. I washed ALL of the dirty dishes and sort of washed out the sink. That is all I have the energy for.

If only I could stand to drink a Red Bull or something, I could probably get a lot more cleaning done. Coffee doesn't cut it. How am I ever going to get caught up if all I can do in one day is the dishes?? Help.

hi Becky, you had me wondering for a minute there, when did I write that? ha. But saw you are new and am happy you are here. I'm sorry about your son. It is so hard, we love them so much.

Hi Becky! I think you meant to respond to Lila and instead you accidentally posted as Lila. I used to make the same mistake.

We are glad you are here!

Road, I'm pleased you have been following the healthier diet. I don't cook with salt and don't even like it, so I bet I would love that lemongrass chicken salad!

SubC good to hear about camp! That's so nice that you met up with your husband for dinner on the way home!

Spent the day with BF and some friends. My house is a disaster so I'm going to work on it now, We walked about seven miles today, which was good.

I'm doing a load of laundry (my favorite thing to do, Becky). We are glad you are here, Becky.

Hi Becky! Welcome!
What is the veduvioys method?

Road good news on your niece!
I was afraid it would go like that with your din though. I don't know how they can expect him to keep those on.

Glad you and your brother are still encouraging each other.

Camp was good? I did not come home exhausted. I did get bored. The way it is structured there is down time for me during active periods - not official breaks, just time when literally the kids do not need me and there is nothing to do, but I am supposed to be standing there in case somebody asks for help. I tried filling them by wandering around the room giving positive feedback and asking the kids about their projects. All the plans are done for the whole week. It is nice to have coworkers I can talk to during the day and plan with. There is a "staff meeting" on the back loading dock that I get to go to with adult beverage service after camp on Friday.

I am tired now, but Dh and I met on our ways home for dinner and I had to go back out for feed.

Chores and not too late to bed I hope,

Hi guys!

I lost all the time again.

Oof.

Negotiation with school district is almost over. Extremely frustrating and stressful but got a better result than we had, but not as good as we hoped.

We tried to do a 5-day eeg with my son but we only got a 12-hour and a 17-hour... the little sucker kept ripping off the electrodes in the middle of the night. Who can blame him poor guy.

We had Father's Day at my brothers last night. We actually collaborated. He bought the burgers and beans and chips. I bought the plates' cups, napkins, all the fixings and a few salads. Mom made some strawberry shortcake. Between us all we got it done and the dads didn't have to lift a finger which was nice. My bro is keeping up with the cleaning and looks like he's making some incremental progress. The odor and pet hair is still kind of off the charts but the main thing is he s trying and we have been able to keep getting together as a family. We will keep alternating and that will help each of us keep up with the cleaning. And I can indirectly teach my brother some basics of cooking and entertaining... I am not fancy and he is truly a novice so it will be really basic.

My niece got off her feeding tube and out of the. Hospital into an inpatient treatment place. We kept my nephew for a few days which was really fun.

This week we start the bulk of summer activities... summer school 4 mornings a week and a Rec activity almost every day so my son will love that.

I just made a low sodium lemongrass chicken salad. It needed..... SALT! Lol. No, it's good. Actually yesterday was the first burger I've eaten since April which is amazing! I've learned I can live without it which is great. Still, I've been getting sloppier so I'm hitting the "reset" to try to keep on target.

That's my update. I'm gonna go back and catch up on your posts...

Hi there. I just joined.
I sure get these struggles
With your teen. My son had a severe bipolar.
I lost him at age 6 yrs

He is 19 yrs now,we are in contact.
I am being cautious.

I love him so much. Yet the years
Of this illness is still fresh in my
Mind.

I would love support as I go
Forward with the mess in my home.

Got all supplies for Vesuvius method.

So happy to not be alone with this
Process.

Hugs,Becky

Good morning.

Lila, I'm sorry tgat you and your teen are in a hard place right now.

I hope the progress in your room helps you. You did a great job on the clothing! And very good decision on the purse.

Tatoulia, some days it's just good to get all the little stuff off your list. I'm glad you are getting more time with people you care about.

