Hi Lila,

I tell myself "just do something!" Sometimes the something isn't even on my "list" but it gets me moving - like I might walk up to get the mail and plan my next move on the walk. I tell myself "ok, I got the mail, and I got a little exercise. When I "get home" I'm going to go straight to the phone and call."

I do take a multivitamin every day - plus extra iron and a vision support capsule, but thank you for the thought.

I think what I might need is more faith. It's like my inner judge is saying "seriously? You can't handle your life now. You're going to start plants? Why? When are you going to plant them out? You'll forget them in the greenhouse and they will all die. Have you seen the greenhouse? How long do you have to clean that out after you plant seeds? Tick, tick, tick."

Yeah, it might be that.

Right now I am eating lunch.

I wormed the buck goats and trimmed their hooves and gave them their shots. I also cleared out a few wheelbarrow loads of deep bedding - enough to cover the cardboard I laid down on two future 3x20' garden beds.

All that is standing between me and 4th and ten is seven baskets of clean laundry and a wet couch cushion.

Dh doesn't think the cushion will be dry enough to put back tonight.

But I think that since I have actually accomplished some other stuff in the last two days, I'm going to give myself a first down if I finish the laundry.

Road, I think you have to prove you are human more times early in the day. Maybe captcha needs a certain number of picture scans each hour and they give you more if traffic is light.

I tend to ask leading questions or share my experiences rather than give advice. Mostly because i feel like in the ymmv category, everyone else is in a car or bus or train or on a bike or maybe a boat or walking, and I'm on a pogo stick.

My kids were pretty much free range. We moved here right before the little one turned 7, so they were 7, 9, and 11. I gave them whistles. I said "if you get in trouble, blow the whistle. If you hear me blow my whistle, blow yours back - I'm trying to find out where you are. And if I ring the bell (big farm bell) come straight back to the house. Now go play outside." I also told them not to go in the creek or the pond alone, and not to stand on a branch thinner than their wrist. Basically as long as they read a book now and then and did their math workbooks every year I was happy. Dd is always telling dsil stories about what a terrible parent I was, and when she gets to the end he says things like "you realize you had the childhood every kid dreams about, right?"

One day she decided she couldn't stand her ($10 thrift store) dresser one more day, and they carried it out to the bonfire pit and burned it. I watched the whole thing from a window. All I said when they got back was "I'm not buying you another dresser". She kept her clothes in cardboard boxes for two years until she found a dresser she liked and bought it. # terrible parent.

Road mentions Easter. Subc puts her hands over her ears and sings "lalala I can't hear you."

Did today so far:

replaced the worn/ripped rubber feet on the shower chair and threw the old ones away.

Need help prioritizing, I feel frozen:
errands and counselor appt (the only set thing, 1:00)
possibly go visit some people (work related/I visit elderly in rest homes, no set times)
calls for teen appts (very stressful)
calls and emails for work, and paperwork
plan a work meeting (really have to)
clean my dog's ears (itchy)
clip his nails
reach out to a couple friends
find things in storage room that teen wants
get stuff into trash for trash day tomorrow morning (DH is away, chance to declutter some, plus fridge)
more sorting/declutter to take things to donate while DH is gone

I had someone want to come by here to visit this weekend but I got that delayed a week. My house is a wreck!! And as you see, cleaning the house is not even on my radar for today.

Help? How to prioritize and get enough done??

Road, thanks for the warm welcome back :) I am glad to hear you had a nice meal together with parents. What a blessing. Also I so relate to the stress of constantly dealing with a medically-needy kid. It can be exhausting, so be sure you rest and take care of you. I say this as I am dragging along trying to get my teen's 'must do' list done as well. Lots of calls I should make today etc.

SubC, that is a very accurate description. Like blocks are pushing against me but I don't know what it is. Yeah, I have that too, and I wonder if I am depressed, or something. Maybe take a multivitamin. That's what everyone always used to tell me. Who knows, it might help you.

I've been so busy with work that I am flustered now and trying to focus on what to do first. I don't have to go out today except to the counselor, but I should run a couple errands. I have phone calls to make and documents to update, but so many other things fighting for my attention.

How do you handle it when you have too many things and feel paralyzed where to begin?? I don't know what to do.

Aww "lot more creek!" That says so much! I keep seeing this thing come up on Instagram about letting your kids do dangerous things carefully. That's probably really true. I think my nephew and his family take an approach like that. They are both outdoorsy adventurous people. Their kids would definitely say "lot more creek!"

I haven't started seeds yet either. I am just not feeling it but I know if I don't I may regret it later... I have a couple little greenhouses I bring into the dining room til mid April or so... I've really enjoyed doing that in years past, but gonna either drop it or kind of force it this year... fake it til you make it? I know I can start some stuff later, but having all the different nightshade varieties is what really lights my fire and the time is now.

Sounded like my dad was over at my bro's yesterday "helping" him improve his life. Sadly it's more like my dad not hiding his disgust disapproval and disappointment very well, saying 83 critical things and then wondering why they end up in a fight. I also grappled with that concept all day with my niece and sister. Mind your own business? Offer open ended help (to do what?) offer advice? Usually not appreciated or advised... at what point is kindness or inaction enabling? I am on the other side of that as well. If I put myself in the place of how would I want other people to approach me I guess I would want someone to say "is there something I can do to help?" But then I am really. Motivated to change and I've tried so many things (and have had some progress but still a long way to go)... but what do you do if the person isn't willing to do anything about it - or doesn't want to change ? or doesn't even agree there's a problem...

So my plans for today...
- brought up Easter stuff
- organized laundry a little bit downstairs, started a load, bringing up a load of clean towels to fold,,,
- must clean kitchen
- returns
- Aldi run
- Kick everyone's ass at the drs. offices til they do their job.
- possibly shop for needlework squirrels... (still Employing stall tactic with self)

Ok, are we all having issues with the "prove you're a human" thing required to post? I find I'm having to do more of them - sometimes 4 - before it will let me pass.

Ouch on the windshield wiper repair!

I got up and did yoga this morning and restarted the wash I left in the washing machine all night.

I did not get enough sleep. Yesterday made it clear to me that I need more sleep - I was able to do two hard things on the same day and still accomplish some other stuff.

Right now I am facing chores and starting seeds and I just want to climb back into bed with a book. I used to love starting my seeds and I do not know what is wrong with me this year.

Dh and I got Chinese take out last night, so there is the packaging from that added to my life. It includes a greasy paper bag and two rice boxes that I would normally burn, but currently I am not feeling enthusiastic about setting aside the burnables.

Dsil took bean to a park with a creek yesterday - Dd bought him water shoes. Apparently when it was time to go, he said "lot more creek!" Our creek has not gone down enough for him to play in yet.

Thanks subc, so much for some great advice. I think I'm going to printout that blurb and post it. I'm taking all of that advice.

