Lila, serial posting is the best. It is the best way to stay on track. You are getting these things done and that is good. Keep chipping away.

He loves your baking!

Yes, it's a funny thing how I feel about the gift. I normally don't care but this has a lot wrapped up in it plus I will find a way to make it work with my decor. It's just so wonderful. We shall see what happens


We did errands all morning and into the afternoon. Then we walked to the marathon ti cheer everyone on. We went later than we usually do, didn't get there til five. Yes, people run all into the evening. Some of these people had been running for 6-7 hours I would guess. We saw one woman almost get to the finish line, she was just before the last turn, and she couldn't do it. A firefighter runner stopped to see her, they linked arms and I assume they finished. Very touching.

I would've liked to have been at the marathon closer to 3 or 4 but we got a lot done today and ultimately that is what counts. Plus we were able to cheer on the runners without being right next to anyone. So hopefully we will not get covid. We were the only two in masks. On the way home we stopped by Emiko's work to say hello. Just as I was preparing to take the cat litter and the recycling out, my mother called and didn't have any sugar for her coffee tomorrow am. So I ran to the store, now I'm home and showered and I have somebody very cute next to me. She is sound asleep.

Back to office tomorrow. I'm supposed to have Thursday and Friday off to help BF with some stuff but that may be postponed.

I had some modest goals for myself this weekend and I do not believe I did any of them. I did sneak in one quick load If delicates today. I swept up after getting the trash together. I ran dishwasher earlier today because I didn't get it done yesterday.

My coffee table has a bunch of stuff on it. I really need to get that cleared off. One of my weekend goals that I didn't do.

*wouldn't nap, not wouldn't happen. Although that is good too.

Also, I meant to tell you, when I was packing up all of his things "we need to put your boots in a bag so you can take them home, get your little goat so you can take it home, I need to pack up some eggs for you to take home to daddy.." He pointed to my counter and said "take pound cake home."

Lila, good job on the healthy food and progress!

I did get to keep Bean last night, but he is still feeling poorly and was low energy and wouldn't happen today. He slept on the way back to his momma. I have his cold now, but since Dd determined that it was a cold and it has spent the week running through my family, my boss says I can take a decongestant and come to work if I want to.

I want to. I will wear my mask and stay back from the kids, but showing up is so much easier than trying to work out sub plans.

I'm trying to get to bed early tonight.

Tatoulia, I know what your are saying. Sometimes I give my kids a thing and I tell them "I want you to have this if you want it, and it's ok if it gets used and something happens to it, but if you decide you don't want it anymore, please give it back, because I will still want it.

baby steps - post 3. I need the accountability so don't mind my serial posting.

I went back in my bedroom:

Continued and finished sorting the pile beside the bed. Vacuumed that area.

Sorted everything piled on the dog crate next to the closet: threw out receipts and papers, put a few things away, consolidated prescriptions and masks.

Piled all the clothes from the dog crate and side table onto the rocking chair so they are in one place for putting away, once I can get to the closet.

Sorted things on the side table, threw things away.

Opened 4 boxes and 2 envelopes of stuff that came in the mail. Tried on 2 sweaters, folded to put away. Put items on the kitchen table for putting away.

Checked my online accounts and wrote down all future appointments for me and teen.

Made oatmeal with berries and bananas and walnuts, just ate it and am gearing up to start working again.

Baby steps - post 2

I went in my bedroom and started tackling the floor pile beside my bed. Threw away trash and old receipts.

Piled about 20 books from the floor onto my bed in stacks: "return/borrowed", "shelf", and "read soon."

Sorted papers and piled anything that is 'keep' on the bed (short pile).

Got my clothes out of the dryer, folded them, put them on the bed.

Now I am having coffee and toast, and will go back and do more shortly.

Good morning and thank you for the kind thoughts. I spent yesterday evening being very anxious and upset about 'what ifs', so I think I am just done with that. I read something on a forum last night, "don't worry until you NEED to worry." I don't have any terrible news yet. It could be I dodged a bullet and they got it all and I'm going to be okay. I will go with that and try to not worry, at this point.

DH has about 1/4 of his old room still all cluttered up. I am going to see if he will please finish cleaning it so son can move in. I probably will have the carpet cleaned in there (as well as the living room) to help get the dust out.

I took a mental health day today. I opted out of a work meeting this morning so stay home in my sweats and do whatever. That will include some decluttering/cleaning because the state of things is affecting my mood, too. Will report back what I get done, plus, I am resting and going to enjoy healthy foods.

Looking forward to hearing what you are working on today, friends.

Lila, the contrast makes me sick, too. And that just adds to the anxiety. We are here and supporting you from afar. Don't worry about the hoard and its value to others. YES let's lose weight together. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as is value and meaning. It is absolutely of no moment right now. You and your health are important. We'll work on letting go of clutter whenever you are ready.


