end-of-day update:

I took 5 or 6 tubs of clothing, blankets, and frames etc from the room I am clearing into the garage and stacked them neatly.

I moved the rest of the items and boxes over to the closet area where they will stay for now.

I cleaned off the desk, shelf, and nightstand in that room. Moved a bookshelf from the family room into that room. Wiped it all down with cleaner to get the dust off.

Vacuumed the room. Pulled the drawer out from under the bed and put the stuff away.

Took everything out of teen's old drawers and put it in a small tote, in case they realize they need something from there. Cords, etc.

Took an old chair, microwave and little fridge outside and listed them for free. They are slowly going and anything left on Monday gets donated.

There are still some things to do, but not much. I am debating how much of dh's "junk" to move in there. It might upset him and might block his way if he is moving furniture in there, so we'll see.

How was your day, all?

Saturday happenings -

I'm home for the day so working on those rooms.

I have notice as I work in teen's old room, to empty it for DH to move into, feelings of strong resentment rising in me. I feel angry that I "have to" sort through my other kids' things and get rid of things I am not ready to deal with "because of him." I resent that I am cleaning it and he is going to fill the whole space with his hoard. I know what he is going to do to that space. I don't like this situation. But really I have no alternative right now, so it is what it is and I may as well make the best of it.

My compromise to myself is that I stopped sorting the emotional boxes and tubs, and just made room for them in that closet and the area close to the closet. So there will be a full closet, which has no doors, and some tubs stacked by the closet, that I will tell him to just leave alone for now. I am focusing on the other side of the room and getting it all emptied for him. (it is a very big room twice the size of his current space, so it should work out ok.)

This makes it so there is not as much for me to do in there now. I know there are things I should/could donate, but I just don't have it in me, and I already donated a lot.

lol, I love the image of birds eating toasted insects! What a feast for them!

Thank you SubC for the compliments on my trees. I love them so much. Most of them are 2 stories tall. I love that I planted "sticks" (because that's the size tree babies I could afford) and now they are powerful, towering shady homes for birds and squirrels. I planted them in different years so they remind me of those years, and the people who helped me plant them, and how old my kids were. There are four in the front yard and 3 in the backyard in just a quarter acre (suburb) lot. There is one massive maple in back that has to be over 45 years old. One of the trees we planted when our beloved little dog passed away, and his ashes were planted with it. The leaves turn red in fall, the color of his collar.

I live in the desert, so if anyone here wants grass it has to be sod. I have thought about doing desert landscape with native plants and even joined a club to learn how, and visited other people's yards to see it. But it is rare here because when you don't have grass, nothing else grows but tumbleweeds in the dry spots, and other weeds that we are required to pull and burn, and then it gets windy and the dust/sand blows into your house cracks. It's crazy how even with windows all shut we get layers of fine dirt inside in a dust storm. So when anyone does not water, they get reported to the town. And every house has in ground sprinklers. I hate it. I want rain but we just rarely get it. Okay, that's probably more than anyone wanted to know about the ground where I live!

Last night I asked teen to check clothes, they did not want any of them in that room so I folded them into a tub. I will label it and put it in the garage today in case of mind change. I limit their "clothing tub" to one container, and donate anything too small or truly unloved.

Good morning!

The trash truck makes me want to throw up. I think that is one of the cornerstones off my hoarding problem.

Lila, I understand what you are saying about the family working together. I'm not sure it's "coveting" though. (Admittedly, I am not a religious authority) all you can do it keep an eye out for ways to bring more of that to your family - even if it looks different. When you do get a chance to work with one/some of them, enjoy it and appreciate it, and thank them. Even if it's just something little like carrying dirty dishes. And ask for help. People don't help if you don't ask.

You have no idea what that activity looked like from inside it. Maybe the boys were getting paid. Maybe everybody was tired and grumpy and not speaking to eat other. We tend to compare our insides to other people's outsides.

Also, your trees are so much better than their grass! Trees provide shade for cooling and shelter from wind and habitat for animals. They capture carbon and open up the soil and add organic matter. Sod is chemical dependent and energy intensive. It has little or no life. Sod farming depletes topsoil. I would be sad and worried if my new neighbors put down sod (well, actually I would have no idea, because I can't see my neighbors - which is why I live here.)

The guy Dd was dating during covid lockdown came here, and we had a fire in the front yard in a metal dish thing. He got concerned because the fire was "killing the grass" I told him "it's fine, don't worry about it." He said "man, my dad would have a fit if I killed his grass." I told him "I'm not raising grass, I'm raising a family."

We have "poverty grass" which is what you get when you let nature self seed and then mow when it gets too tall. There are a few remnants of lawn grass in the side yard that was the original front yard (it drives me crazy that they put a house in the center of 28 acres and oriented it on the road instead if the view.) the "poverty grass" (which is a lot of not grass) filled in the burned patch very quickly with no help from me.

My kids will tell you mom says "grass is what grows where nothing important is planted."

Omg - I'm just imagining that boy looking at the tenth of an acre I burned this week! It has been full of birds eating toasted insects.

ALOT going on here. Wow!

Lila you mentioned how good it makes you feel to watch the trash truck come. I can relate! I would take bags and boxes to goodwill and I'd feel so good! Remember that feeling for when you are trying to decide between keeping or tossing something.

Didn't get home from work til after nine. My ankles are swollen and I'm not sure why.

Keep up the AMAZING work!

That is great, SubC. I admire anyone who plants and gardens, able to nurture new life and creation. I am not one of those people, but I do love my trees. I planted all but one tree on my property and they are 15-20 years old now. I would like to do one more.

I watched out the window as my neighbors (new, I don't know them) sodded their backyard today. They started very early with the tiller, then raked, picked out clods of grass and rocks and roots, raked it all level and nice. It looks like a husband, wife and 2 sons and then another guy. Every time I looked they were still out there working. The sun is going down now and last time I looked they were about halfway done laying/unrolling the sod. I don't know why this makes me so sad. I guess I wish I had a family that could come together and do something big like that... work so hard and have a beautiful result. I admire them, am jealous, and wish I had it. DH does nothing. My sons help as they are able but generally I am on my own and have to hire help.

I think this might be "coveting" so I probably should not feel this way.

This week I will pick all the dead leaves out of the front flower pots and raspberry bush. That's my gardening goal.

Lila, I think it sounds like good progress. And a good plan fir the next steps.

I think the idea of you guys sharing the garage and storage area and each having your windows room to manage while common areas stay clean, clear, and usable sounds great - good luck!

I planted a bunch of my seeds. Not as many as I wanted to, but a good start. These are the seeds that should have been started two to four weeks ago. I will hopefully finish that group tomorrow and work on the ones that are only two to zero weeks late. It was a little slow because I was trying to make use of all the random pots and pellets left from other years. I stopped early to go get more biodegradable pots. The first store was out. I spent about $13 on 200 at the second store (plus nearly that much in gas. 🙄) I want to try starting some seeds in toilet paper tubes again. Last time they got moldy, but I may have overwatered them.

