Hi tatoulia,

Good luck with your chair.

I went to my dr. Apt, dropped off some stuff at st. Vincent's (stuff I already claimed but just hadn't taken), and bought myself two pairs of black dress pants. I couldn't decide - the linen ones are light weight and the cotton are mid weight, and I have long legs and they both fit, so I got both.

Then I picked up some more nails for class, cleaned the chick brooder, and spent two hours drilling holes in logs so my classes can plant mushrooms on Friday.

Now I need to do lesson plans for tomorrow, and I still have so many pots to glaze.

But I want to do stuff again! So that is very good.

Ok good morning! I need to shred papers to show progress! Yes it's afternoon but I slept late. My lamp is so helpful.

Will make breakfast then get to work.

Yesterday was mild and delightful. I hope today is relatively mild as I plan to walk to and from dr. Oh! I listed my chair on Craigslist. I'll give it two weeks then I take to goodwill. I'm good with however this turns out. I priced it to sell.

Wow!!!! Yay new baby!!!! I'm excited!! So thrilled for you!!! I'll take Tuesdays!!!

Tillie I did wipe the counters! I cleaned out purse and I shredded papers. I went for a walk and I visited BF. All laundry folded and put away

There was a woman in the store talking too much then I couldnt find my card to pay for groceries. Still haven't found it. I'll check BF's car before requesting a new one.

Dr is at 345 tmr so lots of time to read then shred papers.

Goodnight everyone.

Hi Tatoulia
YEA! for using the lamp daily!!!
Keep up the great job keeping S.A.D. away. 😉

Sorry you got frazzled.
We need to have the right frame of mind to deal with entering a store to shop.
Plus there can't be any unexpected goings-ons there.
Too disorientating and frazzling.

WTG! cleaning the kitchen and I know you will wipe counters soon as you gather yourself.

See you later. 🙂

And then, in an instant, your whole outlook on life can change.

My daughter is going to have a baby! In July (or probably August because in our family babies don't get born in July and June would be too early - both my girls were due mid-July, but they arrived in June and August)

She and sil came out this afternoon and told us (and left us with half a chocolate cake, enough chili for three more dinners, and a trashed kitchen.)

I get Mondays. She says just Mondays, but sil said he might want two days off, so we'll talk in January when I have to turn in class proposals.

Sil is planning to quit his teaching job to stay home and do art and freelance photography part time. So I get Mondays.

Hi Ladies. Sorry for all the sadness. It takes so much work to feel things and to do things. I'm so sorry.

I am using my lamp each morning so I've held my seasonal depression at bay. The regular depression is always a battle but I'm doing okay these days.

Tillie I'm excited for the roofers. I bet those enchiladas are tasty! I took mom out today and I got a bit frazzled in the grocery store. I came home and made a tuna sandwich. I snuck in a quick load of towels this AM and I'm doing two small loads right now. One in dryer and one in washer.

I do need to run more errands and I told BF I'd stop by to see him. We had a fun time with our friends at dinner last night.

I just cleaned my kitchen but did I? I need to wipe down the counters. I am exhausted right now. I got really frazzled in the grocery store. Still haven't completely recovered.

I need to shred some papers. I'll be back.

Hi Subclinical
I know that feeling very well.
When I had to put my girl kitty down my boy kitty gave up on life.
When I had to put him down a few months later I have just been waiting for the day my body would die because inside I am already dead and nothing in this life matters to me any more.

We must keep on keeping on.
Maybe some day our inner selves will come alive again.
Till then we must fake it.
((((((HUG))))))

The roofers are coming tomorrow!

Yay!

I am still having trouble with motivation.

I found a book at the library which I have been reading. It describes what I am experiencing as "a crisis of hope" basically my emotional brain is failing to get interested in the things my intellectual brain keeps telling it I need to do and so I am having trouble investing them with value or meaning and so I cannot motivate myself to do them. Apparently you can only coast on routine and structure for so long in the face of nihilism.

My emotional brain says "eat carbs because that will actually make you feel better and watch videos because that will distract you from thinking about all the things that you cannot fix. And ignore the things you have control over because they don't actually matter and aren't you happier eating carbs and watching videos?"

But I am still cleaning up a little because that avoids the pain of knowing dh is disappointed in me.

I think about not being ready for class and just throwing out some random research or discussion topic and that the worst thing that can happen is I get fired, and I can't feel anything about getting fired. My thinking brain tells me that would be bad, but my emotional brain says "eh, then you can just stay home and watch videos and eat carbs." Same thing with not getting stuff ready for my show - so I don't show up, who really cares?

Good Morning "Clink!"