We are cleaning BF's office. There is one piece of art that is hanging in it that both of his nieces of expressed deep love for. I bought it for his birthday many years ago. He asked me what I thought. And I said, it's your gift, you are free to do what you want. And then I waited a bit and asked if I could tell him the truth. And I said, if they plan to keep it and hang it and enjoy it, that's good. But if they change their mind in three months, get rid of it, a piece of me will die. I remember buying that at auction and then going on a very rainy day with my brother to frame it and how when I picked it up, the woman at the frame shop said her brother was interested in buying it from me. I kept it in my office til BF's birthday and a French woman I worked with loved it and I let her hang it in her office until his birthday. It is a fabulous piece (BF and nieces are also French). It is along the lines of an old French travel poster, simply fabulous graphics and the colors are few and impactful. BF said, if he knew for sure that they wanted it and that it would be special, he would give it to them but he cannot be sure. So we wait and see. He regrets not saying it was a birthday gift from me. I'm trying to let go. His gift, his choice.

My kids are all amazing - lol.

Lila, I am sorry tot is still sick and that you didn't get an Easter celebration. I hope tgat you found the message of hope and rebirth at church comforting.

We will sideways tapdance for your scans. But even if they are bad, do not despair, ok? Treatments are becoming more and more effective. You will just need to focus on taking care of yourself.

Bean is sick. He won't go to sleep. They might take him home.

I did not get to see my little sick Tot. We didn't even do an Easter dinner. It used to be such a nice holiday with all the family here. With Tot's family absent, other son gone on a trip, and me feeling slightly ill from the contrast (I assume that's why I felt ill after the CT) no one else would cook or do anything so, nothing.

Now it is a waiting game to see what the scan says. I am terrified. Please let it be clear.

I did go to church, alone, today, because I wanted to worship on this sacred day.

Either way, I need to declutter majorly. The thought of me being gone and my kids having to go through stuff and not knowing what anything is or being able to find the meaningful things, is terrible.

I also have to lose weight to increase my odds of living longer, regardless of the scan results. Please pray for me or send good thoughts; I am in emotional distress.

Homemade buttercream eggs? That is amazing! Happy Easter, SubC!

Bean loved his Easter basket.

We planted some potatoes - he got to use his new shovel. Now he is napping - we will try peas later.

Meanwhile my dd2 showed up to surprise us. She and dd1 are making my mil's chocolate covered buttercream eggs because Dh loves them.

Dh is mowing and dsil is planting trees (all the ash trees here are dying and we have been removing invasive honeysuckle. We are filling the spots in with native trees.

Happy Easter!

Letting go can be the most freeing feeling. I'm so happy when I let things go. I love seeing the things go and I love the security of knowing either it's time to let it go or it's something that I could replace if need be. I need only look at the aisles at Goodwill to know that it is all replaceable. I feel secure when letting go, not insecure. I feel insecure when keeping stuff just in case. I feel secure in knowing that there are stores where they keep those things for me, ready at the actual time that I need the thing.

Happy Easter!

Tatoulia, good job on the donations!

Road, it is definitely easier with less stuff.I think the two most important things are stopping the inflow and learning to let go if things. The cleaning and organizing us secondary.

Lots to do beforeBean shows up!

Lila, I hope you get to see tot!

The carrots and beets are particularly appealing to me, SubC! Sound so wonderful.

Road, look for a lever on the back of the stand mixer. Is there something that will raise the bowl?

I took two bags to goodwill! One from my closet and one from back of my car. Pretty nice!

Going to get laundry out of dryer, fold it, put away, go to bed.

Hello,

Well, I attempted baking a cake today. I don't think I've baked a cake since the ?90s - a poppyseed cake From the moosewood cookbook (with improvised Lemon whisky glaze). The H hauled up this ridiculous stand mixer he got from work and I tested it and it worked... so I proceeded... get all the ingredients prepped and started adding stuff to the bowl and the paddle doesn't make contact the bowl. In fact it doesn't even come near the bowl. Possibly accessories for a regular size mixer? No clue but anyway I have already gotten things messy so I proceed. (I manually held the bowl up in the right position so it would mix!!) Then I remember I need to find my cake pans. No cake pans! So I make a sheet cake 100% the opposite of what I had in mind fresh from watching cake week on GBBO. well, I made it and got it out in time (slightly underdone-oops) and let it cool. I come down a few hours later and the corner is all torn up. It waS the boy. So now that it's trashed I decide to cut circles out of it and make a small layer cake. It's out on the porch awaiting frosting. The batch I made today didn't fluff up enough. Might make a blueberry sauce to go over it tomorrow. But we also need to clean and wash the table cloth and set the table, and cook potatoes and asparagus, etc. etc. so we will see. So that was my big effort and I am mentally friggin drained to the max. Small thing with just my family. Sister, brother, Aged Ps and possibly the niece (hopefully sober) and boyfriend who is persona non grata at the moment, although my son is a big fan of everyone all the time so I hope he comes for his sake.

Still tracking what I'm eating and hoping dietician will tell me I can relax a little but we will see. I am veering between shock and depression and resignation and occasionally resilience... two school meetings next week also adding to the anxiety...

Lila, my room feels the same way. I know I have actually made a lot of progress but it's like the walls keep caving in. I think it's because we are so rusty keeping things picked up that it's a mental effort and when things get more stressful e just don't have the juice. I think once the volume is reduced more it will be easier to maintain because it will be easier to see what needs to be done with less stuff and when something gets out of place or falls over it won't create a domino effect... kind of like having $300 in your checking vs. $3000. You're always right on the edge of going under and extra fees and all that bs. There's no cushion. And once it's been cleaner longer, that's like our cushion. We will be better at it and have less to contend with and less to maintain,,,

Thoughts everyone?