I threw away a handful of "bits and bobs" that were in my garden box. I have a seed tray to wash and recycle too, because it is leaking.

Bean is coming over tomorrow.

update -

I feel like I wasted SO much time today, but maybe I did okay.

- went in the garage, rearranged a little bit, found empty totes to use for sorting.

- teen went to hang out with a family member so I don't want to sort their stuff too much. I did gather and toss trash, put hygiene products that were in the room onto a bathroom shelf. Piled their clothing that they did not take out, onto the bed. I will ask if they want any, if not, will sort out old/small to donate and put the rest in a labeled tub in the garage in case they change their mind (happens a lot, they were very upset last week that I donated all of their crop tops, which they had told me to donate.)

- posted one garage item for free online, waiting for the person to pick it up

- put a few items from the decluttering bedroom into the garage or in other rooms where they belong

This is really hard for me. But I am chipping away.

Next step seems to be, take masking tape and sharpie down there and start sorting and labeling tubs. I think after I get my stuff and kids stuff out of that room, I am going to start moving DH's stuff/clutter/junk from the family room into that space. He might not like it, but I don't really care at this point. I want him to confine his hoard to ONE room instead of the den AND family room. I know he will have stuff in the garage and storage room too but I don't have to see them all the time.

Thanks again SubC. You're right, the room is a giant open sorting area! Thinking of it that way is encouraging. There is even a queen bed in there, which we all know is a prime spot to pile-and-sort!

I think I even have some big empty rubbermaid totes in the garage I can sort into. I have sent a few of them to donation (filled with donations) but I believe I have enough to sort, mine, older kids, teen's. I have masking tape and a sharpie to label them with and if nothing else, I can put the filled tubs back in the garage in an organized manner. If I find anything for oldest son, I can mail it to him.

Note, I am purposely not creating empty space in the garage or the family room. If I do, DH will fill the spaces by hoarding more. So I sort of "reserve" the space by putting totes (even if empty) so there is no room for him to add things. BUT I can definitely create empty space in the room he is moving into, and my bedroom. Once he is fully moved into his new space, I will start de-hoarding the family room and making it a purposed space that he is not allowed to hoard in.

So, the only part of that I'm seeing with a deadline is emptying the room before your Dh comes home, and you have a big empty space to sort in?

I would start with piles. Trash bag and donate box first - anything you can toss in there goes right out of the house. As you are going, you can put things in "teen" "older kids" and "me" piles. Maybe one or two others, line "this has a spot elsewhere in the house". If at any time your teen gets interested, switch to working on the teen pile!

I forget about the clothes. There was something about your teen's clothes that made my first instinct not work, but I would only store them if I was pretty sure they still fit and I liked them. Then I would expect the teen to go to the storage box first before getting anything new. I've got a boy in one of my classes who literally wears the same 5 shirts and three pairs of pants to school all the time - all the shirts are black and the pants are the same style of black pants. He is always clean, so who cares?

SubC, what a good post. Some very thoughtful stuff in there and I am going to reread and think about it. Your sharing helps me.

Help request -

What I want to accomplish, but I don't know how to do it so would like any suggestions. This is my project for today and the weekend:

DH has had his "den" for years. It is 100% like on Hoarders but no poop from animals, and no mice currently. A bed, chair, rubbermaid tubs and papers/trash/etc piled 75% to the ceiling. Can't see the floor. I AM NOT TOUCHING THIS - I did clean it in the past but he just hoards it up again so it is his to deal with. I don't go in there.

We have decided to have him move into teen's old room when he comes back from his trip (which should result in him at least partially dealing with his hoard, since it all has to move into the new room - this is HIS job). My job is to get teen's old room ready for him. Teen is depressed and not being helpful. They already took out some/most of their things, into the new room which had a renter in it.

The son will move into the den since it is bigger than his current room. (Do you see how much decluttering and cleaning is going to be going on??)

Current state:
Teen's old bedroom has a large area and closet on one end that is MY stuff, and my older kids' stuff. It was all sorted about 3 years ago. I need to sort it, consolidate it, get rid of some stuff, and move the tubs into the garage (which is in disarray). Then need to help teen figure out what is left they want to keep and move that. Then get rid of, or save, what is left of theirs (being depressed they don't care but I hesitate to get rid of things they may regret losing, like clothes, etc).

So - in no particular order,
1) get teen's old room mostly emptied and ready for dh to move into
2) get garage organized enough so I can put some of my tubs of stuff in there

I worked on this today a bit but am getting overwhelmed with the amount of things and where to move them to, what to keep, etc.

All suggestions welcome as I will be doing this for the next 3 days.

okay! First burst done!

I went into the garage and found a couple of items for the donate box. Then took a trash bag around in there and threw out a few things, went into the other 2 rooms I am decluttering and threw out some more things (DH's empty jars, plastic tubs, stuff like that) and then went into the bathroom that he uses (which is gross but he is supposed to clean it... every so often I spray it down with disinfectant to get it actually clean) and threw away something like 15 empty plastic bottles, from shampoo, hand wash, etc. He cannot throw away anything "useful" so I got this done. Also found food expired over a year ago and threw that out.

Took the donate box from my bedroom that was partially full, put it in my car, and added various things from the rooms.

Took the smaller donate box from downstairs and added more things and put it in my car.

In the end I also had one full kitchen trash bag and one full box full of trash, plus another smaller box with old shower parts in it, and I did in fact get them into the trash cans before the trash truck comes!

I find it so satisfying when the trash truck comes. I go to the window and watch all that junk get dumped and drive away and I feel lighter. I will take the donate boxes to the place today or tomorrow.

Wins!

I will try to do some more organizing etc after I rest a little.

How are you guys doing with accomplishing your goals for today?

This morning instead of cleaning stalls (plan) I put on an early hoarding episode (one with just too much stuff and not rats and rotting food, etc.) and worked on the scullery counter for 45 minutes. It is better, but only enough for me to notice, not normal people.

I realize it should not take 45 minutes to clean off a counter. Dh could clean it off in three minutes including the time it took him to get a big garbage bag. I did throw some packaging away that I decided was just too much work to clean and I could make more of a positive environmental impact with my time elsewhere.

The woman talked about how she bought all this stuff because she had images of using it to have these great experiences with her kids, but then the stuff kept her from being able to have the experiences. You know where Bean is right now? At the zoo with his daddy watching rhinos play kickball.

Question to me - what am I doing that is more important than watching rhinos play kickball with Bean? The answer is supposed to be healing from burnout and I need to be sure I am using this time to make progress and healthy choices!