Thank you for caring about the hazardous waste day. It truly makes me feel better.

Camp today. Couldn't sleep last night. I hate feeling unprepared. Dh says I will have fun and love it and come home energized. I'm pretty sure I will come home exhausted.

I left all the baby goats with their mothers last night so that I wouldn't have to milk this morning.

Lila, I am sorry about the violence and destruction. I'm glad you were able to put your clothes away. Good work!

I checked quite a few things off my list today. I couldn't ge5 near the laundry room til after 9 PM so I still have my towels to get out of the dryer, at 10 PM.

here's what I did today, small stuff but it was on my list: laundered sheets, launder towels, deposit two checks, pay owed tolls, clean mom's cat box, take a few things to mom's, shred mail, run dishwasher, take out recycling, and water plants. Small stuff but I'm glad I did it. I also showered and washed my hair.

I'll go get my towels out of the dryer. The sheets are already dried and folded and I'll put away now.

I saw BF for less than two minutes. I didn't get to mom's til 930 and he quickly met me to walk me part of the way home.

I also did some work today and I'll have to do more tmr. We are seeing our friend with her children tmr. They are so sweet and we haven't seen them in several weeks. They know we sold one of the businesses and the 9 yo was very philosophical about it, esp when it came to how hard BF works. The daughter (6) pouted because she loved to visit him at work. Both kids did, but the 9 yo is exceptionally bright and is truly like having a grandpa in the room. When he found out BF can join us tmr, he asked his mother if BF is still working a lot of hours and when she said no, he's working a lot less, the boy said, thank goodness. We will have a lot more time with the kids and for that I am grateful.

I just cannot believe how much time we have now. It's different, to be sure, and it's great.

hi guys,

I enjoyed reading all your posts today, and when someone said something about camp, I thought, "oh, I forgot to sign up for the group camp-out for church in 2 weeks" and I really have been planning to go. I love the woods and the people. But, I think really I need to stay home. Maybe. I need a few days off and that is likely my only chance. Although, teen has become volitile again and things have been getting destroyed, and that really puts me in a mental pit. Looking at the broken stuff, cracked cabinets, holes in walls, busted doors, and now cracked car interior, it all just makes me feel hopeless and worthless. No point in fixing it when autism still reigns. I don't have the $$ to keep fixing. So I live in disarray and there are reminders all around me of the angry rages and sadness I have to live with.

Anyway... this weekend I did find homes for almost all my clothing that was stacked and piled. A few things in the donate box, some in a drawer I made room in, some hung up, a couple things getting returned. I even decided to return a purse I bought. I need a new purse, but it has sat here not getting used because I am not sure if I like it. So back it goes. I have a new purse I bought YEARS ago in my closet I can use until I find one I really like.

That's terrific news, SubC! Good to hear it!

I forgot to put it on my calendar that yesterday was paper shredding and hazardous waste day in Boston and I had been promising BF we would take his stuff. Next one isn't til August. I did find one that is outside of the city and I'm going to call them to see if I can go. I didn't see any residency requirements yet will call to make sure. With all going on this week, I just forgot. The next one (in August) is now on my calendar.

I've made a list of things to do today. I've been doing that lately and it's been a big help in feeling accomplished. Will report back later.

I❤️The electric mower!

I really put it through it's paces. Ran the batteries all the way out, pushed it through some very tall grass - it got jammed - no problem! I took the batteries out, flipped it over, unclogged it with a stick, flipped it back, put the batteries back on, and off we went!

We already have an electric string trimmer that uses the same battery (one, the mower uses two) I am officially naming them Bert and Ernie.

SubC I'm glad you have so many options on the mower. And I'm glad you can recycle the boots. I know how you are tortured by landfill and it has rubbed off on me. You've done a great job opening my eyes!

Good morning!

Since I don't know anyone who wants to plant flowers in them, the old boots will need to be washed and taken to the recycling center in the city - along with a lot of other things that have been accumulating in my basement because it is quite a trip and hard for me to get there on days they are open. (Dead markers, type 5&6 plastics.)