Today was rather epic in the headache/hassle department, I didn't feel physiologically agitated like I did yesterday but more shite hit the fan today for sure. I had a long convo with my niece which is loaded with baggage. I gave her advice (and listened)... she said she agreed and would do what I suggested but we will see. I'm more worried about my sister now though based on what she told me. Tried to talk to my bro about it but he got testy about it so that didn't end up being helpful. The school and medical miasma proved even more complex and aggravating than I thought earlier in the day. This is why having Swiss cheese for brains is not working for me. If I don't keep on top of stuff and other people (literally ALL the other people) drop the ball, then my son gets excluded from sports for another season for no reason. Part of it is picking up the pieces post (pretending it's post-) pandemic where all the extracurriculars were cancelled Or virtual and I had to stop caring about his iep because it all went up in smoke anyway, but now that I need to get it together again, I am struggling. The runners up today were: $400 windshield wiper repair and I found doggies medicine and food untouched in her bowl and she's already asleep for the night. Bright spot was my son singing for his karaoke zoom call. So cute. Also, snowdrops are blooming, birds are singing... spring has arrived.

Alright gonna bail out early tonight and see if I can take half a melatonin and sleep through tonight. Oh, forgot to tell you that I bought some cbd gummies to try again for pain and I kept crashing, took some pretty long naps and then figured out there was melatonin in the gummies! Lol. Returning!

It has been a pretty productive day.

Besides the stall and the laundry (4th and 20?) I disbudded the triplet baby goats and gave them their shots. I also got hay and unloaded and racked it (sometimes I leave it in the truck overnight)

I cleaned up a broken jar I'd been ignoring for days (it wasn't where bean could get to it)

Ok, actually that doesn't look like that much when I type it out, it seems like I should have had more time. But it was a lot and I am tired.

I REALLY need to start my seeds tomorrow. I don't know what is stopping me. It is as if I can literally feel the block pushing against me but I don't know what it is.

I want to hope that the doctor is laid back because he knows everything is probably fine and just hasn't been able to communicate that to you.

People who don't treat other people like human beings make me crazy. My friend's sister had a surprise baby (in her early 20s) because the people in her life and her boyfriend's life had just assumed that they were basically big children and didn't need information about sexuality and reproduction. She went the first six months with no prenatal care.

Write down the things you want to say to/ask your doctor ahead of time so you won't be overly polite? Even if you have to hand them the list. "You could just say "doctors offices make me very uncomfortable" and hand over the list. You will not be the first person. I have white coat hypertension and I always open with "my blood pressure is going to be really bad. It might be lower at the end of the visit if you tell me everything is great. But it might not."

Maybe your medical support friend could help you write up your list so you feel confident about it.

My Dh has decided it has been long enough. I was upstairs getting laundry and he said "how is your day going? Did you set anything on fire?"

I finished cleaning out a stall and resolved a social issue that was causing me stress.

I also remembered that way back at the beginning of the pandemic, the pottery studio had a "buy a $125 gift certificate for $100" sale to keep them going, and I bought one. I found it and it expires April 6, so I need to go shop!

As far as your projects. The obvious answer is to not buy anymore projects until you have used or passed on all the projects you have, but I also know the inner squirrel must be fed or it starts chewing holes in our brains.

So, what if you figure out how much space the new projects would take up, and then clear that space out - by actually removing things from your property - it doesn't have to be craft stuff, it can be socks or paperwork or hotel soap - anything that can be thrown out or donated, but no fair just shifting stuff around - plus one item per project. Then - you can get your projects and have progress too! The projects become rewards. And, you can look at stuff and ask yourself "would I rather have this, or a new stitching project?"

Ok, off to try to make more progress!

Glad your injuries aren't too bad. Still, sorry for your burns. You got a nice jolt of adrenaline! Do you have that sort of sick feeling you get afterwards? We drove by the marsh this am and I noticed all the banks had been burned. Thought of you!

I am super irked with this neurologist as he seems to be taking a very laissez faire attitude about my son's brain. Sometimes you get that attitude from drs. - like, well, he's already abnormal so ??? I had that when he was a baby with his head shape. He prob should have had a helmet but he has Down syndrome so meh. The neurologist may end up being correct but his attitude is incorrect so I have to figure something else out. Today I'm putting My own fires with special olympics forms and people at the district not doing their jobs and people in the drs offices not doing their jobs... and a mom with ADD and psychological problems with dealing with schools and drs. Offices not doing HER job (that's me). Adrenaline! I kept checking the time as I was keeping notes on my daily thing and I kept thinking an hour had elapsed and only 10 minutes had. Nothing like a fire under your ass to make your brain work. Then again, sometimes the pressure makes it worse. Hmmm.

So anyway, productive paper work & life untangling yesterday and today... putting out fires, cleaning up messes and organizing things enough to prevent an upcoming season of potential fires. Am I taking this too far? Lol

Had a weird convo w the H last night... I was having an extreme pain day as opposed to bad or moderate. Never pain free. And he said "have you gone to see a dr. About it yet?" FullY knowing I haven't. Then something like "I'm not going to talk to you til you do..." huh? Then he padded around trying a couple other things and finally said "what can I do to help?" And I said "there you go." As in that's all he really needs to say but ironically he misunderstood and thought that comment was for something else. Omg we are a mess. I usually get motivated and able to deal with medical stuff in the spring. I want to tie up some loose ends with my son and get a couple things in motion for him and then I will focus on getting stuff on the books for myself. If my doctor blows me off again I'm prepared to ask her if there is a type of doctor who will work with you to figure out what's wrong. Seriously! I know if I didn't have this ptsd issue with medical appts. And if I didn't drop the ball so much I would have probably gotten some resolution to my problems but honestly, they never take stock of the overall situation and really think anything through. It's just a never ending churn of off the cuff referrals and patronizing attitudes. Ugh. I hate them so much. Do you think they can tell? Haha no actually I am overly polite in the office. That might be my problem.

Just thinking out loud but if anyone has suggestions I am open to hearing them.

I can't believe it's still not noon. I am in a time warp.

Minor internal struggle with acquiring new stitch projects. This time of year there are a lot of new releases. I kind of earmarked $100 and ordered some things. I guess I got about 5 or 6 things. But the shops are stuffed full of bright and shiny new things... so far all I did was walk into the store, pick up my order, pay for it and walk back out. I had blinders on. But now I'm dying to go in. It wouldn't be unreasonable to buy a few more things but I just want to be intentional about it and not reactive or whatever...

Hope everyone is having a good day.

I slept late today. I turned my alarm off and then just fell back asleep instead of getting out of bed. Dh alarm woke me an hour later.

The visit, the fire, and bean's stomach issues created a lot of extra laundry. I'm hoping to get the laundry back to where it was on Friday today (4th and ten.)

Bean's toys are spread all over the house. I have a backlog of eggs and milk. The scullery counter is more buried. Everything is dirtier and weedier and (in the barn) poopier. I am out of hay.

The dishes are about the same. I have kept up with email except for one thing a student sent that I need to print out - I want to use the school printer.

My runny nose is mostly gone, my throat is no longer sore, and the headache and the wheeze in my left lung are gone, but I still have a bit of a cough. The burns are just itchy now.

I have nothing scheduled at any specific time today and nothing on deadline for today, so we'll see how far I get.