I got emails from Dh mom today. She sends out frequent batch emails to the family asking "who wants this stuff"? Dh deletes them without opening them. He has already given her the list of ten items that mean something to him in case she wants to get rid of them. She immediately handed over the little wooden tractor and connected wagon full of blocks and Bean loves it. And she told him his brother already asked for their grandfather's duck gun so they would have to sort that out when she is dead.

Anyway, I found myself contemplating one of those plastic compartmentalized containers that you store Christmas items in because it just looked so useful, and then I stopped myself. And I thought about how mil gives you gifts that you are not allowed to dislike and must keep forever, and how I have a polyester fleece snowman in a styrofoam coffin (cooler) that is literally taking up space in my life waiting for her to die. And that emotionally blackmailing me to keep stuff is literally bad for my mental health. And I put the coffin in Dh shop. Which seems passive aggressive, but if he never notices it, it will be fine, and if he does it will hopefully start a conversation.

So Road, I hope you were able to get rid of the papers. In whatever way was necessary for you to keep moving.

And now I am going to make popovers and clean stalls and plant seeds.

Tatoulia, salad sounds good. I think I'll make myself a salad for lunch today.

SubC, I am happy for you! I am kind of excited about today too... staying home, decluttering. It will be a good day! Your comment about someone offering to take things reminded me of a thought I had before. I "value" all this stuff. I really struggle sometimes to donate or throw it away. But if someone showed up with a hauling truck and said "I'll take a truckload of things you want to donate, and give you $500", that truck would be full before you could blink! It's like on Hoarders when people sometimes want to save everything for a yard sale.

Road, sounds like you are ready for a good day too! Sleep is so great isn't it? I slept well too. And for me there is a drug that makes me want to do things (more) and it is phentermine. My Dr has prescribed it for weight loss before and I noticed right away I felt like a normal person. I started it again this week (just 18 mg) and although it doesn't give me a ton of energy, it does give me enough motivation to get things done when I am not totally overwhelmed with outside tasks like I was yesterday. So I just took it, having some decaf coffee and about to get to decluttering.

I have read posts through Road's list and I am going to get my shoes on and start decluttering before the trash truck comes. Hoping I can find enough things to fill up the cans the rest of the way. This is the last trash day before dh comes home. I will come back to rest and read more when I need a break!

Ah, I missed tatoulia and Lilas posts yesterday! Great to hear from you both. Tatoulia, your most recent post about it not being your place in life to supply people with what they need was so well said. I am not generous like you and am not operating out of a motivation to give, but to KEEP. Miney mine mine. But the whole concept of things living at the store Or finding the home that really needs it really hits home. The thought of those two cabinets being found by a "me" 25 years ago who still needed furniture and had just the right dining room for those cabinets makes me happy.

So in honor of my narrow escape from a regrettable $250 mistake, (Omg those Cabinets were really a steal! Stop it. Stop it.) I will now try to go throw away that little mound of copy paper that is almost worthless, is taking up space, and has negative associations with it! Can she do it...

Lila, thanks for mentioning the rollercoasters. My H and I had already discussed this but that's a good reminder. Maybe the neuro surgeon should have sent us some of that information Directly or discussed it with us instead of only sharing it verbally with another doctor and me seeing it scribbled in the margins of a school form.

Glad you are both feeling well, Road and SubC. Lila, I hope you are feeling hopeful today!

I loved little tiny cat figurines and other little stuff as a child. Little ceramic and porcelain things. I had a little shelf that my father made to hold them on. I never collected stuffed animals or anything like that.

I find it hard to resist things that are cute or on sale. And I'd buy two. Always buying multiples. And then I'd have to think about who to give the thing to. I also wanted to be the one who had what someone needed. I was able to let go during the process of being here and clearing out. The place to store stuff that other people need is at the actual store. This process helped me re-examine my need to be the hero in every story and the need to be liked. I don't need to have dirt and pots in case some person states they need to repot a plant. That's not my function in life. It's exhausting to be that needy and to try to package it in some sort of Superwoman costume. I think that also helped me to break from my brother. I don't want to get into details now. I lived it here on the pages.

So I still love cute stuff but now I think about whether it needs to live with me. I have one or two ceramic cats from my childhood. The rest have broken or been relocated. I have one little tiny vase I got as a child at Chambord and I love it so much. About two inches tall. But most has gone on in its way.

So time to shower. Would like to be on my way to work by 11.

-Kid is off to school in a happy mood.
-Dogs fed and medicated. Out twice, and play time inside.
-Crazy puppy partially groomed. Made appt for her early this time for grooming and hoping she can give me tips on how to work on the stuff that's tricky... right now I am able to come through her back, tail, ears, and top of her head every 1-2 days. Still not sure how to do legs and face.
- laundry moved! New laundry started. Towels up to first floor. Ouch.
Stairs are killing me right now.
-small walk around the back yard this am and picked some snowdrops.
-Dumped purse to clean out
- brought up paperwork, moved other stuff to big bed to sort.
-started cleaning out upstairs vanity. Just doing the bottom shelf as that is the main culprit.

Big accomplishment from yesterday was taking my son to track instead of blowing it off... And he didn't want to go so I had to cajole. But in the end we were both happy we went,

I hope you feel better today and less and less burned out. So interesting learning more about other people's experiences. That it's not necessarily deep seated in depression... I had an issue from an early age too. An outsized collection of stuffed animals from when I was hospitalized a lot between 2&4. Of course my collection is nothing compared to a typical kids hoard of toys now. I was thinking of my brothers situation and that seems more of an issue of being overwhelmed by minor things and not having basic housekeeping skills or any motivation to have housekeeping skills,,, for me, I have the issues with becoming mess-blind - like really not seeing something after a day or two. I have many of the hoarding associated traits: Finding a use for everything creativity and not wanting to waste perfectly good things, the over shopping/nesting which is definitely connected with depression. And the ADD which makes it really challenging to rallY and organize your thoughts long enough to be effective. Oh and perfectionism... cause if you can't do it right why do it at all. If they could come up with a drug that makes you want to get things done and get rid of things I'd take it. Sorry - I ramble so much.

Alas, the wash is still in the washing machine. It's funny cause several times early in the day I actually remembered it but didn't have my keys to get into the basement...

But big news!!!

I slept for 7.5 hours last night! I was semi disciplined and took a 1mg melatonin And went to bed at 9:30 and it worked! Or wait. Was it 10:30. Ehhhh. Well, anyway, I think I feel more awake than usual.

What's on everyone's agenda today?

I think depression makes things worse/harder, but I got into this mess perfectly (what is the opposite of depressed? because it isn't actually happy) I ran into a quote once in relation to Marie kondo that the thing about being a hoarder is that everything sparks joy. I'm mostly that kind of hoarder. I mean, some of this is still around because I don't get to it fast enough - like packaging that has to be rinsed and taken to the depot, but I'm not hoarding that - if someone came into my house and said "hey, can I grab all this and drive it down to the depot tomorrow?" I would start rinsing like a crazy person and it would be gone.