Happy Easter to all.

Tatoulia, did you get to goodwill?

I worked in the garden today.

Planted carrots, beets, cabbage, parsnips, lettuce, endive and spinach. More varieties of carrots, beets, and lettuce to do. Also leeks, shallots, peas, kohlrabi, and potatoes.

Hopefully Bean will help with the potatoes and peas. He is coming over tomorrow!

Also made the chick a home and dumped the rotten eggs.

And ran the dishwasher.

No cheese.

Checking in on everyone!

Everyone is making plans and making progress! Good work being done!

I have o do something today. Anything, really. I'm tempted to start laundry which we all know is akin to my deciding to not do anything for the rest of the day. So I need to resist.

After work I did a bit of shopping, had three things in my hand, put them all back and bought nothing. Felt really good. I satisfied the shopping urge.

I think I need to donate stuff at goodwill today. I have a bag ready to go. I also need to take a look at the trunk of my car and see what can come out of it. Surely I can donate some of what is there.

So much going on!

Lila, We find the poundcake really sweet. I just serve it with tea, coffee, or for bean - milk.

It is surprising how fast things get out of control. But you guys are making some good starts!

Did I tell you we were hatching eggs at school? And someone looked in the incubator and left it ajar the first weekend? I told the kids that if nothing hatched, we would try again. But we got one chick yesterday. So I don't have to do it again. But I do have to care for a single chick. He is still in the incubator but I have to set up a home for him today. I think I might buy him some friends.

I applied for a summer job yesterday. It was incredibly hard for me. I had to make and submit a resume, and write a cover letter, and I'm pretty sure both of them were awful. There are many many things I'm good at. And I am overqualified for this job and they should jump at the chance to hire me. But applying for jobs is not one of the things I am good at. The last time I applied for a job where I needed a resume was 30 years ago. And I did not get the job. Every job since then - I told the person I wanted the job, they have talked with me, and then they have hired me. I did already talk to the person I would be working for - so maybe I will get the job.

My Dd had a nasty cold last week (not covid) and then her Dh had it, and now my Dh has it, and Bean had a runny nose yesterday. I have Bean's Easter basket ready, but I don't know if I will see him. The general consensus in my family is that I am too stubborn to get sick. We shall see.

Big projects for this weekend are the chick, garden, and maybe cheese. Also we are out of poundcake which we will need if Bean comes over.

Also, as usual the house is a wreck and there is school stuff to catch up on.

oops, the question marks were originally bullets.

Well, since that post I got basically nothing done. I felt like I just couldn't.

I did open one package and try on the two new shirts I ordered (because I gained weight and very little fits). One is getting returned.

I started to work on the piles by the bed. Threw away some magazines and trash and then I had to abandon it because my dog was barking too much.

I will try again tomorrow.

post 2 -

So far today, I
? took kiddo for a haircut and picked up dog food
? ordered some things via online shopping (free trial)
? sorted about half the paper stack beside me, threw out all junk mail, excess papers, shredded some docs and put some docs in a box in the filing cabinet to be filed
? loaded and ran the dishwasher

It's a start. Now I am going to heat up some ravioli and enjoy a late lunch, with green tea to give me some energy to start on the bedroom barricade.

P.S. Yes, it definitely helps to free up mental bandwidth having the big project done! Today I have already accomplished some stuff.

It is trash day and since I am going to be more conscientious about what I eat and how much (because I won't have the excuse to stress eat! 😁) I went through my side of the fridge and pulled several science experiments and just questionable items. Felt good to get those gone. Trash truck is out there right now.

And I started on the computer desk and living room nest. Vacuumed and set up the desk. Going through the other stuff. It fluffs of course, so will take awhile to deal with but at least I have started. Got hungry so taking lunch break now.

Awww, Lila, more and more I have come to believe that often our clutter doesn't have any big deep Freudian underlying meaning, that it's just the visible manifestation of stress, lives that are too busy and full, and trouble wrapping our minds around what order to tackle it in.

At least once we've reckoned with our basic propensities to hang on to stuff or sentimentalize it or think we need to save it for Justin Case. 😉

By the way, did y'all know Justin Case has a girlfriend? Her name is Ruth. Because when we go to purge stuff, we mustn't save stuff for Justin Case, and... wait for it...

We must be Ruthless!

😂🤣😂

I'm back.

SubC, thank you for the pound cake recipe. I might make it for Easter. Do you serve it with anything, any frosting, glaze or fruit and whipped cream?

Tatoulia, yes! Paint your dresser. It's just for you to enjoy. I am looking at things in a different light now.

Road, kudos for giving the puppy a bath! It is tiring but rewarding to have a freshy washed dog. I need to do mine, he is shedding terribly. And, I am reading as I go along and responding, I am so sorry about the kidney disease. That's a hard thing to swallow.

CM, congrats on getting the repair done! Whew, what a relief. And thank you for your prayers.