You know, I actually prefer the grass fire. It's very focusing. No questions about priorities, no quitting, clear goals and an obvious pass/fail metric.

Today I had some plans for Bean's nap time, but they were replaced with:

Wash all the things Bean threw up all over

Search for my credit card (no luck and out of ideas of where to look. Store of last use dies not have it.)

Contact tge neuro through my chart again with just the second q?

Hi me again with my one man show.

OK. I contacted the neurologist through the my chart thing. He answered one ? And blew off the other so now I gotta figure out what to do. I guess I will try to call.

I have not contacted the school yet because I was too jittery to have a phone conversation... so I still need to deal with that.

In going thru my paperwork I found a few things that were urgent and of course added to my to do list.

So that unsettling feeling when you know everything is in disarray and you're forgetting things - has been tamped down (with a wet jacket.) ( like a grassfire)

Swept floor again. Picked up more laundry
Brought basket downstairs. My hip is really bad today so that was no fun, I started putting paperwork back "where it goes" so now I just need to clear off the rest of the bed (which is full of sorted papers)...

Still super jittery. Leaving soon to pick up the boy and then will have to swing back up to pick up the H. (My car is in the shop)

Ok guys, I am having a work day. Fairly productive til I went down the Instagram rabbit hole.

- partial reset of room (swept floor, cleared off nightstand, laundry to hamper)
- moved current-ish paper work to the H's room to sort.
- cleaned back 40 a little
- organized toiletries a little

Sorting paper into:
School (daily sheets, academic papers, correspondence, etc.)
Health (mostly medical bills and notes, Covid stuff)
Creative (mostly needlework books and x-stitch charts)
Genealogy

When I sat down to type this I knew the time was running out for me to accomplish my must dos and my hands started trembling and started to feel anxious. I was a-ok and feeling great sorting the paper... but when I approach calling the school or calling the drs office I come unglued. Or at least unraveling at the edges.

I am now going to figure out if I can get around calling somehow and still get the info, I need. Ugh!

Subc, thanks for the hug! heres one for you...(((( ))))) I'm ok again... but it's all there bubbling right under the surface. Ugggh

Your grass fire tale was quite harrowing. It's amazing what your brain can process in a crisis. I am not trained in first aid (Recently) but in an emergency my brain does seem to process pretty efficiently. Like if I witnessed a car accident I would jump into action. But I feel like most of the time my brain is in a foggy muddle. Trouble processing, overwhelmed, flatlined... That must be a brain chemistry thing. Maybe I should work in an emergency room. Forget I said that. Joking!

My nephew worked as a wildland firefighter. He would do seasonal gigs on a specialized mountain terrain crew based in the four corners. Sometimes they would deploy to different states. He knew some of the crew from that Prescott disaster a few years ago. He's worked in sped also but has issues with authority and tends to get fired. Lol no I shouldn't say that. He's stood up for things that have gotten him in trouble. (Ok maybe his judgement is not always the best)... Now he's in Young housedad mode And doing an amazing job at that.

I'm getting the chills watching the news (must cut back!) the coverage of that news editor who stormed the set to protest Russia 1's propaganda and the Met opera's tribute to Ukraine. Holy cow. Chills again. My god I'm an emotional wreck. People are really amazing. So many people with major balls. Excuse my French.

Ah! The time change. That special time of year when I spend the next 3 weeks walking around asking people "now is that old time or new time?" I can report one positive thing and that is my 3:30 insomnia is not migrating and hence it is more conducive to just staying awake instead of falling asleep again moments before I have to get up and be functional. If that doesn't make sense it's because I am suddenly crushed with fatigue and the desire to go back to sleep.

Phew almost lost this post. Gotta post and come back after the school drop off.

Oh one more minor major thing,,, I washed out the little white bathroom garbage can. Lila reminded me of it in the not throwing things away. Category. It's those little pesky (gross) jobs... but anyway, I did that. I use plain black grocery plastic bags as liners for the little garbage cans around the house but the bathroom one still gets gross because god forbid a male ever uses a trash can liner before they put gross stuff in it...

Ok now I'm really going to crash right after I said the time change is helping me not do that, ha!!!

Road,

We crossed, but I am sending you a big hug!

I could have planned for the wind. The ground is very wet here, but it had been sunny and windy for a couple of days. I should have known the grass was dry and I should have checked the weather.

The experience made it very easy to understand how fires burn for miles and miles in California.

Have I told you that my bonus son recently started work as a firefighter? I kept thinking both "now would be a good time for him to stop by" and "oh lord, if the fire department gets involved in this I will never live it down."

Today is a busy day. I pick up Bean this morning, and then take him home this evening, eat dinner with his family, and go to my class. The weather is supposed to be really nice, so I think we will go outside and have bike (big wheel) riding time and work in the garden. This is the year I teach him to pick up the small rocks and put them in a bucket so we can "dump" it.(the geology where I live means the land is always throwing up rocks.) He loves anybody dumping things. I may give him a little bowl so he can collect the rocks and "dump!" Them in the bucket.

Then he will need a bath.

Aghhh this is the problem with. Not checking in for a few days! You miss so much!!

I'm reading up and catching up and will be back.

LILA has returned !! Yaaay

SubC 4th & 10 made me lol.

Sunday I/we made last minute decision to host a st. Paddy's day dinner with all the Americanized versions of traditional st. Paddy's fare. It was just my Ps and brother but this much really does seem to push us to our max capabilities (and capacity)... we invited his bro and fam and my sister, niece and her Bf, but they all declined. Actually my sister never responded at all, and my niece was either wasted or sincerely confused about the invitation. (You can never tell What condition she is in) but honestly it was vague so that part was on me. Anyway, it turned out beautifully and my dad had seconds and really seemed to enjoy it which was surprising. But aside from that he seemed more frail than ever which is troubling. Also I could tell my mom was noticing some of the stuff going on with my son and she got emotional a couple times. I have a short list of "MUST-DOs" related to his situation that I haven't been able to bring myself to do and have got to pull myself together enough to get those done today. Somehow. Gotta do it. Also a very LONG list of overdue "should dos" that need doing, of course. Ok after writing that sentence about my mom through tears I am emotionally flooded so I am going to stop and get a grip. But I will be back.

yes SubC, you are amazing dealing with that. You didn't start the fire, really. The wind did. You started a small controlled burn and the wind started an out of control blaze, which you battled!

Tatoulia, so happy you are learning about organizing because I bet you will be able to share new ideas as we struggle with things on here.

I spent the day eating and laying around and skipped my meeting which I am a bit ashamed of, but I did do a few things:

-unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and ran it.
-wiped the counters off a bit
-washed, dried, and put away one load of clothes
-sorted coins

I did play with the dog, and spent time thinking about tomorrow.

I am a planner addict and always want to write down lists of what I am going to do. But this time I am just going to do it. I will post more on the decluttering your waistline thread as I go along.

SUBC YOU ARE MY HERO! Quick thinking, smart, capable! You amaze me! Your husband is right! You are so smart! Lila is right! You did this!

I could almost smell the smoke as you described your injuries. Be kind to yourself. You do not control the wind.