Kitchen is clean, enchiladas delicious.

Have done everything I needed to do to prepare for the roofers tomorrow.
Steven has not done what he needs to do.
He needs to move some of his stuff out of the way.
Needs to take down a very tall tv antenna he has attached to the side of the roof.
Should have removed that years ago, doesn't work, was only for the tv in his room that he never watches. It is useless and tends to pull boards off the roof every time it falls.
When it falls it destroys my clothesline.
But he kept it to attach a tiny weather station to and that has been broken for years, pieces falling off onto the grass where he shreds them with the lawn mower.

Anyways, taking it easy today.
Have enchiladas to eat.
Will putter about.
Very excited about tomorrow and fingers crossed it all goes according to my plans. 😀

Good Afternoon Everyone

Hi CriticalMass
Fingers crossed your computer issues will be over with soon and relatively cheaply too.
WTG! for adoring the kittens and not bringing any home.

Hi Subclinical
YEA! for getting sleep!
Good luck at the doctor's Monday.
My big orange tabby boy lost his beautiful meow when he caught a cold, never came back. 🙁

Made a large dish of beef enchiladas this morning.
Now the kitchen really needs to be cleaned.
Just resting before I get on that.

Well, computer is in the hospital. It could be the motherboard. But the hard drive is okay, the guy thinks. I'd rather have it be that than the other way around.

I am at peace... que será, será.

If I get a different computer, my roommate will help with a loan. And this local place has a good reputation and warranted refurbished computers for sale at reasonable prices.

Now I will head to the library because what I'd needed to do last night was compile the bunny club quarterly newsletter.

While we were out taking the computer, we stopped at the pet store too and I got crickets for my frog, roommate got stuff for the cats, and we admired the adoptable kitties. But didn't bring any home, as the two here are quite the handful. Sometimes I think overall their aggression has dialed down, then they have a snarling boxing match.

One thing about the computer: I've been limping along with its slowed performance for quite some time, and it is likely that there'll be an outcome here that either gets me a faster, less laggy laptop fairly soon. It might not be the dream machine I'd buy if I won the lottery, but it will be serviceable, and being able to get through my home computer work could even have a positive impact on my organizing and decluttering.

Oh CM,

I know that sick feeling!

I am hoping it is just the plug. It's so very hard when time and money are limited do that everything becomes an emergency.

I will tell you to take you supplements in the morning when I take my vitamins. So do that!

I slept almost ten hours last night. I feel a little better. Dh says I look a lot better.

Tatoulia, I too have a dr. Apt on Monday.

Tillie, mr. kitty lost his meow. We think it was in a fight.

OH NO! CriticalMass 🙁

Is the computer powering up?
Do the little indicator lights by the keyboard or sides light up?
If no then the computer has no power.
That could be a faulty charger plug with a battery that needs recharging.
That is easily fixable.

On the other hand it could be a dead mother board or a good mother board and a dead screen.

Good luck (((HUG)))

Good Evening Everybody

Hi CriticalMass
Here comes Vitamin/supplement/herbal remedy BADGER!!!
Throw everything at your ailment you have at hand. 😀
Happy Birthday to your friend. What a milestone.

Hi Tatoulia
Yesterday I brought Scooter home a new BOX!!!
Most cats really enjoy a cardboard box to play with.
Jack purrs all the time, so loud you can hear him from far away. Sometimes he hisses but he NEVER meows. The hissing is just a vocalization to me, not aggression.
Cow Girl moves her mouth as if she is meowing but she makes no sound.

Very good decision about the place holders. They were just repeats of your original ones that you still have.

Good luck with all your weekend plans. 😀

Hi Subclinical
It is sad that tragedies are too often the only times we see some people.

Sounds like classes and school went smoothly enough even without the paper plates.
Nice you have a good relationship with your student aide too. 🙂

Looking forward to hearing about your girls day out and other December events.

Didn't talk about it because I am afraid of jinxing it but...
Been talking to an old timer who retired but used to do roofs and lots of other home repair work.
His son is still in the business and they are coming by Monday to start work repairing the leaking roof.

The father and I know a lot of the same local people and he and I have a lot in common with our hobbies of working with stone beads and other lapidary projects.
Plus he and his son are interested in some of the vehicles and trailers on the property and would like to barter work for them.
Please cross your fingers that Steven doesn't spoil this opportunity by wanting too much for these vehicles and trailers than they are worth in their derelict condition.

I need some prayers, good thoughts, whatever you can muster regarding my old laptop (I'm typing this on my tablet). It has a black screen and I don't know what to do. I have Googled and YouTubed and tried repeatedly the tricks that are supposed to work for this, taking the battery out, unplugging, pressing this key or that - nothing much.

