Posted: 08 March 2014 - 09:45 AM | |
Dave and I have made a few passes at spirituality in other posts. I hope I'm not overstepping any boundaries in starting this topic. Another thing that has encouraged me in this area is The Gratitude List started by Cory. He asked us to commit to 21 days of listing just 3 things to be grateful for. That was on Feb. 4 of this year. It continued past 21 days and I can see a definite improvement in my way of seeing things. Keeping the list to 3 was an excellent suggestion. Of course we can toss in extras if we want. But for someone like me, an all or nothing person, it was reassurance that a small amount is enough and will have cumulative good effects. As Dave has said ~ I do not wish to lead anyone down a path they consider to be incorrect. Please make your own considered choices about that. I am in complete agreement. What has worked, or not worked, for me are the results of my own lifetime of searching. Each path is unique and individual. What each of us may offer won't be universally appealing. But that variety is part of the beauty of life. | |
Replies (71)
| Dianne | Posted: 13 May 2014 - 01:11 PM |
LR and Diane, what both of you wrote really hits home with me. A therapist told me 40 years ago that I was trying to be *Lady Bountiful* graciously portioning out to help those lesser than myself. I was very insulted because I thought I was just trying to help others. And I surely didn't put myself above others. My self-esteem was much too low for that. But with a lot of thought I began to see that she could have been right. There's an old Moody Blues song that goes ~~ and all the love you've been giving, has all been meant for you.... That comes to mind occasionally even now. One of my excuses for saving all thing kid related was that my future grandchildren could use them. But why flip thru old Nat Geos when they can print something off the computer? Why save binders and loose leaf paper and fun pencils when they type and print on a computer? Even clothes that I thought were well-preserved and darling my daughter didn't want. Those tiny pink rosebuds went out in favor of a much more sophisticated look. I guess. I made the mistake (repeatedly) of buying with a dream in mind ~ a plump glider for my bedroom where the kids and I could snuggle and read, new pool furniture, summery dishes and a grill for when they would spend a lot of time here, a 4 ft yellow stuffed ducky to measure their growth by and take pictures next to ~ but none of those dreams could become reality because the house was too messy. Getting back to saving for others than my family I struggle with every release thinking surely someone could use this. I was saving paper towel rolls for the humane society to shred for nesting animals. I was able to stop doing that. I had to look at my space and say I'm tired of these trash bags piling up so hamsters and gerbils can live better than I do. And Diane, your comment on the spiritual books and privacy screens hit me right in the chest. I have spiritual books up the wazoo but the real living has to come from the action of trusting like you said. I never felt more safe than when I put up more and more barriers to keep me separate. But trusting my safety to barriers that also imprison me isn't living a spiritual life. LR, I love your comment I will do better to let God be God and let myself be a human being who understands her limitations and doesn't have an exaggerated sense of what she can or needs to do to "save the world." I need to keep that in mind. | |
| Dianne | Posted: 24 May 2014 - 07:26 AM |
Diane, that's a wonderful idea. We'd probably have to tweak it a bit to serve our purposes. There are some things I'm reluctant to post on a board the world can see but if we have deeper issues to share we could do chats or even private emails for those who are interested. I have been getting back into the 12 steps recently and haven't found a group in real life that quite fits my needs and time availability. Other thoughts, friends? | |
| Dianne | Posted: 08 March 2014 - 02:23 PM |
My mind is whirling and I'd love to sit here and write for hours. Instead I'm trying to keep my focus on the goal of action, not the fun, time-waster of overthinking life. About a year ago for some reason I forget, my eyes were opened to the mess in my bedroom. For a little while I sobbed and ranted and shook my fist against God who could let such horrible things happen to me (and to the rest of the world). It was a bit pointless because I was aware of the part inside me who said, God didn't do this to you, He gave you lots of good, YOU are the one who did this to you. As for the rest of the bad stuff that victims have no control over, I was still pissed. It's a daily struggle for me to see where I fit in, what is my part, what is God's will, how do I know that (for sure), how can I help, how can I serve, where is my integrity if I speak of love and taking care of others while tightly holding on to the things that could be shared? Where is the trust in God that I keep professing to myself when I first turn to my material over-comforts and live with worry that I must keep everything? | |
| Dave | Posted: 11 March 2014 - 06:36 PM |