I took a two hour webinar today on organizing and prioritizing and I learned a lot. I feel different and better about myself already. There wasn't one system being pushed. It was eye opening for me. It made me realize that I complain about being too tired to do anything after work each night and then I play on computer til 2 AM. I want more out of this life.

After work I went to see BF to find out what he wanted for dinner and I ended up staying with him til about 9:30. Now I'm home and showered. We never did get dinner. And I'm not eating after 730 PM so I'm on my own til morning.

I was resting and processing.

Didn't really finish the fridge, but I got all the really gross stuff out and one crisper drawer washed.

Both blisters are on the insides of my thumbs. I assume they are from the wet canvas. One is about 1/4" and one is about 1/2" and both are completely ripped open. I didn't notice them until I was washing my hair in the shower. Saw the burns in the mirror when I got out.

I have minor smoke inhalation - runny nose, sore throat (breathing not swallowing, so nothing really soothes it) a cough, a headache, and a slight wheeze on the left side - nothing significant, just if I breathe really deeply. Plus side, I did not burn down the barn. Or the house. Or start a forest fire.

Dh keeps telling me I did a good job, and I'm just like "but I STARTED the fire."

The burned patch is about a tenth of an acre.

oh my goodness SubC. That sounds so scary. You did handle it well, level headed. I'm glad it did not get more out of control. How bad are your blisters? I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Sounds exhausting and deflating.

I am feeling like a huge waste of space. I went to the store and got fried chicken and other junk and am sitting here eating chocolates, trying to get moving. It is after 1 and I have a meeting in a few hours that I am very tempted to skip. But shouldn't. But might. Tomorrow I HAVE to do things. Ugh I dunno.

I put a load of clothes in the wash. That is all.

I walk into the cluttered rooms and just feel completely overwhelmed and walk back out.

I started a grass fire.

It was very scary. I had a bucket of water and I was burning the burn box and it was very calm and the ground is wet, but the dry fall grass was still in the field.

And all of a sudden the wind picked up like crazy and I had five fires, and I couldn't keep up with them with the bucket, so I dunked my canvas jacket in the pond and beat it out. I let it burn itself out on the pond side and the swale side (it was headed toward water in both directions) and just prayed it wouldn't gust up and jump to another field. I got it out in the direction of the woods and then just followed a roughly diagonal line to the swale and kept it out of the next field. I'm not sure how much grass burned, but a lot. I think we lost three small trees. Thank god the leaves were off!

My back and shoulders and arms ache, my throat is raw, and I have blisters, some bad briar scratches, and a couple of first degree burns.

I didn't have my cell phone.

Dh came out with me to confirm that it was out (I went in the house to get him when I thought it was - he couldn't see that field from his office window) and just shook his head. And said "you astonish me sometimes." I said "I know. I should have had my phone and I should have been wearing boots (although I think the boots would have slowed me down. I was wearing crocks - I went in the pond up to my knees in my jeans and still burned a hole in my sock.) and I should have had a rake." He said "using your jacket was good thinking. Another woman would have run for help and it would have been too late."

Good morning SubC and Tatoulia (and whoever else is reading).

I had a meeting cancelled this morning so am home, unshowered, in sweats, wishing for fried chicken because I saw someone eating it on tv. Sheesh. But I am having coffee and thinking about what to do.

My little Tot girl is my only local grandchild, so I revolve around her a lot. But soon there will be two.

What should I do today? So unmotivated, would like to take a day off, but I have a meeting tonight so at some point I have to get it together, shower, and get dressed. I should dye my hair today.

Been sorting coins a bit more last night.

I guess I will go in the family room and garage and other room and start getting things into the car to donate before dh gets back from his trip.

Way to go Tatoulia!

It is noon. I did my chores, baked the bread, switched over the laundry and started a second load, unloaded the dishwasher and put a few things in, and started picking at the downstairs fridge.

Cleaning out the downstairs fridge is my big goal to complete today. I have some other jobs I have committed only to "work on" including stall cleaning.

Good morning everybody!

I'm extra busy at the end of quarters. Tax time doesnt affect me. End of calendar year does. Last week was a special and unexpected project.

I'm grateful for the sunshine today! I checked my to do list from yesterday and all was accomplished!

I will be serial posting today.

This time yesterday I was still in bed.

I have been up for three hours.

I drank my coffee, partly caught up on my "daily" meditations, wrote in my journal, did yoga, ate breakfast, made Dh breakfast, partly unloaded the dishwasher, started a load of laundry, and started a loaf of bread (it's rising)

I put off my chores, but I am going to go do them now.

Good morning! I set my alarm today so I could start resetting my biorhythm. Despite my lazy day yesterday, my body still thinks I got up at 4.

So Tatoulia, are you extra busy right now because it's almost tax time, or is it just random?

I made myself a short list of tasks to accomplish today to try to get my groove back. We'll see how it goes.

Hello, all!

Wheatback pennies are my favorite, Lila. They are little works of art. I save them.

BF owns a few businesses, which he started from scratch. His office is a few blocks from my place, so I can see him a lot. He is working way too many hours and I need him to rethink things a little bit. But I won't say anything because that's not our deal. Our deal is to be supportive and not make ?helpful suggestions' when it comes to work. We bounce things off of each other and ask for advice, but we don't make gratuitous statements such as "you work too late" or "you don't work enough".

I'm in the corporate world doing corporate stuff, essentially. I work for a very large company. Work with numbers and money and audits and stuff like that. I took this job about a decade ago after a very nice albeit stressful career in a related sector. I have never worked for myself. I like the rhythm of a regular paycheck.

This job has been very stressful for about a year. I'm not ready to rethink it. The company is great. The stress over the past year hasn't been great. But I have three new employees who are great and I'll see how it goes with them.

I did some groceries for mom today and cleaned her cat's box and did other stuff. I got some work done today. I did not see BF.

I didn't do any work this weekend. I'll try to get up early tmr to start slogging through my emails.

I have Bean. He is our one and only. Sometimes before he really understood English, dd would look at him and say "some day there is going to be another baby and Grammie will think the world revolves around BOTH of you - and you won't like it." But I don't see another one any time soon. Ddil is in no hurry, dd2 is single, and Dd1 is quite happy with Bean. I am happy with Bean too - I like being able to let the world revolve around him.

Dh retirement plan includes me working for two more years, but I have told them, if dsil needs to go back to work, i will quit and watch Bean. I can do something to get some more money later. I can never get back this time.

So, i literally did nothing today but chores, eat, watch videos, and run two loads of laundry. I need to go do evening chores now, set up the coffee, and go to bed. I am hoping I will wake up refreshed and with some energy tomorrow.

SubC, I have three grands and one on the way this summer. They are all very little and such fun. I do wish the far away ones were closer. How about you?

So nice you had family over, but I know how exhausting that is, too. How are we going to get some motivation and stop eating cake (for me, it was cookies this morning)? I dunno. I did nothing yet but church.

hi Tatoulia! Thanks for stopping in. I hope you have a good day and get back to see us soon.

The time change is rough!

