Hugs to Lila 💗💗💗💗💗

Oh Lila,

The badger must come and sit in your lap and let you pet his soft badger fur. No badgering for you and he will bite anyone who bothers you!

That was a hard day.

And yes, that happens to me. Over much smaller things. I will be moving along, and then something will go wrong or come along to sidetrack me or shift my focus and my whole day will be ruined and the negative voices in my head will start saying terrible things about me and I will loose all of my energy and initiative, and then the day will be over and I will just be angry at myself for proving the voices right.

I do not have the skills to help you with your teen, but I think I would try to tell myself "this is not my child, this is something that is happening to my child. We are suffering through this this together and it is harder for my child, because I am only the target if the rage, but they have been completely taken over by it."

If your dog got it's leg stuck in a trap and was in horrible pain and it bit you while you were trying to free it - you would know that your dog, who loves and trusts you, wasn't trying to hurt you - it was just reacting to the pain and you were at the place where the pain was happening.

The pain in this case is not physical, and it doesn't make the experience any less exhausting and frustrating and overwhelming, but maybe it will help if you can remember that your child is literally lashing out at overwhelming pain and not see it as a personal attack.

Be gentle with yourself.

Yesterday went pretty well at school and I sold three dozen eggs which helps with my egg backlog - I need to bake again. Also, I need to do about three thousand things in the barn and finish starting my very late seeds.

Dh and I have another date tonight - because of covid, all the concerts got pushed and rescheduled and so there are a bunch in a row instead of every few weeks.

Dd says Bean can stay over again tomorrow night.

lol, I like the badger. Send him my way.

I read your posts, but have no energy to respond. But I have a question.

Do you ever get completely deflated and frozen by one bad thing that happens, and 'ruins' your whole day?

I had a happy mood, despite some very bad medical news, and planned to get some things done today. Then, remember the autistic kiddo that used to rage and put holes in walls and break things? Well, I actually was feeling hopeful and decided to go ahead and start fixing the holes, since it has been such a long time. I was planning to start this week. But as I dreaded, today teen had their first rage in months and threw something big and dented a wall. Maybe dented the item too but I have not looked. Then they screamed at me and called me names.

None of my other kids, or anyone else, has treated me like this and it is crushing to me. No amount of boundaries or consequences fixes this, and the dr says it is the autism. But, it hurt me so badly, when I am already teetering on depression over this new medical dx (the c word), that I just cried and then had no energy or motivation and spent the entire day sitting, doing nothing at all.

I don't know how to fix my response. I should brush it off but it really destroys me and I just go into a zone of not caring and not moving.

Tomorrow, I hope will be better. I completely wasted today, my one day off.

Back to normal - my list got longer yesterday and I am tired, unprepared, and reluctant to go to school. Fridays are just not my favorite.

Today is the last day of the third quarter.

Dh ate the leftover take out for lunch and got a pizza for dinner yesterday, so I have more empty packaging.

My heart gs has to leave school early and miss my class today for a diagnostic mri. He is excited about getting pictures of his brain.

Road, we would send each other the badger when we needed help motivating ourselves. Sometimes if the badger assisted with a difficult errand (s)he would get a treat. Like an ice cream cone.

Here is a thing that happened yesterday - I left for work with a list of things I needed to do yesterday. (I always do). Normally during the day I cross things out and add new things that come up to the bottom of the list. At the end of the school day I check the list to see what I should do before I leave, and in the evening I assign the leftover tasks to the next day or the master list.

Yesterday the kids put the chairs up and left, I tidied the room, I looked down at my list, and EVERYTHING was crossed off! No emails to send, no forms to turn in, I even got the kiln started on my afternoon break!

I mean, today's list is still ridiculously long, and the master list still covers a sheet of notebook paper, including tasks that will take hours, but nothing new got added! I just did the things that came up as they came up!

And I remembered that this used to happen many times. I used to put extra things on the list to do if I had time and sometimes I got to them. It has been so long I can't remember the last time this happened.

I used to clean up the floor because I felt bad about how messy my room got and all the work for the cleaning service. Also because I didn't want the random pencils and lost papers to be thrown out. We have changed cleaning services so many times in the last two years that I no longer even know if we have one. I don't care how much work it is to clean my floor. I don't even care of the floor gets cleaned anymore. I don't even NOTICE if the floor gets cleaned anymore.

I'm sure I will be back to bare survival mode today, but it was nice to feel like I could actually do my job yesterday. Or as my cousin put it "so today was manageable."

Dh brought home take out, but we didn't finish it, so the containers are in the fridge, not on the scullery counter.

Woohoo, it worked!

I am at the library again. I think our rain rained itself out sooner than expected yesterday. I had a migraine most of the day. Stress, I'm betting. Okay now.

Probably should head home, we have a project afoot and roommate may need my help, and I may have some aspects of it that I need to do.

My brain has been like a piece of unraveled yarn this week. I get paid on Friday, since my Social Security date is the 3rd which falls on Sunday. I hope the check will be for real, since Friday is April Fool's Day!

Enjoy the Badger, and when you need the Badger we will help you find the Badger to badger you!

This may or may not yield an image of the Badger:

I. Think the Badger predates me. I must know all about the badger...STAT!

It's always easier for us to "know" what the right thing is to do than to actually do the right thing. I still appreciate everyone's insights in here though because you all understand where we are coming from more than everyone in our lives.

Sub c, I am with you on the numbers. We never had accurate numbers and now we've dismantled much of what was in place. Boosters here tomorrow for All three of us and I made appts for my Ps when I was over there today so they are actually getting them now. I am getting shingles also. It's the one thing my mother in law has ever cared enough to nag me to do because she and my brother in law who died in ?20 both got it bad. She had it in her eye and is still having painful scalp and eye issues on that side years later.

While we were at my dads he launched into another attack. On my brother. Odd because he could express anger that he doesn't have a job or disgust at the state of his house, but what ends up coming out is fury at how he is not placing his furniture or exercise equipment in the right place. Very bizarre. Luckily I was able to handle it better this time. I tried distract and change the subject tactic but he came back to it and then I said, well, he's really turning his ship now and is trying hard so I think we can all try to be supportive and encourage him to keep going. What's he going to say to that? Lol oh well. The H just told me I get my "indignance" from him. Well that's true. My mother would certainly never act indignant about anything. Then I got my son to ask him to play the piano for us and we went in the piano room and he played girl from ipanema and my son danced hilariously and it was all good. Phew.

Not much happening here today. House is trashed and it's my "day off" to do other things tomorrow so I guess I am gonna have to get some cleaning done tonight,

What's up with you guys?

Road, that is a very good idea about using the bins as tables.
Buying new things almost never helps.

Lila, that sounds like a conditional "allow" to me. I'd be investing in some black garbage bags and hitting his space every chance I got - and this is me, who hates putting anything in the trash. You shouldn't gave to live with garbage in the house. (Subclinical imagines her Dh reading that and rolling his eyes at the piles of recycling in the basement waiting to be transported and the giant drift waiting to be rinsed on the counter.)

Speaking of, there are now a bunch of seeds, seed potatoes, and onion sets on my clean counter. Dh brought them to me from a friend yesterday. I think Dh is the scullery jinx. He is the source of most of the packaging.

And I had class last night and not enough sleep, so I am tired. I am not going to judge myself when I am tired.

Road, your scullery jinx comment reminded me of the badger. Was the badger around when you showed up? Tatoulia and CM, where did we leave the badger? Maybe he could help Tatoulia schedule her chairs?