I pray it is not death of the laptop, that it will not cost me a bunch of money even to find out what is wrong. I pray I will have TIME as well as money to pick a computer ghat works for me (my hatred for Windows 10 is epic so I want to go Linux). And of course that if the problem is with the hard drive or motherboard or other things beyond my expertise, that at least my data can be recovered.

Right at the moment I'm deliberately stepping away from it so as not to get any closer to that dangerous mental frustration state that can lead to a meltdown.

I wish I ever had enough resources to calmly and smoothly take care of problems as they arise, instead of having them pile on top of one another. It feels suffocating and crazy.

I made it through the day.

Saw two former students and two former coworkers today. Why is it always the awful things that bring people home?

I couldn't find the paper plates I needed for the project I wanted to do today, so I did a different project. Also I made a huge mess in the basement. I did find a stack of styrofoam plates that I did not want or need, so I took them to school and added them to the stack I knew was there.

My students did well today. My student aide had some significant life changes recently and we had a really good conversation today. I am proud of her choices and her growth and glad that I can easily help her with things she asks for.

My daughters have planned a girls day out with me in December.

I am going to bed early.

Checking in. Stopped at two grocery stores on the way home, in my pjs, washed my face, and I didn't bring home my computer. I'm proud of myself!!!

CM has hope you get the days you need and a good schedule. SubC how nice to have dinner made for you! Tillie it is freezing cold here!

Tillie I noticed mom's cat doesn't purr. But I think she's happy. She hid from me yesterday. But I coaxed her out with food! I have to get her new toys. She has destroyed and hidden her toys. She loves them a lot.

My decision on the treasures struck me as easy, if you can believe it. I'm good with it. In fact, my thought process seemed rational. These were place-holders-meaning, they were treasures that were duplicates of ones I had in my childhood, then I found the originals. So these can go. They were candleholders my mother purchased before she was married. The originals are at my BF's house. I don't think I need a set here too. And the ones here are broken (were broken when I got them) but still lovely. I had a third set that I gave to my sister long ago. So off they will go.

This weekend is papers and closet. I also have to polish my silver. The trays, etc that are out.

I have dr on Monday. I don't know what time and I didn't receive my usual mail notice. I'll have to call on Monday.

SubC, yes, I will pray for the repose of Jeremy's soul. Happy to do that. And of course for consolation for family, friends, and community. Don't feel like you can't or shouldn't bring these matters here. As Tatoulia pointed out, they are connected to why we are also struggling with this clutter and hoarding business.

Well, my allergies aren't gone. Or whatever this mess is. I shall bombard with certain supplements that have served in the past. And which in my recent increased disorganization I'd been neglecting to take, and that may have made me vulnerable. I need a Take Your Supplements Badger.

I had my flu shot, but my roommate had ironically been ill and waited. She is planning to get one soon. We were the coughing sisters last couple of days. Bleh.

Today I will find out about elderly lady friend sitting times for next week. On the 16th is when she celebrates her birthday (different documents from Mexico and here say different dates) though her granddaughter says July is the actual date. In any case, her age is presumed to be 97. Bless her! Her memory is declining more, but many times she's as sharp as ever.

Well, better hop off and go do a couple things before I head over to their house with my calendar in hand.

Good Morning Ya'll

Hi CriticalMass
Glad your allergy issues are easing up.
Hope this will be the end of it for you.
Did you get your flu shot? You and roommate need to stay well for at least the next 6 months, until Springtime starts blooming again. 😉

Hi Subclinical
Please keep posting about what is happening in your life here.
We all want to help you achieve your goals of having your home in order but we also need to know how you are doing physically, mentally and emotionally to know how best to help you.
Right now we see that you need to throttle back on making big plans.
You need this time to mourn, grieve and heal.
All the while you are working very hard with teaching and taking care of your livestock.
(((((HUG)))))

Many people visit this message board and read but never post.
Some people will post in other threads where they feel most comfortable and any one of us can reply to them, but many never post again.
Thing is, they know this site is here and they are all welcome to read or join in if they need to. 😉

Hi Tatoulia
WTG! keeping the kitchen clean!
Amazingly good feeling when a task has been completed completely, done & over with.
I often have to tell myself "just finish it" when I get distracted by something else to do.
Make sure you keep making all your hard decisions slowly and deliberately.
No regrets. (((HUG)))

Another gorgeous day out there.
Laundry drying on the line and so many fallen leaves to sweep.

Good morning everyone.

SubC what a sad situation. I am so sorry. I think it's perfectly appropriate to work through your grief here as for a lot of people, hoarding and grief go hand-in-hand.