I have no new news yet on the cancer dx. There was some insurance glitch for the CT so they are working on that so I can hopefully get it done asap. Then see the surgeon on Thurs. After both of those are done I should know with a fair certainty whether it has spread to or from somewhere else, and what the next steps will be, treatment wise.

I have really let everything go around here and it is shocking how quickly things get cluttered back up. I admit I have been struggling emotionally with this dx. Then got very busy trying to catch up on work - got that done. But let the house go.

My bedroom - the area between my bed and my closet is a literally impenetrable wall of stuff now. Remember not too long ago I had it all cleared? Well somehow it is worse than ever. Clothes piled on a rocking chair are the only ones I can reach. Piles and piles of papers, books, magazines, receipts etc all over the floor right up the the bed so I have just a small area to step to get in. I can barely reach the rocking chair clothes. Behind the rocking chair and beside it, piles and piles. Blocking the closet. Can't find anything or get to anything. What is that about, mentally/emotionally, I wonder? But I have to take care of that today. I have today off, so hope to work on that area. I really need my clothes.

Aside from that there are boxes and mail and papers everywhere, dining room table unusable, kitchen a mess, deep bin of papers on the couch next to me, piles of stuff all over the end tables again.

I have to think the clutter and mess really is a direct reflection of my mental state, because I am distressed about the dx and my house has become distressed also.

Will report back.

Ah, CM 😄💓💓💓💓💓 sending loads of love to you. What an amazing post. I can relate to so much of that. I always think of the "energy drains" concept - maybe an Oprah term circa 1998 or 2002. how unfinished business or stressful situations suck energy away from you and when you resolve those things you suddenly have more energy and mental clarity. I imagine the world will really take on a new perspective now that you're through this epic ordeal. Keep processing it out loud. This is the place! Also good for our edification. Never heard the 🍊 orange wanmatoup word before. Lol. I know that's not it. 😆 actually sounds very similar to what my friend had going on at her place.

Keep us posted as to your plans.

Today I'm having lunch w a book club friend who's just started chemo. She said she had an off day (English prof at local college) and thought she'd need some company. I am really impressed with how proactive she's been seeking support. I hope she feels well enough to meet up.

Lila, 💓

Will check back later people.

Road, I give your sideways tap dancing skills a 10/10.🪧 Yeah, if it had been a lesser repair my roommate probably would've been able to bite the bullet and we'd have had it behind us a long time ago. The problem had unfolded in various stages over the past few years actually, and there had indeed been a few times when it appeared to be fixed. I recall in particular in 2018 I believe it was, thinking we'd need what we just had done, then something lesser was enough and we thought that was it.

Then in the last couple of years was when problems arose again, but for a time it still appeared that getting the line snaked out sufficed. But it needed snaking with increasing frequency. This week when the big job took place, we were shown the pipe just crammed so full of tree roots that only a few molecules of liquid could possibly have made it through there at any given moment. The pipe was cast iron for part of its length, but other parts were Orangeburg, which was failing as Orangeburg is wont to do - we may actually have gotten more life out of it than average. In any case, it needed to go.

I hope this plumbing dissertation hasn't been too tedious. It's just sort of cathartic to be able to describe matter of factly a phenomenon that has caused so much stress for such a long time - and is NOW FINALLY OVER. Talking about it makes it being over feel more real, after all the wondering if it ever would be over.

I have known more and more people who are on the hoarding spectrum if you will. Some of them are not fussed about it that much, while others have been more closeted. Some freely admit they don't have people over because of clutter, but otherwise don't seem in any urgency or distress to change. I believe our consumerist chickens are coming home to roost for many in American society. We've just gotten spoiled I guess in that we have means of enabling ourselves - large properties, storage units, and so on. But even absent those, no matter what amount of space one has or doesn't have, as we know it's one of the most difficult things to tackle.

Now that the big bottleneck where I live has been resolved, I'm going to be leaning into the challenge, and that is a post of its own. Today being Good Friday, it's a reflective time of asking God how I could be living better and being more at peace, focusing on what's really important and being less of a thorn in the side of those who have to put up with me.

Or don't have to, but are kind enough to try, especially my roommate. I've let my clutter spill into her space, while at the same time I am critical of how she does things, and an obnoxious control freak, which is very hypocritical of me.

I know that a lot of what's behind this unhealthy dynamic is my difficulty accepting that it's not my living quarters to arrange as I wish (which is a huge grief reminder of the house I lost to foreclosure). And that in order to ever have my own living quarters again, I face the uphill battle of conquering my agoraphobia and neurodivergent challenges and finding a job again and being able to hang onto it.

But I have a couple years to sort that, since 62 is when I can start a 5-year plan and social security won't be able to knock me off disability and then at 67 it converts to retirement. Running out the shot clock but also getting more money coming in, that's the goal. And if I dare to dream, perhaps finding my niche. With remote work becoming more of an option, it may be more user friendly for someone like me than ever before. Or I can find a podunk job in a less stressful environment perhaps. The pressure in my younger years to build a high powered fancy ⚜ career ⚜ is off.