Preparation for surgery is a partial decluttering experience. They take all your physical stuff. No Binky. No Blankie. No Bear (or other friend of choice). (Although I might have been allowed a warm blanket for my feet.) They don't even allow plastic bags which leaves one terribly unprepared for the eventualities of life; such as springing up from the operating table saying "Excuse me, I'm a hoarder and I need these, while grabbing the surgical tools". 🙂 However, they miss something .. | |
| Dave | Posted: 13 March 2014 - 09:51 AM |
What I discovered while careening down the hall in my chauferred bed with nothing but my borrowed gown, footwarmer towel, and extra pillow was that the presurgical decluttering had not included mental things such as fear and anxiety and insecurity. I believe hoarding researchers suggest that these mental states and resulting compulsions are some of the causes of hoarding behaviors. There are many posts here which suggest that it is not good to force a cleanup on a person manifesting hoarding behavior. A biblical reference here: (Matthew and Luke)Luke Chap 11: 24"When the unclean spirit goes out of a man, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, and not finding any, it says, 'I will return to my house from which I came.' 25"And when it comes, it finds it swept and put in order. 26"Then it goes and takes along seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they go in and live there; and the last state of that man becomes worse than the first." The person with the hoarding behaviors now has resentment and additional insecurities added to their mental and emotional burdens. They also have a freshly emptied space to refill. By implication, a person who is making an effort to declutter and change their behavior will reach a point where they will have to deal with these mental states. In a biblical sense, the person wanting to make changes can work to avoid a passive return of 8 bad spirits and work to effect a return of the prodigal son. That return being that their natural gathering impulses manifest in a more controlled manner and not to the excesses of hoarding. I see no difference in hoarding behaviors and other kinds of human behavior involving fears and anxieties. I think there is a spiritual component to all of them and that the most effective methods of change will involve a spiritual element. | |
| Dave | Posted: 13 March 2014 - 09:56 AM |
Dianne, Again today I spent a considerable amount of time creating a post and then lost it. I keep forgetting to get a copy before doing the enter key. Same reason my posts dont always come up in the bigger size - I just dont remember to do the size button. Anyway, this replacement probably benefits from less rambling. | |
| Dave | Posted: 13 March 2014 - 10:42 AM |
Dianne, You are NOT a HOARDER trying to fit in with God and other people. You ARE a PERSON trying to fit in with God and other people. Excessive gathering is only a part of who you are. Starting from where you have walked to now, you have been able to use the results of your excess gathering for teaching for your daughter and blessing for others not as fortunate at gathering as you. You have care for beings and objects around you. At the same time you are learning that you may have to have limits for the care that you extend. You are a valuable person. You have much life experience. Your modes of expression run from anger and distress through enthusiasm to compassion. Perhaps God is allowing you to see yourself as a gemstone and explore your different facets. And do a little shining on the ones you don't think reflect Him properly. Which is success, not failure. | |
| Darci | Posted: 13 March 2014 - 10:15 PM |
Dianne, once again your words have really hit home with me about God and holding onto things that could help others. I have to remember your words when I feel my hands clenching something my heart doesn't want to let go of. Powerful thoughts you shared, thanks so much! | |
| Darci | Posted: 13 March 2014 - 10:20 PM |
Diane: these are the words that really got me: I am actually going to write them down in my clean up journal. | |
| diane | Posted: 17 March 2014 - 08:20 PM |
Thanks Darci and Dianne, such a powerful post. If I believe God is guiding me and wants me to be happy, and that love in action is sharing my stuff with others. Why do I clench onto my excess stuff? Because my faith is that my stuff will make me safe, what if I truly understood that Loving God and loving people is what gives me joy, safety and comfort. My writing isn't as precise as yours, just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate what you have written and that it touched me deeply. | |
| Trust God and Clean House | Posted: 23 March 2014 - 06:54 AM |
I like your recent post. Very inspiring. I get on through my phone. It's hard to get what I want to say on here. Takes alot of time & data. Lost one post I worked on really hard. Very depressing. Lent is always a struggle as I try to grow spiritually. Believe God is directing me to give it all away. Struggling to obey. Know that he will provide & care for us as always. Recent bible study I was in covered the verses in bible where it talks about a time & season for everything under heaven. A time to keep, a time to throw away. Throwing away is so hard. Recycling & charity's seem such a better use for our resources. Out of time again. ttyl | |