Setting aside a day to go down there and spending some time doing a sweep of the house for things that should go are on my big summer project list for after the next two weeks of camp.

Camp is stressing me out and I am sorry I applied, but I still hope it will be fun. I think things will be better after the first day. I just don't really understand what it will look like.

Dh will decide about the lawnmower. Possibilities are:
- he will give it to one of his former scouts who needs it (there is a small group of former scout dads who keep in touch and kind of keep track of their "boys" - my old washer and dryer went to one.)
- he will sell it - from the end of the driveway or on Craigslist
- the scouts don't need it and he will decide it is not salable and put it at the road with a "free-works" sign (it will be gone the next day)
- he will decide some part of it is salvageable for something else, and the carcass will either be hauled to recycling or put at the road with a "free - scrap" sign. (Might take two or three days to disappear)

I planted all my new plants last night. The basil pot had nine little basils in it! I teased the roots apart and planted them separately.

Ps I did go visit mom and brought her some groceries.

SubC, you and husband made some wise choices today! What will you do with your old boots? And old lawnmower? Is there anyone who could use the old lawnmower?

I slept most of the day. Just recharging. The week was so fantastic and I needed to recharge.

(I want to add the information to the below post that Dh has been working really hard the last two weeks and got a bunch of overtime, and my boots needed to be replaced last year, but I've just been wearing them with mud leaking in because of covid - we don't usually make sudden big purchases)

CM,

I'm glad you made good choices. I hope you can have a yard sale if it would help you.

We have had a very spendy day!

Dh has been contemplating an electric push mower because he has back and shoulder problems that make it hard for him to pull the cord on our very old gas mower without hurting himself. Today he did some mowing and was wishing out loud in my general direction that he could get into some tight areas. It did him no good, because I can't pull the start at all.

He asked if I would mow some of the areas he currently mows for me if we had an electric mower. I said probably, and the next thing I knew we were in the truck. He bought the mower ($100 off at the store I insisted on starting at because I wanted to look at their chicks) and then bought me the nicest pair of waterproof steel toe chore boots I have ever owned and some pepper and basil plants. (The chicks were unexciting)

He even let me stop and pick up a folding shelf for my classroom from the curb.

I am heading out to get the plants in in a few minutes in honor of my new approach of trying to finish the whole job and not start things that will hang over my head. (It is new yesterday - more on that later.)

Helped out at church garage sale this past week. Spent most of my time working the craft supplies table. Quite a bit of the items had belonged to the lady who ran our quilt guild, who passed away last fall. I don't know if I had mentioned that I and the other quilters had been helping the lady's sister this winter and spring to get the stuff out of the house and over to the church. There was quite a bit of it.

And of course plenty from other donations as well. I stared at it for hours, as well as walked around looking at other tables. So. Much. Stuff. The crusty little resin teddy bear figurines, the scrapbooking stuff once sold at inflated prices at home parties, geese pillows from decades ago when geese were popular until suddenly they weren't, personalized "keepsake" ornaments. Christmas ephemera out the wazoo. And all of it stuff No One Wanted Anymore.

And I can't say I didn't find a few supplies to use in my own projects but I hope I was very selective and didn't just get cheesy junk. I remembered so many times in years past when I was suckered in by marketing. Crafts are a real double edged sword for creative people. We need some kind of outlet, yet if we are aware of the problem of perpetuating the proliferation of useless junk, it becomes a real dilemma.

I was feeling a desire to go and get rid of all kinds of stuff from my own stash, coupled with the realization of how when I go to do that, indecision and despair can seize up my brain like rust in the gears. 😬 Don't get me wrong, I know I still want to make the effort, because the consequences of not doing so would be horrendous. But oh my, it is hard either way.

In some ways, if I could have my own garage sale, say in the fall when it's cooler, I feel like it might be motivating. Because my "household" is scattered piecemeal between various locations in my roommate's house and my storage unit. Bringing it together once and for all might give it some cohesion and I'd be able to visualize what is more essential for the future. My roommate doesn't feel comfortable having strangers around here, but maybe I could ask my cousin if she would want to have one at her house. Wish my cousin didn't live clear on the other side of town though.