Anyway, in the immediate, I have some tasks to do that I hope will make a nicer workspace and also demonstrate to roommate that I intend to do better. I got a small, simple but hopefully sturdy table/desk for my computer yesterday, to replace one that started out promising but proved wobbly and annoying. I'm going to put that up and in the process vacuum the rug and declutter my "nest" in the living room. Then I'll be making a game plan for a major campaign and I'll share about the steps and progress of that in future posts.

Tatoulia, thanks for the birthday wishes. 😊

Road and Lila, been praying for your health. 🙏

SubC, keep on keeping on, I know spring is a busy time for the farm and the school year.

Hugs and coconuts 🥥 🤗 ❤ (how funny, when I typed the words, the emojis came up automatically so there you go!)

Good morning!

Bean surely would have loved the equipment! And bern fascinated by the man in the hole.

CM, I am delighted that you have plumbing!

When I was a kid we had iffy septic, and my father waged what he called the "flush without fear" campaign. So I want to tell "huzzah! Flush without fear!"

I hope you have a great Easter birthday weekend. And road I hope you can make some good new memories for your son.

Lila, I hope you are ok.

Gotta fly - hugs and coconuts to all!

Hugs & Coconuts! I knew it was funnier than cupcakes...

Hi errrbody!

I can't tell you how excited I am to hear Your big news, CM! And just in time for your birthday (and Easter) ! I am certainly glad I took care to tapdance sideways with eyes averted crossing my fingers so as not to jinx it. And I must say that sounds major and expensive. I don't know why I was imagining a much more minor repair. One of my friends just had en epic disaster/repair involving sewer lines and the price tag was staggering.

I just erased a whole paragraph there because I couldn't find a way out of it! 🤔🙃

Crazy weather here too yesterday. I left Aldi and rounded the corner and almost couldn't hang on to the cart. I think it must have been the biggest gust of wind I've ever been in. We are hosting for Easter but haven't done much to prepare. I just impulsively stopped there after my PT appt. I went from aisle to aisle thinking "Easter", "spring" and I think I covered most of the bases. Butter, potatoes, asparagus, green beans, frozen corn (because my son is hyper focused on "ham-corn") sad thing is I think he associates "ham-corn" with seeing all his cousins which he won't because they're all gone. Ohp. Just walked straight into another deep pit there. Dampit. So I decided I need to force myself to start entertaining more/again and start widening our circle. The family is shrinking instead of expanding, and what's left in the family is becoming more dysfunctional every day. So, up with neighbors and friends. This is a new phase of life and I need to reboot.

Ok, so now I think I know where I was going with that paragraph up there. So that friend who had the major repair has major mobility issues. Needs a hip replacement but can't get her weight down enough to get it done, I think that's what's going on. She has a fairly substantial corporate job. After the thing with her house she decided suddenly to move. She found a new place, bought it, and the same week cleared out her entire house. MAJOR PURGE. It was funny hearing her describe herself as a hoarder without actually admitting to herself that she was a hoarder. We are talking about power suits from the 90s that were moth ridden, garbage bags Of stuff being drug down from the attic and up from the basement, carried to the dumpster by high school aged kids of her friends, etc. She said "I guess I never got rid of anything and I have an emotional attachment to weird things..." and I know she only let one friend into her house. In one traumatic fell swoop she's rid of it all and getting ready to move into a new place. Fresh start. Curious how all the times I alluded to my situation she never let on that she had a similar issue.

Tatoulia, I love how you are embracing putting some finishing touches on your place to make it just how you like it.

Subc, still no garden here yet either. Normally, I would be up to my eyeballs in 8 trays of leggy seedlings. I am dead inside. Lol

Well, anyway, I should hang it up here. But once again CM, I salute you!

Hugs and (cupcakes?) & check the laundry, y'all.

Oh my goodness CM you have plumbing! Wow! How absolutely wonderful. Wow! So touched by your comment that Bean would've loved the trucks.

Happy Birthday, CM!

SubC the weather is crazy. Last Saturday I was driving and we had torrential rains, hail, then sunshine. So odd.

I did my friend's taxes tonight. She brought us Thai food. And we made some positive changes in my apartment.

Bf has a vinyl rug he's never used. So I put it in my office area. Then we took the one that was in the living room and we moved it under the couches and further into the room and everything looks so nice. The one that we moved was showing wear and also there was a rip from the cleaners and everything looks very nice and extremely well put together. While I did the taxes she pulled out my Easter things and they all look so pretty.

Road I am thinking about you and so very sorry about your medical diagnosis. Please make space to grieve a bit, should you need to.

Hugs and coconuts, Road.

I'm so sorry, Road. Hope you can have some success with treatments and healthy living and not be badly affected. And that the shock is giving way to hope and being able to make plans.

I just came to say thanks everyone for hanging in there with me, we did finally get the big repair made, on Tuesday of this week. And I am thankful. Also exhausted.

These two weeks have been confusing and draining, too much crammed into them. I went over a week ago to the bunny ladies' house to fill in for the daughter who was going on a trip. Helped the mom out with all the bunnies and some computer work. My brain was pretty fried with everything to get ready and get there and the sheer work load of it all. I wasn't too good cognitively so I just basically indicated to her to point me in the direction of a bunny and tell me what it was time to give that bunny, and I'd go do it and return to get what the next bunny needed, rinse and repeat.