I did a funny task last night for like 2 hours. I sorted change! I have had a literal bucket of coins on my bookshelf for about 25 years (is that crazy??) When my kids were little we would always throw the pennies and nickels in there and I'd say "we will do something fun with it when it's enough!" Well it was never really enough or I never got around to counting it, it got all covered in hair and dust. And then a few years back I thought, what if that million dollar penny everyone wishes they had is in there? And I bought a coin value book and a little magnifier. And did nothing!

Anyway for some reason last night I wanted to do "something" but not anything strenuous. I wanted mindless. So I took handfuls of coins on the coffee table, watched tv, and put the pennies, nickels, few dimes and few quarters in different piles. Then I looked it up and sorted the 1982 and older pennies into a separate pile (they are real copper), the 1983 to 2010 in another pile and the newer "shield" pennies into a different pile (less likely to be valuable). I found three "wheat" pennies which are older. I sorted the other coins into 1990 and newer, and older. At some point I will figure out how to look through each pile to see if there is anything valuable. Wouldn't it be cool if I had a coin worth a few thousand? The newer ones I will spend.

Then today when I came home from church I brought in all the loose change in my car and started to sort it as well. I put newer quarters and dimes back in the car to spend if I stop for a coffee or something.

I have to say, sorting coins is pretty relaxing. Like doing a puzzle. I am going to check in the garage and see if there are any containers of coins in there to add to my sorting pile.

By the way I am bagging them up in ziplocs by type, and have the ziplocks in a shoebox. I think coin sorting will be my new pasttime, as it is very relaxing and once I find the ones not extra valuable, I can spend them (getting them out of my house).

Tatoulia, I am often curious about what kind of work you do. I totally understand that you don't want to be specific, but I know that Lulu does crisis care work, and Road runs a household and facilitates her sons education and socials, and CM writes and quilts and wishes she could find a practical way to do something from home at least a few hours a week. Your boyfriend does some type of retail, but your job seems to vary from light and flexible to overwhelming and very demanding and I wonder what your field is.

I am not a football person, but a lot of my people are football people.

I was wandering around the house picking up dirty dishes and Dh asked "what are you doing?" I said "trying to reestablish a baseline." He said "what?" I said "I'm trying to get back to 4th and ten." He said "you mean first and ten." I said, "no, that implies net progress. I just want to get back to where I started before I run out of time - 4th and ten."

Checking in! Keep doing what you are doing! I've read your posts and do not have time to comment. Please know that you are all making good progress! Lila that is sad

We hired a shredding company at one point. It was $150 split between BF and myself. We got rid of so much and we only used half of the allotment that the $150 charged. I can't remember the dimension but maybe two 50 gallon garbage bins? Or two 30 bins? We only used one if I can recall. It was great for us. We may do one more time for his business. I was lucky that my friend was living here at the time and we were able to get bags ready to go for when the truck came by BF's office. It was so freeing.


I have to go. I slept all day yesterday. I had two nights in a row where I worked alot. Wednesday was 9 AM to 1 AM with no break for a meal. Thursday I took a nap break and then worked from 10 or 1030 to 1:30 AM. Been very rough. So I took a Xanax Friday night and I slept all day yesterday. Woke up for a bit twice to feed the cat.

Ttyl. Keep up the good work. I am proud of you!

Good afternoon.

Lila, I am sorry about the baby. I'm glad you were ready to let that stuff go.

It sounds like you did a really good job clearing things out!

How many grandchildren do you have?

My kids have taken off - ds and his wife left for the airport at 4:30 a.m. new time. We did not get up to see them off! It was not so much a visit as putting them up for a few nights - ds and ddil were here for a wedding in her family, and Dd had a swim meet that she is coaching. We had a little time together yesterday, but I was pretty cooked.

So, my spring break has actually started and I am still mostly interested in watching videos and eating cake. I need to try to find some more productive and healthy ways of renewing my energy and engagement in life. But maybe I will take the afternoon anyway - I was up late last night and slept through most of the morning. So far I have literally done only my morning chores. I do have a long list of things I want to do in break, but currently I have no motivation.

post 4 - last one for the day

I sorted one more file that had the medical bills for when I lost a baby :(

I don't know why I hung onto that all these years, but it's all in the trash now and I am relieved.

I went into the family room and put in the donate box: a couple books, some videos, some empty VHS cases.

I also went in the garage and threw out 2 broken appliances, a couple boxes, and an old rusty faucet.

I feel better. When you look back at all 4 posts, I actually did pretty well today, for having no motivation.

post 3 - where is everybody?? lol, I always end up talking to myself! But I am getting little things done.

I gathered some boxes in dh's area to be trashed. Also picked up any garbage in there and put in the trash can.

You know how I was sorting my oldest's photos and school papers and baby blanket and all that and mailed two boxes to him? Well, I realized there are files in the old file cabinet with papers in there from literally 30 years ago, including everything from the bills from his birth (he is over 30!), childhood medical papers, and a few more school things. So I pulled his files and started sorting. It's very emotional. I mean all the bills in there from his birth! Baby bills and such. Useless, though.

Anyway I sorted it all, threw out 90% of the papers, shredded some, and picked out a few things he might find useful (medical info) and the bill for his birth because it is interesting, and am mailing those to him.

There are dozens of files in that cabinet that are 15 to 30+ years old. I guess as I feel able I will pull a file here and there, sort and toss. I am guessing almost all of it is going in the trash.

post 2 - what I have done today. (celebrate the little victories)

I took a trash bag in my bedroom and picked up the few pieces of paper trash on the floor.

I took the billion prescription bottles that seem to multiply around my room, and piled them all on my bed. Separated a couple expired bottles for disposal, consolidated the travel meds with the home ones and threw out the empty bottles, consolidated what was left. Locked most of it in the lock box.

That's pretty much it. DH is going on a trip for a week so I took him to the airport and now am pondering whether I want to declutter some of his stuff that has spilled into my area, and/or the garage. I probably should sort some of my stuff and put it in the garage before he hoards up any empty spaces.

Hi all, I'm back! Sorry I disappeared without notice. Things got very hectic and then I went out of state to visit my grandchildren (only one is local - Tot). I got back Monday but have been racing around catching up on things.

I have very low energy (what's new?) so am drinking coffee and trying to get motivated. I caught up on the old thread, and after I post I will catch up on this one.

I wanted to note that before I left, I did get the white plastic and the cutting boards clean and all the stains off! They were so stained and ugly for years, no matter if I washed, scrubbed, soaked. In fact, years ago I finally threw out the white plastic stepstool I had because it looked so grungy. And I bought a new (same) one. I am trying not to waste money so this time as a last ditch effort, I found some "soft scrub" cleaner with bleach that was in my closet, I wiped it into the surfaces and left them for over an hour. Came back and nothing looked any better but when I rinsed them off, WOW!! Pure bright white! Stool looks like new, and cutting boards much better! I am really proud of myself for doing this, instead of tossing everything and buying a new stool and cutting boards (saved $50+!)

I am not sure what tasks I will do today. I was away for a week and a half, and nothing got done, and everything is the same as it was. I am very unmotivated. Anyone want to give me some motivation???