Ah well. This next week I just finally get to catch up after the commitments elsewhere. First do basics like laundry, then try to assess where to start on the rest.

Tatoulua, Dh had a friend who was in the second world trade tower. They were told to wait at their desks for instructions. He got up and walked home. It took him 7 hours.

Lila, enjoy your social events and keep that table clear! You can do it! Keep us updated on the clothes.

I am in my afternoon slump. I baked more squash and froze it, put up trellis for the green beans that were supposed to be bush beans but obviously are not, put the rest of the pile of fence in my barn so it is not in the yard annoying Dh, cut more chamomile and put it in the dehydrator, pulled weeds, picked peas - we have enough for a meal now, and swept the back porch.

In a minute I will go plant more squash.

I have been thinking about the things I put in the trash can yesterday. If I put something in the trash can every day - that is hundreds of things a year, thousands of things in my lifetime. It seems like so much, so overwhelming. And yet, if I clear out just one net item a day from my house - the numbers are the same, but it seems like nothing, like it won't even make a dent.

So nice to wake up and have posts to read. Thank you Tatoulia and SubC for the thoughts. I am processing with the goal of decluttering.

I am trying to work through the clothing issue. It is shaped by my experiences of having gained and lost 80 pounds twice. Both times, I got rid of everything too big as I got thinner. And now I have regained weight a third time and am re-losing it again. This time, I saved some stuff, and thank goodness because each time I regained I had to go out and buy, or find, more. That's why I have nearly nothing to wear even though I bought a ton of things by mail, tried them all on and am returning almost all of it.

I know I can lose this weight again. In fact I have to, say my doctors. This morning I am down 15 pounds from when I was diagnosed. I think in 10 more pounds a huge amount of my clothing will fit, so I am forcing myself not to keep buying more in bigger sizes.

So in 3 months a lot of these clothes will fit. That's why I haven't gotten rid of more. Will I get rid of bigger clothes as I lose again? Yeah, probably, because I absolutely cannot afford (health wise) to gain it back.

When I think of the boxes and boxes of nice clothes in my current size that I donated years ago, it makes me so mad. If I had them now it would be better. Oh well.

I did get the dining room table totally cleared last night (yay!) and we had dinner together. I am going to try and keep it clear. The bar/counter is a piled up disaster but not my priority today.

Today I will sort my papers in the box next to me, run the dishwasher, clean my room a bit more.

I was invited to 3 social events today (shocking) and will drop in at each one. If I don't, I think feelings would be hurt so I will stop in. I need to pick up a graduation gift for one of them.

Lila, I have a huge well of compassion for you and your fears. I have to live and work within a few easily walkable miles. Under 2 is the ideal, and I've managed that for over 30 years. I need to know if something terrible happens, I can get home.

I am an extrovert who really enjoys quiet time.

Since the blankets make you feel safe, keep them. Do you have too many for the number of people in your home? I forget how many people you have at home. For example, 40 blankets for 4 people might be too many. That said, if this topic is too stressful, move on to other items.

I like what SubC said about space. Space is so lovely.

With clothes, I think not COULD I wear it again but WILL I wear it again. Answer is almost always No. I've been on this journey a lot longer so am offering you the ?finished product,' so to speak, of where I've ended up. Could I use this item/shirt/crockpot/spoon/towel Is a lot different from will I? Learning the difference has helped me. Since my mother is creative (I am not), she looks at everything for the potential and it drives me nuts. I now give her things in no packaging. No gift bags, no ribbons, no boxes. She once kept a thin, narrow box about the size of a stationery box and I said for what and she said "I could put something in it". I threw it out.


Right now I have four sets of sheets for my bed and one set for my fold-out couch. I would prefer only three sets for my bed yet all are the percale I love and all are in good shape. So they stay. When one set gets worn out (although, I rotate them), I'll donate and not replace because four sets is excessive for me.