Came back to where I live on Saturday evening, made it to church for Palm Sunday, took a nap but it wasn't as restful as I'd hoped. Monday was my (gulp) 60th birthday. How can that be possible, I feel like an overgrown adolescent still.

Monday was also when the HVAC guys came because the air conditioner unit was where the sewer guys would be needing to dig, so they unhooked it and moved it out of the way. It was really warm during the day on Monday, with a cold front that whammed into the warm, making storms in the night, but thankfully no tornadoes or bad hail.

Tuesday the sewer guys came with BIG honkin' equipment they could barely maneuver into the yard. And about four thousand feet of pipe. There were at least half a dozen men working. Honestly, I don't even know if the guy we had been trying to get to do it could have with just him and his two sons and would the machine they would've rented been a monster like the one capable of doing the job? We had the trenchless repair though, so they didn't have to dig the length of the yard. But the hole out by the easement was so huge that one guy was down there in it and his head was a foot or more below ground level!

SubC, your Bean would probably have been fascinated by the big equipment! ☺️

Anyway, it's done. HVAC guys returned yesterday to put the air conditioner in its new spot.

I'm just going to need a few days to adjust to all of this, and I wish it could've not been right during Holy Week, but of course I will take it just to have it completed. I'm trying to remember what Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday/Easter Vigil, and Easter Sunday usually mean to me, and hoping I will experience at least some semblance of that meaning in my tired state. Today I did get out and about a bit. Weather is a little windy but not as bad as some days have been, and sunny, which gives me a little peace and renewal.

If I don't get back here before then, Happy Easter to you all. 🌄✝️☀️💐🐤🐇🥚🌷👒

Good morning.

Road, good job attacking the paperwork! I'm so sorry you got bad health news.

Lila, I am thinking of you also.

Very swamped here. Too much to do and not enough sleep.

Also literally swamped with heavy rains and standing water everywhere. I really want to get my garden in. It is late. But also we have a freeze predicted for Saturday night. Enough already!

Hi all,

I don't quite understand how these waves work, but today was a day where the $#!+ finally hits the fan and I have to sit down and plow through the paperwork pile til I get to the very bottom. And then I look back and wonder how I managed to block out all that was not getting taken care of. Like today I wrote up all my PT appts, reviewed some notes from my last appt, researched seizure disorders, Shopped for accent chairs for the living room, wrote the SLP an email and included about an hour of work to gather up a bunch of names and photos... I figured out the prom info and wrote The check for that, a spring play we can go to, shopped for discounted broadway tickets (didn't buy any), registered my son for summer camp and summer school, and all the normal stuff of drop off and pick up and doggy care and making dinner,and bath and bedtime... but the more I dig into the paper work I realize how much hasn't been done and how much more there is to do.

I had my first PT appt yesterday. (Did I say this already?) nothing new exactly as this is basically what I've been dealing with for a long time but with a nasty case of sciatica thrown in,,, I forgot to do stretches this time but purchased a tracking app this am and did a short seated yoga routine this am. I just found out I have kidney disease which was something I always worried I would develop given my medical history, but which multiple doctors completely blew off. I had my physical last week and for the first time? Some labs were off, we discussed a follow up lab and a kidney u/s, but it wasn't til I got home and read through the summary did I find out I had already been diagnosed w kidney disease. This was never discussed. I was absolutely rocked because it's not a reversible condition. The best you can hope for is that you manage the disease and then you will only have x number of years. If you screw up or are unlucky, you get even less. Well, anyway, I can't overstate how shocking it was and how incensed I was with this doctor sending me home without saying anything. But I've had a few days to adjust to it. There's a remote chance it's a false positive but I will know more after these follow up tests this month. In the meantime I am trying to make sense of the kind of odd dietary restrictions and trying to move forward without having to deal with this doctor again.

So (changing the subject)... dads bday is this week and we are hosting Easter but I have done minimal planning so far. Hopefully I can hold it together emotionally and try to keep things simple for Easter. I talked with my bro today at lunch and brought up the tracking app (lose it) which he used a number of years ago to lose 150+ and he the alluded to getting his elliptical set up again as part of the major push to get his house under control. I was so happy to hear him say that. My goal in using it is to get a handle on this new diet, not to motivate him, but I know if I keep at it he will be drawn in for sure. And if we both do it, we might hook my sister in...

Better close out but I hope everyone is doing well or at least hanging in there. Hugs & coconuts. That was sort of an auto correct but I loved it so I left it.

I concur, sub c... we should all be so lucky to have a Tatoulia for a daughter. When you do your best the vast majority of the time you have bought yourself the freedom to "not be there" on occasion with absolutely zero guilt!

I'm sure seeing things like that is a particular neurological / dementia issue so if that's the case all you could do is humor her basically. If it is possibly real, there are mousetraps that are fully enclosed. More humane and safer for cat than poison, and relatively humane without the horror of aN old fashioned mousetrap. Unless you think putting some out would make it worse for her mentally.

Lila, you're on my mind!

Will check back after I catch up.