I can trace the hoarding back to when I was little - as in, I remember packing to move when I was 7, and my room was already hoarded.

Road, I'm glad the puppy is safe. Did you get the wash out?

Lila, I hope the counselor can help you. Yay for a good day!

Tatoulia, I hope you get your salad. My Dh is going to work today also. I am actually looking forward to the time home alone.

Actually - I am pretty excited about today, because anything I do will be progress! It has been a long time since I felt like this, and I think it's just been the treading water/burn out feeling. Even getting my new fence did not make me excited. I really, really needed a break. Hopefully I can manage my time so that I can keep getting better instead of backsliding over the next (last) ten weeks of school.

I smiled at being depressed being a given. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. My life did get easier with meds. Still depressed, but a lot easier.

So much to catch up on! I haven't read everything.

I went to work two days this week. Meaning I went into the office. Both days, I walked in mid-day, which was nice. It messes up my eating schedule because I have to eat before I leave. I'll be going in tmr too and I'm not sure what time. Ideally I'd head in early enough to go get my favorite salad at lunch.

My cleaners came yesterday when I was at the office. They did my place, then mom's. I'm going to have to get them keys because I'll be in the office on Wednesdays starting in April. I'll have someone else set/unset the alarm or I'll see if I can upgrade it to where I can set/unset via an app. I don't mind given them their own code but it's tricky with the motion detectors and the cat. So I'll figure that out.

Work is definitely eating up my time. This week has been better but there's a second issue that has been discovered. Essentially I'm part of the clean up crew. Grateful I'm not part of the problem.

Good work not buying the corner cabinets! Very good to quell the urges. I suffer, too. At least now I know I have all of the furniture I'll ever have.

I still haven't recovered my chairs. I keep forgetting about it because the fabric is put away. I'd like to do this weekend.

I just have to make a note, I think. Put it on the list.

Road! You made progress! Count it :)

The restrictions sound like the ones my kiddo with brain stuff has, plus no rollercoasters.

I too pile tons of crap on my bed to sort and then end up throwing it all in piles on the floor at bedtime. I sort a few things then get fed up. It will get done eventually.

The counselor today seemed to think I am depressed. Maybe I am just so used to it that it seems normal to me. But I cry and I am sad and lonely a lot.

My day went well. After the smoothie, I did put on a little makeup so I could do things. Counselor appointment, then bank. Then to work to move a few things, then went to visit 4 people but only 2 were home. 45-60 min per visit. Then came home around 5 completely exhausted. Made a burrito, sent a few work emails.

I have one more call later tonight. Then I am going to try and put alll the rest of the work stuff off until Sunday.

I am so freaking tired I can barely think.

Tomorrow I will declutter and if the trash truck hasnt come early I will fill up those cans. Too tired tonight.

I'm back. Just got back from taking son to track. Then convenience dinner, then fed and medicated doggies. The puppy escaped for the first time today. The H has a knack for knowing she's there, it's a risk, and yet he tries to go out of the door like normal. She seemed to be having the time of her life so I'm afraid she's a runner. We had to stop traffic, try to catch her, keep an eye on my son so he wouldn't take off, etc. oh, and try to make small talk with the neighbors we haven't. Talked to since last fall. Awkward. Surprised it hasn't happened before. She could totally squeeze through the fences or under - will have to watch her carefully.

The kitchen is a nightmare and the laundry is still sitting in the wash. The H is watching b-ball but is putting my son to bed tonight. Had to get off my feet. There was no where to sit at the track practice so I had to stand which was hard on my feet/back/hip. Chatted with some friends though.

Regarding the depression, I mean, I assumed that was a prerequisite for having this problem, not that you'd necessarily be depressed because of it. Well, I am prob on both sides of that equation.

Alrighty, I am gonna sign off. I think tomorrow will be a lot more enjoyable than today. Have plans to seee the bff and. I will get. Her advice on some of the medical stuff again,

Laundry away! Cushion on couch!

1st down Subclinical!

Good job Lila!

Road, I'm glad the med thing got done. And that you didn't buy the cabinets.

The reams of paper stories can be used as recycling to make new paper or cardboard boxes. There is still a huge demand for cardboard boxes and not enough are getting recycled to meet demand (probably because I keep burying them in the garden) save a tree! Clear out your paperwork!

Toss the other stuff! Buy yourself a sewing project. It has to be smaller than a ream of paper, right?

This: "I just assumed everyone here was clinically depressed. Like as a given." Made me laugh. I know it isn't funny, but really, isn't it crazy to not be depressed if your life is overwhelmed by hoarding?

I have been depressed. I have my moments, and I think I am currently struggling with burn out, but I am not depressed.

Ok, cleared off the big bed. That was totally unproductive. Well not totally but mostly. I did refresh my brain about what all that stuff was, picked up some garbage, and consolidated 2 drawers to one, (moved stuff around) haha. No, but the walk way is totally usable again and I will be. More likely to deal with that stuff now that I'm not blind to it again. My desk has papers on it but is usable.

Most of the time sensitive paperwork has been gone through and hung up where it goes, projects have been launched and a few completed... but I definitely feel like I'm getting the train back on the tracks. Spring defn. helps.

Lila, I just assumed everyone here was clinically depressed. Like as a given.

Hey yeah Lila!!!

Hi again,

I'm checking back in.
- the medical form finally got sent from one doc to another and then to school and then to me. When I first looked at it it was glitching and the one page out of 7 that they needed (actually the only one they needed) appeared to be missing. I reloaded it several times and got the same result, then naturally once I wrote and said "it's not in here" I found it. Also they had told me no restrictions but then filled out the form to say no trampoline, no contact sports, no gymnastics, etc. but he doesn't do any of that anyway. I'm definitely not letting him head bang to music anymore. I need to contact all three parties again now for other things but this was the most urgent. Hopefully it's done.

Went into thrift today, dropped off a couple donations. Right away met with these two gorgeous cherry ? Corner cabinets. Sign said they were handmade so I checked them out and they weren't old glass but they were hand made, solid wood. The backs were old stock salvaged from something. You can tell they were Built-ins but the only issue was one top corner piece would need new molding put on. (Or a drapey plant hanging ovre) $125 each. But alas I didn't get them and good thing too because I would only have been able to use one. There is literally no place in the house for them. Too many windows. And also they didn't have a delivery service. I bought two shirts in exchange for the teeny tiny kids shirts i donated. Defn. Not equal volume. Haha.