I used to have two sets of sheets for foldout, which made zero sense. Even when my friend lived here, I frequently swapped out for a set of my sheets (which are the wrong size for the foldout, and it was fine). I think I told you I bought her a comforter for the bed and when she left for her own apartment, she took the comforter, pillows, etc with her. I do not keep a comforter for the twin foldout. If someone is staying a night or two, I make do. If it's a week or more, I buy a comforter and pillow then launder and donate once done. I don't have room or any desire to keep. I know I am fortunate to be able to buy and donate. I generally find a pretty sweet deal for $15.99 or $19.99 comforters at Macys. The pillows are about $4 at target.

A work colleague is staying here at the end of July. There's a retirement party that she cannot expense to the company. She'll be here two nights. And I love her dearly. So she can use two of the pillows off of my bed (no need to buy and donate) and I'll cobble together a throw or two as a covering.

I have a bag of clothes for goodwill. I'm excited to get rid of them. Some I can still wear, but shouldn't.

My house is a wreck from all the socializing and running on empty. I ran the dishwasher this AM and have done a load of linen pants and shirts that are now hanging to dry.

Not caught up on posts. Quick drive by. Busy week. Dinner with friend Wednesday was lovely and she loved my house. Thursday was hosting various business partners at lunch and then a trolley tour. Today was US Open and I had a blast. Adding in Tuesday at the Red Sox, and it's been like a vacation for me. Wow!

Goodnight dear friends. I'm working on a bag of donations.

Lila, I'm sorry you lost your friend.

I do understand the might not have what you need thing - I would keep the blankets too. Because you might need blankets. There was a time I lived in my car for a short time - it actually gave me a really critical view of how few things I actually need. But temperature control is one of those things.

But you don't need clothes that don't fit. You just don't. You need space to live more. Keep telling yourself that until you believe it. Space is a thing. You don't need money to get it, you can trade clothes that don't fit for it! And maybe for a little money too.

How is the table?

We didn't get the mail, so just food came in today. It is all taken care of.

I threw two pieces of recycling that were too hard to get clean into the trash bag.

another post...

SubC, I don't really want to go out either. In fact, for about 10 years I almost never left my house, except to take my kid to school or her events. Before she was in school I spent like 4 years in the house and only left for doctor appointments, most weeks. And I had no one over and called no one and most days saw no on but my family (kids were in school tho). I am a major introvert. I guess it started to feel like too much isolation and I started focing myself to be social. It is SO HARD for me. I always feel like people don't REALLY like me. I feel like everyone else has some inside jokes and are best friends and then there I am on the outskirts looking at my shoes, not knowing what to say. I started to get pretty depressed. I did not have a normal social life as a child. Social is hard for me. But for the last 4 years I have just forced myself, and started to pray and ask God to help me, and I just make myself. Although, any minute I feel I could revert to the black hole of complete isolation.

I did have a very close, dear friend all those years and we texted and emailed several times a day. She was the only person I talked to for most of 10 years. She died 2 years ago and now it is hard. I like posting here, like people care what I am sharing and I get to know you guys too.

I imagine 75% by volume, SubC. I imagine taking 'before' photos of every area, then photos of the items being donated outside my house, then 'after' photos with sooo much space!! I want it so badly. I don't know why I let money stand in the way of having this. But to me it says, this is the reason I hoard: I might not HAVE what I need.

I went through an awful divorce due to abuse, and when he left, I had nothing. I mean I could not buy shoes or anything. It was a constant struggle until I got through college and had an income.

So for example, blankets. I have blankets that I don't even LIKE. But I pull them out when company comes (like when though?? 4 years ago?) and when I think about getting rod of the sheets and blankets that never get used, I remember when our power was shut off and we were so cold and needed blankets. I am afraid if I donate them, power will go out and we will be cold and I won't have money to go buy blankets.

That's how it is with most of my stuff.

Anyway, I worked on the table and just took a deep breath and shoved the stuff that goes in the hall closet, in there. It's all heaped up, but that's a project for another day. Other things got put where they belong, or throw out. Now there are only a few (less than 5) items on the table to be put away. I did one wipe of the table (dust etc) and will wash it off when I get those items put away.