What a sweet thing to say. Thank you for finding the time!

Tatoulia, you are a wonderful daughter! I can only hope my kids will take care of me as well as you take care of your mom!

You also get to have your own life.

I don't really have time to post, but I had to say that!

Hello everyone

Mom just called to say there are two mice in her place and she wants my BF to go over and get them. I have no idea what he's supposed to do. I'm not sure if there is or isn't a mouse, let alone two. We cannot put down traps because of the kitty. And she goes through these periods where there are tons of mice and I'm not sure if it's real or not. It's real to her, and that counts for something. But I have never, ever seen a mouse dropping in her house.

I sometimes get weary from taking care of other people's problems. At least I don't have my brother to tend anymore. That really drained the life from me.

I don't know if BF should go up there and pretend to scare them off. I asked the woman at the desk at mom's to pretend to do so. I'm sorry I'm not taking her as seriously as I should. Her eyesight is very bad and some nights she sees bugs everywhere. And one night she said the personal products I purchased were loaded with bugs and I asked her how many and she said hundreds. And that she closed the container. So I called the desk and told them to send an aide. When the aide arrived, I asked mom to let me talk to her and mom kept saying no. I finally talked to the aide and there were no bugs whatsoever , which I knew. But I had to cement that there were hundreds because otherwise she would try to save face and say that they ran off.

I feel sorry for her. She said she's sleeping downstairs tonight. I have no idea what that means. We will see what the woman at the front desk comes up with for a solution

Since I live in s brownstone, there are fifteen steps to get into my building. My mother cannot walk fifteen steps on flat ground so she cannot do the stoop. There is no way for her to come here, which is a blessing in its own right.

I'm sorry that I'm a bad daughter. I know if I had gone to visit her tonight that her mind would not have invented this.

Goid morning.

Here I am again - start if the "school week" after a "three day weekend" exhausted, behind and overwhelmed. Why do I do this and how do I stop?!

I ended up taking Bean all the way home yesterday because his daddy messaged that he wasn't feeling well. I may have worn Bean out too. Poor little guy fell asleep in the car and I woke him up taking him out of the car seat. The minute he saw his mommy he started crying and grabbed her and she said that pretty much continued until she put him to bed. Hopefully he won't get up early today.

I'm guessing I'm not invited for dinner tonight.

Road, I am glad you found a solution that involves using something you already have!

My impression is that you have been reducing the hoard and also moving it to the garage - so you will have it all in one place - which will allow you to truly see the extent of the remaining problem. But remember - you did reduce it on the way. If you can recover your house it will be a win, even if you have to play bin Tetris to keep working on the garage. Just keep reminding yourself not to bring stuff in.

... and gave the crazy puppy a bath! Wow. What a mess! Before and after the bath! 🤨🤓

Just a little update - I wrote up my plans for the shelves... I think I could either do a lip on the shelf or I could use some shallow bins. I did find some that would work. Then I went out to the garage. ( aka Bin headquarters No. 2 ) bit of an unpleasant reality check. It seems so much more full than last time. I am hoping this is partly due to cleaning... motivated to go through things and purge but the initial challenge may be finding room to move around. Boo. But there is a bookshelf that would work instead of building shelves. Ironically it is the one I already. Moved out of here. Different purpose though. The H said he's willing to help w shelves which is nice.

Then I hit aldi for the Easter candy and fruit and misc. then I picked up my son and we came home. Now he's scream-singing his heart out to something downstairs.

Lila, thanks again for the info on marketplace awhile back. There are so many things I'd happily put out on the curb Or on marketplace if I could be sure the person who gave them to me wouldn't see... but good to know if I list my dads dog trailer he gave us he won't see it...

Over and out for now.

Hi,

Hey subc, we visited some goats this weekend... they had a little shop on the side of the barn and were selling all kinds of fresh produce, soups, meats, and baked goods - all produced there. It was out of our price range but we still b ought some stuff. My son and the H fed the goats. I was in agony with my sciatica or whatever is wrong with me. I do have a PT appt scheduled for later this month so I will hopefully get some help for that. Your bean stories are always appreciated. The trees are still sleeping buddy... 🥰

Tatoulia, good thoughts on living life. Lots there to ponder.

Lila, thanks for the update. Sending good vibes your way::::

I am not feeling particularly productive this am so I think I will draw out my plan for the closet and write up a list of supplies for that project. Kind of get the wheels turning. I had visions of tackling the toiletries and bathroom closet this am but I am walking back that idea... prob good to do a room reset though. That usually leads to some productivity. I hate to start moving around and agitate the restful state of the mini pack of sleeping doggies. Puppy is on my bed and the older dog is crashed out on the floor.

Back with an update later,

Good morning (still, barely)

My day has not gone at all as planned.

Bean woke up at 4:45 yelling "Grammie walk!" I explained to him that it was dark, the trees were sleeping, and we could not go for a walk, but he had no interest in going back to sleep. He was kind enough to entertain himself with the bin of plastic eggs for over an hour while I drank my coffee.

Yesterday I was promised cloudy skies all day but no rain, but this morning we barely got the chores done before the rain chased us inside. No gardening as it is supposed to continue like this all day. He is currently well in to a very early nap (gee, I wonder why?!) and I may take him to the library this afternoon for a bit before we meet his daddy for hand off. Between we'll probably make biscuits.