I am also going to post in the decluttering your waistline thread.

Good morning.

It snowed last night.

Road, that vision board thing sounds like fun.

I used to watch outlander, but it got too dark for me a long time ago.

CM, I'm glad your student loan situation took a step in the right direction.

I'm very much enjoying hearing about the progress on your quilt.

I am officially on spring break. Still working on getting to the break part, but I am trying to take things a little slowly this morning.

Ds and ddil are here. I told ddil (sped teacher) about the article, and she instantly said "quit" also.

And yet, none of us has quit - lol!

My school did lose our Spanish teacher yesterday. She apologized to the director for leaving her in a bind, but apparently she got a really good job opportunity that is not likely to come again. So the director has ten days to find a new Spanish teacher - or subs who can teach without lesson plans. I took a brief moment to be sorry because she was really good, and then moved on to the practical aspect of needing to move her bulletin board before the new teacher starts (it is on the wall between our classrooms and I don't like where she put it - it wastes too much wall space - which is always in short supply.) this is who I have become. (shakes head)

Dh and I have a concert tonight. I am feeling stressed about it because they have eliminated mask and vaccine requirements. I have become disconnected from my internal stress responses over the last two years but realized that when we were talking about it I was chewing on my cuticles and needed new deodorant.

So basically, none of the benefits of being on break are really going to start until tomorrow. I am going to try to do some basics today that I have "routines" for like laundry and dishes and picking up feed, so that I am at least in a better position. I actually handed my kids a basket of clean sheets to put on their beds. I said "the housekeeping staff sucks, but the hotel prices are good."

Time for an update that is actually less gloomy for a change! 😀

I received an answer via email from the student loan place, they answered both my questions succinctly and were apologetic for the confusion, and now I can lay that business to rest for the time being. Everything is as it should be. Except for my hope to someday win the lottery and send them a check and never have to deal with them again. Or at least be able to budget in a payment that would retire the debt in a reasonable timeframe, i.e., before I am rotting in my grave.

Road, I will investigate that Therabreath and see if one of their products would work for me. Right now, another happy thing, the mouth/face pain has not bothered me for a few days. I do think it worsens when a weather front is moving in. Not deluding myself that at some point I probably will need to see the dentist, but if it doesn't have to be super-urgent during all the other crazy we have going on around this house, that'd be great.

Another happy thing - our snow and a little bit of frozen stuff did its thing over the last couple of days but now is on the way out. Roommate and I were going to breakfast at McD's and on this one side street a guy went into a skid 😳 - luckily, he was a ways from us yet, and had room himself to regain control. People forget to watch out for invisible "black ice." Temps here are in the 30s now and melting is occurring, hopefully drying out will also have time to happen before evening.

But wait - there's more! I got more progress made on my quilt during the indoor days. I think everything is cut out, so the next step will be sewing the pieces together.

My roommate has a week off work this coming week for spring break. This should allow me to do some things I don't normally get to do around this house. And the weather is supposed to be better. We will make a trip to our favorite locally owned plant nursery one of the days. Even though it's probably early for them to have a big variety, it's the spring-is-coming ritual aspect that is enjoyable in itself.

Still brainstorming ways to organize better, to facilitate decluttering, and to be able to work on my cherished projects in ways that will be productive, in the case of artsy-crafty things also pare down stash, and so on. Debating whether the laptop table I bought last year meets my needs, but don't want to get in too big a rush to buy something else.

Still wish that nearby branch library was quieter and had more atmosphere (flourescent glaring lights do not an atmosphere make). Tried it again the other day, one of the cold days, thinking it ought to be empty and quiet. It was, for awhile, then two guys at another computer started talking. I miss the quiet libraries of yesteryear sooooo much! 😫 But at least if I want to have a book shipped from another library to save gasoline, I can pick it up there. And once in awhile I might get lucky on the quiet, with noise cancelling headphones, etc.

But overall, things are going better and I'm glad.

Subc,

That's funny about your article response and that your friend basically had the same take on it. I think the H was feeling that way before but the group he has is so nice this year it makes up for a lot of the headaches. He is still disgusted with the admin however! Teacher safety, meh. As for the advice about the H, And the dishes and com-mun-i-ca-action... I will give your ideas some serious consideration. It all seems so alien to me but that probably means I should try it as if we had more of those skills we wouldn't be in such a perpetually bad condition. By the way his response after I cleaned that shelf off was "who cleaned the fridge?" It's like "what?!" What did he think I would say, the puppy?! Oh my goodness. We are a pair.

I lost my first response due to ignoring the battery low warning and I didn't notice my charger was in upside down and not charging a darn thing. it's ok though because all I was doing was complaining about my sister and her delusions which I should be more sensitive to as they are very similar to my own. So much to say on that topic but I will leave it there for now as I've already submitted it to the ethereal internet gods.

I can positively report that I did some resetting this am,,, swept out my room, cleared the walkway, printed out some march daily pages... these are very cheerful because they are covered in springy st. Patty's green things and I even had a green binder clip and green pencil right here to break into a new month (on day ten),,, haha. If you're wondering why I always type commas instead of an ellipse it's because I can't get used to typing on this iPad keyboard. I wonder if I can blame my deteriorating grammar on that, too. I quickly wrote up a list of 8 urgent to dos and am half way done getting the laundry into the hall, along with the floor garbage from the week, and the actual garbage, and GET THIS ***** there are TWO RETURNS sitting in my purse ready to go with all missing pieces accounted for. It's an early spring miracle!

I did go to the bff's the other day and we worked on vision boards. I mainly facilitated her "phase 1" as I like to call it... but naturally, it did get my own wheels spinning which is good. She took an extremely circuitous route to starting... we meandered through so many different topics for almost 90 mins before we got going but I knew she was prob a little nervous about it and didn't want to push her. But we eventually got it done and it seemed like the format was working ok for her so that's good. So she ended with doing four main categories and then added a few sub heads to each and a few punch lists underneath a few of those. Next time we will work on adding some visuals, resources, and converting some of the words into more of an affirmation statement. It's a little depressing reflecting on how much ground I've lost since I was very connected with my goals, but I'm clawing my way out of the pit again, what can I say...

Here it's still cold and snow is in the forecast but the birds are singing and the snowdrops are about to pop... when you're a gardener the early spring isn't as punishing as the end of winter because you know what's happening under the soil... I usually start seeds but haven't been motivated to do that yet. Still deciding,,,

I am composing this in an empty email... I better go and post this and get back to work on my room so I have a little time to sew before I pick u p the kid...

Is anyone else watching outlander? A gf told me this season is supposed to get even darker which is not my cuppa... also watching gilded age and "somebody somewhere"...

Today I told my favorite colleague about the article, and I got to the question, but before I could tell her about my response, she said "find another career."

Also I got an email today from a coworker that said basically "thank you for doing the thing, will you please do the thing again." I'm pretending I didn't get it.