Yay! So happy to see people here!

CM, thanks for keeping me company, and I'm glad the dolls found a new home! I think people's bodies need different things. I like plant foods. If I'm going to be honest, I like fruits better than veggies, but I like plants. I also love dairy and carbs, but I feel better when I limit those. It's a struggle.

Lila, I struggle in the opposite direction. I don't want to go. I want to have friends, but I don't want to have to leave my house to have them. I think that's one of the reasons you guys are so important to me. If I had an irl support group like this and I had to drive more than 10 minutes to get there, I would probably stop going. (It takes 10 minutes to get to the closest grocery store, so I only go there in an emergency. Otherwise I wait until I am passing a grocery store on my way home from somewhere else. "Somewhere else" is almost always work.) Also, I don't want to do any of the things.

I hope your other computer gets fixed.

Here is what I think, your clothes are like my milk. You don't need piles of clothes you can't use. You need clothes you can use right now, and you need space. Trust that you will find the money you need for the things you really need. Start by taking back every single thing that doesn't fit right now and can be returned. Put that money aside.

Do you have a consignment shop? My suggestion would be to go through the things that don't fit and take everything they might accept there (you may keep items that you truly love that are not replaceable, but you have to truly love it) That money can also go in your clothing fund. Have you quit your fast food habit? Can you put money in your clothing fund that you save from drinking healthy smoothies instead? Would that motivate you?

Could I choose the 75%? Is it by volume or by number?

I made my clean refrigerator shelf and I have been attacking the laundry and dishes.I am down to four clean baskets to put away and one load to hang. All the beds have clean sheets. Dishes are still badly backed up.

hello friends, I am back on my chromebook. I need to figure out what is wrong with the other one. Meanwhile I do need to post.

I too have been spending on clothes and STILL even though I returned 90% of them, marely anything I kept REALLY fits well. "Almost." In 10 pounds. I keep ordering bigger sizes and I guess I am fatter than I think. This sucks.

This morning I woke up and stared from bed at the piles and piles by my bed, all over that rocking chair, on top of every surface and the floor. I don't know why it keeps happening but it is making me depressed.

Two goals today:
1) that area. I went through the top layers, hung up 4 items of clothing in the closet. I sorted a drawer and rearranged and made room for a few of those "almost" shirts. Fact is, I could happily donate 75% of my clothing if I had, say, a thousand dollars dedicated to getting what I really need and want... about $150 for clothes that fit NOW and the rest to hold onto to buy things as I lose weight. Maybe that is the solution. Find $1,000 and allow myself $150 for now and the rest as I lose. My closet and bins would be SO empty. Alas, I live in fear that I will not have money to buy what I need, so I am scared to donate everything and be stuck with nothing to wear. I really ought to just return everything that still can be returned, and save that money. I did return a lot.

Along these lines, is there an amount of money that, if someone offered you, you would give up 75% of ALL your belongings? What is the minimum amount you would take? I have often thought, if someone would come with a giant truck and "buy" 75% of what I own, I would do it. I would take 10k for sure. Then I would save that, and ONLY buy things as I need them... not replace all this crap! A huge part of the battle for me is I do not have funds to buy what I need. If I had money in the bank I would gladly get rid of almost everything.

2) the dining room table. I have Tot and her parents coming for dinner. It is piled with stuff and dusty. Worked on it and realized stuff needs to go into the hall closet, but the hall closet is literally exploding into the hall. So... stalled.

Tatoulia, thank you for that explanation. It makes sense. So my task to orient to today is to clear the table so we can have dinner together tonight. I will focus on putting the stuff on the table away. When that is done it's a win.

SubC, thanks! No new tot yet! I thought she would be here by now. Any day! My event did not get postponed, so I went because I really did WANT to be included. I struggle with feeling left out, so when get an actual invitation to a thing that is not for like 50+ people... I feel so grateful they thought of me, so I want to go, because I'm afraid if I don't , they won't invte me next time. I don't know if that is a healthy way to be, or not.

My laptop s gltchng so I will post this and try to post again after t stops.

Hi SubC, I'll keep you company for a bit.