Mask optional at school day 1 went ok yesterday. Most of the kids are not wearing them, but at least one in each of my classes was, so I still am. Cases are increasing in our area, but not by a lot. I don't think the case counts are close to accurate anymore, the only good data is hospitalizations and deaths, and even deaths is a bit suspect.

Lila, tha5# great news about fb marketplace. That will make things much much easier to get rid of so much stuff. Yes, I will probably stay away from the free board. Haha. Might not be quite safe yet. It's mystifying to me that people could hang on to literal garbage but I would have died if anyone , even best friends or family, would have seen my room a year ago. I saved these clear plastic candy containers you get at aldi thinking I would use them for this grand scheme I had to decorate the house like a gingerbread house for Christmas. I *think* I finally recycled them. I hope I did.

Well, I lined up 4 bins and an. Old guitar to go to the garage but the H was running around being annoyingly productive all day so he didn't get to it. That's fine... we will get to it tomorrow. It's actually pretty freeing knowing ALL the school supplies stuff is going out to the garage. Well, I still have the stash in the dining room, and the enormous cabinet full at the base of the stairs... and the rando stuff spread between 80 bins in the basement. I think I'm going to need to figure out something else for the closet. Might do open shelving with bins for the rest of my clothes. The dresser is not big enough and I am terrible at hanging things up so I think that's probably what would work best. Maybe I will look up some open Shelving closet Org stuff on YouTube for ideas... I'm not really thinking in terms of decorating yet, just emptying out, cleaning, sorting, and how to best store things. Maybe I will redecorate once I get the right amount of stuff in here.

I just had an idea for working in the garage. I really need to work at counter height big tables in order to sort stuff out and I was thinking I'd have to buy 4 or 5 6' folding tables but I just had the idea that I could use the bins! I literally have hundreds of bins in there. I can build rows of them 3 high and maybe two deep (instead of big towers which is how they are now) and use them as tables. If I need to sort into bins I will just have empty bins on top. They are modular, so to speak, so I can just c9nfigure them however I need them... I think this might work. Tables would prob work better but I don't really want to drop another $150 or whatever that would be.

I think it's helping trying to visualize working out there every morning for 2, 3, 4 hours or something. I have to make it part of the daily routine in order to make progress. It's so easy to blow it off out there because it's hidden. The garage door was open today because the H was out there working on the yard all day. It was a shock to see that huge wall of clear bins with white lids. Ugh. A world of chaos in a seemingly tidy package...

Planning to visit the Ps and possibly go to the other needlework shop tomorrow... I will definitely 86 the so-so books. When you only pay $3-4 a book, it's not hard to let go of it.

ohhh I almost forgot!

Road, about FB marketplace: when you list something there is a button that says "hide from my friends" so you can click that, and they can't see it! Great huh??

I also am on a Buy Nothing group on Facebook where everyone just gives things away, and I give things away that I don't think I could get much by selling, or when I don't have time. It's nice because everything is free BUT for any of you who think you would not be able to resist wanting to go get all the free things and bring them home, skip this group. It is a risk. I look at it and only take things I wanted to buy and needed, and I look for people asking for items. So you can ask "does anyone have clothes in size 10" and if someone has them they will give them to you. I like it a lot and feel like I am blessing people by giving them things they need, at no cost. So check that out, just type in Buy Nothing and your city name. It is a closed group so your friends can't see what you post unless they are also in the group.

What a great bunch of posts! You all made my day, which was super busy but I came home and sat down to read here to get encouraged. Thank you! All you share does help.

SubC and Road, re: dh, no, he would never "allow" me to throw out any trash, but he also does not object if I just throw it out when he is not there AND make sure he cannot see it in the trash, so, it has to go in a bag with other trash and be under more bags in the trash. I usually do that on trash day (Friday) so it is gone before he can dig. I remember back in the early years of our marriage, I threw out a few burned out light bulbs. He had a MELTDOWN when he saw them in the trash, dug them back out, wrapped them up and saved them.

And yes, I would expect he WOULD move trash into the new room... maybe not all of it, but it is likely his method of moving the stacks of envelopes, receipts, junk mail, layered in with wrappers etc and dust, would be to put it all into a box or bin and move it in there. But, I do hope I am wrong, and he wants a change, and will get rid of some of this stuff. But my rule is it HAS to go in his room and not into a common area or I will throw it out myself.

I did one thing to make my place better today: I went outside and put on my gardening gloves and picked all the dead leaves out of the big pots of plants in the front of the house. There was a lot and now it looks better. I got the dead leaves that were on the ground around the pots, too. I am proud of myself but also dismayed how little stamina I have. I am exhausted and hurting and I was only working for like 10 or 15 minutes.

Oh My. Gawd.

Sub c!

Amazing work on the scullery!!!


Whooppppppp!

Subc, awesome sleepover days with bean! It's very good for a marriage to have a local grandma eager to have turns with the baby. We always had to ask and that made us reluctant to ask. We never really got the hang of hiring babysitters partly because of my sons needs, and partly due to being cheap. I'm just trying to say they are lucky to have you! And you are lucky to have a bean and cherishing every minute of it. 100%! Why hesitate to say progress on the counter? Afraid of invoking the wrath of the scullery jinx? I could start writing a novel right there. Wrath of the Scullery Jinx. Hey with this group we could have a round robin write-a-thon.or we could each contribute a chapter! Heheh.

Lila, I was very surprised ? but mostly excited ? to read about your H's response. I think that's a legitimate anti hoard technique. Switching rooms... I mean it doesn't solve the problem but there's got to be a learning situation in there. I wonder if he will feel jittery being in an "empty" (clean) room like I. Used to. But I mean he's not gonna move garbage from one room to another. I assume he would just take stuff he needs as he goes, right? Then all that's left is stuff to get rid of? Right? What do you think will happen? I'm sure in the absence of him having new skills, or new effort, or fresh perceptions, he will quickly clutter up the new space, but surely he will gain some awareness, right? And I would agree that's definitely a good sign that he rearranged the furniture in there.

Coupons! I think that's one of the things that got me in my early hoardy days. I gave up coupons long ago. Have to turn a blind eye. I guess the only one we use is the free cheese pizza for our little party guests when we order pizza from the local place. But that's like a $10 pizza and they will not honor it if you don't hand it over.

The H came in abruptly and declared "if you want me to help you you better get your bins lined up." Why does he have to do it that way? Ugggggh

Lila, did you say you're using FB marketplace? you've inspired me again for the furniture. I am shopping love seat and lamps (still)... we are down to around 3 shops now and one consignment and I am not having any luck. One question I have about getting rid of stuff is how do you prevent friends and family from seeing what you're getting rid of? Or maybe there's no way. Separate account?

I'm thinking if I create a structure for saving up for a vacation with proceeds from eBay it might motivate me to do it. Thoughts?

Hey Cm, I'm a graphic designer. Non A working one At present but I will still claim it. Re software, The adobe creative suite is also available for trials I think. If you can qualify for educator discount - or student- its only $30 a month or so for the entire package of products. But if you're interested, I would look to see if they have free trials and then just do a program or two at a time depending on your interest area. Since it's in the cloud, you can access it remotely from your own account - you just log in.

I forget who was asking about smells. We do have that issue. I *think* in our case it's the duct work. Can't even describe the condition of the duct work it's that gross. At least the H changes the air filters regularly. Smell could also Possibly Be the wood floors. We don't have that many soft surfaces really. I bought a bunch of those odor absorbing can things and a few spray bottles of some chemicals that ended up freaking me out and not using. I will tend to light a candle near the door if someone is coming over. Not sure how to really get rid of them. We have a little broom closet in the kitchen that reeked. When we installed central air 20 years ago they had to use most of it for the cold air return but there was still a little space up front. So I got the wise idea of enclosing it and adding little shelves with cheap white paneling. Must say it was a great success. No one is allowed in my cute little pantry. Lol It's surprising how much you can store on 5 8x10" shelves made with things that were never intended to be shelves. But anyway I painted and painted and painted and the smell keeps coming back. I should say I killzed and killlzed and killlzed it. Who knows. I give up.