This is a quick drive-by as I have a meeting at work early. I worked on papers yesterday, laundry, and I did a good job of keeping the kitchen very nice, despite cooking lunch.

Okay everyone! I'm looking forward to the long weekend. I must address unfinished business here. I have to pay bills and chip away at papers. It will not do it on its own and I want more space.

I am doing a good job of not doing things halfway. And I'm happy about that.

I have a second box to wrap treasures in. I've also made a decision on some treasures I thought I'd have forever. Short explanation: going in the donation bin

CM, I am glad you are feeling better.

Please pray for Jeremy, he was Catholic.

That is appropriate isn't it? I'm being sincere. I was raised Protestant and we didn't pray for people after they died, but my Catholic friends did?

I'm going to stop dumping all my stuff here. I saw we had another new person in some other thread and I am probably scaring people out of this one.

My fiber arts class is building fixed heddle looms. Then we are going to weave some little rugs from yarn we made out of donated old t-shirts.

I am going to try to get through tomorrow.

Dh made a nice dinner and a fire.

SubC, another tragedy - all I can offer are condolences and you will be in my prayers.

Tillie, I think it's an excellent idea to get out a bit while the weather's nice. You will be glad you did. We have more cold weather coming in early next week. And hopefully you will run into some nice people to talk to.

And Tatoulia, I very much felt inspired reading of your decision to let the chair go. I have pretty much divested my life of furniture except for a bookcase, chest of drawers, and small table from my grandpa's - he made the bookshelf and possibly the table.

I sold, gave away, or left behind things in my parents' house from the time Dad died through the foreclosure. Thereafter, in my moves, I also gave away heavier items because of my hernia issues. I'm all about practical, strong yet lightweight now, like stainless steel shelves on casters, and when I get my own place I will choose bed and seating with those principles in mind.

Alas, I'm quite a ways from getting my own place just yet... In some ways I feel better about where I am. It is best to sit tight and not try to get out before I have a solid grip on finances, etc. And here it is a quiet neighborhood, I enjoy the kitties, the flowers and trees... Sure wish we had been able to have that sun porch done. Wonder if he'll ever be able to do it.

I do feel better than yesterday. I napped a short while late afternoon/early evening. My sinuses were being really annoying later. I propped my foam bed wedge vertically and added pillows. It wasn't the most comfortable on my neck but it did eventually ease the drainage problem.

Emotionally a little better too. Doing small laundry just to keep the pile from blocking the bedroom doorway again. Then I pray and tackle some of one bad area - hope it won't be as difficult as it looks, and it might not be.

Tillie, yes, the Lord helps us who help ourselves, I totally believe that! 🙂 Yet I also had run out of ideas and energy, so that's what I'm praying about - and for a dose of mental clarity. What I have difficulty with are what are known as "executive function" skills in the brain.

I don't know as there are any places I could go to get help for that as a senior on disability; I doubt if Medicare covers it. So I am praying directly to the Creator for some help! Even just peace to calm the anxiety about feeling overloaded and paralyzed would help.

Well, I'm thankful for feeling better with my allergy business, and it's a nice sunny day. I'll try and check back in later and maybe have some progress to share.

Good Morning Everyone

So very, very sorry Subclinical ((((HUG))))
It is always such a tragedy when someone young is taken from us.
A major loss for all of humanity.

Building a loom? You never mentioned that activity here and it sounds like a wonderful project!

Looks like another pretty day here.
Even though it's a terrible thing for Scooter, I plan to get out of here today.
Sometimes I just need to be around pleasant people to get my thinking straightened out.

Yesterday one of my former students - a brilliant, kind, funny, amazing young man,was lost to us.

He was taking a gap year to learn a foreign language in another country. (He was already fluently bilingual) he was hit by a car as he was walking down the street. He died before his parents' plane landed.

His name was Jeremy.

The school director is removing one of my students from my class. She told me right after the administrative assistant passed on the news of the accident. I didn't even try to fight for him.

I told dh last night, I don't want to love them anymore. But I don't know how I could teach them if I didn't.

There are good things. There were good things yesterday. But when I try to think about the excited, happy boy building his loom yesterday, I just remember Jeremy.

My friend's son's lawyer requested a continuance at the hearing (which I guess means he doesn't think his case is strong enough yet) and the jurisdiction decision was delayed until dec.

I don't think I will swim today. I am too tired.