"Don't buy work" - spot on. I came up with the phrase "Don't buy a project" some years back. A garment that needs altering, a gizmo that needs repairs, etc. I'm not perfect at keeping that resolution when it comes to dolls, haha. However, there have been several fixer upper dolls I've let go of, and the few remaining are ones I am more committed to.

I noticed yesterday at the church a lady had a couple dolls I'd donated in her stuff she was buying. That made me happy.

The heat is here to stay awhile, I am afraid. 🥵

I can only observe in puzzlement you, my roommate, and various other people who garden and eat lots of vegetables. The vegetables I will eat, and the very exact and infrequent conditions under which I will eat them, are exacting and arcane. The only thing I really ever crave vegetable wise is stir fry type dishes from the Chinese buffet, or my own version I learned to make. Restaurant or home, the foods must still contain some meat and starch to be palatable to me.

And yet, except for the weight, I'm healthy as a horse. 🤷‍♀️

Good morning.

Talking to myself.

Sometimes I feel very out of step - I post and post, and then all of a sudden you all post when I barely have time to read!

Heat index is still awful, but supposed to break tomorrow.

Here are the things that came into my house yesterday:
Food
Mail

I recycled my mail. Dh will take care of his mail just fine.

All the food I brought in yesterday is washed or chilled or dried or cooked and put away ready to eat or cook with as appropriate! (The onions and garlic are racked and drying)

I made popovers and a cake. My food goal for today is to get one shelf of my fridge clean and with fresh food ready to eat on it. Just one shelf. I would also like to go to bed with all the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, but that might be too much.

I'm not sure yet what else I will work in today.

I found a very encouraging YouTube channel.

Most of what I watch on YouTube is homestead vlogs, and most of the people on them are young and have at least one if not both people making their living mostly or entirely from YouTube. So, everything looks great.

I found this channel because they had a vlog titled "we can't farm like - insert vlogger I watch - (and neither can you)." They have four kids and one bitty grandkid. Their youngest looks to be early to mid teens. They have less land than I have. They weigh more than I do. They get out of breath talking and working at the same time and they move like things hurt. Their "yard" is "poverty grass" like mine, and their garden is full of weeds. Their equipment is old and cobbled together and patchwork and dirty, and their "today's project" is something like putting plywood on the back of the hoop house, cleaning the coop out, and hanging the nesting boxes. They look like they are having fun, and they make me feel better.

Follow up from post below-

And then I brushed my hair, put a bra on, drove three miles round trip, and discovered I should have checked Facebook because they are closed this week due to the heat.

Today's thoughts, managing resources.

One thing I have been telling myself lately though is "don't buy work." Because I might have enough money for something, but I don't have enough time. So, for example, when I saw an amazing deal on fruit trees a while back, I actually thought about buying them - a whole little orchard for the cost of a few trees! I would love to have an orchard! I have the space! - screeeeech - fortunately I stopped myself by reminding myself how many HOURS it would take to plant the trees, while I lost things I already have by not taking care of them.

So today I have been working on enjoying the abundance of resources I have.

I planted 7 gift tomato plants in the garden.

I picked mint and chamomile and put them in the dehydrator for tea.

I picked snow peas from the garden.

I made mozzarella cheese from a gallon of milk, rebatched it for a little ricotta, and put the whey away for bread baking,

I baked squash that have been stored in my basement so I can bake biscuits tomorrow (and some to freeze for biscuits another day because the squash won't keep much longer)

I did a load of laundry because I don't need more dish towels, I need clean dish towels.

And I gave the chickens a gallon of milk that had soured in the back of the fridge. And here is the problem - I had money for goat feed, and time to milk, and strain the milk, and wash the milking equipment, but I did not have time to rotate the milk and use it in a timely fashion. There are two answers to this: less time spent on milk or more time spent on milk. Because I clearly am not spending the RIGHT amount of time on milk.

So, now I am going to go to the farmer's market and buy up to 4 pepper plants and no more than three jars of jam in varieties I will not make this year, and also hot mustard if the hot mustard person is there. And maybe basil plants.