We had another cleaning frenzy at my brothers. He wanted his old sleeper sofa moved into the living room so the H went in and did that and we waited in the car. Then we went in with donuts and tried different furniture arrangements and vacuumed and cleaned and dusted as we went. Now his entire living room is cleaned out, rearranged, vacuumed, etc. with the exception of the coffee table that has all the junk and dust on it still, and the carpet which needs shampooing. I was thinking the odor was better but it was still oppressive. Trying to figure out how to bring it up to him. And no clue what to do about it since most of the furniture is gone now and I can't really tell where it's coming from. All the other rooms are still trashed but he's making some progress.

Excitement yesterday was - well, I will have to save that for another time. Let's just say The Yosemite same expression "my biscuits are burnin'!" Has new meaning for me.

Ok road, you've got 5 books to get rid of.

You don't have room in your life for so-so.

I'm feeling tough lovey this morning because I:

CLEARED OFF HALF THE SCULLERY COUNTER!

I mean, yes, I could spread out what is still on there and cover the whole thing again, but it is progress. And I made myself put a few things in the garbage bag, and I am taking the garbage this morning because there is broken glass (down one drinking glass.)

I am making a list of things that increase daily or close to daily, and I am going to see if I can pay attention to them and try to reduce/keep up with them through the end of April. It will probably be exhausting.

So far the list is:
Laundry
Dishes
Eggs
Milk
Trash
Recycling
Feedbags
Manure
Dirt

By the end of April I will need to add "weeds"

Today I have worked on laundry, dishes, eggs, trash, and recycling.

I am also going to try to note down each day things that I add to my life that require an input of time and energy. Yesterday it was "seed potatoes" (came in the mail - need to be planted, bed is not prepared) and "pottery store purchases" (have to be unloaded and put away.)

Hi errrbody,

Just checking in... we are on spring break this week...

I've been up since 3 again and am starting to nod off so I will keep it brief. Two big events today. It's dvd release day for sing 2. The date my son has been asking me about obsessively since mid December... however, now that the big day has arrived, I am starting to hear "Easter... soon?" (The next big thing). Unfortunately, I fear what he is lookingforward to (other than ham/corn) is seeing my nieces and nephews who no longer live here. It sucks big time. But nothing I can do about it. Well, the thing I can do about it is being better at zoom calls and sending packages...

Other thing on the agenda is moving some bins to garage. I'm aiming for 8-10. The H is down with it. For now anyway. He's mercurial so you never really know how he's going to perceive it when it's time. Need to decide if I want to vacuum/clean my closet walls and paint or just leave it as is. Kind of getting excited at the prospect of repairing my "standing desk"... would be impossible without getting all this stuff out from under it (and on it).

Last thing for now: I received my obnoxious shipment of books I bought on eBay the other day. Out of 8 books, 2 were really good, 2 were losers, 1 was more of a kids book but very good, 2 were so-so and1 was a duplicate. I'll repeat that: a DUPLICATE! Invariably, every time I get book hoardy on eBay I end up with a dupe. So there you go. Back later!

Tatoulia, you would always be welcome!

Lila, I am glad your furniture situation is becoming something that gives your home a sense of peace and comfort!

I hope that the new room helps your Dh. Is there any chance that he will let you dispose of some of the garbage as he is moving?

CM, your full day at the library plan sounds good. It is wonderful that you were able to travel! I laughed when you said it was 80 degrees - it was 21 here.

I had a wonderful day with Bean yesterday. Apparently he was asleep less than two hours after I took him home, which included dinner and a badly needed bath. It was hard for me to return him, but when we reached his neighborhood he started chanting "mama" and he paid no attention when I left, so I think the visit was long enough for him.

I didn't take him to the store (due to the "mama" chant) but I did go, and spent my gift certificate. My favorite fancy and frivolous tools were on sale and I treated myself to 8! of them. They are small though, ranging from 1/3 the size of a pencil (3 of those) to twice the size of a big fat marker (only 1). I also bought two little jars of glaze I wanted (the selection is still awful on those) and two more boxes of clay. I went over by the cost of most of one box of clay, but I saved $4 by buying two. I know it goes against the "use up the clay" plan as well, but I was almost out of that type of clay and have a project I want to finish made of it.

I hesitate to say this, but I have made some small progress on the counter.

Hi everyone,

CM you have a lot going on! Thanks for catching us up to date. I'm grateful that you do have a nice library to go Tom even if it is a bit further away. I'll keep my fingers crossed for the home plumbing situation.

Lila, I'm glad the visit went well and that your husband recognized your efforts in the room for him. Congratulations on the new chair and ottoman!

I have done some paperwork tonight. Just shredding. And I had two checks I needed to deposit. I ran some errands with BF and saw mom. Litter box clean. I am still hunting for those coupons, Lila. Have a few little areas to check.

Pound cake sounds delicious, SubC! Mind if I stop by for a slice?

post 2 -

My son helped me rearrange the furniture in the living room today. I have this long, narrow living room. If it was just 3 feet wider it would be so much more functional, but as it is, we managed to get the seating so that several people could watch the tv at once (tv has to be on a long side) but also there is enough seating facing each other for conversation. And the windows are mostly not blocked now. It is a lot better than it was. Might change it again for winter but I think I like it this way for now.

As for the dh update, here is a further bit of hope. I went into the new room to see if he has moved anything at all into there, and there are a few (very few) items in there now, and, he moved the furniture around to his liking. So this is a positive thing! I am hopeful he will start moving things in there soon. He has a recliner, a bookshelf, a dresser, and then the rest of his current room is tubs and tubs of stuff, laundry baskets of stuff, and literal piles of stuff. There is trash mixed in with everything. Mainly every piece of mail, junkmail, ads, magazines, and envelopes that came to our house for the past 7 or 8 years, layered with used paper towels, old used envelopes, receipts for every single thing he bought in the last 10 years, empty plastic bottle, empty food containers, just piles and piles of paper, wrappers, and thick thick dust. I would be surprised if moving it doesn't give him an asthma attack. But he does have a handheld vacuum and an air filter so hopefully he can get that done. He will feel so much better in a clean room without the dust.

Better do an update, feeling a bit blah, but I was worked up earlier so I'll settle for blah, I guess.

There have been a few "developments" (drama, rather than solutions) re the plumbing issue, I don't want to go into detail because it has been upsetting. I think it may be moving toward the point where my roommate will bite the bullet and do something that may ultimately lead to resolution. It's just a daily struggle to get to that point, is all. Raised hopes and crashing disappointments. In other words, business as usual.

Enough on that for the 83,562nd time. 😝 So sick of it.

Had come downtown to the library, was venting on the phone to my bff out of state. Sitting in the sun getting overheated. Guy gets out of a car in the next parking space, hits my van with his door, just acts like nothing. I know my temper and its potential so I let it go. Not today, Satan. Not today. It wasn't too bad of a ding. Least of my worries.