Gave some thought to the exchange idea. Moved a bunch of "stale" stuff that hasn't been touched for many months. Carried it all to the big bed. These are returns and donations and gifts I was supposed to give, etc. but all stuff that's supposed to go out of the house. I am not sure where to put it . I don't want it to get stale again. Then I tried to deal with the four stacked up wire drawers. 3 of them are paperwork. 1 is used electronics. I moved the electronics back into the thing it goes in. I need to get rid of all of this, mind you, but I was looking for something easy and bulky. So one of the drawers has a bunch of garbage from an old communication device my son had. Also it's associated with the one speech pathologist he's had that I had a negative experience with. He no longer has this device, so obviously the carrying case thing can go. Then there were two resources I can really use so I set those aside. Then there was the equivalent of two reams of paper of stories that went with training on the device. Then I made the mistake of going through them and started thinking of ways they could be used. Mistake! This is what I'm going to be dealing with going forward. I'm glad I took a whack at it, And that I feel like I'm at the threshold of a new phase, etc. but obvs going to have to figure out an approach that works for me.

Haven't checked the. Laundry yet.

Subc, check the laundry.

Thank you so much SubC. I was so frozen and after I read your post, I just told myself to do ANYTHING. I got up and chopped the strawberries and put them in the freezer. That did get me moving, so then I sorted out the freezer and fridge, threw away anything old.

Then I asked my son to take out the trash, and put the trash cans by the road for tomorrow. I also asked him to put away the sidewalk salt, and had him take a bag of frozen food from the upstairs freezer to the downstairs one since it was too full up here.

Then I cleaned the dog's ears, since I don't want him to suffer for my laziness. He is happier. My son will walk him while I am at my appointment.

I saw some frozen smoothie mix in the freezer so I made a smoothie and am sitting down drinking it now. I have to leave for my appointment in 15 minutes. On the way I will go to the bank.

I should go to work and move the snacks but I would have to put on some mascara at least if I am doing that, or any visits. I will see how I feel when I am done with the smoothie and decide if I am doing any of those things today, if I have time.

Hope your day goes well. I'll be back later.

Lila, I typed so long we crossed.

Obviously you have to keep the appointment.

Then I would do the work meeting, because it says "have to". After that I'd do things you can't do later - like get stuff out of the house before your Dh comes home, and the dog, because it depends on you.

Hi Lila,

I tell myself "just do something!" Sometimes the something isn't even on my "list" but it gets me moving - like I might walk up to get the mail and plan my next move on the walk. I tell myself "ok, I got the mail, and I got a little exercise. When I "get home" I'm going to go straight to the phone and call."

I do take a multivitamin every day - plus extra iron and a vision support capsule, but thank you for the thought.

I think what I might need is more faith. It's like my inner judge is saying "seriously? You can't handle your life now. You're going to start plants? Why? When are you going to plant them out? You'll forget them in the greenhouse and they will all die. Have you seen the greenhouse? How long do you have to clean that out after you plant seeds? Tick, tick, tick."

Yeah, it might be that.

Right now I am eating lunch.

I wormed the buck goats and trimmed their hooves and gave them their shots. I also cleared out a few wheelbarrow loads of deep bedding - enough to cover the cardboard I laid down on two future 3x20' garden beds.

All that is standing between me and 4th and ten is seven baskets of clean laundry and a wet couch cushion.

Dh doesn't think the cushion will be dry enough to put back tonight.

But I think that since I have actually accomplished some other stuff in the last two days, I'm going to give myself a first down if I finish the laundry.

Road, I think you have to prove you are human more times early in the day. Maybe captcha needs a certain number of picture scans each hour and they give you more if traffic is light.

I tend to ask leading questions or share my experiences rather than give advice. Mostly because i feel like in the ymmv category, everyone else is in a car or bus or train or on a bike or maybe a boat or walking, and I'm on a pogo stick.

My kids were pretty much free range. We moved here right before the little one turned 7, so they were 7, 9, and 11. I gave them whistles. I said "if you get in trouble, blow the whistle. If you hear me blow my whistle, blow yours back - I'm trying to find out where you are. And if I ring the bell (big farm bell) come straight back to the house. Now go play outside." I also told them not to go in the creek or the pond alone, and not to stand on a branch thinner than their wrist. Basically as long as they read a book now and then and did their math workbooks every year I was happy. Dd is always telling dsil stories about what a terrible parent I was, and when she gets to the end he says things like "you realize you had the childhood every kid dreams about, right?"

One day she decided she couldn't stand her ($10 thrift store) dresser one more day, and they carried it out to the bonfire pit and burned it. I watched the whole thing from a window. All I said when they got back was "I'm not buying you another dresser". She kept her clothes in cardboard boxes for two years until she found a dresser she liked and bought it. # terrible parent.

Road mentions Easter. Subc puts her hands over her ears and sings "lalala I can't hear you."

Did today so far:

replaced the worn/ripped rubber feet on the shower chair and threw the old ones away.

Need help prioritizing, I feel frozen:
errands and counselor appt (the only set thing, 1:00)
possibly go visit some people (work related/I visit elderly in rest homes, no set times)
calls for teen appts (very stressful)
calls and emails for work, and paperwork
plan a work meeting (really have to)
clean my dog's ears (itchy)
clip his nails
reach out to a couple friends
find things in storage room that teen wants
get stuff into trash for trash day tomorrow morning (DH is away, chance to declutter some, plus fridge)
more sorting/declutter to take things to donate while DH is gone

I had someone want to come by here to visit this weekend but I got that delayed a week. My house is a wreck!! And as you see, cleaning the house is not even on my radar for today.

Help? How to prioritize and get enough done??

Road, thanks for the warm welcome back :) I am glad to hear you had a nice meal together with parents. What a blessing. Also I so relate to the stress of constantly dealing with a medically-needy kid. It can be exhausting, so be sure you rest and take care of you. I say this as I am dragging along trying to get my teen's 'must do' list done as well. Lots of calls I should make today etc.

SubC, that is a very accurate description. Like blocks are pushing against me but I don't know what it is. Yeah, I have that too, and I wonder if I am depressed, or something. Maybe take a multivitamin. That's what everyone always used to tell me. Who knows, it might help you.

I've been so busy with work that I am flustered now and trying to focus on what to do first. I don't have to go out today except to the counselor, but I should run a couple errands. I have phone calls to make and documents to update, but so many other things fighting for my attention.

How do you handle it when you have too many things and feel paralyzed where to begin?? I don't know what to do.

Aww "lot more creek!" That says so much! I keep seeing this thing come up on Instagram about letting your kids do dangerous things carefully. That's probably really true. I think my nephew and his family take an approach like that. They are both outdoorsy adventurous people. Their kids would definitely say "lot more creek!"