And I have a special needs student who I am contemplating advocating more structure for that she won't like. I went to someone for a sounding board and said "do you teach (student)?" And the immediate response was "oh,yes. she loves you!" Not what I was looking for when I was planning to be meaner. Otoh, she might love me because I'm one of the few teachers who expects her to be competent.

I used to get angry and tell my dad "I hate you." And he would say "it's not my job to make you like me. It's my job to make sure you grow up into a decent, functional human being."

Did I tell you my dad broke his leg?

Good morning!

Road, Dh and I have a lot of those moments - where he is trying to help me and I feel criticized by the fact that he is doing something I have internalized as "my job" and failed at. Especially because he will attack the job with a suddenness and energy that he says comes from enthusiasm - "I have some time and energy and I'm going to get this done!" And I see as anger - "I can't stand this anymore and I need to do it right now."

I have some thoughts that might help.
- it is not your job. Everybody in your house eats. All of the people in your house have failed to keep up with their food supply. While your son may not be someone who can be held responsible for this, your Dh certainly is. Accept that he is finally pitching in on a problem he helped cause.
- take a positive view. He is trying to help solve a problem that makes your life harder.
- use words. Start by expressing appreciation for the fact that he is helping. Then communicate your feelings and needs. Be positive. "Hey, I really appreciate that you are taking care of those containers. I feel badly that I didn't do it. I'm sure you aren't trying to make me feel bad, but it would really help me if you would say something like "I'm going to get these containers out and clean them so we can use the fridge better. I'm not upset that you haven't done it, obviously it hasn't been the top of my list either." Or "I really appreciate you taking care of those containers. I'll try to work around you, but I may need to ask you to move something so I can finish making dinner."

Even if you don't feel positive, making an attempt to frame the situation as a positive thing verbally can help you feel better about it and move the situation in a more positive direction. Words are really powerful. One of my biggest hurdles is negative self talk, and a lot of that comes from internalizing expectations that I just assume everyone has without even asking them.

CM, congrats on your win and your quilt progress!

Tatoulia, I don't really "get" make up, but some of my teens do some really cool looking things with it. I'm glad yours is making you happy.

I think letting the cleaners do the cleaning is the point. It's so maladaptive that we judge ourselves for how our house looks before people come to clean it. We wouldn't judge ourselves for how tall our grass got before the lawn service came to mow it or for how dirty our clothes were when we left them at the dry cleaner.

Wednesday. Three school days and then spring break. I really need this break.

I read an article about teachers and the pandemic and at the end it asked for reader feedback from teachers and the first question was "knowing what you know now, what advice would you give yourself in spring 2020?" My instant, knee-jerk unfiltered response was "quit." That is definitely not good.

Quick check in!

SubC you haven't shopped the curb in a while! And you got something useful and expensive. Remember when you used to do this to save the object? You now do it to save yourself. Well done! Good focus shift!

Road, that's very kind of you to associate those five seconds with me! I do have my little five minute miracles that make me so happy.

I never did get my hour to take care of stuff today but I did get the kitchen okay and did a load of towels, made sure the bathroom was decent (changed out the towels and wiped the sink). Bedroom also picked up as well as hallway and entryway. So I did maybe 40 of the 60 minutes I needed. Something big sort of blew up while I was out so my work day was eaten up with that. I was fine. Coffee in the AM and tea in the PM. We had take out tonight and I'd saved my friend a piece of cake, which I brought home from mom's. She enjoyed it after dinner.

Cm congratulations on $10! Yay you! Oh to have one of the quilts from the church! I bet they are beautiful!

My friend likes the makeup I bought. I haven't tried it yet but I put some of the foundation on and it felt great and I picked the right color.

Cleaners come tmr. So they can do the final 20 minutes for me.

I'll be back in a few days, thought I should pop in briefly. More bad winter weather. March is sometimes being February 2.0 Director's Extended Edition. 🥶 I am so done with winter! But winter is not done with us.

Won $10 at the quilt bingo on Sunday, which was amusing - I always keep marking my numbers even if someone calls Bingo, and suddenly I saw that I had a Bingo too. Since there were two people with bingos for the quilt, we drew playing cards and I got the lower card. Which is fine; as much as I like our quilts, I really don't need one. The $10 is A-OK.

It was sleeting and raining out during the bingo.

Today I got more cutting of fabric done for the quilt I've been putting together. Just a few small pieces to go. Roommate has next week off for spring break, so I might be able to do more things in the house without her having zoom meetings and stuff in the same room.

I can get depressed over lots of things that are "out of order" in my life, and then I think of the people in Ukraine and other conflict spots around the globe. My suffering is minor in comparison.

Good morning everyone,

I have a kitchen update... the H started unloading all the moldy food in Tupperware from the fridge the other day. I kind of barked at him because I was trying tO cook at the time and was paranoid that he was try8ng to make me feel bad, so he just left it all there in the sink. Last night I moved it all out to the porch so it would freeze and not smell so bad and while I still have that bs to deal with I did clean out the fridge a bit. I took one of the shelves and drawers out and washed everything that I could, repaired the drawer and purged yet more bad stuff out of what was on those shelves. Then with it all half empty and wide open I was motivated to wash more of the surfaces. Had what I'm gonna call a "Tatoulia moment" when I realized the front/floor of the fridge would only take 5.3 seconds to wipe down because I deep cleaned it the last time I worked on the fridge. Aha! So this is how clean people live. It's not nearly as overwhelming when something takes 5.3 seconds instead of the 2 hours and 83,000 minutes my brain thinks it will. And what do you know it didn't even take 5.3... I'd say it was more like 4.378.

Beautiful blue skies here today. Snow on the ground, very pretty. No missles flying overhead. I can't complain. But I probably will!

Heading over to the bff's house this am to help w vision boards. I need to update mine as they are all about ? years old. I am too cynical to work on them this am but if I follow my own advice about how to make them I should get an attitude adjustment out of it.

Sub c, keep us posted on what bean is saying, that's so cute.

Good morning.

I'm not sure how Bean feels about thunderstorms. It was over before I picked him up. He generally loves things that are "noisy". (Like roosters, vacuums, and fire trucks.) Although, he had a very difficult play date last weekend. The house had cartoons playing the whole time and most of the toys were electronic and made noise and lit up and moved by themselves, and he just climbed into DD's lap and cried and then clung to her.

Tatoulia, I don't think anything that can be cleaned up in an hour us a pigsty. I couldn't clean off my counter in an hour. I think you have reached the point where you make goid devisions about your spending. You just need to keep an eye on your budget.

Yesterday I shopped (I mistyped "stopped" and decided to leave the autocorrect) at the side of the road and picked up a small dog crate that had obviously been used as a chick pen (the chick feeder was still in it) and some wire shelving of a type I use to make temporary pens. I don't need these things right now, but they were good quality, and sometimes I need them. With the price of all things metal going up so much I couldn't resist the "bargain".

Road, doesn't the dog say "feed the dog, feed the dog"? The cat never lets me forget that.

Unfortunately I have no advice on your sister.