Came inside the library, used the restroom, wet a paper towel to cool off. Got on the computer, and did get signed up for some free graphic arts classes they are having - Inkscape I & II, Krita, and Tinkercad. So much easier to use the computer here than at home - as long as no obnoxious people bother me, and I pretty much know which computer stations are best, not too close to others who are talking or listening to rap on YouTube (ADHD makes me pick up on every little thing so it makes no difference if they are using earbuds). There are a couple of young ladies conversing at a nearby table, but luckily I've been smart lately and brought my noise canceling headphones. Relaxation music for the win! 😏

It is warm here and will be even warmer tomorrow (80s). Windy today, though, so I don't feel guilty for not attempting storage unit. Rain coming midweek. So many things to juggle. Activities starting up. Rabbit club yesterday. Out of town trip for my uncle's 98th birthday Saturday evening (first road trip for 1-1/2 years, was concerned about agoraphobia, but did well - no panic - yay!).

It's just been hard to work around the rain and the roommate being home and the false starts on the plumbing thing and what-all. Speaking of roommate, her boss has been making noises about them coming back to the office at some point. Which will be both difficult for roommate and somewhat of an adaptation for me, in other ways perhaps a needed break for me. I just pray she can deal with the morning commute because that was so stressful for her.

I'm not a dog person either but if it'll help I'll take hers out to pee in the mornings if need be - or if he refuses to pee in a timely fashion, which was what was occasionally a problem before. I think it is less so now. He is more mature and settled. But animals do get used to one routine and have trouble adjusting, so I'm just going to tell her if he balks, let me know.

My bunny girl was having a urinary problem but I think she is better - got her some Aquafina to reduce the amount of calcium in her water. Our city water is hard. I was uncertain whether to go on the road trip then later Saturday afternoon she perked up after I squirted extra water into her mouth.

I'm just going to have to figure out what I need to do in so many areas. This library computer is a good thing, the gasoline to get here, meh... but it's not super far. Again I wish that closer one had a better vibe. This one has natural light from big windows, the closer one is all indoor and flourescent lighting, sort of drab and although freshly remodeled, less aesthetically/sensory comfortable than it used to be.

The computers are fast. That is good anyway. My computer at home is slowing. It's over 10 years old. I want to get another one but with all this inflation I hesitate somewhat. I also need to improve my "desk" situation, decide whether or not to keep that stand that is too slanty and wobbly. I thought it was a great find, minimalist, and at first it didn't seem flimsy. It folds up, so I guess I could store it - not forever, but it really might work for a printer stand or something so I am hesitant to get rid of it hastily.

Hmmm... maybe I should use the rainy days to do a boatload of computer work - have full library days, which would justify the gasoline as well. Write out a list of stuff to catch up on and just go to town with it.

This has been a ramble, and probably not all that relevant to decluttering - except that doing a "brain dump" does help me to think more coherently.

hi all,

the visit went well. I gave up on the counter, which was not really that bad, and I just shoved what was left into presentable looking stacks and dusted the one edge that was showing. I did a quick bathroom wipe down (not really clean, but not offensive either) and dusted the living room. Really my mind is playing tricks on me, because I "saw" so much clutter and junk that the house looked just as bad as it did a year ago before I started working on it, but it did not take long to get it presentable. Shocking, really.

So that is over and I can relax. And I have a nice clean kitchen table with nothing on it!

Remember my lovely new furniture? Couch, loveseat, recliner. All very nice. Well there is this one, old, torn recliner left in the living room and when people come over, I put a blanket on it and it's off in the corner. Yesterday I was blessed to hop online and immediately saw a FREE leather chair and ottoman, from a different person, NO damage, looks new, that matches my other new furniture! So I asked, I got it, my son went with me and we brought it home! Can you believe it? I thank God for helping me. So that beautiful chair and ottoman are now where the old torn recliner were.

I tried to give the recliner away, dh objected as it is an expensive Lazy Boy electric recliner. It has been the "dog chair" and has damage. So then... I started looking online and found a very nice looking cover for it for $35. Ordered that and it will be here tomorrow. I will keep it and it will look nice, dh happy, and a living room full of very nice looking furniture!! I feel so much better about myself.

Thank you Tatoulia for the coupon reminder! I have some for FREE dog food that expire 3/31 so I will dig those out and go tomorrow.

Also - dh update: he has been home 6 days. He actually thanked me for doing such a nice cleaning job getting his new room ready. He says he will use the bed that's in there and the dresser too. So, it is all ready for him to move in... but, I don't see any movement yet. I have not been in the room, but his old room is still fully hoarded up and doesn't look any different. But he seems to be in a good mood, so I will give it another 2 or 3 days before I say anything, like, "do you need any help moving into your new room?" Just hoping he actually does it.

We have had a lovely morning! No rush hour driving, no worrying about being on time so Dd can get in to work.

I had my coffee before Bean woke up, then we had a cuddle, breakfast with dh, and did the chores. He was a great little helper. Played for about an hour, cleaned up the kitchen and dishes from last night, ate a morning snack, and started bread and pound cake. The dishwasher is running, the pound cake is in the oven, the bread is rising, and Bean is taking a nap.

After nap we will have lunch, with pound cake for dessert, and hopefully go spend some time in the garden. I can take him home whenever. I have a bit of shopping to do at the pottery studio near his house, and they said I can take him in the store with me. (I am hoping some friends will be there so I can show him off!)

Great work, Lila! Glad you have your grandson tonight, SubC.

I am not a dog person. Have been a cat person my entire life. I wouldn't know the first thing about training a dog!

Yes, on the smells. Sometimes it smells when I walk in the house. I know that occasionally burning a soy candle helps. In general, I do not like to burn candles because the soot and danger. But a small soy candle in the kitchen helps. I also have my windows open frequently. Near my friend's litter box I keep an air freshener. One of those solid cones. I do not like any type of plug in scent. I don't trust the electricity and I have bad allergies.

I can definitely smell the clean after the cleaners have been here. Makes a big difference. I am big on having open windows. I like to air out the house. I have good cross-ventilation since my apartment runs from front to back.

I have to go through some papers tomorrow. I have to find coupons that expire at the end of the month. I also have two checks to locate and deposit.

Okay going to try to head to bed soon.

Lila, nice job!

I hope your visit went well.

The kids decided to let Bean spend the night, so we get to have a lazy morning tomorrow.

ohhh boiling cinnamon is a good idea subc, thank you. In fact now I remember I have essential oils in various scents I could add. Rosewood or some such. Cedar too I think. That would help.

Yeah, I have always really disliked poorly trained dogs so all my dogs have been exceptionally well trained, beyond normal training and good manners. This one just got grown too fast as I was sick and hurt a lot all year. But I do crate him when people come over so he does not annoy anyone. I will work on it...

One hour down, 3 left. My son put the laundry away for me, so kind. He put the empty baskets in the laundry room and helped me put a few other things away. I actually got the whole kitchen table emptied AND wiped off... it looks so good! And I had a basket there for stash n dash but I did not have to use it! I guess when you clean it off every other month or so, it never gets as terrible. I pretty much just put everything where it goes. And the counter is also about half done. And a few toys and items put away.

I am sitting down with some iced tea and popcorn. I need to eat actual food though. Then will finish the counter and work on the living room and bathroom.

Sprinkle cinnamon in some water and put it on the stove to boil. You can add a dash of vanilla extract right before she comes.

Honestly, I am not a "dog person" and have never lived with an inside dog. My son and dil keep a pretty clean house and groom their dogs extensively. My sil is an excelkent housekeeper. To me, both houses smell like dog. Currently, my house smells like stinky wet dog because my Dh took DD's dog out to the pond and then brought her in by the fire. It will probably smell like that all week, and I am a little annoyed because he let her walk on the area rug that is hard to clean.

Also I am annoyed because he just let her into the house loose and Bean and I were sitting on the floor eating bread and milk. The dog snatched my bread out of my hand and ate it. Badly trained dog and Dh with no dog skills.