I haven't started seeds yet either. I am just not feeling it but I know if I don't I may regret it later... I have a couple little greenhouses I bring into the dining room til mid April or so... I've really enjoyed doing that in years past, but gonna either drop it or kind of force it this year... fake it til you make it? I know I can start some stuff later, but having all the different nightshade varieties is what really lights my fire and the time is now.

Sounded like my dad was over at my bro's yesterday "helping" him improve his life. Sadly it's more like my dad not hiding his disgust disapproval and disappointment very well, saying 83 critical things and then wondering why they end up in a fight. I also grappled with that concept all day with my niece and sister. Mind your own business? Offer open ended help (to do what?) offer advice? Usually not appreciated or advised... at what point is kindness or inaction enabling? I am on the other side of that as well. If I put myself in the place of how would I want other people to approach me I guess I would want someone to say "is there something I can do to help?" But then I am really. Motivated to change and I've tried so many things (and have had some progress but still a long way to go)... but what do you do if the person isn't willing to do anything about it - or doesn't want to change ? or doesn't even agree there's a problem...

So my plans for today...
- brought up Easter stuff
- organized laundry a little bit downstairs, started a load, bringing up a load of clean towels to fold,,,
- must clean kitchen
- returns
- Aldi run
- Kick everyone's ass at the drs. offices til they do their job.
- possibly shop for needlework squirrels... (still Employing stall tactic with self)

Ok, are we all having issues with the "prove you're a human" thing required to post? I find I'm having to do more of them - sometimes 4 - before it will let me pass.

Ouch on the windshield wiper repair!

I got up and did yoga this morning and restarted the wash I left in the washing machine all night.

I did not get enough sleep. Yesterday made it clear to me that I need more sleep - I was able to do two hard things on the same day and still accomplish some other stuff.

Right now I am facing chores and starting seeds and I just want to climb back into bed with a book. I used to love starting my seeds and I do not know what is wrong with me this year.

Dh and I got Chinese take out last night, so there is the packaging from that added to my life. It includes a greasy paper bag and two rice boxes that I would normally burn, but currently I am not feeling enthusiastic about setting aside the burnables.

Dsil took bean to a park with a creek yesterday - Dd bought him water shoes. Apparently when it was time to go, he said "lot more creek!" Our creek has not gone down enough for him to play in yet.

Thanks subc, so much for some great advice. I think I'm going to printout that blurb and post it. I'm taking all of that advice.

Today was rather epic in the headache/hassle department, I didn't feel physiologically agitated like I did yesterday but more shite hit the fan today for sure. I had a long convo with my niece which is loaded with baggage. I gave her advice (and listened)... she said she agreed and would do what I suggested but we will see. I'm more worried about my sister now though based on what she told me. Tried to talk to my bro about it but he got testy about it so that didn't end up being helpful. The school and medical miasma proved even more complex and aggravating than I thought earlier in the day. This is why having Swiss cheese for brains is not working for me. If I don't keep on top of stuff and other people (literally ALL the other people) drop the ball, then my son gets excluded from sports for another season for no reason. Part of it is picking up the pieces post (pretending it's post-) pandemic where all the extracurriculars were cancelled Or virtual and I had to stop caring about his iep because it all went up in smoke anyway, but now that I need to get it together again, I am struggling. The runners up today were: $400 windshield wiper repair and I found doggies medicine and food untouched in her bowl and she's already asleep for the night. Bright spot was my son singing for his karaoke zoom call. So cute. Also, snowdrops are blooming, birds are singing... spring has arrived.

Alright gonna bail out early tonight and see if I can take half a melatonin and sleep through tonight. Oh, forgot to tell you that I bought some cbd gummies to try again for pain and I kept crashing, took some pretty long naps and then figured out there was melatonin in the gummies! Lol. Returning!

It has been a pretty productive day.

Besides the stall and the laundry (4th and 20?) I disbudded the triplet baby goats and gave them their shots. I also got hay and unloaded and racked it (sometimes I leave it in the truck overnight)

I cleaned up a broken jar I'd been ignoring for days (it wasn't where bean could get to it)

Ok, actually that doesn't look like that much when I type it out, it seems like I should have had more time. But it was a lot and I am tired.

I REALLY need to start my seeds tomorrow. I don't know what is stopping me. It is as if I can literally feel the block pushing against me but I don't know what it is.

I want to hope that the doctor is laid back because he knows everything is probably fine and just hasn't been able to communicate that to you.

People who don't treat other people like human beings make me crazy. My friend's sister had a surprise baby (in her early 20s) because the people in her life and her boyfriend's life had just assumed that they were basically big children and didn't need information about sexuality and reproduction. She went the first six months with no prenatal care.

Write down the things you want to say to/ask your doctor ahead of time so you won't be overly polite? Even if you have to hand them the list. "You could just say "doctors offices make me very uncomfortable" and hand over the list. You will not be the first person. I have white coat hypertension and I always open with "my blood pressure is going to be really bad. It might be lower at the end of the visit if you tell me everything is great. But it might not."

Maybe your medical support friend could help you write up your list so you feel confident about it.

My Dh has decided it has been long enough. I was upstairs getting laundry and he said "how is your day going? Did you set anything on fire?"

I finished cleaning out a stall and resolved a social issue that was causing me stress.

I also remembered that way back at the beginning of the pandemic, the pottery studio had a "buy a $125 gift certificate for $100" sale to keep them going, and I bought one. I found it and it expires April 6, so I need to go shop!

As far as your projects. The obvious answer is to not buy anymore projects until you have used or passed on all the projects you have, but I also know the inner squirrel must be fed or it starts chewing holes in our brains.

So, what if you figure out how much space the new projects would take up, and then clear that space out - by actually removing things from your property - it doesn't have to be craft stuff, it can be socks or paperwork or hotel soap - anything that can be thrown out or donated, but no fair just shifting stuff around - plus one item per project. Then - you can get your projects and have progress too! The projects become rewards. And, you can look at stuff and ask yourself "would I rather have this, or a new stitching project?"

Ok, off to try to make more progress!

Glad your injuries aren't too bad. Still, sorry for your burns. You got a nice jolt of adrenaline! Do you have that sort of sick feeling you get afterwards? We drove by the marsh this am and I noticed all the banks had been burned. Thought of you!

I am super irked with this neurologist as he seems to be taking a very laissez faire attitude about my son's brain. Sometimes you get that attitude from drs. - like, well, he's already abnormal so ??? I had that when he was a baby with his head shape. He prob should have had a helmet but he has Down syndrome so meh. The neurologist may end up being correct but his attitude is incorrect so I have to figure something else out. Today I'm putting My own fires with special olympics forms and people at the district not doing their jobs and people in the drs offices not doing their jobs... and a mom with ADD and psychological problems with dealing with schools and drs. Offices not doing HER job (that's me). Adrenaline! I kept checking the time as I was keeping notes on my daily thing and I kept thinking an hour had elapsed and only 10 minutes had. Nothing like a fire under your ass to make your brain work. Then again, sometimes the pressure makes it worse. Hmmm.