I got a little sidetracked.

I noticed the oregano was about to bloom (flavor is best before blooming) so I spent a lot of time this afternoon cutting tgat and filling the dehydrator (it's almost done)

Then I found a very labor intensive (washing and chopping) recipe for beet greens that used garlic, onion, and cream, so I made that for dinner - salt, sugar, spices, and accompanying rice were from the store.

I'm going to read a little bit before I go out and attack the garlic again.

We're a team! Lol! Obviously I think Bean is amazing.

CM, good job clearing out the things you don't wear. I need to get more serious about that.

Usually when I buy new clothes I shop online in the 1950s. Seriously, I found an online store that carries xs to 5x the 1950s are the right cut for my body and they usually come in 100% cotton with pockets. When they have sales things run as low as $25. They have mostly dresses and separates, not too much casual.

I am excited about the quilt!

Here is a question for you related to the garage sale - I have been reading a book on taking back your time, and one of the questions she suggests asking (rather than "can ) is "will it be worth to them what it will take out of me?"

I have decided that the next few days are going to be harvest focused. This morning I lifted the garlic, picked some onions, a few radishes, the first snow peas, and a lot of beets and pulled weeds. Then I had lunch and a shower and I am having a rest. This afternoon I will work on washing/putting up/prepping the things I brought in, and this evening I'll go shake the hopefully dried dirt off the garlic and bring it in to finish curing.

I'm trying to run some dishes too.

SubC, Bean is growing up so much, as I'm sure you already know. He sounds like a smart little guy! And definitely enjoys his Grammie time.

Tatoulia, the clothes thing sounds intriguing. I wish I could come up with a version of something like that. To me, it's depressing all the flimsy, trashy looking clothes that are sold in places like Walmart and Target and even places a bit more upscale - but so many of them made of synthetics which make me itch and sweat. I refuse to buy them. And then I go to the thrift store and see that same stuff hanging limp and sad on the racks - and I still wouldn't pay a penny for it because I hate it and would never wear it.

In my own wardrobe, I've been getting rid of anything I have ambivalent feelings about. Yet it's hard to find something basic, cotton fiber, in a super comfortable style, with decent POCKETS which for me are not optional, to build a solid wardrobe. Stuff I do feel comfortable in, I wear for decades if it holds up. So I think you're wise to find some company that can provide quality pieces that'll last and that's so cool that you can return the stuff and they'll take care of recycling it. That way, you already know what you'll do eventually, and that saves a bunch of dithering and procrastination. The setup seems "tailor made" 😉 to help eliminate the clothing limbo that engenders clutter.

Mar, I'm glad your situation worked out. We've all known that relief!

Hi Lila, Road

Weather here is stinking hot and also windy. Dust in the air making a haze. I almost wish I hadn't said I'd help with the church garage sale, just because I feel like vegging instead of being obligated to be places and do things. But it'll be over in a couple of days.

And in a couple of days I hope to get a swim in, which will be so refreshing and one good thing about the hot weather. Cringe at the gasoline it takes to drive to the water park, though. 😬 Alternate plan would be to go to the Y that is closer but the pool is indoors. We'll see what seems best at the time.

I did get my quilt top all assembled, which feels great. I think it will need to have a border around it, but that's simple, except for the need to go elsewhere with more room to do the bigger pieces cutting and sewing, yet again. I did the final sewing together of large sections at the church yesterday. Had been doing medium sections even at the house here, on the kitchen table, I wanted so much to get this thing done. The kitchen table is in the traffic path though, being the inside of the corner of the L between kitchen and living room. But sometimes I can manage, until I can clear the workspace I used to use in the back room.

Dropped the trash and recycling.

Emptied one shelf in my classroom and discovered that removing them is going to be easy but underneath them is horrible and disgusting.

Had a great time at class.

My brakes are seizing up in the heat, so planning to stay home as much as possible or drive the truck the rest of the week. Hopefully Dh can fix the brakes this weekend.

Horrible heat index - I'm struggling because I need to get out in the garden in the mornings and I also need more sleep.