Now Bean is taking a nap.

hi everyone, so nice to see lots of posts today. I used to have a little foofy dog who needed haircuts, and yes, why do they do that?? You talk about what would look cute and then BOOM they shave them down to nothing and they look like a wet rat. Oh well, it grows back... Now I have big shedding dogs and they don't get haircuts. But my pandemic puppy is also not well enough trained (my fault) and doesn't settle well often, but he is 95 pounds sooo that is a whole 'nother ball game. I need to train him!

I went to church and now I have 4 hours until that lady shows up. She will be in my main areas plus downstairs. I started to panic and almost cancelled again but I told her yes, and now it has to be done.

I got my son to vacuum and he is doing that now, all the areas. The floor still looks sketchy in the kitchen but I don't know if I have time or energy to mop it, or maybe Swiffer it is I have wet pads.

So in the next 4 hours, I have to clear off the table and piled-up counter/bar area (likely stash n dash), wipe counters, load dishwasher, put away baskets of laundry (more stashing?), declutter the living room. Dust the living room because the dust is visibly thick. Put away toys, books, etc. Clean up the entry way ugh... it is so much to do. But this lady is old with a pristine beautiful house. I cannot have her in the filth here so at least it has to have the appearance of being somewhat kept up. I have very little energy and have not eaten lunch yet so will do this in bits and stages and eat in between... wish me luck, this will be hard.

Have any of you had issues with smells in your house? Like, I guess we get used to how our homes smell and don't notice. And then I go out for a day and come in and if all the windows were closed, I come in and it smells like dust and dogs. I know the ultimate solution is to keep the house clean and dusted and wash the dogs more often... but... now what? It is not warm about to open windows for long but I will open them for a little bit. Do any of you have tips on making the house smell nice quickly? I don't have time to bake cinnamon rolls!

Will report back...

I do need to schedule the chairs. I do need my friend's help. I can probably do one alone but not both because I'll have to match the stripes. And I don't have a good eye for that.

I went to the consignment shop to pick up a check yesterday. Almost bought something, ultimately did not. That felt really good.

Okay I've washed my blanket (haven't used it in a few years) because it's going to get cold here and my comforter is at the laundry and my cover is at the dry cleaner. Even if they were back here, I wouldn't use them. They are gone til the winter.

My month of spending is over now. Back to no spend in April. So that's a relief, in a way. I already bought BF's birthday gift and even if I hadn't, I get him pretty much the same gift every year so it would've fallen into the regular spend category.

BF is contemplating some changes in his life. It's a good feeling on the one hand and a sad feeling on the other hand. I have no opinion other than offering support. He is extremely reserved, so I know that by the time he started saying it out loud, he had really thought about it. I'm just praying a lot.

Going to go run some mom errands. I'll ttyl!

Good morning!

Tatoulia, I'm glad your review went well!

I think you need to schedule those chairs.

Road - check your laundry! I have more to do from Dh work trip. We do not have enough clothes to wash only once a month! Well, I might, but I would have to wear dresses a lot. I could also do fine on tshirts, but not work tshirts. And I'd need more underthings.

Do you have a shelf for the genealogy binders or will the bin be parked in your room? Getting 5-10 bins out to the garage sounds like a lot!

Dh and I went out last night and I stayed up late and slept in again this morning.

The kids are going to church and then coming out this afternoon. The house is a mess, but I got some papers checked yesterday and am going to try to do more this morning.

I am still trying to find a balance between rest and productivity.

Glad to hear you are doing well after your colonoscopy, Lila. Road, I'll get on you some other day about taking care of yourself. SubC, good job letting go of the styrofoam duties!

I had a fairly good week. I had my review and it went very well. It had been causing me some stress. I got the full raise amount and my bonus also arrived so all around, things are going well. I walked home from work last night. It is so pleasant to do that. Lately I've been taking the train home because I stay late and then I go to the grocery. It was nice to leave work at a reasonable hour and then just walk home.

I'm doing a load of laundry this AM because I figure I'll be sitting around drinking coffee anyway, so I might as well get a load done.

I have a few things I'd like to do today which would involve driving. It would be good to get the car out and get a few things done.

I also want to clear off my home desk. I found a picture from a few months back where it was perfectly clean and cleared and it looked so pretty. I also need to do my chairs.

Ok, phew. This dog is insane.

Good job on the colonoscopy! I am years behind on both that and mammogram.

Check the laundry and also check the power outages! We need an app for that. I did two loads where I did forget them but they were somehow still ok the next morning. I guess I got lucky. Sometimes I think if I had a washer and dryer upstairs I would do laundry all day. But Cm reminds me having to go to the bathroom is not as inconvenient as going to the laundry mat, then again at the laundry mat you can get it all done at once... a lot of hauling but in three hours you're set for a month?

Goal this week was clothes. I didn't quite make it but got a few more loads done and am almost ready to have the H take more stuff out to the garage. There are a few things imgiongtobrjng back up - just the genealogy binders. But there are 5 bins in the closet he can takedown and a bunch of my sons school stuff. (Probably 4 or 5 bins worth) That will really open it up in here and will make the desk and closet more usable for what they're meant to be used for. The whole room needs to be redone at this point but right now I am just trying to get it to the point where there is no extra bulk in here and things are clean and safe. Probably about 12x17 or 18' L-shaped.

Well, I overdosed On Bridgerton season #2 yesterday. Anyone else?

Road we crossed.

I'd be furious about the dog. I'd also ask for an itemized bill and refuse to pay for the haircut. Or at least put the instructions in writing next time.

I hope things get better with your son!

We told our kids they could have one sport and one activity. Ds picked scouts for his activity, but then piggybacked on 4H since I was taking his sisters anyway. It wasn't the cost - it was the time. Dd2 did the same thing with gymnastics (her choice) and swimming (ds) for a while. And when dd1 went to high school she added a bunch of after school things because there were no busses anyway and it actually made it easier to pick her up.

Good morning.

I made it through my week.

I had to apologize to a couple of classes for not getting their assignments back. I've got to get those checked and recorded!

I slept late again and really need to get out and do my chores.

I passed off part of my role of savior of the planet at work this week. Someone left a big stack of styrofoam outside of my door and I told the building manager that I don't ever want styrofoam, but that another teacher (new guy, I like him) has been taking it to recycle.

I did not pick up the two little plastic sleds that were out for the trash this week. Or even one for Bean, or to take to the thrift store, or even stop to see if they were broken or as good as they looked from the car. It was hard because they were out all week - which probably means they were good. I am hoping someone else took them before the trash truck came.

I recovered the laundry situation.

Good morning everyone,

Crazy puppy is at my feet grooming herself. Her hyper temperament combined with inadequate attention/training her first year has made just chilling with her challenging. But eventually she settles down and is just nice and snuggly. For three minutes max! Took doggie #1 to groomers yesterday. She doesn't really need it but as long as I was being responsible adult I thought she could do with a spring cleaning. Thoroughly discussed that I didn't want a hair cut, just bath and nail trim and maybe even out an area if it looked real scruffy. We like the long Yorkie hair on her legs, etc. and she even said, "yeah, that looks cute..." a few hours later I go pick her up and surprise! Major haircut! Why do they do that? Now She's an ugly boy dog instead of a cute little old lady! IRS a shock every time I see her.

We are taking my son off his Anti seizure medication, will have to find a new neuro. He had major communication issues already and they seem 5x worse now across the board. It's horrifying. We don't know if it's the meds but hoping that's what it was and is reversible. Going to try to line up private speech again and hit it hard for a few months and see if we can make up some lost ground. Good news is my goal for him to get back into recreational activities has definitely been achieved. In feb and March he had dance class, virtual karaoke and cooking, bowling, a few evening activists at school, and now he's starting special Olympics track and bowling. Check! Sounds like a lot but it just helps keep him from getting bored and lonely since he's an only.