So anyway, productive paper work & life untangling yesterday and today... putting out fires, cleaning up messes and organizing things enough to prevent an upcoming season of potential fires. Am I taking this too far? Lol

Had a weird convo w the H last night... I was having an extreme pain day as opposed to bad or moderate. Never pain free. And he said "have you gone to see a dr. About it yet?" FullY knowing I haven't. Then something like "I'm not going to talk to you til you do..." huh? Then he padded around trying a couple other things and finally said "what can I do to help?" And I said "there you go." As in that's all he really needs to say but ironically he misunderstood and thought that comment was for something else. Omg we are a mess. I usually get motivated and able to deal with medical stuff in the spring. I want to tie up some loose ends with my son and get a couple things in motion for him and then I will focus on getting stuff on the books for myself. If my doctor blows me off again I'm prepared to ask her if there is a type of doctor who will work with you to figure out what's wrong. Seriously! I know if I didn't have this ptsd issue with medical appts. And if I didn't drop the ball so much I would have probably gotten some resolution to my problems but honestly, they never take stock of the overall situation and really think anything through. It's just a never ending churn of off the cuff referrals and patronizing attitudes. Ugh. I hate them so much. Do you think they can tell? Haha no actually I am overly polite in the office. That might be my problem.

Just thinking out loud but if anyone has suggestions I am open to hearing them.

I can't believe it's still not noon. I am in a time warp.

Minor internal struggle with acquiring new stitch projects. This time of year there are a lot of new releases. I kind of earmarked $100 and ordered some things. I guess I got about 5 or 6 things. But the shops are stuffed full of bright and shiny new things... so far all I did was walk into the store, pick up my order, pay for it and walk back out. I had blinders on. But now I'm dying to go in. It wouldn't be unreasonable to buy a few more things but I just want to be intentional about it and not reactive or whatever...

Hope everyone is having a good day.

I slept late today. I turned my alarm off and then just fell back asleep instead of getting out of bed. Dh alarm woke me an hour later.

The visit, the fire, and bean's stomach issues created a lot of extra laundry. I'm hoping to get the laundry back to where it was on Friday today (4th and ten.)

Bean's toys are spread all over the house. I have a backlog of eggs and milk. The scullery counter is more buried. Everything is dirtier and weedier and (in the barn) poopier. I am out of hay.

The dishes are about the same. I have kept up with email except for one thing a student sent that I need to print out - I want to use the school printer.

My runny nose is mostly gone, my throat is no longer sore, and the headache and the wheeze in my left lung are gone, but I still have a bit of a cough. The burns are just itchy now.

I have nothing scheduled at any specific time today and nothing on deadline for today, so we'll see how far I get.

You know, I actually prefer the grass fire. It's very focusing. No questions about priorities, no quitting, clear goals and an obvious pass/fail metric.

Today I had some plans for Bean's nap time, but they were replaced with:

Wash all the things Bean threw up all over

Search for my credit card (no luck and out of ideas of where to look. Store of last use dies not have it.)

Contact tge neuro through my chart again with just the second q?

Hi me again with my one man show.

OK. I contacted the neurologist through the my chart thing. He answered one ? And blew off the other so now I gotta figure out what to do. I guess I will try to call.

I have not contacted the school yet because I was too jittery to have a phone conversation... so I still need to deal with that.

In going thru my paperwork I found a few things that were urgent and of course added to my to do list.

So that unsettling feeling when you know everything is in disarray and you're forgetting things - has been tamped down (with a wet jacket.) ( like a grassfire)

Swept floor again. Picked up more laundry
Brought basket downstairs. My hip is really bad today so that was no fun, I started putting paperwork back "where it goes" so now I just need to clear off the rest of the bed (which is full of sorted papers)...

Still super jittery. Leaving soon to pick up the boy and then will have to swing back up to pick up the H. (My car is in the shop)

Ok guys, I am having a work day. Fairly productive til I went down the Instagram rabbit hole.

- partial reset of room (swept floor, cleared off nightstand, laundry to hamper)
- moved current-ish paper work to the H's room to sort.
- cleaned back 40 a little
- organized toiletries a little

Sorting paper into:
School (daily sheets, academic papers, correspondence, etc.)
Health (mostly medical bills and notes, Covid stuff)
Creative (mostly needlework books and x-stitch charts)
Genealogy

When I sat down to type this I knew the time was running out for me to accomplish my must dos and my hands started trembling and started to feel anxious. I was a-ok and feeling great sorting the paper... but when I approach calling the school or calling the drs office I come unglued. Or at least unraveling at the edges.

I am now going to figure out if I can get around calling somehow and still get the info, I need. Ugh!

Subc, thanks for the hug! heres one for you...(((( ))))) I'm ok again... but it's all there bubbling right under the surface. Ugggh

Your grass fire tale was quite harrowing. It's amazing what your brain can process in a crisis. I am not trained in first aid (Recently) but in an emergency my brain does seem to process pretty efficiently. Like if I witnessed a car accident I would jump into action. But I feel like most of the time my brain is in a foggy muddle. Trouble processing, overwhelmed, flatlined... That must be a brain chemistry thing. Maybe I should work in an emergency room. Forget I said that. Joking!

My nephew worked as a wildland firefighter. He would do seasonal gigs on a specialized mountain terrain crew based in the four corners. Sometimes they would deploy to different states. He knew some of the crew from that Prescott disaster a few years ago. He's worked in sped also but has issues with authority and tends to get fired. Lol no I shouldn't say that. He's stood up for things that have gotten him in trouble. (Ok maybe his judgement is not always the best)... Now he's in Young housedad mode And doing an amazing job at that.

I'm getting the chills watching the news (must cut back!) the coverage of that news editor who stormed the set to protest Russia 1's propaganda and the Met opera's tribute to Ukraine. Holy cow. Chills again. My god I'm an emotional wreck. People are really amazing. So many people with major balls. Excuse my French.

Ah! The time change. That special time of year when I spend the next 3 weeks walking around asking people "now is that old time or new time?" I can report one positive thing and that is my 3:30 insomnia is not migrating and hence it is more conducive to just staying awake instead of falling asleep again moments before I have to get up and be functional. If that doesn't make sense it's because I am suddenly crushed with fatigue and the desire to go back to sleep.

Phew almost lost this post. Gotta post and come back after the school drop off.

Oh one more minor major thing,,, I washed out the little white bathroom garbage can. Lila reminded me of it in the not throwing things away. Category. It's those little pesky (gross) jobs... but anyway, I did that. I use plain black grocery plastic bags as liners for the little garbage cans around the house but the bathroom one still gets gross because god forbid a male ever uses a trash can liner before they put gross stuff in it...