Good Evening Everybody

Hi CriticalMass
As a child I was forced against my will to attend church (southern Baptist) with the neighbor's housekeeper and her husband.
One thing I remember about the teachings was a saying
"the lord god helps those who help themselves."
Meaning we are supposed to do whatever we can do even if that's not very much or not very well then maybe something else concerning/worrying us will straighten out and not be as bad as we thought.
Most of all is to remember that we are only human and can only do just so much with the limitations that entails.

You did GREAT taking care of bunnies, voting, getting gas and tending to the dog to make roommate's day a little easier. WTG! 😀

Hope the time change and allergy blahs go away soon. (((HUG)))

I cleaned the kitchen!!!
I feel like I just woke up all day long.
Going through life still half asleep and wanting to hit the snooze alarm.
Did some more leaf raking.
Laundry dried fast today out on the line.
Kept forgetting to eat all day but finally remembered and ate about 4pm.
Toying with going into town tomorrow just to get out of here for a while.

My small stuff:

I have been tired the last few days, jet-lagged from the time change and off and on allergies.

And I think I'm also sad and blah about my clutter situation and how helpless it makes me feel. I madd a decision to storm Heaven with prayer about it and try to be open to divine guidance if I discern something.

Not that I'll stop doing small actions and just sit; I doubt that God would say to do that, at least not for very long! 😉 I'm so stymied about a number of things. Also sad and frustrated there wasn't more good weather this fall without so many interruptions. But we may still get some.

Had to go to my psych doc this morning. I like her but talking about all this seems redundant and pointless, and embarrassing. Because it's too complicated to sum up the roadblocks I can't change (yet) in 15 minutes. So then I come off as defensive and making excuses. Which I don't want to be.

And it's another chunk out of a day. Oh well. Don't have to do it again for 3 months.

I need to say things I did get done even if they are small. Like yesterday I got one bunny litterbox completely cleaned and all new litter in, and the four water bowls scrubbed, replaced, and refilled. I voted and got gasoline. I let my roommate's dog out so she could vote right after work.

Not big things. But I need all the reinforcement I can give myself.

*********************************
Bigger stuff

SubC, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I hope you have lots of support near you, as well as our support here. It is a trauma in concentric ripples for the community of which you are a part. It's good that you find even small blessings and comforts like the chicks.

When my cousin was murdered by her ex boyfriend (who then turned the gun on himself) right after high school graduation in 1967, I was only 5, but later I was told the basics, and I have the news clipping. Her parents and brother I'm sure had many "If only" moments as they grieved. The young man obviously needed help as well, that may not have been easily accessible then.

It is so hard when young people especially see only in the moment. That things aren't going to get better - they think - and they don't want to wait a long time when in pain, so they seize control in a completely wrong way. It's a temptation for many. There but for the grace of God go I, because I have had my dark times.

We must do all in our power to keep hope alive wherever it can be found. Even if the hope just comes in picking up the pieces. It still matters, still makes a difference.

*****************************

And sometimes we just need to rest. I'm going to do a couple quick tasks, then pray my Rosary and quite possibly nap.

Good Morning Everybody
"Clink!"

Hi Subclinical
WTG! for resisting the urge and chanting your mantra!
Stay strong because you really do not have the time.
((((HUGS))))
Best wishes for keeping up with school and I'm hoping the Christmas break lets you rest and reenergize.

Hi Tatoulia
Keep strong too!
Remember you have a vision as to how you want your home to be.

My plan today is to clean the kitchen, honest, I really plan to do that.
It's not all that bad, not that many dishes.
But the livingroom area, diningroom area and kitchen are just all together one small open space/room and you can always see the kitchen.
Going out now to hang sheets on the clothesline.

I think I'm experiencing a bit of the same thing, SubC. I feel like I'm a mess and I'm not keeping up and my dining room closet is worse than ever. And I'm losing the paper battle. I do know when it's chaotic like this, my "immune system" for gathering treasures is weakened. Good job framing it in a way (time) that kept you moving.

My antique friend has a bit of trouble with communicating. I can never tell if she receives my texts. I just want to know if she has a dealer who will give me a few dollars for the chair. If not, I'll donate.

I'm enjoying my coffee right now and my therapy lamp. Then I'll get ready for work.

Coffee clinks!

I'm losing ground on dishes.

Not getting enough sleep because of dh work demands. - his sleep schedule is disrupted and mine is disrupted along with it.

Still struggling to keep up with school.

Resisted stopping for several curb treasures yesterday. Mostly by chanting in my head "I don't have time, I don't have time, I...."

My place is a real mess too, Tillie. I slept after work. I'll quick do a few things. Then back to bed. Cleaners tomorrow!

Latest news in building is not fixed but expected to be by AM. Okay but I'd love to be here tmr. But I'll be going in.