Better send this off before puppy steps all over the screen again!

Sorry about your laundry SubC, I hate it when that kind of thing happens.

I had my colonscopy and am recovered and trying to get things done today. I feel more hopeful.

So far today I:
- put the 2nd trash can out to the road with a few big trash items I just put in
- am working on some paperwork to mail

Other than that, I showered and ate.

I am going to make some phone calls and prep for a meeting I have tomorrow. My neighbor is bringing her dog over to play with my dog in the yard in a half hour. After that I will try and get more done. I have that one older lady coming over here Sunday afternoon but nothing has been cleaned yet. It is stressing me out and I am trying to think of a way to delay it, but, it looks like I am just going to have to clean up the best I can.

How are you all doing today?

Checking in. Going to office today.

Oh no, not another learning experience..

The power went off briefly on Tuesday. Turns out, when the power goes off, the dryer stops. When the power comes back on, the dryer..does nothing. I just opened it and found wet laundry that has been sitting since Tuesday. Ug.

Good morning!

Hi Road! I think not bringing new stuff home from the thrift shop is a win.

I have not seen the meme, but my teachers definitely did not think I talked too much.

I'm not sure what kind of feedback is appropriate for the needlework shop.

I went to the reuse shop that I call my "offsite craft storage" yesterday and bought two stencils, five spools of ribbon, and a handful of paintbrushes. The paintbrushes are for my classroom. The ribbon is because our annual tree order is coming in today and I want to try marking the trees with ribbon instead of plastic tape. The ribbon is still polyester, but hopefully won't break down and fall off and end up as micro plastic in our woods as soon. Plus, Dh buys the tape new. We'll see what he thinks. The stencils are for my at home pottery studio which I am still not finding time to clean up or work in.

I still have too much to do and am getting too little sleep. Maybe identifying the problem is a first step? I get home in the evening tired and I spend too much time online trying to get my second wind so I can do my evening chores. Then I stay up too late because my brain is spinning with all the things I still need to do, but I don't have the energy to do them.

Dh comes home tonight.

Hey CM!

So what's the quilt pattern you're making. Tell me all about it and what it looks like, and the fabrics, etc. I like the sound of your troubleshooting places to sew. I think all the prep is the bulk of the work isn't it? A little like painting? What's your favorite part of painting? Haha I mean quilting!

Hey, I just noticed it oooks like you can post pictures. Should I try? Ok, that didn't work.

Sorry to hear about roommates stress. Neither of those are ideal choices. Thinking of the poor people living in war zones certainly does put our troubles into perspective. I keep thinking what I would grab if I had 15 minutes to pack. And ultimately, as they say "you can't take it with you." It gets to feel more and more like a burden the older you get. I can't imagine people still buying bigger houses in their 50s. Haven't had any mortality reality checks yet? Maybe...

I did finally go into the needlework shop. I kind of don't like going in because I always feel so uncomfortable. The owner is nice And technically friendly... but kind of acts like I'm odd. And the other lady is just ugh. After several years I finally had a little chat with her last time and she was fine. But talk about a personality who should not be working in a shop. Also, I like to stitch with a type of floss they don't carry much of and they almost never have what I need. But I went through EVERY new thing that was just released and only picked out two booklets. Then I shopped for threads and found five. I can't reach half the stuff in the store so the owner had to come and help me, haha. Then I. Put one of the books BACK. and checked out. It was still $70 somehow. I've been keeping track and I don't think my annual expenditure is too bad. But a couple times a year there is a flurry of purchases and this is one of those times. I would love to go on a retreat but I think that's gonna be way out of my range. Also there's kind of a "Mecca" store in mesa that is now solidly on my bucket list,,,
I still want to hit the other. Local shop but I need at least three hours to do that one because it's a little further away.

That's all I gots to say. Brief! (For me)

Have you guys seen that meme going around "for all the girls whose teachers told them they talk too much..." 🤔😂

Hi guys.
2 things to report: I dropped off two big bags of donations. Mostly my sons shirts and some household odds and ends. I went in to shop but left with .... nothing! Actually, that part is no big deal. But glad I got a few bags out of the house.

Other thing is just now I reached over to my Newly minted pajama Pants drawer and pulled out a pair of folded jammies. I now have enough and there are still four pair in the drawer. And if you look over at my dresser, in the bottom drawer you will find about a dozen folded tee shirts. Most need to be replaced but there they are all clean and in a drawer.

Will be back later!

Good morning,
Coffee clinks!

Lila, I can understand how you would just give up on the walls. I hope your counselor can help you with the depression.

Road, maybe stay off eBay for a while. Don't you and your Dh have separate rooms? Could you just store extra sheets for your bed in your room and let him worry about his own sheets?

If I let Dh clear the counter it would be bad again in a week. I need a functional system for that particular bottleneck. I can't seem to get him interested in a few things that would help - like "after you pour a beer, rinse out the bottle" and "don't throw the bottle cap in the salsa dish when you clean up"

School is definitely costing me the most stress/mental energy. One day back and I'm exhausted again. And yesterday was easy classes and a short day. It included four high stakes conversations with students that I just edited out - sex, drugs, using the internet as a source of medical advice, family situation. Plus the background stress of a high risk kid being absent with no note.

Three letters to parents (none related to above situations) and scheduling issues (actually scheduling seems to be going surprisingly well from my standpoint - there are always issues.)

I'm trying to find a way to teach without investing so much of my time and emotional energy, but it feels wrong.

I need more sleep.

The elevator story is too long for today.
I hope you feel better soon.

CM, I am glad for your quilt and your musketeer friend. Your are doing well handling the issues beyond your control.

Rainy March days here. Chilly ones. But we have been in a drought, so it's good. And I think we'll squeak by without any of the precipitation turning into solid or semi-solid form. Fingers crossed on that one.

Nicer days a few days from now. Hoping to tackle some big stuff. Laundry got out of hand again. I had done a big batch way back when at the laundromat. Then roommate tentatively tried a mini-load a few weeks back and that had gone okay. So I had done some mini loads. But what with all the crazy weather and whatnot, seems like I got distracted. She had tried a medium load and that was not a good idea, backed up into the bathtub.

Anyhow, I'm just thinking do most of mine at the laundromat to get caught up. Maybe my few pieces of fabric here because it's nice to hang them up to air dry, and they're rather unwieldy to do that with in a laundromat. Then maybe I can just do the mini loads here and stay caught up.

Speaking of fabric, all the pieces are cut out for the main body of the quilt. Sewing has yet to commence, though. There have been some delays, the studio time is the same time as Stations of the Cross at church for Lent. If we get that warm weather and I can move bunny crafts off the table in the back room, I might sew there, which was the original place for sewing. Things have just gotten so Fruitbasket Upset so many times, shifted from their original locales, then shifted again...

My poor roommate, I worry about her. She is about to tear her hair out with that damned job. I really don't know if she can endure, and me via osmosis, until the fall retirement date. If that means more months of inadequate plumbing, well, that is hard to endure as well - whaddya do though? Is it worth her having a stroke over it? About all that helps me not rage is thinking about how the Ukrainian and other refugees around the world have to deal. At least we have a roof over our heads and no bombing or shelling.

Spring will bring at least some relief in terms of making it easier to get out and about, although gas prices must be considered. I have to balance less running around with the need to stay in practice with driving or else my agoraphobia could try and rear its ugly head. The baseline stress over everything here and in the world also contributes to anxiety.