I left my hometown 36 years ago, and for the last ten have basically not left my parents' house when I visit. I was talking to my mom about Bean the other day and I told her I was sorry that I had taken her grandchildren so far from her. She said "you would not have been happy here." Which is true. I walked away from my best friend and a boy I loved because I knew they would never leave. He has had a good life. The town tore her apart. I sometimes feel like I abandoned her, but I think that if I had stayed I would have married him and all three of us would have suffered.

A lot of my friends got pregnant in high school. One was already married. Even more got pregnant within a year of graduating. My Dd thinks I had my kids really young. I'm like "I was 23 and had been married for two years! It was about time!"

Road, do the laundry! Are you going to start on the things?

I am still overwhelmed.

Hi Lila! Hi CM!

Tatoulia, hope your bday was grand. Sounds like you enjoyed your time off with the exception of the tragic funeral situation.

I missed one of my friends dads funerals this past weekend. This is someone I really cherish as a friend and I was disappointed in myself that I wasn't there for her. This is an old school friend and while I was trying to get a grip on the anxiety of being in a crowd of people and what would I wear I suddenly remembered that I would see a bunch of people from my childhood including possibly an ex- something or other and no one would recognize me due to how much weight I've gained, etc. I've basically been in hiding out in my hometown for the last 20 years. Lol.

Tatoulia, I appreciate how you broke down the amount of time it would take you to deal with resetting your apt. I am not near that stage in my room but the living room and bathrooms are like that and the kitchen is at times. So hearing you describe it like that is reassuring. I also know it's really not possible if you have an excess in volume still. Which I do in my room. There is still just 2x too much stuff in here and so when something happens or something is out of place it can quickly become unusable. Right now between me and the back 40 are three laundry baskets and 2 pieces of furniture. Totally blocking the walk way. And my bed is full of laundry again. It's like this because I was chipping away at the laundry again so it's progress, but not. Well, it's time to start not just cleaning the things but sorting the clean things and getting rid of half the things.

LILA please report to the conference room!!
Hope everyone has a good day. Xoxo

Hi all, I am still catching up but wanted to say hi before I fall asleep again. This time I'm up courtesy of one of my horrendous coughing fits/asthma attacks or whatever they are. One of my many concerning health issues I never seem to get answers for. It would take ten minutes to describe it so I will save that for another day.

CM, I have the same issue with phone calls and AI phone systems. I see red very quickly. I wonder if you couldn't do TYY. I'll bet your cousin would know what the parameters are of that.

I get facial pain both from sinuses and dental stuff. My teeth aren't in bad shape but I do get inflammation that flares up occasionally. Therabreath has some products that seem to deal well with that and that's a rinse if thats preferable to brushing. If you do need to see someone the good news is it really is a different world now with dental people being more informed about special needs. I would guess that's something some practices would put in their web sites (like alternatives to typical treatment practices)... might be reassuring to find info like that out there.

Fear of the unknown is usually (but not always! Lol) worse than the reality. I feel like I've been operating in that cloud for the last 8 months with my son and now here we are with most of the really bad stuff ruled out and I needlessly tortured myself for all that time because I was so paralyzed by fear. Well, to be fair the medical system dropped the ball for me repeatedly not to mention wait times for pediatric specialists. The eeg seems to have been normal but no one has called me so I have to face down the phone, dammit. Right now the annoyance of people I've confided in nagging me if I've gotten information back yet is not exceeding the fear of making the call so that might get done today.

My sister has been trying to reach out to me again and we are kind of establishing more of a relationship again. Broke some new ground with her today which was hella awkward as the kids say (maybe) but anyway. It came about because she started talking about getting another (animal) and I was silent and she got defensive and started shutting down the convo. I kept her on the phone without totally backing down and she managed to put up with that affront (to her delusion I guess) and we talked about other things before we ended the convo. Will see when she wants to talk to me again though. I invoked the fact that we both struggle with the same things - not specifically animal collecting but hoarding and depression and living in a pit of despair that impairs your ability to take care of your house and Yourself and other living things... Additionally, she is financially strapped and has been dependent on my parents for financial help for years and years. That part of it directly impacts them (and me to a lesser degree) . If you have someone who's strapped For cash but is still in good shape otherwise and can take care of their pets, that's different. Well anyway I could go down t his rabbit hole for 15 more minutes about why this is a bad decision for her but my question is really more how do you relate to a sib or close friend who is making a bad decision but is operating in a haze of delusion and also will not really allow conversation about it but will just kind of block you out of their lives if there's an issue rather than just working it out. I feel like when I haven't said anything directly in the past it Feels like you're condoning things and ironically reinforcing something that's very bad for them and then the negative feelings still ooze out passive aggressively. Any suggestions appreciated. I don't want to sink our relationship again with this but at the same time I feel like if I can't say something to her about it, who can? I feel like by my not saying things before it enabled her to blow through huge amounts of money and years of substance abuse, etc.

Sub c, unfortunately I did NOT remember the laundry. Seriously considering a star chart for this very specific issue. Not sure why no one has come up with a reminder app for this. I feel like it needs to talk outloud... [alarm set for 55 mins] beep beep beep "Hey bozo! Check the laundry! " Or bing bong "did you remember to turn off the sprinkler?" Or whoop whoop whoop "feed the dog. Feed the dog."

Okay time for bed and back to work tmr. I really should've taken tmr off. I've enjoyed my time so much!

Cake and ice cream with mom today and then dinner with BF and Emiko. She's coming over tmr night for dinner.

My house is a pigsty. My bed is made but that's about it. It's a real mess here. Tmr will be a busy day for me at work.

Bf seems to be doing better. He's making some changes to his life. I'm scared and sad and happy all at once. He just can't go on like this, working seven days a week without a break. He is never home. We spent exactly one day at his house in the past 12 months. I am praying on it.

So I have to pick up my house tmr. It is really nasty. On the plus side, we are talking maybe an hour's worth of work. Maybe only 45 minutes but I'll find an hour tmr. This is the pleasure I can enjoy after the pain and embarrassment and upset of hoarding and my fear of letting go. The pleasure knowing that this pigsty is an hour to pull together. Three 20 minute bursts. This alone makes me happy.

My goals: Lose weight. Work opens in one month. I bought two skirts that I can rotate at the office fairly easily. They are in my colors (anything that goes with navy) and if I should be so lucky, they won't fit when I go back to work and instead I'll be exchanging them for a smaller size. I'm so short that 10 lbs could easily mean down a size.

I've been spending this past week. I bought some very nice makeup (British company; makeup made in Italy), some clothes (including two casual tops, one sweatshirt, three work tops and a blazer), a book for BF and a vase and a pitcher. I was very, very tempted by some jewelry at auction. I made it through, unscathed.

Oh! When having girls' day, we stopped by the consignment shop and I think two of my pieces or maybe one, not sure how they were priced, sold. Tiny check but that's fine with me. Fewer jewelry items.

Bottom line: I need to get this buying out of my system. I want to be normal this month and then no spend April.

I'm rambling. I'm sorry.

Thank you! I'm enjoying my birthday so far by staying in bed. But I did wake up to feed the kitty cat.

Will the thunderstorms scare your grandson? I still get a bit scared and yet I love them. IF I am inside and cozy.