He was a bit annoyed with me this morning because I won't let him milk the goat himself. My youngest milked a cow for the first time when she was two, but it was a very well behaved cow. He is a bit younger and I'm afraid he would get kicked.

I really should try to make good use of this time, but mr. kitty has curled up on my lap.

Thank you for the recipe! I appreciate it. I have almond extract and that sounds very tasty.

Lila, I am sorry. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I have had this beautiful Cherry dresser since I was a kid. I remember when my mother bought it for me. I love it and the giant oval mirror. I'm thinking of having it painted (professionally). I know it will be expensive and there was this side of me that wonders if I'm ruining it but then I remember, it's just me. It's me and the dresser I've had for over 50 years. So this ties in with you, Lila. Let's live our lives now.

We don't have to live our lives with this thing or that thing being valuable today or tomorrow or for this one or that one. Let's live our lives today. It's okay not to save something for someone else. It's okay not to keep something because it might be valuable. It's only valuable if someone's willing to sell it and someone else is willing to buy it.

I'll be having my dresser painted.

Lila,

I didn't ignore you - I just took a long time posting because I had to measure my pan.

I hope the blood work just hasn't cleared up yet. Not really the way anyone wants to be motivated, but if you can channel it for good, I am glad.

Tatoulia, be gentle to yourself.

Bean has two friends, and a cousin on his daddy's side. They mostly just look at each other, but Bean is always happy to see them. Today after his friend left he told me "(friend) find egg. (Bean) find egg."

He also wanted to show his friend the goats.

The poundcake is pretty big. You need an extra large Bundt or angel foid cake pan - my angel food cake pan is 4.5" tall and 10" across. You have to either leave the butter out overnight, or warm it without melting it.

Bean's poundcake:

Preheat oven to 350F and grease pan.

Cream 1lb butter with 3.5c sugar (the original recipe called for 4c)

Slowly beat in a dozen eggs, one at a time.

Add 1t nutmeg and 2t almond extract (you can sub vanilla if you don't like almond)

Mix in 4c all purpose flour.

Pour (scoop - it's a little thick to pour) into pan and bake for one hour uncovered. Then cover with foil and bake for another 30 minutes.

Bean is sleeping - I need to do chores and get to bed myself.

hello all,

now I want pound cake. Sounds so good. I used to make pound cakes. I've always wanted to make the old fashioned, traditional recipe with a pound of butter, a pound of sugar, a pound of eggs, and a pound of flour. But I never did it.

Dr was a decent visit. They think they got it all but he referred me to another specialty surgeon to get his advice. Also am getting a CT of my old innards this week to check for spread. Blood work was done and did not look good. I don't know what that means. I see another Dr next week after the scan. I have started to tell a few people, but not many.

DH has mostly moved from room 1 to room 2, he says. I have not gone down to check recently but I heard him running a hand vacuum down there for a long time today. I have not seen bags of trash going out so not sure where it all went. I've been too preoccupied to really look. I will go check it out tomorrow or when he goes to the store. I am sure there is stuff still in the family room, but I am going to move it into his room as soon as I get a chance, whether he likes it or not.

I am going to be super busy this week. But I am also highly motivated to get rid of anything that would be trashed if I passed away. This dx has really made it real, to look at all this stuff, wonder who would get it if I am not around anymore, and would they even know where anything of value is? Things suddenly don't seem as important.

That should have said two quick loads of laundry. Our washer takes about an hour and a half. But there's a quick wash feature which is closer to half an hour. So I did two quick laundry loads and everything is folded and out away.

I found all the Easter cards I bought and BF and I wrote them out and mailed them. I shredded a bunch of paper and I did some errands.

I'm not following no spend April. I'm failing miserably. I bought a bracelet yesterday. I did agonize over the bracelet and called BF twice about it. He said he'd take the money out of the register and give it to me, but it still wasn't the best move on my part. Today I bought Easter candy, as I normally would but I went to the chocolate shop and bought the expensive cute stuff. They make little bunnies by hand and other cute stuff. I bought BF an Easter mix that has a few of the bunnies and some marzipan and a few other little things. Then I went to the grocery store and now I have to go visit mom. I feel badly that I let the whole day get away without seeing her. Oooh she just a called. She perked up when I mentioned I picked up hot cross buns for her.

I brushed the cat until she wouldn't tolerate it any longer. It's hard with older cats. They tend to get a lot of matting. I'm not sure what to do other than to try to keep her brushed. I can only do one side at a time and she will never let me near her tummy. But I'm trying. Even her tail is looking a but mangy. She doesn't smell, luckily. She's just an 18 year old cat.

Bean has a friend!!!

I bet that pound cake smells wonderful. Would you be willing to share the recipe?

I changed my sheets, doing two wpquicj loads of laundry. PJs in the dryer and darks in the washer. I have started to sorting the mail. Will start shredding soon.

Road, it sounds like you have a good plan.

House is a mess.

Poundcake in the oven.

Bean coming in two hours for an Easter egg hunt. He is bringing a friend.