I did chat with my Musketeer BFF (of the 3 of which we lost one in Dec.). That was a morale boost. We "get" each other so well. Wish she didn't live 5 hours away! But texts and phoning at least help. If Covid is letting up, I would like to try and make new friends too, locally. I'm not the social butterfly type but I've been feeling a bit too isolated. And return to gym/swimming.

Well, we'll see. Right now I feel like snuggling in my warm robe.

Hi all,

Rough night of sleeping coughing, etc. have had some deep chest/lung congestion since October. Which supposedly wasnt the plague. But when I actually had the plague I wasnt nearly as sick. So no clue what this is. Drs. Appts coming up though and I may even make it in there before my scheduled physical if I really get crazy.

Asked the H to take son to school which is just a HUGE imposition (Sarcasm) considering we all leave about the same time. But regretted it because then my son gets even more pressure to hurry because the H hasn't allowed enough time and doesn't remember the details... medication, water bottle, make sure he pees, laptop, comm. device, banana, wash face and hands, etc. I truly was wracked with fatigue so I felt I really needed some help but in reality it was the opposite of restful because I was so anxious they wouldn't get out of the house on time and then wouldn't make it in time and he'd call me angry asking where he has to take him if he's late, etc. so I was watching where they were using the location app and by golly they just made it. But it wasn't worth it cause I was soooo agitated laying there in bed, my son was probably a little distressed, and I didn't get to sleep anyway! Oh well. And I still had to get up and deal with the dogs anyway.

Son had two Rec activities last night so we went out for dinner. We had a very good conversation. Our relationship is so strained most of the time but we do enjoy conversing, as long as it doesn't have anything to do with our relationship. Haha. Since the pandemic, I got used to hanging out with my son a lot and now I miss him when he's at school. When he was littler he was extremely adorable but required a lot of - I don't know - I needed the help that school provided. Now I kind of feel robbed when he's doing extra things, even though it's good for him. But important that we as a couple are face to face occasionally and not just when arguing or working out some logistics, etc.

Tatoulia, I did some sheets shopping this am but fell down a rabbit hole. I think I want great quality for no money. Haha. We made a decision many years ago to only buy white linens for the house. That way they're interchangeable, never go out of style, can be bleached, etc. but now that I've decided part of my sheets issue is that the H stores the extras in a heap in his under the eaves storage it's an immense disincentive to look for clean sheets because I basically have to crawl in there and suitcases are toppling, and it smells weird, etc. I am an "organized" hoarder And so that situation makes me crazy. He doesn't understand the concept of storing things where they are used. A basket of cleaning supplies for bathroom/kitchen does not make sense to him. He finds something and takes it down and puts it in the laundry room. I took to writing "UPSTAIRS BATHROOM DO NOT REMOVE" on a bottle of disinfectant... but he's not as lazy as. Me and doesn't have as much of an issue with stairs. Anyways the sheet shopping will continue.

Between me and my bro's, his house is way worse. Messy wise, my downstairs is generally kept picked up. It prob gets swept once or twice a month. (All wood floors) If I leave papers on the dining room table for too long the H will pick it up and stash it wherever. I may or may not notice it's been moved and may or may not find it again. Someone could come over right now and I wouldn't be too embarrassed because it's "decorated" and there aren't piles of anything generally. But don't look too closely at the floor or the door jams or certain walls. Kitchen floor gets spot washed a lot Right now due to puppy. But I will bet the living room floor hasn't been scrubbed since I hired cleaners like 5 years ago. Obviously, that's disgusting. You just can't tell at a glance. The only other gnarly thing about the house at this point. Is the ductwork. I mean, it's bad. Whereas at my bro's house every square inch is covered in thick dust, pet hair, pet barf on carpet and all the furniture that was never fully cleaned up, food, soda and chewing tobacco spills... he has white carpeting so there you go. His bathtub was literally a golden brown all around til just a few months ago. It's as gross as you can get without technically having a hoarding problem. Or rodent infestation. Then it would be worse. My room these days is still very cluttered and messy, but not very dirty. I feel I could have described that a lot more efficiently!

So confession time... I might have bought 8 books on samplers on eBay last night, The total for all was around $35 with free shipping and a bonus 20% because I got 8.great deal! But I know better. They are books I will pour over and so specialized I could never expect to find those in shops - or at least not that many. And the price was totally within reason. But the volume!!! So I guess I will take a look at that donations box on the porch and try to remove that from the premises before those books arrive. Must not go in reverse.

Sub c, I'd love to hear about the elevator baby story. Also I have in my mind an image of bean petting baby lettuce. Awww!!! I hear you about the classes - honestly I figured you already had your hand in teaching that stuff. And get that your hands are full. You can only do so much and you do a LOT. So set that aside. re: the scullery, what would happen if you let your DH "dispatch" of it ? just once? Even if things weren't dealt with how you'd prefer or know they should be... I know you guys have a good relationship. Maybe a fresh start would be good? You do so much more to be responsible than most people most of the time - perhaps there could be an exception? Just curious what your thoughts are on that. I don't have as much of an issue with recycling properly. I mean I admire it - would like to do better - but am not usually impacted by it as much as other categories. It does seem like it's a pretty good Marley chain around your neck. Like if we could all visually depict which things are causing us the most stress or taking up the most mental/emotional baggage, what would they be?

Lila, hope all goes well with the H returning. Intestingthat (and good) that he will tolerate stuff getting moved around and even gotten rid of even if he refuses to discuss it. In talking with the H a bit about this last night he was again expressing how he doesn't understand and the only thing I could really say was it's like there's a distortion field around certain things, you just don't see it for what it is. Like someone with an eating disorder and dysmorphia. And don't challenge the distortion or you may get hit with some scalding blowback... good luck with your visiting friend *key word friend as sub c reminds us... and busy work week too.

Cm, let us know what your roomie decides on the work situation. Sounds like that will be a tough decision.

Ok, I am off to do some paperwork. I already feel like I am dropping balls again. But get this. Starting a list right now for the drs. Appt.
1) ask again About ADD meds
2) sleep apnea referral again
3) dermatologist. I have this heinous condition think I've finally figured out is Dyshidrotic eczema on one half of one foot. And it's the BANE of my existence. There is evidently no cure but I swear.
If I keep Going with this list it will be 23 items long so I will stop there.

Hugs to all,

Good morning!

SubC, I think I have some kind of emotional burnout on the holes etc. I mentioned a long time ago how one of my kiddos has been destructive due to autism rages. 90% of the holes, dents, and broken doors etc are from that kiddo. I used to be cleaning up broken glass and ceramic all the time too because in a rage kiddo would throw something, even something they themselves loved and wanted. Doctors and counselors told me it is out of kiddo's control so I boxed up all the glass and ceramic, and we have been eating on plastic plates and drinking from plastic cups (not disposable, we wash them). I actually did spend some time fixing holes maybe 2 years ago and even bought a new door. But the holes kept coming and doors getting re-broken, even one of my solid oak cabinet doors in the kitchen is broken. So I quit trying. I have this feeling that it is out of my control until kiddo moves out. It kills me to spend time and money to repair or replace and then see it broken again so I gave up. My sad story, I guess. I have no support from dh or anyone else so I just have all this damage to my home.

That said, it has been many months, I think, since any rages with damage have happened. Maybe it has mostly passed with maturity and new skills from the counselor. But I just feel that the second I get happy and start fixing, all hell will break lose and there will be new holes.

Anyway... I think I am depressed, actually... I have been considering this and think I am. Maybe my counselor can help me.