Ok now I'm really going to crash right after I said the time change is helping me not do that, ha!!!

Road,

We crossed, but I am sending you a big hug!

I could have planned for the wind. The ground is very wet here, but it had been sunny and windy for a couple of days. I should have known the grass was dry and I should have checked the weather.

The experience made it very easy to understand how fires burn for miles and miles in California.

Have I told you that my bonus son recently started work as a firefighter? I kept thinking both "now would be a good time for him to stop by" and "oh lord, if the fire department gets involved in this I will never live it down."

Today is a busy day. I pick up Bean this morning, and then take him home this evening, eat dinner with his family, and go to my class. The weather is supposed to be really nice, so I think we will go outside and have bike (big wheel) riding time and work in the garden. This is the year I teach him to pick up the small rocks and put them in a bucket so we can "dump" it.(the geology where I live means the land is always throwing up rocks.) He loves anybody dumping things. I may give him a little bowl so he can collect the rocks and "dump!" Them in the bucket.

Then he will need a bath.

Aghhh this is the problem with. Not checking in for a few days! You miss so much!!

I'm reading up and catching up and will be back.

LILA has returned !! Yaaay

SubC 4th & 10 made me lol.

Sunday I/we made last minute decision to host a st. Paddy's day dinner with all the Americanized versions of traditional st. Paddy's fare. It was just my Ps and brother but this much really does seem to push us to our max capabilities (and capacity)... we invited his bro and fam and my sister, niece and her Bf, but they all declined. Actually my sister never responded at all, and my niece was either wasted or sincerely confused about the invitation. (You can never tell What condition she is in) but honestly it was vague so that part was on me. Anyway, it turned out beautifully and my dad had seconds and really seemed to enjoy it which was surprising. But aside from that he seemed more frail than ever which is troubling. Also I could tell my mom was noticing some of the stuff going on with my son and she got emotional a couple times. I have a short list of "MUST-DOs" related to his situation that I haven't been able to bring myself to do and have got to pull myself together enough to get those done today. Somehow. Gotta do it. Also a very LONG list of overdue "should dos" that need doing, of course. Ok after writing that sentence about my mom through tears I am emotionally flooded so I am going to stop and get a grip. But I will be back.

yes SubC, you are amazing dealing with that. You didn't start the fire, really. The wind did. You started a small controlled burn and the wind started an out of control blaze, which you battled!

Tatoulia, so happy you are learning about organizing because I bet you will be able to share new ideas as we struggle with things on here.

I spent the day eating and laying around and skipped my meeting which I am a bit ashamed of, but I did do a few things:

-unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and ran it.
-wiped the counters off a bit
-washed, dried, and put away one load of clothes
-sorted coins

I did play with the dog, and spent time thinking about tomorrow.

I am a planner addict and always want to write down lists of what I am going to do. But this time I am just going to do it. I will post more on the decluttering your waistline thread as I go along.

SUBC YOU ARE MY HERO! Quick thinking, smart, capable! You amaze me! Your husband is right! You are so smart! Lila is right! You did this!

I could almost smell the smoke as you described your injuries. Be kind to yourself. You do not control the wind.

I took a two hour webinar today on organizing and prioritizing and I learned a lot. I feel different and better about myself already. There wasn't one system being pushed. It was eye opening for me. It made me realize that I complain about being too tired to do anything after work each night and then I play on computer til 2 AM. I want more out of this life.

After work I went to see BF to find out what he wanted for dinner and I ended up staying with him til about 9:30. Now I'm home and showered. We never did get dinner. And I'm not eating after 730 PM so I'm on my own til morning.

I was resting and processing.

Didn't really finish the fridge, but I got all the really gross stuff out and one crisper drawer washed.

Both blisters are on the insides of my thumbs. I assume they are from the wet canvas. One is about 1/4" and one is about 1/2" and both are completely ripped open. I didn't notice them until I was washing my hair in the shower. Saw the burns in the mirror when I got out.

I have minor smoke inhalation - runny nose, sore throat (breathing not swallowing, so nothing really soothes it) a cough, a headache, and a slight wheeze on the left side - nothing significant, just if I breathe really deeply. Plus side, I did not burn down the barn. Or the house. Or start a forest fire.

Dh keeps telling me I did a good job, and I'm just like "but I STARTED the fire."

The burned patch is about a tenth of an acre.

oh my goodness SubC. That sounds so scary. You did handle it well, level headed. I'm glad it did not get more out of control. How bad are your blisters? I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Sounds exhausting and deflating.

I am feeling like a huge waste of space. I went to the store and got fried chicken and other junk and am sitting here eating chocolates, trying to get moving. It is after 1 and I have a meeting in a few hours that I am very tempted to skip. But shouldn't. But might. Tomorrow I HAVE to do things. Ugh I dunno.

I put a load of clothes in the wash. That is all.

I walk into the cluttered rooms and just feel completely overwhelmed and walk back out.

I started a grass fire.

It was very scary. I had a bucket of water and I was burning the burn box and it was very calm and the ground is wet, but the dry fall grass was still in the field.

And all of a sudden the wind picked up like crazy and I had five fires, and I couldn't keep up with them with the bucket, so I dunked my canvas jacket in the pond and beat it out. I let it burn itself out on the pond side and the swale side (it was headed toward water in both directions) and just prayed it wouldn't gust up and jump to another field. I got it out in the direction of the woods and then just followed a roughly diagonal line to the swale and kept it out of the next field. I'm not sure how much grass burned, but a lot. I think we lost three small trees. Thank god the leaves were off!

My back and shoulders and arms ache, my throat is raw, and I have blisters, some bad briar scratches, and a couple of first degree burns.

I didn't have my cell phone.

Dh came out with me to confirm that it was out (I went in the house to get him when I thought it was - he couldn't see that field from his office window) and just shook his head. And said "you astonish me sometimes." I said "I know. I should have had my phone and I should have been wearing boots (although I think the boots would have slowed me down. I was wearing crocks - I went in the pond up to my knees in my jeans and still burned a hole in my sock.) and I should have had a rake." He said "using your jacket was good thinking. Another woman would have run for help and it would have been too late."

Good morning SubC and Tatoulia (and whoever else is reading).

I had a meeting cancelled this morning so am home, unshowered, in sweats, wishing for fried chicken because I saw someone eating it on tv. Sheesh. But I am having coffee and thinking about what to do.

My little Tot girl is my only local grandchild, so I revolve around her a lot. But soon there will be two.

What should I do today? So unmotivated, would like to take a day off, but I have a meeting tonight so at some point I have to get it together, shower, and get dressed. I should dye my hair today.

Been sorting coins a bit more last night.

I guess I will go in the family room and garage and other room and start getting things into the car to donate before dh gets back from his trip.