Today is a bunch of work, pick up dh, and I have zero energy so I am going to take my phentermine now and hope it helps me do something, anything, or get my brain awake enough to think and plan for my meeting.

Happy decluttering today, my friends. We will always have hope and we still have immense value even if our homes don't reflect it.

Lila, real friends do care about your house, but only because they care about you - not because they judge you.

Way back, early on in my process, I was at a social activity, and in front of new people, I told my friend that I was working on the basement. The new people chimed in that they completely understood because the desperately needed to clean their garage. And my friend said "no, this is bad." And I said "I don't let people go down there." And the new people said "oh yes, we don't want anyone to see our garage either. We're always embarrassed when we open the door to get the car out." And my friend said "people can't go in the basement because they could be killed." My friend had a lovely house and entertained all the time, and she was still my friend.

How bad are the holes in the walls? Do you know how to do drywall? It is fairly inexpensive and easy on a small scale. You might be able to redirect the fast food money.

A sleepover room for tot is an excellent goal! I hope your Dh is excited about his new space and gets right to work! Is there any chance he will burn out on moving stuff and let you toss what is left? Maybe take another trip? I wish that your progress would inspire him.

Tatoulia, yay for no meetings and a good day at work! I hope you get another one today.

I am trying to get excited about getting back to school today. It's a stretch. Registration for next year starts this morning, but we have a new system, and unlike previous years, we can't keep an eye on our classes, so it's more of a hassle worrying about kids signing up for the wrong thing that fun seeing who is coming back.

I need to take recycling and trash with me when I go out today. I haven't done that for over a week, and Bean had disposable diapers yesterday (his parents switch back and forth depending on laundry and schedules)

Oh, Road, I just realized I never responded to your "exchange idea. There was just so much going on.

I actually do teach two classes called "trash pirates" that are about resources and personal and community level changes. What I have learned is that most people really don't care, and it is far easier to change yourself a lot than someone else a little. The classes each take far more time out if my week than I would need to keep up with my recycling. (Which is basically what is on my counter - recycling that needs to be sorted/rinsed - which is why Dh would throw it away.)

Also, most of the recycling on the counter is food packaging from food Dh eats - again, easier to change me than him. I do bake a lot to try to reduce that.

I have changed my shopping/scavenging habits in response to my environmental concerns in ways that help with the hoard and with my diet. But not enough yet.

I am actually going to stop teaching the classes. I try to incorporate environmental messages and practices into all of my classes, and I think that is probably a more productive use of my time.

Speaking of - gotta go do some stuff!

So, dh is coming home tomorrow night and he will see the cleaned new room for him for the first time. I hope he is happy with it and starts moving in within a day or two. I will have to come and report on the hoard-move as it happens!

Also this Sunday a friend is supposed to come over. I do not like having people over due to my house, but it is unavoidable. She wanted to come last Sunday but there was no way. So this Sunday it is. That means I have to clean. And I don't know when I will have the time. It has to be presentable enough for her to come into the living room (you can see the dining and kitchen, plus she might need the bathroom, so all those areas need to be presentable) and she also will be going downstairs (horror) because she wants to see teen and their cat and the cat area. Sooo. I am dreading it incredibly. I always wonder if people will think less of me once they come in here and see the way I live. Holes in the walls, stained carpet, stains in the grout, literally broken doors... all things I cannot afford to fox right now. I am VERY THANKFUL for the new couches I was given or else I would be a crying mess right now with no where for her to sit.

So this is going to be a busy and challenging week for me. Some of the "cleaning" is no doubt going to turn into a dash and stash (laundry baskets full of clutter, shoved into my bedroom) but it has to be done.

I am tired already and have many meetings for work this week, documents to write, presentations to give... God grant me the energy and the peace.

Tatoulia, thank you for the explanation of made in china. I agree on those principles. I try to read labels as well. I am not as diligent but I do also try to support local artists, local businesses and farmers, etc. It makes me feel like I am doing my little part. Plus, better quality.

SubC I am getting a new grandd this summer and am so excited about it. Grands are the best.

Thanks Road! You have done a lot yourself, for you and for family. I can't bring it up with dh. Well, I haven't in like 8 years anyway. He blows UP. Not abusive but just like, defensive and angry. Like when I last mentioned his boxes (unopened for 15 years) and suggested he could look through one box a week, he turned red in the face and shouted "I'm not going to talk about it!" and stormed off. So, the only way I am going to bring it up is if he comes home and is not moving his stuff into that room within a week. I mean starting to. And then if it drags on for weeks I would probably have to speak up. I need to get son moved into dh's den when he moves out, so my Tot can have a sleepover room upstairs (where son is now).

You had a great day, SubC!


My day at work was easier today and do you know why? I had zero meetings. What a difference!

I did nap after work, not because I was tired as much as I felt like it. That is a big improvement over being tired.

I'm going to office tomorrow! And one of my new hires, who I haven't met in person, is coming in, too! So that will be good.

I went up to the hardware store and he remade my keys but two still don't work. He was nice about it but I'll have the other two made somewhere else tomorrow, when I'm downtown. There's a little shop that only makes keys.

Okay off to shower and then hopefully back to sleep. Dishes are done. I'm ready for a good day tomorrow.

Good evening!

Road, I hope you find chairs you like.

That was a huge accomplishment at your brothers house! Does doing that make you inspired to work at your house, or think your house is not so bad, or just tired?

My mil is like that about finding the things you did wrong instead if the things you did right - or saying the things you did right in a way that makes you feel bad.

I have always said that it was good that Dh and I could have kids, because nobody would give me a baby, and I love them. And I think I was a pretty good mom, and I'm a terrific grandmother. (Actually a stranger did once give me a baby, but it was on loan. - I've sometimes looked back and wondered if I did the right thing by returning him - I mean - who hands over their baby to a stranger in an elevator?)

Anyway.

Tatoulia, you take very good care of your kitty friend.

Bean and I had a great day today! We visited with the baby goats - who are finally out on pasture during the day thanks to improved weather and the new baby goat proof fence, and played in the garden.

I worked on stripping a bed (and found some volunteer baby lettuce) and he put stones in the bucket, climbed up and down empty garden beds (stopping carefully and turning around when he got to the garlic) stepped in puddles, and got to know a couple of worms. He asked if he could touch the baby lettuce and was very gentle. He ate a very good lunch and took a long nap.

After I gave him back I planted some lavender plants that got delivered today in the new flowerbed his parents made me for Christmas.

Now I need a long nap. Dh checked in from the hotel and I've got chores done and the barn and house all closed up for the night, so I will probably try to go to bed early and get ready for school in the morning.

Road, you are amazing! Great teamwork at brother's house. You crack me up, esp the bit about whether child would be taken away, whether qualified to adopt, etc. phenomenally entertaining.

YES on new sheets. I have more than I need, but all together four sets for my bed. I really only need two. Road, if you can have two for each bed that is regularly used, you can have clean sheets more frequently. I have two sets I use in winter and two I sue in summer. Please bear in mind all of my sheets are cotton percale and they are either white, blue, or blue and white stripes. So how I even choose what to use in winter be summer is a mystery even to me.

I'm glad I washed that other summer coverlet that I like at the end of my bed. It was my mother's and although it's a twin size, it goes nicely at the bottom of my bed and I do pull it over me, esp in the summer when the AC is just so cold. (On purpose).

Garbage night. Love seeing it leave. I know it pains you, SubC, and I don't mean for it to. I'll change my wording going forward and just mention that I've cleaned my friend's box. Oh! I got another five minutes in of combing her today. She hates it. But she's a good kitty and I want her skin and fur to stay nice.